Anda di halaman 1dari 12

Africa

By
Dan Caprera

EVAN-- Blonde. Tall. Confident. Early 20s.


Planning to break up with Karen.
KAREN-- Smart and driven. Pregnant with EVANs
unborn baby. She will not be made a dishonest
woman.
the WAITER-- EVANs father who left for smokes and
never came back. Hes back, and he wants to
reconnect with his son. Looks like EVAN, with a
wig to match EVANs actual hair color.
The events of the following scene take place in a
fancy French restaurant. EVAN and KAREN are
escorted by a somewhat antsy WAITER to their
table. the WAITER leaves very quickly offstage,
looking back at his two new customers many times.
If either of the two notice the WAITER is acting
strangely, they dont show it.
EVAN
Karen.
KAREN
Evan.
EVAN
Karen. My dove. My woman. My sunbeam. Light of my life,
fire of my loins. Life without you is both a burden and
an impossibility.
KAREN
(Puts finger over his lips)I know.
EVAN
(pause) You look nice tonight.
KAREN
I dont look fat? Or pregnant? (loudly) Hahahaha.
EVAN
Karen, you look flatter than medieval Europes
misguided perception of the Earths surface. You look
flatter than a fried egg. An unfertilized egg. (sexily)
Wink.(winks sexily. Pause abruptly) So hows the job
search going?
KAREN
I havent really been looking that hard.
EVAN
Really? Why? I thought you always wanted to
be...(struggling for the word) a helper guy?

2.

KAREN
Missionary?
EVAN
Not tonight Karen. Not tonight.
KAREN
Africa is so far away... what about us?
EVAN
Id text you all the time.
KAREN
I dont know. What about the apartment we were looking
at?
EVAN
Apartments are temporary, but dreams are forever. If
you compromise on your dreams, youll never be free.
KAREN
Im not going to Africa.(feeling stomach) I need to go
to the restroom.
EVAN
You need to fly like a eagle to sweet, sweet
freedom. Dreams are the nectar of hummingbirds, and
hummingbirds are just analogies for true happiness.
Eagles are too. The key word here is dreams.
KAREN
Im leaving.(Exits SR)
EVAN
We just got here!
WAITER hesitantly enters SL, pauses. Takes a deep
breath. Walks up to table.
WAITER
Hello... son. How are you doing?
EVAN
Fine. Good I guess.
WAITER
Just good? Why? Is it your mother? Is she sick?
EVAN
What!?

3.

WAITER
Sorry. Its...its been too long... Can... can I do
anything for you?
EVAN
Um,Ill have a water... Two waters I guess. One for me
and one for my... (pauses on this word) friend.
WAITER
(Abruptly) Would you like to hear the specials today?
EVAN
I think Im good.
WAITER
There are actually some changes to the menu that we
havent gotten around to fixing.
EVAN
Im good. You can just get our drinks.
WAITER
Let me tell you the specials!
EVAN
Im good!
WAITER
LET ME SPEAK!
EVAN
Do you want me to leave!
WAITER
NO I DONT WANT THAT!(pause, thinks) So whos your
friend?
EVAN
What?
WAITER
The one Im bringing the water to. Who is she?
EVAN
What?! Leave!
WAITER
Shes special to you. I can tell. Im glad. Dont make
the same mistake I did.
EVAN
LEAVE!

4.

WAITER exits SL, KAREN enters SR


KAREN
(Rapidly) Evan darling, what do you think about babies?
EVAN
Honestly?
KAREN
Honestly.
EVAN
I cried when Old Yeller had them.
KAREN
Babies?
EVAN
Yeah, he got them from that wild boar. Then they shot
him.
KAREN
With a B.
EVAN
Im not entirely sure I understood that movie.
KAREN
Evan, we need to talk.
EVAN
(sincere) Youre right, Im sorry. Im being insincere,
and insensitive, but dont think for one second that I
dont support you.
KAREN
Oh thank God. I was worried.
EVAN
Youre addicted to meth right?
KAREN
And the worries return.
EVAN
Your moms dead... because you sold her meth?
KAREN
No.
EVAN
Something about meth?

5.
KAREN
Meth does not affect my daily life Evan!
EVAN
Well I wouldnt know, Ive been watching Breaking Bad,
and if Ive learned anything, its that meth is a very
important issue that plagues middle class suburbia.
KAREN
METH IS NOT A THING EVAN!
EVAN
IF BREAKING BAD HAS TAUGHT ME ANYTHING ITS THAT
ANYONE, ANYWHERE, CAN BREAK BAD AND THAT WE HAVE TO
CONSTANTLY PROTECT OURSELVES FROM THE EVER GROWING
INFLUENCE OF DRUG PEDDLERS LIKE HEISENBURG AND TUCO!!!
KAREN
EVAN!
EVAN
(Looks into her eyes) KAREN! (Long pause) I respect
you.
KAREN
EVAN! WE NEED TO TALK-EVAN
(desperately trying to get out of the situation) THE
RESTROOM CALLS TO ME LIKE A SULLEN WHORE AND I MUST
ATTEND TO HER, LEST I FACE HER UNFORGIVING WRATH! GOOD
DAY!
KAREN
EVAN! WAIT!
EVAN
I SAID GOOD DAY!
Leaves for restroom abruptly. WAITER
enters in a rush, words blurt out of his
mouth before he realizes who hes
talking to.
WAITER
I brought some baby photos. They were taken before you
knew me.
KAREN
What?
WAITER
(Realizes who it is) Oh no! Its you! Ignore what I
just said.

6.

KAREN
Why were you talking about babies?
WAITER
I wasnt talking about babies!
KAREN
Stop talking about babies! Youre obsessed with babies!
WAITER
Youre obsessed with babies!
KAREN
(frightened and self aware!) I KNOW I AM!
WAITER rushes off SL, passes EVAN on his
way to sob silently in the bathroom.
Note: in the economical production, that
specific scene should not be shown.
EVAN
(Seeing WAITER) Did you order for me?
KAREN
(Rapidly) My parents are coming next week!
EVAN
Dammit.
KAREN
You should meet up with them. To get their blessing.
EVAN
Why? Is your dad a rabbi?
KAREN
No.
EVAN
Priest?
KAREN
No.
EVAN
Ship captain?
KAREN
Captains arent religious.
EVAN
They can still marry people.

7.

KAREN
MARRIAGE?! Your father would be so proud!
EVAN
(Very rapidly) HOW DARE YOU BRING UP MY FATHER! You
know he left me when I was just a child!
KAREN
Speaking of insensitive fathers-EVAN
Im a crippled shell of the man I should have been
because my father never loved me, and you know that!
KAREN
No mother should have to raise a child on her own. Your
mother is a saint.
EVAN
My mother was drunk.
KAREN
She doesnt drink.
EVAN
You dont drink. (WAITER enters)
KAREN
(Rubbing stomach) I shouldnt... Whats wrong with your
mother?
EVAN
How dare you ask such an offensive question?! My mother
was the embodiment of goodness. She stayed at home and
raised me by her self after my no-good father ran out
on us and drank himself into oblivion.
(WAITER exits sadly)
You seem tense.
KAREN
(Stabs fork into the table) Im peachy!
EVAN
(Obviously not the best time) This might not be the
best time... but where do we really see this
relationship going?
KAREN
I have to go to the bathroom again!

8.

EVAN
You just went!
KAREN
This is important.
EVAN
LET ME FINISH!
KAREN
(Stares right into his eyes) I respect you. (exits SL,
WAITER enters)
WAITER
Im sorry, what did you want to drink?
EVAN
Two waters!
WAITER
Thats right! How could I forget!?
EVAN
You tell me!
WAITER
Ill be right back! (exits SR, KAREN enters)
KAREN
Oh good. Youre still here! Dont leave, I have to do
something important!(exits SL, WAITER enters with 2
waters)
EVAN
(To KAREN )STOP PEEING! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
WAITER
(To EVAN ) WHAT IM DOING IS REMEMBERING YOUR ORDER! AT
LEAST I CAN DO THAT RIGHT!
EVAN
(To WAITER) I SHOULD HOPE SO!
WAITER
EVAN (sets his resolve and mans up), I HAVE SOMETHING
TO SAY!
EVAN
HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME! (Karen sprints onstage)
KAREN
EVAN, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!

9.

WAITER
EVAN! IM YOUR FATHER!
KAREN
EVAN! IM PREGNANT!
EVAN
(To Karen)KAREN! ARE YOU SURE?!
KAREN
EVAN! I CHECKED THREE TIMES THIS DINNER WHILE I WAS IN
THE BATHROOM (pulls out 3 positive pregnancy strips)
WAITER
(To EVAN ) OF COURSE IM SURE IM SURE IM YOUR FATHER,
WHAT KIND OF A QUESTION IS THAT! AND MY NAME ISNT
KAREN!
EVAN
(To KAREN, referencing pregnancy strips)KEEP YOUR PEE
AWAY FROM ME!
KAREN
(To EVAN )ITS OUR PEE NOW!
WAITER
(To EVAN )I WILL GIVE YOU THE CHILDHOOD YOU NEVER HAD!
KAREN
(To EVAN )EVAN! MARRY ME AND I WILL BE YOUR QUEEN!
WAITER
(To EVAN ) WELL PLAY CRIBBAGE AND BOCCE BALL AS A
FAMILY AGAIN!
KAREN
I BROUGHT MY DEAD GRANDMOTHERS RING WITH ME TONIGHT!
ITS 100% BLOOD DIAMOND!
WAITER
YOU ARE MY SEED! YOU. ARE. MY. SEED!
KAREN
I WILL RAISE OUR CHILD LIKE A TIGER MOTHER IN HEAT!
WAITER
I ONLY STARTED WORKING HERE BECAUSE I KNEW YOUD EAT
HERE AT LEAST ONCE IN YOUR LIFETIME!
KAREN
IVE NAMED OUR BABY CHARLES AFTER MY GRANDFATHER.

10.

EVAN
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (Screams underneath)
WAITER
I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS ON A NIGHT WHEN YOUR
GIRLFRIEND WASNT PREGNANT!
EVAN
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
KAREN
LET US CONSUMMATE OUR LOVE RIGHT HERE IN THE RESTAURANT
FOR THE WORLD TO SEE! (Karen goes in for the kiss, EVAN
turns her away!)
EVAN
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH
WAITER
(To no one in particular) THE SPECIALS TONIGHT ARE
TROUT AND PORK AND BRUSSELS SPROUTS.
EVAN
STOP IT! EVERYONE STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!! (Long
pause) Can I for once just have a damn civilized
conversation at dinner.
(To KAREN )
Karen my love. You are a gorgeous individual, both
inside and out, and Im sure that our baby Charles will
have a wonderful home to grow up in. That being said,
you have to recognize that Im a free spirit and my
heart cannot be tethered to a life of complacency. I
just think that it might be for the best if we take a
temporary break from this relationship-- for me to
clear my head and figure out what I really want.
KAREN
YOURE BREAKING UP WITH ME?! IM PREGNANT YOU BASTARD!
(Throws a water on EVANs face)
EVAN
AND I REALIZE THAT, BUT YOURE GOING TO HAVE TO RESPECT
MY WISHES MY DOVE! I MUST SIP THE NECTAR OF DREAMS BY
MYSELF TO TRULY BE FREE!
KAREN
YOURE MARRYING ME EVEN! I WILL MARRY YOU IF ITS THE
LAST THING I DO! NOW IF YOULL EXCUSE ME, I ACTUALLY DO
HAVE TO GO TO THE RESTROOM! (Exits angrily SR)

11.

WAITER
(Pause) If its any consolation, thats what your
mother said to me 20 years ago.
EVAN
(Bonding with his father over the strange events of the
night, chuckles) Like father like son?
WAITER
Ill bring the bill Evan.
EVAN
Call me son... Dad. Call me son.
The word is new to him, but not
unpleasant. They hug and EVAN slowly
begins to forgive his father for the
years of emotional neglect.
Wait, there shouldnt be a bill for two waters.
WAITER
(Stares right at Evan) I respect you.
BLACKOUT
END OF PLAY