This is probably the last message you will get from me, I know what I said about

letting go, and Im sorry for acting so immature earlier, its just that what happened
seemed so far from reality at the time. Read it or dont, I just felt the need to say
these things, since you keep hiding behind blocks. But if you decide to do, keep in
mind that its a bit lengthy.

I guess I didnt suffer too much, I could have lost my shirt with you

Well, you are not weird, despite what you think of yourself. You are normal just like
the rest of this normal world. So stop lying to yourself like you lied to me so many
times. How do I know this, you might ask yourself while still not sure to continue
reading or not. Truth be told, chances of our relationship working out were quite
slim, that I admit. Yet, this only applied to people you would consider normal, not us.
We were unique in the way that we dared brave those slim odds in spite of
everything, right? Or so I though at least. We told each other that we were different,
that we were unique. You lied. You showed me that you were normal after you gave
up after a misunderstanding. One that, by the way, Im not sorry about, nothing to
be sorry.

If you read the whole conversation again, you might notice that I was more than
polite, but then the threat came, one after another. I imagined if our relationship
would go to the point where I was to meet your parents (without needing to watch
my back), id bring roses to your mother, maybe help out in the kitchen since I
know how to cook, and later beat your father in a drinking contest, or something
like that, id manage to make them like me somehow, maybe even convince them
that we are not all that bad. Anyhow, go on pretending that they were right, I wont
judge, its the easier way. The way normal people take. So no, you are a completely
ordinary girl.

When you told me that you loved me, that truly was the happiest moment of my
life a burst of energy, the joy and all those, now foreign, things. I just lay half
naked in the snow laughing like there is no tomorrow. But. Yeah, there is always a
but, isnt it? You were fair, you warned me about those small letters in our contract,
the fact that you lost dear friends this way. I guess I was just too happy to care?
Maybe should have asked for a more detailed explanation like you offered? I
wagered my heart and soul on our bet with reality, you wagered nothing. That is
why Im the only one that has wet cheeks now that you decided to end it.
Hahahahah, sorry for taking our break up so hard back then. You were my first, and I
was, judging by how you talk about your former boyfriends, maybe just another
one? Dont mean to insult, I really dont. Its just that I never opened my heart to
anyone like that, and you seem to have experience with throwing guys away like a
used tissue after you are done with us. And yeah, doesnt matter if you see it or not,
you used me. It was me you had to stomp over in order to see that your mother
(one you didnt mind when I called an unmother before) means only the best for
you. You see how the tables have turned? You didnt understand how much she
loved you to get her motives, and now you dont understand how much I love you to
get my motives. So yeah, ripping my heart out allowed you to understand how
much your family cares for you, and I hope you are closer to them now.

I didnt seek love when I began writing on the forum. Just like you, I did it to escape
the world, to escape people. I was fine with living the rest of my life alone, after all,
in the whole world there was no one like me, right? Then you came Maybe I just
fall in love too quickly, or maybe fall for a certain type of person? Well, doesnt
matter now. Judging how this all ended, its safe to say that maybe love isnt for me?
You wager so much, and end up so fucked up.

Damn it was funny how it happened, right? So, I was on this concert, singing behind
the tenors because I have a deeper voice, checking my phone because I was
worried sick when you told me that your mother found out. When I saw it, my voice
broke. So, the choir becomes a mess, everyone stops singing, the cameras are still
recording as I run out of the hall lol The evening ended with me lying face down on
my bed crying like a little girl while those guys I mentioned were laughing in a circle
around me and recording the whole thing. Damn, how did I get here I wonder? Tried
killing myself, I really wanted to, but I couldnt make the jump. Couldnt will myself
forward. Tried the next day while I was partially drunk. Just as I was loosing
balance, probably the only guy that supported me while we were together pulled
me by the collar and released a right hook to my face. As I was about to fall, I
understood the whole situation more clearly. Why was I doing this when I did
nothing wrong, why over someone who described herself as heartless, who would
rather hide behind blocks on social media rather than resolve issues? Im visiting a
shrink now (never had to pay so much money just for a session of answering
questions). I also take Prozac. It makes me cough up a little blood when I drink with
it (a new hobby of mine), but it feels the same like chatting with you when I do. An
even trade id say
To think I had planned it all out. I got a few friends and a distant-ish relative in
Visoka. They told me that the weather is beautiful in May, when I planned to visit
after the whole situation would calm down. From the time you told me when your
birthday was, I spent a whole week searching for a present. I found this beautiful
necklace, a golden chain that ends in a large heart made of moonstone. Fell in love
with it the moment I saw it. Id sent it to one of my friends, or maybe Aida? Anyone
who could give it to you. I could only imagine it hanging around your neck, fitting
perfectly with your eyes. Funny because now I can only imagine it xP

Was so damn stupid. I think I will move on. Not in a year, or maybe not two or
three, but eventually I will be able to say your name out loud without getting a
cramp in the stomach. Removed your smile from my background and the <3 from
your name in my contacts. It felt like skinning myself with a rusty spoon, but I did it.
And im proud of myself. Thats that I guess. You probably wont, but if you ever wish
to talk with someone, you know where I am. Unlike you, I meant everything I said.
Including the fact that I can never get mad on you, even though I try since im going
trough a hell I wouldnt wish even to my worst enemy. I keep myself distracted, im
going to the immigration center tomorrow. A little girl named Amena (life likes
taunting me lol) said that she left all her toys back home, so I promised to buy her a
Spiderman (her favorite cartoon) action figure before her family heads to the border.
Not sure why Im telling you all this, I guess force of habit.

Hope you have more luck with that guy that doesnt know how to place a space
after a comma. Also hope we can write together on rpf in six or seven years again,
so you can learn how to write a fighting scene Xp

If you decide to reply, tell me what were our main nicknames for each other so I
know it was you who wrote it. You can lie also if they ask you what they are. The
suspicion arose when you sent me that U svakoj lazi ima pola istine, samo treba
shvatiti sta je istina a sta laz. Didnt understand that one bit. I like to think that you
decided to end this because you think that we have no future, rather than the
reason you secified.

Also, do it on my viber, I am running out of people that I still consider friends.

Well, two years are a long period, who knows what fate brings next.