For the most part, the author did an excellent job in informing the reader about the topic

she is

discussing. The introduction is brief, informative and helpful in providing a background around

the subject of the article she is writing about. Although the introduction is good in providing

background information, it does not have a thesis. Moreover, the last sentence of the introduction

can be implemented at an earlier part of the paragraph, possibly the first or second sentence, in

order to introduce the reader to the actual article being discussed.

The voice of the article is confident, but at times can be a little awkward. As a reader, I felt that

the first sentence of paragraph five could have been worded in a better way that made the essay

more fluent. The same could be said about the first sentence in the second paragraph.

Likewise, the author is consistent with her topic sentences in that they are strong and tell the

reader exactly what the paragraph is going to detail. Although the topic sentences are strong and

tell the reader about the subject of the paragraph, some of the sentences that follow are not

related to the topic sentence. It was difficult for as a reader to understand what exactly each

paragraph was about because multiple ideas were present in each. In the second paragraph the

author talks about the purpose of the article in the topic sentence then the next sentence goes

straight to the type of tone the author of the article adopts. Similarly, in the third paragraph the

author begins talking about tone and then the next sentence is about the audience. I also feel that

the fourth paragraph could have a stronger and clear topic sentence that could define what the

paragraph is really about because I was not too sure whether it was about the purpose of the

article or the audience.

Moreover, the author does a good job in mentioning important points the such as pathos, ethos,

logos, tone, etc. The only thing I could say about their uses is that it could use more analysis and

organization. Since the paragraphs contain a little bit of everything by putting all of the sentences

about one subject such as about the audience in one paragraph and all the sentences about tone in

another then the essay would have a more fluent flow. The author mentions logos and ethos in

the third paragraph, but no explanation of how the two are used is given. Similarly, the fifth

paragraph mentions pathos once, but does not go into how it used. The fifth paragraph goes into

a little about how it pathos is used, but I feel the argument about the use of pathos can be

stronger if a little more analysis is given. I feel that the author should use more analysis in

explaining the importance of quotes when they are used and avoid summarizing what is already

said in the quote. In the fourth paragraph, instead of using the last sentence to summarize the

quote, discuss as to why the quote is important and the effect it should have on the reader. In the

fifth paragraph, the same can be said about the sentence that starts off with the words these

quotes may not By replacing that sentence with an analysis as to why a revolutionary idea

for a higher education is important in the context of the article.

Another issue that should be resolved is the use of citations in the essay. The author did not put

the authors name in parenthesis after each quote. Additionally, the quote in the third paragraph is

four lines long and should either be condensed, paraphrased, or put into a block quote.

Overall, the essay has a good foundation. If the author adds more analysis about the quotes and

devices, uses proper citations, and reworks how each paragraph is organized then this essay

should be as solid as solid can be.