Manual Prepared by Danielle Hernandez

School Psychology Doctoral Student

LGBTQ+ Culture Center Graduate Assistant
herndama@indiana.edu

2016-2017

1
 What Is An Ally?
According the University of Michigans Spectrum Center, an ally can be defined as,

Typically any non-LGBT person who supports and stands up for the rights of LGBT people,
though LGBT people can be allies, such as a lesbian who is an ally to a transgender person.

Its true! Anyone can be an ally to any number of infinite identities, communities, and experiences. You may already
identify yourself as an ally to the LGBTQIA community, or perhaps another community. Many people identify themselves
as allies of racial/ethnic groups (i.e., the Hispanic community), of religions (i.e., Islam), of movements (i.e., Black Lives
Matter), etc.

The most important part of being an ally is being altruistic and remembering that you are there to help another
community, not to elevate yourself or tell others what is best for them.

Why Do I Need to Become an Ally?

Being LGBTQ is normalat any age! Children are sexual beings beginning at birth, and toddlerhood often marks the start
of their active exploration of sexuality and gender roles (Edgerly, 2003). By the time they come to us in Elementary and
especially Secondary school, they may already have some ideas about what their
sexual orientation and gender identity are, even if they may not have words for them.

It is important to be ready to support students in any grade in regards to sexual

orientation and gender identity. Although 95% of principals report students in their
schools are harassed regarding gender expression and 92% of principals report
harassment in their schools based upon sexual orientation, school staff often lacks
the preparation to intervene appropriately (GLSEN 2008). 72.5% of teacher
preparation programs surveyed by scholars, Sherwin and Jennings in 2006, ranked
sexual orientation as either their lowest or an absent priority when addressing issues
of diversity. Also, nearly a third of principals were reported as only "poor" or "fair" at
addressing LGBTQ bullying (GLSEN, 2008). Additionally, school support staff (i.e.,
school nurses, counselors, school psychologists) has little representation of LGBTQ
students and how to work with them in their professional literature (Graybill &
Proctor, 2016).

These students are at at-risk group, often with few to no allies in schools where they spend most of their days. For more
information about the current state of schools for these students, see the National School Climate Survey, published
biannually by GLSEN:

glsen.org/article/2013-national-school-climate-survey

So Is This Sex Education?

Frequent concerns arise at the Elementary and Secondary school levels regarding sex and LGBTQ identity. But speaking
with a student who identifies as LGBTQ does not need to turn into sex education. However, sexual acts and sexual
orientation are separate things. As ally teachers and staff, you are there to support students who are facing the social
struggles of being LGBTQ (i.e., teasing, bullying, feelings of isolation, religious struggles, family discord).

2
If a student does bring up the topic of sex, such as questions about relationships, sexual acts, or safe sex practices, you
could say,

I am here to support you, but do not feel comfortable discussing sex with students.

Should a students concern be specific and concerning to you (such as questions about HIV or other STIs), you should refer
the student to the school nurse or counselor if one exists in your school. Putting the student in contact with Prism Youth
Community is another option if they are 12 or older. Otherwise, consider your school and district policies and, if permitted,
help your student find community resources that could help them answer those questions (i.e., Planned Parenthood; the
Indiana University LGBTQ+ Culture Center).

4 Steps to Becoming an Ally

Like anything else, acting as an ally is a process. Here are some basic steps you can take toward being an ally:

1. AwarenessGet to know a group that you wish to be an ally of. Understand the differences between your
experiences and the experiences of those in that group. Get to know people in that group by reaching out to them
and hearing their stories.

2. Knowledge/EducationSeek information pertaining to the institutional structures that affect your allied group.
Learn about policies and laws that affect your group. Learn about the various cultures that are experiences within the
group. Learn the terminology used by these groups and be able to engage with it.

3. SkillsLearn to take your awareness and knowledge and find ways to communicate it to others. You can acquire
these skills by attending workshops, role-playing with friends or peers, and developing support connections.

4. ActionTake what you know and believe in to work with allied communities in affecting societal change. This could
take many forms, from taking part in demonstrations to helping your community hand out informational brochures.1

1 Adapted from the Gettysburg College Office of LGBTQA Advisings Safe(r) Zone Training
3
 LGBTQIA+ 101
Intro to Identity
Identity is complex and can change throughout a persons life. Sometimes it is hard to express your identity with words,
as it is first and foremost, a lived experience. However, many people come up with words to describe their identities and
to form community. In this section, we will engage with some of this terminology and the concepts behind them.

Terminology
Sex and Gender
Before jumping into specific terminology and definitions, we will explore some concepts which are vital to understanding
LGBTQIA terminology: sex and gender.

Sex and gender are often mistaken as terms that can be used interchangeably. Actually, these terms describe separate
things:

Sex is determined by a persons chromosomes and is expressed physically through

primary and secondary sex characteristics. Some cultures reflect sex through medical
labelling.

Gender is a complex, social construct. It refers to an identitysometimes people

describe it as what they feel they are. It can be expressed through mannerisms,
clothing, hairstyles, activities, etc.

In our society, sex and gender are often considered in terms

of binaries (man or woman/male or female), although a
person can identify anywhere between, around, or outside of
these two labels. Binaries do not reflect all sexual and gender
diversity. Additionally, our culture views sex and gender as
fixed to one another. For example, it is often assumed that if
someone is male, that they must identify as a man, and if
someone is female, that they must identify as a woman.
However, sex and gender exist on separate axes and can vary
independent of each other.

In addition to sex and gender, we also discuss sexual

orientation. What many think of as sexual orientation,
however, are actually two2 orientations:

Sexual orientation refers to who you desire to engage in sexual acts with/who you wish to have
sexual relationships with

Romantic orientation refers to who you desire to engage in romantic gestures with/who you
wish to have romantic relationships with

2 There are actually more than two. We only discuss two for the sake of simplicity. More at tinyurl.com/moreorientations
4
Just as sex and gender can vary independent of one another, so too can sexual and romantic orientation. For
instance, a woman who is sexually attracted to only men may not be romantically attracted to only men, but
instead may be attracted romantically to all genders.

Various parts of a persons identity can exist independently of each other, and they can vary greatly from what
are often considered the two choices that society offers us (aka, the binary).

Frequently Encountered Terminology

There are some terms that you may have already encountered and been unfamiliar with. One of them has already been
mentioned in this manual: LGBTQIA. Heres what this acronym stands for:

Lesbiana woman-identified person who experiences attraction to those of the same gender
Gaya person who experiences attraction to those of the same gender; often used to describe people who
identify as men, but can be an umbrella encompassing all genders
Bisexuala person who experiences attraction to those of the same gender as well as one or more other genders
Transgenderan umbrella term for those who feel their assigned sex at birth does not align with their gender
identity or the gender they were raised as; also used to describe those who do not identify within a binary gender
system; this term is often shorted to trans
Queera reclaimed work and umbrella term encompassing all LGBTQ+ identities; also used to describe non-
LGBTQ+ people who identify with certain social or political ideologies, lifestyles, etc.
Questioningthe Q actually represents two terms; the second is questioning, a term used to define someone
who is in the process of exploring identities and is unsure of what they identify as. Note: a person can be out as
one thing while questioning other identities.
Intersexa person whose chromosomes and/or physical sex characteristics (primary and/or secondary) do not
align with the medical binary model (i.e., male/female, XX/XY)
Asexuala person who does not experience sexual attraction/desire toward any group of people; this is not the
same thing as celibacy
Aromanticthe A also represents two terms; the second is aromantic which describes a person who does not
experience romantic attraction toward any group of people

Other frequently encountered terms include:

Pansexuala person who experiences sexual attraction to others with no regard of gender
Omnisexuala person who experiences sexual attraction to all genders
Polyamorousrefers to having romantic, emotional, and/or sexual relationships with multiple partners at once
Coming outthe process by which someone comes to accept their own identity and/or the process by which
someone shares these identities with others; this is a lifelong process, rather than a single event
Outingthe act of exposing a persons sexual orientation, gender identity, or intersex status without the
permission of the person; it may be malevolent or accidental
Closetedor in the closet, refers to an LGBTQIA+ person who does not want to disclose or cannot disclose their
identities to others; in the African American community, this is often referred to as Down Low or D/L
Heterosexismprejudice against individuals/groups who display non-heterosexual behaviors/identities; any
attitude, action, or practice that subordinates people because of their sexual orientation
Heteronormativitysocietal and institutional norms that assume every person to be heterosexual, therefore
marginalizing those who do not identify as heterosexual
5
 Homophobiathe irrational fear and intolerance of/discomfort with a persons real or perceived sexual
orientation; this is not exclusive to heterosexual/non-homosexual individuals
Cisgender A person whose gender identity is aligned to what they were designated at birth, based on their
physical sex; A non-trans person
Transitionthe coming out process of a trans person; may include a social transition and/or a physical transition
Transphobiathe irrational fear and intolerance of/discomfort with gender non-conforming expression/identity;
this is not exclusive to heterosexual or cisgender people
Misgenderingattributing a gender to someone that is incorrect/does not align with their gender identities; can
be malevolent or accidental
Gender Dysphoriathe emotional or mental dissonance between ones desired concept of their body and what
their body actually is; comes from psychiatry and replaces Gender Identity Disorder in the current edition of the
American Psychological Associations Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM)3
Gender Affirmation Surgerysurgical procedures that alter or change physical sex characteristics in order to
better express a persons gender identity; sometimes called Gender Confirming Surgery or Sex Reassignment
Surgery (SRS)
AFAB/AMABstands for Assigned Female/Male at Birth and refers to a person who was deemed to be the
female/male sex at birth by way of subjective viewing and labeling of the bodys characteristics; may also be
written as DFAB/DMAB, replacing the word assigned with designated
MTFstands for Male to Female and is used to identify a person who was designated a male sex at birth and
currently identifies as female, lives as a woman, or identifies as feminine.
FTMstands for Female to Male and is used to identify a person who was designated a female sex at birth and
currently identifies as male, lives as a man, or identifies as masculine.
Two Spirit(ed)Native American term to describe person who embodies attributes of both masculine and
feminine genders, have distinct gender and social roles in their tribes, and are often involved with rituals; their
dress is usually a mixture of male and female articles and they are seen as a separate or third gender; the term
two-spirit is sometimes considered specific to the Zuni tribe; similar identity labels vary by tribe such as Wintke
(Lakota), Hee-man-eh (Cheyenne), and Nedleeh (Navajo)

Definitions adapted from the University of Michigans Spectrum Center, Gettysburg Colleges Office of LGBTQA Advising, the University
of CaliforniaDavis LGBTQIA Resource Center, and the University of WisconsinMadisons LGBT Campus Center.

Out-of-Date Terminology
The LGBTQIA+ community is one that has been progressing exponentially in terms of social acceptance, civil rights, and
visibility. As such, discussing issues pertinent to this community has become more and more necessary. With more
discussion comes more terminology which may seem to evolve every day! Below you will find some terminology that is
now considered out-of-date as well as some terminology that is often problematic within the LGBTQIA+ community.

These terms should be avoided unless a person specifically wishes to be identified using these terms.

Homosexualthe term homosexual or homosexuality has clinical roots and has a history of being used
aggressively by anti-gay extremists; rather than call someone [a] homosexual, gay [man] or lesbian is often
preferred

3 For past DSM Criteria, see: oi67.tinypic.com/2r4s6z6.jpg and for current DSM Criteria, see oi66.tinypic.com/jhelg8.jpg
6
 Homosexual relationship/couple/sexidentifying a relationship, couple, or sexual act as homosexual not only
employs a term considered clinical and offensive, but also implies that it is different than, or second to the
relationships, couples, or sexual acts of people who are straight
Sexual preferencethis phrase suggests that sexuality is something which is simply preferred and thus
changeable; using the term sexual orientation is more validating of a persons identity
Gay marriageimplies that marriage between persons of the same sex is limited to people who identify as gay
men and lesbians; it is exclusive of bisexual, pansexual, transgender, and nonbinary individuals; preferred term
marriage equality
Preferred pronounsas with the term sexual preference, this term implies that a persons pronouns are not
mandatory, just preferred; instead refer to a persons pronouns as pronouns
Transgendereda suffix of ed implies something that happened to someone; use transgender instead
Crossdresserused to refer to a person who wears clothes, makeup, etc. that is considered to be appropriate for
another gender, but not ones own; usually refers to something that is part-time; this term should not be used
unless a person self-identifies as a crossdresser and wishes to be referred to as such; sometimes considered a
preferred term to transvestite
Transvestiteused to refer to a person who wears clothes, makeup, etc. that is considered to be appropriate for
another gender, but not ones own; usually refers to something that is full-time; this should not be used unless
a person self-identifies as a transvestite and wishes to be referred to as such
Transsexuala term that was used to specifically refer to trans people pursuing gender or sex affirmation
surgeries; it should not be used interchangeably with transgender; do not use it to refer to a transperson unless
they self-identify as transsexual
Sex changereferred to what we now call Gender Affirmation Surgery, Gender Confirming Surgery, or Sex
Reassignment Surgery (SRS)
Intersexedsee above; use intersex instead
Hermaphroditean outdated, inaccurate, and potentially offensive term previously used to describe people who
are intersex; only use if a person self-identifies with this term
Trans*the term trans is a shortening of transgender and is an umbrella term for many transgender identities;
the term was previously denoted with an asterisk after it to further imply inclusivity of many identities; the asterisk
outdated and no longer required as the term trans is already inclusive, in and of itself
GLBTthe acronym used prior to LGBT

Terms adapted from the GLAAD Media Reference Guide, the University of CaliforniaDavis LGBTQIA Resource Center Glossary, Trans
Student Educational Resources, and the University of WisconsinMadisons LGBT Campus Center

Possibly Contentious Terminology

Some terms may be encountered within the LGBTQIA+ community, but can be divisive amongst various members of the
community, between people of different sexual orientation or genders, and amongst different generations within the
community. These terms may not be appropriate for allies to use and should be approached with caution:

Queeralthough widely used, queer is a relatively new terms. It was once derogatory, but has been reclaimed by
the currently generation of LGBTQIA+ individuals. There is disagreement over whether the term should be used
between young people, and especially between younger people and older generations of the community. Some
people identify as queer, while others may prefer other terms.

7
 D*ke/F*g/F*ggot/Tra**ythese slurs commonly used against lesbians, gay men, and transpeople have
sometimes been reclaimed by certain people within these respective identity groups; they are highly divisive even
within these groups; they should almost never be used by someone outside of the group (i.e., a person who is not
trans should not use the t-word even if they have trans friends who do use it); a good rule of thumb is to treat
these words as you would a racial slur

What is Privilege?
Everyone experiences privilege and everyone experiences oppression. It is important to become aware of the privilege
we all experience so that we can better empathize with those we are allied to and better fight against oppressive societal
structures. The University of CaliforniaDavis defines privilege as "a set of unearned benefits given to people who fit
into a specific social group. Considering privilege with an open mind can help allies become aware of the privileges we
experience that may be a daily struggle for LGBTQIA+ individuals.

Trans Needs
The acronym LGBTQ often lumps together sexual orientation and gender identity. While trans and nonbinary students
may share similar struggles as LGB students, they also struggle with unique experiences that need to be acknowledged
and understood. They face specific risk factors that impact their physical health, mental health and academic
performance, yet often have fewer resources available to them. Here are some specific concerns of trans students. Some
of the following may only apply to older students:

What Trans Students Are Up Against How You Can Help Them
Physical Health
Higher rates of unsafe sex/HIV contraction due to lack Provide students with safe sex resources developed
of resources and information for trans individuals if allowed in your school/district
Illegal/unsafe hormone therapy treatments (HRT) Help students find trans-friendly medical care
Inadequate medical insurance and care Advise students against obtaining medical treatments
Medically unsupervised silicone injections from unlicensed sources
Mental Health
Dysphoria Listen to the students concerns
PTSD (posttraumatic stress disorder) Be a safe space for the student
Anxiety and depression Encourage the student to talk to the school counselor
Suicide ideation, attempt, and completion or school psychologist
Safety
Death by homicide (especially for transwomen and Provide a safe space
trans students of color) Take student concerns seriously
Highest rates of homelessness Turn cases of bullying into teachable moments
Physical and verbal abuse from parent[s] Encourage students to be open about safety concerns
Highest rates of bullying/harassment for those Report instances of abuse/harassment
questioning their gender identity Let the school know if a student is homeless or at risk
Juvenile detention of homelessness

IMPORTANT: If a student speaks about wanting to hurt themselves or others, this must be brought up to the school. Make sure you
tell students that such statements will be reported to their parents if they are minors.

Sources: Bowers et al., 2015; GLSEN School Climate Survey, 2014); Lucassen et al., 2014; National Alliance to End Homelessness, 2012; National
Association of School Psychologists, 2014; Rosario, 2009

8
 What to Do When a Student Comes Out to You
The Dos and Donts
Coming out to someone is something that takes serious consideration, even if that student has come out to others in the
past. If a student chooses to come out to you, it is a big decision and they have probably thought a great deal about
possible reactions from you (Harrington et al., 2014). Because of this, it is important to respond calmly and candidly.

Do Dont
Validate their identity/experience Act surprised
Talk about confidentiality Ask nosy questions
Ask how you can help support them Make it about you
Listen actively Rush/interrupt them
Know this doesnt change your relationship Make assumptions
Thank them for confiding in you Say youve always known
Identify yourself as a safe space Launch into the dangers of being out

Providing Resources
If students ask for resources and you are unsure of which resources are available, help them search for some resources
online. If you dont have access to a computer or are unsure of where to start, you could ask someone else with the
persons permission. A good way to ask this is:

I am not sure, but would you be alright with me calling/e-mailing Spectrum/the IU

LGBTQ+ Culture Center to ask? I dont have to tell them your name or why I am asking.

It could also be helpful to keep the resource guide included in this packet on hand in your classroom or work space.

When there are Safety Concerns

Occasionally a student may bring up safety concernseither immediate or projected. The best thing to do in this case is
to get more information. Every situation involving safety is unique. Here are some tips:

If they report bullying let the school social worker or counselor know. If the student is willing to reveal
the name[s] of the students bullying them and are alright with your intervening, address each student
separately, stressing the importance of kindness and support in school. If bullying continues, consult the
principal or school social worker regarding the schools policy on bullying prevention and intervention
best practices. If bullying is occurring on the bus, let the driver know.

As a teacher or school staff member, you are a mandated reporter of sexual misconduct. If you feel a
conversation is headed in this direction, you can interject and remind the student that you are mandated
by law to report. If a student chooses to disclose, you should consult the principal, school social worker,
or other staff member who is in charge of the reporting process. If the student should choose not to
disclose this to you they can be redirected to speak with a school counselor or school psychologist. If the
student is able, Middle Way House is also a resource for youth of all ages. If the student is between the
ages of 12 and 20, they can be referred to Prism Youth Community.

If a student identifies an abusive relationship, this should also be redirected to the school social worker,
school counselor, or Middle Way House.

9
 If they are concerned about family reactions to coming out (i.e., homelessness, being financially cut-off,
physical abuse), talk the student through these risks or help them to identify a family member that may
be supportive (not necessarily in the immediate family). You may also want to bring this up with your
school social worker, counselor, or psychologist.

Aftercare
When a student is coming out to you, it is important that you not make it about you. This means putting aside any personal
biases you may have. It also means remaining calm although this can be an exciting and scary moment for you, as well
(Logie et al., 2015). While these feelings and concerns should not come up when speaking with a student, it is important
to take some time to debrief afterwards. When confidentiality restricts you from sharing this encounter with others, here
are some self-care tips for you:

If the conversation was very emotional, take time to calm down (i.e. go for a walk,
meditate, listen to music)

Talk to a colleague or close friend without revealing identifying information about the
student

Take some time to reflect (i.e., writing in a journal, just sitting with your feelings, drawing
a picture)

Be aware of your biases and then actively work on them (i.e., doing research, attending
LGBTQ events)

Speak with the school social worker, counselor, or psychologist confidentially (you dont
need to use names). You could also speak confidentially with IUs LGBTQ+ Culture Center
or a representative from Prism Youth Community.

Follow Up
Sometimes a student was just in need of a listening ear, but sometimes, they are interested in following up after the initial
coming out. It is important to continue to be there for a student who has entrusted confidence in you, but it is also
important to remind the student that the relationship needs to maintain professionality. A gentle reminder that you are
still their teacher/staff early on can prevent confusion later in the relationship. And remember, a student may come out
to you in a different way at a later time. For instance:

A student who originally comes out as a lesbian, later comes out as a transman

A student who at first comes out as bisexual, later identifies more strongly with the
pansexual identity

It is important to treat additional coming out conversations with the same regard as the first. Remember the list of Dos
and Dont above.

10
 Listening and Conversation Skills
When speaking with a student who is opening up to you or who is in need of guidance, it is important that the student
feels heard, validated, and helped through your conversation.

Active Listening
There are five simple steps to active listening:

1. Pay Attention (i.e., make eye contact, put away your phone, turn away from your computer)
2. Show That You're Listening (i.e., nodding, summarizing what the student says, leaning in)
3. Provide Feedback (i.e., I understand what youre saying, That sounds tough, Good job!)
4. Defer Judgment (i.e., checking in with your biases after supporting a student)
5. Respond Appropriately (i.e., dont act shocked, dont joke about serious matters)

Source: https://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm

Open Ended Questions vs. Closed Questions

Open-ended questions are questions that pave the way for a longer, open-ended answer. They are conversation starters.
Closed questions are questions which may result in a single, concise answer. They are often yes or no questions or
information-seeking questions, and do not progress a conversation.

When working with students who are seeking support and guidance from you, it is alright to asked closed questions to
obtain basic information (such as their name, whether or not they are safe, if they have sought other services before, etc.).
However, practicing some open-ended questions will help make the conversation focused on the student. It also allows
them to get in touch with their feelings as opposed to feeling interrogated (Hill, C. E., 2014).

A very common open-ended question used is, How does that make you feel? This is a great question to use, although
re-wording it may make it seem less clinical. You could also try:

What does that bring up for you?

I think Im hearing that you are upset; is that correct?
or You seem really excited, yeah?

You can usually turn a closed question into an open-ended question. Consider beginning questions with How, What,
In what way, or Tell me about Here are some examples of closed questions that have been opened up for the
student:

Instead of: Do you have any siblings?

Try: Tell me about your family.

Instead of: Are you scared at home?

Try: What are some things you worry about at home?

Empathy vs. Sympathy

Students seeking support from you, sharing their stories with you, or coming out to you often share sad stories and may
be experiences many negative emotions. It is important that when you listen and speak with them, that you avoid
sympathy and strive for empathy.

11
Sympathy simply reflects that the student is in a negative situation at the moment, but maintains a wall of separation
between the student and the sympathizer. At worst, it may discredit a students experience, instead telling them to focus
on what they do have going on for them. For instance, Dr. Brene Brown, a Social Work researcher and professor at the
University of Houston, demonstrates what sympathy may sound like:

Statement: I had a miscarriage.

Response: Well at least you know you can get pregnant.

Empathy occurs when you try to understand where a student is coming from. Dr. Brown notes that it may require the
listener to become vulnerable themselves, allowing themselves to find times that they may have felt similarly in their own
lives. Empathy may not offer a solution to the problem, but it validates a students experience. An example of the
beginning of an empathetic conversation offered by Dr. Brown is:

I dont even know what to say. Im just so glad you told me.

A segment from her talk, The Power of Vulnerability which shows the difference between empathy and sympathy in a
short animation, can be viewed at youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw

Please note: Active listening, empathy, and sympathy may be perceived and performed differently by people of different
cultures and neurotypes (i.e., people on the Autism Spectrum). For instance, culture can affect how close people sit while
having a conversation, their degree of eye contact, expression of certain emotions, and level of voice.

12
 Pronouns Guide
You may be most familiar with only two pronouns: she/her and he/him. However, some people use other pronouns as
they feel they better fit with their gender identities.

Asking About Pronouns

When you meet new students, you probably do not know what their pronouns are. While some individuals who are out
and using their pronouns comfortably like being asked, What pronouns do you use? it is important to remember that
this same question could force a student not yet out into a difficult position.

Therefore, avoid saying,

What pronouns do you use?

or What are your names and pronouns?

Instead, identify yourself as a safe space to which a student could disclose pronouns.

Try,

Hi, Im Ms. Garcia and I use she/her pronouns.

or How would you like to be addressed?

as both of these imply that gender identity is merely a preference.

If you have a chance to display a name card on your desk, it might be nice to also include your own pronouns there. In
higher grades, you could put a note about pronouns in your syllabus, identifying yourself as a safe space.

Encountering Unfamiliar Pronouns

Sometimes a person will tell you that they use a set of pronouns that are not familiar. There is a chart listed below with
some common pronouns, but there are many more (i.e. per, fae, thon). When you are unsure about how to use a pronoun,
you can politely ask the person to model its use for you. For instance:

Im not familiar with those pronouns. Could you go over them with me so I know Im using them correctly?

Cartoon by Robot Hugs; www.robot-hugs.com/pronoun-etiquette

When You Make a Mistake

You may slip at times and use the wrong pronouns for a student, especially if you are using these pronouns for the first
time. This is called misgendering. If you make a mistake, quickly correct it. Dont linger on your mistake. For instance:

13
 She was telling meIm sorrythey were telling me about their project.

Sometimes you may only realize your mistake after the fact. In this case, it is respectful to make a brief apology in
private. That may sound like:

Hey, Im sorry I misgendered you in class. Ill be more careful in the future.

Consider it similar to the way you may use an incorrect last name after a friend gets married:

This is my friend Sarah SmithI mean Jones. Shes Jones now.

We wouldnt linger on that, so dont linger on misgendering.

Cartoon by Robot Hugs; www.robot-hugs.com/pronoun-etiquette

Correcting Others

Now that you understand proper pronoun use, you can politely correct the way others use pronouns. For instance, if you
are speaking with a colleague who misgenders one of your students, the conversation may look something like this:

Was Dan able to find that book? I know he was having trouble finding it.
I think Dan uses she/her pronouns. And yes, she found the book at the library.

Please note: Not everyone is comfortable with you sharing their pronouns as they may not yet be out to everyone. It is
important to know how people wish to be referred to in public before offering corrections on their behalf. When a
student first discloses their pronouns to you, that is a good time to ask them about thisespecially when it comes to
speaking with parents.

14
A Note on Culture
Pronouns and pronoun use may vary depending on a students culture. Not only might pronouns be unique to a culture,
but their use may reflect particular power dynamics, respect, and individualistic or collectivist values (Yu et al., 2016).
Checking in with that student and doing some research on their culture would be beneficial.

Commonly Encountered Pronouns

The following chart shows some common pronouns like, she, he, and they, and a few less common ones:

She/Her She laughed I called her Her eyes gleam That is hers She likes herself

He/Him He laughed I called him His eyes gleam That is his He likes himself

They/Them They laughed I called them Their eyes gleam That is theirs They like themself

Ze/Zir Ze laughed I called zir Zir eyes gleam That is zirs Ze likes zemself

Ze/Hir Ze laughed I called hir Hir eyes gleam That is hirs Ze likes hirself

Ey/Em Ey laughed I called em Eir eyes gleam That is eirs Ey likes eirself

(Spivak)

15
 Intentional Language
We convey a lot through the words we choose in daily conversation. Frequently, we use language that may unknowingly
be perpetuating heteronormative (that straight is the norm) and cisnormative (that cisgender is the norm) values. By
practicing use of intentional language throughout our lives, we can help LGBTQIA+ students and coworkers feel safer and
more valued. It is an excellent and simple form of daily activism.

Here are some tips for making intentional language a part of your day:

Referring to your own relationship in a more inclusive way and asking about others relationships in an
inclusive way. Do not assume gender through your questions. For example:

Instead of saying Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?

Try Do you have a partner/significant other?
or
Are you seeing someone/in a relationship?

Instead of saying My husband is planning a party.

Try My partner/spouse is planning a party.

Practice using gender neutral pronouns, such as the singular they, when you are speaking to a group or
about an unknown person. This may include:

Instead of saying Id like everyone to bring his or her textbook to class tomorrow.
Try Id like everyone to bring their textbook to class tomorrow.

Instead of saying Boys and girls

Try Can I please have everyones attention.

Instead of saying Im not sure who she is, but she seems nice!
Try Im not sure who they are, but they seem nice.

Using the term person rather than man or woman. For instance:

Instead of saying What is the woman in the baseball cap doing in this picture?
Try What is the person in the baseball cap doing in this picture?

Children begin forming gender identities as early as 2 years old! When working with little kids:

Instead of saying Your little girl is so cute!

Try Your little one/friend is so cute!

Instead of Saying What a strong little boy/What a sweet little girl.

Try What a great friend we have here!

16
 Community Resources
Listed below are some resources that may be helpful to LGBTQIA+ students and those working to help them.

Bloomingtons Nondiscriminatory Policy

The City of Bloomington stands by equal opportunity for all citizens. It also seeks to eliminate discrimination in
education, employments, and access to public accommodations (i.e. housing) based on race, religion, color, sex, national
origin, ancestry, sexual orientation, gender identity, or ability.

Phone: (812) 349-3559

E-mail: safeandcivil@bloomington.in.gov
Website: http://bloomington.in.gov/safe

Prism Youth Community

Prism Youth Community is an inclusive social group for youth celebrating all sexual orientations, gender identities, and
gender expressions. Any person between 12 and 20 years old is welcome to join. Weekly meetings are free, as are
special events and many field trips. You don't need to identify as LGBTQ to attend. Allies are also welcome!

Phone: (812) 250-6566

E-mail: prism@bloomingtonpride.org
Website: http://bloomingtonpride.org/prism-main/

Indiana Youth Group

Indiana Youth Group is a non-profit based in Indianapolis. Its goal is to creates safe spaces, provides wellness
programming, and educates LGBTQ youth and the community. Indiana Youth Group may offer transportation assistance
to youth coming from outside of the Indianapolis area.

Phone: (317) 541-8726

E-mail: Gbrinklow@indianayouthgroup.org
Website: http://www.indianayouthgroup.org/

CHG
The Center for Human Growth (CHG), located in the Indiana University School of Education (201 N Rose Ave), offers
counseling for individuals, couples, and families on a sliding scale (pay what you can). Counselors are also available for
education purposes. Counseling may also be available in various languages.

Phone: 812-856-8302
E-mail: lygilman@indiana.edu
Website: http://education.indiana.edu/chg

IU LGBTQ+ Culture Center

The LGBTQ+ Culture Center Office, located at 705 E 7th St., serves as a resource and information center for campus and
community individuals, groups, events, and activities.

Phone: (812) 855-4252

E-mail: glbtserv@indiana.edu
Website: http://glbt.indiana.edu

17
BiComm
BiComm Bloomington is a community group for those who identify within the umbrella of bisexuality (i.e., bisexual,
trisexual, pansexual, omnisexual). They meet the second Monday of each month from 6:30-8:30pm at La Casa, IUs
Latino Cultural Center, located at 715 E 7th Street.

E-mail: econista@gmail.com
Website: https://www.facebook.com/events/229450217223517/permalink/229450637223475/

Positive Link
IU Healths Positive Link is a community resource for comprehensive prevention and holistic social services for those
impacted by HIV in south central Indiana. They provide a continuum of services, at no cost, to the community to
address the health and well-being of those living with or at risk for HIV and are located at 333 East Miller Dr. They also
run an HIV/AIDS support group.

Phone: (812) 353-9150

E-mail: tbaynes@iuhealth.org
Website: http://iuhealth.org/bloomington/about/community-health/hiv-aids-positive-link/

Middle Way House

Middle Way House is the Bloomington domestic violence and sexual assault advocacy center and shelter. They offer
emergency and transitional housing, a 24-hour crisis hotline, advocacy, legal advocacy, and prevention education.

Office Phone: (812) 333-7404

24-Hour Crisis Hotline: (812) 336-0846
E-mail: communications@middlewayhouse.org

Indiana Transgender Network

Indiana Transgender network is an online resource offering information about news and events. It also catalogues
resources for legal information, medical information, and transgender-affirming mental health care.

Website: http://indianatransgendernetwork.com/

Gender Health Program at Riley

The Gender Health Program is a department of Riley Childrens Hospital with a team of specially trained, gender-
affirming clinicians. The program offers services to children under age 21 including gender affirming hormone therapy,
treatment for menstrual suppression, psychological counseling, and surgery consultation and coordination.

Phone: (317) 274-8812

Website: https://www.rileychildrens.org/departments/gender-health-program

18
GLSEN
GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network) is a non-profit organization that was created by a group of
teachers in Massachusetts. It is a leading national education organization focused on ensuring safe and affirming schools
for LGBTQ students. They provide resources such as informational videos, pamphlets, infographics, and safe space kits
geared toward teachers and school personnel. They also conduct a biannual National Climate Survey which can be
accessed through their website or requested in print.

Phone: (212) 727-0135

E-mail: info@glsen.org
Website: http://www.glsen.org

TSER
TSER (Trans Student Educational Resources) is a student-led national organization created to improve educational
environments for trans and gender nonconforming students. They engage in advocacy efforts, education, activism, and
change-making. Their website provides information, resources, and information about workshops.

E-mail: TSER@transstudent.org
Website: http://www.transstudent.org/

19