Leadership in the

Home - A Godly Man

Protects
December 03, 2009
This is the fourth article in a series dealing with leadership in
the home. You can read the first part here, the second
part here and the third part here. Weve seen a brief defense
of male headship and weve seen that God calls men to be
leaders in the home. Today we look at the husbands role
in protection.
A husband is uniquely equipped to protect his family. There is
more to protecting his family than simply being strong and
taking the proverbial bullet in place of his wife or children. In
this article I want to outline a few of the ways in which a
husband is responsible for protection.

PROTECT YOUR FAMILY

Protect your family physically. The godly husband is
responsible for the physical security of his family. God has
given men greater physical strength than women and has
also given men a need or desire to be protectors. You are to

use this God-given strength to protect your wife and to

ensure that she feels secure. She must know that you will
protect her even at the cost of your own life. You must be the
first into battle, you must be the one who knows that
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down
his life for his friends (John 15:13).
John Piper expresses this calling well: If there is a sound
downstairs during the night and it might be a burglar, you
dont say to her: This is an egalitarian marriage, so its your
turn to go check it out. I went last time. And I mean that
even if your wife has a black belt in karate. After youve tried,
she may finish off the burglar with one good kick to the solar
plexus. But you better be unconscious on the floor, or youre
no man. Thats written on your soul, brother, by God
Almighty. Big or little, strong or weak, night or day, you go up
against the enemy first. Woe to the husbandand woe to the
nationthat send their women to fight their battles.
You are to love your wife as Christ loved the church. For the
husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of
the church, his body, and is himself its Savior (Ephesians
5:23). Christ loved the church to the fullest possible extent
to the laying down of his life. He considered his life nothing in
comparison with the task God had appointed to him. As a
godly husband, you are to imitate Christ in this.

But there is more to it than simply being the first down the
stairs when there is a noise in the night. You must also be
proactive, protecting your family from predators. You must be
constantly aware, constantly on guard against danger your
family may encounter. So, for example, you will need to take
the lead in ensuring that your children are using the internet
wisely, that you have criteria for protecting your children
from predators online or offline, that they are not
encountering things on television that their minds and hearts
are not yet equipped to understand. You will guard and
protect your children from sexual temptation or sexual
expression while they are dating.
Protect your family emotionally. You do this by refusing to
give in to the temptation to dominate your wife and children
as an overlord instead of a servant. You must learn how to
properly discipline your children so you guard their bodies
and their hearts. You will need to learn how your wife is
different from you emotionally so you can be tender and
understanding toward her (see 1 Peter 3:7 and Colossians
3:21). You need to provide loving leadership that guides and
protects with dignity and love.
Protect your family theologically. You do this by developing
wisdom and discernmentby pursuing godliness. You need to
act like the nobel Bereans of old who received the word with
all eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see if these

things were so (Acts 17:11). You must be careful not to

introduce to them any false teaching, knowing that as a
teacher, the most important teacher your family will have,
you will be judged with a harsher judgment for any false
doctrine you may recommend to them.

PROTECT YOUR FAMILY FROM THEMSELVES

The godly husband protects his wife and children by helping
them flee sin so they do not suffer its painful consequences.
You need to know and understand that sin, when it runs
rampant, damages more than just the sinner. Seek to guard
your family from their own sin. Protect your wife from the sin
of the children and the children from the sin of your wife;
protect the children from one another.
As a godly husband you may have to intervene in the way
your wife disciplines the children, not allowing her to be harsh
or even abusive toward the children. You must not allow your
love for her or your fear of her to allow you to avoid costly or
unpopular leadership. Use your strength and authority even
to protect your wife from the children, not allowing them to
threaten or abuse her with words, attitudes or fists.

PROTECT YOUR FAMILY FROM YOUR OWN SIN

One of the unmistakable lessons we learn from reading the
Old Testament is that a nation can suffer because of the sin of
its leader and that a family can suffer because of the sin of its

father. When Achan sinned (Joshua 7) by keeping for himself

some of the items plundered from Jericho that God had
devoted for his own use, it was not only Achan who suffered
the consequences. All of Israel was punished for a time
through the disastrous battle of Ai which saw thirty-six
soldiers fall as the Israelite army was routed. God revealed
that one man had sin and eventually Achans whole family
was put to death for the sin of the father. They burned them
with fire and stoned them with stones. Think as well of the
rebellion of Korah as described in Numbers 16. Korah rebelled
against Moses leadership, saying that he was exalting
himself beyond the rest of the people. Gods judgment was
swift: And as soon as he had finished speaking all these
words, the ground under them split apart. And the earth
opened its mouth and swallowed them up, with their
households and all the people who belonged to Korah and all
their goods. In both cases, the husband and father sinned
but the whole family suffered consequences.
A man cannot commit himself to sin without his whole family
bearing consequences. In the response to a series I wrote on
the effects of pornography I received email after tragic email,
describing how a husband had sinned against his wife by
turning to pornography. In every case the wife was defiled by
her husbands sin, hurt by it, devastated by it. Often even the
children were affected as their parents became estranged
from one another, pulled apart by the fathers commitment to

his sin. Wife and children suffered because a husband was

more committed to his sin than he was to his family.
A godly husband protects his family by turning from sin and
pursuing holiness. Know that your sin goes far beyond your
own life and impacts your children and your wife. Out of love
for your wife and children, out of compassion for them, out of
a desire to serve them, live a holy life. Flee sin, put it to
death, and pursue holiness. In this way you will be protecting
your family from your sin and from the effects of your sin.
Sometimes the greatest gift you can give your family is a
silent, hidden decision to refrain from pursuing sin. Your
family would be better off if youd skip the trip to Disney and
commit yourself to holiness.

PROTECT YOUR WIFE

The godly husband focuses special attention on protecting his
wife. And what man doesnt feel the need to protect his wife?
There is something in the very make up of a man that
compels him to protect her, to shelter her from the pain life
can bring.
Protect your wife physically. As we have seen, a godly
husband uses his strength to protect his wife from any
physical harm. He puts himself in harms way rather than
risking her harm. He does not allow himself to feel that he
needs to turn his cheek to any kind of abuse of his wife, but

reacts with strength even at the risk of his own harm. He will
face his own harm, he will face his own death, to keep his
wife from suffering at the hand of others.
Allow me a brief aside here. I think most husbands have
come to terms with the idea that we need to be willing to die
for our wives. There is something noble and chivalrous that
compels us to admit this and to romanticize it. Of course Id
die for my wife! But I wonder, do you find it equally easy
to live for your wife? If you do not live day-to-day honoring
and blessing and serving your wife, what assurance would
she have, what assurance would you have, that would also be
willing to die for her? It seems to me that dying for her is the
easy part. You can go down in a blaze of glory and have a
great story written about you in the newspaper. But it is that
long, daily commitment through fifty or sixty years of
marriage that is the true proving ground. Dont just die for
your wifelive for her!
Protect your wife emotionally. The godly husband will protect
his wifes heart. One of the ways he does this is by becoming
a student of her. He learns what she loves and learns what
she hates; he learns what draws her heart to him and what
turns her heart from him. He avoids anything that will
damage or scar her heart. Likewise, husbands, live with your
wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman
as the weaker vessel (1 Peter 3:7).

MORE IN LEADERSHIP IN THE HOME

1.

Leadership in the Home - A Godly Man Leads

2.

Leadership in the Home - A Godly Man Provides

3.

Leadership in the Home - A Defense

4.

Leadership in the Home - Introduction

SEE ALL >

Protect your wife sexually. This is a particular area of

responsibility from a husband to a wife. The godly husband
will not demand of his wife what she is unwilling or unable to
give. He will not force her or badger her into sexual deeds
that violate her body or violate her conscience. He seeks to
protect her from any kind of sexual harm, including the false
messages that can come from raunchy movies or from
pornography. When writing about sexual purity I received
emails from wives whose husbands introduced them to
pornography, seeking to add it as a means of spicing up their
love life. What a lack of love, to compound sin upon sin by
drawing a wifes heart after a husbands own evil desires! As
a godly husband you need to understand Gods purposes in
sexuality and protect your wife from any violation of them.
You need to understand from 1 Corinthians 7 that your desire
in sex should be pursuing your wifes desires rather than
your own.

Protect your wife spiritually. Protect your wife spiritually,

primarily by your commitment to pray for her, to hold her up
before the throne of God. Commit yourself to praying for her
every day and even many times a day. Pray for her
constantly, repeatedly, unceasingly. Know that your prayers,
as her leader, as her husband, must have special value
before God. Tell her that you pray for her and ask her what
you can pray for on her behalf. Commit yourself to this
practice and look for the evidence of Gods response to your
earnest supplications.
4 Easy Ways To Serve God With Your Husband:

1. Become greeters at church

2. Find a ministry in church that you both can volunteer for

3. Go on a mission trip (this could be in your neighborhood through a local rescue mission or out of
country!)

4. Find someone in your community to bless and agree on what to bless them with