Effective coach talk:

What to say to clients and why it

matters.
By Krista Scott-Dixon and Ryan Andrews
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Coaching clients to lasting success depends on saying the right things in the right ways at the right
times and really connecting. In this article, well begin to show you how.
Have you ever worked with a client with whom you never really connected?
Perhaps you played the role of the typical trainer: You provided nuggets of information, random
statistics and boot-camp-style encouragement. The client played the role of obedient follower, with
stock responses and hyper-active nods.
You both went through the proper motions, but had no chemistry and got no lasting results.
Time for a change.

saying the right things in the right

ways at the right times and really connecting. In this article, well begin to show you
Coaching clients to lasting success depends on

how.
This isnt a hocus-pocus way of tricking your clients into success. (If only it were that easy.) Instead,
you collaborate with clients as apartner and a guide, helping them instead of directing or
pushing them.

Its all about change

Can we guarantee that our coaching strategies will always work for you? No. Theres no holy gospel of
coaching.
But weve reviewed the research on what

really works. Weve consulted the experts who

are really getting results. Weve tried this stuff on ourselves. Most importantly, weve helped
thousands of men and thousands of women make

real, measurable, and lasting change.

Well share what we know and how you can benefit.

Well cover:
coaching styles;
powerful language;
listening techniques; and
practical solutions.
Then, well invite you to follow up with our free, five-day video course for fitness professionals.
The payoff: healthier clients who lead healthier lives.
Lets start by looking at whats wrong with fitness coaching.

Awfulness coaching vs. awesomeness coaching

Awfulness coaching

The nutrition and exercise field is full of scary-looking, arms-crossed disciplinarian-type trainers: men
and women who look like theyre more ready to punch you in the face than pick you up when youre
down.
Theyre not really meanies. Theyre just mimicking what they see other trainers/coaches doing.
They think its somehow required.
Perhaps without realizing it, theyre doing Awfulness Coaching.
Awfulness Coaching says the client is broken and has to be fixed. It focuses on whats wrong with the
client and how to purge it. It identifies flaws and obsesses over them.
It views good nutrition, movement, and health habits as something people have to be shamed into. It
tells people to get into the gym and work off sins. It tells clients that they deserve to feel bad.
An awfulness coach is a drill sergeant and an unrelenting ass-kicker. With all the yelling-in-the-face
and booting-in-the-butt, clients dont know what direction to run in. They just know they need to get
away.
Fear motivates us but only briefly. Extreme approaches and drill-sergeant-style coaching can
produce the most impressive results short-term, but almost never work over the long term.
Something deep inside human beings resists being pressured into new decisions. Coach Hardass may
try to use coercion. But along the way, s/hell destroy the change process for clients. And no evidence
shows that feeling bad creates

lasting behavior changes.

Awesomeness coaching

Awesomeness Coaching, on the other hand, finds the awesomeness within the client.
We help the client find whats fun and joyful in their life, and chase it. We view nutritious eating,
movement, and health habits as a path to living life with purpose. We talk to clients about getting
outside to play. About feeling

good in their bodies, not ashamed or exhausted.

An awesomeness-based coach is a guide on the road to total wellness. While clients may be hesitant,
we can grab their hand and offer to go in with them rather than shoving them forward alone.
Do you want your clients scared of you? Or do you want your clients to feel like working with you is a
celebration of health and fitness while they love every minute of it?

Client-centered coaching
As a coach, you have considerable expertise. But your

clients are the experts on their own bodies

and lives. They live in their bodies and experiences 24-7. You dont.
Clients have their own abilities and reasons for change.

Your job is to find and develop

these. When a client can identify their own limiting factors and then more excitingly propose
their own solutions, we have a recipe for sustainable, long-term behavior change.
Another bonus: we tend to believe what we hear ourselves say. If a client generates and describes a
solution, theyll likely embrace it. (More on language in a sec.)

Remember, its about making decisions based on what really works best
for the client, not based on what you think should work best for them. This
is client-centered, rather than coach-centered, coaching.

Language is powerful

You can help clients examine their behaviors and work towards their goals with the following kinds of
questions.

Explore

Ask open-ended questions that explore options, values, and possible outcomes, without judgement.
What things are most important to you? How does your exercise and eating fit into this?
What sorts of things would you like to accomplish in your life?
What would you like to see change?
If things were better with your eating/exercise, what would be different?
What have you already tried? What worked/didnt work?

Imagine

Help clients visualize a new way of living by using their creative imaginations (just like in kindergarten).
Imagine you can
Imagine you are already
Imagine that you have the body and health you desire. What did it take for you to achieve it?

Breed success
Be solution-focused and emphasize that often, clients

have already succeeded. All you need

to do is help them expand the awesome.

In the past, when were you successful with this, even just a little bit?
How could we do more of that?

Sense into problems

Share your observations and intuitions. This is non-confrontational, and helps to make sure you and
the client are on the same page with the immediate issue.
I get the sense that
It seems to me like

Speculate

Open-ended, speculative statements can get clients thinking and responding to possible choices.
These arent exactly questions, but act like them.
I wonder what it would be like if you
I wonder if we could try

Evoke change talk

Get the client talking about change on their own terms. Examples include:
In what ways does this concern you?
If you decided to make a change, what makes you think you could do it?
How would you like things to be different?
How would things be better if you changed?
What concerns you now about your current exercise and eating patterns?

Assess readiness
No readiness means no
change no matter how great a coach you are.
Establish how confident and ready a client is to make a change.

Once clients identify a behavior they want to change, follow up with this kind of question:
If you decided to change, on a scale of 1-10, how confident are you that you could change, when 1
represents not at all confident and 10 equals extremely confident?
If they respond with a 9 or 10, great. If they respond with a lower number, ask them how they can make
the selected behavior less overwhelming.
Or the Half Measures Rule:
If you suck at something, cut it in half.
In other words, keep dividing a large problem or challenge into small, manageable steps until you can
handle it.

Plan next steps

Instead of directing a client forward, have them generate their own solutions. Examples:
So, given all this, what do you think you will do next?
Whats next for you?
If nothing changes, what do you see happening in five years? If you decide to change, what
will it be like?
How would you like things to be different?

Give advice carefully

Find out if clients want your advice. Some will, some wont. If you do give advice, keep it general and
experiential. For example:
In my work with clients like yourself, Ive found that

Bringing it all together: Change scenarios

Now that you have some ideas for powerful coaching language to use, lets apply them in some
specific scenarios to move the change process forward.

Scenario 1: Change talk wedge

1. Validate and affirm the opposite of what they should be doing.

Yeah, we know it sounds weird. But you might say something like Wow, it really sounds like you have
a lot on your plate. I can see how its tough to schedule gym time. Or: I know it can be hard to resist
those home-made brownies.
(Be sincere here. Genuinely empathize, if you can. Sarcasm usually backfires and creates hostility.)

2. Wait.

After validating and affirming the opposite, be quiet. Dont be afraid to open up the space and let them
fall into it. No rush. Be patient, empathetic, and attentive.

3. Listen for change talk.

It wont always come, but many times clients will argue for changing their behaviors. Client: Yeah, I
know I do have a lot going on. But I really should do XYZ. I know I would feel better. Or: Honestly, I
dont think I really need three brownies. Id probably be happy with just one.

4. Drive the wedge in to that change talk opening.

Using their language, reflect and imply (but dont push) a next action. Focus on concrete to-dos. You:
It sounds like you think youd feel better if you did XYZ? Or: It sounds like maybe 1 brownie would be
enough for you?

5. Wait again.

Listen for further change talk.

6. Repeat as needed.

Keep wiggling the change wedge in further and further, slowly. Go at their speed.

Scenario 2: Continuum

Use after listening for change talk. Be sure you understand the situation

first.

Have clients imagine a spectrum or continuum of behaviors from worse to better. Then:

1. Help them move a notch.

Highlight the benefits of doing so. Coach: OK, so it sounds like you want to do X but going all the way
to Y feels like too much. The good news is that you dont have to do that all right away! What a relief,
eh? What could you do that would be X+1?

1a. Scale back as needed.

Coach: X+2 is awesome well get to that. But what about X+1 instead? That seems even more
manageable.

2. Follow up with strategy for immediate execution.

Coach: X+1 sounds like a great idea! How are you going to make that happen today? And how can I
help?

3. Once action is assigned, book follow up.

Coach: OK, mark this on your calendar Id like to hear from you tomorrow/by Friday, to tell me how
you did with X+1.

Scenario 3: Crazy questions

You can also ask some questions that your clients might not expect.

1. Listen, validate, affirm.

Preface with I know this is wacky but Coach: It sounds like [reiterate what they just said about their
understanding of the problem]. OK, Im going to ask you two crazy questions, and I know this is going
to sound really weird, but just humour me

2. Ask your questions.

What is GOOD about X behavior [where X behavior is the problem behavior we want to
change]?
What is BAD about changing? What would you lose or give up if you got rid of X?

3. Normalize and empathize.

You can begin by normalizing and empathizing with the unwanted behavior first, using the seemingly
weird technique of first arguing (slightly) in favor of changing.
Coach: Wow, yeah, it sounds like theres lots going on there for you. I think wed all want a few cookies
in that situation! Client: Yeah, but I really should find a better way to deal with this

Hey lookee here! They proposed change, not the coach!

4. Allow space/time to grieve the loss of the status quo.

Coach: Well, tell you what. Theres no rush to do this. When youre ready, why dont you try
moving one notch along the continuum?

doing the behavior you proposed?

thinking about how you could more effectively live the values you describe?

5. But dont let them off the hook.

Follow up in a few days as needed.

Scenario 4: Choose your own adventure

1. Affirm, validate, hear, normalize.

Coach: Yes, I hear you and understand what youre thinking/feeling/experiencing, and its quite
normal. Lots of people go through this.

2. Ask leading, rhetorical questions.

This isnt a dialogue invitation; its a tell yourself what to do question.

Coach: It sounds like you already have a good sense of what some of the key issues are. Knowing
this, if you were the coach, what would you recommend?
In other words: How would you, the client, solve your own problem?

3. Rank confidence.

After theyve proposed a solution, have the client rank their own confidence in doing the solution.

4. Affirm and book follow up.

Tell them you think theyve come up with a good solution and then ask them to check back in a few
days to share their success.