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An Open Letter to All Members of Young Widow Bulletin Board Forums

6equj5123

Dear Widows and Widowers,

As some of you may have recently been made aware, a couple of days ago I was on this forum
under the guise and pretext of a terminally ill cancer patient who was seeking advice on how to
come to terms emotionally with the inevitable realities of my impeding loss and death.

I realize now that this behavior was explicitly against the Young Widow Bulletin Board (YWBB)
registration rules and terms of service. Please accept my apologizes for any perceived intrusion
and alleged improprieties that may have occurred. It was never my intention to deceive, and rest
assured that I was never on here for any nefarious, malicious or otherwise illegal, unethical or
underhanded and self-serving purposes. (Im not a scammer nor con artist nor anything of that
sort)

Of the people or persons whom I initiated contact with, only two have responded in kind with
anything substantial at all, and even then I promptly sent a message replying back to both
of these individuals notifying and informing them of my social experiment and the vicarious
perverse sense of curiosity that lead me down this path..

Believe it or not, I merely wanted to experience what it feels like to be subjected to such a
devastating and unspeakable amount of loss. Not to mock it, not to belittle or trivialize it.. but
to know what it is like.. to experience it, to acknowledge it, to realize that these horrible states
of consciousness can be forcibly imposed on any one of us or our loved ones on any given
day. The fragility of life should never be underestimated, and it seems always in retrospect that
we wish we hadnt taken things, opportunities, people and relationships in our life for granted.
Under normal circumstances most people by default assume life, love and happiness will
continue into perpetuity, until it doesnt.. (and invariably it wont!) and then in the rear view mirror
we see the unsettling truth that its too little, too late. To me this is a subliminal wake up call, a
reminder, to smell the roses and live in the moment.. and to come to a realization of what things
really matter the most in life, to get my real priorities straight.

In the end life boils and reduces down to the experiencing of emotional states and ineffable
qualia of experiences. In the final analysis it becomes obvious that everything we do in life
normalizes into an unique and ineffably first-hand subjective inner-world emotive experience(s)
and these corresponding impressions of pleasure.. what it is like to feel or to experience such
and such a certain qualitative state-of-existence. Everything else we do in life (from learning
lifes lessons, to building a career, to getting married, to starting a family, to the boring realities
of daily chores, etc) simply serves as different modes and mechanism working toward the one
ultimate teleological drive. (tell whats-his-name that this is the real roots LMAO) And that is
the need to experience. Experiences are what life is all about - and putting the microbiological
and darwinistic evolutionary perspective of life aside for now - everything that we do should
serve this only real purpose and meaning of life.. and that is to experience, to be, and to
become all the resplendent forms of existence in its enumerable forms, fashions, and countless
multifaceted variants of expressions and manifestations.
Romantic love, and indeed that of intimate dyadic interpersonal relationships, is only one small
subset of the larger totality of the range of emotive experiences that a human can come to
know. Every moment of your life you can live another life. As wonderful and awe-inspiring as
it must be for those who have experienced it, I dont think love is in isolation the end all,
be all of what life is all aboutz.. Love, romance, sex, marriage, family, all of these are mere
abstractions and artificial human constructs and analytical overlays created to facilitate the
convenience of existence. In essence, these models are generalizations and approximations.
Often times we attach emotionally to these structural allocations of life and forget what it was
all about in the first place - we lose track of the source of happiness and love..

Love is an emotion, but it is also an innate human need for limbic resonance and regulation.
Human beings exists as social creatures whos physiology can only be regulated by being in
close proximity of another compatible human.. Each regulates and takes care of the other, its
a biofeedback loop and intricate intertwined entanglement that rewires the inner workings of
both brains in lockstep and produces the beneficial effects of this symbiotic relationship. It is
the whole more than the sum of its parts deal. A complete package. What we really desire
isnt any one particular person nor one distinct relationship, but anything that fits our needs
for companionship will do just fine.. as it should! Does anyone really believe in this whole world
there is ever only ONE actual person out there that is perfect for them? Or did chance and
seredepity have a lot to play in the equations of love and through the process of mutual growth,
acquaintance and emotional attachment soulmates are created and forged via these shared
experiences?

Mourning is inevitably a process.. Only time can heal the wounds of loss.. and though I imagine
it never goes away, time makes all things - great or evil - much more bearable.. One can
understand this from an intellectual perspective, but it has to be felt and experienced for the
depth of such an emotion to truly be translated, described and conveyed.. Humans being the
social creatures that we are, we cant easily sever the ties, the memories and the experiences
that weve once shared with a loved one.. That is the other (down)side of emotions.. love is a
double edged sword. The same messy entanglement that makes for a passionately intimate
relationship can also be the most difficult to disentangle when or if something should go horribly
wrong. Its about being vulnerable, about not wanting to be hurt again. So you build up walls and
act all tough or indifferent on the outside. The ultimate inside job is when we convincingly fool
even ourselves.. But you know being alone is not what you want. It is about the fear of loss..
and the scarcity of love. Love takes time to form, you didnt fall in love and plan out happily
ever after over a cup of coffee, so it should be no surprise that loss takes time to recover and
heal.. everyone here deserves (except for me I assume..) to find love again, in whatever form
that it finds you.. it is a natural process, and though nature isnt always so kind, Im sure there
are brighter days ahead and more resplendent forms of love and happiness to be had. In one
sentence everything can be summed up as : love, loss, and learning to let yourself love and be
loved again.....

Anyway Im sorry for intruding, I wont be back to bother you guys.

Bo

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