I Wasn't Treating My Husband Fairly, and It Wasn't Nice (Powerful Story) - Collective-Evolution

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January19,2015byJoeMartino(http://www.collectiveevolution.com/author/joe/).18Comments.(http://www.collective
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This is a story of how one woman came to understand, through reflection, something that may be a challenge
many marriages and relationships face. While this story is of a woman realizing how she was treating a man,
this can be applied in any case to both genders.
I truly believe we are in a very transformative time when it comes to relationships. It seems deep inside many
are longing for a different experience when it comes to relationships. I believe stories like this, even though
not incredibly profound or anything, touch on that growing awareness within us that is challenging us to
question how we operate in our relationships.
The Story
She begins by explaining what happened:

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My Aha Moment happened

because of a package of hamburger
meat. I asked my husband to stop
by the store to pick up a few things
for dinner, and when he got home,
he plopped the bag on the counter. I
started pulling things out of the
bag, and realized hed gotten the
70/30 hamburger meat which
means its 70% lean and 30% fat.
I asked, Whats this?
Hamburger meat,
slightly confused.
he
replied,
You didnt get the right kind, I said.

I didnt? he replied with his brow furrowed. Was there some other brand you wanted or something?
No. Youre missing the point, I said. You got the 70/30. I always get at least the 80/20.
He laughed. Oh. Thats all? I thought Id really messed up or something.
()
Menu
This might be a conversation, experience or situation many of us can relate to. One partner does something
with good intention but unknowingly didnt do entirely what the other had asked. What can happen next is
where we realize our unconsciousness in certain situations.
Her story continues:
Thats how it started. I launched into him. I berated him for not being smarter. Why would he not get
the more healthy option? Did he even read the labels? Why cant I trust him? Do I need to spell out
every little thing for him in minute detail so he gets it right? Also, and the thing I was probably most
offended by, why wasnt he more observant? How could he not have noticed over the years what I
always get? Does he not pay attention to anything I do?
As he sat there, bearing the brunt of my righteous indignation and muttering responses like, I never
noticed, I really dont think its that big of a deal, and Ill get it right next time, I saw his face
gradually take on an expression that Id seen on him a lot in recent years. It was a combination of
resignation and demoralization. He looked eerily like our son does when he gets chastised. Thats when
it hit me. Why am I doing this? Im not his mom.
I suddenly felt terrible. And embarrassed for myself. He was right. It really wasnt anything to get bent
out of shape over. And there I was doing just that. Over a silly package of hamburger meat that he
dutifully picked up from the grocery store just like I asked. If I had specific requirements, I should
have been clearer. I didnt know how to gracefully extract myself from the conversation without
coming across like I have some kind of split personality, so I just mumbled something like, Yeah. I
guess well make do with this. Im going to start dinner.
She goes on to explain how she realized her nagging was over something very small and that she was putting
her partner in a number of different negative lights that were not accurate to his true character. Why do we do
these things so often? We assume that our partner should know exactly what is in our heads and when they
dont, or they get something wrong, we pick them apart for it.
She later goes on to realize:
In my case its my husband of 12+ years Im talking about. The same man who thanklessly changed my
car tire in the rain. The guy who taught our kids to ride bikes. The person who stayed with me at the
hospital all night when my mom was sick. The man who has always worked hard to make a decent
living and support his family.
He knows how to change the oil in the car. He can re-install my computers operating system. He lifts
things for me that are too heavy and opens stuck jar lids. He shovels the sidewalk. He can put up a
ceiling fan. He fixes the toilet when it wont stop running. I cant (or dont) do any of those things. And
yet I give him grief about a dish out of place. Hes a good man who does a lot for me, and doesnt
deserve to be harassed over little things that really dont matter in the grand scheme of things.
I can say from my own experience that this exact thing has happened to me a number of times. I have my
things that I do and am good at and my partner will have things that she does. Yet it isnt very welcoming to get
torn up about what Im not doing without getting recognition for all of the things that I am doing in a day. Its
really not the greatest feeling. So why does this happen in relationships so frequently?
So often we hear about how relationships are very hard and that they are very difficult to deal with. To a
certain extent I will agree with that, but more often than not we may just simply be with the wrong person, or
we may lack the very basic foundations of a relationship tools which we were never taught in life but are
essential to maintaining a healthy partnership.
Lack of Communication
Communication is probably one of the biggest -if not the biggest -factors that causes situations like the one
above. Think about when she found out the meat was the wrong one all that needed to happen was for her
to ask a simple question: Hey any reason you got the 70/30 meat? The other partner responds however they
do and then the next response would be Oh okay, no worries but in the future I usually grab the 80/20 as its a
healthier option. It simply comes down to not creating stories in our minds about why the person may have
done what they did and instead just using our words in a kind manner to understand the full nature of the
situation. Communication is key!
Fighting Over The Small Details

This is another big one in many relationships and a lot of times it can also be something we struggle with
entirely within ourselves. We sweat the small stuff way too much. Theres no telling how each of us truly
perceives or feels about a certain situation, so whats small to one person may be huge to another. But
typically with a situation like the example above, its one meal, one time, one instance that can be adjusted so
very quickly. Is it worth getting angry and reacting to something that when you take a step back truly means
very little? Its always good, in the heat of the moment or at the height of intense emotions, to simply go inside
and feel out whats really going on. Take that step back and consider, is this particular instance really a big
deal?
We Dont Put Ourselves In Each Others Shoes

Understanding where our partner is coming from is another huge thing we overlook or forget about. In this
case, one partner thought he was doing everything right, while the other simply assumed that he didnt listen,
didnt pay attention, and didnt do things correctly. Again if we go back to communication, one of the steps that
leads to communication is asking yourself what may have led the other person to do what they did, say what
they did, etc. This doesnt need to come from a judgmental, condescending or angry space, but simply a
neutral reflection, asking why things unfolded the way they did. Why does our partner feel this? Why did they
say that? What makes them react this way or take certain actions? Instead of coming up with your own
judgments or gossiping about it amongst friends, communicate with your partner and find out what is going
on. This will make a huge difference.
I believe that if these 3 basic strategies were brought into every type of relationship it would transform
everyday life in a huge way. We wouldnt judge strangers the same way, wed work more effectively with coworkers, wed have a much easier time with family and friends and wed even be able to achieve personal
growth more quickly. The reality is that so much of what we fail to recognize about ourselves keeps us stuck,
perpetuating the same problems over and over. We cant very easily move on to new experiences when we
dont have the awareness of whats playing out in front of us to begin with.
She ended off by saying:
It takes two to make a partnership. No one is always right and no one is always wrong. And youre not
always going to see eye-to-eye on every little thing. It doesnt make you smarter, or superior, or more
right to point out every little thing he does thats not to your liking. Ladies, remember, its just
hamburger meat.
To
read
her
full
and
original
post
click
here.
(http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/2nonqz/i_wasnt_treating_my_husband_fairly_and_it_wasnt/)
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About the author
Joe Martino (http://www.collective-evolution.com/author/joe/)

I created CE 5 years ago and have been heavily at it since. I love inspiring others to find joy and
make changes in their lives. Hands down the only other thing I am this passionate about is
baseball.
(http://www.collective-evolution.com/author/joe/)
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CE Community Comments (18)
Facebook Comments (7)
Justin Yates (https://www.facebook.com/justin.h.yates)

January 20, 2015 at 4:06 pm
I should send this to my Ex, I left her for this very reason. She exploded on me about laundry and after
months of similar abuse I had taken enough. I left.
Reply(/2015/01/19/iwasnttreatingmyhusbandfairlyanditwasntfairpowerfulstory/?replytocom=189217#respond)
Justin Yates (https://www.facebook.com/justin.h.yates)

4 years down the drain because I didnt do the laundry the way she wanted.
Reply(/2015/01/19/iwasnttreatingmyhusbandfairlyanditwasntfairpowerfulstory/?
replytocom=189218#respond)
gabs
What happens when the hamburger meat is helping the wife pick up after eachother and the twins? Bc he
volunteered and then comes home and finds him sleeping insteadand the house is still a mess?
DeeDee (http://facebook)
Let us imagine a situation most of women until age of 16 or 18 are growing up in families with a father
figure. So by then a person should start noticing/understanding a difference in communication
/perception/psychology?! And if a young women/daughter by the time she is 18, has not noticed/learned
anything.My conclusion is get down from that ME&I pedestal and start noticing ppl/family around you,
learn from our family because failures in personal life rise from a learning disability!
Alex M
Ive been living with a bipolar for the last 3 years, and the exact same story happened to me. Unfortunately,
she never was able to figure this out
ian stewart
January 20, 2015 at 12:25 pm
I think that a lot of women assume that men are tuned into their train of thought. I work with a lot of
women and many times they have turned and asked me what are my thoughts on something, thinking I
have a direct interface to their thought patterns and know what they are referring to. I used to think it was
just my wife that made this assumption, but the more I work with women, I see that they have a completely
different interaction process to men. Often the same situation happens but with another woman coworker, and they know exactly what each other are referring to so I think that women assume that men are
also on their wavelength. The problem is that a mans train of thought is completely different to that of a
woman so that kind of innate understanding is very rare.
Bottom line is that if you have a specific requirement, say what it is and dont assume that we know and if
we dont get it right, unless we have made a huge balls up, dont make it into a big deal we dont mean it
and its not intentional.
Megan
January 20, 2015 at 7:49 am
I hate to say this but I am guilty for almost the same aspects, I used to play games with my hubby to get
what I want which I knew is self centred, I always felt like there was something missing in bed, and I think a
lot of women can relate to this, I know for the most part I wasnt satisfying him, I hated when he watched
porn, but I realized in the guide below, that I was doing a lot of things wrong when we had our private time,
I changed that and he now loves me more then ever and we are in general in a much happier relationship.
http://relationship101.kids-dott.com (http://relationship101.kids-dott.com)
Mike
Its universal. We have to stop judging and classifying everything as either right or wrong.
bruce jackson (http://collectiveevolution)

Whats even worse is that he brought back feed lot beef instead of organic and then completely forgetting
that shes a vegetarianTsk tsk tsk
Shida Darby (https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004987576256)

Every relationship goes through this.

I think it happens so often in long-term relationships because, more often than not, one partner is
practically forced to play the role of the parent, while the other is free to make whimsical mistakes without
repercussion (just like a child).
Sometimes telling people the truth about themselves (no matter how hurtful the truth might be) has its
place.
Other times (as was the case with the hamburger meat), the truth is forgotten and cruelty takes hold with
no good reason for it.
I mean; its not like the man was jobless, careless, indulging in his expensive vices despite a lack of income,
meanwhile living in a fantasy world where problems solve themselves the longer theyre put off or ignored.
As she explained, he was everything a good partner needed to be, so her actions (as she admitted) were
way out of hand. But, like I said, every relationship has moments like this.
Im really not sure what to make of Jabs comment (on the CE community section).
Seems to me that Jab is feeling a bit holier-than-thou to say such a thing
Pingback: (https://mstilllovesv.wordpress.com/2015/01/20/31/)
billiam
I think your missing the bigger picture, which is why am I forcing my family to eat processed meat product?
Or just be happy that youre not starving like most of the worlds population.
Tom
January 20, 2015 at 12:58 am
Noble peace prize this lady immediately!

jab
January 19, 2015 at 11:28 pm
although she realized she was a unkind, I cant believe anyone could of done that to another human being,
demascilinate and demoralize. is it engraved into the western woman mind set to do this?
Mike
you questioning it something to western but especially woman is interesting and you might
want to think where that feeling in you comes from.
TK
My x wife acted like that all the time. Now she is my x wife .Best thing I ever did .
Marie
Jab, not at all. I couldnt possibly imagine doing his to anyone especially over something so
ridiculous and petty.
I live my life with the thought an actions to treat others how I wish to be treated. Please dont think
that women (western) are all like this.
Mark G
January 20, 2015 at 10:09 am
I agree. I hope he left her. The fact that so many women think they are entitled to demoralize and
break down their husband, is beyond offensive. When did that become an acceptable part of the
marriage? Who is the person teaching women that its OK to do this? This is domestic abuse.
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I Wasn't Treating My Husband Fairly, and It Wasn't Nice (Powerful Story) - Collective-Evolution

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My Aha Moment happened

You didnt get the right kind, I said.

Fighting Over The Small Details

We Dont Put Ourselves In Each Others Shoes

Take The FREE 7 Day Smoothie Challenge!

advertisement - learn more (http://www.collective-evolution.com/our-ad-commitment/)

Meet The Worlds First Heartless

A Look Inside This Luxury 280

About the author

Joe Martino (http://www.collective-evolution.com/author/joe/)

MORE FROM 'CONSCIOUSNESS'

The True Meaning Of Life Explained By 3rd Graders (http://www.collectiveevolution.com/2015/01/20/the-true-meaning-of-life-explained-by-3rd-graders/)

Why Its Important To Understand Your Dark Side (http://www.collectiveevolution.com/2015/01/13/why-its-important-to-understand-your-dark-side/)

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Justin Yates (https://www.facebook.com/justin.h.yates)

Justin Yates (https://www.facebook.com/justin.h.yates)

January 20, 2015 at 1:08 pm

bruce jackson (http://collectiveevolution)

Shida Darby (https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004987576256)

Every relationship goes through this.

Noble peace prize this lady immediately!

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