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9
Extraordinary
Life Lessons
Ive Learned
From
Studying
With a Monk
For Almost 10
Years

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By Robert Piper:
When I was 18 years
old, I suffered from
anxiety and stomach
problems. A
compassionate

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physician and practicing

Buddhist referred me to
a Taoist monk who
specialized in
meditation and martial
arts. I ended up healing
myself of anxiety and
stomach issues by doing
meditation, and went
on a great journey of
self-discovery.
Here are 9 lessons I
learned while studying
with a monk:

1. KEEP TRYING
UNTIL YOU GET
IT RIGHT

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TO TOP

One of the most

important life lessons I
learned was trying
something three times
(maybe even four times)
before you stop trying
and move on. Also, this
monk taught me that,
even after multiple
tries, you should work
on different angles to
approach things that
are dif cult.
If you keep trying, youll
eventually get where
youre going.

2. THE ANSWER
TO YOUR
QUESTION IS
INSIDE OF YOU
As part of the original
monastery training, a
monk didnt answer
direct questions from a
student unless it was a
well thought-out
question. A Chinese
proverb says, Teachers
open the door, but you
must enter by yourself.
Some forms of Zen
Buddhism use a very
similar style of training.
An old saying (by Taoist
monks) goes like this:

In making a four corner

table, the teacher
shows the student how
to make one corner. Its
the students job to
gure out how to make
the other three.
They did this because
they were preparing a
student to deal
effectively with
problems in the real
world.

I traveled to South
Korea one time, and I
found it fascinating how
much you have to rely
on your intuition when
you dont speak the
native language of a
country.
I remember one
instance, I had trouble
explaining to the cab
driver where my hotel
was, and he didnt speak
English. So I had to get
out of the cab and ask
several people until I
could nd someone to

tell the cab driver in

Korean how to get to
my hotel.
In life, whenever we try
new things, we have to
go into new places with
only a small amount of
information. The real
world doesnt give us all
the answers. The
greatest teacher is
inside of us.

3. REAL WISDOM
IN LIFE COMES
FROM DOING
SOMETHING AND
FAILING
Prior to starting
meditation, I used to
get upset when Id try
something and fail.
Ive been in sales since I
was sixteen. I
remember going to
work and getting so
angry with myself
because I didnt get a
sale. If I ever got
rejected, Id get upset
with myself, and Id
want to quit my job. But
I just keep failing over
and overuntil I
became good at it.

I remember, when I rst

started doing
meditation, I ran into
several problems. For
example, at rst it was
dif cult to calm down;
but if you stick with it,
its gets easier and
easier. I tried for only a
few minutes, and then
every day, I added more
time onto my
meditation.
When we struggle, we
learn about ourselves
and what we need to do
to become stronger.

4. WHEN YOU
START TO DO
MEDITATION YOU
RECOGNIZE THE
EGOTISTICAL
MIND
Everything in the egos
world is the result of
comparing. I compared
myself to other
salesmen and would
blame myself because I
wasnt making as much
money as them.
When I started doing
meditation, I began to
build separation from
this egoistical mind,

which is consistently
making these
comparisons.
A lot of us try
something and get
rejected, so we give up.
Even worse, we blame
ourselves for a long
time and get depressed.
When I started to do
meditation, I began to
identify my ego and was
able to build separation
from it.
Thats what happens
when we meditate: We
separate from the part
of ourselves that dwells
on comparisons, and
start learning to live a
life that isnt driven by
our egos.

5. WE MUST BE
BOTH
COMPASSIONATE
AND RESILIENT
The monk wouldnt
meet with me to train
unless I called him a
minimum of three
times. I hated this part.

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I used to call and call

and he would never
answer. But this is how
life is. How many times
do you have to call or
email someone to get
something done in the
real world? Its usually
several times.
Most of us blame
ourselves when we try
once to do something
and fail. At the time, I
hated this part of the
training, but now I think
it was the most
important life lesson.
Theres a Taoist proverb
that says, Cotton on
the outside, steel on the
inside.
It reminds us to be
compassionate, but not
weak.

6. PATIENCE IS A
VIRTUE
The monk always made
me waitand I dreaded
this.
For example, when I got
to his house to train,
hed make me wait for a
minimum of a half-hour,
sometimes longer. Wed
go out to dinner on
Friday nights and hed
show up at the
restaurant an hour late.
Hed tell me to meet
him at a particular
restaurant at 7:00. Id
get there and nd out
that he wasnt there. So
Id usually be sitting in
the restaurant by
myself fumbling with
my phone, acting like I
was texting someone,
while worrying about
what everyone at the
restaurant was thinking
about me.
Keep in mind, its not
like I could call him; I
dont think the guy ever
turned his cell phone
on. Then hed show up
at about 8:15 and act
like nothing happened.

His rst question was

always, Hows your
mother and father? (Of
course in my head Im
thinking, What do you
mean, Hows my
mother and father? I
just waited here for an
hour and fteen
minutes.)
But after a few years of
this, it never bothered
me; and not only that, it
spread to every area of
my life.
Because of this training,
I can honestly say that I
very rarely get upset
about anything. I never
get agitated anymore
when I have to wait in a
long line or when
someone cuts me off on
the highway.
Patience is the gift of
inner calm.

7. DETACH FROM
YOUR EGO
At rst, its hard to sit at
a restaurant by
yourself. Youre
constantly worrying,
thinking that people
probably think youre a

loser because youre

sitting by yourself. But
the reality is, you will
never be happy if you
care about what people
think you!
Prior to starting
meditation, Id get
upset over just about
anything.
Now, nothing really
bothers me.
Recently, I was in the
airport and there was a
several hour delay on
my ight. I just used
that time to do
meditation. Ten years
ago, I would have
become extremely
upset. An airplane delay
would have ruined my
day.
When you let go of your
ego needs, its easier to
accept and even bene t
from whatever comes
at you.

8. IN TAOISM,
THEY SAY, NO
SELF, NO
ENEMY.
Its the enemy within

that causes all of our

fears, worries, and
insecurities. If you come
to terms with this
enemy within, it will
impact every area of
your life. Its the
identi cation with the
self/ego that causes
all of lifes problems.
How many times do we
not go for something
because of fear? Think
about all the fears that
we have conjured up in
our minds that stop us
from being truly happy.
If you can conquer the
enemy within yourself,
you wont have an
enemy outside yourself.

9. HAPPINESS
COME FROM
WITHIN, AND
ALSO COMES
FROM OUTSIDE
I learned this from
observing the Buddhist
Physician I met. He
used to do meditation
in his of ce before he
would interact with his
patients. He was one of
the happiest and most
compassionate people
Ive ever met.

By creating happiness
inside, he was able to
increase that emotional
state by spreading it to
others.
We must cultivate
happiness from within,
and work to spread it
around to everyone we
interact with.
The monk used say,
Everyone has a
purpose or a mission in
life.
We have to nd
happiness within, and
also nd our purpose on
the outside.
Source: Body Mind
Soul Spirit
About the author:
Robert Piper is a
meditation instructor &
the creator of
monkinthecity.com
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