Engagement Ceremony for Kadazan

Before marriage of two people, there must be a engagement ceremony. Same

goes to the Kadazan culture where engagement is a must before two person
getting married. Before that, let me introduce some information about Kadazan
culture before proceeding to the Kadazan engagement ceremony. Kadazan
culture is originate mostly in Penampang, Sabah and most of Kadazan are
christian (Roman Catholic) and some of it are mix of Chinese which called Sino-
Kadazan. However, in engagement ceremony for the Kadazan, there are lots of
taboos to be followed. Before setting the date for engagement, both family from
the woman side and the man side will meet at the woman house and discuss
about the date, the price, and getting to know each other. This is called the
"merisik" in Malay and "monohuku" in Kadazan language. After "merisik", the
date of the engagement is fixed and before the date, the man side must prepare
gifts for the woman and lending or "berian" in Malay. The gifts or also known as
"hantaran" in Malay can be cloths, hand bag, make up set, perfume, high heel,
bouquet of flower, and including the gold rings and the lending.

The price that are discussed by both the women and man's side family are the
lending, "pitas", a buffalo, and "belanja dapur". The "pitas" is more like "sogit" for
the villagers where it should be done one month or before the marriage. The
buffalo is a must in Kadazan culture and it can be change with money for the
total of RM2,000. The price for "belanja dapur" is upon discuss by both the
woman and man's side family and it is used for the expenses during marriage
such as the foods. The wedding can be done whether at the hall, at the house,
hotel, ballroom, or any place that the spouse wanted.

Lets proceed to the engagement ceremony. The engagement ceremony should

begin between 10 am to 11 am and after finished the ceremony, there will be
lunch. For the roman catholic Kadazan, before the changing rings between man
and woman is begin, there should be blessing for the rings. It is important to
have the head of the village to be at the engagement ceremony because the
head of the village need to sign and chop the engagement form to affirm the
engagement and need to witness the spouse of the engagement to pledge. The
gifts to the woman must be passed by the parents of the man's side to the
parents of the woman's side. The man's side must go home before the sun falls
which is before 2 pm. After going home, the man and the woman should not
meet and only be able to meet the day after the engagement. According to the
Kadazan tradition, there are lots of taboos which if there is incident and violate
the Kadazan taboos, the man and woman can be separated.

For example, before the man's side is leaving to the woman's house, on their
way, if they bumped with weird animals such as lizard, snake, and other animals
that are rarely seen, the engagement should not be continued and the man and
woman can be separated. Besides that, before and during the engagement
ceremony, there should not be any glasses broken. If there are glasses broken,
the man and woman can be separated and the engagement ceremony should
not be continued. During the lunch, after the engagement, nobody is allowed to
used toothpicks, and the spouse that engaged, they cannot finished their food
until the plate is clean. There must be some rice or food left in the plate.