This is my story of my first CPR in hospital setting.

More than 1 rescuer. It was in my first day of clinical years of medical school. I was lucky to
had my first full night-shift on my first day. All of us clinical clerkship students needed to
have a certification in hospital/health care provider Basic Life Support (BLS) training before
starting. Im already comfortable with CPR on a simulated mannequin.

It was past 3 AM and an 18 years old male patient was brought in to the emergency
department (ED) by his family after about 2 whole days of sudden unexplained weakness. It
wasnt rare to have a patient brought in after days of unconsciousness /weakness here.

We approached the patient. He only had an eye contact in response to pain stimuli (Glasgow
Coma Scale 4). ABCS, IV access, oxygen on. The body was a bit cold, there was still a weak
carotid pulse, no breathing, and the nurse did not get a blood pressure reading, oxygen
saturation couldnt detect anything. Vitals monitor detected no pulse. Carotid pulse recheck,
pulse gone. One of the ER physician told everyone to start CPR now. A nurse & I grabbed the
nearby board and with other nurse put on the CPR board under the patient on the bed. I
impulsively jumped, kneeling on the board, positioned myself and started the chest
compression as Ive trained before. Initially it felt just like my training on a mannequin.
But with real skin and I could feel the intercostal ribs. We switched between cycles, with a
nurse already in charge of the bag valve mask/ambu-bag ventillation. 30 compression : 2
cycles, 30:2, 30:2, 30:2, 30:2. As each 30 compression went by, I came to realize this is an
actual person. A pinch of worry started to appear inside me. Especially after the first
complete 5 cycle and he was only on flatline. It happened all so fast that I cant remember
how many full 5 cycles we did. What I remember was when the CPR was stopped, cries and
sobbing was heard outside the curtain. A nurse grabbed me outside (probably because I
looked confused, speechless, or wasnt standing/doing what I was supposed to do next. The
ED staffs knew I was new there.) You did good, go rest there pointing to the EDs pantry.

I felt blank, shocked. My head was silent, it felt white. My body just moved on its own to sit
on a chair inside the ED pantry. A senior clerkship student came and sat down besides me
while giving me a pat on my shoulder. I then tried to say things to her but I just couldnt form
a proper sentence just my mouth trying to move to say something but the words just wouldnt
come out. Its hard, just sit still.. she said. And I just sit by I dont remember what I was
thinking after that, probably trying to take in that a patient just died.