Jonathon Neumann

URBN 374 Race, Poverty, Reconciliation

Dr. Arloa Sutter
12/10/15
Reflecting on Semesters End

This semester in the Windy City has been transformational in my approach to daily

living. The Wheaton in Chicago program has been a rough experience for me as the Lord has

continued to open my eyes to the difficult reality for many in this urban life. However, I leave the

city with hope for the people, and a confidence that God will guide me in my calling. I am not

called to meet the need, but to be compassionate, listen to the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and

acknowledge my limitations as I, with the fellowship of brothers and sisters, strive to bring a

unified and diverse Church together under the Lordship of Christ.

Before Wheaton in Chicago, I was somewhat jaded about my male and white privilege, I

acknowledged its existence but I was overwhelmed and confused to what I should do about it. I

was, actually, very angry. Earlier that year I had the opportunity to go into Chicago weekly to do

evangelism; I quickly learned that I was not supposed to speak but to listen to those I

encountered. As I heard stories (of what I considered despair at the time) I was confused about

my calling, I wanted to spread the love of Christ in the city but I have a passion for theater art. I

was angry with God and struggling with my identity and place. I made the decision to put my all

into the theater because I wanted to be present with the theater at that time, and when the time

came, I was to be present in the city.

I did not choose to live in Chicago, if it was my will I would have stayed at Wheaton

College and continued to studying ensemble theater work and theology there, but I believed it

was Gods will to place me in the city. I was uprooted from my community and placed in an

unfamiliar space. I wanted to explore professional theater and hopefully learn more about urban
issues. However, Dr. Arloa Sutters class, Race, Poverty, and Reconciliation, brought me into a

difficult reality as I read personal accounts of Chicagos marginalized, oppressed, neglected, and

ignored people; connected with community developers such as criminal defenders, business

philanthropists, pastors, ministry coordinators, and racial justice advocates; and learned difficult

truths about the modern American criminal justice system through The New Jim Crow by

Michelle Alexander. The stories of people of color caught my attention before the class, but the

way of living that I entered into and saw with my very eyes is what assured me that this is not the

way life should be in a nation with so many followers of Christ with so many resources.

Now I am living in a lot of tension, with a lot of uncertainty about what is true and what

is false. I am far from cynical; I find cynicism to be a sign of my privilege and, though it is a

something I look back as moving forward in spiritual development, it is unhealthy for a follower

of Christ. Rather, I am moved by compassion and hope for the future of society as I reflect on the

past and live in the present. However, before I move to action, it is my responsibility to take time

to repent and lament what I have participated in. The Christian Community Development

Association Conference (CCDA) I attended in November comforted me: it gave me some

answers to why I feel so wrong even when I try to do right. The truth is I have to acknowledge

the corporate sin of myself, my generation, my community, my culture, and my ancestors. The

Lord must shower his mercy on us and destroy any pride or any idea that I have got myself to

where I am now. The leaders spoke to me about how traumatizing this system has been to me, a

white, middle-class, millennial; sin runs deep, and these community developers did not want to

just hurt me, they wanted to tell me that Christ cares even for those as sinful as I and he has the

ability to heal any hurt, any segregation, any wrongdoing. This task is not easy but it is possible

when we trust in Christ alone.

 This time away from Wheaton has been a chance for me to spend time reflecting on

things I would not have been able to on campus when I am preoccupied with classes and theater

work. I hope to, when I return, use what I have learned to speak with mentors about vocational

discernment. I have had the opportunity to be engaged with a city that is aching for

transformation in a time of conflict. The truth is, conflict has always been present in Chicago; I

simply think it is more apparent to me now, and Im hoping, with the next year and a half, to

learn what I can do as an artist to transform conflict.

Fellow students worked at internships that gave them opportunities to work with

something they were specifically interested in. But after a month of searching I ended up

interning at Shirley Hamilton Talent Agency because many high school theater after-school

programs met at the same time as my class. My internship has been eye-opening to the business

side of acting and the entertainment industry. I spend a lot of time on the computer sending e-

mails and doing paperwork, but I also have the opportunity to see commercial, film, and theater

scripts. I remember one particular time I was very frustrated about a script for the television

show Chicago PD. It involved a school shooting and mental illness; the depiction that it

presented was the one that the media blows up over: someone with mental illness shooting

students. Though it does happen it did not seem good because, in my opinion, it did not do

anything except emphasize the blame on a generalized group of people.

As someone with ADHD, I have a deep compassion for those with mental illness and

learning disabilities. Though I am not educated much about mental illnesses, I have family

members, close friends, and mentors who live day to day with mental illness. In her book, The

Invisible, Dr. Sutter asks her readers to spend time considering who they identify with, and I

think those with learning disabilities or mental illness move me to be passionate for their cause. I
am not sure if that is the direction God wants me to go, but it is something I am considering in

prayer.

I am looking forward to returning to Wheaton College, where my friends are struggling

everyday with depression, anxiety and other things that really perplex us, but I continue to learn

that do not need to have answers and I do not need to be the answer. I hope to use the tools, the

thoughts, and the challenges of this semester to help me be present with them. Additionally, I am

really excited to be taking a class on theater and social justice back at Wheaton, and I have

already talked to my professor about some of my thoughts to include in the course.

I am taking steps to use what God has given me to generously give away. As I said

earlier, I see art as a means of transforming conflict and bringing people together. I can commune

and communicate with people through our art. I want to give voice those who are unheard, and,

in order to do that, I must first hear the unheard. I know it will not be easy, and I will continue to

struggle with my pride, my ways, my privilege, but the Lord is merciful and good to me. I will

continue to, before, I graduate, find ways to not simply serve but be present with the least of

these. And, after I graduate, I do not know where the Lord will put me, but I will continue to say

your will be done because it is not my choice but his.