The Position of the Church on Soul Mates

Kayla Walker
REL 333 Teachings of the Living Prophets
Section 6
November 21, 2013

From the attached research, I find the position of the Church on the issue of soul mates to
be that the church does not believe in the idea of soul mates. The church believes that once you
are married, your spouse essentially becomes your soul mate but as for the idea that there is only
one person we are intended to marry appears to be false. Upon my research, I found this position
to be quite clear and understanding but with a lot of explanation. The church does not believe in
soul mates and several Presidents have discussed this topic at great length throughout the years
in firesides, general conference and other church related scenarios. President Spencer W. Kimball
said Soul mates are fiction and an illusion; and while very young man and young woman will
seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible
and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have
happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price. (President Spencer W.
Kimball Oneness in Marriage, lds.org http://www.lds.org/ensign/1977/03/ oneness-in-marriage
March 1977)
President Joseph Fielding Smith counseled that although the idea of us being able to
choose our life companions in the spirit world has been advocated by some and could
possible be true, it would require too great a stretch of imagination to believe it to be so in all,
or even in the majority of cases. (President Joseph Fielding Smith, Eternal Marriage Student
Manual Mate Selection, pg. 191) President Smiths words lead us to believe that our agency
must not have been exercised to the full extent of being about to choose our husband our wife in
the spirit world. Based on his words and Spencer W. Kimballs, it is made clear that the church
does not believe or support the idea of soul mates.
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the First Presidency, has said, I dont
believe there is only one right person for you. I think I fell in love with my wife, Harriet, from

the first moment I saw her. Nevertheless, I dont believe she was my one chance at happiness
in this life, nor was I hers. (President Dieter F. Uchtdorf Is there such thing as soul mates?
Current Issue - New Era November 2013) In another segment recently found in that same New
Era of November 2013, it states the position of the church on this subject; the short answer is
no, not really. Even though you may feel especially connected to someone of the opposite sex
right now, the true bond between a man and woman comes only after theyve committed to
marry one another and decided to work at it. (Is there such thing as soul mates? Current
Issue - New Era November 2013)
Having a soul mate is the idea that there is only one special person whom you are to
marry and was created specifically for you. The church clearly states that there is no such thing
as that one and only and that there are multiple people in the world that we could potentially
spend the rest of our lives with. Choosing that person and making it work is process of our
spouse becoming our soul mate. When two people decide to get married and approach the altar,
together they must realize that in order to obtain a happy and successful marriage, it is going to
require sacrifice, sharing and a lot of selflessness. Because there is no such thing as a soul mate,
people should expect difficulties, trials and struggles within a relationship. No relationship is
perfect, and therefore there is no such thing as a soul mate.
My name is Kayla Walker and I am from Centerville, Utah. I come from a family of
seven and am the oldest of five kids. I am 55 with long, blonde hair, bright blue eyes, one
dimple located on my upper left cheek and slightly larger ears than your average female. I am 19
years old and a sophomore in college about to finish my third semester studying dance at
Brigham Young University. I am a member of the BYU Cougarettes and aspire to be a
professional dancer when I grow up. I am also an active member of the LDS Church. My
relationship status = ?

The topic that I chose to research and talk about is the idea of soul mates and finding our
eternal companion. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are
constantly being reminded and told that marriage in the temple should be our number one goal in
this life. President Gordon B. Hinckley counseled that marriage will be the most important
decision of your life. marry the right person in the right place at the right time. Unfortunately,
for most people, this is easier said than done. Who is the right person? When is the right time?
Where is the right place? These are some of the questions that 19 year old, blonde hair, blue-eyed
girls like me ask themselves every day. That is the reason why I chose to research this topic of
soul mates and finding our one and only to be sealed to in the temple.
My personal dating experience has been quite different than that of others and even my
closest friends. At midnight on my sixteenth birthday I got my first kiss from a boy who later
would steal my heart and make me the happiest person on earth. His name is Brody Bagshaw.
Brody and I dated for two years before he left to Des Moines, Iowa, where he is currently serving
an LDS mission. My junior and senior year of high school, we were practically inseparable. We
did everything together and both of us agreed that when he comes home, we would get married
in the temple and start our life together. So does this mean that he is my soul mate?
After a lot of thought and research on this particular subject within the church, I have
come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as soul mates. I agree with what the Presidents
of the Church have said concerning this idea and finding the right person to marry. I believe that
instead of there being a one and only, that there are many people in this world that we could
start a life with and be sealed to. With that said, I think there are many factors that go into the
process of making such an important and crucial decision. We should find someone of the same
religious faith, possessing the same standards and opinions about the church. We should look for

someone that we are attracted to and enjoy being around and spending a lot of time with. The
person we choose to marry should possess qualities that we would want our kids to have and
look up to. We should choose someone who is living worthy enough to enter in the temple and is
actively following the commandments. Our choice should strive to make us a better person and
have passion, drive and determination. We should choose our love, and love our choice. The
last thing that we should do before we officially marry someone is to pray about our decision and
try to feel if it is right or not. I have faith that the Lord really does know who we are. He is aware
of us and realizes the struggle, confusion and confliction that we have when it comes to choosing
an eternal companion.
Although I know I want to marry my missionary and do believe that he is the one for me,
I do not think that he is the only one that I could potentially spend the rest of my life with. I do
not think that he is my soul mate, but I do believe that once we are married working together
towards a happy and successful marriage, that he will essentially become my soul mate. Settling
on one person and making that crucial decision is scary and requires a lot of faith and blind hope
that he is going to make me happy for the rest of my life and be faithful to me throughout the
years. That is why I am extremely grateful for the Prophet and Apostles that receive revelation
and give us guidance on such important decisions in our life. I have faith in their words and their
actions towards the subject of soul mates and therefore know that if I choose Brody to be my
eternal companion that we can make it work together and with the help of the Lord.
RESEARCH:
Factors to Consider:
We recommend that people marry those who are of the same racial background
generally, and of somewhat the same economic and social and educational background (some of
those are not an absolute necessity, but preferred), and above all, the same religious background,

without question (Marriage and Divorce, in 1976 Devotional Speeches of the Year [Provo:
Brigham Young University Press, 1977], p. 144).
Total unselfishness is sure to accomplish another factor in successful marriage. If one is
forever seeking the interests, comforts, and happiness of the other, the love found in courtship
and cemented in marriage will grow into mighty proportions. (Spencer W. Kimball Oneness in
Marriage, Ensign March 1977)
Choose a companion of your own faith. You are much more likely to be happy, said
President Hinckley. Choose a companion you can always honor, you can always respect, one
who will complement you in your own life, one to whom you can give your entire heart, your
entire love, your entire allegiance, your entire loyalty. (Thomas B. Holman, Choosing and
Being the Right Spouse Ensign September 2002)
First, we need to know a lot about the person we are thinking of marrying. As Elder Scott
suggested, the persons beliefs about family life are very important. Research confirms that the
more a potential spouse values marriage and family life, the better that marriage can be.
(Thomas B. Holman, Choosing and Being the Right Spouse Ensign September 2002)
Soul Mates:
Once you commit to being married, your spouse becomes your soul mate, and it is
your duty and responsibility to work every day to keep it that way (The Reflection in the
Water [Church Educational System fireside for young adults, Nov. 1, 2009]). (Is there such
thing as soul mates? Current Issue - New Era November 2013)
Though you may have strong feelings for someone, as a teenager youre not in a position
to marry, so wondering if someone is your soul mate doesnt make much senseand it
shouldnt be the focus of your adult courtship, either. In your youth, focus on building good
friendships with many people. Its natural to feel especially close to someone because they have
interests or personality traits that appeal to you, but be careful not to let yourself get carried away
by your feelings. (Is there such thing as soul mates? Current Issue - New Era November
2013)
President Spencer W. Kimball stated in his book, The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball
that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if
both are willing to pay the price. (President Spencer W. Kimball, The Teachings of Spencer W.
Kimball, Ch. 18 Honorable, Happy, Successful Marriage, lds.org (2006) 189-201)
While I am sure some young couples have some special guidance in getting together, I
do not believe in predestined love. If you desire the inspiration of the Lord in this crucial
decision, you must live the standards of the Church, and you must pray constantly for the
wisdom to recognize those qualities upon which a successful union may be based. You must do
the choosing, rather than to seek for some one-and-only so-called soul mate, chosen for you by
someone else and waiting for you. You are to do the choosing. You must be wise beyond your
years and humbly prayerful unless you choose amiss (Eternal Love [Salt Lake City: Deseret
Book Co., 1973], p. 11).

Making the Decision:

It is important to have family and friends on our side and supportive of the upcoming
marriage, Elder Richard L. Evans (190671) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles advised.
Dont let this choice [of a marriage partner] ever be made except with earnest, searching,
prayerful consideration, confiding in parents, [and] in faithful, mature, trustworthy friends.
(Thomas B. Holman, Choosing and Being the Right Spouse Ensign September 2002)
In selecting a companion for life and for eternity, certainly the most careful planning and
thinking and praying and fasting should be done to be sure that, of all the decisions, this one
must not be wrong. In true marriage there must be a union of minds as well as of hearts.
Emotions must not wholly determine decisions, but the mind and the heart, strengthened by
fasting and prayer and serious consideration, will give one a maximum chance of marital
happiness (President Spencer W. Kimball Marriage and Divorce, lds.org
http://www.lds.org/ensign/1984/05 /marriage-and-divorce 1976).
Two individuals approaching the marriage altar must realize that to attain the happy
marriage which they hope for they must know that marriage is not a legal coverall, but it means
sacrifice, sharing, and even a reduction of some personal liberties. It means long, hard
economizing. It means children who bring with them financial burdens, service burdens, care and
worry burdens; but also it means the deepest and sweetest emotions of all. (Spencer W. Kimball
Oneness in Marriage, Ensign March 1977)