A Woman’s Transition Out of an Abusive Relationship

Schlossberg Transition Model

Part I: Approaching Transitions

Type: Chronic Hassle – moving out and moving in multiple times before success

Context: Involves all contextual settings of the self, friends, family, work, health, finances

A series of transitions within this massive transition umbrella contributing to the

chronic hassle -

Impact: On relationships, routines, assumptions about self and the world, roles

Affects the whole person: emotional being, physical being, and mental functioning

The intensity of stress experienced is a function of the degree to which the woman is
required to make new adaptations (Goodman, Schlossberg, & Anderson, 2006)

There is a strong correlation between the difference in pre-transition and post-transition

environments and the success of an individual adapting to the new environment. The
greater the difference, the lesser the chance of adaptation (Goodman et. al, 2006)

Moving out – Moving through – Moving in (mourns loss of old life - disequilibrium)

Tricky balance between opportunity for psychological growth and dangers of

psychological decline

Part II: Taking Stock of Coping Resources – The 4 “S” System

SITUATION

Trigger: Abuse escalates, fear of death, children, suicide attempt

Timing: Always a bad time – although children can serve as the impetus for change they can
also make it harder for the woman to leave and adapt to a new life

Control: Can be both internal and external – the woman decides that she has had enough or
childwelfare/police become involved and make the woman leave

Role Change: Several role gains and losses

– becoming a single mother
– no longer a wife or partner
– becoming employed
– Loss of abuser or relationship is not central, instead it is the loss of innocence,
dreams, hopes, material possessions, and sense of self
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Duration: Uncertainty of duration is connected with the greatest degree of stress
Entire transition may take many years and each stage can take several years
Cyclical Process of Leaving an Abusive Relationship and Reclaiming Self:

COUNTERACTING ABUSE:
Transition starts at the onset of a trigger or turning point, while still in the relationship
Starts unconsciously and consciously distancing, creating space, creating a leaving
plan, surviving crises

BREAKING FREE:
Woman needs to prepare herself to leave, this may take several months to years –
chronic hassle – process is repetitive and tortuous -
Woman learns that leaving is potentially more dangerous than staying
Energy is directed at minimizing stress, feelings are denied while attention is directed
to practical matters
Puts out feelers, takes risks, steps outside the relationship and pulls back, returning to
familiar situation
Usually goes to a shelter to deal with immediate crises, no home, no money, no safe
place to go, can’t go to friend’s home because partner knows location, no friends or
supports due to partner isolating woman in order to exert control
Woman “gives up” due to difficulties in getting financial assistance, a safe place to
live, and suitable counselling,

NOT GOING BACK:

Look for a new home, find a job and financial assistance, get children settled into new
school or daycare, take care of legal matters and personal safety (EPO, PO, visitation),
reclaiming belongings
Create boundaries, gain control, and get situated
Learning to live with risks of escalating abuse by partner – stalking, threatening
suicide, begging, threatening to kill, threatening to abduct children
Once she succeeds in leaving, she needs to work hard to stay committed in sustaining
separation, defending decisions, setting the story straight,

MOVING ON:
Adapt and accept the new roles and work to increase self-efficacy

Previous Experience: This may also be a reason for chronic hassle as the woman has no idea
what the outcome of her decision will look like until she actually goes
through with it
Or the woman has previously attempted to leave and faced with extremely
negative outcome and various barriers – becomes discouraged to try again

Concurrent Stress:

Assessment: Ambivalent nature – experiences both losses and gains – fears for her safety
Initially sees herself as the problem, learned helplessness as a result of the abuse
SELF

Woman relinquishes parts of self as part of a survival strategy in the face of relentless abuse that
leaves her feeling fearful and ashamed
This leaves her vulnerable to believe that she is worthless

Personal Characteristics:
SES, Gender, Age and Stage of Life, Health, Culture

Injuries from physical abuse, PTSD and anxiety/depression from psychological abuse, trauma
associated with sexual abuse
Difficult to reclaim her life, looks bad to take charge of her life, breaking norms by leaving
marriage,

Psychological Resources
Ego Development – low level focusing on survival
Self-efficacy, Commitment, Spirituality, resilience

SUPPORT

Being labeled in order to get help from the system – behave as helpless victims, intensifying
humiliation
Families only help if woman promises not to go back

STRATEGIES

Implications for Counselling