1

Mason Heavener

Deby Jizi

UWRT 1104

2/14/17

A Life Changing Event

Throughout our lives, we experience moments that change us forever.

Whether this be a moment of happiness, sadness, or even fear they are things that

most people cannot avoid. Unlike most people my life changing event was not just

one moment, but a span of two terrible weeks that I will likely never forget and that

have changed my outlook on life.

My life changing even occurred just a few months ago, during the first two

weeks of school. As a freshman, this is already a very stressful time so to be hit with

such events did not help anything. The first situation happened on the second day

after I had moved in. My roommate, Josh, and I had been friends for a while before

we started college so we had a good connection and were very excited to start this

new journey. Josh was involved in the UTOP summer program and had made several

friends from his experience and wanted me to meet one who was named David.

When he came over to hang out it was already 2 oclock so I did not want to go out

again but my roommate and his friend went. When they came back Josh asked me if

David could sleep on the couch since he lived off campus and I said that it was fine.

After a few hours of peaceful sleep Josh and I were awoken by banging and shouting

in the living room which is a terrible wake up call. We threw open the door to find

David screaming and yelling that he wanted to die. This was a situation unlike
 2

anything that I could have ever imagined. The guy was reaching around the room

for anything he could use to harm himself such as pocket knives and even various

cords. My roommate said that we had to get out of the confined area and try to go

get help as we had no idea how to handle the crisis.

We opened the door and David immediately took off down the hall to

stairwell, which was not going to be good as we live on the third floor. I took off after

him as I was not prepared to let somebody die in my company and was luckily able

to catch him in midair while he was attempting to jump off the stairs. Saying that

my roommate and I were panicking is an understatement as we were completely

horrified of what might happen next. We threw this guy into the separate room

which was where the elevator figuring that that was safer than the stairwell. As

soon as we opened the door he took off towards the windows and attempted to

crash through them and hit the concrete below. He dove into the window at full

speed and smashed against them which thankfully did not break. The noise that

was made when he contacted the window was so loud that some of the RAs woke

up and came in investigate only to find this hellish scene. Because of the jump,

David managed to cut his head open and was bleeding severely. By this time, we

both had 911 on the phone and were desperate for any kind of help with this as the

RAs were at a loss and in tears. Most of them were new to the job and this was only

their second day on duty so their reaction is understandable. While trying to talk to

the 911 operators, David managed to get back up from the jump as he could

apparently feel no pain. He kept attempting to run to the windows, run to the stairs,

or bang his head on the brick wall, anything to cause himself harm. My roommate

and I did our best to subdue him, pinning him to the ground and trying to keep him

as safe as possible. While I had him pinned to the ground I remember specifically
 3

David looking me into the eyes, almost into my soul and telling me, with blood

gushing out of his forehead that, If you wont let me kill myself, then I guess I am

going to kill you. I instantly got chills and still do to this day whenever I think about

David. This moment still sticks in my head and his gut-wrenching and bloodthirsty

eyes show up some nights when I go to bed.

After what was nearly ten minutes, campus PD finally showed up to try to

help us. As soon as the officer arrived I told her to, TAZE HIS ASS, to which she

informed us that campus PD does not carry any weapons. She was freaking out

almost more than my roommate and I and called for back up to get there as soon as

possible. After another five minutes, another campus PD officer arrived and was not

able to give any assistance so my roommate and I were forced to continue wrestling

this kid in a hall way that was now thoroughly covered in blood. Finally, after nearly

20 minutes of us fighting David several police officers showed up to handle the

situation. Josh and I left the hallway and he immediately broke down into tears as I

just sat down and stared at the wall. RAs came and asked what happen and made

sure everything was ok with us. We washed the blood off us and just sat up all night

in silence as sleep after what had just happened was nearly impossible. The fact

that his name was David was all I ever knew about him. Josh told me that his lab

reports showed high levels of LSD which was apparently a habit of his and he was a

regular abuser of the hallucinogenic drug, which with repeated use can began to

break the brain. We assumed that he would be kicked out of school after this but it

turns out however that he is still a student here though I have not seen David since,

and I hope I never do.

While this event was truly terrible and scary, nothing could have been worse

than what happened the next weekend. Charlotte had its first home game of the
 4

year and two of my friends were coming up to visit. These guys were twin brothers

and graduated from the same high school as me and my friend Cory, who attends

UNCC. The twins were Zack and Logan and they are two of the most loving and loyal

friends anybody could ask for. We had a great weekend and spent the whole time

together. It was like the old days in high school and I could not have been happier.

The two stayed from Friday to Sunday. When they left Sunday, I gave them both

hugs and told them I loved them to which their reply was always I love you more. I

went to bed content and excited for the next time I would get to see my boys. When

I woke up Monday morning, before I had even got out of bed, I got a phone call from

my mother, Logan passed away. Never had I been more shell shocked. I hung up

the phone and did not talk to anyone that day. I cried from time I woke up until I

managed to fall asleep every day of the week. I sat in the back of each class and

broke down each time. I attended the funeral the next weekend and continued to

bawl my eyes out. Logan had committed suicide. Apparently, he had gotten in a

fight with his dad and brother and it was the tipping point. He believed that he was

inferior to his twin and that people did not accept him as much as they did Zack. He

was one of the happiest and most joy filled individuals that I had ever met. It has

been four months since he passed and I still think about him every day. What if I

could have done something? I was one of the last people who got to see him and I

will forever wish that I had said something to tell him how much he meant to me.

These events were terrible and changed my life forever. They have taught me

to appreciate every day and to love everyone. Some people do not want to be here

on this earth and I believe that is our job to make them feel like they belong. No

matter how happy someone may seem or how ideal their life might look does not

mean they are not fighting demons of their own. I have also gained much more
 5

appreciation for things and have started to show more love as you never know

when something will come and go. At the funeral service, we were told to be

inspired by Logan, and Live Life like Logan which is a life full of love and

acceptance no matter what the circumstance. One of my good friends who

transferred to my High School said that on his first day as a new student he met

Logan and was immediately met with a hug even though that had never met. Well I

likely will not be that nice I have been inspired by the kindness that Logan shared

with everyone.

Mason Heavener

Deby Jizi

UWRT 1104

1/31/17

A Life Changing Event Before Peer Editing and with Questions and Personal

Essay Aspects

Throughout our lives, we experience moments that change us forever.

Whether this be a moment of happiness, sadness, or even fear they are things that

most people cannot avoid. Unlike most people my life changing event was not just
 6

one moment, but a span of two terrible weeks that I will likely never forget and that

have changed my outlook on life.

My life changing event occurred just a few months ago, during the first

two weeks of school. As a freshman, this is already a very stressful time so to be hit

with such events did not help anything. The first situation happened on the second

day after I had moved in. My roommate and I had been friends for a while before we

started college so we were hanging out. He was involved in the UTOP summer

program and had made several friends from his experience and wanted me to meet

of his friends named David. When he came over to hang out it was already late in

the night in the night so I did not want to do much but my roommate and his friend

went to go hang out. When they came back he said his friend was sleeping on the

couch which was fine with me. After some time went by my roommate and I were

awoken by his friend thrashing around in our living room. He was screaming and

yelling that he wanted to die. This was a situation unlike anything that I could

have ever imagined. The guy was reaching around the room for anything he could

use to harm himself so my roommate said that we had to get out of the confined

area and try to go get help.

We opened the door and the friend immediately took off down the hall to

stairwell, which was not going to be good as we live on the third floor. I took off after

him as I was not going to let somebody die in my company and was able to catch

him in midair while he was attempting to jump off of the stairs. Saying that my

roommate and I were panicking is an understatement as we were completely

horrified of what might happen next. We threw this guy into the separate room

which was where the elevator figuring that that was safer than the stairwell. As

soon as we opened the door he took off towards the windows and attempted to
 7

crash through them and hit the concrete below. He dove into the window at full

speed and crashed against them and luckily the window did not break. The noise

that was made when he made contact with the window was so loud that some of

the RAs woke up and came in investigate only to find this hellish scene. Because of

the jump the friend managed to cut his head open and was bleeding severely. By

this time we both had 911 on the phone and were desperate for some kind of help

with this as the RAs were at a loss. While trying to talk to the 911 operators the

friend managed to get back up as he could apparently feel no pain. He kept

attempting to run to the windows, run to the stairs, or bang his head on the brick

wall, anything to cause himself harm. My roommate and I did our best to subdue

him, pinning him to the ground and trying to keep him as safe as possible. While I

had him pinned to the ground I remember specifically the guy telling me with blood

gushing out of his forehead that, If you wont let me kill myself, then I guess I am

going to kill you. This moment still sticks in my head today and shows up some

nights when I close my eyes.

After what was nearly ten minutes, campus PD finally showed up to try to

help us. As soon as the officer arrived I told her to, TAZE HIS ASS, to which she

informed us that campus PD does not carry any weapons. She was freaking out

almost more than my roommate and I and called for back up to get there as soon as

possible. After another five minutes, another campus PD officer arrived and was not

able to give any assistance so my roommate and I were forced to continue wrestling

this kid in a hallway that was now thoroughly covered in blood. Finally after nearly

20 minutes of us fighting the guy a number of cops showed up to handle the

situation. My roommate and I left the hallway and he immediately broke down into

tears and I just sat down and stared at the wall. RAs came and asked what happen
 8

and made sure everything was ok with us. We washed the blood off us and just sat

up all night in silence as we were to traumatized to sleep. The guys name was

David, and thats all I knew about him. My roommate told me that his lab reports

showed high levels of LSD, but also that he would be re-admitted to UNCC even

after all that happened. I have not seen David since, and I hope I never do.

While this event was truly terrible and scary, nothing could have been worse

than what happened the next weekend. Charlotte had its first home game of the

year and two of my friends were coming up to visit. These guys were twin brothers

and graduated from the same high school as me and my friend Cory, who attends

UNCC. The twins were Zack and Logan and they are two of the most loving and loyal

friends anybody could ask for. We had a great weekend and spent the whole time

together. It was like the old days in high school and I could not have been happier.

The two stayed from Friday to Sunday. When they left Sunday, I gave them both

hugs and told them I loved them to which their reply was always I love you more.

When I woke up Monday morning I got a phone call from my mother, Logan passed

away. Never had I been more shell shocked. I hung up the phone and did not talk

to anyone that day. I cried from time I woke up until I managed to fall asleep every

day of the week. I sat in the back of each class and broke down each time. I

attended the funeral the next weekend and continued to bawl my eyes out. Logan

had committed suicide. Apparently, he had got in a fight with his dad and brother

and it was the tipping point. He believed that he was inferior to his twin and that

people did not accept him as much as they did Zack. He was one of the happiest

and most joy filled individuals that I had ever met. It has been four months since he

passed and I still think about him every day.

 9

These events were terrible and changed my life forever. They have taught me

to appreciate every day and to love everyone. Some people do not want to be here

on this earth and I believe that is our job to make them feel like they belong. No

matter how happy someone may seem or how ideal their life might look does not

mean they are not fighting demons of their own. I have also gained much more

appreciation for things and have started to show more love as you never know

when something will come and go. At the funeral service, we were told to be

inspired by Logan, and Live Life like Logan which is a life full of love and

acceptance no matter what the circumstance. One of my good friends who

transferred to my High School said that on his first day as a new student he met

Logan and was immediately met with a hug even though that had never met. Well I

likely will not be that nice I have been inspired by the kindness that Logan shared

with everyone.

1: Do I provide enough details to the essay? Are any parts of my paper vague

or confusing?

2: Did I leave in any sentence fragments? Are there any parts I should

expand?

3: Is my formatting ok? Did I include parts in the wrong paragraph or stop my

paragraphs too short or too long?

4: Is this too informal? Is my vocabulary or tone lacking?

 10

Mason Heavener

Deby Jizi

11/16/2017

UWRT 1104

A Life Changing Event The Original Draft

Throughout our lives, we experience moments that change us forever.

Whether this be a moment of happiness, sadness, or even fear they are things that

most people cannot avoid. Unlike most people my life changing event was not just

one moment, but a span of two terrible weeks that I will likely never forget and that

have changed my outlook on life.

My life changing even occurred just a few months ago, during the first

two weeks of school. As a freshman, this is already a very stressful time in general

so to be hit with such events that occurred did not help anything. The first situation

happened on the second day after I had moved in. My roommate and I had been

friends for a while before we started college so we were hanging out. He was

involved in the UTOP summer program and had made several friends from his
 11

experience and wanted me to meet one of them. When he came over to hang out it

was already late in the night so I did not want to do much but my roommate and his

friend went to go hang out. When they came back he said his friend was sleeping on

the couch which was fine with me. After some time went by my roommate and I

were awoken by his friend thrashing around in our living room. He was screaming

and yelling that he wanted to die. This was a situation unlike anything that I could

have ever imagined. The guy was reaching around the room for anything he could

use to harm himself so my roommate said that we had to get out of the confined

area which was our room.

We opened the door and the friend immediately took off down the hall to

stairwell (we live on the third floor). I took off after him as I was not going to let

somebody die in my company and was able to catch him in midair while he was

attempting to jump off of the stairs. Saying that my roommate and I were panicking

is an understatement as we were completely horrified of what might happen next.

We threw this guy into the separate room which was where the elevator figuring

that that was safer than the stairwell. As soon as we opened the door he took off

towards the windows and attempted to crash through them and hit the concrete

below. The windows did not break (thank god for plexiglass). The friend managed to

cut his head open severely and was bleeding severely. By this time we both had 911

on the phone and were desperate for some kind of help with this. While trying to

talk to the 911 operators the friend managed to get back up as he could apparently

feel no pain. He kept attempting to run to the windows, run to the stairs, or bang his

head on the brick wall, anything to cause himself harm. My roommate and I did our

best to subdue him, pinning him to the ground and trying to keep him as safe as

possible. It was in this moment when the guy told me, If you wont let me kill
 12

myself, then I guess I am going to kill you. This moment still sticks in my head

today and shows up some nights when I close my eyes.

After what was nearly ten minutes, campus PD finally showed up to try to

help us. As soon as the officer arrived I told her to, TAZE HIS ASS, to which she

informed that campus PD does not carry any weapons. She was freaking out almost

more than my roommate and I and called for back up to get there as soon as

possible. After another five minutes, another campus PD officer arrived and was not

able to give any assistance so my roommate and I were forced to continue wrestling

this kid in a hall way that was now thoroughly covered in blood. Finally, after nearly

20 minutes of us fighting the guy a number of cops showed up to handle the

situation. My roommate and I left the hallway and he immediately broke down into

tears and I just sat down and stared at the wall. RAs came and asked what happen

and made sure everything was ok with us. We washed the blood off of us and just

sat up all night in silence as we were to traumatized to speak. The guys name was

David, and thats all I knew about him. My roommate told me that his lab reports

showed high levels of LSD, but also that he would be allowed back to school. I have

not seen David since, and I hope I never do.

While this event was truly terrible and scary, nothing could have been worse

than what happened the next weekend. Charlotte had its first home game of the

year and two of my friends were coming up to visit. These guys were twin brothers

and graduated from the same high school as me and my friend Cory, who attends

UNCC. The twins were Zack and Logan and were two of the most loving and loyal

friends anybody could ask for. We had a great weekend and spent the whole time

together. It was like the old days in high school and I could not have been happier.

The two stayed from Friday to Sunday. When they left Sunday I gave them both
 13

hugs and told them I loved them to which their reply was always I love you more.

When I woke up Monday morning I got a phone call from my mother, Logan passed

away last. Never had I been more shell shocked. I cried that day from time I woke

up until I managed to fall asleep. I bawled my eyes out in every class that week. I

attended the funeral the next weekend and continued to bawl my eyes out. Logan

had committed suicide. He was one of the happiest and most joy filled individuals

that I had ever met. I has been four months since he passed and I still think about

him every day.

These events were terrible and changed my life forever. They have taught me

to appreciate every day and to love everyone. Some people do not want to be here

on this earth and I believe that is our job to make them feel like they belong. I have

also gained much more appreciation for things and have started to show more love

as you never know when something will come and go. These events surely changed

my life and being able to put this on paper has been therapeutic. Thank You.

Peer Review
Words and Phrases
wanted to die, catch him midair while he was attempting to jump off the
stairs, panicking, hellish scene, harm, taze his ass, committed suicide
Feelings:
Shocked
Broken hearted
Worried
Questions:
No questions
 14

Alyssa Ballard, Feb 7 at 8:09pm

Velcro Words and Phrases:
"throughout our lives, we experience moments that change us forever"
"never had I been more shell shocked"
"make them feel like they belong"
"does not mean they are not fighting demons of their own"
"show more love"
"inspired by the kindness"
My Feelings:
Heartbroken, terrified, disbelief, sorrowful, mournful
Questions:
How did these events change your first semester at college?
Have you changed as a person because of these events?
Do you ever have the feeling that you could have prevented something?
Keelea Krear , Feb 7 at 10:50pm
Step One: Velcro Words

span of two terrible weeks, thrashing, he was screaming and yelling that

he wanted to die., harm himself, I was not going to let somebody die in my

company, horrified, dove into the window, bang, If you wont let me kill

myself, then I guess I am going to kill you., LSD, passed away

Step Two: Feelings

While reading Masons A Life Changing Event, I felt anxious, upset, scared,

confused, grief, heavy hearted and shocked. I felt anxious from the very beginning

because it took a while to find out what the life changing event was. It was

upsetting to me that Mason and his roommate had to go through that experience

during the second day they moved in and I felt even more upset and grief that
 15

Mason lost one of his best friends the following week. In the beginning of the essay I

felt confused on why the kid was acting that way until I found out he was on LSD. I

was also wondering if Masons roommate knew he was on drugs and if his

roommate had taken LSD as well. My feeling of heavy heartedness came towards

Masons second life changing event. Having lost his best friend a day after he saw

him broke my heart.

Step Three: Curiosity

Mason was very descriptive on both of his life changing events. I believe he

could talk more about his experience when he found out his friend passed away. The

way he felt that morning before his mom called compared to afterwards, where he

was during that moment, etc. Also he could talk more about what his roommate and

that kid did beforehand. Does went to go hang out, mean that they went to a

party, back to someones room or went outside. Did his roommate take LSD as well

and didnt get the same effect as him?

Emma Montecalvo , Feb 8 at 3:25pm

1: Do I provide enough details to the essay? Are any parts of my paper vague

or confusing?

I think your essay provides thorough details. It did get a little confusing in the

beginning with all of the pronouns, and trying to keep who was who straight though.

2: Did I leave in any sentence fragments? Are there any parts I should

expand?
 16

You had a few run on sentences and spelling errors, but you probably would

have seen them after proofreading.

3: Is my formatting ok? Did I include parts in the wrong paragraph or stop my

paragraphs too short or too long?

I think formatting overall was good. Just remember to add your last name to

the page numbers for MLA format.

4: Is this too informal? Is my vocabulary or tone lacking?

I think the informal tone is what made your essay more personal. I felt like I

was talking with you about it, rather than just reading it.

You have a nice way of opening and closing your paragraphs that keep your

essay fluid and easy to read.

A little confusing, but further explanation would make it clearer

Further detail on how the incident affected you would help add to the essay.

I think this line does a good job of summing up your thoughts and feelings on

your situations. I think this line sends a message that can relate to anyone reading

your essay.

Two Reflective Paragraphs and Questions

1: A lot of the feedback I received was on the details I provided in the story.

While sometimes I provide great detail apparently, there were places where I was

lacking and could have expanded. I feel like the places that I was directed to give

more detail were indeed places that were in need. I expanded on them and feel like
 17

my additions added to the depth of the story. At first I left out many of the details

because they were too personal to divulge and did not want to include them. The

people who reviewed made it clear that they would enhance the story and I agree

that they do. The biggest piece of advice I got from the peer review was that I was

using too many pronouns and it was confusing as to who I was talking about during

certain parts. I tried to make this more concise and easier to understand.

2: I feel as though I gave a lot of good feedback to my peers for their writings.

For the Three step response question, I actually did it wrong and did a full-on review

for their three papers as well as the papers that I read in the review workshop. After

reading a paper telling about the events of a car crash I remember giving the advice

to add some sensory details. Many people have been in wrecks and the smells and

sounds are very distinct. I told her to tell about the smell of the burning as well as

the ringing of the ears as it would help many people connect to the story. One paper

I read had a very similar sentence structure throughout. All very short and concise

sentences that got to the point. I told her to combine some sentences and expand

some so that the overall flow of the paper would be better and easier to read. There

was also one paper I read that was completely wonderful. She provided great detail

and everything flowed wonderfully and made sense. I told her that what she wrote

was wonderful and that she should change very little other than simple grammar

issues.

Question 1: I already asked this question and got an answer but I am still

unsure on if it is ok. Is my paper too informal? If so how could I make it less so?
 18

Question 2: Is my language too concise or not concise enough? Should I add

more descriptive language such as adjectives and adverbs? Any places that arent

detailed enough?

Question 3: During peer review I talked a lot about others sentence structure

and the flow of their paper. Is my structure varied enough and does my paper flow

well?

Question 4: Just by looking at the paper I can see very large paragraphs.

Should I split them up better or is that ok?

Question 5: Is my overall grammar ok?