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A PUBLICATION OF THE FIVE TOWNS JEWISH COMMUNITY MAY 27, 2010 | 14 SIVAN 5770 | DISTRIBUTED IN THE FIVE TOWNS & QUEENS

COMMUNITY
HAPPENINGS
MADRAIGOS
HAS A NEW HOME
PA G E 1 7

———————————————
ONE ISRAEL FUND
BEATS FROM THE HEARTLAND

PA G E 2 0
———————————————
REVOLUTIONARY NEW
PROGRAM DEVELOPED
IN MEMORY OF
R' ARI BLOCK A"H
PA G E 1 8
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CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM
YESHIVA KETANA OF LONG ISLAND
CELEBRATES A SPECIAL
IS A DISH BEST SERVED WARM
HACHNASAS SEFER TORAH R A B B I YA A K O V H O R O W I T Z | PA G E 4

THE PARENT-TEACHER TOP TEN TIPS HOW CAN I GET MY

CONNECTION FOR BETTER COMMUNICATION
WITH YOUR CHILD'S TEACHER
CHILDREN TO LISTEN?
PA G E 1 5 PA G E 9 PA G E 3 3
PA G E 3 4

FROM THE DESK OF THE MENAHEL THOUGHTS ON THE PARSHA RABBI MORDECHAI KAMENETZKY “Don’t Forget Me!”
Rabbi Mordechai Yaffe RABBI SHLOMO FREIFELD ZT"L Parsha Parables Caring for Siblings of Ill Children
PA G E 5 PA G E 3 2 PA G E 2 2 PA G E 2 1

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THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010

OUR KIDS, OUR COMMUNITY

OUR NEW HOME
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Rabbi
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aako
aak v Bender
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Eliezer euer
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abbi Hershel Billet R abbi Y
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issachar Blinder R abbi A
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ein R abbi Kenneth Hain
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LT

INSIDE THIS ISSUE
>> Community
COMMUNITY HAPPENINGS
MADRAIGOS HAS A NEW HOME
>> Parenting
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITCISM:
A DISH BEST SERVED WARM
HOW CAN I GET
MY CHILDREN TO LISTEN?
TOP 10 TIPS FOR BETTER COMMUNICATION
WITH YOUR CHILD’S TEACHER
ENCOURAGE SUCCESS,
ANTICIPATE MIRACLES
>> Education
FROM THE DESK OF THE MENAHEL
REVOLUTIONARY PROGRAM DEVELOPED
IN MEMORY OF R' ARI BLOCK A"H 18
CAHAL – A SNAPSHOT
>> Crisis and Illness
CARING FOR THE SIBLINGS
OF ILL CHILDREN
>> Israel
ONE ISRAEL FUND
MAKING AN IMPACT IN THE HEARTLAND OF ISRAEL
>> Jewish Thought
MEMORY OF CHOICE
>> Parsha
PARSHA PARABLES
THOUGHTS ON THE PARSHA:
RABBI SHLOMO FREIFELD ZT”L
>> Art
FROM MY PRIVATE ART COLLECTION
>> Politics
INTERVIEW WITH FRANK SCATURRO
3
EDITORS’ NOTE
THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010
EVERY JEWISH ADULT, at one time or another, wonders: What does it take to fashion
a beautiful Jewish home?
14
You don’t have to be a Rabbi, teacher, psychologist or trained social worker to take part
17 in building an inspiring home or community. To experience the joy of well rounded and
productive children and a neighborhood where the institutions and organizations work
together for the betterment of the community, one must be committed to the “adventures”
of Jewish Home and Community Building.
Jewish Home and Community Building is a journey. It's one of the most fulfilling and
4
rewarding experiences in life. It may have its struggle and trials, but it has great rewards as
well.
33 With this “adventure” in mind, we present to you the first issue of The Jewish Home.
The Jewish Home (TJH) is the outcome of a dream to assist and empower each and every
34 member of the community, to become great parents and community members and to fash-
ion beautiful and inspiring homes in a beautiful and inspiring community.
8 Throughout the year, The Jewish Home will share with you articles and editorials on child
rearing, home building, and news and information about the local community, its organiza-
tions and institutions – the lifeblood of our community. All of this will be offered in an
engaging and attractive way; light reading that will make a huge impact on your lives. We
5 will also endeavor to include various other articles of interest for your enjoyment
Establishing a strong home and community with strong values and principles is perhaps
the most important and lasting contribution one can give to society. It calls for a profound
sense of responsibility and dedication from parents, educators, community members and
26 even our children.
We look forward to a long and productive relationship. Let the adventure begin.
THE JEWISH HOME
MAY, 2010
21
20
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ads@fivetownsjewishhome.com Yosef Feinerman Debbie Greenblatt
MANAGING EDITOR
32 Mrs. Esty Hebel
The Jewish Home is an independent Nate Davis Rebbetzin Naomi N. Herzberg
bi-weekly magazine. Opinions EDITORIAL ASSISTANT
Rabbi Yakov Horowitz
expressed by writers are not neces- Shoshana Soroka
Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky
sarily the opinions of the publisher or Nechama Wein
27 editor. The Jewish Home is not COPY EDITORS Gayle Peterson
responsible for the kashrus of any Haivanti Rabbi Sholom Rohr
product or business advertised within. DESIGN & PRODUCTION Dr. Kenneth Shore
Rabbi Mordechai Yaffe
The Jewish Home contains words of Torah. Aliza Nugiel
28 Please treat accordingly. GRAPHIC ARTIST
 4 Rabbi Kaminetsky explained that Yaakov’s sense of hon-
THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM
IS A DISH BEST SERVED WARM
B Y R A B B I YA A K O V
AS PARENTS WE HAVE A SACRED OBLIGATION TO BE TEACHERS AND GUIDES—
MOREI DERECH—FOR OUR CHILDREN. WE ARE MANDATED BY OUR TORAH
TO TEACH THEM RIGHT FROM WRONG, TO TRAIN THEM HOW TO CONDUCT
THEMSELVES, TO SHOW THEM “THE LIGHT”.
CHARTING A PATH FOR YOUR CHILDREN
t is not in our children’s best interest—nor is it
I
in our own best interest—to become their
friends. That is, we should be friendly, but we do
them no favor if we allow them to do as they
please. At times, it is grueling being a parent and
having to guide a child who doesn’t particularly want
direction. It’s much easier in the short term to allow mis-
deeds to go unnoticed. But in the long term, you face an
increased risk of raising unruly children whose moral
compass may be underdeveloped.
It is of utmost importance to give clear guidelines and
direction to your children. Setting limits for your chil-
dren and establishing boundaries are crucial for the suc-
cess of your children – at home and in school. Having a
set of house rules and expectations for appropriate
behavior, dress, and language are all critical parts of the
‘mission statement’ of any family (subjects which will be
addressed in later columns).
H O R O W I T Z
And while it is true that our children will learn more
from what we do than from what we say, guidance in the
form of constructive criticism is an integral component
of parenting.
Our challenge is to couch the criticism in a construc-
tive way so that:
1) Our children internalize the important messages
that we wish to convey to them, and
2) The end result is improvement and a desire to grow,
not increased friction and tension that may harm our
relationship with our beloved children.
A DISH SERVED WARM
Rabbi Yaakov Kaminetsky z’tl offered an insightful com-
mentary on delivering proper tochacha (constructive criti-
cism). He pointed out that in the initial encounter between
Yaakov Avinu and the shepherds of Lavan, Yaakov addressed
the shepherds as “My brothers”—“Achai; me’ayin atem, my
brothers, from where do you come?”
esty and integrity was offended by the fact that the shep-
herds had finished their workday early and were, in effect,
being dishonest with their employer by cheating him out
of a full day’s work. Yaakov wanted to rebuke them—and,
in fact, did so later in the conversation—but decided to
begin with words of brotherhood and friendship.
There is a famous expression, “revenge is a dish best
served cold.” I’d like to paraphrase that and say that “crit-
icism is a dish best served warm.”
If you have a message to deliver, make sure that the
message is delivered calmly and, most importantly, with
love. If you cannot do that, then wait until you can. If
your child feels that you’re just venting your anger and
you are disgusted with him or her, then no matter how
articulate you are, what comes across instead is:
“Mommy or Daddy doesn’t like me.”
FINDING THE RIGHT MOMENT
It’s very important that the message of tochachah does
not get blurred by the static of anger. And, of course, this is
very difficult to do when there’s a tumult and emotions are
flying high. That is when it is best to delay saying anything.
One Friday morning, I got a phone call from a fellow
whose son got suspended for a full week from an out-of-town
yeshiva for a series of infractions. The boy was flying home
for the week, and his father wanted to know what to say to
his son when he picked him up at the airport.
I said, “I think you should tell him that you’re disappoint-
ed in what he did, but that you love him unconditionally, and
that you’ll always be there for him.”
He was surprised. “That’s it?”
“You should also tell him that you’re terribly upset that
this happened, but you want to make believe he came home
for an unscheduled visit. And that you’ll discuss this impor-
tant matter with him after Shabbos.”
“Nothing else, after what he did??!!,” the father asked me.
So I told him, “Look, he’s expecting you to attack him as
soon as he gets off that plane. He is going to be highly defen-
sive and is not likely to listen to whatever you say. You are
probably just going to get into a bitter argument with him.
But if you say nothing now, he will be very relieved and
grateful. And when you speak with him after Shabbos, you
are going to have a much better chance of having a mean-
ingful conversation with him, because he will be listening to
you at that time. You will have a much better chance to
make a positive impact when he is calm and grateful for
your patience.”
Rabbi Yakov Horowitz is the founder and dean of Yeshiva
Darchei Noam of Monsey, and founder and Director of
Project Y.E.S. (Youth Enrichment Services). He is recognized
throughout the Jewish community as an authority on raising
children in these troubled times. His bold and insightful pre-
sentations, workshops, CD’s, and articles have helped to mold
a generation of parents and educators. He is the author of two
books, Growing with the Parsha and Living and Parenting,
and has produced a whole host of best-selling parenting
audio-visual materials. He is a regular contributor on Torah,
educational, and parenting topics to The Jewish Observer,
The Jewish Press, Mishpacha, and Hamodia periodicals.You
can read this article and many more informative articles at:
www.rabbihorowitz.com

FROM THE DESK OF THE MENAHEL
RABBI MORDECHAI YAFFE
t seems to me that today almost every-
I
body is writing a column, article or letter
about something. I’ve always been one of
those people who, when reading the
plethora of letters to the editor, despite
having strong opinions and responses at the
ready, have withheld my pen (or keyboard, as the
case may be). I have long been a proponent of
the tenet of Rav Yisroel Salanter that not every-
thing one thinks should be written, not every-
thing written should be published, and that not
everything published should be read. I some-
times wonder how people are so certain that their
opinions are correct, or sufficiently so to be con-
fident enough to place them in the public forum.
In that vein, what gives me the right to join in the
fray? I’m certainly not smarter than my esteemed
colleagues (they’re my colleagues now since I’m
writing too). However, I am approaching this
endeavor with almost thirty years of experience
in Jewish education in a variety of venues and,
for that matter, geographical locales.
Currently, as the Menahel of a local Mosad, I
am exposed to many of the contemporary chal-
lenges that our children are confronted with each
and every day. We live in a time of total and utter
contradiction. On the one hand, there are proba-
bly more people learning Torah at the present
than any time since the Churban Habayis. On the
other, the society around us makes it harder than
ever to shelter our precious children from the
lures of the culture around us. When I began
teaching, my colleagues and I used to say that the
main challenges that we were confronting
changed dramatically every ten years and that if
you didn’t modify your approach, you would
soon be anachronistic in your educational
methodology. We then modified our thinking to
every five years. Then, every two years…
Anybody remember a world before texting? For
that matter, anybody remember that the word
“text” was a noun and not a verb?
Many parents report feeling overwhelmed in
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MENAHEL OF MESIVTA ATERES YAAKOV
dealing with the challenges of raising Torah-loyal
children. Having recently attended the annual
Torah U’Mesorah convention, where over 1,600
mechanchim gathered to share ideas and gain
chizuk, I found that many of them seem to feel
the same way. Perhaps, most importantly, how-
ever, is that many of our children nurture these
same sensations of feeling overwhelmed. There
are a lot of children out there who just aren’t
happy. I’m not just talking about the ones who
are manifesting negative behavior or are identify-
ing with the counter-culture. There are many
children who will be obedient, will try their best
not only to please us, but will do the right things
—————————————————
THERE ARE AS MANY ASPECTS
OF PROPER CHINUCH AS THERE
ARE FACETS IN A DIAMOND,
AND THERE ARE THE VARIED
PERSPECTIVES OF PARENTS, EDUCATORS
AND THE CHILDREN THEMSELVES.
—————————————————
because they feel they should. Unfortunately,
their hearts are not always in it…. and
Yiddishkeit is a matter of the heart. Torah learn-
ing and Torah life have to touch the very essence
of our children. Otherwise, how can we hope to
compete with the allure of a world that promises
unbridled material enjoyment?
There are as many aspects of proper chinuch as
there are facets in a diamond, and there are the
varied perspectives of parents, educators and the
children themselves. I intend to try to address
issues keeping these distinct perspectives in
mind while “keeping my eye on the ball,” so to
speak.
I think one of the most essential and poignant
illustrations of this concept is demonstrated by
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THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010
the advice that Rav Pam, zt”l, gave one Rebbi
when he told him to remember that his job was
not to teach Torah, but rather, to teach talmidim.
As mechanchim, we are supposed to devote our-
selves to the talmidim. Period. At all times, we
have to remember that they are our raison d’etre,
the whole reason that we are there, not vice-
versa. Unfortunately, not all the stories that I
have heard or experienced over the decades have
been sources of inspiration, and some make me
shudder. Once I was with a fellow educator in a
school during the summer months, which is like
no other time during the year. The floors are
gleaming. No smear marks on the windows. Not
a single crumpled piece of paper on the floors.
There isn’t even a new life form growing inside a
locker! There is almost a “new car” smell that is
never present during the academic year. This
“educator” surveyed the premises and sighed,
“Wouldn’t it be great if we didn’t have to have
kids around?”. I was pretty horrified. No kids?
You don’t like kids? So what are you doing in
chinuch? Whom are you doing a favor? That
person has since moved on to another field. He
never was a “mechanech”…
Well, my introduction got a little carried away,
but I hope I have been able to clarify a little
about my goals for this column. I hope to
address a number of themes and issues about
chinuch in future columns. I would also like to
hear from you, and discuss those topics you feel
are relevant and timely. Bli neder , I will do my
best to address them to the extent of my ability
and with integrity. Until then, may we continue
to work and daven for the wellbeing of our
beloved children. TJH
Rabbi Mordechai Yaffe is the Menahel of Mesivta Ateres
Yaakov, a local high school with 170 talmidim. Besides his
decades as an experienced mechanech, Rabbi Yaffe holds a
Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and is licensed to practice in
the State of New York. Please submit topics of interest, ques-
tions or comments.
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THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010

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 THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010
7
 8
ENCOURAGE SUCCESS, ANTICIPATE MIRACLES
THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010

RABBI SHOLOM ROHR

DIRECTOR OF HELLER RESOURCE CENTER, YESHIVA OF SOUTH SHORE

t a Professional Development Seminar hosted by Yeshiva of Central Yoni was a fifteen year old boy who had

A
Queens, Dr. Simcha Chesner, a clinical psychologist and Director of struggled in each of his previous schools.
the Jacob’s Ladder Center for Character Education, a school dedicat- His flashing eyes could only have been
ed to the needs of teenagers with ADHD, related a wonderful person- produced from years of intense frustra-
al story. I still feel the impact of his words to this day. tion. Yoni stood up from his seat in the
back of the room to address Dr. Chesner.
Dr. Chesner was once addressing a group of his teenage students. They were
a weary group, burdened by the task of finding their place both in school, as “Slicha Adoni,” he began with a slightly
well as in the world at large. Dr. Chesner was searching for a way to inspire quivering voice that did not match his otherwise macho persona, “I would like
them to keep up their valiant struggle to achieve success. He thought that he you to understand something. I understand that you were trying to inspire us
had merited Divine intervention when he heard the following story that would by telling us the story of Glen. In reality all you did was to cause the dagger
be sure to make a tremendous impact on his beloved students. He felt it con- that is already in our heart to be dug in deeper. You see, Glen did accomplish
tained a perfect message for the students. something great in his life. However, I can guarantee you that the only reason
that Glen was able to accomplish his goal was the fact that he had so many peo-
Glen Cunningham was only eight-years-old when both his legs were severe-
ple encouraging him along the way. I can almost see the crowds of his family
ly burned in a schoolhouse fire. He was burned so badly in the fire that he lost
and friends lining the fence of his backyard shouting, “Go, Glen, go!” All we
the toes on his left foot. When the doctors recommended amputating Glenn’s
ever have had in our lives are people telling us that we are lazy and will never
legs, he was so distressed that his parents wouldn’t allow it. The doctors pre-
become anything. How can you possibly make a comparison between us and
dicted he might never walk normally again. Glen’s parents refused to believe
Glen? Maybe if we had all the support that Glen did, we too would become
the doctors’ prognosis and spent countless hours trying to get young Glen to
successful and famous!”
run and play, to no avail. One day, while left alone in the yard for a few min-
utes to enjoy the fresh air, Glen’s eye caught the slats of the fence that surround- Dr. Chesner swallowed hard and tried to find the right words to address
ed his backyard. He decided to act on a crazy idea Yoni’s painful comment.
that had popped into his head and that would ulti-
mately change his life. He managed to drag him- ————————————————— Indeed, Yoni’s comment has stayed with me for
years and I find myself thinking about it from time
self over to the fence and pull himself up using the IT IS NOT ENOUGH TO SIMPLY to time. I was reminded of it again more recently
fence slat as a support. He then grabbed each adja- ENCOURAGE STUDENTS. THEY ARE during a conversation with my own student named
cent slat and pulled his body along the width of
THIRSTING FOR SOMEONE TO SHOW Binyomin. Binyomin was a bright young man who
the fence, one slat at a time. His unbelieving and
jubilant parents came running when they
THEM HOW TO UNDERSTAND, NOT did not excel in school. His father would encourage
observed Glen’s miraculous feat. Their son was WELL MEANING PEOPLE SHOWERING him by telling him “C’mon Binyomin, you can do
walking! THEM WITH EMPTY WORDS LIKE it!” He once confided to me that he had told his
“C’MON, YOU CAN DO IT.” father that he did not need a cheerleader yelling his
Walking quickly became Glen’s favorite and name enthusiastically. What he needed was a coach
only activity. He would spend countless hours ————————————————— to show him how to play the game so that he could
“walking” around and around the yard. The worst win it. All that cheerleading did was to reinforce in
inclement weather would not deter Glen from his newfound mission. After him the sinking reality that he was indeed incapable of learning. After all, if he
months of holding onto the fence, Glen dared to take a few solo steps. Steps was capable of learning, why didn’t his father simply show him how to learn so
became yards, yards became multiple cycles around the yard until all the doc- that he can truly succeed instead of trying to pump him up with half-hearted
tors admitted that Glen surpassed their wildest expectations. He was walking empty encouragements?
as well as any other youngster his age! Glen was not one to rest, happy with
Binyomin taught me a valuable lesson. It is not enough to simply encourage
his accomplishments. He had a dream that kept him alive that he was deter-
students. They are thirsting for someone to show them how to understand, not
mined to fulfill. He began to trot at first around his backyard. Once mastered,
well meaning people showering them with empty words like “C’mon, you can
he took to jogging along the path in the local park. Jogging turned to running,
do it.” Every time that I encounter a teenager who has strayed from the path
running turned to competing, until Glenn became the NCAA champion in the
of Torah, I can’t help but wonder if they ever had a cheerleader in their life, let
mile run. Glenn then went on to win the Sullivan Trophy for athletic achieve-
alone a coach. I wonder how much pain can be averted if we can somehow find
ments and sportsmanship. In addition, he set a world record in 1934 with a
a way to provide an appropriate coach for each child that is suffering in our
4:06.7 mile and won a silver medal in the 1,500 meters run in the 1936
schools. To witness children’s academic success, sometimes for the first time
Olympics.
in their school career, is to experience sheer undiluted joy. When bona fide
The little boy of whom the doctors said, “he will never walk again,” became professionals bring a child to a point when they can say about themselves, “I
an international star runner shattering world records in his sprint to glory. can learn”, they have given their students a key to the heavens. Then they can
be like Glen, breaking any barrier that may be blocking them from reaching
Dr. Chesner concluded his presentation with a pep talk to his students. “You
their goal. Without professional coaching to teach them how to learn, it is hard
see”, he told them, “nothing can get in the way of sheer determination. Just like
to believe that these children can ever feel inner peace.
Glen, you can achieve anything that you put your mind to.” Dr. Chesner felt
pleased with the presentation and was sure that the students were invigorated We are all living with financial constraints, however, if we can provide our
by the inspiring story. Dr. Chesner was even feeling inspired himself! That is, children with properly trained coaches we will finally answer their silent plea,
until a comment came from Yoni which caused Dr. Chesner to land from his “Just give me a coach to teach me the game, and I will show you what a super-
lofty place of inspiration with a hard thump. star I can become!” TJH

THE
PARENT-
TEACHER
CONNECTION
B Y D R . K E N N E T H
A KEY COMPONENT OF A CHILD'S
ACADEMIC SUCCESS IS A CLOSE
WORKING RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN
TEACHER AND PARENT. BY FORGING A
PARTNERSHIP FOUNDED ON MUTUAL
RESPECT, OPEN COMMUNICATION, AND
AN UNDERSTANDING OF EACH OTHER'S
PRESSURES AND CONSTRAINTS, YOU AND
THE TEACHER CAN HELP ADDRESS ISSUES
BEFORE THEY BECOME LARGER PROBLEMS.
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529 Fifth A
ommunication between parent and
C teacher helps keep each informed
of key information regarding your
child. You may find it useful to
know about the teacher's academic
expectations, homework routines, testing
policies, and grading criteria. Teachers also
need information from you to help them
work with your child and understand his
educational needs. Your child's teacher will
benefit from knowing his physical and psy-
chological needs as well as his interests or
talents which he may want to highlight.
If your child has a medical problem, for
example, help the teacher understand the
related behaviors he may see in the classroom
and the implications for instruction. You
should also let the teacher know of events at
S H O R E home that may influence your child's school
performance such as the illness or death of a
family member or the birth of a sibling.
There is no need to go into detail or violate
your family's privacy. The point is to give the
teacher information which will enable him to
be more sensitive to your child. You may also
want to inform the teacher of areas of vulner-
ability for your child, for example, his self-
consciousness about his speech impediment
or his sensitivity to his reading problem.
Having this information allows the teacher to
be more understanding and perhaps avoid
embarrassing situations.
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Parents are also entitled to some consideration 9
from teachers. You have the right to expect that
THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010
teachers will apprise you of any problems with your
child, will consider your views and suggestions,
will respond to your concerns in a timely manner,
and will be sympathetic to your family's special cir-
cumstances. Many parents do not expect teachers
to be sensitive to their concerns and consequently
may not share them. Keep in mind, however, that
many teachers are also parents and may have had
similar experiences. Most will be understanding
and make an effort to be accommodating.
If you are not sure whether your concern merits a
teacher contact, err on the side of calling. Teachers
are frustrated when parents don't express concerns
to them since many are easily resolved. At the same
time, do not contact the teacher for every single con-
cern. Teachers can become aggravated with parents
who seek them out daily about the smallest of mat-
ters. Let common sense be your guide. TJH
Dr. Kenneth Shore is a psychologist who has worked in public
schools for over 25 years. He is now in private practice and
works in various Yeshivos in Lakewood, NJ. He has authored
six books for teachers and parents (including Elementary
Teacher's Discipline Problem Solver) and produced a book
and video series on bullying for schools. In 2001 he was award-
ed the Peterson Prize by Rutgers University for “outstanding
contributions to professional psychology.” Dr. Shore was also
named School Psychologist of the Year in New Jersey in 2004.
His books are available for review and purchase at a discount
by going to his web site: http://drkennethshore.nprinc.com. He
can also be reached by e-mail at ShoreK@aol.com or by phone
at 609-371-1767.
 RE:relationships
10
THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010
FINDING AND KEEPING YOUR BASHERT:
HOW TO AVOID THE COMMON DATING MISTAKES
P L AY I N G S H A D C H A N
When my wife and I were newlyweds we took
up an informal study of marriages. At the time,
my parents had a close circle of friends, 8 couples,
who got together regularly. After carefully looking
at each couple we both reached the same conclu-
sion: every one of them was mismatched! Had we
been the shadchanim, we would not have put any
of them together. She was too smart… He was
too frum… She was too sophisticated… He was
too loud…They just didn’t fit together.
MARRIAGE IS NOT A MATCH
OF TWO LIKE INDIVIDUALS
Our little study brought home one point: a
good marriage isn’t necessarily a match of two
similar individuals. It is a union of a man and
woman, vastly different in temperament, emo-
tionality, frame of reference and priorities, each
one with different strengths and weaknesses. In a
successful marriage the couple completes one
another, so that his deficiencies are compensated
for by her strong points, her shortcomings filled
in by his positive attributes, and the whole is
much greater than the parts.
SO TELL ME WHAT ARE YOU
LOOKING FOR?
This highlights one of the common errors made
in today’s dating game. When the Shaddchan says
in that sing-song voice, “So tell me, what are you
looking for?” out comes the laundry list.
“I need someone who is extroverted, funny and
outgoing.”
“I need a woman who is very frum, good, kind,
tolerant and funny.”
“I need a guy who is tall, a take-charge type,
strong but not headstrong.”
And unwittingly many people make the first
mistake of the dating game - they aren’t looking
for their Bashert- they have already formed him in
their minds, and now are out to find the one that
seems closest to that image.
It is almost like the children’s toy Mr. Potato
B Y R A B B I S H A F I E R
Head. You get to design the doll, choose red lips,
big ears, small eyes, short legs… Before going out
most people go through a sort of personal inven-
tory: “Let’s see. Since I am…., I need…”
Unconsciously, they put together a wish list of
qualities to take out into the market place. Then
amazingly they find themselves frustrated, feeling
“I just can’t find Mr. Right.”
THE WISDOM OF
S H L O M O H A’ M E L E C H
shafier
Not only isn’t this a Torah approach to dating,
it comes from a lack of understanding of the com-
plexity of the human being. For a person to accu-
rately choose the person that is right for them,
they would need the wisdom of Shlomo
Ha’Melech.
—————————————————
MANY PEOPLE AREN’T LOOKING
FOR THEIR BASHERT- THEY HAVE
ALREADY FORMED HIM IN
THEIR MINDS – NOW TRYING
TO SEE WHO COMES CLOSEST…
—————————————————
Before anything, one needs the self-under-
standing to answer: “Who am I? What really
makes me tick? What are my true strengths and
real weaknesses? How will I react in different life
situations? What will I be like in twenty years?”
The reality is that most people can’t answer
those questions even when they are eighty years
old, let alone when they are first starting out in
life.
But even more difficult is the next step: defin-
ing what one needs in a spouse. “Based on who I
am and what my nature is, which qualities will
augment my own and which will clash? Based on
where I will be in life, do I need someone who is
emotionally supporting, or will I only flourish if I
have someone that I support?”
ROSH HAYESHIVA – WE
F I N A L LY F O U N D H I M A
SHIDDUCH
I remember once, before giving shiur, my Rosh
HaYeshiva , Rav Henoch Leibowitz, ZT”L,
remarked, “Boruch Hashem, we finally found a
shidduch for that guy. What a temper that fellow
has! I didn’t know who we could possibly marry
him off to, but, Boruch Hashem, we found the per-
fect shidduch for him.”
Needless to say, everyone was curious as to who
the perfect shidduch was for this guy with the
fierce temper.
The Rosh HaYeshiva continued, “We found him
a woman with a temper bigger than his. Now
when he opens his mouth she screams back even
louder, and he’s as quiet as a lamb; the perfect
shidduch.”
Now, everyone knows that the worst match for
a guy with a temper is a girl with a temper. It’s
asking for World War Three. Only their Creator,
who put them together understands their inner
nature and recognizes how they will interact.
Only their Creator knows that this guy talks a big
game, but his inner being is really docile, that he
won’t explode when confronted, but quite the
opposite becomes placid. Only Hashem knows
that what he needs for his growth is a strong
woman who will put him in his place.
SOME JOBS ARE BETTER OFF
LEFT TO HASHEM
When a person spends some time thinking
about the complexity of the human he’ll under-
stand the difficulty of finding the right match for
a person, and quickly realize that some jobs are
better off left to Hashem. Then it starts to crystal-
lize, “I really don’t know that much about this
thing called marriage. I don’t really understand
why some couples flourish while others disinte-
grate. In truth, I haven’t been on this planet long
enough to really know myself, and surely not
what I need in the opposite gender to perfectly
balance me.”
C O N T I N U E D O N PA G E 1 1
 RE:relationships
11

THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010

C O N T I N U E D F R O M PA G E 1 0 the right one for me is. that Hashem created this world and runs it.
Hashem has chosen for me the perfect life part-
Once a person reaches this understanding, then TOO SMART FOR THE SYSTEM ner, and Hashem wants me to find that person.
he is ready to use the Bashert system of going out. One of the reasons that people get stuck is That person might not fit my very detailed, pre-
This system resembles the way that many people because they become too “smart” for the system. conceived idea of what it is that I think I need, or
approach shidduchim. But don’t be fooled A young man will say something like, “The dates what it is that I want, but that person is the one
because it is vastly different. are great, I really look forward but she’s not that’s best for me.
worldly enough for me”…or not intelligent
When a person trusts in Hashem and uses the tools
————————————————— enough, not outgoing enough, or “I’m just not
given to him, Hashem helps him succeed in finding
sure that she’s the right one.”
HASHEM HAS CHOSEN FOR ME THE the one predestined for him - his Bashert. TJH
PERFECT LIFE PARTNER, AND HASHEM Many times it isn’t that he doesn’t have an intu-
itive sense about her. He does. It’s just that he
WANTS ME TO FIND THAT PERSON.
doesn’t like what his intuition is telling him. Rabbi Shafier, the director of Tiferes Bnei Torah, says “The
————————————————— Sometimes it is because “What will the guys Shmuz”, a motivating, inspirational mussar Shmuz,
think?” or “Can’t I do better?” These “needs” and addressing many of today’s issues.
THE BASHERT SYSTEM ideas are things that he adopted from the outside This piece was adopted from Shmuz # 10 – Finding and
world’s understanding of marriage and prevent Keeping Your Bashert. All of the Shmuzin are available to
The Bashert System involves two parts. The him from following his inclination. download or podcast for FREE at www.TheShmuz.com.
first is rather similar to the way most people go
out. Before the date, before there are any emo- However, all of these blockages can be Look for the Shmuz on the Parsha book available soon in
tional investments, there is a “paper test.” On bypassed if a person focuses on the viewpoint Sefarim stores or on line at www. theShmuz.com
paper, do the two match up? Are you looking for
the same things in life? Are you looking to lead
the same lifestyle?
Once that is established, then you meet -- and
here is where things work very differently -- the
reason that you meet isn’t because you are look-
ing for the person who is best suited for you, nor
because you are searching for the person who you
would most like to spend the rest of your life
Free
Free Business listings
listings.. Free
Free C
Classifieds.
lassifieds. LLocal
ocal O
Only.
nly.
with. You are looking for the person who was
chosen for you. F
Fact
act # 12 – F
Free
ree C
Classifieds?
lassifieds? TThousands are
housands of people are
Forty days before you were born a certain indi-
vidual was hand-chosen for you as the perfect
free
posting free ads tto
o the LLocal Community.
ocal Community.
mate, your life partner. Now you are going out to PROPOFF,
PR FORSALE,, WANTED,
OPOFFF, FORSALE WANT JOBSEEK,, RIDE SHARE
ANTED, JOBSEEK SHARE,, et
etc.
c.
find her. Not to find the one who comes closest to
your image of what you want. Not to find the per- No ““Complicated”
Complicated” posting rules.
rrules.
son that you think will best suit your needs. You
are looking for your Bashert – and to do that, you
We
We don’t
don’t reject
reject posts for
for silly rreasons.
easons.
take the Bashert test.
THE BASHERT TEST F
Fact
act # 23 – Email D
Digest?
igest? TThe
he optional email digest is
The Bashert Test is to meet this person and see organized, compact,
super organized, compact, easy to
to read,
read, max once
once a day
day
how you feel. Do you feel comfortable? Do you
enjoy her company? Does it just sort of feel right? day) and has everything!
(not 5 or 6 per day) everything!
Not deep, mad passionate love. Not rockets on
the fourth of July. Not even “Wow!!!” Just does it Finally,
Finally
y, a useful
useful,, easy tto
o rread,
ead, C
Community
ommunity Email list.
list.
feel natural? Did you enjoy her company? Do you
look forward to seeing her again? Does it sort of
seem to click? If it does, then she passes. That is
the sign that she is the one destined for you.
The Bashert Test is based on the perspective Stay
S tay tuned ffor next
or ne week’s
xt week’s
that Hashem runs this world, and my job is to go
out and do my hishtadlus, relying on Hashem to FACT
FACT #9 and F FACT
ACT #15………
bring me what I need. Hashem gave us the intu-
ition to know certain things, one of which is who
12
THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010

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Shabbos Programs 8:50 - 9:15 Sfas Emes
Guest Speakers 9:15 - 10:00 Shiur Klali
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THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010

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 COMMUNITY HAPPENINGS
14
THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010
ORAH DAY CAMP
SUMMER 2010
Orah Day Camp is sure to be a super summer camp experience. Mrs.
Malka Fishman, camp director, and Mrs. Blimie Polishuk and Mrs.
Nechama Sittner, program directors, work diligently all through the
year to make Orah Day Camp a sensational success. Each summer Orah
Day Camp is organized around a central theme and while they would
like to surprise the campers with this summer’s secret theme, they can
tell you that last year’s book motif was a big hit and “a good read.” In
Orah Day Camp campers will be treated to special non-stop activities,
exciting age-appropriate programs, amazing trips, specialties and in-
house performances. These are just some of the ways that Orah Day
Camp keeps their campers in Nursery through seventh grade produc-
tively entertained.
Under the leadership of the pre-school director, Mrs. Miriam Furman,
the younger division has grown by leaps and bounds. The hand-picked
Moros, known for their warmth and dedication, make sure that every
Orah pre-school child is well taken care of and happy. The grounds
boast a specialized pre-school playground, custom made for the
youngest campers, conveniently located behind the pre-school class-
rooms. The campus also has a separate state-of-art playground for the
“older campers.”
Orah Day Camp is the only girls’ camp in Far Rockaway/Five Towns
that has three acres of playing fields all on one campus which allows
the girls the freedom of movement that campers enjoy and crave.
Picnics, scavenger hunts and a wide variety of activities keep the Orah
day campers happy and busy outside. The camp has a daily sports pro-
gram replete with basketball and volleyball courts. The girls learn a
myriad of sports activities, including baseball, field hockey, soccer and
much more. Arts and Crafts, baking, dance, aerobics, computers,
drama & music all take place in their spacious, air conditioned facil-
ity.
It goes without saying that the most beloved activity in Orah Day
Camp is swimming. The campus hosts an outdoor Olympic size swim-
ming pool. Under the supervision of the head lifeguard, Mrs. Leah
Mann, Red Cross certified lifeguards make sure Orah day campers swim
safely and happily twice a day, every day.
Don’t miss out on summer 2010. Come see for yourself why last sum-
mer more than six hundred girls made Orah Day Camp their #1 choice.
YESHIVA OF SOUTH SHORE
LEARNING ABOUT
MATAN TORAH... FOR SHAVUOS
With eyes and mouths wide opened, our Pre 1a boys watched Rabbi Betzalel Katkovsky, a dis-
tinguished Sofer, who joined them in the Bais Medrash Lkriya . He showed the boys how Sifrei
Torah and Mezuzos are written, as well as how Tefillin are made. The Sofer sat down with each
boy and wrote each boy's name on a real klaf while the boys joined him to write the last letter.
YESHIVA OF FAR ROCKAWAY
SIYUM
The Yeshiva of Far Rockaway community announces with great excite-
ment its sixteenth annual Yoma Tava L’Rabanan, celebrating the completion
of the entire Masechet Baba Kama by sixty bochurim.
The formal siyum will take place on Sunday, June 13 / 24 Sivan at 12:30
pm at the Yeshiva, 802 Hicksville Road, Far Rockaway. The guest speaker
this year is HaRav Noach Isaac Oelbaum shlita, Rav of Congregation
Nachlos Yitzchok in Queens and mechaber of numerous volumes of chid-
dushim on shas.
Rabbi Shayeh Kohn, executive director of the Yeshiva, explained that “the
ruach in the Yeshiva is to finish Mesechtas, in addition to the learning b’eyun
of the 1st seder. It’s a tremendous accomplishment by each of the boys –
which is actively encouraged by the Yeshiva. Rabbi Aaron Brafman, Menahel,
works year in and year out to create the climate that helps the bochurim to
achieve their goal.”
“When so many bochurim devote their time to learning beyond the for-
mal curriculum, the entire atmosphere in the Yeshiva is enhanced”, said
Rabbi Brafman. He continued “we set the tone by organizing chavrusas and
chaburas. Rabbi Avrohom Kleinkaufman says a shiur on the perakim which
are not being learned as part of the regular sedarim in the Yeshiva. Older,
post high school bochurim learn b’chavrusa and in chaburas with younger
high school boys.
One third year Bais Medrash bochur, who has been in the Yeshiva since
9th grade and is making a siyum on his seventh mesechta , one each year
since he started high school, describes how he spends part of his lunch time
every day learning with a group of 12th graders, besides learning two nights
a week to help another high school boy complete the Mesechta . When chal-
lenged, “Doesn’t this take away from your own learning?” he responded “I
have to give something back to the Yeshiva also!”
Another young m’sayam, an 11th grader, is learning early in the morning
with a 9th grader. He observed, “I see how awesome it is to get other peo-
ple to learn. They think learning is boring, not exciting, but when you work
hard and feel a sense of accomplishment (by completing a mesechta and
making a siyum) you want to learn more.” This will be his third siyum; he
still reviews the Gemorah he learned in the first two years in the Yeshiva.
Rav Yechiel Perr shlita, Rosh Hayeshiva, is justifiably proud of the accomplish-
ments of his talmidim and invites the entire community to join the celebration.
COMMUNITY HAPPENINGS
YESHIVA KETANA OF LONG ISLAND
HACHNOCHAS SEFER TORAH
On Sunday, May 2, 2010, Lag B’Omer 5770, Yeshiva Ketana of Long
Island hosted its first ever Hachnochas Sefer Torah.
Yeshiva Ketana, in its fourteen years of existence, has never had a Sefer
Torah to call its own - until now. Through the generous and gracious efforts
of Mrs. and Mrs. Meyer and Rachel Bluth, grandparents of talmidim in the
Yeshiva, a new Sefer Torah has been written and permanently housed in
Yeshiva Ketana.
The Sefer Torah, dubbed “The Children’s Sefer Torah” by Mrs. Bluth, was
donated l’zecher nishmos the 1,500,000 precious children who perished
amongst the ashes of the Holocaust , and in honor of the children of Yeshiva
Ketana who will learn to cherish our heritage and the Sefer Torah that is
represented by it.
“From the ashes of the Holocaust, wherein 6,000,000 kedoshim perished,
1,500,000 were children who would never grow up to love and learn our
precious Torah. It is with great joy and gratitude to Hakadesh Baruch Hu
that we are about to see a life-long dream come to fruition,” comments
Meyer Bluth.
Over the few weeks prior to the event, in anticipation of this rare and
most important mitzvah, Yeshiva Ketana has incorporated the importance
of the mitzvah of Kesivas Sefer Torah into its curriculum on all grade levels
– from youngest to oldest. What makes this Sefer Torah so special is that
each talmid of the Yeshiva wrote in it their own ois; so it truly is our chil-
dren’s Sefer Torah.
In addition to the participation of the Yeshiva’s talmidim, community par-
ents, friends and rabbanim participated in the kesiva of this Children’s Sefer
Torah as different kesivos took place throughout the Five Towns and Far
Rockaway. Thanks to the generosity of those individuals who opened their
homes in the last several weeks, Robi & Suri Flegmann (Lawrence), Moshe
& Amy Weiss (Cedarhurst), Michael & Aviva Oppenheim (Woodmere),
Josh & Shelley Winkler (Far Rockaway) and Charles & Dena Harary
(Woodmere), the Sefer Torah campaign became a Kiddush Hashem and
truly a community project.
One Board Member of the Yeshiva, Eric Stern, recounted the appropriate-
ness of the dedication of this Sefer Torah and its name, “The Children’s
Sefer Torah,” through a story his wife’s grandmother recounted:
“The paramount importance of a Hachnochas Sefer Torah was not appre-
ciated by me until 2 years ago when we went to visit my wife’s grandpar-
ents the Sunday before Rosh Hashonah in Boro Park. We tried for several
hours to reach our grandmother, Babi Konig, who knew we were coming
with all the children, but was not answering the door. Finally in late after-
noon, she answered. She told us that she had just returned home from a
Hachnochas Sefer Torah. I then asked her, ‘If you knew you had a
Hachnochas Sefer Torah, why didn’t you tell us beforehand. We would have
planned accordingly.’
Babi responded that she did not know beforehand she was going to be
participating in a Hachnochas Sefer Torah, but heard the music and bells
from a Sefer Torah parade and went down to participate. She had no idea
who donated the Sefer Torah or where it was going. When I commented
15
THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010
how strange it was that she would leave her home for several hours to par-
ticipate in a Hachnochas Sefer Torah of a stranger, her next words continue
to echo in my mind: ‘When I was a young girl in Yora, Hungary, where my
father a”h was the Rov, I remember when the Nazis, yemach shemom, came
into the town square and began to burn all of the seforim and Sifrei Torah
in a large bonfire before my eyes. My older brother in his anger and fear,
grabbed one small Sefer Torah from the ashes of the others and began to
run. I watched the back of my brother’s frock flap away as the Nazis tried
to catch him. At that time my brother escaped with the small Sefer Torah,
but that was the last time I saw my brother. I pledged for the rest of my life,
I will never forget how the Sifrei Torah burned, and I thought I would never
see another Sefer Torah again. Now, whenever I hear the music and bells
of the Sefer Torah truck, I stop what I am doing, no matter what, and I
dance in celebration of the continuity of Klal Yisroel.’
Yeshiva Ketana, recognizing this tremendous mitzvah, invited the entire
community to participate in their Hachnochas Sefer Torah. The celebration
began with the kesivos oiseyos achronos at the Bluth residence. The proces-
sion continued with singing and dancing to its permanent home at Yeshiva
Ketana of Long Island.
Many took a break from their weekly Sunday activities, and joined the
music and bells of the Sefer Torah truck as it was danced in celebration of
our children and this momentous mitzvah.
POWERFUL WORDS WRITTEN BY MRS. RACHEL BLUTH
PRIOR TO THE EVENT
Recently, I took a break from the last-minute plans for the Hachnosas Sefer Torah to
go make the daily visit to my parents in Boro Park. As I walked through the door of
their apartment, their caretaker told me that a man had left a gift for me. This gen-
tleman was a friend of hers from Poland, but not known to me. She passed me a
small plastic bag, from which I withdrew a card written in an uneven hand. It read
as follows: “Best wishes from Mrs. Zgarda's friends, Gregory and Tatiana. Please
keep this menorah, from Warshav Ghetto. A gift from my heart. Shalom.” Nothing
more.
I reached inside the bag and withdrew a tarnished, crudely hewn metal menorah.
Seen through simple eyes, one might envision an unskilled smithy fashioned this
menorah, with its eight square little troughs that hold no more than a teaspoon of oil
C O N T I N U E D O N PA G E 1 6
 COMMUNITY HAPPENINGS
16
THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010
YESHIVA OF SOUTH SHORE
NEW FIRST GRADE REBBE
Yeshiva Toras Chaim of South Shore welcomes Rabbi Yaakov Elchonon
Mitnick who will be joining their staff as a first grade rebbe. Rabbi
Mitnick, an experienced mechanech who hails from a family of distin-
guished mechanchim will be teaching the new additional first grade class
that the yeshiva has committed to open due to increased enrollment and
demand.
Pictured from right to left - the three first grade rabbeim of Yeshiva Toras
Chaim, Rabbi Nachman Segal, Rabbi Yaakov Elchonon Mitnick and
Rabbi Henoch Gewirtz
C O N T I N U E D F R O M PA G E 1 5
in each chamber, possibly just enough to light for the mandatory half hour in order
to fulfill the Mitzvah of..... 'lehadlik ner shel Chanukah.' Suddenly, it hit me. I was
holding a piece of history that bore witness to the Holocaust. A menorah that was
lit in reverence, with the same hope of surviving the battle as the Chashmonaim did
so many centuries before and went on to give us cause to celebrate Chanukah.
Sadly, that was not to be. The Warsaw Ghetto was decimated and all its residents
transported to the crematoria or concentration camps, most of them never to be seen
or heard from again. Only this little menorah remains. A miraculous survivor that
bears witness to the horror that consumed six million of our people, men, women
and children. Now it reappears, after more than 70 years in hiding, just in time to
witness the miracle of our survival and tremendous growth, ba”h, and a reconfirma-
tion of Hashem's glorious gift to us. His Torah.
A Sefer Torah, written L'zacher Nishmas my parents-in-law who were Holocaust sur-
vivors, in memory of the six million who perished, amongst them 1.5 million children
who would never grow up to learn the Holy Words, is about to enter into its new
home. How surreal is it that on the eve of this momentous event, a little, unimpres-
sive menorah surfaces, a relic of a lost generation, that stood by, watched, waited
and survived to come forth just at this moment to take part in this sterling and joyous
celebration. To represent the spirit of those departed, and whose memory we honor.
The little menorah that lit up the last Chanukah of a family in Warsaw before its tiny
flames burned out and the all consuming darkness descended, will be lit again this
Chanukah after more than seven decades in darkness; its little flames will burn along-
side the brightly polished silver menorahs. And it will be lit for generations to come,
by my grandchildren and their children until Moshiach arrives and takes us all home.
BNOT SHULAMITH MIDDLE SCHOOL
WINS TORAH BOWL CROWN – AGAIN!
The Bnot Shulamith Middle School Torah Bowl team has done it again!
For a record third year in a row, Bnot Shulamith has captured the Eastern
Conference crown of the Metropolitan Junior Torah Bowl League, and will
soon compete in the city-wide championship against Western Division
champion Moriah, and Central Division winner Ramaz.
The league, coordinated by Rabbi Meir Wolofsky, brings together students
from fifteen schools from the greater New York/New Jersey region to com-
pete in this "College Bowl" format program. Bnot Shulamith won a dramat-
ic sudden-death tie-breaker round against HALB to launch them into the
championship round in which the girls will be tested on the entire Sefer
B’raishit, including Rashi’s commentary.
“We are thrilled that winning Torah Bowl titles has become a three-time
chazakah,” beamed Rabbi Nosson N. Schreiber, principal of Bnot Shulamith
Middle School, and team coach. “It says a lot about the quality and diligence
of our 7th and 8th graders who mastered such challenging material with
such clarity. I’m especially proud of what it says about our school family, as
three members of this year’s championship team are younger siblings of our
previous champions!”
Team members are Gabriella Englander (captain), Atara Huberfeld, Leah
Klahr, Devorah Meisels, Racheli Moskowitz, Adina Nenner, Esther
Rothman, Chaviva Schreiber, Shoshana Schreier and Shayna Wilamowsky.
The Bnot Shulamith Middle School Torah Bowl Championship team pictured with coach and principal,
Rabbi Nosson N. Schreiber. Top row: Gabriella Englander (team captain): Middle Row (L-R): Devorah
Meisels, Chaviva Schreiber and Esther Rothman. Bottom Row (L-R): Racheli Moskowitz, Shayna
Wilamowsky, Leah Klahr, Shoshana Schreier, Atara Huberfeld and Adina Nenner (standing)
A Sea of Green
marched down
Fifth Avenue, as
the proud
students of Bnot
Shulamith of
Long Island,
wore shirts
designed by
Yedida Holzer of
the 8th grade
 adraigos, the local organization that helps teens in crisis, recently moved into 17

MADRAIGOS M
its new location at 936 Broadway in Woodmere. Led by the indefatigable Rabbi

THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010

Dov Silver, Madraigos provides counseling, vocational training, learning part-
ners and entertainment for our youth facing serious challenges. In the past year
alone, Madraigos serviced five hundred and seventy teens and young adults in
some capacity with an emphasis on the specific need of each individual.
I was fortunate to join the Madraigos staff this past February, right before the big move to
the new Woodmere facility. I was amazed by the attention to every detail to insure that a
warm and comfortable environment was created for those seeking help. Rabbi Silver said,
“Everything needs to look new and beautiful so the kids know we have a special place where
they can come and feel safe.” Every aspect of the building and design reflects Rabbi Silver’s
words, from the new pool tables to the comfortable couches. Through its new home,
Madraigos will be better equipped to assist hundreds of young adults in a more efficient
manner.
Community leaders and those who have been helped by Madriagos recognize and support
Rabbi Silver and his staff. All the local Rabbanim have joined the rabbinic committee to sup-
port Madraigos in conjunction with its upcoming fundraising breakfast on June 13th.
Dr. Hylton Lightman, a prominent local physician, wrote in a wonderful letter of support:
“Providing an outlet for these kids, as well as vocational and career training, Madraigos
ensures that they are off the streets and involved in productive activities. Madraigos has
helped innumerable teenagers deal with the challenges of living in today’s times, and many
of them have come back as mentors to help other kids in similar situations.”
In a typical week, Rabbi Silver is contacted by more than five children or young adults in
need of Madraigos’ services. In my short time at Madraigos, I have had the opportunity to
meet many people whose lives have been saved by Rabbi Silver. One young man told me
that he is now married, expecting his first child, employed with a good job and enjoys a close
connection with his family. This individual attributes all he has to the love, support and
countless hours that he spent one-on-one with Rabbi Silver.
Madraigos has been and remains a critical resource for parents, schools and rabbis
and most importantly, the children of our community. These are OUR children. Children
from ALL schools and hashkafos. And, sadly, during these difficult times, more and more
children, adolescents and their families are reaching out to Madraigos for help.
MADRAIGOS HAS Consequently, the financial pressure on
Madraigos has grown commensurately, and

A NEW HOME now more than ever, you, the residents of the
Five Towns and Far Rockaway community
are needed to help shoulder this burden.
B Y YA A K O V F A R K A S H Chazal say, “Saving one life is equivalent to
saving the whole world”. Imagine how
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR many worlds you can help save by support-
MADRAIGOS ing the critical, life-saving work of
Madraigos! TJH
Rabbi Dov Silver, Director of Madraigos

WE VALUE
YOUR OPINION.

PLEASE EMAIL US
WITH YOUR OPINIONS
AND LET US KNOW
WHAT ELSE YOU WANT
TO SEE.

editor@fivetownsjewishhome.com
18
B’LEV ARI DAVID BLOCK BEIS MEDRASH PROGRAM
THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010

AT YESHIVA SH’OR YOSHUV

eshiva Sh’or Yoshuv and the Block Family announce the formation of Ari was strongly influenced by his grandfather, Rabbi Morris J. Block, z”l, who

Y
the B’Lev Ari Beis Medrash Program. This chavrusa -style learning pro-
gram will pair up special needs and developmentally disabled men with
specially trained bochurim. The program’s objective is to ensure that
these men have the opportunity to learn Torah in a warm and inviting
environment. The derech taken toward Torah enlightenment will be according to
each person’s interest and abilities. Various themes include focusing on chagim
and parshas hashavuah. The program also includes basketball, pizza and refresh-
ments.
This program is in memory of Ari Block z”l who was niftar on the 25th of Iyar
three years ago. Ari was a Kollel member of Yeshiva Sh’or Yoshuv and in their
smicha program. In his short 24 years, Ari’s impact on his family, friends and com-
munity was profound. From a young age Ari displayed a strong desire to refine
his middos and exhibited a strong commitment to serving Hashem. Ari’s hard
work paid off in his relationships as well as in his avodas Hashem. All who came
in contact with him were astonished at his growth, toil in Torah and Yiddishkeit.
He maintained an unusual balance in his development and was able to bridge all
gaps and build relationships with his peers, family and rebbeim.
Ari was married to Faigy Ludmir for 11 months and had a son, Avrohom
Yeshaya. The Rosh Yeshiva of Sh’or Yoshuv, Rav Naftali Jaeger, has consistently
expressed how Ari left a large void in the Kollel and in the Yeshiva and how
impressed he was with Ari’s dedication and hasmadah during his first year of mar-
riage.
Ari was also simultaneously studying in college and was just short of receiving
his Master’s degree in special education. Through his participation in Ohel Bais
Ezra and Camp Simcha, Ari worked with and was inspired by special individuals.
founded and directed the Brooklyn Hebrew School for Special Children (now
named the Block Institute). The Block Institute is dedicated to improving the
quality of life of the developmentally disabled and their families. What began as
a service to 6 developmentally disabled young adults, operating in a two car
garage in Brooklyn, is now a multi-service agency providing educational, voca-
tional, residential and clinical services to more than 1200 developmentally dis-
abled children and adults and their families. This non-profit agency employs
nearly 500 people. Ari knew firsthand what his grandfather had established and
became profoundly influenced by the posuk in Mishlei “Chanoch l’naar al pi
darko.”
The B’lev Ari Program meets monthly on Sunday evenings in Sh’or Yoshuv. The
program is under the dynamic leadership of Rabbi Dovi Block (Ari’s first cousin,
close friend and current fourth grade Rebbe at the Hebrew Academy of Long
Beach). Since its inception, this program has been well attended and has gener-
ated excitement amongst the attendees. Both bochurim and their learning part-
ners have benefitted and created valuable relationships.
This program is being sponsored by Dr. and Mrs. Robert Block and family and
is one of several programs being funded by the B’Lev Ari Foundation. This foun-
dation was established for the purpose of assisting various programs for the devel-
opmentally disabled that will help increase their inclusion and opportunity for
learning Torah. We look forward to having even greater participation as we con-
tinue to forge ahead with this program. Ari would be pleased with this program,
and we pray to Hashem that all the learning that takes place will bring an aliyah
to his neshama . All interested families are encouraged to contact Rabbi Dovy
Block at 917-575-4085 or Dr. Robert Block at 602-387-0483 for further informa-
tion and participation.

the
all
new

a learning program for

developmentally disabled young men

one on one learning with

Sh’or Yoshuv yeshiva bochurim
warm embracing atmosphere
lots of fun
basketball in the gym
refreshments and pizza served
Aliza Nugiel Designs 203-568-1803

Next Program: June 13th at 7:00 pm

Located at Yeshiva Sh’or Yoshuv — 1 Cedar Lawn Ave, Lawrence, NY 11559
To join or for more information please contact:
Dr. Block 602-387-0483 or Dovi Block 917-575-4085
19

THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010

20 ne Israel Fund is dedicated to sup-
O
porting the welfare and safety of the
THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010
men, women and children of Judea
and Samaria and is dedicated to
rebuilding the lives of those who
were impacted by the 2005 Gaza evacuation.
Working in concert with local communities,
government officials and the IDF, One Israel
Fund fills the gaps in medical, social, recre-
ational and preventive security services which
are conspicuously lacking in this region. Their
goal is to undertake ongoing fundraising cam-
paigns to help ensure the physical, emotional
and moral well-being of the Jewish families liv-
ing in each and every community in these areas.
One Israel Fund was created in 1994 shortly
after the signing of the Oslo Accords. At that
time the policy of all the major US Jewish philan-
thropic organizations prohibited any funding for
communities situated in YESHA –the Hebrew
acronym for the areas of Judea, Samaria and Gaza
(a/k/a Yehuda, Shomron and Aza). This policy
also extended to parts of Jerusalem and the
Jordan Valley. To this day, many of these organi-
zations continue to withhold support from these
areas, even for basic security and emergency
medical equipment, which are sorely needed
since the outbreak of terror in 2000. Back in
1994, there were approximately 125,000 citizens
residing in just over 100 communities in YESHA.
Today those numbers have grown exponentially
to over 300,000 residents and over 145 commu-
nities.
One Israel Fund provides surveillance cam-
eras, emergency lighting systems, communication gear,
medical equipment, bulletproof ambulances and vests and
EMT facilities. All of these items spell the difference
between life and death. One Israel Fund also continues to
fund communal projects including playgrounds, youth
and senior centers and specialized armored transportation
for the physically challenged which add greatly to the
quality of life. Additionally, One Israel Fund provides
unique items to the soldiers throughout the country.
You may wonder why the communities situated in
YESHA are so vital to our homeland’s survival. For one, it
has always been an indisputable fact that Judea and
Samaria provide vital security for the rest of the country.
But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. The latest polls in
Israel today show that nearly 50% of all elite officers
in the IDF come from the areas of Judea and Samaria.
This is an incredible number given the disproportionate
ONE
ISRAEL
FUND
numbers within the IDF. Why is this so? What is creat-
ing this fervent desire to serve one’s country beyond the
required amount of time? And why have these commu-
nities grown so rapidly, despite the daily threat to the lives
of those who liver there?
The reasons are quite clear for anyone living in what is
known as our Biblical Heartland. It is equally obvious for
those fortunate enough to visit. This is the land that the
patriarchs and matriarchs and many of the leaders of the
Jewish People walked throughout the TaNach. Towns
like Elon Moreh, Efrat, Shilo, Eli, Hevron and Bet El are,
once again, flourishing in the hands of our people. The
connection to the land and to the 3,000 year history of the
Jewish People is enormously palpable for those living
here.
For the past sixteen years, One Israel Fund has been the
only organization which contributes to all of these com-
munities. Moreover, One Israel Fund serves as a connec-
tion to that strength which continues to thrive in our
heartland. The achdut created by bringing people from
America to meet with the people of YESHA and witness
their strength is yet, another goal.
In the coming weeks and months, we hope to bring you
insights into the many communities and their residents.
We plan to give you, the reader, a flavor for the variety of
dedicated pioneers who make YESHA their home. We
will take you on a ride through the Judean Hills and
the wide expanse of the Shomron. You will meet the
people, understand the issues affecting daily life, taste
the award winning wines and delectable foods, and
relive 3,000 years of history.
In this inaugural issue of The Jewish Home, of
which we are proud to be a part of, we would
like to share with you one of our most success-
ful projects which has built that achdut, our
“Shluker Campaign”. The Shluker (pronounced
“Shloo-ker”) is a soldier’s best defense against
dehydration. It’s thin, lightweight, fits easily
inside a pack and carries three liters of water so
that taking a sip is quick, convenient and safe.
With the entire IDF on high alert, One Israel Fund
continues to work together with the units to
ensure that each soldier receives this vital piece of
equipment. While the government gives them the
armor and training to succeed, we try to find
those items which may be lacking but are equally
important to them. IDF soldiers in the field carry
close to eighty pounds of gear. They carry this
equipment for extended periods of time and they
need to have a ready supply of water to keep from
dehydrating. Since the Gaza War broke out in
December of 2008, One Israel Fund has distributed
over 3,000 Shlukers to soldiers throughout the
country.
A large part of the program’s success has come
from junior and senior high school students. This
campaign has been successfully run in schools and
communities throughout the country and has been
chosen by numerous Bar and Bat Mitzvah students
as a way of enhancing their simcha. Many of these
kids have had the opportunity to visit Israel to
mark their momentous occasion and One Israel
Fund has arranged for them to visit an army base
and personally present their gift to the soldiers.
Students from schools throughout the Five Towns have
participated in this project and the connection made
between student and soldier is everlasting.
The uniqueness of this particular project is that this
piece of equipment remains with the soldier for a signifi-
cant part of their military career. It is not a momentary gift
which, over time, is forgotten. This is an item which each
soldier takes with them on every training or combat mis-
sion. The donor, in effect, is with them each step of the
way and every time that soldier takes a drink, the bond is
re-established.
If you would like to learn more about this or any other
project, please contact our offices at 516.239.9202 or
visit us online at www.oneisraelfund.org. Additionally,
if you are planning a trip to Israel in the future and want
to visit the communities of Yehuda and Shomron, give us
a call. TJH

CRISIS and ILLNESS
“DON’T FORGET ME!”:
CARING FOR THE BROTHERS AND SISTERS OF ILL CHILDREN
ANDY LAUBER, LMSW DIRECTOR, I-SHINE
t was a simple question, “Are you Sammy’s brother? How’s he doing?”
I
But it unleashed a tirade of resentment and frustration in Joshua.
“Why do I have to always be known as Sammy’s brother?” he seethed
inwardly. “What’s wrong with plain old Joshua? Why doesn’t anyone
want to know how I’M doing? Why don’t I count?”
The National Childhood Cancer Foundation estimates that 11,000 children
and teenagers will be diagnosed with cancer this year. Their families will be
thrown into turmoil, lives upended and routines destroyed by treatment, pos-
sible surgeries, and disruption in the patient’s school and social lives.
Their siblings face a new and frightening world as well.
It’s not easy being the sibling of a child with a life-threatening illness like can-
cer or a devastating chronic condition that requires continuing medical atten-
tion. Life changes for the entire family; it is imperative that each member
receives the attention and support needed to adjust, and hopefully, to thrive in
the face of illness.
Children in elementary school often find it particularly difficult, because they
are so dependent upon their parents at this stage in their lives. Like Joshua,
they may feel a wide range of emotions, among them;
• Jealousy of the extra attention devoted to the sick child
• Anger at the ill child for “stealing” their parents’ attention or for the loss of
normal life. They may be angry about why this
has happened to their brother or sister.
—————————————————
• Frustration at losing a playmate or because the
ill child has disrupted the family’s life. They UNFORTUNATELY, DUE TO THE SEVERITY
may feel frustrated that they can’t help a sibling AND THE UNPREDICTABILITY OF
feel better. MANAGING A CHILD’S ILLNESS, OFTEN
THE SIBLINGS ARE EITHER NEGLECTED
• Resentment at loss of vacation time or the need
for family members to make compromises.
OR BECOME SECONDARY TO
THE CURRENT CRISIS AT HAND.
• Fear that they too will become ill, or fear that
the sibling could die. —————————————————
• Helplessness and insecurity.
• Embarrassment in the presence of peers because of a sibling’s illness.
• Feeling silenced in the presence of parents also pained by the sibling’s ill-
ness, out of concern for their feelings.
• Guilt. Siblings may feel guilty about their negative feelings, seeing them as
unfair and petty, especially since their sibling is ill.
It's important to remember that these are common and completely normal
responses. Problems arise when these feelings persist and interfere in siblings'
everyday life and functioning. Unfortunately, due to the severity and the unpre-
dictability of managing a child’s illness, often the siblings are either neglected
or become secondary to the current crisis at hand.
When Abigail’s brother was diagnosed with cancer, her parents were con-
sumed with doctors, hospitals, and treatment options. During her frequent hos-
pital stays, Abigail was shunted from one relative to another. She never knew
more than a day or two in advance who would pick her up from school, where
she would be sleeping, and who would help her with homework. Her school-
work suffered and she became quiet and withdrawn.
21
THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010
Benjamin’s life also became chaotic when his mother gave birth to a child
with a serious genetic disorder. When the baby failed to develop normally, his
mother made the rounds of specialists and therapists with the infant. While she
was careful to line up sitters, Benjamin came home to a different face every day.
HELPING OUR CHILDREN TO COPE
WITH A SIBLING’S ILLNESS
We can’t shield our children from the reality of illness, but parents can help
them adjust and assist as they develop coping mechanisms. In the midst of
everything that is going on, the following basic rules of thumb can make a
major difference in the lives of brothers and sisters.
Communication is critical. Providing age-appropriate information helps chil-
dren make sense of their world. When discussing illness, answer questions
honestly and hopefully in terms the child can understand. Young children don’t
need to know all the details, but parents can expect questions that are often
blunt. Be reassuring. Parents should endeavor to provide honest and compas-
sionate answers and stress that they will still be an emotional support, even if
they can’t be home.
Children crave stability in their lives. Providing consistent, day-to-day struc-
ture for children is critical. The ideal situation is to have the same caregiver or
set of caregivers take care of the child, beginning with the end of the school day.
This will alleviate anxiety, and help children to feel safe and secure.
Let the school know what’s happening at home.
Next to home, school is the most important influ-
ence on children’s lives. Rebbes, teachers, mental
health professionals, and administrators can play a
crucial role in helping children get through the
emotional and social crisis of living with illness.
Knowing of an unusual situation at home can help
the school pinpoint behavior that is out of the
norm and interpret changes in attitude or affect.
Trusted adults in school can become outlets for
expressing thoughts and feelings that children may
feel would be a burden to parents.
I - S H I N E : S T A B I L I T Y, L O V E A N D C A R E
Because parents can’t be in all places at once, Chai Lifeline developed i-Shine
to offer a safe, secure, stable after-school environment for children impacted by
illness or loss in their families. The impetus came from three mothers, Deena
Intrator, Annette Kaufman, and Stacey Zrihen, who understood the good that
the entire community can do for children in this situation.
Having a brother, sister, or parent who is seriously ill is one of the worst
things that can happen in a child’s life. There’s no way to take away the pain and
disruption, but programs like i-Shine, combined with compassionate parents
and caregivers who strive to create a consistent home environment for the
child, can mean the difference between a child who can cope with adversity and
one for whom the challenges are too great.
i-Shine meets twice a week during the school year at HAFTR, which has gra-
ciously donated space since the inception of the program. It provides home-
work assistance, mentoring, games, snacks and dinner to children who might
otherwise be shunted to relatives or friends after school because their parents
C O N T I N U E D O N PA G E 2 7
 PARSHAparables
22
THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010
PARSHAS BEHALOSECHA
SWEET MEMORIES
Sweet memories do not fade fast. And neither do pungent ones. That
is why the Jewish nation complained bitterly about their miraculous fare,
the manna. The manna was a miraculous treat sent daily from heaven to
sustain a nation of more than two million people in a barren desert. It
was shaped like coriander seed, shone like crystal, and had a miraculous
property. It would assume the flavor of any cuisine that its consumer
would think about! If a person wanted steak, it tasted like steak. If ice
cream was on the menu of the mind, then ice cream it was. My teachers,
though I can't imagine they had Midrashic sources, claimed that it could
even taste like Cookie Dough Ice Cream! There was a small catch, how-
ever. Though the manna had the miraculous ability to transform into a
palette of delicacies, merely on the whim of its consumer, it was not able
to transform into every imaginable taste. It could not assume the taste of
onions, garlic, and a variety of gourds. The divine ability was of course
there, but Hashem's compassion overrode His culinary metamorphosis
process. Onions and garlic are not the best foods for nursing mothers.
And if a pregnant or nursing mother would think of the pungent flavors
of those foods, it would, perhaps, maltreat the child.
And thus the men complained, "we remember the fish that we ate in
Egypt - and the gourds and onions and garlic! But now there is nothing,
we look forward to nothing but the manna!" (Bamidbar 11:5-6).
Check out
the best
lunch special
in town!
143 Washington Ave. / Lawrence, NY 11559
516.239.TACO
BY RABBI MORDECHAI KAMENETZKY
Though the complaint seems slightly ludicrous, for many years I won-
dered: Supernatural Divinity was able to transform the dough-like fare
into the most sumptuous of meals - all according to the whim and fancy
of the individual taster. Why, then, didn't Divinity let the manna discern?
Let a garlic taste manifest itself only for the men and women who it
would not affect, and not for the women who were with child, whose
babies would be harmed by the pungent effluvium?
Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski in “Not Just Stories” tells the legend of
Rabbi Moshe of Kobrin, whose disciple, Reb Yitzchok, was in dire straits.
Impoverished, he had hardly any food to feed his children, and in addi-
tion he had two daughters to wed. Reb Yitzchak's wife pleaded with him
to ask the Rebbe of Kobrin for a blessing, but alas, each time Reb
Yitzchak crossed the saintly Rebbe's threshold, he forgot about his own
necessities.
Finally, Reb Yitzchak mustered the courage to ask for a blessing of
wealth.
Rabbi Moshe promised him the blessing of great wealth, but he made
one provision. He gave Reb Yitzchak two gold coins and ordered him to
buy the finest food and drink.
"However," added the Rebbe, "your wife and children may not partake
in any of this food. Not a morsel. Not under any circumstance. After you
use the money," concluded the Rebbe, "return back here."
The next days were mere torture. As his starving wife and children
looked on, Reb Yitzchak only nibbled on the food he had bought. He
was sick to his stomach. The fine delicacies had no flavor. He could not
bear to see the pain of his starving family while he enjoyed the finest
food. The pain added a gall-like flavor to the normally delicious food.
Reb Yitzchak pleaded with the Almighty to take his soul so that he
would not bear the pain.
Reb Yitzchak quickly returned to the Rebbe.
"Yitzchak," said the Rebbe. "I could have blessed you immediately,
but are you ready to enjoy the abundance of wealth, while knowing
that other Jews do not have? Your recent experience is a lesson for
those who have, while others are deprived. Now, Yitzchak, are you
ready for wealth?"
Reb Yitzchak exclaimed, "Never!" and returned home.
Eventually, the blessing rested upon Reb Yitzchak and his wife, but
they never forgot the plight of others.
Manna fell with inherent qualities; and it had the potential to
explode with a bounty of delicious flavors. But it would not be fair to
limit its pleasures only to a portion of the people. If expectant and
nursing women could not partake in certain foods, their spouses and
the entire nation had to share the restrictions too.
And though there may be no great pain in abstaining from onion and
garlic for a while, it is important to find commonality even in life's lit-
tle inconveniences. Because true sharing, is feeling the pain of even the
minutest discomforts. It is a lesson that Klal Yisrael had to learn as they
trekked together in the desert, striving to become one large unit. They
learned to unite by joining together while missing out on some of the
spices of life. Because the nation that blands together - bands together!
PARSHAparables
PARSHAS SHELACH
A MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE
This week we read about the twelve spies who were sent to scout
out the Land of Canaan. Their mission of surveillance was meant to
prepare the Jewish nation so that the entry into their promised
homeland be smooth and virtually without surprises. Total trust in
Hashem's Divine design should have warranted no mortal meddling,
but mortal prudence or perhaps apprehension and skepticism
prompted their desire to manage the situation in their own way. And,
as has been the case with the relationship between Jews and their
land from time immemorial, the results were disastrous. All the
spies, save the righteous Calev and Yehoshua, brought back tales of
woe, predictions of destruction, and assurances of defeat. The Jews
were quickly and simply swayed, and the buoyant expectancy of a
gallant entry into the land promised to our forefathers, quickly
turned into a night of bemoaning anticipated enduring misfortunes.
That night, the 9th day of the fifth month, became engraved in the
annals of our history as a night of weeping. What began as unwar-
ranted wailing turned into a forever fateful night the 9th of Av. From
the saga of the spies to the destruction of two Temples, to the sign-
ing of inquisition, to the outbreak of World War I, the war to end all
wars, the 9th of Av is a hallmark of Jewish misfortunes. But if we
analyze the complaints of the meraglim (spies), we find an emerg-
ing pattern of skewed vision. They saw fruit so big and beautiful
that it had to be carried on a double pole. Yet they viewed it as an
indication of giant produce, indicative of the degree of food matter
that nourished their powerful and physically giant adversaries.
But not only the living species gave them conniptions. They
brought forth to the Children of Israel an evil report on the Land
that they had spied out, saying, "The Land through which we have
passed, to spy it out, is a land that devours its inhabitants! All the
people that we saw in it were huge! (Numbers 13:32).
Rashi explains the meaning of "a land that devours its inhabi-
tants." The meraglim complained, "In every place which we passed
we found the inhabitants burying their dead" They missed the

point. In fact, Hashem caused many deaths amongst them at that
time, and so the Canaanites were engaged in burying their dead.
APRONSMAINTENANCE
BASKETBALLTEAMSMEDICAL
This proved beneficial for the spies, because the giants were occu-
pied with their mourning and paid no attention to the spies. BASEBALLTEAMSRESTAURANT
How can an event that was providentially meant to be so benefi-
cial, be misconstrued as an omen of misfortune? CHEFAPPARELSCREENPRINTING
Back in the early 1950's a large shoe consortium with stores
across the United States and Canada, decided to take their business
venture into the emerging continent of Africa. They sent two of
their salesman to explore the prospects of business in the remote
villages across the Dark Continent. After just one week, they
received a cable from the first salesman: "I am returning at once. No 
hope for business. Nobody here wears shoes!" They did not hear
from the second salesman for four weeks. Then one day an urgent
cable arrived. "Send 15,000 pairs of shoes at once! I have leased
space in five locations. Will open chain of stores. This place is filled
with opportunity. Nobody has shoes!"
23
THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010
BY RABBI MORDECHAI KAMENETZKY
The Steipler Gaon, Rabbi Yisrael Yaakov Kanievsky, zt”l in his clas-
sic work on Chumash, Birchas Peretz explains that poor attitudes
help forge opinions that are diametric to the truth. The Talmud tells
us that, "Man is led in the path that he chooses to travel!"
Imagine. The spies see these giants wailing and weeping at massive
funerals day after day. They should have figured that this plague was
an anomaly, for if this was the norm, then the funerals would have
become part of their everyday existence, and hardly an event worthy
of disrupting their normally tight security.
In fact, comments the Steipler, that in the times of Yehoshua, the
two spies who entered Canaan were immediately detected on the
very day they arrived, and they were hunted with a vengeance! Yet
these twelve spies remained unnoticed. But the spies did not look at
the events with that view. When people have sour opinions and want
to see only doom and gloom, then even a ray of light will blind them.
When one is constantly weighed down with worry, he will only drag
his feet down the path of discontent. However, if we take life's
bumpy road, as a chance to exercise our endurance, and turn the
lemons handed to us into lemonade, then unlike the meraglim we
will glean light from even the seemingly darkest abyss. And one day
we will follow the path of that light to the Promised Land.


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24

Bnot Shulamith of
THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010

Long Island
Elementary School and Middle School
25

THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010

26 As a consortium, decision making is a joint process,
with the involvement of principals and lay leaders
THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010

from each school. In a beautiful display of unity,

meetings and continuous discussions are held each

CAHAL: year to discuss the needs of CAHAL and the children

in the community.

a snapshot
WHERE ARE CAHAL’S CLASSES LOCATED?
Children suffer emotionally and psychologically
when isolated in a “special school.” CAHAL remedies
this by establishing its classes in the local yeshivas.
Learning disabled children now attend the same
school as their friends, neighbors and siblings. Their
classrooms are adjacent to the other rooms, and out-
wardly appear to be the same. Yet inside the CAHAL
room, professional educators utilizing unique, indi-
vidualized curricula, encourage the children and
CAHAL IS AN ACRONYM FOR instill within them the knowledge, skills and confi-
COMMUNITIES ACTING TO HEIGHTEN dence necessary to succeed.

AWARENESS AND LEARNING CAHAL students and mainstream students jointly

participate in all non-academic activities such as class
trips, gym, recess, lunch, plays, spelling bees and sci-
ence fairs. The children, therefore, feel like students
WHAT IS CAHAL? CAHAL is a program of self-contained Special Education class-
of the host school rather than students of CAHAL. This is very important for the
es for children with learning disabilities from kindergarten through twelfth grade.
child’s self esteem.
WHO STARTED CAHAL & WHY? CAHAL was organized by local rabbis, prin-
THE GOAL – MAINSTREAMING. As the children develop their learning and
cipals and community leaders concerned with the challenges presented by children
social skills, CAHAL will mainstream them into the “regular,” conventional classes.
with learning disabilities, speech and language impairments and attention deficit
The fact that CAHAL classes are located in the local yeshivas rather than in a sepa-
disorders, who were not succeeding in the mainstream yeshiva class.
rate, special school, helps to facilitate and streamline the mainstreaming process.
WHY DO THE SCHOOLS NEED CAHAL? Every school has children with There are no travel or transportation issues to delay or impede this process. The
learning disabilities. Yet individually, each school cannot provide classes for all of children can be mainstreamed for even one period a day.
their children, due to financial restraints, shortage of classroom space, or lack of
At CAHAL, the small classes (maximum 12 students per class), highly individualized
sufficient students to fill a class in each grade. Through CAHAL and the yeshivas’
attention (one teacher for every 4 students) and uniquely designed programs encourage
combined efforts, children from various yeshivas join together so that there is a
and foster the children’s success, preparing them for advanced studies and adulthood.
class for each child.

—————————————————————————
LEARNING DISABLED CHILDREN NOW ATTEND
C A H A L C L A S S L O C AT I O N S 2 0 0 9 - 1 0
THE SAME SCHOOL AS THEIR FRIENDS, GRADE SCHOOL
NEIGHBORS AND SIBLINGS.
Kindergarten * Hebrew Academy of Nassau County
————————————————————————— Grade 1 boys Yeshiva of South Shore
Grade 2-3 boys Yeshiva Ketana of Long Island
Grade 2-3 girls Torah Academy for Girls
C A H A L D ATA Grade 4-5 coed Hebrew Academy of the Five Towns and Rockaway
■ Founded in 1992. Grade 5 boys Yeshiva Darchei Torah
■ 11 participating yeshivas Grade 5-6 girls Bnos Bais Yaakov
Grade 6-7 boys Yeshiva Darchei Torah
■ 12 special education classes
Grade 6-8 girls Hebrew Academy of the Five Towns and Rockaway
■ Kindergarten through 12th grade Grade 6-8 boys Hebrew Academy of the Five Towns and Rockaway
■ 110 students Grade 11 girls Torah Academy for Girls
■ 50 staff members (teachers, support staff, administration) Grade H.S. boys Mesivta Ateres Yaakov- Inclusion Program

■ Counseling support OTHER PARTICIPATING YESHIVAS:

Hebrew Academy of Long Beach, Bnot Shulamith, Siach Yitzchak
■ Integration of speech, occupational and physical therapy
within the classroom * This kindergarten class incorporates a comprehensive sensory integration program.
It is the only such Jewish program for this age group in the entire New York area.
 27

FROM MY PRIVATE ART COLLECTION

THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010

BY REBBETZIN NAOMI N. HERZBERG

or this introductory publication, I will begin by sharing a collection of your own for that matter. Do not procrastinate. Look for alternatives. Always seize

F
over 50 years of life experiences. These experiences helped mold my the moment looking for alternatives and a positive solution.
philosophy on art education that remains dear to me until today. I will Upon finding my kindergarten coloring book of which I am quite of proud, many
lead you on an informative journey of creative and artistic adventure. more memories began to unfold. (Please note: I live in the home that I grew up in as
It is my kavana to challenge, stimulate and encourage the development a child). Obviously, that coloring book was purposely saved. I realized that the pic-
of unique talents found in children, teenagers, young adults and women of all ages. tures I colored in that coloring book at such a young, tender age were indicative of a
It will whet the juices of so many floundering individuals in a healthy environment talent that needed to be developed. How fortunate I was to have a mother, shetichyeh,
and “venue” appropriate for “The Jewish Home”. I have been approached numer- and a father, A”H, who took advantage of every opportunity available to nurture cre-
ous times to share these secrets and to offer advice on how to achieve self-expres- ative growth. Lesson #2: Do not throw out all your children’s artwork. Save at least
sion within the guidelines of Torah True guises by so many searching individuals. one piece from each stage of development. It helps foster a feeling of self-worth. Start
It is so vital for healthy emotional growth to have a chance to explore and develop a personal portfolio with a collection over time. Remember that the goal is to make
your own unique and individual style and “own that them feel special. Validate their feelings when they
style”. These opportunities will pave the road and express “my mommy thought that it was important
ensure that the path will be followed while on route
————————————————— enough to save, it must be worth something”. This is
to productivity. Remember always that those who DO NOT THROW OUT especially significant if you have a budding artist living
need this to survive are like fish in water. ALL YOUR CHILDREN’S ARTWORK. in your midst.

While discussing this article with my mother,

SAVE AT LEAST ONE PIECE I will always remember that sense of excitement
shetichyeh, she shared with me some memories that I FROM EACH STAGE when I met my new friend, Patty Playmate, for the
must admit I was too young to remember, but yet too OF DEVELOPMENT. first time. Patty Playmate was a new, innovative doll,
important not to mention. They will prove my point IT HELPS FOSTER A FEELING popular in my days. She was a life size doll, the same
in regard to our role as parents in helping our chil- OF SELF-WORTH. height as me. A special corner of my basement was
dren develop with positive self-esteem in an environ- ————————————————— set aside with a sewing machine and fabrics at my
ment of creative expression. As related to me, “when disposal. “Naomi needed her space.” There I sat for
you were less than 5 years old, I bought you a doll hours cutting, designing, draping and sewing an
and gave you pieces of fabric. You were busy draping these fabrics around your lit- entire wardrobe for my “special friend”, without the worry of creating a tremen-
tle doll all day long”. She also reminded me of how busy I was with the scissor. I dous mess. While just in elementary school, I was enrolled in a sewing class. As
was known as “scissor happy”. I have a vague memory of this. soon as I was old enough, I attended the then popular Singer Sewing Course.
Lesson #3: Make sure that you carve out even a small space that can be used and
My private collection and journey began as a very young child. In our living room allows for creative expression with respect to privacy. This is important in rela-
were hanging red velvet drapes. I had learned how to make paper dolls by folding tionship to encouraging future potential. I am looking forward to a continuation
the paper a few times and cutting out the shape. When opened, the dolls were hold- of this article in a natural progression as I share over 50 years of my private art
ing hands. I decided to try and cut the drapes and design dolls from them. You can collection. To be continued…
TJH
just imagine the surprise when it was discovered. Miraculously, the drapes were
taken down and replaced. Baruch Hashem! My mother was so happy to get rid of
those drapes that came with the house that it was quickly forgiven, and I was not Rebbetzin Naomi N. Herzberg is a professional art educator, artist and designer. Among her known
scarred for life. I was given scraps of fabrics and a scissor and created my own art artwork is a floral sculpture presented to Tipper Gore, Blair House, Washington, D.C. She is also
collection from these fabrics. Lesson #1: Tune in to your child’s creative needs or the School Administrator of Bnot Shulamith of Long Island, New York.

CARING FOR THE BROTHERS AND SISTERS OF ILL CHILDREN C O N T I N U E D F R O M PA G E 2 1

can’t be home. Its strength lies in the hundreds of
volunteers who give hours and hours during the
year – and in its consistency of care. Twice a week,
the same corps of volunteers transport children
from HALB, South Shore, Yeshiva Ketana, Darchei
Torah, TAG, B’nos Bais Yaakov, Brandeis, Siach
Yitzchok, and HANC to HAFTR and to care for 40
children in pre 1A to eighth grade.
Once they arrive, children interact with the
trained and enthusiastic high school students who
give up hours each week to act as counselors and
role models. The resulting relationships offer safety
and security for children struggling with the fears
and emotions common to brothers and sisters. As
the year progresses, the bonds formed between par-
ticipants and their counselors enable the latter to
become trusted confidantes whose reassurance adds
an additional layer of stability to young lives.
Now in its fourth year, i-Shine’s impact on chil-
dren living with illness or loss in their homes has
made the program a model for similar efforts in
Chicago, Brooklyn, and Antwerp, Belgium.
i-Shine is one of two-dozen free programs and
services available to families impacted by pediatric
illness or loss of a family member. For more infor-
mation, call 877 CHAI LIFE or email info@chailife-
line.org TJH -
Andy Lauber, LMSW, is a social worker and case manager at
Chai Lifeline. He is the director of i-Shine, Chai Lifeline's
after-school program for children living with illness or loss in
their families. Mr. Lauber also has a private practice in the
Five Towns.
28
POLITICAL CROSSFIRE
THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010
FRANK SCATURRO
CANDIDATE FOR CONGRESS; NY FOURTH CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT
T
ELL ME ABOUT YOUR BACKGROUND AND WHY YOU
ARE RUNNING FOR CONGRESS?
My candidacy marks a natural progression from the moment I was
captivated by American history at age seven to my more recent oppor-
tunities for public service and scholarship. I had my first opportunity to
encounter Congress from the outside while I was studying at Columbia University
during the early 1990’s. I volunteered with the National Park Service nearby at
President Ulysses S. Grant’s Tomb and discovered a level of desecration and neg-
lect that I considered a national disgrace. In the face of the bureaucracy’s unwill-
ingness to remedy the problem, I pursued the general public and the New York
congressional delegation so that we could secure a restoration of the monument
by its 1997 Centennial. After graduating from law school, I worked in private law
practice and took every opportunity to publish in the field of history and law –
including a study of the civil rights amendments to the Constitution and a volume
I co-authored on how to be a responsible public company in the wake of the cor-
porate scandals of the early part of the last decade. Following private practice, I
served for over 4 years as counsel to the Senate Judiciary Committee, where I han-
dled constitutional law matters and judicial nominations, including the confirma-
tion of Chief Justice John Roberts and Associate Justice Samuel Alito. I am just
finishing a term as visiting professor at Hofstra Law School, where I taught cours-
es on the legislative process and constitutional law.
I have for some time had a calling to serve my country. I am running this term
because I believe we are facing challenges on a magnitude that has confronted only
a few generations in our history. There is nothing short of a crisis of confidence
on several fronts – the economy, taxes, jobs, health care, national security, and
education to name a few – and current leadership has failed to offer solutions. In
fact, rather than address these problems, Washington has made the situation
worse with reckless spending and job-killing new taxes that have mortgaged the
next generation’s future. There is a dialogue now occurring in Western Europe,
which suffers from statist policies and chronic unemployment, in which the chil-
dren’s generation is being told that they cannot enjoy the same standard of living
their parents had. We cannot go down that same path in this country – and par-
ticularly not in Nassau County, where people are already voting with their feet by
moving out under the mounting cost of living in the area. Moreover, beyond the
front of domestic policy, we need to remember the firmness with which America
beat the forces of totalitarianism during the 20th century. Today, we need the same
resolve to defeat the threat posed by radical Islamic extremism.
CONGRESSWOMAN MCCARTHY WON THE 2008 ELECTION
BY APPROXIMATELY 72,000 VOTES. HOW DO YOU PLAN ON
DEFEATING HER THIS NOVEMBER?
Two years is a long time in politics, and we are looking at a significantly dif-
ferent election cycle this time around. Voter dissatisfaction this year is aimed at
the Democratic leadership, and this changes the fundamentals from the outset.
Besides running in a favorable cycle, an effective campaign that begins early is
key. I began this campaign earlier than any previous challenge to Rep.
McCarthy in prior cycles, and we are on pace to surpassing previous bench-
marks in both fundraising and voter outreach.
SO MANY POLITICIANS GO TO WASHINGTON WITH GREAT INTEN-
TIONS BUT SEEM TO JUST GET CAUGHT UP IN THE POWER GAME.
WHY WON’T THAT HAPPEN TO YOU IF YOU ARE ELECTED?
Politicians in this system are under pressure to compromise their principles in
an effort to preserve power for its own sake. I realize that power is of no lasting
value unless it is put to a higher purpose.
My outlook is perhaps different because it is
historical: my role models have been those
who waged difficult fights for what was
right, not those who pursued the path of
least resistance for the sake of their longevi-
ty in power. Having had to stand up to those in power in the past, I do not
define the success of this effort by the mere act of being elected. Success will be
determined by whether observers can say in the more distant future that I was
a voice to address the weightiest problems of our time – the problems that need
to be solved to bequeath a better future to the next generation.
PEOPLE WANT TO BE INVOLVED WITH WHAT’S HAPPENING
IN WASHINGTON. WHAT WILL YOU DO TO MAKE SURE THAT
OUR VOICES ARE HEARD AND LISTENED TO?
Woody Allen once said, “Eighty percent of success is showing up.” In contrast to
our current lack of representation, you will see me after I am elected. I will make
myself available in every part of the district and hold regular town hall meetings. I
also know how much constituent case work can be shaped by the work ethic of the
staff, and I will heed this consideration as we put together our congressional office.
WHAT SHOULD CONGRESS DO TO HELP FIX THE ECONOMY?
By reducing tax rates and maintaining a sound and stable dollar, we can we bol-
ster entrepreneurship, savings, and investment. That will create new jobs and keep
us competitive with other countries. We need to simplify a notoriously complex
tax code, make the 2001 and 2003 tax cuts permanent, cut the corporate tax, and
reverse the planned increase in capital gains and dividend taxes. To make this
work, however, we have to get serious about reducing Washington’s out-of-con-
trol spending, including both discretionary and entitlement spending.
THE HEALTH CARE DEBATE WAS RATHER CONTENTIOUS;
DO YOU BELIEVE OBAMA-CARE IS FLAWED, AND WHY?
Yes, I believe the recent health care legislation was flawed. The problem with our
health care system stems from rising costs and the disconnect between those costs
and consumer awareness, but the overall quality of health care services by medical
providers to most Americans is excellent. Rather than address the cost structure, the
legislation created new problems by further interfering with the doctor-patient rela-
tionship, compromising the high quality of care that Americans receive, and retard-
ing the development of life-saving breakthroughs in medical technology.
Meanwhile, the 17% of our economy consumed by health care can be expected to
increase, at the expense of other national goals and private enterprise.
ACCORDING TO THE SOCIAL SECURITY AND MEDICARE
BOARD OF TRUSTEES, BY 2017 SOCIAL SECURITY WILL BE
PAYING OUT MORE THAN IT COLLECTS. HOW CAN SOCIAL
SECURITY BE FIXED?
Actually, it has been reported that Social Security is already paying out more than it
collects this year for the first time. The failure to enact or even discuss meaningful enti-
tlement reform is one of the greatest failings of the current congressional leadership.
Continuing to postpone action on this issue will lead to steep cuts in benefits or pay-
roll tax hikes down the road. If we act now, we can preserve the benefits precisely as
planned by those who are approaching retirement age while phasing in reforms for
younger workers. Social Security will only be fixed if, as in 1983, Democrats and
Republicans come together and resolve to make it work without trying to one-up each
other for short-term advantage.
C O N T I N U E D O N PA G E 3 3
 29

MEMORY OF CHOICE

THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010

DEBBIE GREENBLATT
y interest is always piqued when I see the latest article on “tech- marriage, we can choose to recall the feelings we had under the chuppah, the

M
niques for improving one’s memory”. Even ads for the latest vita- hopes, dreams and commitment to do what it takes to see them fulfilled.
min supplement with claims to improve my recall make me stop When dealing with teenaged children who may seem to have evolved into
and think. After all, what can I do? My memory is not like fine someone we don’t recognize, it helps to remember that the beautiful baby,
wine. Age has not improved it. sweet and innocent, that you once cuddled is really the same child.
At the same time, I realize that memory is a choice. On Shavuos, we just The imperative to choose our memories comes from the One Above. At
relived Matan Torah. All of our neshamos were at Sinai more than 3300 years Sinai, Hashem entered into a covenant with the Jewish People. We were His
ago. Our eyes saw the Cloud of Glory covering the mountain. We heard the bride and the mountain the chuppah. Since that time, we have often dishon-
thunder, saw the lightning. Sounds which are normally heard, were seen. ored that covenant, not living up to our side of the commitment to live as a
This experience was so imprinted on our souls, that the spark of connection Kingdom of Priests and a Sanctified Nation. Yet to this day we count and ask
of each Jewish soul to his heritage always has the possibility of being ignited. that Hashem not change His perspective of us; that He love us now as He
loved us then. With the knowledge of that love, we count on His protection
Why then, does the Torah command us, “Not to forget what your eyes saw from the nations that would devour us. We are still confident that He will
on the day that you stood before Hashem at Sinai (Deut.4:9-10) ?” honor His commitment to send the Redeemer, speedily, in our day.
Moshe was preparing us for the journey of history that lay ahead. He knew Since we know that Hashem responds to us measure for measure, choosing
that there would be many difficulties, enough to distract us from the to look beyond the minor tears in a relationship and choosing to remember
Revelation at Sinai that we had experienced so vividly. what is good, to fan the flame of connectedness, can only be good for us both
“Don’t forget” really means “Choose to remember”. Relish the significance individually, and as a nation. TJH
of Sinai so that the memory stays front and center in your consciousness, and
so that it can impact your behavior and filter your responses in life through Debbie Greenblatt’s mission is to educate, inspire, excite and motivate Jewish women with
the perspective it affords. the wisdom of our Torah. To contact Debbie, join classes and/or to attend upcoming speak-
Hashem asks us to "choose to remember" and we ask him to remember us. ing engagements please visit www.deardebbie.com.
A story is brought by Rabbi Dr. A. Twerski in his "Twerski on Chumash". He
tells that a woman came to R’ Yisroel of Kozhnitz, complaining that her hus-
band wants to divorce her because he no longer finds her attractive. R’ Yisroel
said, “I wish I could help you, but what can I do if he is so foolish?” The
woman cried, “But it is not fair! Why doesn’t he remember how much he
loved me when I was young and beautiful? Can I help it if I lost my beauty as
I aged?”
R’ Yisroel arose and tearfully said, “Master of the Universe! Listen to this
woman. She is right. It is only fair that her husband should remember what
she was like when he married her. You, too, Master of the Universe, should
remember what we were like when You first took us. We followed You into a
barren desert, a place of no food and water, with full faith in You. You loved
us then and said that of all peoples we would be your beloved treasure. Even
if we no longer have the beauty of our youth, is it fair that You turn away from
us?”
Just as in our spiritual relationship, in all of our relationships, we have that
same ability to choose to remember. Most of the significant relationships in
our lives started with a positive connection and with experiences that have
become engraved on our mind.
As life unfolds, the pristine landscape of our relationship becomes littered
with annoyances, hurt, and misunderstanding. These alter our perception of
our connection to that person, and change our responses to that once signif-
icant person in our lives.
We would be well served to remember that in our relationships that we have
a choice. We can remember each irritation; we can let each annoyance pile
up until the very foundation of the relationship crumbles under their weight.
Or we can choose to keep the minor issues in perspective and not let them
overwhelm our feeling of connection to that person. We don’t want to say
things like “It’s too late” or “I may forgive, but I never forget”. Instead, we can
choose to remember the positive beginning we had, the strong feelings and
commitment with which we began and the many kindnesses along the way. In
30 as well as provides tools for them to feel 15 violinists where missing. Straight away the
confident in doing so, has been attended by great conductor told him that as the former con-
THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010

PROJECT
over 600 people in our community, and
5000 all over North America.
However, there was an equally large
ductor of this orchestra, I know the purpose of
each and every musician and when I continued to
hear missed parts I knew immediately that one of
the violinists was absent. The message for us was

INSPIRE
group of people at the weekend that knew
clear. Each and every Jewish neshama plays a spe-
very little about Project Inspire before the
cial and important role in the Orchestra of the
convention. By the end of the weekend,
Almighty. To the extent that well over 4/5th’s of
many expressed a desire to get involved
the Jewish people are estranged from their her-
with Project Inspire in their home commu-
itage and mission, Hashem’s perfectly tuned com-
nities, not only due to the inspiration of
position is horribly off key causing the Almighty
the speakers but in addition because of the
BRINGING BACK ALL OF many activists who shared their moving
tremendous pain.

ACHEINU BEIS YISROEL kiruv stories. The excitement and enthusi-
asm of regular baaley habatim and their
TO CREATE THE wives reaching out was infectious!
ULTIMATE SYMPHONY Overall, Project Inspire's goal of creating a
UNITES 750 AT grassroots movement of many thousands of
committed religious Jews who feel a
PROJECT INSPIRE CONVENTION responsibility for our not-yet-observant
————————————————— brothers and sisters and are capable to take
the first steps in reaching out to them was
MICHOEL BARNETT dramatically advanced.
In many ways, Rabbi Paysach Krohn
roject Inspire's Inaugural Convention summed up our tremendous achrayus to
It is up to us to make sure that ALL of the musi-
cians are back and represented; it’s up to us to
reach out to EVERY Jew who is estranged from
Torah Judaism so that he can play the role that the
Almighty has planned for him. As was empha-
sized over and over again at the weekend, it is
only through the efforts of the entire frum com-
munity that we can expect to bring everyone
back.
With Shavous just last week, is there a greater
tragedy than 4/5th’s of Hashem’s kids having no
connection to Torah ? Can you imagine Hashem’s

P
took place Shabbos, Parshas Behar /
B’chukosai, May 7th-9th, with over
750 people in attendance. Over 100
people from the Far Rockaway / Five
Towns community were there and by all
accounts it was a smashing success! Religious
Jews from all backgrounds and communities
including Toronto, Cleveland, Far Rockaway /
Five Towns, Flatbush, Borough Park,
Williamsburg, Monsey and Passaic came
together to hear powerful messages on kiruv
rechokim and kiruv kerovim. The convention
featured terrific speakers including Rabbis Zev
Leff, Paysach Krohn, Mordechai Becher, Motty
Berger, Mrs. Debbie Greenblatt, Rebbetzin Lori
Palatnik and many more. But beyond the beau-
tiful baaley Tefillah, scrumptious food and lux-
urious accommodations, there was a palpable
sense of achdus that pervaded the weekend. In
the spirit of K’ish Echod B’lev Echod, the con-
vention’s theme of bringing all of Acheinu Beis
Yisroel back to Torah Judaism focused each of
us on our oneness and shared responsibility for
each other and led to a powerful feeling of
togetherness.
Many of the participants on the Shabbaton had
been previously exposed to Project Inspire
through one of their many educational programs
and inspirational events that have taken place
over the last two years in Jewish communities
across North America. Here in the Far Rockaway/
Five Towns area alone, Project Inspire has worked
with local activists to host events and
Shabbatonim for several thousand people. The
highly acclaimed Kiruv Training Seminar which
sensitizes people to the necessity of reaching out
reach out in the following powerful story. Rabbi pain, k'viyachol? With the Almighty’s help, even
Krohn related that in the first part of the 20th trying to feel the pain of their estrangement
Century there was a famous conductor named should be the first step in bringing all of His kids
Arturo Toscanini. In 1956, when he was no home to create the perfect symphony and the geu-
longer actively conducting, his biographer lah shelayma bimhera v’yamenu.
requested a meeting one night to finish his last
To find out more about Project Inspire in Far
interviews before he began to write. Mr. Toscanini
Rockaway and the Five Towns, contact Michoel
refused this meeting because he had reserved the
Barnett at mbbarnett@verizon.net or Danny
night for a live performance of the orchestra that
Moskowitz at dmoskowitz@mji-designlab.com or call
he formerly led that was taking place in Europe
the Project Inspire office at 646-291-6191. TJH
via short wave radio. The biographer pleaded with
the Mr. Toscanini to let him watch the great con-
ductor listen to the performance and finally he
agreed when the biographer promised to remain
silent throughout.
That night as planned, the great conductor lis-
tened to the performance and the biographer was
quiet as promised. After the performance, the
biographer was overwhelmed at the beauty of the
music and exclaimed how fantastic the concert
was. Toscanini instantly snapped that it was terri-
ble as the violinists present were only 14 and not
15 as planned, 119 musicians in total not 120.
Taken aback by the comment, the biographer
acquiesced but secretly was incredulous -- surely
the great conductor had started to become senile
and the writer set out the next day to prove his
point of view. That next morning he called Europe
to speak to the current conductor of the orchestra
and inquired how many musicians where present
at the performance. The conductor told him that
119 were there which was one less than originally
planned as 1 of the 15 violinists was unable to
attend.
The biographer was dumbfounded and asked
Toscanini how in the world he knew that one of
 31

THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010

Yeshiva of Far Rockaway
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Kew Gard —

Mazel Tov to the Following Mesaymim:

Bava Kama Dorfman, Ezra Goodman, Shimon Krupka, Yoni Munk, Dovid Wagschal, Yoel Lieberman, Yechiel
Adler, Yossi Engel, Asher Grumet, Yosef Langer, Yaakov Munk, Yisorel Wein, Mordechai Messner, Yehoshua
Azerad, Doniel Foxman, Binyamin Ismach, Aryeh Leib Levy, Aharon Neufeld, Gavriel Weller, Ephraim Messner, Yitzi
Bachrach, Yisroel Frank, Aryeh Kanner, Shalom Lichtman, Yehoshua Samuels, Tzvi Werblowsky, Eliyahu Meir Shonek, Yisroel Meir
Beniawski, Yisrael Fried, Yitzchok Karp, Aryeh Lieberman, Uri Shonek, Yisroel Meir Wertenteil, Pinchas Ullman, Yossi
Berman, Aharon Friedman, Shlomo Karp, Avi Lieberman, Yechiel Sittner, Aharon Eliyahu Yeshuvayev, Emanuel Weller, Ephraim
Bornstein, Nechamya Genuth, Aryeh Karp, Yona Martin, Azariah Sittner, Avraham Moshe Bava Basra Sukka
Brown, Eliezer Gewirtz, Eliyahu Katz, Shimon Marton, Moshe Slansky, Avi Foxman, Binyamin Braun, Avohom
Cohen, Shlomo Goldstein, Avraham Keilson, Dovid Menahemov, Shmuel Steier, Avrohom Frank, Aryeh Greenberg, Avi
Cohen, Simcha Goldstein, Yitzchok Kramer, Yoel Messner, Yehoshua Ullman, Avrohom Eliyahu Ismach, Aryeh Leib Huttler, Aryeh
Devor, Hillel Goodman, Dani Krischer, Netanel Messner, Yitzi Ullman, Yossi Kramer, Yoel Mermelstein, Ari

THANK YOU TO ALL THE REBBEIM WHOSE EFFORTS MADE THIS POSSIBLE

Rabbi Avraham Kleinkaufman Rabbi Aaron Perr Rabbi Moshe Perr Rabbi Yosef Bronner
Rabbi Nosson Greenberg Rabbi Aryeh Ginsberg Rabbi Kalman Redisch Rabbi Dovid Kleinkaufman
Rabbi Eli Braunstein Rabbi Yehoshua Kalish Rabbi Moshe Brown Rabbi Shmuel Ullman

Rabbi Yechiel Perr Rabbi Aaron Brafman Rabbi Eli Braunstein Rabbi Shayeh Kohn Rabbi Daniel Nekritz
Rosh Yeshiva Menahel S’gan Menahel Executive Director Mashgiach
 thoughts on thePARSHA
32
THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010
AdApted From the remArks oF rAbbi shlomo FreiFeld Zt’l
WHERE THERE’S A WILL
number of Jews were unable to par-
A
ticipate in the Pascal offering. They
were impure and, therefore, disqual-
ified. Even though they weren’t
liable for missing the mitzvah, it
troubled them greatly. They so much wanted
to be part of this great mitzvah. “We are
defiled by the contact with the dead. But why
should we lose out and not be able to present
Hashem’s offering at the right time, along
with the other Jews” (9:7) . Moshe asked
Hashem if they could be accommodated.
Hashem granted them a “make up date.” The
mitzvah of Pesach Sheini was created. With
will power alone they were able to create a
new mitzvah. Such is the power of will
power.
There is another story from the Midrash that
illustrates this phenomenon quite beautifully.
R’ Chanina ben Dosa saw the people of his
city leaving to offer sacrifices in Jerusalem.
He became envious. “Everyone is going to
give gifts to Hashem, yet I have nothing to
bring.” R’ Chanina was too poor to afford an
animal to offer upon the altar.
He immediately ventured out into the desert
beyond the city, and found a stone. He
hewed, cut and polished it and then lifted his
voice proclaiming, “ I vow to bring this stone
to Jerusalem and donate it to the Bais
HaMikdash - the holy Temple.”
R’ Chanina then searched for men to trans-
port the rock. Five men came, “Would you
take this rock to Jerusalem for me?” he asked.
They responded that for one hundred gold
coins they would carry the heavy rock. R’
Chanina tried to find the money, but to no
avail. They took leave of him and went on
their way.
Meanwhile, Hashem sent five angels disguised
as men to R’ Chanina. They said, “Rebbe, give
to us five coins and we will carry this rock for
PARSHAS BEHALOSECHA
you to Jerusalem. We only request of you one
thing. Place your hands upon the rock. R’
Chanina agreed to the price and placed his
hand on the rock as they requested. He was
immediately transported to the Bais
HaMikdash in Jerusalem. R’ Chanina turned
to pay them their wages but they were gone.
The incident became known to the Temple
and the Sages told R’ Chanina that these
workers must have been angels sent from on
high. Upon hearing this, R’ Chanina gave the
five coins to the Wise Men (Shir HaShirim
Rabbah 1:4).
This Midrash reads like a children’s story. In
truth, however, it contains a most profound
lesson for successful living. R’ Chanina was
on fire with desire. With all of his heart and
soul he thirsted to express his love for
Hashem. And, although he had no money or
means, he remained undeterred. He did what-
ever was in his power - locating a rock, toil-
ing to beautify it and striving to find a way to
get it to Jerusalem. R’ Chanina’s desire was so
intense that it was able to cause a miracle to
happen.
The Hebrew word for “will”- rat’zone - actual-
ly hints to this ability. Rat’zone contains the
same letters as t’zinor - pipeline. Will power,
in other words, has the power to creates con-
duits of Divine assistance. A strong enough
“will” can create a “way” that can defy the
laws of nature.
One of the primary differences between living
and simply existing is this element of “will.”
When a person can wake up in the morning
with dreams and yearnings, his life becomes
filled with an intense energy. Each moment
becomes precious, each action imbued with a
sense of urgency and purpose.
Two Torah giants served as Rabbanim in the
city of Dvinsk - the Ragatchaver Goan - R’
Yosef Rosen and the Ohr Somayach - R’ Meir
Simcha. At the funeral of the Ohr Somayach,
the Ragatshaver described R’ Meir Simcha as a
man with incredible will. He exclaimed that,
without exaggeration , his thirst for learning
was as strong as the force and determination
one would muster to save his belonging from
a burning house.
Conversely, when one lives day to day with
no hopes or longings, the substance of his life
begins to shrivel. The pipeline of creativity
and growth becomes clogged. He stagnates,
never realizing the vast potential placed with-
in him. People without dreams grow old very
quickly.
Unfortunately, the world is filled with so
much cynicism that many of our young peo-
ple are being stripped of the idealism that
naturally expresses itself during one’s youth.
They walk around in a semi-catatonic state,
moving from one thing to the next, never
throwing themselves into anything with a real
drive. This is terribly tragic.
We must ask Hashem to help us ignite the
fire of “will” within us. Three times a day, we
recite the prayer - Ashrei. One of the verses
reads: Open Your hand and satisfy all living
things - with rat’zone - willingly (Tehillim
145:16). R’ Freifeld was oft to quote an alter-
native reading - Open Your hand and satisfy
all living things with rat’zone - give us the
passion and a burning desire to accomplish
and grow.
The creation of the mitzvah of Pesach Sheini
and the story of R’ Chanina ben Dosa teach
us the intense power that lies within will
power. May Hashem help us to harness this
power that resides within all of us. TJH
 33

HOW CAN I GET MY CHILDREN TO LISTEN?

THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010

Question:
I am a stay at home mom. My kids
are ages 13, 12, 10 and 7. My problem
is that my children are not listening
to me and do not follow my
instructions, except when they see
me angry. They do listen to my
husband right away. I feel things are
getting out of control and I would
like some suggestions on how to
turn this situation around.
Answer:
In order to gain the respect and cooperation of
your children, you must consider consequences
other than your escalating anger. Clearly they
believe their father means what he says. Why is this
so? You will benefit from observing the congruency
of your husband's communication (verbal and non-
verbal) and the follow through that occurs if they
do not do as he says.
Your children will respond to you if:
1. there are clear and consistent conse-
quences for not doing so,
2. you are giving clear messages regarding
what you expect,
3. your expectations are age appropriate and
4. there are no messages that would under-
mine your authority in the family.
In other words, it is important that your hus-
band reinforce your authority to the children.
This will assure that they will not go to the
other parent for the same request the first par-
ent has just denied.
Explore your own childhood role models for
clues to what is ineffective in your current par-
enting style. What were the rules in your child-
hood and how were they upheld? Was your
mother effective in her communication in the
family? Were both parents capable of disciplining
the children? Or was one of your parents inconsis-
tent in maintaining the rules? If your Mom was the
"softie" in the family, you probably did not respect
her authority because she lacked follow-through.
This is the most common cause for your current
problem. It is also possible that if you do play the
"softie" you get something out of it in which may be
advantageous or convenient for you in the short
run. But you pay the price of inconsistency in the
long term when you resort to angry yelling to try to
BY GAYLE PETERSON
"get them to listen this time". In these circum-
stances, children are left to observe whether you
"really mean it" by how angry you look or how
loudly you shout! This wears you out and it literal-
ly means that the consequence becomes how angry
you are. No wonder you might feel that things are
getting "out of control". This puts you and them on
an emotional roller coaster. Instead, decide what
the rules are and be consistent in what you ask of
them.
Helpful books on parenting such as How to Talk
So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk by
Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish or Discipline
Without Spanking or Shouting by Jerry Wyckoff
and Barbara Unell may also be helpful. Keep in
mind the guiding rule of consistent consequences.
Discipline is most effective when carried out
calmly and matter-of-factly. Say what you mean and
mean what you say! TJH
Gayle Peterson, MSSW, LCSW, PhD is an international expert spe-
cializing in prenatal and family development. She trains profession-
als in herprenatal counseling model and is the author of An Easier
Childbirth and her latest book, Making Healthy Families. Her arti-
cles on family relationships appear in professional journals and she
is an oft-quoted expert in popular magazines such as Woman's Day,
Mothering, Fit Pregnancy and Parenting. She is a clinical member
of The Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and a
Diplomate with the National Association of Social Work. She also
serves on the advisory board for Fit Pregnancy magazine.

POLITICAL CROSSFIRE: FRANK SCATURRO C O N T I N U E D F R O M PA G E 2 8

MANY CHILDREN IN DISTRICT 4 ATTEND PRIVATE SCHOOLS.
WOULD YOU SUPPORT A PRIVATE SCHOOL VOUCHER PROGRAM
AND IF SO HOW WOULD YOU STRUCTURE THE PROGRAM?
Having attended private schools myself, I understand the financial sacrifice
made by families who do not send their children to public schools. While Long
Island will always include some of the nation’s best public schools, providing
alternatives in education can only help this country retain the technological
edge it has in our global economy. Where public schools are failing to perform,
providing relief to parents becomes a civil rights issue. For these reasons, I
would support a private school voucher program. On the federal level, such a
program would structure major federal programs such as Title I to encourage
state officials to empower families to choose the best schools for their children.
IF YOU HAD A DISCUSSION WITH PRESIDENT OBAMA
REGARDING HIS HANDLING OF THE STATE OF ISRAEL WHAT
WOULD YOU TELL HIM?
The President’s desire to improve our relationship with the Muslim world
should not lead us down the path of compromising our principles or abandon-
ing our allies. Unfortunately, the administration’s handling of the state of Israel
has given rise to palpable fear that our greatest ally in the Middle East is being
denigrated—and at a time of unprecedented vulnerability. In addition to
Palestinian recalcitrance, Iran’s pursuit of nuclear weapons marks a threat to
Israel’s existence and the greatest danger to the Middle East as a whole. History
demonstrates the futility of appeasement, and Iran has spent the last year buy-
ing time while we alienate the nation most strongly committed to preventing
Iran from obtaining nuclear weapons. Israel has made tremendous concessions
in an attempt to secure peace, and should not be expected to make more before
its neighbors recognize its right to exist. Jerusalem, for its part, is and will
remain Israel’s undivided capital. Our own law (the Jerusalem Embassy Act of
1995) recognizes this. The recently announced east Jerusalem housing con-
struction project, in a Jewish part of Jerusalem no less, should not have been met
by condemnation from our leadership.
NOW, AN OFFBEAT QUESTION: IF YOU HAD TO COMPARE
YOURSELF TO AN ANIMAL, WHAT TYPE OF ANIMAL WOULD
YOU COMPARE YOURSELF TO AND WHY?
A trick question. Naturally, a politician in Nassau County should follow the
lead of our favorite son, Theodore Roosevelt, and pick the bull moose.
FINALLY, A BONUS QUESTION: WILL YOU BE CAMPAIGNING
IN THE FIVE TOWNS?
I already am. Check out my website www.frankscaturro.com for a list of
upcoming events and general campaign information. TJH
34
Parenting
THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010
TIPS
Mrs. Hebel’s
1 WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE
CALM. Often our children come
Top Ten Tips
home with a report that makes us FOR BETTER
see red. The nice thing is, that the COMMUNICATION WITH
problem (if it is real) isn't going any-
where so we can wait a few hours or
YOUR CHILD’S TEACHER
even a day or two before calling. A
calm person is more likely to really
solve the problem and be respected by the teacher.
2 GO IN WITH A “LET ME LISTEN” ATTITUDE. Instead of tak-
ing a “You Listen To Me” approach, try to hear the teacher out.
Children often misunderstand or distort (whether intentionally or not)
a situation. Give the teacher a chance to tell you the adult version
before passing judgment.
3 BE A PROBLEM SOLVER - NOT A PROSECUTOR. Teachers
have feelings too. The more we attack, the more defensive they
become. If the objective is to solve the problem stick to that. State the
problem clearly and ask the teacher what can be done rather than tell
her what to do. When two heads are put together in partnership, you
get better results.
4 USE THE PROPER CHANNELS TO CONTACT THE
TEACHER. Call the teacher's school voicemail box - only call her at
home if she has clearly offered that to you. Very often we see teach-
ers in the parking lot, hallways, at shul or in stores. Don't talk there.
The teacher is entitled to a private life is unlikely to give you her full
attention and may even be resentful. Leave a detailed message for her
and she will call you at a time that she can devote her full attention to
you.
5 ESTABLISH THE FACT THAT THERE IS REALLY A PROBLEM
BEFORE YOU CALL. Sometimes our children come home and tell us
something that alarms us with regard to curriculum, homework or
classroom management. While our initial reaction might be to run to
the phone- wait. See if it happens again. A one time problem may cor-
rect itself as frequently the teacher sees the problem too. If it recurs
and you see a pattern emerging, it is time to call.
6 DON'T LET PROBLEMS GET
OUT OF HAND. Just like we
should not run to call too quickly,
we should not drag our feet either.
Once you have established that
there may be problem or you are
getting the same uncomfortable
feeling again, call the teacher and
don't allow things to escalate. With good communication a problem
can be solved in its initial stages and a lot of aggravation and needless
frustration can be avoided.
7 BE FORGIVING - ANYONE CAN MAKE A MISTAKE.
Teachers are as human as parents and they make mistakes sometimes
just like we do. As long as the problem is rectified, let it go. Very often
the teacher feels as bad about what happened as you and your child
do.
8 CALL THE TEACHER FIRST. Whenever possible, call the teacher
directly instead of calling the principal. Just like you wouldn't want
someone at work to “tattle” on you, teachers don't want that either.
Calling the teacher directly sends a message “I respect you. I have faith
that we can resolve these issues together.” In the long run everyone is
served best with this approach.
9 SPEAK POSITIVELY IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILDREN. No
matter what your concern is, speak with respect about the teacher to
your child at all times. Even if the teacher is really crummy, you only
make the problem worse by speaking negatively. When the problem is
resolved, your child will still not respect the teacher. This will make the
child incapable of learning in that teacher's class and foster disrespect
in your child - neither of which are your real objective
10 CALL ME ANYTIME. Principals are a great resource for mediat-
ing when communication with the teacher isn't going as smoothly as
we'd like or for when the teacher can't help with a particular issue. I
check my voicemail every weekday and try to call back within 24
hours. Stop by school or call to say “hello.” Why wait for a prob-
lem????
 35

THE J E W I S H HOME ■ MAY 27, 2010

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