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E-BOOK SERIES

Advanced Interpersonal
Communication Skills

INTERPERSONAL
COMMUNICATION
101 TIPS

Maximising
your relationship
building effectiveness
Your best investment is yourself
E-Book Series
Advanced Interpersonal Communication Skills

101
Interpersonal
Communication Tips
We communicate with others in every aspect of our lives.

How many of us have every been taught how to be highly effective


in the communication process or how
different people have different ways of
hearing, seeing and feeling?

Effective communicators are powerful


vehicles for change in organisations,
families and the wider community.

We have compiled 101 simple and


highly effective Interpersonal
Communication Tips that you can put
into practice immediately and
experience the positive impact these
Tips have on your communication
and ultimately your relationships.

Network Matters Australia SuperSelf


Your best investment is yourself ABN 44 086 516 010
Copyright 2005
101 Interpersonal Communication Tips

Welcome
I have created this guide for you for the purpose
of enhancing your interpersonal communication
skills toolkit for improved personal and business
relationships with others.

The tips in this guide are a result of substantial


research, coaching clients and training groups of
people over many years. Mark Coburn
Workshop Program Director
and Facilitator,
I encourage you to put these interpersonal Business/Executive
Coach
communication strategies into action and experience
the amazing results you will get.

I wish you all the success you desire!

Mark

Network Matters Australia SuperSelf


ABN 44 086 516 010 Your best investment is yourself 1
Copyright 2005
101 Interpersonal Communication Tips
________________________________________________________
A wise man will make more
opportunities than he finds. 1. Build rapport by matching the persons behaviour
Francis Bacon
You can match some of the words they say, how they speak and
their body language. People find it easier to get along with
someone who is similar to them.
________________________________________________________
2. Match behaviour without mimicking
It is important to learn how to match someones behaviour without
mimicking them. The art of matching is to engage similar behaviour
without copying them. Otherwise they may think you are making
fun of them.
________________________________________________________
3. Show an interest in the person
People like to tell others about themselves and what they do. It is
also important for you to learn about them, so you can better
understand their needs and how you can help them.
________________________________________________________
4. Show appreciation and respect
Everyone likes to be respected and appreciated. Expressing
appreciation goes a long way to developing trust and rapport.
________________________________________________________
5. Develop a solid platform of rapport and understanding
of someones needs before suggesting an idea or solution.
________________________________________________________
6. Develop your rapport building skills by focusing on one rapport
building technique at a time
When you have mastered one, you can start developing the next.
________________________________________________________
7. Test for rapport by observing the other persons
behaviour
For example, if you are in rapport with someone, they may cross
their legs after you have just crossed yours.
________________________________________________________
8. Communicate face to face with someone as much as practicable
This is because up to 100% of effective communication is available
to you in this situation. Effective communication comprises of the
words we use (7%), how we use our voice (38%) and body lan-
guage we reveal (55%).
________________________________________________________
9. During written communication, be very precise in articulating
exactly what you mean to say
The reason this is important is because only 7% of highly effective
communication is the words you use, so they must be good.
________________________________________________________
Network Matters Australia SuperSelf
ABN 44 086 516 010 Your best investment is yourself 2
Copyright 2005
101 Interpersonal Communication Tips

"SuperSelfs Advanced Mark Coburn is an interpersonal communications specialist and


Interpersonal Communication workshop facilitator. If you would like him to present at your event,
Workshop has expanded and or you require more information, email us with your details.
focused my communication
success@superself.com.au
abilities as well as giving me
a better understanding of ________________________________________________________
myself. I am now better 10. Ask a quality question to get a quality answer
equipped to tailor my The more specific you can be with your question, the more likely
interaction with prospects you are to get an accurate answer.
and clients, making it more ________________________________________________________
relevant to them." 11. Start the conversation with easy to answer questions
Clint McKauge, Accuity For example, Hi Joe, how are you today? Do you have a
moment?
________________________________________________________
12. Paraphrase to confirm your understanding
In your own words, summarise what the other person has said.
________________________________________________________
13. Use I statements when speaking about your own thoughts or
experience
Take ownership of what you are saying. Avoid using you state-
ments in these situations.
________________________________________________________
14. Let the other person finish their sentence or communication
Avoid interrupting someone while they are still talking, unless you
have very good reason to do so.
_____________________________________________________________
15. Clarify any assumptions or uncertainty you are holding
If you are uncertain about someones message, ask questions to
eliminate any possible incorrect assumptions you may be making.
_____________________________________________________________
16. Acknowledge the achievements of the other person
People like to be acknowledged as it gives them a reality check
and someone elses point of view on how they are doing.
_____________________________________________________________
17. Obtain specificity from generalisations
If you feel the other person is being too general in what they are
saying, ask them to be more specific.
_____________________________________________________________
18. Emphasize key words when speaking
You can become a more effective communicator by emphasising
key words in the conversation. This makes it easier for the other
person to get the essence of what you are saying.
________________________________________________________

Network Matters Australia SuperSelf


ABN 44 086 516 010 Your best investment is yourself 3
Copyright 2005
101 Interpersonal Communication Tips

________________________________________________________
The most important key to
19. Match the other persons tone of voice
achieving great success
If you are speaking to someone who has a higher pitched voice
is to decide upon your goal
than you, raise the frequency of your voice (without mimicking) to
and launch, get closer to their level.
get started, _____________________________________________________________
take action, 20. Match the other persons speaking speed
move. Some people naturally talk faster than others. For someone who
Brian Tracy speaks slow it can become frustrating if the other person is
speaking fast.
_____________________________________________________________
21. Match the loudness of the other persons voice
A soft-spoken person is most likely to be more receptive to
someone else who is also soft speaking.
_____________________________________________________________
22. Pause occasionally while speaking
This gives the other person time to think about what you are say-
ing. It also makes the delivery of your message more interesting.
_____________________________________________________________
23. Match voice quality
Does the person have a clear sounding or raspy voice? Matching
quality of their voice can be a little more challenging. You may
need to practice this. Be careful not to mimic.
_____________________________________________________________
24. Be confident by maintaining upright body posture
Get your posture right and youll start feeling better almost
instantly.
_____________________________________________________________
25. Maintain eye contact approximately 65% of the time
This insures you are showing an interest without over intimidating
the other person.
_____________________________________________________________
26. Match handshake strength
You should get an indication as soon as you meet someone as to
how strong or soft your handshake should be. Trust your
intuition here.
_____________________________________________________________

Mark Coburn is a business and executive coach.


If you are a business owner, corporate manager or executive
and would like to learn more about how he will coach you
to success, email us with your details at

success@superself.com.au

Network Matters Australia SuperSelf


ABN 44 086 516 010 Your best investment is yourself 4
Copyright 2005
101 Interpersonal Communication Tips

_____________________________________________________________
"This workshop has given
27. Smile with your whole face
me confidence in determining
A real smile is revealed when your whole face changes. This
the different learning modes
includes the muscles around the eyes and the impression that your
and personality types. It has
eyes are smiling as well as your mouth.
enabled me to provide _____________________________________________________________
better assistance to my 28. Match arm postures that lead to positive situations
work colleagues and clients For example, matching someone by placing your hand under
in relation to negotiation your chin could show you are thinking about what the other
and mentoring." person is saying.
Belinda Giles, Boeing
_____________________________________________________________
29. Match leg postures that lead to positive situations
For example, matching someone by crossing your legs with your
ankle resting on your knee encourages open communication.
_____________________________________________________________

Mark Coburn is an interpersonal communications specialist


and workshop facilitator. If you would like him to present at
your event, or you require more information,
email us with your details at

success@superself.com.au
_____________________________________________________________
30. Tilt your head to show interest
An occasional head tilt shows the other person that you are
interested in what they are saying.
_____________________________________________________________
31. Express honesty with open hands
When speaking to someone maintain an open hand posture that
encourages open communication.
_____________________________________________________________
32. Greet a visual person by saying
Its nice to see you today
The key word here is see. This will focus their thoughts
towards seeing you and most likely replying by saying something
remarkably similar.
_____________________________________________________________
33. Show visual people what it is you are communicating
Show them pictures or diagrams so they can see it on paper or
describe it to them so they can see it with their minds eye.
_____________________________________________________________
34. Gesture your message to visual people
If you are talking to a visual person use gestures to give them a
visual aid to support what you are saying.
________________________________________________________

Network Matters Australia SuperSelf


ABN 44 086 516 010 Your best investment is yourself 5
Copyright 2005
101 Interpersonal Communication Tips

________________________________________________________
You are your greatest asset.
Put your time,
35. Dont give too many verbal instructions to a visual person
Visual people get challenged when it comes to remembering verbal
effort and money
instructions. Remember, paint the picture and allow them to see it.
into training, grooming, _____________________________________________________________
and encouraging your 36. Be well dressed and groomed when you meet
greatest asset. a visual person
Tom Hopkins They like others who are neat, tidy and well organized.
_____________________________________________________________
37. Maintain good eye to eye contact with a visual person
A visual person will want to see you eye to eye. This helps them
focus their communications with you.
_____________________________________________________________
38. Take a visual person to nice places
They get stimulated by fully engaging their visual senses amongst
pleasant and colorful surroundings.
_____________________________________________________________
39. Farewell a visual person by saying Ill see you later
The visual word here that they will relate to is see.
_____________________________________________________________
40. Greet an auditory person by saying Its nice to hear the sound
of your voice
The key word here is hear. This will allow them to tune into their
auditory receptors.
_____________________________________________________________

For more information about the 4 different learning modes


(visual, auditory, kinesthetic and auditory digital) and how to
discern which is the preferred mode of another person,
enquire about our Advanced Interpersonal Communication
Skills eCourse.
Email us today with your details at

success@superself.com.au
_____________________________________________________________
41. Explain what it is you are saying to an auditory person
They are good listeners and need to hear what you have to say.
Talk to them, clearly articulating the words of your desired
communication.
_____________________________________________________________
42. Modulate the tone of your voice when speaking to an
auditory person
Its important that what you say sounds interesting as well as the
actual information itself.
________________________________________________________
Network Matters Australia SuperSelf
ABN 44 086 516 010 Your best investment is yourself 6
Copyright 2005
101 Interpersonal Communication Tips

_____________________________________________________________
"The Advanced Interpersonal
Communication Skills 43. Let auditory people talk
workshop has given me the They like to be heard. We have two ears and only one mouth.
benefit of being able to bet-
Listen to them and hear what it is they are saying to you.
_____________________________________________________________
ter deal with the different
44. Ask an auditory person what music they like
personality types. I would
They may even appreciate background music playing while you are
recommend this workshop
with them.
because it really explains _____________________________________________________________
a solid foundation to the 45. Praise auditory people verbally
sales process."
Thank them by telling them either in person or over the telephone.
Robert Bauman,
They like to hear your acknowledgement.
Count Wealth Accountants _____________________________________________________________
46. Farewell an auditory person by saying Ill talk to you later
The auditory word here that they will relate to is talk.
_____________________________________________________________
47. Connect with a kinesthetic person by saying How are you
feeling today
The key word here is feeling. This will support them to tap into
their feelings.
_____________________________________________________________
48. Speak relatively slowly to a kinesthetic person
so they can feel what you are saying.
_____________________________________________________________
49. Speak with feeling to a kinesthetic person
They will respond well to you if they feel a heart to heart
connection.
_____________________________________________________________
50. Demonstrate your point to a kinesthetic person with a
practical example
They like to take a hands on approach so it is easy for them to
relate to a tactile experience.
_____________________________________________________________
51. Be empathetic towards a kinesthetic persons feelings
by saying I appreciate how you feel about the situation.
_____________________________________________________________
52. Physically reward a kinesthetic person
This could be by means of a gift, a pat on the back or a handshake.
_____________________________________________________________
53. Allow a kinesthetic person to stand in your personal space
This is because they have a need to get a feel for you at an
energetic level to help them connect and build rapport.
________________________________________________________

Network Matters Australia SuperSelf


ABN 44 086 516 010 Your best investment is yourself 7
Copyright 2005
101 Interpersonal Communication Tips

_____________________________________________________________
The future depends on what
54. Farewell a kinesthetic person by saying Ill catch you later
we do in the present.
The kinesthetic word here that they will relate to is catch.
Mahatma Gandhi
_____________________________________________________________
55. Provide a detailed account of a situation to an auditory
digital person
These people like lots of information so they can formulate their
understanding.
_____________________________________________________________
56. Make sure you make sense of a situation when communicating
with an auditory digital person
They need to figure it all out so it needs to make sense.
_____________________________________________________________
57. Take notes when you are communicating with an auditory
digital person
This gives them an indication you are keeping an accurate record
of the situation.
_____________________________________________________________
58. Communicate your message in a sequential or logical way to an
auditory digital person
These people process and memorise information in sequences.
_____________________________________________________________
59. Give an auditory digital person something interesting to
consider
These people like mental stimulation and something to
think about.
_____________________________________________________________
60. Ask an auditory digital person What are your thoughts?
Create an opportunity for them to reflect on the situation and
share their thoughts.
_____________________________________________________________

To learn how to discern which is the primary personality


type of another person (dominant, inspiring, steady or
conscientious), enquire about our
Advanced Interpersonal Communication
Skills eCourse or our
Personality Profiling service.
Email us today with your details at

success@superself.com.au

Network Matters Australia SuperSelf


ABN 44 086 516 010 Your best investment is yourself 8
Copyright 2005
101 Interpersonal Communication Tips

________________________________________________________
"I have gained some solid
skills to apply to strengthen-
61. Learn to understand and auditory digital persons perspective
ing client relationships and on a situation
building sound new ones. As Ask them questions, be thoughtful, be curious and be
a result of this workshop, I the discoverer.
_____________________________________________________________
have an increased under-
standing on how to max- 62. Allow an auditory digital person to question the situation
imise client business through Questioning allows them to formulate a precise understanding.
_____________________________________________________________
better understanding how
they operate as individuals. 63. Farewell an auditory digital person by saying
The workshop was fun, prac- I am really appreciative of this experience
tical and educational." The auditory Digital words here that they will relate to are
Tricia Quan, ImpactPR. appreciative and experience.
_____________________________________________________________
64. Be direct and straight to the point with dominant people
The dominant personality type respects this type of approach.
_____________________________________________________________
65. Be decisive with dominant people
They dont like wasting time or time wasters.
_____________________________________________________________
66. Set a clear purpose at the beginning of the discussion with a
dominant person
This also shows your decisiveness and leadership which will earn
you respect.
_____________________________________________________________
67. Show a dominant person how they can be successful
The dominant personality type is highly motivated by results
and success.
_____________________________________________________________
68. Be clear, concise and time efficient when communicating with a
dominant person.
_____________________________________________________________
69. Provide a dominant person with clear choices
The dominant personality type has a need to be in charge.
Providing clear and concise choices leads them towards making a
decisive decision.
_____________________________________________________________
70. Focus any disagreements you may have with a dominant person
based on the facts.
_____________________________________________________________

Network Matters Australia SuperSelf


ABN 44 086 516 010 Your best investment is yourself 9
Copyright 2005
101 Interpersonal Communication Tips

________________________________________________________
Every great leap forward
71. Motivate a dominant person by being energetic and illustrating
in your life comes
the bottom line
after you have made
The dominant personality type will need to get the sense that you
a clear decision of some
are energetic and driven towards showing them the end goal.
kind. _____________________________________________________________
Brian Tracy
72. Do what you say you are going to do with a dominant person
You must demonstrate the ability to follow through on the task at
hand, otherwise you may lose trust and respect with the dominant
personality type.
_____________________________________________________________
73. Greet an inspiring person by saying I am thrilled to meet you.
The key word here for the inspiring personality type is thrilled.
_____________________________________________________________
74. Have fun when interacting with an inspiring person
The inspiring personality type likes fun, entertainment and
enjoyment.
_____________________________________________________________
75. Acknowledge the accomplishments of an inspiring person
This personality type thrives on recognition.
_____________________________________________________________
76. Be animated when speaking to an inspiring person
You need to keep up the level of interest with the inspiring
personality type. They sometimes have a tendency to get bored
during a conversation.
_____________________________________________________________
77. Make an impression with an inspiring person.
_____________________________________________________________
78. Focus on the goals of an inspiring person
The facts and figures can be boring to the inspiring personality
type, so keep them focused on the positive consequences of their
future accomplishments.
_____________________________________________________________
79. Interact frequently with an inspiring person
This may be a chat on the phone or at a coffee shop.
_____________________________________________________________
80. Motivate an inspiring person by helping them translate talk and
ideas into specific actions.
_____________________________________________________________
81. Listen to the ideas of an inspiring person
The inspiring personality type likes to come up with new ideas.
This stimulates and excites them.
_____________________________________________________________

Network Matters Australia SuperSelf


ABN 44 086 516 010 Your best investment is yourself 10
Copyright 2005
101 Interpersonal Communication Tips

_____________________________________________________________
"The Advanced
Interpersonal 82. Finish the intended discussion with an inspiring person
Communication Skills
This is important, even if it takes a little longer than planned.
Avoid abruptly closing the discussion.
workshop has enabled me to _____________________________________________________________
deal more effectively with
83. Open the discussion with a steady person by asking how their
people of all personality
family is, or a specific family member
types.
The steady personality type appreciates this as you are showing an
I recommend this workshop interest in their personal situation and the people they care for.
because it was informative, _____________________________________________________________
well structured, fun and 84. Ask a steady person How can I support you?
interactive. It was very The steady personality type is very supportive of other and will
professional in terms of the appreciate the same in return.
_____________________________________________________________
presentation, the venue and
the handout material. 85. Be friendly and comforting with a steady person.
_____________________________________________________________
I have learnt a lot of great
86. Avoid imposing too much change too quickly with a
information that I need to
steady person
continue to absorb over
The steady personality type likes stability. Status quo suits
time."
them well.
Marni Taylor, 2005 _____________________________________________________________
87. Take the initiative and provide leadership and direction with a
steady person
The steady personality type feels comfortable in following the
leadership of others.
_____________________________________________________________
88. Avoid rushing a steady person
Youll need to go at their pace, otherwise they may feel
uncomfortable.
_____________________________________________________________
89. During a time of change, help a steady person put their mind at
ease by offering a safe and seamless transition
_____________________________________________________________

Mark Coburn is an interpersonal communications expert


and workshop facilitator. If you would like to experience his
full day Advanced Interpersonal Communication Skills
workshop where you will learn how to put all of these tips
into action, email us at success@superself.com.au
with your details or go to www.superself.com.au
to book into the next event.

Network Matters Australia SuperSelf


ABN 44 086 516 010 Your best investment is yourself 11
Copyright 2005
101 Interpersonal Communication Tips

_____________________________________________________________
If you always do what
you've always done,
90. Avoid conflict as much as possible with a steady person
you'll always get what
One of the biggest fears of the steady personality type is conflict.
_____________________________________________________________
you've always got.
91. Provide reassurance about what you are offering a steady person
Anonymous
It can also be useful to offer a personal guarantee to the steady
personality type.
_____________________________________________________________
92. Prove your credibility with a conscientious person to earn
their respect
Otherwise, the conscientious personality type will be cautious
about making decisions that involve you.
_____________________________________________________________
93. Be on time when meeting with a conscientious person
They like precision and punctuality.
_____________________________________________________________
94. Communicate in a logical way to the conscientious person
It needs to make sense to them.
_____________________________________________________________
95. Be objective with a conscientious person
Clearly state your objectives upfront and make sure you achieve
these objectives on time and as agreed.
_____________________________________________________________
96. Be patient with a conscientious person
They are not likely to make a quick decision, but when they do
they are usually very committed.
_____________________________________________________________
97. Ensure you provide a comprehensive answer for the
conscientious person
This personality type appreciates a detailed and well thought
out response.
_____________________________________________________________
98. Ask a conscientious person Do you require further
information?
This also demonstrates your dedication towards being
comprehensive and thorough.
_____________________________________________________________
99. Be accurate and precise when communicating with a
conscientious person
This personality type responds well to quality, perfection
and accuracy.
________________________________________________________

Network Matters Australia SuperSelf


ABN 44 086 516 010 Your best investment is yourself 12
Copyright 2005
101 Interpersonal Communication Tips

_____________________________________________________________
"Advanced Interpersonal
Communication Skills has 100. Clearly present value for money to the conscientious person
given me the ability to The conscientious personality type needs to understand the facts,
understand who I am and
figures and benefits of what you are suggesting.
_____________________________________________________________
my makeup. I now realise
101. Finally, to ALL people, be fully present and highly focused
that people are not just
during a conversation
their face. I will always look
Avoid allowing your thoughts to drift off somewhere else.
back into the workshop
Otherwise, you may miss something the other person is saying.
manual to confirm my
___________________________________________________________________
understanding of certain
people."
Paul McCandless,
Prestigious Indoor Plants

Feel free to contact us if you would like to learn more about


our products, services or workshops from one of our coaches.

Your best investment is yourself

PO Box 627 Spring Hill


Queensland 4004
Australia

Freecall 1800 005 013


(Australian residents)

International Tel +617 3276 0108


Fax +617 3276 0622
E-mail success@superself.com.au

www.superself.com.au
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ABN 44 086 516 010 Your best investment is yourself 13
Copyright 2005