Life, the Universe and Everything
Douglas Adams
Chapter One
The regular early morning yell of horror was the sound
of Arthur Dent waking up and suddenly remembering
where he was.
It wasn't just that the cave was cold, it wasn't just that it
was damp and smelly. It was the fact that the cave was in
the middle of Islington and there wasn't a bus due for two
million years.
Time is the worst place, so to speak, to get lost in, as
Arthur Dent could testify, having been lost in both time
and space a good deal. At least being lost in space kept
you busy.
He was stranded in prehistoric Earth as the result of a
complex sequence of events which had involved him
being alternately blown up and insulted in more bizarre
regions of the Galaxy than he ever dreamt existed, and
though his life had now turned very, very, very quiet, he
was still feeling jumpy.
He hadn't been blown up now for five years.
Since he had hardly seen anyone since he and Ford
Prefect had parted company four years previously, he
hadn't been insulted in all that time either.
Except just once.
It had happened on a spring evening about two years
previously.
He was returning to his cave just a little after dusk when
he became aware of lights flashing eerily through the
clouds. He turned and stared, with hope suddenly
clambering through his heart. Rescue. Escape. The
castaway's impossible dream --- a ship.
And as he watched, as he stared in wonder and
excitement, a long silver ship descended through the
warm evening air, quietly, without fuss, its long legs
unlocking in a smooth ballet of technology.
It alighted gently on the ground, and what little hum it
had generated died away, as if lulled by the evening
calm.
A ramp extended itself.
Light streamed out.
A tall figure appeared silhouetted in the hatchway. It
walked down the ramp and stood in front of Arthur.
``You're a jerk, Dent,'' it said simply.
ivot, vaseljena i sve ostalo
Daglas Adams
1.
Uobiajeni jutarnji pratilac Artura Denta prilikom
buenja, kad god bi se setio gde se nalazi, bio je krik
strave.
Nije to bilo zato to je peina bila hladna, niti zbog toga
to je bila vlana i smrdljiva. Stvar je bila u tome to se
peina nalazila usred Ajzlingtona, a on je znao da
nijedan autobus nee naii ovuda jo dva miliona
godina.
Vreme je najgore mesto, da se tako izrazimo, u kome se
ovek moe izgubiti. Artur Dent mogao je to da potvrdi,
jer bio je svojski izgubljen i u prostoru i u vremenu.
Kada si izgubljen u prostoru bar ima ime da se
zanima.
Bio je izgubljen na preistorijskoj planeti Zemlji, to je
bilo posledica sloenog spleta okolnosti koji je doveo do
toga da je naizmenino vrean i poniavan u raznim
oblastima Galaksije koje su bile bizarnije od svega o
emu je ikada i sanjao; ivot mu je sada, dodue, postao
vrlo, vrlo, vrlo miran, ali on se jo oseao nervozno.
Niko ga nije napao ve pet godina.
Jedva da je ikoga video otkako su se on i Prefekt razili
pre etiri godine i tokom sveg tog vremena niko ga nije
uvredio.
Osim jedan jedini put.
Desilo se to jedne prolene veeri pre otprilike dve
godine.
Upravo se vraao u svoju peinu, neto posle sumraka,
kada je postao svestan svetlosti koja je tajanstveno
blistala kroz oblake. Okrenuo se i upiljio, a u srce mu se
iznenada probila nada. Spas. Nemogui san
brodolomnika - brod.
I dok je gledao, dok je zurio zaueno i oduevljeno,
dugaki, srebrnasti brod spustio se kroz blagi veernji
vazduh, tiho, bez uma, a dugake noge izvukle su mu
se u glatkom baletu tehnologije.
Blago je dodirnuo tle, a ono malo brujanja koje je
stvarao namah je iezlo, kao da ga je progutao veernji
muk.
Same od sebe, iz njega su izbile stepenice.
Svetlost je pokuljala napolje.
Obrisi neke visoke prilike pojavili su se u vratima.
Prilika sie niz stepenice i stade pred Artura.
"Ti si krele, Dente", rekla je.
It was alien, very alien. It had a peculiar alien tallness, a Delovao je vanzemaljski, vrlo vanzemaljski. Bio je
peculiar alien flattened head, peculiar slitty little alien visok na neobian, vanzemaljski nain, imao je
eyes, extravagantly draped golden ropes with a peculiarly neobinu, vanzemaljski spljotenu glavu, neobine, sitne
alien collar design, and pale grey-green alien skin which i uske vanzemaljske oi, neobino nabranu
had about it that lustrous shine which most grey-green vanzemaljsku odoru sa tipino vanzemaljskim
faces can only acquire with plenty of exercise and very okovratnikom i bledu, sivozelenu vanzemaljsku kou
expensive soap. koja je imala onaj meki sjaj koji veina sivozelenih rasa
postie samo uz izuzetan trud i mnogo skupocenog
sapuna.
Arthur boggled at it. Artur ustuknu pred njim.
It gazed levelly at him. Ovaj ga je netremice gledao.
Arthur's first sensations of hope and trepidation had Arturov prvobitni oseaj nade i uzbuenja u trenutku je
instantly been overwhelmed by astonishment, and all prerastao u zaprepaenje, a sve mogue misli borile su
sorts of thoughts were battling for the use of his vocal se da dou do njegovih glasnih ica.
chords at this moment.
``Whh ...?'' he said. "tt...?" rekao je.
``Bu ... hu ... uh ...'' he added. "A... al... lu... uh..." dodao je.
``Ru ... ra ... wah ... who?'' he managed finally to say and "D... da... a... ko?" uspeo je konano da kae, a potom je
lapsed into a frantic kind of silence. He was feeling the utonuo u grozniavu tiinu. Oseao je posledice toga to
effects of having not said anything to anybody for as long nije progovorio ni re ni sa kim Bog zna koliko dugo.
as he could remember.
The alien creature frowned briefly and consulted what Vanzemaljski stvor nakratko se namrtio i pogledao
appeared to be some species of clipboard which he was neto to je drao u tankoj, izduenoj ruci, a to je liilo
holding in his thin and spindly alien hand. na neku vrstu belenice.
``Arthur Dent?'' it said. "Artur Dent?" upitao je.
Arthur nodded helplessly. Artur je bespomono klimnuo.
``Arthur Philip Dent?'' pursued the alien in a kind of "Artur Filip Dent?" produio je tuinac glasom nalik na
efficient yap. kevtanje.
``Er ... er ... yes ... er ... er,'' confirmed Arthur. "E... e... da... e... e..." potvrdio je Artur.
``You're a jerk,'' repeated the alien, ``a complete asshole.'' "Ti si krele", ponovio je tuinac, "pravi pravcati
tupadija."
``Er ...'' "E..."
The creature nodded to itself, made a peculiar alien tick Stvorenje je klimnulo za svoj raun, potom pribeleilo
on its clipboard and turned briskly back towards the ship. neto u belenicu na tipino vanzemaljski nain i ustro
se okrenulo ka brodu.
``Er ...'' said Arthur desperately, ``er ...'' "E..." isputao je oajniki Artur, "e..."
``Don't give me that!'' snapped the alien. It marched up "Ma nemoj ti meni", zarea tuinac. Popeo se uz
the ramp, through the hatchway and disappeared into the stepenice, proao kroz ulaz i nestao u brodu. Otvor se
ship. The ship sealed itself. It started to make a low zatvorio. Iz njega je stalo da dopire duboko, treperavo
throbbing hum. brujanje.
``Er, hey!'' shouted Arthur, and started to run helplessly "E, hej!" dreknuo je Artur i bespomono potrao ka
towards it. njemu.
``Wait a minute!'' he called. ``What is this? What? Wait a "ekaj malo!" viknuo je. "Ma, ta hoe? ta? ekaj
minute!'' malo!"
The ship rose, as if shedding its weight like a cloak to the Brod se podigao kao da mu je teina nestala poput
ground, and hovered briefly. It swept strangely up into ogrtaa to sklizne na tlo i nakratko zalebdeo u vazduhu.
the evening sky. It passed up through the clouds, Onda je na neobian nain odjezdio prema veernjem
illuminating them briefly, and then was gone, leaving nebu. Jurnuo je kroz oblake i nakratko ih osvetlio, a
Arthur alone in an immensity of land dancing a potom ga vie nije bilo i Artur je ostao sam na
helplessly tiny little dance.
``What?'' he screamed. ``What? What? Hey, what? Come
back here and say that!''
He jumped and danced until his legs trembled, and
shouted till his lungs rasped. There was no answer from
anyone. There was no one to hear him or speak to him.
The alien ship was already thundering towards the upper
reaches of the atmosphere, on its way out into the
appalling void which separates the very few things there
are in the Universe from each other.
Its occupant, the alien with the expensive complexion,
leaned back in its single seat. His name was Wowbagger
the Infinitely Prolonged. He was a man with a purpose.
Not a very good purpose, as he would have been the first
to admit, but it was at least a purpose and it did at least
keep him on the move.
Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged was --- indeed, is ---
one of the Universe's very small number of immortal
beings.
Those who are born immortal instinctively know how to
cope with it, but Wowbagger was not one of them.
Indeed he had come to hate them, the load of serene
bastards. He had had his immortality thrust upon him by
an unfortunate accident with an irrational particle
accelerator, a liquid lunch and a pair of rubber bands. The
precise details of the accident are not important because
no one has ever managed to duplicate the exact
circumstances under which it happened, and many
people have ended up looking very silly, or dead, or both,
trying.
Wowbagger closed his eyes in a grim and weary
expression, put some light jazz on the ship's stereo, and
reflected that he could have made it if it hadn't been for
Sunday afternoons, he really could have done.
To begin with it was fun, he had a ball, living
dangerously, taking risks, cleaning up on high-yield long-
term investments, and just generally outliving the hell out
of everybody.
In the end, it was the Sunday afternoons he couldn't cope
with, and that terrible listlessness which starts to set in at
about 2.55, when you know that you've had all the baths
you can usefully have that day, that however hard you
stare at any given paragraph in the papers you will never
actually read it, or use the revolutionary new pruning
technique it describes, and that as you stare at the clock
the hands will move relentlessly on to four o'clock, and
ogromnom, pustom prostranstvu da bespomono izvodi
ples nesuvislih pokreta.
"Ma, ta hoe?" vritao je. "ta je bilo? ta? Ej, ta?
Vrati se i reci!"
Skakao je i poigravao sve dok noge nisu stale da mu
klecaju; isto tako, urlao je sve dok nije promukao. Nije
bilo odgovora. Nije bilo nikoga da ga uje, nikoga da
mu odgovori.
Tuinski brod ve je grmeo prema gornjoj granici
atmosfere, na putu prema uasnoj praznini koja razdvaja
ono malo stvari to postoje u Vaseljeni.
Njegov putnik, vanzemaljac negovanog tena, zavalio se
u svoje samotno sedite. Ime mu je bilo Vovbager
Beskonano Produeni. On je bio stvor sa odreenom
ivotnom svrhom. Ne ba najuzvienijom svrhom, to je i
sam priznavao, ali ipak je posredi bila svrha koja mu je
davala bar kakav-takav podstrek.
Vovbager Beskonano Produeni bio je - zapravo, jo
jeste - jedan od izuzetno malobrojnih besmrtnih
stvorova u Vaseljeni.
Veina onih koji se raaju besmrtni nagonski znaju kako
da iziu nakraj sa tim, ali Vovbager nije bio jedan od
njih. Besmrtnost mu je nametnuta nesrenim sluajem u
koji su bili ukljueni poludeli akcelerator estica,
mlena uina i dva gumena kaia. Tane pojedinosti
nesrenog sluaja nisu bitne, jer do sada nikome nije
polo za rukom da uspostavi istovetne okolnosti pod
kojima se on odigrao, a mnogi su zavrili tako to su od
sebe napravili budale, ili su poginuli, ili oboje, dok su
pokuavali da ponove stvar.
Vovbager je sklopio oi sa tmurnim i umornim izrazom
lica, pustio lagani dez na brodskom stereu i poeo da
razmilja o tome koliko bi mu bilo lake da sve prebrodi
samo da nije nedeljnih popodneva.
U poetku je bilo divno: uivao je, iveo opasno,
rizikovao, zaraivao na dugoronim ulaganjima i,
uopte, nadivljavao sve i svakoga.
Na kraju su dola nedeljna popodneva koja nije mogao
da podnese, ona uasna ravnodunost koja poinje da se
prikada oko 2:55, kada zna da si obavio sva negovanja
i kupanja koja vredi obaviti u jednom danu, kada, ma
koliko paljivo proitao lanak o revolucionarno novoj
tehnici potkresivanja ograde, shvata da ipak nikako
nee uspeti da je razume ili primeni, i dok, konano,
posmatra kako kazaljke sata nemilosrdno mile ka
you will enter the long dark teatime of the soul.
So things began to pall for him. The merry smiles he
used to wear at other people's funerals began to fade. He
began to despise the Universe in general, and everyone in
it in particular.
This was the point at which he conceived his purpose, the
thing which would drive him on, and which, as far as he
could see, would drive him on forever. It was this.
He would insult the Universe.
That is, he would insult everybody in it. Individually,
personally, one by one, and (this was the thing he really
decided to grit his teeth over) in alphabetical order.
When people protested to him, as they sometimes had
done, that the plan was not merely misguided but
actually impossible because of the number of people
being born and dying all the time, he would merely fix
them with a steely look and say, ``A man can dream can't
he?''
And so he started out. He equipped a spaceship that was
built to last with the computer capable of handling all the
data processing involved in keeping track of the entire
population of the known Universe and working out the
horrifically complicated routes involved.
His ship fled through the inner orbits of the Sol star
system, preparing to slingshot round the sun and fling
itself out into interstellar space.
``Computer,'' he said.
``Here,'' yipped the computer.
``Where next?''
``Computing that.''
Wowbagger gazed for a moment at the fantastic jewellery
of the night, the billions of tiny diamond worlds that
dusted the infinite darkness with light. Every one, every
single one, was on his itinerary. Most of them he would
be going to millions of times over.
He imagined for a moment his itinerary connecting up all
the dots in the sky like a child's numbered dots puzzle.
He hoped that from some vantage point in the Universe it
might be seen to spell a very, very rude word.
The computer beeped tunelessly to indicate that it had
finished its calculations.
``Folfanga,'' it said. It beeped.
``Fourth world of the Folfanga system,'' it continued. It
beeped again.
``Estimated journey time, three weeks,'' it continued
further. It beeped again.
etvrtom asu, a ti neumitno ulazi u dugo, mrano
predveerje due.
I tako su stvari za njega poele da blede. Veseli osmesi
koje je imao na pogrebima drugih ljudi stali su da
nestaju. Poeo je da mrzi Vaseljenu u celini, a sve one
koji ive u njoj pojedinano.
Bila je to taka na kojoj se zaela njegova ivotna svrha,
stvar koja e ga podsticati i to, koliko je video, zauvek.
Posredi je bilo sledee:
Uvredie Vaseljenu.
To jest, uvredie svakoga ko ivi u njoj. Pojedinano,
lino, jednog po jednog i to (to je stvarno vrsto reio)
azbunim redom.
Kada bi se ljudi pobunili, kao to su to ponekad inili,
tvrdei da plan ne samo da je potpuno iaen ve je,
zapravo, potpuno nemogu zbog broja ljudi koji su se od
iskona raali i umirali, on bi ih samo odmerio ledenim
pogledom i rekao: "ovek ima pravo da mata, zar ne?"
I tako je poeo. Opremio je jedan svemirski brod,
sagraen da traje izuzetno dugo, kompjuterom koji je
bio sposoban da obrauje sve podatke potrebne za
ulaenje u trag itavoj populaciji poznate Vaseljene i da
izrauna sve jezivo zapetljane putanje koje su bile
potrebne za to.
Brod mu je trenutno presecao orbite unutranjih planeta
zvezdanog sistema Sol i pripremao se da se, zaobiavi
Sunce, katapultira u meuzvezdani prostor.
"Kompjuteru", rekao je on.
"Tu sam", odvratio je kompjuter.
"Kuda sada?"
"Upravo raunam."
Vovbager je na trenutak gledao fantastinu draguljarnicu
noi, milijarde siunih, dijamantskih svetova koji su
zapraili svetlou bezgraninu tamu. Svaki od njih,
svaki pojedinano, nalazio se je na njegovom putu.
Veinu od njih posetie milionima puta.
Zamislio je na trenutak svoju predvienu putanju kako
povezuje sve punktove na nebu kao u deijoj zagonetki
sa numerisanim takama. Nadao se da sa nekog mesta u
Vaseljeni, sa koga se sve to lepo vidi ona ini slova
jedne vrlo, vrlo prostake rei.
Kompjuter je nemelodino zapitao da bi pokazao da je
zavrio proraun.
"Folfanga", rekao je pitavo.
"etvrti svet sistema Folfanga", produio je. Ponovo je
zapitao.
"Procena trajanja puta: tri nedelje", produio je potom.
Opet je zapitao.
``There to meet with a small slug,'' it beeped, ``of the
genus A-Rth-Urp-Hil-Ipdenu.''
``I believe,'' it added, after a slight pause during which it
beeped, ``that you had decided to call it a brainless prat.''
Wowbagger grunted. He watched the majesty of creation
outside his window for a moment or two.
``I think I'll take a nap,'' he said, and then added, ``what
network areas are we going to be passing through in the
next few hours?''
The computer beeped.
``Cosmovid, Thinkpix and Home Brain Box,'' it said, and
beeped.
``Any movies I haven't seen thirty thousand times
already?''
``No.''
``Uh.''
``There's Angst in Space. You've only seen that thirty-
three thousand five hundred and seventeen times.''
``Wake me for the second reel.''
The computer beeped.
``Sleep well,'' it said.
The ship fled on through the night.
Meanwhile, on Earth, it began to pour with rain and
Arthur Dent sat in his cave and had one of the most truly
rotten evenings of his entire life, thinking of things he
could have said to the alien and swatting flies, who also
had a rotten evening.
The next day he made himself a pouch out of rabbit skin
because he thought it would be useful to keep things in.
Chapter Two
This morning, two years later than that, was sweet and
fragrant as he emerged from the cave he called home
until he could think of a better name for it or find a better
cave.
Though his throat was sore again from his early morning
yell of horror, he was suddenly in a terrifically good
mood. He wrapped his dilapidated dressing gown tightly
around him and beamed at the bright morning. The air
was clear and scented, the breeze flitted lightly through
"Tamo treba da sretnemo malenog pua-golaa",
zapitao je, "roda A-Rt-Urf-il-Ipdenu."
"Verujem", dodao je posle krae stanke tokom koje je
pitao, "da si odluio da ga nazove klipanom bez imalo
mozga."
Vovbager je zagroktao. Trenutak ili dva posmatrao je
velianstveni prizor postanja kroz prozor.
"Mislim da u otii da odremam", kazao je, a potom
dodao: "Kroz koje programske mree emo proi u
sledeih nekoliko sati?
Kompjuter je zapitao.
"Kosmovid, Mislopiks i Domamozak", rekao je pitavo.
"Ima li nekih filmova koje nisam gledao ve po trideset
hiljada puta?"
"Ne."
"Uh."
"Daje se 'Angst u svemiru'. Gledao si ga samo trideset
tri hiljade pet stotina sedamnaest puta."
"Probudi me za drugu rolnu."
Kompjuter je zapitao.
"Prijatno spavanje", rekao je.
Brod je jurio kroz no.
U meuvremenu, na Zemlji je poeo pljusak, a Artur
Dent je sedeo u peini, provodei jednu od najgorih
veeri u itavom ivotu, dok je razmiljao ta je sve
mogao da kae vanzemaljcu i dok je ubijao muve koje
su takoe provodile jednu od najgorih veeri u ivotu.
Sledeeg dana napravio je sebi vreu od zeje koe, jer
je smatrao da bi mogla da bude korisna za uvanje
stvari.
2.
Ovo jutro, dve godine kasnije, bilo je slasno i mirisavo
kada je iziao iz peine koju e nazivati domom sve dok
ne bude mogao da smisli neki bolji naziv za nju ili dok
ne bude naao bolju peinu.
Iako ga je grlo bolelo od uobiajenog jutarnjeg krika
strave, iznenada je bio neverovatno dobro raspoloen.
vrsto je obmotao oko sebe otrcano odelo i nasmeio se
blistavom jutru. Vazduh je bio ist i mirisan, povetarac
je lagano klizio kroz visoku travu oko njegove peine,
the tall grass around his cave, the birds were chirruping
at each other, the butterflies were flitting about prettily,
and the whole of nature seemed to be conspiring to be as
pleasant as it possibly could.
It wasn't all the pastoral delights that were making Arthur
feel so cheery, though. He had just had a wonderful idea
about how to cope with the terrible lonely isolation, the
nightmares, the failure of all his attempts at horticulture,
and the sheer futurelessness and futility of his life here
on prehistoric Earth, which was that he would go mad.
He beamed again and took a bite out of a rabbit leg left
over from his supper. He chewed happily for a few
moments and then decided formally to announce his
decision.
He stood up straight and looked the world squarely in the
fields and hills. To add weight to his words he stuck the
rabbit bone in his hair. He spread his arms out wide.
``I will go mad!'' he announced.
``Good idea,'' said Ford Prefect, clambering down from
the rock on which he had been sitting.
Arthur's brain somersaulted. His jaw did press-ups.
``I went mad for a while,'' said Ford, ``did me no end of
good.''
``You see,'' said Ford, ``--- ...''
``Where have you been?'' interrupted Arthur, now that his
head had finished working out.
``Around,'' said Ford, ``around and about.'' He grinned in
what he accurately judged to be an infuriating manner. ``I
just took my mind off the hook for a bit. I reckoned that
if the world wanted me badly enough it would call back.
It did.''
He took out of his now terribly battered and dilapidated
satchel his Sub-Etha Sens-O-Matic.
``At least,'' he said, ``I think it did. This has been playing
up a bit.'' He shook it. ``If it was a false alarm I shall go
mad,'' he said, ``again.''
Arthur shook his head and sat down. He looked up.
``I thought you must be dead ...'' he said simply.
``So did I for a while,'' said Ford, ``and then I decided I
was a lemon for a couple of weeks. A kept myself
amused all that time jumping in and out of a gin and
tonic.''
Arthur cleared his throat, and then did it again. ``Where,''
he said, ``did you ...?''
``Find a gin and tonic?'' said Ford brightly. ``I found a
small lake that thought it was a gin and tonic, and
ptice su cvrkutale za svoj gro, leptirovi su draesno
leprali unaokolo i itava priroda kao da se urotila da
bude to prijatnija.
Ali nije se Artur oseao tako veselo zbog svih tih
pastoralnih radosti. Upravo je doao na izvrsnu zamisao
o tome kako da izie nakraj sa uasnom, usamljenikom
izdvojenou, morama, neuspesima u svim pokuajima
uzgajanja biljaka i potpunoj zaludnosti i besmislenosti
njegovog ivota ovde na preistorijskoj Zemlji: reio je,
naime, da poludi.
Ponovo se nasmeio i odgrizao zalogaj mesa sa zeje
noice koja mu je preostala od veere. Sreno je vakao
nekoliko trenutka, a onda je odluio da formalno
obznani svoju odluku.
Uspravio se i stao da posmatra bregove i polja sveta. Da
bi dao teine svojim reima, gurnuo je zeju kost u
bradu. Rairio je ruke.
"Poludeu!" izjavio je.
"Dobra ideja", rekao je Ford Prefekt i siao sa stene na
kojoj je sedeo.
Arturov mozak napravi salto. Donja vilica mu je radila
sklekove.
"I ja sam neko vreme bio lud.", rekao je Ford. "To mi je
bezgranino pomoglo." Arturove oi su pravile
kolutove.
"Zna..." rekao je Ford.
"Gde si bio?" prekinuo ga je Artur, poto mu je glava
zavrila gimnastike vebe.
"Ovde i onde", rekao je Ford, "po okolini." Nasmeio se
na nain koji je sasvim ispravno ocenio kao
nepodnoljiv. "Naprosto sam jedno vreme pustio mozak
na ispau. Raunao sam da e ga svet pozvati nazad
ukoliko me se ueli. To je i uinio."
Iz torbice koja je sada bila izuzetno otrcana i oteena
izvukao je sub-eta senz-o-matik.
"Ili bar", kazao je, "mislim da jeste. Ovo se malo
oglasilo." Protresao ga je. "Ukoliko je bila lana uzbuna,
poludeu", rekao je, "ponovo."
Artur zavrte glavom i sede. Podigao je pogled.
"Mislio sam da si mrtav..." kazao je samo.
"I ja sam to mislio neko vreme", rekao je Ford, "a onda
sam odluio da nekoliko nedelja budem limun. Sve
vreme sam se zabavljao tako to sam uskako u din i
tonik i iskakao iz njega."
Artur je proistio grlo, a onda je to ponovo uinio.
"Gde", upitao je, "si..."
"Naao din i tonik?" dopuni ga Ford veselo. "Pronaao
sam malo jezero koje je mislilo da je din i tonik, pa
jumped in and out of that. At least, I think it thought it
was a gin and tonic.''
``I may,'' he added with a grin which would have sent
sane men scampering into trees, ``have been imagining
it.''
He waited for a reaction from Arthur, but Arthur knew
better than that.
``Carry on,'' he said levelly.
``The point is, you see,'' said Ford, ``that there is no point
in driving yourself mad trying to stop yourself going
mad. You might just as well give in and save your sanity
for later.''
``And this is you sane again, is it?'' said Arthur. ``I ask
merely for information.''
``I went to Africa,'' said Ford.
``Yes?''
``Yes.''
``What was that like?''
``And this is your cave is it?'' said Ford.
``Er, yes,'' said Arthur. He felt very strange. After nearly
four years of total isolation he was so pleased and
relieved to see Ford that he could almost cry. Ford was,
on the other hand, an almost immediately annoying
person.
``Very nice,'' said Ford, in reference to Arthur's cave.
``You must hate it.''
Arthur didn't bother to reply.
``Africa was very interesting,'' said Ford, ``I behaved
very oddly there.''
He gazed thoughtfully into the distance.
``I took up being cruel to animals,'' he said airily. ``But
only,'' he added, ``as a hobby.''
``Oh yes,'' said Arthur, warily.
``Yes,'' Ford assured him. ``I won't disturb you with the
details because they would -''
``What?''
``Disturb you. But you may be interested to know that I
am singlehandedly responsible for the evolved shape of
the animal you came to know in later centuries as a
giraffe. And I tried to learn to fly. Do you believe me?''
``Tell me,'' said Arthur.
``I'll tell you later. I'll just mention that the Guide says ...''
``The ...?''
``Guide. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy. You
remember?''
``Yes. I remember throwing it in the river.''
``Yes,'' said Ford, ``but I fished it out.''
``You didn't tell me.''
sam uskako i iskakao. Ili bar ja verujem da je mislilo da
je din i tonik.
A moda sam", dodao je sa osmehom koji bi naterao
normalnog oveka da vritei odjuri u umu, "sve to
samo zamiljao."
ekao je na Arturovu reakciju, ali Artur se nije upecao.
"Produi", rekao je ravnim glasom.
"Glavni smisao svega toga", kazao je Ford, "jeste da
nema smisla naterati sebe da poludi samo da bi izbegao
ludilo. Bolje ti je da se preda odmah i sauva
normalnost za kasnije."
"A ti si sada ponovo normalan, je li?" pitao je Artur.
"Pitam to samo da znam."
"Iao sam u Afriku", rekao je Ford.
"Da?"
"Da."
"Kako je bilo?"
"A ovo je tvoja peina, je li?" upitao je Ford.
"Ovaj, jeste", rekao je Artur. Oseao se vrlo neobino.
Posle gotove etiri godine potpune izdvojenosti bio je
toliko zadovoljan i prepun olakanja to vidi Forda da
mu je gotovo dolo da se rasplae. sa druge strane, Ford
je bio osoba koja je skoro odmah poela da mu ide na
ivce.
"Ba je divna", rekao je Ford za Arturovu peinu. "Mora
da je mrzi."
Artur se nije potrudio da mu odgovori.
"Afrika je bila veoma zanimljiva", rekao je Ford. "Tamo
sam se ponaao veoma udno."
Zamiljeno je gledao u daljinu.
"Neko vreme bio sam svirep prema ivotinjama", rekao
je sanjalaki. "Ali to mi je bio", dodao je, "samo hobi."
"Ah, je li?", rekao je Artur paljivo.
"Da", uveravao ga je Ford. "Ne elim da te
uznemiravam pojedinostima, jer bi te one..."
"ta?"
"Uznemirile. Ali moda e te zanimati da sam
svojeruno odgovoran za evoluirani oblik ivotinje koja
je u kasnijim stoleima postala poznata kao irafa. I uz
to sam i pokuao da nauim da letim. Veruje li mi?"
"Ispriaj mi", kazao je Artur.
"Ispriau ti kasnije. Samo bih pomenuo da 'Vodi'
kae..."
"Vo...?"
"'Vodi'. 'Autostoperski vodi kroz Galaksiju'. Sea li
se?"
"Da. Seam se da sam ga bacio u reku."
"Jesi", kazao je Ford, "ali ja sam ga upecao odatle."
"Nisi mi to rekao."
``I didn't want you to throw it in again.''
``Fair enough,'' admitted Arthur. ``It says?''
``What?''
``The Guide says?''
``The Guide says there is an art to flying,'' said Ford, ``or
rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw
yourself at the ground and miss.'' He smiled weakly. He
pointed at the knees of his trousers and held his arms up
to show the elbows. They were all torn and worn
through.
``I haven't done very well so far,'' he said. He stuck out
his hand. ``I'm very glad to see you again, Arthur,'' he
added.
Arthur shook his head in a sudden access of emotion and
bewilderment.
``I haven't seen anyone for years,'' he said, ``not anyone.
I can hardly even remember how to speak. I keep
forgetting words. I practise you see. I practise by talking
to ... talking to ... what are those things people think
you're mad if you talk to? Like George the Third.''
``Kings?'' suggested Ford.
``No, no,'' said Arthur. ``The things he used to talk to.
We're surrounded by them for heaven's sake. I've planted
hundreds myself. They all died. Trees! I practise by
talking to trees. What's that for?''
Ford still had his hand stuck out. Arthur looked at it with
incomprehension.
``Shake,'' prompted Ford.
Arthur did, nervously at first, as if it might turn out to be
a fish. Then he grasped it vigorously with both hands in
an overwhelming flood of relief. He shook it and shook
it.
After a while Ford found it necessary to disengage. They
climbed to the top of a nearby outcrop of rock and
surveyed the scene around them.
``What happened to the Golgafrinchans?'' asked Ford.
Arthur shrugged.
``A lot of them didn't make it through the winter three
years ago,'' he said, ``and the few who remained in the
spring said they needed a holiday and set off on a raft.
History says that they must have survived ...''
``Huh,'' said Ford, ``well well.'' He stuck his hands on his
hips and looked round again at the empty world.
Suddenly, there was about Ford a sense of energy and
purpose.
``We're going,'' he said excitedly, and shivered with
energy.
``Where? How?'' said Arthur.
"Nisam eleo da ga ponovo baci."
"Poteno", priznao je Artur. "On kae?"
"ta?"
"'Vodi' kae?"
"'Vodi' kae da postoji vetina letenja", rekao je Ford,
"ili, tanije reeno, tos. tos je u tome da naui kako
da se baci na zemlju i promai." Slabo se nasmeio.
Pokazao je na kolena svojih pantalona i podigao ruke da
bi se videli laktovi. Bili su pohabani i iscepani.
"Do sad se nisam ba najbolje snaao", rekao je.
Ispruio je ruku. "Drago mi je to te opet vidim, Arture",
dodao je.
Artur zavrte glavom u iznenadnom naletu oseanja i
zbunjenosti.
"Nisam nikoga video godinama", rekao je, "nikoga.
Jedva da se seam kako se govori. Stalno zaboravljam
rei. Ali vebam, razume. Vebam se tako to priam...
tako to priam... kako se zovu one stvari za koje ljudi
misle da si lud ako razgovara sa njima? Kao Dord
Trei?"
"Kraljevi?" predloio je Ford.
"Ne, ne", rekao je Artur, "one stvari sa kojima je
razgovarao. Boga mu, ima ih na sve strane. Lino sam
zasadio na stotine. Sva su se osuila. Drvee! Vebao
sam tako to sam razgovarao sa drveem. ta je?"
Fordova ruka jo je bila ispruena. Artur ju je gledao
zbunjenim pogledom.
"Rukuj se", zahtevao je Ford.
Artur je to uinio, najpre sa oklevanjem, kao da treba da
uhvati ribu. Onda ju je vrsto stegao obema akama u
neodoljivom naletu olakanja. Tresao ju je i tresao.
Posle izvesnog vremena Ford je naao za shodno da
izvue ruku. Zajedno su se popeli na vrh oblinje stene i
stali da posmatraju prizor pod sobom.
"ta se dogodilo sa Golgafrinanima?" upitao je Ford.
Artur slee ramenima.
"Veina nije uspela da preivi zimu pre tri godine",
rekao je, "a nekolicina koja je ostala rekla je da im je
potreban odmor i otplovila na splavu. Istorija kae da
mora da su preiveli..."
"Ha", ree Ford, "pazi, pazi." Podboio se i osvrnuo
unaokolo po praznom svetu. Iznenada je zadobio izgled
energinosti i svrhovitosti.
"Idemo", rekao je uzbueno, uzdrhtavi od poleta.
"Kuda? Kako?" upitao je Artur.
``I don't know,'' said Ford, ``but I just feel that the time is "Ne znam", kazao je Ford, "ali oseam da je doao pravi
right. Things are going to happen. We're on our way.'' trenutak. Neto e se dogoditi. Polazimo."
He lowered his voice to a whisper. Spustio je glas do apata.
``I have detected,'' he said, ``disturbances in the wash.'' "Otkrio sam", rekao je, "poremeaj u pranju."
He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he ivahno se zagledao u daljinu i delovao kao da bi
would quite like the wind to blow his hair back strano voleo da u tom trenutku vetar dramatino
dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling zavijori njegovom kosom, ali vetar se zavitlavao sa
around with some leaves a little way off. liem po okolini.
Arthur asked him to repeat what he had just said because Artur ga je zamolio da ponovi to ta je upravo rekao, jer
he hadn't quite taken his meaning. Ford repeated it. nije sasvim razumeo ta je hteo da kae. Ford je
ponovio.
``The wash?'' said Arthur. "U pranju?"
``The space-time wash,'' said Ford, and as the wind blew "Pranju, naplavini prostorvremena", rekao je Ford i,
briefly past at that moment, he bared his teeth into it. kada je vetar nakratko dunuo preko njega u tom
trenutku, iskezio zube prema njemu.
Arthur nodded, and then cleared his throat. Artur je klimnuo i potom proistio grlo.
``Are we talking about,'' he asked cautiously, ``some sort "Govorimo li", paljivo je pitao, "o nekoj vrsti
of Vogon laundromat, or what are we talking about?'' vogonskog superautomata za rublje, ili o emu?"
``Eddies,'' said Ford, ``in the space-time continuum.'' "Govorimo o viru koji se javio", uzvratio je Ford, "u
kontinuumu prostorvremena."
``Ah,'' nodded Arthur, ``is he? Is he?'' He pushed his "Ah, pa to tako ne kae!" klimnuo je Artur. "Izvesni
hands into the pocket of his dressing gown and looked Vir se, znai, pojavio..." Gurnuo je ruku u depove
knowledgeably into the distance. odela i znalaki se zagledao u daljinu.
``What?'' said Ford. "Molim?" upitao je Ford.
``Er, who,'' said Arthur, ``is Eddy, then, exactly?'' "Ovaj", rekao je Artur, "a ko je taj gospodin Vir?"
Ford looked angrily at him. Ford ga gnevno prostreli oima.
``Will you listen?'' he snapped. "Hoe li da me slua?" zareao je.
``I have been listening,'' said Arthur, ``but I'm not sure it's "Sluao sam te", uzvratio je Artur, "ali nisam siguran da
helped.'' je mnogo vredelo."
Ford grasped him by the lapels of his dressing gown and Ford ga je uhvatio za revere ogrtaa i poeo da mu
spoke to him as slowly and distinctly and patiently as if govori polako, razgovetno i strpljivo, kao da razgovara
he were somebody from a telephone company accounts sa nekim iz odeljenja za telefonsku pretplatu.
department.
``There seem ...'' he said, ``to be some pools ...'' he said,
"Izgleda..." rekao je, "da su se pojavili..." kazao je,
``of instability ...'' he said, ``in the fabric ...'' he said ...
"vorovi nestabilnosti..." rekao je, "u tkanju..." kazao je.
Arthur looked foolishly at the cloth of his dressing gown Artur je budalasto spustio pogled na materijal svog
where Ford was holding it. Ford swept on before Arthur kunog ogrtaa tamo gde ga je Ford drao. Ford produi
could turn the foolish look into a foolish remark. pre nego to je Arturu polo za rukom da pretvori svoj
budalasti pogled u budalastu primedbu.
``... in the fabric of space-time,'' he said. "...u tkanju prostorvremena", rekao je.
``Ah, that,'' said Arthur. "Ah, to", rekao je Artur.
``Yes, that,'' confirmed Ford. "Da, to", potvrdio je Ford.
They stood there alone on a hill on prehistoric Earth and Stajali su, usamljeni, na brdu preistorijske Zemlje i
stared each other resolutely in the face. odluno gledali jedan drugoga u lice.
``And it's done what?'' said Arthur. "A ta je ono preduzelo sa tim u vezi?" upitao je Artur.
``It,'' said Ford, ``has developed pools of instability.'' "Pa ono je razvilo", kazao je Ford, "te vorove
nestabilnosti."
``Has it?'' said Arthur, his eyes not wavering for a "Je li?" rekao je Artur, ije su oi na trenutak prestale da
moment. poigravaju.
``It has,'' said Ford with a similar degree of ocular "Jeste", kazao je Ford, uz slian stepen one
immobility.
``Good,'' said Arthur.
``See?'' said Ford.
``No,'' said Arthur.
There was a quiet pause.
``The difficulty with this conversation,'' said Arthur after
a sort of pondering look had crawled slowly across his
face like a mountaineer negotiating a tricky outcrop, ``is
that it's very different from most of the ones I've had of
late. Which, as I explained, have mostly been with trees.
They weren't like this. Except perhaps some of the ones
I've had with elms which sometimes get a bit bogged
down.''
``Arthur,'' said Ford.
``Hello? Yes?'' said Arthur.
``Just believe everything I tell you, and it will all be very,
very simple.''
``Ah, well I'm not sure I believe that.''
They sat down and composed their thoughts.
Ford got out his Sub-Etha Sens-O-Matic. It was making
vague humming noises and a tiny light on it was
flickering faintly.
``Flat battery?'' said Arthur.
``No,'' said Ford, ``there is a moving disturbance in the
fabric of space-time, an eddy, a pool of instability, and
it's somewhere in our vicinity.''
``Where?''
Ford moved the device in a slow lightly bobbing semi-
circle. Suddenly the light flashed.
``There!'' said Ford, shooting out his arm. ``There,
behind that sofa!''
Arthur looked. Much to his surprise, there was a velvet
paisley-covered Chesterfield sofa in the field in front of
them. He boggled intelligently at it. Shrewd questions
sprang into his mind.
``Why,'' he said, ``is there a sofa in that field?''
``I told you!'' shouted Ford, leaping to his feet. ``Eddies
in the space-time continuum!''
``And this is his sofa, is it?'' asked Arthur, struggling to
his feet and, he hoped, though not very optimistically, to
his senses.
``Arthur!'' shouted Ford at him, ``that sofa is there
because of the space-time instability I've been trying to
get your terminally softened brain to get to grips with. It's
been washed out of the continuum, it's space-time jetsam,
it doesn't matter what it is, we've got to catch it, it's our
only way out of here!''
He scrambled rapidly down the rocky outcrop and made
nepokretnosti.
"Dobro", rekao je Artur.
"Shvatio si?" upitao je Ford.
"Ne", uzvratio je Artur.
Nastala je stanka.
"Nevolja sa ovim razgovorom", kazao je Artur poto mu
se na lice tiho prikrao zamiljeni pogled kao u planinara
koji pokuava da izie nakraj sa naroito nezgodnim
vrhom, "jeste u tome to se veoma razlikuje od veine
koje sam imao u poslednje vreme. Koje sam, kao to ve
rekoh, uglavnom vodio sa drveem. Nisu bili ni nalik
ovom. Osim moda nekih razgovora sa brestovima,
kada mi se deavalo da se poprilino zaglibim."
"Arture", rekao je Ford.
"Da? Molim?" upitao je Artur.
"Samo veruj u ono to ti budem rekao i sve e se lepo,
lepo srediti."
"Ah, zar? Nisam siguran da verujem u to."
Sedeli su i prebirali po mislima.
Ford je izvadio svoj sub-eta senz-o-matik. Isputao je
blago zujanje, a siuna svetiljka na njemu slabano je
svetlucala.
"Ispraznile se baterije?" upitao je Artur.
"Ne", rekao je Ford, "u tkanju prostorvremena pojavio
se pokretni poremeaj, kovitlac, vor nestabilnosti, a
nalazi se negde u naoj blizini."
"Gde?"
Ford je lagano okretao ureaj u malo nepravilnom
polukrugu. Iznenada je svetlost blesnula.
"Tamo!" rekao je Ford i ispruio ruku. "Tamo iza one
sofe!"
Artur pogleda. Na njegovo zaprepaenje, nasred polja
ispred njega nalazila se pliana esterfildska sofa na
cvetie. Um mu se razlono pobunio protiv njenog
postojanja. Pronicljiva pitanja stadoe da mu se obrazuju
u umu.
"Odakle", upitao je, "sofa nasred polja?"
"Kazao sam ti!" dreknuo je Ford i skoio na noge.
"Kovitlaci u kontinuumu prostorvremena!"
"A ovo je njihova sofa, je li?" pitao je Artur, upinjui se
da se uspravi na noge; uz put se ponadao, mada ne
previe optimistiki, da e mu se vratiti normalno
rasuivanje.
"Arture!" dreknuo je Ford, "ta sofa nalazi se ovde zbog
prostorvremenske nestabilnosti u ije sam postojanje
pokuavao da uverim tvoj nesumnjivo omekali mozak.
Sprana je iz kontinuuma, to je naplavina
prostorvremena, ali uopte nije vano ta je: moramo je
uloviti, to nam je jedini nain da odemo odavde!"
urno se sasuljao niz kamenitu padinu i pojurio preko
off across the field.
``Catch it?'' muttered Arthur, then frowned in
bemusement as he saw that the Chesterfield was lazily
bobbing and wafting away across the grass.
With a whoop of utterly unexpected delight he leapt
down the rock and plunged off in hectic pursuit of Ford
Prefect and the irrational piece of furniture.
They careered wildly through the grass, leaping,
laughing, shouting instructions to each other to head the
thing off this way or that way. The sun shone dreamily on
the swaying grass, tiny field animals scattered crazily in
their wake.
Arthur felt happy. He was terribly pleased that the day
was for once working out so much according to plan.
Only twenty minutes ago he had decided he would go
mad, and now he was already chasing a Chesterfield sofa
across the fields of prehistoric Earth.
The sofa bobbed this way and that and seemed
simultaneously to be as solid as the trees as it drifted past
some of them and hazy as a billowing dream as it floated
like a ghost through others.
Ford and Arthur pounded chaotically after it, but it
dodged and weaved as if following its own complex
mathematical topography, which it was. Still they
pursued, still it danced and span, and suddenly turned
and dipped as if crossing the lip of a catastrophe graph,
and they were practically on top of it. With a heave and a
shout they leapt on it, the sun winked out, they fell
through a sickening nothingness, and emerged
unexpectedly in the middle of the pitch at Lord's Cricked
Ground, St John's Wood, London, towards the end of the
last Test Match of the Australian Series in the year 198-,
with England needing only twenty-eight runs to win.
Chapter Three
Important facts from Galactic history, number one:
(Reproduced from the Siderial Daily Mentioner's Book
of popular Galactic History.)
The night sky over the planet Krikkit is the least
interesting sight in the entire Universe.
Chapter Four
It was a charming and delightful day at Lord's as Ford Na Gospodarskom igralitu bio je lep i prijatan dan kada
polja.
"Da je ulovimo?" promrmljao je Artur, a onda se
zbunjeno namrtio kada je video kako se esterfildska
sofa lenjo njie i plovi iznad trave.
Uz uzvik neoekivanog oduevljenja jurnuo je sa stene i
bacio se u grozniavu poteru za Fordom Prefektom i
besmislenim komadom nametaja.
Divlje su trali kroz travu, bacali se, smejali, dovikivali
jedan drugom savete kako da presretnu stvar u ovom ili
onom smeru. Sunce je sneno bacalo svetlost na
ustalasanu travu, a malene poljske zveri sklanjale su im
se sa puta.
Artur je bio srean. Bilo mu je strano drago to se dan
najzad jednom razvijao potpuno u skladu sa njegovim
planom. Pre samo dvadeset minuta odluio je da poludi,
a sada je ve jurio esterfildsku sofu preko poljane
preistorijske Zemlje.
Sofa se njihala tamo i ovamo, delujui istovremeno
stameno poput drvea pored koga je promicala i
nesutastveno poput talasavog sna dok je kao avet
promicala pravo kroz druga stabla.
Ford i Artur haotino su grabili za njom, ali ona je
vrdala i skakutala kao da sledi neku svoju sloenu
matematiku topografiju, to je upravo i inila. Jo su
jurili za njom, jo je plesala i okretala se, a onda je
iznenada zastala i nagla se kao da je naila na uzdignuti
deo eksponencijalnog dijagrama i oni se naoe tik uz
nju. Uz uzvik i teko dahtanje bacili su se na sofu, sunce
je zatreptalo i nestalo, osetili su kako propadaju kroz
vrtoglavu prazninu i ve narednog trena neoekivano su
se pojavili na sreditu terena Gospodarskog Igralita
Kriketa u Sent Dons Vudu, u Londonu, pred kraj
poslednjeg mea protiv Australijanaca godine 198-, u
trenutku kada je Engleskoj trebalo jo samo dvadeset
osam krugova da pobedi.
3.
Vane injenice iz galaktike istorije. Broj jedan:
(Reprodukovano iz Siderikog dnevnog podsetnika
popularne galaktike istorije.)
Nono nebo nad planetom Krikit najnezanimljiviji je
prizor u itavoj Vaseljeni.
4.
and Arthur tumbled haphazardly out of a space-time
anomaly and hit the immaculate turf rather hard.
The applause of the crowd was tremendous. It wasn't for
them, but instinctively they bowed anyway, which was
fortunate because the small red heavy ball which the
crowd actually had been applauding whistled mere
millimetres over Arthur's head. In the crowd a man
collapsed.
They threw themselves back to the ground which seemed
to spin hideously around them.
``What was that?'' hissed Arthur.
``Something red,'' hissed Ford back at him.
``Where are we?''
``Er, somewhere green.''
``Shapes,'' muttered Arthur. ``I need shapes.''
The applause of the crowd had been rapidly succeeded
by gasps of astonishment, and the awkward titters of
hundreds of people who could not yet make up their
minds about whether to believe what they had just seen
or not.
``This your sofa?'' said a voice.
``What was that?'' whispered Ford.
Arthur looked up.
``Something blue,'' he said.
``Shape?'' said Ford.
Arthur looked again.
``It is shaped,'' he hissed at Ford, with his brow savagely
furrowing, ``like a policeman.''
They remained crouched there for a few moments,
frowning deeply. The blue thing shaped like a policeman
tapped them both on the shoulders.
``Come on, you two,'' the shape said, ``let's be having
you.''
These words had an electrifying effect on Arthur. He
leapt to his feet like an author hearing the phone ring and
shot a series of startled glanced at the panorama around
him which had suddenly settled down into something of
quite terrifying ordinariness.
``Where did you get this from?'' he yelled at the
policeman shape.
``What did you say?'' said the startled shape.
``This is Lord's Cricket Ground, isn't it?'' snapped Arthur.
``Where did you find it, how did you get it here? I think,''
he added, clasping his hand to his brow, ``that I had
better calm down.'' He squatted down abruptly in front of
Ford.
``It is a policeman,'' he said, ``What do we do?''
Ford shrugged. ``What do you want to do?'' he said.
``I want you,'' said Arthur, ``to tell me that I have been
dreaming for the last five years.''
su Ford i Artur naslepo izleteli iz prostorvremenske
anomalije i prilino grubo bupnuli o negovani travnjak.
Pljesak gomile bio je zadivljujui. Nije, dodue, bio
namenjen njima, ali oni su se nagonski ipak naklonili,
to je bila prava srea, jer je mala, crvena loptica zbog
koje je gomila zapljeskala prozvidala na svega
nekoliko milimetara od Arturove glave. U gledalitu se
jedan ovek onesvestio.
Bacili su se na zemlju koja se, naizgled, avolski vrtela
oko njih.
"ta to bi?" prosikta Artur.
"Neto crveno", prosikta Ford u odgovor.
"Kakvo je ovo mesto?"
"Ovaj, neto zeleno."
"Oblici", promrmljao je Artur, "potrebni su mi oblici."
Pljesak gomile iznenada je bio zamenjen uzvicima
zaprepaenja i izrazima zbunjenosti stotina ljudi koji
nisu mogli da se odlue da li da veruju u ono to su
upravo videli ili ne.
"Da li je to vaa sofa?" upitao je glas.
"ta to bi?" proaptao je Ford.
Artur podie pogled.
"Neto plavo", rekao je.
"Oblik?" pitao je Ford.
Artur ponovo pogleda.
"Ima", prosiktao je Fordu, ije su se obrve divlje
namrtile, "oblik policajca."
Ostali su u tom poloaju nekoliko trenutaka, duboko
namrteni. Plava stvar koja je imala oblik policajca
potapala je obojicu po ramenima.
"Hajde, vas dvojica", rekao je oblik, "pokret."
Ove rei kao da su naelektrisale Artura. Skoio je na
noge i uputio niz zaprepaenih pogleda panorami koja
ga je okruivala i koja se iznenada pretvorila u neto
zastraujue prepoznatljivo i obino.
"Odakle vam ovo?" jeknuo je prema obliku policajca.
"ta ste rekli?" upitao je oblik zbunjeno.
"Ovo je Gospodarsko igralite kriketa, zar ne?" zareao
je Artur. "Odakle vam, gde ste ga nali? ini mi se",
dodao je i pokrio oi rukama, "da bi mi bilo pametnije
da se smirim." Naglo je unuo pored Forda.
"To je policajac", rekao je. "ta emo sada?"
Ford slee ramenima. "ta bi ti?"
"Hteo bih", rekao je Artur, "da mi kae da sam sanjao
sve to mi se deavalo u poslednjih pet godina."
Ford shrugged again, and obliged. Ford ponovo slee ramenima i poslua ga.
``You've been dreaming for the last five years,'' he said. "Sanjao si sve to ti se deavalo u poslednjih pet
godina", rekao je.
Arthur got to his feet. Artur se podie na noge.
``It's all right, officer,'' he said. ``I've been dreaming for "Sve je u redu, pozornie", rekao je. "Sanjao sam sve to
the last five years. Ask him,'' he added, pointing at Ford, mi se deavalo u poslednjih pet godina. Pitajte njega",
``he was in it.'' Having said this, he sauntered off towards dodao je i pokazao na Forda, "i on je bio u tome." Kada
the edge of the pitch, brushing down his dressing gown. je to rekao, odetao je do ruba terena, istei prainu sa
He then noticed his dressing gown and stopped. He svog kunog ogrtaa. Onda je spazio u ta je obuen i
stared at it. He flung himself at the policeman. zaustavio se. Upiljio se u ograta. A onda se okrenuo i
pojurio prema policajcu.
``So where did I get these clothes from?'' he howled. "A odakle mi onda ova odea?" poe da zavija.
He collapsed and lay twitching on the grass. Sruio se i ostao da lei na travi, tresui se.
Ford shook his head. Ford zavrte glavom.
``He's had a bad two million years,'' he said to the "Poslednjih dva miliona godina teko su mu pali", rekao
policeman, and together they heaved Arthur on to the je policajcu; zajedno su poloili Artura na sofu i izneli
sofa and carried him off the pitch and were only briefly ga sa terena, pri emu ih je samo na trenutak omeo
hampered by the sudden disappearance of the sofa on the iznenadni nestanak sofe.
way.
Reaction to all this from the crowd were many and Reakcije publike na sve to bile su mnogobrojne i
various. Most of them couldn't cope with watching it, and raznovrsne. Mnogi od prisutnih nisu mogli da podnesu
listened to it on the radio instead. da sve to posmatraju, pa su umesto da gledaju svojim
oima sluali prenos na radiju.
``Well, this is an interesting incident, Brian,'' said one "Pa, Brajane, ovo je zanimljiv incident", rekao je jedan
radio commentator to another. ``I don't think there have radio-komentator drugome. "Ne verujem da je na terenu
been any mysterious materializations on the pitch since, za igru bilo misterioznih materijalizacija jo od... oh...
oh since, well I don't think there have been any --- have jo od... ne verujem da ih je, zapravo, ikada bilo, zar ne?
there? --- that I recall?'' Ja se ne seam."
``Edgbaston, 1932?'' "Edbaston 1932?"
``Ah, now what happened then ...'' "Ah, a ta se tada desilo...?"
``Well, Peter, I think it was Canter facing Willcox "Pa, Pitere, mislim da je Kanter zapreio put Vilkoksu
coming up to bowl from the pavilion end when a koji je stizao iz pravca paviljona, kada je iznenada jedan
spectator suddenly ran straight across the pitch.'' od gledalaca istrao pravo na teren."
There was a pause while the first commentator Nastala je pauza dok je prvi komentator razmiljao o
considered this. ovome.
``Ye ... e ... s ...'' he said, ``yes, there's nothing actually "Da... aaa..." rekao je, "da, ali u tome nije bilo nieg
very mysterious about that, is there? He didn't actually naroito tajanstvenog, je li tako? Taj gledalac se,
materialize, did he? Just ran on.'' zapravo, nije materijalizovao, zar ne? Samo je istrao."
``No, that's true, but he did claim to have seen something "To je istina, ali tvrdio je da je video neto kako se
materialize on the pitch.'' materijalizuje na terenu."
``Ah, did he?'' "Ah, je li."
``Yes. An alligator, I think, of some description.'' "Da. Aligatora, ako sam dobro shvatio."
``Ah. And had anyone else noticed it?''
``Apparently not. And no one was able to get a very
detailed description from him, so only the most
perfunctory search was made.''
``And what happened to the man?'' "A ta se posle desilo sa ovekom?"
``Well, I think someone offered to take him off and give "Pa, ini mi se da se neko ponudio da ga odvede i da mu
him some lunch, but he explained that he'd already had a kupi ruak, ali je on objasnio da je ve dobro jeo i tako
rather good one, so the matter was dropped and
Warwickshire went on to win by three wickets.''
``So, not very like this current instance. For those of you
who've just tuned in, you may be interested to know that,
er ... two men, two rather scruffily attired men, and
indeed a sofa --- a Chesterfield I think?''
``Yes, a Chesterfield.''
``Have just materialized here in the middle of Lord's
Cricket Ground. But I don't think they meant any harm,
they've been very good-natured about it, and ...''
``Sorry, can I interrupt you a moment Peter and say that
the sofa has just vanished.''
``So it has. Well, that's one mystery less. Still, it's
definitely one for the record books I think, particularly
occurring at this dramatic moment in play, England now
needing only twenty-four runs to win the series. The men
are leaving the pitch in the company of a police officer,
and I think everyone's settling down now and play is
about to resume.''
``Now, sir,'' said the policeman after they had made a
passage through the curious crowd and laid Arthur's
peacefully inert body on a blanket, ``perhaps you'd care
to tell me who you are, where you come from, and what
that little scene was all about?''
Ford looked at the ground for a moment as if steadying
himself for something, then he straightened up and aimed
a look at the policeman which hit him with the full force
of every inch of the six hundred light-years' distance
between Earth and Ford's home near Betelgeuse.
``All right,'' said Ford, very quietly, ``I'll tell you.''
``Yes, well, that won't be necessary,'' said the policeman
hurriedly, ``just don't let whatever it was happen again.''
The policeman turned around and wandered off in search
of anyone who wasn't from Betelgeuse. Fortunately, the
ground was full of them.
Arthur's consciousness approached his body as from a
great distance, and reluctantly. It had had some bad times
in there. Slowly, nervously, it entered and settled down in
to its accustomed position.
Arthur sat up.
``Where am I?'' he said.
``Lord's Cricket Ground,'' said Ford.
``Fine,'' said Arthur, and his consciousness stepped out
again for a quick breather. His body flopped back on the
grass.
Ten minutes later, hunched over a cup of tea in the Deset minuta kasnije, nagnuto nad oljicom aja u
refreshment tent, the colour started to come back to his atoru za osveenje, njegovo iscrpljeno lice ponovo je
je stvar zaboravljena i Votvikajr je produio da bi na
kraju pobedio za tri viketa."
"Znai, ne ba mnogo nalik na ovaj sadanji dogaaj. Za
sve one meu vama koji su se upravo ukljuili, moda
e vas zanimati da to znate, ovaj... dva oveka, dva tipa
u prilino otrcanoj odei i jedna sofa - esterfildska, ako
se ne varam?"
"Da, esterfildska."
"Upravo su se materijalizovali ovde, usred
Gospodarskog igralita kriketa. Ali ne ini mi se da su
mislili da nanesu ikakvo zlo - zapravo, vladali su se
prilino mirno i..."
"Dopusti mi da te naas prekinem, Pitere, kako bih
objavio da je dotina sofa upravo nestala."
"Tako, dakle. Pa, to je jedna tajna manje. Ipak, re je o
stvari koju svakako vredi zabeleiti, utoliko vie to se
dogaa ba u ovom dramatinom trenutku igre, kada je
Engleskoj potrebno samo dvadeset etiri kruga da
pobedi. Dva tipa naputaju teren u pratnji jednog
policajca i ini mi se da se sve sreuje, a igra e se
uskoro nastaviti."
"A sada, gospodine", rekao je policajac kada su se
probili kroz radoznalu gomilu i poloili Arturovo
nepomino telo na ebe, "moda biste mogli da mi
kaete ko ste, odakle ste i ta znai ta mala predstava
koju ste izveli."
Ford se na trenutak zagledao u zemlju kao da se
priprema za neto, a onda se ispravio i uputio prema
policajcu pogled koji ga je pogodio punom silinom
svakog ina est svetlosnih godina rastojanja izmeu
Zemlje i Fordovog doma u blizini Betelgeza.
"Dobro", rekao je Ford vrlo mirno, "rei u vam."
"Da, pa, to zapravo nee biti neophodno", odvratio je
policajac urno. "Samo nemojte da se ponovo dogodi,
ta god to bilo." Policajac se potom okrenuo i poao u
potragu za nekim ko nije sa Betelgeza. Na sreu,
okolina je bila puna takvih.
Svest je prilazila Arturovom telu sa oklevanjem i kao sa
velikog rastojanja. U njemu se vie puta dosta gadno
provela. Lagano, nemirno, ula je i smestila se u
uobiajeni poloaj.
Artur sede.
"Gde sam?" upitao je.
"Gospodarsko igralite kriketa", rekao je Ford.
"Odlino", rekao je Artur, a njegova svest ponovo izlete
na kratak odmor. Telo mu se mlitavo skljoka na travu.
haggard face.
``How're you feeling?'' said Ford.
``I'm home,'' said Arthur hoarsely. He closed his eyes and
greedily inhaled the steam from his tea as if it was ---
well, as far as Arthur was concerned, as if it was tea,
which it was.
``I'm home,'' he repeated, ``home. It's England, it's today,
the nightmare is over.'' He opened his eyes again and
smiled serenely. ``I'm where I belong,'' he said in an
emotional whisper.
``There are two things I fell which I should tell you,'' said
Ford, tossing a copy of the Guardian over the table at
him.
``I'm home,'' said Arthur.
``Yes,'' said Ford. ``One is,'' he said pointing at the date at
the top of the paper, ``that the Earth will be demolished
in two days' time.''
``I'm home,'' said Arthur. ``Tea,'' he said, ``cricket,'' he
added with pleasure, ``mown grass, wooden benches,
white linen jackets, beer cans ...''
Slowly he began to focus on the newspaper. He cocked
his head on one side with a slight frown.
``I've seen that one before,'' he said. His eyes wandered
slowly up to the date, which Ford was idly tapping at.
His face froze for a second or two and then began to do
that terribly slow crashing trick which Arctic ice-floes do
so spectacularly in the spring.
``And the other thing,'' said Ford, ``is that you appear to
have a bone in your beard.'' He tossed back his tea.
Outside the refreshment tent, the sun was shining on a
happy crowd. It shone on white hats and red faces. It
shone on ice lollies and melted them. It shone on the
tears of small children whose ice lollies had just melted
and fallen off the stick. It shone on the trees, it flashed
off whirling cricket bats, it gleamed off the utterly
extraordinary object which was parked behind the sight-
screens and which nobody appeared to have noticed. It
beamed on Ford and Arthur as they emerged blinking
from the refreshment tent and surveyed the scene around
them.
Arthur was shaking.
``Perhaps,'' he said, ``I should ...''
``No,'' said Ford sharply.
``What?'' said Arthur.
``Don't try and phone yourself up at home.''
``How did you know ...?''
Ford shrugged.
``But why not?'' said Arthur.
``People who talk to themselves on the phone,'' said
poelo da poprima boju.
"Kako se osea?" pitao je Ford.
"Opet sam kod kue", rekao je Artur hrapavim glasom.
Zatvorio je oi i pohlepno udisao paru aja kao da je re
- pa, to se Artura ticalo, kao da je re o aju, a o njemu
je i bila re.
"Kod kue sam", ponovio je, "kod kue. Ovo je
Engleska, dananje vreme, nona mora je prola."
Otvorio je oi i smireno se nasmeio. "Tu sam gde
pripadam", rekao je apatom punim oseanja.
"Mislim da bi trebalo da ti kaem dve stvari", rekao je
Ford i bacio na sto ispred njega primerak 'Gardijana'.
"Kod kue sam", uzvratio je Artur.
"Da", rekao je Ford. "Prva stvar je", rekao je i pokazao
na datum u gornjem uglu lista, "da e Zemlja biti
unitena kroz dva dana."
"Kod kue sam", ponovio je Artur, "aj", kazao je,
"kriket", dodao je sa uivanjem, "pokoeni travnjaci,
drvene klupe, bela pamuna odela, limenke piva..."
Lagano je skretao panju na novine. Oborio je glavu na
jednu stranu i malo se namrtio.
"Ovo sam ve negde video", rekao je. Oi su mu polako
dolutale do datuma po kome je Ford tapkao prstom. Lice
mu se na sekundu ili dve sledilo, a onda je poelo da
ponavlja onaj tos sa polaganim raspadanjem koji ledeni
bregovi ine u prolee na tako spektakularan nain.
"A druga stvar", rekao je Ford, "izgleda da ima kost u
bradi." Odgurnuo je svoju oljicu sa ajem.
Pored atora za osveenje sunce je obasjavalo
zadovoljnu gomilu. Obasjavalo je bele eire i crvena
lica. Obasjavalo je sladolede i topilo ih. Obasjavalo je
suze male dece iji su se sladoledi istopili i pali sa
tapia na zemlju. Obasjavalo je drvee, odraavalo se
na izmahnutim batovima za kriket, svetlucalo je na
neobinom objektu koji je bio parkiran iza zatitnih
ekrana i koga izgleda niko nije primeivao. Smeilo se
Fordu i Arturu kada su, mirkajui, izili iz atora za
osveenje i stali da posmatraju prizor oko sebe.
Artur se tresao.
"Moda bi", rekao je, "trebalo..."
"Ne", ree Ford otro.
"ta?" upitao je Artur.
"Nemoj pokuavati da pozove sebe kod kue."
"Otkud si znao...?"
Ford slee ramenima.
"Ali zato da ne?" upitao je Artur.
"Ljudi koji razgovaraju preko telefona sami sa sobom",
Ford, ``never learn anything to their advantage.'' rekao je Ford, "nikada ne naue nita korisno."
``But ...'' "Ali..."
``Look,'' said Ford. He picked up an imaginary phone "Gledaj", rekao je Ford. Podigao je zamiljenu
and dialled an imaginary dial. telefonsku slualicu i okrenuo zamiljeni brojanik.
``Hello?'' he said into the imaginary mouthpiece. ``Is that "Halo?" upitao je u zamiljeni mikrofon. "Da li je to
Arthur Dent? Ah, hello, yes. This is Arthur Dent Artur Dent? Ah, alo, da. Ovde Artur Dent. Nemoj da
speaking. Don't hang up.'' prekida vezu."
He looked at the imaginary mouthpiece in Razoarano je pogledao zamiljenu slualicu.
disappointment.
``He hung up,'' he said, shrugged, and put the imaginary "Prekinuo je vezu", rekao je, slegao ramenima i paljivo
phone neatly back on its imaginary hook. vratio zamiljenu slualicu na zamiljeni telefon.
``This is not my first temporal anomaly,'' he added. "Nije mi ovo prva temporalna anomalija", dodao je.
A glummer look replaced the already glum look on Jo smrknutiji izraz zamenio je smrknuti izraz na licu
Arthur Dent's face. Artura Denta.
``So we're not home and dry,'' he said. "Znai, nismo se sklonili pre kie u bezbednost doma",
kazao je.
``We could not even be said,'' replied Ford, ``to be home "Ne bi se ak moglo rei", odvratio je Ford, "ni da smo
and vigorously towelling ourselves off.'' stigli kui sa pljuska i da se upravo briemo."
The game continued. The bowler approached the wicket Utakmica u kriketu se nastavila. Baca se pribliio
at a lope, a trot, and then a run. He suddenly exploded in viketu ubrzanim korakom, preao u lagano tranje, a
a flurry of arms and legs, out of which flew a ball. The onda pojurio. Iznenada je eksplodirao u oblak ruku i
batsman swung and thwacked it behind him over the nogu, iz koga izlete loptica. Udara zamahnu i jednim
sight-screens. Ford's eyes followed the trajectory of the udarcem posla je preko zatitnih paravana. Fordove oi
ball and jogged momentarily. He stiffened. He looked sledile su putanju loptice i na trenutak zastale. On se
along the flight path of the ball again and his eyes ukruti. Ponovo je preao pogledom put koji je preletela
twitched again. loptica i oi mu ponovo zaigrae.
``This isn't my towel,'' said Arthur, who was rummaging "Pa ovo nije moj pekir", rekao je Artur, koji je kopao
in his rabbit-skin bag. po svojoj torbi od zeije koe.
``Shhh,'' said Ford. He screwed his eyes up in "Psst", rekao je Ford. Izbeio je oi u usredsreenosti.
concentration.
``I had a Golgafrinchan jogging towel,'' continued Arthur, "Bio je to golgafrinamski pekir za dogiranje",
``it was blue with yellow stars on it. This isn't it.'' produio je Artur. "Plav sa utim zvezdicama. Ovo nije
taj."
``Shhh,'' said Ford again. He covered one eye and looked "Psst", rekao je Ford ponovo. Pokrio je jedno oko i
with the other. pomno gledao na drugo.
``This one's pink,'' said Arthur, ``it isn't yours is it?'' "Ovaj je ruiast", kazao je Artur. "Da nije tvoj, je li?"
``I would like you to shut up about your towel,'' said "Voleo bih da malo umukne oko tog tvog pekira",
Ford. rekao je Ford.
``It isn't my towel,'' insisted Arthur, ``that is the point I "Pa u tome i jeste stvar: pekir uopte nije moj", bio je
am trying to ...'' uporan Artur. "Upravo to i pokuavam da..."
``And the time at which I would like you to shut up about "A ja bih voleo da umukne oko tog pekira", produio
it,'' continued Ford in a low growl, ``is now.'' je Ford glasom nalik na duboko reanje, "i to smesta."
``All right,'' said Arthur, starting to stuff it back into the "U redu", ree Artur i poe da ga gura nazad u
primitively stitched rabbit-skin bag. ``I realize that it is primitivno skrpljenu torbicu od zeije koe. "Shvatam
probably not important in the cosmic scale of things, it's da to moda nije bitno sa kosmike take gledanja; ipak,
just odd, that's all. A pink towel suddenly, instead of a stvar je neobina, sloie se. Ruiasti pekir iz ista
blue one with yellow stars.'' mira umesto plavog sa utim zvezdicama."
Ford was beginning to behave rather strangely, or rather Ford je poeo da se ponaa prilino udno, ili, tanije
not actually beginning to behave strangely but beginning reeno, nije poeo da se ponaa udno, nego je poeo da
to behave in a way which was strangely different from
the other strange ways in which he more regularly
behaved. What he was doing was this. Regardless of the
bemused stares it was provoking from his fellow
members of the crowd gathered round the pitch, he was
waving his hands in sharp movements across his face,
ducking down behind some people, leaping up behind
others, then standing still and blinking a lot. After a
moment or two of this he started to stalk forward slowly
and stealthily wearing a puzzled frown of concentration,
like a leopard that's not sure whether it's just seen a half-
empty tin of cat food half a mile away across a hot and
dusty plain.
``This isn't my bag either,'' said Arthur suddenly.
Ford's spell of concentration was broken. He turned
angrily on Arthur.
``I wasn't talking about my towel,'' said Arthur. ``We've
established that that isn't mine. It's just that the bag into
which I was putting the towel which is not mine is also
not mine, though it is extraordinarily similar. Now
personally I think that that is extremely odd, especially as
the bag was one I made myself on prehistoric Earth.
These are also not my stones,'' he added, pulling a few
flat grey stones out of the bag. ``I was making a
collection of interesting stones and these are clearly very
dull ones.''
A roar of excitement thrilled through the crowd and
obliterated whatever it was that Ford said in reply to this
piece of information. The cricket ball which had excited
this reaction fell out of the sky and dropped neatly into
Arthur's mysterious rabbit-skin bag.
``Now I would say that that was also a very curious
event,'' said Arthur, rapidly closing the bag and
pretending to look for the ball on the ground.
``I don't think it's here,'' he said to the small boys who
immediately clustered round him to join in the search,
``it probably rolled off somewhere. Over there I expect.''
He pointed vaguely in the direction in which he wished
they would push off. One of the boys looked at him
quizzically.
``You all right?'' said the boy.
``No,'' said Arthur.
``Then why you got a bone in your beard?'' said the boy.
``I'm training it to like being wherever it's put.'' Arthur
prided himself on saying this. It was, he thought, exactly
the sort of thing which would entertain and stimulate
young minds.
``Oh,'' said the small boy, putting his head to one side and
se ponaa na nain koji je bio udnovato razliit od
ostalih udnovatih naina na koji se inae ponaao. A
radio je sledee. Ne obraajui panju na zbunjene
poglede publike koja ga je okruivala, okupljena oko
igralita, otro je mahao rukama ispred svog lica,
zaklanjao se iza nekih ljudi, iskakako iza drugih, posle
ega se zaustavio i puno treptao. Trenutak ili dva potom
stao je da koraa napred lagano i pritajeno, sa zbunjenim
izrazom velike usredsreenosti, poput leoparda koji nije
siguran da li je to upravo ugledao polupraznu limenku
hrane za make na pola milje daljine, sa druge strane
vrele i pranjave zaravni.
"A i ovo nije moja torba", dodao je Artur iznenada.
Fordova panja bila je razbijena. Gnevno se okrenuo ka
Arturu.
"Sada nisam govorio o svom pekiru", kazao je Artur.
"Sloili smo se da nije moj. Re je o tome da torbica u
koju sam gurnuo pekir koji nije moj takoe nije moja,
iako joj je izuzetno slina. Ja lino mislim da je to
stvarno udno, naroito zbog toga to je re o torbici
koju sam svojeruno napravio na preistorijskoj Zemlji.
A ni ovo nisu moji kamenii", dodao je i izvadio iz
torbe nekoliko pljosnatih, sivih oblutaka. "Ja sam pravio
zbirku zanimljivog kamenja, a ovo kamenje oigledno je
vrlo nezanimljivo."
Urlik oduevljenja proe kroz publiku i prigui Fordov
odgovor na tu tvrdnju, kakav god da je bio. Lopta za
kriket, koja je izazvala tu reakciju, pade sa neba i glatko
ulete pravo u Arturovu tajanstvenu torbicu od zeje
koe.
"Rekao bih da je i ovo vrlo neobian dogaaj", primetio
je Artur, bre-bolje zatvorio torbu i poeo da se pretvara
da trai lopticu na zemlji.
"Mislim da nije ovde", rekao je grupi deaka koji su se
smesta sjatili oko njega da bi mu pomogli u potrazi.
"Verovatno se negde otkotrljala. Po svoj prilici tamo
preko." Pokazao je neodreeno u pravcu u kome je
eleo da se izgube. Jedan od deaka upitno ga je gledao.
"Je li sa tobom sve u redu?" upitao je deak.
"Nije", rekao je Artur.
"Zato onda nosi kost u bradi?" upitao je deak.
"Uvebavam je da joj se svidi svuda gde je gurnem."
Artur je bio silno zadovoljan sobom to je to rekao. Bila
je to, pomislio je, ba ona vrsta stvari kakve zabavljaju i
podstiu mladi um.
"Oh", rekao je deak, iskrivio glavu na jednu stranu i
thinking about it. ``What's your name?'' poeo da razmilja o tome. "Kako se zove?"
``Dent,'' said Arthur, ``Arthur Dent.'' "Dent", kazao je Artur, "Artur Dent."
``You're a jerk, Dent,'' said the boy, ``a complete "Ti si krele, Dente", rekao je deak. "Pravi pravcati
asshole.'' The boy looked past him at something else, to tupadija." Deak ga zaobie pogledom i zagleda se u
show that he wasn't in any particular hurry to run away, neto drugo da bi mu pokazao da mu se uopte ne uri
and then wandered off scratching his nose. Suddenly da se udalji, a onda je odetao, akajui nos. Iznenada,
Arthur remembered that the Earth was going to be Artur se setio da e Zemlja kroz dva dana biti ponovo
demolished again in two days' time, and just this once unitena i bar jednom nije mu se uinilo da je to ba
didn't feel too bad about it. Play resumed with a new ball,
toliko loe. Igra se nastavila sa novom lopticom, sunce
the sun continued to shine and Ford continued to jump up je nastavilo da sija, a Ford je nastavio da skae, trese
and down shaking his head and blinking. glavom i mirka.
``Something's on your mind, isn't it?'' said Arthur. "Neto ti je palo na pamet, zar ne?" upitao je Artur.
``I think,'' said Ford in a tone of voice which Arthur by "ini mi se", rekao je Ford onom bojom glasa za koju je
now recognized as one which presaged something utterly Artur do sada nauio da prethodi neem do krajnosti
unintelligible, ``that there's an SEP over there.'' nerazumljivom, "da se tamo, preko, nalazi jedan T. P."
He pointed. Curiously enough, the direction he pointed in Pokazao je rukom. Neobino, ali pravac u kome je
was not the one in which he was looking. Arthur looked pokazao nije se slagao sa pravcem u kome je gledao.
in the one direction, which was towards the sight- Artur pogleda u jednom pravcu, prema zatitnim
screens, and in the other which was at the field of play. panoima, pa u drugom, prema terenu za igru. Klimnuo
He nodded, he shrugged. He shrugged again. je, slegao ramenima. Ponovo je slegao ramenima.
``A what?'' he said. "ta to?" upitao je.
``An SEP.'' "T. P."
``An S ...?'' "T...?"
``... EP.'' "T. P."
``And what's that?'' "A ta je to?"
``Somebody Else's Problem.'' "Tu Problem", rekao je Ford.
``Ah, good,'' said Arthur and relaxed. He had no idea "Ah, dobro", rekao je Artur i opustio se. Pojma nije
what all that was about, but at least it seemed to be over.
imao o emu je re, ali bar je delovalo kao da je stvar
It wasn't. time okonana. Ali nije bila.
``Over there,'' said Ford, again pointing at the sight- "Tamo, preko", rekao je Ford, i ponovo pokazao prema
screens and looking at the pitch. zatitnim panoima, pa pogledao prema terenu.
``Where?'' said Arthur. "Gde?" upitao je Artur.
``There!'' said Ford. "Tamo!" uzvratio je Ford.
``I see,'' said Arthur, who didn't. "Vidim", rekao je Artur, iako nita nije video.
``You do?'' said Ford. "Zaista?" upitao je Ford.
``What?'' said Arthur. "ta?" upitao je Artur.
``Can you see,'' said Ford patiently, ``the SEP?'' "Vidi li", strpljivo je rekao Ford, "onaj T. P.?"
``I thought you said that was somebody else's problem.'' "Uinilo mi se da si rekao da je re o tuem problemu."
``That's right.'' "Tako je."
Arthur nodded slowly, carefully and with an air of Artur je lagano klimnuo, paljivo i sa izrazom ogromne
immense stupidity. gluposti.
``And I want to know,'' said Ford, ``if you can see it.'' "I elim da znam", rekao je Ford, "da li ga stvarno
vidi."
``You do?'' "Stvarno?"
``Yes.'' "Da!"
``What,'' said Arthur, ``does it look like?'' "Kako", rekao je Artur, "tano izgleda?"
``Well, how should I know, you fool?'' shouted Ford. ``If "Pa, otkud ja znam, budalo", dreknuo je Ford. "Ako ga
you can see it, you tell me.'' vidi, ti mi to reci."
Arthur experienced that dull throbbing sensation just Artur oseti ono muno, prigueno dumbaranje odmah uz
behind the temples which was a hallmark of so many of slepoonice koje je bilo zatitni znak mnogih njegovih
his conversations with Ford. His brain lurked like a
frightened puppy in its kennel. Ford took him by the arm.
``An SEP,'' he said, ``is something that we can't see, or
don't see, or our brain doesn't let us see, because we think
that it's somebody else's problem. That's what SEP
means. Somebody Else's Problem. The brain just edits it
out, it's like a blind spot. If you look at it directly you
won't see it unless you know precisely what it is. Your
only hope is to catch it by surprise out of the corner of
your eye.''
``Ah,'' said Arthur, ``then that's why ...''
``Yes,'' said Ford, who knew what Arthur was going to
say.
``... you've been jumping up and ...''
``Yes.''
``... down, and blinking ...''
``Yes.''
``... and ...''
``I think you've got the message.''
``I can see it,'' said Arthur, ``it's a spaceship.''
For a moment Arthur was stunned by the reaction this
revelation provoked. A roar erupted from the crowd, and
from every direction people were running, shouting,
yelling, tumbling over each other in a tumult of
confusion. He stumbled back in astonishment and
glanced fearfully around. Then he glanced around again
in even greater astonishment.
``Exciting, isn't it?'' said an apparition. The apparition
wobbled in front of Arthur's eyes, though the truth of the
matter is probably that Arthur's eyes were wobbling in
front of the apparition. His mouth wobbled as well.
``W ... w ... w ... w ...'' his mouth said.
``I think your team have just won,'' said the apparition.
``W ... w ... w ... w ...'' repeated Arthur, and punctuated
each wobble with a prod at Ford Prefect's back. Ford was
staring at the tumult in trepidation.
``You are English, aren't you?'' said the apparition.
``W ... w ... w ... w ... yes'' said Arthur.
``Well, your team, as I say, have just won. The match. It
means they retain the Ashes. You must be very pleased. I
must say, I'm rather fond of cricket, though I wouldn't
like anyone outside this planet to hear me saying that. Oh
dear no.''
The apparition gave what looked as if it might have been
a mischievous grin, but it was hard to tell because the sun
was directly behind him, creating a blinding halo round
his head and illuminating his silver hair and beard in a
razgovora sa Fordom. Mozak mu se tresao kao
preplaeno tene u tenari. Ford ga uze za ruku.
"T. P.", rekao je "predstavlja neto to ne moemo da
vidimo, ili ne vidimo, ili nam na mozak ne doputa da
vidimo, jer mislimo da je re o tuem problemu. To
znai T. P. Tu problem. Mozak ga naprosto izostavlja iz
svega; kao neku vrstu slepe take. Ukoliko gleda pravo
prema njemu, nee ga videti, izuzev ako ne bude tano
znao o emu je re. Jedina prilika ti je da ga krajikom
oka ulovi u magnovenju."
"Ah", rekao je Artur, "znai zato..."
"Da", uzvratio je Ford, koji je znao ta Artur namerava
da kae.
"...si skakao gore i..."
"Da."
"...dole i mirkao ..."
"Da."
"...i..."
"Mislim da si shvatio smisao."
"Vidim ga", kazao je Artur. "Re je o svemirskom
brodu."
Jedan trenutak Artur je bio zaprepaen reakcijom koju
je ovo izazvalo. Dolo je do prave erupcije oduevljenja
meu publikom i ljudi su najednom, iz svih pravaca,
trali i urlali, uzvikivali i saplitali se jedni o druge u
optoj graji i meteu. Zapanjeno se zateturao unazad i
bojaljivo se obazro. Onda se ponovo obazro, jo
zapanjeniji.
"Uzbudljivo, zar ne?" rekla je jedna utvara. Utvara je
poigravala pred Arturovim oima, iako je verovatnije
bilo da su Arturove oi poigravale pred utvarom. Isto su
tako poigravala i njegova usta.
"V...v...v...v..." rekoe njegova usta.
"ini mi se da je tvoj tim upravo pobedio", rekla je
utvara.
"V...v...v...v..." ponovio je Artur i podvukao svaki glas
koji je ispustio gurkanjem Fordovih lea. Ford je
ustreptalo posmatrao gungulu.
"Ti se Englez, zar ne?" rekla je utvara.
"V...v...v...v...da", uzvratio je Artur.
"Pa, kao to ve rekoh, tvoj tim je upravo pobedio.
Dobio je utakmicu. To znai da e zadrati Pepeo. Mora
da ti je strano drago. Moram da priznam da mi se kriket
prilino svia, iako ne bih voleo da to dozna iko izvan
ove planete. Oh, Boe, nikako."
Utvarni ovek uputio mu je neto to je moglo liiti na
obesni osmeh, ali bilo je teko rei, jer sunce se nalazilo
pravo iza njega, stvarajui mu zaslepljujui oreol oko
glave i osvetljavajui mu srebrnu kosu i bradu na nain
way which was awesome, dramatic and hard to reconcile
with mischievous grins.
``Still,'' he said, ``it'll all be over in a couple of days,
won't it? Though as I said to you when we last met, I was
very sorry about that. Still, whatever will have been, will
have been.''
Arthur tried to speak, but gave up the unequal struggle.
He prodded Ford again.
``I thought something terrible had happened,'' said Ford,
``but it's just the end of the game. We ought to get out.
Oh, hello, Slartibartfast, what are you doing here?''
``Oh, pottering, pottering,'' said the old man gravely.
``That your ship? Can you give us a lift anywhere?''
``Patience, patience,'' the old man admonished.
``OK,'' said Ford. ``It's just that this planet's going to be
demolished pretty soon.''
``I know that,'' said Slartibartfast.
``And, well, I just wanted to make that point,'' said Ford.
``The point is taken.''
And if you feel that you really want to hang around a
cricket pitch at this point ...``
``I do.''
``Then it's your ship.''
``It is.''
``I suppose.'' Ford turned away sharply at this point.
``Hello, Slartibartfast,'' said Arthur at last.
``Hello, Earthman,'' said Slartibartfast.
``After all,'' said Ford, ``we can only die once.''
The old man ignored this and stared keenly on to the
pitch, with eyes that seemed alive with expressions that
had no apparent bearing on what was happening out
there. What was happening was that the crowd was
gathering itself into a wide circle round the centre of the
pitch. What Slartibartfast saw in it, he alone knew.
Ford was humming something. It was just one note
repeated at intervals. He was hoping that somebody
would ask him what he was humming, but nobody did. If
anybody had asked him he would have said he was
humming the first line of a Noel Coward song called
``Mad About the Boy'' over and over again. It would then
have been pointed out to him that he was only singing
one note, to which he would have replied that for reasons
which he hoped would be apparent, he was omitting the
``about the boy'' bit. He was annoyed that nobody asked.
``It's just,'' he burst out at last, ``that if we don't go soon,
we might get caught in the middle of it all again. And
there's nothing that depresses me more than seeing a
planet being destroyed. Except possibly still being on it
koji je bio zastraujui, dramatian i koga je bilo vrlo
teko povezati sa obesnim osmesima.
"A opet", rekao je, "sve e se to zavriti za dva dana, zar
ne? Iako, kao to ve rekoh kada smo se poslednji put
sreli, zbog toga mi je bilo veoma ao. A opet, ta e biti,
bie."
Artur je pokuavao da govori, ali se brzo predao u toj
neravnopravnoj borbi. Ponovo je gurnuo Forda.
"Mislio sam da se dogodilo neto uasno", rekao je
Ford, "ali to je samo kraj utakmice. Treba da idemo
odavde. Oh, zdravo, Slartibartfaste, ta radi ovde?"
"Oh, dokoliim, dokoliim", odvratio je starac zbunjeno.
"To je tvoj brod? Da li bi nas odbacio nekuda?"
"Strpljenja, strpljenja", posavetovao ga je starac.
"U redu", rekao je Ford, "re je samo o tome da e ova
planeta uskoro biti unitena."
"Znam", kazao je Slartibartfast.
"Ah, dobro, hteo sam samo to da pomenem", rekao je
Ford.
"Pomenuo si."
"Pa, ukoliko smatra da stvarno treba da se mota oko
terena za kriket u ovom trenutku..."
"Smatram."
"Na kraju krajeva, to je tvoj brod."
"Jeste."
"Valjda." Ford se potom otro okrenuo.
"Zdravo, Slartibartfaste", rekao je Artur najzad.
"Zdravo, Zemljanine", odvratio je Slartibartfast.
"Na kraju krajeva", kazao je Ford, "samo jednom se
umire."
Starac nije obraao pranju na Fordove poslovice, ve je
ljubopitljivo posmatrao teren, sa izrazom u oima koji
kao da nije imao nikakve veze sa onim to se tamo
deavalo. A deavalo se to da su se ljudi okupljali u
velikom krugu oko sredita terena. ta je Slartibartfst u
tome video, to je samo on znao.
Ford je neto pevuio. Bila je to samo jedna nota koju je
neprekidno ponavljao. Nadao se da e ga neko upitati
ta to pevui, ali niko to nije uinio. Da ga je iko upitao,
odgovorio bi da ponavlja prvi stih pesme Noela Kauarda
'Lud dan za ljubav'. Na to bi mu skrenuli panju da peva
samo jednu notu, na ta bi on odvratio da iz razloga koje
smatra oiglednim izostavlja 'dan za ljubav'. Ba mu je
bilo krivo to ga niko nije pitao.
"Re je naprosto o tome", eksplodirao je najzad, "da,
ukoliko ne budemo uskoro krenuli, moglo bi se desiti da
se ponovo naemo usred haosa. A nita me ne ini
neraspoloenijim od unitavanja naseljenih planeta.
when it happens. Or,'' he added in an undertone, Osim, moda, da se naem na takvoj planeti u trenutku
``hanging around cricket matches.'' dok joj se to deava. Ili", dodao je vanim glasom, "da
se motam oko terena za kriket."
``Patience,'' said Slartibartfast again. ``Great things are "Strpljenja", rekao je Slartibartfast ponovo, "pred nama
afoot.'' su velike stvari."
``That's what you said last time we met,'' said Arthur. "To si rekao i kada smo se poslednji put sreli", primetio
je Artur.
``They were,'' said Slartibartfast. "I bile su velike", kazao je Slartibartfast.
``Yes, that's true,'' admitted Arthur. "To je istina", priznao je Artur.
All, however, that seemed to be afoot was a ceremony of Ali inilo se da je pred njima samo neka vrsta
some kind. It was being specially staged for the benefit sveanosti. Bila je vie organizovana radi televizije nego
of tv rather than the spectators, and all they could gather zarad prisutnih gledalaca i zbog toga je jedino to su
about it from where they were standing was what they uspevali da razaznaju od nje sa mesta na kome su stajali
heard from a nearby radio. Ford was aggressively bilo ono to su uli sa oblinjeg radija. Ford je bio
uninterested. estoko nezainteresovan.
He fretted as he heard it explained that the Ashes were Naroguio se kada je uo da e Pepeo upravo biti uruen
about to be presented to the Captain of the English team kapitenu engleske ekipe tamo na terenu, zapenio kada je
out there on the pitch, fumed when told that this was reeno da je sve to bilo zbog toga to su pobedili po n-ti
because they had now won them for the nth time, put, zareao od ljutnje na informaciju da je Pepeo
positively barked with annoyance at the information that predstavljao ostatke stompa, jednog od tri stubia
the Ashes were the remains of a cricket stump, and when, viketa, a kada je, dalje, od njega zatraeno da se suoi sa
further to this, he was asked to contend with the fact that injenicom da je stomp o kome je re bio spaljen u
the cricket stump in question had been burnt in Melburnu, u Australiji, 1882, da oznai 'smrt engleskog
Melbourne, Australia, in 1882, to signify the ``death of kriketa', okrenuo se prema Slartibartfastu, duboko
English cricket'', he rounded on Slartibartfast, took a udahnuo, ali nije uspeo da mu ita kae, jer starac vie
deep breath, but didn't have a chance to say anything nije bio tu. Grabio je prema terenu sa uasnom
because the old man wasn't there. He was marching out odlunou u dranju; njegova kosa, brada i odora
on to the pitch with terrible purpose in his gait, his hair, vijorili su se za njim i on je izgledao kao to bi izgledao
beard and robes swept behind him, looking very much as Mojsije da je Sinaj bio negovani travnjak umesto, kao
Moses would have looked if Sinai had been a well-cut to se ee predstavlja, zadimljena, arobna planina.
lawn instead of, as it is more usually represented, a fiery
smoking mountain.
``He said to meet him at his ship,'' said Arthur. "Rekao je da ga saekamo kod broda", kazao je Artur.
``What in the name of zarking fardwarks is the old fool "Ma, ta to matora budala radi, zarkam li ga?" prasnuo
doing?'' exploded Ford. je Ford.
``Meeting us at his ship in two minutes,'' said Arthur with "Dolazi do broda kroz dva minuta", odvratio je Artur uz
a shrug which indicated total abdication of thought. They sleganje ramena koje je ukazivalo na potpuno odsustvo
started off towards it. Strange sounds reached their ears. misli. Oni pooe prema njemu. Do uiju im dopree
They tried not to listen, but could not help noticing that udni zvuci. Pokuali su da ne sluaju, ali nisu mogli da
Slartibartfast was querulously demanding that he be ne primete kako Slartibartfast odluno trai da mu
given the silver urn containing the Ashes, as they were, predaju srebrnu urnu u kojoj se nalazi Pepeo, jer je re,
he said, ``vitally important for the past, present and kako je kazao, o stvari, 'od ivotnog znaaja za prolu,
future safety of the Galaxy'', and that this was causing sadanju i buduu bezbednost Galaksije', to je
wild hilarity. They resolved to ignore it. prouzrokovalo divlju razdraganost. Odluili su se da ne
obraaju panju na to.
What happened next they could not ignore. With a noise Na ono to se desilo potom nisu mogli da ne obrate
like a hundred thousand people saying ``wop'', a steely panju. Uz zvuk koji je podseao na pokli sto hiljada
white spaceship suddenly seemed to create itself out of ljudi koji uglas izgovaraju 'vup', elini, beli svemirski
nothing in the air directly above the cricket pitch and brod kao da se ni iz ega obrazovao u vazduhu
hung there with infinite menace and a slight hum. neposredno iznad terena za kriket, a potom je neizmerno
zlokobno ostao tu da lebdi uz lagano brujanje.
Then for a while it did nothing, as if it expected Izvesno vreme nije radio nita, kao da oekuje da svi
everybody to go about their normal business and not odu svojim poslom i da ne obraaju panju na njegovo
mind it just hanging there. lebdenje na tom mestu.
Then it did something quite extraordinary. Or rather, it A onda je uinio neto neverovatno. Ili, tanije, otvorio
opened up and let something quite extraordinary come se i pustio iz sebe jedanaest neverovatnih stvari.
out of it, eleven quite extraordinary things.
They were robots, white robots. Bili su to roboti, beli roboti.
What was most extraordinary about them was that they Najneverovatnija stvar u vezi sa njima bila je ta da su
appeared to have come dressed for the occasion. Not bili sasvim prigodno obueni. Ne samo da su bili beli,
only were they white, but they carried what appeared to ve su i nosili neto to je podsealo na batove za kriket;
be cricket bats, and not only that, but they also carried i ne samo to: takoe su drali neto to su, izgleda, bile
what appeared to be cricket balls, and not only that but loptice za kriket, pa su ak imali i bele, rebraste titnike
they wore white ribbing pads round the lower parts of na cevanicama. Ovi poslednji bili su naroito
their legs. These last were extraordinary because they neverovatni zbog toga to su, kako se inilo, sadrali
appeared to contain jets which allowed these curiously mlazne motore koji su omoguavali ovim neobino
civilized robots to fly down from their hovering opremljenim robotima da dolete sa svog svemirskog
spaceship and start to kill people, which is what they did broda koji je poivao povrh svega i da ponu da ubijaju
ljude, to su upravo i inili.
``Hello,'' said Arthur, ``something seems to be "Hej", kazao je Artur, "izgleda da se neto deava."
happening.''
``Get to the ship,'' shouted Ford. ``I don't want to know, I "Brzo na brod", odvratio je Ford. "Ne elim nita da
don't want to see, I don't want to hear,'' he yelled as he znam, elim samo da stignemo na brod." Poeo je da
ran, ``this is not my planet, I didn't choose to be here, I tri. "Ne elim da znam, ne elim da vidim, ne elim da
don't want to get involved, just get me out of here, and ujem", urlao je dok je trao. "Ovo nije moja planeta,
get me to a party, with people I can relate to!'' nisam ja traio da se naem na njoj, neu da se meam,
vadite me odavde i vodite na neku urku sa ljudima sa
kojima bih mogao da imam neto zajedniko!"
Smoke and flame billowed from the pitch. Dim i plamenovi uzdizali su se sa terena.
``Well, the supernatural brigade certainly seems to be out "Pa, izgleda da su se natprirodne sile udruile danas na
in force here today ...'' burbled a radio happily to itself. ovom mestu", veselo je brbljao radio za svoj raun.
``What I need,'' shouted Ford, by way of clarifying his "Ono to mi je potrebno", vikao je Ford kao da eli da
previous remarks, ``is a strong drink and a peer-group.'' razjasni prethodne primedbe, "jeste jako pie i dobro
He continued to run, pausing only for a moment to grab drutvo." Nastavio je da tri i zastao samo na trenutak
Arthur's arm and drag him along with him. Arthur had da bi zgrabio Artura za miicu i povukao ga za sobom.
adopted his normal crisis role, which was to stand with Artur se latio svoje standardne uloge za krizne trenutke,
his mouth hanging open and let it all wash over him. koja se sastojala u tome da stoji razjapljenih usta i da
puta sve to se deava da ga zapljusne.
``They're playing cricket,'' muttered Arthur, stumbling "Igraju kriket", mrmljao je Artur, teturajui se za
along after Ford. ``I swear they are playing cricket. I do Fordom, "tako mi Boga, igraju kriket. Ne znam zato to
not know why they are doing this, but that is what they rade, ali rade upravo to. Ne samo da ubijaju ljude, nego
are doing. They're not just killing people, they're sending ih i oponaaju", vikao je. "Forde, oni nas oponaaju!"
them up,'' he shouted, ``Ford, they're sending us up!''
It would have been hard to disbelieve this without Bilo bi teko ne poverovati u to bez mnogo veeg znanja
knowing a great deal more Galactic history than Arthur o galaktikoj istoriji od onog to je Artur do sada uspeo
had so far managed to pick up in his travels. The ghostly da stekne tokom svojih putovanja po Galaksiji.
but violent shapes that could be seen moving within the
thick pall of smoke seemed to be performing a series of
bizarre parodies of batting strokes, the difference being
that every ball they struck with their bats exploded
wherever it landed. The very first one of these had
dispelled Arthur's initial reaction, that the whole thing
might just be a publicity stunt by Australian margarine
manufacturers.
And then, as suddenly as it had all started, it was over.
The eleven white robots ascended through the seething
cloud in a tight formation, and with a few last flashes of
flame entered the bowels of their hovering white ship,
which, with the noise of a hundred thousand people
saying ``foop'', promptly vanished into the thin air out of
which it had wopped.
For a moment there was a terrible stunned silence, and
then out of the drifting smoke emerged the pale figure of
Slartibartfast looking even more like Moses because in
spite of the continued absence of the mountain he was at
least now striding across a fiery and smoking well-mown
lawn.
He stared wildly about him until he saw the hurrying
figures of Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect forcing their way
through the frightened crowd which was for the moment
busy stampeding in the opposite direction. The crowd
was clearly thinking to itself about what an unusual day
this was turning out to be, and not really knowing which
way, if any, to turn.
Slartibartfast was gesturing urgently at Ford and Arthur
and shouting at them, as the three of them gradually
converged on his ship, still parked behind the sight-
screens and still apparently unnoticed by the crowd
stampeding past it who presumably had enough of their
own problems to cope with at that time.
``They've garble warble farble!'' shouted Slartibartfast in
his thin tremulous voice.
``What did he say?'' panted Ford as he elbowed his way
onwards.
Arthur shook his head.
```They've ...' something or other,'' he said.
``They've table warble farble!'' shouted Slartibartfast
again.
Ford and Arthur shook their heads at each other.
``It sounds urgent,'' said Arthur. He stopped and shouted.
``What?''
``They've garble warble fashes!'' cried Slartibartfast, still
waving at them.
``He says,'' said Arthur, ``that they've taken the Ashes.
Sablasne, ali ubilake prilike koje su se nazirale unutar
gustih oblaka dima kao da su izvodile nizove bizarnih
parodija udaranja batom, ija je glavna razlika u odnosu
na stvarne leala u tome to je svaka loptica eksplodirala
kada bi dodirnula tle. Ve prva takva loptica razbila je
Arturov poetni utisak da je itava stvar samo reklamna
predstava australijskih proizvoaa margarina.
A tada, isto onako naglo kao i to je i poelo, sve je bilo
gotovo. Jedanaest belih robota uspinjalo se kroz
uskipele oblake u zbijenoj formaciji i, uz nekoliko
poslednjih blesaka plamena, ulo u unutranjost svog
belog svemirskog broda koji se uzdizao iznad svega i
koji je, uz zvuk kao kad sto hiljada ljudi grune 'fup',
iznenada nestao u vazduhu iz koga se prethodno
pojavio.
Na trenutak je vladala jeziva, zgranuta tiina, a tada se iz
uskovitlanog dima pojavila bleda Slartibartfastova
prilika koja je, i pored odsustva planine, jo vie
podseala na Mojsija, jer je sada bar koraao po
usplamtelom i zadimljenom negovanom travnjaku.
Divlje se obazirao, sve dok nije ugledao urne prilike
Artura Denta i Forda Prefekta koje su se probijale kroz
prestravljenu gomilu, potpuno zaokupljenu jurnjavom u
suprotnom smeru. Gomila je oigledno razmiljala kako
je neobian ispao ovaj dan i pojma nije imala ta da
uini.
Slartibartfast je divlje mahao prema Fordu i Arturu i
neto im dovikivao, dok su se sve troje pribliavali
njegovom brodu, koji je i dalje stajao iza zatitnih
paravana i koga gomila to je bezglavo jurila okolo i
dalje nije primeivala, zaokupljena sopstvenim
problemima.
"Uzeli su klja flja flja!" vikao je Slartibartfast svojim
tankim, drhtavim glasom.
"ta kae?" prodahta Ford dok se probijao napred.
Artur zavrte glavom.
"Uzeli su...ovo ili ono", rekao je.
"Lja su flja flja!" doviknuo je Slartibartfast ponovo.
Ford i Artur zavrtee glavama jedan prema drugom.
"Zvui hitno", rekao je Artur. Zastao je i viknuo:
"ta?"
"Lja su flja peo!" kriknuo je Slartibartfast, i dalje im
maui.
"Kae", rekao je Artur, "da su uzeli Pepeo. Ili bar mislim
That is what I think he says.'' They ran on.
``The ...?'' said Ford.
``Ashes,'' said Arthur tersely. ``The burnt remains of a
cricket stump. It's a trophy. That ...'' he was panting,
``is ... apparently ... what they ... have come and taken.''
He shook his head very slightly as if he was trying to get
his brain to settle down lower in his skull.
``Strange thing to want to tell us,'' snapped Ford.
``Strange thing to take.''
``Strange ship.''
They had arrived at it. The second strangest thing about
the ship was watching the Somebody Else's Problem
field at work. They could now clearly see the ship for
what it was simply because they knew it was there. It
was quite apparent, however, that nobody else could.
This wasn't because it was actually invisible or anything
hyper-impossible like that. The technology involved in
making anything invisible is so infinitely complex that
nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand million, nine
hundred and ninety-nine million, nine hundred and
ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine times
out of a billion it is much simpler and more effective just
to take the thing away and do without it. The ultra-
famous sciento-magician Effrafax of Wug once bet his
life that, given a year, he could render the great
megamountain Magramal entirely invisible.
Having spent most of the year jiggling around with
immense Lux-O-Valves and Refracto-Nullifiers and
Spectrum-Bypass-O-Matics, he realized, with nine hours
to go, that he wasn't going to make it.
So, he and his friends, and his friends' friends, and his
friends' friends' friends, and his friends' friends' friends'
friends, and some rather less good friends of theirs who
happened to own a major stellar trucking company, put in
what now is widely recognized as being the hardest
night's work in history, and, sure enough, on the
following day, Magramal was no longer visible. Effrafax
lost his bet --- and therefore his life --- simply because
some pedantic adjudicating official noticed (a) that when
walking around the area that Magramal ought to be he
didn't trip over or break his nose on anything, and (b) a
suspicious-looking extra moon.
The Somebody Else's Problem field is much simpler and
more effective, and what's more can be run for over a
hundred years on a single torch battery. This is because it
relies on people's natural disposition not to see anything
da to kae." Nastavili su da tre.
"ta su uzeli?" upitao je Ford.
"Pepeo", rekao je Artur kratko. "Spaljene ostatke jednog
od tri tapa viketa. To je trofej. Oegledno su..."
nakratko je ostao bez daha, "...doli po to ...i odneli ga."
Lagano je zavrteo glavom, kao da pokuava da natera
mukanjem svoj mozak da se lepe namesti u lobanji.
"udno da je to eleo da nam kae", zareao je Ford.
"udno da su po to doli."
"udan brod."
Stigli su do njega. Druga najudnija stvar u vezi sa
brodom bilo je polje Tueg Problema. Sada su jasno
videli brod naprosto zato to su znali da je tu. Ali bilo je
sasvim oigledno da to vie niko nije znao. To nije bilo
zbog toga to je bio nevidljiv ili bilo ta drugo
hipernemogue poput toga. Tehnologija potrebna da se
ita uini nevidljivim toliko je bezgranino sloena, da
je u devet stotina devedeset devet milijardi devet stotina
devedeset devet miliona devet stotina devedeset devet
hiljada devet stotina devedeset devet sluajeva od bilion
znatno jednostavnije i delotvornije jednostavno ukloniti
tu stvar i raditi bez nje. Ultrapoznati natarobnjak
Efrafaks od Vuga jednom se opkladio u ivot da, ako mu
se da godinu dana, moe da uini ogromnu megaplaninu
Magramal potpuno nevidljivu.
Poto je najvei deo godina proveo zezajui se sa
dinovskim svetlavinama i refrakto-nulifikatorima i
spektro-baj-pas-o-maticama, shvatio je, kada mu je
preostalo jo samo devet sati, da nee uspeti.
I tako su on, njegovi prijatelji, prijatelji njegovih
prijatelja i prijatelji prijatelja njegovih prijatelja i
prijatelji prijatelja prijatelja njegovih prijatelja, kao i
neki njihovi ne ba najbolji prijatelji koji su sluajno bili
vlasnici velike kompanije za meuzvezdani kamionski
saobraaj, zapoeli neto to je sada opte poznato kao
najtei noni rad u istoriji, iz koga je proisteklo to da se,
naravno, idueg dana Magramal vie nije mogao videti.
Efrafaks je, meutim, ipak izgubio opkladu - pa, dakle, i
ivot - samo zbog toga to je neki pedantni lan porote
koja je o tome odluivala primetio (a) da se,kada ide po
oblasti u kojoj bi Magramal trebalo da se nalazi, ne
saplie niti udara nosom u bilo ta i (b) na nebu se nalazi
jedan mesec vika, koji vrlo sumnjivo izgleda.
Polje Tueg Problema mnogo je jednostavnije i
delotvornije; tavie, mogue ga je pokretati preko
stotinu godina obinom baterijicom. To je zbog toga to
se oslanja o prirodnu naviku ljudi da ne vide ono to ne
they don't want to, weren't expecting, or can't explain. If
Effrafax had painted the mountain pink and erected a
cheap and simple Somebody Else's Problem field on it,
then people would have walked past the mountain, round
it, even over it, and simply never have noticed that the
thing was there.
And this is precisely what was happening with
Slartibartfast's ship. It wasn't pink, but if it had been, that
would have been the least of its visual problems and
people were simply ignoring it like anything.
The most extraordinary thing about it was that it looked
only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket
engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal
like a small upended Italian bistro.
Ford and Arthur gazed up at it with wonderment and
deeply offended sensibilities.
``Yes, I know,'' said Slartibartfast, hurrying up to them at
that point, breathless and agitated, ``but there is a reason.
Come, we must go. The ancient nightmare is come again.
Doom confronts us all. We must leave at once.''
``I fancy somewhere sunny,'' said Ford.
Ford and Arthur followed Slartibartfast into the ship and
were so perplexed by what they saw inside it that they
were totally unaware of what happened next outside.
A spaceship, yet another one, but this one sleek and
silver, descended from the sky on to the pitch, quietly,
without fuss, its long legs unlocking in a smooth ballet of
technology.
It landed gently. It extended a short ramp. A tall grey-
green figure marched briskly out and approached the
small knot of people who were gathered in the centre of
the pitch tending to the casualties of the recent bizarre
massacre. It moved people aside with quiet, understated
authority, and came at last to a man lying in a desperate
pool of blood, clearly now beyond the reach of any
Earthly medicine, breathing, coughing his last. The figure
knelt down quietly beside him.
``Arthur Philip Deodat?'' asked the figure.
The man, with horrified confusion in eyes, nodded
feebly.
``You're a no-good dumbo nothing,'' whispered the
creature. ``I thought you should know that before you
went.''
Chapter Five
ele, ne oekuju ili ne mogu da objasne. Da je Efrafaks
obojio planinu u ruiasto i podigao oko nje jeftino i
jednostavno polje Tueg Problema, ljudi bi prolazili
pored planine, zaobilazili je, ak i prelazili preko nje, a
da jednostavno ni ne primete da je tamo.
Tano je to bilo posredi kod Slartibartfastovog broda.
Nije, dodue, bio ruiast, ali i da jeste, bio bi to
najmanji od njegovih vizuelnih problema, tako da su ga
ljudi ipak prenebregavali kao od ale.
Najneobinije od svega bilo je to da je samo delimino
liio na svemisrki brod sa stabilizatorima, raketnim
motorima, sigurnosnim otvorima i tako dalje, a mnogo
vie je podseao na mali italijanski bistro.
Ford i Artur posmatrali su ga sa zaprepaenjem i
duboko povreenim oseanjem za lepo.
"Da, znam", rekao je Slartibartfast, koji im je urno
priao tog trenutka, zadihan i uzbuen, "ali postoji
razlog. Hodite, moramo poi. Drevna nona mora
ponovo dolazi. Svi mi suoavamo se sa sudbinom.
Moramo smesta poi."
"Nadam se negde gde je sunano", primetio je Ford.
Ford i Artur sledili su Slartibartfasta u brod, ali toliko ih
je zbunio prizor koji su videli unutra da su ostali
potpuno nesvesni onoga to se sledee desilo napolju.
Svemirski brod, jo jedan, ali ovoga puta vitak i
srebrnast, skliznuo je sa neba na teren, tiho, bez uma, a
dugake noge izvukle su mu se u glatkom baletu
tehnologije.
Blago je sleteo. Iz njega izbie kratke stepenice. Jedna
visoka, sivozelena prilika ustro je kroila napolje i
pribliila se maloj skupini ljudi koji su se okupili oko
sredita terena, pokuavajui da pomognu rtvama
nedavnog bizarnog pokolja. Odgurnula je ljude u stranu
sa mirnim, dostojanstvenim autoritetom i prila jednom
oveku koji se valjao u beznadnoj lokvi krvi, oigledno
izvan dohvata bilo kakve zemaljske medicine; jadnik je
dahtao i krkljao svoje poslednje trenutke. Prilika kleknu
pored njega.
"Artur Filip Deodat?" upitala je prilika.
ovek slabano klimnu, sa izrazom prestravljene
zbunjenosti u oima.
"Ti si bezvredno, ugojeno nitavilo", proaptalo je
stvorenje. "Mislio sam da to treba da sazna pre nego to
odapne."
5.
Important facts from Galactic history, number two: Vane injenice iz galaktike istorije. Broj dva:
(Reproduced from the Siderial Daily Mentioner's Book (Reprodukovano iz Siderikog dnevnog podsetnika
of popular Galactic History.) popularne galaktike istorije.)
Since this Galaxy began, vast civilizations have risen and
Od poetka Galaksije, ogromne civilizacije nastajale su i
fallen, risen and fallen, risen and fallen so often that it's
nestajale, nastajale i nestajale, nastajale i nestajale toliko
quite tempting to think that life in the Galaxy must be esto da je veoma primamljivo na osnovu toga izvesti
zakljuak kako ivot u Galaksiji mora biti:
(a) something akin to seasick --- space-sick, time sick, a) neto slino morskoj bolesti - svemirska bolest,
history sick or some such thing, and vremenska bolest, istorijska bolest, ili ve tako neto - i
(b) stupid. b) glup.

Chapter Six 6.

It seemed to Arthur as if the whole sky suddenly just
stood aside and let them through.
It seemed to him that the atoms of his brain and the
atoms of the cosmos were streaming through each other.
It seemed to him that he was blown on the wind of the
Universe, and that the wind was him.
It seemed to him that he was one of the thoughts of the
Universe and that the Universe was a thought of his.
It seemed to the people at Lord's Cricket Ground that
another North London restaurant had just come and gone
as they so often do, and that this was Somebody Else's
Problem.
``What happened?'' whispered Arthur in considerable
awe.
``We took off,'' said Slartibartfast.
Arthur lay in startled stillness on the acceleration couch.
He wasn't certain whether he had just got space-sickness
or religion.
``Nice mover,'' said Ford in an unsuccessful attempt to
disguise the degree to which he had been impressed by
what Slartibartfast's ship had just done, ``shame about the
decor.''
For a moment or two the old man didn't reply. He was
staring at the instruments with the air of one who is
trying to convert fahrenheit to centigrade in his head
whilst his house is burning down. Then his brow cleared
and he stared for a moment at the wide panoramic screen
in front of him, which displayed a bewildering
complexity of stars streaming like silver threads around
them. His lips moved as if he was trying to spell
something. Suddenly his eyes darted in alarm back to his
instruments, but then his expression merely subsided into
a steady frown. He looked back up at the screen. He felt
his own pulse. His frown deepened for a moment, then
he relaxed.
Arturu se uinilo da se itavo nebo iznenada podiglo,
razmaklo se i pustilo ih da prou.
Imao je utisak da atomi njegovog mozga i atomi
kosmosa struje jedni kroz druge.
Izgledalo mu je da su ga poneli vetrovi Vaseljene, a ti
vetrovi bili su on sam.
Uobrazio je da je on jedna od misli Vaseljene, a da je
Vaseljena njegova misao.
Ljudima na Gospodarskom igralitu kriketa uinilo se
da se to ponovo jedan od restorania iz severnog
Londona pojavio i nestao, kao to se esto deavalo, a to
je, zapravo, bio Tu Problem.
"ta se desilo?" proaptao je Artur sa ogromnim
strahopotovanjem.
"Uzleteli smo", rekao je Slartibastfast.
Artur je leao na leaju za ubrzanje i prestravljeno
utao. Nije bio siguran da li je to to osea vrtoglavica
ili religija.
"Stvarica solidno fura", rekao je Ford u bezuspenom
pokuaju da umanji stepen u kome je bio oduevljen
onim to je Slartibartfastov brod upravo uinio. "teta
to ima takvu dekoraciju."
Trenutak ili dva starac nita nije odgovorio. Gledao je u
instrumente sa izrazom nekoga ko pokuava da pretvori
napamet stepene Farenhajta u Celzijusove dok mu kua
gori. Onda mu se elo razvedrilo i on se na trenutak
zagledao u iroki, panoramski ekran pred sobom, koji je
prikazivao bezgraninu sloenost zvezda koje su poput
srebrnih niti promicale pored broda. Usne su mu se
pokretale kao da pokuava neto da kae. Iznenada, oi
mu panino skoie nazad na instrumente, ali mu se
odmah potom izraz promenio u lagano mrtenje. Vratio
je pogled na ekrane. Opipao je sopstveni puls.
Namrgoeni izraz na trenutak mu se pojaao, a onda se
opustio.
``It's a mistake to try and understand mathematics,'' he
said, ``they only worry me. What did you say?''
``Decor,'' said Ford. ``Pity about it.''
``Deep in the fundamental heart of mind and Universe,''
said Slartibartfast, ``there is a reason.''
Ford glanced sharply around. He clearly thought this was
taking an optimistic view of things.
The interior of the flight deck was dark green, dark red,
dark brown, cramped and moodily lit. Inexplicably, the
resemblance to a small Italian bistro had failed to end at
the hatchway. Small pools of light picked out pot plants,
glazed tiles and all sorts of little unidentifiable brass
things.
Rafia-wrapped bottles lurked hideously in the shadows.
The instruments which had occupied Slartibartfast's
attention seemed to be mounted in the bottom of bottles
which were set in concrete.
Ford reached out and touched it.
Fake concrete. Plastic. Fake bottles set in fake concrete.
The fundamental heart of mind and Universe can take a
running jump, he thought to himself, this is rubbish. On
the other hand, it could not be denied that the way the
ship had moved made the Heart of Gold seem like an
electric pram.
He swung himself off the couch. He brushed himself
down. He looked at Arthur who was singing quietly to
himself. He looked at the screen and recognized nothing.
He looked at Slartibartfast.
``How far did we just travel?'' he said.
``About ...'' said Slartibartfast, ``about two thirds of the
way across the Galactic disc, I would say, roughly. Yes,
roughly two thirds, I think.''
``It's a strange thing,'' said Arthur quietly, ``that the
further and faster one travels across the Universe, the
more one's position in it seems to be largely immaterial,
and one is filled with a profound, or rather emptied of
a ...''
``Yes, very strange,'' said Ford. ``Where are we going?''
``We are going,'' said Slartibartfast, ``to confront an
ancient nightmare of the Universe.''
``And where are you going to drop us off?''
``I will need your help.''
``Tough. Look, there's somewhere you can take us where
we can have fun, I'm trying to think of it, we can get
drunk and maybe listen to some extremely evil music.
Hold on, I'll look it up.'' He dug out his copy of The
Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy and tipped through
those parts of the index primarily concerned with sex and
drugs and rock and roll.
"Greka je pokuavati da shvati maine", rekao je.
"Samo donose brige. ta si rekao?"
"Dekoracija", rekao je Ford, "teta to je takva."
"Duboko u temeljnom srcu uma Vaseljene", rekao je
Slartibartfast, "postoji razlog za to."
Ford se otro obazre oko sebe. Oigledno je smatrao da
je takav pogled na stvari previe optimistiki.
Unutranjost palube letelice bila je tamnozelena,
tamnocrvena, tamnosmea, previe uzana i prigueno
osvetljena. Neobjanjivo, slinost sa malim italijanskim
bistroom nije prestala na ulazu. Mrlje svetlosti padale su
na cvee u saksijama, keramike ukrase i sve mogue
vrste neodreenih stvarica napravljenih od bakra.
Boce opletene rafijom pretei su vrebale po senkama.
Instrumenti koji su vezivali Slartibartfastovu panju kao
da su bili ugraeni u dno boca postavljenih u beton.
Ford je ispruio ruku i dodirnuo ih.
Lani beton. Plastika. Lane boce u lanom betonu.
Temeljno srce uma Vaseljene moe da se nosi, pomislio
je on za svoj raun. Ovo je glupost. A opet, nije se
moglo porei da je brod tako jurio da je u odnosu na
njega 'Zlatno srce' podsealo na elektrina deja kolica.
Siao je sa leaja. Oistio je prainu sa rukava. Pogledao
je Artura, koji je tiho pevuio za svoj raun. Pogledao je
na ekran i nije prepoznao nita. Pogledao je
Slartibartfasta.
"Dokle smo stigli do ovog trenutka?" upitao je.
"Oko..." rekao je Slartibartfast, "oko dve treine puta
preko galaktikog diska, onako po gruboj proceni. Da,
priblino dve treine, ini mi se."
"udna je to stvar", rekao je Artur tiho, "da to ovek
bre i dalje putuje kroz Vaseljenu, to njegov poloaj u
veoj meri deluje nesutastveno, a i ispunjava ga
duboko... ili, bolje reeno, osea se ispranjeno od
svega..."
"Da, vrlo udno", rekao je Ford. "Kuda idemo?"
"Idemo", odvratio je Slartibartfast, "da se suoimo sa
drevnim komarom Vaseljene."
"A gde e odbaciti nas?"
"Bie mi potrebna vaa pomo."
"Teko. uj, postoje neka zabavna mesta na koja bi nas
mogao odvesti. Upravo pokuavam da smislim neto
gde moemo da se nalijemo i da sluamo malo gadne
muzike. ekaj samo da pogledam." Iskopao je svoj
primerak 'Autostoperskog vodia kroz Galaksiju' i
poeo da pretrauje one delove iji su naslovi pre svega
bili povezani sa seksom, drogama i rokenrolom.
``A curse has arisen from the mists of time,'' said
Slartibartfast.
``Yes, I expect so,'' said Ford. ``Hey,'' he said, lighting
accidentally on one particular reference entry,
``Eccentrica Gallumbits, did you ever meet her? The
triple-breasted whore of Eroticon Six. Some people say
her erogenous zones start some four miles from her
actual body. Me, I disagree, I say five.''
``A curse,'' said Slartibartfast, ``which will engulf the
Galaxy in fire and destruction, and possibly bring the
Universe to a premature doom. I mean it,'' he added.
``Sounds like a bad time,'' said Ford, ``with look I'll be
drunk enough not to notice. Here,'' he said, stabbing his
finger at the screen of the Guide, ``would be a really
wicked place to go, and I think we should. What do you
say, Arthur? Stop mumbling mantras and pay attention.
There's important stuff you're missing here.''
Arthur pushed himself up from his couch and shook his
head.
``Where are we going?'' he said.
``To confront an ancient night-''
``Can it,'' said Ford. ``Arthur, we are going out into the
Galaxy to have some fun. Is that an idea you can cope
with?''
``What's Slartibartfast looking so anxious about?'' said
Arthur.
``Nothing,'' said Ford.
``Doom,'' said Slartibartfast. ``Come,'' he added, with
sudden authority, ``there is much I must show and tell
you.''
He walked towards a green wrought-iron spiral staircase
set incomprehensibly in the middle of the flight deck and
started to ascend. Arthur, with a frown, followed.
Ford slung the Guide sullenly back into his satchel.
``My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty
gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre,'' he
muttered to himself, ``and that I am therefore excused
from saving Universes.''
Nevertheless, he stomped up the stairs behind them.
What they found upstairs was just stupid, or so it seemed,
and Ford shook his head, buried his face in his hands and
slumped against a pot plant, crushing it against the wall.
``The central computational area,'' said Slartibartfast
unperturbed, ``this is where every calculation affecting
the ship in any way is performed. Yes I know what it
looks like, but it is in fact a complex four-dimensional
"Prokletstvo je uskrslo iz maglutina vremena", rekao je
Slartibartfast.
"I ja mislim", rekao je Ford. "Hej", uzviknuo je kada je
sluajno naiao na jedan od naslova, "Ekscentrika
Galumbita, jesi li je ikad sreo? Kurva sa tri sise sa
Erotikona est. Neki ljudi govore da joj erogene zone
poinju jedno etiri milje pre stvarnog tela. Ja se ne
slaem: mislim da poinju jo na pet."
"Prokletstvo", rekao je Slartibartfast, "koje e obuhvatiti
Galaksiju plamenom i unitenjem i moda dovesti
Vaseljenu do preranog okonanja. Ozbiljno, narode",
dodao je.
"Zvui gadno", odvratio je Ford. "Ako budem imao
sree, biu toliko pijan da neu to ni da primetim. Evo",
rekao je i zabio prst u ekran 'Vodia', "ovo je stvarno
opako mesto i mislim da bi trebalo da ga posetimo. ta
ti misli, Arture? Prestani da mrmlja mantre i pazi
ovamo. Proputa izuzetno znaajne stvari."
Artur se podie sa kreveta i zavrte glavom.
"Kuda emo?"
"Da se suoimo sa drevnim ko..."
"Tako je, tako je", prekinuo ga je Ford. "Arture, idemo
malo da se zabavljamo po Galaksiji. Moe li da
ukopa tu zamisao?"
"Zbog ega je Slartibartfast toliko uznemiren?" upitao je
Artur.
"Ni zbog ega", rekao je Ford.
"Zbog sudbine", odvratio je Slartibartfast. "Doite",
dodao je glasom koji je iznenada zazvuao
zapovedniki, "mnogo je toga to vam moram pokazati i
ispriati."
Priao je zavojitim, zelenim stepenicama od kovanog
gvoa koje su iz ko zna kog razloga bile smetene
nasred palube i poeo da se penje. Artur ga je namrteno
sledio.
Ford je neraspoloeno gurnuo 'Vodi' natrag u torbicu.
"Moj doktor kae da imam bolesnu lezdu za graanske
dunosti i uroeni nedostatak vrstine karaktera",
promrmljao je za svoj raun, "i da sam zato osloboen
od spasavanja svih moguih Vaseljena."
Ali ipak je nevoljno poao stepenicama iza njih.
Ono to su zatekli gore bilo je ba glupavo, ili je bar
tako izgledalo, i Ford je zavrteo glavom, gurnuo lice u
ake i naleteo na saksiju sa cveem, razbivi je o zid.
"Sredinja kompjuterska oblast", rekao je Slartibartfast
kao da se nita nije desilo. "Ovde se obavljaju svi
prorauni koji se na bilo koji nain tiu broda. Da, znam
na ta lii, ali zapravo je re o sloenoj
topographical map of a series of highly complex
mathematical functions.''
``It looks like a joke,'' said Arthur.
``I know what it looks like,'' said Slartibartfast, and went
into it. As he did so, Arthur had a sudden vague flash of
what it might mean, but he refused to believe it. The
Universe could not possibly work like that, he thought,
cannot possibly. That, he thought to himself, would be as
absurd as ... he terminated that line of thinking. Most of
the really absurd things he could think of had already
happened.
And this was one of them.
It was a large glass cage, or box --- in fact a room.
In it was a table, a long one. Around it were gathered
about a dozen chairs, of the bentwood style. On it was a
tablecloth --- a grubby, red and white check tablecloth,
scarred with the occasional cigarette burn, each,
presumably, at a precise calculated mathematical
position.
And on the tablecloth sat some half-eaten Italian meals,
hedged about with half-eaten breadsticks and half-drunk
glasses of wine, and toyed with listlessly by robots.
It was all completely artificial. The robot customers were
attended by a robot waiter, a robot wine waiter and a
robot maetre d'. The furniture was artificial, the
tablecloth artificial, and each particular piece of food was
clearly capable of exhibiting all the mechanical
characteristics of, say, a pollo sorpreso, without actually
being one.
And all participated in a little dance together --- a
complex routine involving the manipulation of menus,
bill pads, wallets, cheque books, credit cards, watches,
pencils and paper napkins, which seemed to be hovering
constantly on the edge of violence, but never actually
getting anywhere.
Slartibartfast hurried in, and then appeared to pass the
time of day quite idly with the maetre d', whilst one of
the customer robots, an autorory, slid slowly under the
table, mentioning what he intended to do to some guy
over some girl.
Slartibartfast took over the seat which had been thus
vacated and passed a shrewd eye over the menu. The
tempo of the routine round the table seemed somehow
imperceptibly to quicken. Arguments broke out, people
attempted to prove things on napkins. They waved
fiercely at each other, and attempted to examine each
etvorodimenzionoj topografskoj mapi niza izuzetno
zapetljanih matematikih funkcija."
"Lii na dobru alu", primetio je Artur.
"Znam na ta lii", rekao je Slartibartfast i uao. Artur je
na trenutak nejasno naslutio ta bi to moglo da znai, ali
je odbio da poveruje. Vaseljena ne moe da dejstvuje na
taj nain, mislio je, nikako ne moe. To bi, pomislio je
za svoj raun, bilo besmisleno kao... besmisleno kao...
ali prekinuo je da razmilja u tom pravcu. Veina
besmislenih stvari koje je uspevao da smisli ve se
dogodila.
A ovo je bila jedna od njih.
Bio je to ogroman stakleni kavez, ili sanduk - zapravo
itava soba.
U njoj se nalazio sto - i to dugaak. Oko njega je bilo
desetak stolica od savijenog drveta, a prekrivao ga je
stolnjak - zamrljani crveno-beli stolnjak na kockice, sa
mestiminim progoretinama od pikavaca, iji su
poloaji, svakako, bili precizno matematiki
proraunati.
Na stolnjaku se nalazilo desetak polupojedenih
italijanskih specijaliteta, okruenih naetim pariima
hleba i poluispijenim aama vina, a roboti su se mlitavo
i tromo sluili svime time.
Sve je bilo u potpunosti vetako. Muterije-robote
posluivali su robotski kelneri, robotski barmeni i
robotski ef sale. Nametaj je bio vetaki, stolnjak
vetaki, a svako pojedinano jelo oigledno je imalo
sve mehanike karakteristike, recimo, pollo sorpresa, a
da, zapravo, nije to bilo.
I svi su zajedno uestvovali u toj malenoj igri - sloenoj
rutini u kojoj je dolazilo do rukovanja menijima,
raunima, novanicama, ekovnim knjiicama,
kreditnim karticama, runim satovima, olovkama i
salvetima - koja kao da se stalno nalazila na rubu
nasilja, ali, zapravo, nije nikuda napredovala.
Slartibartfast je urno uleteo unutra, a onda se inilo se
upustio u sasvim zaludno i dokono eretanje sa efom
sale, dok jedan od robota-muterija nije polako skliznuo
pod sto, izjavivi uz put ta bi da uradi nekom momku
preko neke devojke.
Slartibartfast zauze mesto koje je ispranjeno na taj
nain i bistrim oima pogleda jelovnik. inilo se kao da
se ritam rutine oko stola nekako neprimetno ubrzava.
Raspravljanje je postalo sve glasnije, gosti su pokuavali
da dokau jedni drugima neto na salvetima. Sve ee
su mahali jedni prema drugima i pokuavali da paljivije
other's pieces of chicken. The waiter's hand began to
move on the bill pad more quickly than a human hand
could manage, and then more quickly than a human eye
could follow. The pace accelerated. Soon, an
extraordinary and insistent politeness overwhelmed the
group, and seconds later it seemed that a moment of
consensus was suddenly achieved. A new vibration
thrilled through the ship.
Slartibartfast emerged from the glass room.
``Bistromathics,'' he said. ``The most powerful
computational force known to parascience. Come to the
Room of Informational Illusions.''
He swept past and carried them bewildered in his wake.
Chapter Seven
The Bistromatic Drive is a wonderful new method of
crossing vast interstellar distances without all that
dangerous mucking about with Improbability Factors.
Bistromathics itself is simply a revolutionary new way of
understanding the behaviour of numbers. Just as Einstein
observed that time was not an absolute but depended on
the observer's movement in space, and that space was not
an absolute, but depended on the observer's movement in
time, so it is now realized that numbers are not absolute,
but depend on the observer's movement in restaurants.
The first non-absolute number is the number of people
for whom the table is reserved. This will vary during the
course of the first three telephone calls to the restaurant,
and then bear no apparent relation to the number of
people who actually turn up, or to the number of people
who subsequently join them after the
show/match/party/gig, or to the number of people who
leave when they see who else has turned up.
The second non-absolute number is the given time of
arrival, which is now known to be one of those most
bizarre of mathematical concepts, a recipriversexcluson,
a number whose existence can only be defined as being
anything other than itself. In other words, the given time
of arrival is the one moment of time at which it is
impossible that any member of the party will arrive.
Recipriversexclusons now play a vital part in many
branches of maths, including statistics and accountancy
and also form the basic equations used to engineer the
Somebody Else's Problem field.
The third and most mysterious piece of non-absoluteness
of all lies in the relationship between the number of items
zagledaju tue porcije piletine. Ruka kelnera poela je
da se kree po bloku za raune bre nego to bi to mogla
ljudska ruka, a potom bre nego to je to ljudsko oko
moglo da sledi. Ritam se postojano ubrzavao. Uskoro,
kao da je itavu grupu obuzelo neobino i trajno dobro
raspoloenje, a svega nekoliko sekundi kasnije izgledalo
je kao da je iznenada postignuta opta saglasnost. Nova
vibracija razlegla se brodom,
a Slartibartfast je iziao iz staklene prostorije.
"Bistromatika je", rekao je "najmonije orue za vrenje
prorauna, koje je poznato paranauci. Doite u sobu
informacionih opsena."
Proao je pored njih i poveo ih, zbunjene, sa sobom.
7.
Bistromatiki pogon divna je nova metoda prelaenja
ogromnih meuzvezdanih rastojanja bez opasnog
zavitlavanja sa iniocima neverovatnoe.
Sama bistromatika, zapravo, predstavlja revolucionarno
nov nain razumevanja ponaanja brojeva. Ba kao to
je Ajntajn primetio da prostor nije apsolutan, ve da
zavisi od kretanja posmatraa u njemu i da vreme nije
apsolutno ve da zavisi od kretanja posmatraa u njemu,
tako je danas poznato da brojevi nisu apsolutni, ve da
zavise od kretanja posmatraa po restoranima.
Prvi neapsolutni broj jeste broj ljudi za koje su
rezervisani stolovi. On e se menjati zavisno od prva tri
telefonska poziva upuena restoranu, a potom nee biti
ni u kakvom vidljivom odnosu sa brojem ljudi koji e se
zaista pojaviti ili sa brojem ljudi koji e im se pridruiti
posle predstave /utakmice/urke/zabave, ili sa brojem
ljudi koji e otii kada vide ko se tu jo pojavio.
Drugi neapsolutni broj jeste dato vreme dolaska, za koje
je sada poznato da predstavlja jednu od onih
najbizarnijih zamisli u matematici, recipriversekskluzon,
broj ije se postojanje moe odrediti kao veliina koja je
sve drugo samo ne ona sama. Drugim reima, dato
vreme dolaska predstavlja onaj trenutak kada je izvesno
da nee stii niko od gostiju. Recipriversekskluzoni sada
igraju vanu ulogu u mnogim granama matematike,
ukljuujui statistiku i raunovodstvo, a i obrazuju neke
osnovne jednaine koje se koriste u proraunavanju
polja Tueg Problema.
Trei, i najtajanstveniji, deo neapsolutnog svega lei u
odnosu broja stavki na raunu, cene svake stavke, broja
on the bill, the cost of each item, the number of people at
the table, and what they are each prepared to pay for.
(The number of people who have actually brought any
money is only a sub-phenomenon in this field.)
The baffling discrepancies which used to occur at this
point remained uninvestigated for centuries simply
because no one took them seriously. They were at the
time put down to such things as politeness, rudeness,
meanness, flashness, tiredness, emotionality, or the
lateness of the hour, and completely forgotten about on
the following morning. They were never tested under
laboratory conditions, of course, because they never
occurred in laboratories --- not in reputable laboratories
at least.
And so it was only with the advent of pocket computers
that the startling truth became finally apparent, and it was
this:
Numbers written on restaurant bills within the confines
of restaurants do not follow the same mathematical laws
as numbers written on any other pieces of paper in any
other parts of the Universe.
This single fact took the scientific world by storm. It
completely revolutionized it. So many mathematical
conferences got held in such good restaurants that many
of the finest minds of a generation died of obesity and
heart failure and the science of maths was put back by
years.
Slowly, however, the implications of the idea began to be
understood. To begin with it had been too stark, too
crazy, too much what the man in the street would have
said, ``Oh yes, I could have told you that,'' about. Then
some phrases like ``Interactive Subjectivity Frameworks''
were invented, and everybody was able to relax and get
on with it.
The small groups of monks who had taken up hanging
around the major research institutes singing strange
chants to the effect that the Universe was only a figment
of its own imagination were eventually given a street
theatre grant and went away.
Chapter Eight
``In space travel, you see,'' said Slartibartfast, as he
fiddled with some instruments in the Room of
Informational Illusions, ``in space travel ...''
He stopped and looked about him.
The Room of Informational Illusions was a welcome
relief after the visual monstrosities of the central
ljudi za stolom i onoga za ta su spremni da plate (broj
ljudi koji su doneli sa sobom makar malo novca
predstavlja samo sporednu veliinu u ovom polju.)
Zauujua neslaganja koja su iskrsavala u toj taki
stoleima su ostala neistraena iz jednostavnog razloga
to ih niko nije uzimao za ozbiljno. Tu i tamo,
pripisivana su takvim stvarima kao to su pristojnost,
bezobrazluk, zloba, razmetljivost, zamor, raspoloenje
ili suvie pozno doba noi i potpuno zaboravljanje
sledeeg jutra. Nikada nisu testirane u laboratorijama -
ili bar ne u laboratorijama koje dre do svog ugleda.
I tako je prava istina postala jasna tek sa razvojem
depnih kompjutera, a evo o emu je re:
Brojevi napisani na restoranskim raunima unutar
restorana ne podleu istim matematikim zakonima kao
brojevi napisani na bilo kome drugom paretu hartije u
bilo kome drugom delu Vaseljene.
Ova jednostavna tvrdnja okirala je nauni svet.
Izazvala je pravu revoluciju. Toliko je potonjih kongresa
matematiara drano po izvrsnim restoranima da su
mnogi od najbriljantnijih umova celog pokolenja
poumirali od gojaznosti i sranih bolesti, ime su
matematike nauke unazaene za mnogo godina.
Ali, lagano su posledice ove zamisli poinjale da bivaju
sve jasnije shvaene. Na poetku, sve je delovalo
besmisleno, aavo, previe nalik na ono za ta bi ovek
sa ulice rekao 'oh, ma nemoj mi rei'. Onda su
izmiljene fraze kao to je 'okvir interaktivne
subjektivnosti', tako da su svi mogli da se smire i uhvate
ukotac sa tim.
Malenoj grupi svetenika, koji su se bavili obilaenjem
najveih instituta za ovakva istraivanja i pevanjem
udnih napeva o tome da je Vaseljena samo proizvod
sopstvene mate, na kraju je data dozvola za bavljenje
pozoritem na ulici, pa su otili.
8.
"Vidi, u svemirskom putovanju", rekao je Slartibartfast
dok se igrao nekim instrumentima u sobi informacionih
opsena, "u svemirskom putovanju..."
Zastao je i obazro se.
Soba informacionih opsena donosi dobrodolo oputanje
posle vizuelnih uasa sredinje kompjuterske oblasti. U
computational area. There was nothing in it. No
information, no illusions, just themselves, white walls
and a few small instruments which looked as if they were
meant to plug into something which Slartibartfast
couldn't find.
``Yes?'' urged Arthur. He had picked up Slartibartfast's
sense of urgency but didn't know what to do with it.
``Yes what?'' said the old man.
``You were saying?''
Slartibartfast looked at him sharply.
``The numbers,'' he said, ``are awful.'' He resumed his
search.
Arthur nodded wisely to himself. After a while he
realized that this wasn't getting him anywhere and
decided that he would say ``what?'' after all.
``In space travel,'' repeated Slartibartfast, ``all the
numbers are awful.''
Arthur nodded again and looked round to Ford for help,
but Ford was practising being sullen and getting quite
good at it.
``I was only,'' said Slartibartfast with a sigh, ``trying to
save you the trouble of asking me why all the ship's
computations were being done on a waiter's bill pad.''
Arthur frowned.
``Why,'' he said, ``were all the ship's computations being
done on a wait-''
He stopped.
Slartibartfast said, ``Because in space travel all the
numbers are awful.''
He could tell that he wasn't getting his point across.
``Listen,'' he said. ``On a waiter's bill pad numbers dance.
You must have encountered the phenomenon.''
``Well ...''
``On a waiter's bill pad,'' said Slartibartfast, ``reality and
unreality collide on such a fundamental level that each
becomes the other and anything is possible, within
certain parameters.''
``What parameters?''
``It's impossible to say,'' said Slartibartfast. ``That's one
of them. Strange but true. At least, I think it's strange,'' he
added, ``and I'm assured that it's true.''
At that moment he located the slot in the wall for which
he had been searching, and clicked the instrument he was
holding into it.
``Do not be alarmed,'' he said, and then suddenly darted
an alarmed look at himself, and lunged back, ``it's ...''
They didn't hear what he said, because at that moment
the ship winked out of existence around them and a
starbattle-ship the size of a small Midlands industrial city
njoj nije bilo niega. Nikakvih informacija, nikakvih
opsena, jedino oni sami, beli zidovi i nekoliko malih
ureaja koji su delovali kao da treba da budu ukljueni u
neto to Slartibartfast nije mogao da nae.
"Da?" upitao je Artur. Uspeo je da primeti
Slartibartfastovu hitnju, ali nije znao ta bi sa time.
"Da, ta?" upitao je starac.
"Rekao si...?"
Slartibartfast ga otro pogleda.
"Brojevi su", kazao je, "uasni." Nastavio je potragu.
Artur je mudro klimnuo za svoj raun. Posle izvesnog
vremena shvatio je da ga to nikuda nee odvesti i
odluio da ipak upita: "ta?"
"U svemirskom putovanju", ponovio je Slartibartfast,
"svi brojevi su uasni."
Artur je ponovo klimnuo i okrenuo se Fordu za pomo,
ali Ford je uvebavao namrgoenost i u tome je bio
prilino dobar.
"Samo sam eleo", rekao je Slartibartfast sa uzdahom,
"da ti utedim trud, da ne mora da me pita zbog ega
se svi brodski prorauni obavljaju u kelnerskom bloku
za raune."
Artur se namrtio.
"Zato se", rekao je, "svi brodski prorauni obavljaju na
kel..."
Zastao je.
Slartibartfast je uzvratio: "Zato to su u svemirskom
putovanju svi brojevi uasni."
I sam je shvatio da nije bio ba najjasniji.
"uj", rekao je, "na kelnerskom bloku brojevi igraju.
Mora da si se ve susreo sa tom pojavom."
"Pa..."
"Na kelnerskom bloku", rekao je Slartibartfast, "stvarno
i nestvarno sudaraju se na tako temeljnoj ravni da jedno
postaje drugo i sve je mogue, unutar odreenih
parametara."
"Kakvih parametara?"
"To je nemogue rei", kazao je Slartibartfast. "Posredi
je jedan od njih. udno ali istinito. Ili bar ja mislim da je
udno", dodao je, "ali uverio sam se da je istinito."
U tom trenutku opazio je rupu u zidu za kojom je tragao
i gurnuo u nju ureaj koji je drao.
"Nemojte se uplaiti", rekao je, a njegovim sopstvenim
licem iznenada je preao izraz straha, "to je..."
Nisu uli ta je rekao, jer u istom trenutku brod je
iezao oko njih, a iz dubine noi koja ih je okruivala
prema njima se pokrenula meuzvezdana ratna krstarica
plunged out of the sundered night towards them, star veliine omanjeg midlendskog industrijskog grada, dok
lasers ablaze. su joj zvezdani laseri blistali.
Utvarna oluja zaslepljujue svetlosti prosekla je tminu i
otkinula poprilian komad planete koja se nalazila pravo
iza njihovih lea.
They gaped, pop-eyed, and were unable to scream. Razjapili su usta, iskolaili oi i nisu mogli ak ni da
vrite.

Chapter Nine 9.

Another world, another day, another dawn.
The early morning's thinnest sliver of light appeared
silently.
Several billion trillion tons of superhot exploding
hydrogen nuclei rose slowly above the horizon and
managed to look small, cold and slightly damp.
There is a moment in every dawn when light floats, there
is the possibility of magic. Creation holds its breath.
The moment passed as it regularly did on Squornshellous
Zeta, without incident.
The mist clung to the surface of the marshes. The swamp
trees were grey with it, the tall reeds indistinct. It hung
motionless like held breath.
Nothing moved.
There was silence.
The sun struggled feebly with the mist, tried to impart a
little warmth here, shed a little light there, but clearly
today was going to be just another long haul across the
sky.
Nothing moved.
Again, silence.
Nothing moved.
Silence.
Very often on Squornshellous Zeta, whole days would go
on like this, and this was indeed going to be one of them.
Fourteen hours later the sun sank hopelessly beneath the
opposite horizon with a sense of totally wasted effort.
And a few hours later it reappeared, squared its shoulders
and started on up the sky again.
This time, however, something was happening. A
mattress had just met a robot.
``Hello, robot,'' said the mattress.
``Bleah,'' said the robot and continued what it was doing,
which was walking round very slowly in a very tiny
circle.
``Happy?'' said the mattress.
The robot stopped and looked at the mattress. It looked at Robot je stao i zagledao se u madrac. Ovaj mu je upitno
Drugi svet, drugi dan, drugo svitanje.
Tanano iverje svetlosti praskozorja tiho se pojavilo.
Nekoliko milijardi biliona tona usijanih vodoninih
jezgara u eksploziji lagano se podiglo iznad obzorja i
uspelo da izgleda sitno, hladno i pomalo tmurno.
U svakom svitanju postoji trenutak kada svetlost lebdi, a
svaka arolija postaje mogua. Samo Postanje zadrava
dah.
Taj trenutak minuo je na Skornelusu Zeta kao i obino,
bez ikakvih nepredvienih dogaaja.
Magla je grlila povrinu movara. Movarno drvee u
njoj delovalo je sivo, visoka trska jedva se nazirala.
Poivala je nepomino, kao dah zadran u grudima.
Nita se nije kretalo.
Tiina.
Sunce se slabano borilo protiv magle, pokuavalo da
doda malo topline ovde, udeli malo svetlosti onde, ali
bilo je jasno da ga i danas oekuje uobiajeno dugo
tegljenje preko neba.
Nita se nije kretalo.
I ponovo, tiina.
Nita se nije kretalo.
Tiina.
Vrlo esto na Skornelusu Zeta itavi dani prolaze na
takav nain, a ovo je oigledno bio jedan od njih.
etrnaest asova kasnije sunce je beznadno poelo da
tone za suprotno obzorje sa oseanjem potpuno uludo
utroenih napora.
A nekoliko asova kasnije ponovo se pojavilo, isturilo
ramena i opet krenulo preko neba.
Ali ovog puta neto se deavalo. Madrac je upravo sreo
robota.
"Zdravo, robote", rekao je madrac.
"Pih", rekao je robot i produio da radi to i do tada, to
jest da vrlo polako koraa po vrlo malom krugu.
"Jesi li srean?" upitao je madrac.
it quizzically. It was clearly a very stupid mattress. It
looked back at him with wide eyes.
After what it had calculated to ten significant decimal
places as being the precise length of pause most likely to
convey a general contempt for all things mattressy, the
robot continued to walk round in tight circles.
``We could have a conversation,'' said the mattress,
``would you like that?''
It was a large mattress, and probably one of quite high
quality. Very few things actually get manufactured these
days, because in an infinitely large Universe such as, for
instance, the one in which we live, most things one could
possibly imagine, and a lot of things one would rather
not, grow somewhere. A forest was discovered recently
in which most of the trees grew ratchet screwdrivers as
fruit. The life cycle of ratchet screwdriver fruit it quite
interesting. Once picked it needs a dark dusty drawer in
which it can lie undisturbed for years. Then one night it
suddenly hatches, discards its outer skin which crumbles
into dust, and emerges as a totally unidentifiable little
metal object with flanges at both ends and a sort of ridge
and a sort of hole for a screw. This, when found, will get
thrown away. No one knows what it is supposed to gain
from this. Nature, in her infinite wisdom, is presumably
working on it.
No one really knows what mattresses are meant to gain
from their lives either. They are large, friendly, pocket-
sprung creatures which live quiet private lives in the
marshes of Squornshellous Zeta. Many of them get
caught, slaughtered, dried out, shipped out and slept on.
None of them seem to mind and all of them are called
Zem.
``No,'' said Marvin.
``My name,'' said the mattress, ``is Zem. We could
discuss the weather a little.''
Marvin paused again in his weary circular plod.
``The dew,'' he observed, ``has clearly fallen with a
particularly sickening thud this morning.''
He resumed his walk, as if inspired by this
conversational outburst to fresh heights of gloom and
despondency. He plodded tenaciously. If he had had teeth
he would have gritted them at this point. He hadn't. He
didn't. The mere plod said it all.
The mattress flolloped around. This is a thing that only
live mattresses in swamps are able to do, which is why
uzvraao pogled. Bio je to oigledno vrlo glup madrac.
Posmatrao ga je irom otvorenih oiju.
Posle neega to je proraunato na deset decimala kao
tano ona duina pauze koja e najbolje izraziti opti
prezir prema svemu to se tie madraca, robot je
nastavio da koraa po malenim krugovima.
"Mogli bismo da razgovaramo", rekao je madrac. "Da li
bi ti se to dopalo?"
Bio je to veliki madrac, i to verovatno vrlo visokog
kvaliteta. U dananje vreme zapravo se veoma malo
stvari proizvodi vetaki, jer u Vaseljeni koja je
beskonano velika kao, na primer, ova u kojoj ivimo,
veina stvari koje se mogu zamisliti, kao i mnogo onih
koje ne mogu, rastu na nekom mestu. Nedavno je
otkrivena uma u kojoj veina stabala kao plod donosi
rafcigere. ivotni ciklus rafcigerskog ploda vrlo je
zanimljiv. Kada se ubere, potrebna mu je mrana i
pranjava ladica u kojoj moe da lei neuznemiravan
godinama. Onda se jedne noi iznenada otvara,
odbacuje spoljanji sloj koji se mrvi u prainu i prelazi u
potpuno neprepoznatljiv, mali, metalni predmet sa
iljcima na oba kraja, nekom vrstom uzdune brazde i
svojevrsnom rupom za zavrtanj. Ko god naie na ovaj
predmet, bacie ga. Niko ne zna ta bi on trebalo da mu
omogui, ali Priroda, u svojoj bezgraninoj mudrosti,
verovatno radi na tome da se i ovome pronae neka
korisna svrha.
Niko ne zna ni koja je svrha ivota madraca. To su
krupna, dobroudna, pitoma stvorenja koja mirno i
povueno ive u movarama Skornelusa. Mnoge od
njih love, ubijaju, sue, prevoze na razna mesta i zatim
spavaju na njima. Izgleda da nikoga od njih nije briga za
to i svi se zovu Zem.
"Ne bi", uzvratio je Marvin.
"Moje ime je Zem", rekao je madrac. "Mogli bismo
malo da popriamo o vremenu."
Marvin ponovo zastade u polaganom, krunom
koraanju.
"Rosa je", primetio je, "jutros pala uz naroito ogavan
tresak."
Nastavio je koraanje, kao da ga je ovaj izliv rei
nadahnuo na zalaenje u svee vrhunce potitenosti i
utuenosti. Tvrdoglavo je koraao. Da je imao zube,
iskezio bi ih tog trenutka. Nije ih imao, pa ih nije ni
iskezio. Samo koraanje dovoljno je govorilo.
Madrac je flolopovao oko robota. To je stvar koju su
samo ivi madraci iz movara u stanju da izvedu i zbog
the word is not in more common usage. It flolloped in a
sympathetic sort of way, moving a fairish body of water
as it did so. It blew a few bubbles up through the water
engagingly. Its blue and white stripes glistened briefly in
a sudden feeble ray of sun that had unexpectedly made it
through the mist, causing the creature to bask
momentarily.
Marvin plodded.
``You have something on your mind, I think,'' said the
mattress floopily.
``More than you can possibly imagine,'' dreaded Marvin.
``My capacity for mental activity of all kinds is as
boundless as the infinite reaches of space itself. Except
of course for my capacity for happiness.''
Stomp, stomp, he went.
``My capacity for happiness,'' he added, ``you could fit
into a matchbox without taking out the matches first.''
The mattress globbered. This is the noise made by a live,
swamp-dwelling mattress that is deeply moved by a story
of personal tragedy. The word can also, according to The
Ultra-Complete Maximegalon Dictionary of Every
Language Ever, mean the noise made by the Lord High
Sanvalvwag of Hollop on discovering that he has
forgotten his wife's birthday for the second year running.
Since there was only ever one Lord High Sanvalvwag of
Hollop, and he never married, the word is only ever used
in a negative or speculative sense, and there is an ever-
increasing body of opinion which holds that The Ultra-
Complete Maximegalon Dictionary is not worth the fleet
of lorries it takes to cart its microstored edition around in.
Strangely enough, the dictionary omits the word
``floopily'', which simply means ``in the manner of
something which is floopy''.
The mattress globbered again.
``I sense a deep dejection in your diodes,'' it vollued (for
the meaning of the word ``vollue'', buy a copy of
Squornshellous Swamptalk at any remaindered
bookshop, or alternatively buy The Ultra-Complete
Maximegalon Dictionary, as the University will be very
glad to get it off their hands and regain some valuable
parking lots), ``and it saddens me. You should be more
mattresslike. We live quiet retired lives in the swamp,
where we are content to flollop and vollue and regard the
wetness in a fairly floopy manner. Some of us are killed,
but all of us are called Zem, so we never know which and
globbering is thus kept to a minimum. Why are you
walking in circles?''
toga re nije u iroj upotrebi. Umilno je flolopovao,
pokreui itave mase vode dok je to inio. Veselo je
brbotao kroz vodu. Njegove plave i bele pruge
zasvetlucae u iznenadnom, slabanom zraku sunca koji
je neoekivano uspeo da se probije kroz maglu i mamio
stvorenje da mu se okrene kako bi upilo to vie topline.
Marvin je i dalje koraao.
"ini mi se da ima neto na umu", rekao je flupno
madrac.
"Mnogo vie nego to si u stanju i da zamisli", utueno
je rekao Marvin. "Moja sposobnost za svakovrsne umne
delatnosti bezgranina je poput samog svemira. Izuzev,
naravno, moje sposobnosti za sreu."
Trup, trup, nastavljao je on.
"Moju sposobnost za sreu", dodao je on, "mogao bi da
ugura u kutiju za ibice, a da ne mora prethodno da
izvadi palidrvca."
Madrac je zaglobirao. To je zvuk koji proizvode ivi
madraci iz movara kada su duboko dirnuti priom o
neijoj linoj tragediji. Ta re, prema 'Ultracelokupnom
maksimegalonskom reniku svih jezika uopte'
predstavlja i glas koji isputa Gospodar Presvetli
Sanvalvvag Holopski kada otkrije da je druge godine
braka zaboravio na enin roendan. Poto u istoriji
postoji samo jedan Gospodar Presvetli Sanvalvvag
Holopski i nikada se nije enio, re se koristi iskljuivo
u negativnom ili spekulativnom smislu, a sve vie jaa
miljenje da 'Ultracelokupni maksimegalonski renik' ne
vredi ak ni skupinu teretnjaka koji su potrebni da bi se
prevezlo njihovo mikrouskladiteno izdanje. Neobino,
renik izostavlja i re 'flupno', koja jednostvano
oznaava 'na onaj nain kada neto uhvati flup'.
Madrac je ponovo zaglobirao.
"Oseam duboku utuenost u tvojim diodama",
voluvnuo je madrac. (Da biste ustanovili znaenje
glagola 'voluvnuti', kupite primerak 'Skornelskog
movargovora' u bilo kojoj knjiari to prodaje knjige iz
neprodatih rezervi; ili, umesto toga, kupite primerak
'Ultracelokupnog maksimegalonskog renika', jer e
onima na univerzitetu biti vrlo drago da ga se otarase i
da time malo oslobode neka dragocena parkiralita.) "To
me rastuuje. Trebalo bi da bude vie nalik madracima.
Mi ivimo miran i povuen ivot u movari, gde
moemo da flolopujemo i voluvamo i da razmiljamo o
vlanosti na divno flupan nain. Neke meu nama
ubijaju, ali svi se zovemo Zem, tako da nikada ne znamo

``Because my leg is stuck,'' said Marvin simply.
``It seems to me,'' said the mattress eyeing it
compassionately, ``that it is a pretty poor sort of leg.''
``You are right,'' said Marvin, ``it is.''
``Voon,'' said the mattress.
``I expect so,'' said Marvin, ``and I also expect that you
find the idea of a robot with an artificial leg pretty
amusing. You should tell your friends Zem and Zem
when you see them later; they'll laugh, if I know them,
which I don't of course --- except insofar as I know all
organic life forms, which is much better than I would
wish to. Ha, but my life is but a box of wormgears.''
He stomped around again in his tiny circle, around his
thin steel peg-leg which revolved in the mud but seemed
otherwise stuck.
``But why do you just keep walking round and round?''
said the mattress.
``Just to make the point,'' said Marvin, and continued,
round and round.
``Consider it made, my dear friend,'' flurbled the
mattress, ``consider it made.''
``Just another million years,'' said Marvin, ``just another
quick million. Then I might try it backwards. Just for the
variety, you understand.''
The mattress could feel deep in his innermost spring
pockets that the robot dearly wished to be asked how
long he had been trudging in this futile and fruitless
manner, and with another quiet flurble he did so.
``Oh, just over the one-point-five-million mark, just
over,'' said Marvin airily. ``Ask me if I ever get bored, go
on, ask me.''
The mattress did.
Marvin ignored the question, he merely trudged with
added emphasis.
``I gave a speech once,'' he said suddenly, and apparently
unconnectedly. ``You may not instantly see why I bring
the subject up, but that is because my mind works so
phenomenally fast, and I am at a rough estimate thirty
billion times more intelligent than you. Let me give you
an example. Think of a number, any number.''
``Er, five,'' said the mattress.
``Wrong,'' said Marvin. ``You see?''
The mattress was much impressed by this and realized
that it was in the presence of a not unremarkable mind. It
willomied along its entire length, sending excited little
ko je stradao i na taj nain odravamo globiranje na
minimumu. Zato koraa u krug?"
"Zato to mi se zaglavila noga", kazao je Marvin
jednostavno.
"ini mi se", rekao je madrac i saoseajno ga pogledao,
"da je re o prilino bednoj nozi."
"U pravu si", rekao je Marvin. "Zaista je bedna."
"Vuun", rekao je madrac.
"I ja mislim", rekao je Marvin, "a isto tako smatram da
ti, verovatno, zamisao o robotu sa vetakom nogom
deluje prilino zabavno. Trebalo bi da to ispria svojim
prijateljima, Zemu i Zemu, kada ih kasnije bude sreo;
smejae se, koliko ih ja znam, iako ih, naravno, ne
znam, osim to poznajem sve organske oblike ivota, i
to mnogo bolje nego to bih voleo. Ha, ali moj ivot je
samo kutija trulih zupanika."
Ponovo je poeo da trupka po malenom krugu oko svoje
tanune, eline, vetake noge koja se okretala u blatu,
ali je inae, izgleda, bila zaglavljena.
"Ali zbog ega stalno hoda u krug?" upitao je madrac.
"Da bih to istakao", rekao je Marvin i produio, ponovo
i ponovo.
"Smatraj da si to uinio, dragi prijatelju", flurbnuo je
madrac, "smatraj da si to uinio."
"Samo jo milion godina", rekao je Marvin, "samo jo
milion godina na brzaka. Onda u moda pokuati u
suprotnom smeru. Onako za promenu, razume."
Duboko u svojim oprugama madrac je oseao da robot
arko eli da ga neko upita koliko dugo ve tako
zaludno i beskorisno koraa i, tiho flurbnuvi, on je to i
uinio.
"Oh, samo neto malo preko milion i po koraka, samo
neto malo preko", rekao je Marvin veselo; "pitaj me da
li se ikada dosaujem, hajde, pitaj me."
Madrac ga je upitao.
Marvin nije obratio panju na pitanje, samo je nastavio
da koraa sa jo veim arom.
"Jednom sam odrao govor", rekao je iznenada i bez
ikakve veze sa prethodnom temom. "Moda ti nije jasno
zbog ega to pominjem, ali to je zato to moj mozak radi
fenomenalno brzo, tako da sam ja po gruboj proceni
trideset milijardi puta pametniji od tebe. Dopusti mi da
ti dam jedan primer. Zamisli neki broj, bilo koji."
"Ovaj, pet", rekao je madrac.
"Pogreno", odvratio je Marvin. "Vidi?"
Ovo je ostavilo izuzetan utisak na madrac i on je shvatio
da se nalazi u prisustvu po svemu izuzetnog uma.
Vilomavo je itavom duinom i pravio uzbuene
ripples through its shallow algae-covered pool.
It gupped.
``Tell me,'' it urged, ``of the speech you once made, I
long to hear it.''
``It was received very badly,'' said Marvin, ``for a variety
of reasons. I delivered it,'' he added, pausing to make an
awkward humping sort of gesture with his not-exactly-
good arm, but his arm which was better than the other
one which was dishearteningly welded to his left side,
``over there, about a mile distance.''
He was pointing as well as he could manage, and he
obviously wanted to make it totally clear that this was as
well as he could manage, through the mist, over the
reeds, to a part of the marsh which looked exactly the
same as every other part of the marsh.
``There,'' he repeated. ``I was somewhat of a celebrity at
the time.''
Excitement gripped the mattress. It had never heard of
speeches being delivered on Squornshellous Zeta, and
certainly not by celebrities. Water spattered off it as a
thrill glurried across its back.
It did something which mattresses very rarely bother to
do. Summoning every bit of its strength, it reared its
oblong body, heaved it up into the air and held it
quivering there for a few seconds whilst it peered
through the mist over the reeds at the part of the marsh
which Marvin had indicated, observing, without
disappointment, that it was exactly the same as every
other part of the marsh. The effort was too much, and it
flodged back into its pool, deluging Marvin with smelly
mud, moss and weeds.
``I was a celebrity,'' droned the robot sadly, ``for a short
while on account of my miraculous and bitterly resented
escape from a fate almost as good as death in the heart of
a blazing sun. You can guess from my condition,'' he
added, ``how narrow my escape was. I was rescued by a
scrap-metal merchant, imagine that. Here I am, brain the
size of ... never mind.''
He trudged savagely for a few seconds.
``He it was who fixed me up with this leg. Hateful, isn't
it? He sold me to a Mind Zoo. I was the star exhibit. I
had to sit on a box and tell my story whilst people told
me to cheer up and think positive. `Give us a grin, little
robot,' they would shout at me, `give us a little chuckle.' I
would explain to them that to get my face to grin wold
take a good couple of hours in a workshop with a
wrench, and that went down very well.''
talasie u svojoj mirnoj, algama prekrivenoj bari.
Gupnuo je.
"Ispriaj mi", zamolio je, "o govoru koji si odrao, jedva
ekam da to ujem."
"Primljen je vrlo loe", rekao je Marvin, "iz
mnogobrojnih razloga. Odrao sam ga", dodao je i
zastao da nespretno, sakato mahne rukom koja nije ba
bila u najboljem stanju, ali je izgledala bolja od druge
koja mu je bila beznadeno prikovana uz levi bok,
"tamo preko, na otprilike milju odavde."
Pokazivao je onoliko dobro koliko je mogao i oigledno
se trudio da jasno pokae kako to ini onoliko dobro
koliko moe, kroz maglu, preko trske, u deo movare
koji je izgledao potpuno isto kao i bilo koji drugi deo
movare.
"Tamo", ponovio je. "Bio sam u to vreme poprilino
slavna linost."
Ushienje obuze madrac. Nikada nije uo da su na
Skornelusu Zeta drani govori, a kamoli jo da ih je
drala neka slavna linost. Voda je prskala na sve strane,
a kroz lea mu je prolazila radosna drhtavica.
Uinio je neto to madraci ine veoma retko. Sakupivi
svako zrnce snage, okrenuo je svoje etvrtasto telo,
podigao ga u vazduh i drhtavo ga drao tamo nekoliko
sekundi dok je virio kroz maglu, iznad trske, prema
onom delu movare koji je Marvin pokazivao,
primetivi, bez razoaranja, da izgleda savreno isto kao
i bilo koji drugi deo movare. No, ovaj napor bio je
preveliki i on se svalio nazad u baru, preplavivi
Marvina mlazom smrdljivog blata, treseta i movarnog
bilja.
"Bio sam slavna linost", tuno je mrmljao, "nakratko,
zbog svog udesnog, mada alosno uvredljivog bega od
sudbine gotovo jednake smrti u srcu usijanog sunca. Na
osnovu mog stanja", dodao je, "moe da zakljui
koliko je moj beg bio za dlaku. Spasao me je trgovac
starim gvoem, zamisli samo. Evo mene, mozga, veli...
ah, nije bitno."
Nekoliko sekundi divlje je koraao.
"On je bio taj koji me je snabdeo ovom nogom.
Odvratno, zar ne? Prodao me je zoolokom vrtu umova.
Bio sam tamo glavni eksponat. Morao sam da sedim na
sanduku i da ponavljam priu svog ivota, a ljudi su mi
govorili da se razvedrim i da mislim na lepe stvari.
'Nasmei se malo, robotiu', dovikovali su mi, 'hajde
zakikoi se bar malo'. Objasnio bih im da je za
dovoenje osmeha na moje lice potrebno dobrih par sati
 rada kovakim ekiem, to im je silno prijalo."
``The speech,'' urged the mattress. ``I long to hear of the "Govor", podseao ga je madrac. "udim da ujem
speech you gave in the marshes.'' govor koji si odrao u movari."
``There was a bridge built across the marshes. A "Preko movare bio je sagraen most. Kiberstrukturni
cyberstructured hyperbridge, hundreds of miles in length, hipermost, dugaak stotinama milja, za prelazak jonskih
to carry ion-buggies and freighters over the swamp.'' bagija i teretnjaka preko movare."
``A bridge?'' quirruled the mattress. ``Here in the "Most", kvirulnuo je madrac, "ovde, u movari?"
swamp?''
``A bridge,'' confirmed Marvin, ``here in the swamp. It "Most", potvrdio je Marvin, "ovde, u movari. Trebalo
was going to revitalize the economy of the je da revitalizuje ekonomiju Skorneluskog sistema.
Squornshellous System. They spent the entire economy Potroili su itavu ekonomiju Skorneluskog sistema da
of the Squornshellous System building it. They asked me bi ga sagradili. Mene su zamolili da ga otvorim. Jadne
to open it. Poor fools.'' budale."
It began to rain a little, a fine spray slid through the mist. Poela je blaga kia, fina vodena praina koja je klizila
kroz maglu.
``I stood on the platform. For hundreds of miles in front "Stajao sam na platformi. Most se pruao stotinama
of me, and hundreds of miles behind me, the bridge milja preda mnom i stotinama milja iza mene."
stretched.''
``Did it glitter?'' enthused the mattress. "Da li je blistao?" oduevljavao se madrac.
``It glittered.'' "Blistao je."
``Did it span the miles majestically?'' "Da li se velianstveno prostirao miljama?"
``It spanned the miles majestically.'' "Velianstveno se prostirao miljama."
``Did it stretch like a silver thread far out into the "Da li se pruao poput srebrne niti, daleko u nevidljivu
invisible mist?'' maglu?"
``Yes,'' said Marvin. ``Do you want to hear this story?'' "Da", rekao je Marvin, "eli li ti da saslua ovu
priu?"
``I want to hear your speech,'' said the mattress. "elim da ujem tvoj govor", rekao je madrac.
``This is what I said. I said, `I would like to say that it is "Evo ta sam kazao. Rekao sam: 'Voleo bih da kaem da
a very great pleasure, honour and privilege for me to je veliko zadovoljstvo, ast i povlastica za mene to
open this bridge, but I can't because my lying circuits are otvaram ovaj most, ali ne mogu, jer su mi kola za
all out of commission. I hate and despise you all. I now laganje u kvaru. Mrzim vas i prezirem sve zajedno, a
declare this hapless cyberstructure open to the sada proglaavam ovu nesrenu kiberstrukturu
unthinkable abuse of all who wantonly cross her.' And I otvorenom i neka bude najgora mogua uvreda svima
plugged myself into the opening circuits.'' onima koji ga neodgovorno preu.' Onda sam se
ukljuio u kola za otvaranje."
Marvin paused, remembering the moment. Marvin zastade, prisetivi se tog trenutka.
The mattress flurred and glurried. It flolloped, gupped Madrac je flurovao i glurao. Flolopovao je, gupao i
and willomied, doing this last in a particularly floopy vilomovao, a ovo poslednje inio je na naroito flupan
way. nain.
``Voon,'' it wurfed at last. ``And it was a magnificent "Vuun", vurnuo je najzad, "a da li je sve izgledalo
occasion?'' velianstveno?"
``Reasonably magnificent. The entire thousand-mile-long "Uglavnom velianstveno. itav most, dugaak hiljadu
bridge spontaneously folded up its glittering spans and milja, sruio se u blistavim delovima i tuno potonuo u
sank weeping into the mire, taking everybody with it.'' blatite, povukavi sve za sobom."
There was a sad and terrible pause at this point in the Nastala je tuna i neprijatna pauza u razgovoru, tokom
conversation during which a hundred thousand people koje kao da je sto hiljada ljudi neoekivano reklo 'vup', a
seemed unexpectedly to say ``wop'' and a team of white iz neba je izronila grupa belih robota, u vojnoj formaciji
robots descended from the sky like dandelion seeds nalik na maslakovo seme koje klizi niz vetar. Jedan
drifting on the wind in tight military formation. For a siloviti trenutak kasnije svi su se nali tu, u movari,
sudden violent moment they were all there, in the
swamp, wrenching Marvin's false leg off, and then they
were gone again in their ship, which said ``foop''.
``You see the sort of thing I have to contend with?'' said
Marvin to the gobbering mattress.
Suddenly, a moment later, the robots were back again for
another violent incident, and this time when they left, the
mattress was alone in the swamp. He flolloped around in
astonishment and alarm. He almost lurgled in fear. He
reared himself to see over the reeds, but there was
nothing to see, just more reeds. He listened, but there was
no sound on the wind beyond the now familiar sound of
half-crazed etymologists calling distantly to each other
across the sullen mire.
Chapter Ten
The body of Arthur Dent span.
The Universe shattered into a million glittering fragments
around it, and each particular shard span silently through
the void, reflecting on its silver surface some single
searing holocaust of fire and destruction.
And then the blackness behind the Universe exploded,
and each particular piece of blackness was the furious
smoke of hell.
And the nothingness behind the blackness behind the
Universe erupted, and behind the nothingness behind the
blackness behind the shattered Universe was at last the
dark figure of an immense man speaking immense
words.
``These, then,'' said the figure, speaking from an
immensely comfortable chair, ``were the Krikkit Wars,
the greatest devastation ever visited upon our Galaxy.
What you have experienced ...''
Slartibartfast floated past, waving.
``It's just a documentary,'' he called out. ``This is not a
good bit. Terribly sorry, trying to find the rewind
control ...''
``... is what billions of billions of innocent ...''
``Do not,'' called out Slartibartfast floating past again,
and fiddling furiously with the thing that he had stuck
into the wall of the Room of Informational Illusions and
which was in fact still stuck there, ``agree to buy
anything at this point.''
``... people, creatures, your fellow beings ...''
odvojili Marvinovu vetaku nogu i ponovo nestali u
svom brodu koji je uinio gromko 'fup'.
"Jesi li video sa kakvim stvarima ja moram da se
nosim?" upitao je Marvin razgoberovanog madraca.
Trenutak kasnije, roboti su se iznenada ponovo pojavili
za jo jedan silovit napad, ali ovog puta, kada su doli,
madrac je bio sam u movari. Uplaeno i zgranuto
flolopovao je po okolini. Gotovo se zalurglovao od
straha. Uspravio se da pogleda preko trske, ali nita se
nije moglo videti, ni robot, ni blistavi most, ni brod,
samo jo trske. Oslukivao je, ali u vetru nije bilo
nikakvog zvuka osim uobiajenih glasova poluludih
etimologa koji su se dozivali po tmurnom blatitu.
10.
Telo Artura Denta se okretalo.
Oko njega, Vaseljena se razbila u milion svetlucavih
komadia, a svaki odlomak za sebe vrteo se nemo kroz
prazninu i odraavao na svojoj srebrnoj povrini poneki
deo plamteeg pomora vatre i unitenja.
Onda je tmina u pozadini Vaseljene eksplodirala, dok se
njen svaki pojedinani komad pretvorio u gnevni,
zadimljeni pakao.
Nitavilo u pozadini tmine u zaleu skrene Vaseljene se
rasprslo, a iza nitavila iza tmine iza skrene Vaseljene
pojavila se najzad tamna prilika jednog ogromnog
oveka koji je govorio rei to su zvuale izuzetno
znaajno.
"To su, tada", govorila je prilika iz jedne izuzetno
udobne fotelje, "bili ratovi Krikita, najuasnije razaranje
koje je ikada zadesilo nau Galaksiju. Ono to ste
doiveli..."
Slartibartfast prolebde, maui.
"To je samo dokumentarac", viknuo je on. "I to tek
manji deo. Strano mi je ao, pokuavam da premotam
traku..."
"...predstavlja ono to su milijarde i milijarde nevinih..."
"Nemojte", doviknuo je Slartibartfast, ponovo
prolebdevi pored njih i grozniavo petljajui oko
neobine stvari koju je ugurao u zid sobe informacionih
opsena i koja je, u stvari, jo bila ugurana na istom
mestu, "pristati da prihvatite ita na ovoj taki."
"...ljudi, ivi stvorovi, vai blinji..."
Music swelled --- again, it was immense music, immense Muzika ponovo izbi - bila je to izuzetna muzika, sa
chords. And behind the man, slowly, three tall pillars izuzetnim sazvujima. A iza oveka, lagano, tri visoka
began to emerge out of the immensely swirling mist. stuba poee da iskrsavaju iz magle koja se izuzetno
kovitlala.
``... experienced, lived through --- or, more often, failed "...iskusile, preivele ili - mnogo ee - nisu preivele.
to live through. Think of that, my friends. And let us not Razmislite o tome, prijatelji moji. I nemojte zaboraviti -
forget --- and in just a moment I shall be able to suggest a za koji trenutak predloiu vam nain na koji emo
way which will help us always to remember --- that moi da se seamo zauvek - da je pre ratova Krikita ova
before the Krikkit Wars, the Galaxy was that rare and Galaksija bila retko divna stvar, srena Galaksija!"
wonderful thing a happy Galaxy!''
The music was going bananas with immensity at this Na toj taki muzika je naprosto poludela.
point.
``A Happy Galaxy, my friends, as represented by the "Srena Galaksija, prijatelji moji, kao to su to Dveri
symbol of the Wikkit Gate!'' Vikita!"
The three pillars stood out clearly now, three pillars Tri stuba sada su se jasno uzdizala, tri stuba na koje su
topped with two cross pieces in a way which looked odozgo bila postavljena jo dva dela na nain koji je
stupefyingly familiar to Arthur's addled brain. delovao neverovatno poznato Arturovom zbunjenom
mozgu.
``The three pillars,'' thundered the man. ``The Steel Pillar "Tri stuba", grmeo je ovek. "elini stub, koji
which represented the Strength and Power of the predstavlja snagu i mo Galaksije!"
Galaxy!''
Searchlights seared out and danced crazy dances up and Svetlosti reflektora blesnue i zaigrae ludaku igru po
down the pillar on the left which was, clearly, made of stubu koji se nalazio sa leve strane i bio napravljen od
steel or something very like it. The music thumped and elika ili neega to je neodoljivo podsealo na elik.
bellowed. Muzika je tretala i odzvanjala.
``The Perspex Pillar,'' announced the man, ``representing "Plastini stub", izjavio je ovek, "koji predstavlja
the forces of Science and Reason in the Galaxy!'' galaktike snage nauke i razuma!"
Other searchlights played exotically up and down the Drugi reflektori plesali su na neobian nain po desnom,
righthand, transparent pillar creating dazzling patterns prozirnom stubu stvarajui u njemu vrtoglave are, kao i
within it and a sudden inexplicable craving for ice-cream iznenadnu, neodoljivu elju za sladoledom u trbuhu
in the stomach of Arthur Dent. Artura Denta.
``And,'' the thunderous voice continued, ``the Wooden "I", produio je gromoviti glas, "drveni stub, koji
Pillar, representing ...'' and here his voice became just predstavlja..." a u ovoj taki njegov glas posto je jedva
very slightly hoarse with wonderful sentiments, ``the primetno promukao od divnih oseanja, "olienje snage
forces of Nature and Spirituality.'' prirode i duhovnosti."
The lights picked out the central pillar. The music moved Svetlosti izdvojie sredinji stub. Muzika je hrabro
bravely up into the realms of complete unspeakability. prela u neto neizrecivo.
``Between them supporting,'' the voice rolled on, "Oni zajedno nose", kovitlao se glas, pribliavajui se
approaching its climax, ``the Golden Bail of Prosperity vrhuncu, "Zlatnu sponu Napretka i Srebrnu sponu
and the Silver Bail of Peace!'' Mira!"
The whole structure was now flooded with dazzling itavo ustrojstvo bilo je sada preplavljeno vrtoglavom
lights, and the music had now, fortunately, gone far igrom svetlosti, a muzika je u meuvremenu, na sreu,
beyond the limits of the discernible. At the top of the otila daleko iza granica ujnosti. Povrh tri stuba dve
three pillars the two brilliantly gleaming bails sat and blistave spone stajale su i prelivale se u svetlosti. inilo
dazzled. There seemed to be girls sitting on top of them, se da na njima sede devojke ili je moda trebalo da to
or maybe they were meant to be angels. Angels are budu aneli. Ali anele obino predstavljaju sa vie
usually represented as wearing more than that, though. odee.
Suddenly there was a dramatic hush in what was Iznenada dramatina tiina obuhvati ono to je trebalo
presumably meant to be the Cosmos, and a darkening of da bude kosmos, a svetlosti se zatamnie.
the lights.
``There is not a world,'' thrilled the man's expert voice,
``not a civilized world in the Galaxy where this symbol is
not revered even today. Even in primitive worlds it
persists in racial memories. This it was that the forces of
Krikkit destroyed, and this it is that now locks their
world away till the end of eternity!''
And with a flourish, the man produced in his hands a
model of the Wikkit gate. Scale was terribly hard to
judge in this whole extraordinary spectacle, but the
model looked as if it must have been about three feet
high.
``Not the original key, of course. That, as everyone
knows, was destroyed, blasted into the ever-whirling
eddies of the space-time continuum and lost for ever.
This is a remarkable replica, hand-tooled by skilled
craftsmen, lovingly assembled using ancient craft secrets
into a memento you will be proud to own, in memory of
those who fell, and in tribute to the Galaxy --- our
Galaxy --- which they died to defend ...''
Slartibartfast floated past again at this moment.
``Found it,'' he said. ``We can lose all this rubbish. Just
don't nod, that's all.''
``Now, let us bow our heads in payment,'' intoned the
voice, and then said it again, much faster and backwards.
Lights came and went, the pillars disappeared, the man
gabled himself backwards into nothing, the Universe
snappily reassembled itself around them.
``You get the gist?'' said Slartibartfast.
``I'm astonished,'' said Arthur, ``and bewildered.''
``I was asleep,'' said Ford, who floated into view at this
point. ``Did I miss anything?''
They found themselves once again teetering rather
rapidly on the edge of an agonizingly high cliff. The
wind whipped out from their faces and across a bay on
which the remains of one of the greatest and most
powerful space battle-fleets ever assembled in the Galaxy
was briskly burning itself back into existence. The sky
was a sullen pink, darkening via a rather curious colour
to blue and upwards to black. Smoke billowed down out
of it at an incredible lick.
Events were now passing back by them almost too
quickly to be distinguished, and when, a short while later,
a huge starbattle-ship rushed away from them as if they'd
said ``boo'', they only just recognized it as the point at
which they had come in.
But now things were too rapid, a video-tactile blur which
"Ne postoji nijedan svet", poigravao je ovekov
uvebani glas, "nijedan civilizovani svet u Galaksiji gde
ovaj simbol ak i danas nije duboko potovan. ak i na
primitivnim svetovima on opstaje u rasnim seanjima.
To je ono to su sile Krikita unitile i ono to e drati
njihov svet zaptiven od sada pa do kraja venosti!"
S osmehom, ovek pokaza model Dveri Vikita. Bilo je
krajnje teko proceniti razmeru u itavom tom
izuzetnom spektaklu, ali inilo se da je model visok
otprilike tri stope.
"Naravno, nije re o pravom Kljuu. On je, kao to svi
znaju, uniten, baen u kovitlac prostorvremena i
izgubljen zauvek. Ovo je divna imitacija, izraena
rukom vetih zanatlija, prekrasno sklopljena pomou
drevnih zanatskih tajni u stvar za uspomenu koju ete
posedovati sa ponosom, u znak seanja na one koji su
pali i u poast Galaksije - nae Galaksije - za koju su
umrli..."
U tome trenutku Slartibartfast je ponovo prolebdeo
pored njih.
"Naao sam", rekao je, "moemo da preskoimo ovu
glupost. Nemojte pristajati i to je sve."
"A sada, naklonimo glave da bismo odali...", poeo je
glas, a onda je ponovo izgovorio sve to, samo mnogo
bre i unatrake.
Svetlosti se pojavie i nestae, stubovi iezoe, ovek
koji je sad nerazumljivo blebetao rasplinu se u nitavilo,
a Vaseljena se glatko sklopi u celinu oko njih.
"Jeste li shvatili opti smisao?" upitao je Slartibartfast.
"Zapanjen sam", uzvratio je Artur, "i zbunjen."
"Ja sam zaspao", ree Ford i uplovi na poprite zbivanja
u tom trenutku. "Jesam li neto propustio?"
Iznenada su se obreli na nepouzdanoj ivici neke jezivo
visoke padine. Vetar je brisao preko njihovih lica i povrh
zaliva u kome su se naglo pojavljivali ostaci jedne od
najveih i najmonijih ratnih flota koje su ikada
sagraene u Galaksiji. Nebo je bilo mutno ruiasto i
tamnilo je, zadobivi neku prilino udnovatu boju, dok
nije postalo tmastoplavo i, konano, crno. Dim je kuljao
i kovitlao se iz svega toga neverovatnom estinom.
Stvari su se sada dogaale toliko brzo da ih je gotovo
bilo nemogue pratiti, a kada je, ubrzo potom, divovski
meuzvezdani bojni brod pojurio od njih kao da su mu
kazali 'bu!', to su prepoznali kao taku na kojoj su se
ukljuili.
A onda su zbivanja stala da teku prebrzo, slina kakvom
brushed and jiggled them through centuries of galactic
history, turning, twisting, flickering. The sound was a
mere thin thrill.
Periodically through the thickening jumble of events they
sensed appalling catastrophes, deep horrors, cataclysmic
shocks, and these were always associated with certain
recurring images, the only images which ever stood out
clearly from the avalance of tumbling history: a wicket
gate, a small hard red ball, hard white robots, and also
something less distinct, something dark and cloudy.
But there was also another sensation which rose clearly
out of the thrilling passage of time.
Just as a slow series of clicks when speeded up will lose
the definition of each individual click and gradually take
on the quality of a sustained and rising tone, so a series
of individual impressions here took on the quality of a
sustained emotion --- and yet not an emotion. If it was an
emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred,
implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice is cold, but
like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not as a randomly
flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-
issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was
deadly --- again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but
like a brick wall across a motorway is deadly.
And just as a rising tone will change in character and
take on harmonics as it rises, so again, this emotionless
emotion seemed to rise to an unbearable if unheard
scream and suddenly seemed to be a scream of guilt and
failure.
And suddenly it stopped.
They were left standing on a quiet hilltop on a tranquil
evening.
The sun was setting.
All around them softly undulating green countryside
rolled off gently into the distance. Birds sang about what
they thought of it all, and the general opinion seemed to
be good. A little way away could be heard the sound of
children playing, and a little further away than the
apparent source of that sound could be seen in the
dimming evening light the outlines of a small town.
The town appeared to consist mostly of fairly low
buildings made of white stone. The skyline was of gentle
pleasing curves.
The sun had nearly set.
As if out of nowhere, music began. Slartibartfast tugged
at a switch and it stopped.
A voice said, ``This ...'' Slartibartfast tugged at a switch
videotaktilnom kovitlacu koji ih je dodirivao i njihao
kroz stolea galaktike istorije, drhtav, treperav,
uzvitlan. Zvuci su preli u tanano cijukanje.
Tu i tamo, u sve guem haosu dogaanja, nazirali su
jezive katastrofe, duboke, uasne, kataklizmike udare,
a svi su oni bili povezani sa izvesnim slikama koje su se
stalno ponavljale, jedinim slikama koje su se jasno
ocrtavale u lavini uskovitlane istorije: Dveri Vikita,
malena, tvrda, crvena lopta i vrsti, beli roboti, a uz njih
neto nerazaznatljivo, neto poput tamnog oblaka.
Ali jo jedno oseanje jasno se uzdiglo iz pitave
jurnjave vremena.
Kao to lagani niz kljocaja, kada se ubrzava, prestaje
da podsea na pojedinano kljocanje i postepeno
poinje da zvui poput jedinstvenog i neprekidnog tona,
tako je niz zasebnih utisaka ovde zadobijao izgled
zajednikog oseanja - a opet to nije bilo oseanje.
Ukoliko je i bilo oseanje, delovalo je potpuno
bezoseajno. Bila je to mrnja, neumoljiva mrnja. Bilo
je hladno, ne onako kako je hladan led, nego onako kako
je zid hladan. Bilo je bezlino, ne poput nasuminog
udarca pesnice u gomili, ve poput kartice za parkiranje
koju izdaje kompjuter. I bilo je smrtonosno, ne poput
metka ili noa, ve poput zida od cigle preko linije
ekspresnog voza.
I kao to ton koji raste menja osobine i poprima nova
saglasja kako raste, tako se inilo i da ovo bezoseajno
oseanje prerasta u nepodnoljivi, bezglasni vrisak i
iznenada prelazi u urlik krivice i osujeenosti.
A onda je iznenada prestalo.
Stajali su na tihom vrhu breuljka jedne mirne veeri.
Sunce je zalazilo.
Svuda oko njih blago ustalasani zeleni predeo lagano se
gubio u daljini. Ptice su pevale ta misle o svemu tome,
a opte raspoloenje izgleda da im je bilo dobro. Malo
dalje mogao se uti zvuk dece koja su se igrala, a jo
malo dalje od mesta sa koga je prividno dopirao taj
zvuk, u priguenoj svetlosti sutona razabirali su se obrisi
malog grada.
inilo se da se grad uglavnom sastoji od omanjih kua
sagraenih od belog kamena. Obrisi su im bili blago
zaobljeni.
Sunce je gotovo sasvim zalo.
Kao da dopire niotkuda, otpoe muzika. Slartibartfast
pritisnu jedan prekida i muzika prestade.
Nekakav glas je rekao: "Ovo..." Slartibartfast pritisnu
and it stopped.
``I will tell you about it,'' he said quietly. The place was
peaceful. Arthur felt happy. Even Ford seemed cheerful.
They walked a short way in the direction of the town,
and the Informational Illusion of the grass was pleasant
and springy under their feet, and the Informational
Illusion of the flowers smelt sweet and fragrant. Only
Slartibartfast seemed apprehensive and out of sorts.
He stopped and looked up.
It suddenly occurred to Arthur that, coming as this did at
the end, so to speak, or rather the beginning of all the
horror they had just blurredly experienced, something
nasty must be about to happen. He was distressed to
think that something nasty could happen to somewhere
as idyllic as this. He too glanced up. There was nothing
in the sky.
``They're not about to attack here, are they?'' he said. He
realized that this was merely a recording he was walking
through, but he still felt alarmed.
``Nothing is about to attack here,'' said Slartibartfast in a
voice which unexpectedly trembled with emotion. ``This
is where it all started. This is the place itself. This is
Krikkit.''
He stared up into the sky.
The sky, from one horizon to another, from east to west,
from north to south, was utterly and completely black.
Chapter Eleven
Stomp stomp.
Whirrr.
``Pleased to be of service.''
``Shut up.''
``Thank you.''
Stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp.
Whirrr.
``Thank you for making a simple door very happy.''
``Hope your diodes rot.''
``Thank you. Have a nice day.''
Stomp stomp stomp stomp.
Whirrr.
``It is my pleasure to open for you ...''
``Zark off.''
``... and my satisfaction to close again with the
knowledge of a job well done.''
``I said zark off.''
``Thank you for listening to this message.''
Stomp stomp stomp stomp.
``Wop.''
Zaphod stopped stomping. He had been stomping around
prekida i glas zamuknu.
"Ja u vam ispriati o svemu tome", rekao je lagano.
Mesto je bilo mirno. Artur se oseao sreno. ak je i
Ford delovao zadovoljno. Jedno vreme su koraali u
pravcu grada; informaciona opsena trave bila je prijatna
i meka pod njihovim nogama, a informaciona opsena
cvea mirisala je slatko i divno. Samo je Slartibartfast
delovao uznemireno i neraspoloeno.
Zastao je i podigao pogled.
Iznenada je Arturu palo na pamet da, poto su doli na
kraj, da se tako izrazimo, ili, bolje reeno, na poetak,
svih uasa koje su nejasno iskusili, mora da e se
dogoditi neto jezivo. Bio je potresen milju da bi se
neto jezivo moglo dogoditi na tako idilinom mestu. I
on je podigao pogled. Na nebu nije bilo niega.
"Nee valjda da napadnu ovo mesto?" upitao je. Shvatao
je da koraa kroz obian snimak, ali ipak se oseao
uznemireno.
"Ovo mesto niko nee napasti", rekao je Slartibartfast
glasom koji je neoekivano zadrhtao od oseanja, "ovo
je mesto na kome je sve poelo. Ovo je srce svega. Ovo
je Krikit."
Gledao je u nebo.
Nebo je, od jednog obzorja do drugog, od istoka do
zapada, od severa do juga, bilo potpuno i savreno crno.
11.
Trup trup.
Bzzz.
"Stojim vam na usluzi."
"Umukni."
"Hvala."
Trup trup trup trup trup.
Bzzz.
"Hvala vam to inite jednostavna vrata srenim."
"elim da ti sve diode istrunu."
"Hvala vam. Prijatno."
Trup trup trup trup.
Bzzz.
"Veliko je zadovoljstvo za mene da vam se otvorim..."
"Zarkuj se!"
"...i da se ponovo zatvorim, svesna da sam dobro
obavila posao."
"Rekoh, zarkuj se!"
"Hvala vam to ste sasluali ovu poruku."
Trup trup trup trup.
"Vup."
Zaphod prestade da trupka. Danima je ve trupkao po
the Heart of Gold for days, and so far no door had said
``wop'' to him. He was fairly certain that no door had said
``wop'' to him now. It was not the sort of thing doors
said. Too concise. Furthermore, there were not enough
doors. It sounded as if a hundred thousand people had
said ``wop'', which puzzled him because he was the only
person on the ship.
It was dark. Most of the ship's non-essential systems
were closed down. It was drifting in a remote area of the
Galaxy, deep in the inky blackness of space. So which
particular hundred thousand people would turn up at this
point and say a totally unexpected ``wop''?
He looked about him, up the corridor and down the
corridor. It was all in deep shadow. There were just the
very dim pinkish outlines of the doors which glowed in
the dark and pulsed whenever they spoke, though he had
tried every way he could think of of stopping them.
The lights were off so that his heads could avoid looking
at each other, because neither of them was currently a
particularly engaging sight, and nor had they been since
he had made the error of looking into his soul.
It had indeed been an error. It had been late one night ---
of course.
It had been a difficult day --- of course.
There had been soulful music playing on the ship's sound
system --- of course.
And he had, of course, been slightly drunk.
In other words, all the usual conditions which bring on a
bout of soul-searching had applied, but it had,
nevertheless, clearly been an error.
Standing now, silent and alone in the dark corridor he
remembered the moment and shivered. His one head
looked one way and his other the other and each decided
that the other was the way to go.
He listened but could hear nothing.
All there had been was the ``wop''.
It seemed an awfully long way to bring an awfully large
number of people just to say one word.
He started nervously to edge his way in the direction of
the bridge. There at least he would feel in control. He
stopped again. The way he was feeling he didn't think he
was an awfully good person to be in control.
The first shock of that moment, thinking back, had been
discovering that he actually had a soul.
In fact he'd always more or less assumed that he had one
as he had a full complement of everything else, and
indeed two of somethings, but suddenly actually to
'Zlatnom srcu' i do sada mu nijedna vrata nisu kazala
'vup'. Nije to bila ona vrsta stvari koje govore vrata. Bila
je previe saeta. Osim toga, nije bilo dovoljno vrata za
tako neto. Zvualo je kao da je sto hiljada ljudi reklo
'vup', to ga je zbunilo, jer bio je jedina osoba na brodu.
Bilo je mrano. Veina brodskih sistema koji nisu bili
neophodni bila je iskljuena. Brod je bez svrhe lutao po
udaljenoj oblasti Galaksije, duboko u mastiljavoj tmini
kosmosa. Pa, kojih je onda to sto hiljada ljudi moglo da
se pojavi i potpuno neoekivano kae 'vup'?
Obazro se, pogledao uz hodnik i niz njega. Sve je bilo u
dubokim senkama. Samo su se bledo nazirali ruiasti
obrisi vrata koja su svetlucala u mraku i treptala kad god
bi govorila, iako je isprobao sve to je mogao da smisli
da ih osujeti u tome.
Svetla su bila pogaena, tako da su njegove glave mogle
da izbegnu gledanje jedna u drugu, tim pre to nijedna
od njih trenutno nije predstavljala naroito zabavan
prizor, niti je to uopte bilo tako otkako je poinio
greku i zagledao se u sopstvenu duu.
To je zaista bila greka. Bio je to kasno jedne noi -
razume se.
Prethodno je imao teak dan - razume se.
Na brodskom ozvuenju svirala je setna muzika -
razume se.
A on je, razume se, bio pomalo pijan.
Drugim reima, stekli su se svi uobiajeni uslovi za
pretraivanje kutaka due, ali, svejedno, bila je to
greka.
Dok je sada stajao sam u mranom hodniku, prisetio se
tih trenutaka i uzdrhtao. Jedna njegova glava pogledala
je u jednom smeru, a druga u drugom, i obe su
zakljuile da je najbolje krenuti u suprotnom smeru.
Oslukivao je, ali nije mogao nita da uje.
Sve to se zaulo bilo je 'vup'.
inilo se da je to uasno dalek put za uasno velik broj
ljudi samo da bi rekli jednu jedinu re.
Uznemireno je poao prema mostu. Tamo se bar oseao
kao da dri stvari u svojim rukama. Ponovo je zastao.
Oseao se tako da mu se uopte nije inilo da je
najpogodnija osoba za dranje stvari u svojim rukama.
Prvi ok koji je doiveo tog trenutka, pomislio je,
vrativi se u mislima u prolost, odnosio se na otkrie
da, zapravo, poseduje duu.
U stvari, on je uvek vie ili manje verovao da je ima,
kao to je posedovao i sve ostale normalne stvari -
tavie, da ima dve due - ali iznenadno otkrie stvari
encounter the thing lurking there deep within him had koja se komeala negde duboko u njemu zadalo mu je
giving him a severe jolt. ozbiljan udarac.
And then to discover (this was the second shock) that it A potom mu je jo jedan udarac zadalo otkrie (to je bio
wasn't the totally wonderful object which he felt a man in drugi ok) da ona nije ba onako divna kao to je on
his position had a natural right to expect had jolted him smatrao da ovek na njegovom poloaju ima prirodno
again. pravo da oekuje.
Then he had thought about what his position actually was Potom je pomislio na to kakav je, zapravo, taj poloaj i
and the renewed shock had nearly made him spill his ponovni ok gotovo ga je nagnao da prospe pie. Brzo
drink. He drained it quickly before anything serious ga je ispio pre nego to mu se dogodi neto ozbiljnije.
happened to it. He then had another quick one to follow Zatim je na brzinu popio jo jedno da poe za prvim i
the first one down and check that it was all right. proveri da li je sa njim sve u redu.
``Freedom,'' he said aloud. "Sloboda", kazao je glasno.
Trillian came on to the bridge at that point and said U tom trenutku Trilijan se pojavila na mostu i
several enthusiastic things on the subject of freedom. oduevljeno kazala nekoliko stvari o temi slobode.
``I can't cope with it,'' he said darkly, and sent a third "Ne mogu da iziem nakraj sa njom", rekao je muklo i
drink down to see why the second hadn't yet reported on poslao tree pie dole da vidi zbog ega drugo jo nije
the condition of the first. He looked uncertainly at both javilo nita o stanju prvog. Nesigurno se zagledao u obe
of her and preferred the one on the right. Trilijane i zakljuio da mu se vie svia ona sa desne
strane.
He poured a drink down his other throat with the plan Sasuo je jo jedno pie niz grlo, sa planom da ono uz
that it would head the previous one off at the pass, join put sretne prethodno, da se udrui sa njim, pa da zajedno
forces with it, and together they would get the second to navale na drugo da se sabere. Potom bi sva tri otila u
pull itself together. Then all three would go off in search potragu za prvim i porazgovarala sa njim.
of the first, give it a good talking to and maybe a bit of a
sing as well.
He felt uncertain as to whether the fourth drink had Nije bio siguran da li je etvrto pie sve to razumelo i
understood all that, so he sent down a fifth to explain thezato je poslao i peto da podrobnije objasni plan, pa esto
plan more fully and a sixth for moral support. za moralnu podrku.
``You're drinking too much,'' said Trillian. "Previe pije", rekla je Trilijan.
His heads collided trying to sort out the four of her he Njegove glave sudarile su se dok su pokuavale da sloe
could now see into a whole position. He gave up and njih etiri, koje su sada videle, u jednu osobu. Odustao
looked at the navigation screen and was astonished to see je od toga, zagledao se u navigacioni ekran i zaprepastio
a quite phenomenal number of stars. se kada je video toliko zvezda.
``Excitement and adventure and really wild things,'' he "Uzbuenja, pustolovine i stvarno lude stvari",
muttered. promrmljao je.
``Look,'' she said in a sympathetic tone of voice, and sat "uj", rekla je glasom punim saoseanja i sela pored
down near him, ``it's quite understandable that you're njega, "sasvim je shvatljivo da e se neko vreme
going to feel a little aimless for a bit.'' oseati pomalo bez ikakve svrhe."
He boggled at her. He had never seen anyone sit on their Zaljuljao se. Nikada do sada nije video da neko sedi na
own lap before. sopstvenom krilu.
``Wow,'' he said. He had another drink. "Au", rekao je i popio jo jedno pie.
``You've finished the mission you've been on for years.'' "Dovrio si poslanstvo u kome si uestvovao
godinama."
``I haven't been on it. I've tried to avoid being on it.'' "Nisam uestvovao. Pokuavao sam da ga izbegnem."
``You've still finished it.'' "Ipak si ga zavrio."
He grunted. There seemed to be a terrific party going on Zagroktao je. Izgleda da se u njegovom stomaku
in his stomach. odravala strana urka.
``I think it finished me,'' he said. ``Here I am, Zaphod "Mislim da je ono dovrilo mene", rekao je. "Evo me
Beeblebrox, I can go anywhere, do anything. I have the ovde, ja sam Zaphod Biblbroks, mogu da poem kuda
greatest ship in the know sky, a girl with whom things god elim, da radim ta god elim. Imam najbolji brod u
seem to be working out pretty well ...'' poznatoj Vaseljeni, devojku sa kojom se izgleda odlino
slaem..."
``Are they?'' "Misli?"
``As far as I can tell I'm not an expert in personal "Koliko ja vidim. Nisam ba strunjak za meuljudske
relationships ...'' odnose."
Trillian raised her eyebrows. Trilijan podie obrve.
``I am,'' he added, ``one hell of a guy, I can do anything I "Ja sam", dodao je, "straan dasa, mogu da uinim ta
want only I just don't have the faintest idea what.'' god hou, jedino to nemam blage veze ta."
He paused. Zastao je.
``One thing,'' he further added, ``has suddenly ceased to "Jedno je", dodao je potom, "iznenada prestalo da vodi
lead to another'' --- in contradiction of which he had do drugog", a onda je, kao da eli da protivurei tome,
another drink and slid gracelessly off his chair. popio jo jedno pie i smandrljao se nespretno sa stolice.
Whilst he slept it off, Trillian did a little research in the Dok je spavao, Trilijan se dala u malu potragu po
ship's copy of The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy. It brodskom primerku 'Autostoperskog vodia kroz
had some advice to offer on drunkenness. Galaksiju'. On je davao odreene savete u vezi sa
pijanstvom.
``Go to it,'' it said, ``and good luck.'' 'Prepusti mu se', pisalo je tamo, 'i sreno.'
It was cross-referenced to the entry concerning the size Ta taka bila je povezana sa stavkom o veliini
of the Universe and ways of coping with that. Vaseljene i nainima na koje se moe izii nakraj sa
njom.
Then she found the entry on Han Wavel, an exotic A onda je nala zapis o Han Vavelu, egzotinoj planeti
holiday planet, and one of the wonders of the Galaxy.Han za odmore, jednom od uda Galaksije. Han Vavel je svet
Wavel is a world which consists largely of fabulous ultra- koji se uglavnom sastoji od zadivljujuih ultraluksuznih
luxury hotels and casinos, all of which have been formed hotela i kazina, koji su svi nastali prirodnom erozijom
by the natural erosion of wind and rain. izazvanom kiom i vetrom.
The chances of this happening are more or less one to Verovatnoa da se to dogodi iznosi, manje ili vie, jedan
infinity against. Little is known of how this came about prema beskonano. Nije poznato kako se to dogodilo,
because none of the geophysicists, probability jer nijedan od geofiziara, strunjaka za statistiku
statisticians, meteoranalysts or bizzarrologists who are so teoriju verovatnoe, meteoranalitiara i bizarologa
keen to research it can afford to stay there. kojima je toliko stalo da istrae ovu pojavu nije
dovoljno bogat da ivi tamo.
Terrific, thought Trillian to herself, and within a few "Sjajno", pomislila je Trilijan, a posle svega nekoliko
hours the great white running-shoe ship was slowly sati veliki, beli svemirski brod nalik na cipelu lagano se
powering down out of the sky beneath a hot brilliant sun sputao sa neba pod blistavim, vrelim suncem prema
towards a brightly coloured sandy spaceport. The ship ivo obojenom peanom kosmodromu. Brod je,
was clearly causing a sensation on the ground, and oigledno, izazvao na povrini pravu senzaciju i Trilijan
Trillian was enjoying herself. She heard Zaphod moving je uivala u tome. ula je Zaphoda kako se muva negde
around and whistling somewhere in the ship. po brodu i zvidue.
``How are you?'' she said over the general intercom. "Kako si?" upitala je preko opteg razglasa.
``Fine,'' he said brightly, ``terribly well.'' "Odlino", veselo je uzvratio, "stvarno sjajno."
``Where are you?'' "Gde si?"
``In the bathroom.'' "U kupatilu."
``What are you doing?'' "ta radi tamo?"
``Staying here.'' "Zakljuao sam se."
After an hour or two it became plain that he meant it and Posle sat ili dva postalo je jasno da je stvar ozbiljna i
the ship returned to the sky without having once opened brod se vratio u nebo, uopte ne otvorivi ulaz.
its hatchway.
``Heigh ho,'' said Eddie the Computer. "Haj-ho", rekao je kompjuter Edi.
Trillian nodded patiently, tapped her fingers a couple of Trilijan je strpljivo klimnula, nekoliko puta zalupkala
times and pushed the intercom switch. prstima i pritisnula prekida interkoma.
``I think that enforced fun is probably not what you need "Izgleda da zabava na silu verovatno nije ono to ti je
at this point.'' potrebno u ovom trenutku."
``Probably not,'' replied Zaphod from wherever he was. "Verovatno nije", odgovorio je Zaphod sa mesta na
kome se nalazio, gdegod to bilo.
``I think a bit of physical challenge would help draw you "Mislim da e ti neto fizikog napora pomoi da se
out of yourself.'' otvori."
``Whatever you think, I think,'' said Zaphod. "Ako ti tako misli, mislim i ja", rekao je Zaphod.
``Recreational Impossibilities'' was a heading which 'Rekreacione nemogunosti' bio je naslov koji je zapao
caught Trillian's eye when, a short while later, she sat Trilijan za oko kada je ubrzo potom sela da bi ponovo
down to flip through the Guide again, and as the Heart of prelistala 'Vodi'; dok je 'Zlatno srce' neverovatnom
Gold rushed at improbable speeds in an indeterminate brzinom urilo u neodreenom pravcu, nalila je sebi
direction, she sipped a cup of something undrinkable au neega, to se uopte nije moglo piti, iz
from the Nutrimatic Drink Dispenser and read about how nutrimatikog ureaja za pia i stala da ita o tome kako
to fly. se sve moe leteti.
The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on Evo ta 'Autostoperski vodi kroz Galaksiju' ima da
the subject of flying. izjavi na temu letenja.
There is an art, it says, or rather a knack to flying. Postoji vetina letenja, kae on, ili, tanije reeno, tos.
The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the tos je u tome da nauite kako da se bacite na zemlju i
ground and miss. da je promaite.
Pick a nice day, it suggests, and try it. Izaberite lep dan, predlae 'Vodi', i pokuajte.
The first part is easy. Prvi deo je lak.
All it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself Potrebno je jednostavno da se bacite napred svom
forward with all your weight, and the willingness not to svojom teinom, voljni da ne mislite da e boleti.
mind that it's going to hurt.
That is, it's going to hurt if you fail to miss the ground. To jest, bolee ukoliko ne budete uspeli da promaite
zemlju.
Most people fail to miss the ground, and if they are really Ljudi uglavnom ne uspevaju da promae zemlju, a
trying properly, the likelihood is that they will fail to ukoliko uporno pokuavaju, postoji verovatnoa da e
miss it fairly hard. njihov neuspeh biti prilino bolan.
Clearly, it's the second point, the missing, which presents Oigledno, najvee tekoe donosi drugi deo svega toga,
the difficulties. promaivanje.
One problem is that you have to miss the ground Problem lei u tome to morate promaiti zemlju
accidentally. It's no good deliberately intending to miss sluajno. Ne vredi pokuavati da namerno promaite
the ground because you won't. You have to have your zemlju, jer nee uspeti. Neto mora da vam iznenada
attention suddenly distracted by something else when skrene panju kada stignete na pola puta, tako da vie ne
you're halfway there, so that you are no longer thinking razmiljate o padanju, niti o zemlji, niti o tome koliko e
about falling, or about the ground, or about how much it's boleti ukoliko ne budete uspeli da je promaite.
going to hurt if you fail to miss it.
It is notoriously difficult to prise your attention away Izuzetno je teko skrenuti panju sa te tri stvari tokom
from these three things during the split second you have delia sekunde koji vam je na raspolaganju. Zbog toga
at your disposal. Hence most people's failure, and their veina ljudi ne uspeva i otuda konano razoaranje u taj
eventual disillusionment with this exhilarating and uzbudljivi i spektakularni sport.
spectacular sport.
If, however, you are lucky enough to have your attention Ukoliko, ipak, budete imali dovoljno sree da vam u
momentarily distracted at the crucial moment by, say, a kljunom trenutku panju skrene, recimo, par divnih
gorgeous pair of legs (tentacles, pseudopodia, according nogu (pipaka, pseudopodija i tako dalje, ve u zavisnosti
to phyllum and/or personal inclination) or a bomb going od roda i/ili linog ukusa) ili ako u vaoj okolini
off in your vicinity, or by suddenly spotting an extremely eksplodira bomba ili ukoliko budete videli da po
rare species of beetle crawling along a nearby twig, then
in your astonishment you will miss the ground
completely and remain bobbing just a few inches above it
in what might seem to be a slightly foolish manner.
This is a moment for superb and delicate concentration.
Bob and float, float and bob.
Ignore all considerations of your own weight and simply
let yourself waft higher.
Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point
because they are unlikely to say anything helpful.
They are most likely to say something along the lines of,
``Good God, you can't possibly be flying!''
It is vitally important not to believe them or they will
suddenly be right.
Waft higher and higher.
Try a few swoops, gentle ones at first, then drift above
the treetops breathing regularly.
Do not wave at anybody.
When you have done this a few times you will find the
moment of distraction rapidly becomes easier and easier
to achieve.
You will then learn all sorts of things about how to
control your flight, your speed, your manoeuvrability,
and the trick usually lies in not thinking too hard about
whatever you want to do, but just allowing it to happen
as if it was going to anyway.
You will also learn how to land properly, which is
something you will almost certainly cock up, and cock
up badly, on your first attempt.
There are private flying clubs you can join which help
you achieve the all-important moment of distraction.
They hire people with surprising bodies or opinions to
leap out from behind bushes and exhibit and/or explain
them at the crucial moments. Few genuine hitch-hikers
will be able to afford to join these clubs, but some may
be able to get temporary employment at them.
Trillian read this longingly, but reluctantly decided that
Zaphod wasn't really in the right frame of mind for
attempting to fly, or for walking through mountains or for
trying to get the Brantisvogan Civil Service to
acknowledge a change-of-address card, which were the
other things listed under the heading ``Recreational
Impossibilities''.
Instead, she flew the ship to Allosimanius Syneca, a
world of ice, snow, mind-hurtling beauty and stunning
cold. The trek from the snow plains of Liska to the
summit of the Ice Crystal Pyramids of Sastantua is long
and gruelling, even with jet skis and a team of Syneca
oblinjoj granici mili izuzetno retka vrsta bubavabe,
tada ete od zaprepaenja potpuno promaiti zemlju i
ostati da lebdite nekoliko ina iznad nje na nain koji e
moda izgledati pomalo blesavo.
To je trenutak ogromne i osetljive usredsreenosti.
Lebdite i ljuljukate se, ljuljkukate se i lebdite.
Odagnajte sve pomisli na sopstvenu teinu i dopustite
svom telu da jednostavno odlebdi na veu visinu.
Ne sluajte ono to e drugi govoriti u tom trenutku, jer
verovatno nee rei nita to bi vam moglo pomoi.
Najverovatnije e rei neto poput: "Boe moj, pa nije
mogue da leti!"
Izuzetno je znaajno da im ne poverujete, inae e
iznenada biti u pravu.
Lebdite sve vie i vie.
Probajte da se zanjiete dva-tri puta, najpre lagano, a
potom lebdite iznad vrhova kronji, ravnomerno pri tom
diui.
NEMOJTE NIKOME MAHATI.
Kada ovo budete ponovili nekoliko puta, otkrie da vam
je sve lake i lake da dostignete trenutak skretanja
panje.
Nauiete sve o tome kako da kontroliete svoj let,
brzinu, kako da manevriete, a tos je u tome da nikad
ne razmiljate previe o onome to elite da uinite,
nego da jednostavno pustite da se to dogodi kao da vam
je svejedno.
Nauiete i kako da sleete na valjan nain, a to je neto
u emu ete se verovatno zeznuti, i to gadno zeznuti,
kada budete pokuali prvi put.
Postoje privatni klubovi za letenje koji e vam pomoi
da ovladate svim vanim tehnikama skretanja panje.
Oni unajmljuju ljude sa najudnijim zamislima da
iskau iza bunja i da ih izlau i/ili objanjavaju u
kljunom trenutku. Malo je pravih autostopera koji e
moi da se ulane u ove klubove, ali odreeni broj njih
mogao bi da dobije privremeno zaposlenje u njima.
Trilijan je ovo enjivo itala i konano uz oklevanje
zakljuila da Zaphod nije ba u pravom raspoloenju da
pokua da leti, ili da koraa kroz planinske padine ili da
natera brantisvogansku administrativnu slubu da
zavede u knjige promenu adrese, to su bile druge stvari
nabrojane u rubrici 'Rekreacione nemogunosti'.
Umesto toga, odvezla je brod do Alosimaniusa Sineke,
sveta leda, snega, zasenjujue lepote i jezive hladnoe.
Putovanje sa snenih zaravni Liske do vrha piramide
ledenih kristala Sastantue dugo je i isrpljujue, ali
pogled sa vrha, pogled koji obuhvata polja gleera Stin,
Snowhounds, but the view from the top, a view which
takes in the Stin Glacier Fields, the shimmering Prism
Mountains and the far ethereal dancing icelights, is one
which first freezes the mind and then slowly releases it to
hitherto unexperienced horizons of beauty, and Trillian,
for one, felt that she could do with a bit of having her
mind slowly released to hitherto unexperienced horizons
of beauty.
They went into a low orbit.
There lay the silverwhite beauty of Allosimanius Syneca
beneath them.
Zaphod stayed in bed with one head stuck under a pillow
and the other doing crosswords till late into the night.
Trillian nodded patiently again, counted to a sufficiently
high number, and told herself that the important thing
now was just to get Zaphod talking.
She prepared, by dint of deactivating all the robot kitchen
synthomatics, the most fabulously delicious meal she
could contrive --- delicately oiled meals, scented fruits,
fragrant cheeses, fine Aldebaran wines.
She carried it through to him and asked if he felt like
talking things through.
``Zark off,'' said Zaphod.
Trillian nodded patiently to herself, counted to an even
higher number, tossed the tray lightly aside, walked to
the transport room and just teleported herself the hell out
of his life.
She didn't even programme any coordinates, she hadn't
the faintest idea where she was going, she just went --- a
random row of dots flowing through the Universe.
``Anything,'' she said to herself as she left, ``is better than
this.''
``Good job too,'' muttered Zaphod to himself, turned over
and failed to go to sleep.
The next day he restlessly paced the empty corridors of
the ship, pretending not to look for her, though he knew
she wasn't there. He ignored the computer's querulous
demands to know just what the hell was going on around
here by fitting a small electronic gag across a pair of its
terminals.
After a while he began to turn down the lights. There was
nothing to see. Nothing was about to happen.
Lying in bed one night --- and night was now virtually
continuous on the ship --- he decided to pull himself
together, to get things into some kind of perspective. He
sat up sharply and started to pull clothes on. He decided
that there must be someone in the Universe feeling more
wretched, miserable and forsaken than himself, and he
svetlucavu planinu Prizme i udaljene, razigrane,
bestelesne svetlosti leda jedan je od onih koji najpre
slede um, a potom ga lagano putaju u dotad neviena
obzorja lepote. Trilijan pomisli kako bi joj se ba svidelo
da joj se um sledi, a potom lagano bude putan u dotad
neviena obzorja lepote.
Spustili su se na nisku orbitu.
Pod njima je leala srebrnasto bela divota Alosimaniusa
Sineke.
Zaphod je ostao u krevetu sa jednom glavom ispod
jastuka, dok je druga reavala ukrtene rei do kasno u
no.
Trilijan je ponovo strpljivo klimnula, izbrojala do
dovoljno visokog broja i rekla sebi da je sada najvanije
navesti Zaphoda na razgovor.
Pripremila je sve za to tako to je iskljuila sintomate iz
robotske kuhinje i pripremila najdivnija jela koja je
mogla da smisli - neno zainjeno meso, mirisno voe,
prekrasne sireve, izvrsna aldebaranska vina.
Odnela mu je sve to i upitala ga da li bi voleo da
porazgovara sa njom.
"Zarkuj se odatle", odvratio je Zaphod.
Trilijan je strpljivo klimnula za svoj raun, izbrojala do
jo veeg broja, blago odloila posluavnik u stranu,
otila u transportnu komoru i teleportirala se do avola
iz njegovog ivota.
Nije ak ni programirala koordinate, nije imala pojma
kuda ide, naprosto je otila - nasumini niz taaka koje
su letele Vaseljenom.
"Sve je", rekla je sebi kada je pola, "bolje od ovoga."
"Ba lepo", promrmljao je Zaphod za sebe, okrenuo se
na drugu stranu i nije uspeo da zaspi.
Sledeeg dana besciljno je lutao praznim brodskim
hodnicima, pretvarajui se da ne traga za njom, iako je
znao da nije tamo. Prenebregao je nezadovoljne zahteve
kompjutera da sazna ta se to, do avola, deava tako to
je na dva njegova izlazna kraja postavio mali ureaj za
uutkivanje.
Posle izvesnog vremena poeo je da gasi svetla. Nije
bilo niega to se moglo videti. Nita se nije deavalo.
Dok je jedne noi leao u krevetu - a sada je na brodu
no bila bukvalno neprekidna - odluio je da se sabere,
da dovede stvari u odgovarajue stanje. Otro je ustao i
poeo da oblai odelo. Zakljuio je da u Vaseljeni mora
da postoji neko ko se osea bednije, potitenije i
usamljenije od njega i odluio je da krene u potragu za
determined to set out and find him.
Halfway to the bridge it occurred to him that it might be
Marvin, and he returned to bed.
It was a few hours later than this, as he stomped
disconsolately about the darkened corridors swearing at
cheerful doors, that he heard the ``wop'' said, and it made
him very nervous.
He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned
like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.
He laid his fingertips against the wall and felt an unusual
vibration. And now he could quite clearly hear slight
noises, and could hear where they were coming from ---
they were coming from the bridge.
``Computer?'' he hissed.
``Mmmm?'' said the computer terminal nearest him,
equally quietly.
``Is there someone on this ship?''
``Mmmmm,'' said the computer.
``Who is it?''
Mmmmm mmm mmmmm,`` said the computer.
``What?''
``Mmmmm mmmm mm mmmmmmmm.''
Zaphod buried one of his faces in two of his hands.
``Oh, Zarquon,'' he muttered to himself. Then he stared
up the corridor towards the entrance to the bridge in the
dim distance from which more and purposeful noises
were coming, and in which the gagged terminals were
situated.
``Computer,'' he hissed again.
``Mmmmm?''
``When I ungag you ...''
``Mmmmm.''
``Remind me to punch myself in the mouth.''
``Mmmmm mmm?''
``Either one. Now just tell me this. One for yes, two for
no. Is it dangerous?''
``Mmmmm.''
``It is?''
``Mmmm.''
``You didn't just go `mmmm' twice?''
``Mmmm mmmm.''
``Hmmmm.''
He inched his way up the corridor as if he would rather
be yarding his way down it, which was true.
He was within two yards of the door to the bridge when
he suddenly realized to his horror that it was going to be
nice to him, and he stopped dead. He hadn't been able to
turn off the doors' courtesy voice circuits.
This doorway to the bridge was concealed from view
njim.
Na pola puta do mosta setio se da je to najverovatnije
Marvin, pa se vratio u krevet.
Nekoliko asova potom, dok je razoarano trupkao
mranim hodnicima i psovao vesela vrata, zauo je 'vup'
i to ga je vrlo uznemirilo.
Sav napet, naslonio se na zid hodnika i namrito se
poput oveka koji pokuava da upotrebi vadiep
pomou telekineze. Naslonio se vrhovima prstiju na zid
i osetio neuobiajene vibracije. Sada je sasvim jasno
mogao da uje blage umove, a razabrao je i odakle
dopiru - dolazili su sa mosta. Pokretao je ruku du zida i
napipao neto to ga je silno oraspoloilo. Pomerio se
jo malo dalje, tiho.
"Kompjuteru?" proaptao je.
"Mmmm?" upitao je kompjuterski terminal koji mu je
bio najblii, isto tako tiho.
"Ima li nekoga na brodu?"
"Mmmm", uzvratio je kompjuter.
"Ko je to?"
"Mmmm mmm mmmm", odgovorio je kompjuter.
"ta?"
"Mmmm mmmm mm mmmmmmmm."
Zaphod je zagnjurio jedno od svojih lica u dve ake.
"Oh, Zarkone", promrljao je za sebe. Potom je pogledao
du hodnika prema ulazu na komandni most, preko
tamnog rastojanja, odakle je dopiralo sve vie sve
odreenijih zvukova i gde su bili smeteni blokirani
izlazi.
"Kompjuteru", ponovo je prosiktao.
"Mmmmm?"
"Kada te budem oslobodio blokade..."
"Mmmmm."
"Podseti me da tresnem sebe po ustima."
"Mmmmm?"
"Bilo kojim. A sada mi reci ovo. Jedan za da, dva za ne.
Da li je opasno?"
"Mmmm."
"Jeste?"
"Mmmm."
"Nisi sluajno rekao 'mmmm' samo jednom?"
"Mmmm mmmm."
"Hmmmm."
Prikrao se za nekoliko ina uz hodnik, kao da bi radije
otiao nekoliko jardi niz njega, to je i bilo tano.
Naao se na dva jarda od vrata koja su vodila na most,
kada je iznenada, na svoj uas, shvatio da e biti
ljubazna prema njemu i ukopao se u mestu. Nije mogao
da iskljui kola za ljubaznost brodskih vrata.
Ovaj ulaz nije se neposredno mogao videti sa mosta
within it because of the excitingly chunky way in which
the bridge had been designed to curve round, and he had
been hoping to enter unobserved.
He leant despondently back against the wall again and
said some words which his other head was quite shocked
to hear.
He peered at the dim pink outline of the door, and
discovered that in the darkness of the corridor he could
just about make out the Sensor Field which extended out
into the corridor and told the door when there was
someone there for whom it must open and to whom it
must make a cheery and pleasant remark.
He pressed himself hard back against the wall and edged
himself towards the door, flattening his chest as much as
he possibly could to avoid brushing against the very, very
dim perimeter of the field. He held his breath, and
congratulated himself on having lain in bed sulking for
the last few days rather than trying to work out his
feelings on chest expanders in the ship's gym.
He then realized he was going to have to speak at this
point.
He took a series of very shallow breaths, and then said as
quickly and as quietly as he could, ``Door, if you can
hear me, say so very, very quietly.''
Very, very quietly, the door murmured, ``I can hear you.''
``Good. Now, in a moment, I'm going to ask you to open.
When you open I do not want you to say that you
enjoyed it, OK?''
``OK.''
``And I don't want you to say to me that I have made a
simple door very happy, or that it is your pleasure to open
for me and your satisfaction to close again with the
knowledge of a job well done, OK?''
``OK.''
``And I do not want you to ask me to have a nice day,
understand?''
``I understand.''
``OK,'' said Zaphod, tensing himself, ``open now.''
The door slid open quietly. Zaphod slipped quietly
through. The door closed quietly behind him.
``Is that the way you like it, Mr Beeblebrox?'' said the
door out loud.
``I want you to imagine,'' said Zaphod to the group of
white robots who swung round to stare at him at that
point, ``that I have an extremely powerful Kill-O-Zap
blaster pistol in my hand.''
There was an immensely cold and savage silence. The
robots regarded him with hideously dead eyes. They
stood very still. There was something intensely macabre
zbog naroito uvrnutog naina na koji je ovaj bio
konstruisan, tako da se on mogao nadati da e ui
neprimeen.
Oajno se naslonio na zid i izgovorio nekoliko rei koje
su okirale njegovu drugu glavu.
Osmotrio je mutno ruiasti okvir vrata i otkrio da u
tami hodnika moe da prevari senzorsko polje koje se
prualo u hodnik i govorilo vratima kada bi se pred
njima naao neko za koga se moraju otvoriti i pozdraviti
ga nekom veselom i ugodnom primedbom.
Ponovo se priljubio uza zid i poeo da se primie
vratima, spljotivi grudi to je vie mogao da ne bi
zakaio vrlo, vrlo nejasnu granicu polja. Zadrao je dah
i estitao sebi to je poslednjih dana leao u krevetu i
kukumavio umesto da je pokuao da rastera setu
vebama na federima u brodskoj gimnastikoj sali.
Onda je shvatio da e u toj taki morati da progovori.
Nekoliko puta udahnuo je to je plie mogao, a onda je
rekao to je bre i tie mogao: "Vrata, ako me ujete,
recite to vrlo, vrlo tiho."
Vrlo, vrlo tiho vrata su promrmljala: "ujemo te."
"Dobro. A sada, za koji trenutak, zatraiu da se
otvorite. Kada se otvorite, ne elim da kaete da ste
uivala u tome, u redu?"
"U redu."
"I ne elim da mi kaete da sam usreio jednostavna
vrata, ili da je za vas bilo zadovoljstvo da se otvorite za
mene i uivanje da se ponovo zatvorite, svesne da ste
dobro obavile posao, u redu?"
"U redu".
"I ne elim da mi poelite prijatno, razumete?"
"Razumemo."
"U redu", rekao je Zaphod i sav se napeo. "Otvorite se."
Vrata su tiho skliznula u stranu. Zaphod se tiho
provukao kroz njih. Vrata su se tiho zatvorila za njim.
"Jeste li tako eleli, gospodine Biblbrokse?" upitala su
vrata glasno.
"elim da zamislite", rekao je Zaphod grupi robota koji
su se u tom trenutku okrenuli i zagledali u njega, "da u
ruci imam izuzetno moan blasterski pitolj zgrom-i-
puc."
Nastala je uasno ledena i divlja tiina. Roboti su ga
posmatrali svojim jezivim, mrtvim oima. Stajali su
sasvim nepomino. U njihovom dranju bilo je neega
about their appearance, especially to Zaphod who had
never seen one before or even known anything about
them. The Krikkit Wars belonged to the ancient past of
the Galaxy, and Zaphod had spent most of his early
history lessons plotting how he was going to have sex
with the girl in the cybercubicle next to him, and since
his teaching computer had been an integral part of this
plot it had eventually had all its history circuits wiped
and replaced with an entirely different set of ideas which
had then resulted in it being scrapped and sent to a home
for Degenerate Cybermats, whither it was followed by
the girl who had inadvertently fallen deeply in love with
the unfortunate machine, with the result (a) that Zaphod
never got near her and (b) that he missed out on a period
of ancient history that would have been of inestimable
value to him at this moment.
He stared at them in shock.
It was impossible to explain why, but their smooth and
sleek white bodies seemed to be the utter embodiment of
clean, clinical evil. From their hideously dead eyes to
their powerful lifeless feet, they were clearly the
calculated product of a mind that wanted simply to kill.
Zaphod gulped in cold fear.
They had been dismantling part of the rear bridge wall,
and had forced a passage through some of the vital
innards of the ship. Through the tangled wreckage
Zaphod could see, with a further and worse sense of
shock, that they were tunnelling towards the very heart of
the ship, the heart of the Improbability Drive that had
been so mysteriously created out of thin air, the Heart of
Gold itself.
The robot closest to him was regarding him in such a
way as to suggest that it was measuring every smallest
particle of his body, mind and capability. And when it
spoke, what it said seemed to bear this impression out.
Before going on to what it actually said, it is worth
recording at this point that Zaphod was the first living
organic being to hear one of these creatures speak for
something over ten billion years. If he had paid more
attention to his ancient history lessons and less to his
organic being, he might have been more impressed by
this honour.
The robot's voice was like its body, cold, sleek and
lifeless. It had almost a cultured rasp to it. It sounded as
ancient as it was.
It said, ``You do have a Kill-O-Zap blaster pistol in your Rekao je: "Ti i ima blasterski pitolj zgrom-i-puc u
hand.''
to je snano nagovetavalo smrt, naroito u oima
Zaphoda, koji nikada ranije nije video nijednog od njih,
niti je ak uopte uo za njih. Ratovi Krikita pripadali su
drvenoj prolosti Galaksije, a Zaphod je proveo najvei
deo asa iz rane istorije razraujui kako da stupi u
seksualne odnose sa devojicom iz kiberodeljka koji se
nalazio pored njegovog, a poto je njegov kompjuter za
poduavanje bio integralni deo tih planova, sva njegova
istorijska kola na kraju su se obrisala, da bi ih zamenile
sasvim drugaije ideje, to je za ishod imalo to da je
uklonjen i poslat u dom za degenerisane kiberomate,
gde ga je sledila devojica koja se neizleivo i duboko
zaljubila u nesrenu mainu, a posledica svega bila je to
da (a) Zaphod nikada nije uspeo da joj prie i (b)
propustio je ono razdoblje drevne istorije koje bi mu
bilo od neprocenjive vrednosti u ovom trenutku.
okirano je zurio u njih.
Bilo je nemogue objasniti zbog ega, ali njihova glatka,
vitka, bela tela izgledala su kao otelotvorenje istog,
klinikog zla. Od jezivih, mrtvih oiju sve do beivotnih
stopala, oigledno su predstavljali sraunati proizvod
uma koji je jednostavno eleo da ubija. Zaphod proguta
knedlu u ledenom strahu.
Upravo su uklanjali deo zadnjeg zida i probijali se kroz
neke od vitalnih delova brodske utrobe. Kroz prepletene
ostatke Zaphod je video, uz sve tei i tei ok, da se
probijaju prema samom srcu broda, srcu pogona
neverovatnoe, koje se tako tajanstveno stvorilo ni iz
ega, prema samom 'Zlatnom srcu'.
Robot koji mu je bio najblii odmeravao ga je kao da
pokuava da proceni svaki najsitniji deo njegovog tela i
uma i njegovih sposobnosti. A kada je progovorio, ono
to je kazao izgledalo je da iznosi taj utisak na svetlost
dana. Pre nego to preemo na ono to je zaista rekao,
vredno je na ovom mestu primetiti da je Zaphod bio
prvo ivo, organsko stvorenje koje je ulo govor jednog
od tih stvorova u poslednjih desetak milijardi godina.
Da je vie panje posvetio lekcijama iz drevne istorije, a
manje svom organskom biu, bio bi vie impresioniran
ovom poau.
Glas robota delovao je poput njegovog tela: leden, tanak
i beivotan. Imao je hrapavi prizvuk, gotovo kao da je
bio prirastao uz njega. Zvuao je upravo onoliko drevno
koliko je to i bio.
ruci."
Zaphod didn't know what it meant for a moment, but then
he glanced down at his own hand and was relieved to see
that what he had found clipped to a wall bracket was
indeed what he had thought it was.
``Yeah,'' he said in a kind of relieved sneer, which is quite
tricky, ``well, I wouldn't want to overtax your
imagination, robot.'' For a while nobody said anything,
and Zaphod realized that the robots were obviously not
here to make conversation, and that it was up to him.
``I can't help noticing that you have parked your ship,'' he
said with a nod of one of his heads in the appropriate
direction, ``through mine.''
There was no denying this. Without regard for any kind
of proper dimensional behaviour they had simply
materialized their ship precisely where they wanted it to
be, which meant that it was simply locked through the
Heart of Gold as if they were nothing more than two
combs.
Again, they made no response to this, and Zaphod
wondered if the conversation would gather any
momentum if he phrased his part of it in the form of
questions.
``... haven't you?'' he added.
``Yes,'' replied the robot.``
``Er, OK,'' said Zaphod. ``So what are you cats doing
here?''
Silence.
``Robots,'' said Zaphod, ``what are you robots doing
here?''
``We have come,'' rasped the robot, ``for the Gold of the
Bail.''
Zaphod nodded. He waggled his gun to invite further
elaboration. The robot seemed to understand this.
``The Gold Bail is part of the Key we seek,'' continued
the robot, ``to release our Masters from Krikkit.''
Zaphod nodded again. He waggled his gun again.
``The Key,'' continued the robot simply, ``was
disintegrated in time and space. The Golden Bail is
embedded in the device which drives your ship. It will be
reconstituted in the Key. Our Masters shall be released.
The Universal Readjustment will continue.''
Zaphod nodded again.
``What are you talking about?'' he said.
A slightly pained expression seemed to cross the robot's
totally expressionless face. He seemed to be finding the
conversation depressing.
``Obliteration,'' it said. ``We seek the Key,'' it repeated,
``we already have the Wooden Pillar, the Steel Pillar and
Zaphod na trenutak nije shvatio to to znai, ali onda je
spustio pogled na svoju ruku i sa olakanjem video da
ono to je naao u pregradi u zidu zaista predstavlja ono
to je i mislio.
"Aha", rekao je uz neku vrstu keenja punog olakanja,
to je prilino zapetljano izvesti, "pa, nisam eleo da
previe optereujem vau matu, robote." Izvesno vreme
niko nije rekao nita i Zaphod shvati da roboti oigledno
nisu ovde radi razgovora i da to zavisi od njega.
"Ne mogu da ne primetim", rekao je i klimnuo jednom
od svojih glava u odgovarajuem pravcu, "da ste
parkirali svoj brod kroz moj."
To se nije moglo porei. Ne hajui nimalo za pristojno
dimenziono ophoenje, jednostavno su materijalizovali
svoj brod tano tamo gde su eleli da se nae, to je
znailo da se prepleo sa 'Zlatnim srcem' kao da su
posredi dva dela pletenice.
Ponovo nita nisu odvratili i Zaphod se upita da li bi se
razgovor malo ubrzao kada bi svoj deo formulisao u
obliku pitanja.
"Zar ne?" dodao je.
"Da", odgovorio je robot.
"Ovaj, dobro", rekao je, "onda, momci, ta vi, zapravo,
radite ovde?"
Tiina.
"Roboti", rekao je Zaphod. "ta vi, roboti, radite ovde?"
"Doli smo", zakripao je glas robota, "po zlatnu
sponu."
Zaphod klimnu. Mahnuo je pitoljem da bi jo malo
podstakao saradnju. inilo se da roboti to razumeju.
"Zlatna spona predstavlja deo Kljua za kojim tragamo",
produio je robot, "da bismo oslobodili svoje gospodare
sa Krikita."
Zaphod je ponovo klimnuo. Opet je mahnuo pitoljem.
"Klju je", nastavio je robot jednostavno, "bio rasut po
vremenu i prostoru. Zlatna spona ugraena je u ureaj
koji pokree tvoj brod. U Kljuu e ponovo doi na
svoje mesto. Nai gospodari bie osloboeni.
Prepravljanje Vaseljene potom e se nastaviti."
Zaphod je ponovo klimnuo.
"O emu vi to priate?" upitao je.
Kao da je blag izraz bola preao preko robotovog lica
koje je inae bilo potpuno bezizraajno. Izgleda da je
razgovor izazivao potitenost u njemu.
"O iskorenjavanju", rekao je. "Tragamo za Kljuem",
ponovio je. "Ve imamo Drveni stub, elini stub i
the Perspex Pillar. In a moment we will have the Gold
Bail ...''
``No you won't.''
``We will,'' stated the robot.
``No you won't. It makes my ship work.''
``In a moment,'' repeated the robot patiently, ``we will
have the Gold Bail ...''
``You will not,'' said Zaphod.
``And then we must go,'' said the robot, in all
seriousness, ``to a party.''
``Oh,'' said Zaphod, startled. ``Can I come?''
``No,'' said the robot. ``We are going to shoot you.''
``Oh yeah?'' said Zaphod, waggling his gun.
``Yes,'' said the robot, and they shot him.
Zaphod was so surprised that they had to shoot him again
before he fell down.
Chapter Twelve
``Shhh,'' said Slartibartfast. ``Listen and watch.''
Night had now fallen on ancient Krikkit. The sky was
dark and empty. The only light was coming from the
nearby town, from which pleasant convivial sounds were
drifting quietly on the breeze. They stood beneath a tree
from which heady fragrances wafted around them. Arthur
squatted and felt the Informational Illusion of the soil and
the grass. He ran it through his fingers. The soil seemed
heavy and rich, the grass strong. It was hard to avoid the
impression that this was a thoroughly delightful place in
all respects.
The sky was, however, extremely blank and seemed to
Arthur to cast a certain chill over the otherwise idyllic, if
currently invisible, landscape. Still, he supposed, it's a
question of what you're used to.
He felt a tap on his shoulder and looked up. Slartibartfast
was quietly directing his attention to something down the
other side of the hill. He looked and could just see some
faint lights dancing and waving, and moving slowly in
their direction.
As they came nearer, sounds became audible too, and
soon the dim lights and noises resolved themselves into a
small group of people who were walking home across the
hill towards the town.
They walked quite near the watchers beneath the tree,
swinging lanterns which made soft and crazy lights
dance among the trees and grass, chattering contentedly,
and actually singing a song about how terribly nice
everything was, how happy they were, how much they
enjoyed working on the farm, and how pleasant it was to
Plastini stub. Za koji trenutak imaemo Zlatnu
sponu..."
"Ne, neete."
"Hoemo", tvrdio je robot jednostavno.
"Ne, neete. Ona pokree moj brod."
"Za koji tren", strpljivo je ponovio robot, "imaemo
Zlatnu sponu..."
"Neete", rekao je Zaphod.
"A potom moramo da idemo", rekao je robot vrlo
ozbiljno, "na jednu zabavu."
"Oh", rekao je Zaphod zaprepaeno, "mogu li i ja?"
"Ne", rekao je robot, "tebe emo ubiti."
"Ah, je li?" odvrati Zaphod i mahnu pitoljem.
"Da", rekao je robot, a onda su ga ustrelili.
Zaphod je bio toliko iznenaen da su morali da ga
ustrele jo jednom pre nego to se sruio.
12.
"Psst", rekao je Slartibartfast, "gledajte i sluajte."
No je pala na drevnom Krikitu. Nebo je bilo tamno i
prazno. Jedina svetlost dolazila je iz oblinjeg grada, iz
koga su sa povetarcem dopirali prijatni i veseli zvuci.
Stajali su pod drvetom iji su se ugodni mirisi irili oko
njih. Artur je unuo i opipao informacionu opsenu
zemlje i trave. Propustio ih je izmeu prstiju. Zemlja je
izgledala teka i bogata, trava jaka. Nije se lako mogao
izbei utisak da je u svim pogledima posredi bilo
prekrasno mesto.
Ali nebo je bilo potpuno prazno i Arturu se uinilo da
baca odreenu hladnou na inae idilini, mada trenutno
nevidljivi predeo. A opet, pomislio je, sve to zavisi od
toga na ta se ovek navikne.
Osetio je da ga je neko dodirnuo po ramenu i osvrnuo
se. Slartibartfast mu je skretao panju na neto to se
nalazilo niz breg sa druge strane. Pogledao je, ali je
jedino video slaba svetla koja su plesala i njihala se,
lagno se kreui u njihovom pravcu.
Kada su prila blie, zauli su se i zvuci, a uskoro su se
mutna svetla i zvuci pretvorili u malu grupu ljudi koji su
ili kui preko brda, u pravcu grada.
Proli su sasvim blizu posmatraa pod drvetom, njiui
fenjerima koji su bacali neno i aavo razigrano svetlo
na drvee i travu, dokono razgovarajui i pevajui
pesme o tome kako je sve silno lepo, koliko su sreni,
koliko su uivali u radu na farmi i kako je prijatno ii
kui i videti ene i decu, sa raspevanim refrenom koji je
be going home to see their wives and children, with a govorio o tome da cvee u ovo doba godine mirie
lilting chorus to the effect that the flowers were smelling naroito prijatno i da je teta to je crkao pas koji ih je
particularly nice at this time of year and that it was a pity toliko voleo. Artur gotovo da je mogao da zamisli Pola
the dog had died seeing as it liked them so much. Arthur Makartnija kako sedi jedne veeri pored vatre sa
could almost imagine Paul McCartney sitting with his podignutim nogama, pevui tu pesmu Lindi i pita se ta
feet up by the fire on evening, humming it to Linda and bi da kupi njome, pomiljajui, verovatno, da bi to
wondering what to buy with the proceeds, and thinking mogao da bude Eseks.
probably Essex.
``The Masters of Krikkit,'' breathed Slartibartfast in "Gospodari Krikita", proaptao je Slartibartfast
sepulchral tones. zagrobnim glasom.
Coming, as it did, so hard upon the heels of his own Poto je stigla tako brzo za njegovim razmiljanjem o
thoughts about Essex this remark caused Arthur a Eseksu, ova izjava izazvala je kod Artura na trenutak
moment's confusion. Then the logic of the situation zbunjenost. Onda se logika situacije nametnula
imposed itself on his scattered mind, and he discovered njegovom uzdrmanom umu i on je shvatio da jo ne
that he still didn't understand what the old man meant. razume ta je starac eleo da kae.
``What?'' he said. "ta?" upitao je.
``The Masters of Krikkit,'' said Slartibartfast again, and if "Gospodari Krikita", rekao je Slartibartfast ponovo i
his breathing had been sepulchral before, this time he ukoliko je njegov glas ranije bio zagroban, ovog puta je
sounded like someone in Hades with bronchitis. zvuao poput nekog ko u Hadu ima bronhitis.
Arthur peered at the group and tried to make sense of Artur je gledao grupu i pokuao da pronae neki smisao
what little information he had at his disposal at this point. u ono malo informacija kojima je raspolagao.
The people in the group were clearly alien, if only Ljudi u grupi oigledno su bili tuinci, mada samo zbog
because they seemed a little tall, thin, angular and almost toga to su delovali malo previsoko, mravo, koato i
as pale as to be white, but otherwise they appeared to su bili toliko bledi da su izgledali gotovo potpuno
remarkably pleasant; a little whimsical perhaps, one beli; inae, ostavljali su utisak vrlo prijatnih, mada
wouldn't necessarily want to spend a long coach journey pomalo luckastih stvorova; moda ovek ba ne bi
with them, but the point was that if they deviated in any poeleo da se dugo vozi sa njima u istom autobusu, ali
way from being good straightforward people it was in stvar je bila u tome da, ukoliko su se na bilo koji nain
being perhaps too nice rather than not nice enough. So razlikovali od dobrih i potenih ljudi, onda je to bilo
why all this rasping lungwork from Slartibartfast which zbog toga to su moda delovali kao prevelike
would seem more appropriate to a radio commercial for dobriine, a ne kao nedovoljno dobri. I zato, zbog ega
one of those nasty films about chainsaw operators taking je Slartibartfast izvodio sve te hrapave plune majstorije
their work home with them? koje bi vie odgovarale reklami na radiju za jedan od
onih ogavnih filmova o rukovaocima motornim
testerama koji i kod kue nastavljaju da se bave svojim
poslom?
Then, this Krikkit angle was a tough one, too. He hadn't A i ova stvar o Krikitu bila je nezgodna. Jo nije sasvim
quite fathomed the connection between what he knew as uspeo da je povee sa onim to je znao o kriketu i...
cricket, and what ...
Slartibartfast interrupted his train of thought at this point Slartibartfast prekide ta razmiljanja, kao da je naslutio
as if sensing what was going through his mind. ta mu prolazi umom.
``The game you know as cricket,'' he said, and his voice "Igra koju poznaje kao kriket", rekao je, a glas kao da
still seemed to be wandering lost in subterranean mu je jo lutao, izgubljen u podzemnim prolazima,
passages, ``is just one of those curious freaks of racial "predstavlja jedan od onih neobinih, iaenih efekata
memory which can keep images alive in the mind aeons rasnih seanja koja uvaju ive slike u umu eonima
after their true significance has been lost in the mists of poto je njihovo pravo znaenje izgubljeno u
time. Of all the races on the Galaxy, only the English maglutinama vremena. Od svih rasa u Galaksiji, samo
could possibly revive the memory of the most horrific su Englezi mogli da oive seanja na najjeziviji od svih
wars ever to sunder the Universe and transform it into
what I'm afraid is generally regarded as an
incomprehensibly dull and pointless game.
``Rather fond of it myself,'' he added, ``but in most
people's eyes you have been inadvertently guilty of the
most grotesque bad taste. Particularly the bit about the
little red ball hitting the wicket, that's very nasty.''
``Um,'' said Arthur with a reflective frown to indicate that
his cognitive synapses were coping with this as best as
they could, ``um.''
``And these,'' said Slartibartfast, slipping back into crypt
guttural and indicating the group of Krikkit men who had
now walked past them, ``are the ones who started it all,
and it will start tonight. Come, we will follow, and see
why.''
They slipped out from underneath the tree, and followed
the cheery party along the dark hill path. Their natural
instinct was to tread quietly and stealthily in pursuit of
their quarry, though, as they were simply walking
through a recorded Informational Illusion, they could as
easily have been wearing euphoniums and woad for all
the notice their quarry would have taken of them.
Arthur noticed that a couple of members of the party
were now singing a different song. It came lilting back to
them through the soft night air, and was a sweet romantic
ballad which would have netted McCartney Kent and
Sussex and enabled him to put in a fair offer for
Hampshire.
``You must surely know,'' said Slartibartfast to Ford,
``what it is that is about to happen?''
``Me?'' said Ford. ``No.''
``Did you not learn Ancient Galactic History when you
were a child?''
``I was in the cybercubicle behind Zaphod,'' said Ford,
``it was very distracting. Which isn't to say that I didn't
learn some pretty stunning things.''
At this point Arthur noticed a curious feature to the song
that the party were singing. The middle eight bridge,
which would have had McCartney firmly consolidated in
Winchester and gazing intently over the Test Valley to the
rich pickings of the New Forest beyond, had some
curious lyrics. The songwriter was referring to meeting
with a girl not ``under the moon'' or ``beneath the stars''
but ``above the grass'', which struck Arthur a little
prosaic. Then he looked up again at the bewildering
black sky, and had the distinct feeling that there was an
important point here, if only he could grasp what it was.
ratova koji su ikada zadesili Vaseljenu i da ga pretvore u
neto to se, bojim se, uglavnom smatra nerazumno
mranom i besmislenom igrom.
"Meni se, dodue, prilino dopada", dodao je, "ali u
oima veine ljudi krivi ste zbog groteskno loeg ukusa.
Naroito onaj deo sa crvenom lopticom koja pogaa
viket, to je ba ogavno."
"Hm", rekao je Artur sa pogledom punim razmiljanja
koji je trebalo da pokae da se njegove sinapse za
mozganje hvataju ukotac sa tim to bolje mogu, "em".
"A ovo su", rekao je Slartibartfast, vrativi se na svoj
grobno hrapavi glas i pokazavi grupu ljudi sa Krikita
koji su prolazili pored njih, "oni koji su sve to poeli, pri
emu taj poetak pada veeras. Doi, slediemo ih i
videe zato."
Skliznuli su sa svog mesta pod drvetom i poli za
veselom grupom mranim putem po breuljku. Prirodni
nagon govorio im je da koraaju tiho i oprezno tragom
svojih rtava, iako su, budui da su naprosto koraali
kroz informacionu opsenu, mogli umesto toga da nose
trube i da budu namazani ratnikim bojama, jer bi ih
njihove rtve isto toliko primeivale.
Artur vide da nekoliko lanova grupe sada peva drugu
pesmu. Odzvanjala je kroz blagi noni vazduh, a bila je
to slatka, romantina balada koja bi Makartniju mogla
da omogui posedovanje Kenta i Saseksa, kao i
pozamanu ponudu za Hempajr.
"Ti sigurno zna", rekao je Slartibartfast Fordu, "ta e
se sada desiti?"
"Ja?" upitao je Ford. "Ne."
"Zar nisi uio drevnu galaktiku istoriju kada si bio
mali?"
"Bio sam u kiberodeljku odmah iza Zaphoda", rekao je
Ford. "Bilo je to vrlo rastrojavajue iskustvo. Mada ne
elim da kaem da tada nisam nauio neke neverovatne
stvari."
U tom trenutku Artur je primetio jedno neobino
dvojstvo pesama koje je grupa pevala. Sredinji refren,
koji bi neopozivo uvrstio Makartnija u Vinesteru i
omoguio mu da razgleda preko Test Velija bogatstvo
Nju Foresta iza njega, imao je neobine rei. Pesme su
govorile o susretu sa devojkom ne 'pod mesecom', ili
'ispod zvezda', ve 'iznad trave', to se Arturu uinilo
pomalo prozaino. Onda je ponovo podigao pogled na
zbunjujue prazno nebo i neodreeno je osetio da u
svemu tome postoji neto jako vano, samo kada bi
mogao da shvati o emu je re. Davalo mu je utisak da
It gave him a feeling of being alone in the Universe, and
he said so.
``No,'' said Slartibartfast, with a slight quickening of his
step, ``the people of Krikkit have never thought to
themselves `We are alone in the Universe.' They are
surrounded by a huge Dust Cloud, you see, their single
sun with its single world, and they are right out on the
utmost eastern edge of the Galaxy. Because of the Dust
Cloud there has never been anything to see in the sky. At
night it is totally blank, During the day there is the sun,
but you can't look directly at that so they don't. They are
hardly aware of the sky. It's as if they had a blind spot
which extended 180 degrees from horizon to horizon.
``You see, the reason why they have never thought `We
are alone in the Universe' is that until tonight they don't
know about the Universe. Until tonight.''
He moved on, leaving the words ringing in the air behind
him.
``Imagine,'' he said, ``never even thinking `We are alone'
simply because it has never occurred to you to think that
there's any other way to be.''
He moved on again.
``I'm afraid this is going to be a little unnerving,'' he
added.
As he spoke, they became aware of a very thin roaring
scream high up in the sightless sky above them. They
glanced upwards in alarm, but for a moment or two could
see nothing.
Then Arthur noticed that the people in the party in front
of them had heard the noise, but that none of them
seemed to know what to so with it. They were glancing
around themselves in consternation, left, right, forwards,
backwards, even at the ground. It never occurred to them
to look upwards.
The profoundness of the shock and horror they emanated
a few moments later when the burning wreckage of a
spaceship came hurtling and screaming out of the sky
and crashed about half a mile from where they were
standing was something that you had to be there to
experience.
Some speak of the Heart of Gold in hushed tones, some
of the Starship Bistromath.
Many speak of the legendary and gigantic Starship
Titanic, a majestic and luxurious cruise-liner launched
from the great shipbuilding asteroid complexes of
Artifactovol some hundreds of years ago now, and with
good reason.
It was sensationally beautiful, staggeringly huge, and
se nalazi sam u Vaseljeni, pa je to i rekao.
"Ne", uzvratio je Slartibartfast i neznatno ubrzao korake,
"ljudi Krikita nikada nisu pomislili 'mi smo sami u
Vaseljeni'. Vidi, njih okruuje divovski Oblak Praine,
njihovo usamljeno sunce i njihov usamljeni svet, a
nalaze se na najdaljem kraju istonog kraka Galaksije.
Zbog Oblaka Praine na njihovom nebu nikada se nije
moglo videti nita. Nou je potpuno prazno. Danju tamo
stoji sunce ali u njega se ne moe direktno gledati, pa
oni to i ne ine. Jedva da su uopte svesni neba. To je
kao da imaju slepu taku koja se prua 180 stepeni, od
obzorja do obzorja."
"Vidite, razlog zbog koga nikada nisu pomislili 'mi smo
sami u Vaseljenu' jeste taj to do ove veeri nisu ni znali
da postoji Vaseljena. Do ove veeri."
Pokrenuo se i ostavio rei da odzvanjaju u vazduhu iza
njega.
"Zamislite", nastavio je, "nikada nisu ak ni pomislili
'mi smo sami' iz jednostavnog razloga to im nikada nije
ni palo na pamet da moe biti drugaije."
Ponovo je pourio.
"Bojim se da e ovo biti pomalo neprijatno", dodao je.
Dok je govorio, postali su svesni veoma tankog,
vritavog urlika visoko na neuglednom nebu iznad
njihovih glava. Uznemireno su podigli poglede, ali
trenutak ili dva nije se moglo videti nita.
A onda je Artur primetio da su i ljudi iz grupe pred
njima uli zvuk, kao i da niko od njih takoe pojma
nema ta bi to moglo biti. Gledali su zaprepaeno oko
sebe, levo, desno, napred, nazad, ak i prema zemlji.
Uopte im nije palo na pamet da pogledaju nagore.
Dubina oka kojom su zraili nekoliko trenutaka
kasnije, kada je plamtea olupina svemirskog broda
urlajui i pratei izletela iz neba i tresnula na oko pola
milje od mesta na kome su se nalazili, bila je neto to
treba videti da bi se poverovalo.
Neki govore priguenim glasom o 'Zlatnom srcu', a
drugi o meuzvezdanom brodu 'Bistromat'.
Mnogi govore o legendarnom i divovskom
meuzvezdanom brodu 'Titanik', velianstvenoj i
luksuznoj letelici za krstarenja lansiranoj iz ogromnog
asteroidnog kompleksa Artrifaktovola pre stotinak
godina, i to sa dobrim razlogom.
Bio je senzacionalno prekrasan, zaprepaujue
more pleasantly equipped than any ship in what now
remains of history (see note below on the Campaign for
Real Time) but it had the misfortune to be built in the
very earliest days of Improbability Physics, long before
this difficult and cussed branch of knowledge was fully,
or at all, understood.
The designers and engineers decided, in their innocence,
to build a prototype Improbability Field into it, which
was meant, supposedly, to ensure that it was Infinitely
Improbable that anything would ever go wrong with any
part of the ship.
They did not realize that because of the quasi-reciprocal
and circular nature of all Improbability calculations,
anything that was Infinitely Improbable was actually
very likely to happen almost immediately.
The Starship Titanic was a monstrously pretty sight as it
lay beached like a silver Arcturan Megavoidwhale
amongst the laser-lit tracery of its construction gantries, a
brilliant cloud of pins and needles of light against the
deep interstellar blackness; but when launched, it did not
even manage to complete its very first radio message ---
an SOS --- before undergoing a sudden and gratuitous
total existence failure.
However, the same event which saw the disastrous
failure of one science in its infancy also witnessed the
apotheosis of another. It was conclusively proven that
more people watched the tri-d coverage of the launch
than actually existed at the time, and this has now been
recognized as the greatest achievement ever in the
science of audience research.
Another spectacular media event of that time was the
supernova which the star Ysllodins underwent a few
hours later. Ysllodins is the star around which most of the
Galaxy's major insurance underwriters live, or rather
lived.
But whilst these spaceships, and other great ones which
come to mind, such as the Galactic Fleet Battleships ---
the GSS Daring, the GSS Audacy and the GSS Suicidal
Insanity --- are all spoken of with awe, pride, enthusiasm,
affection, admiration, regret, jealousy, resentment, in fact
most of the better known emotions, the one which
regularly commands the most actual astonishment was
Krikkit One, the first spaceship ever built by the people
of Krikkit. This is not because it was a wonderful ship. It
wasn't.
It was a crazy piece of near junk. It looked as if it had
ogroman i lepe opremljen od ijednog drugog broda u
preostalom delu istorije (videti sedamnaestu glavu -
odeljak o kampanji za realno vreme), ali imao je tu
nesreu da bude sagraen u najranijim danima fizike
neverovatnoe, davno pre nego to je ova teka i mnogo
proklinjana oblast znanja u potpunosti, ili makar
delimino shvaena.
Projektanti i inenjeri zakljuili su, u svojoj
bezazlenosti, da treba da ugrade u nju prototipski ureaj
za stvaranje polja neverovatnoe, kako bi time
obezbedili beskonanu neverovatnou da e se ikada
neto loe dogoditi sa bilo kojim delom broda.
Nisu shvatili da zbog kvazireciprone i krune prirode
rauna neverovatnoe, sve to je beskonano
neverovatno lako moe da se dogodi smesta.
Meuzvezdani brod 'Titanik' predstavljao je udovino
privlaan prizor dok je poivao na obali poput
srebrnastog arkturijanskog megakita meu svojim
ukraenim konstrukcijskim skelama osvetljenim
laserskom svetlou: brilijantni oblak iglica svetlosti na
pozadini duboke meuzvezdane tmine; ali kada je
lansiran, nije uspeo ak ni da dovri svoju prvu SOS
radio-poruku pre nego to je podlegao iznenadnom,
bezrazlonom i potpunom raspadu svih sistema.
Ali isti dogaaj koji je video katastrofalnu greku jedne
nauke u povojima takoe je bio svedok apoteoze druge.
Nepobitno je dokazano da je tri-D prenos lansiranja
posmatralo vie ljudi nego to je, zapravo, postojalo u
tom trenutku, a to se i dan-danas smatra najveim
dostignuem u nauci o istraivanju javnog mnjenja.
Drugi spektakularni medijski dogaaj tog vremena bila
je supernova u koju se pretvorila zvezda Islodin
nekoliko asova kasnije. Islodin je zvezda oko koje ivi
veina glavnih prodavaca polisa osiguranja u Galaksiji,
to jest, oko koje je ivela.
Ali dok svi o tim brodovima, odnosno o ostalim
najveim brodovima koji padaju na pamet, kao to su
borne krstarice galaktike flote GZB 'Smeli', GZB
'Neustraivi' i GZB 'Samoubilako ludilo', govore
zadivljeno, ponosno, oduevljeno, ganuto, oarano,
alosno, ljubomorno, ozlojeeno - zapravo, sa svim
poznatijim oseanjima - onaj koji izaziva najvee
zaprepaenje jeste 'Krikit Jedan', prvi brod koji su
ikada sagradili itelji Krikita. To nije zato to je to bio
divan brod, jer on to nije bio.
Bilo je to sumanuto pare poluolupine. Izgledalo je kao
been knocked up in somebody's backyard, and this was
in fact precisely where it had been knocked up. The
astonishing thing about the ship was not that it was one
well (it wasn't) but that it was done at all. The period of
time which had elapsed between the moment that the
people of Krikkit had discovered that there was such a
thing as space and the launching of their first spaceship
was almost exactly a year.
Ford Prefect was extremely grateful, as he strapped
himself in, that this was just another Informational
Illusion, and that he was therefore completely safe. In
real life it wasn't a ship he would have set foot in for all
the rice wine in China. ``Extremely rickety'' was one
phrase which sprang to mind, and ``Please may I get
out?'' was another.
``This is going to fly?'' said Arthur, giving gaunt looks, at
the lashed-together pipework and wiring which festooned
the cramped interior of the ship.
Slartibartfast assured him that it would, that they were
perfectly safe and that it was all going to be extremely
instructive and not a little harrowing.
Ford and Arthur decided just to relax and be harrowed.
``Why not,'' said Ford, ``go mad?''
In front of them and, of course, totally unaware of their
presence for the very good reason that they weren't
actually there, were the three pilots. They had also
constructed the ship. They had been on the hill path that
night singing wholesome heartwarming songs. Their
brains had been very slightly turned by the nearby crash
of the alien spaceship. They had spent weeks stripping
every tiniest last secret out of the wreckage of that burnt-
up spaceship, all the while singing lilting spaceship-
stripping ditties. They had then built their own ship and
this was it. This was their ship, and they were currently
singing a little song about that too, expressing the twin
joys of achievement and ownership. The chorus was a
little poignant, and told of their sorrow that their work
had kept them such long hours in the garage, away from
the company of their wives and children, who had missed
them terribly but had kept them cheerful by bringing
them continual stories of how nicely the puppy was
growing up.
Pow, they took off.
They roared into the sky like a ship that knew precisely Grmeli su nebom poput broda koji tano zna ta radi.
what it was doing.
``No way,'' said Ford a while later after they had "Niko", rekao je Ford malo kasnije, kada su se oporavili
da je skuckano u neijem dvoritu, a tako je, u stvari, i
bilo. Najneverovatnija stvar u vezi sa tim brodom nije
bila to da je dobro napravljen (jer nije), ve da je uopte
napravljen. Razdoblje koje je proteklo od trenutka kada
su itelji Krikita otkrili da postoji neto takvo kao to je
svemir i lansiranja tog broda, njihove prve svemirske
letelice, iznosilo je skoro tano godinu dana.
Ford Prefekt bio je izuzetno zahvalan nebesima, kada se
obreo u brodu, to je re o samo jo jednoj
informacionoj opseni i to je, prema tome, potpuno
bezbedan. U stvarnom ivotu na takav brod ne bi spustio
nogu ni za sve pirinano vino Kine. 'Izuzetno nesigurno'
bila je prva fraza koja mu je pala na um, a druga je
glasila 'Mogu li napolje?'
"I ovo treba da leti?" upitao je Artur, prestravljeno
bacajui poglede na cevi koje su bile privezane jedna za
drugu i kablove koji su ukraavali skuenu unutranjost
broda.
Slartibartfast ga je uverio da e leteti, da su savreno
bezbedni i da e sve biti izuzetno pouno i nimalo
neprijatno.
Ford i Artur odluili su da se prepuste sudbini i da se
ipak oseaju neprijatno.
"Zbog ega", upitao je Ford, "ne poludeti?"
Pred njima i, razume se, potpuno nesvesna njihovog
prisustva, iz veoma dobrog razloga to, zapravo, uopte
nisu bili tu, sedela su trojica pilota. Oni su bili i
projektanti broda, a i nalazili su se one noi na brdskoj
stazi i pevali vedro ganutljive pesme. Pad tuinskog
broda malo im je promenio razmiljanje. Proveli su
nedelju dana skidajui i najsitnije tajne sa olupine
spaljenog svemirskog broda i pritom sve vreme pevali
umilne napeve i litanije o rastavljanju kosmike letelice.
Sagradili su svoj svemirski brod i on je bio ovo. Bio je
to njihov brod i sada su pevali pesmicu o tome,
izraavajui izmeana oseanja postignua i vlasnitva.
Refren je bio malo otriji i govorio je o njihovoj alosti
zbog toga to ih je rad drao asovima u garai, van
drutva njihovih ena i dece, kojima su strano
nedostajali, ali su ih razveseljavali stalnim priama o
tome kako kuii lepo rastu.
Pau, uzleteli su.
recovered from the shock of acceleration, and were od oka usled ubrzanja i dok su se uspinjali kroz
climbing up out of the planet's atmosphere, ``no way,'' he atmosferu planete, "niko", ponovio je, "ne moe da
repeated, ``does anyone design and build a ship like this projektuje i sagradi ovakav brod za godinu dana, koliko
in a year, no matter how motivated. I don't believe it. god da je podstaknut. Dokaite mi da moe i ja opet
Prove it to me and I still won't believe it.'' He shook his neu verovati." Zamiljeno je zavrteo glavom i zagledao
head thoughtfully and gazed out of a tiny port at the se kroz siuni prozor u nitavilo izvan broda.
nothingness outside it.
The trip passed uneventfully for a while, and Put je neko vreme proticao bez ikakvih dogaaja i
Slartibartfast fastwound them through it. Slartibartfast bre premota taj deo.
Very quickly, therefore, they arrived at the inner Tako su vrlo brzo stigli do unutranje granice upljeg,
perimeter of the hollow, spherical Dust Cloud which loptastog Oblaka Praine koji je okruivao njihovo
surrounded their sun and home planet, occupying, as it sunce i planetu to im je bila dom, nalazei se, kako se i
were, the next orbit out. moglo oekivati, na narednoj orbiti oko zvezde.
It was more as if there was a gradual change in the Pre je izgledalo kao da je postepeno dolo do promene u
texture and consistency of space. The darkness seemed samoj grai i izgledu svemira. Tama kao da je jurila i
now to thrum and ripple past them. It was a very cold talasala se pored njih. Bila je to veoma studena tama,
darkness, a very blank and heavy darkness, it was the vrlo prazna i teka tama, bila je to tama nonog neba
darkness of the night sky of Krikkit. Krikita.
The coldness and heaviness and blankness of it took a Njena studen, praznina i teina lagano su obuhvatile
slow grip on Arthur's heart, and he felt acutely aware of Arturovo srce i on postade izuzetno svestan oseanja
the feelings of the Krikkit pilots which hung in the air krikitskih pilota koja su lebdela u vazduhu poput jakog
like a thick static charge. They were now on the very statikog naelektrisanja. Bili su sada na samoj granici
boundary of the historical knowledge of their race. This istorijske svesti svoje rase. Bila je ovo granica o kojoj
was the very limit beyond which none of them had ever niko od njih nikada nije ni razmiljao, niti je ak znao da
speculated, or even known that there was any speculation se o tome moe razmiljati.
to be done.
The darkness of the cloud buffeted at the ship. Inside was Tama oblaka udarila je po brodu. Unutra je vladala
the silence of history. Their historic mission was to find istorijska tiina. Njihovo istorijsko poslanstvo bilo je da
out if there was anything or anywhere on the other side otkriju ima li iega, bilo kakvog mesta sa koga je
of the sky, from which the wrecked spaceship could have oteeni brod mogao stii, drugi svet moda, koliko god
come, another world maybe, strange and ta misao bila strana i nerazumljiva zatvorenim umovima
incomprehensible though this thought was to the onih koji su iveli pod nebom Krikita.
enclosed minds of those who had lived beneath the sky
of Krikkit.
History was gathering itself to deliver another blow. Istorija se prikupljala da zada novi udarac.
Still the darkness thrummed at them, the blank enclosing Tama ih je i dalje saletala, prazna tama koja je sve
darkness. It seemed closer and closer, thicker and thicker, gutala. Izgledala je sve blia i blia, gua i gua, tea i
heavier and heavier. And suddenly it was gone. tea. A onda je iznenada nestala.
They flew out of the cloud. Izleteli su iz oblaka.
They saw the staggering jewels of the night in their Ugledali su zapanjujue dragulje noi u njihovoj
infinite dust and their minds sang with fear. raskonoj beskonanosti i umovi su im zacvileli od
straha.
For a while they flew on, motionless against the starry Neko vreme nastavili su da lete, nepokretni na
sweep of the Galaxy, itself motionless against the infinite zvezdanom zaleu Galaksije. Potom su se okrenuli.
sweep of the Universe. And then they turned round.
``It'll have to go,'' the men of Krikkit said as they headed "Sve e to morati da nestane", rekli su ljudi Krikita dok
back for home. su urili kui.
On the way back they sang a number of tuneful and Putem su pevali brojne melodine i misaone pesme o
reflective songs on the subjects of peace, justice, temama mira, pravde, moralnosti, kulture, sporta,
morality, culture, sport, family life and the obliteration of porodinog ivota i istrebljenja svih ostalih oblika
all other life forms. ivota.
Chapter Thirteen
``So you see,'' said Slartibartfast, slowly stirring his
artificially constructed coffee, and thereby also stirring
the whirlpool interfaces between real and unreal
numbers, between the interactive perceptions of mind
and Universe, and thus generating the restructured
matrices of implicitly enfolded subjectivity which
allowed his ship to reshape the very concept of time and
space, ``how it is.''
``Yes,'' said Arthur.
``Yes,'' said Ford.
``What do I do,'' said Arthur, ``with this piece of
chicken?''
Slartibartfast glanced at him gravely.
``Toy with it,'' he said, ``toy with it.''
He demonstrated with his own piece.
Arthur did so, and felt the slight tingle of a mathematical
function thrilling through the chicken leg as it moved
four-dimensionally through what Slartibartfast had
assured him was five-dimensional space.
``Overnight,'' said Slartibartfast, ``the whole population
of Krikkit was transformed from being charming,
delightful, intelligent ...''
``... if whimsical ...'' interpolated Arthur.
``... ordinary people,'' said Slartibartfast, ``into charming,
delightful, intelligent ...''
``... whimsical ...''
``... manic xenophobes. The idea of a Universe didn't fit
into their world picture, so to speak. They simply
couldn't cope with it. And so, charmingly, delightfully,
intelligently, whimsically if you like, they decided to
destroy it. What's the matter now?''
``I don't like the wine very much,'' said Arthur sniffing it.
``Well, send it back. It's all part of the mathematics of it.''
Arthur did so. He didn't like the topography of the
waiter's smile, but he'd never liked graphs anyway.
``Where are we going?'' said Ford.
``Back to the Room of Informational Illusions,'' said
Slartibartfast, rising and patting his mouth with the
mathematical representation of a paper napkin, ``for the
13.
"I tako, vidite", rekao je Slartibartfast, dok je lagano
meao vetaku kafu, a time istovremeno i uskovitlane
spojeve realnih i imaginarnih brojeva, interaktivnih
percepcija uma i Vaseljene, ime je ujedno generisao
restrukturisane matrice implicitno date subjektivnosti,
to je omoguavalao njegovom brodu da preoblii samu
temeljnu koncepciju vremena i prostora, "kako je to."
"Da", rekao je Artur.
"Da", rekao je Ford.
"ta da radim", upitao je Artur, "sa ovim komadom
piletine?"
Slartibartfast ga je ozbiljno osmotrio.
"Igraj se njime", rekao je, "igraj se njime."
Pokazao mu je kako da to ini pomou sopstvenog
pareta.
Artur ga je posluao i osetio blago prisustvo
matematikih funkcija koje su podrhtavale u pileem
bataku dok ga je etvorodimenziono pokretao kroz ono
za ta ga je Slartibartfast uveravao da predstavlja
petodimenzioni prostor.
"Preko noi", rekao je Slartibartfast, "itava populacija
Krikita prestala je da bude drutvo prijatnih, zabavnih,
pametnih..."
"...mada luckastih..." ubacio je Artur.
"...obinih ljudi", nastavio je Slartibartfast, "i pretvorila
se u prijatne, zabavne, inteligentne..."
"...luckaste..."
"...manijakalne ksenofobe. Zamisao o Vaseljeni nije se
uklapala u njihovu sliku sveta, da se tako izrazim.
Naprosto, nisu znali ta bi sa njom. I tako su na prijatan
nain, zabavan, inteligentan - dobro, i luckast, ako ti se
to svia - odluili da je unite. ta je sada bilo?"
"Ne svia mi se ovo vino", rekao je Artur, njuei ga.
"Pa, vrati ga. Sve je to i tako deo opte matematike."
Artur ga je posluao. Nije mu se dopala topografija
kelnerovog osmeha, ali on i tako nikada nije voleo
grafove.
"Kuda emo sada?" upitao je Ford.
"Natrag u salu informacionih opsena", rekao je
Slartibartfast, podigao se i obrisao usta matematikom
predstavom papirnatog salveta, 'za drugu polovinu'.
second half.''
Chapter Fourteen
``The people of Krikkit,'' said His High Judgmental
Supremacy, Judiciary Pag, LIVR (the Learned, Impartial
and Very Relaxed) Chairman of the Board of Judges at
the Krikkit War Crimes Trial, ``are, well, you know,
they're just a bunch of real sweet guys, you know, who
just happen to want to kill everybody. Hell, I feel the
same way some mornings. Shit.
``OK,'' he continued, swinging his feet up on to the bench
in front of him and pausing a moment to pick a thread off
his Ceremonial Beach Loafers, ``so you wouldn't
necessarily want to share a Galaxy with these guys.''
This was true.
The Krikkit attack on the Galaxy had been stunning.
Thousands and thousands of huge Krikkit warships had
leapt suddenly out of hyperspace and simultaneously
attacked thousands and thousands of major worlds, first
seizing vital material supplies for building the next wave,
and then calmly zapping those worlds out of existence.
The Galaxy, which had been enjoying a period of unusual
peace and prosperity at the time, reeled like a man
getting mugged in a meadow.
``I mean,'' continued Judiciary Pag, gazing round the
ultra-modern (this was ten billion years ago, when
``ultra-modern'' meant lots of stainless steel and brushed
concrete) and huge courtroom, ``these guys are just
obsessed.''
This too was true, and is the only explanation anyone has
yet managed to come up with for the unimaginable speed
with which the people of Krikkit had pursued their new
and absolute purpose --- the destruction of everything
that wasn't Krikkit.
It is also the only explanation for their bewildering
sudden grasp of all the hypertechnology involved in
building their thousands of spaceships, and their millions
of lethal white robots.
These had really struck terror into the hearts of everyone
who had encountered them --- in most cases, however,
the terror was extremely short-lived, as was the person
experiencing the terror. They were savage, single-minded
flying battle machines. They wielded formidable
multifunctional battleclubs which, brandished one way,
would knock down buildings and, brandished another
way, fired blistering Omni-Destructo Zap Rays and,
14.
"Narod Krikita" reklo je Njegovo Visokosudsko
Presvetlo Zakonodavno Blagorodstvo, U. N. V. O.
(Ueni, Nepristrasni i Vrlo Oputeni), predsedavajui
vrhovnog suda za proces krikitskim ratnim zloinima,
"to vam je jedno mnogo fino drutvo, znate, koje
sluajno ezne za tim da ukoka sve oko sebe. avolju
mu mater, i sam ponekad izjutra osetim istu elju."
Podigao je noge na sto ispred sebe i zastao samo na
trenutak da skine pare konca sa svojih sveanih klompi
za plau, "U redu", nastavio je, "vi verovatno ne udite
za tim da delite Galaksiju sa takvim tipovima."
Bila je to istina.
Napad Krikita na Galaksiju bio je zaprepaujui.
Hiljade i hiljade divovskih krikitskih ratnih brodova
iznenada su bljunule iz hipersvemira i istovremeno
napale hiljade i hiljade najvanijih svetova, najpre
osvojivi kljune materijalne zalihe za gradnju sledeeg
talasa, a potom hladno zbrisavi sve te svetove.
Galaksija, koja je u to vreme uivala razdoblje
neuobiajenog mira i blagostanja, zateturala se kao
ovek koga su usred livade iz zasede tresnuli mougom
po glavi.
"Hou da kaem", reklo je njegovo Zakonodavno
blagorodstvo i pogledalo po ultramodernoj (bilo je to
pre deset milijardi godina, kada je ultramoderno znailo
mnogo nerajueg elika i glatkog betona), divovskoj
sudnici, "da su ti momci jednostavno opsednuti."
Bila je to istina i predstavljala je jedino objanjenje koje
je ikada iko uspeo da prui za nezamislivu brzinu kojom
su itelji Krikita sledili svoju novu i krajnju svrhu -
unitenje svega to nije bilo Krikit.
To je takoe jedino objanjenje za njihovo zbunjujue
ovladavanje hipertehnologijom koja je bila potrebna za
gradnju hiljada svemirskih brodova i miliona ubilakih
belih robota.
Ovi su stvarno uneli uas u srca svih onih sa kojima su
se sreli - ali, u veini sluajeva, taj uas bio je izuzetno
kratkotrajan, jer je takav bio i ivot osobe koja ga je
iskusila. Bile su to divlje, letee, borbene maine sa
samo jednom milju u glavi. Posedovale su zastraujue
borbene batine koje su, upotrebljene na jedan nain,
ruile itave zgrade, a na drugi, ispaljivale omni-
destrukto-zgruzgo zrake, dok su na trei izbacivale
brandished a third way, launched a hideous arsenal of
grenades, ranging from minor incendiary devices to
Maxi-Slorta Hypernuclear Devices which could take out
a major sun. Simply striking the grenades with the
battleclubs simultaneously primed them, and launched
them with phenomenal accuracy over distances ranging
from mere yards to hundreds of thousands of miles.
``OK,'' said Judiciary Pag again, ``so we won.'' He
paused and chewed a little gum. ``We won,'' he repeated,
``but that's no big deal. I mean a medium-sized galaxy
against one little world, and how long did it take us?
Clerk of the Court?''
``M'lud?'' said the severe little man in black, rising.
``How long, kiddo?''
``It is a trifle difficult, m'lud, to be precise in this matter.
Time and distance ...''
``Relax, guy, be vague.''
``I hardly like to be vague, m'lud, over such a ...''
``Bite the bullet and be it.''
The Clerk of the Court blinked at him. It was clear that
like most of the Galactic legal profession he found
Judiciary Pag (or Zipo Bibrok 510^8, as his private
name was known, inexplicably, to be) a rather distressing
figure. He was clearly a bounder and a cad. He seemed to
think that the fact that he was the possessor of the finest
legal mind ever discovered gave him the right to behave
exactly as he liked, and unfortunately he appeared to be
right.
``Er, well, m'lud, very approximately, two thousand
years,'' the Clerk murmured unhappily.
``And how many guys zilched out?''
``Two grillion, m'lud.'' The Clerk sat down. A
hydrospectic photo of him at this point would have
revealed that he was steaming slightly.
Judiciary Pag gazed once more around the courtroom,
wherein were assembled hundreds of the very highest
officials of the entire Galactic administration, all in their
ceremonial uniforms or bodies, depending on metabolism
and custom. Behind a wall of Zap-Proof Crystal stood a
representative group of the people of Krikkit, looking
with calm, polite loathing at all the aliens gathered to
pass judgment on them. This was the most momentous
occasion in legal history, and Judiciary Pag knew it.
He took out his chewing gum and stuck it under his chair.
``That's a whole lotta stiffs,'' he said quietly.
jezivi arsenal granata, u rasponu od omanjih zapaljivih
bombi do maksi-slorta - hipernuklearnog oruja koje je
moglo da raznese neko ovee sunce. Jednostavnim
udaranjem granata borbenim batinama istovremeno su
ih pripaljivali i lansirali neverovatnom tanou preko
rastojanja u opsegu od nekoliko jardi, pa sve do vie
stotina hiljada milja.
"U redu", kazalo je ponovo Njegovo Zakonodavno
Blagorodstvo, "mi smo na kraju pobedili." Zastao je i
nekoliko trenutaka vakao malenu gumu. "Pobedili smo,
ali to ba i nije Bog zna ta. Hou da kaem, bilo je to
itava jedna osrednja Galaksija protiv maleckog sveta, a
koliko nam je trebalo? ato?"
"Gospon?" upitao je ozbiljni oveuljak odeven u crno i
podigao se.
"Koliko, deko?"
"Pa, gospon, malko je teko biti precizan u tim stvarima.
Vreme i razdaljina..."
"Polako, momak, opusti se."
"Ne dopada mi se ba mnogo, gospon, da se opustim u
takvom..."
"Sredi se i navali."
Sudski ata trepnuo je prema njemu. Bilo je oigledno
da, kao i mnogi drugi pravnici Galaksije, smatra
Njegovo Zakonodavno Blagorodstvo (ili Zipo Bibroka 5
x 10 na 8 kako je, neobjanjivo, glasilo njegovo pravo
ime) prilino tekim ovekom. Ovaj je, zapravo, zaista
bio nasrtljivac i nevaspitan ovek. Izgleda da je mislio
da mu to to poseduje najbolji pravni um koji je ikada
postojao daje pravo da se ponaa kako hoe; na alost,
ini se da je bio u pravu.
"Pa, ovaj, gospon, vrlo priblino, dve hiljade godina",
promrmljao je ata nesreno.
"A koliko tipova je odmralo?"
"Dva griliona, gospon." ata sede. Hidrospektiki
snimak njegovog tela u tom trenutku otkrio bi da se
lagano pui.
Njegovo Zakonodavno Blagorodstvo jo jednom je
pogledalo po sudnici, gde su bile okupljene stotine
najviih slubenika itave galaktike uprave, svi u
svojim sveanim uniformama ili telima, zavisno od
obiaja i metabolizma. Iza zida od kristala neprobojnog
za zgrom-i-puc nalazila se skupina predstavnika Krikita
koja je sa hladnim, uglaenim gaenjem posmatrala sve
te tuince to su se tu okupili da im donesu presudu. Bio
je ovo najvaniji trenutak u istoriji pravnih nauka i
Njegovo Zakonodavno Blagorodstvo znalo je to.
Izvadio je vakau gumu i prilepio je ispod stolice.
"To ti je gadna gomila", rekao je tiho.
The grim silence in the courtroom seemed in accord with
this view.
``So, like I said, these are a bunch of really sweet guys,
but you wouldn't want to share a Galaxy with them, not if
they're just gonna keep at it, not if they're not gonna learn
to relax a little. I mean it's just gonna be continual
nervous time, isn't it, right? Pow, pow, pow, when are
they next coming at us? Peaceful coexistence is just right
out, right? Get me some water somebody, thank you.''
He sat back and sipped reflectively.
``OK,'' he said, ``hear me, hear me. It's, like, these guys,
you know, are entitled to their own view of the Universe.
And according to their view, which the Universe forced
on them, right, they did right. Sounds crazy, but I think
you'll agree. They believe in ...''
He consulted a piece of paper which he found in the back
pocket of his Judicial jeans.
``They believe in `peace, justice, morality, culture, sport,
family life, and the obliteration of all other life forms'.''
He shrugged.
``I've heard a lot worse,'' he said.
He scratched his crotch reflectively.
``Freeeow,'' he said. He took another sip of water, then
held it up to the light and frowned at it. He twisted it
round.
``Hey, is there something in this water?'' he said.
``Er, no, m'lud,'' said the Court Usher who had brought it
to him, rather nervously.
``Then take it away,'' snapped Judiciary Pag, ``and put
something in it. I got an idea.''
He pushed away the glass and leaned forward.
``Hear me, hear me,'' he said.
The solution was brilliant, and went like this:
The planet of Krikkit was to be enclosed for perpetuity in
an envelope of Slo-Time, inside which life would
continue almost infinitely slowly. All light would be
deflected round the envelope so that it would remain
invisible and impenetrable. Escape from the envelope
would be utterly impossible unless it were locked from
the outside.
When the rest of the Universe came to its final end, when
the whole of creation reached its dying fall (this was all,
of course, in the days before it was known that the end of
the Universe would be a spectacular catering venture)
and life and matter ceased to exist, then the planet of
Krikkit and its sun would emerge from its Slo-Time
Mrka tiina u sudnici izgleda da se slagala sa takvim
pogledom.
"I tako, kao to sam ve rekao, oni su mnogo fino
drutvo, ali niko ne udi da deli Galaksiju sa njima, bar
ne ukoliko i dalje nameravaju da se dre toga kao pijan
plota, ako ne naue da malo 'olade. Hou da kaem, pa
to bi bilo neprekidno nerviranje sa njima, zar ne? Bum,
bum, bum, kada li e sledei put da navale na nas.
Dakle, miroljubiva koegzistencija ne dolazi u obzir, je l'
tako? Ej, 'ajde da mi neko donese au vode, moliu
lepo."
Ponovo se zavalio i zamiljeno nalio vodu.
"U redu", rekao je, "poujte ovo, sluajte. Izgleda da su
ti momci, znate, skroz okrenuti svojoj slici Vaseljene. A
prema toj slici, koju im je Vaseljena nametnula, oni su
ispravno postupili. Znam da zvui blesavo, ali verujem
da se slaete. Oni veruju u..."
Pogledao je papir koji je naao u zadnjem depu svojih
sudskih farmerki.
"Oni veruju u 'mir, pravdu, moralnost, kulturu, sport,
porodini ivot i istrebljenje svih ostalih oblika ivota'."
Slegao je ramenima.
"uo sam i za gore", dodao je.
Zamiljeno se poeao izmeu nogu.
"Uuuuf", rekao je. Nalio je jo vode, a onda je podigao
au i namrtio se na nju. Prodrmao ju je.
"Ej, ima li to neega u ovoj vodi?" upitao je.
"Ovaj, nema niega", odvratio je sudski razvodnik koji
mu ju je doneo, prilino nervoznim glasom.
"Nosi je onda odavde", zarealo je Njegovo
Zakonodavno Blagorodstvo, "i sipaj neto u nju. Imam
ideju."
Odloio je au i nagao se napred.
"Poujte ovo, sluajte", rekao je on.
Reenje je bilo blistavo, a ogledalo se u sledeem:
Planeta Krikit bie veito zatvorena u omota od Spo-
vremena, unutar koga e ivot nastaviti da se odigrava
gotovo beskonano sporo. Sva svetlost skretae oko
omotaa, tako da e on ostati nevidljiv i neprobojan.
Bekstvo iz omotaa bie nemogue osim ukoliko bi se
ovaj otkljuao spolja.
Kada ostatak Vaseljene bude doao do svog konanog
kraja i kada itavo postanje bude suoeno sa svojim
samrtnim okonanjem (sve se to, razume se, deavalo
pre nego to je postalo poznato da e kraj Vaseljene
prerasti u spektakularni ugostiteljski dogaaj), kada
ivot i materija budu prestali da postoje, tada e planeta
envelope and continue a solitary existence, such as it Krikit i njeno sunce izroniti iz svog omotaa od Spo-
craved, in the twilight of the Universal void. vremena i nastaviti svoje usamljeno postojanje, kao to
su i eleli, u sumraku sveopte praznine.
The Lock would be on an asteroid which would slowly Brava e se nalaziti na asteroidu koji e lagano kruiti
orbit the envelope. na orbiti oko omotaa.
The key would be the symbol of the Galaxy --- the Klju e biti simbol Galaksije - Dveri Vikita.
Wikkit Gate.
By the time the applause in the court had died down, Do trenutka kada je pljesak u sudnici zamro, Njegovo
Judiciary Pag was already in the Sens-O-Shower with a Zakonodavno Blagorodstvo ve se nalazilo pod senz-o-
rather nice member of the jury that he'd slipped a note to tuem sa vrlo zgodnom lanicom porote kojoj je doturio
half an hour earlier. poruku pola sata ranije.

Chapter Fifteen 15.

Two months later, Zipo Bibrok 510^8 had cut the
bottoms off his Galactic State jeans, and was spending
part of the enormous fee his judgments commanded lying
on a jewelled beach having Essence of Qualactin rubbed
into his back by the same rather nice member of the jury.
She was a Soolfinian girl from beyond the Cloudworlds
of Yaga. She had skin like lemon silk and was very
interested in legal bodies.
``Did you hear the news?'' she said.
``Weeeeelaaaaah!'' said Zipo Bibrok 510^8, and you
would have had to have been there to know exactly why
he said this. None of this was on the tape of
Informational Illusions, and is all based on hearsay.
``No,'' he added, when the thing that had made him say
``Weeeeelaaaaah'' had stopped happening. He moved his
body round slightly to catch the first rays of the third andtelo da bi uhvatio prve zrake treeg i najveeg od tri
greatest of primeval Vod's three suns which was now
creeping over the ludicrously beautiful horizon, and the
sky now glittered with some of the greatest tanning
power ever known.
A fragrant breeze wandered up from the quiet sea, trailed
along the beach, and drifted back to sea again, wondering
where to go next. On a mad impulse it went up to the
beach again. It drifted back to sea.
``I hope it isn't good news,'' muttered Zipo Bibrok
510^8, ``'cos I don't think I could bear it.``
``Your Krikkit judgment was carried out today,'' said the
girl sumptuously. There was no need to say such a
straightforward thing sumptuously, but she went ahead
and did it anyway because it was that sort of day. ``I
heard it on the radio,'' she said, ``when I went back to thena radiju", rekla je, "kada sam otila na brod po ulje."
ship for the oil.''
``Uhuh,'' muttered Zipo and rested his head back on the "Aha", promrmljao je Zipo i zabacio glavu na pesak od
Dva meseca kasnije, Zipo Bibrok 5 x 10 na 8 skratio je
svoje galaktike dravne farmerke i stao da troi deo
ogromnih honorara koje je dobijao za svoja suenja tako
to je leao na plai prekrivenoj draguljima, dok mu je
ona ista vrlo zgodna lanica porote u lea utrljavala
kvalaktinsku esenciju. Bila je to sulfinijska devojka sa
Oblanih Svetova Jage. Imala je kou poput svile boje
limuna i vrlo su je zanimali zakonodavni organi.
"Jesi li uo vesti?" upitala je.
"Viiiiilaaaaah!" rekao je Zipo Bibrok 5 x 10 na 8 i
trebalo je da budete prisutni da biste tano znali zbog
ega je to kazao. Od svega toga nita nije snimljeno na
traku informacionih opsena, tako da se sve zasniva na
prepriavanju.
"Ne", dodao je, kada je stvar koja ga je naterala da kae
"Viiiiilaaaaah!" prestala da se deava. Malo je okrenuo
sunca praiskonskog Voda koje je puzalo preko smeno
prekrasnog obzorja, a nebo je blistalo jednom od
najjaih moi za izazivanje preplanulosti koe koje su
ikada upoznate.
Mirisni povetarac dolutao je sa mirnog mora, igrao se po
plai i ponovo odlutao na more, kao da se pita kuda bi
dalje. aav poriv naveo ga je da se vrati na plau, pa je
ponovo odlutao na more.
"Nadam se da vest nije dobra", promrmljao je Zipo
Bibrok 5 x 10 na 8, "jer ne verujem da bih to podneo."
"Tvoja krikitska presuda izvrena je danas", kazala je
devojka raskalano. Nije bilo nikakve potrebe da se
takva obina stvar izgovara raskalano, ali je ona to ipak
uinila zato to je dan bio kao stvoren za to. "ula sam
jewelled sand. dragog kamenja.
``Something happened,'' she said. "Neto se dogodilo", rekla je.
``Mmmm?'' "Mmmm?"
``Just after the Slo-Time envelope was locked,'' she said,
"im je omota od Spo-vremena zakljuan", rekla je i
and paused a moment from rubbing in the Essence of na trenutak prestala da utrljava esenciju sa Kvalaktina,
Qualactin, ``a Krikkit warship which had been missing"za jedan krikitski brod koji je nestao i za koga se
presumed destroyed turned out to be just missing after
verovalo da je uniten pokazalo se da je ipak samo
all. It appeared and tried to seize the Key.''nestao. Ponovo se pojavio i pokuao da oduzme Klju."
Zipo sat up sharply. Zipo otro ustade.
``Hey, what?'' he said. "Hej, ta?" upitao je.
``it's all right,'' she said in a voice which would have
"Sve je u redu", kazala je glasom koji bi primirio i
calmed the Big Bang down. ``Apparently there was a Veliki Prasak. "Izgleda da je dolo do kraeg okraja.
short battle. The Key and the warship were disintegrated
Klju i ratni brod su dezintegrisani i rasuti po
and blasted into the space-time continuum. Apparently kontinuumu prostorvremena. Verovatno su zauvek
they are lost for ever.'' izgubljeni."
She smiled, and ran a little more Essence of Qualactin on
Nasmeila se i istisnula jo malo esencije sa Kvalaktina
to her fingertips. He relaxed and lay back down. na vrhove prstiju. Opustio se i ponovo legao.
``Do what you did a moment or two ago,'' he murmured. "Uradi ono to si uradila pre par trenutaka", promrmljao
je.
``That?'' she said. "Ovo?" rekla je.
``No, no,'' he said, ``that.'' "Ne, ne", rekao je. "Ono drugo."
She tried again. Ponovo je pokuala.
``That?'' she asked. "Ovo?" pitala je.
``Weeeeelaaaaah!'' "Viiiiilaaaaah!"
Again, you had to be there. Ponovo je trebalo da budete tamo.
The fragrant breeze drifted up from the sea again. Mirisni povetarac opet je dolutao sa mora.
A magician wandered along the beach, but no one needed Plaom je lutao jedan arobnjak, ali nikome nije bio
him. potreban.

Chapter Sixteen 16.

``Nothing is lost for ever,'' said Slartibartfast, his face
flickering redly in the light of the candle which the robot
waiter was trying to take away, ``except for the Cathedral
of Chalesm.''
``The what?'' said Arthur with a start.
``The Cathedral of Chalesm,'' repeated Slartibartfast. ``It
was during the course of my researches at the Campaign
for Real Time that I ...''
``The what?'' said Arthur again.
The old man paused and gathered his thoughts, for what
he hoped would be one last onslaught on his story. The
robot waiter moved through the space-time matrices in a
way which spectacularly combined the surly with the
obsequious, made a snatch for the candle and got it. They
had had the bill, had argued convincingly about who had
had the cannelloni and how many bottles of wine they
had had, and, as Arthur had been dimly aware, had
thereby successfully manoeuvred the ship out of
"Nita nije zauvek izgubljeno", rekao je Slartibartfast, a
lice mu se crvenkasto treperilo u svetlosti svee koju je
robotski kelner pokuavao da odnese, "izuzev katedrale
alezme."
"ega?" upitao je zbunjeno Artur.
"Katedrale alezme", ponovio je Slartibartfast. "Bilo je
to u vreme mojih istraivanja u okviru kampanje za
realno vreme kada sam..."
"Za ta?" upitao je Artur.
Starac je zastao i pokuao da se usredsredi na ono za ta
se nadao da predstavlja poslednji napad na njegovu
priu. Robotski kelner kretao se kroz prostorvremenske
matrice na nain koji je spektakularno kombinovao
sigurno sa neizmerno paljivim, to mu je konano
pruilo priliku da posegne za sveom i dograbi je. Poto
su dobili raun, stali su vrlo ubedljivo da se raspravljaju
oko toga ko je naruio kanelone i koliko je boca vina
popijeno, a za to vreme je, iako je Artur bio tek nejasno
subjective space and into a parking orbit round a strange svestan toga, brod dovezen iz subjektivnog prostora na
planet. The waiter was now anxious to complete his part parkirnu orbitu oko jedne tuinske planete. Kelner je
of the charade and clear the bistro. sada jedva ekao da dovri svoj deo arade i da isprazni
bistro.
``All will become clear,'' said Slartibartfast. "Sve e biti jasno", rekao je Slartibartfast.
``When?'' "Kada?"
``In a minute. Listen. The time streams are now very "Za nekoliko trenutaka. Sluaj. Struje vremena sada su
polluted. There's a lot of muck floating about in them, veoma zagaene. Po njima plivaju gomile otpadaka,
flotsam and jetsam, and more and more of it is now being naplavina i raznih ostataka i sve ih se vie vraa u
regurgitated into the physical world. Eddies in the space- fiziki svet. Kovitlaci u prostorvremenskom
time continuum, you see.'' kontinuumu, razume."
``So I hear,'' said Arthur. "uo sam za njih", rekao je Artur.
``Look, where are we going?'' said Ford, pushing his "Sluaj, kuda idemo?" upitao je Ford i nestrpljivo
chair back from the table with impatience. ``Because I'm odmakao svoju stolicu od stola, "jer jedva ekam da
eager to get there.'' stignemo."
``We are going,'' said Slartibartfast in a slow, measured "Idemo", kazao je Slartibartfast laganim, odmerenim
voice, ``to try to prevent the war robots of Krikkit from glasom, "da pokuamo da osujetimo ratnike robote
regaining the whole of the Key they need to unlock the Krikita koji nastoje da zadobiju itav Klju koji im je
planet of Krikkit from the Slo-Time envelope and release potreban da otkljuaju planetu Krikit iz njenog omotaa
the rest of their army and their mad Masters.'' od Spo-vremena i da oslobode ostatak armade i svoje
lude gospodare."
``It's just,'' said Ford, ``that you mentioned a party.'' "Stvar je, naprosto, o tome", kazao je Ford, "da si
pomenuo nekakvu urku."
``I did,'' said Slartibartfast, and hung his head. "Jesam", rekao je Slartibartfast i pognuo glavu.
He realized that it had been a mistake, because the idea Shvatio je da je posredi bila greka, jer ta zamisao je,
seemed to exercise a strange and unhealthy fascination izgleda, izazivala udnovato i nezdravo oduevljenje u
on the mind of Ford Prefect. The more that Slartibartfast umu Forda Prefekta. to je vie Slartibartfast otkrivao
unravelled the dark and tragic story of Krikkit and its tamnu i traginu priu o Krikitu i njegovom narodu,
people, the more Ford Prefect wanted to drink a lot and utoliko je Ford vie eleo da pije i da plee sa
dance with girls. devojkama.
The old man felt that he should not have mentioned the Starac pomisli da nije trebalo da pominje zabavu sve
party until he absolutely had to. But there it was, the fact dok ne bude neophodno. Ali bilo je kako je bilo,
was out, and Ford Prefect had attached himself to it the injenica je iznesena na videlo, a Ford se uhvatio na nju
way an Arcturan Megaleach attaches itself to its victim kao to se arkturijanske megapijavice prilepe za svoju
before biting his head off and making off with his rtvu pre nego to joj odgrizu glavu i pobegnu njenim
spaceship. svemirskim brodom.
``When,'' said Ford eagerly, ``do we get there?'' "Kada", upitao je Ford enjivio, "stiemo tamo?"
``When I've finished telling you why we have to go "Kada vam budem ispriao do kraja zbog ega moramo
there.'' da idemo tamo."
``I know why I'm going,'' said Ford, and leaned back, "Ja znam zbog ega ja idem", kazao je Ford i zavalio se
sticking his hands behind his head. He gave one of his sa rukama ispod uzglavlja. Na licu mu se pojavio jedan
smiles which made people twitch. od onih osmeha od kojih se ljudi lecnu.
Slartibartfast had hoped for an easy retirement. Slartibartfast se nadao lagodnoj penziji.
He had been planning to learn to play the octraventral Nadao se da e nauiti da svira oktaventralni ludofon,
heebiephone --- a pleasantly futile task, he knew, because prijatan, ali zaludan posao, znao je, zbog toga to je
he had the wrong number of mouths. imao pogrean broj usta.
He had also been planning to write an eccentric and Takoe je planirao da napie ekscentrinu i
relentlessly inaccurate monograph on the subject of neodgovornu monografiju punu netanih podataka na
equatorial fjords in order to set the record wrong about temu polutarnih fjordova, ne bi li iskrivio podatke o
one or two matters he saw as important. jednoj ili dve stvari koje je smatrao bitnim.
Instead, he had somehow got talked into doing some Umesto toga, nekako su ga nagovorili da se poduhvati
part-time work for the Campaign for Real Time and had honorarnih poslova sa nepunim radnim vremenom u
started to take it all seriously for the first time in his life. kampanji za realno vreme, pa je poeo da shvata sve to
As a result he now found himself spending his fast- ozbiljno prvi put u ivotu. Posledica svega toga bila je
declining years combating evil and trying to save the da je sada provodio poslednje godine ivota u borbi sa
Galaxy. zlom i u pokuajima da spase Galaksiju.
He found it exhausting work and sighed heavily. Pomislio je kako je to iscrpljujui posao i teko
uzdahnuo.
``Listen,'' he said, ``at Camtim ...'' "Sluaj", rekao je, "u Kamrevu..."
``What?'' said Arthur. "ta?"
``The Campaign for Real Time, which I will tell you "Kampanja za realno vreme, o kojoj u ti priati kasnije.
about later. I noticed that five pieces of jetsam which had Primetio sam da pet komada naplavina koji su se
in relatively recent times plopped back into existence srazmerno nedavno pojavile odgovara, kako izgleda,
seemed to correspond to the five pieces of the missing komadima nestalog Kljua. U stvari, samo sam uspeo da
Key. Only two I could trace exactly --- the Wooden uem u trag dvaju delova - Drvenog stuba, koji se
Pillar, which appeared on your planet, and the Silver pojavio na tvojoj planeti, i Srebrne spone. Izgleda da se
Bail. It seems to be at some sort of party. We must go ona nalazi na nekoj vrsti zabave. Moramo poi da je
there to retrieve it before the Krikkit robots find it, or ponovo zadobijemo pre nego to je nau roboti Krikita,
who knows what may hap?'' ili se moe svata dogoditi."
``No,'' said Ford firmly. ``We must go to the party in "Ne", rekao je Ford vrstim glasom, "moramo otii na tu
order to drink a lot and dance with girls.'' zabavu da bismo se napili i igrali sa devojkama."
``But haven't you understood everything I ...?'' "Ali zar nisi shvatio sve to sam vam..."
``Yes,'' said Ford, with a sudden and unexpected "Da", uzvratio je Ford sa iznenadnom i neoekivanom
fierceness, ``I've understood it all perfectly well. That's estinom, "razumeo sam ja to savreno dobro. Zbog
why I want to have as many drinks and dance with as toga elim da se napijem to vie i da pleem sa to je
many girls as possible while there are still any left. If vie devojaka mogue, sve dok uopte jo postoje.
everything you've shown us is true ...'' Ukoliko je sve to to si nam pokazao istina..."
``True? Of course it's true.'' "Istina? Razume se da je istina."
``... then we don't stand a whelk's chance in a supernova.'' "...onda nemamo nita vie izgleda od pua usred
supernove."
``A what?'' said Arthur sharply again. He had been "Od ega?" upitao je Artur ponovo otrim glasom. Sve
following the conversation doggedly up to this point, and do te take paljivo je sledio razgovor i nije eleo da
was keen not to lose the thread now. sada izgubi nit.
``A whelk's chance in a supernova,'' repeated Ford "Izgledi pua usred supernove", ponovio je Ford ne
without losing momentum. ``The ...'' gubei zalet, "ta..."
``What's a whelk got to do with a supernova?'' said "Kakve veze ima pu sa supernovom?" upitao je Artur.
Arthur.
``It doesn't,'' said Ford levelly, ``stand a chance in one.'' "Nema nikakvih", rekao je Ford ravnim glasom,
"izgleda da preivi u njoj."
He paused to see if the matter was now cleared up. The Zastao je da vidi da li je stvar sada razjanjena. Novi
freshly puzzled looks clambering across Arthur's face zbunjeni pogledi koji su se peli na Arturovo lice jasno su
told him that it wasn't. mu stavili do znanja da nije.
``A supernova,'' said Ford as quickly and as clearly as he "Supernova", rekao je Ford to je bre i jasnije mogao,
could, ``is a star which explodes at almost half the speed "jeste zvezda koja eksplodira gotovo brzinom svetlosti i
of light and burns with the brightness of a billion suns gori sjajem milijardi sunaca, a potom se pretvara u
and then collapses as a super-heavy neutron star. It's a superteku neutronsku zvezdu, razume? To je zvezda
star which burns up other stars, got it? Nothing stands a koja spaljuje druge zvezde. Nita ne moe da preivi
chance in a supernova.'' usred supernove."
``I see,'' said Arthur. "Shvatam", rekao je Artur.
``The ...'' "Ta..."
``So why a whelk particularly?'' "I zato onda ba pu?"
``Why not a whelk? Doesn't matter.'' "A zato da ne? Nije bitno."
Arthur accepted this, and Ford continued, picking up his Artur je prihvatio ovo i Ford je nastavio, sakupivi neto
early fierce momentum as best he could. od prethodnog zaleta to je bolje umeo.
``The point is,'' he said, ``that people like you and me, "Tako da je stvar u tome", rekao je, "da ljudi poput tebe
Slartibartfast, and Arthur --- particularly and especially i mene, Slartibartfaste, i Artura - naroito i posebno
Arthur --- are just dilletantes, eccentrics, layabouts, Artura - predstavljaju samo neznalice, nespretnjakovie,
fartarounds if you like.'' priipetlje, ako ti se tako svia."
Slartibartfast frowned, partly in puzzlement and partly in Slatribartfast se namrtio, delom usled zbunjenosti, a
umbrage. He started to speak. delom uvreeno. Zaustio je da progovori.
``--- ...'' is as far as he got. "..." bilo je sve to je stigao da kae.
``We're not obsessed by anything, you see,'' insisted Ford. "Mi nismo niim opsednuti, shvata", bio je uporan
Ford.
``...'' "..."
``And that's the deciding factor. We can't win against "A to je odluujui inilac. Ne moemo pobediti u
obsession. They care, we don't. They win.'' sukobu protiv opsednutosti. Oni mare, mi ne. Oni e
pobediti."
``I care about lots of things,'' said Slartibartfast, his voice "Marim ja o puno stvari", rekao je Slartibartfast, iji se
trembling partly with annoyance, but partly also with glas tresao delom od ljutnje, ali delom i od nesigurnosti.
uncertainty.
``Such as?'' "Kao, na primer?"
``Well,'' said the old man, ``life, the Universe. "Pa", rekao je starac, "ivot, Vaseljena. Sve ostalo,
Everything, really. Fjords.'' zapravo. Fjordovi."
``Would you die for them?'' "Bi li umro za njih?"
``Fjords?'' blinked Slartibartfast in surprise. ``No.'' "Za fjordove?" trepnuo je Slartibartfast iznenaeno.
"Ne."
``Well then.'' "Eto, vidi."
``Wouldn't see the point, to be honest.'' "Ne shvatam ta eli da kae, da budem iskren."
``And I still can't see the connection,'' said Arthur, ``with "A ja i dalje ne vidim vezu", rekao je Artur, "s
whelks.'' puevima."
Ford could feel the conversation slipping out of his Ford je oseao kako ovaj razgovor poinje da mu izmie
control, and refused to be sidetracked by anything at this iz ruke i odbio je da dopusti da ga sada ita odvue na
point. sporedan kolosek.
``The point is,'' he hissed, ``that we are not obsessive "Stvar je u tome", prosiktao je, "da mi nismo opsednuti
people, and we don't stand a chance against ...'' ljudi, te stoga nemamo nikakvih izgleda protiv..."
``Except for your sudden obsession with whelks,'' "Osim tvoje iznenadne opsednutosti puevima",
pursued Arthur, ``which I still haven't understood.'' navaljivao je Artur, "koju jo ne shvatam."
``Will you please leave whelks out of it?'' "Hoe li, molim, te, da se mane ve jednom tih
pueva?"
``I will if you will,'' said Arthur. ``You brought the "Ja hou, ako ti hoe", odvratio je Artur. "Ti si prvi
subject up.'' pomenuo tu temu."
``It was an error,'' said Ford, ``forget them. The point is "Bila je to greka", rekao je Ford. "Zaboravi ih. Stvar je
this.'' u ovome."
He leant forward and rested his forehead on the tips of Nagao se napred i prislonio elo o vrhove prstiju.
his fingers.
``What was I talking about?'' he said wearily. "O emu sam ono govorio?" upitao je umorno.
``Let's just go down to the party,'' said Slartibartfast, ``for "Hajdemo na zabavu", rekao je Slartibartfast, "koji god
whatever reason.'' He stood up, shaking his head. bio razlog za to." Ustao je i zavrteo glavom.
``I think that's what I was trying to say,'' said Ford. "Mislim da sam i ja hteo to da kaem", rekao je Ford.
For some unexplained reason, the teleport cubicles were Iz nekog neobjanjivog raloga, teleport se nalazio u
in the bathroom. kupatilu.
Chapter Seventeen
Time travel is increasingly regarded as a menace. History
is being polluted.
The Encyclopedia Galactica has much to say on the
theory and practice of time travel, most of which is
incomprehensible to anyone who hasn't spent at least
four lifetimes studying advanced hypermathematics, and
since it was impossible to do this before time travel was
invented, there is a certain amount of confusion as to
how the idea was arrived at in the first place. One
rationalization of this problem states that time travel was,
by its very nature, discovered simultaneously at all
periods of history, but this is clearly bunk.
The trouble is that a lot of history is now quite clearly
bunk as well.
Here is an example. It may not seem to be an important
one to some people, but to others it is crucial. It is
certainly significant in that it was the single event which
caused the Campaign for Real Time to be set up in the
first place (or is it last? It depends which way round you
see history as happening, and this too is now an
increasingly vexed question).
There is, or was, a poet. His name was Lallafa, and he
wrote what are widely regarded throughout the Galaxy as
being the finest poems in existence, the Songs of the
Long Land.
They are/were unspeakably wonderful. That is to say,
you couldn't speak very much of them at once without
being so overcome with emotion, truth and a sense of
wholeness and oneness of things that you wouldn't pretty
soon need a brisk walk round the block, possibly pausing
at a bar on the way back for a quick glass of perspective
and soda. They were that good.
Lallafa had lived in the forests of the Long Lands of Effa.
He lived there, and he wrote his poems there. He wrote
them on pages made of dried habra leaves, without the
benefit of education or correcting fluid. He wrote about
the light in the forest and what he thought about that. He
wrote about the darkness in the forest, and what he
17.
Putovanje kroz vreme sve vie se smatra opasnou.
Istorija postaje zagaena.
'Enciklopedija Galaktika' ima da izjavi mnogo toga o
teoriji i praksi putovanja kroz vreme, od ega je najvei
deo potpuno nerazumljiv svima onima koji nisu proveli
bar etiri celokupna ivota na studijama vie
hipermatematike, a poto je to bilo nemogue izvesti pre
nego to je izmiljeno putovanje kroz vreme, u
odreenoj meri je nejasno kako se prvobitno dolo na tu
zamisao. Jedna racionalizacija ovog problema kae da je
putovanje kroz vreme, po samoj svojoj prirodi,
izmiljeno istovremeno u svim razdobljima istorije, ali
to je oigledno budalatina.
Nevolja je, meutim, u tome to je sasvim oigledno da
je najvei deo istorije u ovom trenutku takoe
budalatina.
Evo jednog primera. Moda nekim ljudima on ne
izgleda vano, ali drugi ga smatraju kljunim. Svakako
je bitno to to je taj pojedinani dogaaj bio razlog
otpoinjanja kampanje za realno vreme, pre svih ostalih
(ili posle - ve u zavisnosti od toga u kome se smeru
posmatra istorija, a i to je tema o kojoj se sve vie
raspravlja.)
Postoji, ili je postojao, jedan pesnik. Ime mu je bilo
Lalafa i napisao je pesme koje su sada irom Galaksije
poznate kao najbolje to su ikada napisane - 'Pesme
Dugake Zemlje'.
One su (bile su) neizrecivo divne. To znai, niste mogli
dugo da govorite o njima a da vas oseanja ne preplave
u tolikoj meri, skupa sa oseanjem celokupnosti i
jedinstvenosti, da vam ubrzo ne zatreba kratka etnja
oko bloka, pri emu ete se u povratku verovatno
zaustaviti kod bara koji vam je uz put i sruiti niz grlo,
na brzaka, aicu perspektive sa sodom. Bile su toliko
dobre.
Lalafa je iveo u umama Dugake Zemlje Efske. Tamo
je iveo i tamo je pisao svoje pesme. Pisao ih je na
stranicama nainjenim od osuenog lia habre, bez
pomoi koju mu je mogla pruiti kolovanost ili
korekturni lak. Pisao je o svetlosti uma i o onome to je
mislio o njoj. Pisao je o umskoj tami i o onome to je
thought about that. He wrote about the girl who had left
him and precisely what he thought about that.
Long after his death his poems were found and wondered
over. News of them spread like morning sunlight. For
centuries they illuminated and watered the lives of many
people whose lives might otherwise have been darker
and drier.
Then, shortly after the invention of time travel, some
major correcting fluid manufacturers wondered whether
his poems might have been better still if he had had
access to some high-quality correcting fluid, and whether
he might be persuaded to say a few words on that effect.
They travelled the time waves, they found him, they
explained the situation --- with some difficulty --- to him,
and did indeed persuade him. In fact they persuaded him
to such an effect that he became extremely rich at their
hands, and the girl about whom he was otherwise
destined to write which such precision never got around
to leaving him, and in fact they moved out of the forest to
a rather nice pad in town and he frequently commuted to
the future to do chat shows, on which he sparkled wittily.
He never got around to writing the poems, of course,
which was a problem, but an easily solved one. The
manufacturers of correcting fluid simply packed him off
for a week somewhere with a copy of a later edition of
his book and a stack of dried habra leaves to copy them
out on to, making the odd deliberate mistake and
correction on the way.
Many people now say that the poems are suddenly
worthless. Others argue that they are exactly the same as
they always were, so what's changed? The first people
say that that isn't the point. They aren't quite sure what
the point is, but they are quite sure that that isn't it. They
set up the Campaign for Real Time to try to stop this sort
of thing going on. Their case was considerably
strengthened by the fact that a week after they had set
themselves up, news broke that not only had the great
Cathedral of Chalesm been pulled down in order to build
a new ion refinery, but that the construction of the
refinery had taken so long, and had had to extend so far
back into the past in order to allow ion production to start
on time, that the Cathedral of Chalesm had now never
been built in the first place. Picture postcards of the
cathedral suddenly became immensely valuable.
So a lot of history is now gone for ever. The Campaign
for Real Timers claim that just as easy travel eroded the
differences between one country and another, and
between one world and another, so time travel is now
mislio o njoj. Pisao je o devojci koja ga je napustila i o
svemu onome to je mislio o njoj.
Mnogo godina posle njegove smrti njegove pesme su
pronaene i izazvale su pravo zaprepaenje. Novosti o
njima irile su se poput jutarnje svetlosti sunca.
Stoleima su inile svetlijim i sonijim ivote mnogih
ljudi iji bi dani inae bili mraniji i suniji.
A onda, ubrzo posle izuma putovanja kroz vreme, neki
od najveih proizvoaa korekturnog laka upitali su se
da li bi njegove pesme bile jo bolje da je imao pristupa
visokokvalitetnom korekturnom laku i da li bi ga moda
to navelo da kae po koju re o tom dejstvu.
Putovali su talasima vremena: pronali su ga. Objasnili
su mu situaciju - uz izvesne potekoe - i uspeli da ga
ubede. Toliko su ga, zapravo, ubedili da je, zahvaljujui
njima, postao izuzetno bogat, te ga devojka, o kojoj bi
inae tako podrobno pisao, nije ni pomislila da napusti,
ve su se, zapravo, odselili iz ume u prilino lep
apartman u gradu, a on je esto odlazio u budunost radi
televizijskih emisija, u kojima je zraio inteligencijom.
Razume se, nikada mu ni na pamet nije palo da pie
pesme, to je predstavljalo problem, ali lako reiv.
Proizvoai korekturnog laka poslali su ga negde na
nedelju dana sa poslednjim izdanjem njegove knjige i
gomilom osuenog lia habre na koju je trebalo da je
prepie, pri emu je pravio udnovate namerne greke i
uz put ih ispravljao.
Sada mnogi ljudi govore da su njegove pesme iznenada
postale bezvredne. Drugi tvrde da su potpuno iste kao
to su uvek i bile, te, prema tome, ta se promenilo? Prvi
ljudi kau da stvar nije u tome. Oni nisu sasvim sigurni
u emu je stvar, ali su ubeeni da nije u tome. Zato su
zapoeli kampanju za realno vreme, ne bi li spreili
takve stvari. Bili su iznenada podrani injenicom da se,
nedelju dana poto su otpoeli sa kampanjom, proula
vest da ne samo da je velika Katedrala alezme sruena
da bi se sagradila nova jonska rafinerija, ve da je
gradnja rafinerije potrajala toliko dugo i toliko se pruila
u prolost da bi proizvodnja jona otpoela na vreme, da
Katedrala alezme uopte i nije sagraena. Razglednice
sa slikom katedrale iznenada su postele neprocenjivo
vredne.
I tako je veliki deo istorije zauvek izgubljen. Uesnici
kampanje za realno vreme tvrde da podjednako lako kao
to putovanja briu granice izmeu jedne zemlje i druge
i izmeu jednog sveta i drugog, tako i putovanja kroz
eroding the differences between one age and another. vreme briu razlike izmeu jedne ere i druge. "Prolost",
``The past,'' they say, ``is now truly like a foreign kau oni, "sada zaista podsea na stranu zemlju. Stvari
country. They do things exactly the same there.'' se tamo rade na potpuno isti nain kao i ovde."

Chapter Eighteen 18.

Arthur materialized, and did so with all the customary Artur se materijalizovao uz sve ono uobiajeno teturanje
staggering about and clasping at his throat, heart and i lupkanje po vratu, srcu i raznoraznim udovima, kome
various limbs which he still indulged himself in se uvek posveivao posle tih odvratnih i bolnih
whenever he made any of these hateful and painful otelotvorenja na koja je reio da se nikada ne privikne.
materializations that he was determined not to let himself Obazro se za ostalima.
get used to. He looked around for the others.
They weren't there. Nisu bili tu.
He looked around for the others again. Ponovo se obazro za ostalima.
They still weren't there. I dalje nisu bili tu.
He closed his eyes. Zatvorio je oi.
He opened them Pa ih je opet otvorio.
He looked around for the others. Obazro se za ostalima.
They obstinately persisted in their absence. Tvrdoglavo su ustrajavali u svom neprisustvu.
He closed his eyes again, preparatory to making this Jo jednom je zatvorio oi i upravo se pripremio da
completely futile exercise once more, and because it was ponovi ovaj besmisleni postupak - kada mu je tek tog
only then, whilst his eyes were closed, that his brain asa, dok su mu oi bile zatvorene, mozak registrovao
began to register what his eyes had been looking at ono to su one videle dok su prethodno bile otvorene,
whilst they were open, a puzzled frown crept across his zbog ega mu se lice zbunjeno namrtilo.
face.
So he opened his eyes again to check his facts and the I tako je otvorio oi da proveri tu injenicu, a mrtenje
frown stayed put. je ostalo.
If anything, it intensified, and got a good firm grip. If this
To jest, pojaalo se i postalo prilino duboko. Ukoliko je
was a party it was a very bad one, so bad, in fact, thatovo bila zabava, izgleda da je bila vrlo loa - zapravo,
everybody else had left. He abandoned this line of toliko loa da su svi otili. Napustio je taj pravac
thought as futile. Obviously this wasn't a party. It was a
razmiljanja kao zaludan. Oigledno, nije posredi bila
cave, or a labyrinth, or a tunnel of something --- therezabava. Obreo se u nekakvoj peini, lavirintu, tunelu ili
was insufficient light to tell. All was darkness, a dampneem slinom - nije bilo dovoljno svetla da bi se ma ta
shiny darkness. The only sounds were the echoes of his moglo razabrati, a svakako ne dovoljno svetla da bi se
own breathing, which sounded worried. He coughed very drala zabava. Sve je prekrivala tama, gusta, neprozirna
slightly, and then had to listen to the thin ghostly echo of
tama. Osim toga, nije bilo zvukova - zapravo, nikakvog
his cough trailing away amongst winding corridors and uma, osim odjeka njegovog sopstvenog disanja, koji je
sightless chambers, as of some great labyrinth, and zvuao zabrinuto. A to ga je vie sluao, zvuao je sve
eventually returning to him via the same unseen zabrinutije. Lagano se nakaljao, kao da je to uvod u
corridors, as if to say ... ``Yes?'' neto. Potom je bio prisiljen da slua tanuni, sablasni
odjek svog nakaljavanja koji je lutao po sloenim
hodnicima i nevidljivim odajama, kao da se nalazi u
nekakvom dinovskom lavirintu, i konano mu se vratio
preko drugih hodnika koje dotad jo nije uspeo ni da
vidi, kao da kae... 'Da?'
This happened to every slightest noise he made, and it To se deavalo sa svakim umom koji bi proizveo i
unnerved him. He tried to hum a cheery tune, but by the poinjalo je da ga nervira. Pokuao je da pevui nekakvu
time it returned to him it was a hollow dirge and he veselu pesmicu, ali do trenutka kada mu se ona vratila,
stopped.
His mind was suddenly full of images from the story that
Slartibartfast had been telling him. He half-expected
suddenly to see lethal white robots step silently from the
shadows and kill him. He caught his breath. They didn't.
He let it go again. He didn't know what he did expect.
Someone or something, however, seemed to be expecting
him, for at that moment there lit up suddenly in the dark
distance an eerie green neon sign.
It said, silently:
You have been Diverted
The sign flicked off again, in a way which Arthur was not
at all certain he liked. It flicked off with a sort of
contemptuous flourish. Arthur then tried to assure
himself that this was just a ridiculous trick of his
imagination. A neon sign is either on or off, depending on
whether it has electricity running through it or not. There
was no way, he told himself, that it could possibly effect
the transition from one state to the other with a
contemptuous flourish. He hugged himself tightly in his
dressing gown and shivered, nevertheless.
The neon sign in the depths now suddenly lit up,
bafflingly, with just three dots and a comma. Like this:
Only in green neon.
It was trying, Arthur realized after staring at this
perplexedly for a second or two, to indicate that there
was more to come, that the sentence was not complete.
Trying with almost superhuman pedantry, he reflected.
Or at least, inhuman pedantry.
The sentence then completed itself with these two words:
Arthur Dent.
He reeled. He steadied himself to have another clear look
at it. It still said Arthur Dent, so he reeled again.
Once again, the sign flicked off, and left him blinking in
the darkness with just the dim red image of his name
jumping on his retina.
Welcome, the sign now suddenly said.
After a moment, it added:
I Don't Think.
The stone-cold fear which had been hovering about
Arthur all this time, waiting for its moment, recognized
that its moment had now come and pounced on him. He
tried to fight it off. He dropped into a kind of alert crouch u nekoj vrsti napetog poluuanja kakav je nekada video
that he had once seen somebody do on television, but it
must have been someone with stronger knees. He peered
huntedly into the darkness.
``Er, hello?'' he said.
pretvorila se u alopojku koja je uplje odzvanjala i on
prestade.
Um mu je iznenada bio pun slika iz prie koju mu je
Slartibartfast ispriao. Napola je oekivao da e videti
ubilake bele robote kako bez glasa izlaze iz senki i
ubijaju ga. Zadrao je dah. Nisu se pojavili. Ponovo je
poeo da die. Nije znao ta je, zapravo, oekivao.
Ali neko ili neto, izgleda, oekivao je njega, jer se u
tom trenutku u mranoj daljini upalio sablasni, zeleni,
neonski natpis.
Govorio je bez glasa:
SKRENUT SI SA SVOGA PUTA
Natpis se ponovo ugasio, na nain koji se Arturu nije
nimalo sviao. Ugasio se uz neku vrstu zlobnog
kooperenja. Artur pokua da ubedi sebe da je re samo
o smenoj varki njegove mate. Neonski natpis ili je
ukljuen ili iskljuen, to zavisi od toga da li kroz njega
protie elektrina struja ili ne. Nije bilo naina, rekao je
on sebi, da se ikako prevede iz jednog stanja u drugo sa
zlobnim kooperenjem. Svejedno se bolje umotao u
kuni ogrta i zadrhtao.
Neonski natpis u dubini sada se iznenada upali,
zbunjujui, sa samo tri take i zarezom. Ovako:
Samo u zelenom neonu.
Pokuavao je, shvatio je Artur poto je sekundu ili dve
zbunjeno zurio u njega, da kae da ima jo, da misao
nije dovrena. Pokuavao je to sa gotovo nadljudskom
savesnou, mislio je dalje. Ili, tanije reeno, sa
neljudskom savesnou.
Poruka se dovrila sa sledee dve rei.
ARTURE DENTE
Zadrhtao je. Primirio se da bi jo jednom paljivo
pogledao. I dalje je pisalo ARTURE DENTE i zato je
ponovo zadrhtao.
Signal se opet ugasio i ostavio ga da trepee u tami sa
nejasnom crvenom slikom sopstvenog imena koje mu je
skakutalo na mrenjai.
DOBRO DOAO, rekao je sada natpis.
Posle jednog trenutka dodao je:
NE BA.
Ledeni strah koji je sve vreme visio povrh Artura i
ekao na svoj trenutak prepoznao je sada svoj trenutak i
navalio na njega. Pokuao je da se nosi sa njim. Povio se
na televiziji, ali to mora da je izvodio neko sa jaim
kolenima. Otro se upiljio u tamu.
"Ovaj, hej?" upitao je.
He cleared his throat and said it again, more loudly and Proistio je grlo i ponovio to, glasnije i bez 'ovaj'. Na
without the ``er''. At some distance down the corridor it izvesnom rastojanju niz hodnik iznenada mu se uinilo
seemed suddenly as if somebody started to beat on a bass da je neko poeo da lupa u bas-bubanj.
drum.
He listened to it for a few seconds and realized that it Oslukivao je nekoliko sekundi i shvatio da je re o
was just his heart beating. otkucajima njegovog sopstvenog srca.
He listened for a few seconds more and realized that it Oslukivao je jo nekoliko sekundi i shvatio da nije re
wasn't his heart beating, it was somebody down the o otkucajima njegovog srca, nego da neko dole u
corridor beating on a bass drum. hodniku stvarno udara u bas-bubanj.
Beads of sweat formed on his brow, tensed themselves, Na elu mu se stvorie kapljice znoja, slie se jedna u
and leapt off. He put a hand out on the floor to steady his drugu i poee da kaplju odatle. Spustio je ruku na pod
alert crouch, which wasn't holding up very well. The sign da primiri svoj napeti uanj, koji ga, izgleda, nije ba
changed itself again. It said: najbolje drao. Natpis se ponovo izmenio. Sada je
glasio:
Do Not be Alarmed. NEMOJ SE PLAITI.
After a pause, it added: Posle pauze, dodao je.
Be Very Very Frightened, Arthur Dent. BUDI VEOMA, VEOMA UASNUT, ARTURE
DENTE.
Once again it flicked off. Once again it left him in Ponovo se ugasio. Opet ga je ostavio u tami. Oi su mu
darkness. His eyes seemed to be popping out of his head. bile toliko iskolaene kao da e ispasti iz duplji. Nije bio
He wasn't certain if this was because they were trying to siguran da li je to zato to pokuavaju jasnije da vide, ili
see more clearly, or if they simply wanted to leave at this zbog toga to jednostavno ele da ga ostave u tom
point. trenutku.
``Hello?'' he said again, this time trying to put a note of "Hej?" upitao je ponovo i ovog puta pokuao da ubaci u
rugged and aggressive self-assertion into it. ``Is anyone to suroviji i samopouzdaniji prizvuk. "Ima li koga?"
there?''
There was no reply, nothing. Nije bilo nikakvog odgovora, niega.
This unnerved Arthur Dent even more than a reply would Ovo je uznemirilo Artura mnogo vie nego to bi to
have done, and he began to back away from the scary uinio neki odgovor i on poe da se povlai od jezivog
nothingness. And the more he backed away, the more nitavila. A to se vie povlaio, sve je vie bio uplaen.
scared he became. After a while he realized that the Posle izvesnog vremena shvatio je da je razlog za to bio
reason for this was because of all the films he had seen in taj to u svim filmovima u kojima se junak povlai sve
which the hero backs further and further away from some dalje i dalje od nekog zamiljenog uasa ispred sebe on
imagined terror in front of him, only to bump into it uspeva da naleti na neto to mu prilazi sa lea.
coming up from behind.
Just then it suddenly occurred to him to turn round rather U tom trenutku palo mu je na pamet da se brzo osvrne.
quickly.
There was nothing there. Tamo nije bilo niega.
Just blackness. Samo crnilo.
This really unnerved him, and he started to back away To ga je stvarno uplailo i on poe da se povlai odatle
from that, back the way he had come. putem kojim je doao.
After doing this for a short while it suddenly occurred to
Posle izvesnog vremena iznenada je shvatio da se sada
him that he was now backing towards whatever it was he povlai prema onome od ega se najpre povlaio, ta
had been backing away from in the first place. god to bilo.
This, he couldn't help thinking, must be a foolish thing to
Ovo je, morao je to da prizna sebi, bilo prilino
do. He decided he would be better off backing the way hebudalasto. Odluio je da e biti bolje ako se bude
had first been backing, and turned around again. povlaio onim putem kojim se isprva povlaio i naglo se
okrenuo.
It turned out at this point that his second impulse had Pokazalo se da je taj drugi poriv bio ispravan, jer je iza
been the correct one, because there was an indescribably
hideous monster standing quietly behind him. Arthur
yawed wildly as his skin tried to jump one way and his
skeleton the other, whilst his brain tried to work out
which of his ears it most wanted to crawl out of.
``Bet you weren't expecting to see me again,'' said the
monster, which Arthur couldn't help thinking was a
strange remark for it to make, seeing as he had never met
the creature before. He could tell that he hadn't met the
creature before from the simple fact that he was able to
sleep at nights. It was ... it was ... it was ...
Arthur blinked at it. It stood very still. It did look a little
familiar.
A terrible cold calm came over him as he realized that
what he was looking at was a six-foot-high hologram of a
housefly.
He wondered why anybody would be showing him a six-
foot-high hologram of a housefly at this time. He
wondered whose voice he had heard.
It was a terribly realistic hologram.
It vanished.
``Or perhaps you remember me better,'' said the voice
suddenly, and it was a deep, hollow malevolent voice
which sounded like molten tar glurping out of a drum
with evil on its mind, ``as the rabbit.''
With a sudden ping, there was a rabbit there in the black
labyrinth with him, a huge, monstrously, hideously soft
and lovable rabbit --- an image again, but one on which
every single soft and lovable hair seemed like a real and
single thing growing in its soft and lovable coat. Arthur
was startled to see his own reflection in its soft and
lovable unblinking and extremely huge brown eyes.
``Born in darkness,'' rumbled the voice, ``raised in
darkness. One morning I poked my head for the first time
into the bright new world and got it split open by what
felt suspiciously like some primitive instrument made of
flint.
``Made by you, Arthur Dent, and wielded by you. Rather
hard as I recall.
``You turned my skin into a bag for keeping interesting
stones in. I happen to know that because in my next life I
came back as a fly again and you swatted me. Again.
Only this time you swatted me with the bag you'd made
of my previous skin.
``Arthur Dent, you are not merely a cruel and heartless
man, you are also staggeringly tactless.''
The voice paused whilst Arthur gawped.
njega tiho stajalo neopisivo uasno udovite. Artur
divlje zatetura kada mu je koa pokuala da skoi u
jednom pravcu, a kostur u drugom, dok mu je mozak
razmiljao kroz koje bi uho mogao najbolje da se
iskrade.
"Kladim se da nisi oekivao da me ponovo vidi", reklo
je udovite, a Artur nije mogao da ne pomisli kako je to
udna primedba, budui da je dobro znao da nikada
ranije nije sreo to stvorenje. Znao je da nikada pre nije
sreo to stvorenje na osnovu jednostavne injenice da je
mogao da spava nou. Bio je to... bio je to... bio je to...
Artur trepnu. Stajao je veoma mirno. Zaista je izgledao
poznato.
Izuzetno ledeno oputanje preplavilo ga je kada je
shvatio da, zapravo, gleda u est stopa visok hologram
kune muve.
Pitao se zbog ega bi iko eleo da mu u tom trenutku
prikazuje est stopa visoki hologram kune muve. Pitao
se iji je to glas uo.
Bio je to uasno verodostojan hologram.
Nestao je.
"Ili me se moda bolje sea kao zeca", rekao je glas
iznenada; bio je to dubok, upalj, zlokoban glas koji je
zvuao poput rastopljenog katrana koji curi sa bubnjia,
sa neim zlim na umu.
Uz iznenadni otri zvuk, u crnom lavirintu ispred njega
pojavio se zec, ogroman, udovino i uasno nean i
sladak zec - ponovo slika, ali takva da je svaka
pojedinana nena i slatka dlaica koja je rasla u
njegovom nenom i slatkom krznu delovala kao prava.
Artur je bio zaprepaen kada je u njegovom nenom,
slatkom i izuzetno velikom smeem oku, koje nije
treptalo, video sopstveni odraz.
"Roen u tami", brujao je glas, "odgajan u tami. Jednog
jutra prvi put sam proturio glavu u blistavi, novi svet i u
istom trenutku ona mi je smrskana neim to je
izgledalo kao primitivna sprava napravljena od
kremena.
Napravljena je tvojom rukom, Arture Dente, i
zamahnuta tvojom rukom. Prilino jako, koliko se
seam.
Pretvorio si moju kou u vreu da bi unutra drao
zanimljivo kamenje. Sluajno to znam jer sam se u
sledeem ivotu vratio u obliku muve, a ti si me
zgnjeio. Ponovo. Ali ovog puta zgnjeio si me kesom
koju si napravio od moje prethodne koe.
Arture Dente, ti ne samo to si okrutan i bezoseajan
ovek, ti si i bez ikakvog oseaja za taktinost."
Glas je zastao dok je Artur glupo zurio.
``I see you have lost the bag,'' said the voice. ``Probably
got bored with it, did you?''
Arthur shook his head helplessly. He wanted to explain
that he had been in fact very fond of the bag and had
looked after it very well and had taken it with him
wherever he went, but that somehow every time he
travelled anywhere he seemed inexplicably to end up
with the wrong bag and that, curiously enough, even as
they stood there he was just noticing for the first time
that the bag he had with him at the moment appeared to
be made out of rather nasty fake leopard skin, and wasn't
the one he'd had a few moments ago before he arrived in
this whatever place it was, and wasn't one he would have
chosen himself and heaven knew what would be in it as it
wasn't his, and he would much rather have his original
bag back, except that he was of course terribly sorry for
having so peremptorily removed it, or rather its
component parts, i.e. the rabbit skin, from its previous
owner, viz. the rabbit whom he currently had the honour
of attempting vainly to address.
All he actually managed to say was ``Erp''.
``Meet the newt you trod on,'' said the voice.
And there was, standing in the corridor with Arthur, a
giant green scaly newt. Arthur turned, yelped, leapt
backwards, and found himself standing in the middle of
the rabbit. He yelped again, but could find nowhere to
leap to.
``That was me, too,'' continued the voice in a low
menacing rumble, ``as if you didn't know ...''
``Know?'' said Arthur with a start. ``Know?''
``The interesting thing about reincarnation,'' rasped the
voice, ``is that most people, most spirits, are not aware
that it is happening to them.''
He paused for effect. As far as Arthur was concerned
there was already quite enough effect going on.
``I was aware,'' hissed the voice, ``that is, I became
aware. Slowly. Gradually.''
He, whoever he was, paused again and gathered breath.
``I could hardly help it, could I?'' he bellowed, ``when the
same thing kept happening, over and over and over
again! Every life I ever lived, I got killed by Arthur Dent.
Any world, any body, any time, I'm just getting settled
down, along comes Arthur Dent --- pow, he kills me.
``Hard not to notice. Bit of a memory jogger. Bit of a
pointer. Bit of a bloody giveaway!
```That's funny,' my spirit would say to itself as it winged
"Vidim da si izgubio svoju torbu", rekao je glas.
"Verovatno ti je dosadila, a?"
Artur je bespomono zavrteo glavom. eleo je da
objasni da mu je ta torba bila veoma draga i da ju je
veoma pomno pazio i nosio svuda gde je iao, ali da mu
se deavalo da je na neki nain ostajao sa pogrenom
torbom kad god bi negde putovao i da je, zapravo, ba
neobino, ak i sada, dok je tu stajao, upravo primetio,
prvi put, da je torbica koja se trenutno nalazila kod
njega bila, kako izgleda, napravljena od prilino rune
imitacije leopardove koe i nipoto nije bila ona koju je
imao uza se nekoliko trenutaka ranije, pre no to je
stigao na ovo mesto, gdegod ono bilo, i da nije bila
onakva kakvu bi on sam izabrao za sebe i da Bog zna ta
ima u njoj, s obzirom na to da nije njegova i da bi
mnogo radije imao svoju pravu torbicu, osim to mu je,
razume se, strano ao to ju je tako bezduno uklonio,
ili, tanije, njene sastavne delove, to jest zeju kou, sa
njenog prethodnog vlasnika, odnosno zeca kome je
trenutno imao ast da se ponizno obraa.
Jedino je uspeo da kae: "Ee".
"Sretni sada dadevnjaka koga si zgazio", rekao je glas.
I u hodniku pred Arturom obreo se divovski, zeleni,
krastavi dadevnjak. Artur se okrete, vrisnu, skoi
unazad i nae se usred zeca. Ponovo je vrisnuo, ali nije
imao gde da skoi.
"I to sam bio ja", rekao je glas muklim, preteim
brundanjem, "kao da nisi znao..."
"Znao?" upitao je Artur prestravljeno. "Znao?"
"Zanimljiva stvar u vezi sa reinkarnacijom", kripao je
glas, "jeste da veina ljudi, veina duhova, nisu svesni
da se to deava ba njima."
Zastao je radi boljeg uinka. to se Artura ticalo, ovde je
ve i sada bilo previe uinka.
"Ja sam bio svestan", siktao je glas, "odnosno, postao
sam svestan. Lagano. Postepeno."
On, kogod da je bio, zastao je ponovo i duboko
uzdahnuo.
"Kako sam drugaije mogao, zar ne?" zaurlao je, "kada
se stalno deavala ista stvar, opet i opet i opet! U
svakom ivotu koji sam iveo ubijan sam rukom Artura
Denta. Na svakom svetu, u bilo kome telu, u bilo koje
vreme, im ponem da se sreujem, stie Artur Dent i -
bum, ubija me.
Kako sam mogao da ne primetim? Malo po malo
podseanja. Malo po malo osveavanja pamenja. Malo
po malo prokletog otkrivanja tajne!
'Smeno', govorio je sebi moj duh dok je leteo nazad u
its way back to the netherworld after another fruitless
Dent-ended venture into the land of the living, `that man
who just ran over me as I was hopping across the road to
my favourite pond looked a little familiar ...' And
gradually I got to piece it together, Dent, you multiple-
me-murderer!''
The echoes of his voice roared up and down the
corridors. Arthur stood silent and cold, his head shaking
with disbelief.
``Here's the moment, Dent,'' shrieked the voice, now
reaching a feverish pitch of hatred, ``here's the moment
when at last I knew!''
It was indescribably hideous, the thing that suddenly
opened up in front of Arthur, making him gasp and gargle
with horror, but here's an attempt at a description of how
hideous it was. It was a huge palpitating wet cave with a
vast, slimy, rough, whale-like creature rolling around it
and sliding over monstrous white tombstones. High
above the cave rose a vast promontory in which could be
seen the dark recesses of two further fearful caves, which
...
Arthur Dent suddenly realized that he was looking at his
own mouth, when his attention was meant to be directed
at the live oyster that was being tipped helplessly into it.
He staggered back with a cry and averted his eyes.
When he looked again the appalling apparition had gone.
The corridor was dark and, briefly, silent. He was alone
with his thoughts. They were extremely unpleasant
thoughts and would rather have had a chaperone.
The next noise, when it came, was the low heavy roll of a
large section of wall trundling aside, revealing, for the
moment, just dark blackness behind it. Arthur looked into
it in much the same way that a mouse looks into a dark
dog-kennel.
And the voice spoke to him again.
``Tell me it was a coincidence, Dent,'' it said. ``I dare you
to tell me it was a coincidence!''
``It was a coincidence,'' said Arthur quickly.
``It was not!'' came the answering bellow.
``It was,'' said Arthur, ``it was ...''
``If it was a coincidence, then my name,'' roared the
voice, ``is not Agrajag!!!''
``And presumably,'' said Arthur, ``you would claim that
that was your name.''
``Yes!'' hissed Agrajag, as if he had just completed a
rather deft syllogism.
``Well, I'm afraid it was still a coincidence,'' said Arthur.
``Come in here and say that!'' howled the voice, in
podzemlje posle novog besplodnog izleta u zemlju ivih
koji je okonao Dent, 'ali ovek koji me je pregazio dok
sam skakutao prema jednoj od svojih omiljenih rupa
delovao mi je malo poznato...' I postepeno sam uspeo da
saberem sve delie zajedno, Dente, ti viestruki
meneubico!"
Odjeci njegovog glasa urlali su hodnicima. Artur je
stajao tih i leden, a glava mu se tresla u neverici.
"Evo trenutka, Dente", vrisnuo je glas koji je sada
dostigao grozniav vrhunac mrnje, "evo trenutka kada
sam najzad shvatio!"
Bila je neopisivo uasna, ta stvar koja se iznenada
otvorila pred Arturom i naterala ga da krklja i jeca od
strave, ali evo ipak pokuaja da se opie koliko je bila
jeziva. Bila je to divovska, vlana peina koja je
pulsirala i u kojoj se nalazilo ogromno, sluzavo, hrapavo
stvorenje nalik na kita, koje se kotrljalo i valjalo preko
udovinih belih kamenova. Visoko iznad dna peine
uzdizao se ispust iza koga su se mogle nazreti tamne
dubine dve druge strahotne peine, koje su...
Iznenada je Artur shvatio da gleda u sopstvena usta, u
trenutku kada je trebalo da mu panja bude usredsreena
na ivu ostrigu koja je, bespomono, bila ugurana u njih.
Zateturao se unazad sa krikom i zaklonio oi.
Kada je ponovo pogledao, jeziva prikaza je nestala.
Hodnik je bio mraan i, nakratko, tih. Bio je sam sa
svojim mislima. Bile su to izuzetno neugodne misli i on
bi radije bio u drutvu kakve starateljke.
Sledei zvuk bilo je teko tutnjanje ogromnog odeljka
zida koji je kliznuo u stranu i otkrio, naas, samo tamnu
prazninu iz sebe. Artur je zavirio u nju na isti nain kako
mi zaviri u mranu pseu jazbinu.
A glas je ponovo progovorio.
"Reci mi da je to bila puka podudarnost, Dente", kazao
je. "Izazivam te da mi kae da je to bila obina
podudarnost!"
"To je bila podudarnost", rekao je Artur brzo.
"Nije!" doao je krik u odgovor.
"Bila je", ree Artur, "bila je..."
"Ako je to bila podudarnost, onda se ja", urlao je glas,
"ne zovem Agradag!"
"A verovatno", rekao je Artur, "tvrdi da je to zaista
tvoje ime."
"Da!" prosiktao je Agradag, kao da je upravo izneo
vrlo vispren logiki dokaz.
"Pa, bojim se da je ipak podudarnost", odvratio je Artur.
"Ui ovamo pa ponovi to!" zaurlao je glas u
sudden apoplexy again.
Arthur walked in and said that it was a coincidence, or at
least, he nearly said that it was a coincidence. His tongue
rather lost its footing towards the end of the last word
because the lights came up and revealed what it was he
had walked into.
It was a Cathedral of Hate.
It was the product of a mind that was not merely twisted,
but actually sprained.
It was huge. It was horrific.
It had a Statue in it.
We will come to the Statue in a moment.
The vast, incomprehensibly vast chamber looked as if it
had been carved out of the inside of a mountain, and the
reason for this was that that was precisely what it had
been carved out of. It seemed to Arthur to spin
sickeningly round his head as he stood and gaped at it. It
was black.
Where it wasn't black you were inclined to wish that it
was, because the colours with which some of the
unspeakable details were picked out ranged horribly
across the whole spectrum of eye-defying colours from
Ultra Violent to Infra Dead, taking in Liver Purple,
Loathsome Lilac, Matter Yellow, Burnt hombre and Gan
Green on the way.
The unspeakable details which these colours picked out
were gargoyles which would have put Francis Bacon off
his lunch. The gargoyles all looked inwards from the
walls, from the pillars, from the flying buttresses, from
the choir stalls, towards the Statue, to which we will
come in a moment.
And if the gargoyles would have put Francis Bacon off
his lunch, then it was clear from the gargoyles' faces that
the Statue would have put them off theirs, had they been
alive to eat it, which they weren't, and had anybody tried
to serve them some, which they wouldn't.
Around the monumental walls were vast engraved stone
tablets in memory of those who had fallen to Arthur
Dent.
The names of some of those commemorated were
underlined and had asterisks against them. So, for
instance, the name of a cow which had been slaughtered
and of which Arthur Dent had happened to eat a fillet
steak would have the plainest engraving, whereas the
name of a fish which Arthur had himself caught and then
decided he didn't like and left on the side of the plate had
a double underlining, three sets of asterisks and a
bleeding dagger added as decoration, just to make the
iznenadnom ponovnom naletu ludakog gneva.
Artur je uao i rekao da je re o podudarnosti, ili je bar
zamalo rekao da je re o podudarnosti. Jezik mu se
izgubio na putu prema kraju poslednje rei, jer su se
svetla upalila i otkrila u ta je uao.
Bila je to Katedrala Mrnje.
Bila je to stvar koju je nainio um koji je bio ne samo
uvrnut nego i potpuno zguvan.
Bila je ogromna. Bila je uasna.
Unutra se nalazila statua.
Za koji trenutak doi emo na statuu.
Prostrana, nerazumljivo prostrana odaja delovala je kao
da je izdubljena u unutranjosti planine, a razlog za to
bio je taj to i jeste bila izdubljena u unutranjosti
planine. Arturu se uinilo da se vrtoglavo okree oko
njegove glave dok je stajao i piljio u sve to. Bila je crna.
Tamo gde nije bila crna gotovo biste poeleli da jeste,
jer boje nekih neizrecivih pojedinosti obuhvatale su
itav spektar za muenje oiju, na ijem je jednom kraju
bilo ultraubica-sto, na drugom je stajala infrakrv-vena,
dok su se izmeu nalazile sramno kurpurna, svetlo
ruimarsta, slinmunasto uta, preni hombre i listno
zlalena.
Neizrecive pojedinosti koje su te boje prikazivale bile
su, zapravo, udovine prilike od kojih bi i samom
Frensisu Bekonu preseo ruak. udovine prilike
gledale su prema sreditu odaje sa zidova, sa stubova, sa
polica na zidovima, sa pijedestala - zapravo, prema
statui, na koju emo prei za trenutak.
A ako bi udovine prilike oterale Frensisa Bekona od
ruka, sa njihovih lica jasno je bilo da bi ih statua
oterala od njihovog, da su bile ive i da su mogle da je
pojedu, a nisu, i da je neko pokuao da im poslui takvu,
a nije.
Oko monumentalnih zidova nalazile su se velike,
ugravirane, kamene ploe u pomen onima koji su pali od
ruke Artura Denta.
Imena nekih nabrojanih bila su podvuena i obeleena
zvezdicom. Tako je, na primer, ime krave koja je bila
zaklana i od koje je Artur sluajno pojeo odrezak bilo
napisano obinim slovima, dok je ime ribe koju je Artur
ulovio, pa je odluio da je ne pojede i ostavio pored
tanjira bilo dvostruko podvueno, obeleeno trima
zvezdicama i jo pored njega bio nacrtan okrvavljeni
no za ukras, samo da bi bilo to istaknutije.
point.
And what was most disturbing about all this, apart from
the Statue, to which we are, by degrees, coming, was the
very clear implication that all these people and creatures
were indeed the same person, over and over again.
And it was equally clear that this person was, however
unfairly, extremely upset and annoyed.
In fact it would be fair to say that he had reached a level
of annoyance the like of which had never been seen in
the Universe. It was an annoyance of epic proportions, a
burning searing flame of annoyance, an annoyance which
now spanned the whole of time and space in its infinite
umbrage.
And this annoyance had been given its fullest expression
in the Statue in the centre of all this monstrosity, which
was a statue of Arthur Dent, and an unflattering one.
Fifty feet tall if it was an inch, there was not an inch of it
which wasn't crammed with insult to its subject matter,
and fifty feet of that sort of thing would be enough to
make any subject feel bad. From the small pimple on the
side of his nose to the poorish cut of his dressing gown,
there was no aspect of Arthur Dent which wasn't
lambasted and vilified by the sculptor.
Arthur appeared as a gorgon, an evil, rapacious,
ravenning, bloodied ogre, slaughtering his way through
an innocent one-man Universe.
With each of the thirty arms which the sculptor in a fit of
artistic fervour had decided to give him, he was either
braining a rabbit, swatting a fly, pulling a wishbone,
picking a flea out of his hair, or doing something which
Arthur at first looking couldn't quite identify.
His many feet were mostly stamping on ants.
Arthur put his hands over his eyes, hung his head and
shook it slowly from side to side in sadness and horror at
the craziness of things.
And when he opened his eyes again, there in front of him
stood the figure of the man or creature, or whatever it
was, that he had supposedly been persecuting all this
time.
``HhhhhhrrrrrraaaaaaHHHHHH!'' said Agrajag.
He, or it, or whatever, looked like a mad fat bat. He
waddled slowly around Arthur, and poked at him with
bent claws.
``Look ...!'' protested Arthur.
``HhhhhhrrrrrraaaaaaHHHHHH!!!'' explained Agrajag,
and Arthur reluctantly accepted this on the grounds that
he was rather frightened by this hideous and strangely
wrecked apparition.
Agrajag was black, bloated, wrinkled and leathery.
A ono to ga je od svega najvie uznemiravalo, izuzev
statue, na koju polako dolazimo, bila je vidljiva
injenica da su svi ti ljudi i stvorenja zaista bili ista
osoba, ponovo i ponovo.
I bilo je isto tako jasno da je ta osoba bila, ma koliko to
ne bilo poteno, izuzetno iznervirana i ozlojeena.
U stvari, bilo bi bolje rei da je dostigla nivo
ozlojeenosti kakav jo nije vien u svekolikoj
Vaseljeni. Bila je to ozlojeenost epskih razmera,
razbuktali, usijani plamen ozlojeenosti, ozlojeenosti
koja je sada obuhvatala itavo vreme i prostor u svom
beskonanom gnevu.
A ta ozlojeenost najpotpunije je bila izraena u statui
koja se nalazila u sreditu sve te udovinosti i koja je
predstavljala Artura Denta u ne ba najlaskavijoj
svetlosti. Imala je najmanje pedeset stopa, a nije imala
nijednog ina koji nije bio prekriven uvredama na
njegov raun, a pedeset stopa takvih stvari bilo je
dovoljno da se bilo ko oseti neprijatno. Od male
bubuljice na levoj strani njegovog nosa do najsitnije
pojedinosti njegovog odela, nije bilo nijednog vida
Artura Denta koji vajar nije napao i popljuvao.
Artur je prikazivan kao gorgona, otelotvoreno zlo,
krvoedni, jezivi div-ljudoder koji se kasapski probija
kroz nevinu Vaseljenu jednog oveka.
Svakom od trideset ruku koje mu je vajar poklonio u
naletu umetnikog plama, ili je drobio glavu zeca,
ubijao muvu, lomio jadac, vadio buvu iz kose ili inio
neto to Artur na prvi pogled nije mogao ak ni da
razazna.
Mnogobrojnim nogama uglavnom je gazio mrave.
Artur je prekrio oi rukama, oborio glavu i lagano stao
da je vrti sa jedne strane na drugu, tuan i uasnut
besmislenou ove stvari.
A kada je ponovo otvorio oi, pred njim se nalazila
prilika oveka ili bia, ili ta je ve bilo, koje je on
navodno progonio sve vreme.
"HhhhhhhrrrrraaaaaaHHHHHH!!!" rekao je Agradag.
On, ili ono, ili togod, izgledalo je kao poludeli, debeli,
slepi mi. Lagano je iao oko Artura i posezao prema
njemu otrim kandama.
"Sluaj...!!" pobunio se Artur.
"HhhhhhhrrrrraaaaaaHHHHHH!!!" objasnio je
Agradag i Artur nevoljno prihvati to to je rekao zbog
toga to je bio vrlo uplaen tom uasnom i neobinom
unakaenom prikazom.
Agradag je bio crn, sasuen, naboran i koast.
His batwings were somehow more frightening for being
the pathetic broken floundering things they were that if
they had been strong, muscular beaters of the air. The
frightening thing was probably the tenacity of his
continued existence against all the physical odds.
He had the most astounding collection of teeth.
They looked as if they each came from a completely
different animal, and they were ranged around his mouth
at such bizarre angles it seemed that if he ever actually
tried to chew anything he'd lacerate half his own face
along with it, and possibly put an eye out as well.
Each of his three eyes was small and intense and looked
about as sane as a fish in a privet bush.
``I was at a cricket match,'' he rasped.
This seemed on the face of it such a preposterous notion
that Arthur practically choked.
``Not in this body,'' screeched the creature, ``not in this
body! This is my last body. My last life. This is my
revenge body. My kill-Arthur-Dent body. My last chance.
I had to fight to get it, too.''
``But ...''
``I was at,'' roared Agrajag, ``a cricket match! I had a
weak heart condition, but what, I said to my wife, can
happen to me at a cricket match? As I'm watching, what
happens?
``Two people quite maliciously appear out of thin air just
in front of me. The last thing I can't help but notice
before my poor heart gives out in shock is that one of
them is Arthur Dent wearing a rabbit bone in his beard.
Coincidence?''
``Yes,'' said Arthur.
``Coincidence?'' screamed the creature, painfully
thrashing its broken wings, and opening a short gash on
its right cheek with a particularly nasty tooth. On closer
examination, such as he'd been hoping to avoid, Arthur
noticed that much of Agrajag's face was covered with
ragged strips of black sticky plasters.
He backed away nervously. He tugged at his beard. He
was appalled to discover that in fact he still had the rabbit
bone in it. He pulled it out and threw it away.
``Look,'' he said, ``it's just fate playing silly buggers with
you. With me. With us. It's a complete coincidence.''
``What have you got against me, Dent?'' snarled the
creature, advancing on him in a painful waddle.
``Nothing,'' insisted Arthur, ``honestly, nothing.''
Nekako su njegova krila kao u slepog mia bila jo
uasnija zbog toga to su bila slomljena i mlitava nego
to bi bila da su predstavljala snane i miiave udove
za mahanje kroz vazduh. Najuasnija stvar verovatno je
bila upornost njegovog postojanja koje se i dalje
produavalo nasuprot svakoj fizikoj verovatnoi.
Imao je zaista zaprepaujuu zbirku zuba.
Izgledalo je da svaki od njih potie od potpuno
drugaije ivotinje, a bili su smeteni u njegova usta pod
tako besmislenim uglovima da je izgledalo da bi svako
ko bi pokuao da u stvarnosti savae neto pomou njih
pri tom pocepao polovinu lica i verovatno jo iskopao
sebi oko pride.
Svako od njegova tri oka bilo je sitno i usplamtelo i
izgledalo je otprilike isto toliko zdravo koliko i riba u
grmu zove.
"Iao sam na kriket me", zareao je.
Sa takvim izgledom to je delovalo tako besmisleno, da
se Artur zagrcnuo.
"Ne u ovom telu", zakripalo je stvorenje. "Ne u ovom
telu! Ovo je moje poslednje telo. Moj poslednji ivot.
Ovo je moje telo za osvetu. Moje telo za ubijanje Artura
Denta. Moja poslednja prilika. Morao sam da se borim
da bih i njega zadobio."
"Ali..."
"Bio sam", zaurlao je Agradag, "na kriket-meu! Imao
sam slabo srce, ali ta, rekao sam eni, moe da mi se
dogodi na kriket-meu? I dok gledam, ta se deava?
Dva oveka zlobno se pojavljuju ni iz ega ba preda
mnom. Poslednja stvar koju nisam mogao da ne
primetim pre nego to me je moje jadno srce izdalo
usled oka bila je da je jedan od njih Artur Dent koji u
svojoj bradi nosi zeiju kost. Podudarnost?"
"Da", rekao je Artur.
"Podudarnost?" vrisnulo je stvorenje, bolno zamlataralo
slomljenim krilima i otvorilo kratku posekotinu u svom
desnom obrazu jednim posebno gadnim zubom. Kada je
paljivije pogledao, mada se nadao da e to moi da
izbegne, Artur je primetio da je vei deo Agradagovog
lica prekriven otrcanim trakama crnog flastera.
Uznemireno se povukao unazad. Opipao je svoju bradu.
Bio je okiran kada je otkrio da se u njoj jo nalazi
zeija kost. Izvadio ju je i bacio.
"uj", rekao je, "to se samo sudbina zeza sa tobom. Sa
mnom. Sa obojicom. To je savrena sluajnost."
"ta ima protiv mene, Dente?" zaurlalo je stvorenje i
stalo da mu se primie uz bolno teturanje.
"Nita", bio je uporan Artur, "iskreno, nita."
Agrajag fixed him with a beady stare.
``Seems a strange way to relate to somebody you've got
nothing against, killing them all the time. Very curious
piece of social interaction, I would call that. I'd also call
it a lie!''
``But look,'' said Arthur, ``I'm very sorry. There's been a
terrible misunderstanding. I've got to go. Have you got a
clock? I'm meant to be helping save the Universe.'' He
backed away still further.
Agrajag advanced still further.
``At one point,'' he hissed, ``at one point, I decided to
give up. Yes, I would not come back. I would stay in the
netherworld. And what happened?''
Arthur indicated with random shakes of his head that he
had no idea and didn't want to have one either. He found
he had backed up against the cold dark stone that had
been carved by who knew what Herculean effort into a
monstrous travesty of his bedroom slippers. He glanced
up at his own horrendously parodied image towering
above him. He was still puzzled as to what one of his
hands was meant to be doing.
``I got yanked involuntarily back into the physical
world,'' pursued Agrajag, ``as a bunch of petunias. In, I
might add, a bowl. This particularly happy little lifetime
started off with me, in my bowl, unsupported, three
hundred miles above the surface of a particularly grim
planet. Not a naturally tenable position for a bowl of
petunias, you might think. And you'd be right. That life
ended a very short while later, three hundred miles lower.
In, I might add, the fresh wreckage of a whale. My spirit
brother.''
He leered at Arthur with renewed hatred.
``On the way down,'' he snarled, ``I couldn't help
noticing a flashy-looking white spaceship. And looking
out of a port on this flashy-looking spaceship was a
smug-looking Arthur Dent. Coincidence?!!''
``Yes!'' yelped Arthur. He glanced up again, and realized
that the arm that had puzzled him was represented as
wantonly calling into existence a bowl of doomed
petunias. This was not a concept which leapt easily to the
eye.
``I must go,'' insisted Arthur.
``You may go,'' said Agrajag, ``after I have killed you.''
``No, that won't be any use,'' explained Arthur, beginning
to climb up the hard stone incline of his carved slipper,
``because I have to save the Universe, you see. I have to
find a Silver Bail, that's the point. Tricky thing to do
Agradag ga je probadao usplamtelim pogledom.
"Deluje kao udan nain povezivanja sa nekim protiv
koga nema nita da ga neprestano ubija. Neobian
primer drutvenih odnosa, rekao bih. Isto tako bih rekao
da je to obina la!"
"Ali, sluaj", kazao je Artur, "strano mi je ao. Dolo je
do uasnog nesporazuma. Moram da poem. Da nema
sluajno sat? Trebalo bi da spasavam Vaseljenu."
Povukao se jo dalje.
Agradag mu je i dalje primicao.
"U jednom asu", prosiktao je, "u jednom asu odluio
sam da se predam. Da. Da ostanem u svetu senki. I ta
se deava?"
Artur je pokazao nizom unezverenih trzaja glavom da
pojma nema i da i ne eli da zna. Ustanovio je da se
pribio uz hladni, mrani kamen koji je ko zna kakvim
herkulovskim naporima bio isklesan u udovinu
karikaturu njegovih kunih papua. Podigao je pogled
prema sopstvenoj uasavajuoj parodiranoj slici koja se
uzdizala nad njim. Jo mu nije bilo jasno ta bi trebalo
da radi jedna od njegovih ruku koje su tu bile prikazane.
"Protiv svoje volje uvuen sam u fiziki svet", produio
je Agradag, "kao bokor petunija. U, dodao bih, saksiji.
Taj slatki, mali ivot otpoeo je sa mnom u saksiji, bez
ikakvog oslonca, na trista milja iznad povrine jedne
naroito tmurne planete. Ne bi se ba moglo rei da je to
prirodno stanite za saksiju petunija, kao to verovartno
i sam misli. U pravu si ako tako misli. Taj ivot
zavrio se ubrzo potom, tri stotine milja nie. U, mogao
bih ponovo da dodam, sveem leu kita. Mog duhovnog
sabrata."
Zlobno je pogledao Artura sa obnovljenom mrnjom.
"Na putu nanie", zaurlao je, "nisam mogao da ne
primetim svetlucavi, beli svemirski brod. A kroz vrata
tog svetlucavog, belog svemirskog broda virio je
samozadovoljni Artur Dent. Podudarnost?!!"
"Da!" jauknuo je Artur. Ponovo je podigao pogled i
shvatio da je ruka koja ga je zbunjivala predstavljala
neodgovorno dozivanje u postojanje bokora osuenih
petunija. To nije bio koncept koji se lako mogao
prozreti.
"Moram da idem", bio je uporan Artur.
"Moi e da ide", rekao je Agradag, "tek poto te
budem ubio."
"Ne, to ne bi valjalo", objasnio je Artur i poeo da se
penje na kameni ispust svoje isklesane kune papue,
"jer, razume, moram da spasavam Vaseljenu. Moram da
naem srebrnu sponu, razume? To je veoma sloeno
dead.'' izvesti kada si mrtav."
``Save the Universe!'' spat Agrajag with contempt. ``You "Da spase Vaseljenu", prezrivo je rekao Agradag.
should have thought of that before you started your "Trebalo je da misli na to pre nego to si poeo svoju
vendetta against me! What about the time you were on krvavu osvetu protiv mene! Sea li se kada si bio na
Stavromula Beta and someone ...'' Stavromuli Beta i neko je..."
``I've never been there,'' said Arthur. "Nikada nisam bio na tom mestu", rekao je Artur.
``... tried to assassinate you and you ducked. Who do you "...pokuao je da te ubije, a ti si se sagao. ta misli,
think the bullet hit? What did you say?'' koga je pogodio metak? ta si rekao?"
``Never been there,'' repeated Arthur. ``What are you "Nikada nisam bio na tom mestu", ponovio je Artur. "Ne
talking about? I have to go.'' znam o emu pria. Moram da idem."
Agrajag stopped in his tracks. Agradag zastade.
``You must have been there. You were responsible for my "Mora da si bio tamo. Bio si odgovoran za moju smrt na
death there, as everywhere else. An innocent bystander!'' tom mestu, kao i na svim ostalim. Nevini posmatra!"
He quivered. tresao se.
``I've never heard of the place,'' insisted Arthur. ``I've "Nikada nisam ni uo za to mesto", bio je uporan Artur.
certainly never had anyone try to assassinate me. Other "I niko nikada nije pokuao da me ubije. Osim tebe.
than you. Perhaps I go there later, do you think?'' Moda u tamo ii kasnije, ta misli?"
Agrajag blinked slowly in a kind of frozen logical horror. Agradag sporo trepnu u nekoj vrsti ledenog, logikog
uasa.
``You haven't been to Stavromula Beta ... yet?'' he "Nisi bio na Stavromuli Beta... do sada?" proaptao je.
whispered.
``No,'' said Arthur, ``I don't know anything about the "Ne", rekao je Artur, "pojma nemam o tom mestu.
place. Certainly never been to it, and don't have any Siguran sam da nikada nisam bio tamo i nemam nameru
plans to go.'' da idem."
``Oh, you go there all right,'' muttered Agrajag in a "Oh, ii e, to je sigurno", promrmljao je Agradag
broken voice, ``you go there all right. Oh zark!'' he slomljenim glasom, "sigurno e ii. Oh, zarki ga!"
tottered, and stared wildly about him at his huge Zeteturao se i obazro po Katedrali Mrnje. "Doveo sam
Cathedral of Hate. ``I've brought you here too soon!'' te ovde prerano!"
He started to scream and bellow. ``I've brought you here Poeo je da urla i vriti. "Doveo sam te previe zarkeno
too zarking soon!'' rano!"
Suddenly he rallied, and turned a baleful, hating eye on Iznenada se sabrao i okrenuo zlokobni pogled prema
Arthur. Arturu.
``I'm going to kill you anyway!'' he roared. ``Even if it's a "Ipak u te ubiti!" zaurlao je. "Makar to bilo i logika
logical impossibility I'm going to zarking well try! I'm nemogunost, ima da se zarkeno dobro potrudim!
going to blow this whole mountain up!'' He screamed, Razneu itavu planinu!" zavritao je, "da vidimo da li
``Let's see you get out of this one, Dent!'' e se iz ovoga izvui, Dente!"
He rushed in a painful waddling hobble to what appeared Pojurio je u bolnom, teturavom trku prema neemu to
to be a small black sacrificial altar. He was shouting so je podsealo na maleni oltar za rtvovanje obojen u
wildly now that he was really carving his face up badly. crno. Sada je tako divljaki vikao da je stvarno gadno
Arthur leaped down from his vantage place on the povreivao svoje lice. Artur skoi sa svoje odstupnice
carving of his own foot and ran to try to restrain the na kipu sopstvene noge i potra da pokua da urazumi
three-quarters-crazed creature. poluludo stvorenje.
He leaped upon him, and brought the strange monstrosity Bacio se na njega i tresnuo udovinim telom u oltar.
crashing down on top of the altar.
Agrajag screamed again, thrashed wildly for a brief Agradag je ponovo vrisnuo i na trenutak poeo ludaki
moment, and turned a wild eye on Arthur. da se bacaka, divlje gledajui Artura.
``You know what you've done?'' he gurgled painfully. "Zna li ta si uradio?" bolno je zakrkljao. "Ponovo si
``You've only gone and killed me again. i mean, what do me ubio. Pa ta hoe od mene, prokletinjo?"
you want from me, blood?''
He thrashed again in a brief apoplectic fit, quivered, and
collapsed, smacking a large red button on the altar as he
did so.
Arthur started with horror and fear, first at what he
appeared to have done, and then at the loud sirens and
bells that suddenly shattered the air to announce some
clamouring emergency. He stared wildly around him.
The only exit appeared to be the way he came in. He
pelted towards it, throwing away the nasty fake leopard-
skin bag as he did so.
He dashed randomly, haphazardly through the
labyrinthine maze, he seemed to be pursued more and
more fiercely by claxons, sirens, flashing lights.
Suddenly, he turned a corner and there was a light in
front of him.
It wasn't flashing. It was daylight.
Chapter Nineteen
Although it has been said that on Earth alone in our
Galaxy is Krikkit (or cricket) treated as fit subject for a
game, and that for this reason the Earth has been
shunned, this does only apply to our Galaxy, and more
specifically to our dimension. In some of the higher
dimensions they feel they can more or less please
themselves, and have been playing a peculiar game
called Brockian Ultra-Cricket for whatever their
transdimensional equivalent of billions of years is.
``Let's be blunt, it's a nasty game'' (says The Hitch
Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy) ``but then anyone who has
been to any of the higher dimensions will know that
they're a pretty nasty heathen lot up there who should just
be smashed and done in, and would be, too, if anyone
could work out a way of firing missiles at right-angles to
reality.''
This is another example of the fact that The Hitch Hiker's
Guide to the Galaxy will employ anybody who wants to
walk straight in off the street and get ripped off,
especially if they happen to walk in off the street during
the afternoon, when very few of the regular staff are
there.
There is a fundamental point here.
The history of The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy is
one of idealism, struggle, despair, passion, success,
failure, and enormously long lunch-breaks.
The earliest origins of the Guide are now, along with
most of its financial records, lost in the mists of time.
Ponovo je poeo da se bacaka u naletu bola, zadrhtao i
sruio se sa oltara, zakaivi pri tom veliko, crveno
dugme na njemu.
Artur je u uasu i stravi zurio u sve to, prvo zbog onoga
to je, kako izgleda, uinio, a potom zbog bunih sirena
i zvona koji su se zaorili unaokolo da buno oznae
nekakvu opasnost. Poeo je divlje da se osvre.
Jedini izlaz izgleda da se nalazio u pravcu iz koga je
doao. Pojurio je tamo i uz put odbacio ogavnu torbu od
imitacije leopardove koe.
urio je nasumce, bezglavo kroz lavirint; kao da su ga
sve bunije i bunije progonile sirene, zvona, treptanje
svetlosti.
Iznenada je skrenuo za jedan ugao i pred njim se
ukazala svetlost.
Nije treptala. Bila je to svetlost dana.
19.
Iako je reeno da jedino na Zemlji u itavoj naoj
Galaksiji Krikit (ili kriket) smatraju pogodnom temom
za igru i da je iz tog razloga Zemlja izbegavana, to vai
samo za nau Galaksiju ili, tanije, za nau dimenziju. U
nekima od viih dimenzija smatraju da vie ili manje
mogu da dozvole sebi da igraju igru zvanu brokijanski
ultrakriket ve milijardama godina, ta god bio njihov
transdimenzioni ekvivalent za to.
Budimo iskreni, to je ogavna igra (kae 'Autostoperski
vodi kroz Galaksiju'), ali kogod je ikada bio u viim
dimenzijama zna da su oni tamo jedna banda ogavnih
bezbonika koji zasluuju da budu zgaeni i udeeni
jednom za svagda, a i bili bi, kada bi iko umeo da
razradi sistem ispaljivanja projektila pod pravim uglom
u odnosu na stvarnost.
To je jo jedan primer okolnosti da e 'Autostoperski
vodi kroz Galaksiju' uposliti makar koga, kogod eli da
ueta u njega pravo sa ulice i da uradi makar ta,
naroito ukoliko ueta sa ulice tokom popodneva, kada
se tamo nalazi vrlo malo zvaninih lica urednitva.
Osnovna injenica je u sledeem.
Istorija 'Vodia' predstavlja istoriju idealizma, borbe,
oaja, strasti, uspeha, padova i neverovatno dugih pauza
za ruak.
Najranije poreklo 'Vodia' danas je, skupa sa najveim
delom njegovih raunovodstvenih dokumenata,
izgubljeno u maglama vremena.
For other, and more curious theories about where they
are lost, see below.
Most of the surviving stories, however, speak of a
founding editor called Hurling Frootmig.
Hurling Frootmig, it is said, founded the Guide,
established its fundamental principles of honesty and
idealism, and went bust.
There followed many years of penury and heart-
searching during which he consulted friends, sat in
darkened rooms in illegal states of mind, thought about
this and that, fooled about with weights, and then, after a
chance encounter with the Holy Lunching Friars of
Voondon (who claimed that just as lunch was at the
centre of a man's temporal day, and man's temporal day
could be seen as an analogy for his spiritual life, so
Lunch should (a) be seen as the centre of a man's
spiritual life, and (b) be held in jolly nice restaurants), he
refounded the Guide, laid down its fundamental
principles of honesty and idealism and where you could
stuff them both, and led the Guide on to its first major
commercial success.
He also started to develop and explore the role of the
editorial lunch-break which was subsequently to play
such a crucial part in the Guide's history, since it meant
that most of the actual work got done by any passing
stranger who happened to wander into the empty offices
on an afternoon and saw something worth doing.
Shortly after this, the Guide was taken over by
Megadodo Publications of Ursa Minor Beta, thus putting
the whole thing on a very sound financial footing, and
allowing the fourth editor, Lig Lury Jr, to embark on
lunch-breaks of such breathtaking scope that even the
efforts of recent editors, who have started undertaking
sponsored lunch-breaks for charity, seem like mere
sandwiches in comparison.
In fact, Lig never formally resigned his editorship --- he
merely left his office late one morning and has never
since returned. Though well over a century has now
passed, many members of the guide staff still retain the
romantic notion that he has simply popped out for a ham
croissant, and will yet return to put in a solid afternoon's
work.
Strictly speaking, all editors since Lig Lury Jr have
therefore been designated Acting Editors, and Lig's desk
is still preserved the way he left it, with the addition of a
small sign which says ``Lig Lury Jr, Editor, Missing,
presumed Fed''.
Neobinije teorije o tome gde je to, zapravo, izgubljeno,
izloene su u tekstu koji sledi.
Veina ovih pria o poreklu 'Vodia' govori o uredniku i
osnivau po imenu Hurling Frutmig.
Kae se da je Hurling Frutmig osnovao 'Vodi',
uspostavio njegova osnovna naela idealizma i potenja
i bankrotirao.
Usledile su mnoge godine nematine i preispitivanja
namera, tokom kojih se savetovao sa prijateljima, sedeo
po mranim sobicama zamuenog uma, razmiljao o
ovome i onome, zezao se po okolini sa svojim
problemima i potom, posle sluajnog susreta sa Svetim
rukadijskim slobodnjacima sa Vunduna - koji su
tvrdili da kao to je ruak predstavljao sredite
ovekovog temporalnog dana, odnosno kao to se
ovekov temporalni dan moe shvatiti kao analogija
njegovog duhovnog ivota, tako i ruak treba da bude
(a) shvaen kao sredite duhovnoh ivota oveka i (b)
odravan u naroito lepim restoranima - odrekao se
svojih osnovnih naela idealizma i potenja i rekao gde
moete da ih nabijete i poveo 'Vodi' u prvi vei
komercijalni uspeh.
Istovremeno je poeo da razvija i istrauje ulogu
urednike pauze za ruak koja je potom igrala kljunu
ulogu u istoriji 'Vodia', jer je znaila da se veina
pravog posla obavlja rukama sluajnih prolaznika koji
zalutaju u prazne urede tokom popodneva i vide neto
to bi vredelo uraditi.
Ubrzo posle toga, 'Vodi' je preuzela izdavaka kua
Megadodo sa Urse Minor Beta i time postavila itavu
stvar na zdrave finansijske noge, omoguivi etvrtom
uredniku, Ligu Luriju mlaem, da navali na pauze za
ruak tako zaprepaujuih razmera da ak i napori
sadanjih urednika koji su zapoeli sa praksom
sponzorskih pauza za ruak u milosrdne svrhe u
poreenju sa tim deluju kao obini sendvii.
U stvari, Lig se nikada formalno nije odrekao svog
urednitva - on je jednostavno napustio ured jednog
prepodneva i vie se nikad nije vratio. Iako je od tada
prolo podosta vie od jednog stolea, mnogi lanovi
urednitva 'Vodia' dre se romantinog miljenja da je
on samo skoknuo na sendvi i da e se vratiti da navali
popodne na posao.
Strogo govorei, svi urednici posle Liga Lurija, mlaeg
zbog toga su bili samo vrioci dunosti i Ligov sto jo se
uva onakav kakav je bio kada ga je ostavio, a na njega
je dodat samo maleni natpis na kome stoji: 'Lig Luri
mlai, urednik, nestao, verovatno na dor'.
 Some very scurrilous and subversive sources hint at the
idea that Lig actually perished in the Guide's first
extraordinary experiments in alternative book-keeping.
Very little is known of this, and less still said. Anyone
who even notices, let alone calls attention to, the curious
but utter coincidental and meaningless fact that every
world on which the Guide has ever set up an accounting
department has shortly afterwards perished in warfare or
some natural disaster, is liable to get sued to smithereens.
It is an interesting though utterly unrelated fact that the
two or three days prior to the demolition of the planet
Earth to make way for a new hyperspace bypass saw a
dramatic upsurge in the number of UFO sightings there,
not only above Lords Cricket Ground in St. John's Wood,
London, but also above Glastonbury in Somerset.
Glastonbury had long been associated with myths of
ancient kings, witchcraft, ley-lines an wart curing, and
had now been selected as the site for the new Hitch
Hiker's Guide financial records office, and indeed, ten
years' worth of financial records were transferred to a
magic hill just outside the city mere hours before the
Vogons arrived.
None of these facts, however strange or inexplicable, is
as strange or inexplicable as the rules of the game of
Brockian Ultra-Cricket, as played in the higher
dimensions. A full set of rules is so massively
complicated that the only time they were all bound
together in a single volume, they underwent gravitational
collapse and became a Black Hole.
A brief summary, however, is as follows:
Rule One: Grow at least three extra legs. You won't need
them, but it keeps the crowds amused.
Rule Two: Find one good Brockian Ultra-Cricket player.
Clone him off a few times. This saves an enormous
amount of tedious selection and training.
Rule Three: Put your team and the opposing team in a
large field and build a high wall round them.
The reason for this is that, though the game is a major
spectator sport, the frustration experienced by the
audience at not actually being able to see what's going on
leads them to imagine that it's a lot more exciting than it
really is. A crowd that has just watched a rather humdrum
game experiences far less life-affirmation than a crowd
that believes it has just missed the most dramatic event in
sporting history.
Neki uvredljivi i podrivaki izvori navode na pomisao
da je Lig, zapravo, stradao tokom prvih neobinih opita
'Vodia' u knjigovodstvu. O ovome se vrlo malo zna, a
jo manje se pria. Onaj ko makar i primeti, a kamoli
pomene neobinu, ali potpuno sluajnu i besmislenu
injenicu da je svaki svet na kome je 'Vodi' uspostavio
raunovodstveno odeljenje ubrzo potom nestao u ratnom
sukobu ili u nekoj prirodnoj katastrofi, moe da rauna
da mu ivot vie ne vredi ni piljiva boba.
Zanimljiva je injenica, mada ni u kakvoj vezi sa ovim,
da je dva ili tri dana pre unitenja planete Zemlje, da bi
se napravilo mesta za novu hipersvemirsku obilaznicu,
primeen dramatian porast broja pojava NLO-a na njoj,
ne samo iznad Gospodarskog igralita kriketa u Sent
Dons Vudu u Londonu ve i iznad Glastonberija u
Somersetu.
Dugo je Glastonberi povezivan sa mitovima o drevnim
kraljevima, veticama i izleenju pritova, a sada je bio
izabran za sedite novog odeljenja 'Vodia' za
knjigovodstvene poslove i, zaista, deset godina
finansijskog poslovanja prenete su na breg arobnjaka
samo nekoliko sati pre nailaska Vogona.
Ali nijedna od ovih injenica, koliko god one izgledale
udne i neobjanjive, nije tako udna i neobjanjiva kao
pravila igre brokijanskog ultrakriketa, onakvog kakav se
igra u viim dimenzijama. Celokupna pravila toliko su
zapetljana da su jedini put kada su se sva nala na
jednom mestu podlegla gravitacionom kolapsu i
pretvorila se u crnu rupu.
Ali evo kratkog pregleda:
PRAVILO BROJ JEDAN: Pustite da vam izrastu bar tri
noge vika. Nee vam sluiti ni za ta, ali e bar
zabavljati publiku.
PRAVILO BROJ DVA: Pronaite jednog izuzetno
dobrog igraa brokijanskog ultrakriketa. Klonirajte ga
nekoliko puta. Time ete utedeti ogromni iznos
paljivog odabiranja i treniranja.
PRAVILO BROJ TRI: Smestite svoj i protivniki tim na
veliku poljanu i sagradite oko njih zid.
Razlog za to je taj to e, iako je igra neobino
spektakularna, osujeenost publike koja nee moi da
vidi ta se deava dovesti do toga da e svi misliti kako
je mnogo uzbudljivije nego to stvarno jeste. Gomila
koja je upravo posmatrala dremljivu utakmicu oseae
mnogo manje ivotnog zadovoljstva od gomile koja
veruje da je upravo propustila najdramatiniji trenutak u
istoriji sporta.
Rule Four: Throw lots of assorted items of sporting
equipment over the wall for the players. Anything will do
--- cricket bats, basecube bats, tennis guns, skis, anything
you can get a good swing with.
Rule Five: The players should now lay about themselves
for all they are worth with whatever they find to hand.
Whenever a player scores a ``hit'' on another player, he
should immediately run away and apologize from a safe
distance.
Apologies should be concise, sincere and, for maximum
clarity and points, delivered through a megaphone.
Rule Six: The winning team shall be the first team that
wins.
Curiously enough, the more the obsession with the game
grows in the higher dimensions, the less it is actually
played, since most of the competing teams are now in a
state of permanent warfare with each other over the
interpretation of these rules. This is all for the best,
because in the long run a good solid war is less
psychologically damaging than a protracted game of
Brockian Ultra-Cricket.
Chapter Twenty
As Arthur ran darting, dashing and panting down the side
of the mountain he suddenly felt the whole bulk of the
mountain move very, very slightly beneath him. There
was a rumble, a roar, and a slight blurred movement, and
a lick of heat in the distance behind and above him. He
ran in a frenzy of fear. The land began to slide, and he
suddenly felt the force of the word ``landslide'' in a way
which had never been apparent to him before. It had
always just been a word to him, but now he was suddenly
and horribly aware that sliding is a strange and sickening
thing for land to do. It was doing it with him on it. He
felt ill with fear and shaking. The ground slid, the
mountain slurred, he slipped, he fell, he stood, he slipped
again and ran. The avalance began.
Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him
like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much,
much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more
likely to kill you if they fell on you. His eyes danced with
them, his feet danced with the dancing ground. He ran as
if running was a terrible sweating sickness, his heart
pounded to the rhythm of the pounding geological frenzy
PRAVILO BROJ ETIRI: Ubacite preko zida igraima
gomile sportske opreme. Moe posluiti bilo ta - batovi
za kriket, palice za bezbol, teniski reketi, skije, sve ime
se moe dobro zamahnuti.
PRAVILO BROJ PET: Igrai sada treba da prikupe uz
sebe sve to mogu da nau. im igra postigne
'pogodak' po glavi drugog igraa, treba smesta da
pobegne to bre moe i da mu se izvini sa sigurnog
rastojanja.
Izvinjenja treba da budu saeta, iskrena i, radi krajnje
jasnoe i upeatljivosti, uruena preko megafona.
PRAVILO BROJ EST: Pobednik je onaj tim koji prvi
pobedi.
Neobino, ali to je igra popularnija u viim
dimenzijama, sve se manje igra, jer je veina timova
koji se takmie sada u stalnom ratnom stanju sa svim
ostalim zbog razliitih tumaenja ovih pravila. Tako je i
najbolje, jer je, na duge staze, jedan dobar rat psiholoki
manje tetan od produene igre brokijanskog
ultrakriketa.
20.
Dok je Artur trao niz planinu, zadihan, unezveren i
napet, iznenada je osetio kako se pod njegovim nogama
vrlo, vrlo polako pomera itav planinski masiv. Zaula
se tutnjava, urlik, i osetio se blag, nejasan pokret, a u
daljini iza i iznad njega liznula je vrelina. Trao je
polulud od straha. Zamlja poe da klizi i on je iznenada
shvatio znaenje rei 'klizite', jasnije nego ikada ranije.
Uvek je to za njega bila samo obina re, ali je sada
iznenadno i uasnuto postao svestan kako je klizanje
neobina i pogrena stvar za zemljite. Ono je inilo
upravo to, sa njime povrh svega. Osetio je da mu je zlo
od straha i drhtavice. Zemljite je klizilo, planina se
tresla, on se okliznuo, pao, podigao, ponovo okliznuo i
potrao. Lavina otpoe.
ljunak, zatim kamenje, pa ogromne gromade razigrano
su poskakivali oko njega, poput nespretnih kuia, samo
mnogo, mnogo vei, mnogo, mnogo tvri i gotovo
bezgranino smrtonosniji ako bi ga pogodili. Oi su mu
poigravale skupa sa njima, oi su mu poigravale skupa
sa tlom koje je poigravalo. Trao je kao da je trk uasna,
grozniava bolest, a srce mu je poskakivalo u ritmu
around him.
The logic of the situation, i.e. that he was clearly bound
to survive if the next foreshadowed incident in the saga
of his inadvertent persecution of Agrajag was to happen,
was utterly failing to impinge itself on his mind or
exercise any restraining influence on him at this time. He
ran with the fear of death in him, under him, over him
and grabbing hold of his hair.
And suddenly he tripped again and was hurled forward
by his considerable momentum. But just at the moment
that he was about to hit the ground astoundingly hard he
saw lying directly in front of him a small navy-blue
holdall that he knew for a fact he had lost in the baggage-
retrieval system at Athens airport some ten years in his
personal time-scale previously, and in his astonishment
he missed the ground completely and bobbed off into the
air with his brain singing.
What he was doing was this: he was flying. He glanced
around him in surprise, but there could be no doubt that
that was what he was doing. No part of him was touching
the ground, and no part of him was even approaching it.
He was simply floating there with boulders hurtling
through the air around him.
He could now do something about that. Blinking with the
non-effort of it he wafted higher into the air, and now the
boulders were hurtling through the air beneath him.
He looked downwards with intense curiosity. Between
him and the shivering ground were now some thirty feet
of empty air, empty that is if you discounted the boulders
which didn't stay in it for long, but bounded downwards
in the iron grip of the law of gravity; the same law which
seemed, all of a sudden, to have given Arthur a
sabbatical.
It occurred to him almost instantly, with the instinctive
correctness that self-preservation instils in the mind, that
he mustn't try to think about it, that if he did, the law of
gravity would suddenly glance sharply in his direction
and demand to know what the hell he thought he was
doing up there, and all would suddenly be lost.
So he thought about tulips. It was difficult, but he did. He
thought about the pleasing firm roundness of the bottom
of tulips, he thought about the interesting variety of
colours they came in, and wondered what proportion of
the total number of tulips that grew, or had grown, on the
Earth would be found within a radius of one mile from a
windmill. After a while he got dangerously bored with
this train of thought, felt the air slipping away beneath
him, felt that he was drifting down into the paths of the
poskakivanja geolokog ludila oko njega.
Logika situacije, odnosno izvesnost da e preiveti
ukoliko je sledei nagoveteni incident u sagi njegovih
odnosa sa Agradagom trebalo da se dogodi, nikako nije
uspevala da mu se u tom trenutku ukae u mislima ili da
ispolji bilo kakav smirujui uticaj na njega. Trao je, a
strah od smrti bio je u njemu, pod njime, nad njime,
grabio ga je za kosu.
Iznenada se ponovo spotakao i poleteo napred, ponesen
svojim poprilinim zaletom. Ali u samom trenutku kada
je trebalo da tresne o tle neizmernom estinom, video je
kako pravo ispred njega lei njegova malena, plava,
putna torba za koju je znao da ju je izgubio u odeljku za
prtljag aerodroma u Atini pre nekih deset godina po
sopstvenoj vremenskoj lestvici i u svom zaprepaenju
potpuno je promaio tle i ostao da lebdi u vazduhu, dok
mu je mozak pevao.
Evo ta je radio: leteo je. Obazro se iznenaeno oko
sebe, ali nije moglo biti sumnje da radi upravo to.
Nijednim delom tela nije dodirivao tle, niti mu je ak
bio blizu. Jednostavno je lebdeo, dok je stenje vitlalo
kroz vazduh oko njega.
Trebalo je neto preduzeti oko toga. Trepui od
nenapora izazvanog inom letenja, podigao se vie u
vazduh i sada su stene vitlale bezbedno ispod njega.
Spustio je pogled neizmerno radoznalo. Izmeu njega i
drhtavog tla bilo je tridesetak stopa praznog vazduha, to
jest, praznog ukoliko se ne raunaju stene koje u njemu
nisu ostajale dugo, ve su srljale nanie, zahvaene
elinim zagrljajem zakona gravitacije: istog zakona
koji je, izgleda, iz ista mira, dao Arturu dan odmora.
Skoro istog asa mu je sinulo, sa nagonskom tanou
koju samoodravanje namee umu, da nikako ne bi
trebalo da razmilja o tome, ili e zakon gravitacije
iznenada otro pogledati prema njemu, zahtevati da
sazna ta on, kog avola, radi tamo gore i sve e
iznenada biti izgubljeno.
I zbog toga je stao da razmilja o lalama. Bilo je teko,
ali mu je polo za rukom. Razmiljao je o prijatnoj,
vrstoj oblini dna cveta lale, razmiljao je o zanimljivoj
raznovrsnosti boja u kojima su se one javlale i pitao se
koji se deo ukupnog broja lala to rastu, ili su ikada
rasle, na Zemlji, moe videti u preniku od jedne milje
oko neke vetrenjae. Posle izvesnog vremena poeo je
da se opasno dosauje ovakvim mislima, osetio je kako
propada kroz vazduh i klizi sve blie stenama koje su
bouncing boulders that he was trying so hard not to think
about, so he thought about Athens airport for a bit and
that kept him usefully annoyed for about five minutes ---
at the end of which he was startled to discover that he
was now floating about two hundred yards above the
ground.
He wondered for a moment how he was going to get
back down to it, but instantly shied away from that area
of speculation again, and tried to look at the situation
steadily.
He was flying, What was he going to do about it? He
looked back down at the ground. He didn't look at it hard,
but did his best just to give it an idle glance, as it were, in
passing. There were a couple of things he couldn't help
noticing. One was that the eruption of the mountain
seemed now to have spent itself --- there was a crater just
a little way beneath the peak, presumably where the rock
had caved in on top of the huge cavernous cathedral, the
statue of himself, and the sadly abused figure of Agrajag.
The other was his hold-all, the one he had lost at Athens
airport. It was sitting pertly on a piece of clear ground,
surrounded by exhausted boulders but apparently hit by
none of them. Why this should be he could not speculate,
but since this mystery was completely overshadowed by
the monstrous impossibility of the bag's being there in
the first place, it was not a speculation he really felt
strong enough for anyway. The thing is, it was there. And
the nasty, fake leopard-skin bag seemed to have
disappeared, which was all to the good, if not entirely to
the explicable.
He was faced with the fact that he was going to have to
pick the thing up. Here he was, flying along two hundred
yards above the surface of an alien planet the name of
which he couldn't even remember. He could not ignore
the plaintive posture of this tiny piece of what used to be
his life, here, so many light-years from the pulverized
remains of his home.
Furthermore, he realized, the bag, if it was still in the
state in which he lost it, would contain a can which
would have in it the only Greek olive oil still surviving in
the Universe.
Slowly, carefully, inch by inch, he began to bob
downwards, swinging gently from side to side like a
nervous sheet of paper feeling its way towards the
ground.
It went well, he was feeling good. The air supported him,
but let him through. Two minutes later he was hovering a
mere two feet above the bag, and was faced with some
odskakivale i o kojima se toliko trudio da ne razmilja i
zato je neko vreme razmiljao o atinskom aerodromu,
to mu je oko pet minuta vrlo delotvorno ilo na ivce -
bio je zaprepaen kada je posle toga otkrio da lebdi na
oko est stotina stopa iznad tla.
Na trenutak je poeo da se pita kako e da se vrati, ali je
smesta pobegao od te oblasti razmiljanja i pokuao da
smireno sagleda situaciju.
Leteo je. ta je mogao da uini povodom toga? Spustio
je pogled na zemlju. Nije se upiljio u nju, ve je dao sve
od sebe da to bude nehajan pogled, kao u prolazu. Ipak,
bilo je nekoliko stvari koje je morao da primeti. Jedna je
bila ta da je erupcija planine, izgleda, prola - u blizini
vrha sada se nalazio krater, verovatno tamo gde se stena
survala u ogromnu, izdubljenu katedralu, na njegovu
sopstvenu statuu i na alosno izoblienu priliku
Agradaga.
Druga je bila njegova putna torba, ona koju je izgubio
na aerodromu u Atini. Veselo je poivala na jednom
komadu istog terena, okruena iscrpljenim stenama,
iako je oigledno nije pogodila nijedna od njih. Kako je
to bilo mogue, o tome uopte nije eleo da razmilja,
jer je ta tajna bila u potpunosti zaklonjena udovinom
nemogunou samog postojanja torbe. Bila je tu i to je
bilo sve.
Suoio se sa injenicom da e morati da je podigne.
Leteo je est stopa iznad tuinske planete ijeg imena
nije mogao ak ni da se seti. Nije mogao da ne primeti
tu alosnu situaciju malenog odlomka onoga to je
predstavljalo njegov ivot, ovde, toliko svetlosnih
godina od sprenih ostataka njegovog doma.
Dalje, shvatio je, torba bi trebalo, ukoliko je jo u stanju
u kakvom ju je izgubio, da sadri konzervu u kojoj se
nalazi jedino ulje grkih maslina u itavoj Vaseljeni.
Lagano, paljivo, in po in, poeo je da se sputa,
njiui se tamo-amo poput nervoznog lista papira koji
pada na zemlju.
Ilo je dobro; lepo se oseao. Vazduh ga je nosio, ali i
putao da prolazi kroz njega. Posle dva minuta uzdizao
se jedva dve stope iznad putne torbe i bio prisiljen da se
difficult decision. He bobbed there lightly. He frowned,
but again, as lightly as he could.
If he picked the bag up, could he carry it? Mightn't the
extra weight just pull him straight to the ground?
Mightn't the mere act of touching something on the
ground suddenly discharge whatever mysterious force it
was that was holding him in the air?
Mightn't he be better off just being sensible at this point
and stepping out of the air, back on to the ground for a
moment or two?
If he did, would he ever be able to fly again?
The sensation, when he allowed himself to be aware of it,
was so quietly ecstatic that he could not bear the thought
of losing it, perhaps for ever. With this worry in mind he
bobbed upwards a little again, just to try the feel of it, the
surprising and effortless movement of it. He bobbed, he
floated. He tried a little swoop.
The swoop was terrific. With his arms spread out in front
of him, his hair and dressing gown streaming out behind
him, he dived down out of the sky, bellied along a body
of air about two feet from the ground and swung back up
again, catching himself at the top of the swing and
holding. Just holding. He stayed there.
It was wonderful.
And that, he realized, was the way of picking up the bag.
He would swoop down and catch hold of it just at the
point of the upswing. He would carry it on up with him.
He might wobble a bit, but he was certain that he could
hold it.
He tried one or two more practice swoops, and they got
better and better. The air on his face, the bounce and
woof of his body, all combined to make him feel an
intoxication of the spirit that he hadn't felt since, since ---
well as far as he could work out, since he was born. He
drifted away on the breeze and surveyed the countryside,
which was, he discovered, pretty nasty. It had a wasted
ravaged look. He decided not to look at it any more. He
would just pick up the bag and then ... he didn't know
what he was going to do after he had picked up the bag.
He decided he would just pick up the bag and see where
things went from there.
He judged himself against the wind, pushed up against it
and turned around. He floated on its body. He didn't
realize, but his body was willoming at this point.
He ducked down under the airstream, dipped --- and
suoi sa nekim sloenim odlukama. Lagano se njihao.
Namrtio se, ali opet, to je lake mogao.
Ukoliko bude uzeo torbu, hoe li moi da je nosi? Nee
li ga dodatna teina smesta povui na zemlju?
Nee li sam in dodirivanja neega to se nalazi na
zemlji iznenada isprazniti tu tajanstvenu silu koja ga je
odravala u vazduhu, ta god to bilo?
Ne bi li bilo bolje poneti se razumno u ovom asu i
iskoraiti iz vazduha na zemlju na trenutak ili dva?
Ukoliko to bude uinio, hoe li ikada moi ponovo da
leti?
Oseanje to je pratilo letenje, kada je dopustio sebi da
ga postane svestan, bilo je tako divno da nikako ne bi
mogao da podnese pomisao o tome da ga je izgubio,
moda zauvek. Sa tom brigom u mislima, ponovo se
malo podigao u vazduh, jednostavno da to jo malo
oproba, da opet iskusi iznenaujue kretnje liene
svakog napora. Njihao se, lebdeo. Pokuao je da se
obrui.
Obruavanje je bilo fantastino. Sa rukama pruenim
ispred sebe, dok su mu se kosa i odelo vijorili,
sunovratio se kroz vazduh dok nije stigao na dve stope
od tla, da bi se potom ponovo podigao u visinu i tamo
zaustavio. Naprosto zaustavio. Ostao je tamo.
Bilo je divno.
I to je, shvatio je, bio nain na koji e podii torbu.
Obruie se i zgrabiti je u trenutku kada bude prelazio u
uzlazni deo. Ponee je sa sobom. Moda e izgubiti
malo zamaha, ali bio je siguran da e moi da je ponese.
Pokuao je jo jedan ili dva puta da veba zaletanje i
ilo mu je sve bolje i bolje. Vetar na njegovom licu,
jurnjava i fijukanje njegovog tela kroz vazduh, sve se to
udruilo da mu donese takvo stanje duha kakvo nije
osetio jo od - pa, koliko se seao, jo od roenja.
Odjezdio je na povetarcu i poeo da razgleda predeo
koji je, otkrio je, bio prilino gadan. Imao je opustoeni,
uniteni izgled. Odluio je da ga vie nikada ne pogleda.
Uzee samo svoju torbu i onda... pojma nije imao ta e
biti poto bude uzeo torbu. Odluio je da jednostavno
uzme torbu i da vidi ta e posle proizii iz toga.
Pustio se niz vetar, poao uz njega i ponovo se okrenuo.
Nije to ni primetio, ali u toj taki njegovo telo je
vilomovalo.
Pognuo je glavu, okrenuo se nadole - i stao da ponire.
dived.
The air threw itself past him, he thrilled through it. The
ground wobbled uncertainly, straightened its ideas out
and rose smoothly up to meet him, offering the bag, its
cracked plastic handles up towards him.
Halfway down there was a sudden dangerous moment
when he could no longer believe he was doing this, and
therefore he very nearly wasn't, but he recovered himself
in time, skimmed over the ground, slipped an arm
smoothly through the handles of the bag, and began to
climb back up, couldn't make it and all of a sudden
collapsed, bruised, scratched and shaking in the stony
ground.
He staggered instantly to his feet and swayed hopelessly
around, swinging the bag round him in agony of grief
and disappointment.
His feet, suddenly, were stuck heavily to the ground in
the way they always had been. His body seemed like an
unwieldy sack of potatoes that reeled stumbling against
the ground, his mind had all the lightness of a bag of
lead.
He sagged and swayed and ached with giddiness. He
tried hopelessly to run, but his legs were suddenly too
weak. He tripped and flopped forward. At that moment
he remembered that in the bag he was now carrying was
not only a can of Greek olive oil but a duty-free
allowance of retsina, and in the pleasurable shock of that
realization he failed to notice for at least ten seconds that
he was now flying again.
He whooped and cried with relief and pleasure, and sheer
physical delight. He swooped, he wheeled, he skidded
and whirled through the air. Cheekily he sat on an
updraught and went through the contents of the hold-all.
He felt the way he imagined an angel must feel during its
celebrated dance on the head of a pin whilst being
counted by philosophers. He laughed with pleasure at the
discovery that the bag did in fact contain the olive oil and
the retsina as well as a pair of cracked sunglasses, some
sand-filled swimming trunks, some creased postcards of
Santorini, a large and unsightly towel, some interesting
stones, and various scraps of paper with the addresses of
people he was relieved to think he would never meet
again, even if the reason why was a sad one. He dropped
the stones, put on the sunglasses, and let the pieces of
paper whip away in the wind.
Ten minutes later, drifting idly through a cloud, he got a
large and extremely disreputable cocktail party in the
small of the back.
Vazduh je ibao unaokolo dok je on jurio kroz njega.
Zemlja se nesigurno zanjihala, sredila svoje misli i
glatko se izdigla da ga primi, ponudivi mu torbu, ija je
ispucala, plastina drka bila okrenuta nagore.
Na pola puta nanie, jednog iznenadnog i opasnog
trenutka, vie nije mogao da poveruje da to radi, tako da
zamalo uistinu i prestane da leti, ali na vreme se prenuo,
skliznuo iznad zemlje, jednom rukom glatko proao
kroz drku torbe i ponovo poeo da se uspinje, to mu,
meutim, nije uspelo, tako da se iznenada sruio na
stenovito tle, izgreban, izubijan i drhtav.
Bespomono se digao na noge i bespomono zateturao,
zamahnuvi torbom oko sebe u agoniji bola i
razoaranja.
Stopala su mu iznenada bila teko priljubljena za
zemlju, onako kako su uvek bila. Njegovo telo
podsealo je na nespretnu vreu krompira koja se
teturala i kotrljala po zemlji; um mu je bio teak poput
olova.
Stao je da se zanosi, klimav i bolan od vrtoglavice.
Bespomono je pokuao da tri, ali noge su mu iznenada
bile veoma slabe. Zaneo se i posrnuo napred. U istom
trenutku setio se da je u torbi koju je sada nosio ne samo
limenka grkog maslinovog ulja ve i ona koliina
grkog vina koja se sme izneti iz zemlje bez plaanja
carine i u prijatnom oku koji je to izazvalo najmanje
deset sekundi uopte nije primetio da ponovo leti.
Vikao je i podvriskivao od olakanja, zadovoljstva i
iste fizike prijatnosti. Obruavao se, prevrtao, klizio i
ljuljukao kroz vazduh. Drsko se smestio usred uzlazne
struje i poeo da razgleda sadraj svoje putne torbe.
Oseao se onako kako se aneo morao oseati dok je
izvodio svoj slavni ples na vrhu igle i dok su ga filozofi
brojali. Nasmejao se na otkrie da je torba, u stvari,
sadrala ne samo maslinovo ulje i grko vino, ve i
napukle tamne naoari, nekoliko kupaih gaica punih
peska, ogroman i ruan pekir, neto zanimljivog
kamenja i raznorazne listove papira po kojima su bile
ispisane adrese ljudi za koje mu je bilo drago to ih vie
nikada nee sresti, makar razlog za to bio i tuan. Bacio
je kamenje, stavio tamne naoari i pustio da vetar
ponese listove papira.
Deset minuta potom, dok je lenjo lutao kroz neki oblak,
na njegovu zadnjicu naletela je jedna ogromna i krajnje
ozloglaena urka.
 Chapter Twenty-one
The longest and most destructive party ever held is now
into its fourth generation, and still no one shows any
signs of leaving. Somebody did once look at his watch,
but that was eleven years ago, and there has been no
follow-up.
The mess is extraordinary, and has to be seen to be
believed, but if you don't have any particular need to
believe it, then don't go and look, because you won't
enjoy it.
There have recently been some bangs and flashes up in
the clouds, and there is one theory that this is a battle
being fought between the fleets of several rival carpet-
cleaning companies who are hovering over the thing like
vultures, but you shouldn't believe anything you hear at
parties, and particularly not anything you hear at this one.
One of the problems, and it's one which is obviously
going to get worse, is that all the people at the party are
either the children or the grandchildren or the great-
grandchildren of the people who wouldn't leave in the
first place, and because of all the business about selective
breeding and regressive genes and so on, it means that all
the people now at the party are either absolutely fanatical
partygoers, or gibbering idiots, or, more and more
frequently, both.
Either way, it means that, genetically speaking, each
succeeding generation is now less likely to leave than the
preceding one.
So other factors come into operation, like when the drink
is going to run out.
Now, because of certain things which have happened
which seemed like a good idea at the time (and one of the
problems with a party which never stops is that all the
things which only seem like a good idea at parties
continue to seem like good ideas), that point seems still
to be a long way off.
One of the things which seemed like a good idea at the
time was that the party should fly --- not in the normal
sense that parties are meant to fly, but literally.
One night, long ago, a band of drunken astro-engineers
of the first generation clambered round the building
digging this, fixing that, banging very hard on the other
and when the sun rose the following morning, it was
startled to find itself shining on a building full of happy
21.
Najvea i najrazornija urka koja je ikada odrana sada
je ve zala u etvrto pokolenje, a niko jo ne pokazuje
nameru da ode. Neko je svojevremeno bacio pogled na
sat, ali bilo je to pre jedanaest godina, a jo se nita nije
desilo.
Nered je neverovatan i treba ga videti da bi se
poverovalo da je tako neto mogue, ali ako nemate
naroite potrebe da poverujete u to, nemojte ii da
vidite, jer vam se nee dopasti.
Nedavno je na nebu dolo do grmljavine i sevanja i
poela je da krui pria da se to vodi borba izmeu flota
nekoliko suparnikih kompanija za ienje tepiha, koje
poput leinara krue iznad poprita urke, vrebajui
svoju priliku, ali ne treba verovati u ono to se uje na
urkama, a naroito ne na ovoj.
Jedan od problema, a on e se oigledno sve vie
pogoravati, sastoji se u tome da su ljudi na urki ili
deca, ili unuci, ili praunuci onih koji su prvobitno
odluili da ne odu kui, a zbog cele one zapetljavine sa
selektivnim razmnoavanjem i recesivnim genima to
znai da su svi prisutni na urki u ovom trenutku ili
krajnje fanatini posetioci urki ili mucavi idioti ili, sve
ee i ee, i jedno i drugo.
Ovako ili onako, to znai da, genetski govorei, svako
sledee pokolenje ima sve manje izgleda od prethodnog
da ode.
No, u proces ulaze i drugi inioci, kao, na primer, kada
e nestati pia.
Ali, zbog nekih stvari koje su u svoje vreme izgledale
kao odlina ideja (a jedna od nevolja sa urkama bez
kraja jeste to to stvari koje samo podseaju na odline
ideje tamo uvek nastavljaju da podseaju na odline
ideje), ta taka izgleda da je jo daleko.
Jedna od stvari koje su u svoje vreme izgledale kao
odlina ideja bila je i ta da urka treba da dobije polet -
ne na normalan nain na koji urke treba da dobiju
polet, ve bukvalno: da poleti.
Jedne noi, odavno, grupa pijanih astroinenjera motala
se oko zgrade i kopala po ovome, akala po onome,
treskala po neem treem, a kada se sunce podiglo
sledeeg jutra, zaprepastilo se kada je videlo da
obasjava zgradu punu veselih pijanaca koja je sada
drunken people which was now floating like a young and
uncertain bird over the treetops.
Not only that, but the flying party had also managed to
arm itself rather heavily. If they were going to get
involved in any petty arguments with wine merchants,
they wanted to make sure they had might on their side.
The transition from full-time cocktail party to part-time
raiding party came with ease, and did much to add that
extra bit of zest and swing to the whole affair which was
badly needed at this point because of the enormous
number of times that the band had already played all the
numbers it knew over the years.
They looted, they raided, they held whole cities for
ransom for fresh supplies of cheese crackers, avocado
dip, spare ribs and wine and spirits, which would now get
piped aboard from floating tankers.
The problem of when the drink is going to run out is,
however, going to have to be faced one day.
The planet over which they are floating is no longer the
planet it was when they first started floating over it.
It is in bad shape.
The party had attacked and raided an awful lot of it, and
no one has ever succeeded in hitting it back because of
the erratic and unpredictable way in which it lurches
round the sky.
It is one hell of a party.
It is also one hell of a thing to get hit by in the small of
the back.
Chapter Twenty-two
Arthur lay floundering in pain on a piece of ripped and
dismembered reinforced concrete, flicked at by wisps of
passing cloud and confused by the sounds of flabby
merrymaking somewhere indistinctly behind him.
There was a sound he couldn't immediately identify,
partly because he didn't know the tune ``I Left my Leg in
Jaglan Beta'' and partly because the band playing it were
very tired, and some members of it were playing it in
three-four time, some in four-four, and some in a kind of
pie-eyed r2, each according to the amount of sleep he'd
managed to grab recently.
He lay, panting heavily in the wet air, and tried feeling
bits of himself to see where he might be hurt. Wherever
poput mlade i nesigurne ptice leprala iznad vrhova
kronji.
Ne samo to, ve je letea urka uspela da pribavi
prilino teko naoruanje. Ukoliko je trebalo da ikada
ulete u neku raspravu sa trgovcima vinom, eleli su da
argumenti budu na njihovoj strani.
Pretvaranje od neega to je bilo koktel-parti sa punim
radnim vremenom u pljakaki parti sa nepotpunim
radnim vremenom odigralo se sa krajnjom lakoom i
pokazalo se od priline koristi time to je dodalo malo
novog poleta i estine itavoj stvari, a u toj taki bilo je
to neophodno zbog ogromnog broja ponavljanja
muzikih taaka koje je bend svirao poslednjih nekoliko
godina.
Pljakali su, otimali, drali su itave gradove kao taoce
da bi za njih dobili svee zalihe sira, slanih keksa,
avokada, suvog mesa, te vina i estokih pia koje su
sada uzimali sa leteih tankera.
Ali sa problemom nestanka pia morae jednog dana da
se suoe.
Planeta iznad koje sada lebde nije vie ona ista iznad
koje su poeli lebdenje.
U vrlo je loem stanju.
urka ju je jezivo mnogo napadala, a niko sa planete
nije do sada uspeo da joj uzvrati udarac zbog
nasuminog i nepredvidivog naina na koji se teturala
po nebu.
To je avolska urka.
To je takoe avolska stvar ako te udari u donji deo
lea.
22.
Previjajui se od bola, Artur je leao na komadu
otrgnutog i razorenog armiranog betona, dok su se oko
njega kovitlale pare oblaka kroz koji je prolazio,
zbunjen zvukom nekog mlitavog veselja negde iza
njegovih lea.
uo se zvuk koji nije mogao odmah da prepozna, delom
zbog toga to nije poznavao melodiju pesmice 'Ostavio
sam nogu na Daglan Beti', a delom zato to je grupa
koja je to svirala bila vrlo umorna, tako da su neki njeni
lanovi svirali pesmicu u troetvrtinskom ritmu, drugi u
dvotreinskom, a trei u nekoj vrsti ritma pr2, ve u
zavisnosti od toga koliko je ko od njih ugrabio sna u
poslednje vreme.
Leao je i teko disao u vlanom vazduhu i pokuavao
da opipavanjem tela otkrije gde ga boli. Gde god bi se
he touched himself, he encountered a pain. After a short
while he worked out that this was because it was his hand
that was hurting. He seemed to have sprained his wrist.
His back, too, was hurting, but he soon satisfied himself
that he was not badly hurt, but just bruised and a little
shaken, as who wouldn't be? He couldn't understand
what a building would be doing flying through the
clouds.
On the other hand, he would have been a little hard-
pressed to come up with any convincing explanation of
his own presence, so he decided that he and the building
were just going to have to accept each other. He looked
up from where he was lying. A wall of pale but stained
stone slabs rose up behind him, the building proper. He
seemed to be stretched out on some sort of ledge or lip
which extended outwards for about three or four feet all
the way around. It was a hunk of the ground in which the
party building had had its foundations, and which it had
taken along with itself to keep itself bound together at the
bottom end.
Nervously, he stood up and, suddenly, looking out over
the edge, he felt nauseous with vertigo. He pressed
himself back against the wall, wet with mist and sweat.
His head was swimming freestyle, but someone in his
stomach was doing the butterfly.
Even though he had got up here under his own power, he
could now not even bear to contemplate the hideous drop
in front of him. He was not about to try his luck jumping.
He was not about to move an inch closer to the edge.
Clutching his hold-all he edged along the wall, hoping to
find a doorway in. The solid weight of the can of olive
oil was a great reassurance to him.
He was edging in the direction of the nearest corner, in
the hope that the wall around the corner might offer more
in the way of entrances than this one, which offered
none.
The unsteadiness of the building's flight made him feel
sick with fear, and after a short while he took the towel
from out of his hold-all and did something with it which
once again justified its supreme position in the list of
useful things to take with you when you hitch-hike round
the Galaxy. He put it over his head so he wouldn't have to
see what he was doing.
His feet edged along the ground. His outstretched hand
edged along the wall.
Finally he came to the corner, and as his hand rounded
dodirnuo, nailazio je na bol. Posle izvesnog vremana
otkrio je da je to zbog toga to ga ruka boli. inilo se da
je uganuo zglob. I lea su ga bolela, ali uskoro je, na
svoje zadovoljstvo, otkrio da nije gadno povreen, ve
samo izgreban i malo ugruvan, to i nije bilo udno.
Nikako, naime, nije shvatao ta jedna zgrada trai u
oblacima.
S druge strane, ne bi mu bilo ba najlake da pronae
ubedljivo objanjenje ni za sopstveno prisustvo na istom
mestu i zbog toga je zakljuio da e on i zgrada naprosto
morati da prihvate postojanje jedno drugog. Pogledao je
sa mesta na kome je leao. Zid od belih, ali umrljanih
kamenih ploa uzdizao se iza njega, kao na pravoj
zgradi. Izgledalo je da viri iz neke vrste isturene ivice ili
ispusta koji se pruao oko nje u svim pravcima u duini
od tri ili etiri stope. Bio je to odlomak tla u kome je
zgrada sa urkom imala temelje i koji je ponela sa
sobom da je dri povezanu na donjem kraju.
Uznemireno se podigao i, iznenada, im je pogledao
preko ruba, uhvatila ga je munina od vrtoglavice.
Priljubio se uza zid, mokar od magle i znoja. Njegova
glava plivala je slobodnim stilom, ali se stomak
zabavljao baterflajom.
Iako je dotle dospeo sopstvenom snagom, nije mogao
ak ni da razmilja o jezivom ponoru koji je zjapio
ispred njega. Svakako nee pokuati da oproba sreu
skakanjem. Zapravo, nije nameravao da se pomeri
makar i jedan in blie rubu.
Uhvativi vrsto svoju putnu torbu, stao je da pue uza
zid, nadajui se da e uz put pronai ulazna vrata. vrsta
teina limenke maslinovog ulja delovala je na njega
ospokojavajue.
Puzao je u pravcu najblieg ugla u nadi da e mu zid iza
ugla pruiti vie naina za ulazak od ovoga, koji mu nije
pruio ba nijedan.
Neravnomernost leta zgrade inila ga je bolesnim od
straha, tako da je, posle izvesnog vremena, izvukao
pekir iz putne torbe i uinio neto to je jo jednom
opravdalo visoki poloaj ubrusa na popisu najkorisnijih
stvari koje treba da imate uza se kada autostopirate po
Galaksiji - vezao ga je oko glave da ne bi mogao da vidi
ta radi.
Stao je da vue nogama po tlu, dok je ispruenom
akom pipao po zidu.
Najzad je doao do ugla, a kada mu je aka zaobila
the corner it encountered something which gave him
such a shock that he nearly fell straight off. It was
another hand.
The two hands gripped each other.
He desperately wanted to use his other hand to pull the
towel back from his eyes, but it was holding the hold-all
with the olive oil, the retsina and the postcards from
Santorini, and he very much didn't want to put it down.
He experienced one of those ``self'' moments, one of
those moments when you suddenly turn around and look
at yourself and think ``Who am I? What am I up to?
What have I achieved? Am I doing well?'' He whimpered
very slightly.
He tried to free his hand, but he couldn't. The other hand
was holding his tightly. He had no recourse but to edge
onwards towards the corner. He leaned around it and
shook his head in an attempt to dislodge the towel. This
seemed to provoke a sharp cry of some unfashionable
emotion from the owner of the other hand.
The towel was whipped from his head and he found his
eyes peering into those of Ford Prefect. Beyond him
stood Slartibartfast, and beyond them he could clearly
see a porchway and a large closed door.
They were both pressed back against the wall, eyes wild
with terror as they stared out into the thick blind cloud
around them, and tried to resist the lurching and swaying
of the building.
``Where the zarking photon have you been?'' hissed Ford,
panic stricken.
``Er, well,'' stuttered Arthur, not really knowing how to
sum it all up that briefly. ``Here and there. What are you
doing here?''
Ford turned his wild eyes on Arthur again.
``They won't let us in without a bottle,'' he hissed.
The first thing Arthur noticed as they entered into the
thick of the party, apart from the noise, the suffocating
heat, the wild profusion of colours that protuded dimly
through the atmosphere of heavy smoke, the carpets thick
with ground glass, ash and avocado droppings, and the
small group of pterodactyl-like creatures in lurex who
descended on his cherished bottle of retsina, squawking,
``A new pleasure, a new pleasure'', was Trillian being
chatted up by a Thunder God.
``Didn't I see you at Milliways?'' he was saying.
``Were you the one with the hammer?''
``Yes. I much prefer it here. So much less reputable, so
much more fraught.''
Squeals of some hideous pleasure rang around the room,
the outer dimensions of which were invisible through the
ugao, dodirnula je neto to mu je zadalo takav ok da je
gotovo pao. Bila je to druga ruka.
Dve ruke zgrabie jedna drugu.
Oajniki je eleo da iskoristi drugu ruku za skidanje
pekira sa oiju, ali ona je drala torbu sa maslinovim
uljem, vinom i razglednicama sa Santorinija i on ba
nikako nije eleo da je odloi.
Iskusio je jedan od onih trenutaka samoispitivanja, jedan
od onih trenutaka kada se iznenada okrenete, pogledate
sebe u oi i pomislite: 'Ko sam ja? ta elim? ta sam
postigao u ivotu? Da li to radim kako treba?' Tiho je
zajecao.
Pokuao je da oslobodi ruku, ali nije mogao. Druga ruka
vrsto ju je drala. Nije imao izbora nego da produi
prema uglu. Zaokrenuo je za njega i zatresao glavom u
nameri da se oslobodi pekira. Ovo je, izgleda,
izazvalao otar povik nerazaznatljivog oseanja kod
vlastite druge ruke.
Pekir je strgnut sa njegove glave i on otkri da mu oi
pilje u oi Forda Prefekta. Iza njega stajao je
Slartibartfast, a iza ovoga jasno su se videli zaklonjeni
prilaz i velika, zatvorena vrata.
Oboje su bili pripijeni uza zid, oiju divljih od straha
dok su zurili u gusti, slepi oblak oko sebe i pokuavali
da se odupru njihanju i poskakivanju zgrade.
"Gde si, kog fotona, bio?" prosiktao je Ford uspanieno.
"Pa, ovaj", zamucao je Artur, ni sam ne znajui kako da
sve to objasni u najkraim crtama, "tu i tamo. ta radite
ovde?"
Ford ponovo pogleda Artura divljim oima.
"Nee da nas puste unutra bez boce pia", prosiktao je.
Prvo to je Artur primetio kada se naao usred urke,
izuzev buke, zaguljive toplote, divlje meavine boja
koja se nejasno probijala kroz atmosferu od gustog
dima, ilima prekrivenih razbijenim staklom, pepelom i
kapima guakamole i grupice stvorenja nalik na
pterodaktile, obuene u lureks, koja su se okupila oko
njegove drage boce grkog vina i kreketala
"Iznenaenje, iznenaenje", bila je Trilijan sa kojom je
neobavezno eretao Bog Groma.
"Nismo li se videli na Milivejsu?" upitao je on.
"Jesi li ti bio onaj sa ekiem?"
"Da. Mnogo mi se vie svia to ga imam ovde. Ovo je
daleko ozloglaenije i opasnije mesto od onoga."
Odajom su odzvanjali krici nekog jezivog zadovoljstva,
ije su razmere bile nevidljive u ustalasanoj gomili
heaving throng of happy, noisy creatures, cheerfully veselih, bunih stvorenja koja su razdragano dovikivala
yelling things that nobody could hear at each other and jedno drugom stvari koje niko nije uspevao da uje i
occasionally having crises. povremeno zapadala u nervne krize.
``Seems fun,'' said Trillian. ``What did you say, Arthur?'' "Izgleda zabavno", rekla je Trilijan. "ta si rekao,
Arture?"
``I said, how the hell did you get here?'' "Rekoh, kako si, do avola, dospela ovamo?"
``I was a row of dots flowing randomly through the "Bila sam nasumini niz taaka koje su letele
Universe. Have you met Thor? He makes thunder.'' Vaseljenom. Poznaje li Tora? On pravi gromove."
``Hello,'' said Arthur. ``I expect that must be very "ao", rekao je Artur. "To je sigurno strano
interesting.'' zanimljivo."
``Hi,'' said Thor. ``It is. Have you got a drink?'' "ao", rekao je Tor, "i jeste. Ima pie?"
``Er, no actually ...'' "Ovaj - zapravo, nemam..."
``Then why don't you go and get one?'' "to onda ne poe da nae sebi jedno?"
``See you later, Arthur,'' said Trillian. "Videemo se, Arture", rekla je Trilijan.
Something jogged Arthur's mind, and he looked around Neto pade Arturu na um i on se obazre okolo.
huntedly.
``Zaphod isn't here, is he?'' he said. "Zaphod nije ovde?" upitao je.
``See you,'' said Trillian firmly, ``later.'' "Videemo se", rekla je Trilijan vrstim glasom,
"kasnije."
Thor glared at him with hard coal-black eyes, his beard Tor ga je gledao tvrdim oima, crnim poput ugljena,
bristled, what little light was there was in the place nakostreene brade. Ono malo svetla to je bilo na tom
mustered its forces briefly to glint menacingly off the mestu sakupilo je nakratko svoje snage da bi zlokobno
horns of his helmet. zasvetlucalo na rogovima njegovog lema.
He took Trillian's elbow in his extremely large hand and Svojom izuzetno krupnom akom uzeo je Trilijan za
the muscles in his upper arm moved around each other lakat, a miii njegove nadlaktice vrteli su se jedan oko
like a couple of Volkswagens parking. drugog poput dva folksvagena na parkiralitu.
He led her away. Odveo ju je.
``One of the interesting things about being immortal,'' he "Jedna od zanimljivih stvari u vezi sa besmrtnou",
said, ``is ...'' govorio je, "jeste to..."
``One of the interesting things about space,'' Arthur heard "Jedna od zanimljivih stvari u vezi sa svemirom", uo je
Slartibartfast saying to a large and voluminous creature Artur kako Slartibartfast govori nekom krupnom i
who looked like someone losing a fight with a pink duvet masivnom stvorenju koje je izgledalo kao da gubi borbu
and was gazing raptly at the old man's deep eyes and sa sopstvenim srcem i koje je paljivo gledalo stareve
silver beard, ``is how dull it is.'' duboke oi i sivu bradu, "jeste to koliko je on, u stvari,
dosadan."
``Dull?'' said the creature, and blinked her rather "Dosadan?" ponovilo je stvorenje i trepnulo oima koje
wrinkled and bloodshot eyes. su bile prilino zakrvavljene i sa velikim podonjacima.
``Yes,'' said Slartibartfast, ``staggeringly dull. "Da", odvratio je Slartibartfast, "zaprepaujue
Bewilderingly so. You see, there's so much of it and so dosadan. Zapanjujue. Zna, njega ima tako mnogo, a
little in it. Would you like me to quote some statistics?'' onoga to je u njemu tako malo. Hoe li da ti navedem
neke statistike podatke?"
``Er, well ...'' "Pa, ovaj..."
``Please, I would like to. They, too, are quite "Molim te, ba bih voleo. I oni su nezamislivo dosadni."
sensationally dull.''
``I'll come back and hear them in a moment,'' she said, "Odmah u se vratiti da ih ujem", reklo je stvorenje,
patting him on the arm, lifted up her skirts like a potapalo ga po ruci, podiglo svoju haljinu poput
hovercraft and moved off into the heaving crown. hoverkrafta i otilo u ustalasanu gomilu.
``I thought she'd never go,'' growled the old man. "Mislio sam da nikada nee otii", zagroktao je starac.
``Come, Earthman ...'' "Doi Zemljanine..."
``Arthur.'' "Artur."
``We must find the Silver Bail, it is here somewhere.''
``Can't we just relax a little?'' Arthur said. ``I've had a
tough day. Trillian's here, incidentally, she didn't say
how, it probably doesn't matter.''
``Think of the danger to the Universe ...''
``The Universe,'' said Arthur, ``is big enough and old
enough to look after itself for half an hour. All right,'' he
added, in response to Slartibartfast's increasing agitation,
``I'll wander round and see if anybody's seen it.''
``Good, good,'' said Slartibartfast, ``good. '' He plunged
into the crowd himself, and was told to relax by
everybody he passed.
``Have you seen a bail anywhere?'' said Arthur to a little
man who seemed to be standing eagerly waiting to listen
to somebody. ``It's made of silver, vitally important for
the future safety of the Universe, and about this long.''
``No,'' said the enthusiastically wizened little man, ``but
do have a drink and tell me all about it.''
Ford Prefect writhed past, dancing a wild, frenetic and
not entirely unobscene dance with someone who looked
as if she was wearing Sydney Opera House on her head.
He was yelling a futile conversation at her above the din.
``I like that hat!'' he bawled.
``What?''
``I said, I like the hat.''
``I'm not wearing a hat.''
``Well, I like the head, then.''
``What?''
``I said, I like the head. Interesting bone-structure.''
``What?''
Ford worked a shrug into the complex routine of other
movements he was performing.
``I said, you dance great,'' he shouted, ``just don't nod so
much.''
``What?''
``It's just that every time you nod,'' said Ford, ``... ow!''
he added as his partner nodded forward to say ``What?''
and once again pecked him sharply on the forehead with
the sharp end of her swept-forward skull.
``My planet was blown up one morning,'' said Arthur,
who had found himself quite unexpectedly telling the
little man his life story or, at least, edited highlights of it,
``that's why I'm dressed like this, in my dressing gown.
My planet was blown up with all my clothes in it, you
see. I didn't realize I'd be coming to a party.''
The little man nodded enthusiastically.
"Moramo nai srebrnu sponu, ovde je negde."
"Zar ne moemo malo da se oduvamo?" upitao je Artur.
"Imao sam teak dan. Sluajno je i Trilijan ovde, ali nije
mi rekla kako je stigla; verovatno nije ni bitno."
"Pomisli na opasnost koja preti Vaseljeni..."
"Vaseljena je", odvratio je Artur, "dovoljno velika i
dovoljno stara da moe pola sata da se brine sama za
sebe. Dobro", dodao je, u odgovor na sve veu
Slartibartfastovu uzrujanost, "promuvau se okolo i
videti da li ju je neko video."
"U redu, u redu", rekao je Slartibartfast, "u redu." I sam
je zaao u gomilu, a svi pored kojih je prolazio govorili
su mu da zastane i oduva se malo.
"Jesi li video negde jednu sponu?" upitao je Artur
oveuljka koji je, izgleda, eljno stajao i ekao da slua
nekoga. "Napravljena je od srebra, od ivotnog je
znaaja za buduu bezbednost Vaseljene i otprilike je
ovoliko dugaka."
"Nisam", odvratio je ushieno naborani oveuljak, "ali
poslui se piem pa mi ispriaj sve o tome."
Pored njega se provrteo Ford, koji je plesao divlju,
burnu i prilino skarednu igru sa devojkom koja je
izgledala kao da na glavi nosi sidnejsku Operu. Vodio je
sa njom buni i zaludni razgovor pokuavajui da
nadjaa galamu oko njih.
"Svia mi se tvoj eir!" zaurlao je.
"ta?"
"Rekoh, svia mi se tvoj eir."
"Ja nemam eir."
"Pa, onda mi se svia glava."
"ta?"
"Rekoh, svia mi se tvoja glava. Zanimljiv sklop
kostiju."
"ta?"
Ford slegnu ramenima u okviru sloene rutine ostalih
pokreta koju je izvodio.
"Rekoh, sjajno igra", vikao je, "ali nemoj toliko da
klima glavom."
"ta?"
"Ma eto, svaki put kada klimne", rekao je Ford, "...
jao!" dodao je kada je njegova partnerka klimnula da bi
rekla 'ta?' i ponovo ga otro lupila po elu iljatim
krajem svoje neobine lobanje.
"Moja planeta je raznesena jednog jutra", rekao je Artur,
koji je, sasvim neoekivano, zatekao sebe kako
pripoveda oveuljku priu svog ivota, ili bar odabrana
poglavlja iz nje. "Zbog toga sam ovako obuen, u kuni
mantil. Razume, moja planeta je raznesena sa svim
mojim odelima. Nisam znao da u doi na urku."
oveuljak je ushieno klimnuo glavom.
``Later, I was thrown off a spaceship. Still in my dressing
gown. Rather than the space suit one would normally
expect. Shortly after that I discovered that my planet had
originally been built for a bunch of mice. You can
imagine how I felt about that. I was then shot at for a
while and blown up. In fact I have been blown up
ridiculously often, shot at, insulted, regularly
disintegrated, deprived of tea, and recently I crashed into
a swamp and had to spend five years in a damp cave.''
``Ah,'' effervesced the little man, ``and did you have a
wonderful time?''
Arthur started to choke violently on his drink.
``What a wonderful exciting cough,'' said the little man,
quite startled by it, ``do you mind if I join you?''
And with that he launched into the most extraordinary
and spectacular fit of coughing which caught Arthur so
much by surprise that he started to choke violently,
discovered he was already doing it and got thoroughly
confused. Together they performed a lung-busting duet
which went on for fully two minutes before Arthur
managed to cough and splutter to a halt.
``So invigorating,'' said the little man, panting and wiping
tears from his eyes. ``What an exciting life you must
lead. Thank you very much.''
He shook Arthur warmly by the hand and walked off into
the crowd. Arthur shook his head in astonishment.
A youngish-looking man came up to him, an aggressive-
looking type with a hook mouth, a lantern nose, and
small beady little cheekbones. He was wearing black
trousers, a black silk shirt open to what was presumably
his navel, though Arthur had learnt never to make
assumptions about the anatomies of the sort of people he
tended to meet these days, and had all sorts of nasty
dangly gold things hanging round his neck. He carried
something in a black bag, and clearly wanted people to
notice that he didn't want them to notice it.
``Hey, er, did I hear you say your name just now?'' he
said.
This was one of the many things that Arthur had told the
enthusiastic little man.
``Yes, it's Arthur Dent.''
The man seemed to be dancing slightly to some rhythm
other than any of the several that the band were grimly
pushing out.
``Yeah,'' he said, ``only there was a man in a mountain
wanted to see you.''
``I met him.''
``Yeah, only he seemed pretty anxious about it, you
"Kasnije su me izbacili sa svemirskog broda. I dalje u
kunom mantilu. ovek bi pre oekivao svemirsko
odelo. Ubrzo potom otkrio sam da su moju planetu
prvobitno izgradili mievi. Moe misliti kako sam se
oseao kada sam to saznao. Onda su malo pucali na
mene i pokuali da me raznesu. U stvari, esto su me
napadali, pucali na mene, vreali me, dezintegrisali u
pravilnim razmacima, liavali aja, a potom sam se
sruio u movaru i bio prisiljen da provedem pet godina
u vlanoj peini."
"Ah", oduevljavao se oveuljak, "a da li si se lepo
zabavljao?"
Artur se silovito zagrcnu piem.
"Kako divno i uzbudljivo kaljanje", rekao je
oveuljak, zaprepaeno. "Smem li da ti se pridruim?"
Upitavi to, otisnuo se u najneobiniji i
najspektakularniji mogui napad kalja koji je toliko
iznenadio Artura da se i sam silovito zagrcnuo i poeo
da kalje, ali je ubrzo otkrio da to ve neko vreme i
inae radi i skroz se zbunio. Zajedno su izveli duet za
cepanje plua koji je trajao puna dva minuta pre nego
to je Artur uspeo da se iskalje i konano zaustavi.
"Tako silovito i hrabro", primetio je oveuljak, dahui
i briui suze. "Koliko li je samo uzbudljiv bio tvoj
ivot. Veliko ti hvala."
Toplo je prodrmao Arturovu ruku i otiao u guvu. Artur
je zbunjeno zavrteo glavom.
Do njega doe ovek koji je delovao prilino mlado, tip
koji je izgledao naglaeno agresivno, krivih usta, nosa
isturenog poput svetionika i sitnih, otrih jabuica.
Nosio je crne pantalone, crnu svilenu majicu otvorenu
sve do onoga to mu je verovatno bilo pupak, iako je
Artur nauio da nita ne nagaa o anatomijama ljudi
koje je sretao tih dana, a oko vrata je imao raznorazne
gadne zlatne stvari. Nosio je neto u crnoj torbi i jasno
se videlo da je eleo da ljudi primete da ne eli da je
primete.
"Ovaj, hej, jesam li ja to uo maloas kako izgovara
svoje ime?" upitao je.
Bila je to jedna od mnogih stvari koje je Artur rekao
oduevljenom oveuljku.
"Da, Artur Dent."
Izgledalo je kao da ovek lagano plee u nekom ritmu
koji je bio razliit od onih nekoliko u kojima se grupa
trenutno tmurno gurala.
"Aha", rekao je, "ali ovek iz planine eleo je da te
vidi."
"Sreo sam ga."
"Aha, ali izgledalo je kao da mu je mnogo stalo do
know.''
``Yes, I met him.''
``Yeah, well I think you should know that.''
``I do. I met him.''
The man paused to chew a little gum. Then he clapped
Arthur on the back.
``OK,'' he said, ``all right. I'm just telling you, right?
Good night, good luck, win awards.''
``What?'' said Arthur, who was beginning to flounder
seriously at this point.
``Whatever. Do what you do. Do it well.'' He made a sort
of clucking noise with whatever he was chewing and
then some vaguely dynamic gesture.
``Why?'' said Arthur.
``Do it badly,'' said the man, ``who cares? Who gives a
shit?'' The blood suddenly seemed to pump angrily into
the man's face and he started to shout.
``Why not go mad?'' he said. ``Go away, get off my back
will you, guy. Just zark off!!!''
``OK, I'm going,'' said Arthur hurriedly.
``It's been real.'' The man gave a sharp wave and
disappeared off into the throng.
``What was that about?'' said Arthur to a girl he found
standing beside him. ``Why did he tell me to win
awards?''
``Just showbiz talk,'' shrugged the girl. ``He's just won an
award at the Annual Ursa Minor Alpha Recreational
Illusions Institute Awards Ceremony, and was hoping to
be able to pass it off lightly, only you didn't mention it, so
he couldn't.''
``Oh,'' said Arthur, ``oh, well I'm sorry I didn't. What was
it for?''
``The Most Gratuitous Use Of The Word `Fuck' In A
Serious Screenplay. It's very prestigious.''
``I see,'' said Arthur, ``yes, and what do you get for that?''
``A Rory. It's just a small silver thing set on a large black
base. What did you say?''
``I didn't say anything. I was just about to ask what the
silver ...''
``Oh, I thought you said `wop'.''
``Said what?''
``Wop.''
People had been dropping in on the party now for some
years, fashionable gatecrashers from other worlds, and
for some time it had occurred to the partygoers as they
had looked out at their own world beneath them, with its
wrecked cities, its ravaged avocado farms and blighted
vineyards, its vast tracts of new desert, its seas full of
toga."
"Da, sreo sam ga."
"Aha, dobro, samo sam hteo da zna."
"I znam. Sreo sam ga."
ovek je zastao i neko vreme vakao gumu. Onda je
potapao Artura po leima.
"U redu", rekao je, "dobro. Samo sam hteo da ti kaem,
u redu? Prijatno, puno sree, dobijaj nagrade."
"ta?" upitao je Artur, koji je sada ve bio ozbiljno
zbunjen.
"tagod. Radi ta god hoe. Srean ti put." Napravio je
puckav zvuk pomou onoga to je vakao, ta god to
bilo, i neodreeno mahnuo rukom.
"Zato?" upitao je Artur.
"Onda nemoj nita da radi", rekao je ovek. "Koga je
uopte briga? Ko mari za to?" Iznenada se ovekovo lice
gnevno zacrvenelo i on poe da vie.
"izni", rekao je. "Brii odavde, skini mi se sa grbae,
momak. Odzarkuj!!!"
"U redu, idem", rekao je urno Artur.
"Ozbiljno mislim." ovek otro odmahnu i nestade u
guvi.
"ta to bi?" pitao je Artur devojku koja je stajala pored
njega. "Zbog ega mi je rekao da dobijam nagrade?"
"argon ljudi iz ou-biznisa", odgovorila je devojka.
"Nedavno je dobio nagradu na godinjoj sveanosti
Instituta za rekreacione opsene na Ursi Minor Alfi i
nadao se da e moi da to pomene onako uzgred, ali ti
nisi skrenuo razgovor gde treba na tu temu, pa nije ni
doao u priliku."
"Oh", rekao je Artur, "oh, pa, ao mi je zbog toga. A za
ta je dobio nagradu?"
"Za najbolju bezrazlonu upotrebu rei 'tucanje' u
ozbiljnom scenariju. To je vrlo ugledna nagrada."
"Shvatam", rekao je Artur, "da, a ta se, zapravo, dobija
kao nagrada?"
"'Rori'. To je jedna mala, srebrna stvar postavljena na
veliku, crnu osnovu. ta si kazao?"
"Nita nisam kazao, nego sam hteo da pitam kakva je to
srebrna..."
"Oh, uinilo mi se da si kazao 'vup'."
"ta da sam kazao?"
"Vup."
Ve nekoliko godina novi ljudi upadaju na urku,
pomodni nezvani gosti sa drugih svetova, a uesnici
urke ve neko vreme imaju utisak, dok posmatraju
sopstvenu planetu ispod sebe, sa njenim propalim
gradovima, opustoenim plantaama avokada i
unitenim vinogradima, prostranim oblastima
biscuit crumbs and worse, that their world was in some
tiny and almost imperceptible ways not quite as much
fun as it had been. Some of them had begun to wonder if
they could manage to stay sober for long enough to make
the entire party spaceworthy and maybe take it off to
some other people's worlds where the air might be
fresher and give them fewer headaches.
The few undernourished farmers who still managed to
scratch out a feeble existence on the half-dead ground of
the planet's surface would have been extremely pleased
to hear this, but that day, as the party came screaming out
of the clouds and the farmers looked up in haggard fear
of yet another cheese-and-wine raid, it became clear that
the party was not going to be going anywhere else for a
while, that the party would soon be over. Very soon it
would be time to gather up hats and coats and stagger
blearily outside to find out what time of day it was, what
time of year it was, and whether in any of this burnt and
ravaged land there was a taxi going anywhere.
The party was locked in a horrible embrace with a
strange white spaceship which seemed to be half sticking
through it. Together they were lurching, heaving and
spinning their way round the sky in grotesque disregard
of their own weight.
The clouds parted. The air roared and leapt out of their
way.
The party and the Krikkit warship looked, in their
writhings, a little like two ducks, one of which is trying
to make a third duck inside the second duck, whilst the
second duck is trying very hard to explain that it doesn't
feel ready for a third duck right now, is uncertain that it
would want any putative third duck to be made by this
particular first duck anyway, and certainly not whilst it,
the second duck, was busy flying.
The sky sang and screamed with the rage of it all and
buffeted the ground with shock waves.
And suddenly, with a foop, the Krikkit ship was gone.
The party blundered helplessly across the sky like a man
leaning against an unexpectedly open door. It span and
wobbled on its hover jets. It tried to right itself and
wronged itself instead. It staggered back across the sky
again.
For a while these staggerings continued, but clearly they
could not continue for long. The party was now a
mortally wounded party. All the fun had gone out of it, as
the occasional broken-backed pirouette could not
disguise.
novostvorene pustinje i morima punim mrvica od
krekera ili jo gorih stvari, da njihov svet u siunim i
neprimetnim pojedinostima nije ba onoliko zabavan
kao to je nekada bio. Neki od njih poeli su da se pitaju
mogu li da se odre u treznom stanju dovoljno dugo da
otisnu itavu urku dalje u kosmos i da je moda odvedu
do svetova nekih drugih ljudi, gde je vazduh moda
sveiji, pa bi im zadavao manje glavobolje.
Ona nekolicina neuhranjenih ratara, koji su i dalje
nekako uspevali da se izbore za bedno odravanje ivota
na napola odumrlom zemljitu, bili bi oduevljeni da to
uju, ali tog dana, kada je urka uz urlik izletela iz
oblaka, a ratari podigli poglede u strahu od jo jedne
pljake sira i vina, postalo je sasvim jasno da nikuda
nee otii i da e urka uskoro biti gotova. Veoma skoro
bie vreme da se pokupe eiri i mantili, da se mlitavo
izie napolje i da se vidi koje je doba dana, koje
godinje doba i ima li na tom spaljenom i opustoenom
mestu taksija koji nekuda idu.
urka je bila povezana u uasni spoj sa jednim
udnovatim, belim svemirskim brodom koji je, izgleda,
bio dopola zaboden u nju. Skupa su se njihali, vitlali i
vrteli po nebu, groteskno zanemarujui sopstvenu
teinu.
Oblaci su se razdvajali pred njima. Vazduh je urlao i
sklanjao im se sa puta.
urka i krikitski ratni brod pomalo su liili, dok su jurili
nebom, na dve patke, od kojih jedna pokuava da
napravi treu patku u onoj drugoj, dok se druga svim
silama trudi da objasni da se upravo u ovom trenutku ne
osea ba spremna za treu patku, da nije ubeena da
uopte eli da joj ba ta prva patka napravi
pretpostavljenu treu patku, a svakako ne dok je ona,
druga patka, zauzeta letenjem.
Nebo je urlalo i gnevno vritalo na sve to, potresajui
zemlju udarnim talasima.
A onda je iznenada, uz fup, krikitski brod nestao.
urka je bespomono nastavila da se tetura po nebu
poput oveka koji se neoekivano naslonio na otvorena
vrata. Vrtela se i njihala na mlaznim motorima koji su je
drali u vazduhu. Pokuala je da se ispravi, ali se umesto
toga jo vie iskrivila. I dalje se teturala po nebu.
Teturanje se produilo jo izvesno vreme, ali bilo je
jasno da nee jo dugo. urka je sada bila smrtno
ranjena. Sve uivanje nestalo je iz nje, to povremeno
vratolomne piruete nisu mogle sakriti.
The longer, at this point, that it avoided the ground, the to je due izbegavala tle, to se udarac spremao da bude
heavier was going to be the crash when finally it hit it. tei kada je konano bude zadesio.
Inside, things were not going well either. They were Ni unutra stvari se nisu razvijale kako treba. U stvari,
going monstrously badly, in fact, and people were hating razvijale su se udovino loe, a ljudi su sve to mrzeli i
it and saying so loudly. The Krikkit robots had been. to glasno uzvikivali. Krikitski roboti doli su i otili.
They had removed the Award for The Most Gratuitous Odneli su nagradu za najbolju bezrazlonu upotrebu rei
Use Of The Word `Fuck' In A Serious Screenplay, and in 'tucanje' u ozbiljnom scenariju, a umesto nje ostavili
its place had left a scene of devastation that left Arthur prizor takvog razaranja, da je Artura bilo gotovo isto
feeling almost as sick as a runner-up for a Rory. toliko ao koliko i nagraenog umetnika za njegov
'Rori'.
``We would love to stay and help,'' shouted Ford, picking "Voleli bismo da ostanemo i da vam pomognemo",
his way over the mangled debris, ``only we're not going vikao je Ford i probijao se kroz razruene otpatke, "ali
to.'' ipak neemo."
The party lurched again, provoking feverish cries and urka se ponovo zaleluja i izazva grozniave krike i
groans from amongst the smoking wreckage. jaukanje iz zadimljene ruevine.
``We have to go and save the Universe, you see,'' said "Znate, mi idemo da spasemo Vaseljenu", nastavio je
Ford. ``And if that sounds like a pretty lame excuse, then Ford, "a ako mislite da je to prilino slab izgovor,
you may be right. Either way, we're off.'' moda ste i u pravu. Svejedno, mi odosmo."
He suddenly came across an unopened bottle lying, Iznenada je naiao na neotvorenu bocu koja je, nekim
miraculously unbroken, on the ground. udom, ostala itava.
``Do you mind if we take this?'' he said. ``You won't be "Hoete li imati neto protiv da ponesemo ovo?" upitao
needing it.'' je. "Vama vie nee biti potrebna."
He took a packet of potato crisps too. Uzeo je i kesicu ipsa.
``Trillian?'' shouted Arthur in a shocked and weakened "Trilijan?" urlao je Artur potresenim i nemonim
voice. In the smoking mess he could see nothing. glasom. U zadimljenom haosu nije mogao videti nita.
``Earthman, we must go,'' said Slartibartfast nervously. "Zemljanine, moramo da poemo", rekao je
Slartibartfast nervozno.
``Trillian?'' shouted Arthur again. "Trilijan?" viknuo je Artur ponovo.
A moment or two later, Trillian staggered, shaking, into Trenutak ili dva kasnije Trilijan se, sva teturava i
view, supported by her new friend the Thunder God. uzdrhtala, pojavila oslonjena o svog novog prijatelja,
Boga Groma.
``The girl stays with me,'' said Thor. ``There's a great "Devojka ide sa mnom", rekao je Tor. "U Valhali se
party going on in Valhalla, we'll be flying off ...'' odrava velika zabava, odleteemo..."
``Where were you when all this was going on?'' said "Gde si bio kada se sve ovo deavalo?" upitao je Artur.
Arthur.
``Upstairs,'' said Thor, ``I was weighing her. Flying's a "Na spratu", rekao je Tor. "Odmeravao sam njenu
tricky business you see, you have to calculate wind ...'' teinu. Letenje je sloen posao, zna, treba da
prorauna vetar..."
``She comes with us,'' said Arthur. "Ona ide sa nama", kazao je Artur.
``Hey,'' said Trillian, ``don't I ...'' "Hej", rekla je Trilijan, "zar ne bi trebalo da ja..."
``No,'' said Arthur, ``you come with us.'' "Ne", rekao je Artur, "ti ide sa nama."
Thor looked at him with slowly smouldering eyes. He Tor ga je gledao oima u kojima je polako poinjala da
was making some point about godliness and it had bukti vatra. Pomenuo je neke stvari u vezi sa religijom,
nothing to do with being clean. ali one nisu imale nikakve veze sa pristojnou.
``She comes with me,'' he said quietly. "Ide sa mnom", rekao je lagano.
``Come on, Earthman,'' said Slartibartfast nervously, "Hajde, Zemljanine", kazao je Slartibartfast nervozno i
picking at Arthur's sleeve. povukao Artura za rukav.
``Come on, Slartibartfast,'' said Ford, picking at the old "Hajde, Slartibartfaste", rekao je Ford nervozno i
man's sleeve. Slartibartfast had the teleport device. povukao starca za rukav. Ureaj za teleportiranje nalazio
se kod Slartibartfasta.
The party lurched and swayed, sending everyone reeling,
except for Thor and except for Arthur, who stared,
shaking, into the Thunder God's black eyes.
Slowly, incredibly, Arthur put up what appeared to be his
tiny little fists.
``Want to make something of it?'' he said.
``I beg your minuscule pardon?'' roared Thor.
``I said,'' repeated Arthur, and he could not keep the
quavering out of his voice, ``do you want to make
something of it?'' He waggled his fists ridiculously.
Thor looked at him with incredulity. Then a little wisp of
smoke curled upwards from his nostril. There was a tiny
little flame in it too.
He gripped his belt.
He expanded his chest to make it totally clear that here
was the sort of man you only dared to cross if you had a
team of Sherpas with you.
He unhooked the shaft of his hammer from his belt. He
held it up in his hands to reveal the massive iron head.
He thus cleared up any possible misunderstanding that he
might merely have been carrying a telegraph pole around
with him.
``Do I want,'' he said, with a hiss like a river flowing
through a steel mill, ``to make something of it?''
``Yes,'' said Arthur, his voice suddenly and
extraordinarily strong and belligerent. He waggled his
fists again, this time as if he meant it.
``You want to step outside?'' he snarled at Thor.
``All right!'' bellowed Thor, like an enraged bull (or in
fact like an enraged Thunder God, which is a great deal
more impressive), and did so.
``Good,'' said Arthur, ``that's got rid of him. Slarty, get us
out of here.''
Chapter Twenty-three
``All right,'' shouted Ford at Arthur, ``so I'm a coward,
the point is I'm still alive.'' They were back aboard the
Starship Bistromath, so was Slartibartfast, so was
Trillian. Harmony and concord were not.
urka se njihala, lelujala i terala sve prisutne da se
teturaju, izuzev Tora i Artura; ovaj je drhtei zurio u
crne oi Boga Groma.
Lagano, neverovatno, Artur je podigao svoje siune
pesnice.
"Hoe da proba ovo?" upitao je.
"Molim?" zaurlao je Tor.
"Rekoh", ponovio je Artur i nije mogao da sprei
podrhtavanje glasa, "hoe li da proba ovo?" Smeno je
zamahnuo pesnicama.
Tor ga je gledao u neverici. Onda iz njegove nozdrve
izbi maleni plamen dima. U njemu se nazirao i maleni
plamen.
Dograbio je pojas.
Isprsio se kako bi sasvim jasno pokazao da mu grudi
predstavljaju gromadu uz koju sme da pone uspon
samo ukoliko ima grupu odlinih himalajskih vodia.
Odvojio je drku ekia sa pojasa. Podigao ju je i otkrio
masivnu gvozdenu glavu. Time je otklonio moguu
zabludu da sa sobom nosi telegrafski stub.
"Hou li", rekao je uz siktanje poput reke koja protie
oko turbina, "da probam to?"
"Da", rekao je Artur, iji je glas iznenada postao
neobino jak i ratoboran. Ponovo je izmahnuo
pesnicama, ovog puta kao da misli ozbiljno.
"Izii malo napolje ako sme", zauralo je na Tora.
"Dobro!" zatutnjao je Tor poput razjarenog bika (ili,
zapravo, poput razjarenog Boga Groma, to je mnogo
upeatljivije) i uinio to.
"Odlino", rekao je Artur, "dakle, njega smo se otarasili.
Slarti, vadi nas odavde."
23.
"Dobro", dernjao se Ford na Artura, "neka sam ja i
kukavica, stvar je u tome to sam jo iv." Ponovo su se
nalazili na svemirskom brodu 'Bistromat'. Isto kao i
Slartibartfast. Isto kao i Trilijan. Slaganje i razumevanje

``Well, so am I alive, aren't I?'' retaliated Arthur, haggard
with adventure and anger. His eyebrows were leaping up
and down as if they wanted to punch each other.
``You damn nearly weren't,'' exploded Ford.
Arthur turned sharply to Slartibartfast, who was sitting in
his pilot couch on the flight deck gazing thoughtfully into
the bottom of a bottle which was telling him something
he clearly couldn't fathom. He appealed to him.
``Do you think he understands the first word I've been
saying?'' he said, quivering with emotion.
``I don't know,'' replied Slartibartfast, a little abstractedly.
``I'm not sure,'' he added, glancing up very briefly, ``that
I do.'' He stared at his instruments with renewed vigor
and bafflement. ``You'll have to explain it to us again,'' he
said.
``Well ...''
``But later. Terrible things are afoot.''
He tapped the pseudo-glass of the bottle bottom.
``We fared rather pathetically at the party, I'm afraid,'' he
said, ``and our only hope now is to try to prevent the
robots from using the Key in the Lock. How in heaven
we do that I don't know,'' he muttered. ``Just have to go
there, I suppose. Can't say I like the idea at all. Probably
end up dead.''
``Where is Trillian anyway?'' said Arthur with a sudden
affectation of unconcern. What he had been angry about
was that Ford had berated him for wasting time over all
the business with the Thunder God when they could have
been making a rather more rapid escape. Arthur's own
opinion, and he had offered it for whatever anybody
might have felt it was worth, was that he had been
extraordinarily brave and resourceful.
The prevailing view seemed to be that his opinion was
not worth a pair of fetid dingo's kidneys. What really
hurt, though, was that Trillian didn't seem to react much
one way or the other and had wandered off somewhere.
``And where are my potato crisps?'' said Ford.
``They are both,'' said Slartibartfast, without looking up,
``in the Room of Informational Illusions. I think that
your young lady friend is trying to understand some
problems of Galactic history. I think the potato crisps are
probably helping her.''
Chapter Twenty-four
It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems Greka je misliti da se bilo kakav vei problem moe
just with potatoes. reiti pomou krompira.
nisu bili sa njima.
"Pa i ja sam iv, zar ne?" preao je u protivnapad Artur,
smrknut od pustolovine i gneva. Obrve su mu skakale
gore-dole kao da ele da nokautiraju jedna drugu.
"Zamalo da ne bude, do avola", prasnuo je Ford.
Artur se otro okrenuo Slartibartfastu, koji je sedeo na
pilotskom seditu i zamiljeno gledao u dno boce koja
mu je govorila neto to oigledno nije mogao sasvim
da razume. Obratio se njemu.
"Misli li ti da on razume makar i jednu re od onoga
to sam kazao?" upitao je, tresui se od uzbuenja.
"Ne znam", odvratio je Slartibartfast, pomalo odsutno.
"Nisam siguran", dodao je i vrlo kratko ga pogledao, "da
i ja razumem." Vratio je pogled na svoj instrument sa
obnovljenom energijom i zbunjenou. "Morae
ponovo da nam objasni ta si hteo", rekao je.
"Pa..."
"Ali kasnije. Pripremaju se uasne stvari."
Kucnuo je po pseudostaklu boce.
"Doiveli smo patetian neuspeh na urki, bojim se",
rekao je, "i sada nam je jedina nada da spreimo robote
da upotrebe Klju u Bravi. Kako emo to uiniti, pojma
nemam", promrmljao je, "ali pretpostavljam da treba da
odemo tamo. Ne mogu rei da mi se ta zamisao dopada.
Verovatno emo na kraju izginuti."
"Odlino, a gde je Trilijan?" upitao je Artur, iznenada
pun lane bezbrinosti. Bio je ljut zbog toga to ga je
Ford optuio da je traio vreme na itavu tu petljavinu
sa Bogom Groma kada su mogli bre pobei. Arturovo
lino miljenje, koje je izloio, pa ma ta drugi mislili o
njemu, bilo je da se pokazao izuzetno hrabar i koristan.
Izgleda da je preovladavalo miljenje da njegovo
gledite ne vredi ni po lule duvana. Ali najvie ga je
bolelo to to Trilijan, izgleda, nije reagovala ni na ovaj
ni na onaj nain, a i negde je, zapravo, odlutala.
"A gde je moj ips?" upitao je Ford.
"I jedno i drugo", rekao je Slartibartfast, uopte ne
podigavi pogled, nalaze se u sobi informacionih
opsena. ini mi se da tvoja mlada dama pokuava da
razume neke probleme galaktike istorije. Verovatno joj
ips pomae u tome."
24.
For instance, there was once an insanely aggressive race
of people called the Silastic Armorfiends of Striterax.
That was just the name of their race. The name of their
army was something quite horrific. Luckily they lived
even further back in Galactic history than anything we
have so far encountered --- twenty billion years ago ---
when the Galaxy was young and fresh, and every idea
worth fighting for was a new one.
And fighting was what the Silastic Armorfiends of
Striterax were good at, and being good at it, they did a
lot. They fought their enemies (i.e. everybody else), they
fought each other. Their planet was a complete wreck.
The surface was littered with abandoned cities which
were surrounded by abandoned war machines, which
were in turn surrounded by deep bunkers in which the
Silastic Armorfiends lived and squabbled with each
other.
The best way to pick a fight with a Silastic Armorfiend
was just to be born. They didn't like it, they got resentful.
And when an Armorfiend got resentful, someone got
hurt. An exhausting way of life, one might think, but they
did seem to have an awful lot of energy. The best way of
dealing with a Silastic Armorfiend was to put him into a
room of his own, because sooner or later he would
simply beat himself up.
Eventually they realized that this was something they
were going to have to sort out, and they passed a law
decreeing that anyone who had to carry a weapon as part
of his normal Silastic work (policemen, security guards,
primary school teachers, etc.) had to spend at least forty-
five minutes every day punching a sack of potatoes in
order to work off his or her surplus aggressions.
For a while this worked well, until someone thought that
it would be much more efficient and less time-consuming
if they just shot the potatoes instead.
This led to a renewed enthusiasm for shooting all sorts of
things, and they all got very excited at the prospect of
their first major war for weeks.
Another achievement of the Silastic Armorfiends of
Striterax is that they were the first race who ever
managed to shock a computer.
It was a gigantic spaceborne computer called Hactar,
which to this day is remembered as one of the most
powerful ever built. It was the first to be built like a
natural brain, in that every cellular particle of it carried
the pattern of the whole within it, which enabled it to
think more flexibly and imaginatively, and also, it
Na primer, bila jednom bolesno agresivna rasa zvana
Silastini Zloklopnici Striteraksa. Bilo je to samo ime
njihove rase. Naziv njihove vojske bio je neto stvarno
uasno. Na sreu, iveli su jo ranije u galaktikoj
istoriji u odnosu na sve sa ime smo se do sada sretali -
pre dvadeset milijardi godina - kada je Galaksija jo bila
mlada i svea, a svaka zamisao za koju se vredelo boriti
nova.
A Silastini Zloklopnici Striteraksa bili su dobri u borbi,
a poto su bili dobri, esto su se bavili njome. Borili su
se protiv neprijatelja (odnosno, protiv svih), kao i jedni
protiv drugih. Planeta im je bila potpuno opustoena.
Povrina joj je bila prekrivena naputenim gradovima
koji su bili okrueni ratnim mainama, koje su opet bile
okruene dubokim bunkerima u kojima su Silastini
Zloklopnici iveli i borili se jedni protiv drugih.
Najbolji nain zapodevanja kavge sa Silastinim
Zloklopnikom Striteraksa bio je roditi se. To nisu voleli,
ljutilo ih je. A kada se Zloklopnik naljuti, onda neko
strada. ovek bi mogao pomisliti da je takav nain
ivota bio iscrpljujui, ali oni su imali strano mnogo
energije. Najbolji postupak sa jednim Silastinim
Zloklopnikom jeste zatvoriti ga samog u sobu, jer e
ranije ili kasnije poeti silovito da napada samog sebe.
Konano su shvatili da e neto morati da uine da bi to
promenili i doneli su zakon da svako ko nosi oruje kao
deo svog normalnog silastikog posla (policajci,
straari, uitelji u osnovnim kolama) mora svakog dana
da provede najmanje etrdeset pet minuta u udaranju
daka krompira da bi se otarasio vika agresivnosti.
Izvesno vreme ovo je dobro dejstvovalo, sve dok neko
nije pomislio kako bi bilo mnogo delotvornije i mnogo
manje zamorno kada bi umesto toga pucali u krompire.
Ovo je dovelo do obnovljenog oduevljenja za pucanje u
najraznovrsnije stvari i svi su se veoma uzbudili na
nagovetaj njihovog prvog veeg rata u poslednjih
nekoliko nedelja.
Drugo dostignue Silastinih Zloklopnika Striteraksa
ogledalo se u tome to su postali poznati kao prva rasa
kojoj je polo za rukom da okira kompjuter.
Bio je to dinovski kompjuter koji je lebdeo u svemiru i
nazivao se Haktor i do dana dananjeg ostao je upamen
kao jedan od najmonijih koji su ikada sagraeni. Bio je
prvi koji je napravljen po ugledu na prirodni mozak i
svaka elijska jedinica nosila je u sebi celinu, to je
omoguavalo kompjuteru da misli mnogo prilagodljivije
seemed, to be shocked.
The Silastic Armorfiends of Striterax were engaged in
one of their regular wars with the Strenuous Garfighters
of Stug, and were not enjoying it as much as usual
because it involved an awful lot of trekking through the
Radiation Swamps of Cwulzenda, and across the Fire
Mountains of Frazfraga, neither of which terrains they
felt at home in.
So when the Strangulous Stilettans of Jajazikstak joined
in the fray and forced them to fight another front in the
Gamma Caves of Carfrax and the Ice Storms of
Varlengooten, they decided that enough was enough, and
they ordered Hactar to design for them an Ultimate
Weapon.
``What do you mean,'' asked Hactar, ``by Ultimate?''
To which the Silastic Armorfiends of Striterax said,
``Read a bloody dictionary,'' and plunged back into the
fray.
So Hactar designed an Ultimate Weapon. It was a very,
very small bomb which was simply a junction box in
hyperspace that would, when activated, connect the heart
of every major sun with the heart of every other major
sun simultaneously and thus turn the entire Universe in to
one gigantic hyperspatial supernova.
When the Silastic Armorfiends tried to use it to blow up a
Strangulous Stilettan munitions dump in one of the
Gamma Caves, they were extremely irritated that it didn't
work, and said so.
Hactar had been shocked by the whole idea.
He tried to explain that he had been thinking about this
Ultimate Weapon business, and had worked out that there
was no conceivable consequence of not setting the bomb
off that was worse than the known consequence of
setting it off, and he had therefore taken the liberty of
introducing a small flaw into the design of the bomb, and
he hoped that everyone involved would, on sober
reflection, feel that ...
The Silastic Armorfiends disagreed and pulverized the
computer.
Later they thought better of it, and destroyed the faulty
bomb as well.
Then, pausing only to smash the hell out of the Strenuous
Garfighters of Stug, and the Strangulous Stilettans of
Jajazikstak, they went on to find an entirely new way of
blowing themselves up, which was a profound relief to
everyone else in the Galaxy, particularly the Garfighters,
i matovitije, odnosno da bude - okiran.
Silastini Zloklopnici Striteraksa upravo su vodili jedan
od svojih redovnih ratova protiv Protrudnih Garboraca
Stuga i on im nije prijao kao obino, jer je zahtevao
strano mnogo jurcanja po Radijacionim movarama
Cvilzende i preko Vatrenih planina Frazfrage, a ni na
jednom od tih terena nisu se ba oseali kao kod svoje
kue.
I zbog toga, kada su u borbu stupili i Udavni Bodeljivci
Dadizikstaka i prisilili ih da se bore na novom frontu,
po Gama peinama Kafraksa i kroz ledene oluje
Varlengutena, shvatili su da im je dosta toga i naredili
Haktaru da im naini konano oruje.
"ta vam znai konano", pitao je Haktar.
Na to su Silastini Zloklopnici Striteraksa kazali:
"Proitaj u prokletom reniku", i ponovo navalili u
bitku.
I tako je Haktar nainio konano oruje. Bila je to vrlo,
vrlo mala bomba koja je naprosto predstavljala
razvodnu kutiju u hipersvemiru; kada bi se aktivirala,
ona bi povezala srca svakog veeg sunca sa srcem
svakog drugog veeg sunca u istom trenutku i na taj
nain pretvorila itavu Vaseljenu u jednu divovsku
hipersvemirsku supernovu.
Kada su Silastiki Zloklopnici pokuali da je upotrebe
da bi podigli u vazduh jedno od skladita municije
Udavnih Bodeljivaca u jednoj od Gama peina,
izuzetno su se naljutili zbog toga to nije dejstvovala, pa
su to i rekli.
Haktara je okirala itava ta zamisao.
Pokuao je da im objasni da je razmiljao o itavoj toj
petljavini sa konanim orujem i zakljuio da ne postoji
nijedna predvidljiva posledica neaktiviranja bombe koja
bi bila gora od poznate posledice njenog aktiviranja, te
je zbog toga on sebi dao toliko slobode da uvede malenu
izmenu u konstrukciju bombe i nadao se da e svi kojih
se to tie, poto trezveno razmisle, osetiti da...
Stilastini Zloklopnici nisu se sloili i razneli su
kompjuter u prah i pepeo.
Kasnije su bolje razmislili i unitili i neispravnu bombu.
A onda, poto su zastali samo da bi ubili boga u
Protrudnim Garborcima Stuga i Udavnim Bodeljivcima
Dadazikstaka, uspeli su da pronau potpuno novi
nain unitenja samih sebe, to je predstavljalo prilino
olakanje svima u Galaksiji, a naroito Garborcima,
the Stilettans and the potatoes.
Trillian had watched all this, as well as the story of
Krikkit. She emerged from the Room of informational
Illusions thoughtfully, just in time to discover that they
had arrived too late.
Chapter Twenty-five
Even as the Starship Bistromath flickered into objective
being on the top of a small cliff on the mile-wide asteroid
which pursued a lonely and eternal path in orbit around
the enclosed star system of Krikkit, its crew was aware
that they were in time only to be witnesses to an
unstoppable historic event.
They didn't realize they were going to see two.
They stood cold, lonely and helpless on the cliff edge and
watched the activity below. Lances of light wheeled in
sinister arcs against the void from a point only about a
hundred yards below and in front of them.
They stared into the blinding event.
An extension of the ship's field enabled them to stand
there, by once again exploiting the mind's predisposition
to have tricks played on it: the problems of falling up off
the tiny mass of the asteroid, or of not being able to
breathe, simply became Somebody Else's.
The white Krikkit warship was parked amongst the stark
grey crags of the asteroid, alternately flaring under
arclights or disappearing in shadow. The blackness of the
shaped shadows cast by the hard rocks danced together in
wild choreography as the arclights swept round them.
The eleven white robots were bearing, in procession, the
Wikkit Key out into the middle of a circle of swinging
lights.
The Wikkit Key was rebuilt. Its components shone and
glittered: the Steel Pillar (or Marvin's leg) of Strength
and Power, the Gold Bail (or Heart of the Improbability
Drive) of Prosperity, the Perspex Pillar (or Argabuthon
Sceptre of Justice) of Science and Reason, the Silver Bail
(or Rory Award for The Most Gratuitous Use Of The
Word ``Fuck'' In A Serious Screenplay) and the now
reconstituted Wooden Pillar (or Ashes of a burnt stump
signifying the death of English cricket) of Nature and
Spirituality.
``I suppose there is nothing we can do at this point?''
asked Arthur nervously.
Bodeljivcima i krompirima.
Trilijan je posmatrala sve to, kao i priu o Krikitu.
Zatim je zamiljeno izila iz sobe informacionih opsena,
ba u pravom trenutku da otkrije da su stigli prekasno.
25.
Ve u trenutku kada je meuzvezdani brod 'Bistromat'
zatreperio i pojavio se u stvarnosti na vrhu malenog
obronka milju irokog asteroida koji se kretao
usamljenom i venom orbitom unutar zatvorenog
zvezdanog sistema Krikit, njegovoj posadi bilo je jasno
da su doli u trenutku koji im je omoguavao samo da
budu svedoci nezaustavljivog istorijskog dogaaja.
Nisu shvatili da e, zapravo, videti dva.
Stajali su hladni, usamljeni i bespomoni na rubu
obronka i posmatrali delatnost ispod sebe. Koplja
svetlosti nicala su, tvorei zlokobne lukove spram
praznine, iz jedne take svega stotinak jardi nie i pravo
ispred njih.
Zurili su u uasni dogaaj.
Produetak brodskog polja omoguavao im je da stoje
tamo gde su bili na taj nain to su ponovo koristili
tenju uma da bude prevaren: opasnost padanja sa
siune mase asteroida ili nemogunost disanja
jednostavno su postali Tu problem.
Beli krikitski ratni brod bio je parkiran izmeu iskrzanih
i sivih odlomaka stenja asteroida, naizmenino
usplamteo od snopova svetlosti ili nevidljiv u senci.
Crne senke koje je bacalo surovo stenje plesale su
zajedno u nekakvoj divljoj koreografiji dok su svetlosti
reflektora klizile preko njega.
Jedanaest robota nosili su, u koloni, Klju Vikita do
sredita kruga obeleenog uznjihanim svetlostima.
Klju Vikita ponovo je napravljen. Njegovi sastavni
delovi blistali su i svetlucali se: elini stub (ili
Marvinova noga) snage i moi, Zlatna spona (srce
pogona beskonane neverovatnoe) napretka, Plastini
stub (agrabutonsko ezlo pravde) nauke i razuma,
Srebrna spona (trofejna nagrada za najbezrazloniju
upotrebu rei 'tucanje' u ozbiljnom scenariju) i sada
ponovo stvoreni Drveni stub (ili Pepeo spaljenog stampa
koji je oznaavao smrt engleskog kriketa) prirode i
duhovnosti.
"Pretpostavljam da u ovom trenutku nita ne moemo da
uinimo?" pitao je Artur uznemireno.
``No,'' sighed Slartibartfast.
The expression of disappointment which crossed Arthur's
face was a complete failure, and, since he was standing
obscured by shadow, he allowed it to collapse into one of
relief.
``Pity,'' he said.
``We have no weapons,'' said Slartibartfast, ``stupidly.''
``Damn,'' said Arthur very quietly.
Ford said nothing.
Trillian said nothing, but in a peculiarly thoughtful and
distinct way. She was staring at the blankness of the
space beyond the asteroid.
The asteroid circled the Dust Cloud which surrounded
the Slo-Time envelope which enclosed the world on
which lived the people of Krikkit, the Masters of Krikkit
and their killer robots.
The helpless group had no way of knowing whether or
not the Krikkit robots were aware of their presence. They
could only assume that they must be, but that they felt,
quite rightly in the circumstances, that they had nothing
to fear. They had an historic task to perform, and their
audience could be regarded with contempt.
``Terrible impotent feeling, isn't it?'' said Arthur, but the
others ignored him.
In the centre of the area of light which the robots were
approaching, a square-shaped crack appeared in the
ground. The crack defined itself more and more
distinctly, and soon it became clear that a block of the
ground, about six feet square, was slowly rising.
At the same time they became aware of some other
movement, but it was almost sublimal, and for a moment
or two it was not clear what it was that was moving.
Then it became clear.
The asteroid was moving. It was moving slowly in
towards the Dust Cloud, as if being hauled in inexorably
by some celestial angler in its depths.
They were to make in real life the journey through the
Cloud which they had already made in the Room of
Informational Illusions. They stood frozen in silence.
Trillian frowned.
An age seemed to pass. Events seemed to pass with
spinning slowness, as the leading edge of the asteroid
passed into the vague and soft outer perimeter of the
Cloud.
And soon they were engulfed in a thin and dancing
obscurity. They passed on through it, on and on, dimly
aware of vague shapes and whorls indistinguishable in
"Ne", uzdahnuo je Slartibartfast.
Izraz razoaranja koji je preao Arturovim licem bio je u
potpunosti pogrean, ali, poto je stajao zaklonjen u
senci, dopustio mu je da pree u izraz olakanja.
"teta", rekao je.
"Nemamo nikakvog oruja", kazao je Slartibartfast.
"Ba glupo."
"Prokletstvo", rekao je Artur vrlo tihim glasom.
Ford nije rekao nita.
Ni Trilijan nije rekla nita, ali je to uinila na neobino
zamiljen i odsutan nain. Zurila je u prazninu svemira
iza asteroida.
Asteroid je kruio oko Oblaka Praine koji je okruivao
omota od Spo-vremena to je zatvarao svet na kome je
iveo narod Krikita - Gospodari Krikita i njihovi
ubilaki roboti.
Bespomona grupa nije imala naina da sazna jesu li
krikitski roboti svesni njihovog prisustva ili ne. Samo su
mogli da pretpostave da jesu, ali sva je prilika da su
roboti smatrali, sasvim ispravno u ovakvim
okolnostima, da nemaju ega da se plae. Trebalo je da
obave istorijski zadatak i mogli su da gledaju publiku sa
prezirom.
"Oseanje strane nemoi, zar ne?" upitao je Artur, ali
ostali nisu obraali panju na njega.
U sreditu osvetljenog prostora kome su se roboti
pribliavali u tlu se otvorila etvrtasta pukotina.
Pukotina je postajala sve odreenija i odreenija i
uskoro je postalo jasno da se blok tla, kvadrat od oko
est stopa, polako podie uvis.
U istom asu postali su svesni jo nekakvog pokreta, ali
taj je bio gotovo ispod praga opaanja i tren ili dva nije
im bilo jasno ta se, zapravo, kree.
Onda im je postalo jasno.
Asteroid se kretao. Kretao se prema oblaku Praine kao
da se tamo nalazio nekakav nebeski peca sa udicom,
koji ih je neodoljivo vukao prema sebi.
Upravo su se pripremali da obave u stvarnom ivotu
putovanje kroz Oblak kakvo su obavili u sobi
informacionih opsena. Stajali su u ledenoj tiini. Trilijan
se namrtila.
Kao da je proao itav vek. inilo se da dogaaji protiu
vrtoglavom sporou kada je prednji kraj asteroida
lagano zaronio u mutnu i meku spoljanju granicu
oblaka.
I uskoro ih je progutala tanuna i razigrana tama.
Prolazili su kroz nju, sve dublje i dublje, nejasno svesni
neodreenih oblija i kovitlaca koji su u tami bili sasvim
the darkness except in the corner of the eye. nerazaznatljivi, izuzev krajikom oka.
The Dust dimmed the shafts of brilliant light. The shafts Praina je zamutila snopove blistave svetlosti. Snopovi
of brilliant light twinkled on the myriad specks of Dust. blistave svetlosti treptali su na milijardama estica
praine.
Trillian, again, regarded the passage from within her own Trilijan ponovo osmotri preeni put iz okvira
frowning thoughts. sopstvenih, namrgoenih misli.
And they were through it. Whether it had taken a minute A onda su proli. Nisu bili sigurni da li im je za to bio
or half an hour they weren't sure, but they were through it potreban minut ili pola sata, ali su proli i suoili se sa
and confronted with a fresh blankness, as if space were novom prazninom, kao da je ispred njih svemir bio
pinched out of existence in front of them. izbrisan.
And now things moved quickly. Tada stvari poee bre da se dogaaju.
A blinding shaft of light seemed almost to explode from Izgledalo je kao da je zaslepljujui snop svetlosti gotovo
out of the block which had risen three feet out of the eksplodirao iz bloka koji se uzdigao na tri stope iznad
ground, and out of that rose a smaller Perspex block, tla, a iz njega se uzdigao manji, plastini blok, ustreptao
dazzling with interior dancing colours. od razigranih svetlosti u unutranjosti.
The block was slotted with deep groves, three upright U blok su bile urezane duboke brazde, tri uspravne i dve
and two across, clearly designed to accept the Wikkit opruene, oigledno tako postavljene da mogu da prime
key. Klju.
The robots approached the Lock, slotted the Key into its Roboti prioe Bravi, ubacie Klju na mesto i
home and stepped back again. The block twisted round of koraknue nazad. Blok se okrenuo oko sebe, a svemir
is own accord, and space began to alter. namah poe da se menja.
As space unpinched itself, it seemed agonizingly to twist Dok se svemir vraao u normalno stanje, kao da je
the eyes of the watchers in their sockets. They found bolno uvrtao oi posmatraa u onim dupljama.
themselves staring, blinded, at an unravelled sun which Zatekoe sebe kako zaslepljeno zure u otkriveno sunce
stood now before them where it seemed only seconds koje je stajalo pred njima tamo gde je pre svega
before there had not been even empty space. It was a nekoliko sekundi naizgled bio samo prazan prostor. Bila
second or two before they were even sufficiently aware je potrebna sekunda ili dve da dovoljno dobro shvate ta
of what had happened to throw their hands up over their se dogodilo pre no to su akama zaklonili prestravljene
horrified blinded eyes. In that second or two, they were i zaslepljene oi. U toku tih sekundu ili dve postali su
aware of a tiny speck moving slowly across the eye of svesni siune mrlje koja se kretala preko sunevog oka.
that sun.
They staggered back, and heard ringing in their ears the Zateturae se unazad, a u uima zaue tanuni i
thin and unexpected chant of the robots crying out in neoekivani napev robota koji su u jedan glas
unison. uzvikivali:
``Krikkit! Krikkit! Krikkit! Krikkit!'' "Krikit! Krikit! Krikit! Krikit!"
The sound chilled them. It was harsh, it was cold, it was Zvuk ih je naterao da se stresu. Bio je otar, hladan,
empty, it was mechanically dismal. prazan, zvuao je teskobno mehaniki.
It was also triumphant. Osim toga, bio je trijumfalan.
They were so stunned by these two sensory shocks that Bili su toliko zaprepaeni ovim okovima kojima su
they almost missed the second historic event. bila podvrgnuta njihova ula, da su gotovo propustili
drugi istorijski dogaaj.
Zaphod Beeblebrox, the only man in history to survive a Zaphod Biblbroks, jedini ovek u istoriji koji je
direct blast attack from the Krikkit robots, ran out of the preiveo neposredan napad krikitskih robota, istrao je
Krikkit warship brandishing a Zap gun. iz krikitskog broda, maui zgrom-i-pucom.
``OK,'' he cried, ``the situation is totally under control as "U redu", dreknuo je, "od ovog trenutka situacija je
of this moment in time.'' potpuno pod kontrolom."
The single robot guarding the hatchway to the ship Usamljeni robot koji je uvao ulaz u brod tiho je
silently swung his battleclub, and connected it with the izmahnuo svojom borbenom palicom i spojio je sa
back of Zaphod's left head. potiljkom Zaphodove leve glave.
``Who the zark did that?'' said the left head, and lolled
sickeningly forward.
His right head gazed keenly into the middle distance.
``Who did what?'' it said.
The club connected with the back of his right head.
Zaphod measured his length as a rather strange shape on
the ground.
Within a matter of seconds the whole event was over. A
few blasts from the robots were sufficient to destroy the
Lock for ever. It split and melted and splayed its contents
brokenly. The robots marched grimly and, it almost
seemed, in a slightly disheartened manner, back into their
warship which, with a ``foop'', was gone.
Trillian and Ford ran hectically round and down the steep
incline to the dark, still body of Zaphod Beeblebrox.
Chapter Twenty-six
``I don't know,'' said Zaphod, for what seemed to him like
the thirty-seventh time, ``they could have killed me, but
they didn't. Maybe they just thought I was a kind of
wonderful guy or something. I could understand that.''
The others silently registered their opinions of this
theory.
Zaphod lay on the cold floor of the flight deck. His back
seemed to wrestle the floor as pain thudded through him
and banged at his heads.
``I think,'' he whispered, ``that there is something wrong
with those anodized dudes, something fundamentally
weird.''
``They are programmed to kill everybody,'' Slartibartfast
pointed out.
``That,'' wheezed Zaphod between the whacking thuds,
``could be it.'' He didn't seem altogether convinced.
``Hey, baby,'' he said to Trillian, hoping this would make
up for his previous behaviour.
``You all right?'' she said gently.
``Yeah,'' he said, ``I'm fine.''
``Good,'' she said, and walked away to think. She stared
at the huge visiscreen over the flight couches and,
twisting a switch, she flipped local images over it. One
image was the blankness of the Dust Cloud. One was the
sun of Krikkit. One was Krikkit itself. She flipped
between them fiercely.
``Well, that's goodbye Galaxy, then,'' said Arthur,
slapping his knees and standing up.
"Ko je to uinio, zarknem li ga?" rekla je leva glava i
bez svesti klonula unatrag.
Zaphodova desna glava radoznalo je gledala ispred sebe.
"Ko je ta uinio?" upitala je.
Palica se spojila sa potiljkom njegove desne glave.
Zaphod je izmerio svoju duinu kao prilino neobian
oblik na tlu.
Posle svega nekoliko sekundi itav dogaaj se svrio.
Dva ispaljena hica robota bila su dovoljna da zauvek
unite Bravu. Raspala se, rastopila, a njen sadraj rasuo
se na sve strane; roboti zamarirae mrko i, gotovo se
moglo rei, pomalo beznadeno, do svog ratnog broda
koji nestade uz muklo 'fup'.
Trilijan i Ford grozniavo potrae niz strmi spust
prema tamnom i nepokretnom telu Zaphoda Biblbroksa.
26.
"Ne znam", rekao je Zaphod Biblbroks moda po
trideset sedmi put, "mogli su da me ubiju, ali nisu.
Moda su pomislili da sam suvie divan ovek ili neto
slino. Tu ih sasvim shvatam."
Ostali su nemo zadrali svoje miljenje o toj teoriji.
Zaphod je leao na hladnom podu palube. Lea kao da
su mu treptala na podu dok je bol udarao po njima i
zarivao mu se u obe glave.
"ini mi se", proaptao je, "da neto nije u redu sa tim
anodizovanim klipanima; neto je tu iz osnove
pogreno."
"Programirani su tako da ubiju svakoga", istakao je
Slartibartfast.
"Moda je", proitao je Zaphod izmeu dva bolna
damara, "stvarno to posredi." No, nije delovao ba
ubeeno.
"Zdravo, mala", rekao je Trilijan u nadi da e ga to
izvaditi za ranije ponaanje.
"Je li ti dobro?" upitala ga je ona blago.
"Aha", rekao je, "sjajno."
"Dobro", kazala je i otila da razmilja. Stala je da gleda
ogromni vizi-ekran iznad pilotskih sedita i, okreui
prekida, da menja na njemu slike okoline. Jedna slika
predstavljala je prazninu Oblaka Praine. Druga je
donela sunce Krikita. Trea je prikazivala sam Krikit.
Menjala ih je, puna ara.
"Dakle, zbogom, Galaksijo", kazao je Artur, pljusnuo se
po kolenima i ustao.
``No,'' said Slartibartfast, gravely. ``Our course is clear.''
He furrowed his brow until you could grow some of the
smaller root vegetables in it. He stood up, he paced
around. When he spoke again, what he said frightened
him so much he had to sit down again.
``We must go down to Krikkit,'' he said. A deep sigh
shook his old frame and his eyes seemed almost to rattle
in their sockets.
``Once again,'' he said, ``we have failed pathetically.
Quite pathetically.''
``That,'' said Ford quietly, ``is because we don't care
enough. I told you.''
He swung his feet up on the instrument panel and picked
fitfully at something on one of his fingernails.
``But unless we determine to take action,'' said the old
man querulously, as if struggling against something
deeply insouciant in his nature, ``then we shall all be
destroyed, we shall all die. Surely we care about that?''
``Not enough to want to get killed over it,'' said Ford. He
put on a sort of hollow smile and flipped it round the
room at anyone who wanted to see it.
Slartibartfast clearly found this point of view extremely
seductive and he fought against it. He turned again to
Zaphod who was gritting his teeth and sweating with the
pain.
``You surely must have some idea,'' he said, ``of why
they spared your life. It seems most strange and unusual.''
``I kind of think they didn't even know,'' shrugged
Zaphod. ``I told you. They hit me with the most feeble
blast, just knocked me out, right? They lugged me into
their ship, dumped me into a corner and ignored me. Like
they were embarrassed about me being there. If I said
anything they knocked me out again. We had some great
conversations. `Hey ... ugh!' `Hi there ... ugh!' `I
wonder ...ugh!' Kept me amused for hours, you know.''
He winced again.
He was toying with something in his fingers. He held it
up. It was the Gold Bail --- the Heart of Gold, the heart
of the Infinite Improbability Drive. Only that and the
Wooden Pillar had survived the destruction of the Lock
intact.
``I hear your ship can move a bit,'' he said. ``So how
would you like to zip me back to mine before you ...''
``Will you not help us?'' said Slartibartfast.
``I'd love to stay and help you save the Galaxy,'' insisted "Voleo bih da ostanem i da vam pomognem da
Zaphod, rising himself up on to his shoulders, ``but I spasavate Galaksiju", bio je uporan Zaphod i podigao se
"Ne", rekao je dostojanstveno Slartibartfast. "Na
zadatak je jasan." Izmeu obrva ocrtavala mu se brazda,
sve dok nije postala toliko duboka da su se u nju mogle
zasaditi omanje povrtarske biljke. Ustao je i poeo da
koraa okolo. Kada je progovorio, ono to je rekao
toliko ga je prestravilo da je morao ponovo da sedne.
"Moramo otii na Krikit", kazao je. Duboki uzdah
potresao je njegovo starako telo, a oi su mu gotovo
zazveketale u onim dupljama
"Opet smo", rekao je, "doiveli patetian neuspeh. Ba
petetian."
"To je", rekao je Ford lagano, "zbog toga to ne marimo
dovoljno. Rekao sam ti."
Podigao je noge na jednu od tabli sa instrumentima i
stao da isti nokte.
"Ali ukoliko ne budemo preduzeli neto", kazao je
starac drhtavo, kao da se bori protiv neega to je
duboko suprotno njegovoj prirodi, "svi emo biti
uniteni; svi emo umreti. Valjda za to marimo?"
"Ne dovoljno da bismo dopustili da poginemo zbog
toga", rekao je Ford. Nasmeio se nekakvim upljim
osmehom i pokazao ga svima u odaji koje je zanimalo
da ga vide.
Slartibartfast je ovakav sled razmiljanja smatrao
izuzetno neispravnim i borio se protiv njega. Okrenuo se
ponovo Zaphodu, koji je stezao zube i preznojavao se od
bola.
"Ti svakako ima ideju", rekao je, "zbog ega su ti
potedeli ivot. To deluje vrlo udno i neuobiajeno."
"Mislim da za to nisu ni znali", slegao je Zaphod
ramenima. "Rekao sam ti. Pogodili su me najslabijim
snopom, samo da me onesveste, kopa? Uneli su me u
brod, gurnuli u jedan ugao i zaboravili na mene. Kao da
su se stideli to sam tamo. Ukoliko bih ita kazao,
ponovo bi me onesvestili. Vodili smo sjajne razgovore.
'Hej... uh!' 'ao... uh!' 'Pitam se... uh!' To me je satima
zabavljalo, zna." Ponovo se izvio od bola.
Igrao se sa neim to je drao meu prstima. Podigao je
to. Bila je to zlatna spona - 'Zlatno srce', srce pogona
beskonane neverovatnoe. Samo su ono i Drveni stub
preiveli neoteeni unitenje Brave.
"ujem da tvoj brod fino fura", rekao je, "pa kad bi hteo
da me odbaci do mojega pre nego to poete..."
"Zar nam nee pomoi?" upitao je Slartibartfast.
"Nama?" upitao je Ford otro. "Ko smo to 'mi'?"
have the mother and father of a pair of headaches, and I na laktove, "ali imam majku i oca svih glavobolja i
feel a lot of little headaches coming on. But next time it oseam da je na putu mnogo mladih glavoboljica. Ali
needs saving, I'm your guy. Hey, Trillian baby?''
She looked round briefly.
``Yes?''
``You want to come? Heart of Gold? Excitement and "Hoe da poe? 'Zlatno srce'? Uzbuenje, pustolovine
adventure and really wild things?''
``I'm going down to Krikkit,'' she said.
Chapter Twenty-seven
It was the same hill, and yet not the same.
This time it was not an Informational Illusion. This was
Krikkit itself and they were standing on it. Near them,
behind the trees, stood the strange Italian restaurant
which had brought these, their real bodies, to this, the
real, present world of Krikkit.
The strong grass under their feet was real, the rich soil
real too. The heady fragrances from the tree, too, were
real. The night was real night.
Krikkit.
Possibly the most dangerous place in the Galaxy for
anyone who isn't a Krikkiter to stand. The place that
could not countenance the existence of any other place,
whose charming, delightful, intelligent inhabitants would
howl with fear, savagery and murderous hate when
confronted with anyone not their own.
Arthur shuddered.
Slartibartfast shuddered.
Ford, surprisingly, shuddered.
It was not surprising that he shuddered, it was surprising
that he was there at all. But when they had returned
Zaphod to his ship Ford had felt unexpectedly shamed
into not running away.
Wrong, he thought to himself, wrong wrong wrong. He
hugged to himself one of the Zap guns with which they
had armed themselves out of Zaphod's armoury.
Trillian shuddered, and frowned as she looked into the
sky.
This, too, was not the same. It was no longer blank and
empty.
Whilst the countryside around them had changed little in
the two thousand years of the Krikkit wars, and the mere
five years that had elapsed locally since Krikkit was
sealed in its Slo-Time envelope ten billion years ago, the
sky was dramatically different.
Dim lights and heavy shapes hung in it.
kada joj sledei put bude ustrebalo spasavanje, va sam
ovek. Hej, Trilijan, mala?"
ustro se osvrnula.
"Da?"
i stvarno lude stvari?"
"Idem na Krikit", kazala je.
27.
Bilo je to isto brdo, a ipak nije bilo isto.
Ovoga puta nije posredi bila informaciona opsena. Ovo
je bio pravi Krikit i oni su stajali na njegovoj povrini. U
njihovoj blizini, iza drvea, nalazio se udnovati
italijanski restoran koji je doneo njih, njihova stvarna
tela, u ovaj stvarni, sadanji svet Krikita.
Bujna trava pod njihovim nogama bila je stvarna, ba
kao i bogata crnica. I opojni mirisi drvea bili su stvarni.
No je bila prava.
Krikit.
Verovatno najopasnije mesto u Galaksiji za svakoga ko
nije Krikianin. Mesto koje nije moglo da podnese
postojanje bilo koga drugog mesta, iji su prijatni,
zabavni, pametni stanovnici urlali od straha, divljatva i
ubilake mrnje kada bi se susreli sa bilo kime ko nije
pripadao njima.
Artur uzdrhta.
Slartibartfast uzdrhta.
Ford, to je bilo iznenaujue, uzdrhta.
Nije bilo iznenaujue to je uzdrhtao, bilo je
iznenaujue to se uopte naao na tom mestu. Ali kada
su vratili Zaphoda na brod, Ford se neoekivano osetio
postieno zbog bega.
'Ne valja', pomislio je, 'ne valja, ne valja, ne valja.'
vrsto je stegao jedan od zgrom-i-puc pitolja kojima su
se naoruali iz Zaphodove zalihe oruja.
Trilijan uzdrhta i namrti se dok je gledala nebo.
I ono vie nije izgledalo isto. Vie nije izgledalo pusto i
prazno.
Dok se predeo oko njih malo izmenio tokom dve hiljade
godina krikitskih ratova, a samo je pet godina proteklo
otkako je Krikit pre deset milijardi godina zabravljen u
omota od Spo-vremena, nebo je bilo dramatino
drugaije.
Blede svetlosti i teka oblija poivali su na njemu.
High in the sky, where no Krikkiter ever looked, were the Visoko na nebu, tamo gde nijedan Krikianin nikada
War Zones, the Robot Zones --- huge warships and tower nije pogledao, nalazile su se Ratne Zone, Robotske Zone
blocks floating in the Nil-O-Grav fields far above the - ogromni bojni brodovi i blokovi tornjeva koji su
idyllic pastoral lands of the surface of Krikkit. lebdeli u nul-o-grav poljima daleko iznad pastoralne
povrine krikitskog tla.
Trillian stared at them and thought. Trilijan ih je posmatrala i razmiljala.
``Trillian,'' whispered Ford Prefect to her. "Trilijan", proaptao joj je Ford Prefekt.
``Yes?'' she said. "Da?" odvratila je.
``What are you doing?'' "ta to radi?"
``Thinking.'' "Razmiljam."
``Do you always breathe like that when you're thinking?'' "Da li uvek tako die kada razmilja?"
``I wasn't aware that I was breathing.'' "Nisam primetila da sam disala."
``That's what worried me.'' "To me je i zabrinulo."
``I think I know ...'' said Trillian. "Mislim da znam..." rekla je Trilijan.
``Shhhh!'' said Slartibartfast in alarm, and his thin "Pssst!" rekao je uspanieno Slartibartfast, a njegova
trembling hand motioned them further back beneath the tanka, drhtava ruka pokazala je dalje iza njih, ispod
shadow of the tree. senke drveta.
Suddenly, as before in the tape, there were lights coming Iznenada, kao i ranije na traci, na brodskoj stazi pojavile
along the hill path, but this time the dancing beams were su se svetlosti, ali ovog puta razigrani zraci nisu poticali
not from lanterns but electric torches --- not in itself a od fenjera, ve od baterijskih svetiljki. To samo po sebi
dramatic change, but every detail made their hearts nije predstavljalo dramatinu promenu, ali njihova srca
thump with fear. This time there were no lilting lupala su od straha na svaku pojedinost. Ovoga puta nisu
whimsical songs about flowers and farming and dead se orile luckaste pesme o cveu, vrtlarenju i crknutim
dogs, but hushed voices in urgent debate. kucama, ve prigueni zvuci ustre rasprave.
A light moved in the sky with slow weight. Arthur was Jedna svetlost stala je da prelazi nebom, sporo i teko.
clenched with a claustrophobic terror and the warm wind Artura je zahvatio klaustrofobini strah, a mlaki vetar
caught at his throat. zgrabio ga je za vrat.
Within seconds a second party became visible, Posle nekoliko sekundi postala je vidljiva i druga grupa,
approaching from the other side of the dark hill. They koja je prilazila sa druge strane tamnog brega. Kretali su
were moving swiftly and purposefully, their torches se ustro i svrhovito, a svetiljke su im bleskale i bacale
swinging and probing around them. snopove oko njih.
The parties were clearly converging, and not merely with Grupe su se pribliavale, i to ne samo jedna prema
each other. They were converging deliberately on the drugoj. Oigledno su namerno prilazile taki na kojoj su
spot where Arthur and the others were standing. stajali Artur i ostali.
Arthur heard the slight rustle as Ford Prefect raised his Artur zau lagani um kada je Ford podigao svoje oruje
Zap gun to his shoulder, and the slight whimpering cough na rame, kao i slabano, drhtavo kaljucanje kada je
as Slartibartfast raised his. He felt the cold unfamiliar Slartibartfast podigao svoje. Osetio je hladnu, neprijatnu
weight of his own gun, and with shaking hands he raised teinu sopstvenog oruja i podigao ga drhtavih ruku.
it.
His fingers fumbled to release the safety catch and Njegovi prsti upinjali su se da oslobode bezbednosnu
engage the extreme danger catch as Ford had shown him. konicu i prebace konicu za sluaj izuzetne opasnosti
He was shaking so much that if he'd fired at anybody at onako kako mu je Ford pokazao. Toliko se tresao u tom
that moment he probably would have burnt his signature trenutku da bi verovatno urezao plamenom svoj potpis u
on them. svakoga u koga bi opalio.
Only Trillian didn't raise her gun. She raised her Samo Trilijan nije podigla svoje oruje. Podigla je
eyebrows, lowered them again, and bit her lip in thought.obrve, ponovo ih spustila i zamiljeno stala da gricka
usnu.
``Has it occurred to you,'' she began, but nobody wanted "Da li vam je palo na pamet da...", poela je, ali u tom
to discuss anything much at the moment. trenutku niko nije bio raspoloen za raspravu.
A light stabbed through the darkness from behind them
and they span around to find a third party of Krikkiters
behind them, searching them out with their torches.
Ford Prefect's gun crackled viciously, but fire spat back
at it and it crashed from his hands.
There was a moment of pure fear, a frozen second before
anyone fired again.
And at the end of the second nobody fired.
They were surrounded by pale-faced Krikkiters and
bathed in bobbing torch light.
The captives stared at their captors, the captors stared at
their captives.
``Hello?'' said one of the captors. ``Excuse me, but are
you ... aliens?''
Chapter Twenty-eight
Meanwhile, more millions of miles away than the mind
can comfortably encompass, Zaphod Beeblebrox was
throwing a mood again.
He had repaired his ship --- that is, he'd watched with
alert interest whilst a service robot had repaired it for
him. It was now, once again, one of the most powerful
and extraordinary ships in existence. He could go
anywhere, do anything. He fiddled with a book, and then
tossed it away. It was the one he'd read before.
He walked over to the communications bank and opened
an all-frequencies emergency channel.
``Anyone want a drink?'' he said.
``This an emergency, feller?'' crackled a voice from
halfway across the Galaxy.
``Got any mixers?'' said Zaphod.
``Go take a ride on a comet.''
``OK, OK,'' said Zaphod and flipped the channel shut
again. He sighed and sat down. He got up again and
wandered over to a computer screen. He pushed a few
buttons. Little blobs started to rush around the screen
eating each other.
``Pow!'' said Zaphod. ``Freeeoooo! Pop pop pop!''
``Hi there,'' said the computer brightly after a minute of
this, ``you have scored three points. Previous best score,
seven million five hundred and ninety-seven thousand,
Svetlost probi tminu iza njihovih lea, oni se okretoe i
otkrie tamo treu grupu Krikiana koja ih je traila
pomou svojih svetiljki.
Oruje Forda Prefekta opako je prasnulo, ali vatra skoi
nazad na njega i ono tresnu na tle, izletevi mu iz ruku.
Doao je trenutak najistijeg straha, sleena sekunda pre
nego to je ikome palo na pamet da ponovo zapuca.
Posle te sekunde i dalje niko nije pucao.
Bili su opkoljeni bledim Krikianima i okupani
nemirnom svetlou.
Zarobljenici su zurili u svoje zarobljivae, zarobljivai
su zurili u svoje zarobljenike.
"Zdravo", rekao je jadan od zarobljivaa, "izvinite, ali
da li ste vi... tuinci?"
28.
U meuvremenu, na vie miliona milja odatle nego to
um moe da valjano pojmi, Zaphod Biblbroks se
dosaivao.
Popravio je svoj brod - to jest, napetom panjom je
posmatrao servisnog robota dok ga je popravljao umesto
njega. Bio je to, ponovo, jedan od najmonijih i
najneobinijih brodova koji postoje. Zaphod je opet
mogao da ide gde god zaeli, da radi ta god hoe.
Zezao se sa nekom knjigom, a onda ju je zavitlao od
sebe. Ve ju je ranije proitao.
Priao je komunikacionoj konzoli i ukljuio kanal za
sluaj opasnosti koji je radio na svim uestalostima.
"Hoe li neko pie?" upitao je.
"Je li to neko u opasnosti, drugar?" zapuckao je glas sa
pola puta prema suprotnom kraju Galaksije.
"Da nema sluajno mikser?" upitao je Zaphod.
"Ej, odetaj malo do neke komete."
"U redu, u redu", rekao je Zaphod i ponovo iskljuio
kanal. Uzdahnuo je i seo. Onda je opet ustao i odetao
do kompjuterskog ekrana. Pritisnuo je nekoliko
prekidaa. Takice poee da jure preko ekrana i
prodiru jedna drugu.
"Bam!" rekao je Zaphod, "fijuuuuuu! Pam pam pam!"
"Ej, ao", rekao je veselo kompjuter posle jednog
minuta. "Osvojio si tri poena. Prethodni najbolji rezultat
je sedam miliona pet stotina devedeset sedam hiljada
two hundred and ...''
``OK, OK,'' said Zaphod and flipped the screen blank
again.
He sat down again. He played with a pencil. This too
began slowly to lose its fascination.
``OK, OK,'' he said, and fed his score and the previous
one into the computer.
His ship made a blur of the Universe.
Chapter Twenty-nine
``Tell us,'' said the thin, pale-faced Krikkiter who had
stepped forward from the ranks of the others and stood
uncertainly in the circle of torchlight, handling his gun as
if he was just holding it for someone else who'd just
popped off somewhere but would be back in a minute,
``do you know anything about something called the
Balance of Nature?''
There was no reply from their captives, or at least
nothing more articulate than a few confused mumbles
and grunts. The torchlight continued to play over them.
High in the sky above them dark activity continued in the
Robot zones.
``It's just,'' continued the Krikkiter uneasily, ``something
we heard about, probably nothing important. Well, I
suppose we'd better kill you then.''
He looked down at his gun as if he was trying to find
which bit to press.
``That is,'' he said, looking up again, ``unless there's
anything you want to chat about?''
Slow, numb astonishment crept up the bodies of
Slartibartfast, Ford and Arthur. Very soon it would reach
their brains, which were at the moment solely occupied
with moving their jawbones up and down. Trillian was
shaking her head as if trying to finish a jigsaw by shaking
the box.
``We're worried, you see,'' said another man from the
crowd, ``about this plan of universal destruction.''
``Yes,'' added another, ``and the balance of nature. It just
dve stotine i..."
"U redu, u redu", rekao je Zaphod i ponovo iskljuio
ekran.
Opet je seo. Igrao se olovkom. Ali i to je polako poelo
da gubi na privlanosti.
"U redu, u redu", rekao je i ubacio svoj rezultat, zajedno
sa prethodnim najboljim rezultatom, u kompjuter.
Brod mu je onda suknuo, a od Vaseljene je ostala samo
mrlja.
29.
"Kaite nam", rekao je mravi, beli Krikianin koji se
izdvojio od ostalih i nesigurno stajao u krugu svetlosti,
drei oruje u akama kao da ga uva za nekoga ko je
negde zbrisao, ali e se vratiti za trenutak, "znate li ita
o neemu to se naziva ravnotea prirode?"
Nije dobio odgovor od svojih zarobljenika, ili bar nita
razumljivije od nekoliko zbunjeno promrmljanih
glasova. Svetlosti nastavie da pleu po njima. Visoko
na nebu iznad njihovih glava tamna uurbanost
nastavljala se u Robotskim Zonama.
"Re je o tome", produio je Krikianin nespokojno, "da
smo neto nauli o toj stvari, verovatno nita vano. Pa,
onda je moda najbolje da vas ubijemo."
Spustio je pogled na oruje kao da pokuava da otkrije
gde treba da pritisne.
"Odnosno", rekao je i podigao pogled, "ukoliko ne biste
voleli da popriamo o neemu?"
Lagana, nespretna zbunjenost poela je da se uvlai u
tela Slartibartfasta, Forda i Artura. Ubrzo e im stii do
mozgova, koji su trenutno bili zauzeti podizanjem i
sputanjem njihovih vilica. Trilijan je tresla glavom kao
da pokuava da sklopi mozaik-zagonetku tresenjem
kutije.
"Znate, brinemo se", rekao je drugi ovek iz gomile,
"zbog tog plana o sveoptem unitenju."
"Da", dodao je trei, "i zbog ravnotee prirode. ini
seemed to us that if the whole of the rest of the Universe
is destroyed it will somehow upset the balance of nature.
We're quite keen on ecology, you see.'' His voice trailed
away unhappily.
``And sport,'' said another, loudly. This got a cheer of
approval from the others.
``Yes,'' agreed the first, ``and sport ...'' He looked back at
his fellows uneasily and scratched fitfully at his cheek.
He seemed to be wrestling with some deep inner
confusion, as if everything he wanted to say and
everything he thought were entirely different things,
between which he could see no possible connection.
``You see,'' he mumbled, ``some of us ...'' and he looked
around again as if for confirmation. The others made
encouraging noises. ``Some of us,'' he continued, ``are
quite keen to have sporting links with the rest of the
Galaxy, and though I can see the argument about keeping
sport out of politics, I think that if we want to have
sporting links with the rest of the Galaxy, which we do,
then it's probably a mistake to destroy it. And indeed the
rest of the Universe ...'' his voice trailed away again ``...
which is what seems to be the idea now ...''
``Wh ...'' said Slartibartfast. ``Wh ...''
``Hhhh ... ?'' said Arthur.
``Dr ...'' said Ford Prefect.
``OK,'' said Trillian. ``Let's talk about it.'' She walked
forward and took the poor confused Krikkiter by the arm.
He looked about twenty-five, which meant, because of
the peculiar manglings of time that had been going on in
this area, that he would have been just twenty when the
Krikkit Wars were finished, ten billion years ago.
Trillian led him for a short walk through the torchlight
before she said anything more. He stumbled uncertainly
after her. The encircling torch beams were drooping now
slightly as if they were abdicating to this strange, quiet
girl who alone in the Universe of dark confusion seemed
to know what she was doing.
She turned and faced him, and lightly held both his arms.
He was a picture of bewildered misery.
``Tell me,'' she said.
He said nothing for a moment, whilst his gaze darted
from one of her eyes to the other.
``We ...'' he said, ``we have to be alone ... I think.'' He
screwed up his face and then dropped his head forward,
shaking it like someone trying to shake a coin out of a
money box. He looked up again. ``We have this bomb
nam se da e se ravnotea nekako poremetiti ukoliko
sve ostalo u Vaseljeni bude uniteno. Znate, nas
ekologija strano zanima", dodao je. Glas mu se
nesreno utia.
"I sport", rekao je drugi glasno. To je izazvalo veselo
odobravanje ostalih.
"Da", sloio se prvi, "i sport..." Nespokojno je pogledao
svoje drugove i zamiljeno se poekao po obrazu. Kao
da se borio sa nekom dubokom unutranjom
zbunjenou, kao da je ono to je eleo da kae i ono to
je mislio predstavljalo dve potpuno razliite stvari,
izmeu kojih nije mogao da razabere nikakvu moguu
vezu.
"Vidite", promrmljao je, "neki meu nama..." Obazro se
kao da trai podrku. Drugi poee da ga ohrabruju.
"Neki mau nama", produio je, "strano bi voleli da
uspostave sportske veze sa ostatkom Galaksije, i iako se
slaem da ne treba meati sport i politiku, ini mi se da,
ukoliko elimo sportske veze sa ostatkom Galaksije,
verovatno bi bilo greka unititi je. Zapravo, i celu
ostalu Vaseljenu..." Glas mu se ponovo utiao. "A
izgleda da je to trenutno preovlaujua zamisao..."
"...", kazao je Slartibartfast, "t..."
"Tttt...?" upitao je Artur.
"Dr..." zaustio je Ford Prefekt.
"U redu", rekla je Trilijan, "hajde da porazgovaramo
malo o tome." Krenula je napred i uzela zbunjenog
Krikianina za ruku. Izgledao je kao da ima oko
dvadeset pet godina, to je znailo, zbog neobinih
petljavina sa vremenom koje su se deavale u toj oblasti,
da je imao svega dvadesetak godina kada su se zavrili
krikitski ratovi, pre deset milijardi godina.
Trilijan ga je povela na kratku etnju kroz snopove
lampi pre nego to je rekla ita vie. Nesigurno se
povodio za njom. Svetlosti svetiljki koje su ih
okruivale kao da su se povlaile pred tom udnom,
tihom devojkom koja je, izgleda, jedina u itavoj ovoj
Vaseljeni mrane zbrke znala ta radi.
Okrenula se da bi ga pogledala u lice i lagano ga uzela
za obe ruke. Bio je slika i prilika zbunjene utuenosti.
"Reci mi", kazala mu je.
Jedan trenutak nije nita govorio, dok mu je pogled
skakao sa jednog njenog oka na drugo.
"Tre..." rekao je, "trebalo bi da ostanemo sami... ini mi
se." Iskrivio je lice i onda oborio glavu, a pritom ju je
tako vrteo kao da eli da istrese novi iz kasice.
Ponovo je podigao pogled. "Zna, mi imamo tu bombu",
now, you see,'' he said, ``it's just a little one.''
``I know,'' she said.
He goggled at her as if she'd said something very strange
about beetroots.
``Honestly,'' he said, ``it's very, very little.''
``I know,'' she said again.
``But they say,'' his voice trailed on, ``they say it can
destroy everything that exists. And we have to do that,
you see, I think. Will that make us alone? I don't know. It
seems to be our function, though,'' he said, and dropped
his head again.
``Whatever that means,'' said a hollow voice from the
crowd.
Trillian slowly put her arms around the poor bewildered
young Krikkiter and patted his trembling head on her
shoulder.
``It's all right,'' she said quietly but clearly enough for all
the shadowy crowd to hear, ``you don't have to do it.''
She rocked him.
``You don't have to do it,'' she said again.
She let him go and stood back.
``I want you to do something for me,'' she said, and
unexpectedly laughed.
``I want,'' she said, and laughed again. She put her hand
over her mouth and then said with a straight face, ``I
want you to take me to your leader,'' and she pointed into
the War Zones in the sky. She seemed somehow to know
that their leader would be there.
Her laughter seemed to discharge something in the
atmosphere. From somewhere at the back of the crowd a
single voice started to sing a tune which would have
enabled Paul McCartney, had he written it, to buy the
world.
Chapter Thirty
Zaphod Beeblebrox crawled bravely along a tunnel, like
the hell of a guy he was. He was very confused, but
continued crawling doggedly anyway because he was
that brave.
He was confused by something he had just seen, but not
half as confused as he was going to be by something he
was about to hear, so it would now be best to explain
exactly where he was.
He was in the Robot War Zones many miles above the
surface of the planet Krikkit.
The atmosphere was thin here and relatively unprotected
from any rays or anything which space might care to hurl
in his direction.
rekao je, "vrlo je mala."
"Znam", rekla je.
Pogledao ju je uskolutanim oima, kao da je iznenada
poela da govori o gajenju repice.
"asna re", kazao je, "veoma je, veoma mala."
"Znam", rekla je ponovo.
"Ali oni kau", odvratio je njegov glas, "kau da moe
da uniti sve to postoji. I da mi treba to da uinimo,
razume. Hoemo li zahvaljujui tome ostati sami? Ne
znam. Ali izgleda da nam je to naum", rekao je i ponovo
oborio glavu.
"ta god to znailo", dopro je iz gomile uplji glas.
Trilijan je lagano zagrlila jadnog, zbunjenog, mladog
Krikianina i prislonila mu uzdrhtalu glavu uz svoje
rame, potapavi je pri tom.
"Sve je u redu", rekla je tiho, ali oigledno dovoljno
glasno da bi je svi uli, "ne morate to da uinite."
Zaljuljala ga je.
"Ne morate to da uinite", ponovila je.
Pustila ga je i udaljila se.
"elim da uinite neto za mene", rekla je i neoekivano
se nasmejala.
"Hou..." rekla je i ponovo se nasmejala. Stavila je
potom ruku preko usana i dodala, iznenada opet
ozbiljna: "Hou da me odvedete svom voi", i pokazala
prema Ratnim Zonama na nebu. inilo se da je nekako
znala da se njihov voa nalazi tamo.
Njen smeh kao da je izazvao nekakvo pranjenje u
atmosferi. Negde iz pozadine gomile jedan usamljeni
glas poeo je da peva melodiju koja bi Polu Makartniju,
da ju je napisao, omoguila da kupi itav svet.
30.
Zaphod Biblbroks hrabro je puzao kroz tunel kako to
ve i treba da radi vraki momak poput njega. Bio je
vrlo zbunjen, ali je i dalje uporno puzao zato to je bio
tako hrabar.
Bio je zbunjen neim to je upravo video, ali ni upola
koliko e biti zbunjen kada bude neto uo, te bi zbog
toga u ovoj taki bilo najbolje razjasniti gde se tano
nalazio.
Bio je u Robotskoj Ratnoj Zoni, mnogo milja iznad
povrine planete Krikit.
Tu je atmosfera bila srazmerno retka i srazmerno
nezatiena od zraenja i uopte od svega onoga to je
svemir mogao da zavitla u tom pravcu.
He had parked the starship Heart of Gold amongst the
huge jostling dim hulks that crowded the sky here above
Krikkit, and had entered what appeared to be the biggest
and most important of the sky buildings, armed with
nothing but a Zap gun and something for his headaches.
He had found himself in a long, wide and badly lit
corridor in which he was able to hide until he worked out
what he was going to do next. He hid because every now
and then one of the Krikkit robots would walk along it,
and although he had so far led some kind of charmed life
at their hands, it had nevertheless been an extremely
painful one, and he had no desire to stretch what he was
only half-inclined to call his good fortune.
He had ducked, at one point, into a room leading off the
corridor, and had discovered it to be a huge and, again,
dimly lit chamber. In fact, it was a museum with just one
exhibit --- the wreckage of a spacecraft. It was terribly
burnt and mangled, and, now that he had caught up with
some of the Galactic history he had missed through his
failed attempts to have sex with the girl in the
cybercubicle next to him at school, he was able to put in
an intelligent guess that this was the wrecked spaceship
which had drifted through the Dust Cloud all those
billions of years ago and started the whole business off.
But, and this is where he had become confused, there
was something not at all right about it.
It was genuinely wrecked. It was genuinely burnt, but a
fairly brief inspection by an experienced eye revealed
that it was not a genuine spacecraft. It was as if it was a
full-scale model of one --- a solid blueprint. In other
words it was a very useful thing to have around if you
suddenly decided to build a spaceship yourself and didn't
know how to do it. It was not, however, anything that
would ever fly anywhere itself.
He was still puzzling over this --- in fact he'd only just
started to puzzle over it --- when he became aware that a
door had slid open in another part of the chamber, and
another couple of Krikkit robots had entered, looking a
little glum.
Zaphod did not want to tangle with them and, deciding
that just as discretion was the better part of valour so was
cowardice the better part of discretion, he valiantly hid
himself in a cupboard.
The cupboard in fact turned out to be the top part of a
shaft which led down through an inspection hatch into a
wide ventilation tunnel. He led himself down into it and
Parkirao je meuzvezdani brod 'Zlatno srce' izmeu
gusto natrpanih i prigueno osvetljenih telesina ratnih
maina, koje su prekrivale nebo ovde iznad Krikita i
uao u ono to mu se inilo najveom i najvanijom
nebeskom zgradom, naoruan niim vie do zgrom-i-
puc pitoljem i lekom protiv glavobolje.
Obreo se u dugakom, prostranom i slabo osvetljenom
hodniku u kome je mogao da se skriva dok ne bude
reio ta da uini sledee. Krio se zbog toga to su
svakog asa hodnikom prolazili krikitski roboti, a iako
je do sada vodio meu njima ivot u svojstvu
svojevrsnog kunog ljubimca, ipak je to bio izuzetno
bolan ivot, a on nije imao nameru da izaziva ono to je
samo napola zvao svojom dobrom sreom.
U jednom trenutku uleteo je u prostoriju koja je izlazila
na hodnik i otkrio je da je ogromna i, takoe, slabo
osvetljena. U stvari, predstavljala je muzej sa samo
jednim eksponatom - olupinom kosmike letelice. Bila
je uasno izgorela i oteena, a sada kada je uspeo da
ulovi neto galaktike istorije koju je propustio usled
svojih bezuspenih pokuaja da ima seksualne odnose sa
devojicom iz kiberodeljka do njegovog u koli, mogao
je inteligentno da pretpostavi kako je tu posredi onaj
oteeni svemirski brod koji je pre toliko milijardi
godina dolutao iz Oblaka Praine i zapoeo celu stvar.
Ali, to predstavlja mesto na kome je postao zbunjen,
otkrio je da neto nije sasvim u redu sa njime.
Bio je zaista oteen. Bio je zaista spren, ali kratak
pregled iskusnim okom otkrio mu je da nije re o
pravom svemirskom brodu. Stvar je izgledala kao da je
posredi maketa u prirodnoj veliini - neka vrsta
trodimenzionog tehnikog crtea. Drugim reima, bila je
to izuzetno korisna stvar za onoga ko se iznenada odlui
da gradi svemirski brod, a ne zna kako. Ali nikada nije
mogla sama da poleti.
Jo je lupao glavu oko toga - zapravo, tek je poeo da
lupa glavu kada je postao svestan da su se na
naspramnom kraju odaje otvorila vrata i na njima
pojavila dva krikitska robota, koja su delovala pomalo
tmurno.
Zaphod nije eleo da se petlja sa njima, pa je zakljuio
da, kao to opreznost predstavlja bolju polovinu
hrabrosti, tako i kukaviluk predstavlja bolju polovinu
opreznosti, te se stoga bre-bolje sakrio u jednu malu
sporednu prostoriju.
Pokazalo se da mala sporedna prostorija predstavlja
najvii deo tunela koji je vodio nanie kroz otvor za
nadgledanje u iroki tunel za ventilaciju. Pustio se u
started to crawl along it, which is where we found him.
He didn't like it. It was cold, dark and profoundly
uncomfortable, and it frightened him. At the first
opportunity --- which was another shaft a hundred yards
further along --- he climbed back up out of it.
This time he emerged into a smaller chamber, which
appeared to be a computer intelligence centre. He
emerged in a dark narrow space between a large
computer bank and the wall.
He quickly learned that he was not alone in the chamber
and started to leave again, when he began to listen with
interest to what the other occupants were saying.
``It's the robots, sir,'' said one voice. ``There's something
wrong with them.''
``What, exactly?''
These were the voices of two War Command Krikkiters.
All the War Commanders lived up in the sky in the Robot
War Zones, and were largely immune to the whimsical
doubts and uncertainties which were afflicting their
fellows down on the surface of the planet.
``Well, sir I think it's just as well that they are being
phased out of the war effort, and that we are now going
to detonate the supernova bomb. In the very short time
since we were released from the envelope -''
``Get to the point.''
``The robots aren't enjoying it, sir.''
``What?''
``The war, sir, it seems to be getting them down. There's
a certain world-weariness about them, or perhaps I
should say Universe-weariness.''
``Well, that's all right, they're meant to be helping to
destroy it.''
``Yes, well they're finding it difficult, sir. They are
afflicted with a certain lassitude. They're just finding it
hard to get behind the job. They lack oomph.''
``What are you trying to say?''
``Well, I think they're very depressed about something,
sir.''
``What on Krikkit are you talking about?''
``Well, in the few skirmishes they've had recently, it
seems that they go into battle, raise their weapons to fire
and suddenly think, why bother? What, cosmically
speaking, is it all about? And they just seem to get a little
tired and a little grim.''
``And then what do they do?''
``Er, quadratic equations mostly, sir. Fiendishly difficult
ones by all accounts. And then they sulk.''
``Sulk?''
``Yes, sir.''
njega i poeo da puzi tim putem.
To mu se nije mnogo dopalo. Bilo je hladno, mrano i
vrlo neudobno; osim toga, mesto ga je plailo. Prvom
prilikom - bio je to novi tunel, na oko stotinu jardi dalje
- popeo se i iziao iz cevi.
Ovoga puta obreo se u omanjoj prostoriji, koja je,
izgleda, predstavljala sredite kompjuterske
inteligencije. Iziao je u mrani, uzani prostor izmeu
ogromnog bloka kompjutera i zida.
Brzo je zakljuio da nije sam u odaji i ve se pripremio
da ode, kada je poeo da slua sa zanimanjem ta su
govorili oni koji su se nalazili u njoj.
"Re je o robotima, ser", rekao je jedan glas, "neto nije
u redu sa njima."
"ta tano nije u redu?"
Bili su to glasovi dvojice ratnih zapovednika Krikita.
Svi ratni zapovednici iveli su na nebu, u Robotskim
Zonama, i uglavnom su bili imuni na sve luckaste
sumnje i kolebanja koje su pogaale njihove drugove
dole na povrini planete.
"Pa, ser, ini mi se da se sve vie izostavljaju iz ratnih
zadataka i da emo morati da aktiviramo bombu lanca
supernova. Tokom vrlo kratkog vremena otkako smo
osloboeni omotaa..."
"Prei na stvar."
"Robotima se sve to ne svia, ser."
"ta?"
"Rat, ser. Izgleda da poinje da ih zamara. Kao da
nekako postaju umorni od sveta, ili bi moda trebalo da
kaem umorni od Vaseljene."
"Pa, to je savreno u redu. Trebalo bi da nam pomau da
je unitimo."
"Da, ovaj, ali oni smatraju da je to pomalo nezgodno,
ser. Zahvatio ih je izvestan zamor. Postaje im teko da se
upregnu u posao. Nedostaje im polet."
"ta hoe da kae:"
"Pa, ini mi se da su zbog neega uasno potiteni, ser."
"O emu to govori, za ime Krikita?"
"Pa, u poslednjih nekoliko okraja koje su imali inilo
se da zaponu bitku, podignu svoje oruje da opale, ali
onda iznenada pomisle, emu itav trud? ta, sa
kosmike take gledanja, predstavlja sve to? I onda kao
da ih zahvate nekakav zamor i utuenost."
"A ta onda rade?"
"Ovaj, uglavnom reavaju kvadratne jednaine, ser,
avolski teke, ako mene pitate. A potom zlovoljno sede
i ute."
"Zlovoljno?"
"Da, ser."
``Whoever heard of a robot sulking?'' "Ko je ikada uo za zlovoljnog robota?"
``I don't know, sir.'' "Ne znam, ser."
``What was that noise?'' "Kakav je to um?"
It was the noise of Zaphod leaving with his head Bio je to Zaphod koji je odlazio, dok mu se u glavama
spinning. vrtelo.
Chapter Thirty-one
In a deep well of darkness a crippled robot sat. It had
been silent in its metallic darkness for some time. It was
cold and damp, but being a robot it was supposed not to
be able to notice these things. With an enormous effort of
will, however, it did manage to notice them.
Its brain had been harnessed to the central intelligence
core of the Krikkit War Computer. It wasn't enjoying the
experience, and neither was the central intelligence core
of the Krikkit War Computer.
The Krikkit robots which had salvaged this pathetic
metal creature from the swamps of Squornshellous Zeta
had recognized almost immediately its gigantic
intelligence, and the use which this could be to them.
They hadn't reckoned with the attendant personality
disorders, which the coldness, the darkness, the
dampness, the crampedness and the loneliness were
doing nothing to decrease.
It was not happy with its task.
Apart from anything else, the mere coordination of an
entire planet's military strategy was taking up only a tiny
part of its formidable mind, and the rest of it had become
extremely bored. Having solved all the major
mathematical, physical, chemical, biological,
sociological, philosophical, etymological, meteorological
and psychological problems of the Universe except his
own, three times over, he was severely stuck for
something to do, and had taken up composing short
dolorous ditties of no tone, or indeed tune. The latest one
was a lullaby.
``Now the world has gone to bed,'' Marvin droned,
``Darkness won't engulf my head,
``I can see by infra-red,
``How I hate the night.''
He paused to gather the artistic and emotional strength to
tackle the next verse.
``Now I lay me down to sleep,
``Try to count electric sheep,
``Sweet dream wishes you can keep,
``How I hate the night.''
31.
U bunaru najdublje tame sedeo je obogaljeni robot.
Neko vreme je utao u svojoj metalnoj tami. Oko njega
je bilo hladno i vlano, ali, poto je bio robot, nije
trebalo da primeuje takve stvari. No, izuzetnim
naporom volje ipak je uspevao da ih primeti.
Mozak mu je bio povezan sa sredinjim blokom za
inteligenciju krikitskog ratnog kompjutera. To mu se
nije dopadalo, ba kao ni sredinjem bloku za
inteligenciju krikitskog ratnog kompjutera.
Krikitski roboti koji su izvukli to patetino metalno
stvorenje iz movara Skornelusa Zeta postupili su tako
zato to su gotovo smesta prepoznali njegovu ogromnu
inteligenciju, koja im je mogla biti od koristi.
Nisu raunali na pratee poremeaje linosti, koje
hladnoa, tama, vlaga, stenjenost i usamljenost nisu
nimalo umanjivali.
Nije bio srean na tom poslu.
Na koordinaciju vojne strategije itave planete otpadao
je samo maleni deo moi njegovog zastraujueg uma, a
ostatak se neverovatno dosaivao. Poto je reio sve
vee matematike, fizike, hemijske, bioloke,
socioloke, filozofske, etimoloke, meteoroloke i
psiholoke probleme Vaseljene, izuzev sopstvenog, i to
po tri puta, oajno je udeo za neim ime bi se
zaokupio, i zato je poeo da komponuje kratke, mrane
pesmice bez ikakve melodije. Poslednja je predstavljala
uspavanku. Marvin je jednolino pevao.
Sada kad svet u postelju kree
Na mene se tama spustiti nee,
U infracrvenom vidim sve njegovo smee,
O kako mrzim no.
Zastao je naas da bi skupio umetnike i oseajne snage
za sledeu strofu.
A sada u san se sputam sve nie,
Elektrine ovce brojim da san mi doklie,
S svojim lepim eljama ne prilazi mi blie,
O kako mrzim no.
``Marvin!'' hissed a voice.
His head snapped up, almost dislodging the intricate
network of electrodes which connected him to the central
Krikkit War Computer.
An inspection hatch had opened and one of a pair of
unruly heads was peering through whilst the other kept
on jogging it by continually darting to look this way and
that extremely nervously.
``Oh, it's you,'' muttered the robot. ``I might have
known.''
``Hey, kid,'' said Zaphod in astonishment, ``was that you
singing just then?''
``I am,'' Marvin acknowledged bitterly, ``in particularly
scintillating form at the moment.''
Zaphod poked his head in through the hatchway and
looked around.
``Are you alone?'' he said.
``Yes,'' said Marvin. ``Wearily I sit here, pain and misery
my only companions. And vast intelligence of course.
And infinite sorrow. And ...''
``Yeah,'' said Zaphod. ``Hey, what's your connection with
all this?''
``This,'' said Marvin, indicating with his less damaged
arm all the electrodes which connected him with the
Krikkit computer.
``Then,'' said Zaphod awkwardly, ``I guess you must
have saved my life. Twice.''
``Three times,'' said Marvin.
Zaphod's head snapped round (his other one was looking
hawkishly in entirely the wrong direction) just in time to
see the lethal killer robot directly behind him seize up
and start to smoke. It staggered backwards and slumped
against a wall. It slid down it. It slipped sideways, threw
its head back and started to sob inconsolably.
Zaphod looked back at Marvin.
``You must have a terrific outlook on life,'' he said.
``Just don't even ask,'' said Marvin.
``I won't,'' said Zaphod, and didn't. ``Hey look,'' he
added, ``you're doing a terrific job.''
``Which means, I suppose,'' said Marvin, requiring only
one ten thousand million billion trillion grillionth part of
his mental powers to make this particular logical leap,
``that you're not going to release me or anything like
that.''
``Kid, you know I'd love to.''
``But you're not going to.''
``No.''
``I see.''
``You're working well.''
``Yes,'' said Marvin. ``Why stop now just when I'm
"Marvine", prosiktao je glas.
Glava mu se tako tre da je zamalo poupala tananu
mreu elektroda koje su ga povezivale sa sredinjim
krikitskim ratnim kompjuterom.
Otvor za nadgledanje se podigao i jedna od dve
neuredne glave provirila je kroz njega, dok je druga
uvala strau na taj nain to se izuzetno nervozno
osvrtala tamo i ovamo.
"Oh, to si ti", promrmljao je robot, "trebalo je da znam."
"Hej, mali", rekao je zapanjeno Zaphod, "jesi li to ti
maloas pevao?"
"Trenutno sam", obznanio je Marvin gorko, "u naroito
blistavoj formi."
Zaphod je provukao glavu kroz otvor i obazro se.
"Jesi li sam?" upitao je.
"Da", odvratio je Marvin, "umorno sedim ovde, a bol i
ponienost jedini su mi pratioci. I ogromna inteligencija,
razume se. I bezgranina utuenost. ...I..."
"Aha", rekao je Zaphod. "Nego, kakve ti veze ima sa
svim ovim?"
"Ovakve", rekao je Marvin i manje oteenom rukom
pokazao na elektrode koje su ga povezivale sa
krikitskim kompjuterom.
"Onda, znai", rekao je Zaphod nespretno, "da si mi
verovatno dva puta spasao ivot."
"Tri puta", rekao je Marvin.
Zaphodova glava otro se okrete (druga je okom
sokolovim gledala u potpuno pogrenom pravcu) upravo
na vreme da vidi ubilakog robota odmah iza sebe kako
se zanosi i poinje da se pui. Zateturao se unatrag i
tresnuo u zid, a onda skliznuo niz njega. Sruio se
potom na bok, zabacio glavu i poeo neuteno da rida.
Zaphod ponovo pogleda Marvina.
"Mora da ima straan pogled na ivot", rekao je.
"Ne pitaj", kazao je Marvin.
"I neu", rekao je Zaphod i nije to uinio. "Hej, uje",
dodao je, "pa ti to odlino radi."
"to znai, pretpostavljam", rekao je Marvin, a za taj
logiki skok bio mu je potreban samo jedan
desetohiljadito milionito milijardito bilionito grilioniti
deo mentalnih sposobnosti, "da nema nameru da me
oslobodi ili da uini neto slino."
"Deko, ti zna da bih voleo da to uradim."
"Ali nee."
"Neu."
"Shvatam."
"Sjajno to obavlja."
"Da", rekao je Marvin, "zato da prekinem ba sada
hating it?''
``I got to find Trillian and the guys. Hey, you any idea
where they are? I mean, I just got a planet to choose
from. Could take a while.''
``They are very close,'' said Marvin dolefully. ``You can
monitor them from here if you like.''
``I better go get them,'' asserted Zaphod. ``Er, maybe they
need some help, right?''
``Maybe,'' said Marvin with unexpected authority in his
lugubrious voice, ``it would be better if you monitored
them from here. That young girl,'' he added unexpectedly,
``is one of the least benightedly unintelligent life forms it
has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to
avoid meeting.''
Zaphod took a moment or two to find his way through
this labyrinthine string of negatives and emerged at the
other end with surprise.
``Trillian?'' he said. ``She's just a kid. Cute, yeah, but
temperamental. You know how it is with women. Or
perhaps you don't. I assume you don't. If you do I don't
want to hear about it. Plug us in.''
``... totally manipulated.''
``What?'' said Zaphod.
It was Trillian speaking. He turned round.
The wall against which the Krikkit robot was sobbing
had lit up to reveal a scene taking place in some other
unknown part of the Krikkit Robot War zones. It seemed
to be a council chamber of some kind --- Zaphod couldn't
make it out too clearly because of the robot slumped
against the screen.
He tried to move the robot, but it was heavy with its grief
and tried to bite him, so he just looked around as best he
could.
``Just think about it,'' said Trillian's voice, ``your history
is just a series of freakishly improbable events. And I
know an improbable event when I see one. Your
complete isolation from the Galaxy was freakish for a
start. Right out on the very edge with a Dust Cloud
around you. It's a set-up. Obviously.''
Zaphod was mad with frustration because he couldn't see
the screen. The robot's head was obscuring his view of
the people Trillian as talking to, his multi-functional
battleclub was obscuring the background, and the elbow
of the arm it had pressed tragically against its brow was
obscuring Trillian herself.
``Then,'' said Trillian, ``this spaceship that crash-landed "A onda se", rekla je Trilijan, "taj svemirski brod sruio
on your planet. That's really likely, isn't it? Have you any na vau planetu. To je mnogo verovatno, je li? Imate li
kada sam poeo da mrzim sve to?"
"Moram da pronaem Trilijan i momke. Hej, ima li
pojma gde su? Hou da kaem, treba da ih traim po
itavoj planeti, pa bi moglo da potraje."
"Veoma su blizu", rekao je Marvin utueno. "Moe ih
videti odavde ako hoe."
"Bolje da odem do njih", izjavio je Zaphod. "Ovaj,
moda im treba pomo, a?"
"Moda bi", rekao je Marvin sa neoekivano
zapovednikim prizvukom u svom potitenom glasu,
"bilo bolje da ih posmatra odavde. Ta devojka", dodao
je neoekivano, "jedan je od najmanje oajno
neinteligentnih organskih oblika ivota koje na svoje
izuzetno nezadovoljstvo nisam mogao da izbegnem."
Zaphodu je bio potreban trenutak ili dva da se probije
kroz taj lavirint negacija i da iznenaeno stigne do druge
strane.
"Trilijan", rekao je. "Pa ona je samo klinka. Jeste,
pametna je, ali temperamentna. Zna kako je to sa
enama. Ili moda ne zna. Pretpostavljam da ne zna.
Ukoliko zna, ne elim da ujem ita o tome. Ukljui
nas."
"...potpuno izmanipulisani."
"ta?" upitao je Zaphod.
To je Trilijan govorila. Okrenuo se.
Zid uz koji je krikitski robot jecao osvetlio se da bi
otkrio prizor koji se odigravao u nekom drugom,
neznanom delu krikitskih Robotskih Ratnih Zona.
Izgledalo je da je re o nekoj vrsti dvorane za
savetovanje - Zaphod nije mogao da razazna najbolje,
jer je robot prekrivao dobar deo ekrana.
Pokuao je da pomeri robota, ali ovaj je bio oteao od
bola i probao je da ga ugrize, pa je zbog toga samo
gledao pored njega to je bolje umeo.
"Razmislite malo o tome," rekao je Trilijanin glas. "Vaa
istorija naprosto je niz oajno neverovatnih dogaaja. A
ja umem da prepoznam neverovatan dogaaj kada ga
vidim. Vaa potpuna izdvojenost iz Galaksije bila je od
samog poetka iaena. I to ovde, na samom rubu, sa
Oblakom Praine oko vas. Stvar je nametena.
Oigledno."
Zaphod je bio kao lud od osujeenosti to ne moe da
vidi ekran. Robotova glava zaklanjala je ljude kojima je
Trilijan govorila, njegova vienamenska borbena batina
prekrivala je pozadinu, a lakat ruke koju je tragino
prislonio na elo skrivao je samu Trilijan.
idea of what the odds are against a drifting spaceship
accidentally intersecting with the orbit of a planet?''
``Hey,'' said Zaphod, ``she doesn't know what the zark
she's talking about. I've seen that spaceship. It's a fake.
No deal.''
``I thought it might be,'' said Marvin from his prison
behind Zaphod.
``Oh yeah,'' said Zaphod. ``It's easy for you to say that. I
just told you. Anyway, I don't see what it's got to do with
anything.''
``And especially,'' continued Trillian, ``the odds against it
intersecting with the orbit of the one planet in the Galaxy,
or the whole of the Universe as far as I know, that would
be totally traumatized to see it. You don't know what the
odds are? Nor do I, they're that big. Again, it's a set-up. I
wouldn't be surprised if that spaceship was just a fake.''
Zaphod managed to move the robot's battleclub. Behind
it on the screen were the figures of Ford, Arthur and
Slartibartfast who appeared astonished and bewildered
by the whole thing.
``Hey, look,'' said Zaphod excitedly. ``The guys are doing
great. Ra ra ra! Go get 'em, guys.''
``And what about,'' said Trillian, ``all this technology you
suddenly managed to build for yourselves almost
overnight? Most people would take thousands of years to
do all that. Someone was feeding you what you needed to
know, someone was keeping you at it.
``I know, I know,'' she added in response to an unseen
interruption, ``I know you didn't realize it was going on.
This is exactly my point. You never realized anything at
all. Like this Supernova Bomb.''
``How do you know about that?'' said an unseen voice.
``I just know,'' said Trillian. ``You expect me to believe
that you are bright enough to invent something that
brilliant and be too dumb to realize it would take you
with it as well? That's not just stupid, that is spectacularly
obtuse.''
``Hey, what's this bomb thing?'' said Zaphod in alarm to
Marvin.
``The supernova bomb?'' said Marvin. ``It's a very, very
small bomb.''
``Yeah?''
``That would destroy the Universe in toto,'' added
Marvin. ``Good idea, if you ask me. They won't get it to
work, though.''
``Why not, if it's so brilliant?''
``It's brilliant,'' said Marvin, ``they're not. They got as far
as designing it before they were locked in the envelope.
pojma koja je verovatnoa da lutajui svemirski brod
sluajno presee orbitu neke planete?"
"Hej", rekao je Zaphod, "ona zarkeno pojma nema o
emu pria. Video sam taj svemirski brod. Laan je. Bez
ale."
"I mislio sam da bi moglo tako da bude", rekao je
Marvin iz svog zatvora iza Zaphoda.
"Aha", rekao je Zaphod. "Sada ti je lako da to kae. Ja
sam ti upravo ispriao. Svejedno, ne vidim kakve to
veze ima sa bilo ime."
"A naroito", produila je Trilijan, "verovatnoa da
presee orbitu jedne odreene planete u Galaksiji, ili ak
u itavoj Vaseljeni. Koliko ja znam, takva verovatnoa
je zaprepaujua. Ne znate ta to znai? Ne znam ni ja,
toliko je mala njena vrednost. Posredi, znai, moe da
bude samo nametaljka. Ne bi me zaudilo ni da je taj
kosmiki brod laan."
Zaphodu je polo za rukom da ukloni robotovu borbenu
palicu. Iza nje, na ekranu su se ukazale prilike Forda,
Artura i Slartibartfasta, koji su izgledali kao da ih je
itava stvar zbunila i zaprepastila.
"Hej, vidi", rekao je Zaphod razdragano, "momci se
sjajno snalaze. Tra, ra, ra. Navalite, momci."
"A ta tek da kaemo", rekla je Trilijan, "za svu tu
tehnologiju kojom ste ovladali preko noi? Veini
stvorenja za to su potrebne hiljade godina. Neko vas je
kljukao podacima koji su vam bili potrebni, neko vas je
podravao.
Znam, znam", dodala je na neko nevidljivo ometanje,
"znam da niste shvatili ta se deava. O tome i govorim.
Nikada niste nita shvatali. Kao ni ovu bombu
supernova."
"Otkud ti zna za to?" upitao je nevidljivi glas.
"Naprosto, znam", uzvratila je Trilijan. "Oekujete da
vam poverujem da ste dovoljno bistri da izmislite neto
tako savreno, a da pri tom budete glupi i ne shvatite da
e sa sobom odneti i vas? To ne samo da je glupo, to je
spektakularna tupoglavost."
"Hej, kakve su to prie o bombi?" upitao je Zaphod
uznemireno Marvina.
"Bomba supernova?" upitao je Marvin. "To je vrlo, vrlo
mala bomba."
"Da?"
"Koja bi mogla da uniti itavu Vaseljenu u potpunosti",
dodao je Marvin. "Odlina ideja, ako mene pita. Ali
nee im uspeti."
"Zbog ega ne bi, kad je ve toliko sjajna?"
"Ona jeste", rekao je, "oni nisu. Stigli su samo da je
projektuju pre nego to su zakljuani u omota.
They've spent the last five years building it. They think
they've got it right but they haven't. They're as stupid as
any other organic life form. I hate them.''
Trillian was continuing.
Zaphod tried to pull the Krikkit robot away by its leg, but
it kicked and growled at him, and then quaked with a
fresh outburst of sobbing. Then suddenly it slumped over
and continued to express its feelings out of everybody's
way on the floor.
Trillian was standing alone in the middle of the chamber
tired out but with fiercely burning eyes.
Ranged in front of her were the pale-faced and wrinkled
Elder Masters of Krikkit, motionless behind their widely
curved control desk, staring at her with helpless fear and
hatred.
In front of them, equidistant between their control desk
and the middle of the chamber, where Trillian stood, as if
on trial, was a slim white pillar about four feet tall. On
top of it stood a small white globe, about three, maybe
four inches in diameter.
Beside it stood a Krikkit robot with its multi-functional
battleclub.
``In fact,'' explained Trillian, ``you are so dumb stupid''
(She was sweating. Zaphod felt that this was an
unattractive thing for her to be doing at this point) ``you
are all so dumb stupid that I doubt, I very much doubt,
that you've been able to build the bomb properly without
any help from Hactar for the last five years.''
``Who's this guy Hactar?'' said Zaphod, squaring his
shoulders.
If Marvin replied, Zaphod didn't hear him. All his
attention was concentrated on the screen.
One of the Elders of Krikkit made a small motion with
his hand towards the Krikkit robot. The robot raised his
club.
``There's nothing I can do,'' said Marvin. ``It's on an
independent circuit from the others.''
``Wait,'' said Trillian.
The Elder made a small motion. The robot halted.
Trillian suddenly seemed very doubtful of her own
judgment.
``How do you know all this?'' said Zaphod to Marvin at
this point.
``Computer records,'' said Marvin. ``I have access.''
``You're very different, aren't you,'' said Trillian to the "Vi ste drugaiji, zar ne", rekla je Trilijan Starcima, "od
Elder Masters, ``from your fellow worldlings down on vae sabrae sa istog sveta dole, na planeti? itave
the ground. You've spent all your lives up here, ivote provodite ovde, nezatieni atmosferom. Ranjivi
Poslednjih pet godina posvetili su njenoj izgradnji.
Misle da su je dobro sklopili, ali nisu. Glupavi su kao i
svi ostali organski oblici ivota. Mrzim ih."
Trilijan je nastavila.
Zaphod je pokuao da odvue krikitskog robota za nogu,
ali ovaj se ritnuo i zareao na njega, a onda briznuo u
novi nalet ridanja. Onda se iznenada preturio i nastavio
da izraava oseanja na podu, tamo gde nije bio na
smetnji.
Trilijan je stajala na sredini odaje, umorna, ali blistavih
oiju.
Poreani pred njom, bledi i naborani, bili su Starci
Krikita, nepomini iza svog prostranog, zakrivljenog
komandnog stola; gledali su je sa bespomonim strahom
i mrnjom.
Ispred njih, na istom rastojanju od komandnog stola i
sredita odaje gde je stajala Trilijan kao da je na
suenju, nalazio se vitki, beli stub visok oko etiri stope.
Na njegovom vrhu stajala je mala, bela lopta od tri,
moda etiri ina u preniku.
Pored stuba poivao je krikitski robot sa svojom
vienamenskom palicom.
"U stvari, toliko ste neopisivo glupi..." (znojila se.
Zaphod pomisli kako je neprivlano od nje to u tom
trenutku radi tako neto). "Svi ste toliko neopisivo glupi,
da sumnjam, zaista sumnjam, da ste uspeli da napravite
bombu kako valja bez Haktarove pomoi tokom
poslednjih pet godina."
"Ko je taj tip Haktar"?" upitao je Zaphod i isturio
ramena.
Ako je Marvin i odgovorio, Zaphod ga nije uo. Sva
njegova panja bila je usredsreena na ekran.
Jedan od Staraca Krikita nainio je mali pokret rukom u
pravcu robota. Robot podie palicu.
"Nia ne mogu da uinim", rekao je Marvin, "on je na
kolu koje je odvojeno od ostalih."
"ekaj", rekla je Trilijan.
Starac naini maleni pokret. Robot zastade. Trilijan je
odjednom izgledala veoma nesigurna u proceni
situacije.
"Otkud ti zna sve to?" upitao je Zaphod Marvina u tom
trenutku.
"Kompjuterske memorije", rekao je Marvin. "Imam
pristup."
unprotected by the atmosphere. You've been very ste. Ostatak vae rase je preplaen, znate, oni ne ele sve
vulnerable. The rest of your race is very frightened, you ovo. Izgubili ste vezu sa pravim stanjem stvari, zato ne
know, they don't want you to do this. You're out of touch, proverite to?"
why don't you check up?''
The Krikkit Elder grew impatient. He made a gesture to Krikitski Starac postajao je sve nestrpljiviji. Napravio je
the robot which was precisely the opposite of the gesture
pokret prema robotu koji je predstavljao potpunu
he had last made to it. suprotnost malopreanjem.
The robot swung its battleclub. It hit the small white Robot je zamahnuo borbenom palicom koja je pogodila
globe. malenu, belu loptu.
The small white globe was the supernova bomb. Malena, bela lopta predstavljala je bombu supernova.
It was a very, very small bomb which was designed to Bila je to veoma, veoma mala bomba koja je bila
bring the entire Universe to an end. izmiljena da bi uinila kraj itavoj Vaseljeni.
The supernova bomb flew through the air. It hit the back
Bomba supernova poletela je kroz vazduh. Pogodila je
wall of the council chamber and dented it very badly. stranji zid dvorane za savetovanja i napravila vrlo
gadnu rupu u njemu.
``So how does she know all this?'' said Zaphod. "Otkud ona zna sve to?" upitao je Zaphod.
Marvin kept a sullen silence. Marvin je mrano utao.
``Probably just bluffing,'' said Zaphod. ``Poor kid, I "Verovatno je samo blefirala", rekao je Zaphod. "Jadno
should never have left her alone.'' dete, nije trebalo da je ostavljam."

Chapter Thirty-two 32.

``Hactar!'' called Trillian. ``What are you up to?''
There was no reply from the enclosing darkness. Trillian
waited, nervously. She was sure that she couldn't be
wrong. She peered into the gloom from which she had
been expecting some kind of response. But there was
only cold silence.
``Hactar?'' she called again. ``I would like you to meet
my friend Arthur Dent. I wanted to go off with a Thunder
God, but he wouldn't let me and I appreciate that. He
made me realize where my affections really lay.
Unfortunately Zaphod is too frightened by all this, so I
brought Arthur instead. I'm not sure why I'm telling you
all this.
``Hello?'' she said again. ``Hactar?''
And then it came.
It was thin and feeble, like a voice carried on the wind
from a great distance, half heard, a memory of a dream of
a voice.
``Won't you both come out,'' said the voice. ``I promise
that you will be perfectly safe.''
They glanced at each other, and then stepped out,
improbably, along the shaft of light which streamed out
of the open hatchway of the Heart of Gold into the dim
granular darkness of the Dust Cloud.
Arthur tried to hold her hand to steady and reassure her,
but she wouldn't let him. He held on to his airline hold-
all with its tin of Greek olive oil, its towel, its crumpled
"Haktare!" viknula je Trilijan. "ta to radi?"
Iz tame koja ih je okruivala nije bilo odgovora. Trilijan
je nervozno ekala. Bila je sigurna da nije pogreila.
Gledala je u crnilo iz koga je oekivala da dopre neka
vrsta odgovora. Ali nije bilo niega izuzev hladne tiine.
"Haktare?" ponovo je viknula. "Volela bih da se upozna
sa mojim prijateljem Arturom Dentom. elela sam da
odem sa Bogom Groma, ali mi on nije dao i ja sam mu
zahvalna na tome. Nauio me je gde se nalaze moje
prave elje. Na nesreu, Zaphoda je sve ovo isuvie
uplailo, pa sam zato umesto njega dovela Artura. Ne
znam zbog ega ti ovo govorim.
Hej", kazala je ponovo, "Haktare?"
A onda je doao.
Bio je tanak i dalek, poput glasa koji donosi vetar sa
velikog rastojanja i koji se samo napola uje - seanje ili
san o glasu.
"Doite oboje", rekao je glas. "Obeavam vam da ete
biti savreno bezbedni."
Izmenjali su pogled, a onda su poli - krajnje
neverovatno - du stuba svetlosti koji se probijao iz
otvorenog ulaza 'Zlatnog srca' u mutnu, zrnastu tamu
Oblaka Praine.
Artur pokua da je uzme za ruku kako bi je hrabrio i
umirivao, ali mu ona to nije dozvolila. Preostalo mu je
da umesto toga dri svoju avionsku torbu sa limenkom
postcards of Santorini and its other odds and ends. He grkog maslinovog ulja, pekirom, izguvanim
steadied and reassured that instead. razglednicama Santorinija i ostalim stvarima. Hrabrio je
i umirivao njih.
They were standing on, and in, nothing. Stajali su ni na emu, usred niega.
Murky, dusty nothing. Each grain of dust of the Bilo je to mrano, pranjavo nita. Svaka estica praine
pulverized computer sparkled dimly as it turned and raznesenog kompjutera nejasno je svetlucala dok se
twisted slowly, catching the sunlight in the darkness. lagano okretala, lelujala i doputala da je sunce dodiruje
Each particle of the computer, each speck of dust, held u tami. Svaka estica kompjutera, svako zrno praine
within itself, faintly and weakly, the pattern of the whole. sadralo je u sebi, slabano i nejasno, lik celine. Kada su
In reducing the computer to dust the Silastic Armorfiends pretvorili kompjuter u prainu, Silastini Zloklopnici
of Striterax had merely crippled the computer, not killed Striteraksa nisu ubili kompjuter, samo su ga osakatili.
it. A weak and insubstantial field held the particles in Slabano i nenametljivo polje dralo je estice blago
slight relationships with each other. povezane izmeu sebe.
Arthur and Trillian stood, or rather floated, in the middle Artur i Trilijan stajali su, ili, tanije, lebdeli, usred tog
of this bizarre entity. They had nothing to breathe, but for bizarnog bia. Nisu imali ta da udiu, ali to trenutno,
the moment this seemed not to matter. Hactar kept his izgleda, nije bilo vano. Haktar je odrao obeanje. Bili
promise. They were safe. For the moment. su bezbedni. Trenutno.
``I have nothing to offer you by way of hospitality,'' said "Nemam ta da vam ponudim u znak gostoljubivosti",
Hactar faintly, ``but tricks of the light. It is possible to be rekao je Haktar tiho, "izuzev svetlosnih varki. Ali
comfortable with tricks of the light, though, if that is all mogue je stvoriti udobnost pomou svetlosnih varki,
you have.'' ukoliko je to sve ime raspolaete."
His voice evanesced, and in the dark dust a long velvet Njegov glas istopi se u nitavilo, a u tami dugaka,
paisley-covered sofa coalesced into hazy shape. pliana sofa na cvetie poe da stie magliasti oblik.
Arthur could hardly bear the fact that it was the same Artura je strano pogodilo saznanje da je to bila ista sofa
sofa which had appeared to him in the fields of koja se pojavila pred njime na poljani preistorijske
prehistoric Earth. He wanted to shout and shake with Zemlje. Poelelo je da urla i gnevno skoi na Vaseljenu
rage that the Universe kept doing these insanely koja mu je neprestano inila te ludake, zbunjujue
bewildering things to him. stvari.
He let this feeling subside, and then sat on the sofa --- Osetio je kako se to oseanje povlai, a potom je seo na
carefully. Trillian sat on it too. sofu - paljivo. I Trilijan je sela.
It was real. Bila je stvarna.
At least, if it wasn't real, it did support them, and as that To jest, ako i nije bila stvarna, drala ih je na sebi, a
is what sofas are supposed to do, this, by any test that poto je to stvar koju bi sofe trebalo da rade, po bilo
mattered, was a real sofa. kom vaeem merilu, bila je to stvarna sofa.
The voice on the solar wind breathed to them again. Glas noen sunevim vetrom ponovo im se obratio,
poput uzdaha.
``I hope you are comfortable,'' it said. "Nadam se da vam je udobno", rekao je.
They nodded. Klimnuli su.
``And I would like to congratulate you on the accuracy of "I ja elim da vam estitam na tanosti zakljuivanja."
your deductions.''
Arthur quickly pointed out that he hadn't deduced Artur je brzo istako da on sam nije ba mnogo zakljuio,
anything much himself, Trillian was the one. She had ve je to uinila Trilijan. Ona ga je, naprosto, pozvala sa
simply asked him along because he was interested in life, sobom jer su ga zanimali ivot, Vaseljena i sve ostalo.
the Universe, and everything.
``That is something in which I too am interested,'' "To i mene zanima", dahnuo je Haktar.
breathed Hactar.
``Well,'' said Arthur, ``we should have a chat about it "Pa", rekao je Artur, "zato ne bismo malo popriali o
sometime. Over a cup of tea.'' tome. Uz olju aja."
There slowly materialized in front of them a small Pred njim se lagano materijalizovao mali, drveni sto na
wooden table on which sat a silver teapot, a bone china
milk jug, a bone china sugar bowl, and two bone china
cups and saucers.
Arthur reached forward, but they were just a trick of the
light. He leaned back on the sofa, which was an illusion
his body was prepared to accept as comfortable.
``Why,'' said Trillian, ``do you feel you have to destroy
the Universe?''
She found it a little difficult talking into nothingness,
with nothing on which to focus. Hactar obviously noticed
this. He chuckled a ghostly chuckle.
``If it's going to be that sort of session,'' he said, ``we
may as well have the right sort of setting.''
And now there materialized in front of them something
new. It was the dim hazy image of a couch --- a
psychiatrist's couch. The leather with which it was
upholstered was shiny and sumptuous, but again, it was
only a trick of the light.
Around them, to complete the setting, was the hazy
suggestion of wood-panelled walls. And then, on the
couch, appeared the image of Hactar himself, and it was
an eye-twisting image.
The couch looked normal size for a psychiatrist's couch
--- about five or six feet long.
The computer looked normal size for a black space-borne
computer satellite --- about a thousand miles across.
The illusion that the one was sitting on top of the other
was the thing which made the eyes twist.
``All right,'' said Trillian firmly. She stood up off the
sofa. She felt that she was being asked to feel too
comfortable and to accept too many illusions.
``Very good,'' she said. ``Can you construct real things
too? I mean solid objects?''
Again there was a pause before the answer, as if the
pulverized mind of Hactar had to collect its thoughts
from the millions and millions of miles over which it was
scattered.
``Ah,'' he sighed. ``You are thinking of the spaceship.''
Thoughts seemed to drift by them and through them, like
waves through the ether.
``Yes,'' he acknowledge, ``I can. ``But it takes enormous
effort and time. All I can do in my ... particle state, you
see, is encourage and suggest. Encourage and suggest.
And suggest ...''
The image of Hactar on the couch seemed to billow and
waver, as if finding it hard to maintain itself.
It gathered new strength.
kome se nalazio srebrni ajnik, bokal od kineskog
porculana pun mleka, porcelanska zdela sa eerom i
dve olje od kineskog porcelana sa tacnama.
Artur se nagao prema njima, ali bila je to samo
svetlosna varka. Ponovo se zavalio u sofu, koja je
predstavljala opsenu koju je njegovo telo bilo spremno
da prihvati kao udobnu.
"Zbog ega", upitala je Trilijan, "smatra da treba da
uniti Vaseljenu?"
Otkrila je da je pomalo teko govoriti u nitavilo, bez
iega na ta bi se mogla usredsrediti. Haktar je to
oigledno primetio. Sablasno se zakikotao.
"Ako e to da bude jedan od takvih razgovora", rekao je,
"mogli bismo da pripremimo i odgovarajuu okolinu."
A onda se pred njima materijalizovalo neto novo. Bila
je to nejasna, maglovita slika leaja - psihijatarskog
leaja. Koa kojom je bio postavljen bila je glatka i
svetlucava, ali to je ponovo bila svetlosna varka.
Oko njih, da bi upotpunila utisak, nalazila se magliasta
opsena zidova obloenih drvenim ploama. A potom se
na leaju pojavila slika samog Haktara, izgledajui
sumanuto vrtoglava.
Leaj je bio normalne veliine za kau jednog psihijatra
- dugaak pet ili est stopa.
Kompjuter je bio normalne veliine za jedan crni
kompjuterski satelit, nainjen u svemiru i dugaak oko
hiljadu milja.
Opsena da se jedno nalazi povrh drugog izazivala je
pomenutu vrtoglavicu.
"Dobro", rekla je Trilijan vrsto. Ustala je sa sofe.
Oseala je da se od nje trailo da prihvati previe
opsena.
"Vrlo dobro", kazala je. "Ume li da naini i prave
stvari? Mislim, stvarne predmete?"
Ponovo je pre odgovora dolo do pauze, kao da rasuti
Haktarov um mora da sabere misli iz miliona i milona
milja irom kojih su bile rasute.
"Ah", uzdahnuo je. "Misli na svemirski brod?"
inilo se da mu misli lutaju oko njih i kroz njih, poput
talasa u eteru.
"Da", potvrdio je, "mogu. Ali neophodni su ogroman
napor i vreme. Sve to mogu da uinim u ovom stanju...
rasutih estica... vidite, jeste da ohrabrujem i navodim.
Ohrabrujem i navodim. I navodim..."
Haktarov lik na leaju poeo je da se talasa i treperi, kao
da mu je teko da se odrava.
Prikupio je snagu.
``I can encourage and suggest,'' it said, ``tiny pieces of
space debris --- the odd minute meteor, a few molecules
here, a few hydrogen atoms there --- to move together. I
encourage them together. I can tease them into shape, but
it takes many aeons.''
``So, did you make,'' asked Trillian again, ``the model of
the wrecked spacecraft?''
``Er ... yes,'' murmured Hactar. ``I have made ... a few
things. I can move them about. I made the spacecraft. It
seemed best to do.''
Something then made Arthur pick up his hold-all from
where he had left it on the sofa and grasp it tightly.
The mist of Hactar's ancient shattered mind swirled about
them as if uneasy dreams were moving through it.
``I repented, you see,'' he murmured dolefully. ``I
repented of sabotaging my own design for the Silastic
Armorfiends. It was not my place to make such
decisions. I was created to fulfill a function and I failed
in it. I negated my own existence.''
Hactar sighed, and they waited in silence for him to
continue his story.
``You were right,'' he said at length. ``I deliberately
nurtured the planet of Krikkit till they would arrive at the
same state of mind as the Silastic Armorfiends, and
require of me the design of the bomb I failed to make the
first time. I wrapped myself around the planet and
coddled it. Under the influence of events I was able to
generate, they learned to hate like maniacs. I had to make
them live in the sky. On the ground my influences were
too weak.
``Without me, of course, when they were locked away
from me in the envelope of Slo-Time, their responses
became very confused and they were unable to manage.
``Ah well, ah well,'' he added, ``I was only trying to
fulfill my function.''
And very gradually, very, very slowly, the images in the
cloud began to fade, gently to melt away.
And then, suddenly, they stopped fading.
``There was also the matter of revenge, of course,'' said
Hactar, with a sharpness which was new in his voice.
``Remember,'' he said, ``that I was pulverized, and then
left in a crippled and semi-impotent state for billions of
years. I honestly would rather wipe out the Universe. You
would feel the same way, believe me.''
He paused again, as eddies swept through the Dust.
"Mogu da ohrabrujem i navodim", rekao je, "siune
komade svemirskih otpadaka - usamljeni, zalutali
meteor ovde, par molekula tamo, nekoliko molekula
vodonika onamo - da se pridruuju jedni drugima.
Navodim ih da budu zajedno. Mogu ih naterati u eljeni
oblik, ali za to su potrebni mnogi eoni."
"Onda, jesi li ti nainio", ponovo je upitala Trilijan,
"model oteenog broda?"
"Ovaj...da", promrljao je Haktar. "Nainio sam...
nekoliko stvari. Mogu da ih pokreem. Ja sam nainio
svemirski brod. Tako mi se inilo najbolje."
Neto u tom trenutku nateralo je Artura da podigne
putnu torbu sa mesta na sofi gde ju je ostavio i da je
prigrli.
Magle Haktarovog drevnog uma kovitlale su se oko njih
poput nemirnih snova.
"Pokajao sam se, razumete", tmurno je promrljao.
"Pokajao sam se zbog sabotiranja sopstvene tvorevine
za Silastike Zloklopnike. Nije bilo do mene da
donosim takve odluke. Stvoren sam da bih ispunio
nekakvu svrhu i nisam uspeo. Porekao sam sopstveno
postojanje."
Haktar je uzdahnuo, a oni su u tiini ekali da nastavi
svoju priu.
"Bili ste u pravu", rekao je posle dosta vremena.
"Namerno sam uticao na planetu Krikit, sve dok njeni
itelji nisu doli u isto stanje duha kao Silastini
Zloklopnici i stali da zahtevaju od mene da napravim
bombu koju nisam nainio prvi put. Omotao sam se oko
planete i paljivo je uvao. Pod uticajem dogaaja koje
sam sam stvarao, a i te uticaje sam lino izazvao, nauili
su da mrze poput ludaka. Morao sam da ih nateram da
ive na nebu. Na tlu je moj uticaj bio suvie slab.
Bez mene, razume se, kada su se nali zakljuani u
omotau Spo-vremena, njihove sposobnosti postale su
suvie slabe i nisu uspeli da obave posao.
Ah, dobro, ah, dobro," dodao je. "Samo sam pokuavao
da ispunim svoju svrhu."
I postepeno, vrlo, vrlo lagano, slike u oblaku poee da
blede, da se blago tope.
Onda su iznenada prestale da blede.
"Razume se, posredi je bila osveta", rekao je Haktar, sa
novom otrinom u glasu.
"Seate se", nastavio je, "da sam bio pretvoren u prah, a
potom ostavljen u tom osakaenom i polunemonom
stanju milijardama godina. Iskreno, mnogo bih vie
voleo da umesto toga zbriem itavu Vaseljenu. I vi
biste se tako oseali, verujte mi."
Ponovo je zastao, dok su se kovitlaci kretali prainom.
``But primarily,'' he said in his former, wistful tone, ``I "Ali, pre svega", rekao je enjivim glasom koji je
was trying to fulfill my function. Ah well.'' zvuao kao ranije, "pokuavao sam da ispunim svoju
svrhu. Ah, dobro."
Trillian said, ``Does it worry you that you have failed?'' Trilijan ree: "Brine li te to to nisi uspeo?"
``Have I failed?'' whispered Hactar. The image of the "Zar nisam uspeo?" proaptao je Haktar. Slika
computer on the psychiatrist's couch began slowly to kompjutera na psihijatrijskom leaju ponovo je poela
fade again. da bledi.
``Ah well, ah well,'' the fading voice intoned again. ``No, "Ah dobro, ah, dobro", zauo se ponovo glas koji je
failure doesn't bother me now.'' nestajao, "ne, neuspeh me vie ne brine."
``You know what we have to do?'' said Trillian, her voice "Zna ta sada moramo da uinimo?" rekla je Trilijan,
cold and businesslike. hladnim i poslovnim glasom.
``Yes,'' said Hactar, ``you're going to disperse me. You "Da", rekao je Haktar, "rasuete me. Unitiete moju
are going to destroy my consciousness. Please be my svest. Slobodno to uinite - posle svih tih eona, jedino o
guest --- after all these aeons, oblivion is all I crave. If I emu matam jeste zaborav. Ukoliko do sada nisam
haven't already fulfilled my function, then it's too late uspeo da ispunim svoju svrhu, onda je postalo prekasno
now. Thank you and good night.'' za to. Hvala vam i laku no."
The sofa vanished. Sofa je nestala.
The tea table vanished. Stoi za aj je nestao.
The couch and the computer vanished. the walls were Leaj i kompjuter su nestali. Zidova vie nije bilo. Artur
gone. Arthur and Trillian made their curious way back i Trilijan vratili su se na isti neobian nain na 'Zlatno
into the Heart of Gold. srce' kao to su i prispeli sa njega.
``Well, that,'' said Arthur, ``would appear to be that.'' "Pa, dakle", rekao je Artur, "to je, izgleda, to."
The flames danced higher in front of him and then Plamenovi jae zaplesae pred njima i onda nestadoe.
subsided. A few last licks and they were gone, leaving Jo samo nekoliko poslednjih plamsaja i nije ih vie
him with just a pile of Ashes, where a few minutes bilo, ostala je samo hrpa Pepela, tamo gde je pre
previously there had been the Wooden Pillar of Nature nekoliko minuta bio Drveni stub prirode i duhovnosti.
and Spirituality.
He scooped them off the hob of the Heart of Gold's Pokupio ga je sa ploe gama-rotilja 'Zlatnog srca', sipao
Gamma barbecue, put them in a paper bag, and walked ga u papirnatu kesu i vratio se na most.
back into the bridge.
``I think we should take them back,'' he said. ``I feel that "Oseam da treba da ga vratim", rekao je. "Oseam to
very strongly.'' svim srcem."
He had already had an argument with Slartibartfast on Ve se svaao sa Slartibartfastom povodom toga i starac
this matter, and eventually the old man had got annoyed se konano naljutio i otiao. Vratio se na sopstveni brod,
and left. he had returned to his own ship the Bistromath, 'Bistromat', poeo gnevno da se raspravlja sa kelnerom i
had a furious row with the waiter and disappeared off iezao u potpuno subjektivnoj ideji o tome ta je
into an entirely subjective idea of what space was. svemir.
The argument had arisen because Arthur's idea of Do rasprave je dolo zbog Arturove namere da vrati
returning the Ashes to Lord's Cricket Ground at the same Pepeo na Gospodarsko igralite kriketa u istom trenutku
moment that they were originally taken would involve u kome je prvobitno uzet, to je zahtevalo povratak u
travelling back in time a day or so, and this was precisely vreme za priblino jedan dan, a to je bila tano ona vrsta
the sort of gratuitous and irresponsible mucking about bezrazlonog i neodgovornog zavitlavanja sa vremenom
that the Campaign for Real Time was trying to put a stop koje je kampanja za realno vreme pokuala da osujeti.
to.
``Yes,'' Arthur had said, ``but you try and explain that to "Da", rekao je tada Artur, "ali pokuajte to da objasnite
the MCC,'' and he would hear no more against the idea. Marilebonskom kriket klubu", i vie nije eleo ni da
razgovara o tome.
``I think,'' he said again, and stopped. The reason he "Oseam", ponovio je sada i zastao. Razlog zbog koga
started to say it again was because no one had listened to je poeo da izgovara reenicu iz poetka bio je taj to ga
him the first time, and the reason he stopped was because
it looked fairly clear that no one was going to listen to
him this time either.
Ford, Zaphod and Trillian were watching the visiscreens
intently as Hactar was dispersing under pressure from a
vibration field which the Heart of Gold was pumping into
it.
``What did it say?'' asked Ford.
``I thought I heard it say,'' said Trillian in a puzzle voice,
```What's done is done ... I have fulfilled my function ...'''
``I think we should take these back,'' said Arthur holding "Mislim da treba da vratimo ovo nazad", rekao je Artur i
up the bag containing the Ashes. ``I feel that very podigao kesu u kojoj se nalazio Pepeo. Oseam to svom
strongly.''
Chapter Thirty-three
The sun was shining calmly on a scene of complete
havoc.
Smoke was still billowing across the burnt grass in the
wake of the theft of the Ashes by the Krikkit robots.
Through the smoke, people were running panicstricken,
colliding with each other, tripping over stretchers, being
arrested.
One policeman was attempting to arrest Wowbagger the
Infinitely Prolonged for insulting behaviour, but was
unable to prevent the tall grey-green alien from returning
to his ship and arrogantly flying away, thus causing even
more panic and pandemonium.
In the middle of this, for the second time that afternoon,
the figures of Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect suddenly
materialized, they had teleported down out of the Heart
of Gold which was now in parking orbit round the planet.
``I can explain,'' shouted Arthur. ``I have the Ashes!
They're in this bag.''
``I don't think you have their attention,'' said Ford.
``I have also helped save the Universe,'' called Arthur to
anyone who was prepared to listen, in other words no
one.
``That should have been a crowd-stopper,'' said Arthur to
Ford.
``It wasn't,'' said Ford.
Arthur accosted a policeman who was running past.
``Excuse me,'' he said. ``The Ashes. I've got them. They
were stolen by those white robots a moment ago. I've got
them in this bag. They were part of the Key to the Slo-
Time envelope, you see, and, well, anyway you can guess
prvi put niko nije sluao, a razlog zbog koga je prestao
bio je taj to se inilo prilino oigledno da ga niko nee
sluati ni ovaj put.
Ford, Zaphod i Trilijan posmatrali su viziekran sa
napetom panjom. Haktar je nestajao pod pritiskom
vibracionog polja koje je 'Zlatno srce' ubacivalo u njega.
"ta je rekla ta stvar?" upitao je Ford.
"Uinilo mi se da ujem kako govori", rekla je Trilijan
zbunjenim glasom, "'to je uinjeno, uinjeno je...
Dovrio sam svoj zadatak...'"
snagom."
33.
Sunce je blago obasjavalo prizor potpunog haosa.
Dim se i dalje kovitlao iznad spaljene trave neposredno
posle krae Pepela koju su izveli krikitski roboti. Kroz
dim, ljudi su panino trali, sudarali se jedni sa drugima,
nosili su ih na nosilima, hapsili.
Jedan policajac pokuavao je da uhapsi Vovbagera
Beskonano Produenog zbog uvredljivog ponaanja, ali
nije mogao da sprei visokog, zelenog vanzemaljca da
se vrati na svoj brod i osiono odleti, izazvavi na taj
nain jo veu paniku i vrisku.
Usred svega iznenada su se, po drugi put tog
popodneva, materijalizovale prilike Artura Denta i
Forda Prefekta, koji su se teleportirali sa 'Zlatnog srca',
smetenog trenutno na parkiranoj orbiti oko planete.
"Mogu sve da objasnim", vikao je Artur. "Imam Pepeo!
Nalazi se u ovoj kesi."
"Ne ini mi se da si uspeo da im privue panju", kazao
je Ford.
"Osim toga, pomogao sam da se spase Vaseljena", vikao
je Artur svima onima koji su bili spremni da sluaju,
drugim reima - nikome.
"To je trebalo da iz mesta zaustavi gomilu", rekao je
Artur Fordu.
"Nije uspelo", odvratio je Ford.
Artur se obratio policajcu koji je trao pored njega.
"Izvinite", rekao je, "Pepeo. Imam ga. Pre par trenutaka
ukrali su ga oni beli roboti. Doneo sam ga u ovoj kesi.
Bio je deo Kljua omotaa Spo-vremena, razumete, i,
ovaj, uostalom, i sami shvatate ostalo, stvar je u tome da
the rest, the point is I've got them and what should I do
with them?''
The policeman told him, but Arthur could only assume
that he was speaking metaphorically.
He wandered about disconsolately.
``Is no one interested?'' he shouted out. A man rushed
past him and jogged his elbow, he dropped the paper bag
and it spilt its contents all over the ground. Arthur stared
down at it with a tight-set mouth.
Ford looked at him.
``Wanna go now?'' he said.
Arthur heaved a heavy sigh. He looked around at the
planet Earth, for what he was now certain would be the
last time.
``OK,'' he said.
At that moment, through the clearing smoke, he caught
sight of one of the wickets, still standing in spite of
everything.
``Hold on a moment,'' he said to Ford. ``When I was a
boy ...''
``Can you tell me later?''
``I had a passion for cricket, you know, but I wasn't very
good at it.''
``Or not at all, if you prefer.''
``And I always dreamed, rather stupidly, that one day I
would bowl at Lord's.''
He looked around him at the panicstricken throng. No
one was going to mind very much.
``OK,'' said Ford wearily. ``Get it over with. I shall be
over there,'' he added, ``being bored.'' He went and sat
down on a patch of smoking grass.
Arthur remembered that on their first visit there that
afternoon, the cricket ball had actually landed in his bag,
and he looked through the bag.
He had already found the ball in it before he remembered
that it wasn't the same bag that he'd had at the time. Still,
there the ball was amongst his souvenirs of Greece.
He took it out and polished it against his hip, spat on it
and polished it again. He put the bag down. He was
going to do this properly.
He tossed the small hard red ball from hand to hand,
feeling its weight. With a wonderful feeling of lightness
and unconcern, he trotted off away from the wicket. A
medium-fast pace, he decided, and measured a good long
run-up.
He looked up into the sky. The birds were wheeling
about it, a few white clouds scudded across it. The air
was disturbed with the sounds of police and ambulance
sirens, and people screaming and yelling, but he felt
ga imam i ta sada da radim sa njime?"
Policajac mu je rekao, ali Artur je jedino uspeo da
zakljui da se izraavao metaforiki.
Oajno je stao da tumara po okolini.
"Zar nikoga ne zanima?" dreknuo je. Neki ovek
projurio je pored njega i zakaio mu lakat; papirna kesa
mu ispade i njen sadraj prosu se po tlu. Artur je
stisnutih usana zurio u to.
Ford ga je pogledao.
"Ide li sada?" upitao je.
Artur je duboko uzdahnuo. Obazro se po planeti Zemlji,
sada sasvim siguran da to ini poslednji put.
"U redu", rekao je.
U tom trenutku, kroz dim koji se razilazio, primetio je
jedan od viketa, koji je, uprkos svemu, jo stajao.
"ekaj trenutak", rekao je Fordu, "kada sam bio mali..."
"Zar ne moe to da mi ispria kasnije?"
"Oboavao sam kriket, zna, ali nikada nisam umeo da
ga igram naroito dobro.
Ili ba nikako, ako ti se to vie dopada."
A uvek sam sanjao, ba glupavo, da u jednog dana
moi da zaigram na Gospodarskom."
Obazro se po uspanienoj vrevi. Nikome to nee mnogo
smetati.
"U redu", rekao je Ford umorno, "dovri to. Ja u biti
tamo preko", dodao je, "i dosaivau se."
Artur se setio da je prilikom njegove prve posete ovom
mestu tog popodneva lopta za kriket, zapravo, uletela u
njegovu torbu, te ju je stoga potraio u torbi.
Ve je naao loptu kada se setio da to nije ista torba koju
je imao u to vreme. Ipak, lopta se nalazila u njoj, meu
suvenirima iz Grke.
Izvadio ju je i protrljao o bedro, pljucnuo na nju i
ponovo je protrljao. Spustio je torbu. Uradie to kako
valja.
Prebacio je malu, crvenu loptu iz ruke u ruku, da oseti
njenu teinu. Uz divan oseaj lakoe i neobaveznosti,
udaljio se od viketa. Potrae srednjom brzinom,
odluio je, i silovito hitnuti iz zgloba.
Podigao je pogled prema nebu. Ptice su se premetale po
njemu, par belih oblaka klizilo je preko svoda. Vazduh
su parali zvuci sirena policijskih i ambulantnih kola,
vritanje i zapomaganje ljudi, ali se on na neobian
curiously happy and untouched by it all. He was going to
bowl a ball at Lord's.
He turned and pawed a couple of times at the ground
with his bedroom slippers. He squared his shoulders,
tossed the ball in the air and caught it again.
He started to run.
As he ran, he saw that standing at the wicket was a
batsman. Oh, good, he thought, that should add a little ...
Then, as his running feet took him nearer, he saw more
clearly. The batsman standing ready at the wicket was not
one of the England cricket team. He was not one of the
Australian cricket team. It was one of the robot Krikkit
team. It was a cold, hard, lethal white killer-robot that
presumably had not returned to its ship with the others.
Quite a few thoughts collided in Arthur Dent's mind at tis
moment, but he didn't seem to be able to stop running.
Time seemed to be going terribly, terribly slowly, but still
he didn't seem to be able to stop running.
Moving as if through syrup, he slowly turned his
troubled head and looked at his own hand, the hand
which was holding the small hard red ball.
His feet were pounding slowly onwards, unstoppably, as
he stared at the ball gripped in his helpless hand. It was
emitting a deep red glow and flashing intermittently. And
still his feet were pounding inexorably forward.
He looked at the Krikkit robot again standing implacably
still and purposefully in front of him, battleclub raised in
readiness. Its eyes were burning with a deep cold
fascinating light, and Arthur could not move his own
eyes from them. He seemed to be looking down a tunnel
at them --- nothing on either side seemed to exist.
Some of the thoughts which were colliding in his mind at
this time were these:
He felt a hell of a fool.
He felt that he should have listened rather more carefully
to a number of things he had heard said, phrases which
now pounded round in his mind as his feet pounded
onwards to the point where he would inevitably release
the ball to the Krikkit robot, who would inevitably strike
it.
He remembered Hactar saying, ``Have I failed? Failure
doesn't bother me.''
He remembered the account of Hactar's dying words,
``What's done is done, I have fulfilled my function.''
He remembered Hactar saying that he had managed to
make ``a few things.''
He remembered the sudden movement in his hold-all that
nain oseao srean i nedirnut svim tim. Igrae kriket na
Gospodarskom.
Okrenuo se, nekoliko puta oprobao je tle svojim kunim
papuama. Ispravio se, bacio loptu u vazduh i ponovo je
uhvatio.
Potrao je.
Dok je trao, iznenada je video da pored viketa stoji
udara.
A onda, kada su ga njegove noge koje su trale prinele
blie, video je jasnije. Udara koji je spremno stajao
pored viketa nije pripadao engleskom kriket-timu. Nije
pripadao ni australijskom kriket-timu. Bio je to jedan od
robota iz krikitskog tima. Bio je to hladni, ukoeni,
smrtonosni, beli robot-ubica koji se verovatno nije
vratio na brod sa ostalima.
Svega nekoliko misli sudaralo se po Arturovom umu u
tom trenutku, ali on kao da nije mogao da se zaustavi.
Iznenada mu se uini da vreme protie uasno, uasno
polako, ali kao da i dalje nije mogao da se zaustavi.
Dok se kretao kao kroz sirup, lagano je pokrenuo
uznemirenu glavu i spustio pogled na ruku koja je drala
malenu, crvenu loptu.
Noge su mu lagano grabile napred, nezaustavljivo, dok
je zurio u loptu koju je stiskala njegova bespomona
ruka. Isputala je duboko, crveno svetlucanje i tu i tamo
bi blesnula. A noge su ga i dalje neodoljivo vukle
napred.
Gledao je krikitskog robota koji je stajao ispred njega,
neumoljiv i usredsreen, spremno podignute borbene
palice. Oi su mu blistale dubokom, hladnom,
hipnotikom svetlou i Artur nije mogao da odvoji oi
od njih. Kao da je gledao kroz tunel u njih - inilo se da
unaokolo ne postoji nita drugo.
Neke od misli koje su mu se sudarale po glavi bili su
ovakve:
Oseao se kao avolska budala.
Oseao je da je trebalo mnogo paljivije da slua brojne
stvari koje je uo, reenice koje su grabile mimo
njegovog uma kao to su njegove noge grabile prema
taki na kojoj e, neizbeno, osloboditi lopticu i baciti je
prema krikitskom robotu, koji e je neizbeno udariti.
Seao se kada je Haktar rekao: "Zar nisam uspeo?
Neuspeh me vie ne brine."
Seao se Haktarovih rei na samrti: "ta je uinjeno,
uinjeno je. Dovrio sam svoj zadatak."
Seao se kako je Haktar rekao da je uspeo da naini
'nekoliko stvari'.
Setio se iznenadnog pokreta unutar putne torbe, koji ga
had made him grip it tightly to himself when he was in
the Dust Cloud.
He remembered that he had travelled back in time a
couple of days to come to Lord's again.
He also remembered that he wasn't a very good bowler.
He felt his arm coming round, gripping tightly on to the
ball which he now knew for certain was the supernova
bomb that Hactar had built himself and planted on him,
the bomb which would cause the Universe to come to an
abrupt and premature end.
He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then
he realized there was a contradiction involved here and
merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
He would feel very, very embarrassed meeting
everybody.
He hoped, he hoped, he hoped that his bowling was as
bad as he remembered it to be, because that seemed to be
the only thing now standing between this moment and
universal oblivion.
He felt his legs pounding, he felt his arm coming round,
he felt his feet connecting with the airline hold-all he'd
stupidly left lying on the ground in front of him, he felt
himself falling heavily forward but, having his mind so
terribly full of other things at this moment, he completely
forgot about hitting the ground and didn't.
Still holding the ball firmly in his right hand he soared up
into the air whimpering with surprise.
He wheeled and whirled through the air, spinning out of
control.
He twisted down towards the ground, flinging himself
hectically through the air, at the same time hurling the
bomb harmlessly off into the distance.
He hurtled towards the astounded robot from behind. It
still had its multi-functional battleclub raised, but had
suddenly been deprived of anything to hit.
With a sudden mad access of strength, he wrestled the
battleclub from the grip of the startled robot, executed a
dazzling banking turn in the air, hurtled back down in a
furious power-drive and with one crazy swing knocked
the robot's head from the robot's shoulders.
``Are you coming now?'' said Ford.
Chapter Thirty-four
Life, the Universe and Everything Na kraju su opet putovali.
And at the end they travelled again. Bliilo se vreme kada Artur to vie nee raditi.
There was a time when Arthur Dent would not. He said Rekao je da mu je bistromatiki pogon otkrio da vreme i
je naterao da je prigrli kada je bio u Oblaku Praine.
Setio se da se vratio nekoliko dana u prolost da bi se
ponovo naao na Gospodarskom.
Takoe se seao da nije bio Bog zna kakav baca.
Osetio je kako mu ruka zamahuje, a u njoj se nalazila
vrsto stegnuta loptica za koju je sada bio siguran da
predstavlja bombu supernova, koju je sam Haktar
nainio i podmetnuo mu je, bombu koja e izazvati
naglo i prerano okonanje Vaseljene.
Nadao se i molio da ne postoji ivot posle smrti. Onda je
shvatio da ulazi u protivreje sa samim sobom, pa se
samo nadao da ne postoji ivot posle smrti.
Bilo bi ga strano, strano sramota da sretne bilo koga.
Nadao se, nadao i nadao da je njegovo bacanje bilo
onako loe kakvim se seao, jer inilo se da trenutno
samo to stoji izmeu ovog trenutka i zaborava za itavu
Vaseljenu.
Osetio je kako mu noge grabe napred, osetio je kako mu
ruka zamahuje, osetio je kako mu stopala naleu na
avionsku torbu koju je glupavo ostavio na tlu pred
sobom, osetio je kako pada preko nje, ali poto mu je
um u tom trenutku bio tako uasno pun drugih stvari,
potpuno je zaboravio da pogodi tle, pa nije to ni uinio.
S loptom jo vrsto stegnutoj u ruci vinuo se u vazduh,
zacvilevi od iznenaenja.
Vrteo se i kovitlao kroz vazduh, sumanuto vitlao,
potpuno izgubivi kontrolu.
Sunovratio se prema tlu, grozniavo briui vazduhom, i
istovremeno zavitlao bombu u daljinu, gde je bila
bezopasna.
Sruio se na zaprepaenog robota sa lea. Ovaj je jo
drao vienamensku borbenu palicu u vazduhu, ali je
iznenada bio lien svega to je mogao da udari.
U iznenadnom naletu snage, iupao je borbenu palicu
iz stiska zapanjenog robota, izveo vrtoglavi, iskoeni
kolut u vazduhu, sjurio se ponovo dole u mahnitom,
silovitom poniranju i jednim suludim udarcem otkinuo
robotu glavu sa ramena.
"Ide li sada?" upitao je Ford.
EPILOG: IVOT, VASELJENA I SVE OSTALO
that the Bistromathic Drive had revealed to him that time
and distance were one, that mind and Universe were one,
that perception and reality were one, and that the more
one travelled the more one stayed in one place, and that
what with one thing and another he would rather just stay
put for a while and sort it all out in his mind, which was
now at one with the Universe so it shouldn't take too
long, and he could get a good rest afterwards, put in a
little flying practice and learn to cook which he had
always meant to do. The can of Greek olive oil was now
his most prized possession, and he said that the way it
had unexpectedly turned up in his life had again given
him a certain sense of the oneness of things which made
him feel that ...
He yawned and fell asleep.
In the morning as they prepared to take him to some
quiet and idyllic planet where they wouldn't mind him
talking like that they suddenly picked up a computer-
driven distress call and diverted to investigate.
A small but apparently undamaged spacecraft of the
Merida class seemed to be dancing a strange little jig
through the void. A brief computer scan revealed that the
ship was fine, its computer was fine, but that its pilot was
mad.
``Half-mad, half-mad,'' the man insisted as they carried
him, raving, aboard.
He was a journalist with the Siderial Daily Mentioner.
They sedated him and sent Marvin in to keep him
company until he promised to try and talk sense.
``I was covering a trial,'' he said at last, ``on
Argabuthon.''
He pushed himself up on to his thin wasted shoulders, his
eyes stared wildly. His white hair seemed to be waving at
someone it knew in the next room.
``Easy, easy,'' said Ford. Trillian put a soothing hand on
his shoulder.
The man sank back down again and stared at the ceiling
of the ship's sick bay.
``The case,'' he said, ``is now immaterial, but there was a
witness ... a witness ... a man called ... called Prak. A
strange and difficult man. They were eventually forced to
administer a drug to make him tell the truth, a truth
drug.''
His eyes rolled helplessly in his head.
``They gave him too much,'' he said in a tiny whimper.
``They gave him much too much.'' He started to cry. ``I
thing the robots must have jogged the surgeon's arm.''
``Robots?'' said Zaphod sharply. ``What robots?''
rastojanje predstavljaju jedno, da um i Vaseljena
predstavlju jedno, da su opaaji i stvarnost jedno i da to
neko vie putuje, utoliko vie ostaje na istom mestu i da
ako treba da bira izmeu jednog i drugog, radije e se
skrasiti negde i sloiti sve to mu je u umu, koji je sada
predstavljao jedinstvo sa Vaseljenom, tako da ne bi
trebalo da mu bude potrebno mnogo vremena za to, a
potom se moe dobro odmoriti, malo vebati letenje i
nauiti da kuva, to je uvek nameravao da uini.
Limenka grkog maslinovog ulja sada je predstavljala
jednu od najdraih stvari koju je posedovao i on je
govorio da mu je nain na koji se neoekivano ponovo
pojavila u njegovom ivotu pruio izvestan oseaj
jedinstva stvari, koji... koji je inio da se oseti...
Zevnuo je i zaspao.
Izjutra, dok su se pripremali da ga odvedu na neku tihu i
idilinu planetu na kojoj nikome nee smetati kada tako
bude govorio, iznenada su uhvatili poziv za pomo koji
je emitovao kompjuter, pa su skrenuli da bi utvrdili o
emu je re.
Mali, ali oigledno neoteeni svemirski brod sa Meride
kao da je igrao udnovati ples kroz prazninu. Kratko
kompjutersko skeniranje otkrilo im je da je brod u redu,
ali da je pilot lud.
"Polulud, polulud", bio je uporan ovek dok su ga, u
delirijumu, nosili na brod.
Bio je novinar dnevnog lista 'Dnevne beleke'. Dali su
mu sredstvo za umirenje i poslali Marvina da mu pravi
drutvo, sve dok nije obeao da e se urazumiti.
"Prisustvovao sam suenju", rekao je najzad, "na
Agrabutonu."
Podigao se na tanke i izmravele laktove; njegove oi
divlje su se ogledale unaokolo. Bela kosa kao da mu je
mahala nekome koga je poznavala u susednoj sobi.
"Polako, polako", govorio je Ford. Trilijan je umirujue
poloila aku na njegovo rame.
ovek se ponovo spustio na leaj i zagledao se u
tavanicu brodske ambulante.
"Sam sluaj", rekao je, "vie nije bitan, ali postojao je
jedan svedok... svedok... po imenu... po imenu Prak.
Neobian i teak ovek. Konano su bili prisiljeni da
upotrebe drogu da bi ga naveli da govori istinu, serum
istine."
Oi su mu bespomono kolutale u glavi.
"Dali su mu previe", rekao je uz tiho jecanje, "dali su
mu previe." Poeo je da plae. "Sigurno su roboti
pomerili lekarevu ruku dok je ubrizgavao drogu."
"Roboti?" upitao je Zaphod otro. "Kakvi roboti?"
``Some white robots,'' whispered the man hoarsely, "Neki beli roboti", promuklo je proaptao ovek, "upali
``broke into the courtroom and stole the judge's sceptre, su u sudnicu i ukrali sudijino ezlo, agrabutonsko ezlo
the Argabuthon Sceptre of Justice, nasty Perspex thing. I pravde, ogavnu plastinu stvar. Ne znam zato su je
don't know why they wanted it.'' He began to cry again. eleli" - ponovo je poeo da plae - "a i pomerili su
``And I think they jogged the surgeon's arm ...'' lekarevu ruku..."
He shook his head loosely from side to side, helplessly, Bespomono, tuno, vrteo je mlitavom glavom levo-
sadly, his eyes screwed up in pain. desno, oiju koje su bolno kolutale.
``And when the trial continued,'' he said in a weeping "A kada se suenje nastavilo", rekao je plaljivim
whisper, ``they asked Prak a most unfortunate thing. apatom, "zatraili su od Praka najnesreniju stvar.
They asked him,'' he paused and shivered, ``to tell the Zatraili su" - zastao je i uzdrhtao - "da govori istinu,
Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing but the Truth. Only, samo istinu i nita osim istine. Samo to, zar ne
don't you see?'' shvatate?"
He suddenly hoisted himself up on to his elbows again Iznenada se ponovo podigao na laktove i dreknuo na
and shouted at them. njih.
``They'd given him much too much of the drug!'' "Dali su mu previe droge!"
He collapsed again, moaning quietly. ``Much too much Opet se sruio i tiho nastavio da jei. "Previe, previe,
too much too much too ...'' previe, previe..."
The group gathered round his bedside glanced at each Grupa se sakupila oko njegovog kreveta i zagledala se.
other. there were goose pimples on backs. Najeili su se.
``What happened?'' said Zaphod at last. "ta se dogodilo?" upitao je najzad Zaphod.
``Oh, he told it all right,'' said the man savagely, ``for all I "Oh, posluao je i poeo da govori", rekao je ovek
know he's still telling it now. Strange, terrible things ... divlje, "i, koliko ja znam, jo govori. udne, uasne
terrible, terrible!'' he screamed. stvari... uasne, uasne!" vrisnuo je.
They tried to calm him, but he struggled to his elbows Pokuali su da ga smire, ali on se ponovo podigao na
again. laktove.
``Terrible things, incomprehensible things,'' he shouted, "Uasne stvari, neshvatljive stvari", vikao je, "stvari
``things that would drive a man mad!'' dovoljne da ovek sie s uma!"
He stared wildly at them. Divlje ih je gledao.
``Or in my case,'' he said, ``half-mad. I'm a journalist.'' "Ili, u mom sluaju", rekao je, "polulud. Ja sam
novinar."
``You mean,'' said Arthur quietly, ``that you are used to "Hoe da kae", upitao je Artur lagano, "da si navikao
confronting the truth?'' da se suoava sa istinom?"
``No,'' said the man with a puzzled frown. ``I mean that I "Ne", rekao je ovek i zbunjeno se namrtio, "hou da
made an excuse and left early.'' kaem da sam izmislio izgovor i udaljio se pre ostalih."
He collapsed into a coma from which he recovered only Pao je u komu iz koje se povratio samo jednom, i to
once and briefly. nakratko.
On that one occasion, they discovered from him the Tom prilikom, od njega su saznali sledee:
following:
When it became clear that Prak could not be stopped, that Kada je postalo jasno ta se deava i kada je postalo
here was truth in its absolute and final form, the court izvesno da je Praka nemogue zaustaviti, da je u pitanju
was cleared. istina u krajnjem i konanom obliku, sudnica je
ispranjena.
Not only cleared, it was sealed up, with Prak still in it. Ne samo to je ispranjena, zapeaena je, dok je Prak
Steel walls were erected around it, and, just to be on the jo bio u njoj. Oko nje su podignuti elini zidovi i, da
safe side, barbed wire, electric fences, crocodile swamps bi se ipak sasvim obezbedili, postavljeni su uz to
and three major armies were installed, so that no one bodljikava ica, elektrina ograda, movare prepune
would ever have to hear Prak speak. krokodila i tri velike vojske, tako da niko ne bi mogao
da uje Praka.
``That's a pity,'' said Arthur. ``I'd like to hear what he had "teta", rekao je Artur. "Voleo bih da ujem ta ima da
to say. Presumably he would know what the Ultimate kae. On verovatno ne zna ta je Pitanje koje se slae sa
Question to the Ultimate Answer is. It's always bothered Konanim Odgovorom. Uvek me je brinulo to nikako
me that we never found out.'' nisam mogao da ga otkrijem."
``Think of a number,'' said the computer, `` any number.'' "Smisli neki broj", rekao je kompjuter, "bilo koji."
Arthur told the computer the telephone number of King's Artur je rekao kompjuteru telefonski broj odeljenja za
Cross railway station passenger inquiries, on the grounds naene stvari eleznike stanice na Kings Krosu, ubeen
that it must have some function, and this might turn out da mora da poslui bar za neto i da bi ba ovo moglo da
to be it. bude to.
The computer injected the number into the ship's Kompjuter je ubacio broj u popravljeni brodski pogon
reconstituted Improbability Drive. neverovatnoe.
In Relativity, Matter tells Space how to curve, and Space U relativnosti, materija govori prostoru kako da se
tells Matter how to move. zakrivi, a prostor govori materiji kako da se kree.
The Heart of Gold told space to get knotted, and parked 'Zlatno srce' reklo je prostoru da se vee u vor i glatko
itself neatly within the inner steel perimeter of the se parkiralo unutar eline ograde agrabutonske Palate
Argabuthon Chamber of Law. Pravde.
The courtroom was an austere place, a large dark Sudnica je predstavljala vrlo ozbiljno mesto; bila je to
chamber, clearly designed for Justice rather than, for dugaka, tamna odaja, oigledno izgraena radi pravde,
instance, for Pleasure. You wouldn't hold a dinner party a ne, na primer, zarad zadovoljstva. Ne biste mogli da
here --- at least, not a successful one. The decor would odrite u njoj veernju zabavu, ili bar ne Bog zna kako
get your guests down. uspenu. Dekor bi naprosto oborio goste sa nogu.
The ceilings were high, vaulted and very dark. Shadows Tavanica je bila visoka, napravljana u obliku svoda i
lurked there with grim determination. The panelling for vrlo tamna. Senke su tamo vrebale sa mranom
the walls and benches, the cladding of the heavy pillars, usredsreenou. Ploe za zidove i stolove, prekrivke
all were carved from the darkest and most severe trees in masivnih stubova, sve je bilo izrezbareno od najtamnijih
the fearsome Forest of Arglebard. The massive black i najgrubljih stabala strahotne ume Arglbarda. Masivni
Podium of Justice which dominated the centre of the sudski podijum koji je dominirao sreditem odaje bio je
chamber was a monster of gravity. If a sunbeam had ever olienje udovine tmurnosti. Kada bi sunev zrak ikada
managed to slink this far into the Justice complex of uspeo da se uunja ak dotle u kompleks Palate Pravde
Argabuthon it would have turned around and slunk Agrabutona, okrenuo bi se i smesta tiho iunjao odatle.
straight back out again.
Arthur and Trillian were the first in, whilst Ford and Najpre su uli Artur i Trilijan, a Ford i Zaphod hrabro su
Zaphod bravely kept a watch on their rear. im uvali zaleinu.
At first it seemed totally dark and deserted. their Najpre im se sve uinilo tamno i naputeno. Njihovi
footsteps echoed hollowly round the chamber. This koraci uplje su odjekivali po dvorani. To je delovalo
seemed curious. All the defences were still in position neobino. Svi sistemi odbrane bili su jo na svojim
and operative around the outside of the building, they mestima oko zgrade i dejstvovali su, to su proverili.
had run scan checks. Therefore, they had assumed, the Prema tome, zakljuili su, izgovaranje istine mora da se
truth-telling must still be going on. nastavljalo.
But there was nothing. Ali nije bilo niega.
Then, as their eyes became accustomed to the darkness, A potom, kada su im se oi privikle na tamu, primetili
they spotted a dull red glow in a corner, and behind the su mutno, crveno svetlucanje u uglu, a iza svetlucanja
glow a live shadow. They swung a torch round on to it. senku koja se pokretala. Uperili su svetiljke u tom
pravcu.
Prak was lounging on a bench, smoking a listless Prak je sedeo na stolu i zamiljeno puio cigaretu.
cigarette.
``Hi,'' he said, with a little half-wave. His voice echoed "ao", rekao je i mlitavo im mahnuo. Njegov glas
through the chamber. He was a little man with scraggy odjeknulo je preko odaje. Bio je to nizak ovek, vitak i
hair. He sat with his shoulders hunched forward and his koat, ravne kose. Sedeo je nagnut napred, i njihao
head and knees kept jiggling. He took a drag of his nogama i glavom. Povukao je dim iz cigarete.
cigarette.
They stared at him. Zurili su u njega.
``What's going on?'' said Trillian. "ta se deava?" pitala je Trilijan.
``Nothing,'' said the man and jiggled his shoulders. "Nita", odvratio je ovek i blago zaljuljao ramenima.
Arthur shone his torch full on Prak's face. Artur je uperio svetiljku pravo u Prakovo lice.
``We thought,'' he said, ``that you were meant to be "Mislili smo", rekao je, "da ti treba da govori istinu,
telling the Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing but the samo istinu i nita drugo nego istinu."
Truth.''
``Oh, that,'' said Prak. ``Yeah. I was. I finished. There's "A, to", rekao je Prak, "aha. I jesam. Ali zavrio sam.
not nearly as much of it as people imagine. Some of it's Nema je ba toliko koliko ljudi zamiljaju. Ali poneki
pretty funny, though.'' delovi su prilino smeni."
He suddenly exploded in about three seconds of manical Iznenada je prasnuo u oko tri sekunde manijakog
laughter and stopped again. he sat there, jiggling his head smeha, pa se ponovo zaustavio. Onda je nastavio da
and knees. He dragged on his cigarette with a strange sedi, ljuljajui glavu i kolena. Povukao je dim iz cigare
half-smile. uz udnovati poluosmeh.
Ford and Zaphod came forward out of the shadows. Ford i Zaphod izioe iz senki.
``Tell us about it,'' said Ford. "Ispriaj nam o tome", rekao je Ford.
``Oh, I can't remember any of it now,'' said Prak. ``I "Oh, nieg vie ne mogu da se setim", rekao je Prak.
thought of writing some of it down, but first I couldn't "Pomislio sam da zapiem poneto od toga, ali prvo
find a pencil, and then I thought, why bother?'' nisam mogao da naem olovku, a posle sam se zapitao:
emu?"
There was a long silence, during which they thought they Nastala je duga tiina, tokom koje im se uinilo da
could feel the Universe age a little. Prak stared into the pomalo oseaju drevnost Vaseljene. Prak je zurio u
torchlight. svetlost.
``None of it?'' said Arthur at last. ``You can remember "Niega?" upitao je Artur najzad. "Ne sea se niega?"
none of it?''
``No. Except most of the good bits were about frogs, I "Ne. Osim to je bilo mnogo dobrih stvari o abama,
remember that.'' toga se seam."
Suddenly he was hooting with laughter again and Iznenada je ponovo navalio da se grohotom smeje i da
stamping his feet on the ground. tope nogama po podu.
``You would not believe some of the things about frogs,'' "Jednostavno da ne poverujete neke stvari o abama",
he gasped. ``Come on let's go and find ourselves a frog. zadihano je rekao. "Hajde da iziemo i naemo neku
Boy, will I ever see them in a new light!'' He leapt to his abu. ovee, ala u ih od sada gledati u novoj
feet and did a tiny little dance. Then he stopped and took svetlosti!" Poskoio je i poeo da plee udnovatu igru.
a long drag at his cigarette. Onda je zastao i povukao dugaak dim iz cigarete.
``Let's find a frog I can laugh at,'' he said simply. "Hajde da naemo abu da mogu da joj se smejem",
``Anyway, who are you guys?'' rekao je kratko. "Uostalom, ko ste vi, momci?"
``We came to find you,'' said Trillian, deliberately not "Doli smo da naemo tebe", rekla je Trilijan, namerno
keeping the disappointment out of her voice. ``My name doputajui razoaranju da joj se pokae u glasu. "Ja se
is Trillian.'' zovem Trilijan."
Prak jiggled his head. Prak klimnu glavom.
``Ford Prefect,'' said Ford Prefect with a shrug. "Ford Prefekt", rekao je Ford Prefekt i slegao ramenima.
Prak jiggled his head. Prak je klimnuo.
``And I,'' said Zaphod, when he judged that the silence "A ja", rekao je Zaphod, koji je zakljuio da je tiina
was once again deep enough to allow an announcement postala ponovo dovoljno duboka da mu dozvoli da olako
of such gravity to be tossed in lightly, ``am Zaphod da izjavu takve teine, "ja sam Zaphod Biblbroks."
Beeblebrox.''
Prak jiggled his head. Prak je klimnuo.
``Who's this guy?'' said Prak jiggling his shoulder at "Ko je ovaj tip?" upitao je Prak i pokazao ramenom na
Arthur, who was standing silent for a moment, lost in Artura, koji je na trenutak stajao utke, zagubljen u
disappointed thoughts.
``Me?'' said Arthur. ``Oh, my name's Arthur Dent.''
Prak's eyes popped out of his head.
``No kidding?'' he yelped. ``You are Arthur Dent? The
Arthur Dent?''
He staggered backwards, clutching his stomach and
convulsed with fresh paroxysms o laughter.
``Hey, just think of meeting you!'' he gasped. ``Boy,'' he
shouted, ``you are the most ... wow, you just leave the
frogs standing!''
he howled and screamed with laughter. He fell over
backwards on to the bench. He hollered and yelled in
hysterics. He cried with laughter, he kicked his legs in
the air, he beat his chest. Gradually he subsided, panting.
He looked at them. He looked at Arthur. He fell back
again howling with laughter. Eventually he fell asleep.
Arthur stood there with his lips twitching whilst the
others carried Prak comatose on to the ship.
``Before we picked up Prak,'' said Arthur, ``I was going
to leave. I still want to, and I think I should do so as soon
as possible.''
The others nodded in silence, a silence which was only
slightly undermined by the heavily muffled and distant
sound of hysterical laughter which came drifting from
Prak's cabin at the farthest end of the ship.
``We have questioned him,'' continued Arthur, ``or at
least, you have questioned him --- I, as you know, can't
go near him --- on everything, and he doesn't really seem
to have anything to contribute. Just the occasional
snippet, and things I don't want to hear about frogs.''
The others tried not to smirk.
``Now, I am the first to appreciate a joke,'' said Arthur
and then had to wait for the others to stop laughing.
``I am the first ...'' he stopped again. This time he stopped
and listened to the silence. There actually was silence this
time, and it had come very suddenly.
Prak was quiet. For days they had lived with constant
manical laughter ringing round the ship, only
occasionally relieved by short periods of light giggling
and sleep. Arthur's very soul was clenched with paranoia.
This was not the silence of sleep. A buzzer sounded. A
glance at a board told them that the buzzer had been
sounded by Prak.
``He's not well,'' said Trillian quietly. ``The constant
laughing is completely wrecking his body.''
Arthur's lips twitched but he said nothing.
``We'd better go and see him,'' said Trillian.
Trillian came out of the cabin wearing her serious face.
sopstvene, razoarane misli.
"Ja?" upitao je Artur. "Oh, moje ime je Artur Dent."
Prakove oi se iskolaie.
"Bez ale?" kliknuo je. "Ti si Artur Dent? Onaj Artur
Dent?"
Zavalio se, uhvatio za stomak i zgrio od novog napada
smeha.
"Hej, zamisli samo, da tebe sretnem!" zadahtao je.
"ovee", povikao je, "pa ti si onaj... auf, abe nisu nita
u odnosu na tebe!"
Urlao je i vritao od smeha. Preturio se na lea preko
stola. Histerino je dahtao i vikao. Plakao je od smeha,
podigao je noge u vazduh, udarao se po grudima.
Najzad, postepeno je prestao, zadihan. Pogledao ih je.
Pogledao je Artura. Ponovo se preturio, urlajui od
smeha. Na kraju je zaspao.
Artur je stajao sa usnama koje su podrhtavale, dok su
ostali nosili nesvesnog Praka na brod.
"Pre nego to smo pokupili Praka", rekao je Artur,
"nameravao sam da odem. Jo to elim i mislim da bi
trebalo da to uinim to je pre mogue."
Ostali su klimnuli u tiini - tiini koju je samo blago
remetio nejasni i udaljeni zvuk histerinog smeha to je
dopirao iz Prakove kabine na najdaljem kraju broda.
"Postavljali smo mu pitanja", produio je Artur, "to jest,
vi ste mu postavljali pitanja - kao to znate, ja ne mogu
da mu se pribliim - o svemu, i on stvarno izgleda da ne
moe nita da doprinese. Samo komadii informacija, tu
i tamo, i stvari o abama koje me uopte ne zanimaju."
Ostali pokuae da se ne klibere.
"Pazite, ja sam prvi koji e ceniti dobar vic", rekao je
Artur, a potom je bio prisiljen da eka da ostali prestanu
da se smeju.
"Ja sam prvi..." ponovo je zastao. Ovoga puta zastao je i
oslukivao tiinu. Sada je to zaista bila tiina i nastala je
veoma naglo.
Prak je utao. Danima su iveli uz neprekidni manijaki
smeh koji se orio brodom, samo tu i tamo prekinut
kratkim razdobljima blaeg kikotanja i sna. Arturovu
samu duu vrsto je stegla paranoja.
To nije bila tiina sna. Oglasi se zujalica. Pogled prema
komandnoj tabli otkrio im je da ju je ukljuio Prak.
"Nije mu dobro", rekla je tiho Trilijan. "Neprekidno
smejanje unitava mu telo."
Arturove usne su zadrhtale, ali on nije rekao nita.
"Bolje da idemo da ga vidimo."
Trilijan je izila iz kabine sa ozbiljnim izrazom na licu.
``He wants you to go in,'' she said to Arthur, who was
wearing his glum and tight-lipped one. He thrust his
hands deep into his dressing-gown pockets and tried to
think of something to say which wouldn't sound petty. It
seemed terribly unfair, but he couldn't.
``Please,'' said Trillian.
He shrugged and went in, taking his glum and tight-
lipped face with him, despite the reaction this always
provoked from Prak.
He looked down at his tormentor, who was lying quietly
on the bed, ashen and wasted. His breathing was very
shallow. Ford and Zaphod were standing by the bed
looking awkward.
``You wanted to ask me something,'' said Prak in a thin
voice and coughed slightly.
Just the cough made Arthur stiffen, but it passed and
subsided.
``How do you know that?'' he asked.
Prak shrugged weakly. ``'Cos it's true,`` he said simply.
Arthur took the point.
``Yes,'' he said at last in rather a strained drawl. ``I did
have a question. Or rather, what I actually have is an
Answer. I wanted to know what the Question was.''
Prak nodded sympathetically, and Arthur relaxed a little.
``It's ... well, it's a long story,'' he said, ``but the Question
I would like to know is the Ultimate Question of Life, the
Universe and Everything. All we know is that the Answer
is Forty-Two, which is a little aggravating.''
Prak nodded again.
``Forty-Two,'' he said. ``Yes, that's right.''
He paused. Shadows of thought and memory crossed his
face like the shadows of clouds crossing the land.
``I'm afraid,'' he said at last, ``that the Question and the
Answer are mutually exclusive. Knowledge of one
logically precludes knowledge of the other. It is
impossible that both can ever be known about the same
universe.''
He paused again. Disappointment crept into Arthur's face
and snuggled down into its accustomed place.
``Except,'' said Prak, struggling to sort a thought out, ``if
it happened, it seems that the Question and the Answer
would just cancel each other out and take the Universe
with them, which would then be replaced by something
even more bizarrely inexplicable. It is possible that this
has already happened,'' he added with a weak smile, ``but
there is a certain amount of Uncertainty about it.''
A little giggle brushed through him.
Arthur sat down on a stool.
"eli da ti ide do njega", rekla je Arturu, ije je lice bilo
smrknuto i stisnutih usana. Gurnuo je ruke duboko u
depove kunog mantila i pokuao da smisli neto to
nee zvuati trivijalno. To je bilo uasno nepoteno, ali
nije mogao.
"Molim te", rekla je Trilijan.
Slegnuo je ramenima i uao sa smrknutim licem,
stegnutih usana, bez obzira na reakciju koju je ovo uvek
izazivalo kod Praka.
Spustio je pogled na svog muioca, koji je tiho leao na
krevetu, bled i iscrpljen. Disao je veoma plitko. Ford i
Zaphod nelagodno su stajali pored kreveta.
"eleo si da me pita neto", kazao je Prak tanunim
glasom i nemono se nakaljao.
Sam zvuk kalja naterao je Artura da se ukoi, ali to je
prolo i nestalo.
"Otkud zna?" pitao je.
"Zato to je istina", odvratio je jednostavno.
Artur je shvatio.
"Da", rekao je najzad priguenim glasom, "zaista imam
pitanje. Ili, tanije, ja, zapravo, imam odgovor. eleo
sam da znam kako glasi pitanje."
Prak je saoseajno klimnuo i Artur se malo opustio.
"To je... Pa, duga je to pria", rekao je, "ali pitanje koje
bih voleo da znam jeste Konano Pitanje ivota,
Vaseljene i Svega Ostalog. Sve to znamo o tome jeste
da odgovor glasi etrdeset dva, to nervira vie od svega
ostalog."
Prak je ponovo klimnuo.
"etrdeset dva", rekao je, "da, tako je."
Zastao je. Senke misli i seanja prelazile su njegovim
licem poput senki oblaka koji prelaze preko zemlje.
"Bojim se", konano je rekao, "da Pitanje i Odgovor
iskljuuju jedno drugo. Poznavanje jednog logiki ne
dozvoljava poznavanje drugog. Nemogue je saznati i
jedno i drugo o istoj Vaseljeni."
Ponovo je zastao. Razoaranje se pelo u Arturovo lice i
konano se zavalilo u svoj uobiajeni poloaj.
"Osim to", rekao je Prak i upinjao se da sredi misli,
"ako bi se to dogodilo, ini se da bi Pitanje i Odgovor
ponitili jedno drugo i poneli Vaseljenu sa sobom, a ona
bi tada bila zamenjena neim jo bizarnijim i
neobjanjivijim. Moda se to ve i dogodilo", dodao je
uz slabi osmeh, "ali u vezi sa tim postoji odreeni stepen
neodreenosti."
Blago se zakikotao.
Artur je seo na stolicu.
``Oh well,'' he said with resignation, ``I was just hoping
there would be some sort of reason.''
``Do you know,'' said Prak, ``the story of the Reason?''
Arthur said that he didn't, and Prak said that he knew that
he didn't.
He told it.
One night, he said, a spaceship appeared in the sky of a
planet which had never seen one before. The planet was
Dalforsas, the ship was this one. It appeared as a brilliant
new star moving silently across the heavens.
Primitive tribesmen who were sitting huddled on the
Cold Hillsides looked up from their steaming night-
drinks and pointed with trembling fingers, swearing that
they had seen a sign, a sign from their gods which meant
that they must now arise at last and go and slay the evil
Princes of the Plains.
In the high turrets of their palaces, the Princes of the
Plains looked up and saw the shining star, and received it
unmistakably as a sign from their gods that they must
now go and set about the accursed Tribesmen of the Cold
Hillsides.
And between them, the Dwellers in the Forest looked up
into the sky and saw the sigh of the new star, and saw it
with fear and apprehension, for though they had never
seen anything like it before, they too knew precisely
what it foreshadowed, and they bowed their heads in
despair.
They knew that when the rains came, it was a sign.
When the rains departed, it was a sign.
When the winds rose, it was a sign.
When the winds fell, it was a sign.
When in the land there was born at midnight of a full
moon a goat with three heads, that was a sign.
When in the land there was born at some time in the
afternoon a perfectly normal cat or pig with no birth
complications at all, or even just a child with a retrousse
nose, that too would often be taken as a sign.
So there was no doubt at all that a new star in the sky
was a sign of a particularly spectacular order.
And each new sign signified the same thing --- that the
Princes of the Plains and the Tribesmen of the Cold
Hillsides were about to beat the hell out of each other
again.
This in itself wouldn't be so bad, except that the Princes
of the Plains and the Tribesmen of the Cold Hillsides
always elected to beat the hell out of each other in the
Forest, and it was always the Dwellers in the Forest who
came off worst in these exchanges, though as far as they
could see it never had anything to do with them.
"Ah, dobro", rekao je razoarano, "samo sam se nadao
da postoji neki razlog svemu tome."
"Zna li", upitao je Prak, "priu o razlogu?"
Artur je rekao da ne zna, a Prak je rekao da je znao da
ne zna.
Ispriao mu je.
Jedne noi, na nebu planete koja nikada nije videla
svemirski brod, pojavio se jedan. Planeta je bila
Dalforsas, a brod je bio ovaj. Izgledao je kao blistava
nova zvezda koja se tiho kretala nebom.
Zaostali nomadi koji su sedeli okupljeni na Hladnim
Padinama podigli su poglede sa svojih nonih napitaka
koji su se puili i uperili drhtave prste, kunui se da su
videli znak, znak svojih Bogova, koji je znaio da se
najzad moraju podii i unititi zle Kneeve Zaravni.
U visokim kulama svojih palata, Kneevi Zaravni
podigli su poglede i spazili blistavu zvezdu, to su
nepogreivo primili kao znak svojih Bogova da moraju
da pou i napadnu proklete Nomade Hladnih Padina.
A izmeu njih, itelji ume podigli su pogled prema
nebu i videli znak nove zvezde, videli su ga sa strahom i
uznemirenou, jer iako nikada ranije nisu videli nita
poput toga, i oni su tano znali ta predskazuje i pognuli
su glave u oajanju.
Kada su dolazile kie, znali su da je to znak.
Kada su kie prestajale, bio je to znak.
Kada su se vetrovi podizali, bio je to znak.
Kada su se vetrovi smirivali, bio je to znak.
Kada je u njihovoj zemlji u pono punog meseca roen
jarac sa tri glave, bio je to znak.
Kada bi se u odreeno doba popodneva omacila
savreno normalna maka ili oprasilo prase bez ikakvih
potekoa, ili kada bi se rodila beba prastog nosa, esto
se i to uzimalo kao znak neega.
Zato nije bilo sumnje da je nova zvezda na nebu
predstavljala znak naroito spektakularne vanosti.
A svaki novi znak ukazivao je na istu stvar - na to da e
Kneevi Zaravni i Nomadi Hladnih Padina ponovo da
ubijaju boga jedni u drugima.
To samo po sebi ne bi bilo toliko loe, ali Kneevi
Zaravni i Nomadi Hladnih Padina uvek su birali da
ubijaju boga jedni u drugima usred ume, a itelji uma
uvek su iz svega toga izvlaili najdeblji kraj, iako,
koliko su oni videli, sve to nije imalo ba nikakve veze
sa njima.
And sometimes, after some of the worst of these
outrages, the Dwellers in the Forest would send a
messenger to either the leader of the Princes of the Plains
or the leader of the Tribesmen of the Cold Hillsides and
demand to know the reason for this intolerable behaviour.
And the leader, whichever one it was, would take the
messenger aside and explain the Reason to him, slowly
and carefully and with great attention to the considerable
detail involved.
And the terrible thing was, it was a very good one. It was
very clear, very rational, and tough. The messenger
would hang his head and feel sad and foolish that he had
not realized what a tough and complex place the real
world was, and what difficulties and paradoxes had to be
embraced if one was to live in it.
``Now do you understand?'' the leader would say.
The messenger would nod dumbly.
``And you see these battles have to take place?''
Another dumb nod.
``And why they have to take place in the forest, and why
it is in everybody's best interest, the Forest Dwellers
included, that they should?''
``Er ...''
``In the long run.''
``Er, yes.''
And the messenger did understand the Reason, and he
returned to his people in the Forest. But as he approached
them, as he walked through the Forest and amongst the
trees, he found that all he could remember of the Reason
was how terribly clear the argument had seemed. What it
actually was he couldn't remember at all.
And this, of course, was a great comfort when next the
Tribesmen and the Princes came hacking and burning
their way through the Forest, killing every Forest
Dweller in their way.
Prak paused in his story and coughed pathetically.
``I was the messenger,'' he said, ``after the battles
precipitated by the appearance of your ship, which were
particularly savage. Many of our people died. I thought I
could bring the Reason back. I went and was told it by
the leader of the Princes, but on the way back it slipped
and melted away in my mind like snow in the sun. That
was many years ago, and much has happened since then.''
He looked up at Arthur and giggled again very gently.
``There is one other thing I can remember from the truth
drug. Apart from the frogs, and that is God's last message
to his creation. Would you like to hear it?''
For a moment they didn't know whether to take him
seriously.
A ponekad, posle najgorih napada, itelji ume poslali
bi glasnika voi Kneeva Zaravni ili voi Nomada
Hladnih Padina i zahtevali da saznaju razlog za to
nepodnoljivo ponaanje.
A voa, koji god to bio, odveo bi glasnika na stranu i
objasnio mu razlog, lagano i paljivo, sa najveim
voenjem rauna o svim pojedinostima.
to je bilo najgore, razlog je uvek bio veoma dobar. Bio
je vrlo jasan, vrlo razuman i vrst. Glasnik bi oborio
glavu i osetio se tuno i budalasto to nije shvatio kako
je teko i sloeno mesto stvarni svet i sa kakvim se
tekoama i protivurenostima ovek mora suoiti
ukoliko eli da ivi u njemu.
"Shvata li sada?" kazao bi voa.
Glasnik bi potiteno klimnuo.
"I vidi da do tih bitaka mora doi?"
Novo potiteno klimanje.
"I zbog ega se moraju odigravati u umi i zbog ega je
u svaijem interesu, ukljuujui tu i itelje uma, da
tako bude?"
"Ovaj..."
"Gledano dugorono."
"Ovaj, da."
Glasnik je, dakle, shvatio razlog i vratio se svom narodu
u umi. Ali dok im se pribliavao, dok je koraao kroz
umu, izmeu drvea, otkrio je da se od itavog razloga
jedino sea kako su sve njegove pojedinosti izgledale
strano jasno. Kako je razlog stvarno glasio, uopte se
nije seao.
To je, razume se, predstavljalo veliku utehu kada su
sledei put stigli Nomadi i Kneevi u umu, palei i
unitavajui, ubijajui svakog itelja ume koji bi im se
zatekao na putu.
Prak je zastao u svojoj prii i patetino se zakaljao.
"Ja sam bio glasnik", rekao je, "posle bitaka koje je
izazvalo prisustvo vaeg broda i koje su bile naroito
divljake. Mnogi nai ljudi su umrli. Mislio sam da
mogu da im prenesem razlog. Otiao sam i voa
Kneeva mi ga je ispriao, ali on je uz put nestao i
istopio se u mom umu poput snega na suncu. Bilo je to
pre mnogo godina, a od tada se mnogo toga dogodilo."
Pogledao je Artura i ponovo se vrlo blago zakikotao.
"Postoji jo jedna stvar koje se seam posle droge istine,
izuzev aba, a to je poslednja Boja poruka svemu
onome to je stvorio. Hoe li da je uje?"
Za trenutak nisu znali da li da ga shvate ozbiljno.
``'Strue,`` he said. ''For real. I mean it.``
His chest heaved weakly and he struggled for breath. His
head lolled slightly.
``I wasn't very impressed with it when I first knew what
it was,'' he said, ``but now I think back to how impressed
I was by the Prince's Reason, and how soon afterwards I
couldn't recall it at all, I think it might be a lot more
helpful. Would you like to know what it is? Would you?''
They nodded dumbly.
``I bet you would. If you're that interested I suggest you
go and look for it. It is written in thirty-foot-high letters
of fire on top of the Quentulus Quazgar Mountains in the
land of Sevorbeupstry on the planet Preliumtarn, third
out from the sun Zarss in Galactic Sector QQ7 Active J
Gamma. It is guarded by the Lajestic Vantrashell of Lob.''
There was a long silence following this announcement,
which was finally broken by Arthur.
``Sorry, it's where?'' he said.
``It is written,'' repeated Prak, ``in thirty-foot-high letters
of fire on top of the Quentulus Quazgar Mountains in the
land of Sevorbeupstry on the planet Preliumtarn, third
out from the ...''
``Sorry,'' said Arthur again, ``which mountains?''
``The Quentulus Quazgar Mountains in the land of
Sevorbeupstry on the planet ...''
``Which land was that? I didn't quite catch it.''
``Sevorbeupstry, on the planet ...''
``Sevorbe-what?''
``Oh, for heaven's sake,'' said Prak and died testily.
In the following days Arthur thought a little about this
message, but in the end he decided that he was not going
to allow himself to be drawn by it, and insisted on
following his original plan of finding a nice little world
somewhere to settle down and lead a quiet retired life.
Having saved the Universe twice in one day he thought
that he could take things a little easier from now on.
They dropped him off on the planet Krikkit, which was
now once again an idyllic pastoral world, even if the
songs did occasionally get on his nerves.
He spent a lot of time flying.
He learnt to communicate with birds and discovered that
their conversation was fantastically boring. It was all to
do with wind speed, wing spans, power-to-weight ratios
and a fair bit about berries. Unfortunately, he discovered,
once you have learnt birdspeak you quickly come to
realize that the air is full of it the whole time, just inane
"Istina je", rekao je. "Stvarno. asna re."
Grudi mu slabano uzdahnue, borio se za dah. Glava
mu se lagano njihala.
"Nije ostavila na mene naroit utisak kada sam je prvi
put uo", rekao je, "ali kad sad pomislim kako je
Kneev razlog ostavio veliki utisak na mene i kako ga se
ubrzo vie uopte nisam mogao prisetiti, pomiljam
kako je moda ona mnogo korisnija. Hoete li da ujete
kako je glasila? Hoete li?"
Nemo su klimnuli.
"Bio sam ubeen da hoete. Ukoliko vas zanima,
predlaem vam da poete i da je sami naete. Napisana
je trideset stopa visokim, vatrenim slovima na vrhu
planine Kventalus Kvazgar u zemlji Servobupstra na
planeti Preliumtarn, treem svetu sunca Zars u
galaktikom sektoru QQ7 Aktiv J Gama. uva je
lajestini Vantrael od Loba.
Duga tiina usledila je posle ove izjave, a onda ju je
konano prekinuo Artur.
"Izvini, gde?" upitao je.
"Napisana je", ponovio je Prak, "trideset stopa visokim
vatrenim slovima na vrhu planine Kventulus Kvazgar u
zemlji Servobupstra na planeti Preliumtarn..."
"Izvini", rekao je Artur ponovo, "na kojoj planini?"
"Planini Kventulus Kvazgar u zemlji Servobupstra na
planeti..."
"Kojoj zemlji? Nisam dobro razumeo."
"Servobupstra, na planeti..."
"Servob... kako?"
"Oh, za ime Boje", rekao je Prak i razdraeno
preminuo.
Sledeih dana Artur je malo razmiljao o toj poruci, ali
na kraju je odluio da ne dozvoli da bude uvuen u sve
to i zahtevao je da sledi svoj prvobitni plan i da pronae
negde prijatan, maleni svet na koji bi mogao da se
povue i vodi miran, povuen ivot. Poto je spasao
Vaseljenu dva puta u istom danu, pomislio je da od sada
moe da prilazi stvarima malo oputenije.
Odbacili su ga na planetu Krikit, koja je sada ponovo
postala prijatan, idilian, pastoralan svet, iako mu je
pevanje ponekad ilo na nerve.
Provodio je mnogo vremena u letenju.
Nauio je da razgovara sa pticama i otkrio je da je
njihovo meusobno obraanje nezamislivo dosadno.
Neprekidno se brbljalo o brzinama vetra, rasponima
krila, odnosima teine i sile uzgona, a dobar deo
odnosio se i na bobice. Na nesreu, otkrio je da, kada
jednom nauite ptiji jezik, ubrzo shvatate da ga je
bird chatter. There is no getting away from it.
For that reason Arthur eventually gave up the sport and
learnt to live on the ground and love it, despite a lot of
the inane chatter he heard down there as well.
One day, he was walking through the fields humming a
ravishing tune he'd heard recently when a silver
spaceship descended from the sky and landed in front of
him.
A hatchway opened, a ramp extended, and a tall grey-
green alien marched out and approached him.
``Arthur Phili ...'' it said, then glanced sharply at him and
down at his clipboard. He frowned. He looked up at him
again.
``I've done you before haven't I?'' he said.
vazduh sve vreme prepun, tog luckastog ptijeg
eretanja. Od njega se ne moe pobei.
Iz tog razloga Artur se konano ostavio sporta i nauio
da ivi na zemlji i da je voli, i pored luckastog eretanja
koje se i odatle ulo isto tako dobro.
Jednog dana etao je poljem i pevuio veselu pesmicu
koju je nedavno uo, kada je jedan srebrni svemirski
brod skliznuo sa neba i spustio se pred njim.
Izlaz se otvorio, iz njega su se izvukle stepenice, a niz
njih je siao visoki, sivozeleni tuinac i pribliio mu se.
"Arture Fili..." rekao je, a onda ga je otro pogledao, pa
je spustio pogled u svoju belenicu. Namrtio se.
Ponovo ga je pogledao.
"S tobom sam ve zavrio, zar ne?" upitao je.