Nature or Nurture?

Researchers at the University of British Columbia

discovered that nonverbal behavior once assumed to
be acquired through environment is in fact innate.

86% more
risk taking

Hormone Changes

Cortisol

Testosterone

The stress hormone

The power hormone

Improves endurance

Decreases the immune

system
Increases blood
pressure
Bad for long term
memory

Sharpens cognitive
abilities
Increases muscle mass

Seating

Across the Table Seating

Less recall of what was said

Reject more proposals

Shorter sentences

Solution:

Solution:

The Power of Hands

Show Your Hands

Above the Desk

Avoid Pockets

Avoid Underarm
Crossing

Avoid Sitting on Hands

Avoid Tucking Hands

Interesting Fact:

Jurors find defendants who put their hands under

the table more sneaky or mistrustful.

Master the Handshake

Strength

Direction

Motion

Speed

Timing / Pumps

Dryness

Doubling Up

High Confidence

Expansive

Claiming Territory

Trunk and Vitals

Exposed

Head Up, Chest Up

Shoulders Back

Interesting Fact:

Female law enforcement officers are often taught to

splay their legs and widen their stance to look more
in control.

Low Confidence

Contracted
As little space as
possible

Vitals Protected

Head Down or Bowed

Shoulders In

Recommended Power Poses

Elbow Touch

Touch increases trust and closeness

because it releases oxytocin.

Elbow Touch

When touched on the

elbow 68% gave it
back.
When not touched only
23% gave it back.

Use Your Clients Learning

Style

35% visualI see what

you mean
25% audioI hear you
40% feelingscant
quite grasp it, lets kick
the idea around

REVIEW:
Beginner

Keep Your Hands Visible

Intermediate

Optimize Seating

Master the Handshake

Advanced

Prep Your Confidence

Elbow Touch

Self-Soothing Gestures

Wringing Hands

Suprasternal Notch

Cracking knuckles

Rubbing Arms

Biting Tongue or Lips

Rubbing Tongue
Along Teeth

Positive Cues

Chin stroking
Toes pointed towards
the sky

Licking lips

Nodding

Rubbing hands
together

Pre - Power Poses

Modified Power Poses

Loose Arms

Face Up

Non-Contracted Legs

Expansive Arms

...

Upper Body Movement

Chest Up

Shoulders Down

Hands Visible

The Power of Voice Tone

Paralinguistics

Above Traps

Chair Height

Sitting vs Standing

Product Experiences

Stages

Blocking

Prepare Materials / Props to Disengage Blocking:

Business Cards
Pamphlets
Coffee
Product Demo

Sales Dos

Unclenched Fists

Head Tilt

Encourage Pro-Connection
Feelings:

Empathy, interest,
openmindedness, fondness,
admiration

Sales Donts

Discourage Anti-Connection
Feelings:

Sarcasm, Criticism,
Defensiveness,
Disrespect, Superiority,
Withdrawal,

Smile Nervously

Sales Donts

Ankle Lock
Reduce nervous
gestures:

Jiggling, fidgeting,
drumming, tapping...

Arm Cross

Notes for Women

Glasses / Make-Up

Submissive Wrists

Smiling

Bobblehead

Sales in Different Environments

Eat and Sale?

Virtual Selling

Cold Calling

Sending Videos

Introductions

Project Updates

Client Meetings

VIPs

REMEMBER:

Read your clients

microexpressions
Baby steps, it gets
better with practice
Show your hands
Use your clients
learning styles

Prep your confidence

beforehand
Use the power of
touch wisely

REVIEW:
Beginner

Spotting Nerves

Spotting Excitement

Blocking

Advanced

Intermediate

Avoid Above Traps

Humble Confidence

The Bow

Power of Voice Tone

Video Proposals

Eating and Selling

Do and Dont Nonverbal

Customer Validation

Why Customer Validation?

Get testimonials

Improve your product

Build rapport

Get lifelong customers

Learn more about your customers

Practice body language

How Can Body Language

Help?

Make them feel

comfortable to open up
Help them trust you
with their opinions
Feel rapport to tell you
the truth
Encourage honesty
and depth of emotion

Mirroring

Mirroring

Mirroring Body Language

Matching Cadence

Similar word usage

Facial Expressions*

*For Men

Modify Territorial Displays

*For Women

Tucked / Locked vs. Crossed

Facial Feedback Hypothesis

That facial movement can influence emotional
experience.

Triple Nods

Research shows that people will talk 3 to

4 times more than usual if the listener
nods their head.

Faster = impatient

Slow = engaged

Say My Name...and My
Friends Name

Know names ahead of time

Memorize names on the spot

Do research and find common friends

*The Kellogg School did a study that found

we trust people who mention names of
people we know. The more people we know
in common, the more we want to trust them.

Dont Use A
Pretty Woman!

Dont Use
A Group!

Your Product and Touch

When we hold
something we feel
ownership over it.

(Warm Drink)

Research out of the University of Toronto found that

when you give a person a warm drink, the warm
sensation of the drink in their hands (and their body)
can subconsciously make them feel like you're an
emotionally warm, likable and welcoming person.
Giving them a cold drink can have the opposite effect!
In general, people who are feeling socially isolated feel
physically cold and crave warm food or drinks.

REMEMBER:

Sales dos

Sales donts

Show your hands

Watch out for above

traps
Prep your confidence
beforehand

Try to calm
nervousness if you
see it

REVIEW:
Beginner

Nods

Pursed Lips

Using Names
Intermediate

Advanced

Facial Feedback
Hypothesis
Avoid Pretty Women /
Groups
Touch

Mirroring Posture

Matching Cadence

Copying Words

First Impressions

Frank, Bernieri, University of Toledo

20 Minutes

20 Seconds

First Impressions

Bertram Gawronski:

Accurate

Immediate

Lasting

Do:

Expressiveness:

Hands

Voice Tone

Body Movement

Authentic Smile

Face*

Dont:

Hop / Jump

Fidget

Self-Sooth

Angle Away (90 Degrees Optimal)

Go Beyond the Box

The Box

Un-Approachable Body
Language

Avoid Low Confidence Body

Language:

Turtling

Hunched over phones

Crossed arms

Hands in pockets

Un-Approachable Body
Language

Avoid Disinterest Body Language:

Turning a away

Feet towards exit

Nod and smile less

Less mirroring

Un-Approachable Body
Language

Avoid Boredom Body Language:

Eyes Glazed Over

Slumping

Wandering eyes

Examining the time

Un-Approachable Body
Language

Avoid Impatient Body Language

Foot tapping

Overhead Gazing

Drumming fingers

Running on the spot

Quick Nods

(Nonverbal Exit Clues)

The Power of the Purse

One Item
Purse as an Emotional
Indicator

Blocking

Protection

Self-Soothing

Approaching Others

With women, always

come from the side or
the front (never the back!)
Use slow movement
Look for open body
language

Approaching Others

Never approach near

the bathroom, exit or
right after people get
their food
**Golden Area: Stand
where people go
right after they got
their drink

Interaction Tips...

Story Toolbox
*Nonverbally Strong

Darting Eyes

Overhead Gazing

Hmms and Ahhs

Feet Pointing

Gazing
Power Gazing

Social Gazing

Intimate Gazing

Interaction Tips...

Proxemics

Intimate - 0-18

Personal - 18 - 4

Social - 4-12

Public - 12 plus

Conversation Tips

Man, these networking events can be so crazy. Mind if

I join you over here where its a little quieter?
Hmm, Im not quite sure what that dish is do you
know?
If theyre wearing a nametag ask about their name.
Ask their specific opinion: As an architect / As a
woman / As a midwesterner how do you feel about...
Hi, Im ____

REMEMBER:

Prep Confidence

Set an Intention

Read
Microexpressions

Strong Handshakes

Mirroring

No Bobblehead

REVIEW:
Beginner

Approachable Body
Language
Advanced

Feet Pointing
Conversation Starters
Intermediate

Expressiveness

How to Approach

Gazing

Engaged Face

Eyebrow Flash

Proxemics

Common Mistakes

Deer in the headlights

Only using words (7% of our
communication ability)

Common Mistakes

Deer in the headlights

Wide-Eyed

Fear Microexpression

Frozen Upper Body

Stiff

Common Mistakes

Hands Down:

Common Mistakes

Pacifying Behaviors:

Rubbing neck, biting lips,

fiddle with watch, playing
with hair...

Common Mistakes

Only using words

7% of our communication
ability

Lack of expressiveness

REMEMBER:

Prep Confidence

Use microexpressions

Point Your Feet

Nod

Expressiveness

REVIEW:
Beginner

Deer in the headlights

Intermediate

Lack of expressiveness
Advanced

Only using words

No pacifying behaviors

Online Presence

Website

Slide Decks

Social Media Profiles

Mailings

Email Signatures

Fliers

Videos

Avatars

Business Cards

Brochures

PDFs

Press Releases

Eyes As Cues
Engage People

Eyes As Cues

Show People Where to Look:

Gesturing and Pointing

Positive Emotions:

Negative Emotions:

Babies!

Dilated Pupils

*Women hate when men wear brown suits

A/B Test Colors:

Money!

Remove the $ sign

Prime a price

Priming Words
You can trust us to do
the job for you Increased
all ratings and buys

Trust Action Not Focus Groups

Position for Readiness

Dont Forget Your Small

Branding Opportunities

Use Unique Branding

Opportunities

Videos
OK

Better

Best

REVIEW:
Beginner

Eyes as Cues

Gesturing or Pointing

Money Signs

Pupils

Intermediate

Positioning

Positive Emotions

Creative Branding

Babies

Videos

Color Psychology

Action Not Groups

Advanced

Which Mode of
Communication?
In which mode of communication do people lie the most?

37% of phone calls

27% face to face

21% IM chats

14% emails

*Follow up all calls and meetings with an email

confirming

Interesting Fact:
Researchers found that combining
deception detecting techniques with
background checks reveals:
32% more cases of past job dismissals
60% more criminal convictions
82% more cases of alcohol abuse during
work hours.

Step One: Baselining

A baseline is how someone acts when they are

under normal, non-threatening conditions. It is
how someone looks when they are telling the
truth.

Baselining Questions:

Hows the weather?

What was your weekend like?

Whats for lunch?

Can you believe that game/traffic/event this

weekend?

Self Baselining Questions:

-How do they hold their body?
-What is their posture like?
-Do they fidget?
-What are their hand gestures?
-Are their legs crossed? How are they sitting?
-Do they blink a lot or have a nervous tick?
-What are their facial expressions?

Step Two: Look For Red Flags

Open-Ended Questions

Baseline Change: Did their body change?

Baseline Change: Did their voice change?

Do you see any of the most common lying red flags...

Common Lying Red Flags

Change in baseline
Incongruence between
words and body
language

Pursed lips

Disbelief lips / eyebrows

Nodding
Out of sync emotions
and words
Self-soothing gestures

Swear to God To Tell

You The Truth...

Volume Loss

Touching the nose

Interesting Fact:

Alan Hirsch and Charles Wolf observed Bill Clintons

testimony during the Monica Lewinsky trial and found
that when he told the truth he rarely touched his
nose.
When he lied he gave a split second frown before he
answered and then touched his nose. 26 nose
touches in all.

Step Three: Find Clusters

A cluster is a series of verbal messages that are
inconsistent with physical behavior.
*A cluster is not necessarily a sign of lying, instead
they are indicators of concealed thoughts or feelings
and a cue to dig deeper.

Lets Review: Deception Detection

Red Flag #1
Baseline

Red Flag #2
Red Flag #3

Second
Meeting
Circle Back
Background
Check

Cluster

Advanced Lie Detection

Two Truths and a Lie Game:

-When you got your first drivers license
-When you found out there was no santa
-Your first kiss
-Your first heartache
-Best day of your life
-Nicest thing someones ever done for you
-Most embarrassing moment

The Most Common Ways People Lie on

Resumes:
*Forbes.com
1. Lying about degrees theyve earned
2. Falsifying dates of employment
3. Exaggerating numbers and metrics
4. Increasing previous salary
5. Inflating titles
6. Lying about technical abilities
7. Claiming language fluency
8. Providing a fake address
9. Padding grade point averages

Alltop:

Before the Interview

Glass Table

Swivel Chair

Angles

Anti-Blocking

Company Info

Your Card

Drink

During the Interview

Use the Power of Silence

Dont Mirror

Nod

Tilt

Leg Cleanse

Watch for their Doubt:

Head turned away

Looking down to one side

During the Interview

Watch for Self-Soothing:

Self-touch

Hands wrapped in shirt or scarf

Picking dirt from under nails

Squeezing or pinching skin on arms

Picking cuticles

Playing with hair or jewelry

During the Interview

Watch for Lies:

Hesitation

Question inflection

Um or stalling before answering

Frozen upper body / face

One-sided shoulder shrug

Repeating the question

REVIEW:
Beginner

Glass Table

Angle Chairs

Swivel Chairs

Advanced

Intermediate

Watch for Self-Soothing

Silence

Watch for Lies

No Mirroring

Head Tilt

Nods

Haptics: Power of Touch

Double Handshake

Elbow Touch

Upper Arm Touch

Shoulder Touch

Hug

Patting

*Use with caution

To Build Connection...

Move to their side of the table

To Build Connection...

Do Lunch

To Build Connection...

Take off your jacket, loosen your tie, let your hair
down

To Build Connection...

Purposefully remove barriers

Shake It Up Nonverbally

New locations for

meetings
Offsites for creative
brainstorming
Stand for meetings

WATCH OUT!

Contempt

*University of Washington Psychologist

John Gottman

WATCH OUT!

Chin Jut / Looking Down

Ones Nose

WATCH OUT!

Lint Pick

WATCH OUT!

Eye Rolling

WATCH OUT!

Looking Over Glasses

No sunglasses in real
estate!

Encouraging Honesty:

On Documents:

Sign on Top
AND Bottom

Remind people of
company ethics with
classes, seminars
and a code of ethics.

REMEMBER:

Sales dos and donts

Read for
Microexpressions
Watch out for above
traps

Mirror

Rapport Building Tips

Wear the colors you

want to represent

REVIEW:
Beginner

Move to their side of the

table
Advanced

Do lunch
Get casual
Intermediate

Remove barriers

New meetings

Haptics

Patting

Encourage Honesty

Alphas

The alpha is the individual in the community with

the highest rank.

Alpha Behavior

Claim territory
Walk and assume
others will move
Smile less
Keep head
perfectly still while
speaking and
listening
Speak briefly and
everyone listens

Alpha Behavior

Hold eye contact slightly

longer while addressing
others. The Stare Down.
Look away when they are
being addressed
Dont monitor others
responses
Dont react to others
answers
Interrupt

Alpha Behavior

They dont jiggle or pace.

They stride across rooms*

Shorter alphas deliver with

vocal power, remind
people more often of their
credentials and stand
while others sit.

Betas

Betas often act as second-in-command to the reigning

alpha.

Omegas

Omega is an antonym used to refer to the lowest caste

of the hierarchical society. Omegas are subordinate to all
others in the community, and are expected by others in
the group to remain submissive to everyone. Omegas
may also be used as communal scapegoats or outlets
for frustration, or given the lowest priority when
distributing food.

Non-Alpha Behavior

Smile more
Always watch for Alpha
or other responses

Willing to be interrupted

Overly expressive

Nods a lot

Appeasement Body
Language

Non Alpha Behavior

Leg hopping

Foot jiggling

Self-soothing gestures

Low / protective
posture
More wordy

Pitching Mistakes

Pointing

Voice Curling Up

Hands on Hips
(Universal Battle
Stance)
Missed Investor Cues

Pitching Mistakes

Stop Motion

Self-Contempt

Blocking Behavior

Self-Soothing with Bibs

School-Marming

Pitching Mistakes

Ventilating

Loss of Volume

Interrupting*

Looking away during

convincing
Impatience /
Exasperation Breath
Praying / Begging
Gesture

Pitching Tips:

Showing Hands
Telling A Story to
Invoke Positive
Emotions / Sensory
Story
Demoing Ideas with
Hands
Expressive

Pitching Tips:

Vocal Tone
Differentiation
Immediate Product
Touch

No Impatience

Nodding to Affirm

Pitching Tips:

Gratitude
Showed Deference to
Alphas (stopped
talking, smiled at them
more)
Positive Face in the
Logo
Better Colors

Other Tips

Success Log

Other Tips

Steeple During QA

Other Tips

Nonverbal Hockey Stick Chart

Other Tips

To Calm Nerves: Yoga and Massages

Other Tips
http://brokershandsontheirfacesblog.tumblr.com/

Watch for eye-blocking, squinting, suspicion

Other Tips

Nonprofits: Home-like setting

Other Tips

Study: Timeliness Is Key

Other Tips

No Scent

Floral Scent

Smell:

80% of men and 90% of women have

vivid emotion triggering memories
evoked by odor.

No Scent

Floral Scent
84%

Clothes and Ornaments

Up to 80% of job applicants are

rejected based on how they are
dressed.
Inappropriate attire is one of the
top ten complaints of hiring
managers!

REVIEW:
Beginner

Hand motions

Expressiveness
Intermediate

Advanced

No School Marm

Watch for Lies

Show Partnership

Steeple

Use Storytelling

Use Smell

Timeliness

Public Speaking Donts

Voice Tone Command

Authoritative Voice
Tone

Changing Pace

Changing Tone

Belly Breathing

Public Speaking Donts

Ums, Sos, You Knows

Self-Soothing (hair
touching)
Shifty Feet
One Leg Back /
Runners Stance
Leaning Back

Public Speaking Donts

Glued to Notes

No eye contact

Head bent

Bowing

Dos: Podium Use

Show Hands

Dont Shift Feet

Anti-Blocking

Lean In and Over

Public Speaking Dos

Expressive
Ask Self-Reflective
Questions

Stories

Vocal Variation

Flattery

Other Tips

Never say you are nervous

Dont check your phone
while you wait

Read a newspaper?

Other Tips

Pump Yourself Up with a

Success Routine

Success Log*

Exercise

Funny YouTube Videos

Write Goals

Gratitude Journal

Music Playlist (sing)

Other Tips

George A. Miller: The Mind Can Hold 7 Things

Wharton School of Business:

10% retention of audio

Increasing visuals helps retention by 50%

Adding visuals to meetings cuts average business

meetings from 25.7 minutes to 18.6 minutes!

Other Tips

Help your audience stay in

open body language:

Ask questions for a

show of hands

Stand up for an activity

Talk to your neighbor

*This also works for

meetings

REVIEW:
Beginner

Expressiveness

Gazing
Intermediate

Podium Use

Ums and Ahhs

Shifty Feet

Self-Soothing

Advanced

Vocal Variation

Hand Demos

Use visual nonverbal and

aids
Help your audience stay
open

Negotiation Tips

Face to Face or Video!

Do Body Language
Homework

Avoid Meals

Seating for Comfort

Negotiation Tips

Start with strong

rapport

Mirror voice patterns

Match body
language

Watch Their Nonverbal

Open hands or closed hands?

Eye blocking

Tongue Catch

Deception:

Final Offer

Common Interests

Intentions

Your Nonverbal

Use hands to demo

importance
Agreement through
body language

Take up space

(Fist)

With Caution: Negotiation

Tips
A

Standing
Sit competitors in lower
chairs
Light touch on the
shoulder
Sit in the power seat

D
A

Audience

Speaker

REVIEW:
Beginner

Avoid Meals

Take Up Space
Intermediate

Advanced

Tongue Catch

Deception Detection

Eye Blocking

Mirror Voice Tone

Demo with Hands

Fight Lensing

7 out of 15
people noticed.

*Daniel Levin and Daniel Simons, Cornell University

Practice

Film Yourself

Say Yes to Events

Have Conversations
For the Sake of
Learning

Challenge Your Brain

Have Faith in People

Body Language in the Brain

*Temporal Lobes / Occipital / Frontal Lobes

Low Activity vs. High Activity

Dr. Daniel Amen

Long Term Potentiation:

Use It or Lose It

Healthy Brain Activity

Drug Affected Brain

Alzheimers Brain Activity

Good News: Our Brains Have

Muscles!

Duval Love

3 Months Later...

Cold Calling Tips

Confidence Comes
Through
Voice Tone Warmth and
Patience

Voice tone accurately

predicts amount of
malpractice lawsuits

Dont Drop on the Ask

Send Videos Often