Speakingfromragedoesnotalwaysletusseehowragecarriessorrowandcoversitover.

SoIcannotdoitwell.Atleastnotthisevening.Howoftenissorroweffectivelyshouted
downbyrage?Howdoesithappenthatsorrowcanbringaboutthecollapseofrage?Is
theresomethingtobelearnedaboutthesourcesofnonviolencefromthisparticularpower
ofgrieftodeflaterageofitsdestructiveness?

AnnCarsonasksWhydoestragedyexist?Andthenanswers,becauseyouarefullofrage.
Whyareyoufullofrage?Becauseyouarefullofgrief.Askaheadhunterwhyhecutsoff
humanheads.Hellsaythatrageimpelshimandrageisbornofgrief.Theactofsevering
andtossingawaythevictimsheadenableshimtothrowawayallofhisbereavements.You
maythinkthisdoesnotapplytoyouyetyourecallthedayyourwife,drivingyoutoyour
mothersfuneral,turnedleftinsteadofrightattheintersectionandyouhadtoscreamather
soloud,otherdriversturnedtolook.Whenyoutoreherheadoffandthrewitoutthe
window,theynodded,changedgears,droveaway.Endquote.

Thegriefisunbearableandfromthatunbearabilityonekills;akillingthatproducesmore
grief.Haveweyetfiguredoutexactlyhowthisworks,thetransitionfromunbearablegrief
touncontrollablerageanddestructiveness?

Perhapsgriefisimaginedtoendwithviolenceasifgriefitselfcouldbekilled.Canwe
perhapsfindoneofthesourcesofnonviolenceinthecapacitytogrieve,tostaywiththe
unbearablelosswithoutconvertingitintodestruction?Ifwecouldbearourgriefwouldbe
lessinclinedtostrikebackorstrikeout?Andifthegriefisunbearableisthereanotherway
tolivewithitthatisnotthesameasbearingit?

Weknowthecontoursofthisterriblecircle;destroyingtostoptheunbearablegrief,to
bringanendtotheunbearableonlytothenredoublethatlossbydestroyingagain.Perhaps
thatdestructiveactisawayofannouncingthatwhatisunbearableisnowsomeoneelses
problem,notmine.Here,youtakethisunbearablething.Nowitbelongstoyou.

But,hasanyoneeverstoppedgrievingbydevastatinganotherslife?Whatisthefantasy,
theconceitatworkinsuchanact?PerhapsthewageristhatthisI,indestroying,suddenly
becomespureaction,finallyridofpassivityandinjurability.Finally,thatis,forapassing
moment.

Orperhapsindestroyingoneinsiststhattherestoftheworldbecomemiredinonesown
senseofdevastation.Iftheworldisunlivablewithoutthosewhomonehaslost,perhaps
there emerges a despairingform ofegalitarianismaccording towhicheveryone should
sufferthisdevastation.

Thedestructiveactsbornofunbearablegriefareperhapspremisedonthethoughtthatwith
thislosseverythingisalreadydestroyedsodestroyingbecomesaredundancy,aratification
ofwhathasalreadyhappened.
Butperhapsthereisanefforttobringgrieftoafullstopthroughtakingaimattheworldin
whichsuchagriefispossible,rollingoverintoaformofdestructivenessthatfuriously
proliferatesmoreloss,wantonlydistributingtheunbearable.

Ofcoursewhatisunbearableisalreadymorethanwhatonecanbearsohowcantherebe
anymoreofthatwhichisalreadytoomuch?Thisterribleformoftheineffableisloosed
upontheworldinthatfuriousformofgrievingknownasdestructiveness.Wemayask,is
thereasatisfactioninsuchdestruction,orindeed,asatisfactiontobefoundinwar.Freud
tellsusthatcertainformsofdestructivenessyieldnopleasure,nosatisfaction,butchurnon
inanearlymechanicalwayrepeatingwithoutevenanyfinalsatisfactioninrevenge.

And yet there are, as we know, sometimes terrible satisfactions in war; the kinds of
satisfactionsthatmustberesisted.Peaceisonlyveryoccasionallyaquiescentstate.Forthe
mostpartitismerelyastruggleagainstdestructiveness;thepracticeofresistingtheterrible
satisfactionsofwar.

Sowhatismyplea?DoIcounselmoregrief?DoIthinkthatanexponentialincreasein
griefwillproducelessdestructivenessintheworld?No,Idonotifonlybecausegriefdoes
notsubmittomathematicalmeasures.Griefisnotjustaboutregisteringtherealitythat
someone or some group or some whole population is gone or nearly gone. Its not a
straightforwardprocessthatcomestoanendwhenarealityprincipledeliversitsverdict.
Yes,theoneoronesyouaregrievingaredefinitivelygone.Anditdoesnotevenconclude
whenwefindourselveshavingmoreorlesssuccessfullyincorporatedalostoneintoour
psychicreality;ourgestures,clothing,ourwaysofthinking,andmodesofspeech.

Mourninghastodowithyieldingtoanunwantedtransformationwhereneitherthefull
shape and nor the full import of that alteration can be known in advance.
Thistransformativeeffectoflosingalwaysrisksbecomingadeformativeeffect.Whatever
itis,itcannotbewilled.Itisakindofundoing.Oneishitbywavesinthemiddleofthe
day,inthemidstofatask.Andeverythingstops.Onefalters,evenfalls.

Whatisthatwavethatsuddenlywithdrawsyourgravityandyourforwardmotion?That
somethingthattakesholdofyouandmakesyoustoptakesyoudown?

Wheredoesitcomefrom?Doesithaveaname?

Whatclaimsusatsuchmomentswhenwearemostemphaticallynotmastersofourselves
andourmotion,whenwelosecertainpeopleorwhenwearedispossessedfromaplaceora
community.Itmaybethatsomethingaboutwhowearesuddenlyflashesup,something
thatdelineatesthetieswehavetoothersthatshowsusthatweareboundtooneanother.
Andthatthebondsthatcomposeusalsodostrandus,leaveusuncomposed.

IfIloseyouundertheconditionsinwhichwhoIamisboundupwithyouthenInotonly
mournthelossbutIbecomeinscrutabletomyself,andthislifeunbearable.WhoamI
withoutyou?IwasnotjustoverhereandyouovertherebuttheIwasinthecrossing,there
withyoubutalsohere.SoIwasalreadydecentred,onemightsay,andthatwasprecious
andyetwhenwelose,weloseourground.Wearesuddenlyatriskoftakingourownlives
orthelivesofothers.PerhapswhatIhavelostonthoseoccasionsispreciselythatsense
thatIcanlivewithoutyouevenifitturnsoutthatIcanlivewithoutthatspecificyouthat
youhappenedtobe.EvenifIwassurprisedtofindthatIsurvivedwhensurvivalwas
unthinkable.IfIcananddolivewithoutyou,itsonlybecauseIhavenot,asitwere,lost
theplaceofyou;theonetowhomIaddressmyself.Thegeneralizedaddresseewithwhom
Iamalreadyboundupinlanguageinasceneofaddressthatisthelinguisticconditionof
oursurvivability.Thisapostrophicyoumaybethisyouorthatotheronewithanother
name,butmaybealsosomeyouIdonotyetknowatall,maybeevensomevastsetof
yous,largelynameless,whoneverthelesssupportbothmygravityandmymotion.And
withoutyou,thatindefinite,promiscuous,andexpansivepronounwearewreckedandwe
fall.

Alossmightseemutterlypersonal,private,isolating.Butitalsomayfurnishanunexpected
conceptofpoliticalcommunity,evenapremonitionofasourceofnonviolence.Ifthelife
thatismineisnotoriginallyorfinallyseparablefromyoursthenthewewhoweareisnot
justacompositeofyouandmeandalltheothers,butasetofrelationsofinterdependency
andpassion.Andthesewecannotdenyordestroywithoutrefutingsomethingfundamental
aboutthesocialconditionsofourliving.Whatfollowsisanethicalinjunctiontopreserve
thosebonds,eventhewretchedones,whichmeanspreciselyguardingagainstthoseforms
ofdestructivenessthattakeawayourlivesandthoseofothersbeings,andtheecological
conditionsoflife.

Inotherwordsbeforeeverlosingwearelostintheother,lostwithouttheother.Butwe
neverknewitaswellaswedowhenwedoactuallylose.Thisbeinginthralisonewayof
describingthesocialrelationsthathavethepowertosustainandtobreakuswaybeforewe
enterintocontractsthatconfirmthatourrelationsaretheresultofourchoice.Weare
alreadyinthehandsoftheothers;athrillingandterrifyingwaytobegin.Wearefromthe
startbothdoneandundonebytheother.Andifwerefusethis,werefusepassion,life,and
loss.

Thelivedformofthatrefusalisdestruction.Thelivedfromofitsaffirmation,isnon
violence.

Perhapsnonviolenceisthedifficultpracticeoflettingragecollapseintogriefsincethen
westandthechanceofknowingweareboundupwithotherssuchthatwhoIamorwho
youareisthislivingrelationthatwesometimeslose.

Withgreatspeedwedosometimesdriveawayfromtheunbearableordrivepreciselyinto
itsclutches,ordobothatoncenotknowinghowwemoveorwithwhatconsequence.It
seemsunbearabletobepatientwithunbearablelossandyetthatslowness,thatimpediment
canbetheconditionforshowingwhatwevalueandevenperhapswhatstepstotaketo
preservewhatisleftofwhatwelove.Thankyou.