3 is could posh Allison Collins paw + ela Lmece Seth veled Dr. Langan ‘ A her ow WL detache Interpersonal 20 February 2015 All About Me Reflection #1 In communication “me” is a very important component. Understanding “me” is important because it allows you to be aware of your tendencies, context, and pitfalls and how they may differ from other people's. The back cover of the book “All About Me” says that it will “reveal everything everyone ever wanted to know about you but never thought to ask.” Lines of ‘communication become more clear when context and an understanding of the communicators involved are known. If we know ourselves we will be better equipped as communicators. The “Ail About Me” book did in fact propose some questions that I had never thought to ask of myself. Answering these questions in a knee-jerk manner allowed me to discover things about myself that I would not otherwise think about. One question that was thought-provoking for me was the question on page five that asks what your motto is. The first thing that came to mind was a phrase that | often find myself saying to my Fiends: “Iwill always be fine.” This always comes up when my friends are trying to figure out how I feel about a given situation or if they are trying to make me decide which option will be better for me. In general I seem to have more temperate emotions then the people around me. ‘Therefore, I find that I tend to want to do whatever will benefit the other person because everyone else's emotions will be more Grtected than mine. This tendency has gotten to the point ‘that my friends joke that I do not have emotions. When this came to mind first as my motto it made me step back and think for a second. “Fine” is not necessarily a desired state. Being “fine” is not what people strive for. On the brightside I am rarely very negatively @ffected by situations that may make others emotional whether that be angry, sad, or anything in between. On the down side I never feel very strongly about anything which makes thing like making decisions, for example, very difficult, Not being able to make decisions comes in the way of my ability to be assertive. Assertiveness is an important skill in communicating with others. Another section of questions that made me think was the section on like and dislikes. These usually fall into the Johari window pane of the “open self.” I realized how much likes and dislikes have to do with communication. We enjoy communicating more with people who have things in common with. We commiserate about the stuff we don't like and share and discuss what we do like. Knowing ourselves enough to know our likes and dislikes will help us to be more competent and engaging communicators. There is also a degree in which we modify of likes and dislikes or at least the intensity of these based on the feelings of the other party. This goes along with Cooley's reflected appraisal theory and the concept of the looking glass self. I am aware as a communicator that I am very swayed by the opinions of others when it comes to my preferences. ‘Though we cannot always have all of the facts and contexts in communication coming to know ourselves is something we can do to improve our skills and awareness in communicating. If we know what kind of a communicator and listener we are we will be better able to understand how we relate to and how others might react to us.. : JA Allison Collins ope NY ocecneing Dr. Langan Interpersonal 20 April 2015 All About Me Reflection #3 In the selected pages of All About Me for this selection the topics ranged from psyche to morals to ego. Another major selection was emotions. Much of this section asked questions about things like “what you do when you are happy” and “what you need when you are sad”, My responses to these questions were all based very heavily on other people. When I am happy it is usually when I am with friends. When I am in a bad mood I want to be with other people to put me in a good mood. As | reflected on my appreciation for the people around me and the how tied my good moods, feelings, and emotions are to them T was able to understand more about how I process and and interact. The sum of these questions and the reflections that they brought up made it clear that quality time is one of my primary love languages. | find that I am content to do nothing in particular as Jong as Tam with people who I care about or enjoy being around, For mean invitation to do something or to hangout says a lot more to me then say words or gifts for example. My friends at Wheaton think that I hate movies. This isn't in fact true, but I would much rather spend time talking or just hanging out then watching a movie in a group and because of this | always shoot down the idea when anyone suggests that we watch a movie. The way I see it when there are people around watching a movie does not make sense. “(7X — doxrowt nasi) \ Spotto Geer . The emotion section also brought to my attention how much other's effect my emotions. When | think about it, most of my negative emotions are dependent upon other people. Hardly any stem from intemal concerns or achievement failures. I care, more than I would like to admit,about what people think of me. This gives the other in a given situation a lot of power in the relationship. For some reason, | give referent power to almost everyone | interact with. While itis greater with those I am close to and people I respect | also care about the opinions those who I hardly know or don't know at all. This attributes to them power in our interactions that they may not know they even have, ‘The degree of power that I give to others is also apparent in what makes me upset or changes my mood. It seems to always be interpersonal issues and conflicts. I really do not like when other people are upset with me. Therefore in interpersonal relationships the power is honestly held by the person who will hold a longer grudge or express their disapproval. Upon reflection I discovered that I forfeit much of the power in any given situation if they are able to exploit this. Objectively I realize that this puts me at a disadvantage in conflict and allows others to have greater control over situations that I am involved in. That being said I still havea hard time _Y#9 ignoring my desire to remain on the good side of other people. This means that they still hold power. With this knowledge about my own tendencies though hopefully in the future I will be able to relinquish less of the power in interpersonal relationships and maintain balance.