AmandaBrea

TwoDifferentWorlds
Imaginethatyouareawriterwhoiszeroedinonyourworkavoidingdistractions,eager
tocompleteyourwritingtask.Asawriter,areyouthinkinginalinearmanner?Isyouronly
focusonthewordsthatareabouttogetwrittenonpaper?Orisyourfocussplitbetweenyour
experiences,theneedtowriteanewpieceofwork,andtheevidentsoulsearchingyouneedto
justgetstarted?Therealquestionnowis,asanindividual,doyouonlythinkaboutonethingata
timewithoutshiftingfocus?Ifnot,youareinthemidstofahyperattentiontask
.InN.
KatherineHaylesHyper&DeepAttention:TheGenerationalDivideinCognitiveModes,
characterizesthecognitivemodesofdeepandhyperattentionandtheimpactthatmediahas
playedinthedevelopmentofthesemodesinindividualsofthenewera.Halyespresentsareality
andchallengeseducationalinstitutionstocometotermswithhyperattentionbyreconfiguring
teachingstylesaslearningstyleschange.Hyperattention,asHayles,emphasizesexcelsat
negotiatingrapidlychangingenvironmentsinwhichmultiplefocicompeteforattentionits
disadvantageisimpatiencewithfocusingforlongperiodoftime.
Theproblemthatneedstobe
highlightedaswebeginto
remodeleducationalsystems
isthewaythat
ourcultureis
revolutionizing
andisembracingtheskillsthatpertaintothehyperattentioncognitivemode.

Thecurrenteducationalsystemdemandsdeepattentiontasks
.Deepattentionisdefined
byHalyes
tobeacognitivestylethatisoftenrelatedtofocusingononeparticularobjectorthing
foranextendedperiodoftime.

Recentgenerationshavebeencriticizedandconsequently
targetedasbeingunabletoreadabookcovertocover.Educatorsblamethehyperactivitythat

pertainstomediaandtechnology.
Theyhaverelatedhyperattentiontotheriseofsiteslikethat
ofFacebookandregardhyperattentionnegatively.Halyestouchesuponthisfact.Itis
unarguable,thatasHaylesargues,this
generationislesscapableofmaintainingdeepattention
thanpreviousgeneration
,butisthatisnotabadthing
.Educatorsmaycomplainaboutthe
lazinessthatfollowsthisgenerationastheyrefusetoreadDickenscovertocover,butthere
hasntmuchmodificationtograbtheattentionandinterestofstudents.Inclass,studentsaresplit
uptoparticipateinquietactivitiesthatrequiremuchmentalfocus,buthowareeducators
accommodatingtohyperattention?
Theriseofhyperattentioniscallingforreform.Hyper
attentionisntsomethingthatshouldbefearedbutacceptedandusedtobettereducational
environments.Studentsretaliateandavoidreadingdatedliteraturethatrequiredeepattention
becausetheydemandmorecontemporarypiecesthatmirrortheirlives.
Educatorswanttoreelin
studentsandcaptivatetheirminds,buttheyneedtodothisbyacceptingtheircognitivemodes
andreforminginclasssettingsinordertoreacheachstudentinanintuitivemanner
.
Studentsareexposedtotwoenvironments
.Oneistheclassroomsettingwheretheyare
forcedtoexercisetheskilloffocusanddeepattention,andtheotheristhethrillingworldofthe
McWorld.TheMcWorlddemandsfastmentalcapabilities.
Substanceslikeadderallhave
becomeprominentastheyprovideindividualswiththementalstimulationtotakeondistinct
tasks.Mediaisprogrammingbrainsintobelievingthatinordertothriveoneneedstobeamaster
ofhyperattentionwhileeducatorsinsistthatthedeepattentionisamorevitalelement.Although
Halyesstatesthat
thisgenerationislesscapableofmaintainingdeepattentionthanprevious
generations,
theintentionistoinformthepublicoftheneedtoreformandaccept.Weneedto
collectivelyaccepttheroleofmediainsocietyanditsabilitytoevolve.Facebook,Instagram,

Twitter,allplayactiverolesinthemindoftheteenager.Theabilitytojumpfromoneapptothe
other.Thedemandoftensecondvideos.Theneedtounderstandandobtainknowledgeata
fasterrate.Theincreaseinrelianceinmediahasleftaconsequence.Studentsarethrownintoa
realworldthatdemandsperfectioninhyperattention.Therealworlddemandstheabilityof
employeesandcivilianstoshift

focusrapidlyamongdifferenttasks,preferringmultiple
informationstreams,seekingahighlevelofstimulation,andhavingalowtoleranceof
boredom
.
Educatorsshouldbepushingstudentsintodevelopingandsolidifyingtheskills
neededtobeanessentialpartoftherealworldbystrengtheninghyperattentionskills.Currently
theinclusiveenvironmentthatdemandsdeepattentionisfailingmanyandneedstoberemodeled
tobuildneutralgroundbetweenbothcognitivemodes
.

Conclusion:
Teachersmustplantheirlessonsaroundthetypeofsocietywelivein.Bykeepinginmindthat
weliveintheMcWorldteacherscanbegintoincludehyperattentionassignmentsintostudents
dailylessons.Hyperattentionisinthenow,peoplehavebecomemultitaskingninjas,because
ofthisweallhavetoaccountforthedifferentwaysinwhichsocietyworks.Inthenextthree
yearsdeepattentionwontevenexist.

NoonanScholarsSummerAcademy2016
CardinalEnglishWA#1Assessment

Student:
AmandaBrea
Title:
TwoDifferentWorlds

Basics(Scored15)

Marshall,McGill,&Wells

Introduction5/5
Establishescontextofissues
Usesnarrativeorengagementwith/excerptfromtext
Engagesreader
Deliversproposition

Comments:
Youdidanicejobwithengagingthereaderimmediatelyintheintroduction.Askingthereadertoimagine
themselvesinaparticularsituationisagoodwaytodrawthemintotheessay.Haylestextwasalsointroduced
appropriatelytogivetherightamountofcontextaswemovedintoyourproposition.Therearesomeissueswith
wordchoice,asyouwillseeinthemargincommentshowever,Ithinkyourmindsetforcreatingthisintroduction
wasgood.

Proposition3/5

Concise

Arguable

Notbifurcated
+

EstablishesOperativeWords

Comments:
Needtoworkonconcisionandclarity.Althoughthepropositionappearsarguable,thelanguageyouusemakesit
hardtodeterminewhatexactlyyourearguing.Trytobeasstraightforwardaspossible.AsIfinishedtheessay,I
realizedyouwerearguinginfavorofteachersimplementinghyperattentiontasksintheclassroom,butthatdoesnt
quitecomethroughinthepropositionstatementitself.Sometimesafterwewriteanessay,itseveneasiertogoback
andrevisethepropositiononceweseehowouressayshaveprogressed.

SupportParagraphs3/5

TransitionalGeneralizations(usingOperativeWordsfromtheProposition)tostartandend
paragraphs
Needimprovement
Reasonsareclearlystated
AppropriateinterplaybetweenNarrativeandReasoningConversation

Comments:
Paragraph2isstrongerthanparagraph3.Ithasastrongertransitionalgeneralizationtoopentheparagraph,and
itismorefocusedwhereasparagraph3doesntseemtoknowwhatitexactlywantstobeaboutperhapsaboutthe
realworldbutitsnotclearexactlyhowthatrelatestoyourproposition.Paragraph3doesnthaveaclear
transitionalgeneralizationrightnow.Asisoftenthecase,thesupportparagraphsbecomestrongerwhenthe
propositionisstrong.Rightnow,yourpropositionistoowordyandnotstraightforward.Icantdeterminewhat
exactly
youwanttoargue.YoucanthinkoftheShortCourseessayasfollows:Thepropositionposesaquestionto
thereader,andusuallythatquestionisW
hy?
OrsometimesH
ow?
Forexample,Imightargue:Educatorsshould
adapttheircurriculumforhyperattention.Areaderwillsay:Why?Andthatswhenyousay:Because[Reason1]
and[Reason2],whichareparagraphs3and4.Thetransitionalgeneralizationsshouldstateeachreasonclearlyat
thestartoftheparagraphandconnecttothepropositionstatement.

EditorialPolish/LinebyLineWriting4/5

Paperisproofreadanderrorfree
Linebylinewritingisclear,concise,anddirect
Grammar&spelling
MLA&Citations

Comments:
Spellingandgrammararenotmajorissuesinthisessay.Youressaydidnotcontainintextcitationsafter
quotesweneedthepagenumber.AndyoualsodidnotincludeaWorksCitedpage!

Score:15/20or75/100

CommentsonArgument
Yourargument,Ithink,becomescleareronceyougetintothesupportparagraphs.Icantellthatyoubelieve
schoolsshouldbeadaptingtheircurriculumtohyperattention.Butitsnotentirelyclearwhyyouthinkthat.You
starttogetintothatinparagraph3thattherealworldwilldemandhyperattentionofthem.Butwhyelse?And
evenwithinthatparagraphabouttherealworld,canyouprovidemorespecificexamplesofsituationsor
environmentsinwhichhyperattentionisimportant?Youfocusedalotonsocialmedia,butwhatelse?

LetterGrade:C+