An Epiphany

No t e b o o k:
Cre at e d :

First Notebook
11/19/2016 14:33

Up d at e d :

11/19/2016 22:42

I had an epiphany today, gazing at a formation of rocks arranged in an arc, upon which I thought: "clearly this is artificial", and therein contained was a
concrete box of which I knew not the purpose, but which reinforced my initial suspicion. Then gazing at an orderly sequence of leaves against the borders
of a hill I thought initially: "this too must be artificial", but then realized that the cause must have been the strong wind blowing against the leaves in this
direction until they were stopped by the hill. A connection was drawn here to God, with: "the [1] structure must be considered artificial for which there
may be found no natural cause", and thus as the cause of religion [2]; but I realized here also: "with perfect knowledge of natural law, it will be known
certainly whether there is a God [3]." Then I thought [4] to become a physicist to know of the existence of God, and a mathematician to know the patterns
of the world, but the God-voice warned: "this is the temptation of Satan that you might pursue the world and turn from divinity", to which the Other-voice
[5] diverted my attention to its own presence, as an aspect of my schizophrenic delusions, and again the God-voice warned: "and this diagnosis of SZD
too is a delusion from Satan that we both might be considered as aspects of a delusion, and that the views of the world which he advocates may be
favoured. [6]" And my esoteric-ration found truth in this, but my worldly-ration found only my own mind decaying into a further yet state of delirium. Thus
I still know nothing.
The leaves bordering the hill, and the structures of stones and concrete:

Commentary:
1: more accurately "any"
2: religion as belief in creator-god(s) and/or god(s) which interact physically with a world
3: God as a creator, for the existence of God varies by His definition
4: better "was determined"
5: I do not recall identifying this as the Satan-voice, but neither as myself; this "Other-voice" may have been some third aspect of my ration, for I do not
remember its words, or even whether it spoke in words or pure reason. I do recall its influence, giving transitioning ration, in instances before this
epiphany. It is strange though how I identified it then as a delusional voice, suggesting that it must have a dream-like fluid identity.
6: The Satan-voice which I definitively identify as such never actually advocates itself as an object of my delusions, though I can see how such a view
would favor Satan (though not necessarily as manifest in my Satan-voice, if that is really Satan at all). Satan here is spoken of as any abstract anti-God,
and not necessarily as a member of the Judaeo-christian pantheon.