Paulina Martin

Process
Draft #1
English 1101-164
11/28/2014

Collecting plankton? What an easy task! :)

Last summer, I did an experiment which allowed me to observe very rare
creatures. For instance, one of these creatures had a barrel-shaped body that was
divided in three segments. Each segment had a pair of stubby, poorly articulated legs
with clawed feet. No eyes, no mouth, no ears; just a tubular mouthContradiction? that
pierced the unfortunate preysSingular/ plural error. of this creature. Even stranger, I saw
a transparent creature with a hard, flaky shell and a curvy blade. This monster had
four,unnecessary comma strange limbs: two of the limbs were like spiky flippers with
claws, and the other limbs seemed like tree branches made of hard fibers. Good use of
figurative language.

The most horrible part of that organism was its head because it had

a hairy elephant trunk and an enormous, black eye.Wow! It may sound crazy, but you
can examine these creatures too.1 These organisms, better known as plankton, drift on
the photic zone,unnecessary comma and form the basis of the aquatic food chain
(Gattuso, and Hanson 28). You may think that collecting these creatures must be
extremely complicated; however, once you have the necessary equipment, it is
surprisingly easy to take a sample of plankton and observe it through a microscope.
Good!

The first 2step in this process is to gather the necessary equipment to collect
the samples. You need the following materials: an 8-meter-long rope, two 120-ml.plastic bottle samples, a plastic Pasteur pipette (or an ordinary dropper), a 40-m-net,

a light microscope (a stereo or a compound microscope), a sample container for the

microscope (a plastic Petri dish for the stereo microscope or a slide for the compound
microscope), and a 120-ml.-plastic bag for water samples. 3 If you are not a scientist,
you probably do not have all these materials. Do not worry though, unnecessary comma
because I had ((not)) neither a microscope nor a 40-m-net. To solve this problem, I
went to my schools laboratory, and they allowed me to work there. You can do the
same.Good!
Once you have the materials, you should select the place from which you want
to take the water samples. Remember that you will observe microscopic livingorganisms; hence, it is important to choose a place where life can thrive. It is really
easy to find a place to take the samples because plankton lives wherever clean water
and sunlight are available; for example, you can choose to gather the samples from
freshwater bodieslike the small lake in your neighborhood, a natural reserves
lagoon, or the local dam or from saltwater bodies such as the sea or the ocean.
4

When I did my experiment, I took the samples from a 1.5-meter-deep pond and from

a local dam; these places were ideal because there was no water pollution, and the
water bodies were deep enough to submerge the 40-m-net. Relevance? 5
Then, you have to assemble the simple collecting device, which is composed
of only three objects: the 40-m-net, one of the 120 ml. sample bottles (without the
lid on), and the 8-meter-long rope.Main idea sentence? The 40-mNeeds definition.-net
resembles a big funnel. At the bigger side of the net, there are four small chains
attached to a metal hoop (these four chains look like the chains that support an old
chandelier), and at the smaller side of the net Run-on sentence.there is a cap with a

hole similar to a soda bottle cap.Good use of figurative language. To build the collecting
device, take the rope and make an ordinary knot on the metal ring attached to the
chains of the net; then, insert the 120 ml. plastic bottle inside the cap of the net,
rotating the plastic container the same way as when you put a cap on an everyday
soda bottle.Good! I recommend you double-check that the plastic bottle is properly
placed, and that the knot is strong enough to remain tied. 6 Now, proofread and edit the
remainder of your essay while keeping in mind the marked errors and comments above.

After assembling the collecting device, you should be ready to submerge the
net into the water in order to collect the samples. Even though it is really easy to
gather a sample, this step is the most important because if you do not collect enough
planktonic organisms, you will lack specimens to observe through the microscope.
You do not need extraordinary skills to perform this task. Basically, you have to take
the rope, cast your net into the water, retreat (pull back) the net, and take it out from
the water. After doing this, the sample bottle should be full of liquid. Next, without
pouring out the water from the sample bottle, you should repeat this process three
more times so as to gather as many organisms as possible. If you look carefully, you
should be able to distinguish minuscule, colorless circles moving at the bottom of the
sample; those are micro-organisms called plankton. They look like sand or dust in the
water. Note that planktonic organisms exclusively live away from the shoreline
(limmetic zone) on the waters surface (photic zone); therefore, make sure to obtain
the sample from an area at least two meters away from the shore (Thorp, and Covich
42). Additionally, you have to consider the phenomenon known as Diel vertical
migration (DVM), a pattern of movement where plankton stays at the photic zone
during the day and moves into the benthic zone (below the photic zone) during the

night (Thorp, and Covich 50). Make sure to collect your samples during the day, or
you will not have enough organisms to observe. I recall one day when I collected my
samples in the evening. When I observed the samples through the microscope, I was
hoping to examine approximately 11,000 organisms (an average number of plankton
in my samples); nevertheless, I only found 1,000 organisms because of the DVM
phenomenon.
The next step is to pour the collected water sample into the 120-ml.-plastic
bag; as you may think, this step is as simple as it sounds. To complete this task,
remove the sample bottle from the net, rotating the container the same way as when
you take the cap off of a soda bottle. Then, hold the small plastic bag, open it, and
pour the water from the bottle into the bag. Finally, in order to close the bag, you
should take the two plastic strips at the upper corners of the bag and make a knot.
Closing the bag prevents the water sample to drain out.
With the sample inside the plastic bag, you should go to your work place to
acquire a microscope (a laboratory or even your home if you own one). Once there, it
is time to transfer and prepare the sample; this step requires ordinary abilities like
using a dropper and pouring a liquid from one container to another. To transfer the
sample, take the second plastic bottle and open it. Then, hold the plastic bag, detangle
the knot, and carefully pour the liquid into the sample bottle. On the other hand, you
require the Pasteur pipette (or the ordinary dropper), the sample bottle with the liquid,
and the sample container for the microscope (a plastic Petri dish for the stereo
microscope or a slide for the compound microscope) to prepare the sample. This task
involves the following straightforward actions: take the Pasteur pipette or the dropper,
squeeze the rubber at the upper part of the pipette so as to absorb liquid from the
sample, and squeeze the rubber again to release the water into the sample container

for the microscope (a slide or a Petri dish). If you intend to use the compound
microscope, put two or three drops of the sample on the slide; nonetheless, if you
want to utilize the stereo microscope, you require about 5 ml. of the liquid to fill the
Petri dish.
Finally, it is time to observe the plankton through the microscope, a very
exciting step. This task is really easy because you only need to plug the light
microscope, turn it on by pressing the turn off button (which resembles the light
switch of your house), put the sample container into the appropriate microscope, and
observe the sample through the ocular (the tube with the lenses of the microscope).
When I observed the plankton, I used the compound microscope for further details
and the stereo microscope for a general view of the organisms.
As you observed in this essay, exceptional abilities are not required to collect
and prepare planktonic samples, and I would bet that the hardest part of this process is
to gather the needed materials. If you want to carry out this process, you only need to
know how to execute everyday activities like putting the cap on to a soda bottle,
making a knot, throwing an object into the water, pouring a liquid from one container
to another, squeezing a dropper to grab and release liquid, and flicking on the light
switch of a house. Observing planktonic organisms is not only an introductory
experience to science, but also a way to discover a hidden world.

Works Cited:

Gattuso, Jean-Pierre, and Lina Hansson. Ocean Acidification. New York: Oxford
University Press Inc., 2011. Print.

Thorp, James H., and Allan P. Covich. Ecology and Classification of North
American Freshwater Invertebrates. Italia: Elsevier Inc., 2009. Print.

Outline
Introduction
a) Thesis: You may think that collecting these creatures must be extremely
complicated; however, once you have the necessary equipment, it is
surprisingly easy to take a sample of plankton and observe it through a
microscope.
Body
a)
b)
c)
d)
e)
f)
g)

gather the materials

select a place to take the sample
assemble the collecting device
collect the sample
pour the sample inside a plastic bag
transfer and prepare the sample
Take the sample, and observe it through the microscope

Conclusion
a) Restate of the thesis: As you observed in this essay, exceptional abilities
are not required to collect and prepare planktonic samples, and I would bet
that the hardest part of this process is to gather the needed materials.
b) Key points: putting the cap on to a soda bottle, making a knot, throwing
an object into the water, pouring a liquid from one container to another,
squeezing a dropper to grab and release liquid, and flicking on the light
switch of a house.

I'm stopping here-- I think you get the idea of what I see going on in the paper. Well written
overall! Good job handling research items as well. See notes.
9
1. Can you make this idea sound more appealing? Why should the reader want to do this?
2. "The first EASY step..."??
3. Not your main idea sentence! These are supporting details.
4. This clause is supporting details.
5. What about the easiness? Since that is the only point in your thesis, you have to keep
hammering that home in every paragraph, and not only in the main idea sentences.
Details should also support that idea.
6. ...and the easiness?
Instances

Annotation

Explanation

Main idea sentence?

Run-on sentence.

Relevance?

1
3

Singular/ plural error.

unnecessary comma

((

Contradiction?

Needs definition.

Main idea sentence might be

missing, unclear, unsupported,
out of order, written as more
than one sentence, or not
underlined. Does your main
idea sentence directly support
your thesis? Can key words
from the thesis be used in the
main idea sentence to help
show a connection? Have you
ordered your paragraphs to
follow the order of key points in
your thesis statement? Do all
of the details in this paragraph
support one main idea
sentence? The main idea
sentence of a paragraph is
usually more general than the
other sentences, which all
serve to support that one main
idea.
Run-on sentences are most
commonly caused by missing
commas. Each of the four
comma rules also represents a
different type of run-on
sentence. The most common
places where students forget
commas are 1) between
introductory words and the
subject of a sentence, and
before a coordinating
conjunction that connects two
independent clauses/
sentences. If you are not sure
which kind of run on you are
creating most often, please ask
Mr. Davis for help.
Relevance to your main idea
and/or thesis is unclear. If it is
important, can you make the
connection clearer? If not, you
should consider removing this
part.
Singular/plural error.
Unnecessary comma. Review
the "Four Big Comma Rules."
(( ...)) Word(s) between the
parentheses can/should be
omitted.
Contradiction? This statement
appears to be a contradiction
of something mentioned
elsewhere in your essay.
How can you help the reader
better understand your
definition of this term? You
don't have to formally define
special vocabulary, and you
should definitely not take it out,

Wow!

but you can present it in a way

that makes it easier to infer the
meaning.
Wow! Reader is engaged and
surprised/ shocked!

1
))
1
:)
Funny!
1 Now, proofread and edit the
"Now, proofread..." I have
remainder of your essay while
marked only some
keeping in mind the marked representative errors in the first
errors and comments above. part of your essay. You should
find and correct the rest,
especially in the parts that I did
not mark. If you have any
trouble, you should get help as
soon as possible. These errors
may make it difficult for you to
receive a passing grade on
your next draft and/or the final
essay. Please review and
address comments as well.
2
Good use of figurative
Figurative language (similies,
language.
metaphors, comparisons and
analogies) helps make the
reader's experience more vivid.
3
Good!
Good!
Totals