PREFACE

OBJECTIVES

GENERAL OBJECTIVE

Describe Conflict Management and Resolution Skills

SPECIFIC OBJECTIVE

1. Determine how to resolve Conflict Management and Resolution in a

positive way.
2. Describe the fundamentals of conflict resolution.

3. To Recognize and resolve conflicting needs.

4. Identify the Healthy and unhealthy ways of managing and resolving

conflict.

5. Identify Conflict Resolution as part of the five skills of emotional

intelligence.
 Conflict Management and Resolution skills

Managing and Resolving Conflict in a Positive Way

Conflict is a normal, and even healthy, part of relationships. After all, two people
cant be expected to agree on everything at all times. Since relationship conflicts
are inevitable, learning to deal with them in a healthy way is crucial. When conflict
is mismanaged, it can harm the relationship. But when handled in a respectful
and positive way, conflict provides an opportunity for growth, ultimately
strengthening the bond between two people. By learning the skills you need for
successful conflict resolution, you can keep your personal and professional
relationships strong and growing.

The fundamentals of conflict resolution

Conflict arises from differences. It occurs whenever people disagree over their
values, motivations, perceptions, ideas, or desires. Sometimes these differences
look trivial, but when a conflict triggers strong feelings, a deep personal and
relational need is at the core of the problema need to feel safe and secure, a
need to feel respected and valued, or a need for greater closeness and intimacy.

Recognizing and resolving conflicting needs

If you are out of touch with your feelings or so stressed that you can only pay
attention to a limited number of emotions, you wont be able to understand your
own needs. If you dont understand your deepseated needs, you will have a hard
time communicating with others and staying in touch with what is really troubling
you. For example, couples often argue about petty differencesthe way she
hangs the towels, the way he parts his hairrather than what is really bothering
them.
In personal relationships, a lack of understanding about differing needs can result
in distance, arguments, and breakups. In workplace conflicts, differing needs are
often at the heart of bitter disputes.
When you can recognize the legitimacy of conflicting needs and become willing to
examine them in an environment of compassionate understanding it opens
pathways to creative problem solving team building and improved relationships.
When you resolve conflict and disagreement quickly and painlessly mutual trust
will flourish.

Successful conflict resolution depends on your ability to:

Manage stress while remaining alert and calm. By staying calm, you can
accurately read and interpret verbal and nonverbal communication.
Control your emotions and behavior. When youre in control of your
emotions, you cancommunicate your needs without threatening,
frightening, or punishing others.
Pay attention to the feelings being expressed as well as the spoken words
of others.
Be aware of and respectful of differences. By avoiding disrespectful words
and actions you can resolve the problem faster.

Healthy and unhealthy ways of managing and resolving

conflict

Conflict triggers strong emotions and can lead to hurt feelings, disappointment,
and discomfort. When handled in an unhealthy manner, it can cause irreparable
rifts, resentments, and break ups. But when conflict is resolved in a healthy way, it
increases our understanding of one another, builds trust, and strengthens our
relationship bonds.
Unhealthy responses to conflict are characterized by:

An inability to recognize and respond to matters of great importance to the

other person explosive, angry, hurtful, and resentful reactions.
The withdrawal of love, resulting in rejection, isolation, shaming, and fear
of abandonment.
The expectation of bad outcomes
The fear and avoidance of conflict

Healthy responses to conflict are characterized by:

The capacity to recognize and respond to important matters

A readiness to forgive and forget
The ability to seek compromise and avoid punishing
A belief that resolution can support the interests and needs of both parties

Four key conflict resolution skills

The ability to successfully manage and resolve conflict depends on four key skills.
Together, these four skills form a fifth skill that is greater than the sum of its parts:
the ability to take conflict in stride and resolve differences in ways that build trust
and confidence.

Conflict resolution skill 1: Quickly relieve stress

The capacity to remain relaxed and focused in tense situations is a vital aspect of
conflict resolution. If you dont know how to stay centered and in control of
yourself, you may become emotionally overwhelmed in challenging situations.
The best way to rapidly and reliably relieve stress is through the senses: sight,
sound, touch, taste, and smell. But each person responds differently to sensory
input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you.

Conflict resolution skill 2: Recognize and manage your emotions.

Emotional awareness is the key to understanding yourself and others. If you dont
know how
you feel or why you feel that way, you wont be able to communicate effectively or
smooth over disagreements. Although knowing your own feelings may seem
simple, many people ignore or try to sedate strong emotions like anger, sadness,
and fear. But your ability to handle conflict depends on being connected to these
feelings. If youre afraid of strong emotions or if you insist on finding solutions that
are strictly rational, your ability to face and resolve differences will be impaired

Conflict resolution skill 3: Improve your nonverbal communication skills

The most important information exchanged during conflicts and arguments is

often communicated nonverbally. Nonverbal communication includes eye contact,
facial expression, tone of voice, posture, touch, and gestures. When youre in the
middle of a conflict, paying close attention to the other persons nonverbal signals
may help you figure out what the other person is really saying, respond in a way
that builds trust, and get to the root of the problem.
Simply nonverbal signals such as a calm tone of voice, a reassuring touch, or a
concerned facial
expression can go a long way toward defusing a heated exchange.

Conflict resolution skill 4: Use humor and play to deal with challenges

You can avoid many confrontations and resolve arguments and disagreements by
communicating in a playful or humorous way. Humor can help you say things that
might otherwise be difficult to express without creating a flap. However, its
important that you laugh with the other person, not at them. When humor and play
are used to reduce tension and anger, reframe problems, and put the situation
into perspective, the conflict can actually become an opportunity for greater
connection and intimacy.

Tips for managing and resolving conflict

Managing and resolving conflict requires emotional maturity, selfcontrol, and

empathy. It can be tricky, frustrating, and even frightening. You can ensure that
the process is as positive as possible by sticking to the following conflict
resolution guidelines:

Make the relationship your priority. Maintaining and strengthening the

relationship, rather than winning the argument, should always be your
first priority. Be respectful of the other person and his or her viewpoint.
Focus on the present. If youre holding on to old hurts and resentments,
your ability to see the reality of the current situation will be impaired. Rather
than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in
the hereandnow to solve the problem.
Pick your battles. Conflicts can be draining, so its important to consider
whether the issue is really worthy of your time and energy. Maybe you don't
want to surrender a parking space if youve been circling for 15 minutes.
But if there are dozens of spots, arguing over a single space isnt worth it.
Be willing to forgive. Resolving conflict is impossible if youre unwilling or
unable to forgive. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can
never compensate for our losses and only adds to our injury by further
depleting and draining our lives.
Know when to let something go. If you cant come to an agreement,
agree to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a
conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.
Fair fighting: Ground rules

1. Remain calm. Try not to overreact to difficult situations. By remaining calm

it will be more likely that others will consider your viewpoint.
2. Express feelings in words, not actions. Telling someone directly and
honestly how you feel can be a very powerful form of communication. If
you start to feel so angry or upset that you feel you may lose control, take a
"time out" and do something to help yourself feel steadier.
3. Be specific about what is bothering you. Vague complaints are hard to
work on.
4. Deal with only one issue at a time. Don't introduce other topics until each
is fully discussed. This avoids the "kitchen sink" effect where people throw
in all their complaints while not allowing anything to be resolved.
5. No "hitting below the belt." Attacking areas of personal sensitivity creates
an atmosphere of distrust, anger, and vulnerability.
6. Avoid accusations. Accusations will cause others to defend themselves.
Instead, talk about how someone's actions made you feel.
7. Don't generalize. Avoid words like "never" or "always." Such
generalizations are usually inaccurate and will heighten tensions.
8. Avoid "make believe." Exaggerating or inventing a complaint or your
feelings about it will prevent the real issues from surfacing. Stick with the
facts and your honest feelings.
9. Don't stockpile. Storing up lots of grievances and hurt feelings over time is
counterproductive. It's almost impossible to deal with numerous old
problems for which interpretations may differ. Try to deal with problems as
they arise.
10. Avoid clamming up. When one person becomes silent and stops
responding to the other frustration and anger can result. Positive results
can only be attained with twoway communication.
Managing and resolving conflict by learning how to listen

When people are upset, the words they use rarely convey the issues and needs at
the heart of the problem. When we listen for what is felt as well as said, we
connect more deeply to our own needs and emotions, and to those of other
people. Listening in this way also strengthens us, informs us, and makes it easier
for others to hear us.
Tips for being a better listener:

Listen to the reasons the other person gives for being upset.
Make sure you understand what the other person is telling youfrom his or
her point of
view.
Repeat the other persons words, and ask if you have understood correctly.
Ask if anything remains unspoken, giving the person time to think before
answering.
Resist the temptation to interject your own point of view until the other
person has said
everything he or she wants to say and feels that you have listened to and
understood his or her message.

When listening to the other person's point of view, the following responses
are often helpful:
Encourage the other person to share his or her issues as fully as possible.
"I want to understand what has upset you."
"I want to know what you are really hoping for.

Clarify the real issues, rather than making assumptions. Ask questions that allow
you to gain this information, and which let the other person know you are trying to
understand.
"Can you say more about that?"
"Is that the way it usually happens?"
Restate what you have heard, so you are both able to see what has been
understood so far it may be that the other person will then realize that additional
information is needed.
"It sounds like you weren't expecting that to happen."

Reflect feelings be as clear as possible.

"I can imagine how upsetting that must have been."

Validate the concerns of the other person, even if a solution is elusive at this time.
Expressing appreciation can be a very powerful message if it is conveyed with
integrity and respect.
"I really appreciate that we are talking about this issue."
"I am glad we are trying to figure this out."

The Five Skills of Emotional Intelligence

Skill 1: Quick Stress Relief

Skill 2: Emotional Awareness
Skill 3: Nonverbal Communication
Skill 4: Playful Communication
Skill 5: Conflict Resolution

The ability to resolve conflicts positively and with confidence is the fifth of five
essential emotional intelligence skills. Together, the five skills of emotional
intelligence help you build strong relationships, overcome challenges, and
succeed at work and in life.
 CONCLUSIONS

1. When conflict are handled in a respectful and positive way, can provides an
opportunity for growth, ultimately strengthening the bond between two
people.

2. Conflict arises from differences, and inability to manage them well.

3. Conflict needs must be understand by communicating with others and

staying in touch with what is really troubling the parts.

4. Healthy responses to conflict are characterized by the ability to seek

compromise with the parts in conflict to work things out.

5. The ability to resolve conflicts positively and with confidence is the fifth of
five essential emotional intelligence
SOURCES