Kassandra Sanchez

WP1
ENG 101-108
Zack DePiero
12/11/201

Revision Matrix
My initial piece of writing

Your final piece of writing

How the change

impacts my paper.

An observation or
question I received
from

De Piero or a
classmate:

It was also a time when

the chivalrous man
existed. The opening of
doors for women, asking for
her father's blessing; that
was just some of the simple
benefits and merits of living
during this time. Yet as our
world has evolved so has
our perspective.
Feminism; noun: the
advocacy of women's rights
on the grounds of political,
social, and economic
equality to men. Women
staying home and living for
their husbands was an ideal
during the 20s yet these
days it would be
unfathomable to women
every where.

It was also a time when

the chivalrous man existed.
The opening of doors for
women, asking for her
father's blessing, walking
their date to their door the
romance factor was just some
of the simple benefits and
merits of living during this
time. Yet as our world has
evolved so has our
perspective. This movement
has been universally defined
in the American Dictionary
as; Feminism; noun: the
advocacy of women's rights
on the grounds of political,
social, and economic,
equality to men. Women
staying home and living for
their husbands was an ideal
during the 20s yet these days
it would be unfathomable to
women every where.

In my initial piece of
writing you
communicated that I
did not introduce my
quote and nor did I
cite where it came
from. So I
immediately
corrected any spelling
or punctuation and
added needed
transitions or add-ons.
Ive also introduced
my quote and cited
where it came from.
This has impacted my
work a lot. Now its
more understandable
and easier to read.

Feminism; noun: the

advocacy of women's
rights on the grounds of
political, social, and
economic equality to
men.
2 thoughts:
1, This sentence came
up a bit abruptly -- is
there any way you can
build in a transition
from the previous
sentence to get a
smoother flow?
2, Id advise you to
refrain from using
free-floating quotes (ie,
sentences that start and
end with a quote). The
reader is probably going
to be left wondering,
Who is saying/citing
this, and how/why is it
relevant? Wheres it
coming from? Try to

introduce the quote and

give it context.
As we gained equal rights
as men both according to
the law and in the
workplace, chivalry has
silenced itself. The
Chivalrous Gentleman is a
very rare find. I can do
anything you can do better
is basically the motto of
feminists every where. But
why are women to blame
for the death of chivalry?
By using both rhetorical
strategies and close readings
to compare and contrast
blogs and articles, I prove
that feminism -as many
would blame- did not kill
chivalry. Instead the simple
fear and idea of strong
women has driven chivalry
to silence.

As we gained equal rights as

men both according to the
law and in the workplace,
chivalry has silenced itself.
The Chivalrous Gentleman
is a very rare find. I can do
anything you can do better
is basically the motto of
feminists every where. But
why are women to blame for
the death of chivalry? By

using both rhetorical

strategies like Tone, Ethos.
Pathos. Logos and class
readings to analyze tweets,
poll numbers and Martin
Daubney and Chris
Jordans pieces of writing.
I will ultimately prove that
feminism did not kill
chivalry.

My initial piece of
writing contained a
very undetectable
thesis statement.
Which is honestly my
greatness weakness
in writing. Yet after
taking your advice I
continuously looked
through my paper to
find what exactly i'm
trying to argue. Also
what strategies and
uses of class lessons
ill use. And it came to
me. This has
strengthened my
paper significantly.
Now that ive stated
what i'm comparing
and trying to prove in
my essay. Everything
im saying or quoting
sounds academically
legible. And I know
for sure that my
readers will be able to
follow what i'm trying
to say or prove,

By using both rhetorical

strategies and close
readings to compare
and contrast blogs and
articles, I prove that
feminism -as many
would blame- did not
kill chivalry. Instead the
simple fear and idea of
strong women has
driven chivalry to
silence
OK, this is an
interesting argument,
Kassy. I like how you're
basing it on rhetorical
stategies, and I also like
how you're telling me
what you're
comparing/contrasting
(blogs to articles), but
I'd like just a bit more
direction/specificity.
I'm wondering what
rhetorical strategies,
exactly, will you be
analyzing?
Also, I'm wondering if
you can play around
with the syntax/wording
here: " feminism as
many would blame did
not kill chivalry.
Instead the simple fear
and idea of strong
women has driven
chivalry to silence."
That took me a couple
of read-throughs. What,
exactly, are you saying
there? (It might help to
put it more plainly!)

In this simple blog

In this simple blog post,

writer Martin Daubney an
award-winning editor,
journalist, broadcaster and
longest serving editor of
Loaded magazine says

Initially I never
introduced the author
correctly nor gave
any background on
him. By adding
background about the
author gives him
more credibility. And
in my hopes it shows
the reader why ive
chosen to include this
author and why ive
included him in my
essay. It also reveals
that i actually did
research on this
author and on the
information at hand.

simple blog post, writer

Martin Daubney says
What blog post? Who
is this Martin guy?
Where's all this coming
from?
Take a moment to
introduce your sources
and also maybe tell me
a little about the
writer(s) -- that way, I
have a bit of an idea of
where all this is coming
from.

Chivalry is dead
because feminism killed it.
Merica was a tweet sent
out December 21 2016 by
Cloyd Rivers. It has been
re-tweeted over 2829 times.
The simple tweet triggered
many feminists to the
extreme. These simple eight
words have simply created a
war between feminists and
anti-feminists. Yet what was
the point of this tweet?

Many thrive on the

idea of exercising their first
amendment. Freedom of
speech has simply added
another outlet for people's
opinions to be heard. Social
media has had a bad
reputation for allowing
people to slander and speak
terribly about different
beliefs and it usually goes a
little like this Chivalry is
dead because feminism killed
it. Merica. This was a tweet
sent out December 21 2016
by Cloyd Rivers. It has been
re-tweeted over 2829 times.
The simple tweet triggered
many feminists to the
extreme.

As ive shown in this

essay. My constant
struggle has been
introducing quotes
and ideas smoothly in
order to communicate
my point. Ive gone
back and fixed it. As
a reader I can say
that the writing has
been strengthened
entirely. I can
understand the
argument and
examples that are
being introduced and
backed up.
Connecting the ideas
of the author and
relating them back to
my purpose of writing
was difficult but it was
very worth it because
it not only extends my
writing but it allows
me to transition from
point to point all while
not losing focus of my

Chivalry is dead
because feminism
killed it. Merica was
a tweet sent out
December 21 2016
by Cloyd River
Is there a way you
can get this
paragraph to build a
bit more smoothly off
of the previous
paragraph/sentence?
What idea/ideas do
they have in
common? How could
you connect them so
that the reader
understands the
transition that
connects everything?

post, writer Martin

Daubney says

paper.
Was it just written to
create chaos in the comment
section? Or was it a simple
answer to a question? Oh
no am i gonna break my
hand or overdraw my bank
account pls help me avoid
those problems with your
chivalry was a comment
left by an outraged woman
who found his last tweet to
be sexist. Yet the tweet only
talked about what a woman
shouldn't have to touch on a
date. One being the check.
Reading the tweets
backwards as we practiced
in class has changed my
perspective on this man's
opinion. If one were to read
the kind tweet first followed
by the feminists tweet. It
would change the entire
tone of these tweets. Yet his
first tweet started off as a
chivalrous tone and motto to
women everywhere and
ended in such a scary
statement. Why did he get
offended so fast?

It has been
re-tweeted over 2829 times.
The simple tweet triggered
many feminists to the
extreme. These simple eight
words have simply created a
war between feminists and
anti-feminists. Yet what was
the point of this tweet? Was it
just written to create chaos in
the comment section? Or
was it a simple answer to a
question? Oh no am i gonna
break my hand or overdraw
my bank account pls help me
avoid those problems with
your chivalry was a
comment left by an outraged
woman who found his last
tweet to be sexist. Yet the
tweet only talked about what
a woman shouldn't have to
touch on a date. One being
the check. Reading the tweets
backwards as we practiced in
class\ has changed my
perspective on this man's
opinion. Yet as fast as the
tweet was sent out his
attitude towards the situation
took on a rather defensive
and disrespectful tone. If a
woman is only expressing her
opinion as you have
expressed yours why does it
instantly seem like shes
challenging you? Why does
it seem like a jab towards
your pride?

I feel as though
including how many
times this tweet has
been re-tweeted and
introducing the quote
makes my paper run
smoother. And its
something that I did
not do in my first draft
and you pointed it
out. I also was able to
use more of the
information I had. I
showed instead of
telling. It was
honestly very difficult
to break this habit,
but I knew if I did it
would benefit my
writing and bring out
little details that I
didn't realize I wrote.
While in the process
of revising this essay,
I had to re-read my
first draft and a lot of
the things I wrote
didn't really connect.
There were words
being used in a
improper way,
punctuation was
misplaced and I used
quotes in the wrong
way. So I made sure
to pay attention to
your comments and
carefully replaced
and corrected
anything that I as a
reader saw.And it has
honestly made my
paper so much
stronger.

Lots of good info, but

don't forget to remind
me of how/why this
relates back to your
main argument. Don't
let the textual evidence
just "sit there" -- make
sure you do the work of
telling me how/why it's
an important puzzle
piece.

In conclusion, women
and men have been playing
a game of tag. Pointing
fingers to who is to blame
over the idea of chivalry.
Since women have
implemented and encrypted
the idea of feminism into
the minds of men
everywhere, the thought of
offending or even coming
off as sexist has scared men
to the point of not even
trying. What are men to do?
Is it sexist to hold the door
open for a woman? This
could be viewed and
debated from two different
parties. Yet in my belief,
chivalry has survived the
waves and aftershocks of
feminism. Women are
strong and capable of
rescuing themselves yet
every woman does need a
superman. Although these
tweets and articles show
that chivalry share different
opinions and statements
made by different authors of
different views and
perspectives.This has been
an ongoing debate for many
years. By simply using
rhetorical strategies and
different ways of reading
i've been able to decipher
and analyze the thoughts of
different authors to
conclude that maybe
women aren't to blame for
the death of chivalry.
Instead the fear and new
mindset of this generation
has simply silenced it.

In conclusion,
women and men have been
playing a game of tag.
Pointing fingers to who is to
blame over the death of
chivalry. Women of this
generation have implemented
and encrypted the idea of
feminism into the minds of
men everywhere, the thought
of offending or even coming
off as sexist has scared men
to the point of not even
wanting to offer help. What
are men to do? Is it sexist to
hold the door open for a
woman? This could be
viewed and debated from two
different parties. Yet in my
belief, chivalry has survived
the waves and aftershocks of
feminism. Women are strong
and capable of rescuing
themselves yet every woman
does need a superman.
Although these tweets and
articles show chivalry in
different opinions and views
people will always have their
beliefs. This has been an
ongoing debate for many
years. And it will never be
put to rest. But ny simply
using rhetorical strategies
like finding tone and ethos,
pathos logos, and different
ways of reading i've been
able to decipher and analyze
the thoughts of different
authors to conclusion. One
that may be true for some and
false for others. Women
aren't to blame for the death
of chivalry. But who is ?

Although nobody
seemed to have a
problem with my
conclusion, I did.
Although ive kept a
lot of what I had in my
first draft. I made sure
to

No comment was
made.