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Brenyanah Gassaway

Mrs. Thomas

April 20, 2017

Gender Effects of Dating

Relationships are a very important element in the development of an individual's life.

When evaluating the dynamics of relationships, there is a distinct difference in the way men and

women approach the concept. Men and women have different views on life itself because of

how time has evolved. Every little detail is different, not just because of people, but also because

of the major events that have taken place on Earth's lifetime. The mental and physical differences

between genders can lead to the different perspectives on the concepts of dating, the

development of love, marriage, and sex.

Dating has diverse meanings to most people leading to how someone can feel about the

situation. The variety of definitions comes from internal and external feelings through personal

experiences. In the 21st century, dating is defined as an emotional and physical desire that

determines a permanent relationship amongst two people. The emotional side of dating is how

someone feels about their spouse inside and the physical side refers to things that are wanted but

not needed (Walsh). The relationship could be sexual, but it does not have to be; it could also be

serious or playful, hetero or homo- sexual, committed or open, short-term or long-term. A person

expects loyalty, respect, honesty, and commitment from a relationship but that doesnt mean that

it will happen.

Females and males stress differently in general, but a great deal in relationships. Stress is

a mental or emotional strain coming from the worry of multiple situations. It can be worked on

together in a relationship through physical activities (meditation and yoga), diets, and sleep.
Modern males equip their emotional stress instead of physical ones, although they cannot

differentiate either compared to women (Dr. Gail). Today, people do not consult their emotions

like they should. Instead, they handle them by acting normal and unbothered on the outside,

which affects their spouse on the inside. Affecting their spouse on the inside could prevent them

to have emotional strain on how they feel about their relationship.

Men can be good problem solvers because sometimes they aren't aware of the mental

state of a woman, so therefore they can bypass any conflict at times. According to a study of

mens ability to understand females emotions, scientists confirms that men find it twice as hard

to predict a females mood as for a males (Macrae). Sometimes it is easier for a male to

understand what other males feel because they can relate to familiar situations in their own life.

Females are hard to read because they react to nonrelatable matters that men don't consider

conflicts at all. Furthermore, females stress more from threats to their relationships compared to

males, as their problems lead to inability to perform, complete, and achieve (Dr.Gail).

A woman contributes more towards her relationship with her emotions, feelings, and her

desires with for spouse. They are more open to converse about what they are thinking and how

they are feeling than a man. Because of this factor, they may often display how they are feeling

with their tears, expressions, hand gestures, and body language. Women over men prefer to

explore their feelings via conversation instead of keeping things inside or putting it aside

(Dawson). A woman can become neutral in a relationship just by communicating her emotions

with her spouse and then hoping that the issue does not occur again.

In contrast, men conceal their feelings about women when they are in a relationship.

They put on an image of machismo by showing how they can control and accept every situation

that is put upon them. Mind labs neurologist studied 15 fathers and 15 mothers by measuring
their physiological responses from watching a series of videos measured by their skin

conductance electrodes. The neurologist found that men are more sensitive than women when it

comes to emotional excitement but they are better at hiding it (Withnall). Men put on a tougher

act than women by expressing fewer emotions and do this to maintain a strong and dominate

position in their relationships.

Relationships are based on love, whether its true love, lust, or just temporary love.

According to Dr. Helen Fisher of Rutgers University, author of Why We Love, says Men fall in

love faster than women do. Females take longer because they must create a memory trail of

their mates behaviors. She has to remember what he promised, what hes done for the

partnership and what he failed to do (Fisher). Their love might last longer and become more

genuine than men because of the lifelong memories of experiences that they hold on to. Wives

express their love by being less forceful and more open armed to situations than men (Waite).

Females rather be effeminate in their relationships by showing more love than her spouse to be a

support system and to allow a better bond.

On the other hand, men love differently than women. They hold the upper position in the

relationship, so therefore they have more control over how they really feel and the actions that

should take place. According to Paul Dobresnski, MD, author of The Secret Psychology of How

We Fall in Love, men have specific standards that must be met before they truly feel connected to

a woman, and when they realize whether the woman meets these standards, they will decide if

they should truly commit. Commitment is very important because it determines the true value of

the relationship.

When the male figure feels connected in a relationship and feelings are strong they

further their relationship through marriage. Marriage is ultimately the decision to prolong a
dating relationship into a permanent relationship through ceremony and promises. It is the

unification of two people to a bond that permanently lasts until death, although there is a method

that can cut marriage short, which is called divorce. Within a relationship you must deal with and

adjust to anything with your spouse. Personalities can change, bodies will age, and romantic love

can fade or vanish. No marriage is going to be free of conflict because conflict can bring the

couple closer if handled correctly.

Inside a marriage, there will be conflicts embedded in gender differences that are

intensively important. Studies have shown that marriage is more important to males than

females. According to an article called The State of The American Women, being married is very

important to 58% of men vs. 53% of women (Pannell). Men are considerably more involved in

their marriage because they dont have to just take care of themselves, they also take on the

responsibility of taking care of their family too.

Andrew Cherlyn, the author of The Marriage Go Around, claims women are more likely

to initiate divorce, and are more than three times as likely as their former husbands to have

strongly desired the divorce. Compared to men, women ask for divorce two-thirds of the time

(Cherlyn). Females strive for their relationship to be "complete" in life by the factors of being

married. Being married to women can create a mindset of satisfaction, reassurance, and a

rewarding experience. A females relationship satisfaction has more to do with how the negative

feelings that evolve in her relationship such as arguments, not receiving what she desires, or even

hormonal circumstances other than positive factors. She focuses less on positive factors because

she is accustoming to the behavior and now expects it.

Sex is a factor in relationships after marriage that can make both spouses happy with each

other through physical contact. Sex is a way to show love that can lead to intimate closure. In the
novel History of Sexuality, Foucault mentions how sex is looked down on because of the pleasure

people can get out of it. Also, sex has become more private, which should be practically done by

husband and wife. Sex before marriage is inhibited, even though there is no way to control

people having sex before marriage, except making it negative in the mind (Foucault). Sex brings

two people closers and makes them one with a closer connection.

Men display their love through initiating sex. A researcher discovered that it is

significantly proven that men are, in general, physically stronger and more sexually active than

women are (Waite). Studies also show that a mans sex drives are more straightforward and

stronger than a woman (Sine). By men yearning and longing for sex, they become more

physically attached. In another survey of studies from a social psychologist, he found that men

reported more spontaneous sexual arousal and more fantasies than women (Giles). Most men

become excited more quickly than women in circumstances that they are more overwhelmed and

excited for sex.

Females take sex more heavily than males and do not desire it as much. They need

initiative, understanding, love, to be needed emotionally, and time to warm up to the sexual act

(Rainey). Women are typically emotionally overwhelmed to sex, and usually become intimate for

deeper meanings than men do. It is noticed that women value their connection with men

emotionally, which leads to the start of an intense sexual desire. Women appear to be heavily

influenced by social and cultural factors as well (Sine). The feminist part of women's concerns

them when it comes to sex because they have high expectations. They also have boundaries that

must be met before physically attaching themselves to men when it comes to that part of life.

The different perspectives that women and men have on relationships have changed over time.

The dominance of men over women contributes to differences in relationships, as well as the
passion that women add to mens masculinity. The mental and physical contrast of genders

contributes to the pros and cons of dating, emotional love, hardships of marriage, and intense

feelings of sex. These differences in genders are what make every relationship unique.
Works Cited

Cherlyn, Andrew J. The Marriage-go-round: The State of Marriage and the Family in America Today.
New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2009. Print.

Dawson's Network. "Why Do Men and Women Handle Emotions Differently?" Thiopurine. Nap., n.d.
Web. 19 Oct. 2014.

Fisher, Helen E. Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. New York: H. Holt, 2004.

Foucault, Michel. The History of Sexuality. London: Penguin, 1990. Print.

Giles, Kim. "Physical Intimacy Important in Marriage |" Why Physical Intimacy Is Important
in Marriage | Deseret Media Company, 30 June 2014. Web. 26 Oct. 2014.

Dr. Gail. "How Men Handle Stress Differently." The Huffington Post., 18 June
2013. Web. 26 Oct. 2014.

"History of Feminism Theory & Feminist Thought." History of Feminist Theory, Thought. N.p., n.d.
Web. 20 Oct. 2014.

Macrae, Fiona. "The Brain Scans Which Reveal Why Men REALLY Don't Understand Women." Mail
Online. Associated Newspapers, 16 Apr. 2013. Web. 26 Oct. 2014.

Pannell, Tim. "The State of the American Woman." Time. Time Inc., 14 Oct. 2009. Web. 26 Oct. 2014.

Rainey, Dennis. "How Do Men and Women Differ in How They View Sex?" Family Life. Family Life,
n.d. Web. 26 Oct. 2014.

Sine, Richard. "Sex Drive: How Do Men and Women Compare?" WebMD. WebMD, n.d. Web. 25 Oct.

Stosny, Steven. "Do Men Love Differently Than Women?" Alternet. N.p., n.d. Web. 20 Oct. 2014.