11 Sex Secrets From the Experts That Will Set Your Bed On Fire by Abiola Abrams

This is the season for fun, freedom, feminine energy and sexy new beginnings. It s
the perfect time to make sure that your inner bombshell blooms when it comes to
love, sex, dating, and relationships. To get the best tips to set your sexy tim
e on fire I called on my sexpert besties. Just consider us The Black Sexerati.
These spicy sexperts are a diverse group. We are married, single and engaged, he
terosexual, gay and pansexual, female and male, formally educated and self-taugh
t, Christian and other, coaches, writers, and speakers. Here are 10 super-hot se
xpert tips to make your toes curl -- from oral sex to juicy foreplay to a move c
alled the Stallion.
PHOTO CREDIT: GETTY IMAGES
This is the season for fun, freedom, feminine energy and sexy new beginnings. It s
the perfect time to make sure that your inner bombshell blooms when it comes to
love, sex, dating, and relationships.
To get the best tips to set your sexy time on fire I called on my sexpert bestie
s.
Just consider us The Black Sexerati. These spicy sexperts are a diverse group. W
e are married, single and engaged, heterosexual, gay and pansexual, female and m
ale, formally educated and self-taught, Christian and other, coaches, writers, a
nd speakers.
Here are 11 super-hot sexpert tips to make your toes curl -- from oral sex to ju
icy foreplay to a move called the Stallion.
1. Embrace Your Self-Pleasure.
Reading your Intimacy Intervention advice questions each week, I see that many o
f you are still scared of the M-word. So let s kick off this party with my tip tha
t you ll need for all of the other ones. You most likely won t go blind, get addicte
d or over-stimulated but pleasuring yourself has all kinds of incredible benefit
s. Masturbation leads to you knowing your luscious body better. You will reinfor
ce to yourself that you deserve pleasurable touch whether or not you have a part
ner. You will know what pleases you so that you can show someone else. You can e
xperiment alone first if you are feeling shy. You can even put on an incredible
show for your partner.
When you have the body confidence, you can explore adult toys, foreplay, rolepla
y, and tantra. When you are in love with yourself you can communicate with your
partner. When you have self-esteem, you don t feel the need to compromise your sex
ual self and you have the courage to take responsibility for your own orgasm.
So with toys or without, please yourself often. Studies show that self-touch can
increase feelings of confidence and self-esteem. In addition, women who indulge
in self-pleasure are reportedly more orgasmic. Yeah!
2. Give the Ultimate Oral Exam.
Ladies, this oral sex tip is going to raise the bar on your fellatio game. Men ha
ve something called a prostate. It s located in their anus about 2 inches up and w
hen it s stimulated it creates waves of blissful sensations.
You will need a small silver bullet vibrator, warm water, and a teaspoon of hone
y. Add some of the honey to your tongue and lick his pleasure stick slowly. The
honey also adds to the flavor and enjoyment to the art of going down. Take a few
sips of warm water. The warm water melts the honey and creates a warm, soft, ve
lvety sensation to his penis.

While slowly going down on him you want to turn your silver bullet vibrator on l
ow, and press it gently against his perineum. The perineum is the area between t
he scrotum and the anus. This will stimulate his prostate externally. Gently mas
sage the area with the silver bullet while orally pleasing your lover. He will e
xperience the best knee jerking, toe curling orgasmic experience ever! -- Trace
y R. Bryant is a Sexual Empowerment Coach and the creator of Sensual Honey Sweet
Yoni Tea, an organic, aphrodisiac tea that makes your lovely lady parts smell g
ood and taste sweet.
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3. Your Natural Musk
Don t have that thang smelling like flowers or candy. Your lady parts are the flower.
Your lady parts are my candy. That sweet thang s natural aroma and nectar is perfec
t! You can t put it in a bottle and it s never duplicated. I feel like, if we don t bo
th smell like that thang when we are done then we didn t get in there properly.
Here s the key: We both have to be fresh to get it popping. I love taking a shower
with my baby before engaging in her love. I have arrived at the point in my sex
life where I have to be free to lick where I want when I want. I m grown. As a ma
n, I don t want it just in my mouth, I want it ON MY FACE.
The goal is to have your partner never curious or desiring anything from anyone
else -- ever! You need to turn your partner out! Every couple of months somethin
g has to get broken... a vase, a glass, a picture frame, a bed frame, a headboar
d. Dents in the middle of the mattress don t count! - Steven James Dixon, Author of
Men Don t Heal, We Ho A Book About the Emotional Instability of Men and the upcom
ing Love Capacity, has been married over 10 years.
4. Get Kinky with it!
I have seen people struggle with their desires for kinky sex, BDSM and all manner
of fetishes. And as tough as it might be to be honest with others, you first ha
ve got to be honest with yourself. Know that is is absolutely OK for you to have
kinky desires or outr fetishes, and that you are worthy of having your needs met
in a loving and consensual setting.
My husband is my dominant and owner. Yes, my owner. We have a consensual Power Ex
change relationship. He waited until he was 60 years old to seek out his true des
ires. He had a lifetime of fantasies of sadism and longed to salaciously torment
hot-and-sexy victims, but his upbringing labeled such things forbidden. Then ad
ulthood sealed his fate as a guilt-ridden, secretive dreamer. Now he's happy, fu
lfilled, kinky as hell and loving the explorations of our new life.
Dare to get what you want! One of his few regrets is that he denied himself this
dream for decades. I, on the other hand, have been a hedonistic explorer since
high school and had no qualms about telling my partners what I wanted and, in tu
rn, finding out what turned them on.
It can be really scary to tell your beloved that you have desires outside of socalled "vanilla" sex but you'll be happier if you're honest about your desires.
Be honest with your partner(s) and honest with yourself and let your freak flag
fly. -- Mollena Lee Williams-Haas, known as "The Perverted Negress", is a BDSM/Ki
nk Educator, author, performer and muse. She is also the founder of Mollena.com.
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5. Learn to RECEIVE pleasure.
In the past I ve had lovers say that I was afraid of my orgasms. You could have the
best lover in the world, who knows all the ways to please you with an unlimited
supply of energy, stamina and sexual curiosity. But if you ve been taught or acce
pted that you re only allowed a certain amount of happiness, joy and bliss, you ma
y intentionally be limiting your capacity for pleasure.

I used to only allow past lovers to get to a measured point and then I would pul
l away. I had to actively work on being a pleasure receiver. Much of this deals
with shame, guilt and social expectations on what I was allowed or not allowed t
o feel. Eventually I learned, I am supposed to FEEL, especially pleasure and bli
ss! In order to grow in closeness with yourself or your partner, you must active
ly live in a place of vulnerability.
-- Sheena LaShay is an Intellectual Sensual
Shaman, Wild Magical Woman and Cultural Provocateur who leads workshops, retreats
and events. Her digital home, SheenaLaShay.com, is the space where vulnerabilit
y, eroticism and power intersect.
6. Talk Dirty to Em.
Sex is supposed to be fun so get even more adventurous by talking dirty. Tell you
r partner how you like it. Share with him where you want it. Use your imaginatio
n and voice all of your dirty desires. Sex talk helps to stimulate your sexual p
artner s major senses -- so imagine how hot and bothered he ll be once you tell him
how horny you are. -- Dami Olonisakin, award winning sex and relationship blogger
, is the founder of SimplyOloni.com.
When it comes to dirty talk, Shawntell T Neke, the Sensualista, adds: Indulge in se
xting and phone sex. They are the best EVER when you are your partner are not to
gether! However, have you tried this when both of you are in the same home, at
work, or while lying next to one another?
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7. Stallion Him, Baby!
Ladies, this is the secret to your orgasm and to getting whatever you want. Put o
n a large white t-shirt and a sexy pair of heels! Yes.
Now, command your partner to lie on his back. Climb on top, facing him, and go f
or a ride. Take 10 LONG thrusts -- or however many you like. Control your thrust
s, turn around, grab his ankles and continue riding. Right before he releases, h
op off and put him in your mouth! Yeah, I said it. This position will keep him f
rom climaxing before you and possibly get those new pair of heels for your next
ride. I m just saying. -- Shawntell T Neke also known as The Sensualista is the CEO a
nd founder of S.H.E., Sensually Hers Evolved. The Sensualista is a life coach, k
eynote speaker and event host.
8. The Largest Sex Organ? The Brain
Many believe the genitals run the show when sex is about to take place, but it is
actually the brain that is the center of command in every sexual experience. T
he brain is responsible for releasing the hormones. The brain is responsible for
the signals and chemicals necessary for the body to prepare for sex, and when t
he mind is clouded intercourse can become difficult.
Weakened erections, lowered libido, inability to orgasm and vaginal dryness can
all be caused by the mind being preoccupied by emotional and psychological facto
rs. Relaxing the mind and becoming one with the body before sex is critical for
optimal sexual performance and pleasure.
Release inhibitions by talking before the act, participating in couple's erotic
massage, playing music or lighting candles infused with lavender or jasmine esse
ntials oils for relaxation. For more complicated emotional or psychological fact
ors such as depression, low self-esteem or anxiety, seeing a doctor will help in
restoring balance within the mind, body and eventually sexual energy. -- Tyomi M
organ is a Sexuality Coach, Playboy Radio Host, and Resident Sexpert at SexpertT
yomi.com.

9. Stop with the Jabbing Already!

Tinzley s tip is for men, so you may want to share it with someone you love.
Guys, we get it. Our warm vaginas are extremely mesmerizing. We know you want to
be all up in it but please remember... It's a gentle place and she requires gent
le strokes and caresses that make our toes curl up.
I like a man to rub me gently and turn me on without leaving carve marks on my t
reasure chest with sharp unfiled nails! Calm down and just stroke with your hand
s. Don't attack the vajayjay. -- Tinzley Bradford is known as Settle-Free Dating
Coach and author of The Settle-Free Dating Method for Women. Get her advice at M
enWomenDatingFromTinzley.com.
10. Communicate your needs.
Neither
ants and
like to
res, the

of you are mind readers. Talk transparently about your likes, dislikes, w
needs. To have a truly intimate experience, tell your partner where you
be touched. The more comfortable you are communicating your sexual desi
better your sexual experience will be.

Focus on pleasing each other. Sex should be a time of selfless connecting with y
our love; a time of making sure your partners needs and wants are met. If your f
ocus is pleasing him and his focus is pleasing you, both of you will be pleased
in the end. -- Yvonne Chase aka The Single Woman's Cheerleader is a dating and re
lationship coach to singles and pre-committed couples. Find her at YvonneChase.c
om mixing her Christian faith with pop culture.
11. Remember Making Out?
I hope that you ve enjoyed all of the steamy tips from my sexpert besties. Here s on
e to keep your long-term relationships hot. It is simple, but far from basic.
Remember when kissing each other felt so erotic that you wanted to rip each othe
rs clothes off ASAP? It was so hot and sexy when you first got together! You woul
d put your lips together and let your tongues explore. Now you just automaticall
y repeat the same formula, night after night.
The lips are an incredible erogenous zone. Bring kissing back to your erotic rep
ertoire. Touching lips and tongues can enhance the bond with your partner like n
one other. Sex workers will do everything else except kissing because the act is
so intimate. You re not just swapping spit!
Sexy romantic kissing gets your feel-good love hormones like dopamine and ocytoc
in flowing. Your heart rate increases. Your pulse quickens. Your partner feels t
he hotness. Yes... If kissing has escaped from your bag of sexual tricks - bring
it back, fast! Extra points if you can build anticipation by kissing in a place
where you can t readily get naked.
Thank you for your Intimacy Intervention advice requests every week!