#TL12A: DINGING AND DEDINGING -- SUBTLE

SUPPRESSION -- SELF-SABOTAGE
Compiled and edited by Frederick Mann
Copyright 2001 Build Freedom Holdings ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

DINGING IS LIKE A VERBAL SLAP IN THE FACE!

-- SOMETIMES BY AN INVISIBLE HAND!

"Thank you for your website! It made me believe that there is indeed a guiding force
that leads you to understanding when you sincerely seek understanding. I would like
to tell you of a recent experience that revealed to me the severe damaging effects of
dinging in our personal lives. I was my own dinger and the result was a battle that in
the past undermined my whole life.
I am extremely talented in many areas but in my own eyes it has in the past never
been good enough. My energy level has usually been low. I used to feel somewhat
depressed daily.
Recently my nephew and niece from Europe visited the US and I was invited to join
them at the beach. One of them is 19 and I had not seen him in years. My niece is 16. I
spent a great day with them. The next day, I sprang out of bed at 6am and started
working with unusual energy to the music of the Beatles. At one point I was dancing
in front of a mirror. I accomplished so many things that day and my life was hopeful.
After reading in your website I realized what had happened to me. That day at the
beach, my nephew gave me an incredible amount of attention. He wanted to know
about my life and he insisted that I tell him about the screenplays I was writing. I
asked him, "Are you really interested?" He said it was great and he wanted to know
the end of the story. My niece gave me big smiles and she was interested in my
explanation of the world through the eyes of quantum mechanics, which is my
interest. All of a sudden, I found myself interesting, funny, entertaining. I felt
accepted, admired and respected. No dinging whatsoever, on the contrary, only
gratitude. It was as if my nephew and niece were grateful that they had un uncle like
me. My sudden life explosion was directly caused by that day. I am grateful that the
light led me to your website because I feel excited and full of hope all of a sudden. I
have realized that I, myself, have been a big time dinger in the past and now I will set
about the task of stopping that.
Thank you again!!!" -- J.V. (8/23/07)

In #TL074: Peme-Theory - Basic, Intermediate & Advanced, I (Frederick Mann)

wrote the following:
Dinging and Dedinging
A few years ago I heard of businessman Kingsley Wimbush who operated a company
in California. He and his personnel apparently became phenomenally successful,
partly because of his recognition of "dinging." Many of us, most days, experience all
kinds of little disappointments, verbal putdowns, negative self-talk, and the general
negative effects of Slavespeak. These negative incidents constitute dinging. I suspect
that some people allow themselves to be gradually "dragged down" by dinging in a
cumulative manner.

The cumulative allowing yourself to be "dragged down" can manifest as "burnout." It

tends to be particularly noticeable among those salespeople who by the nature of their
occupations have to deal with many more rejections than successful sales. (The book
'NewSell' by Dr. Michael Hewitt-Gleeson also contains some important information
on this topic -- see http://www.sot.com.au.)

"Dedinging" is a procedure whereby, every day, we recover from all that day's dinging
incidents. I haven't yet come across the details of the dedinging procedure. I suspect
it's one of the greatest "increasers of personal power." We need to track it down or
redevelop it.

Fortunately, someone who asked to be known as "Big Richard" responded to the

above. I've edited and expanded his report.

Subtle Suppression by "Big Richard"

I came across your site some years ago, and noticed the reference to Kingsley
Wimbush and the handling of Subtle Suppression [dedinging] he developed. I thought
I might write up my understanding of it. I was in San Jose, California in the early
1980s attending a class at a software company that I worked for at the time. I had
heard some incredible stories about something going on at the Wimbush company,
also in San Jose.

I had been a successful member of the United States Marine Corps (USMC) as an
Aerial Navigator, and had been a member of the United States Air Force in Supply. I
have also done two stints in the United States Army reserve National guard. I have
four honorable discharges for my service career. So I had some large groups to
compare them to, and had experienced a great deal of fun and also seen how not to run
groups.

Since then I've also been part of several successful startup software companies and the
knowledge I gained from my San Jose trip has been very useful. I visited the
Wimbush company and noticed several things. First, there was a very large number of
people. Second, the "tone level" of the place (the emotional level people were
operating at) was very high. Third, there was a lot of happy motion and production
going on. It looked much like a more successful version of my time on USMC air
crew, which had consisted of tightly knit groups of flyers working together happily
and effectively.

I was astounded by the productivity I observed at the Wimbush company. So it

seemed the stories were true. At the time they were grossing close to 190,000 to
200,000 of product sales per week, and were delivering at a high level of service to
support those sales. Production at the company at one time had been at a very flat,
consistent 10,000 per week sales level and delivery for several years.

I was so impressed that I enrolled in a productivity course at the Wimbush company. I

was given a "twin" (a "buddy" to study with) and shown a video tape of Kingsley
discussing an evaluation he had done and what had led up to the incredible increase in
productivity. The video tape included some exercises.

Kingsley was a highly trained executive and had been involved in business training
for several years. He had recruited a good staff, trained them well, and they were on a
commission system. Things went OK, but he never could get the production above the
level of about 10,000 sales per week, with the same level of delivery. Then he took a
management course on how to analyze situations of stagnating productivity.

What the management course taught him is that you first observe and identify the
"current situation." Then you define or describe the "ideal situation" -- what would the
"perfect situation" be? Then you identify the largest shortcoming in the current
situation -- the major difference between the current situation and the ideal situation.
Then you look for an explanation of "WHY" the current situation lags so far behind
the ideal situation.

A section of the management course was called "Name, Want and Get Your Product."
The product was what you were supposed to produce, such as a new sale, or a course
supervised, or a bill sent out. The idea is that first you define exactly what you are
supposed to produce and name it ("Name"). Then you need to really desire to create
this product and the subproducts necessary to produce it, including learning better
how to do it, etc. ("Want"). And then you would work hard at making, doing, or
producing the subproducts and end-product ("Get"). This process should result in
increased production.

The management course said something interesting: Sometimes people don't really
want their product when they are in the presence of suppression. The course used the
term "Subtle Suppression." It distinguished between overt suppression and covert
suppression.
Kingsley then carefully observed people doing their jobs in his company to see if he
could find instances of subtle or covert suppression. He noticed things like:

A supervisor would complete a student from a course, and the student had done
well. But instead of being praised by other employees, the supervisor would get
comments like, "How come he didn't finish faster?" or, "When I supervised, my
students were better'."

A sales person would complete a sale and instead of being praised, he would
get comments that didn't make him feel better about what he had done.

Kingsley realized that this was "failure to properly acknowledge something good" and
noticed that it acted like suppression. The person it was done to wasn't happier, more
productive, rearing to go. They kind of caved in a bit, often without even realizing it.
And it wasn't easy to see, it was subtle. He decided to use the word "dinging" to
describe this subtle suppression.

[Editor: A key aspect of dinging or subtle suppression is that it's subtle -- not easily
seen. Example, a store clerk asks, "How are you?" You respond, "Very well, how
about you?" She ignores your response. You suspect she has no interest in you and
merely spoke like a robot. Suddenly, you don't feel quite as well as before she ignored
your response. You may not even notice feeling slightly worse. The second key aspect
of dinging is to realize the parts of it you do to yourself. You "interpreted" the
behavior of the clerk in some way and made yourself feel worse as a result. The
incident may even have triggered an "automatic voice" in your head, "She doesn't
really care," or some such -- see #TL12: How to Achieve Emotional Control. A third
key aspect of dinging is that the effects are usually cumulative -- after each dinging
incident you tend to feel progressively worse. A fourth and most important aspect of
dinging is that the failure to properly acknowledge or thank people "acts" like a form
of dinging.]

Kingsley continued looking and noticed other similar things. So he said to himself,
"Maybe this is the "WHY" -- subtle suppression is taking place and is keeping people
from wanting their products, so they produce less.

One key point about the right WHY is that when you identify the exact right WHY --
the big bug that explains everything else -- practically everyone you explain this to,
will say, "That's it, it's the right reason," and magically people will help get it fixed. If
it's not the right WHY people will disagree, and you get resistance to getting it
corrected. Having observed the subtle suppression, Kingsley needed to see if it really
was the right WHY.
[Mark Lindsay: "I wonder how accurate this statement is. Could not one person see
something others don't?" Editor: I think it's wishful thinking to expect that when you
identify the right WHY, people will automatically agree with you and start making
changes and improvements. In fact, they may even persecute you for pointing out the
right WHY, as happened with Dr. Ignaz Semmelweis -- see"Semmelweis-Reflex".]

So he talked this over with his number two man. He explained what he had been
doing, and what he had observed, and they talked about it. His number two agreed that
it was the right WHY, and they started talking back and forth, telling each other about
things like that they had done, or had done to them or seen others do. Before he knew
it, two hours had passed and his number two had to go to another meeting.

Kingsley noticed something very interesting. As he and his number two were talking,
and saying, "Yeah, I remember seeing this person do...." the other person would
interrupt and say, "I have a better one...," and there was just this explosion of
examples that came up. Afterward they both felt a lot better. Kingsley looked at this,
and said that's very odd, there was this explosion of examples, and we both felt better.
Maybe this is the right WHY.

Now, when you have found the right WHY, you need to come up with a bright idea on
how to handle it. Okay, so there is subtle suppression going on. How do we fix this?
Kingsley looked at what had happened with his number two and said maybe the fix is,
we go over the evaluation, and then we have people find examples with a "twin" or
"buddy," and see if things go better. So he did this at a staff meeting. People did the
"process," stating examples of how they had done this subtle suppression, or had it
done to them, or seen it done to others. The time flew by and people looked better.
During the next week, production increased above the 10,000 per week sales level. So
he continued doing this, and the production went up and up and up -- 10,000 up to
180,000 - 200,000 or more per week!

There were several specific things he found to discuss, and he went over them in his
video tape. The way my "twin" and I did the tape, was we would watch part of the
tape, come up to an exercise, and stop the tape, and do it. We found the same
phenomena, we would interrupt each other with, "Oh, I've got a better one..." and just
get blown out with all of the things like that we had seen, and then we would do the
next section of the tape. It was probably one of the most beneficial things I have ever
done in my life.

[Editor: I would appreciate receiving details of the exercises from anyone who has
done this training. Please send to f-prime@buildfreedom.com.]
After I had completed my course, I attended a graduation ceremony at the Wimbush
company. Every Friday night, people who had finished a course during the week
would be brought up to be acknowledged, and validated. There were about 300 people
at this graduation, sitting on folding metal chairs. The first person was announced.
There followed several minutes of the loudest most incredible, clapping, stomping,
chair pounding, yelling validation of a person I had ever seen. And of course you
should have seen the person who had finished the course, he looked like he had won
the Academy Award or some other very high honor. And the next person was
announced, and the incredible acknowledgement went on.

After two weeks there, I went home on a Saturday. My voice hurt from the yelling,
my hands were sore from the clapping, my feet were sore from the stomping. On the
Monday after I got back home, I went to a local meeting in my town. I had the
opportunity to relate my experiences in San Jose. This brought about the most
startling changes in the people at the meeting, who suddenly started doing much better
in life. When I was talking about the graduation, some people at the meeting started
crying when they realized how they had been stopped and suppressed by people "on
their side." The realization changed their lives.

[Editor: It's important to realize that much of the time people really stop and suppress
themselves with a more or less unconscious and automatic reaction to what is said or
done to them.]

I heard that many (30 or more) of those people jumped into immediate action after
being stuck for months or years. It was the best I had ever felt in my life. I started
attacking life, and embarked on the most incredible and productive phase I have ever
had, attaining one thing after another, by naming, wanting and getting my products --
not being subtly suppressive to others and not allowing myself to be subtly
suppressed. I've often told other people that I felt like someone had lit a Saturn V
moon rocket under me and the flame never went out again.

Kingsley feels it's a progressive thing, that you can benefit from doing it [dedinging]
over and over and over. And in time, people stop doing it to you, as you no longer do
it to others.

[http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary:

Main Entry: ding

Pronunciation: 'di[ng]
Function: verb
Etymology: probably imitative
Date: 1582
transitive senses : to dwell on with tiresome repetition <keeps dinging it into him that
the less he smokes the better -- Samuel Butler died 1902>
intransitive senses 1 : to make a ringing sound : CLANG
2 : to speak with tiresome reiteration

(A correspondent wrote me: "In Surfing, a "Ding" is an area of damage on the

surfboard. Most boards are fiberglass (at least they were when I was surfing), and any
bump can result in damage, from small cracks to larger holes. Therefore "Dedinging"
would be repairing this damage."

Editor: I use the words "ding" and "dinging" in a wider sense, as reflected by the
examples below.]

"Big Richard's" Areas of Subtle Suppression (Dinging):

Saying something hostile in a "nice" way.

Failing to properly acknowledge or thank people.

Not keeping promises or appointments.

Being dismissive, rude, or discourteous.

Not flowing power to people you depend on.

Not defending people you depend on. (There are others, I don't have the list in
front of me.)

[Editor's Areas of Subtle (and not so Subtle) Suppression (Dinging): It's

interesting that when I started adding to the above list, I came up with an "explosion"
of items:

Subtle or covert put-downs.

Mocking people or showing disrespect toward them.

Ignoring people or what they say.

Making snide or sarcastic remarks.

Malicious gossip and back-stabbing.

 Treating people as if they're unimportant.

Being teased and/or bullied.

Personal rejection; rejection of your suggestions, work, or products.

Being lied to, deceived, tricked, cheated, or betrayed.

Treating people as if they're stupid.

Trash-talk (disparaging, taunting, or boastful comments especially between

opponents trying to intimidate each other).

Being condescending or patronizing.

Being reprimanded or punished.

Treating people as if they are property or slaves.

Taxing people.

Forcing or coercing people.

Being evaluated as a disappointment, failure or loser.

Jokes, insults, slurs, or discrimination based on color, race, ethnicity, age,

gender, body weight, sexual orientation, religion, etc.

Being pulled over for "driving while black" or harassed by customs agents
because of your "profile."

Office politics.

Nagging.

Being given low grades.

Being cut off in traffic.

Ridiculing, trivializing, or invalidating people or what they say.

 Being laid off or fired from your job.

Bicameral-2-type make-wrong (see 'The Bicameral Model of the Mind').

Humiliation, particularly in public.

Backhanded "compliments." (A teacher once said to me, "If you're the best in
the class, what must the worst be like?" I actually felt good about this because
it was the first time I realized he thought I was the best in the class!)

From Mark Lindsay: In general, invalidating rather than validating self and
others.]

The proof for me of the value of Kingsley's work is that every group it has been
introduced to, became much more productive. Not in a small way, but in a very big
way. So I'd like acknowledge Kingsley Wimbush for coming up with this, It really
changed my life for the better.

The Gratitude Response

by Frederick Mann

"The essence of all beautiful art, all great art, is gratitude." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Ingratitude is the essence of vileness." -- Immanuel Kant

I acknowledge and thank Kingsley Wimbush for recognizing dinging and dedinging
and sharing them with others. And I thank "Big Richard" for sending me his report.

Mark Lindsay: "Acknowledging and thanking could also trigger the "gratitude
response" in you, which I've read is beneficial. So thanking and acknowledging could
benefit both you and the other." I thank and acknowledge Mark Lindsay for bringing
the gratitude response to my attention. Most of this section is based on information he
provided.

The following points have been extracted from "Gratitude Makes You Healthier,
Smarter" by NewsMax.com Wires; Wednesday, Jan. 10, 2001: NEW YORK (UPI)
There is one virtue on which the pious, the philosophers and even deniers of God
seem to agree, and that's gratitude.

To Buddha gratitude was an attribute of noble persons.

Cicero considered gratitude "the parent of all other virtues."

 According to research data accumulated by Robert A. Emmons, professor of
psychology at the University of California, Davis, gratitude makes you
healthier, smarter and more energetic. Emmons made participants in his study
keep weekly journals of gratitude, and then compared them with others who
didn't jot down who they should thank and what for. The grateful ones, he
found, "exercised more regularly, reported fewer physical symptoms, felt better
about their lives as a whole and where more optimistic about the upcoming
week."

In a second study, Emmons introduced a "daily gratitude intervention," which

he describes as "self-guided exercises with young results." The results were
"higher reported levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, attentiveness
and energy."

Emmons' research partner, professor Michael McCollough of Southern

Methodist University, theorized that gratitude has three social functions: 1. It is
a moral barometer. 2. It is a moral motive that prompts people to behave
themselves pro-socially. 3. It is a moral reinforcer. When people put their
gratitude in words or actions they increase the likelihood of further benevolent
actions.

Benedictine monk and author David Steindl-Rast considers gratitude an

"overall life orientation."

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice."
-- Meister Eckhart

"When eating bamboo sprouts, remember the man who planted them." -- Chinese
Proverb

"Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel." -- Author Unknown

"Grace isn't a little prayer you chant before receiving a meal. It's a way to live." --
Jackie Windspear

"You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the
opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and
grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing,
dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink." -- G.K. Chesterton

"This is what binds all people and all creation together -- the gratuity of the gift of
being." -- Matthew Fox
"An attitude of gratitude creates blessings." -- Sir John Marks Templeton

See "Kindling the Science of Gratitude".

Since beginning to work on this report, I've noticed in myself a greater positiveness
and openness toward others.

[Mark Lindsay: The other night I caught part of an Elton John concert on PBS while
eating dinner. He played his trademark song, "Your Song." A passage in the song was
an expression of gratitude and acknowledgement:
And you can tell everybody this
is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world.]

Setting Yourself Up to Not be Dinged

by Frederick Mann

Whenever you attempt to "reach out" to another person, you take the risk of being
rejected or dinged. If you send someone an email, you risk being dinged by the
response. Whenever you post anything to an Internet mailing list or forum, you take
the risk of getting dinged. If you ask a woman in a bar if you can buy her a drink, you
risk being dinged. If you spend any time in the presence of a compulsive dinger, you
greatly increase the chances that you'll be dinged. If you drive a car, you risk being
dinged by inconsiderate, careless, or rude drivers. If you try to sell anything or market
on the Internet, the chances are overwhelming that you'll be dinged. If you get some
"bright idea" and tell your family and friends about it, chances are good that you'll be
dinged. If you play any competitive game such as football, soccer, basketball,
baseball, golf, hockey, tennis, cricket, chess, bridge, etc., you will certainly get dinged
-- even if you're a Michael Jordan or a Tiger Woods. If you publish your writing, you
take the risk of being dinged.

Whenever you ding anyone else, that person may respond with a "stronger" ding, i.e.,
return your ding with interest. By dinging others, you set yourself up to be dinged.
Obviously, an important way to set yourself up to not be dinged is to stop dinging
others. In general, it works much better to thank, acknowledge, praise, and validate
others.

There may be situations where if you get dinged, the best strategy is to respond with a
more powerful ding in order to "defeat" your opponent. You may even get a reputation
that it's dangerous to ding you, because you always have a more powerful response.
However, the general strategy of trying to "outding" others is dangerous, because it
may lead to an escalating series of dings. It may even result in physical violence
against yourself or your property. You can usually walk away from a ding.

If you allow dings to upset you -- more precisely, you upset yourself as a reaction to
dings -- you set yourself up to being dinged. So, developing and improving your
ability to choose positive responses to dings, reduces the chances of getting dinged.
(Mark Lindsay: There is important information in #TL12: How to Achieve Emotional
Control on this.") In general, it's a waste of time and effort to attempt to ding someone
who always responds positively.

In general, you get dinged after "placing a piece of information" in the presence of
another. You can choose both the "piece of information" and the person(s) in whose
presence you "place" it. You can also observe the consequences of "placing pieces of
information" and learn from them. So you can improve the quality of the "pieces of
information." You can also learn to better select the person(s) in whose presence you
"place" them. If you send a "stupid email" or post a "stupid message," you set yourself
up to be dinged. If you use a clumsy or inappropriate way of approaching a stranger,
you set yourself up to be dinged.

[Mark Lindsay: In his book 'Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal

Freedom,' William Glasser suggests thinking of your relations with other people in
terms of exchanging information.

In fact, there may be useful information in 'Choice Theory' regarding dinging and
dedinging, particularly Glasser's "internal control psychology" (Choice Theory) vs.
"external control psychology." (Editor: According to Glasser, the world is essentially
ruled by three beliefs, the third of which includes: "It is right, it is even my moral
obligation, to ridicule, threaten, or punish those who don't do what I tell them to do..."
Abandoning external control psychology and adopting Choice Theory will go a long
way toward eliminating dinging.)

Glasser's book 'The Language of Choice Theory' has many examples of how to
rephrase what you say to others so you don't ding them. See also 'How to Keep People
from Pushing Your Buttons' by Albert Ellis & Arthur Lange.]

The Dedinging Process

by Frederick Mann

From "Big Richard's" report it's clear that in any cooperative group or family it's
extremely important for members to be highly supportive of one another. Individually,
it's important to regularly spend some time dedinging yourself. You can identify any
instances of dinging you've been subjected to and you can articulate them by writing
them down or telling someone else about them. You can notice how you interpreted
them, reacted to them, and how you felt afterward. You can come to realize that you
created your reaction and how you felt. Fundamentally, your negative reactions to
being dinged are a form of subtle self-sabotage. You can become more aware of how,
in the past, you typically reacted to some forms of dinging. You can also become more
aware of how you've been deliberately or unconsciously dinging others and how they
reacted. You can stop dinging others. Whenever you feel "a little down," you can
deding yourself. In particular, you can acknowledge and thank yourself for your
achievements. It may also be worthwhile to arrange for regular dedinging sessions
with a "buddy" or "twin."

A key understanding is that you have the ability to control yourself and how you
respond to situations. You have the choice to allow yourself to feel worse after being
dinged. You also have the choice to not be affected negatively by dinging -- though
you may have to do some work to improve the ability to make this choice.

Mark Lindsay: "I personally overcame my automatic reaction of feeling bad or worse
in such scenarios as a result of studying Gurdjieff and some aspects of cognitive
psychology. The key for me was to learn how to not take such responses from others
personally. (E.g., the other person may just be having a bad day and his/her response
actually has nothing to do with you.) You adopt a more objective or impersonal
perspective. (Note: "impersonal" here does not mean you become a "cold fish" in the
way you behave; rather, it refers to your viewpoint or perspective.) I also observed
how my own responses to others could vary based on my current emotional and
physiological states. I reasoned that others do this as well and that I need not take their
responses too personally."

Here are some exercises that may be worthwhile:

(a) Learning to Acknowledge, Thank, and Praise. Two people take turns
acknowledging, thanking, and praising each other. One person says or does anything.
The other acknowledges, thanks, and praises by saying, "Thank you!", clapping,
whistling, shouting, stomping feet, etc. The more emphatic the acknowledgment,
thanks, and praise, the better. A variation of the exercise would be to have a group
take turns acknowledging, thanking, and praising what one of the members says or
does. [Mark Lindsay: 'I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better,' by Gary & Joy
Lundberg contains very important information on validation and dedinging. Chapter
Six contains a list of effective validating phrases and questions.]
(b) Deliberate Dinging. Two people take turns deliberately dinging each other. The
dinger starts with relatively innocuous dings and gradually "turns up the heat." The
dingee simply acknowledges each ding with "thank you!", "great!", "good!", etc. It's
OK also to smile happily in response to a ding. It's very important that the dinger
starts of gently, and that "turning up the heat" is done very gradually. You don't want
the dingee to be overwhelmed by vicious dings. It will also help if the dinger knows
enough about the dingee to push the right buttons in order to get under the dingee's
skin. The purpose of the exercise is for dingees to improve their ability to consciously
choose positive responses to whatever dings they receive. If a dingee responds
negatively -- e.g., gets sad, depressed, angry, etc. -- then the dinger continues with the
same ding until the dinger responds positively. It may also be necessary to "turn down
the heat" and retreat to less offensive dings and then later return to the one the dingee
is having difficulty with. A variation of the exercise would be to have multiple dingers
all dinging the same dingee. [See also 'How to Keep People from Pushing Your
Buttons' by Albert Ellis & Arthur Lange.]
(c) Don't Get Dinged. The purpose of this exercise is to improve the ability to "reach
out" to people in ways that reduce the risk that you'll be dinged. One (first) person
"reaches out" to another by saying or doing something. The other (second) person
responds in one of two ways: (i) An appropriate ding; (ii) Suggestions for improving
the method of "reaching out." The only objective of the second person is to assist the
first person to improve his or her ability to "reach out." A variation of the exercise
would be to have one first person and multiple "second persons."
(d) Verbal Self-Defense. Suzette Haden Elgin has written many books on linguistics,
including 'The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense.' Study this book and do its
exercises. Learn to respond to verbal attacks without dinging your attacker.
(e) Mark Lindsay: Identify and Stop Self-Dinging. For example, you say to yourself
or to another person: "I never win at tennis." Richard Wetherill's 'Dictionary of
Typical Command Phrases' is an encyclopedia of things people say to and about
themselves that constitute self-dinging. Some self-dinging can come in the form of
"automatic thoughts." See #TL12: How to Achieve Emotional Control and Aaron T.
Beck's 'Cognitive Theory and the Emotional Disorders.' Editor: Make a special effort
to observe what you think and say to yourself. Make a list of anything that might
constitute self-dinging. You could even keep a journal.
(f) Reprogram Yourself with Self-Talk. Get the books 'What to Say When You Talk to
Your Self,' The Self-Talk Solution,' and 'Choices' by Shad Helmstetter. Study and
apply them.
(g) If you have suggestions to improve the above exercises or for additional exercises,
please send them to me at f-prime@buildfreedom.com.

Dinging and Bicameral Stage 2

by Frederick Mann

See 'The Bicameral Model of the Mind'. In their evolutionary progress, many humans
are in what I call "bicameral stage 2" in respect of some of their thinking, emoting,
and behaving. I call this "proto-consciousness," characterized by:
Automatic feelings and thoughts tell you what to do. You behave like:
(a) A true believer (sometimes a fanatic fighter for a "great cause"); or
(b) A helpless wimp (languishing in apathy, sometimes complaining); or
(c) A self-righteous preacher (making self "right" and others "wrong"); or
(d) A macho rebel (compulsively fighting "the system," "the IRS," "the government").
Being "right" is paramount.

Making others "wrong" is a central aspect of bicameral stage 2. So dinging is

quintessential bicameral-stage-2 behavior. The more or less automatic and
unconscious reaction of feeling bad or upset after being dinged is also quintessential
bicameral-stage-2 behavior. At this time, dinging is a central aspect of most, possibly
all human cultures. Young humans tend to engage in a great deal of dinging,
sometimes viciously so. My father was a compulsive dinger. For every good thing he
said about anyone or anything, he probably said ten or more bad things. He was also a
compulsive dingee with a violent temper. He seemed to live in a world full of dingers
determined to ding him at every opportunity. If you work at a job, chances are that
you get dinged at least once a day. If you have to deal with bureaucrats (both in
government and large corporations), you may experience being dinged. You might
even get frustrated -- i.e., make yourself feel frustrated!

A great deal of dinging can occur on Internet mailing lists and forums. Suppose you're
a subscriber of "List X." You consider most of the other subscribers to be educated
and intelligent. Some of the long-time subscribers form a kind of "insider clan" or "in-
group." You're not part of the in-group. You post something you think important and
of interest to the list. Your post is ignored or ridiculed. Some members of the in-group
seem to take turns to come up with "clever" ways to ding you. For example, you could
post a message about this report. The only responses you get are snide or sarcastic
comments, while the essence of your post is ignored. The list may have a "dinging
culture" with a significant portion of the posts including some dinging -- or a great
deal of dinging.

On the back cover of 'Metaphors We Live By' by George Lakoff and Mark Johnson:
Take the conceptual metaphor ARGUMENT IS WAR. We say: "He attacked every
weak point in my argument:; "Your claims are indefensible"; "I demolished his
argument." But as the authors write, "It is important that to see that we don't
just talk about arguments in terms of war. We can actually win or lose arguments. We
see the person we are arguing with as an opponent. We attack his positions and we
defend our own... It is in this sense that the ARGUMENT IS WAR metaphor is one we
live by in this culture; it structures the actions we perform in arguing."

I expect that by becoming more aware of the dinging phenomenon, and repeatedly
dedinging yourself, you can take major steps toward transcending bicameral stage 2. I
also expect that by advancing to a more conscious stage, you can become
considerably more productive -- see 'The Bicameral Model of the Mind':
(a) You have largely mastered your feelings and emotions.
(b) You have the ability to critically examine every concept, every thought, every
action.
(c) You strive to increase your competence in every aspect of your life.
(d) You carefully observe the results you produce, using that as feedback to improve
your concepts, thoughts, communications, and actions.
(e) Producing results is paramount.

You can "Name" your "products" (what you wish to produce or achieve). You can
really "Want" your products and do the necessary preparation to produce them. And
you "Get" your products. Like "Big Richard," you can feel "like someone had lit a
Saturn V moon rocket under me and the flame never went out again!"

Imagine your family members dedinging themselves regularly and gradually, rather
than ding one another, acknowledge, thank, and praise one another. Imagine the same
happening with your co-workers. Imagine societies in which dinging has been greatly
reduced. It might be a good idea for you to share the dinging phenomenon and
dedinging process with as many people as you can!

Dinging and Dedinging may just be a major breakthrough with the potential to change
the world!

In 'The Language Imperative,' Suzette Haden Eglin convincingly makes the case that
metaphors can be powerful instruments to change people's ideas, attitudes, and
behaviors. (See also 'Metaphors We Live By' by George Lakoff and Mark Johnson.)
My expectation is that the metaphor "DINGING IS LIKE A VERBAL SLAP IN THE
FACE! -- SOMETIMES BY AN INVISIBLE HAND!" will help spread the dinging
message and persuade people to stop dinging others and themselves.

If you've received dinging and dedinging training from Kingsley Wimbush, I would
love to hear of your experiences and your suggestions to improve this report. I'm
particularly interested in details of the exercises In Kingsley's training. I'm also
interested in suggestions from ANYONE on how to improve this report and spread the
message faster! If you have any success applying this information, please let me know
at f-prime@buildfreedom.com.

Language and Personal Power

by Frederick Mann
In her book 'Success with The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense,' Suzette Haden
Elgin makes a distinction between "phony power" and "real power." Phony power
depends on things from outside yourself: weapons, titles, money, or the influence of a
"protector" -- "external sources at the mercy of unpredictable circumstances."

She defines real power as "the ability to get people to do what you want because
they prefer to do what you want." She claims that, "LANGUAGE IS THE ONLY
SOURCE OF REAL POWER." 'Success with The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense'
provides a great deal of information on how to deal with verbal attacks and much
more.

Logical fallacies can also be used in verbal attacks as a form of dinging. The most
common is "Ad Hominem" -- attack the person rather than the argument. "Straw Man"
is also very common -- distort an opponent's position and then attack the distortion,
pretending it's the opponent's position. "Red Herring" is another common fallacy --
introduce a statement irrelevant to the argument as a distraction. How to deal with
these forms of dinging will be covered in #TL12B: DINGING WITH FALLACIES
AND OTHER "NASTIES". An extensive list of logical fallacies with explanations
will be included in #TL03A: FALLACIES AND THINKING ERRORS.

Dr. Elgin -- in 'The Language Imperative' -- has convinced me of the power and
importance of metaphors. There's more information on metaphors in 'Success with
The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense.' See also 'Metaphors We Live By' by George
Lakoff and Mark Johnson. I believe that we can increase our personal power
considerably through the imaginative use of metaphors.

Marketing and Dinging

by Frederick Mann

Because many of my contacts are involved with marketing on the Internet, it may be
worth exploring the effects dinging might have on your marketing ability. If you're
trying to sell anything, particularly on the Internet, you're likely to run into a great
deal of rejection and dinging. I highly recommend the book 'NewSell' by Dr. Michael
Hewitt-Gleeson -- see http://www.sot.com.au. In "NewSell," you don't focus on
"closing the sale" -- the decision to buy occurs in the mind of the prospect -- you don't
control the prospect's mind. Instead, you focus on what you can do to contact as many
prospects as possible and provide them with information on your products and/or
services. You focus on yourself and your own actions -- where you have maximum
control. You can improve your self-control as well as the quantity and quality of your
sales-related actions.
Let's consider using BigBooster7Million as a marketing tool. Your "product" would be
"people joining BB7M as a result of your marketing actions" ("Name"). You need to
really "Want" this product. Part of wanting the product is to learn whatever you need
to in order to successfully "Get" your product. The great value of the product is that it
represents a steadily growing "downline" or "community" you can market other things
to. It's much easier to market to people who have some form of connection and
relationship with you, compared to marketing to complete strangers. You can also use
BB7M to market repeatedly to your "downline" or "community." BB7M also provides
you with the means to contact the first two levels of your "downline" and assist them
to learn how to market successfully.

As of this writing, probably about 99% of BB7M members have made no attempt to
produce the product of "people joining BB7M as a result of your marketing actions" --
or they made some marketing effort, experienced the lack of response as dinging, felt
bad, stopped "Wanting" the product and gave up.

The biggest difference between a successful salesperson and an unsuccessful one is

probably how they deal with rejection and dinging. If successful salespeople feel bad
or discouraged because of rejection and dinging, they recover quickly. They continue
to "Want" their product. They may learn more about marketing to improve their
methods and techniques. They might find something better to sell. They persist until
they "Get" their product.

Unsuccessful salespeople, on the other hand, allow themselves to be discouraged and

depressed (they really do this to themselves), to the point that they no longer "Want"
the product, and they become inactive. The rejection and dinging has a debilitating
and paralyzing effect on them.

At the time of this writing, BB7M has about 73,000 members. Suppose they are all
presented with this report. Suppose 99% of them reject it out of hand and don't even
bother to study it. Suppose 1% of them do study it, start dedinging themselves, and
spread the message. That's about 730 people dedinging themselves and telling their
family, friends, and contacts about dinging and dedinging. Suppose only about 10% of
the 730 people became much more successful and very enthusiastic about dinging and
dedinging -- that's 73 people. This would be a great success for me!

That I failed with 99.9% -- 999 out of every 1,000 people I presented this report to -- a
great degree of rejection! -- wouldn't bother me in the least!

The following article may help improve the quality and effectiveness of you
marketing actions.
 ================= SUCCESS STRATEGY #5 ==================
A Real 'Secret' Of Success: Self-Sabotage Awareness
by Dale Armin Miller

Here's something that will thrust you a whole lot nearer your goals than submitting to
12 million links pages, classified sites, and search engines.

Example

It says this immediately before Arsenal!'s Affiliate application (in bold type):

"Automated notices of your sales and your new Affiliates will be sent to the email
address you enter; if it is incorrect or an autoresponder, your account will be
terminated."

So, a portion of Affiliates enter an autoresponder address.

And at least a few percent of Affiliates -- and Members -- enter an incorrect email
address. (In case you're thinking, "Well, email addresses can be hard," the 'mail' part
of 'hotmail.com' is frequently misspelled.)

A new Affiliate recently wrote to ask if I would review the Arsenal! link she put on
her webpage to see if it broke any rules ... and if I could make any suggestions about
what might maximize her sales.

The last thing I suggested is that the Arsenal! link actually lead somewhere.

Which is easier: Clicking on a link ... or opening your email program and composing a
message to me?

A hard thing to do, a typo in a link? Of course not.

But which is better: Losing sales ... or just clicking on a link, or testing the URL in an
ad, to see if it works?

The Hidden Power

Am I suggesting that you be perfect?

Not at all. (Even if I knew what that meant, I don't think anyone can do it. I know that
I don't limit myself just to simple typos -- I can identify at least three varieties of
dyslexia when I type.)
It might seem I am talking about bad work habits since, well, I am.

But what I am trying to get at is what's lurking BEHIND those, and a thousand other,
'bad work habits.'

I could be eating a pizza and watching a video right now. But I'm not. I'm writing this.

Is that because I love writing? Because I hate myself? Because I was trained with
good work habits?

No. It's simply because I've been rich and I've been poor, and I prefer being rich.

But there's a cost. For example, right now I am not eating a pizza (which I like a lot)
nor watching a video (which I would find a whole lot more interesting than staring at
my blank word processor!).

I just finished reading 'Trading Tactics of The Pros.'

Don't worry: This *is* about you (and not about trading).

There's a couple dozen pages by a man who was a floor trader for 30 years, owner of
his own brokerage firm, and Chairman of The Chicago Board of Trade.

The Chicago Board of Trade is to commodity futures what the smaller New York
Stock Exchange is to corporate stocks. (I'm afraid you may not take my word for this,
so I'm hoping you'll take his.)

He writes about the fear of success:

"This fear is related to entitlement -- which is our internal system for what we feel we
deserve .... This accounts for the surprising fear you may have felt in the past when
achieving personal goals that carry a large reward -- either job achieve- ment, a large
promotion affording a wealthier lifestyle, or the accomplishment of actually taking off
50 pounds .... a trader [entrepreneur] is only going to 'allow' himself as much money
as he feels he is entitled to

-- REGARDLESS OF HIS CONSCIOUS INTENTIONS."

I am not suggesting that you be perfect.

If I could tell you how, I might suggest you overcome your unconscious fear of
success. What I am suggesting is that you become CONSCIOUS of where you -- Yes,
even you! -- tend to sabotage yourself, of where your unconscious fear of success
tends to express itself.

Because most of the POWER of your unconscious fear of success depends on it being
hidden, unconscious.

Notice

So I suggest you notice where you tend to sabotage yourself:

Is it entering email addresses incorrectly? Not even testing links? Procrastinating

about implementing your plans? Procrastinating about even making any plans? Eating
pizza and watching videos when you should be writing an article? NOT eating pizza
and watching videos when you are just too tired to adjust that nuclear reactor? Driving
when you're drunk? Actually marrying that woman all my friends warned me about --
oops!, I mean "your friends warned you about?"

Becoming conscious of how you tend to sabotage yourself does not in itself overcome
your unconscious fear of success.

(Although it may become less a source of tragedy and more a source of humor.)

But being aware does allow you to notice when and where you tend to sabotage
yourself. And it allows you opportunities to STOP.

In my experience, stopping self-sabotage takes you a very long way toward success,
toward getting what you want!

And "stopping" is no more complicated than copying 'n' pasting your email address (if
that is a way your unconscious fear of success tends to express itself). Or sticking to a
well-thought-out schedule of daily activities (if procrastination is a problem). Or
setting firm goals (if misdirection is a problem). Or heeding your friends' advice about
mate candidates (if ignoring that advice usually results in your unhappiness). And so
on.

Where do you tend to sabotage yourself?

Taking safeguards against just one self-defeating habit will bring you a whole lot
closer to your goals than submitting to 12 million links pages, classified sites, and
search engines.

Dale Armin Miller

[From the ebook "Real 'Secrets' Of Success" at the Internet Marketing Success
Arsenal!(sm) www.SuccessArsenal.com/wow/reprt3667a

Feel free to pass this along or post it anywhere -- as long as it is the entire strategy,
including this bracketed comment.]

========================================================

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and excellent customer service and support... I keep coming back for more all the
time. The site is a masterpiece. Well organized and focused. I love it. Very good from
a psychological point of view. I think that they have the absolutely best program out
there."
--Dr. Mosetta M. Penickphillips-Cermak, president, Association of Certified Internet
Business Consultants [unrequested reaction]