--=*
the
}
-=/*> Buzzz Bros. <*/=proudly present
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{
*=-____________________________
the
Adventures
of:
SpAcEd-OuT Spliff
}
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Introduction
As long as there has been social progress, there has been a conservative
trying to undo it. In the first century A.D., the Roman Emperor Maximus
Tyrannus was known for his efforts to restore traditional values. He
reinstituted cannibalism, wife beating, and the crucifixion of disobedient
children.
In the twentieth century, the conservative ideal of a strong military,
respect for authority and old fashioned morality was achieved in Nazi Germany.
This tradition has been continued in the United States by the Republican Party.
The Reagan administration has facilitated the rape of America by business, the
military, and moral zealots, and then persuaded the American public that rape
is actually a good thing.
The conservative brain consists of:
conformity
intolerance
sexual repression
dishonesty
nostalgia
racism
paranoia
greed
Infancy
At this stage, the conservative is too young to help lynch blacks, burn
synagoges, or dump toxic waste into American rivers and lakes. However, the
toddlers soon begin mimicking their elders by giving their playmates plastic
bags to wear on their heads and taking the asphyxiated child's toys.
Adolescence
The adolescent
of harassing and
weaker children.
its brief period
or praise the bang-up job NASA did on the latest rocket launch.
Every election year, Fasciststry to persuade voters that their get-tough
attitude will return us to glory days of old. If elected, they are then free to
exploit the poor, waste money on non-functional defense systems, and teach
school-children that the earth is only 2,000 years old and was created by God
over the course of a very hectic week.
The Fork-Tongued Fascist is fond of preaching about the moral decay of our
society. To prove their point, Fascists like to bug opponents' campaign
headquarters or send weapons to help secret policemen terrorize bananna
plantations. When caught in a criminal act, a fork-tongued leader pretends to
have been betrayed by people dumb enough to have carried out his wishes.
The Right-Wing Loony
loco cultus
Right-Wing Loonies gather in small flocks to rid America of the Anti-Christ
forces of Jews, Blacks, and sales clerks who refuse to honor Hitler Youth
discount coupons. The typical Loony is an acne-ridden geek or muscle-bound
halfwit who collects weapons and Nazi memorabilia as an alternative to normal
interaction with other human beings.
When they aren't involved in overthrowing American society, Loonies are out
on street corners and in airports recruiting fellow social outcasts stupid
enough to believe their theories. Their ultimate goal is to start WW III and
establish and independant all-white nation where madmen can live with pride
and dignity.
Old Age
Respected for their senility, elder members of the species are entrusted with
advancing the intellectual climate of the species. This is done by reaching
out to like-minded groups in South Africa, the German Nazi Party, and remote
villages in Eastern Europe that still practice feudalism, trial by torture,
and lopping off women's feet to keep them in their homes.
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
WE NOW RETURN TO OUR FEATURE FILE...ALREADY IN PROGRESS
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
...throwing a Microwave-safe bowl full of Spaghettios into the microwave
(because saving the world makes a dude get the munchies), our hero sits
and ponders the days events.
"Jeesh," says Spliff, "Mutant fascist pigs, gay narks from the north side,
and bogus shrooms! I think I'll just stick to alternate reality."
Join us again next week for another thrilling adventure with.....
SpAcEd-OuT Spliff
*=---=*
{
-=/*> Buzzz Bros. <*\=- }
{
MCMXC
}
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Freedom Is A Road Seldom Traveled By The Multitude
______________________
SpAcEd-OuT-Spliff
(c) MCMXC -=/*> Buzzz Bros. <*\=______________________