Relationship and Marriage

is

GODS IDEA

Idowu Adeoye

Preface
It will be foolish to assume that no one made this ordered and beautiful
arrangement called our world. It could not have been as a result of
unexpected big bang(by the way who activated the big bang?) or explosion
and everything came into shape: the seas, the mountains, the prairies, the
animals in the forests and everything like that.
An idea can be described as a collection of thoughts; It is usually
generated from the mind. The result of ideas are plans, schemes, designs,
proposal and proposition. It was Gods idea to create man; having
conceptualized the heaven and the earth. He decided to bring order into
the world: His first intervention in the life of man was to introduce spiritual
relationship and also a physical relationship.
God is the maker of everyone so He is the manufacturer. He wrote the
manual guiding the life of every man, so relationship must be made from
heaven for it to be beneficial to all.

CHAPTER ONE
ARE YOU INTO ..........RELATIONSHIPS?
There is absolutely no one alive who is not in a relationship. We all need it.
A life without any meaningful relationship is empty and void. Good
relationships bring out the zest and the best in us.
The truth is, we all thrive best when and where we are deeply appreciated
and our love is reciprocated. Quite frankly, no man or woman is an island,
it is a common knowledge that the most cantankerous individual is actually
in need of a true relationship.
Those involved in acts of rebellion are actually seeking for attention of
those who will recognize the fact that the inner being of a rebel is actually
crying out for love. In actual fact no one is unlovable, what is lacking is the
person who will show love.
In essence, love is one of the main Ingredients of a true relationship.
The word love however, is the most misunderstood word in our world
today. Perhaps that is probably why true relationships are difficult to find.
Many prefer not to be involved in any relationship because they have been
hurt before and the fear of being hurt again can be deleterious in effect
upon the human emotional fabric. We are not wired to sulk nor are we
configured to go through vagaries of experiences alone. We are created to

be social; to relate with others for mutual benefit. I stand to be corrected,

civilization and advancement in the social ladder has been one of the major
obstacles to real and meaningful relationships. The advent of the social
media has not fully helped in cultivating flourishing relationships. It is
possible to be friends on Facebook social media for instance and at the
same time one may still be complete strangers to each other when you
meet face to face,
This has been my vicarious experience many times, I have found myself
asking for the name of the person who is my friend on facebook social
media when we meet in real life.
It does mean we cannot truly be friends till we establish a relationship or till
we are in the quest of doing so!
Sad to say, the usual verve of warmth and fellowship is missing in most
gatherings in our society. There are a lot of people attending the same
church, probably sitting close to each other on the same pew but are not
into any relationship of any guise other than the plastic smile displayed
when we are forced to "greet five people around us"; or the preacher asks
us to share that statement of confession of blessings with our neighbours.
The question needs be asked, are we really neighbours in the real sense of
it?

Since there is no relationship we are just being forced to mime things we

do not really mean. Those who live in villages and small towns understand
better what communal relationship is all about.
In smaller communities that care, no one is self-effacing, everything is
done from the perspective of simplicity and true friendliness.
Some workplace environments are like war fronts; each worker amasses
enough arsenals in order to survive each day's job. In such a work
environment, combating groups and camps are created; territorial and
garrison commanders are surreptitiously appointed. Of course no one
enjoys it, all are forced to endure it.
There are different types of relationships, all must be based on love, trust
and mutual respect for each other.
There are purposes for every type of relationships and it means boundaries
and expectations must be set from the onset. A relationship can be
misused, abused or taken for granted; some are experts in the art of
monopolization and manipulation of shared relationships.

CHAPTER TWO
LOVE- THE CORD AND THE KNOT OF RELATIONSHIPS
This four letter word is the most misunderstood word in the world.
Most of the times it is confused with such words like crush or infatuation, at
sometimes, lust or sensual obsession could be mistaken for love. When
love is not properly understood the result is breakdown in the wagon of
relationship which could become hurtful and toxic not only to the major
players; even the innocent bystanders could have more than a fair share in
the cataclysmic volcanic eruption set into play.
There are four major types of love
1. Eros. This is the Greek word from which the English word erotic is
derived. It is based on what is seen visually which creates a thought
pattern that arouses sensual feelings or sexual arousal which may
ultimately lead to the act of sex. Erotic feelings of love could arise
from the viewing of sexually explicit photos, drama, film, music,
literature and advertising heavily laced with sex symbols. Over the
ages, sex has been used as a weapon of emotional extortion,
intimidation and for selfish incendiary gains. Portiphars wife never
loved Joseph. Though he found grace in the eyes of his master,
(Genesis 39:5) his masters wife cast her eyes on him because of his

physical endowments. Amnon the son of King David was even worse
off; he could not decipher his emotions well to the extent that he got
intricately emotionally enchanted to Tamar his stepsister which he
mistook for love. (2Samuel13:1-4). As the firstborn of the king he was
the heir apparent, unfortunately erotic love eroded his rights to life
and the throne.
2. Storges This is the Greek word for affection, friendship or natural
love between parents and the offsprings. It can also be described as
love within the family system. Friendship could get to the level of
regarding friends as part and parcel of the family. Jacob loved Joseph
more than his brothers which made his brothers to hate Joseph.
(Genesis 37:3-4)
3. Phileo. This is the Greek word for warm affectionate friendship or it
could simply be described as brotherly love. David described
Jonathans love for him this way this way:
I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast
thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of
women. 2Samuel 1:26 KJV. There are two important things to note
here, first their relationship transcends from being friends to
becoming brothers. So, it could not have been gay relationship.
Secondly, the love between them was not sensual, it was beyond the
normal feelings of love a man can have for a woman.
4. Agape. This is from the Greek word for unselfish or unconditional
love. This can be described as Gods kind of love. This type of love

gives and gives not really minding anything in return. The

characteristics of this type of love is succinctly summarized this way:
Love is patient, love is kind, it isnt jealous, it doesnt brag, it isnt
arrogant, 5 it isnt rude, it doesnt seek its own advantage, it isnt
irritable, it doesnt keep a record of complaints, 6 it isnt happy with
injustice, but it is happy with the truth. 7 Love puts up with all things,
trusts in all things, hopes for all things, endures all things.
8
Love never fails. As for prophecies, they will be brought to an end.
As for tongues, they will stop. As for knowledge, it will be brought to
an end. 1Corinthians 13:4-8 CEB

THE FLIP SIDE OF LOVE

Infatuation or puppy love
A puppy is an immature dog. Infatuation are feelings common to young
people during childhood and adolescence. This is not to say it does not
happen to adults whose mind is still undeveloped enough to identify true
love. Infatuation is a short-lived emotional feeling and it is generally based
on wishful fantasies. This was actually what happened to Amnon the first
son of David. Infatuation is a product of daydream. A relationship based on
puppy love and it is fleeting in nature. The object of love could be
a television or movie star a celebrity, a teacher, family friend, classmate,
office mate or worker, fellow church member. It is delusional and it is

based on insufficient information. Infatuation can lead to heart palpitations,

feelings of awkwardness, fear of rejection, confusion, insomnia, loss
of appetite, pupil dilation and masturbation.

What is Masturbation?
Masturbation is the self-stimulation of the genitals to achieve some sort of
sexual gratification. Many people especially the young folks struggle with
this act and have problems in this area. It is not an easy subject to discuss
too. The response you get depends mostly on who you are having the
conversation with. As a result, a lot of people are actually living under the
guilt or enjoying the guilty trip.
Some counselors have canvassed that masturbation has some benefits
such as being able to let off the steam of stress, boredom resulting from
feelings of loneliness and in general the relief sexual tension based on
fantasies and recurrent visuals prevalent in the environment.
There is no running away for this fact; the idea of sex is God's idea. At
puberty, which begins mostly in the teenage years, the body begins to
respond to sexual feelings arising from the buildup of testosterone which
leads to sexual drive and it is responsible for erection in males and the

production of semen and sperm. In addition to testosterone, the hormone

also responsible for sexual desire in female is estrogen. The body has a
way of dealing with the overproduction of sperms and seminal fluids by the
way of releasing them through what is called nocturnal emissions when one
is asleep or the sexual organ is activated to reach orgasm as a result of
graphic, erotic dreams.
The experimentation with the sexual organ to achieve sexual satisfaction is
mostly the beginning of the act of masturbation. Peer groups influence also
could be a precursor to the act of masturbation. Friends normally make jest
of those who are not very outgoing or those who exhibit little or no
unresponsiveness to sex as being. sexually frigid, asexual or having a sex
disorder. Many addictions start with experimentation. Some addictions
appear harmless at the beginning. Thumb sucking for instance, is an
addiction and it looks harmless, but with time it is not only an
embarrassment, it affects the thumb if not the whole brain and the body
too!
There is nothing intrinsically wrong in feeling attracted to the opposite sex
but such desires must be controlled. It must be defined with boundaries so
as to avoid unpleasant results. An unmarried friend once told me, he can

sleep on the same bed with a lady and nothing would happen! I doubted his
sagacity.
If we correctly view masturbation as an addiction that can affect future
marriage relationships in that it can affect intimacy, leads to the desire for
self-gratification, emotional withdrawal, lack of commitment and generally
unfulfilled desires.
It is possible to overcome the addiction of masturbation by breaking the
cycle of boredom through active engagement of the body in mind tasking
activities, exercise the body, relax with friends, be involved in your
community and church in gainful activities, helping others, break off any
links with acts of pornography, discourage sexual fantasies of any sort,
seek mentorship, counsel and prayers of deliverance.

CHAPTER THREE

Types of Relationship
There are different types of relationships. It is good to understand the
definition of a relationship before embarking on a relationship journey. It
could be based on family, communal, professional, religious, social or
sexual leanings.
It is good to mention at this point that not all relationships are designed to
end in marriage. Every relationship endures when it is based on true
friendship hinged on agape love.
A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity. Prov 17:17
AMP
Please do not be flippant in choosing friends, be careful who you allow into
the space called friendship in your life because a friend can make or mar
your destiny. Indeed, there are few friends but we have many
acquaintances. The bible has some words of admonition for us in this
regard.
Do not trust in a friend, do not put your confidence in a companion;
guard the doors of your mouth from her who lies in your bosom.
Micah7:5NKJV
Be wary of your friends! Dont trust your sibling! Every sibling is a cheater,
and every friend traffics in slander. Jer9:4CEB

Watch your emotions, do not be carried away; the person you call your
friend may have some other ulterior motives for seeking your friendship.
There are numerous stories of people who have been scammed of money,
life savings and posessions by so called friends they met either on social
media or some other places. Be careful many fellows have lost their lives in
the hands of such devious friends who are actually deceivers.
The bible says the Lord Jesus did not commit Himself to men who cluster
around Him who wanted to use Him to achieve their own selfish purposes.
Remember it was a friend called Judas who betrayed Jesus and gave him
away into the hands of those who crucified Him.
"While Jesus was in Jerusalem for the Passover Festival, many believed in
his name because they saw the miraculous signs that he did. 24 But Jesus
didnt trust himself to them because he knew all people. 25 He didnt need
anyone to tell him about human nature, for he knew what human nature
was."John 2:23-25 CEB.

Who is a friend?
True friends are God given. There are not many people who will probably fit
into this mould.
The pertinent question is what is the goal of a relationship? Let us take the
case of Dinah in the Bible who went presumably in search of a friend.

She happened to be the last born of Leah and the only daughter in the
family of Jacob who sired twelve male children. Jacob was a strong man; It
takes more than physical strength to raise twelve boys into manhood. I
think, from my own vintage perspective; I have four boys. it takes the grace
of God alone!
It is not easy to raise children. Some years ago, I was coming out of a
hospital and I ran into a woman who was soliloquizing, she said something
that was highly instructive and very pregnant with meaning and it has not
left me till now. She said the conception of a baby, nurturing and raising
children will bring sweat to your brows. Come to think of it, at what stage
really will it not produce sweat? From the coitus stage, to having sleepless
nights, endlessly changing diapers, miming and rhyming in harmony to
unstructured dance steps and music, to running after them as toddlers, to
the combative and tough love cased tumultuous teenage years, to the
reckless abandon and free world of adolescence and overprotective and
needless fears of adulthood. Indeed, it is a sweat filled and full time job.
One other word of wisdom that has stayed with me is the Yoruba greetings/
prayers usually offered when one has just delivered a child, they would
intone Olorun a wo o meaning God will watch over this child to raise the

child. I cannot agree less. It is only God that can watch over a child.
Let us go back to the story of Dinah.
And Dinah the daughter of Leah, whom she bare unto Jacob went out to
see the daughters of the land. Genesis 34:1KJV
This brings me back to my earlier question; what exactly was she looking
for? Is it loneliness or sheer curiosity that killed the cat? She went out full
but she did not return home the same!
She came back to the camp of Israel violated, abused, misused and
devalued. What is more? She lost her inheritance. How did I know that?
The account in this chapter sealed Dinahs destiny. She was defiled by the
prince of the land who at the end did not marry her as he was killed in the
fit of fury engineered by her brothers, they could not stand the thought of
their sister marrying an uncircumcised man!
What a waste of life and destiny for Dinah and double tragedy too! Her
future collapsed the day she went out. Dinah was not remembered again.
Jacob, when he was praying for his children did not include Dinah; her
place was taken by Mannaseh. She could have been the progenitor of a
covenant tribe too but she lost it, just because she was not patient to wait
for her time. She wanted to get married quickly.
Come to think of it, she went out seeking the company of the girls in

Shechem but she fell into the hand of a destiny destroyer. May God not
allow us to take a journey that will destroy us (Amen)
Jacob also lost the opportunity in raising a mother in Israel. Listen! my girls!
Please run from destiny destroyers.
Let us take another scenario by considering case of two friends in the bible
who can be described as roommates, professional colleagues but one
party is a destiny destroyer. The other lady took advantage of her friend
and exchanged her destiny in the wee hours of the night! What manner of
friend?
The meaning of exchange is giving up something for something else.
Exchange takes place all the time in nature. We take in oxygen in
exchange for carbondioxide. Exchange they say is no robbery. That is in
situation if the replacement is as good as what is given out. Some
exchanges may be robbery particularly, if it leaves the other party
shortchanged. Beware of relationships that sucks the life out of you. Let us
look at the story in 1Kings 3:16-28.
"Then came there two women, that were harlots, unto the king, and stood
before him.
17

And the one woman said, O my lord, I and this woman dwell in one
house; and I was delivered of a child with her in the house.

18

And it came to pass the third day after that I was delivered, that this
woman was delivered also: and we were together; there was no stranger
with us in the house, save we two in the house.
19

And this woman's child died in the night; because she overlaid it.

20

And she arose at midnight, and took my son from beside me, while thine
handmaid slept, and laid it in her bosom, and laid her dead child in my
bosom.
21

And when I rose in the morning to give my child suck, behold, it was
dead: but when I had considered it in the morning, behold, it was not my
son, which I did bear.
22

And the other woman said, Nay; but the living is my son, and the dead is
thy son. And this said, No; but the dead is thy son, and the living is my son.
Thus they spake before the king.
23

Then said the king, The one saith, This is my son that liveth, and thy son
is the dead: and the other saith, Nay; but thy son is the dead, and my son is
the living.
24

And the king said, Bring me a sword. And they brought a sword before
the king.
25

And the king said, Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one,
and half to the other.
26

Then spake the woman whose the living child was unto the king, for her
bowels yearned upon her son, and she said, O my lord, give her the living
child, and in no wise slay it. But the other said, Let it be neither mine nor
thine, but divide it.
27

Then the king answered and said, Give her the living child, and in no
wise slay it: she is the mother thereof.
28

And all Israel heard of the judgment which the king had judged; and they
feared the king: for they saw that the wisdom of God was in him, to do
judgment."1Kings 3:16-28 KJV
In this passage two women happened to be friends, they have quite some
things in common which makes them to be friends. They were both harlots

and they both have a son each born to them almost at the same time.
Friendship with the world is enmity with God.
" Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the
world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world
is the enemy of God." James 4:4KJV
Crosscheck and be sure to know if the friend you are harboring is not an
enemy; God's enemy. There is no way anyone who is not a friend of God
will not work against you.

There are some friends who want to compromise you. Be careful do not
allow sentiments, carelessness to lead to exchange in your life.
The child represents joy, success, fulfilled desire, aspirations, future and
destiny. One of the women woke up to discover that her all of these and
indeed her destiny had been exchanged overnight. In the twinkle of an eye
she woke up to find her joy, her success, her fulfilled desire her aspirations,
her future, her destiny was dead. What a loss! I pray for you, every attempt
of the enemy to exchange your destiny will fail in Jesus Name. This woman
woke up to find her success has been turned to failure. She had to drag her
friend harlot to the King. Even though she knew herself as an unwanted
harlot; she also had this confidence that the King will dispense true justice.
What a lesson for us as fellow mortals that
1. we need to approach the presence of the King to obtain mercy and grace
to help in the time of need.
I pray for you God will dispense justice for you by returning what the enemy
that looks like a friend took from you. The widow in the book of Luke 18
prayed avenge me of my enemy. Even when it seemed so bad, do not give
up like that
2.Fight the good fight of faith. Do not accept what the enemy has dropped
on your bosom just like that. Reject the bad destiny, the failure and all that
are associated with it.
3. The enemy said let it neither be mine or thine.(1Kings3 :26)

The enemy is a real waster. The Lord will rebuke every waster in our lives
in Jesus Name. The enemy may say I will overtake, I will divide the spoil,
God will blow upon them (Exodus 15:9-10). Though your previous attempts
at relationships ended with disastrous consequences, you will not end in
disaster and your life will not end in a disaster in Jesus'Name.
4.This woman was delivered by wisdom. The wisdom of God will deliver
you.
Please note this: Jesus came to exchange every bad destiny, He has come
to rewrite our story:
He became sin so that we can become the righteousness of God.
2Cor.5:21
He became poor so that we can become rich 2Cor.8:9
He became a curse so that we can be free from any curse Gal.3:13-14
He went to the prison that had kept us and preached deliverance to our
spirits1 Peter 3:18-19
Dear reader, do not place your confidence in the wrong person; beware of
unfaithful friends. Hear the word of God again: Confidence in an unfaithful
man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint. Prov
25:19KJV
This passage of the bible struck me like a thunderbolt sometimes ago. It
has something to do with unfaithful people that we do business with and
rely on from time to time.
Let us check it together from some different translations of the word of God:
A friend you can't trust in times of trouble is like having a toothache or a
sore foot. (Proverbs 25:19 CEVDCUS06)
Like a broken tooth or a lame foot is reliance on the unfaithful in a time of

trouble. (Proverbs 25:19 NIV)

Depending on an unreliable person in a crisis is like trying to chew with a
loose tooth or walk with a crippled foot. (Proverbs 25:19 GNTD)
Trusting a double-crosser when youre in trouble is like biting down on an
abscessed tooth. (Proverbs 25:19 MSG)
An unfaithful friend is like a disguised enemy. A translation called such a
friend a double crosser! I pray for you, may you be delivered from the
company of such people, may you not belong to the tribe of unfaithful men
and women; sugar coated mouthed double crossers. They are innocuous
outwardly but mask a lethal dose in their venomous actions.
One of my friends once expressed in exasperation to one of his friends that
the mark of a true friend is being there when it matters most. Unfortunately,
such true friends are hard to find. The original nature of man is deceit:
"the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can
know it?" (Jeremiah 17:9 KJV)
A lot can trade off their friends for anything, even inconsequential things
that carry little or no worth in the final analysis.
Someone once wondered aloud "who can we trust?". The Psalmist has a
timely answer: It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man.

It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in princes. (Psalms

118:8-9 KJV)
What are friends for?
You must have heard this question; always begging for an answer. What
are friends for? As if the respondent does not know or really have a cogent
answer. We all need friends, otherwise the world will be a boring place.
Friends however must be chosen carefully because not every friend
eventually turns out to be a good friend. Ask Julius Caesar if Brutus proved
to be a good friend. Our Lord Jesus had such a friend in Judas Iscariot.
The rule of the thumb is setting out not to have many friends. It is safe to
have people as acquaintances first and they may grow or mature to
become friends. Most enduring relationships actually starts from childhood
or before prime.

CHAPTER FOUR
WHEN RELATIONSHIP FAILS
When relationships go wrong, it can lead to heartbreaks leaving in it some
heart sores that may take a long time to heal. This is why we need to
exercise a lot of discretion before entering into relationships. The so called
best of friends can all of a sudden turn into bitter enemies once the fracture
of the relationship foundations improperly laid, begin to show its tell-tale
signs.

When relationship fails, the question that should be asked is how and
where did it all started? What exactly is the basis for the relationship? Is it
all about jostle for money, favours, sex, fame, position or one advantage or
the other?
To avoid regrets later, avoid being indiscreet in establishing relationships.
You can save yourself the hurts when you are able to decipher your
emotions. It is possible to spark off a relationship when the passion to help
others becomes sensual and it is mistaken for compassion. A lot office
romance, extra marital affairs, sexual flings have the templates in those
who fail to define their relationships. Some also who are too arrogantly too
confident with the feeling it can never happen to me have fallen victims
too. Many have fallen into the murky waters of sexual sin of adultery and
fornication because of these. Read the advise of Solomon in Proverbs:
"My son, keep your fathers command; dont abandon your mothers
instruction. 21 Bind them on your heart for all time; fasten them around your
neck. 22 When you walk around, they will lead you; when you lie down, they
will protect you; when you awake, they will occupy your attention. 23 The
commandment is a lamp and instruction a light; corrective teaching is the
path of life. 24 They guard you from the evil woman, from the flattering
tongue of the foreign woman. 25 Dont desire her beauty in secret;
dont let her take you in with her eyelashes, 26 for a prostitute costs a loaf of
bread, but a married woman hunts for a mans very life. 27 Can a man
scoop fire into his lap and his clothes not get burned? 28 If a man walks on
hot coals, dont his feet get burned? 29 So is the man who approaches his

neighbors wife; anyone who touches her will be punished. 30 People dont
despise a thief if he steals to fill his starving stomach. 31 But if he is caught,
he must pay sevenfold; he must give all the riches of his house. 32 He who
commits adultery is senseless. Doing so, he destroys himself. 33 He is
wounded and disgraced. His shame will never be wiped away.34 Jealousy
makes a man rage; hell show no mercy on his day of revenge.
35
He wont accept compensation; hell refuse even a large bribe." Proverbs
6:23-31 CEB

It is those who are committed to God that can be steadfastly committed to a

relationship. When relationships fails, it is because there is a breach in
relationship with God. Give your heart to Jesus to have a relationship with
God. He is the only one who can mend broken hearts. Some people were
never able to get over such just failed relationships because they refused to
give their hearts to Jesus: who will not only mend broken hearts but He
gives brand new hearts too when you surrender your life to Him as your
Lord and Saviour

INDICES OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

My heart today goes out to those enduring abusive relationships. The good
Lord will show you mercy and make a way of escape for you. That hellish

situation will give way and your wilderness journey will come to an end. A
new season will come for you.
I once had a bitter sweet experience when I offered a woman a lift who
lives in my neighborhood at Ogbomoso Nigeria. It was a sunday; I was
alone in the car to attend to two different church ministrations I had that
day. I was mentally occupied with my thoughts. The woman had a baby
strapped to her back, straddled with a big bag and I thought she actually
needed my help when she flagged me down.
I do not normally give lift to everyone; in our country you have to be led,
otherwise you might have tales of woe to tell even when you have
performed such acts of kindness. The brief discussion I had with her was to
inquire from her where it will be convenient to drop her and both of us kept
to our corners in the car.
We have not gone more than three hundred meters when I noticed a car
behind me, which moved very close to my car and then overtook me and
blocked my movement. My initial thought was that someone was trying to
snatch the car; after some display bewildered manouverings from the driver
of the other car right in my front, I was forced to a complete stop.As I was
wondering in my thoughts what would happen next, the woman I decided to

help in the car now volunteered the much needed clue to the unfolding
drama. "That is my husband" she said,
The man literally jumped out of the car and he headed menacingly towards
me; I had thought he would thank me for my act of kindness but that was
not to be. Instead he bellowed at me; "how dare you carry a married
woman in the front seat of your car sitting beside you"? I was shocked.
The only reply I could give was to retort " you are a bush man" and so I
drove off after dropping his wife at that point to attend to my engagements.
I was nonetheless bothered because the drama happened in the
neighborhood where I live with a couple away from my wife and family. It is
easy for anyone who had witnessed the scene to conclude that I was
actually "toasting the woman". I needed to clear my name so when I came
back, I took my hosts to the house of the man and to explain the situation.
When we got there, we found that the man in question was my former
student at the university where I teach and they have been having a
turbulent marriage relationship spanning a decade. I was just a victim of a
transfer of aggression. We are now good friends. Given this background
story, I want us to examine together the indices of an abusive relationship.
As a pastor, I am always sad when I have to settle intractable quarrels
between couples. As I write, I remember two cases of those very close to

me who are now at the verge of divorce. The Lord Jesus Christ, in
response to the query of the disciples on the subject of divorce told them; in
the beginning it was not like this. I am sure a lot of couples made the
choice themselves so why then would there be a problem with a choice you
made and the hot profession of love advertised so recently?
Let us consider the case of the relationship that existed between Jacob and
Leah. The complaints started after the first night. There is always a morning
after effect when you realize that all your expectations are not actually met
in a relationship and this morning after may continue for years, leading to
frustrations that breeds the abuse which is the subject of our discussion
here. Leah was never loved by Jacob. It was a loveless relationship. A love
lost or a loveless relationship normally employs many tools to keep going.
The act of manipulation is a major tool in the hands of both partners. Jacob
was an expert in this act. He pretended he did not know it was Leah he was
sharing his bed with. His adventurous, randy nature was at play here; he
thought he could outsmart Laban his father in law as usual. A proverb says
at times the cunningness of the crafty can kill him. Leah became the victim
of manipulation and a manipulator too.
Let us take a cursory look at the names she gave her children born to
Jacob: Reuben means God has noticed my troubles, Simeon means

Jehovah heard that I was unloved, Levi means Attachment; surely now my
husband will feel affection for me since I have given three sons, Judah
means Praise, Issachar means wages; God has repaid me, Zebulum
means gifts.
She was seeking attention; she never enjoyed her marriage, she was
fighting her way through and she never received love. Her feelings became
suppressed to the point of emotionally oppression and her children became
her obsession.
Friends, the children are always the first victim of an abusive relationship.
They develop some vices that can become some vicious cycle leading to
their destruction. Reuben raped his stepmother, Simeon had a problem
with anger, Dinah lost her inheritance due to carelessness. What a colossal
loss. When our firstborn was getting close to two years, he made a remark
to what he saw me did. I have the habit of hugging my wife anytime
anywhere in the house at the slightest opportunity. Our boy was watching
when our paths crossed at the hallway in the house. As I grabbed her to
hug her he cried " don't fight" he thought we were fighting and it suddenly
occurred to me that his happy state of mind will be affected, should there
be a fight. We have since taken his remark very seriously.

Manipulation can lead to intimidation and the end oppression and abuse. I
pray that you will not be a victim in Jesus' Name and for those who are
going through it now God will give you a new story.

How to handle your emotions

Are you an emotional roller coaster individual? You need to ask God to
heal your emotions. Maturity is not synonymous with age; it comes with
experience and exposure. The bible says Abraham rejoiced the day Isaac
was weaned.
"The child [Isaac] grew and was [a]weaned, and Abraham held a great feast
on the day that Isaac was weaned." Gen 21:8 AMP
Likewise, God our heavenly father is looking forward to the day when we
will grow up in our emotions and be weaned. To be weaned means to be
able to handle situations as they come. An emotionally weaned person
enjoys inner peace and quietness as described in the book of psalms:
"Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them"
Psalm119:165

"Lord, I am not proud and haughty. I dont think myself better than others. I
dont pretend to know it all. 2 I am quiet now before the Lord, just as a
child who is weaned from the breast. Yes, my begging has been stilled.
3

O Israel, you too should quietly trust in the Lordnow, and always."Psalm
131 TLB
I can hear someone saying "I can't take it anymore" Oh yes! your emotional
level is not only at all time zero level but it is also tumbling further down to
the negative scale.
You are just not sure where exactly you are, it is also not clear whether you
are on spiritual or material life support, you seem to be on the brink, you
are trailing the edge of the precipice. It is like you are almost cracking; what
is left of your life is held by a little thread of life that is tottering almost ready
to snap without notice. To you there seems to be more questions than
answers popping up on the screen of life; you are not the only one who has
felt like this, come let us peep together into the life of the psalmist.
"Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will
I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is
higher than I". (Psalms 61:1-2 KJV)
Surely there are times we are overwhelmed by the pressures, the
overbearing stress and the attendant frustrations. I remembered many
years ago when we just got married, my niece came to visit us in our new
abode, it was during the rainy season and the rain entered the guest room

where we lodged my niece. The more we tried to remove the water the
more the rain kept coming in! To say we were tired, embarrassed, and
frustrated would be an understatement.
No one is immuned to such situations. Instead of throwing your hands up to
give up, get up and access the strength from the Almighty. Do not allow
depression, rise above the situation. The dark clouds will soon give way to
a very bright dawn of a new season, do not despair, your tomorrow shall be
alright. As my people will say your fruiting orange shall be sweet. The
psalmist would never give up, he knew how to cry to God in desperate
situations:
"Save me, O God; for the waters are come in unto my soul. I sink in deep
mire, where there is no standing: I am come into deep waters, where the
floods overflow me". (Psalms 69:1-2 KJV)
I have good news for you, the Comforter is here, the Comforter is there by
your side. You have a big God who is bigger than your problems. You will
not crash-land.

CHAPTER FIVE
RELATIONSHIP SELF HELPS

We live in the age of self helps. There is no doubt it is cheaper to choose

the help option. Recently, my wife was billed about $120 by the Canadian
Tires (an automotive parts and accessory store company) just to have the
headlamp of her car changed. We consulted you tube and we were able to
change the bulb. All we spent was $30 for the bulb! You will agree with me
if the parts to be changed required some professional expertise, self help
may not work well. There are some shortcuts one might take in the journey
of life that can become very costly. In the matter of relationships, self-help
might eventually prove to be a costly decision to make. It is wiser to allow
God to choose for us.
Matchmaking.
Matchmaking is predicated on bringing two people together by a third party
for the purpose of a relationship. The practice is as old as man. It is a game
that depends so much on chance, probability and trials that could result in
monumental errors; especially when God is not involved.
The question is, could matchmakers, matchmaking sites or social network
forums in finding relationships or life partners be a veritable way to discern
the will of God?

I was discussing recently with a married lady recently who regaled me with
her success stories in this area. According to her, she has succeeded in
match making five couples and have resulted into marriages and,
according to her, they are doing fine,

As far as I am concerned, matchmaking is a gamble: a game of luck that

depends greatly on probabilities. I have heard stories of young men and
women abroad who would routinely make a homeward journey to their
villages to pick up a spouse specially recommended to them by their
friends, kith and kin.

There is nothing bad in having someone introduced or recommended to

you; one thing that is very pertinent is that, the final choice should lie with
you. Even if the person doing the matchmaking is your spiritual father or
mother, the will to say yes or no still lies with you.

Some folks are in the habit of taking list of names of their intended spouse
to a prophet, seer or trusted spiritual overlord to choose for them. The truth
is that, these third parties will not be in the eventual marriage and so they
are not liable; even though they will be routinely blamed from time to time
when there is a problem in the marriage.

I have living examples of those who helped their friends to get a partner to
marry and they lost the friendship in the process. There is a sense of
entitlement that borders on meddlesome attitudes that repulse the partners
that have gone through match making. The best way to lose your friend is
to match make him or her with your brother. You will notice with time how
the friendship most of the time, will wane.

Lasting relationships are made in heaven. That is why you need to seek to
know the will of God. Guys, a good wife is from the Lord, not from China,
USA, Canada, UK, Aba, Okirika or from your village. Meditate briefly on
this:

"House and riches are the inheritance from fathers, and a prudent wife is
from the Lord". Prov 19:14 KJV

"House and riches are an inheritance from fathers; But a prudent wife is
from Jehovah". Prov 19:14 ASV

"House and wealth are the inheritance from fathers, But a wise,
understanding, and sensible wife is [a gift and blessing] from the Lord".
Selah. Prov 19:14 AMP

DATING
Late last year, I was approached by the Sunday school superintendent of
our church to discuss this subject in a combined Sunday school class
comprising singles and married adults. I initially objected to the combined
class, wondering what good will such a subject be to those who are already
married. I bowed to his superior argument that it is still a good platform for
adults to amass information for the benefit of the upcoming young ones.
Sad to say, many youths these days imbibe hook, line and sinker anything
western culture; from mode of dressing, eating habits, nuances and every
other idiosyncrasies. The truth be told there is no culture that is entirely
good or bad. Take for instance, there are some cultures in some parts of
Africa wherein a man can share his wife with his guest. That is bad, equally
bad and condemnable in the western culture is the idea of nudist colonies,
nudist beaches, half naked and suggestive dresses; not to talk of numerous
strip groups like 'Femen' who uses the act of stripping naked in public to
score a point or a way of protesting injustice in the society.
The act of honesty, transparency, courtesy are some of the good points in
the western world and the great underlining culture of Africa that makes the
continent stand out is the warmth and the hospitality found in all corners of
the vast continent.
Dating is a western culture that is fast gaining acceptance among christian
youths all over the world. It is not a biblical culture as it were. The idea of
dating connotes "test driving" what you might not eventually buy. In dating
tender hearts could become permanently damaged or hurt. No one bothers
with the opinion of God in dating.

Marriage is not a western idea or the idea of any culture. It cuts across
cultures whether civilized or uncivilized. Marriage is God's idea. It is
therefore the best wisdom practice to ask for God's opinion when it comes
to who to marry. Moreso, if you believe you are God's product yourself, you
need to find out from your manufacturer where and how you can get the
best software that is compatible with you. You cannot use a Mazda part to
work in a Mercedes car. If it works at all, there will be trouble later, hence
the need to follow the manufacturers advice.
Knowing the will of God is following His idea and blueprints for your life. I
have heard young folks say. 'there is no will of God anywhere or anymore'
or 'if there is a will of God how come those who said they followed the will
of God still have a problematic marriage at the end'. My answer to such
thinking is knowing is not enough, the ability to deploy the knowledge to
good use is also very important. What do you do when a product bought
from the right outlet malfunctions? Of course, you will consult the
manufacturer who tells you what to do.
Young folks, do not acquire your lifemate product from the street or just any
retailer. Go to the manufacturer who will give you a warranty and a
guarantee.
Cohabitation, Pre-Marital and Extra Marital Sex
One of the dangers of this age is permissiveness; nothing seems to matter
anymore, it is the age of political correctness, speaking the truth in love and
frankness is fast becoming old fashioned. We live in an age where parents
are afraid to speak up and tell their own children the truth. They dont want
to be labeled high handed, many parents will rather be happy like Eli, the
prophet to remain in the good book of their children than to have their
names ingrained in the book of life. Even pastors, for the fear of losing
members only preach what the members want to hear and not what they
need. The Lord will have mercy on us all.

It is almost the norm in our generation to find young people of the opposite
sex living together. The excuses proffered range from they are adults they
know what they are doing, they are not hurting anyone anyway it is no
one's business and so on. The standard of God has not changed despite
the fact that we have shifted the goal post.
But Gods truth stands firm like a great rock, and nothing can shake it. It is
a foundation stone with these words written on it: The Lord knows those
who are really his, and A person who calls himself a Christian should not
be doing things that are wrong. 2Timothy 2:19
The truth is sex which is the common denominator when a man and a
woman start to live together is reserved for marriage.
Honour marriage and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between
wife and husband because God draws a firm line against casual and illicit
sex. Heb13:4
There was this story of a fresh student who moved in with a boyfriend
under the guise of scarcity of accommodation in the University town! Both
of them were even bold to wear a uniformed attire to fellowship one day. Is
this a case of two young people who are ignorant of what the standard of
God is or what?
Premarital sex may be sweet as long as it lasts; but most of the time, it
leaves a bitter taste at the end of it all. Amnon: the son of David in the bible
who professed love (which was actually lust) for Tamar his step sister
hated her once he had his way with her. The act of sex does not translate
to love. Lady, the fact that you agreed to have sex with a man so that he
will not leave you is no guarantee at all. The moment you give in to engage
in premarital sex, you have succeeded in passing across a message that
you are cheap and cannot be trusted. Your nakedness and your virginity is
your covenant with God; do not sell your birthright for a pot of a messy

pottage, no matter how temptingly inviting it may appear. The grace of God
is there for you to firmly say NO.
For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men,
Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live
soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; Titus 2:11-12 KJV
There is still hope for you if you have slipped and indulged in premarital
sex. Jesus wants to clean you up, you can come out of it, all you need to
do is to ask God for forgiveness and ask Him for grace to live right and a
clean life. It is only a pig that falls into a dirty murky water and wallows in it.
You are not a pig, you are a sheep; shake yourself from the dirt and receive
grace to live a righteous life.
There are a number of reasons for extramarital sex; for some it is a
carryover of the life they have been living before marriage. Such set of
people believe marriage will automatically put a stop to sleeping around.
The truth is that it does not. Marriage does not solve the problem of
someone who is addicted to sex; it is better the problem is dealt with before
marriage.
Sex outside marriage gives room for unnecessary comparison of your
spouse with someone else. No two individuals are exactly the same, avoid
the frustration, there is no point having some wrong expectations which
might eventually not be met. Apart from that, sex outside marriage is a
waste of God given resources and cause a big regret later in life. Live your
life possibly without regrets.

CHAPTER SIX
Knowing the will of God in Marriage
Every product comes with a leaflet called the manufacturers manual, you
cannot access a software without reading(presumably) or agreeing to the
product license. The knowledge of the will of God is imperative to a
successful living. It is not wealth, riches, fame, position that makes a man
to be successful. Success is actually knowing the will of God and doing it.
It is foolish and dangerous to operate your life without consulting the
manual of God which is His will for your life
Therefore do not be foolish and thoughtless, but understand and firmly
grasp what the will of the Lord is. Eph 5:17AMP

This is not to say that once you know the will of God there will be no
problems; when issues arise, you are guaranteed help will come to you
from God: the owner and manufacturer of your life.
Hearing the voice of God It is very important to recognize the voice of God in order to be able to hear
Him. God is speaking all the time but we fail to hear Him because we are
not operating at his frequency. You need to switch to the frequency of God
to hear Him just as you will switch to the frequency of your favourite radio
station to hear and enjoy your programs.
The first step in hearing God is to become acquainted with Him. When you
are so used to an individual; you know his voice, his footsteps, his nature
and behaviour, it is not easy to mistake the person even when standing
outside your door, without seeing the face you are ready to open the door.
Acquaint now thyself with him, and be at peace: thereby good shall come
unto thee Job 22:21 KJV
Our God speaks in different ways to differet people:
God, who at sundry times and in divers manners spake in time past unto
the fathers by the prophets, hath in these last days spoken unto us by his
Son, whom he hath appointed heir of all things, by whom also he made the
worlds; Heb 1:1-2

It is important for you to know how God speaks to you as an individual from
His past dealings with you. David was able to know the will of God as it
pertained to confronting Goliath from his past experiences with God.
32

And David said to Saul, Let no man's heart fail because of him; thy
servant will go and fight with this Philistine.
33

And Saul said to David, Thou art not able to go against this Philistine to
fight with him: for thou art but a youth, and he a man of war from his youth.
34

And David said unto Saul, Thy servant kept his father's sheep, and there
came a lion, and a bear, and took a lamb out of the flock:
35

And I went out after him, and smote him, and delivered it out of his
mouth: and when he arose against me, I caught him by his beard, and
smote him, and slew him.
36

Thy servant slew both the lion and the bear: and this uncircumcised
Philistine shall be as one of them, seeing he hath defied the armies of the
living God.
37

David said moreover, the LORD that delivered me out of the paw of the
lion, and out of the paw of the bear, he will deliver me out of the hand of
this Philistine. And Saul said unto David, go, and the LORD be with thee.
1Sam 17:32-37 KJV
To be able to hear God correctly it is important for your spirit to be alive,
you must be born again; anyone who is not born again cannot hear God
correctly because his spirit is unregenerated, he is unspiritual and so he
cannot discern the things of God
How God speaks

There are five major different ways God speaks to an individual

1. Through His word. Our worlds are framed by the word of God.
Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word
of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which
do appear. Heb11:3 KJV
The word is a lamp and a light for us to get direction in life.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. Psalm
119:105 KJV
God still speaks through His word today. When you pray without an
idol in your heart with a sincere desire to hear Him speak to you
through His word, He will give you a verse or more from His word to
give you direction on what to do or as regards the direction to take
even in the area of relationships

2. Through an inward witness. As a child of God you have the Spirit of

God to give a nudge in your heart in agreement to a particular step of
direction you are about to take;
The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the
children of God Romans8:16 KJV
The inward witness works in this manner; one will experience peace
in spite of the raging storm. For me personally, anytime I should
worry and I find it difficult to worry because of the prevalent inner
peace, it means God has gone ahead of the situation.

3. By a still small voice. It is possible for you to hear God in your ears as
if He is right beside you whispering to your ears the gentle words of
guidance by the Holy Spirit
21

And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, this is the way,
walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left.
Isa 30:21
God wants to speak to all His children through this medium but many of
us are too restless and busy to hear His voice. God speaks to our spirit
through the voice our human conscience. Many times we have heard
others or ourselves saying something told me not to do it; that is our
conscience at work. A good conscience

opens the door to hear the spirit

of God in our spirits.

And herein do I exercise myself, to have always a conscience void to
offence toward God, and toward men. Acts 24:16

You need to train yourself to hear His still small voice.

The Lord GOD hath given me the tongue of the learned, that I should know
how to speak a word in season to him that is weary: he wakeneth morning
by morning, he wakeneth mine ear to hear as the learned.
5

The Lord GOD hath opened mine ear, and I was not rebellious, neither
turned away back

Samuel was counselled by Eli the prophet to go and lie down so that he
can hear God in the stillness of the night.
Now Samuel did not yet know the LORD, neither was the word of
theLORD yet revealed unto him.

And the LORD called Samuel again the third time. And he arose and went
to Eli, and said, here am I; for thou didst call me. And Eli perceived that
the LORD had called the child.
9

Therefore Eli said unto Samuel, Go, lie down: and it shall be, if he calls
thee, that thou shalt say, speak, LORD; for thy servant heareth. So Samuel
went and lay down in his place.
10

And the LORD came, and stood, and called as at other times, Samuel,
Samuel. Then Samuel answered, speak; for thy servant heareth. 1Sam3:710

4. Through dreams, visions, revelations and prophecy

Dreams, visions revelations and even prophecy are subjective and at all
times must be subjected to the true test of the word of God; if it does not
agree with the word of God, then it is not true.
To the law and to the testimony: if they speak not according to this word, it
is because there is no light in them. Isaiah 8:2
Except you have been dreaming before and your dreams come to pass,
dreams are somewhat unreliable;
Too much activity gives you restless dreams; too many words make you a
fool. Ecclesiates 5:3 NLT
Any dream, vision, revelation or prophecy that is extra biblical or contrary to
right doctrine of the word of God must be discarded. For instance,
someone claiming to receive from God he should divorce his wife or marry
a second wife actually received from the flesh. A revelation from God
cannot oppose the written word of God.
There are a lot of fake prophets peddling untruth around; beware of such
people who uses the spirit of divination to dispense half-truths and pure
falsehood to their adherents. This is not to say we do have true prophets in

our generation and it takes those with the spirit of God to recognize the
ministry of a true prophet as they will always agree with the testimony of
Jesus.
..for the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.Rev19:10. It
is your duty as a believer to judge prophecy and everything you hear
whether it is from God.
Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God:
because many false prophets are gone out into the world.
2

Hereby know ye the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesseth that Jesus
Christ is come in the flesh is of God:
3

And every spirit that confesseth not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh
is not of God: and this is that spirit of antichrist, whereof ye have heard that
it should come; and even now already is it in the world.
4

Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater
is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. 1John4:1-4
5. Through circumstances and situations
God at times speaks to us though nature, circumstances and
situations. God uses this means to catch our attention; He definitely
would want to speak further using some other means to communicate
His will. The burning bush attracted Moses attention and God now
spoke further through the burning bush. Whenever God is using
circumstances to speak, you need to confirm what He is saying.
It is important to note that the word of God must be the acid test to
crosscheck the authenticity of what you heard God said to you.

Making proposals, Acceptance and Refusal

There are no set rules on how to propose and how to accept proposals.
Be simple when making your proposals. Avoid sugarcoating your
proposal with so much spiritual flavour that it is not real anymore. A
brother once told a sister, do you want to do the will of God? I am the
will of God! Another brother asked fire to come down to prove the
veracity of his claims Do not send a letter, text or an email message, be
bold enough to approach the sister and make your intentions known
stating how God has spoken to you. Be kind enough to give the sister
plenty of time to pray and be convinced too. It takes two to tango. A
brother once organized a prayer with fasting with a sister who came on a
visit to his compound; after three days of prayers he triumphantly
announced to the sister God said they should be engaged, the sister did
not hear anything from God in her own case.
The major reason why both parties must be convinced is that in every
relationship there comes a period when a shadow of doubt will be cast
on the convictions. At such moments, relationships crumble like a pack
of cards if there is nothing to hold on to in the word of God. In moments
of doubt, when convictions are shaken, what God said at the beginning
will come again like a gentle wind bringing assurances to earlier

convictions. It happened to Moses when he grew weary leading the

people of God:
And Moses said unto the LORD, See, thou sayest unto me, bring up this
people: and thou hast not let me know whom thou wilt send with me. Yet
thou hast said, I know thee by name, and thou hast also found grace in my
sight.
13

Now therefore, I pray thee, if I have found grace in thy sight, shew me
now thy way, that I may know thee, that I may find grace in thy sight: and
consider that this nation is thy people.
14

And he said, My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest.
Exodus 33:12-14
There must be absolute peace about what God has said to you, again, the
word will continue to ring in your hearts all the time.
God hath spoken once; twice have I heard this; that power belongeth unto
God.Psalm 62:11.
When and if confused, go back to God He will confirm His word again.
Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will
be exalted in the earth. Psalms 46:10
Some people have used the case of Ruth in the Bible to advance the
argument that a sister can go ahead and propose to a brother. Well, the
danger is that the sister can easily be labelled seductive, promiscuous now
and in the near future; no one will feel bad if a wife jokingly told her
husband I did not want to marry you, the pressures from you and others
were simply too much!. You know how bad it would sound if a husband
would say the same to the wife. The lady would be heartbroken because of
her indiscretions.
There are some few instances and I say it is not the norm when the sister
will have to encourage the brother to make the proposal; a lot of caution
must be exercised to retain and maintain the integrity of the sister,
otherwise a time bomb would have been set in motion.

Refusing a proposal must be done gently, albeit firmly; no one is happy

when he is being refused. When the process of refusal seems to lead to
bitter feelings and acrimony, the elders and pastors must be involved to
defray bad feelings among erstwhile friends. Even if a relationship breaks
down, brotherly love must continue amongst brethren. Afterall, there is no
marriage in heaven. In some situations, it is possible after a brother or a
sister is convinced beyond every reasonable doubt about a relationship, the
moment the other party is recalcitrant or not fully convinced, it is either you
remain patient in your prayers or you move on when you have the release
from God to do so. Do not be in a haste to move on anyway. It is not the
time also, to gloat or break down emotionally; there could be mistakes
somewhere, it is possible the whole conviction stems from the emotions, no
one is perfect. It is very important to collate the lessons learnt from
previous relationships before moving on so as not to make the same
mistakes in future relationships.
Taking care of the age gap
The age of an individual is not synonymous with maturity in most cases. In
many cases, a girl of the same age with a boy may be more matured
depending on exposure and background; for instance, a twenty-two-yearold girl may be matured in her mind and ready for marriage or a

Commented [A1]:

relationship whereas a boy of the same age may be so immatured that he

cannot take care of himself talk less of another person! Such a boy may still
need to pass through some period of tutelage and weaning process to
attain the age of maturity.
Whom shall he teach knowledge? and whom shall he make to understand
doctrine? them that are weaned from the milk, and drawn from the breasts.
10

For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line,
line upon line; here a little, and there a little: Isaiah 28:8-9
Relationships are for mature minds. This is the reason why God says a
man must leave his father and mother and cleave to his relationship:
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave
unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Gen 2:24KJV
It is absolutely acceptable if the man is older than the woman in a
relationship but the younger woman must rise up in maturity to walk
together with the man, otherwise there will be problems too. When there is
a gap in thoughts and perspectives,it leads to a lot of arguments and
intractable problems.
There are some unusual situations whereby the lady is older than the man;
age is a thing of the mind, in situations like that the man must not harbor
inferiority complex, otherwise he would read meanings into every move by
the lady. It is not only in age a man might feel inferior; it could also be in the

area of educational background, better paid job, family background or any

of such things. A mature person would not be intimidated by such factors.
Courtship
This is the time when both parties who are in relationship get used to each
others whims and caprices before going into marriage. No one is an angel;
it is possible to hide from each other during courtship, this is the reason
why care must be taken to study what the other person is capable of. This
is the stage questions that need to be asked and answered objectively. Are
there fears that need to be allayed? How do you resolve conflicts when
there are issues? Intending couples should learn to resolve problems on
their own. It is a good indication of maturity.
Does he or she have temper tantrums? What is the way out of such bad
temperaments? Are there generational, medical, genetically issues that
needs to be addressed spiritually or medically?
Is he or she as neat as it is being projected outside? What are the visions
and aspirations for the future home?
The period of courtship is not meant for premarital sex, as this act destroys
trust, transparency and honesty. Abstain from sex during courtship.

Abstain from all appearance of evil. 1 Thess 5:22.

Sex is reserved for marriage and it is profitable to keep it so.
Honuor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between
wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.
Heb13:4

Some people have argued the word courtship is not directly in the bible,
well, they may be right but the nearest to it is Mary the mother of Jesus was
betrothed (or engaged) to be married to Joseph. So if the actual word
courtship is not in the bible, at least, we can find an example of two people
waiting to be married to each other who encountered some problems along
the way and how it was resolved.
This is how the birth of Jesus Christ took place. When Mary his mother was
engaged to Joseph, before they were married, she became pregnant by the
Holy Spirit. 19 Joseph her husband was a righteous man. Because he didnt
want to humiliate her, he decided to call off their engagement quietly. 20 As
he was thinking about this, an angel from the Lord appeared to him in a
dream and said, Joseph son of David, dont be afraid to take Mary as your
wife, because the child she carries was conceived by the Holy Spirit. 21 She
will give birth to a son, and you will call him Jesus, because he will save his
people from their sins. 22 Now all of this took place so that what the Lord
had spoken through the prophet would be fulfilled:

23

Look! A virgin will become pregnant and give birth to a son,

And they will call him, Emmanuel.[a]

(Emmanuel means God with us.)

24

When Joseph woke up, he did just as an angel from God commanded
and took Mary as his wife Matthew 1:18-24
When there are issues that you need to escalate to your pastor, feel free to
do so for counselling and prayers.
You must have heard that people say that broken engagement is better
than a broken marriage; it is best to avoid the two when possible as both
involved breaking hearts, If it cannot be avoided to have a broken courtship
the break in the relationship must be done with a lot of consideration for the
person who is likely to be hurt. The pastor can be involved to reduce the
effect of the hurt and for a quick healing of hurting hearts involved.

Preparing for wedding and marriage

The wedding ceremony, a weekend event is quite different from the
marriage which is a lifetime event. It does not make sense to spend a
fortune in a weekend particularly if the money is not there in the first place.
A man of God said "do not impress others while you are depressing
yourself."
There is a saying that you should cut your coat according to your size. It is
possible to fantasize on having a society wedding, but one has to face the
reality especially on the state of your pocket.

CHAPTER SEVEN
Building Character: Preparation for an Enduring Relationship
TAKING CARE OF THE LITTLE THINGS FIRST

Little things are most of the time insignificant but they matter at the end of
the day. The constant neglect of little things can lead to a disaster, taking
care of little things can go a long way in making things right at the end of
the day. A little top up of your radiator fluid, engine oil, routine checks of
little grey areas can make a worldwide of difference.
Little things can be either positive or negative. Little acts of care, share and
courtesy like "I love you, thank you" I am sorry" do change our world every
day.
Some little acts of kindness matters! The little boy with the little food
became a source of blessings to thousands upon the release of the little in
his possession.
My little boy loves this little song: "this little light of mine I am gonna let it
shine"! Little lights shinning becomes floodlights.
The Bible says yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of hands can
be a thoroughfare to poverty!
A friend once told me how he dozed a little at the wheels while on top
speed on a lonely road and before he knew it, the car was a write off, it was
a miracle he escaped unhurt. Some little incorrect judgement or simply put
a little foolishness can have great consequences. Foolishness comes in
different guise; a foolish decision to marry whosoever comes, decision

made from sentimental or emotional attachment can become lethal at the

end of it all. Foolish decisions can lead to a life time regret. Be careful!
A little drop they say make an ocean. What are those little drops that we
are allowing to accumulate? Do we care if they become an uncontrollable
flood? Little specks of snow eventually become an avalanche and this can
become really dangerous at the end. Abraham did not know that the little
Hagar taken out of Egypt could pose a threat to his home. That little
decision taken at the fleet of the moment is still a problem to the whole
world till today. The son of the bond woman contending with the son of the
promise. The little apple that Eve ate and gave out of it to her husband
became the seed of sin in humanity. Be careful how you handle little things,
it can affect generations.
King Solomon prayed: Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the
vines: for our vines have tender grapes. (Song of Solomon 2:15 KJV)
What are those little foxes that does not want the vine of our life to give
fruits that will be a blessing to generations. Foxes of pride, arrogance,
selfishness could become silent destroyers of our tender vine.
There are many lives, places and nations these days that are filled with
relics and artifacts of Christianity. The power is gone, what remains to be
told is the history which is also fading away.

WHAT A MAN WANTS IN A WOMAN

It is true a man is attracted to physical beauty of a woman just like a
butterfly is attracted to brightly colored flower in its bloom. But what keeps a
man attention to be sustained is more than the physical award winning
statistics.
A young man was pining away due to the love he professed to have for a
sister in the fellowship. The sister took a long time to accede to go into a
relationship with the brother. One would think the story would be and they
lived happily ever after the acceptance of the brothers proposal. It was like
the expectation of the brother was still far from being met. The problem was
not he wanted sex; that aspect should be reserved till marriage. If more
than anything premarital sex will only sow the seeds of distrust to be
reaped during marriage. God the maker of only approve of sex within the
context of marriage. Let me get back to the story of the brother who
expected more from his betrothed.
Prior to the onset of the relationship the sister had some other male friends
whose company she so much enjoy anytime. A man is naturally a jealous
being, no man can stand a competitor in the art of a relationship. Hear the
Solomon said about love and jealousy:

For jealousy is the rage of a man: therefore, he will not spare in the day of
vengeance. Prov 6:34
Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for
love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals
thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Songs of
Solomon 8:6
A man therefore would want from a woman loyalty and utmost devotion.
There must be no one coming in between. A woman who loves God should
share her love, loyalty and devotion with the man all the time. Pray
together, share together your dreams visions and aspirations. The angel
appeared to Manoahs wife first on the manner birth of her son Samson. A
man expects his partner to accord the position of the leader to him all the
time 6 So the woman came and told her husband, saying, A Man of God
came to me, and His countenance was like the countenance of the Angel of
God, very awesome; but I did not ask Him where He was from, and He did
not tell me His name. 7 And He said to me, Behold, you shall conceive and
bear a son. Now drink no wine or similar drink, nor eat anything unclean,
for the child shall be a Nazirite to God from the womb to the day of his
death.
Then Manoah prayed to the LORD, and said, O my Lord, please let the
Man of God Whom You sent come to us again and teach us what we shall
do for the child who will be born.
8

And God listened to the voice of Manoah, and the Angel of God came to
the woman again as she was sitting in the field; but Manoah her
husband was not with her. 10 Then the woman ran in haste and told her
husband, and said to him, Look, the Man who came to me the otherday
has just now appeared to me!
11

So Manoah arose and followed his wife. When he came to the Man, he
said to Him, Are You the Man who spoke to this woman?
And He said, I am. Judges 13:6-11NKJV
It is absolutely wrong for a woman to take decisions without deference to
the man. I have seen men put in uncomfortable positions just because the

woman decides to take the domineering lead in prayers, talking or taking

decisions while the husband is kept in the background.
A man would want to be celebrated at all times. A man thrives in the
atmosphere of respect.
One may think men are carried away by beauty, yes a man can be
attracted to beauty, it takes a woman who is actually a beauty inside to
sustain the attention of a man. The decoration of the outside anatomy is
good but what of the inner beauty that needs to be decorated because it is
of more value
But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not
corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the
sight of God of great price.1Pet3:4
Though a woman is wired to talk, no man appreciates a woman who
whines, nags, manipulates to have her way all the time.
A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are
alike. Prov27:15

Everyman wants a godly woman. Favour is deceitful, and

beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
Prov31:30
Uriah- of blind loyalty and untimely death
The story of Uriah (meaning my light is Jehovah) came to me in my
musings and prayers this morning and I would like to share some of my
gleanings hoping it will be a blessing and instruction to you also.
Who killed Uriah? Well, the prime suspects are the children of Ammon
fighting against Joab and the army of Isreal, Joab himself who sent Uriah to
the hottest spot at the battlefront, the servants of David who were
accessory to the adulterous relationship of David with Beersheba the wife
of Uriah but decided to keep the issue a classified state secret and would
say nothing to their colleague Uriah, Can we hold Beersheba( meaning
daughter of oath) his wife, culpable because she was careless enough to
bathe in the open ; in the vantage point where the wandering eyes of David
the King would notice her, Granted, it is not easy to confess such
misdemeanor to a spouse, but her eerie silence when Uriah was invited to
the palace knowing fully well she could be the subject of discussion also
left much to be desired. What about Uriah himself who was such a loyal

subject of the King. As far he was concerned David the king is incapable of
evil. After all he is the king, he is infallible, Everything he does is right. He
was just too loyal to his master. Though he was born a Hittite, an age long
neighbor of the nation of Isreal, he loved the nation of Isreal and the people
of God to be in the Lord's army. To say the least, Uriah was zealous of the
things of God. He was not a mere mercenary his heart and mind was in the
war and in the winning the war. He was a soldier in season and out of
season. Hear him when David tried to persuade him to go home and sleep
with his wife while on duty: And when they had told David, saying, Uriah
went not down unto his house, David said unto Uriah, Camest thou not
from thy journey? why then didst thou not go down unto thine house? And
Uriah said unto David, The ark, and Israel, and Judah, abide in tents; and
my lord Joab, and the servants of my lord, are encamped in the open fields;
shall I then go into mine house, to eat and to drink, and to lie with my wife?
as thou livest, and as thy soul liveth, I will not do this thing.2 Samuel
11:10-11 KJV
Could it be also he was bland blind and blank in his loyalty?
Uriah was a victim of boardroom( or is it bedroom) politics. He died on a
matter he knew nothing about. He was a victim of blind loyalty. I pray for
you that the enemies from within will not set you up! How could he have

escaped this? He even carried unwittingly his death warrant to the war
front. He was a victim of intrigues, strife of tongues and cacophony of
bestial powers from the top. David even tested his loyalty to the limits, he
gave him sumptuous food and the best of wine to make him compromise
his stand, to leave his watch and cool his heels in the bosom of Bathsheba
in order to cover up adultery act committed by the king. Uriah in his basest
moment did not give in.
David had to act fast:
And when they had told David, saying, Uriah went not down unto his
house, David said unto Uriah, Camest thou not from thy journey? why then
didst thou not go down unto thine house? And Uriah said unto David, The
ark, and Israel, and Judah, abide in tents; and my lord Joab, and the
servants of my lord, are encamped in the open fields; shall I then go into
mine house, to eat and to drink, and to lie with my wife? as thou livest, and
as thy soul liveth, I will not do this thing.
And it came to pass in the morning, that David wrote a letter to Joab, and
sent it by the hand of Uriah. And he wrote in the letter, saying, Set ye Uriah
in the forefront of the hottest battle, and retire ye from him, that he may be
smitten, and die. And it came to pass, when Joab observed the city, that he
assigned Uriah unto a place where he knew that valiant men were. And the

men of the city went out, and fought with Joab: and there fell some of the
people of the servants of David; and Uriah the Hittite died also. 2 Samuel
11:10-11, 14-17 KJV
Woe betide a man who does not have his back covered. The order was
withdraw from him!
So who killed Uriah? Is it the internal enemy or the external aggressor? Is
the enemy visible enemy or the invisible enemy? Is it the foe or the one
who pretended to be a friend? Is it the man who could not control his libido
or the woman who could easily betray the trust of her husband? Is it the
emotional indiscernible Uriah? Is it Joab who was too eager to carry out the
orders of the king in order to remain in his good books?
It was not the enemy who killed Uriah but David his master who did not
mind horse trading the loyalty of Uriah for the gentle caress of Bathsheba.
By the way Bathsheba was a granddaughter of David' s friend. May the
Lord deliver us from blind loyalty that can lead to our death. Amen Our
unquestioned loyalty should be to God first and foremost and not to a man.

WHAT A WOMAN WANTS IN A MAN

Our world would have been so dull and highly dysfunctional without the
presence of women in our lives especially those who have so much

impacted us.
One of my spiritual daughters recently came to complain about the carefree
attitude of her fianc. I sent for him immediately and he came down from
his station. He had graduated but he knew me when he was in school
though I never had a one on one meeting with him before since the
fellowship NIFES is rather a large one. On sighting him, I could surmise he
meant absolutely no harm, he has this shy but boisterous smile I see from
time to time on the face of my third son. His every steps was that of
someone bursting with confidence and without him verbalizing it, one can
fathom from his gait that he has a clear message to the fiance: "I have
you in my pocket and there is nothing you can do about it".
I started the counseling session with him by asking him what does a lady
wants in a man. I think he gave me four points namely love, care, attention
and loyalty.
Many a time, we make the mistake to think the most important thing a
woman wants in a man is money. It is the same way we think men loves
food most of all. Someone punctured this assertion at a wedding reception
to prove that men love honour more than food, serve a man his best food
but smear a little bit of human excreta by the sides of the plate and wait for
his reaction!

Men craves for attention. When a man begins to rant and rave all over the
place what the man actually demands is attention. It is not manly to ask for
attention though. A woman must recognize this afar off.
I will not say Iam a ladies man but I grew up in the midst of ladies. My
mother was a big influence on me when I was growing up. She taught me
honesty, frankness, generosity mixed with thriftiness and the determination
always to maintain my dignity as a person.
Since she passed on, my two eldest sisters have since assumed the
position of a mother to me. I am amused most of the times when the my
eldest sister and her immediate younger compete with each other to give
me motherly care. Both of them took differing parts of nature of my late
mother. I share a physical semblance with my elder sister. Both of them
share my mother's candor, they are imbued with a open and a large heart,
like my late mother, a lot children from other mothers were raised and
nurtured by them so a lot of people from different walks of life affectionately
call them mummy. My eldest sister recently served me food in her house I
did not know she was watching me as I ate, she remarked like my mother
would, that I am impatient, why do I swallow my rice instead of chewing
them Now Iam a fast eater, Iam not sure many can beat me to it even if the
food is hot I seem to have a special cooler in my mouth to douse the

thermodynamics of any food.

My second eldest sister share more the of physical semblance of my
mother; deeply introspective; she walks like her, highly classy in her own
humble way, Infact, she shared the same sartorial elegance and fashion
sense with her the only difference is that she does not have the trademark
tribal Ogbomoso mark
So I enjoy their company separately as that is the only way I am able to
savor vicariously the attributes of my mother ingrained in them.
My wife the mother of my children has imbibed all these motherly qualities
and more. She cooks great soup like my mother. She is my mother too.
Time and space would not permit me to eulogize my three nascent sisters
whose lives intertwined with mine ; one of whom share most of my school
mates and friends with me another practically was my twin sister and a
mentor to the one who is my immediate junior.
But I digress, the first thing a woman wants in a man is his company. A lady
wants total attention. What puts off a lady most is when you share the
much needed attention with some else. Guys learn to give total attention
Listen attentively, let your body language coordinate so well that you
maintain eye contact from time to time. Nod appreciatively as you listen,
interject with few words to show that you are still following the sometimes

tortuous, long and incomprehensible train of discussion. As a rule do not

interrupt, allow a lady to finish pouring our her heart while you secretly pray
you have the correct response when you eventually talk.
Do not find any other thing doing to kill the time like pressing your phone,
texting or answering a call. If you must do that, ask for permission to do so.
In giving attention, make compliments on her food you just ate, remember,
to thank her profusely and say sorry all the time, at the appropriate time
though. Always compliment her nice mien, and her dress sense. It is not a
big deal, You are only showing you are actually paying attention. I know we
live in a complex world everyone is so occupied with something but the
truth is you cannot be too busy for what you are interested in rather you
create time for them. Never show you are in a hurry in the presence of your
woman. Relax as if that is the only business of the day. You only need to
watch out for that auspicious moment then you can bid your farewell. Still
talking about attention, learn to give attention to details like special days.
Be there when it matters most.
Spread your skirt over me
Permit me to repeat this again. Beyond the hype lies the fact that the word
love is one of the most misused misunderstood and misrepresented word
in the world today. Love should be an everyday lifestyle and not an

occasional fashion statement designed to catwalk on the stage of life.

Let us consider the love story between Ruth and Boaz. Please read with
me Ruth 3:7-9. It was not love blind to reason. Here was a young widow, a
foreigner who has just come out of a childless marriage. To say she was
frustrated and a hopeless future stared her in the face would be a gross
understatement. She was financially incapacitated and a social hermit as
well.
She made a conscious decision one day to have a man over her life but not
just any man but the one God has chosen for her life. She needed one that
will cover her shame, her nakedness, her insecurity, someone who will
make up for her inadequacy and incompleteness. I pray for you young
woman in need of a life partner, may you come in contact with the one who
will spread his skirt of love over you this season in Jesus Name. I also pray
for you wife, whose spouse has pushed out into the other room in the
house or into the cold inclement weather outside, may he spread his skirt
over you again. Husband and wives, who are in a sexless marriage, the
bible says do not defraud each other 1Cor 7:5, Those excuses you are
giving are fraudulent. Change. Sex is spiritual. I once met a christian
brother who pushed his wife to the other room under the guise that he
detested his body touching another person when on bed, I jokingly asked

him how come they had three kids together!

Please notice what Ruth did before she got the cover she so much desired.
She laid at his feet. This is unreserved submission. In our society today we
have a lot of women who wanted to be loved based on their terms.
Submission, my dear is the key that opens the permanent door of love.
This story exemplifies what should be the cry of the church to her
bridegroom The Lord Jesus Christ. Here was a woman who by birth was
not qualified to enjoy the terms of the covenant yet she pushed her way
through. She doggedly pursued the covenant and she was able to etch her
name in the genealogy of Jesus by her determination to make something
out of her life marred by early widowhood childlessness and hopelessness.
That fateful night she came to Boaz she voiced what every woman desire
in their man- spread your skirt over me
It is worth noting that she was sleeping at his feet. For Boaz to spread his
skirt properly he would need to make some adjustments. Men, make
adjustments spread your skirts over your spouse and not another.
My carpenter few years ago had to relocate to another town on account of
booming business and better prospects. He left his wife behind, the long
distant relationship thus created was badly managed leading to
accusations of infidelity and eventual break up of more than a decade long

marriage.
Ruth was not interested in a fling or a distant relationship she wanted the
real tangible thing She was not seeking a quick one night stand but
something permanently rewarding She wanted the covenant to be
extended to her; no longer a stranger but fellow citizens in the
commonwealth of Isreal. Someone who was afar off but now made nigh
She wanted the years of fruitless labour to come to an end
Friend come to the feet of Jesus today and invite Him to spread his skirt
over you.Ezekiel 16::8

CHAPTER EIGHT
RELATIONSHIP AND FELLOWSHIP
God recognized the need of man from the beginning; the man simply
cannot survive adequately without company. This is the reason why He
provided not just a mate but a lifelong support. The art of relationship is
instituted by God Himself. He made man primarily to fellowship with Him. A
man who has not understood how to relate with God in fellowship cannot
relate with men. Relationship demands commitment; anyone who is not
committed to God cannot be committed to any relationship with his or her
fellowmen. It is therefore imperative we understand that God is ever
desiring to start a relationship with us. Adam had a relationship with God
before the fall of man; when sin came into the world a big chasm was
created in the relationship, man was no longer free; fear sets in, and there
is no fear in love.

That's why He sent His only begotten Son Jesus Christ to die for our sins
so that the relationship can be made up and we can enjoy fellowship again.
Many relationships are suffering today due to ignorance, sheer neglect or
carelessness.
Handling long distant relationships The experience of a long distant relationship is fast becoming a phase
everyone has to pass through. The search for a better life abroad or in the
next big city happens to many couples once in a while.
It is better experienced than imagined. Those involved must be ready to
sacrifice on both ends; it is easy to pick up a quarrel over little and silly
things like not picking the phone on time or at all. One has to be
hypersensitive to detect slightest hint of stress, discomfort in the other
partys voice and proffer solutions almost immediately. If you are
unfortunate to be in different time zone; it is either you set your watch or
clock permanently to monitor what goes on in your other world, otherwise
you will miss important events or lag behind in congratulating your partners
on his or her birthday. That, of course could trigger another quarrel or
accusations that you are not caring enough would start flying in the air. My
niece once had her husband working in Lagos while the family is in Ibadan.

The road between this two major cities is always not predictable; if the road
is not blocked by insensitive road users, religious events and activities
usually spill to the highway. It could be the activities of dare devil armed
robbers plying their trade on this major highway that links Lagos; the
commercial hum of the country to the rest of the country. My in-law got
home around 2.30am in the morning one day; a journey that should have
taken merely an hour took almost ten hours
To manage long distant relationship, you need plenty of training in
patience. If the separation took at least three months be ready to relearn
how to relate with each other again. The truth is that both of you have been
changed by the environment that you live in. And for someone coming
home after some months of absence, it is likely your kids have also learnt
how to get on without you. Do not be afraid to be a stranger in the house
and get ready to be tutored how things work around the house. It is
possible your bed positions have been changed in your absence. You sure
need to get on fine by taking everything and I mean everything in your
strides.
Life tips for Sustaining Enduring relationships
1. Do not sit on any idol

And Laban went to shear his sheep: and Rachel had stolen the images that
were her father's.
And Laban said to Jacob, What hast thou done, that thou hast stolen away
unawares to me, and carried away my daughters, as captives taken with
the sword?

And now, though thou wouldest needs be gone, because thou sore
longedst after thy father's house, yet wherefore hast thou stolen my gods?
And Jacob answered and said to Laban, Because I was afraid: for I said,
Peradventure thou wouldest take by force thy daughters from me. With
whomsoever thou findest thy gods, let him not live: before our brethren
discern thou what is thine with me, and take it to thee. For Jacob knew not
that Rachel had stolen them. And Laban went into Jacob's tent, and into
Leah's tent, and into the two maidservants' tents; but he found them not.
Then went he out of Leah's tent, and entered into Rachel's tent. Now
Rachel had taken the images, and put them in the camel's furniture, and
sat upon them. And Laban searched all the tent, but found them not. And
she said to her father, Let it not displease my lord that I cannot rise up
before thee; for the custom of women is upon me. And he searched, but

found not the images.

2. Do not listen to strangers

The devil is a stranger in our lives; unfortunately, many of us are giving him
a red carpet reception in our lives. Please stop entertaining the devil. He
cannot love you at all, not to talk of loving you more than those you are
divinely connected with. It is just like when a child foolishly give in to the
overtures of someone who never had a father and he turns against his
father, does it make sense for a doting and dutiful wife to listen to the
advice of someone who is divorced and cannot sustain a meaningful
relationship? When a government policy seeks to scatter or weaken the
family structure, that policy is a stranger.
Come with me and let us examine together how the devil came into the first
home that God instituted.
"Now the snake was the most cunning animal that the Lord God had made.
The snake asked the woman, "Did God really tell you not to eat fruit from
any tree in the garden?" Gen 3:1 (GNV)
The devil came with cunny, sugar coated philosophical words to Eve to

ridicule what God hath said. Anyone or anything or situation that is trying to
ridicule the word of God to you is a stranger, beware of such strangers,
stop giving a listening ears and receptive heart to strangers. Someone is
bold enough to ridicule your God given relationships before you and you do
not stand up to the person, this is a sad indication of your own low esteem
and self worth.
How do you put up with someone who abuses or makes ridiculous
statement of your prodigy? Eve didn't realize the serpent was actually
making a fool of her. God said you shall die if you eat the fruit; the serpent
said it is a lie, it will only take you to the next level of becoming gods! How
careless a man can become on matters that can alter destinies!
Consider the lethal and fatal effects of manipulation when it is injected into
a home. The serpent manipulated Eve who in turn used this newly acquired
manipulative influence on Adam. Beware of any friendship or relationship
that thrives on manipulation. All they want to hear you regale is the secret
of your well-being and they now use it against you. Woman, do not use
your charm to manipulate or separate chief friends or chief brothers. Again,
consider the age long satanic strategy; the stranger came in through the
weakest link. A man should always stand guard at the most vulnerable
points of his life.

How come Adam did not ask questions, as if under a spell he took the
forbidden fruit and he lost everything in a jiffy. It is high time you stopped
giving in to sentiments, stand up for your life. Embark now on the road to
recovery, accept the lordship of Jesus now, stop giving in to strangers!
And a stranger will they not follow, but will flee from him: for they know not
the voice of strangers. John 10:5
3. Never Walk Alone
4. Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which
theLORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God
said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?
5. 2 And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the
trees of the garden:
6. 3 But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God
hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.
7. 4 And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:
8. 5 For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes
shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.
9. 6 And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it
was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise,
she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her
husband with her; and he did eat.
10.

And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that

they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made
themselves aprons. Gen 3:1-7 KJV

An African proverb says, snakes are vulnerable to attack and even

death because they do not walk together. Even lions walk in groups
called pride when it is mostly female and when the group is mostly
male they are called a coalition. A group of owls is called a
parliament, a group of monkey is called a troop. So, if lower animals
have found safety in walking in groups how much more man.

Eccl.4:9-10.
Let us look at the lesson learnt from the first home God Himself
created. The enemy came to cause trouble and the aftereffects are
still with mankind till today. When a home is at peace everyone
around them benefits from the peace and if the home is in trouble,
there will be spillover of the trouble and unhappiness everywhere.
The big question that should come to mind is where was Adam when
the serpent came into his home?
THE ABSENTEE HUSBAND
The man is the head in his home, it is in the head we have the eyes,
the ears, the nose to smell and the tongue to taste. Everything is
present in the head, the head houses the brain that coordinates the
other senses which is the sense of touch and movement. A man must
not be a mere figurehead, I pray for you, you will not be a figurehead
and you will not be headless. A body without the head is a walking
corpse.
A man must not be absent in the home; spiritually, emotionally,
financially. Physical absence that may be due to exigencies must not
be for too long. A man must not become emotionally detached. This
can happen for the following reasons:
1. Foolishness Prov 21:20. An African leader recently said: Africa is
not poor in resources only poor managers! Take advantage of your
treasures.
2. Inability to become domesticated Eccl.9:9. Marriage is a good
yoke. There is a restriction on hanging out with friends. Enjoy each
others company. In the home, the husband is the king and the wife
the queen. The woman should make coming home attractive for the
man. Prov15:17. A woman should make the man look forward to a
warm embrace and a warm meal.Prov17:1,Prov27:15-16 .Ecc 7:26
3. The nagging wife. Prov21:9, 19
In essence it is a woman that makes a marriage works Prov 14:1 This
is the reason why the woman was created; a life saver!
MRS KNOW IT ALL
The book of proverbs 30 talks of the odious woman;
21 For three things the earth is disquieted, and for four which it cannot
bear:

23 For an odious woman when she is married;

Let us look at the dictionary meaning of the word;
extremely unpleasant; repulsive. revolting, repulsive, repellent, repugnant,
disgusting, offensive, objectionable, vile, foul, , nauseating, sickening,
hateful, detestable, execrable, abominable,monstrous, appalling,
reprehensible, deplorable, insufferable, intolerable,
despicable,contemptible, unspeakable, atrocious, awful, terrible, dreadful,
frightful, obnoxious,unsavory, unpalatable, unpleasant, disagreeable, nasty,
noisome, distasteful;
Marriage is a team work, the woman could have answered the serpent this
way: You may need to come back when my head is around, I am not in the
best position to answer that question She would have saved herself the
trouble. Afterall, she was not there when God told Adam about the rules of
the garden. Never engage the devil in any conversation of logic, the
serpent knows how to twist logic, Just tell the devil GET OUT This is my
home, my territory, my space, my life, my destiny. Do not exhibit your
ignorance. No one knows everything. Learn from King David Psa 131:1-2.
But I suspect the woman at this point also wants to come into focus.
Hitherto, the woman had not said anything, she joined the conversation
wrongly. This is the secret of a godly woman. 1Pet3:1-4. Learn to meditate,
ponder things in your heart and pray. Do not allow anyone including the
devil to ridicule your relationships; WHO IS HE TO ASK Hath God said?
When you allow him, it tells volumes about your own self worth. Submit to
God Jas4:7
MEND THE BEND
The devil is the bender, God is the mender.
God is the only one who can permanently mend any bend. A lot of us are
patching it up with fig leaves Gen 3:7. The leaves are temporary, they will
dry up someday. Can you own up? Tell Him your location. Stop the blame
game Gen3:12. He wants to change those fig leaves to a coat Gen 3:21.
The coat was made from a sacrifice. His Son died in your place so that you
can live; so you can have a covering. He wants to mend the bend, will you
allow Him?
Your journey will not be longer than necessary
'And it came to pass, when Pharaoh had let the people go, that God led
them not through the way of the land of the Philistines, although that was

near; for God said, Lest peradventure the people repent when they see
war, and they return to Egypt: But God led the people about, through the
way of the wilderness of the Red sea: and the children of Israel went up
harnessed out of the land of Egypt. Exodus 13:17-18 KJV

Life itself is a journey. An interesting aspect of marriage is that we must

take this journey seriously with a new refreshing zeal and energy. In this
new beginning, there is usually much stealth and strength, I pray for you
may not grow tired on the way and even if you do, always remember you
can draw a new energy from Him: who is never weary, the One who gives
power to the faint.
The journey to the promised land was shorter than the forty long dreary
years it took the people to get there. May your journey to the fulfillment of
God's promises be straight, right on time and you will get there. It is sad to
note that of the lot that left on that journey from Egypt to the promised land,
only two apart including Joshua got to the destination.
Brethren, may it not be our lot or testimony that all we succeeded to do in
life is that we traversed the wilderness of this life for so long but we never
could get to God's ultimate in life. Life in the wilderness was also filled with
goodies; they had the pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night.
What an awesome presence of God and the people basking in the

Shekinah glory. There was the manna, the miracles, the strange sights to
encourage them on the journey. They simply never lacked!
Thank God for the experience in the wilderness. How wonderful would it
have been if they could have avoided skirting around the promise and
entered straight into His promise?
There were some things that made the journey to be longer than necessary
and it will be instructive if we will avoid such things as grumbling, rebellion
against the Lord, unbelief, presumption, faithlessness selfishness and
idolatry; as these things can make our journey longer than necessary.
We also need to pray that some forces too powerful than us will not add to
our luggage contra bands that will scuttle or delay our journey. I pray for
you that whatever the enemy would want to add to your carry on bag this
year that will delay your journey like the journey of Benjamin, will turn out
for your escape and deliverance.
May His abiding presence go with you
11.

Avoid the blame game

The blame game is as old as Adam. He played it with God in the garden of
Eden. God asked him, "did you eat the fruit I asked you not to eat" he
replied tersely in this way, "It was the woman you gave me who gave it to
me". He pushed the blame to the woman and to God who gave him the

woman. The dictionary meaning of blame is to hold someone responsible

for an action. Adam simply refused to take responsibility; he was playing
the blame game. Adam never answered the question posed to him directly,
he pretended like the soccer player who had just committed a foul play on
another player, raised up his hands to prove his innocence of any misdeed!
This happens a lot in a game.
Many of us are veterans in this game, if medals were to be awarded we will
definitely have a large hauls of medals in this ancient game. We tend to
blame the other party for all our predicaments in life. A husband is quick to
blame the wife for the little progress he has had since they got married, the
wife is quick to blame the husband for her woes in life. A child might point
the finger of blame to the poor and indigent parents to explain away the
reason for not measuring up with other peers, the list is endless; we can
blame the color of our skin, pedigree, government, church, unfaithful
pastor, relatives, friends, origin, background, bad experiences, dry
profession or trade and use them as reasons for our failures in life.
Most of the time, the reason why we play the blame game is because we
want to curry the pity of others or use it as a platform to throw a pity party
for ourselves.
We need to take responsibility too. One of the ways of taking responsibility

is owning up to our faults. We cannot totally absolve ourselves of some

oversights; it could be error of omission or commission The psalmist prayed
cleanse me from secret faults let them not have dominion over me. This
piece is not to connote we should not blame each other but we must find a
way of constructively helping each other to be a better person so that we
will not be overtaken by our faults. Paul said he withstood Peter to the face
because he was to be blamed as a result of his dissimulation. Speak the
truth in love. The little experience I have with teenagers and adolescents
shows they resent being blamed. Many interpret corrections as mummy or
daddy displaying hatred towards them. The bible says let the righteous
smite me and it shall be kindness. Do not trade blames.
In simple terms, we should learn to always say " I am sorry " and sincerely
too.
When our last born was around seven years old, I had to discipline him
inside the car at the parking lot of a Walmart store having misbehaved, in
my opinion in the store. When we got home, he later came to meet me in
the room to say " daddy I am sorry " to which I replied " that is ok" When he
got to the door he challenged me this way: "daddy you need to say I am
sorry too" I was taken aback and in a jocular mood I said "sorry" He told
me I was not because I was laughing. He said you cannot be laughing and

be sorry! Truly the two actions do not add up. Our actions must prove we
are truly sorry.
Do you blame God like Adam? Or like Eve you blame the devil for your
misdeeds. Why don't you own up so that God can have mercy on you.
Don't hide it. Some of us don't want God to point to us where we are
missing it. Repent today. Accept God's wonderful plan of salvation so that
you can be free from blame. God has made provisions for us in Jesus. You
only need to accept Him into your life as your Lord and Saviour having
confessed all your sins. You can be free from blame and its attendant
shame.
Friends, start taking responsibility today, stop the blame game

CHAPTER NINE
Healing the bitter waters of separation
There is always a story behind separation of couples and families; at least
there is a flickering of hope that there can be reunion someday. If you are
separated keep praying, miracles do happen and it will surely happen
particularly when you do believe in miracles. Patience and prayers in the
face of daunting challenges. I have seen it again and again; the chicken
coming home to roost, the runaway husband returning sober after the
wasted years. Remember God can always make up the wasted years for
you if you have been abandoned forsaken and neglected over the years.
There is this story of a schoolteacher whose husband ran away from home
few months after their marriage to the cozy embrace of mistresses. It was
after he left that the woman discovered she was pregnant. The man who
blatantly refused to come home for the naming ceremony of his son came
back eighteen years later when the child was already in the university!

The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed
in spirit-- a wife who married young, only to be rejected," says your God. Is
54:6 NIV
Keep hope alive, Like Abraham, the father of faith hope when it is not
reasonable to hope no longer, do not allow the present distress to make
you lose confidence in yourself and in God. Have a cheerful outlook to life,
do not moan you fate, have faith God is able to turn your fate around He is
the destiny changer.
The years of separation is a tenured phase that must come to an end on
day. In the midst of it what are the lessons learnt or you are learning.
Perhaps there are some aspects of character development you need to
embrace, instead of wallowing in self pity, rebrand your self, refocus, refire,
get busy for God, go out of your way to help others in need, there should
be no dull moment to allow your problems to weigh you down; like a man of
God would say tell your problems to sit down You may actually need to
repackage yourself for the future

Avoiding the uncharted waters of divorce

Divorce is actually a selfish idea between two people who care less on the
pains they are unleashing on others who love them especially the children
born into the relationship.
Divorce does not happen in a day, there are tell-tale signs, and warnings to
that long before the act. It all depends on the individuals; what they did to
avert the major disaster which a divorce really is. Cry out at the right time to
the right set of people; like a proverb says, anyone who keeps quiet will not
be noticed when he needs help. Sit down prayerfully to discuss the issues
with your partner before the lines of communication breaks down
irretrievably. It is definitely not a credit to anyone that you cannot stand on
your decision to be married Everyone else will blame you directly or subtly
for making wrong judgements to go into a relationship that is doomed to
fail.
Do I need to mention it divorce usually leaves the scars even after the
wound might have been healed. You are not the only one that will live with
the scars; generations following you sad to say will continue to grapple with
this problem unless something is done to break the vicious cycle.
Much have been said on the case of the popular mega pastor whose home
is faced with the ugly throes of divorce.
I wish to disagree with those who felt the couple divorced because of the

physical long distance between them. We do not live in a world of

absolutes. Only God is absolute in everything! Many mistakenly believe
every issue must have just two answers: true or false; yes or no. Those are
absolute terms. Even science recognize that the temperature called
absolute zero is just a reference guide to something!
From the foregoing, we cannot safely conclude that all couples living
physically apart are heading for divorce. The vagaries of living in our
contemporary world may dictate some unusual marriage situations. Such
couples deserve empathy and prayers; not condemnation in absolute
terms.
There are lot of things we assume we know. Many things are not exactly
the way they appear. I remember many years ago when I was the official
letter writer for my daddy when he was alive. Not that he was not literate
enough to write a letter by himself; he used to but at this particular point his
eyesight was seriously failing him. He would call me and summarize what
he wanted to tell some of the older children who were domiciled abroad. I
would then go to a corner and compose a treatise either to chastise or
eulogize the recipient depending on my mood. My eldest brother later told
me long after our father died that he knew what Baba said in his letters and
what I added!

There was this brother of mine who we desire to buy a particular parcel of
land in Ibadan. I was inundating him with such letters from Baba. Little did
we know (he told me this story later) that he was struggling to survive
abroad when we were pressurizing to no end to send money to buy a land.
What is a land to a hungry man?
My submission is this, let us pray for this preacher, he needs help not to
misguide the numerous innocent young folks who adore him and of course
not to procure damage to himself. No one actually would set out to fail in a
marriage relationship.
There are quite a lot of couples that are living together but they are at best
tenants and some are not even on speaking terms. It might surprise you to
know that they are ministers too. We live in a world of pressures. The
pertinent question should be how then do we handle pressures?
I remember many years ago at a pastors prayer meeting a colleague
asked for prayers because he found himself lusting after women. Our
leader after vigorous prayers gave a very cogent advice that he should
discuss with the wife and have sex with the wife the same night. By that, it
is very much possible to remove the shine for the inordinate affection.
A lady once asked her husband what he found so alluring with pornography
to which he replied that it is the packaging! Pornography is not healthy for

anyone but we can pick a succinct lesson from there; wives should
endeavor to package themselves well before their husbands. It is the duty
of a wife to protect the husband. Men are actually like babies and the
motherly instinct in women should be able to pick an imminent disease
about to infect the husband and the relationship.
Talking about relationships, no relationship works with an auto drive gear.
The folks in the relationship have a very strong role to play. Steering in the
right direction is done by the watchful drivers and the occupiers of the car.
There are a lot of pressures that tends to overcome partners in a marriage
relationship. Work pressure, emotional pressures, extended family
expectations, societal pressure. Pressure from the church arising from
church politics, the desire to succeed in a particular career at the expense
of the family, unhealthy competition with others and unrealistic
expectations. The list is endless.
Whatever may the source of the pressure, one should be able to find
someone who is able to punch us into reality. A prayer partner, a spiritual
father and a friend who is closer than a brother.

CHAPTER TEN
STORMING THE GATES OF HEAVEN
Overcoming the spirit of delay
The truth is the reason why we are going through so much is because the
devil always shows interest once he knows God is interested in a life,
nation, destiny, career, business, family and even the future posterity.
Come with me as we use these biblical insights to illustrate some life giving
thoughts and prayerful notes.
And he shewed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the
Lord, and Satan standing at his right hand to resist him. And the Lord said
unto Satan, The Lord rebuke thee, O Satan; even the Lord that hath
chosen Jerusalem rebuke thee: is not this a brand plucked out of the fire?
Now Joshua was clothed with filthy garments, and stood before the angel.
And he answered and spake unto those that stood before him, saying,
Take away the filthy garments from him. And unto him he said, Behold, I

have caused thine iniquity to pass from thee, and I will clothe thee with
change of raiment. And I said, Let them set a fair mitre upon his head. So
they set a fair mitre upon his head, and clothed him with garments. And the
angel of the Lord stood by. Zechariah 3:1-5 KJV
The man in the spotlight is Joshua the son of Josedech the high priest. The
meaning of Joshua means Jehovah our salvation or simply savior. You see
there are so many lives tied to your destiny. Jonah had about one hundred
and twenty thousand lives tied to him. If he had failed to fulfill his destiny to
preach salvation and deliverance to the city those lives would have been
wasted eternally. As my people will say a life that will see glory will firstly
see gory war! An inconsequential life does not experience much opposition.
This Joshua was the high priest, the main man involved in the building the
temple; his teachings, instructions and guidance is vital in the rebuilding of
the temple.
Then stood up Jeshua the son of Jozadak, and his brethren the priests,
and Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel, and his brethren, and builded the altar
of the God of Israel, to offer burnt offerings thereon, as it is written in the
law of Moses the man of God.
Now in the second year of their coming unto the house of God at
Jerusalem, in the second month, began Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel,

and Jeshua the son of Jozadak, and the remnant of their brethren the
priests and the Levites, and all they that were come out of the captivity unto
Jerusalem; and appointed the Levites, from twenty years old and upward,
to set forward the work of the house of the Lord. Ezra 3:2, 8 KJV
The enemy must have thought to himself, " this guy called Joshua must be
stopped from making progress," Once the temple is built the free and
unfettered reign of the devil is over!
Thank God, Zechariah the prophet was given the insight into why the work
stopped at a point. The enemy of progress now was behind it all. He stood
to resist Joshua by his right hand.
How can a man open a door when his hand is restrained? how will a man
be able to thrust forward when his hand is under serious restrictions how
can he gain momentum and speed? The hand is supposed to merchandise
skill, expertise and prowess. I pray for you that your hand will not forget her
cunny, only do not forget your Jerusalem.
If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, let my right hand forget her cunning.
Psalms 137:5 KJV
Notice also the enemy, Satan was resisting Joshua by his right hand. That
is the depository of his power, if you will put your power base in God you
become irresistible by the enemy.

The right hand of the Lord is exalted: the right hand of the Lord doeth
valiantly. Psalms 118:16 KJV. Take your place at His right hand. Then the
enemy and his thousands will fall at your right hand.
The Lord said unto my Lord, Sit thou at my right hand, until I make thine
enemies thy footstool. Psalms 110:1 KJV
Sin was the faucet that opened the door for the devil. I pray for you as the
heavens fought for Joshua God will arise on your behalf deal with the sin
problem and rebuke the devil to take off his filthy hands off your life. You
shall not be ashamed. You will be given a new garment. Above all God will
crown your head with a new mitre. Your head shall be covered in the day of
battle, O God the Lord, the strength of my salvation, thou hast covered my
head in the day of battle.
Psalms 140:7 . Unlike Pharaoh's baker who dreamt birds of the air were
eating from his head, your head shall be covered. The enemy will not make
your head to become empty. You will not be headless nor shall you lack
direction in life. The glory of God shall return to your life and the glory of the
latter house shall be greater than the former! Let us pray!

Spiritual self check

Reprobate silver shall men call them, because the Lord hath rejected them.
(Jeremiah 6:30 KJV)

The word reprobate is from the Greek word adokimos which means
rejected. May we not be rejected in Jesus Name. The sobering truth
however is that we can by our conduct make God to reject us.
And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave
them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not
convenient; (Romans 1:28 KJV)
Esau though the firstborn, the natural heir to the inheritance, immutable
promise of God and His covenants was eventually rejected. It was too late
when he sought for repentance. He would have wished he did not saunter
into the house that day Jacob had just prepared the odoriferous red pottage
The choice of trading away his birthright for the mess of a pottage became
his greatest undoing. By the click of a moment he signed away his destiny
to become great among men.
Lest there be any fornicator, or profane person, as Esau, who for one
morsel of meat sold his birthright. For ye know how that afterward, when he
would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of
repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears. (Hebrews 12:16-17
KJV)
Saul the very first King of Isreal despite his being shoulder higher than
others in stature lost the kingdom! The Lord rejected him because he kept

on making foolish choices; he was relying on his own intellect and prowess.
He cared more about his own ego but not about God's glory. He
momentarily forgot that God put him there to accomplish His purpose and
not his own whims and caprices.
And the Lord said unto Samuel, How long wilt thou mourn for Saul, seeing I
have rejected him from reigning over Israel? fill thine horn with oil, and go, I
will send thee to Jesse the Bethlehemite: for I have provided me a king
among his sons. (1 Samuel 16:1 KJV)
What are you living for? Mary McKee sang many years ago; living for
myself it only filled me with sorrow living for you Lord I have peace and joy.
It amazes me that silver a precious gem that all seek after can become
reprobate. Not all that looks like silver then is silver! In the refining process
there is what is called slag and it is that part of the silver that is actually
dross, useless and good for nothing. I think we need to pray for ourselves
Lord help me that I will not be a reprobate silver.
If we do not want to be rejected we need to keep examining ourselves.
Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves.
Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be
reprobates? (2 Corinthians 13:5 KJV)
God is calling us to return to Him. The door is still open. He made a new

way for us through the blood of Jesus His Son so that we can leave the
camp of the rejects of this world and become His very own.
Yet the number of the children of Israel shall be as the sand of the sea,
which cannot be measured nor numbered; and it shall come to pass, that in
the place where it was said unto them, Ye are not my people, there it shall
be said unto them, Ye are the sons of the living God. (Hosea 1:10

Your journey will not be longer than necessary

Speak unto the children of Israel, that they turn and encamp before Pi
hahiroth, between Migdol and the sea, over against Baalzephon: before it
shall ye encamp by the sea. For Pharaoh will say of the children of Israel,
They are entangled in the land, the wilderness hath shut them in. And I will
harden Pharaoh's heart, that he shall follow after them; and I will be
honoured upon Pharaoh, and upon all his host; that the Egyptians may
know that I am the Lord. And they did so. (Exodus 14:2-4 KJV)
Hello! What time is it in your life right now? Is it a quarter to shame? I have
good news for you. The one who is in control of all times and seasons can
change the time for you. He will take you to another time zone that is
devoid of shame.
In our contemporary world, there are different time zones; we simply do not

have the same time zone. Your time zone can change. The Captain and
Pilot of your life will announce to you a new time and season.
For instance Tokyo is eight hours ahead of Lagos whereas New York is five
hours behind. Darkness or Daylight all depends on your location at a
particular time.
To the nation of Isreal their vintage position of camping was indicative of a
looming shame. The whole arsenals of Egypt was amassed against the
army of Isreal. To the bookmakers, it seemed they were faced with a
definite catastrophic defeat. To worsen the already bad situation, Moses,
their leader,was not from the pedigree of military strategists. All he knew to
do is to hear God and obey His commands. The nineteenth verse showed
us the strategy of God. There was the theophany appearance of God: The
angel of God led the host of Isreal.
Our God is awesome in all His ways. He holds the ace at all times. He is
the original grandmaster in the chess game of life. He alone has the mace
His authority alone is final knows when to introduce the game changer.
God asked them to relocate to an unlikely and yet vulnerable spot. He had
them covered up by His pillar of cloud and His pillar of fire It was the first
time they would see war. The reality is that the war they are faced with was
not an animated game nor was it a computer simulation. There was

palpable fear. It was real. God however, is more real than any situation that
can lead us to a star of hysteria.
And the Egyptians pursued, and went in after them to the midst of the sea,
even all Pharaoh's horses, his chariots, and his horsemen. And it came to
pass, that in the morning watch the Lord looked unto the host of the
Egyptians through the pillar of fire and of the cloud, and troubled the host of
the Egyptians, And took off their chariot wheels, that they drave them
heavily: so that the Egyptians said, Let us flee from the face of Israel; for
the Lord fighteth for them against the Egyptians. And the Lord said unto
Moses, Stretch out thine hand over the sea, that the waters may come
again upon the Egyptians, upon their chariots, and upon their horsemen.
And Moses stretched forth his hand over the sea, and the sea returned to
his strength when the morning appeared; and the Egyptians fled against it;
and the Lord overthrew the Egyptians in the midst of the sea. And the
waters returned, and covered the chariots, and the horsemen, and all the
host of Pharaoh that came into the sea after them; there remained not so
much as one of them. But the children of Israel walked upon dry land in the
midst of the sea; and the waters were a wall unto them on their right hand,
and on their left. Thus the Lord saved Israel that day out of the hand of the
Egyptians; and Israel saw the Egyptians dead upon the sea shore. (Exodus

14:23-30 KJV)
Anytime you are afraid to go on just relax God hardened the heart of the
enemy to get all the glory. Just be still. You may be close to shame but that
shame will never come. The cloud of shame is lifted in the mighty Name of
Jesus. The hand of the clock will be tilted in your favour.
Behold, I will bring again the shadow of the degrees, which is gone down in
the sun dial of Ahaz, ten degrees backward. So the sun returned ten
degrees, by which degrees it was gone down. (Isaiah 38:8 KJV)
The enemy will experience a fatal somersault. The wheels of their chariots
will be removed in high motion. You will not be stranded in this journey of
life. He will checkmate the enemy. God will come for you, He will come to
rescue you