Question:

How does the writer try to share her experiences of being at the
race?
Answer:
The writer, Emma Levine has tried to share her experience of being at a
"donkey race in Karachi" in her travel writing piece as mentioned in the
blurb.
Levine has made humour a major element since the beginning of the
extract. The use of humour is exemplified when the write compares this
race to the famous cartoon animations, "Wacky Races". At this point, she
tries to involve the Western culture with that of the Eastern one, by adding
a pinch of Western aspect in a quite humorous and indeed an interesting
manner. Your point about humour is accurate, though slightly repetitive
and a touch vague. To improve: comment on the light-hearted mood of
chaos and cartoonish, unreal element. Link to other quotations that show
the light-hearted, and positive mood (see mark scheme - in the first bullet
point)
Emma shows the time she waits for the race to start with lots and ltos of
curiosity and enthusiasm. The dialogues used are evidences to the team's
anxiousness. For instance, when the team discusses, "We'll open the car
boot ... that's no problem." The dialogues verily highlight the amount
of curiosity they have for the race to start. The use of direct speech gives
a realistic feel to the situation. The waiting time is again accentuated
when the writer adds in, "We waited ... brow of the hill, ...".
The hyperbole made by the word 'eternity' exaggerates and hence
emphasizes on the long time they waited for the race. She shares every
aspect of the experience. This is very good (see mark scheme, bullet point
4)
As soon as the race starts, the writer gives a descriptive feel in the text,
for example: "we spotted two ... in their wake". The description provided
suggests to me that it allows readers to picturize the exact scene in their
minds. This, ultimately adds to their interest and they easily understand
what the writer is sharing with them, her experience. This is a vague
comment and I feel the examiner would want something more specific
(see bullet points seven, eight and nine below)
Emma also gives a bit of facts and useful information which maybe
unknown to some readers, so as to maintain a feel of reality to the text.
An exceptional example is where it says: "... the Kibla donkey ... 40kph".
The use of beneficial and exotic facts brings up the undoubtedly true point
in the readers that the writer has a really good and tight grasp on the
subject. This, consequestly, lends credibility to the text. Ultimately, the

writer successfully conveys her experience to the readers, in a very

interesting and efficient manner. (see bullet point 12 - maybe a comment
about how the speed gives a sense of danger - then pick up on language
choices that convey chaos/speed/jostling - in contrast with the slow pace
from before)
The fact that she chooses "donkey racing" is that her primary audience,
the Westerners are obviously unaware of these of types of sports which
are part of the old Eastern culture. Also, these people are keen to know
about new places, which makes the task of sharing her experience
successfully among the readers much easier for Emma Levine. (this is
vague. Better to pick out a specific language feature of mood/ structure of
the article)
This is a good effort. By using the mark scheme below you can see how to
make your answer score more highly with more specific and thorough
references to the details of the text.
It looks like you're in Band 2, probably just above the mid-section as
you're making some specific interpretations but many of your comments
are quite general. If you take a look at the bullet points (from the mark
scheme, which I've included below your answer), you can see that there
are quite a few more points you might like to include. I can't stress highly
enough how important it is that you mark your own work using the mark
scheme as then you'll get a great understanding of what exactly the
examiners are looking for.
In addition: you should quote more than once in each paragraph to reach
the higher grades.
Mark Scheme

the passage is essentially chronological in that we enter before the

race and follow it through to its conclusion
the passage begins with pace as the writer is already driving off to
film the race without any preamble or explanation to the reader as to
who the lads are or where they are
the opening two paragraphs are positive and humorous the race is
compared to the Wacky Races; no problem, fired up with
enthusiasm
hyperbole is used to emphasise the waiting time, eternity
the wobbly bicycle adds to the humour and also builds the
tension as the reader continues to wait for the action
use of repetition to build anticipation, Coming, coming
use of complex sentence further builds tension, Just as I was
...
the approaching race is described in terms of sight, their
jockeys perched on top of the tiny carts using their whips

energetically; sound, horns tooting, bells ringing; and smell, a

cloud of fumes and dust
the humour is now replaced by a very serious race with committed
followers
the slow pace of the opening is contrasted now with the speed of
the donkeys and their jostling for position and is compared to
Formula One without the rules
the sense of detached amusement is now replaced by a real interest
in the race
the pace is heightened as the slow start of inching into the traffic
is soon replaced by, rush hour gone anarchic
the character of one of the lads is developed as we come to know
Yaqoob and his nerves of steel and obvious enjoyment of the race
use of ellipsis to indicate the editing of parts of the race from the
account
excitement builds as the speed further increases towards the end of
the race
use of an abrupt short sentence, following a complex sentence, to
indicate the end of the race and usher in a sudden change in
atmosphere
the situation is no longer humorous or exciting but it has the
potential for danger, volatile
The passage comes full circle and ends with humour as Yaqoob
admits that he doesnt have a driving licence
Structurally the passage entwines three races: the donkey race; the
race to get the pictures taken and the spectators who race