Luke 15:11-32 (17a)

Finding Me Within Myself

A D Clinkscales

If I were a butterfly, I'd thank you Lord for giving me wings. If I

were a robin in a tree I'd thank you Lord that I could sing. If I
were a fish in the sea, I'd wiggle my tail and I'd giggle with glee.
But I just thank you God for making me, me. Cause you gave
me a heart, and you gave me a smile; You gave me Jesus and
you made me your child. And I just thank you God for making
me, Me.
Some twenty-five years ago, several kids including myself sang this fun
and humorous Butterfly Song. We learned this song for a musical
production at church, called Kids Praise. And I lead this song, singing the
first verse. I remember my uncle wearing a cardboard box costume that had
been painted black on the front and sides; with white trim. Large pages of
musical notation and lyrics protruded from his backside. We called him
Psalty; He was literally the Psalter, a book of psalms, and he represented the
songbook from which we sang in the production.
Now before we sang The Butterfly song, I was sitting on the steps to
the left of the pulpit, and all the other kids were sitting across the red carpet
of the pulpit, on display in navy blue and white for a standing room only
crowd. I was looking so sadI was playing the role of a child that was lost,
least, and left out. And Psalty was talking about how animals thank God for
making them special He said the cows moo and the birds chirpand most
of that is praise! The animals thank God for making them special, and we
should thank God for making us special. But, when he was done giving his
spiel on being special, you could hear a childs voice say, Aah theres
nothing special about me. He said, Who said that? I said, me, poor little
me. Now church folk thought that was funny! But Psalty approached me
and asked me if I knew Jesus, and if I had Jesus in my heart. I told him, yes I
did. And he told me for that reason, I was special; I was Gods special child. I

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accepted what he said, that I was Gods special child. And Kids Praise
blessed me not only because our youth were involved in creative, relevant
ministry. But Psalty helped me to take a look at myselfhe helped me to
come to my senses.
And just like that song was about celebrating who God made us to be.
I believe this passage in Luke is really about celebrating a person who first
finds celebration within oneself. In other words, once a prodigal son or
daughter comes to see the value in him or herself, others can and should join
the celebration. We find this theme of lost and found in the 15th chapter of
Lukes gospel because, indeed, the self can be physically or spiritually lost.
Lost meaning youve never experienced a relationship with God or youve
turned away from your relationship with God.
The parable of lost sheep in verses 1-7 suggests that at times we
can be inattentive and clueless, like a sheep that eats its way away from the
flock and into a tight spot. In other words, we can stray from a group and end
up in the wildernessseemingly a place of physical isolation and spiritual
maturation. In the parable of the lost coin in verses 8-10 Jesus reminds us
that we can be misplaced. But this story of the prodigal son illustrates
how folks can fumble and forsake their spiritual foundation for immediate
gratification.
This young man in our text left home abruptly. In verse 12 he
demands his share of the inheritance Father, give me my share of the
estate. And his father divided his property between his two sons. Could it
be that the younger son was trying to win the approval of the wrong people?
Cause in verse 13, not long after he got his inheritance he set off for a distant

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country. So full of himself and ready to hit the town. Perhaps he was
predicating his value on what he was capable of doing, buying, hosting
parties, picking up tabs, attracting all the dates, lending this and that.
Verse 13 says that he squandered his wealth in wild living. I see the
young man not even thinking of home. Can you imagine someone who aint
use to having money all of a sudden they get a whole lot of money and
then they cant handle it? (Like them folks that win the lottery and then its
like a race to be broke again!) I see roots and elixirs he used for sexual
staminaI see the flim-flammers and fake friends beating him out his
money I see folks breaking in his place when hes away to steal his things
and only returning once again until he moves. I see him passing out drunk
and a prostitute taking all the cash in his wallet, including his cash winnings
from gambling. I see the bruises on his body as living hard has left its marks.
I feel his disappointment when at the end of the partying; hes not satisfied
hes throwing up. I smell the alcohol, the weed, the urine, the vomit, the
doo-doo and dead debris in and around the hog penI feel his humility
when he craps out and when he strikes rock bottom. Hes homeless and too
hungry to be horny Hes too hurt to get on his hustle!
But, deep in his innermost being theres a flame on the inside of his
heart! Its about the size of a Bic lighter, but its Gods ever-abiding
presence. And, he begins to see a glimmer of light a modicum of hope in
his dark and scary predicament. All he needs to do is cultivate the ground of
his heart, the soil of his beingif he can fan the flames, he can get more
illumination; then he will recalibrate his navigation system and move
accordingly! And for him, moving forward meant that he should be on his

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way to his father, mother, and brother. I believe his emancipation did not
come once he went home. I submit that his liberation came once he
came to his senses; it came when he came to himself. He confronted self!
So we have this idea of forsaken identity and how one comes to find
oneself. How can a subjective creature like me see and confront myself
objectively? There is this idea of seeing oneself as another. Where me and
myself have not agreed. Me represents who I really am (my authentic self)
in the presence of the Almighty at my nativity, in the presence of the
Ancestors. Me represents who I be. The DNA, the physiological structure the
metaphysical, deontological, ground of my being. However, self (my
fictional self) is capricious, erratic, unpredictable, inclined to change
impulsively vulnerable to Americanism, consumerism, capitalism,
materialism, sexism, greed; just gone with the wind, swayed by folks and
media; emotionally driven, it hurts and feels, is ambivalent. It has a
tendency to run away and place me somewhere I never intended to be;
looking like Im someone else; smelling like I dont know what; feeling like Im
lost an bout dead.
My authentic self is motivated by internal factors, such as a sense of a
mission in life and honest thinking about myself but my fictional self is
motivated by a need to please authority and win approval from others. My
authentic self has feelings of self-confidence and strength but my fictional
self has feelings of dependency and fear. My authentic self says, I have
made mistakes, but I have learned from them but my fictional self says, I
cannot forgive myself. My authentic self says, When I cant sleep at night, I
allow my mind to be creative, knowing that tomorrow will be exciting and

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rewardingbut, my fictional self says, When I cant sleep, I wonder how I
am going to make it through the next day. The authentic self finds it easy to
understand why other people are successfulbut the fictional self often
worries why other people are successful and I am not. The authentic self
finds life fun and bills just a small part of lifebut the fictional self wants to
run away from the world, especially when the bills come. The authentic self
says, I am not bitter but I am glad I designed my life, however it has worked
out but the fictional self says, I am bitter about my life and how it has
turned out.
So the prodigal son was prodigal because he embraced his fictional
self, he was denying himself his authentic selfhood authentic-self-denial, he
accepted a false self-identification, a false personalitydisregarding whom he
was, the one God had in mind when he was being knit together in his
mothers womb. The one of his ancestors, whose presence he also
disregarded because their spirits are always with usthe one who stonehearted seemingly lost his natural mind through lascivious, loose-living,
sexual urges, promiscuity, poor choices, and poor taste in prostitutes
Sometimes we have to lose everything in order to gain something!
Sometimes its when Im at my lowest that I see my friends for who they are
and I see myself and how Ive been.
The good news is that the son came to himself and became grateful to
God for making him; giving him a heart, smile; giving him family, and making
him Gods child. So my brothers and sisters, the task is about me coming to
my self. I got to confront my self. Look at myself in the mirror, and think
about what I need to think about. Who I be and myself have to agree! So as

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we move toward emancipation, liberation, and restoration, as we persevere in
Gods purpose and promise for our lives. I want to offer some suggestions
that may help us to clear up any haziness, and to help us come to our senses.
Essentially, I think that coming to our senses is a matter of us tending
to the inner voices. I found out that increasing my physical well being raises
my spiritual consciousness. In other words, I have to get me some cardio in,
break out the Taebo tapes, and maintain a balanced diet. I have to watch
what I eat. I need to make sure I get my sleep. And I have to be careful
about what I allow through the gateway of my soul which are my eyes. We
like to look at Housewives of Atlanta, Meet The Browns, Family Guy, Criminal
Minds, Law and Order, the News, and the list goes on and onits way too
much. So we run the risk of messing with our well being, when we watch all
of this stuff on TV, before we go to bedor some folks really mess up by
leaving the TV on all day long, all through the night when the ears are a
gateway of our soul too. So I have to be intentional about what I am listening
to. Thats why we can begin to appreciate silenceno radio, no TV, no
internet, no gossipI need to take care of my soul, and fooling around with
all of this stuff can cause an overload in my soulcausing my well being to
be shot, destabilized, and dysfunctional.
My sisters and brothers, we really can confront ourselves and we can
come to our senses through prayer. No matter when or where we pray, we
just need to have a conversation with God. Prayto forget everything and
everyone but Jesus; to pour out of the heart, like water from a bucket, all evil
thoughts, all thoughts of self, all malice for ones enemies; to come boldly,
and yet more humbly than a little child, before the Giver of all good things.

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Too many times we have not been real with Godas if God dont know our
stuff. God knows our stuff, and we need to just keep it real about how we feel
when were talking to God (When folks cant take your authenticity, God
can take it!)
And when we pray, my brothers and sisters, we dont need to rush.
Sometimes we need to tarry until we have a Pentecostal experience. I need
to pray in the Holy Ghost; I need the anointing to destroy every yolk that has
me in bondage. I need Gods spirit to inundate me, freeing my mind. Prayer
works! God will shift the cosmos, if your situation requires it in accordance
with Gods will for your life.
Prayer: calling down strongholds, speaking against spiritual
wickedness in high places. Prayer: edifying ourselves, and our
communities; yes we need to edify ourselves in the Lord. Because when I
edify myself I lift myself above situations and circumstances that beset me.
Prayer: good instincts! Prayer: helping me preserve my sanity in the midst
of trials and tribulations.
When a circumstance comes to shift me mentally, emotionally,
psychologically, physically, or spiritually, I can go to God in prayer
about whatever it isknowing that God is able to deliver me from
it, God can take me through it, or God can keep me while Im in
it!
My brothers and sisters, we have to spend time with the B.I.B.L.E.
Whether we see it as Basic information before leaving earth, or basic
inspiration before leaving earthwe have to read, study, and meditate on
Scripturenot just when Im doing exegesis or working on a sermon, but I like

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Scripture because there is a spirit behind every Word of God that gives me
power over Self. There is power in Gods Word over self. It affirms and
reaffirms my position as Gods special child in the name thats above every
other name, Christ Jesus. No matter how folks try to pick the Word apart, it is
inspiredand I can get an inspired Word from God about my present
situationso that I can live the abundant life that God has for me. because
like the psalmist in the 119th Psalm says, thy word is a lamp unto my feet,
and a light unto my pathwayand I will, I must, I have to meditate on it day
and night! This book of the law shall not depart out of my mouth. I thank
God for the Word of God
That affirms and reaffirms,

saves and sanctifies,

Restores and renews, purges and prunes,

Holds and molds,

helps and heals,

makes and shapes,

moves and

proves,
Uplifts and illuminates,

changes and rearranges,

Carries and keepsit inspires and empowers me!

We can confront ourselves; we can come to our senses and tend to the
inner voices through music. Music is the combination of sound and time. The
sound that Im making encompasses a message. There is healing power in
music! Remember Saul was tormented, and David relieved him by playing
his harp. So you ought to pick up an instrument and learn to play! If you
dont feel so inclined, realize that our voice is an instrument. I dont have to
spend any money on something in the store or online, I can open my mouth
and using my diaphragm, push the air out of my lungs, resonating at the roof
of my mouth. I can lift my voice up like a trumpet and sing a psalm. Every

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now and then we ought sing a psalm, which is a rehearsal of who God has
been in the past for a group of people. I can sing of Gods mighty acts as the
Sovereign Creator and Sustainer of all that is and all that is not.
Lift up your heads oh ye gates, and be ye lifted up ye
everlasting doors; and the King of glory shall come in. Who is this
King of glory? The Lord strong and mighty, the Lord mighty in
battle The Lord of hosts, he is the King of glory.
Then we ought to sing a hymn every now and then. A hymn is
somebodys testimony. Many times they were written out of their pain,
anxieties and ambivalence. Tommy Dorsey was in revival when he got the
news about his wifes death. When he got home, they wouldnt let him see
her, but he held the newborn baby in his arms. But shortly after the baby
died too. And this tragedy led him to pin one of the greatest hymns of the
church, Precious Lord, Take my hand. And if I can get an understanding of
how the composer wrote the hymn, empathizing with the sentiments in the
message of the music, one day when Im going through, I can get a revelation
and write and sing my own hymn.
If all of this seems too complex and complicated, or if you feel like you
cant hold a tune in a paper bagyou still can sing a spiritual songbecause
a spiritual song is about singing from my being. Its a song rising up out of
me and testifying. It doesnt matter if it is atonal, discordant, or inharmonic
and timing doesnt have to be restricted to a certain rhythmIm not trying
to be pleasing to nobodys ear. But just as long as it is a sound deriving from
the core of my being, it is a spiritual song; it is helping me to make it through,

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and it is intriguing and pleasing to Gods ear. And when Im on my way to my
senses I must, I will, and I shall use the musical voice in me!
So my sisters and brothers, I wish somebody thats listening to me
right where you are, would come to yourself. My Lord! We ought to confront
ourselves and come to our senses. I cant say that its the easiest thing to
do, but it is the best thing we could ever do. Somehow, weve let some
things slip, but we can get ourselves together again. Its not going to be a
complete makeover in one hourbecause truthfully some things take time to
undo or redo. When we have spent so much time misappropriating
ourselves we have to understand that while some deliverances are
instantaneous, others are a process. But the celebration can begin once the
spiritual consciousness is awakenedtake a look at me and embrace your
authentic self!