What Would

Baba Yaga
Say?

Mana Tamariki Brindle Style Artists Network

Written and Illustrated by Maiia
Mana Tamariki

"Extraordinary rudeness. That's what this is."

Baba Yaga took off her shoe to throw at a large goose
that appeared honking and flapping outside the screen
door. She saw then, there were also two children. One
boy. One girl.
"I suppose you are football orphans." said she.
"You have come to Baba Yaga's house in search of a kai.
"Oh really? Your father took off and left you, how sad for
him. Your mother has remarried and the new stepfather is
abusive. How unusual.
Alright come in ye shall, we will have a healthy supper
tonight, but you will work for your keep. Spin straw into
Gold. You know how the story goes. Chop onions. Carry
soup. That sort of thing."
But beware. Do not whine or make up excuses for that
which is simply a lack of care and attention. Baba Yaga
has much to do and limited resources to do it with. There
is no time for stupidity or for waste."
With these words she led the children to an enormous
room filled all the way to the roof with onions.
To Gracie, Baba Yaga said "You must peel these onions
and chop them before noon today. You must take the
onions to the soup pot to cook. Be sure the flame is just
right. Be sure that there is enough boiling water in there
at all times, in order to stop it from burning."

She then led the children along a great hall to another

enormous room. This time the room was filled to the roof

with grain.
To Hone, Baba Yaga said "You must grind a mountain of
rye into flour and make damper before noon today. You
must set the dough to bake in the big iron pan, making
sure this too is kept at just the right temperature at all
times.
I will travel to the village to visit my sister Baba Yaga.
There's a baby being born today.
When I return if my soup is not ready. It is your goose that
shall be cooked."
To their protestation that they were surely vegans, she
merely shrugged and grinned. "I'm not and niether are my
sisters."
Baba Yaga returned at noon for her lunch to find the
exhausted children were fast asleep.
The soup was bubbling gently and the damper was nicely
toasted.
On the second day Baba Yaga said "Children. You did
well yesterday. You may give the remaining portion of
yesterdays bread to Goosey Lucy" She had named the
creature for one of the tales of the Old Country.
"I shall travel to the city to visit my sister Baba Yaga. They
bury an old man today. I will return before dark, and we
shall have soup and bread, but alas - no goose. Not today.
Baba Yaga led the children to an enormous room filled
with pumpkins. To Gracie she said "Before the sun
sets. You must chop these pumpkins into small golden
pieces. You must take them to the big pot, and add them
to the onion broth. Be sure the flame is correct and at all
times, there is enough water so that it shall not burn.

To Hone, Baba Yaga said. "My boy. Today you must grind
two mountains of rye. You must bake six loaves of bread
before night fall. You must slice the loaves on the bench
and wrap them in paper tied with a piece of string to keep
them fresh."
When I return I shall bring my sisters. If you do not
complete these tasks, tomorrow my sisters and I, will have
Goose for supper."
Saying this she climbed into her rusty truck and
disappeared down the street in a cloud of exhaust
smoke. Hone and Gracie were glad she was gone, but an
ominous days work lay before them.
What seemed like two days was actually two hours, of
chopping pumpkin and grinding flour. Noon came and the
children had began to grow bored and weary. They
stopped for a break and after the midday meal they fell in
to a deep slumber beside the fire place.
Over an hour and a half passed and suddenly they
were awoken by the sound of fighting. They looked from
Baba Yaga's window. Lo and behold what did they see?
Their goose out there! Tearing Baba Yagas herb garden
to shreds and menacing Raymond James Baba Yagas
little pet dog..
They looked upon the scene in dismay. They looked to the
sky to see how far along the sun was in it's journey to the
misty mountains. Oh NOOOO!!!! We have fallen behind in
our work, what ever shall we do? "Run!" said Gracie
And run they did, they practically flew. As the sun began
to set, they emerged from Baba Yagas house triumphant.
Their tasks complete. Hoping they would have time to fix
the garden before Baba Yaga returned with her sisters.

They shooed Raymond James into the house where he

curled up by the fireplace. Worn out from trying to protect
his mistress's herb garden.
Restoring the damage as best they could. The children
followed the trail of Goosey Lucy's destruction. They
searched among the rocks and weeds calling her name
but there was no answer.
They searched high and low to the east. They searched
high and low to the south. Finally, feeling discouraged
they turned to the west as pink clouds began to turn grey
and the sun went off across the desert to Western
Australia.
There she was, Goosey Lucy, near the letter box. She
had made a nest and was sitting proudly upon a beautiful
green egg.
Just then, there came a tremendous roaring and clanking.
Baba Yaga and her sisters came tearing around the
corner, in the old four wheel drive. Rattling and shaking
the vehicle pulled into the driveway with a screech of
brakes and a spray of gravel.
Baba Yaga emerged from the drivers side, and opened
the door with the broken handle for her sisters to hop out.
Gracie and Hone looked on in horror as the three women
approached them talking about roast dinner.
Good to see you Auntie." said the wise young Gracie
sweetly. "The Pumpkin Soup and rye bread is ready, as
per your instructions."
Baba Yaga gave the two children a sideways look. "What?
Really? You did not fall asleep? You mean we shall not
have roast goose tomorrow after all?"

The two sisters glared at Baba Yaga. "No roast goose?

Oh- you promised!!" they cried in unison.
Her measured tone could not hide her disappointment.
But a woman of her word Baba Yaga glared back at her
sisters. "No - means - No. All ways!"
Remembering the state of Baba Yaga's herb garden and
remembering their manners. The two children made hasty
introductions, explaining to the women that they must now
depart immediately for home.
They thanked Baba Yaga for her kindness and pointed to
Goosey Lucy. "Sweet grandmother" said Hone "We will
leave this lucky green egg in your tender care."
"Omlette for breakfast." - the sisters chortled gleefully.
Her face had softened somewhat from thoughts of
scrambled eggs on hot buttered toast. Baba
Yaga pointed to the darkening sky and the moon rising
over the mangroves and Trinity Inlet. "Go if ye will." she
told them. "But Goosey Lucy stays here one month to
look after her nest. You must return to collect her on the
next full moon."
"We shall see what hatches." said the second sister.
"If you do not return" said the third sister "We shall keep
her. We will have capsicum and zuchini quiche every
Friday."
"They usually lay about a dozen eggs" said one.
We shall sell eggs at the market." said another.

"A dozen babies. We shall raise our own flock of geese."

Gracie and Hone were too tired to protest. They waved

their goodbyes and fled as fast as their feet would carry
them. They did not like the slightly compulsive nature of
the women's talk. Their voices faded into the distance as
the children walked away.
They could still hear occasional shrieks of excitement as
the three continued to make plans for their latest social
enterprise.
"Do not count your goslings before they hatch Baba
Yaga" said little Hone in a hushed tone.
"We WILL return, and we will liberate Goosey Lucy
from your clutches - that you CAN count on."