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Issue 926 - Weekly Thursday 29th January 1998 A Caravan parked next to a Hazel
Issue 926 - Weekly Thursday 29th January 1998 A Caravan parked next to a Hazel
Issue 926 - Weekly Thursday 29th January 1998 A Caravan parked next to a Hazel
Issue 926 - Weekly Thursday 29th January 1998 A Caravan parked next to a Hazel
Issue 926 - Weekly Thursday 29th January 1998 A Caravan parked next to a Hazel

Issue 926 - Weekly

Thursday 29th January 1998

Issue 926 - Weekly Thursday 29th January 1998 A Caravan parked next to a Hazel Farm

A Caravan parked next to a Hazel Farm block on Tuesday. Residents are unsure which they’d rather live in Photo: Matt Pannell

Kevin Chan

I n a distant suburb of Guildford, there is an

enclave of students who live a life separate

from (or should that be “abandoned by”?) the

students and staff on campus. These students (and I am one of them) are mainly comprised of foreign students and postgraduates, the so-called ‘minorities’ which CEL consultants say the union is neglecting. However in an unprecedent- ed move, which many Hazel Farm residents felt was much belated, the Union President and accompanying union officers visited Hazel Farm and sought out resident opinions. Many feed- back forms were fed back to the Union and

many angry, apathetic, critical or downright furi- ous feelings were voiced. Not all was bad how- ever, and there were attempts by residents to see the ‘silver lining’ (e.g. the Care-taker Nigel Tostevin, was praised by many) and balance comments on the fuming forms that had asked for good and bad points; but undoubtedly the bad outweighed the good as epitomised by one respondent who altered the wording, preferring the word ‘unsatisfactory’ to ‘GOOD’. To give readers a flavour of living á la Hazel Farm, here are a few and only a few complaints:

“In the rooms there are only bricks


look too good”, “Water pressure in the shower is miserable”, “Why has it taken so long to get a committee? Every other residence has them. Campus favouritism!”, “Communal room must be upgraded”, “What’s there to do. No bar. No pool table. No Baths. No cleaners. No games. Nothing. More activities available in prison!”, “No coke machines or machines to get snacks”, “We only have payphones, no internal phones”, “Only 5 washing machines for all the people ”


(actually there’s only 3 washing

machines and two dryers), “there is no security

to protect our properties during day time and our safety during night time”, “Why doesn’t the laundrette take money? instead we have to hunt down Mr. Tostevin for strange shaped tokens!”. There are serious concerns, however, that affect the hundreds of students that live at this remote encampment. Different sized rooms but same rent. The lack of facilities to improve the rigor- mortis social atmosphere. The cost of taxis to and from town due to a shortage of frequent weekend transport. ACC telephones that take two months to repair and don’t accept Mercury or BT chargecards (my personal gripe). But in comparison to all these problems men- tioned, the apathy-inducing, Hazel-Farm-type depression/isolation causal factor, the last straw on the camel’s back, the riot-starting topic, the number one kahuna of a problem in every resi- dent’s bad books, is the issue of transport. Namely, the lack of frequent buses during the weekends; the lack of late-night buses on Saturday night; the lack of frequent buses to Tescos (the local shop’s range of goods is the same as the corner-stores’ in a quiet suburb of a small, debt-ridden, third-world country and as one respondent said: “The frozen kebabs at the corner store cannot be eaten 7 days a week”). Come arctic gale, pouring rain, biting sleet, resi- dents must wait in the open - where’s the minibus/coach shelter? It may be argued that financial cost prohibits transport improvements but most students would be more than willing to pay a little extra for more minibus runs and less isolation. Asked to comment on the students’ views, Accomodation Manager Richard Paxton was keen to read the suggestions for himself, but accepted that life was “different” on Hazel Farm. “Over the last five years, efforts have been made to improve things”, he said. Until recently, it

Continued on page 2, column 3



Features 3






Guide 7


Cinema and Arts 8

Union News 9


Notices & Personals


Sport 12 .

Continued from page 1 The Royal College Of Nursing warned this week that the profes-

Continued from page 1

The Royal College Of Nursing warned this week that the profes-

sion is facing its most servre recruit- ment problem for 25 years. The NHS is lacking more than 8000 full time nurses and recruitment is

at an all-time low. The shortage of

experienced registered nurses has raised concerns for standards of

patient care. Kamran Loqueman, Surrey Student Union Nurses Liaison Officer, said that the short- age of nurses is leading to efforts by the government to cram nurses through training courses.

James Buller

seems, Hazel Farm residents had no launderette, no common room, no pillows, no toilet paper, and only four buses a day to campus. “We have an ongoing programme of improvements, but we still need to spend more money” he added. “We need to get a bus shelter sorted out, but for that we need to find £5- 6,000. It’s a question of balance:

which problems to tackle first. Some of the probems out there are down to the fact that it was built in the 1970’s. But there are other

things that we are working to improve.” At the end of the day, why should the majority of students enjoy the inherent benfits of campus accomo- dation such as security and suffi- cient facilities, whilst other students who are ‘dumped at the farm’, cope with its lesser benefits when we are all students of the same university? Equal opportunities means equal service. There are many problems, some minor and some definitely major, but a committee must be organised

and that is the responsibility of the residents themselves (with help). However university and accomoda- tion must be willing to listen and cooperate with such an unhappy group of people. As someone wise once said: “Responsibility lies not only in what we do but often what we neglect to do”. Or as one less-wise resident said “Basically, this place is sh*te Oh shit I’m out of room. I could go on

and on


A group of lung cancer suffers, hop-

ing to get compensation from tobac- co companies has become embroiled in a secondary legal chal- lenge.

Gallagher and Imperial Tobacco claim that since the solici- tors of the suffers are under a “no

win, no fee” contract that they are in fact the major plaintiffs. This would make them responsible for the £9 million costs if they loose the case. Senior judges are examining the case which could decide the form of all claims for damages in the UK. James Buller

There is “worrying deterioration” of Britain’s railways according to the passenger watchdog. The Rail Users’ Consultative Committee for Eastern England said “recent per- formances highlighted the wide dif- ferences in quality of various rail routes”. Committee chairman Stweart Francis added “It is simply not good enough for train compa- nies and Railtrack to watch their share price grow, charge the passen- ger more and offer a worse service,”

Meanwhile urgent efforts are under- way by Deputy Prime Minister John Prescot to save the Channel Tunnel Rail Link. The company responsi- ble for the project has not raised enough cash and is now looking to the stock market for funding. John Prescott also pledged action on the growing problem of cars on Britain’s roads. He said traffic con- gestion costs Britain more than £5 billion a year in lost revenue. James Buller

Harriet Sims

F ollowing the success of last semester, Unplugged brings you the best in live entertain-

ment for the new year. We began the semester on Tuesday of week 1 with ‘Jacob’s Tale’, an up - and - coming local band of ex-Surrey students, who played to an appreciative HRB audience. ‘Calling Orson’ made a welcome return to the stage as the support band, as well as our favourite bongo and organic music society musicians. Watch out for them all throughout the semester. So what’s on? Coming up in week 3 is our first Students Acts (Floor Singers) Night. This is your chance to take centre stage and try out your talents on a friendly and supportive audience. For those of you who’ve

never come, I think you’d be sur- prised by the musical talents we have here and I hope you’ll drop in to see your mates enjoying their taste of stardom. Anyone who is interested in playing should turn up in the Helyn Rose Bar by 6.45 pm to book their time slot and do a sound check. Please be on time, as the line-up works on a ‘first come, first served’ basis and we don’t like to disappoint! This is the last chance to show off your act before the talent competition heats.

Our first main event of the semes- teris on Tuesday of Week 5 (17 Feb), featuring ‘Quietly Torn’, a new band formed by ex-’The Cure’ guitarist, Porl Thompson. Watch out for the biography and dodgy publicity photo nearer the time!

Lastly, there is the Talent Competition. This year, we are try- ing to get as many people involved as possible. No longer the ‘Band Competition’, this year we want to encourage actors, poets, jugglers and magicians as well as musicians, so get your thinking caps on. Don’t worry if you’ve never even done Karaoke before because we will be organising microphone lessons with stage crew for anyone who wants guidance. Entry forms will be available soon from the Unplugged pigeon hole - we’ll pass on more details as we get them. The hears will be held on Tuesday evenings of weeks 7, 8 and 9 with the final on Sunday of week 9. For now, though, get creative and we’ll see you soon!

evenings of weeks 7, 8 and 9 with the final on Sunday of week 9. For
evenings of weeks 7, 8 and 9 with the final on Sunday of week 9. For
evenings of weeks 7, 8 and 9 with the final on Sunday of week 9. For
evenings of weeks 7, 8 and 9 with the final on Sunday of week 9. For
evenings of weeks 7, 8 and 9 with the final on Sunday of week 9. For
evenings of weeks 7, 8 and 9 with the final on Sunday of week 9. For
evenings of weeks 7, 8 and 9 with the final on Sunday of week 9. For
evenings of weeks 7, 8 and 9 with the final on Sunday of week 9. For
evenings of weeks 7, 8 and 9 with the final on Sunday of week 9. For
evenings of weeks 7, 8 and 9 with the final on Sunday of week 9. For
Andy Gale A group of consultants, employed to overhaul Surrey’s somewhat bland image, presented their

Andy Gale

A group of consultants, employed to overhaul Surrey’s somewhat bland

image, presented their recommen- dations for a radical new visual identity to University staff early this semester. Research conducted as part of its catchily-named Vision 2010 and beyond project convinced the Senate that Surrey’s external image was unclear, and in some cases anonymous, so they charged Pentagram Design Ltd with the task of doing the un-doable and making the University of Surrey seem excit- ing. At the presentation, the aim of which was to prepare staff for implementing the new image

‘should’ the Senate approve the designs they had spent thousands of pounds on, Pentagram employee John Rushworth explained how the best way forward for Surrey was to adopt a ‘monolithic identity’, where individual schools would be pre- vented from having their own visual identities. The main advantage of a monolithic identity being that the successses of each school would then enhance the university’s over- all reputation, rather than just its own. Others have suggested that support for a monolithic identity has been swelled by Senate’s desire to whip into line those departments

by Senate’s desire to whip into line those departments John Rushworth, of Pentagram design, with the

John Rushworth, of Pentagram design, with the University’s proposed new ‘corporate’ logo Photo: Matt Pannell

each school would be assigned its own colour for the logo to replace their existing designs. The University of Surrey crest would still feature on publications, although significantly reduced, part- ly to balance the design of the page, and partly because no-one quite has

which like to act as though they are somehow separate from the rest of the University. The proposed new image uses the acronym UniS with the Daily Star style big S acting as a ‘ visual hook’. Central university publications would feature a blue UniS logo, and

the nerve to get rid of an image which helps suggest that Surrey isn’t one of these ex-polytechnic type of universities. Concerned that, by stealing the let- ter S for its UniS acronym Surrey might make itself enemies with Sussex, Southampton, Strathclyde, and Staffordshire, Bare Facts con- tacted these universities to ask them their opinion on our new image. The overwhelming response was that if Surrey tried to get itself called ‘Uni-S’ then they may be a little unhappy, but if, as seems likely, it gets called ‘Eunice’ then they really didn’t mind one bit - not least because they weren’t concerned at losing the chance to be named after an old woman! Southampton point- ed out that after changing their logo, they started getting called the ‘Dolphin University’ - the idea of Surrey being known as the ‘Grandma University’ being quite interesting. Strathclyde’s warned that, having implemented a major image themselves, getting everyone to stick to any new image is actual- ly very difficult, with rogue divi- sions trying to go their own way. All the details are yet to be finalised, and the decision to go ahead will depend on the result of searches to determine whether any other organ- isations have a similar identity. Meanwhile, the consultants are hur- riedly reading lots of foreign dictio- naries to discover whether UniS has any embarrassing meanings in for-

eign languages. The sticky issue of which school gets which colour is likely to produce a good number of fights, especially with some depart- ments being redecorated in new colours over the vacation. We watch with interest

in new colours over the vacation. We watch with interest Above: The BareFacts design experts are
in new colours over the vacation. We watch with interest Above: The BareFacts design experts are

Above: The BareFacts design experts are given a beer and give five minutes with Microsoft Word to come up with a new logo Think youcan do better? Then see our competition below.

give five minutes with Microsoft Word to come up with a new logo Think youcan do
give five minutes with Microsoft Word to come up with a new logo Think youcan do
give five minutes with Microsoft Word to come up with a new logo Think youcan do
give five minutes with Microsoft Word to come up with a new logo Think youcan do
give five minutes with Microsoft Word to come up with a new logo Think youcan do

That said the builders are confident as to their abilities. Also during the press release

That said the builders are confident as to their abilities. Also during the press release a sepa- rate issue was raised; was there a possibility of having locks put on the kitchen cupboards in some areas of University Court (preferably the kitchen cupboard doors). Whilst cost was obviously a concern to those involved, far exceeding the cost of the new project, the issue was quickly side stepped, Hugh being unable to account for what has already been a 2 month delay. It appears there are some com- plexities as this does involve some very diffi- cult / precise engineering. We wait to see the outcome of what appears to be two very interesting new projects. Your reporter with the facts that count

Colin Griffiths

With reference to last weeks front page arti- cle, please Stop The Press. I thought I’d write and let you be the first to know of another ground breaking new development on cam- pus. A new building is to be erected. It will be over 6.5 feet high, and cost £10, subject to the possibility of cost over-runs, and is being con- structed to house ‘a student’. It will be jointly funded by a NatWest/Barclays Student over- draft. The greatly experienced firm of architects, Crooked & Wonky have been employed, and they will work in conjunction with Bodgit Scarper & Leggit builders. Concern has been expressed at possible delays / over-runs but the builders guarantee that completion of the new building will run in line with their previous high profile projects, such as that started in 1906. This is yet to be finished despite a completion of date of 1907, but in their defence the builders do claim extenuating circumstances. These include problems regarding which floor they were supposed to be on and also the fact that they weren’t working to a lunar calendar.

P.S. this should in no way be construed as a dig at the maintenance department who have now taken in excess of 2 months to fit locks to kitchen cupboards. They are of course very busy, and we as students do have limited rights, and also have the benefit of paying more than reasonable rents for which we should expect no form of maintenance what- soever.

which we should expect no form of maintenance what- soever. Noise is not funny any more

Noise is not funny any more

This only applies to a small minority. I don’t want to write this letter but I’m going to have to. I do not like being hauled up in front of upset Guildford Residents and made to apolo- gise on your behalf. I do not like getting threatening messages on my answer phone every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday morning with complaints about noise, throwing up in gardens, and damage to property. I do not like walking up and down Walnut Tree Close from 10pm - 4am on Wednesday’s and asking you

to be a little more considerate for the people who have to live on the street. I do not like being told by Guildford Borough Councillors at Police Community Partnership Group meetings that students (or young people as they call them) are just drunk areseholes because that’s not true - we just like to enjoy ourselves! Have a good night in town, live life but please have some consideration - we live in a small town where student behaviour is frowned upon by some. We are a part of this community and we do not want create a ‘town versus students’ situation.

Nevin ‘Bob’ Moledina, Students’ Union President

Finley Quaye was ‘torture’

After 18 months of consistently enjoying FNOs, I have to say that the last two have been a bit of a shambles, namely the Christmas Ball and the first FNO of this semester with Finley Quaye. The Christmas Ball is a great idea and the stu- dents involved put in a lot of hard work but in no way was it worth the £15 charged. Now, I’ll be the first to admit I had a storming night but that was due to everyone being dressed up, all my friends being there and the four bottles of champagne I’d drank in a short space of time. But, was it worth £15? Put simply no, probably wasnt worth £10. I know that a lot of people would be interested to see EXACTLY where the £22,500 ticket money went. The main event of the evening, Radio 1 DJ Dave Pierce, came and went with hardly anyone noticing a change in the music. Wouldn’t a band have been a better choice? For most people the whole night would have cost upwards of £45, without even thinking about beer money. Students really can’t afford this if all we get is a bit of snow, a few sweets, a plastic reindeer and a giant Santa on the roof! Dont we have a right to expect bet- ter value for our money? After a long Christmas break, I was looking forward to nothing better than a good old FNO. But no, I was shocked to see it would

cost £6.50 to see the relatively unknown Finley Quaye. Not only was it too expensive in comparison to other bands who have played here but its not the type music for a FNO, especially the first one of the semester. After reluctantly paying for my ticket, I arrived at around 10.25pm to find the cloak- room was full and now shut. Amazing con- sidering the Union was only half full! As for Finley Quaye, I’ve heard better perfor- mances on a Sunday Night or at Unplugged events (no offence meant at Unplugged). The sound was poor quality and he put no effort into his singing at all, even managing to play the same song two or three times. Even after the hour and a half of torture, the music then played was more of a bad SHAG than the tra- ditional FNO music. FNOs are the best nights out at this uni and I know that we have some great theme nights coming up but special events need to be bet- ter value for money. Maybe, its time the Union re-thought its pricing policy and remembered that we’re only students with a limited disposable income. If we’re going to fork out a large chunk of our weekly budget for a special night out we expect a bit more in return. This should be kept in mind when the Union considers rais- ing the price of the Charter Ball this year. Mark Stuart 2nd Year Business Economics

The Zen of Freedom

A guard watches a prisoner within the barbed wire of the camp

Only the wind is free, which Blows on both their skins.

by Robin Shirley

Everything alive

Here on a planet, There in a leaf, Here in a coal mine, deep beneath, Here in a tree, There in a savannah, Here in the air That we (try to ) breathe.

Here we are Abusing the environment or throwing litter And not feeling bitter; Afraid to swim In a river, in a lake, a sea, And it’s SO EASY, Not to see Everything apart from we, she, he and me That everything is alive.

by K.Y.Chan of Melodious

Join the Poetry Society - melodious - Wednesdays, Wates House, 3pm

Interviewers Needed for Students’ Union Survey Earn £50 or more! As part of the ongoing
Interviewers Needed for Students’ Union Survey Earn £50 or more! As part of the ongoing

Interviewers Needed for Students’ Union Survey

Earn £50 or more! As part of the ongoing Consultancy Review and Development of the Union, the next stage is to do a huge student survey of

opinion. We therefore need interviewers and are willing to pay to make sure it’s done properly. You will attend a briefing session on the afternoon of Wednesday 11th February lasting approximately an hour and you will get

£5 there and then. Then you have a week to find up to 18 specific types of students and ask them questions. You will recive £3 per interview conducted. It’s easy, it’s a bit of extra cash and we need 50 people. Email su-president, leave note in Union pigeon holes or even pop in and see me.

Nevin ‘Bob’ Moledina - Students’ Union President

leave note in Union pigeon holes or even pop in and see me. Nevin ‘Bob’ Moledina
  Monday, the Student Union’s Nevin ‘Bob’ Moledina Union President and Club Chairperson Citrus -


Monday, the Student Union’s

Nevin ‘Bob’ Moledina

Union President and Club Chairperson

Citrus - swing, soul and hip hop night has moved down to the Helyn Rose Bar this semester and will take place once every four

O n

Amnesty and Green societies teamed

to get ‘Green Week’ off to a start.


Vice Chancellor Prof. Patrick Dowling signs the Amnesty declaration on Monday
Vice Chancellor Prof. Patrick Dowling signs the
Amnesty declaration on Monday

ments have treated them with contempt. Half the world’s governments still imprison people solely because of their beliefs, race, gender or ethnic origin. A third of the world’s govern- ments still torture their prisoners. After five decades, it is time for individuals across the world to reclaim their rights and press governments to meet the promises made in 1948. Join Amnesty International’s worldwide cam- paign to make governments sit up and listen. Get up and sign up for your human rights.”

weeks and we also have a new feature - Funk Night in the Helyn Rose Bar also once every

Y ep, more sensible signing in policies

at last. You can now sign your

They persuaded the Vice Chancellor, Prof. Patrick Dowling to sign a declaration, to be forwarded to the United Nations. It said ‘ I promise to do everything in my power to ensure the rights set out in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights become a reality throughout the world’. Amnesty intend to make the petition available to anyone wishin to sign every Thursday for a month, starting this lunchtime, in the Union. Amnesty supporters cited the organisation’s own literature in explaining the need for signatures

“Fifty years ago, the world said ‘never again’ to the atrocities of the second world war. It declared that all human beings, wherever they live and whoever they are, have rights that should be respected at all times. These rights were set out in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights proclaimed by the United Nations on 10 December 1948. The world’s governments said they would respect these human rights and would teach human rights in their schools. Businesses were to be guided by human rights principles in their dealings.

guests into the Union up until

10.30pm from Monday to Thursday and Saturday, 10pm on Sunday and the usual 7pm on Friday’s. No you can’t sign in over the phone anymore but then who needs to when you’ve got until 10/10.30pm and for Friday Night Out’s you have to purchase guest tickets in advance anyway. Industrial year, life members and EIHMS students based at satellite sites can sign in over the phone for a Friday Night Out since they make it to campus during the day.

Clubs and societies can now sell tickets through the Union ticket machine and can collect the form for this from the General Office. The ticket machine will be manned at lunch times so if you’re having an event, you can advertise that tickets will be on sale every weekday lunch time from the Box Office and we will cash up and put the money into your specified account. (Ticket machine forms will also be given out with the Helyn Rose Bar booking forms)

four weeks - beginning in Week 3 (Thursday 5th February 8pm - 2am). The Helyn Rose

Bar remains available to societies for book- ing every alternate Thursday.

The Promo Bar will be continued from Friday to Saturday’s SHAG and we will also be regularly covering great sporting events in the Union such as Rugby Five Nations with Carling Premier on promotion for £1 a pint. Look for the A2 weekly bulletins around the building and in the Lecture Theatre Noticeboard to find out what’s happening on a week to week basis.

We’re also thinking about getting cushions on the wooden benches in Lounge Bar area (at last I hear you cry - they’re bloody uncomfortable aren’t they?). However there’s a problem - it’s going to cost app. £3- £5000 and they’ll probably get trashed by the end of the year. Or would they? What do you think?

If you’re interested in discussing any Club issues please come along to the Club

But fifty years later, the Universal Declaration has been called “the world’s best kept secret” - and, far from “never again”, war crimes and genocide have been repeated in the former Yougoslavia and Rwanda. Far from respecting human rights, the govern-

Fruit and veg stall in the Union every Thursday, thanks to a helpful student who has talked to some traders and persuaded them to come in. If you know any market traders that would want to come in, tell them to give us a call.

Committee every other Wednesday at 1pm in the Grant Mitchell Room or fill in a Union suggestion slip and it will passed onto the Committee. Nice one!

Alex Cass

R eally I did. I looked at the clock and

decided I was going to be late. Out of

bathroom in record time (okay, so I

was still ages), dressed, only halfway through breakfast did I look at my watch. It was twenty to five and I was definitely not late. It’s pretty easy to be totally convinced and totally wrong. Believing something isn’t enough. The thing that you believe needs to be true. The Bible says “ by grace are ye saved, through faith”. What it means is that God doesn’t forgive people just for believing that he exists, the


forgiveness comes from trusting that Jesus took the punishments we deserve. That’s the grace bit - “undeserved mercy”. And I do believe that. Why? Well, the Bible is

full of God’s promises and I’ve not seen one broken yet. To be honest, the more I learn the more sense it makes - there’s no way anyone could meet God’s standards unless they were perfect, so he had to meet them for us.

By the way, if you’re intrigued about the promises -and there are loads- then email me and I’ll send you some! - ce62ac.

Philip Hawtin

O n thursday, the chess team played Fleet

B. We had high hopes entering the

game, after all they were second to last

in the league (guess who are propping up the bottom). The first result of the evening was an unfortu- nate defeat for Juan on board 5. Next was myself on board 4, where there was an epic struggle (sort of) which only ended after I foolishly trapped my own queen amoung my own pawns, 2-0 to Fleet. Then the tide began to turn, despite the oppenant having a pawn one square away from queening, Danial was able to combine his bishops and queen in a

deadly attack ton win. Riza on bored two dis- pacted his oppenent in only 26 moves, 8 of which were with his Knight. Two all with one

game to play, anything could happen. As the time limit aproached, Gian Carlos still had all his pawns and two rooks against six pawns and two rooks, it was looking good. Unfortuatly, the time ran out, so they are having to arrange

a continuation of the match at a later date, so

the result still hangs in the balence, but it does look like we might actually achieve our first victory of the season. After the opposing team left, we looked at the

game on the computer, and it looks like an overwelming victory for Gian Carlos.

A final score will be given as soon as possible.

the computer, and it looks like an overwelming victory for Gian Carlos. A final score will







KRISTIN HERSH - Strange Angels


good dance number, even if it has been


remixed to death. No two mixes sound too

RIALTO - Untouchable (EastWest)

Usually it would be really difficult to enjoy


were an angel / I would cut off your wings, without having some dubious thoughts about devil worshipping. This however doesn’t influence how amazing Untouchable is, and how everyone should go and see them live to pay them some credit. 9/10 D.N.

song which opens with the line If you

GLITTERBOX - Scared Of All The World (Radar) Glitterbox successfully manage to mix the epic-subtlety of the modern day Manics with the melodic power and aggression of the Afghan Whigs. This single is quite excellent. 8/10 R.W.

SOUNDS OF BLACKNESS - The Pressure (A&M) This CD features the re-release of a classic dance floor hit, ‘The Pressure’, backed with ‘Hold on (Change is Coming)’, recently released in the U.S. Jazz and Groove meet rousing r&b beats to make this a funky sin- gle that will take the club scene by storm. 8/10 G.C.

similar, with some more melodic and others seeming almost techno. The single version


still worth getting if you do have the ‘Tubthumper’ album. 7/10 E.C.

different from the album version, so it is

MUKI - Shine (Mantra) ‘Shine’, ‘Ki Juice’ and ‘Nite Lite’ are the three songs on this latest CD. The songs have been finely produced to ensure quality acid jazz. The cosmopolitan sounding slow banging tunes are mellow but definitely not dull. A good single if you want to “chill out” to some groovy sampling. 6/10 C.H.

KILLAH PRIEST - One Step (Geffen)

smooth track with heavenly harmonies

combined with a deep and meaningful lyri- cal base, which expresses the need to know one’s history before you can look at the future. 6/10 K.M


ADAM F - Music In My Mind (EMI) This follow up from ‘Circles’ is one of the better tracks from the album ‘Colours’ but doesn’t live up to ‘Circles’. This will do well, but it is not inspiring or brilliant. 5/10 G.D.





V/A - Reactivate Classics (React) Well, well. It's about time that React complied an album from the 20 or so they have released since day one of the rave generation. This album takes us on a musical journey through 6 years of techno mayhem, from the original acid cuts to up-to-date techno stom- pers. Artists featured are CJ Bolland along with some names many of you

will recollect from "back in the days"

when raves were illegal, and ware- houses were the usual places to go rav- ing. If you like the old stuff, then the first CD takes you from '89 through to '92. Filled with classics, this is bound to set off the mood. If you prefer it newer, then the second CD has all you need. Brilliant choons including the original "Age Of Love". This compi- lation is filled with the best of Techno/Trance and Nu Wave. Don't let this one slip by unnoticed, because if

you do, you've seriously missed out! 9/10 M.B.

This is Kristin’s sec- ond solo album and first after the split of the Throwing

This is Kristin’s sec- ond solo album and first after the split of the Throwing Muses. First thing to note about this album is that it is an acoustic affair. This does unfortunately mean that all the songs sound alike but that is not to say that they all flow into each other. Kristin’s voice is a powerful instrument and it actually could make me wince at times whilst listen- ing. The album over all sounds quite bit- ter but the lyrics are not always. ‘Like You’ is one of the best tracks on the album, it is incredibly loud in places which makes you appreci- ate that electric guitars are not required. This isn’t as upbeat as the Throwing Muses and not quite as good but still a good second album. 8/10 I.P.





groove. The musical duo behind Deep Forest are Eric Mouquet and Michel Sanchez. They are

groove. The musical duo behind Deep Forest are Eric Mouquet and Michel Sanchez. They are sound reporters drawing on voices from every corner of the world. Hymns of joy and cries of anger, prayer and aubades, songs of hope and despair have all been brought to shake our certainties, seize our senses and stir our emotions. From Africa or Eastern Europe, from pygmies to nomads, the human visions brought to us by Deep Forest have helped greatly in narrow- ing the gap between the hemispheres. As is their custom, Deep Forest will contribute a share of the album’s royalties to providing aid for the countries in question. Deep Forest have not only invented a sound dif-

ferent from any other, they have also created

the third Halo Benders album out of his Dub Narcotic studio somewhere in Olympia. It sees a continuance of great songs with weird off-kilter punk-pop sound- scapes. Melodic guitars are layered with various synthesised sounds. ‘Devil City Destiny’ is kinda like Nirvana on a bizarre trip, while ‘Love Travels Faster’ is a simply beautiful song. Strange but enjoyable. 7/10 R.W.

L/A/L - #1 U.S.A. (K) Love As Laughter is a new breed of bleed- ing gums rock ‘n’ roll that has no equal in time. #1 U.S.A. is what’s happening with L/A/L in 1998, the rock ‘n’ roll record Mick Jagger has privately admitted he’d made. In

AIR - Moon Safari (Virgin) Air are a French duo, who make an ‘out there, soundtracks to our dreams’ sort of thing. They’re on a similar wavelength to Stereolab, yet sometimes being an easy lis- tening version of Daft Punk. The music they make is largely instrumental, but the press release isn’t lying for once when it describes it’s product as ‘a diffuse, poetic, post-club ambience which takes from the sound tracks of Enio Morricone and John Barry, French kitsch, the classical sublime, the loop struc- tures of Electronica and the poignancy of pop’. We’re talking sonic cathedrals here, especially on many tracks like the opener ‘Le Femme D’Argent’ and ‘Kelly Watch The Stars’. As they use real instruments and they don’t use samples when listening; some names spring to mind: ELO, Burt Bacharach, some instrumental Beach Boys tracks, but with the use of repetitive beats its all been re-packaged, re-evaluated for hear and now. 8/10 N.W.


language. 8/10 D.A.

THE WORLD / INFERNO FRIEND- SHIP SOCIETY - The True Story Of The Bridgewater Astral League (Gern Blandsten) Although the name of the band, or album

wouldn’t usually be the first thing to spring


especially as it meanders through 8 songs

whose style varies so much between each

one, but sticks to one basic paradigm, that

mind. I cant help but like this album,

most of the songs, the guitar is raspy, the vocals bleed like a new shirt in the wash, and the bass is a dimly felt presence. A few

tunes have ‘kicker beats’, but the disc is still mostly percussionless. When you listen to


resulting turmoil will cause you to behave with rampant teen abandon. You will skip

school and not give a damn about how it’ll look on your permanent record. You will

catch slow blues fever and fail your next drug test. This album is the noisy rockin’

U.S.A., you will play it loud, and the

BENNET - The Horses Mouth (Roadrunner)



mid tempo rock epic from the previously quirky indie guitar foursome. The

huge chorus is supported by slow quiet verses, which combine to build up some-

thing altogether grander than anything Bennet have attempted before. If this does-


put them back in the charts nothing will. 9/10 A.T.

DEEP FOREST III - Comparsa (Sony) After a successful sale of 3 million albums

across the world, Deep Forest made a come- back with their third album ‘Comparsa’ - which means ‘partners’ in Cuban and this is an apt title since it carries a Latin-African


HEADSWIM - Tourniquet (Epic) You could be forgiven for thinking that this

was a new Radiohead thinking, the former grunge/metal types have certainly reinvent- ed themselves for the better. A melancholic vibe pervades throughout. 7/10 R.W.

WARM JETS - Never Never (Island) Re-recorded and re-released power pop carving itself straight into your concourses through a frenzied cocktail of fuzzy guitars and reluctant but purposeful vocals. Lyrically either beautifully cryptic or shit. Credibility at stake due to Zoe Ball’s involvement. 7/10 D.J.

MERZ - Many Weathers Apart (Lotus)

Unfortunately this sounds a lot like some-

one who’s drunk too much and can’t sing trying to do extremely bad Karaoke to a crap remix version of something by Prodigy which their mate is hammering out on a

childs keyboard. Original definitely. 4/10 D.N.

maybe, shit

BLACK CONNECTION - Give Me Rhythm (Xtravaganza)


Xtravaganza, this is. The mixes are very

samey and don’t explore the various aspects

anything is going to make me lose faith in


house/garage that they could; the track


called punk bands which seem to be invad-

Punk. Its not even the new wave of so

counter culture soundtrack for a century’s end. 7/10 D.A.

UMAJETS - Demolotion (Clearspot) Umajets are Tim Smith, ex-Jellyfish, and Rob Aldridge, ex-

UMAJETS - Demolotion (Clearspot) Umajets are Tim Smith, ex-Jellyfish, and Rob Aldridge, ex-

ing our shores from America, but true, full blown eat-your- own-bollocks PUNK. Just imag- ine the brass instru- ment frenzy of Madness, com- bined at times with the full on three chord thrash of Crass, vocals simi-


to John Lydon,

CRAIG ARMSTRONG - The Distance Between Us (Virgin) Great album if you are a fan of light pop/classical music. This guy has a very

impressive CV which includes the sound- tracks of ‘Romeo and Juliet’, ‘Goldeneye’, ‘Mission Impossible and ‘Batman Forever’.

his time Craig has worked with such var-


ied artists as Madonna and Suede and he is just as good on his own (as this CD proves).

Craig is able to write music in many differ-

FOO FIGHTERS - My Hero (Roswell) Supposedly a tribute to Kurt, on ‘My Hero’

itself is boring and the vocals aren’t any- thing to write home about either. Bring back

(although more Pil than the Sex Pistols), and even a touch of Minty thrown in for good measure. If you can imagine this then you will still prob- ably not even be close to what the World / Inferno Friendship Society actually sound like, but it was probably fun trying. 8/10 D.N.

HALO BENDERS - The Rebels Not In (K)

ent styles. This CD is mainly easy listening and makes lovely background music. It could even be described as romantic in some places. The vocals are few in number and sound vaguely similar to ‘Perfect Day’ and Jimmy Nail - not that that is a problem. 7/10 G.T.

STELLA/US – Ascension (Beggars Banquet)


sonic landscape created by these North Carolina-based foursome. Stella confronts and compels. Melodic edges and intense vocals are woven into songs populated by explosively raw guitar and tightly focused songwriting. The vocal, Curt Perkins pro- vides an affecting vehicle for his lyrics which range from confessional narratives to cryptic mediations on anger, politics and

uniquely American music with dense

Chicane, Disco Citizens and Armin. Get rid

the Foo Fighters mix razor sharp guitar lines with a huge Cheap Trick-like chorus. The extra songs include a multimedia selection


this right now, Xtravaganza. 3/10 M.B.



photo stills and videos and a quite stun-

ning cover of Gerry Rafferty’s ‘Baker Street’. 7/10 R.W.

(Universal) Thrown back into the hey day of rave and brief and cheesy spot the sample recordings, then made worse by the b-side techno bob- bins, recorded in a drainpipe about 10 years ago. Horrid cheesy quaver gubbins. 2/10 H.B.

SNUG - Ode To The Day (WEA) For those of you who enjoy the happy-go- lucky thrash pop of bands like Ash and Symposium, Snug are going to be the next big thing. However those who prefer music on a more serious note will not enjoy this and would probably rather sit in a dark room listening to Smiths records. 7/10 D.N.

DON CABALLERO - Trey Dog’s Acid (Touch And Go)


sounds like Deus or Mogwai on a very, very

its best this piece of lyricless guitars

Holyfaith, and on this their debut album they are joined by

Roger Manning, also ex-Jellyfish, and allegedly a couple of


bad day. As it is it is dull and uninspiring. 2/10 I.P.

Black Crowes. Thankfully the sound of Umajets is not unlike Jellyfish, guitar and keyboard led pop with sugary hooks, pow- erful arrangements and swoon-worthy harmonies. Oh, and

great songs. ‘Half Man Half Wrecking Ball’ kicks things off in

records main

man Calvin

Johnson is joined


bers of Built to

Spill and Pacific Northwest produc- tion maestro Steve Fisk as he brings


various mem-

hope. ‘Ascension’ is a sheerly stunning col- lection of fuzzed-out oddities: songs that sound more basic than base, like they’d be

way underground on the Sci Li wall system, riff-rock rampage… two-piece wild beast of fuzztone squeal, a volume soaked bullet of Stooges/Blue Cheer mutated lo-fi whup ass. Helping rock evolve by keeping it unhinged, Stella is a tough act to follow. 6/10 D.A.

This weeks music bought to you by Matthew Beal, Daniel Jones, Frank Fraulo, Emma Clarke, Honey Butcher, Nick Walsh, Gabriel-Oliver Chamero, Denise Nicholson, Dean Arif, Kevin Marston, Christian Hunter, Ian Purvey , Andrew Thomas, Gemma Decent, Rob Winder

UNITED CITIZEN FEDERATION - Starship Troopers (Universal) What a load of tosh, there has never been a worse load of crap ever recorded. Whats worse is that Sarah Brightman sounds like she has forgotten the english language. 1/10 F.F.


suitably up-tempo fashion, ‘Mother’ certainly owes its roots


the Beatles, but the highlights of the album are ‘Girl Named

God’ and ‘Skywriting’. Hopefully this album will bring the band the success Jellyfish so richly deserved but never achieved. 8/10 R.W.

  G IG G UIDE It is always advisable to confirm with the venue before



It is always advisable to confirm with the venue before travelling. Cineline - (01483) 578017

It is always advisable to confirm with the venue before travelling.

Cineline - (01483) 578017


Chumbawamba - Portsmouth Pyramid Centre (01705 358608) Green Day - London Brixton Academy (0171 264 1525) Rubberfoot, Lupa, Soda Curve - Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116)

Shelter - London Camden Barfly (0171


22:05 Game On

Titanic, 12 12:10, 12:55, 16:15, 16:55, 20:20,




20:00 Fortean TV

Home Alone 3, PG




22:50 La Femme Nikita



Devil’s Advocate, 18 15:15, 18:30, 21:50 Boogie Nights, 18 13:45, 17:45, 21:20 Tomorrow Never Dies, 12 15:45, 18:40, 21:30 Spiceworld: The Movie, PG 12:15, 14:25, 16:35 The Jackal, 18 19:20, 22:10 The Full Monty, 15 14:45, 19:35 Picture Perfect, PG 12:10, 14:35, 17:05, 21:40 The Borrowers, U 12:15, 14:20 Up ‘N’ Under, 12 16:25, 18:50, 21:20 The Wings of The Dove, 15 13:00, 16:00 Starship Troopers, 15 19:00, 22:00 Shooting Fish, 12 Wednesday Only, 13:00, 15:30, 18:00,



21:00 Denis Norden’s




Midget, Glitterbox, Idlewild - London Garage(0171 607818)


Laughter File 22:00 Toy Soldiers

18:30 Titanic: The Survivors Story

Green Day - London Brixton Academy (0171 264 1525) Inter, Dick Savage PI - Basingstoke Fairfield Arts Centre Period Pains, Everboom, Keanie - Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116)


19:10 Star Trek Generations





Dust Junkys -

Guildford, Surrey University




12:15 The Simpsons

Slump with Paul Thomas - Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116)


22:00 Fitz


21:30 Pleasure Beach



22:40 Fitz 14:00 Beauty & The

Mary Stares, Punkin Instigators, Daybreak - Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116)


Titanic, 12 11:20, 15:20, 19:25 Home Alone 3, PG


20:00 The Cruise


Mogwai, Ariel M - Portsmouth Wedgewood Rooms (01705 863911) Pure Glass, Ventalin, New Rising Sun - Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116)



21:00 Mc Callum

Devil’s Advocate, 18 13:30, 16:50, 20:05 Boogie Nights, 18 13:00, 16:30, 19:55 George of the Jungle, U

20:00 Shop till you drop



Tomorrow Never Dies, 12 12:15, 15:00, 17:45, 20:35 Spiceworld: The Movie, PG 12:30, 14:45 The Jackal, 18 17:00, 20:25 The Full Monty, 15


22:00 The X-Files 22:45 Prostitute

Caffeine - London Borderline (0171 734




Cardinal Fink, Grouch, Fallen Angel - London Upstairs At The Garage (0171




21:00 ER

Space - London Shepherds Bush Empire


22:30 Friends

(0171 287 1331)



Picture Perfect, PG 13:15, 16:05, 20:45 The Borrowers, U 12:10, 14:05 Up ‘N’ Under, 12


18:00 Star Trek Deep Space Nine

Catatonia, Derrero - London Camden Electric Ballroom (0171 485 9006) McQueen, Llama Farmers - London Garage (0171 607 1818)

The Hamsters - Reading Alleycat (0118



20:30 Jeremy Clarkson’s Mean Machines

14:20 Chef School 21:00 The Truth About Women

13:10, 16:05, 18:25, 20:45 The Wings of The Dove, 15

12:15, 14:45

Starship Troopers, 15 17:15, 20:15


21:30 Mortimer’s Law



Bennet, Redwood, Jaguar, Inter - Aldershot Princes Hall Disco Pistol, Spillage - London Kings Cross Water Rats (0171 837 7269) Pitchshifter, FPC, Choke - Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116)



22:05 Game On


18:00/23:35 TFI Friday 22:00 Frasier



There is a film, honest, but the guys at OFU don’t know what it will be yet. Suggestions on a postcard, or if you want to decide the film yourself please come on Tuesdays to LTH at 6pm.

A, Understand - Reading Alleycat (0118


Dubstar - London Shepherds Bush Empire (0171 287 1331) McQueen, Llama Farmers - London Fulham King’s Head Monkey Mafia - London Adrenalin Village




CAMPAG VELOCET Union 25/1/98. Review and Interview by Nick Walsh C ampag Velocet are a


Union 25/1/98. Review and Interview by Nick Walsh

C ampag Velocet are a four piece from Kentish Town in London, where all around

C ampag Velocet are a four piece from Kentish Town in London, where all around its possible to soak in

Ago Go could ever be. They are still unsigned, but every major is after them and

the moment the deals just aren’t good


ever work live? If you compare your favourite gig, say of any guitar band, with a gig of any dance band, then guitar bands win hands down, every time. But now, as this is 1998 what is a dance band? What is a guitar band? The only thing we have to go on is the attitude, and sometimes that is all that we need. Campag Velocet, your stan- dard layman has never heard of them, but underground, they have been carving quite a reputation for themselves, with the movers and shakers of London town. Live, yeah, they just pull it off, but certain things are against them, such as the dreadful sound quality, where the band can only just hear themselves, but not each other. Also the hard-nosed provincialism and narrow mindedness, which is present here is just sad. The only bands, which can get a decent reception, are cover bands and mainstream dance bands, making this university’s

Student Union a blacklisted area for new talent. Opening with an instrumental, the

bands, making this university’s Student Union a blacklisted area for new talent. Opening with an instrumental,

Rob & Duncan

size model that were built. It is diffi-

cult to fault the film with the our only criticism being the overuse of strobe effects in some scenes. The film starts in the present day as


opening tester to see what’s happening called ‘Let Your Hair Down’ a mixture of baggy, punk, hip-hop. When the man, Pete

Voss, starts spewing forth, street slang, per- ceptive observations, you can’t literally understand him, but you know his inten- tions, beating the shit out of his tambourine, you know what he is about. On ‘Vito Satan’ a slower song emphasising the fact that the

It’s been 84 years, and I can still remember the fresh smell of the paint. The china had never been used. The sheets had never been slept in. Titanic was called the

through the alleyways and the tower blocks the sounds of hip-hop, techno, dub and punk rock. They formed in 1993 when Pete, the

enough. The name comes from explains

Pete “Campag is short for Campanolo which


the top name in the cycling world – it’s


salvage crew attempt to recover a

singer/rapper/lyrical mastermind got togeth-

the cream so Campag means it’s shit hot, the

diamond necklace known as the “Heart of the Ocean”. When an old lady steps forward, claiming to have been one of the passengers on the ill- fated voyage, she tells a captivated crew, lead by Brock Lovett (Paxton), her story of the voyage. As she relates her experiences the film goes back in time following her on the ill fated maiden voyage. As 17 year old Rose, she is trapped in a frightfully upper class existence in the ships first class community with a mother insistent on keeping up appearances and a fiancée who is nothing but downright arrogant and possessive. In a moment of despair she meets Jack Dawson, a ‘ruffian’ from third class who won tickets for the cruise in a game of cards, and discovers that with him she can escape all of


machine, they began, laying the foundations

and then old mate, Arge (guitar) joined, then recently after six drummers then settled with Lascelles. On paper, if you are going to start

with Barney, bass player and a drum

Velocet is from ‘Clockwork Orange’ it’s the name of one of the drinks they have in the Korova milk bar”. The slang used in ‘Clockwork Orange’ is evident everywhere


their music, in their limited edition

Ship of Dreams and it was. It really was.” The film, like the ship itself is certainly impressive. Directed by James Cameron and staring Leonardo Dicaprio and Kate Winslet, it cost over 200 million dol- lars to make and runs for just over three hours (cut down from an origi- nal 4 hours!). Claimed to be unsink- able, we all know that the ship itself did not meet these bold claims so how does the film fare on the stormy seas of the cinema going public? We both liked this film and, despite its length, there was never a dull moment. The film seamlessly blends romance along with some excellent special effects and action scenes. The romance is powerful and mov- ing and the action has you on the edge of the seat. It takes an hour and

band can actually write, if your conditioned on songs, 3 minutes, verse, chorus, middle eight, break fade then you wouldn’t have understood. The final song ‘Drencrom


band, and the bands that have influenced

‘Drencrum Velocet Synthamesc’ it’s like a

you play a big part in what you do, then you can’t get many better influences then the ones Campag are prepared to namecheck:

brand new language, but your not told, it’s your job to find out.


new single is out is due out in March, but

Velocet Synthamesc’ is just pure head music, obviously under the right conditions, because this music isn’t really coming from the place where its being received, it’s the best song in the world, thumping, hard hit- ting, melodic, relevant, challenging, if you are bothered to find out, it’s London where it’s from, and it’s London where it’s at, the best new band in Britain was here, and in a relatively short time, it’s all going to be dif- ferent.

MC5, Stooges, My Bloody Valentine, Public Enemy, Jesus and Mary Chain, Pistols, Sly and The Family Stone. Definitely the music they are making is unique coming from their own angle, updated for the present. To lump them in with the present ‘scene’ created by journalists called Skunk Rock, yeah, they are rock 'n' roll, yeah, drugs do come into it, but they are more of a classic rock band than the Lo-Fi Allstars or Bedlam

the band aren’t bothered whether they get massive or not, they just know that they have their, own exclusive niche and no one else can touch them because no else has been brought up with ‘the funk’. In the Union on Sunday night people really didn’t know what do expect, but it’s always best to start from before the beginning, being into dance music all your life, anything but your standard indie/rock outfit, does dance music


Union 23/1/98. Review by Al Mooney

W ell, what a year this is turning out to be. If some- one had

W ell, what a year this is turning out to be. If some-

one had told you last year that The Lightning

Seeds would be appearing in your own tiny little

Union for less than a tenner, your reaction may well have been something along the lines of ‘good lord my man, are you quite mad?’, or possibly even ‘yeah, bollocks mate.’ But duly, they arrived. And then at the end of a long, hard first term, when you have finally decided that the whole universi- ty sucks and you can’t wait to be with Mummy and Daddy again, there’s a little ad in the last Bare Facts, telling you the great news that Finley Quaye is coming. BRILLIANT! And quite, quite brilliant it was too. The fact that it clashed with the Hotel and Catering ball meant that for once you could actually breathe, you could get a beer within the hour, and your clothes were almost dry when you came out. This

was a rare opportunity, to see an artist of this calibre in a small and personal venue for six quid, and the atmosphere in that union was unlike any night I have ever known there, with the conceivable exception of Dreadzone (let’s have them again please.) It was more chilled, people were smiling all the time, there was, for once, a genuine cultural diversity, not because there are signs up saying we respect all colours and creeds, but quite simply due to the universal power of Finley Quaye’s music. Which, incidentally, is what I’m sup- posed to be talking about. Okay, so it was a very sketchy start indeed. The same two guitar chords being played over and over again was what I heard as I made my way towards the stage, and to then see that cute little man shouting ‘turn the reverb up, man’ to the sound guy was disconcerting to say the least. But, after a minute or two of feedback and bizarre fart noises (must be a really tough job, turning up reverb) it was sorted, and we could all settle down to some music. Finley and the band (comprising bass, guitar, drums, sax, trombone, trumpet, and tabbla) didn’t just stick to tracks from the album, in fact the first five or six songs appeared to be all new, though I’m sure someone will correct me there. And then there was a fantastic rendition of ‘It’s Great When We’re Together’ which suffered not one bit from the lack of real strings, and a gorgeous (or should that be garjuss?) ‘Sweet And Loving Man’. Aah, I bet he is too. The most odd thing about the set was surely the minor key dubbed up ‘Even After All’, which was extremely cool indeed, but I have to say that I was secretly hoping they’d play the nice mellow version too. There’s not much to say about ‘Sunday Shining’ except how nice it was that he’s not too cool to play it and also that they played it very bloody well indeed. We even got an encore! There go the ‘always too stoned to sing’ rumours that were going round then. So and so, one of the best nights in the union ever then. It’s amazing that it wasn’t very busy, I mean I have to worry about some of you lot if you turn down an opportunity like that and then all turn up to Supasonic, but that’s your loss. What we had in there was one of the most talented musi- cians around at the moment, playing to a small, friendly, chilled out audience. You could even see how much he was enjoying it, and that’s the sign of a good gig, without a doubt. Enough to restore your faith in the Union completely.

the pretentious first class snobbery and bickering. Needless to say they fall in love and have an affair, in lit-

a half before the iceberg is seen, and

tle knowledge of what is to happen at

a further hour (almost real time) for

the ship to sink, but the plot never drags and is always captivating. The attention to detail is superb; even to the point that Cameron called in the companies that originally fitted the Titanic, to construct the sets and life-

2:20am on that night. This is a very strong and powerful film, well worth seeing, and already

strong tip for the Oscars this year (It has already won 4 Golden Globe awards). Definitely one to watch!


Tania Rocks

flame, the new love interest,

Valentina Koslova (Diane Venora), and the close shave with the Jackal.


T his is a film based on a film

(The day of the Jackal, 1973

thriller) which is based on the

life of a real live terrorist, Carlos the Jackal. The Jackal, the man with no known identity, is played by Bruce Willis, and is a killer who noone can catch due to his variety of disguises. The disguises comprise of a number of wigs and a few passports. Lost touch with reality yet? The film starts with a raid on a club going wrong for the FBI (Sidney Poitier) and the Jackal being paid a hideous amount of money to kill an unidentified individual. Then in comes the IRA terrorist (Richard

Gere), who was imprisoned for arms dealings, but as he does not do bombs, “no women and no children” the FBI get him out of jail and let him wonder around with out a guard or handcuffs. Then there is the inevitable meeting with an old

All of this and the sub plot of the hit, for which a huge gun is required.

is hard to explain anything else

about the plot without having to explain the background behind it. Needless to say, the IRA terrorist is not helping the FBI out of the good- ness of his heart, but because of a hinted at past which he and the Jackal shared, but this seems to get


lost in the blow’em up attitude of the plot. The end has a few good twists


not just post an artists impression of

it, but you wonder why they could

him around, and why Willis can get away with playing Willis in different wigs. The accent present by Gere is excellent, but there is one character who decides to travel the world with hers. A gory and bloody film with a few surprises.

Maid outfit. Price negotiable. Call andy C Nipple Chains fitted. £15 for one, £20 the

Maid outfit. Price negotiable. Call andy C Nipple Chains fitted. £15 for one, £20 the pair. Call Andy C.

you, even from Germany!! Beware the walls have ears! Sleepless in Saarbrucken. The saga continues

over 1000 pounds on a computer that doesn’t work??? TICKET LAUNCH!!!!! I do NOT come from

Little Katie - have you pulled it

Fusspot I love you S. Loppy says hi. Don’t forget, ‘muscle’ contrac- tions 10 times, 3 times a day With love,Chi Chi Aswani - Lets party man!!!

We are back, “SOMS” the stu- dents with the best personals. Come on lets begin!!!!!!!!! Newcastle United at the best team in the world. Matt - your hat is GREEN!!!

Birmingham, I come from SUT- TON COLDFIELD!!!! Stephanie. I will come over and see you but you’ve negated to tell me where you live! Anton. Jon Hancock loves being smoth-

Wiks - Lets hit the HuT what I mean?


Jenniflower - can you smell the cider???

ered in HP

Want a snog



Matt - stop doing that with your

out of the bag recently?!

Jo and Sara

Best friends


Bob, we miss our Tuesday lat



Elvis Appreciation Society-

nigth competitions


is it wednes-

1998 - The Year of THE WEY-

apply in writing to Clare, Friary 36

day morning


are you?

SIDE GIRLS ( Max, Sara, Jo, Becca, Sarah ) What’s for dinner Miss Sarah!?? Will the Milton Keynes Traveller please get a life !! Guess What? DOMS, or SOMS as we’re now called; are Back. Behold the personal coloumn war begins!!!!!!!! You’re movements must be quick and simple! (But not sharp)!!!!! Guess What? F*** off and die! QUE CONYAZO ERES GOBIO Cumplimos un anyo. Felicidades carinyo. 24 ENERO Karen, have a fab time in Madrid and keep in touch, love Sarah DT2. missing you stacks already.

Is it possible to get rainbows in the midlands, seeing as up there life is in black and white? Mr Green Shirt, have you got a red shirt, or any other?? Sam,I will find out you know! Jon, La Vendee here we come!!! Hello Penelopi-pi! Come on Ro, you know you want your dream to come true Is Sam what he says he is and has he got something missing? part of manhood missing, call sam at twyford court Hey Ro! Lets go on holiday!!! Twins always make for inventive sexual games I cum like a firehose, me! Jon (without the h) how’s the rash on your arse clearing up?

Oi Moonbeam! Sunshine! Do you still chat? Armadillo? MARC and SARA had a FIRKIN good night at the BALL apparantly!! MARC BUCKINGHAM - well done mate, top bird!!! So - are all the barmaids at the FORGER and FIRKIN that good!!!??? Nice new launderette but has any one seen the pants I left in one of the washers last term? CG Has Emily got her rat out again? Yum Yum! SO But buffing a speciality, please see Laura or Harvey Found, one liver badly worn, with initials LK on the side

Andy (Sonny!!) I still can annoy

Hola, me llamo Penny.

Need waxing? We can cater for

all your needs. No beaver too hairy. Please call Justin your hot wax spe- cialist Nath, I’m sure Browny-Red is the same asa Ginger, it doesn’t matter how curly they are. Rach Simon, Simon with the green 406, don’t you fret but a table buffing you ain’t gonna get! LD Ian, how’s your latino lover, quest qu cest la spirito de punto? To Rachel the economics student I met over chips at Bos on Wednesday, contact me on ms51df or SOMS pigeon hole F-Duncan To the recently returned new improved Helen, we think your GREAT! Do real men moisturise??!!??

Ant - have a good one mate. Do real men own a teddy bear called Barney??!!?? Have you checked your room recently? V - I thought you said you wouldn’t get drunk! It’s 5pm and I am bored!!!! Cory - get better soon A & J sitting in a tree, K.I.S.S.I.N.G. I - it was Starfleet and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise Rob - it is your own fault, you will get drunk! So Lolli likes Mars Bars

Fraggle, a Kat is for life, not just for christmas!! Tricky, join the club Haggis.


not just for christmas!! Tricky, join the club Haggis. ! Fruit & Veg stall in the
not just for christmas!! Tricky, join the club Haggis. ! Fruit & Veg stall in the
not just for christmas!! Tricky, join the club Haggis. ! Fruit & Veg stall in the

not just for christmas!! Tricky, join the club Haggis. ! Fruit & Veg stall in the

Fruit & Veg stall in the Union today Market stall will be set up from 11-4pm, so no need to slog over to Tesco’s.

Student Council meeting tonight, Thursday week 2 (29th Jan). To include: Skills Development programme, debates on the Consultancy Review (see news) and Staff Protocol, the chance to grill the Union Officers,to add your voice, and to make a dif- ference! All students welcome - LTD, 6pm. Bring your mates.

Laser Pens are now banned in the Students’ Union. As from today, anyone found in the building with one will be subject to disciplinary procedures and face a possible membership ban. The Jiu Jitsu Club is holding a special ‘begin- ners session’ on Sun 1st February, 5:30-8pm. Campusport studio - anyone welcome, just turn up in your tracksuit. Womens’ Rugby AGM, Monday week 3 (2nd February), 5:30pm, Grant Mitchell Room. Contact Zoe ext 9583 (daytime only)

The Students Union is looking for a couple of students to take over and maintain its internet site. It is not that time consuming with and hour or so a week once it is up to date. If you are interested in getting involved send an email to or pop into the Communications Office.

Do you like working with young people? I am looking for volunteers to help me with a new Red Cross youth group in Godalming (aged 10+) on Monday evenings from 6-7pm, to start in January. Travelling expenses can be paid or I can give you a lift. Please contact Katherine on bs61kh or 234370. Positions of the fortnight: Come and try out exciting positions with the Netball Club on Monday nights (6-8pm). As from 19th Jan we will have our resident coach (will improve those

ball skills no end). If you’re a GK or a GS (Great Kisser or a Great Snog) , help us to prove that Girls just wanna have fun.

Nightline needs you! If you’ve been involved in the past, PLEASE let us know your new con- tact details. Information evening for anyone interested in joining. Thurs 29th Jan, TB21,


OFU - AGM will be held at 6pm on Tuesday Week3 in LTH

Room to Rent in Student House. 15 mins walk to campus, Newly Refurbished, Electric Shower, Washing Machine etc. Garage Available Rent £230 per month until July 15th. Phone (01483) 504629

The annual talent contest: weeks 7, 8 & 9. (3rd, 10th & 17th March). Final is on March 22nd (Sunday). Music, comedy, mime, dance, juggling, poetry - anything you’re good at. Even if you can fart particularly well. Start prac- tising now! Look out for entry forms in the Unplugged pigeon hole. 1st prize is a generous cash donation as well as the chance to support our special guests, Rootjoose, for the final evening.

The G & S Society requires people willing to help with MAKEUP, COSTUMES, FRONT- OF HOUSE, and anything else you fancy, for the forthcoming production of CHESS. Please contact Al on 579334, mu61am, or put a note in our pigeon hole. Cheers!

Accomodation applications for next year. The closing date for accommodation applica- tions from continuing year undergraduate and postgraduate students is MONDAY 2 FEBRUARY. Please make sure your application reaches the Accommodation Office by 1700.

I’ve got interviews coming up and I hate the thought of having to ‘sell’ myself.

I’ve got interviews coming up and I hate the thought of having to ‘sell’ myself. It all seems so artificial. Do I have to play their silly games?

I guess what’s really gnawing at you is the worry that

you think you’ll have to pretend to be someone you’re not in order to impress the interviewer. Let me reassure you that employers want to see the real person, not an actor! At the same time, they do want you to sound enthusiastic about working for them. After all, how can they know you really want the job unless you tell them! Let me give you an example of how this works in prac- tice. I once interviewed six graduates for a job in the Careers Service at one of the London Colleges. They

all had 2.1’s, they were all perfectly qualified and they were all extremely pleasant. If only I’d had six jobs to fill I’d have been laughing! But I didn’t. Fortunately,

at the end of every interview I asked them all the same

question. “If I were to offer you this job what would

you say?” I hated myself for asking it, but I kind of felt

it might prove crucial. It did. The first five answered

“I’d be very interested in it”, the last answered “I’d real-


love this job”. No prizes for guessing who I offered



You see, not only did the sixth candidate come out with

a more convincing answer, she also sounded as if she

really meant it. It’s not just what you say that’s impor- tant, it’s also how you say it. Before you go for an interview you’ve got to convince yourself you really want the job. Your enthusiasm,

motivation, ambition and interest will not only drive

you through the interview, but will also “colour” how you answer their questions. Employers are always on the look out for commitment, loyalty and energy in their applicants. All other factors being equal, they’re bound


prefer people who give the impression that they real-


want the job.

Every year I have to take Milkround interviewers to lunch between their morning and afternoon appoint- ments. I’m dismayed to hear them say on occasion, how boring some of their candidates have been. If a

colourful candidate appears amongst a sea of grey faces, the interviewer is bound to remember them at the end of

a long and tiring day. Which category do you plan to

fall into - boring or fascinating? It’s your choice.

Russ Clark

Careers Service

Jackie Beer

Students’ Union

Womens Officer

T he planned changes in the way education will be

funded will probably affect everyone and accord-

ingly NUS’s policy is to oppose tuition and top-

up fees. However NUS’s policy differs from that of the NUS Womens Campaign because NUS accepts students contributing to their education and believes the ending of the maintenance grant will not deter people from entering education. The NUS Womens Campaign demands Free Education for all those studying in post-16 for a number of rea- sons which include their belief that education is a right for all and should be based on the right to learn, not the ability to pay.

The new proposals will particulary affect women due to their more global position in society. Women in full time work earn only 74.2% of mean male earnings on average. 45% of women work in part-time jobs and many take years out of employment to care for children or other relatives. Only 5% of women earn more than £500 per week compared with 15% of men. All of this means that most women are burdened with debt for longer and the same debt will have a greater impact on most women than it will on most men as it will constitute a far larger proportion of disposable income throughout her life. It would seem that free education would be the only funding system which can guarantee access for all to education. Furthermore I would suggest that the dis- crimination which women face in society will be exac- erbated if we are denied access to (free) education.

FFL committee

Standings after one week:

Mr. Turquoise


Mr. Orange


Mr. Blue


Mr. Lilac


Mr. Black


Mr. Violet


The season didn’t get off to a very good start with all players bar one ending with negative points. Mr. Violet got off the mark first, but scored -1 for re-visiting old grounds. Mr. Black also scored -1 for visiting the same ground in the same night, later plunging to -4 for play- ing on a pre-visited water-logged pitch. Mr. Turquoise

is the only player with positive points, after a single

play at an away ground. Mr. Orange returned to old form and scored -3 for fielding an invalid player. Mr. Blue and Mr. Lilac both ended the week with -3 for own goals. The week ended disastrously for Mr. Violet, los- ing 300pts with a last minute goal in the dying seconds with a shot from close-range after a disappointing per-

formance during the first 89 minutes, and was left with

a long walk back to the changing rooms.

Whats in this Space?

us what your club or society is up to and we can print it. Send info to or by disk or piece of paper into the BF Box outside our Office. Deadline is Sunday Night each week

Nothing. so tell

Across Down 1. Spanish Coin (6) 1. A powerful alkali (6) 4. An aromatic herb




Spanish Coin (6)


A powerful alkali (6)


An aromatic herb (6)


Astronomical chart (4-3)


Two (5)


A Cornish ruined castle (8)


To set free (7)


A type of lock (4)


Compassion (8)


Beam of light (5)


A male animal (4)


Guarantee (6)


Soon (9)


Study of antiquities (11)


Having a distinctive flavour


Stiffened (8)



Americans (7)


Italian city (8)


A bricklayer’s tool (6)


A very talkative person (7)


An individual (6)


Parts of the feet (5)


A paddle-boat (5)


German songs (6)


Talented (4)


An inventor (6)

Last weeks solution


Across: 1.nips 3. Affected 8.tank 9.fanciful 11.frequently 14.encore 15.stuffy 17.quarantine 20.aqueduct 21.lira 22.melodies 23.slut Down: 1.notified 2.pungency 4.flaunt 5.escalating 6.tuft 7.doll 10.surrounded 12.official 13.type-cast 16.creche 18.balm 19.fuel

1.notified 2.pungency 4.flaunt 5.escalating 6.tuft 7.doll 10.surrounded 12.official 13.type-cast 16.creche 18.balm 19.fuel
Annie Preston A t the end of last semester the Rowing Club entered its first

Annie Preston

A t the end of last semester the

Rowing Club entered its

first BUSA event of the

year with the greatest number of entries from Surrey University ever to compete in this prestigious event. The competition was held in Reading among great rowing stars (other than ourselves, of course) such as Greg Searle, making the day very exciting. At this indoor event we were with- out use of any sculling boats, instead we were racing on ergo’s (to the non-rowers, these are similar to rowing machines, but very different to those who know anything about them!). As we arrived we signed in and made our way into the competition area. We were immediately over- come with fear as we saw before us over 50 ergo’s. Were we going to leave alive? Our task was to row 2000metres in the fastest time possi- ble on one of these ergos. This may sound easy, alas, you quickly learn the art of mind over pain, to defeat the exhaustion you feel, especially after the first 1000metres and then as you approach your final stroke.

Photo: Rowing Club
Photo: Rowing Club

We do enjoy it, honest! Stefano Predieri (Captain) entered the Open Lightweight and finished an outstanding 23rd out of 103 com- petitors. Stephen Poole, Under 23, finished with a personal best time and placed 41 out of 94 competitors. Aurora Trif, Merle Lust and Nikki Collins entered the Open category

and finished 11th, 18th and 26th respectively out of 45, again with outstanding scores and personal bests achieved. Annie Preston and Jilla Ferguson in the Under 23 event finished 23rd and 24th out of 42. For many of us this was our first ever rowing event and it was a day

that brought us together, working as a team, representing our University. We look forward to the ergo chal- lenge that is taking place later in this semester at Campusport, open to all. Can you handle the pain?


every Wednesday will be trips to local weirs (until they stop

his semester

running), meet at 1.15pm in the union foyer. Meetings are every even week, Thursday nights,

8.30pm in the union. Pool sessions, every even week 9pm, meet in the union. For information of weekend trips see the pigeon hole. Trips this semester include South Wales, Yorkshire and the

Universities Rodeo Competition at Teeside. All beginners welcome, we have a friendly team of instructors and trips are organised for all abilities. If you’re interested contact either

Martyn mt41mg or Sarah bs62sg or leave a note in the pigeon hole to find out more.

Danny, who is doing a PGCEA at Surrey, is our vibrant new Monday evening aerobics instructor. His class takes place in the University Hall between 6.00 - 7.00 p.m. so check it out. You won’t be disap-

pointed! And just a reminder - the January sale at the Sports Centre shop ends this Saturday - so come down a pick up that final bargain.

Beginners Squash is now on Tuesday evenings 6.00 - 7.00 p.m. Come along and sign up - it’s ongo- ing to the end of the semester, so you should be able to reach a good standard in that time! Or if you’ve had some experience, you can join in with Intermediate Squash on Wednesdays 5.40 - 6.40 p.m. These are just two of the numerous

classes and courses that are avail- able at Campusport - come down and see us, have a chat, sign up, join in and have fun! Please note that the Saturday morn- ing Circuit class has been cancelled due to lack of numbers - however, there are still three others to chose from - Monday 5.10, Tuesday 5.10 & Thursday 5.10.

Dickie Saulet

Sports Editor

I know that this is a little late, but Happy New Year and welcome back to you all. This is the time

of the year when New Year’s

Resolutions start to take their toll. I for one am getting fit this year; I am determined to lose my 4th chin that

I have acquired over the last four

years here at Guildford. Anyway I have been to the gym and am still having walking problems one week later. Maybe next year I’ll do something about them! This year promises to be one of the very best ever for sports fans. The Superbowl and World Swimming Championships have already taken place and what with the World Cup, the Winter Olympics, the European Athletics together with the excite- ment of Manchester United win- ning the European Cup, league and FA cup treble and Portsmouth fin- ishing mid-table (above Ipswich), I for one cannot wait. However, I do feel that Barefacts lacks something in the Sports department- it needs some live coverage of the top events; it needs someone to sample the atmosphere of the big game, to report on the standard of the Japanese snow, the quality of the hotdog at Old Trafford; to share in the delight of England holding high

the World Cup in Paris; to report on the quality of the pitch in Jamaica.

I, in my humble capacity as Sports

Editor have found the man for the job- someone knowledgeable about sport; somebody who has the neces- sary experience; somebody who can speak a foreign language and who can and does write amusing articles. The only thing missing is the funding, and, with your help, we CAN get the money from Union funds. I promise you, I will not let you down- it will be like you were sit- ting beside me sampling the atmos- phere. Any donations will be gratefully accepted. Thanks.

Next week the BUSA Knock-outs Results

Next week


BUSA Knock-outs Results

(and they wonder why we won 3-1!) Baresi It was a cold day on Saturday,

(and they wonder why we won 3-1!)


It was a cold day on Saturday, but we kept warm by running around more than them. This was a good idea as it was the quarter final of the County Cup. We managed to score 3 goals, two more than them as they only scored 1. They weren’t a clean team despite being sponsored by Persil. They wore dark blue and we wore white and blue. The ref. was a man with not much chat. I spoke with him at half time about the weather and he agreed that it was cold. After the match we were happy and had a shower to get clean.


O n a fresh Saturday afternoon the cream of Surrey seconds squad arrived at the high

altitude ground of Godalming Cricket Ground. Even though the edge of the box doubled as the side line, Burymead couldn’t stop Surrey’s flowing football . Such was the standard of Surrey’s play, that

Burymead were made to look ordi- nary, even though they were. The first half resulted with 5 beautifully crafted goals. The first 3, from the golden boots of Easy Miriam and Steve Catt, were sweetly struck from 25 yards, leaving the keeper with no chance. By this point Burymead had accepted the inevitable so even when Richie Bedford tried not to score their

defender kept it on and left him with an open goal to finish from inches. The tally of the half was completed by James Hemmings with rapier style header controversy a measured ball from defence. The second half was orchestrated by the boot of our German superstar Jurgen Gutsamer with a series of incisive passes, mainly off the end and sides of the pitch. After a clinical finish by Nick

Simmons, to complete Surrey’s goal feast, a series of inspired substitu- tions halted any further chance of increasing the score line.

It was a shame that the score line

6-0 did not truly reflect the stan- dard of the opposition as they were worse than that. Many thanks to Lisa for transporting our victorious lads.

Fagan -


T he only way to describe this

game was farcical. The refer-


opposition and was paid £1000, the

proof of which we have on video






camera where the money was seen changing hands. (Allegedly) We were 2-0 up and playing some of the best football the University has seen this season, when the referee

decided to readdress the balance by giving them 2 penalties and booking

loads of our players. Myself and the team will cry ourselves to sleep for

a week and can only blame the ref

and booking loads of our players. Myself and the team will cry ourselves to sleep for