Issue #503
September 2016
My new classmate calmed down somewhat that afternoon, but she still was rather amusing when the
teacher took the class for a walk down to the riverfront.
My heart sank the next school day. I learned the new student wouldnt be returning to our class. I heard
she stepped onto the school bus that morning, and was confronted by an entire battalion of police officers, who
ambushed her, wrestled her to the ground, and carted her awaybecause she acted up at school the previous day.
This occurred less than a few years after rich kids at Brossart were allowed to do whatever they wanted to do to
meand faced no punishment whatsoever because their daddy paid off local police, public officials, and others.
After the new girl lasted only a day in my class, her school supplies remained scattered around her desk
for a month. She had papers, pens, notebooks, folders, and maybe even some rotting food all piled inside and
around the desk for weeks after she was gone. Included among these supplies was her kick-ass eyeglasses.
Wherever she disappeared to, I guess she still couldnt read. Somehow I ended up with a memento of her brief
appearance at that school: one of her school assignments she had handed in. It was just a bunch of math problems
she scribbled down and did all wrong. I didnt paw through her desk and take this paper. I just somehow wound
up with it. I know I saved this paper for several years, because she was just so cool.
My fond memories of this classmate will last a lifetime.
better. So the morsel of gum caked itself on the bottom of a desk at school. It grew legs and scampered about my
desk until it could find a spot to cling to. Just joking about that part! But seriously, it did wind up under a desk.
This was the same day we watched a film in English class that showed how postage stamps were made.
Remember also that this was Cline, not Brossart or St. Joes, so it was before St. Joes shattered my spirit.
Gum. Its not just for teeth people anymore!
was a violation: A section about parents rights to access school records reads, These rights transfer to the student
when he or she reaches the age of 18 or attends a school beyond the high school level. So you lose, NKU.)
Perhaps most significantly, I dont need to tell you no pass, no drive gives special rights to the same
guild of spoiled brats who attacked me for years. If it doesnt, why doesnt it apply to them too?
These laws have been unsound since the late 1980s when they first appeared, and at this point, I dont
have much doubt that whoever first conceived these lawsprobably a now-forgotten hack legislator in an
unspecified statewas acting in bad faith. In fact, it is known that one of the first lawmakers to introduce such a
law defended an aide who was busted for indecent liberties with a 13-year-old. This shows you the sort of
mentality that originally fueled these laws.
America under this regimen is a land of shamenot a land of pride and personal autonomy.
If lawmakers were really worried about kids flunking out of school, why didnt they work to improve our
schools instead?
The more naive among you would think I wouldve suddenly started supporting this no pass, no drive
shit the day I turned 18as if I blew out the candles on my birthday cake and received some sort of epiphany. But
Ive had another 25 years to change my mind, and havent. No pass, no drive is an exercise in rich privilege. It
gives economic advantages to students who already have plenty of economic advantages. These unfair benefits
dont go away once a class of kids turns 18. That stop sign has sailed. Those who lost out because of no pass, no
drive dont automatically catch up with their peers.
These laws have been a leading factor in making America a country of outright economic apartheid.
There is just no other word for it. Ive tried to think of one and just cant. It is discrimination on the basis of
economic status. Poor and working-class Americans of all colors are facing severe, pervasive discrimination
because of their economic level. When I point this out, Im not being dramatic. Im being genuine. Our society is
openly classist. I and many others are treated as second-class citizens because of economic class.
I am word-blind. This was not diagnosed properly in school. In my day, adults who saw my handwriting
actually asked me if I even knew how to write. The results of an online test I took read, Showing signs consistent
with mild dyslexia. So theres that. Like lots of things, I can work around it. I didnt need intensive therapy, and
Im not very zealous on following medical or therapeutic orders. I didnt do better in school because I didnt have
clout with the system, and because I honestly couldnt do better.
Ever think its possible that maybe my dyslexia and acne scars didnt harm my driving skills? Why should
someone be banned from driving just because the Masters of the Universe at the Campbell County Schools
decreed it so?
The first victims of these laws are now well into middle age. Their own children may even be
approaching middle age. Odds are, they got burned by these laws too. The idea that they had the same
opportunities as the rich is downright fartable. This farce has gone on long enough. However, it reinforces the
need for progressive economic policies like guaranteed employment, expanding benefits like Social Security, and
a legislative guarantee of economic equality.
teeth would actually look out of place for me. But having no teeth at all wouldnt be great.
I dont have control over having bad teeth. Absurdly, some fools dont believe that, but its true. In any
event, me not doing anything about it absolutely enrages the Far Right, so I know Im doing something right.
I cant belabor this point enough. My teeth are that bad. Its a fair trade: I cant bite into an apple, but I
can open the tabs on soda and beer cans with my teeth (and actually lift the can). Overall, its a win. There arent
many other people who have three buck teethyellow, no less. Plus, a tooth was broken on December 16, 2003,
when I bit into a hamburger at Johnny Rockets. The rest are crooked and hilarious. In addition, I do of course
have periodontal diseasebecause pretty much everybody does.
Maybe its a generation gap. Im actually old enough to remember folksincluding young people
having silver fillings on their front teeth, since white fillings werent available yet.
One of two things will happen: The good scenario is that Ill continue to have bad teeth. The bad scenario
is that Ill lose em all. I refuse to accept having good teethso thats not among the two things that will happen,
much to your amusement.
Im not optimistic. My remaining teeth have felt sore and swollen lately, as if theyre preparing for
retirement. If all my teeth fall out or are deemed hopeless, thats bad news for meuproarious news for you. My
loss is your gain! And wouldnt ya know it, youve got the Far Right to thank for the laughs! Firstly, its the rightwingers fault if my teeth fall out in the first place, because they allowed corporate polluters to dump manganese
in our local drinking water. Secondly, its their fault
if I cant replace them with dentures, which would
be less comical than completely doing without.
Medicaid in Kentucky doesnt cover that, and I dont
have dental insurance that I buyed from any, you
know, corporation. Kentucky law says the state must
accept every Medicaid service the feds offer.
Repeated Republican administrations in Frankfort
however have ignored this lawunder their fascist
austerity agenda. On average, dentures cost over
$9,000. Some insurance plans cover cosmetic
dentistry Id never want or needand which only
the rich would even worry that much about. Im not
talking about procedures that might be justifiable
because of an underlying condition. Im talking
about stuff thats not even needed. But you cant find
coverage for things like dentures that are necessary
in order to eat or bubble. I remember the time some
wealthy personage on an Internet forum wanted to
go to Britain to have a cosmetic procedure
performed for free under the countrys public health
system. For most people like me and you, who are
poor enough to get Medicaid, cosmetic dentistry
isnt exactly a pressing concern.
Union insurance might cover denturesfor
this insurance is a marvelous benefit of organized
laborbut Im sure not every denture dealer accepts
that. Theyre sensitive about these things. They
might not like unions, since they think unions are
full of hippies. (Seriously, they think that.)
Medicare no longer covers dentures in any state. Isnt that ridiculous? Lets be frank: Who is more likely
to need dentures than people old enough to get Medicare?
I do plan on visiting the dentist around Octoberas I would anywayand the dentist will be the arbiter
of whether youll laugh.
Why go bonkers when you have fucked-up chompers?
Copyright 2016. All rights reserved.