Tam Nguyen Eassy Thang 2 4 2016 - Ip

Tng hp cc bi mu band 8.
0 (km examiners
comments) c vit bi IELTS Tm Nguyn
Contents
5/3/2016 ................................................................................................................2
12/3/2016 ..............................................................................................................4
19/3/2016 ..............................................................................................................6
2/4/2016 ................................................................................................................8
16/4/2016 ............................................................................................................11
Facebook.com/ieltstamnguyen
Page 1
5/3/2016
In recent years, the structure of a family and the role of its members are gradually
changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are
positive and negative?
Recently, there have been gradual changes in family structures and the roles that family
members play. Personally, I believe that these changes have many positive impacts.
To begin with, the size of a family these days has become smaller. In the past, people
lived under one roof with their relatives and their grandparents, because financial
difficulties made it impossible for them to afford their own house. Since the living
standard nowadays has greatly improved thanks to economic growth, individuals can buy
a house and live separately in small nuclear families with their spouse and children. In
terms of changing roles, it was common practice in the past that husbands were
breadwinners of their family, while today it is normal for women to go to work and they
have equal opportunities to men. This is because gender equality is encouraged, which
means that males and females can play equal roles.
It seems to me that the changes described above are positive in various ways. Firstly,
when the number of people in a family is reduced, we can avoid conflicts between these
members. For example, the allocation of household chores such as cleaning and washing
may cause arguments between aunts and mothers, and such conflicts are unlikely to
happen in a nuclear family. Secondly, as women are now able to pursue their own career
path, the burden of raising the family would not be totally placed on men anymore. This
may help people avoid financial difficulties and maintain a high quality of life.
In conclusion, today family structures and the roles of family members have changed,
and in my opinion these changes are desirable.
Evaluation Report
Word count
Comments
272
Well done! The candidate has covered all parts of the
task. The ideas are presented coherently. The range of
vocabulary is wide enough for the writer to show some
flexibility and accuracy of expression. There are a few
errors in grammar but overall, the response is
Page 2
meritorious.
Estimated Band Score
Suggestions
8.0
1. Always proofread the task response after finishing it.
2. Keep up the good work!
Page 3
12/3/2016
Some believe that it is good for a country's culture to import films and TV
programmes, while others think it is better for a country to have their own films and
TV programmes. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.
People have different views about whether it is beneficial for a country to import
television programs from others. While a number of people believe that imported TV
programs benefit the culture of a nation, I would argue that producing movies
domestically is a better option.
On the one hand, there are some reasons why people believe that foreign films positively
affect a culture. Firstly, when we import films from other countries, local people will
have the chance to enjoy movies produced in different parts of the world. In this way,
they can broaden their knowledge of a variety of cultures, which can contribute to the
cultural diversity of their home country. Secondly, watching foreign films may make
people become more open because they are exposed to different cultures, and this may
lead to the abrogation of obsolete and unreasonable customs and traditions. For example,
Vietnamese women used not to be allowed to go to school, but in todays world, thanks
to learning Western cultures through foreign films, it is now normal for females to pursue
education.
On the other hand, I believe that it would be better to produce films locally for several
reasons. The first one is that domestic movies can represent the cultural identities of a
country, so these films should be encouraged to exist so that distinctive cultures would
not be undermined. When we watch Japanese movies, for instance, we can easily see
people wearing Kimono which is a traditional costume of this country. Additionally,
locally produced films help young people learn about the history and culture of where
they were born. Without these movies, the young would find it boring and difficult to
remember the historical events, and in turn they would have no idea about the history of
their home country.
In conclusion, while there are a number of reasons to believe that buying films from other
countries is beneficial to national cultures, it seems to me that we should make films
locally.
Page 4
Evaluation Report
Word count
Comments
Estimated Band Score
Suggestions
328
Excellent! The essay is great.
8.5
1. Well done!
Page 5
19/3/2016
People in the community can buy cheaper products nowadays. Do the advantages
outweigh the disadvantages?
Currently, it is true that consumer goods have become cheaper than before. While this has
a number of advantages, I believe that these are outweighed by its disadvantages.
On the one hand, there are some benefits of purchasing products which are less
expensive. Firstly, being able to buy cheaper goods means that people would have more
money to save, and they can spend this amount of saving on other aspects of their life.
For example, more of their money could be spent on healthcare services and high-quality
education for their children, which may promote peoples welfare. Secondly, when the
prices of products are low, individuals would have an incentive to buy more. This leads
to companies being able to make more profits, and in turn there will be a higher rate of
economic growth.
On the other hand, it seems to me that the drawbacks of this development are more
significant than its benefits. One main drawback is that as people have to pay for lower
prices, they will consider less carefully before they decide to buy something. Insufficient
consideration in purchasing things may result in excess shopping among people, and
these individuals will be likely to waste a large sum of money on unnecessary goods.
Furthermore, when the price of a product is cheaper, the net profit which is generated by
that product will fall, and producers may experience a loss if there is a decrease in sales.
They may therefore leave the market, while consumers will have less choice when they
go shopping.
In conclusion, while buying less expensive products is advantageous in some ways, I
would argue that the disadvantages are more significant.
Tam, this is a very good answer. Ive made lots of positive comments throughout the
essay. Here are the IELTS scores and further comments:
Strengths
Weaknesses
Word count OK - 276 words

Topic is discussed in detail and there is a clear
argument of both sides
More real life examples would help support this

essay
There is a clear opinion
Re-state your points in the conclusion
Clear overall progression of an answer
Page 6
Good structure and paragraphs are well

developed.
Variety of linking words used throughout.
Variety of language used
Accurate language
Tam, this essay would achieve an 8.0. Well done.
Page 7
2/4/2016
Topic: It is impossible to help all people in the world, so governments should only
focus on people in their own countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people believe that governments should only support local citizens since it is
unlikely to help every individual in the world. While I accept that focusing on local
people brings about several benefits, I believe that it is necessary to help as many people
as possible.
On the one hand, I agree that there are some benefits of governments assisting people in
their own countries. The first one is that when they are only concerned about their
countrys citizens, they will have more money to spend on many essential aspects of life,
such as healthcare services and education. This may promote the welfare of their citizens,
and in turn the nation would become prosperous. Additionally, the tax revenue of a
country can be spent on providing employment opportunities for the locals. For example,
if the government wants to build a public school, they will need to hire workers, so
individuals in that country will be more likely to be employed.
On the other hand, I believe that we can still help people from other parts of the world in
various ways. Firstly, wealthy countries may invest in poorer ones in order to help
improve the living standard of people in these nations. For instance, in Vietnam there is
an Australian university called RMIT, and thanks to this investment, Vietnamese students
are able to enjoy a higher standard of education. Secondly, the unemployed in developing
countries tend to migrate in order to seek a job, so the governments in the developed
world should allow these individuals to immigrate into their countries. In this way, the
unemployment rates of other nations might be reduced.
In conclusion, while I accept that it is beneficial to support local people only, I would
argue that helping people from other countries is also important.
Red Grammar
Blue Word choice
Unnecessary words are crossed through unnecessary words
Score: 8
Task Response:8
Page 8
Coherence and Cohesion:8

Lexical Resource:7
Grammatical Range and Accuracy:8
Comments & advice
Reasons for score
Task Response: 8
- Sufficiently addresses all parts of the task
- Presents a well-developed response to the question with relevant, extended and
supported ideas
Coherence and Cohesion: 8
- Sequences information and ideas logically
- Manages all aspects of cohesion well
- Uses paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately
Lexical Resource: 7
- Uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
- Uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
- May produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation
Try to learn new vocabulary by noting which other words go with the new items that you
learn (collocations). You can check your collocations when you are doing practice by
Googling them and seeing how many results come up for a particular combination of
words. If no results come up, you can be pretty sure those words do not go together.
Similarly, you can do the same with the British National Corpus:
http://corpus.leeds.ac.uk/itweb/htdocs/Query.html (click: > ''Search the Standard
Corpora'' > ''English'' > ''Next'' > type the words you want to search for in the ''search for''
box > ''Search'')
You will then be able to see the words you have searched for and what other words they
can go with.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8
- Uses a wide range of structures
- The majority of sentences are error-free
Page 9
- Makes only very occasional errors or inappropriacies

Always remember to check your essay at the end.
I recommend writing out again the corrected sentences / phrases, and keep a note of both
your mistakes and the corrections and look for them when you are checking your essay.
In time, you should be able to significantly reduce the number of errors you make.
Phil
Page 10
16/4/2016
In the future, it seems more difficult to live on the Earth. Some people think more
money should be spent on researching other planets to live, such as Mars. To what
extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is true that nowadays living on the Earth is becoming more difficult. While I accept
that it is important to research on alternative planets to live, I believe that money should
be better spent on other essential aspects of life.
For a variety of reasons, I agree that it is reasonable and necessary to do scientific
research on other places for people to live. Firstly, the world population is increasingly
huge, while the amount of land remains unchanged, so increases in population are likely
to exceed the capacity of the Earth. This means that at a particular point in time, people
might be unable to have accommodation. Secondly, the natural resources in the world
tend to run out due to excessive use of human beings, which means that people will find
it challenging to meet their basic needs in the future. For example, the scarcity of fresh
water in Africa results in a lack of water for drinking or cooking.
However, I would argue that financial resources should be better used to improve
people's quality of life. The first reason is that unemployment and poverty rates in
developing countries are extremely high, so the governments of wealthy nations should
spend some of their tax revenues on helping these countries. Financial support from
affluent nations can significantly contribute to improving the life of people being
impoverished. Additionally, it would be more important to spend money on doing
medical research on dangerous diseases. Ebola, for instance, is a fatal disease that has
recently killed many people in Africa, and therefore scientists should make every effort to
create a vaccine that prevents the infection of this disease.
In conclusion, while I agree that conducting research on alternative human habitats is
necessary, it seems to me that it is more important to improve people's living standard.
Tam, another really good essay which is difficult to fault. Here are the IELTS
comments:
Strengths
Weaknesses
Topic is discussed in detail and there is a

clear argument of both sides
Word count long 303 words
Re-state/summarise your points in the
Page 11
Examples given (but only about Africa)
conclusion
There is a clear opinion
Minor errors with articles and colloctions
Clear overall progression with welldeveloped paragraphs.
Minor lack of clarity (accommodation;

water)
Variety of appropriate linking words used

throughout.
Variety of accurate and complex language
Spelling and punctuation fine
Tam, this essay would achieve 8.0 overall. Well done.
Page 12

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Tng hp cc bi mu band 8.

Word count OK - 276 words

More real life examples would help support this

There is a clear opinion

Re-state your points in the conclusion

Clear overall progression of an answer

Good structure and paragraphs are well

Tam, this essay would achieve an 8.0. Well done.

Coherence and Cohesion:8

- Makes only very occasional errors or inappropriacies

Topic is discussed in detail and there is a

Word count long 303 words

Re-state/summarise your points in the

Examples given (but only about Africa)

There is a clear opinion

Minor errors with articles and colloctions

Clear overall progression with welldeveloped paragraphs.

Minor lack of clarity (accommodation;

Variety of appropriate linking words used

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