Essay 2: Conversion in the Spiritual Exercises

DD8981J Spiritual Exercises Theory

Andrew McDonald 201720171

Conversion as a Process
Conversion is not a single event in a persons life. Although a recognisable event, such as Saint
Pauls Damascus road experience or Ignatius recuperation at Loyola may signify a beginning,
the Christian life, as represented in the Spiritual Exercises, is a continual process of being
transformed in response to Gods love. John Veltri helpfully illustrated the dynamic process of
conversion by drawing our attention to various stages in the Gospel accounts of the apostle
Peters life, asking the question, at which of these points was Peter converted? Over the course
of Peters discipleship to Christ there was a clear process of deepening conversion that took
place.1

Ignatius was clearly aware of this dynamic of conversion in his own life and he clearly
envisioned that retreatants would undergo a deepening conversion and growth in commitment to
Christ over the weeks of the Spiritual Exercises. In the first annotation Ignatius described a
conversion process characterised by freedom from disordered affections and that actively seeks
the divine will in regard to...ones life [1]. Throughout the Exercises a profound journey of
conversion takes place in stages or even cycles.

The beginning of this journey is characterised by five exercises during the First Week when I, the
retreatant, recognise a great contrast between my own character and the just and merciful
character of God [59]. As the conversion process deepens through the Second and Third Weeks it
is characterised by a growing intimacy with Jesus. The journey climaxes with the free offering of
ones self in response to Gods love through the Contemplation to Attain Love that concludes
the Fourth week of the Exercises [230-237].

Intellectual and Affective Conversion

Hans van Leeuwens observation that the ...aim of the First week is the conversion of heart can
1 John Veltri, Conversion Cycle In Prayer And Group Processes, accessed 28 March 2017,
http://orientations.jesuits.ca/Chapter32.htm.
be applied to the Exercises as a whole.2

Ignatius own conversion took place through his growing desire to love and serve Christ as Saint
Francis or Dominic had done. The essential dynamic of this conversion involved Ignatius
becoming attuned, not only to the intellectual content of his reading, but to his affective (or
heartfelt) response to the alternatives of serving either a certain lady or serving Christ.3 Ignatius
recognised that his felt responses of desolation and consolation, the first characterised by
dryness and dissatisfaction, the latter characterised by joy and satisfaction, were pivotal in his
conversion and became integral to his discernment of spirits.4

The process of conversion anticipated by the Exercises therefore involves conversion on three
distinct levels; intellectual, affective, and the will. The Ignatian method of praying draws upon
our powers of memory, understanding and will with the goal of converting them. Michael Ivens
observed that, A large part of the process of conversion consists in the powers being taken up
into, and transformed by the Christ-life.5

To put it another way, conversion is an on-going process initiated by God but requiring us to
engage with our head, our heart and our choices.

Mercy and Grace

Michael Ivens writes that the essential grace of the First Week is that of a conversion arising out
of the literally heart-breaking experience of being loved and forgiven.6

This conversion is facilitated through a series of three exercises (plus the two repetitions)
intended to help me recognise my own sinful disorder. The second of these exercises in particular
struck a very personal note as I made an inventory of sin in my own life. The exercise reminded
me that sin and grace are not simply intellectual, theological or moral terms for me to rationalise,

2 Hans van Leeuwen, Sin and the First Week in Our Actual Faith, Review of Ignatian Spirituality, no.
107 (2004): 11.
3 George E. Gans, Ignatius of Loyola: Selected Exercises and Selected Works, The Classics of Western
Spirituality (New Jersey: Paulist Press, 1991), 70.
4 Ibid., 71.
5 Michael Ivens, Understanding The Spiritual Exercises (Herefordshire: Gracewing, 1998), 46.
6 Ibid., 44.
but affect my relationship with God and others. Leeuwen reminds us that, Sin does not have a
juridical meaning in the first place, but it is refusal to be with God.7

There was a temptation during this second exercise to become fixated on my sin in a self-
absorbed manner rather than moving from there to a profound sense of gratitude towards the God
who continues to look on me with goodness and mercy. It is the recognition and felt knowing of
Gods love and mercy for me that finally enables me to desire God and make a choice for Christ
[60-61]. Hitter describes the purpose of the First Weeks exercises as preparing the retreatant on
the heart level to ask and to respond to the radical question [...]'what have I done for Christ,
what am I doing for Christ, what ought I to do for Christ?'8

Conversion and Choice

Conversion involves recognising myself as a loved sinner, but Ignatius anticipates a deeper
conversion that results in my own intentional and repeated choice to be with and serve Christ.
Paradoxically this choice is a grace I must ask God for and a decision I must make. Desire and
choice are intrinsically connected in the conversion process facilitated by the Exercises. It is a
choice revisited throughout the Second and Fourth weeks [95-98, 136-147, 234]. The Gospel
meditations of the Second week are notable for their absence of commentary by Ignatius and yet
in practice they are richly shaped by choices posed by the The Two Standards and The Call of
the King meditations in which Ignatius characterises the choice for Christ as desirable. The
Gospel meditation based on the call of the disciples [161] was in my experience an incredible
opportunity to acknowledge the tension between my feelings of desire and resistance to following
Christ in my own life. The scene in which Jesus calls Peter to leave his nets was for me a
profound moment in which I was confronted by a fear of losing other sources comfort, approval
and control in my life.9 While the contemplated scene was imaginary, my sources of self-identity
and happiness were not and there was genuine grace at work that allowed me to experience such
a letting go as something to be desired.

7 Leeuwen, Sin and the First Week in Our Actual Faith, 12.
8 Hitter, 28.
9 Personal Journal, Day 15, 16.
Ultimately conversion in the Exercises is a process that moves the retreatant along a path (albeit
an circuitous one!) from an intellectual to an affective realisation of Gods gifts and goodness
towards us, and thereby becoming free from a sinful fixation on self in order to make a choice to
love and serve Christ [234].
Bibliography

Fleming, David L. Draw Me Into Your Friendship/The Spiritual Exercises: A Literal Translation
And A Contemporary Reading. Saint Louis: The Institute of Jesuit Sources, 1996.

Fleming, David L. What Is Ignatian Spirituality? Kindle Edition. Chicago: Loyola Press, 2008.

Gans, George E. Ignatius of Loyola: Selected Exercises and Selected Works. The Classics of
Western Spirituality. New Jersey: Paulist Press, 1991.

Hitter, Michael. The First Week and the Love of God. Way Supplement, no. 34 (1978): 2634.

Ivens, Michael. Understanding The Spiritual Exercises. Herefordshire: Gracewing, 1998.

Leeuwen, Hans van. Sin and the First Week in Our Actual Faith. Review of Ignatian
Spirituality, no. 107 (2004): 113.

Veltri, John. Conversion Cycle In Prayer And Group Processes. Accessed 28 March 2017.
http://orientations.jesuits.ca/Chapter32.htm.