Juutinen I Am Adolf Eichmann

Jari Juutinen
I Am Adolf Eichmann
(Min olen Adolf Eichmann)
Translated from the Finnish by Ona Nurkkala
THE PERFORMING RIGHTS OF THIS PLAY ARE CONTROLLED BY

SUOMEN NYTELMKIRJAILIJALIITTO - THE FINNISH DRAMATISTS UNION.
All rights reserved. See Copyright Notice for more information.
www.finnishplays.com
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
Copyright 2005 by Jari Juutinen
(hereinafter referred to as the Author(s))
Translated by Ona Nurkkala
(hereinafter referred to as the Translator(s))
All rights reserved.
This play is protected by Finnish and international copyright laws. No portion of it may be copied,
distributed, or performed without the express written permission of the Finnish Dramatists' Union
(Suomen Nytelmkirjailijaliitto Finlands Dramatikerfrbund r.y.). Unauthorized copying, distribution,
public reading or performance, translation or any other exploitation of the play is strictly prohibited.
All copyrights to the translation of the play are owned by the Translator(s), and any and all use of the
translation must be separately agreed with the Translator(s). The Finnish Dramatists' Union shall
assist to procure these rights on a case-by-case basis in order to enable the use of the plays
translated version. For reasons of clarity, it is stated that the Finnish Dramatists' Union is not able to
grant any rights for the translation without the consent of the Translator(s).
All performance rights to this play are controlled exclusively by the Finnish Dramatists Union. No
amateur or professional groups or individuals may perform this play without securing license and
royalty arrangements in advance from the Finnish Dramatists' Union. The Author(s) is/are entitled to a
royalty for each performance.
No alterations, deletions or substitutions may be made in the work without the prior written consent of
the Author(s) or his/her/their representative.
For performance of any songs, music and recordings mentioned in this play which are in copyright,
the permission of the copyright owners must be obtained. This play may also include references to
brand names, trademarks or public figures. All such references are intended only as parody or as
other legal means of expression.
All groups or individuals receiving permission to produce this play must give the Author(s) credit in
any and all advertisement and publicity relating to the production of this play.
Whenever this play is produced, all programs, advertisements, flyers or other printed and online
material must include the following notice:
Produced by special arrangement with the Finnish Dramatists' Union (www.finnishplays.com)
If you have questions concerning performance rules or have other inquiries, please contact us at:
Phone: +358 9 135 6191
Fax: +358 9 135 6171
Email: info@sunklo.fi
Web: www.finnishplays.com, www.sunklo.fi
Mailing Address:
The Finnish Dramatists' Union
Meritullinkatu 33 G
00170 Helsinki
Finland
Jari Juutinen:
I AM ADOLF EICHMANN
Translated from the Finnish by Ona Nurkkala
All Rights must be obtained from The Finnish Dramatists Union
This work has been translated with the financial assistance of
FILI - Finnish Literature Exchange
The play premiered

in Teatteri Vanha Juko,
Lahti, Finland 3.11. 2005.
The play was performed
with a cast of ten (6m, 4 f)
and a band. Other ways of
dividing the roles are
possible.
The play includes following characters:
Adolf Eichmann
Vera Eichmann
Ernst Kaltenbrunner
Reinhardt Heydrich
Rudolf Hss
Gauleiter Bollocks
Otto Hoffmann
Dr Joseph Mengele
Heinrich Mller
Friedrich Kritzinger
Rudolf Lange
Hermann Ratjen
Dr Rosenkrantz
von Gldenstern
Saga Ring-True
Fairy Tale
Prosecutor
Judge
Priest
And undefined number of National Socialists, Jewish concentration camp prisoners etc.
PROLOGUE
A SMALL ROCK IS GIVEN TO EVERY AUDIENCE MEMBER WHEN THEIR TICKETS ARE
BEING CHECKED. THE USHER PUTS THE ROCK ON THEIR HAND WHILE SAYING
'HERE YOU ARE'. IT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE EXPLAINED IN ANY WAY.
SCENE 1: I am who I am.

MUSIC PLAYS IN THE FOYER; HITLER'S SPEECHES ARE PLAYED IN THE THEATRE.
HITLER ASKS EICHMANN TO STEP FORWARD. SPOTLIGHT IS LIT. EICHMANN IS
NOWHERE TO BE SEEN. AT LAST, EICHMANN, COVERING HIS NAKEDNESS,
APPEARS ON STAGE.
EICHMANN
Timo! (Or whatever the name is of the person running the lights)
Timo!
TIMO
What's up?
EICHMANN
I am naked.
TIMO
What do you mean... naked?
EICHMANN
I mean stark naked... Somebody stole my clothes from the dressing room.
TIMO
You mean your costume?
EICHMANN
That too.
TIMO
There they are. At the front.
HE IS TRYING TO GET TO THE FRONT COVERING HIS BODY BUT IT WON'T WORK.
EICHMANN
Turn the lights off!
LIGHTING GUY TURNS OFF THE LIGHT. EICHMANN STARTS WALKING. HALFWAY
ACROSS THE STAGE THE SPOT LIGHT SHOWS US NAKED AND WET EICHMANN. HE
FINDS A EUROPEAN UNION FLAG TO COVER HIS PRIVATES. WE HEAR LAUGHTER
FROM THE BACK STAGE.
EICHMANN
Oh. Ok. Thanks, Timo. Thanks a lot.
(WHISTLING, LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE FROM THE BACK STAGE)
So. Good evening Hi! ...Well...I am (THE ACTOR SAYS HIS OWN NAME), and my clothes
are who knows where... I took this role because it sounded interesting and I've never
worked for a (NAME OF A THEATRE COMPANY) beforeI am a freelancer actor from
Sydney. (OR THE NAME OF AN ANY BIG CITY)
(LAUGHTER AND COMMENTS ETC.)
I am a professional... but is this really what it's like in (NAME OF THE THEATRE
COMPANY) if one gives a few little suggestions and a bit of advice in the rehearsalslike
could we possible try it this way or that wayright away unimpressed faces. Oh, Mr. Big City
Bigwig comes and tells us how real theatre is done. I had a clowning gig at the Children's
hospital it is an unwritten rule of showbiz that you can finish your old gigs if they were
contracted first. I bet this was xxxx's (SAYS THE NAME OF AN ANOTHER ACTOR) idea or
xxxx's (SAYS THE NAME OF AN ANOTHER ACTOR). They like their gags... (LAUGHTER
FROM THE BACK STAGE)
Are they jealous of the clowning or what? I don't know. My train was late. And you can never
get a cab when you're late, so I ran, all the way from the station so I wouldn't miss the
showI ran like the wind got hereand jumped in the shower.
(LAUGHTER)
And when I came back to the dressing room it was empty. I mean empty-empty. All my stuff
gone. All of them. Clothes, costumes, shoes, socks, a towel, everything, gone. And all other
dressing rooms conveniently locked. .
(LAUGHTER)
And (SAYS THE NAME OF THE ARTISTIC DIRECTOR) who should be running the theatre
and keeping an eye on the show is somewhere in Europe building up his international career.
I can tell you straight away that nothing's going to come out of it.
I don't know. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to come here in the first place...But you know,
being a freelance actor is not all its cracked up to be...If you're not a household nameand
even if you are, it's mainly queuing at Centrelink and doing small guest roles on the tellyIf
I'm being honest my last leading role was a long, long time ago so I guess I was
tempteda lead role..
a lead role my ass.
Hey, do you have those rocks? I mean the ones that were given to you? ...Good...Did they
say anything to you?
That's it? Nothing else? They just gave you the rock and here you are? Of course not. I
swear, sometimes they are just so unprofessional and unorganized here. Shitloads of
employees and nothing happens
Well, the thing about the rocks is that they are from Auschwitz. We got a special permit from
the concentration camp museum. It's not mentioned anywhere, even though I suggested that
it wouldn't hurt to put it in the program or at least to mention it at the door. Well, it was just
one of my little ideas. Maybe they forgot...
Anyway, I have this tiny request for you folk, if you don't mind. If you could hold the rock on
your palm like this during the show, that would be great.
Excuse me, could you stand up so we can show how. Just step on to the stage so everyone
can see you. Relax your hand. You don't want to get cramps... Just like that.
You can feel the weight of it. And I feel the weight through you and that adds to my
performance. When you think about it - someone in the camp actually held that stone, waiting
for his destiny, thinking about his home or spouse or just simply was afraid of dying
Thank you. You can go back now. Let's give him/her a big hand!
And turn off those mobile phones, we don't want your boss calling and asking for overtime in
the middle of the showand we dont want to get distracted by these beeping tamagotchis,
do we?
About that Eichmann...There are lots of stories about him like he was the head executioner of
the Third ReichMinister of DeathHitler's adviserbut in reality he was never closer to
Hitler than 100 metershe was only a Lieutenant-Colonel there were thousands of them in
Germany.and Colonels didn't go around ordering Generals, but in Eichmann's case that
was implied.
And that escape...to Argentina...In his memoirs he tells how he wanted to be with his sons as
long as they needed himI guess he was trying to bea good father... I doubt they talked
much about Daddys work at home.
Believe me when I say that it wasn't just once or twice that I climbed up the mountains at
nightSat there in the darkness of the sky looking at the millions of stars, gasping at the
proportions of the universe and thinking that I managed to royally fuck up the only life I was
givenIt was as if, by some magic force, everything I touched turned into a pile of ash
...both my private life and my work...eventually, I did too... only a shoebox full is left of us, for
the annoyance of others...I know no one wants to believe me anymore, but I really did try to
find those Jews a piece of landsomeplace where they could movebut with my strange
sleepwalker's logic that led right into the gas chambers of AuschwitzI have wondered many
times, whether things would have gone differently in this world if I had shot myself right at the
beginning?
And, naturally, I knew for many months that Israel's secret service had found meI was once
a Secret Service man myselfand these Mossad boys were total amateursActually, I was
embarrassed for themdressed as men from the gasworks company they asked the
neighbors about our lives and daily routinesNot a bad idea except for the fact that this
suburb of Buenos Aires didn't have a gas network yet which suited me fineas cooking my
dinner with gas did not seem appropriate ...even though I had nothing to do with that gas
thingMy neighbors worryingly asked, Rikardo that was my assumed nameRikardo
Klement... do you know that the Mafia is after you? Crooks with foreign accents are asking
about your comings and goings
I guess we could have changed countries again...but then I thought I don't want to play cat
and mouse anymorethat maybe its my duty to stand up , leave my hideout and tell the
world how it all really happenedI couldn't have guessed that the trial would be such
acircusSomeone claimed that my bullet-proof booth at the trial was ventilated in a way
that no one had to breath the same air as meSo much for an unbiased trial and innocent
until proven guilty. They emptied my ashes into the sea like an ashtray, even though I
specifically asked in my testament for it to be divided into seven parts: one part to Mom and
Dads grave in Austria, one part to our garden and the remaining parts to Vera and my sons
Klaus, Horst, Dieter and Ricardo-Francisco While waiting on my sentence I carved dolls for
my youngest son since he enjoyed playing with them so muchWhether they ever delivered
them, I don't know. Maybe they burned them in the same oven with me.
That Jerusalem thing, it wasn't a trialIt was the last battle of the Second World Warme
against the rest of the worldWith my luck you probably can guess how that ended
Excellent...Here's the red vine I asked for...with this I have calmed my nerves in even tougher
spots...Would you care for a drink with the son of the Eichmann's?
Cheers everyone and to justiceand Heil Hitler.
Could you (INSERT THE NAME OF THE LIGHTING OPERATOR) turn off the house lights so
we can let the audience off the hook and start the showYou can watch in peaceI won't
come to your side again.
HE IS ON HIS WAY TO THE CURTAINS BUT TURNS BACK
And all you Freuds or Alice Millers don't bother to conjure up that something went wrong
during my childhoodI had a good childhood and a lovely adolescenceBut as they used to
say in Linz: when things are going great for the donkey, it starts dancing on iceand that's
exactly what I didthe only difference being that I, the ass, was dancing with wolves.
SCENE 2: Die Fahne Hoch

STAGE FILLS UP WITH PEOPLE FROM THE WAR. EVERYONE IS WOUNDED OR
INJURED SOMEWAY.
NATIONALSOCIALIST1
Well, fuck me! What kind of faggot have we hiding here?
NATIONALSOCIALIST 2
Where's the faggot?
EICHMANN
I wasn't hiding I was just supposed to tell the court how I ended up in the Party.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 3
You were hiding! Just there. Hiding.
THEY PUSH EICHMANN IN THE MIDDLE
NATIONALSOCIALIST 1
He is like a rabbit in the headlights.
EICHMANN
I am not..I...I was only.
KALTENBRUNNER
Hey hey hey! Halt! I know this one... You are that Keinmann... no Abelmann.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 4
Nein-mann.
EICHMANN
I am Adolf Eichmann
EVERYBODY
I am Adolf Eichmann
KALTENBRUNNER
You are Adolf Eichmann and you want to join us, don't you?
EICHMANN
Well I am kind of already inoneorganizationor two in a way. I just came to watch.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 4
One eye watches the watches
KALTENBRUNNER
Where?
EICHMANN
What?
KALTENBRUNNER
You said you're already in two organizations. Which ones?
EICHMANN
Wandervoegel
THE SCOUT ORGANISATION PROVOKES MIRTH...THEY DANCE LETKISS AND SING A
SQUIB SONG TEDDY BEARS PICNIC.
KALTENBRUNNER
That's enough. Wandervoegel... and the other?
EICHMANN
I've been thinkingor actually promised someone...that I will join Schlaraffia
KALTENBRUNNER
But they are Freemasons.
EICHMANN
Freemasons?
NATIONALSOCIALIST 2
Where are the Freemasons?
NATIONALSOCIALIST 3
Freemasons are Jewish faggots.
KALTENBRUNNER
You're not going to become a Freemason. You'll join us.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 1
We have hardcore parties.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 3
And commando camps.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 4
And available tramps.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 2
And war games and strategic thinking.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 4
And whore games and excessive drinking.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 1
And Thursday mornings we do exercises.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 4
And on Friday nights sexercises.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 2
And Gauleiter Bollocks has come all the way from Berlin to give us an inspiring speech.
EVERYONE IS FALLING AND GROANING AT THEIR OWN SPEED.
EVERYONE
The shameful peace treaty of Versailles! The back-stabbing of the nation! Conspiracy of the
Western nations! Marxists disintegrators!
EICHMANN
Well I don't knowbecause I kind ofkind of already promised.
KALTENBRUNNER
And, by the way, we have this little rule that if you are not with us, you are against us.
KANSALLISOSSIALISTI 3
With us or against us?
EICHMANN
With you, of course.
KALTENBRUNNER
And you will join us, right?
EICHMANN
Well...why not?
NATIONALSOCIALIST 1
An oath!
NATIONALSOCIALIST 2
A Cub Scout Oath.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 1
Sudeten Club Scout Oath.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 4
Sudeten Bear Cub Scout Oath!
NATIONALSOCIALIST 4 GOES AND FETCHES HIS PEE BOTTLE AND GIVES IT TO
EICHMANN.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 4
Bottoms up.
EICHMANN SNIFFS IT.
EICHMANN
But this is piss.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 4
It well might be.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 3
Where's piss?
EICHMANN
You don't really mean/
NATIONALSOCIALIST 1
/Hey, those Freemasons have their rituals too.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 2
Bottoms up!
EICHMANN SNIFFS THE BOTTLE AND STARTS DRINKING. HE MANAGES TO DRINK
THE PISS. THEY PAD HIM ON THE BACK AND PUT A SWASTIKA ON HIS ARM.
KALTENBRUNNER
Dear Eichmann! Welcome to the band of merry men. And now my dear comrades! The
moment we have all been waiting for. NSDAP proudly presents: Gauleiter Bollocks from
Berlin with his inspiring speech.
BOLLOCKS COMES. EVERYTHING STOPS FOR A MOMENT.
EICHMANN
Yes... about the barrack lifeIt was dead boring...Everyday exactly the same routineso
when they told us that the security service of the SS national leader in Berlin was recruiting
men with military training, I immediately applied...
BOLLOCKS
National Socialists' of Linz! Liebe Kameraden! The shameful peace treaty of Versailles!
Back-stabbing of the nation!
EVERYONE IS FALLING AND GROANING AND REPEATING BOLLOCKS SPEECH
EXCEPT EICHMANN
BOLLOCKS
So, this one here is your new Nazi?
KALTENBRUNNER
That's him.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 3
Where's the new Nazi?
BOLLOCKS
He doesn't seem much... You should train him somehow.
EVERYONE IS FALLING AND GROANING AND REPEATING: You should train him.
KALTENBRUNNER
Train him?
BOLLOCKS
Yes, train him!
KALTENBRUNNER
Train him! Absolutely we'll train him!
EVERYBODY
Let's train him!
KALTENBRUNNER
Exactly. Yep. Yes. Good. Yes.
(PAUSE)
Since you're such a stick figure, let's create a scene here where we all play war and you are
being hazed/
EICHMANN
/Actually I'm supposed to tell the court/
KALTENBRUNNER
/Attention! Dismissed! Get in formation.
ORDERS ARE OBEYED UNTIL THE FORMATION IS READY.
KALTENBRUNNER
Squad. I will let Gauleiter know in Berlin. Attention. Eyes Right. Herr Gauleiter. Squad
Eichmann ready for inspection. Sergeant Kaltenbrunner reports!
BOLLOCKS
At ease!
Corporal Eichmann. To Berlin. Forward march, left, two, three, four
BOLLOCKS SINGS THE VILLAGE PEOPLE HIT 'YMCA' ACCOMPANIED BY AN
ORCHESTRA.
10
BOLLOCKS
That went well. Where abouts is the Officer's Club?
NATIONALSOCIALIST 3
Where's the Officer's Club?
KALTENBRUNNER
It's just around the corner. They serve foreign beer and scotch there and/
NATIONALSOCIALIST 3 FINDS AN URINE BOTTLE. HE DRINKS FROM IT.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 3
/But this is piss.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 2
It well might be.
EICHMANN
Berlin... Security for the Grand Vizier ... I imagined myself standing on the plank of a black
Mercedes, where, if not quite Himmler himself then at least someone like a Gauleiter was
sitting inside, Straight and alertvisor cap shading the eyeslike a German Shepherd
standing on two pawsBut my application fell by the way side in such a way thatthe
security office turned out to be the Reichs SS security serviceThis SS security service of
Himmlers was quite something else
I had already looked forward to the shiny riding boots, leather coat and visor cap
but nosteel helmet on and, once again, off donating blood and swearing oaths... and the
whole beating started all over again except that the so-called trainers were SS's civilian
bullies, who had gotten their stripes from a two week correspondence course
KALTENBRUNNER
Who is mumbling here?! What kind of man?
EICHMANN
Corporal Eichmann.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 4
Did you hear that? A real corporal?
THIS AMUSES EVERYONE. NATIONALSOCIALISTS START PLAYING BLACK PETER
(OLD MAID) CARD GAME.
EICHMANN
They were such losers they didn't even know how to use a machine gun...I'm surprised they
knew what it was used for ... I always thought that Himmler can't have too many enemies if
these wanna-be security guards have been able to keep him alive and well...But it all became
clear later.
BOLLOCKS
Att-En-Tion! At Ease! Att-En-Tion!! At Ease! Whistles!
ALL THE NAZIS
Explosion! Whistles! Explosion! Whistles! Explosion! Whistles! Explosion! Whistles!
BOLLOCKS
Oh, a real Corporal. We have a great job for you, Corporal.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 4
Since you already have a connection with the Freemasons.
11
NATIONALSOCIALIST 3
Freemason files Or-ga-nize.
ALL THE NAZIS
Forward March!
NATIONALSOCIALIST 2
Let's go to the Officers club.
KALTENBRUNNER
I'm already sweating like a pig.
NATIONALSOCIALISTS LEAVE. THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT DRINKING. THEY ARE
THROWING THE BLACK PETE (OLD MAID) CARDS IN THE AIR. PRETTY MUCH ALL THE
BLACK PETE CARDS IN THE WORLD FLY IN THE AIR. EICHMANN TURNS ONE
AROUND AND READS
EICHMANN
Louise Trapeze.
PAUSE
Now, you're thinking that...if a person is made to do something he absolutely doesn't want to
dothen he should head straight to the nearest manager, click his heels and open his mouth;
'Excuse me, this is not right. Me coming here was a mistake and now I want to leave or at
least get bigger pints' And if you end up not doing this, you are a such a dead beat and idler
that you don't deserve any betterSo slam your fist on the table, God damn it!Yep, that's
right, precisely, exactly what I was thinkingand a few others in my bunkerThat's what we
were thinking when we were drunk and even when sober
But on the other hand we did give seven different oaths and blood offeringsand there
was the desire to be part of something great
So things turned in my head the way that I asked myself, is it really too much to be asked to
organize a few files?
Well, I then answered to myself, probably notand that things could be much worse even
though I didn't quite know how Then, I started organizing the files and checking out what
else was happening in the Reich.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 3
And a lot started happening!
NATIONALSOCIALIST 2
Unemployment melted away
KALTENBRUNNER
We wiped our ass with the peace treaty of Versailles.
BOLLOCKS
The Rhineland was militarized.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 3
Autobahns were built.
BOLLOCKS
The Beetle was invented.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 2
And the world's Olympics were held in Berlin.
EVERYONE
Sieg Heil!
12
EICHMANN
And nobody boycotted them!
EVERYONE
Sieg Heil!
KALTENBRUNNER
Hey, you beautiful lady/ (handsome man) in the third row. Do you happen to know which
average German high jumper changed his first name to Dora before the Olympics, tied his
willy under his belly button and came fourth at the women's high jump?
HERMANN RATJEN
Three point clue. It was me.
KALTENBRUNNER
Does anyone else know? Well, it was Hermann Ratjen.
EVERYONE
Sieg Heil.
KALTENBRUNNER
And what was the result?
HERMANN RATJEN
157.
EVERYONE
Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil!
THEY START SINGING THE Horst Wessel Lied (Die Fahne Hoch) BEAUTIFULLY AND IN
HARMONY, LIKE A HYMN.
EICHMANN
I was watching this and I saw how people were roaring with joy when the bigger and the
smaller devils ascended once a year from their mountain lodges to be worshipped by us, the
people. And I don't understand how, in God's name, could I have been the only one in the
world generating some kind of distrust and counter-current while I saw much smarter people
than me offering the same joy and worship.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 1
Stop talking shit!
NATIONALSOCIALIST 2
I wasn't a Nazi...
NATIONALSOCIALIST 3
I was only acting... I was in internal opposition.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 4
I had nothing to do with the party.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 5
No, I wasn't a Nazi either.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 6
In my mind I was against the whole thing right from the start.
13
Scene 3: Veronica Liebl

VERA ENTERS AND CHANGES THE ATMOSPHERE. THE MARRIED COUPLE MEET FOR
THE LAST TIME BEFORE EICHMANN'S EXECUTION.
EICHMANN
Vera!
Oh Vera Vera Vera!
VERA
I came as soon as I heard.
EICHMANN
How...?
VERA
The boys are fine and they understand what's going on.
PAUSE
EICHMANN
Except little Ricardo
VERA
Except Ricardo
EICHMANN
I've been carving dolls for Ricardo.
VERA
I heard.
Why did you have to come here to be hanged?
You could have escaped...
EICHMANN
I believed...I thought...that the world needs to know.
VERA
What can you tell that the world doesn't already know?
EICHMANN
Well, all the slavery, and apoplectic violence and unnecessary/
VERA
/Suffering
PAUSE
EICHMANN
Forgive me. You at least, please forgive me.
THEY TURN TO LOOK AT EACH OTHER. THEY SMILE. WE TRAVEL BACK IN TIME:
VERA'S AND EICHMANN'S WEDDING. (POSSIBLY CHANGING THE ACTOR PLAYING
VERA?)
PRIEST
Our beloved and righteous Reich Chancellor, the father of all the Germanic nations, our
Fhrer Adolf Hitler, whose navel fluff you are not fit to pick, in his Godly presence and before
these witnesses I ask you, Veronica Liebl, do you take this man, Otto Adolf, to be your
14
lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, in
sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death or Nurembergs race laws do you part/
VERA
/But I'm not Jewish.
SHOWS THE CERTIFICATE
PRIEST
What the hell...This one is a genuine Aryan...These Gestapo papers are always fuckedso
where was I? Ah, do us part and something, something.
VERA AND EICHMAN
Yes, we do!
PRIEST
Well, I guess there's nothing left to do but -I pronounce you husband and wife by the power
invested in me by our beloved Fhrer whose dog's shit I'm not worthy to scrape from his shoe
sole and so forth... Where's that Officer's Club again? Kissing allowed.
GENERAL KISSING. BAND IS PLAYING TANGO "EL CHOCLO". MILITARY LIKE.
FEUERKUSS (German lyrics by Marikka Grym)
Dein Feuerkuss entfhret mich in weite Ferne
in deinen Flammen nur verbrenne ich so gerne
oh Glckesfunken spruchen mir aus meinen Augen
die heisse Lge deiner Lippen will ich glauben
Wie eine Fackel brachtest du in meine Seele,
Traumes licht das mich erhellt und doch verzehret
Und wenn ich auch von diesem bittersssen Wege,
nie wiederkehre,
so breche ich doch auch
(chorus)
Gegen dein Feuer kann ich mich doch nicht wehren
und mein Verlangen, oh, das lsst sich nicht mehr umkehren.
Warum nur must an meinem Herzen sehren?
Dein Sklave wurd ich und werds fr immer sein.
Doch Gnede nein, er wird nicht mein.
Drum leih mir nur ein letztes Mal nun deine Lippen,
mussich auch morgen wieder um Verzeihung bitten
Bei deinem Feuerkuss dasGlck in meinem Herz brennt
auch wenn es mich ins Verderben rennt
(chorus)
Gegen dein Feuer kann ich mich doch nicht wehren
und mein Verlangen, oh, das lsst sich nicht mehr umkehren.
Warum nur must an meinem Herzen sehren?
Dein Sklave wurd ich und werds fr immer sein.
Doch Gnede nein, er wird nicht mein.
VERA'S AND EICHMANN'S DANCE HAS COME TO AN END.
EICHMANN
We were young, we were in love, we were happy. Except, honest to God, I would have even
become a grave digger to get out off Himmler's clubSo, when the early autumn of 36 this
SS-Lieutenant talked to me, this von
15
VON GLDENSTERN
Heil Hitler!
EICHMANN
Same to you. Whats up, Gldenstern?
VON GLDENSTERN
Well...I was justerm we have dabbled in erm starting uperm thisdepartment of
Jewish ermaffairs There erm still erm would beerm one position available
for an officerso I erm just wondered erm whether the Eichmann erm would be
interested,,,
EICHMANN
So what do you...erm...think I answered? Jawohl. Sieg Heil! Heil Hitler! Lebensraum! Ich
komme! When can I start?
EVERYONE
Now!
16
SCENE 4: SD Jewish Department II 112

THEME MUSIC IS PLAYED AND THE HOST OF THE TV SHOW MISS SAGA RING-TRUE
ENTERS.
SAGA RING-TRUE
Willkommen eweryone, ze viewer's at home and here at ze studio, to my new talk show
"From Here and Zere". Today's segment is called "Ich war ein berliner" which means "I've
been to Berlin" ie. "How to kill two Jewss wiz one stone".
(LAUGHTER AND CLAPPING FROM THE TAPE)
Yez, sir. I am ze secret lover Saga Ring-True and today I'm talking about ze Holocaust wiz
Nazi leader Adolf Eichmann himself. Could you, Eichi, arrange ze chairss. Dankeschn. But
I'm not only chatting wiz him. I have ze pleasure to introduce you to some ozer old nazis.
They are so shy zat zey are mainly using fake namess.
(LAUGHTER FROM THE TAPE)
SAGA RING-TRUE
Meine Damen und Herren, anonymous nationalsocialists ie. disguised natzis. Straight from
America, sorry Middle America...Souz America. A Huge round of applause, Ladies and
Gentlemen
(HUGE APPLAUSE FROM THE TAPE)
SAGA RING-TRUE CLAPS AND JUMPS WITH EXCITEMENT. DISGUISED NAZIS ENTER
THE STUDIO.
SAGA RING-TRUE
So...before we start I just have to tell you zat I am a really sensitive person and every time I
look at ze hungry African children I start crying because I would like to be as zin as zem. But I
wouldn't want ze diseazess - or ze fliess
(LAUGHTER)
SAGA RING-TRUE
Eichmann look, you are kind of likes ze greyhound but I am like a gazelle, beautiful, supple
and I have huge eyess.
(CLAPPING AND WHISTLING FROM THE TAPE)
SAGA RING-TRUE
But now Iet's get serious for ze supa-seriouss topic and straight into ze point ie. ze holocaust
zingySo first I am going to ask you all what do you zink of ze holocaust? Who wantss to be
first?
NATIONALSOCIALIST 1
You start, you are the oldest.
MENGELE
Am I?
EVERYONE
Yes!
NATIONALSOCIALIST 1
Okay...well...it was old news in Europe to bad-mouth the JewishI don't think anyone ever
took it that seriously.
17
EVERYONE
I certainly didn't!
EICHMANN
The way I saw it...even at the barracks we always had that saying "The soup is never eaten
as hot as it is cooked.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 1
Who could have guessed what was to come?
MENGELE
Who the fuck could have guessed that?
KALTENBRUNNER
No one!
SAGA RING-TRUE
Zat's what I've been zinking too zat it wass kind of like a misadventurea work-related
accident.
BOLLOCKS
Yes, it was really an accident.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 1
A mere accident.
KALTENBRUNNER
We didn't join the party so we could push old men around.
NATIONALSOCIALISTS
We didn't?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGA RING-TRUE
But I wass under ze impression zat it wass all legal in zose dayss.
BOLLOCKS
Legal, legal
KALTENBRUNNER
Well, we were the ones making the law.
BOLLOCKS
Yes, I can almost remember us churning them out.
KALTENBRUNNER
One Jew law after another. The rubber stamp was burning hot.
BOLLOCKS
In the end we had over 400.
MENGELE
Once when I came straight from surgery, wiping the knife on my shirt sleeve, I thought I'd sit
down on a park bench to get some fresh air...
NATIONALSOCIALIST 1
Oxygen.
MENGELE
18
But all the park benches were taken by these unemployed Jews...I was so ticked off that I
wrote to the Interior Ministry and demanded a law to ban the Jews from using park benches.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 1
And the law went through with a bang...
KALTENBRUNNER
And that was it with the bench sitting for Jews.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGA RING-TRUE
Wouldn't it have been easier to make a law about what Jews were allowed to do?
(APPLAUSE AND WHISTLING)
BOLLOCKS
Tell me about it.
KALTENBRUNNER
It didn't spring to mind in the hurry.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 1
The speed we had in those days
BOLLOCKS
Yep. We were do-ers not go-nners.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 2
All around Europe.
BOLLOCKS
Yes. Blitzkrieg.
KALTENBRUNNER
That was proper rapid warfare.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 1
We were young and virile.
KALTENBRUNNER
Now we are only virile.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGA RING-TRUE
Nice. Zanks. And nowhave we gotten any emailss Henry-Charlotta?
PROSECUTOR ENTERS UPSTAGE HOLDING A COMPUTER
PROSECUTOR
We've gotten a bit of this and that. Shit is full of crap says Peter from BankstownThose
camps never existed. It's propaganda by communist faggots believes Layla from Leichhardt.
Gertrud from Gladesville is on a diet and would like to get the recipe for the concentration
camp soupWhen does the striptease section start and do we really have to listen to this
stuff asks Marty from MarrickvilleGabby gives good head, call one eight hundredah, this
must have been meant as a joke.
SAGA RING-TRUE
Zank you Henry-Charlotta. Eichi. Can I call you Eichi? Lovely, zanks. Tell me, since you are
19
ze person in ze know, did zose campss really exist?

EICHMANN
I never said they didn't...
SAGA RING-TRUE
Before you answer, I have to tell you zat I'm really sensitive and every time I see zose
documentaries about Jewish. I start crying because I would love to be as skinny as zem but I
wouldn't want ze flies, ze diseazess or ze barbed wire.
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
SAGA RING-TRUE
You were about to say somezink Eichhi?
EICHMANN
Well, I was kind of under the impression that we were only in year 1937 when I was still sitting
in SD's Department 112 of Jewish Affairs reading magazines, legs on the table, sipping
cognac and writing reports for the suits
SAGA RING-TRUE
So you weren't like a very active Nazi yet?
EICHMANN
Well, I was a member of the party.
(APPLAUSE)
EICHMANN
I just meant that I was sitting at von Gldenstern's office and, at that stage, was more or less
just astonished by the hustle and bustle... since the head honcho had ordered all Jews to
leave the country ... why weren't they helped with that moving process, instead of making
everything as difficult as possible.
SAGA RING-TRUE
Yes, yes, dankeschn...let's agree oldiess zat we'll try to keep the answerss as short as
possible so we don't waste expensive studio time. Zanks!
(BOOING FROM THE TAPE)
SAGA RING-TRUE
What about you guys? Were you kind of active in ze percecution of ze Jews? Ja or nein?
NATIONALSOCIALIST 1
Oh God...do we really need to dig up this stuff again?
MENGELE
Show and Tell.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 1
Ah, surely not....I didn't know anything about the camps.
(LAUGHTER)
NATIONALSOCIALIST 1
We, at the Finance Ministry, were stealing the assets of the Jews in an honest way lawyer
stylejust by spinning our pens
SAGA RING-TRUE
Well, were you zen responsible for ze gass ovenss? Ja or Nein?
20
BOLLOCKS
I didn't know about the concentration camps.
(LAUGHTER)
EICHMANN
Excuse, there must be a mistake here...the camps didnt exist yet and I wasn't...these matters
didn't concern me at all....not yet, at least...
MENGELE
Hey, that's Eichmann!
NATIONALSOCIALIST 1
Eichmann!
BOLLOCKS
Eichmann!
KALTENBRUNNER
Eichmann!
EICHMANN
Well, at least not before early 39....
MENGELE
Minister of Death!
EICHMANN
Not before Austria merged into the German Reich...as they used to call it in those
days...that's when my Jewish affairs began with the Anschluss.
KALTENBRUNNER
Eichmann killed six million Jews.
EICHMANN
Me?
KALTENBRUNNER
He single-handedly had already killed that Jewish boy he caught stealing cherries from his
tree.
NATIONALSOCIALIST 1
Because of hunger, the poor boy.
EICHMANN
Come on, dear friends/
NATIONALSOCIALIST 1
/Don't you dear friend me, you butcher of Jews.
BOLLOCKS
Eichmann invented the gas chambers!
EICHMANN
I certainly didn't.
BOLLOCKS
And Cyclone B.
21
PROSECUTOR
I was under the impression that you were friends.
KALTENBRUNNER
Me and that...murderer? Please...I do not know this man.
PROSECUTOR
But you were his superior.
KALTENBRUNNER
How the fuck was I supposed to know what he was doing alone in that dark room? Thank you
very much and goodbye.
EICHMANN
Would it finally be possible to find out what I am accused of?
JUDGE
Crimes against humanity, planning of the genocide of the Jewish people and membership of
an illegal organizationamong other things.
EICHMANN
What illegal organization?
PROSECUTOR
The Gestapo for example, you idiot.
EICHMANN
Gestapo was Germanys Secret State Police...that wasn't an illegal org/
PROSECUTOR
/But you were a member of the party.
EICHMANN
Yes, and you were too, and you and ...and since when did that become illegal?
PROSECUTOR
The ninth of the fifth nineteen forty-five.
SAGA RING-TRUE
Europe-day!
JUDGE
On that day many things became illegal.
EICHMANN DOESN'T UNDERSTAND
EICHMANN
They were both perfectly legal when I joined...You can't just change the legality of things to
your liking afterwards.
JUDGE
Of course we can. This is a judiciary institution.
EICHMANN
But you have to take into a account that I was only following orders...I was bound by an
oathYou can't just start to blame me for everything
JUDGE
The Prosecutor has the floor.
22
EICHMANN
I have never, ever killed.
JUDGE
Prosecutor has the floor!
EICHMANN
Or given orders to kill anyone, Jewish or non-Jewish...I have never/
JUDGE
/Order in the court!
EICHMANN
I was harnessed like a horse...one of many horsesharnessed in front of a carriageI
couldn't veer to left or rightor like a cog in a wheel/
JUDGE
/For fuck's sake. Take him back to his cell and shoot him. This is an order!
PROSECUTOR
Your honoryou can't just/
JUDGE
/What do you mean I can't? Of course I can. I'm the chairman of this court. What is the use of
being a judge if you can't hand out sentences?
PROSECUTOR
But this is being filmed live your honor. Reality TV, your honor. Everyone is going to see
everything, your honor.
JUDGE
What fucking reality TV? What does it have to do with this?
ENTER FAIRY TALE
FAIRY TALE (SPEAKS BAD ENGLISH)
Ciao, ciao and kissy, kissy to everypeople and welcome to the Legal show The Ball Is In
Your Court". I am secret lover Fairy Tale and I host this show, yes?... Ciao, ciao and kissy,
kissy to everypeople...today we have very thrilling episode when we hang the Nazimonster
Adolf Eichmannbut before that, you get to see how he is grilled in cross-examine. Ciao,
ciao and kissy, kissy!
JUDGE
Is that right?
FAIRY TALE
Yes, yes, ciao, ciao, kissy, kissy. And the show also contains some nudity.
PROSECUTOR
Yes, I guess we should organize some kind of show trial for the audience.
JUDGE
Yes, yes, of course we'll organize. Why didn't you say so it right away? Because there's no
business like show business...Am I in the frame?
FAIRY TALE
You are cute boy, ciao, ciao, kissy, kissy...You take care!
JUDGE
Well, in that case I'll start with my opening statement .One, two, three, four.
23
SONG:These Boots Are Made For Walking IN GERMAN.

COUTROOM CHOREOGRAPHY DURING THE SONG.
(Schau meine Stiefel Laufen, German lyrics Marikka Grym)

Du behauptest, dass du was fr mich fhlst.
Nennst es Liebe - aber gibs doch zu.
Hast rumgemacht, wo du nicht sein durftest.,
all dein Bestes kriegt ne andre nun
Schau meine Stiefel laufen,
denn dazu sind sie da.
Zu einem kleinen Haufen
stiefeln sie dich eines Tags.
Ja
Du lgst weiter, wo du ehrlich sein solltest.
Verlierst weiter, wo keine Wette lohnt.
Solltest wachsen, aber bleibst der Alte.
Was recht ist ist recht, aber Du bleibst schlecht.
Du spielst weiter, womit Du nicht darfst spielen,
Und glaubst noch immer, die Finger verbrennen dir nicht - Ha!
Aber ich habneuen Brennstoff, Liebster, ja.
Und was der kann, das hast du nie gelernt.
Seid ihr bereit, Stiefel?
Auf gehts!
JUDGE
That went well. What's next?
FAIRY TALE
We all get naked. It is striptease number. Cute boy, come here. The others can watch.
JUDGE
Yesss!
EICHMANN
And why?
FAIRY TALE
Why do you think people watch striptease?
JUDGE
So they can get a hard on.
EICHMANN
No, I meant what does it have to do with the accusations? Holocaust and the other things?
JUDGE
Nothing, I guess.
24
PROSECUTOR
Didn't you used to undress the women at the concentration camps before you gassed them?
JUDGE
Hey! A fucking good point.
FAIRY TALE
I give Prosecutor three point. Eichmann zero point.
EICHMANN
I have never undressed anyone! Ever!
(LAUGHTER)
PROSECUTOR
Father of four children fully dressed, eh with Parka and thermals on
FAIRY TALE
One point to the Prosecutor.
EICHMANN
I didn't undress anyone at the concentration camp!
(SIGHS OF DISAPPOINTMENT)
FAIRY TALE
No point.
JUDGE
Well, that doesn't prove anything. But you do get much better ratings with a good striptease
number than with some dry testimony.
(LAUGHTER)
FAIRY TALE
And we should sell ads too!
JUDGE
That's what I'm talking about. I will read out an example. Eichmann, regrettably these are your
words. "and when we arrived blah blah blah to the side of the grave blah blah blah the
doors were opened blah blah blah and those people who I saw alive with own feet."
Eichmann saw his own feet.
(LAUGHTER)
FAIRY TALE
One point to Eichmann's feet.
EICHMANN
I meant that I saw them with my own eyes getting up on their feet/
JUDGE
/That was a joke. This is huuuumor. You, Eichmann, you don't have any sense of humor.
FAIRY TALE
Nope. None!
JUDGE
25
Please understand, dear friend, that no-one is going to want to watch or listen this kind of
bullshit on prime time.
FAIRY TALE
Nope. They won't.
JUDGE
But instead a nice, classy striptease show, where some room is left for imagination
FAIRY TALE
But only very little.
JUDGE
First-class entertainment for all ages. The whole family.
FAIRY TALE
We talk Englis!
JUDGE
Are the girls ready?
GIRLS
Yes.
THE BAND PLAYS Je Taime (Moi Non Plus) DURING WHICH THE JUDGE AND THE
PROSECUTOR WILL DO A STRIPTEASE. EICHMANN SHOUTS ON TOP OF THE MUSIC.
EICHMANN
I am Otto Adolf Eichmann. I was born on the 19th of March 1906 in Solingen, Germany, but I
spent most of my actual childhood and youth in a town called Linz in North-Austria. I used to
play the violin and as I grew older I started to become interested in motor sports. My dad was
employed by an energy company in Linz as
JUDGE LIFTS HIS HAND AND THE MUSIC STOPS
JUDGE
Cut! Cut! What the fuck is wrong with you Eichmann?
EICHMANN
I want to tell my story. I want the world to understand that I am not the monster you make me
to be.
JUDGE
Can't anyone shut that Nazis mouth? Pistol!
EICHMANN
I want an impartial trial!
JUDGE
He wants an impartial trial! And I want a house with a pool, a BMW convertible and two 16
year old virgins as mistresses.
THE HOST GIRLS ARE WAVING ANXIOUSLY BUT THE JUDGE WON'T NOTICE.
JUDGE
This is a court order...shut up, Eichmann!
PAUSE
JUDGE
26
Let's continue, girls.

FAIRY TALE
I lost motivation.
SAGA RING-TRUE
Me too.
FAIRY TALE
I don't strip.
SAGA RING-TRUE
Me neither.
FAIRY TALE
I go back to Baltic.
SAGA RING-TRUE
Me too.
FAIRY TALE
Ciao, ciao and kissy, kissy.
EXIT GIRLS
JUDGE
What are we going to do now, Eichmann? Hm???
EICHMANN SHRUGS HIS SHOULDERS. HOW WOULD HE KNOW?
PROSECUTOR
I guess we have to continue with the trial.
JUDGE
Exactly! Eichmann, fucking asshole!!! Justice...month after month we ramble on and on and
on and at the end we'll hang this Eichmann. And now my dear viewers, we are going to hold a
vote. Hand on your heart: How many of you would have wanted to continue watching the
striptease?
Ah, this many honest people. But that's not enough. Let's do as the majority says
I'm washing my hands off thisIn my opinionI wonder if it would have been funnier for
everyoneWellyou get what you order.
Where the hell are we?
PROSECUTOR
My papers are all mixed up...here's the evidence T 406/12, but I'm not sure whether...
JUDGE
I have the 402/16...oh, fuck, this is a train schedule. What about that hat? Is that some kind of
conductor thing? Hello. Does anyone know?
PROSECUTOR
Would the accused remember?
JUDGE
If you can't take a joke, you are one miserable bloke who belongs with the gypsy folk....
PAUSE
JUDGE
If you can't take a joke, you are
27
PAUSE
JUDGE
Could you at least try a bit!
PROSECUTOR
Oh, oh Eichmann
PAUSE
EICHMANN
The hat is mine.
PROSECUTOR
Really?
EICHMANN
Yes.
And we were in the spring 38 and I was just saying that soon after Austria merged into the
German Reich again...as they used to call it in those days...I was sent to Vienna and was
given the task of organizing the Jewish exodus. That's when I started to get involved with
Jewish affairs. With the Jewish exodus. In Vienna, 1938 Anno Domini (AD).
JUDGE
Vienna! Onethousandninehundredandthirtyeight! Anno Domini! Yes! Right! Very well,
Eichmann!
PROSECUTOR
Well done, Eichmann!
JUDGE
Excellent Eichmann! Fantastic! Hey!
I've got an idea with a capital D!
Let's all dismount back to the scene!
Vienna 1938!
It was a tremendously beautiful city then.
PROSECUTOR
Yes, incredible beautiful.
JUDGE
The Prater and SchnbrunnSacher cake
PROSECUTOR
Wienerschnitzel
JUDGE
And Mozartkugeln and dewy fields and Vienna by Night!
PROSECUTOR
Vienna by night!
28
Scene 5: Wien (April 1938)

WIENER WALTZ, SOUND OF MUSIC-ATMOSPHERE. VERY KITCH AND CLICHE.
EVERYBODY
Gute Nacht Vienna!
PAUSE
EICHMANN
Gute Nacht Vienna! Gute Nacht, Vienna! Vienna!
SILENCE
EICHMANN
Where are all the Jews?
MAN (OFF)
Raus Raus!
KS 3 RUNS TO THE STAGE
EICHMANN
Squad! Right turn! Where are all the Jews?
NATIONALSOCIALIST 3
Leaders arrested! Organizations destroyed! Assembly rooms closed! Heil Hitler!
EICHMANN
No no no..
NATIONALSOCIALIST 3
Juden raus!
EICHMANN
Ye, Yes....but not like thisWhere are all the officers?
KS 3 GOES TO THE GATE. OPENS IT. BEHIND IT TWO PEOPLE FUCKING. THEY STOP
ONCE SEEN.
MAN
Was?
NATIONALSOCIALIST 3
Gestapo.
MAN
Gestapo!
FRAU JUNG
Gestapo!
MAN & FRAU JUNG DISGUISE THEMSELVES AS A HORSE USING A BLANKET. THEY
SNEAK AWAY. EICHMANN WATCHES AND HE IS NOT GOING TO LET THE "HORSE"
GO.
EICHMANN
Squad Attention! Turn right!
MAN APPEARS FROM UNDER THE BLANKET. FRAU JUNG STAYS HIDING. MAN IS
29
WEARING GARTERS AND OTHER FEMALE GARMENTS. HE STARTS PUTTING ON

TROUSERS.
MAN
Who is whingeing? What kind of man?
EICHMANN
Eichmann, EichmannMAN
Eichmann-Eichmann what Eichmann-Eichmann?
EICHMANN
The Eichmann who got ordered to organize the Jewish emigration.
MAN
Oh, that Eichmann-Eichmann. Well, Eichmann-Eichmann start organizing. I'm not needed
here then. Donnerwetter!
EICHMANN
Do you know, Herr Donnerwetter, how many papers and forms a Jew has to fill out before he
gets his passport and emigration permit?
MAN
I don't know.
But Frau Jung will.
REVEALS HALF NAKED FRAU JUNG, WHOSE UNDERWEAR IS AT HER ANKLES.
FRAU JUNG
Heil Hitler!
- Police Department's Certificate of Residence
- A Penal Certificate
- A passport stamp issued by Vienna's Court of Appeal
- An application for a travel passport from Vienna's police department.
- An application for a travel passport from Vienna's Court of Appeal.
- Vienna's police department's official emigration permit.
- An application to the Deputy Protectors group VII/Finance.
- An application for a certificate of tax debt, completed and signed.
- The State tax office's questionnaire, completed and signed.
- Applications for the removal of items from the Finance Ministry's control department and
from the central bank.
- A signed list of all the belongings and items to be removed, issued to the Finance Ministry
control department.
- A notification of all assets issued to the customs inquiry department's currency control
section.
- Evidence of full payment of the emigration and removal items tax.
MAN
That's twelve, I counted.
EICHMANN
But there are fifteen. And, for example, the certificate of tax debt is valid for six weeks and
the list of removal items for eight weeks.
MAN
So what?
EICHMANN
Nothing, except that they expire before the case is processed and while they are queuing to
30
get them renewed, some other forms will expire and so forth.
MAN
So what?
EICHMANN
Well nothing, only that the Jewish emigrant keeps hopping from one line to another in
perpetuity.
MAN
So? He's Jewish. Phyi! Juden raus! Heil Hitler!
FRAU JUNG
Phyi! Juden raus. Heil Hitler.
MAN
Frau Jung.
FRAU JUNG
Jawohl.
MAN
Let's just go and finish the formatting strategy.
FRAU JUNG
Jawohl. Heil Hitler.
MAN GOES SHAKING HIS HEAD AT EICHMANN. FRAU JUNG FOLLOWES HIM.
EICHMANN
No order of any kind, or strategy or organization...and, as a result, frustration, irritation,
resentment and moaning from both sides...In my frustration I went so far as to give a speech
at Vienna's police department on how we could make the emigration even more difficultand
they just gaped at me, mouths open, and declared that's exactly what we have been doing all
along and will continue to do
And they say that satire is a difficult genre
Well, little by little I was able to negotiate the release of the Jewish officials and got
permissions for their organizations to operate - under the condition that they would publicly
advocate the emigrationthey got permits for their newspapers to be published, under the
same conditions of course, and money from the government to organize health care and
welfarefor the Jews reallyAnd I chose a leader for the Jewish councilwhat the fuck is
this smell?
NATIONALSOCIALIST 3
Heil Hitler.
KS 3 IS LEAVING WITH SHIT IN HIS PANTS.
EICHMANN
Rosa Rosenkranz!
ROSENKRANZ
You still recognized?
EICHMANN
Of course. Do you remember how we met after a long timeand you were being such a
Doctor.
ROSENKRANZ
I am a Doctor, Herr Eichmann
31
EICHMANN
Yes, yes but you were still acting like I am the Doctor here above everything ordinary
and common.
ROSENKRANZ
You lost your temper and hit me.
EICHMANN
I did hit you. And that was my only violent act against a Jew. And later I apologized to you, in
my uniform and in front of all my staff. Didnt I?
ROSENKRANZ
In uniform and in front of all the staff and...later oncan I tell it?
EICHMANN
Go ahead.
ROSENKRANZ
No, you tell.
EICHMANN
No, you since you started it already
ROSENKRANZ
Well, if I'll tell...?
EICHMANN
Please do.
ROSENKRANZ
You will get mad if I do.
EICHMANN
No I won't.
ROSENKRANZ
You won't get mad?
EICHMANN
No I won't.
ROSENKRANZ
For sure?
EICHMANN
For sure.
ROSENKRANZ
You will get mad. You don't want...people to find out
EICHMANN
For Gods sakemad? At you? ... I swear on my mother's grave No I swore I wouldn't
swear anymoresoargh.
ROSENKRANZ WATCHES, ASSESSES, AND LOOKS LIKE SHE WON'T BE TELLING
WHAT SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO.
ROSENKRANZ
32
And then on the next day you put a pen and a paper in front of me and asked "How do you
think we should organize it...how do you think we should organize it...so that it actually works
in practice...I mean the Jewish emigration." That's what you said: How do you think we should
organize it...
EICHMANN
And the next day you came back with damned good suggestions.
ROSENKRANZ
You started implementing those ideas right away.
EICHMANN
I did, didn't I?...but then it always came down to the forms and the permitsthat some of the
documents expiredand that's when you came in one dayand said.
ROSENKRANZ
That we can't! Not this way...we can't continue like thissomeone has to take responsibility
for the whole thing.
EICHMANN
I knew that...but ever since I had applied for a transfer to Linz, I had been walking with my
eyes half closedThey were looking for a head of departmentit would have been many
steps down on the job ladderbut I would have been back homeand there was another
factor. About that time my own embarrassing and perpetual uselessness started to finally
dawn on meto be honest, I wasn't a real playermy dealings were always, how do you
say somehow half-heartedI was supposed to become an engineer, but I never finished
the technical schoolI couldn't keep up couldn't hack itno matter how much I crammed,
my grades kept sliding downAnd that sales rep job my father got me in that oil company
was the pay was good but the tasks so simple that any literate person could have done
itso compared to thiswhen you think that I, at 32, suddenly realized that, oh my God,
meof all the people in the world, have invented a workable solution to a problem that half
the nation was pondering about and shuffling their papers and couldnt find an answer for
Oh, so what was my invention?
A conveyor belt.
So when you put in an application to emigrate with its attachments at one end of the
conveyor, a completed passport with all the stamps and visasfalls to the counter at the
other endIf one could get all the ministries and organizations involved under the same roof,
it would be a surprise if we wouldnt be able to issue a damned passport in one to two days
instead of the 10-12 weeks it currently takes.
And I presented my plan to the Area Manager and begged that he would beg the State
Commissioner to legislate a new regulation that would establish the Central Office of Jewish
Emigration in Vienna in which all the bureaus would be included like the police
POLICE
Present.
EICHMANN
The Ministry of Finance.
THE MINISTER OF FINANCE
Present.
EICHMANN
State Police.
STATE POLICE
Present.
33
EICHMANN
The Currency Department of the Central Bank
BANK'S CURRENCY CONTROLLER
Present.
EICHMANN
Vienna's Court of Appeal.
VIENNA'S COURT OF APPEAL
Present.
EICHMANN
Customs Inquiry Department
CUSTOMS INQUIRY DEPARTMENT
Present.
EICHMANN
State's Tax Office
STATE'S TAX OFFICE
Present.
EICHMANN
And so forth.
THE REST
Present.
EICHMANN
We would oblige them to send us at least one clerk... and there they would sit, cheek by jowl
in front of the conveyor belt doing their bitand the section would be run by an officer from
SDs Vienna's department and by that I mean me of courseafter all I invented the whole
damn thing
And, God damn itit happened that the Reich Commissioner did really sign the
regulationmy regulationand, once the project was properly running, on the best days we
were able to issue over thousand passports in one day. .. around one hundred thirty or one
hundred forty thousand per year.
THE OFFICE CLOSES. EICHMANN AT A NIGHT CLUB. HE GETS CARRIED AWAY WITH
SINGING.
Entfach mein Feuer (Light My Fire)
(translated into German by Marikka Grym)
Du weisst, es wre fabuliert
Du weisst, ich wre nur ein Lgner
Wenn ich zu Dir sagen tt
Wir knnen nicht mer hher fliegen
Baby entfach mein Feuer
Setzdie ganze Nacht in Feuer!
Die Zeit zu zgern ist vorbei
Die Zeit um im Morast zu laufen
Hchstens brechen wir entzwei
Und unsre Liebe wird ein Scheiterhaufen
34

Setzdie ganze Nacht in Feuer!
EICHMANN
... And I have been accused here of the emigration being mandatory not voluntary. Yes, yes,
of course it was. I haven't tried to deny it, not here or anywhere...but it wasnt my order, this
'Juden Raus', even though I thought it was by far the best solution for everyone under the
circumstances...and all the Jews I talked to about it agreed... Would it have been better that
the emigration speed of the "Eichmann section" which was the envy of everyone else,
wouldn't have been so dizzyingly fastI don't know? But for me it was always action or
friction It's the end result that mattersno ifs and buts
I wonder what kind of rope you would be weaving around my neck now if I had somehow
obstructed or prevented the Jews from escapingconsidering what was to come so either
way at least I got over two hundred thousand Jews out of Austria
But then it all...On the night of the 9th of November 1938/
35
SCENE 6: Kristallnacht
NIGHT. VALSE TRISTE IS PLAYING. ALL THE MOVEMENT IN THE SCENE IS AS SLOW
AS POSSIBLE, DREAM LIKE. FOLLOWING HAPPENS IN THE SCENE:
A JEWISH WOMAN ESCAPES WITH A SMALL BABY IN HER ARM. SHE KNOCKS ON
THE DOOR, WHICH IS OPENED SLOWLY. OUT COMES A MAN DRESSED AS HITLER
HOLDING A BATON. MORE HITLERS APPEAR LIKE GHOSTS. THEY BLOCK ALL THE
ESCAPES. ONE OF THE HITLERS HOLDS OUT HIS HAND AS IF DEMANDING THE
CHILD TO HIM. THE WOMAN PUSHES THE CHILD AS FAR AS SHE CAN FROM THE
HITLER WITHOUT NOTICING THAT THERE IS ANOTHER HITLER BEHIND HER, TO
WHOM SHE PRACTICALLY HANDS OUT THE CHILD. HE TAKES THE CHILD BY ITS
FEET AND KILLS HIM BY HITTING HIS HEAD AGAINST THE WALL, AFTER THIS A
DANCE WHERE THE JEWISH WOMAN IS BEING RAPED REPEATEDLY. AFTERWARDS
SHE IS KILLED BY BEATING WITH BATONS. AT THE SAME TIME YOU CAN HEAR A
WINDOW BREAKING. ALL HITLERS GATHER TO THE EDGE OF THE STAGE STARING
INTO THE AUDIENCE. THEN THEY LEAVE WITHOUT ANYONE BOTHERING THEM.
VALSE TRISTE FINISHES. EICHMANN HAS BEEN WATCHING THIS. NOW HE IS ALONE
ON THE STAGE.
EICHMANN
In one single night everything that had taken us month to create was destroyed files ...
documents ... foreign correspondence ... everything in piles of ash The Jewish officials
behind bars...and all other nations, England at the forefront, stubbornly retaining their stance
that no Jew is to be taken in unless he has plenty of capital i.e. they weren't interested in
broke bastards. If I would have been any wiser I would have done the same as everyone
elseput my hands in my pockets and say There is nothing one can do about it anymore
but that wasn't me
VALSE TRISTE STARTS AGAIN. LOTS OF JEWS COME TO THE STAGE FROM
NOWHERE. THEY ARE CLEANING UP THE STAGE SLOWLY, PAINFULLY SLOW, BUT
THIS SLOWNESS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE DREAM LIKE STATE IN THE
PREVIOUS STAGE DIRECTIONS. THEN THE STAGE IS CLEANED, MANY JEWS TURN
UP WITH THEIR SUIT CASES. THEY FORM A LINE. AN SS OFFICER MARCHES IN AND
BLOWS THE WHISTLE. PASSPORTS ARE TAKEN AWAY AND THE JEWS ARE LOADED
INTO THE TRAIN. ONE SIDE OF THE STAGE IS EMPTYING.
ANOTHER SS OFFICER APPEARS ON THE OTHER SIDE. HE IS REINHARD HEYDRICH.
HE FINDS A TYPEWRITER AND CLEARS IT FROM THE SHARDS OF THE CLASS.
EICHMANN GOES TO HIM.
EICHMANN
Shouldn't a man who has the rank of a General rather act as a cop than a robber in this type
of situation?
HEYDRICH
When has the Fhrer, whose ear wax you are not entitled to clean with cotton tips, given
Captains the authority to get smart with Generals?
EICHMANN
Since he, whose name I won't dare to mention, ordered the Jewish emigration. I am the head
of The Central Office of Jewish Emigration and it is Fhrerordnung that emigration shall not
be hindered in any way.and this
HEYDRICH
So you're SD man
EICHMANN
Correct.
HEYDRICH
Do you piece of shit know who I am?
36
EICHMANN DOESN'T ANSWER

HEYDRICH
I am the slaughterer of Prague, member of the Reichstag, president of the International
Criminal Investigation Division, in my rare free time I'm a fighter pilot and from next
September on I will be the Reichsprotector of former Czechoslovakia as well as the head of
SD i.e. your superior, you wanker, SS-ObergruppenfEICHMANN
Fuhrer Reinhard Heydrich. I don't care who you are. I'm going to report you.
STARTS TYPING WITH THE TYPEWRITER
10th of November 1938.
HEYDRICH
Listen Eichmann, you are not going to have time to write your anonymous complaints
because we are now flying with my private monoplane to Berlin, to the 20th of January
1942
EICHMANN
I'm not going anywhere.
HEYDRICH
Don't be sad, Eichmann... You will still have enough reports to write in this world.
EICHMANN
Herr General...It's not that... I still have about four years of my life I have not talked about/
HEYDRICH
/This isn't a piece of advice from a wise man but an order to obey from a stronger mandidn't
you get that?
EICHMANN
But this is my story.
HEYDRICH
Let me re-phrase it...just a second...Look, in this hand I have Major's Stripes that you've been
drooling over for the last two months. ..And in the other hand I have a very reliable pistol
made in Germany
HE RELEASES THE SAFETY OF THE WEAPON. MLLER ENTERS.
HEYDRICH
I am proposing the following: Now you, Eichmann, as a free man in a free world decide for
yourself and only for yourself whether you take the Major's Stripes and leave with me for the
Wannsee Conference or whether you take a bullet in your forehead and leave upstairs for the
Hindenburg Conference? Which hand?
EICHMANN
Left hand. Wannsee.
HEYDRICH
This one has sense after all; even though it doesnt appear so from the first impression. Take
your typewriter with you. You can take the minutes.
HEYDRICH LEAVES.
MLLER
Otherwise you keep your mouth shut. Only Generals and State Secretaries will attend....State
Secretaries, which means no one is interested in your opinions. That's a fact so don't start
37
imagining things.
EVERYONE STARTS EATING AROUND DINNER TABLE. GORGING.
38
SCENE 7: Wannsee Conference to the State Secretaries I

FOOD -ORGY. EICHMANN IS TYPING. BURPING AND FARTING. KISSING AND
GROPING, FOOD THROWING, BELTING OUT TUNES ETC. FURIOUS KRITZINGER
ENTERS.
KRITZINGER
Can someone pretty please tell me what am I doing here? We at the Fhrer's Chancellery
understood that the Jewish question had been resolved ages ago.
LANGE
Exactly.
HEYDRICH
Shouldnt we introduce ourselves to each other and to the viewers before we start debating?
beralleswurstfuhrer Mller can start.
MLLER
berallesberwurstfhrer Heinrich Mller, RSHA, Gestapo.
KRITZINGER
MinisterialBratWurst, Doktor Friedric W. Kritzinger, Reich Chancellery. My only superior in this
world is He, whose jowl's light yellow running saliva we are worthless to wipe from his
pillowcase.
HOFFMANN
SS-Gruppenwurstgruppenfuhrer Hoffmann, race-and settlement bureau.
LANGE
BratwurstAmBannhofFuhrer Rudolf Lange, Latvian SD
HEYDRICH
UnterBratWurstFuhrer Karl Eberhardt, Doktorwurstwurst Martin Luther, The Ministry of
Foreign Affairs, DoktorWurst Erich Neumann, The Ministry for the Four Year Plan, SSOberEineKleineNachtWurstFuhrer Gerhardt Klopfer, Party's office, Doktorwurst Roland
Freisler, The Ministry of Justice, DoktorWurstWurst Joseph Bhler, Governer-generals office,
Gauleiter, Doktorwurst Alfred Meyer, Ministry of the Occupied Eastern Territories and, from
the same club, Hans Willi-Willi-Wurst Lei-Lei-Leibrandt plus Doktordoktorwurstwurstwurst
Wilhelm Stuckart fromThe Interior Ministry.
KRITZINGER
Heil Hitler.
ALL
Heil Hitler.
HEYDRICH
I'm not going to give them any lines in this scene, because they categorically always agree.
KRIZINGER
With whom?
HEYDRICH
With everybody.
KRIZINGER
But that's impossible.
HEYDRICH
39
Not at all, Kamerad Kritzinger, not at all, as you will soon find out.
KRIZINGER
Either way the position of the state chancellery is that this meeting is unnecessary. The
Jewish question has already been solved.
MLLER
But it has not! Just have a look around! Even here in Berlin an ugly Jew face will pop up
behind every second cornerI dont even want to imagine how bad the situation is in the
country side.
HOFFMANN
It's not really my business, but what are we going to do with them? Should we hang them or
what? You tell me, since you are wearing that pirate hat.
MLLER
From what kind of hardware store would you get hanging rope for 10 million people?
LANGE
Who the fuck is he?
EICHMANN
I am Adolf Eichmann.
MLLER
Don't mind him. He is my gofer at the Gestapo. What was your rank again, Eichmann?
EICHMANN
EineKleineberKeiserWurstZum-EssenFhrer, Herr DeutchlandDeutchlandberAllesWurstFuhrer.
HEYDRICH
Let's just leave out the titles at this conference, otherwise we wont have time left to talk about
the issues.
EICHMANN
Clear. Herr DeutchlandDeutchland...
HOFFMANN
It's not really my business, but if Germany doesn't have enough rope, why dont we just shoot
them?
LANGE
My men butchered 33 000 Jews in Riga by shooting...It is not as simple as you think. It's easy
to talk here...
HEYDRICH
Don't you think it's easier for you to shoot unarmed elders than/
LANGE
/And women and children!
HEYDRICH
Than armed russky soldiers...I've been told they shoot back from time to time.
MLLER
Couldn't we organize fox hunting in the park on Sunday afternoons like the English but with
Jews? The entrance fee could be collected for the winter aid.
40
LANGE
You want to try? Shooting naked children is not as simple as you imagine. Even strong men
throw up and faint.
KRITZINGER
Do you have any idea about how many people we are talking here?
LANGE
Exactly.
HEYDRICH
Dear Friends...we are not going to argue over a few Jews are we?
KRIZINGER & LANGE
A few!
HOFFMANN
It's not really my business but I just wonder what happens with the first and the second
degree mix bloods.
EICHMANN
The Nuremberg Laws recognize half-, quarter-, eight-, sixteenth-, thirty-second-, and sixtyfourth part Jewish. HerrDeutclandDeutchlandUberAllesWurstFuhrer.
HOFFMANN
Because...I guess you have to draw the line in somewhere.
MLLER
A Jew is a Jew even if you fry him in butter.
EVERYONE IS BANGING THE TABLE AND SINGING (Wir sind die Welt)
KRITZINGER
The Gentlemen might not remember that the Fhrer's diet chef
LAUGHTER (Diet Chef, yeah right", Is she serving her pussy?)
KRITZINGER
Fhrer's diet chef Eva Braun is thirty-two parts Jewish. We must draw the line somewhere
HOFFMANN
Exactly.
KRITZINGER
Which one of you gentlemen wants to report that? I will gladly organize a call to the red
phone.
LANGE
And the childrenand old granniesour men are either going to become barber-rarians
HEYDRICH:
Barbarians
LANGE
Barber-rarians or barbarians...or crazy fucking hell!
HOFFMANN:
41
Could we please all agree not to use offensive language in this meeting, even though it's
really not my/
HEYDRICH
/That's right. No more cursing!
LANGE:
I was just saying that they will become barbarians or crazy doing that job...so are we going to
shoot them in the end as well...our own men...so that's going to be the SA's fate, first we let
them do the dirty work and then we shoot them in the back? What troops are we then going to
use to fight this patriotic war? I'm just fucking asking?
HEYDRICH
Lange.
LANGE
DeutschlandDeutschlandUberAllesWurstFuhrer
HEYDRICH
What did we just agree on, Lange?
LANGE:
Sorry, I forgot...But, but...we can't possibly kill women.
HEYDRICH
Jewish women spawn Jewish brats and Jewish brats become Jews...If any of the attendees
here has forgotten what was taught in the biology classes.
KRITZINGER:
Let's sterilize them...one generation and they are no more
MLLER
That would take decades...the world can't wait that long.
HEYDRICH:
Ah, I understand, the Reich Chancellery has become generousSure, let's take their
jobs...and land, homes, businesses and everything. Let's abolish health care and close
schools, and libraries and humiliate, torture and abuse them in every way possible...but,
gentlemen, let's not touch their lives, we are civilized...I'm sorry but at the Gestapo we are just
not that kind of gentlemen, isn't it so Lange?
KRITZINGER
The Fhrer, whose uncontrollably spreading athlete's foot we are unworthy to scrape, has
specifically told and assured me, that in particular/
HEYDRICH:
/This order here has been signed by Gring.
KRITZINGER
Gring is at least not yet the Fhrer, whose
HEYDRICH:
You know as well as I do about Gring's endless brown nosing, especially in regards to his,
whose name I shall not mention here for practical reasons, Swastika and Coat of Arms
decorated ass. So do you guys in the Reich Chancellery honestly believe that Gring would
have acted here in secret or on his own account...when he otherwise asks for permission
from the one to even take a piss?
KRITZINGER
42
But the Fhrer has assured me that not even a tress falls of a Jewish head unbeknown to the
Reichs Chancellery.
KRITZINGER REALISES THAT HE HAS BEEN LIED TO. HE LOOKS AT HEYDRICH.
HEYDRICH:
Eichmann, you can now hold one of your God awful lengthy monologues, while I interpret the
Fhrer, whose stuck pubic hair you, Kamerad, are not fit to remove from under his foreskin, to
Miss Kritzinger. Privatively. The others, take fnf minuten.
43
SCENE 8. Recollections I
EICHMANN
The chronology got all mixed up by this Heydrich-jump...because it did not really start at
Wannsee and if anyone knows that it all started many months earlier, it's Heydrich...I really
don't understand all this...is he trying to put my head on a plate? Strictly speaking, it all
started on the last day of July 1941 at 7.45amthat's when I received the order to report to
Heydrich's office -immediately
I didnt rush because if one thing was dead sure, when dealing with Mr. Amateur Fighter Pilot
Hero, it was that it would take hours of waiting in the lobby there you would then sip
Armagnac or red wine with the adjutants while waitingbut that day we didn't even make to
the mini-bar when
HEYDRICH HAS TURNED UP AND IS LOOKING AT EICHMANN.
HEYDRICH:
Eichmann!
EICHMANN
Herr Deutchland DeutchlandUberAllesWurstFuhrer
HEYDRICH:
Have you done your monologue yet?
EICHMANN
Yes I have, Herr DeutchlandDeutchlandHEYDRICH:
In that case...Our beloved Fhrer and the father of all the Germanic nations whose wildly
growing eye brows neither of us is worthy to pluck, has decided that
Eichmann, this is how it is
It's about your love child
That Jewish emigration project...
It's all over.
EICHMANN
Over?
HEYDRICH:
As over as it can be...He, whose name etc, etc...What do you think Eichmann, do they have
microphones here somewhere?....has in his infinite wisdom, which quality or quantity we are
not qualified to measure or let alone articulate out loud He has conclusively and once and
for all decided...that the codename Final Solution starts now.
EICHMANN
Final Solution?
HEYDRICH
It's content in all its simplicity is that all European Jews must be destroyed physically and
irrevocably...i.e. killed...every single one...
EICHMANN
Heil Hitler
HEYDRICH:
You can say that againI have an official prokura signed by Gring here.
From our part it looks like it will start by someone needing to go to Lublin to check out
Globocknick's activities...he has some kind of pilot project happening...he is using
submarine's exhaust gases or something like that to kill. I'm a bit hazy on the detailBut
44
yesI thought the someone could as well be you since you are just idling around here at
momentReport to Mller.
EICHMANN TURNS TO LEAVE.
HEYDRICH
This is going be one big fucking mess, mark my words. How would you feel, Eichmann, if I
promote you to Kaiserwurstfuhrer here and now?
EICHMANN
But I already am Kaiserwurstfuhrer, Herr DeutchlandDeutchlandUberAlles-WurstFuhrer
HEYDRICH:
Is that so? Well, I'll promote you to berKaiserWurstFhrer
EICHMANN
There is no such a thing.
HEYDRICH:
berberKaiserWurstFhrer?
EICHMANN SHAKES HIS HEAD
HEYDRICH
UnterberKaiserWurstZumEssenFuhrer?
EICHMANN:
The next rank up from me is EineKleineberKaiserWurstZum-EssenFhrer Herr
DeutchlandDeutchland/
HEYDRICH
/EineKleineberWell, I'll promote you to that then.
EICHMANN:
I thank you, Herr DeutchlandDeutchlandberAlles/
HEYDRICH WAVES ASIDE AND INTERRUPTS HIM
HEYDRICH
/Heil Hitler!
EICHMANN:
I went straight to talk to Mller and only on my way I realized what Heydrich had said...that I
was EineKleineber-KaiserWurstZumEssenFhrer...you couldn't climb higher than that
without having served at the front...But Mller already knew...he already had my marching
orders ready...I sewed the new stripes to my uniform, jumped in to the car and said to the
driver "guiding star towards East". I had filled my canteen with red wine - just in case - and it
almost emptied itself while I was contemplatingand Lublin, on the other hand, was getting
closer and closerthe schoolboy tactics weren't working... Inevitably we had to arrive
thereDrunk as a skunk and straight to bedand on the next day to the head quarters
accompanied by Globocknicks adjutantIt took a few hours of driving and then we finally
arrived at some sort of clearingWe were greeted by a Police Captain marching towards us
who then lead us to an almost non-existing forest trek that had two farmhouses standing next
to itI can't remember anymore if they were working there then or not, but this Police Captain
was explaining his assignment to us that he had to hermetically seal every window and
door and once that was finished, he and his men would push all the Jews in, close the doors
and the gases from the submarine engine would be funneled into the rooms.and, I must say
that I was fucking relieved -sorry- when I realized that their installation wasn't ready yetthat
I wouldn't have to watch the butcheringOn the way home I took turns knocking back
45
cigarettes and red wine and scribbling the report. I was pretty pissed when I arrived in
BerlinAnd to celebrate the fact that in the end I had been able to get off scot-free and even
scored a promotion, I went to my local pub at Kurfrstenstrasse and got smashedThe next
morning I got up early and wrote the report.
STARTS TYPING
46
SCENE 9: Wannsee Conference to the State Secretaries II

HEYDRICH
Well then, at least we seem to agree on one thing: Europe has too many Jews. Eichmann has
the exact numbers. How many of the fuckers are actually there?
EICHMANN
In the actual Reich territory 31 800, 43 700 in Austria, 420 000 in the Eastern provinces,
2 284 000 in Poland, 400 000 in Bialystok, 74 200 in Czechoslovakia, 2 300 in Finland,
Estonia is judenreinHEYDRICH:
Eichmann!
EICHMANN
Herr DeutchlandDeutchlandber/
HEYDRICH:
/I didn't ask for a presentation, Eichmann. The big picture. How many fuckers are there
altogether?
EICHMANN
Over 11 million, Herr DeutchlandDeutchland/
HEYDRICH:
/Over 11 million, Lange. 11 million. We simply can't store all of them in camps. Eichmann, I
heard from Kaltenbrunner that in only few months you were able to move over forty thousand
Jews out of the country through Vienna's Emigration Office.
BANGING ON THE TABLES (GO EICHMANN ETC)
EICHMANN
Forty five thousand six hundred thirty four Herr DeutchlandDeutchlandberAllesWurstFuhrer,
of the forty five thousand/
HEYDRICH:
/At ease. What was your strategy in that?
EICHMANN
Conveyor belt, Herr DeutchlandDeutchlandberAllesWurstFuhrer.
HEYDRICH
Conveyor belt? What the fuck does that mean, conveyor belt?
EICHMANN:
Herr DeutchlandDeutchlandberAllesWurstFuhrer, when you put in all the relevant papers at
one end of the conveyor...
HEYDRICH.
A Jew passport comes out at the other endyes, that's what it wasexactlya conveyor
beltthat's what Kaltenbrunner was saying. I have a strong inkling that in these two words
lies the key to our problem.
MLLER
So that when a Jew walks in at one end, an urn comes out at the other end. God damn It!
Exactly! Hey! We already have those barbed wire camps in Treblinka, Sachsenhausen,
Chelmno...Belzecthey don't all have to be labor camps What if we were to set up and run
47
an Eichmann conveyor belt there?

EICHMANN
I believe it was first invented by Henry Ford, Herr berallesberwurstfhrer.
MLLER
One Nazi or another.
EVERYBODY IS BANGING THE TABLE.
HOFFMANN:
As the expert number one of the Jewish race, I have to express my doubts that a Jew who
has just walked in would somehow magically die on the conveyer belt on his own accord.
MLLER
He dies of the fear of having to work!
LANGE
Shooting is out of the question!
HOFFMANN
Is that because your pansy soldiers won't/
LANGE PULLS OUT A PISTOL
LANGE
/You say that one more time...You call them pansy soldiers one more time, you fucking fuck!
HEYDRICH
God damn it, Lange!
LANGE
I forgot. I'm sorry, Herr DeutchlandDeutchlandberAllesWurstFuhrer
HEYDRICH
How many times do I have to tell you? One more swear word, Lange, and you'll find yourself
in front of the Military CourtWhat was I just saying YesDo you remember T4?
HOFFMANN
The Euthanasia program?
HEYDRICH
I can't recall its code name, but I mean the one where we put down those loonies a while
ago...
EICHMANN
It was called Euthanasia Program, Herr DeutchlandDeutchland, it started with a Fuhrer order
in the year/
HEYDRICH
/Eichmann. Here is a deal. If I ever want a presentation from you, I will send a request. In
writing.
EICHMANN
Herr DeutchlandDeutchlandberAlles/
HEYDRICH
/What method did they use? I mean how did we kill them? Mller!
MLLER
48
First with cyanide injections but when it turned out to be too slow we started gassing them
with carbon monoxide.
HEYDRICH
Carbon monoxide...exactly...what do you say, should we finally take care of the Jewish
question? With gas. Once and for all.
HOFFMANN
In principle yes, but/
HEYDRICH
/Lange?
LANGE
I don't care as long my soldiers won't have to shoot them.
HEYDRICH
Eberhardt, Luther, Neumann, Klopfer, Freisler, Bhler, Meyer, Leibrandt, Stuckart
EICHMANN IS TYPING "Ja" AFTER EVERYONE'S NAME IS MENTIONED.
HEYDRICH
Mller?
MLLER
Jawohl!
EICHMANN IS TYPING
EICHMANN
Ja-woh-l
HOFFMANN
Kritzinger?
HEYDRICH
So, it's settled then. Thank you, dear friends. This has been a good day. It feels like we were
able to achieve something tangible and sustainable. Finally.
HOFFMANN
Erm... It's not really my business, but where did you plan on gassing the Jews? In the field?
HEYDRICH
We have fully functional and tested gas chambers in Belzek, Sobibor and Treblinka...
MLLER
Of the best German quality!
HOFFMANN
And how is it possible that we didn't know about them?
HEYDRICH
What kind of secret is that, if everyone knows about it?
Komandant Hss has promised to build four big gas chambers to Auschwitz and we have
calculated that all of them together can manage two thousand one hundred Jews an hour.
MLLER
In one hour?
49
HEYDRICH
That's...
EICHMANN
Fifty thousand a day ...18 million three hundred ninety six thousand a year, assuming that the
plants/
HEYDRICH
/Yes, thank you Eichmann... Dear GentlemenI would say that our prayers have been
answered.
LANGE
Herr Eichmann, where are you going to bury your sixty thousand bodies per day?
HOFFMANN
And who is doing the burials?
HEYDRICH
Crematorium, Herr Hoffmann, crematorium.
MLLER
Four, to be specific.
HEYDRICH
Did anyone have anything else to say? If anyone opposes the plan please raise your hand
now. Ok, let's get to work thenstart the trains and heat up the ovens.
ALL
Sieg Heil.
HOFFMANN
Boys, boys, I'm sorry but if there are 11 million Jews gathered all over Europe and the camps
are dispersed all over the General Government, who is the God like creature who will
organize all this?
HEYDRICH
Dear Hoffmann. That's correct. The transportation, if not planned correctly, can be expected
to yield bad bottlenecks. So I'm asking you, dear friends, do we have any volunteers for this
job? I hardly need to emphasize that initiative on this matter will be remembered as well as a
possible refusal.
EICHMANN IS TYPING WITH THE TYPEWRITER. HE LIFTS HIS HAND UP.
EICHMANN
Herr DeutchlandDeutchlandber/
MLLER
/Eichmann. Not now.
HEYDRICH
Eichmann! Why didn't I think of it right away? Eichmann!
EICHMANN
Herr Deutchlanddeutchlanduberalleswurstfuhrer, how do you spell Belzec?
HEYDRICH
BELZEC
EICHMANN
50
B E L Z E C...K
HEYDRICH
No, specifically without the K.
HEYDRICH
Eichmann
EICHMANN SPRINGS TO ATTENTION
EICHMANN
Herr DeutchlandDeutchland/
HEYDRICH
/We would have a great job for you Eichmann, since you are so good with paperwork.
EVERYONE IS BANGING ON THE TABLE. EICHMANN HAS NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON.
EICHMANN
Herr DeutchlandDeutchland/
HEYDRICH
/Someone needs to organise the Jew trains Arrange the use of the transport equipment
with the assholes of the Department of Transportation. Schedule the transportations and
report to me and Mller the numbers of the Jews being transportedHow often are we going
to need those numbers, Mller?Mller!
MLLER (who hasn't been listening. He guesses)
Every...Once a month.
HEYDRICH
Once a quarter. Every three month. Any questions?
EICHMANN
No, Herr DeutchlandDeutchlandberHeil Hitler!
HSS COMES IN DRUNK AND SINGING (We are the World, German lyricst Marikka
Grym)
HSS
Wir sind die Welt, wir sind die Kinder....
...Wir bringen Licht in jeden neuen Tag.
Wir wolln's Euch geben
Nur wir knnen's ndern
Wir retten auch uns selbst
Oh ja, die Welt wird wunderbar
Mit Dir und mir
LANGE
Who the fuck is that?
HSS
My name is Hss. Rudolf Hss. Kommandant of Auschwitz. Is there a man called Eichmann
here?
HEYDRICH
There he is, standing like a question mark.
HSS
51
God damn it...I happened to step into the right place right away. Well, we have a Jewish cow
here who constantly chants "Call Eichmann, he will help" So I called...Her name is
Rsselstrsse or something like itdoes it say anything to you?
EICHMANN
Rosenkranz?
HSS
Yep. That's the one.
A CONCENTRATION CAMP IS BEING BUILD ACCORDING TO HSS' DIRECTIONS
52
SCENE 10: The beginning of the end i.e. memories from Eicmann's archives II.
EICHMANN IS AT THE AUSCHWITZ-BIRKENAUN CAMP. HSS IS CHECKING HIM WITH
HIS GAZE.
HSS
Bring her here.
SHE IS BROUGHT
ROSENKRANZ
Eichmann. Thank God!
EICHMANN
This woman must be released immediately...She has full immunity against deportation.
HSS
Not anymore.
EICHMANN
Of course she has! She is a member of Vienna's Jewish community! And I said immediately!
HSS
All I know is that she tried to escape to Switzerland and has lost her immunity as a result.
EICHMANN
Is that true? Rosenkranz!?
ROSENKRANZ SHRUGS
ROSENKRANZ
Everyone else...the whole family was already there.
EICHMANN
Well...that won't change a thingI will take her with me
HSS
Hmm, that doesnt really work.
EICHMANN
What do you mean? I am the Reich's/
HSS
/Of course I know who you are. You are that dickhead Eichmann from Berlin. But it's SSReichsfhrer Himmler's order that whoever is brought in through the gate by train can not
leave, except as smoke through the chimneySo if Herr Lieutenant Colonel wants to leave
the camp together with his Jew, clothes can be left at the Officer's hut over there. I will gladly
escort you from there onwards...
EICHMANN
My hand and legs are tied in this matter...It's an order by the SS-Reichsfhrer... I dont have
the authority...
But what an unbelievably stupid thing of you to do...You didn't need to...What did you have to
be afraid of?
ROSENKRANZ
The work they make us do is heavy...I may not manage...and it's perilous not toYou can bet
your life on it.
EICHMANN
53
Exactly. Right! Hss!

HSS
But Herr Lieutenant Colonel.
EICHMANN
Let's agree that we free Dr Rosenkranz from working as of today... I mean she doesn't have
to do any work here.
HSS
WellLet's not agree. Look, we have a rule here that everybody has to work. After all, its a
labour camp, Herr Lieutenant Colonel. If Herr Lieutenant Colonel would like to raise his chin a
bit, he could see what is written above the gate Arbeit macht frei.
EICHMANN
Okright...well, let's just agree, Herr Lieutenant Colonel, that under my order, for which I take
full responsibility, she is not going to be given any heavier work than the sweeping of this
pathwayand let's add a little bonus here that she has the right to sit down and rest on these
benches whenever she feels like itor do you have any objections, Herr Lieutenant Colonel?
HSS
What objections could an ordinary SS-Lieutenant Colonel like me have, Herr Lieutenant
Colonel.
EICHMANN
Good.
(SHAKES ROSENKRANZ'S HAND.)
I am sorry...I can't do any more than thatDon't let the circumstances crush youwith
willpower..
TURNS TO FACE THE AUDIENCE
EICHMANN
I checked it again with Mller in Berlin, but it was true, Himmler had ordered that no one who
entered the camp could be released from itI couldn't do anything about anything anymore.
They had harnessed me like a horse in front of their carriageAnd I couldn't look to the left or
rightand, as to torment me, they send me there again and again to watch that killing
andnow there were no loopholes anymoreso I witnessed the most daunting dance of
death of all time with my own eyesI couldn't do anything about anything anymorethings
just happenedand I reported to Mller. Numbers...minutes...averages ... it was like a
nightmare...I lost all interest in my jobI still wake up to these nightmares
Minsk...January 43 and...freezing, unnatural and ridiculous coldby that stage I had learned
to always carry a reasonably sized alcohol stock in my luggageI couldn't get drunk of
coursebut I started to tolerate surprisingly large amounts... and I had to drink surprisingly
large amounts to calm my nervesBooze would have been much more suitable than red
wine of coursebut I was always fond of the taste of red.
We arrived late...because of the weather, I think and the shooting of the last group had
already startedIt was a sandy hole about the size of a small gymnasiumThey were
shooting with machine gunsAs I came closer, I noticed a Jewish woman in the holeas
beautiful as the Virgin Mary with a small child in her armsI don't know what clicked in my
head, but I thought at least get that child away from there. I started storming towards the hole,
not caring that they were shooting alreadyI guess I was thinking they wouldn't bloody dare
to shoot at an SS-Lieutenant Colonel I almost made it to the edge of the hole when a bullet
hit the baby in the headand shattered itin tiny little piecesMy driver wiped the brain
pieces off my coat
And I walked straight to the car, got in and when the driver came, I said "To Berlin". I drank
alcohol like water. I had to. And I thought of my own children. My boys. I had two then.
One of you asked: "What was going through his mind? Didnt he think of his own children?" I
didn't know what to say to thatMaybe this could be an answer then
54
HSS SHOOTS ROSENKRANZ IN THE HEAD

HSS
Heil Hitler
EICHMANN
What the fuck? What did you do to her?
HSS
Oh yes...Could it be that I accidentally shot a hole in her head?
EICHMANN
What the fuck for? What did she do now?
HSS
Died.
Does Herr Lieutenant Colonel want to take it with him? Herr Lieutenant Colonel seems to be
very attached to it. We can wrap it for the Lieutenant Colonel.
PAUSE
EICHMANN
No, I don't.
HSS
Pardon me? I didn't hear you, Mr. Lieutenant Colonel.
EICHMANN
I don't want to take it with me.
PAUSE
EICHMANN
I handed my report in and told Mller that...it's not a solutionand either way I can't my
nerves can't take these inspectionsthat I want to be transferredwhereverno matter
where...
MLLER
Eichmann!
EICHMANN
Herr General
MLLER
Can an individual soldier choose his duty, on which front to serve?
EICHMANN
No he can not, Herr General.
MLLER
Do you Herr SS-Lieutenant Colonel think of yourself as a soldier?
EICHMANN
Yes I do, Herr General.
MLLER
Well, thats it then.
EICHMANN
But, Herr General...
55
MLLER
What kind of BUT does Eichmann still have up his sleeve?
EICHMANN
I am ready to accept a transfer to the Eastern front, Herr General...There is a shortage of men
MLLER
Especially if that would result in a promotion to the General ranks, right?
EICHMANN
I don't really care about that.
MLLER
I know you, Eichmann. Do you, Kamerad Eichman, have any idea what's happening in the
East?
EICHMANN
Yes I do.
MLLER
You know nothing....we have lost this war.
EICHMANN
I beg to differ, Herr General.
MLLER
You can beg to differ all you want.but our beloved Fhrer whose this and that and so forth
made the perpetual grand mistakeHe started fighting on two frontsIn that kind of war we
have not the slightest chancewe are going to be ripped apart.
EICHMANN
But/
MLLER
/Don't you, Eichmann, BUT me...Stalingrad was left with 150 000 men dead and 100 000
imprisonedThat's what he himself said, the war will be decided thereWell, now it is
decided. But this other war, we will win it and you, Eichmann, are a key player in itBesides
you would make a ridiculous General...You are one big desk, Eichmannwhether you like it
not
EICHMANN
HerrMLLER
Besides, let me tell you that the one who starts riding the tiger, better makes sure he stays in
the saddle till the very end.
MLLER TAKES HIS NAZI UNIFORM OFF AND TURNS INTO A JUDGE.
JUDGE
Did the prosecutor have any more witnesses for today or should we take a break?
PROSECUTOR
Hmm, I still would have a few.
JUDGE LOOKS AT HIS WATCH
56
JUDGE
WellAll right...bring them in.
57
SCENE 11: Witnesses

MONOLOGUES ARE DELIVERED ALMOST SIMULTANIOUSLY.
EVERY WITNESS STARTS THEIR TURN BY TAKING THE FOLLOWING OATH.
I swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth, neither adding nor leaving out anything, so
help me God
BLIND BOY
We were playing soccer...me Jesus and Rosario...A windowless blue van stopped right in
front of us...four men came out...they just grabbed us and threw us into the back of the
vanThen we drove and drove and drovesometimes the van stopped, at a gas station by
the sounds of itWe thumped the door but couldn't open itOccasionally I fell asleepThen
we were finally there and the doors were openedIt was night and we were somewhere in
the countryside or in the suburbs We were taken inside through a gateThere was barbed
wire and searchlightsThe house itself was a low red brick buildingAt the door we were
met by men and women wearing white coatsThey smiled at us and told us there was
nothing to worry aboutwe should just do as toldAll the walls inside were whitened We
were taken into shower rooms and given soap and towels and asked to wash ourselves really
well. Afterwards we would be given something to eat and would be able to go to sleepAfter
the shower we were taken into different roomsI was taken by an older, maybe fifty years old
ladyShe took me to my room and gave me bread and some juiceA metallic hospital bead
and a small desk and a chair were in that roomWhen I had eaten she asked if I wanted to
sleep now and I said yes and I asked if I could ever go home and she said of course, didn't
anyone tell you that an epidemic broke out in your suburb and that everyone had to be
examinedI wanted to believe her, but I knew she liedIn that case we would have been
fetched by an ambulanceThen the woman gave me a little pill and a glass of waterShe
said it was a vitamin tablet and I should take itI pretended to swallow it, rested my head on
the pillow and pretended to be asleep...Right after the lady had left, I took the pill out of my
mouth and hid it under the mattress...then I fell asleep right awayI don't know how much
time had passed but I woke up when someone was taking my pulseMen in white jackets
were standing on both sides of the bedThey were surprised that I was awake and called a
nurseThe nurse came and left, and came in again with a needle and a syringeThe men
held me while the nurse injected something into meThen I fell asleep. I woke up when
someone was shaking me and asking my name and addressI opened my eyes but I
couldn't see a thingFirst I thought it is night and pitch black, but from the surrounding voices
and sounds I realized I had to be in a park and, from the way the sun was warming my skin, I
understood it must be mid-day. Mom took me to a doctor who concluded that one of my
kidneys as well as both corneas had been removedThey had been sold to sick rich people
in Europe or America I never met Jesus or Rosario againThey just disappearedThe
doctor suspected that I was saved by my inborn heart defect, which is why they couldn't take
my heart.
GIRL WITH NO HANDS
I am Jun Xia. I live in China, in the city of Canton. Canton is the world's electronics centre.
I'm actually from Shaanxi Province, but because there's no work I had to leave when I turned
seventeen. According to the Residence Rule I wasn't allowed to move, but I had to. I didn't
want to die of hunger. I am now nineteen and I live in Canton. 7 million people officially live in
Canton but on top of that another 4 million illegal immigrant workers like me live there too. We
are neither humans nor animals. We don't even exist. We live in concrete barracks next to
the factories. 12 workers share one room. The factory zone is fenced in with barbed-wire. We
work 14 hours days with one 10 minute lunch break. I operate the hot press. It's a really
strong machine that mounts the computer's back disc to its plastic frame. I get paid 40 euros
per month and every lunch break our boss comes and gives us an apple. I lied. I don't work
anymore, even though I'm still here. I don't operate the hot press anymore. I was fired
because of me the production line stopped for almost an hour. My boss yelled at me because
it was my fault the factory lost a lot of money. Now that I don't work here anymore I have to
move out of the barrack, because the bed is reserved for workers only. I am scared because I
have nowhere to go and I'm scared that no-one will hire me since my hands were left in the
hot press. I have no hands anymore. I'm scared.
58
WOMAN
I was told that the work would consist of dishwashing, cleaning and age care ie. heavy and
dirty work that the Israelis did not want to do. I said yes because I was promised good pay
and I didn't have a choice. Here I had nothing except death by starvation. I was met at the
airport and me and a few other women were taken into a small apartment in a stone house.
We were kept in the apartment behind locks. The door was locked and someone was always
keeping watch. Food was brought into the apartment, as well as everything else we needed.
When I said, I wanted to go home, they demanded me to pay them the money back, and the
two thousand dollars, they had paid for the flight tickets and my food. Of course I didn't have
that kind of money.
On one night, maybe a week after our arrival we were loaded on a truck. There were six of us.
We were covered with blankets and our legs and hands were tied so we couldn't jump off. We
were piled to one clump, so if there we checks it would look like a bunch of sacks. We drove
about four hours without stopping, maybe even more. I didn't have a watch on and even if I
did have, I couldnt have checked it. I needed to use a toilet very badly and my every muscle
hurt because the roads were in such a bad shape. At last I had to relieve myself into my
pants. Then we were taken into another apartment. There we received men, usually between
4 to 10 per day. I was in that apartment for 4 months. I didn't even know what place it was. It
didn't have normal windows, only iron grids that were locked with a chain every time the
woman who was on phone duty left the room. From the windows you could see roofs,
garages and parts of palm tree, nothing else. I heard from one customer that the city was Tel
Aviv. But I never walked the streets of that city, not once. In those four months I didn't even
get to go to the yard of that apartment building.
MAN
Me and Brahima met the for the first time two years ago at a bus station in Sikasso, Mali...I
was fourteen and Brahima a few years younger....We had been offered carpenter work in
Ivory Coast. We were excited because the man we met promised that his big brother, on
whose behalf he hired us, will pay us at least 170 dollars per year, which is a lotHundred
and twenty thousand francsWe ran away from home so we could earn well We were told
to wait in one of those tin sheds...It was really close to the stationMore and more boys
arrivedAt the end there were fifteen of us. And then the mini-buses came, two of them, and
we got in. There were two adults in both buses and one of them told us to say that he is our
big brother if the police stops usWhen we got closer to the border we were taken out of the
buses and put on motorcycle taxis which took us over the border via back roads into some
small villageThe mini-buses were already waiting there for us and we were brought to a
village called Korhongo Thats when I started to suspect something was wrong, but I didnt
know what I could have doneWe crossed the border without papers and didnt have any
money with us Someone was waiting for us in Korhongo, I mean me and BrahimaIt was
a cocoa and coffee plantation owner who said he had paid 28 dollars for us and we would
have to work for himSo, in the end thats what happened, we didnt get any carpenter work
or a salary but ended up in the fieldsIts been two years nowI dont want anything else in
life but to get out of herebut I dont dare to try to escapeWe tried once but were
caughtMaster tied our hands back and beat us with a stick for at least an hourI thought I
was going to dieThen he took a pistol from his pocket and told us the next time he would
shoot us and sink our bodies in the wellI dont know what to do here or whats going to
happen
59
SCENE 12: THE SENTENCE

JUDGE
You are not saying anything.
EICHMANN
What am I supposed to say...of course I knew what was happening there...but it wasn't in my
hands... I was a tool used by powers stronger than me...
PROSECUTOR
We've heard that a thousand times. You organized the transportation schedule.
EICHMANN
As I was ordered, Herr State Prosecutor, as I was ordered. Up to Wansee I had somehow
hoped that this mindless killingthat it would be temporary and that one fine day we would go
back to normal
PROSECUTOR
Go back to normal?
EICHMANN
To evacuations...emigration...even if it was a forced oneBut after Wansee there were no
doubts about it anymoreThe mighty men of Germany had spokenI thought, now I finally
know how Pontius Pilate must have feltwhen the only thing left to do is to wash your hands.
I could neither stop nor speed up the whole thing.
PROSECUTOR
Why exactly were you chosen to organize the transportation?
EICHMANN
You would have to ask that from someone else, but...first of all my whole department was
practically unemployed after the emigration was bannedIt was one of those cursed chances
that my life has been full of, as they say, I was pretty good behind a
deskorganizedthoroughI carried out orders and commands to a T.
PROSECUTOR
You weren't using your own brains?
EICHMANN SHRUGS HIS SHOULDERS
EICHMANN
I don't know how you define it...Apparently I didnt in the way Herr State Prosecutor impliesI
was doing my job.
PROSECUTOR
You were organized, thorough and efficient...I have minutes here from one of the meetings
where you arranged the transportation: two trains per day from Warsaw to Treblinka.
MAN 1
One train per day from Radom to Treblinka.
MAN 2
One train per day from Krakow to Belzec.
WOMAN 1
One train per day from Lvov to Belzec.
WOMAN 2
One train per day from Radom to Sobibor.
60
WOMAN 3
One train per day from Lublin to Belzec.
JUDGE
One train per day from Lublin to Sobibor.
PROSECUTOR
And so forth and so forth.
JUDGE
In each train about one thousand two hundred to one thousand five hundred people?
EICHMANN
Yes.
PROSECUTOR
Didn't you ever think of putting up some resistance?
EICHMANN
How?
PROSECUTOR
In any way possible.
EICHMANN
In those days... in those days people thought it's no use to put up a resistance on your
own...It would be like a drop in the ocean...but if others would, then of course.
JUDGE
In the summer of 44 you transported 400 000 Hungarian Jews to Auschwitz in four months. If
you would have been even a little less organized, thorough and efficient, perhaps tens- or
hundreds of thousands of people would have stayed alive.
EICHMANN
Yes, maybe. I was good at my job. I was brought up in a world where everyone did their job
as well as they could, regardless what the given job was. In those days it was a virtue.
JUDGE
Job...You call it a job
EICHMANN
It was a job! It was my job to organize the transportation...draft the schedulesFrom my point
of viewI mean from the job's perspective it was completely irrelevant what was in the
carriagesThey might as well have been full of rubber boots!
I can't accept thisI have seen with my own eyes how the Hungarian Police drove those
people into the carriages yelling and beating them with their batonsPeople died in those
beatingsWhy aren't they sitting here next to me?Or that SS-Doctor who at the station
platform in Auschwitz selected the people who were to be taken straight into the gas
chambers with a little move of his thump: left, right, left, rightNo one was interested in him
after the warHe continued to run his medical practice in MunichunchallengedWhy isn't
he here with me? Or the charming Herr Speer who belonged to the upper echelon and
definitely knew about everythingOr the right hand man of Federal Chancellor Adenauer,
Gerhardt Globke who obtained his governmental merits by writing the Nuremberg Race Laws
and, a little later, by coming up with the idea that all Jewish men would have to be given the
middle name Israel and all Jewish women Sara.
You want to hold me to account because I didn't put up a resistancemethe most ordinary
and common person in the worldif, of all the people I met Jews includedthe only person
who had at least a some sort of resistance attitude towards thethe whole killing thing was
your representative in Hungary, Doctor Kastner, who said to me once, and only once,
"Eichmann, I implore you, please stop the mills of Auschwitz." To which I replied in the same
61
way as I've been trying to answer you here that "Nothing in the world would be more welcome
to me, but that these things are out of my controlthat I can't stop something I didn't have the
powers to start."
That was the only time I ever heard anyone at least verbally resisting the thing that was in
motion...How do you expect that wewith only ten men, would have had control over the
transportation of tens of thousands of JewsYou don't want to knowThe same way you
dont want to know how it was possible that, in the year 1948, I got a Vatican City passport
issued under the name of Otto Eckhard. There are less than a thousand Vatican citizens in
the world...You don't want to know...You don't want any mess...Lets clean this up nicely, Herr
EichmannLet's deal with this in civilized manner, Herr Eichmann.
You don't want the truthYou want my headwell, here it is, attached to my
shouldersWhy are we wasting our time with this?
But the monster you are trying to present to the worldI am not.
JUDGE
Guilty or Innocent?
EICHMANN
In a moral sense I am guilty, of course...but in legal sense...
JUDGE
I didn't ask you for some Hegel-like philosophy but for a simple answer to a simple question.
Guilty or Innocent?
EICHMANN
In a moral senseEVERYBODY
Guilty or Innocent? Yes or no? With us or against us?
62
SCENE 13. Final Solution

EICHMANN
Now we need to go back to the beginning of the playThe last day of May in 1962That is
my last day in this world of humankind. I have been sentenced to death for my crimes against
humanity and I'm going to be hanged at 9.30pm, on the dot. It's now 9.20pm. I have asked
and received a bottle of red wine and I've drank half of it.
I am ready.
You still have those rocks...the stones from Auschwitz? They carry a miracle. The names of
all the men, women, children and elderly that died in Auschwitz are written on them in tiny
lettersAnd the names of the fifty thousand people who died in poverty todayAnd the
names of the two million children forced to be sex workersand all those kinds of things.
I wish that you will take the stone with you as a memento of me or this performance and put it
in a place where you can see it well. On a mantel piece or a book shelf...And every now and
then, when you remember, you will take it in your hands and test how much it weighs on that
particular dayAnd read the writing on itIt's really there if you just want to see it. This is my
testament. I thought to myself that if I had a rock like this on my book shelf, maybe my life
would have unfolded differently
But of course it could be that herein the audience we have some innocent peopleor some
who are not bothered or touched by these thingsBut please don't cast the first stone in my
directionIt's wasted on a person already dead But there are some buckets in the
aislesThose who feel they are innocent or don't want to burden their heads with these
things can cast their stones in thereThen we can give the rock to someone who really
needs it at the next performanceAnd nothing's more fun for us who made mistakes or
simply just sinned than listening to the thumps.
Thank you, everyone...for your time and patience. I am sincerely sorry about all the trouble I
caused to people, even after my deathbut now I have to go. Live a good life.
Dont do as I have done...as far as you have the power to choose.
HE GOES BUT RETURNS.
The rocks are not really from Auschwitz ... They are from (SAYS THE NAME OF THE LOCAL
GRAVEL QUARRY) quarry. But the writings are on them...if you just want to see.
One more story came to my mind...Once I had to watch the gassing in AuschwitzIt gave
Hss a real pleasure to make us watch it by using any excuse It was said that Himmler
himself fainted while watching itIn any caseIt was a whitened room with big wooden
doors that could be locked from the outsideAnd as the Jews had been herded into the
room, the doors were closedand, well you all know what happened then After the event
the doors were opened and the room was being aired...In my mind I had imagined that the
peoplethe bodies on the floor... that they would be spread evenlybut noThey were piled
uplike a human pyramidHss explained that it was because of the gas it worked its
way up so at the ceiling the oxygen ran out lastThats why the people in the gas chamber
had tried to get higher by climbing over each other competing for the ever decreasing air
I noticed that all these human pyramids repeated the same pattern... At the bottom were the
weakest, that is the children and the elderly, then the women and at the top the young and
healthy males That was the society we had created and the society we were living in.us
national socialistsAnd at the gate the band was playing entertaining tunes.
HE LEAVES. DOES NOT RETURN
63

Juutinen I Am Adolf Eichmann

Diunggah oleh

Informasi Dokumen

Hak Cipta

Format Tersedia

Bagikan dokumen Ini

Bagikan atau Tanam Dokumen

Opsi Berbagi

Apakah menurut Anda dokumen ini bermanfaat?

Apakah konten ini tidak pantas?

Hak Cipta:

Format Tersedia

Juutinen I Am Adolf Eichmann

Diunggah oleh

Hak Cipta:

Format Tersedia

Jari Juutinen

Translated from the Finnish by Ona Nurkkala

THE PERFORMING RIGHTS OF THIS PLAY ARE CONTROLLED BY

This work has been translated with the financial assistance of

FILI - Finnish Literature Exchange

The play premiered

SCENE 1: I am who I am.

SCENE 2: Die Fahne Hoch

Scene 3: Veronica Liebl

SCENE 4: SD Jewish Department II 112

ze person in ze know, did zose campss really exist?

SONG:These Boots Are Made For Walking IN GERMAN.

(Schau meine Stiefel Laufen, German lyrics Marikka Grym)

Let's continue, girls.

Scene 5: Wien (April 1938)

WEARING GARTERS AND OTHER FEMALE GARMENTS. HE STARTS PUTTING ON

Baby entfach mein Feuer

EICHMANN DOESN'T ANSWER

SCENE 7: Wannsee Conference to the State Secretaries I

SCENE 9: Wannsee Conference to the State Secretaries II

an Eichmann conveyor belt there?

Exactly. Right! Hss!

HSS SHOOTS ROSENKRANZ IN THE HEAD

SCENE 11: Witnesses

SCENE 12: THE SENTENCE

SCENE 13. Final Solution

Anda mungkin juga menyukai