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THOUGHT | CONVERSATION | ACTION

The Weight of Life

THE PERSO NAL T HO UGH TS O F TIMOTHY VA LENTINE

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 You Can’t Handle The Whole Weight
Written By: Timothy Valentine
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The heaviest thing to carry through life is a
grudge.
Some carry them because they are unwilling to
forgive. Forgive not only the person(s) who
betrayed you, but yourself. We rather seek the
comfort of anger, hate and resentment, instead
of love, acceptance and peace of mind.
Some choose to carry a grudge for the
appearance of strength. We see this in politics
often. You did this to me, so I’m going to do
this to you, because I’m bigger, stronger and
more stubborn than you.
During our lives we all encounter people and
conditions that betrayed us in some way. It may
be deliberate or not. It may surface from a
misunderstanding or a lack of communications.
It is you who decides to take the path you will
take.
So many people burden themselves with
carrying the heavy load of a grudge.
If you think about what happens to the
individual who carries a grudge it can be scary.
They begin to do irrational things. They become
sort of a pathological case. They begin to lose
the center of objectivity when you hold a
grudge. Reality is distorted, the true becomes
false and the false becomes true.
When you hold grudges it ultimately destroys
you as much as it does your spirit towards the
one you are begrudged to.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with getting
mad or upset with someone or something.
What’s important is why you’re upset and what
you do afterward.
When you see something happening that is
wrong, what will you do about it?
Do you sit quietly and say or do nothing?
Do you stand up for truth regardless of whom it
is?
We all know people who hold grudges. The
question you need to ask yourself is what if
tomorrow never comes?
Why do you hold a grudge or malice towards
someone in your heart?
What you hold in your heart today may be the
deciding factor that leads you to where you will
be tomorrow.
Live, speak, and uphold the truth in all that you
do and you will find that life becomes much
easier to live. When you live in truth you have
nothing to hide or run from.
 Aim High
Written By: Timothy Valentine
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You normally learn who your real friends are in
times of controversy, crisis or personal
accomplishment. These are the people who will
have your back and will be happy for you. This
is also the same time you learn the true agenda
of your critics.
If you want to learn who is really your friend
and who isn’t simply dream big and tell
someone what you are doing.
Observe the relationship or interaction.
Everyone can not see their future because they
are too busy looking back at their pass. When
you believe in yourself, have the faith to speak
openly about what you are trying to accomplish
and have the courage or how I like to say, the
testicular fortitude to set out to make reality of
what is just a dream, you will encounter
opposition.
When you become comfortable with your
station in life it is difficult to hear someone who
is singing a different tune. Often they are afraid
to go any further than where they are today out
of fear of what they may lose instead of focused
on what they may gain. So your dreams,
aspirations and ambitions are seen as challenges
to them and their way of life. This makes them
uncomfortable.
I say to keep dreaming, keep seeking, and keep
moving forward even when no one wants to
move. Make the path not only for yourself, but
for others.
Some will just look at you like you’re crazy.
Those who you thought were your friends will
demonstrate their interpretation of the
friendship by the measure of their support.
Few may laugh, mock or regard you as just a
utopian dreamer and seek to bind you by their
definition of existence. Others will support your
efforts and even fewer with help, but when
you’re comfortable with yourself you find all
the support you need.
One thing that I’m learning to do with more
confidence is looking a person in the face. (I am
not suggesting that I avoid literally look a
person in the face. I’m speaking about
addressing who they are.)
Just like many others, I was uncomfortable
addressing the faces of fear, hopelessness,
doubt, insecurity, hate or success, because I was
afraid of what I might see. We do this because
we are afraid of the image of what I am or who I
could be. So we avoided it. We flee towards the
comforts of where we are, what was and what I
am to avoid what we could or should be.
I revert to something my father said to me
awhile back that made sense when I listened to
its meaning. This is where I will end this
thought. I'm not sure who may get it, but this is
a point of inspiration for me. So in what I've
written I hope in sharing it may be the same for
you.
"When you have a vision, keep in mind that not
everyone will be able to see it. Don't give up.
Never lose sight of your dream."
- Bishop Andrew Valentine
Be the first to believe in yourself. Be willing to
stand alone for what you know to be true. No
one can see your vision without you leading the
way. I know of a few people who set out on an
improbably journey. They endured some bumps
and collected some bruises along the way, but in
time, with patience and hard work, others began
to see the same vision.
So when you have a vision, keep in mind that
not everyone will be able to see it. Some are
blind to progress, but even the blind can
recognize greatness.
You may not be where you want to be today, but
you will never get there if you do not Aim High
and Don't Look Back.
 Losing My Religion
Written By: Timothy Valentine
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Why does what I believe matter to you?
Isn't the relationship a far more important thing
to concern myself with than to waste my time
arguing with anyone whether there is a God or
isn't a God, whether Jesus is the savior of us all
or a prophet?
It's OK for you or me to curse, but I'm damned
if I say in Jesus' name.
Why should that change the way you treat me or
I treat you?
If I am to be true to what I believe, then I can
love you for who you are above what you are. If
you are to be true to what you believe, then why
spend eternity debating what I or you should do
with our free-will?
Believe what you choose to believe. My faith is
strong enough to love you even if you can't love
me the same. You can believe that what I believe
is crazy. That's fine, that's what you believe. I
will only be judged by what I believe and
practice. I am not here to judge you.
Relationships are built upon mutual respect of,
for and towards each other. No two people agree
absolutely on any one thing.
So I have no problems being friends with
someone who is not a Christian, because as a
Christian I must strive to be like Christ. Which
includes the practice of love for one another. A
value I'm sure you have practiced yourself. You
may more in common with what I believe than
we give each other credit for.
I openly acknowledge the role people who calls
themselves Christians has played in the erosion
of morality within the Church. Free-will allows
that possibility, but that doesn't mean it agrees
with it.
What we get caught up in is ourselves. This is
true regardless of what you have chosen to
believe or not believe.
We spend more energy in opposing and hating
than we do loving and accepting each other. We
form our groups and uphold the "Us against
Them" mentality.
We have to stop God damning each other for not
being what we want them to believe or not being
more like you. Mutual respect has virtually been
at a lost in discussions regarding Faith, Religion
and Spirituality or whatever you call it.
We try to persuade each other with our words,
arguments and beliefs about what is true or
untrue about what we believe, but never place
much emphasis to what we are to what we
believe. Never offering consideration to the
relationship, just our own selfishness. I God
damn you, then you God damn me, but neither
realize that when we do this we are both
damned.
If you or I are confident in our beliefs, then only
the experiences of life will move you, not a
person.
This doesn't mean you can not be challenged in
your faith, but do it with respect and with the
intent of uplifting than tearing down. It doesn't
make you any less or more of a person.
The war has been fought and won, why are we
still fighting? Put your weapons down and live
your life.
I can accept you for who you are and what you
believe, the question is why can't you do the
same towards me?
I have made my decision and I welcome you to
join me in my journey as long as you're willing
to go, but if you want to go another way I can
sincerely say in love that I wish you well. I'm
going to keep walking this way.
 Someone Told a Lie One Day
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The American Dream has been translated into
many languages. It rests its claims to be the
beacon of hope, liberty and freedom, but that’s
not completely true in terms of reality. The
opposition to change for some is simply a
demonstration of who they are; a group of
individuals who has yet to realize the entirety of
what is the American dream.
Someone told a lie one day. It was directed
towards you and me. It was a lie that leads you
to believe that you could be anything you set
your mind to, because you were not like me.
Don’t misunderstand that statement, because
when referring to me that could be referring to
you or me depending on how you read it.
Although this isn’t about politics or any
individual politician, allow me to use a
reference that has political implications to it.
But don’t become entangled in the example
more than its meaning.
Some were told that they could grow up and
become the President of the United States if they
put their mind to it.
| Written By: Timothy Valentine
Photo Credit: Normal Rockwell
Unfortunately for generations those were just
nice words used to encourage, not to be taken
seriously or ever realized. This is true by those
who believed it and those who thought they
would never realize it. But someone told a lie
one day.
When is it acceptable to associate yourself with
someone or entity who stand silently on the
sidelines without demonstration or sustained
audible opposition to the injustice?
What will it take for some to understand their
role in history or how they’ve been bound by it?
Why remain imprisoned with the mentality of
hopelessness or captive to the thought of
believing better days have past and the future is
grim? Someone told a lie one day and you
believed it.
The regressive ideology that has essentially
taken hold of the modern day political scene has
in fact rendered many apart of the problems
instead of being part of the solution.
What have we become when we are silent when
it calls on us to speak?
 Someone Told a Lie One Day (Continued) | Written By: Timothy Valentine
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What is lost when we can accept losing our
integrity in order to win an election?
Racism, Race Baiting, Fear Mongering,
Xenophobia, Homophobia and other divisive
and coded language is not new to politics or
religion and no matter of sophisticated or subtle
it is done why have we given it a place in our
discourse?
No American political party can be exempt for
these practices in any election to date. Any given
Saturday or Sunday throughout the land we can
find segregated sanctuaries.
Whether unintentional or unconsciously
practiced, it happens. We say how terrible it is,
but what are we doing to make it any better?
When speaking of politics this comes into play
whenever there’s a serious contender. Typically
of another race, culture, gender, religion or class
that dispels the socially or communally
accepted misconceptions, inaccurate
accusations and bigotry that has been
psychologically accepted in America towards
anyone who isn’t like them or the whole of their
base support.
“Change does not roll in on the wheels of
inevitability, but comes through continuous
struggle. And so we must straighten our backs
and work for our freedom. A man can’t ride you
unless your back is bent.”
– Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Stand up, straighten your back out and speak out
against the lie instead of lying prostrate before
truth. Someone told a lie one day and you
believed it.
We all have the desire to be heard, but who
listens anymore?
When those who are least affected stand taller
and speak with more passion than those most
affected by the lies that are told, then we will
have justice, then we will experience truth.
That's it. I'm done. Thank You for reading. I
appreciate your time and consideration.

Why should we worry about anyone with a

clandestine mentality who harbor hatred even
when it is unconsciously or uninformed because
they disagree with me?

Why concern myself about the silence of the

sympathizers, apologists or the puppeteers of
hate?

When you know who you are in addition to

whose you are you see through the transparency
of the character, opposition and reality of those
who are committed to hate of any form.

So I will leave you with the question needs to be

answered. That is essentially one that ask, how
do you move the unmovable?
 Can I Count On Your Vote?
Written By: Timothy Valentine
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I have had many people say to me that their vote doesn’t

see color. I have to take them at their word and let their
actions speak for themselves, but does your vote see
sexuality?
I’ve always found it interesting when people
who I don't know if they were seeking
acceptance or approval who tells me that they
didn't vote for President Obama because of
race. I typically listen closer to them, because if
you didn't vote because of race why say that
you didn't? It obviously was a consideration if
you have to say it. What is more interesting and
funny is there assumption that I voted for him
because of race.
So when I ask why is it that race isn't attributed
to White candidates as it is to everyone who
isn't? I can never get a honest response from
them if any. I’m not convinced by your words,
but by your behavior and actions. I usually
would reverse it by saying that I didn't vote for
John McCain, but it's not because he's White. I
assume you voted for him because of race?
They typically change the subject.
Beyond race is the question of gender and
sexuality in politics. I do not want to get caught
up in a discussion of politics and race, but
politics and sexuality. This is where I want to
rest my thoughts today. I use the story of
Iceland's Prime Minister as example in asking
what matters to you.
 Can I Count On Your Vote?
Written By: Timothy Valentine
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The honorable Johanna Sigurdardottir became
the Prime Minister of Iceland in 2009. Prime
Minister Sigurdardottir who has children from
her previous (heterosexual) marriage is the only
openly gay head of state.
What I found interesting about this story is the
proof of Iceland’s lack of anti-discrimination
hypocrisy by never publicly making an issue of
Johanna Sigurdardottir’s sexuality as a wedge
issue for political advantage.
I use the term anti-discrimination hypocrisy not
insinuating to practice of anti-discrimination is
hypocritical, because it isn’t. I fully support anti-
discriminatory practices and policies, both
public and private. What can make anti-
discrimination hypocritical is when those who
preach it do not practice it. For any anti-
discrimination practice to be true, the
philosophy must be applied to all, not some.
So I want to pose this question to everyone,
regardless of where you live in the world.
Perhaps we can learn a valuable lesson from our
Nordic friends in terms of true tolerance and
true acceptance. When our consideration is
allowed to roam beyond the narrow confines we
apply it towards, (Ex: Within our political,
business, educational, economic, social and
religious applications) then we get to see the
person for who they are above what they are.
For those who have said to me that they don’t
see color, but the content of a person’s
character, then this is an excellent measure of
your sincerity or commitment to those words or
your understanding of the statement by
considering the possibility of a future President
or Prime Minister of your country being elected
by the content of his/her character and not the
color of their skin, religious practice or sexual
orientation.
It is only my opinion, but I would expect that if
a future Presidential Candidate was honest
enough to admit they were gay, lesbian or
bisexual, I believe the powers that be would
demonstrate the truth of who they are. Their
hopes of freedom and equality will essentially
be publicly voted upon by those who say they
are. The reason is that many are not even honest
enough with themselves to admit their biases,
whether it is overt or unconsciously practiced.
We say one thing, but practice another.
What if a future President or Prime Minister
was openly gay? Would you vote for him/her?
I use sexuality, because it is not typically
obvious of a person's sexuality. You can look at
someone and assume their race or ethnicity. You
can listen to someone and assume their
intelligence. You can work with someone and
learn their capabilities. You can talk to someone
and assume what they believe, but you can't
always figure out a person's sexuality.
So I will conclude and allow you to chime in,
but I leave you with this. Do not concern
yourself with the social perceptions of others,
just be true. When you are true to them, they
have little choice but to be true with you. Tell
me what you think? It's not about your religious
beliefs, political affiliation or even sexuality. It's
about your position on the boundaries of
discrimination. How would you vote? If it is
really just about the issues, then supporting
someone who is openly gay shouldn't be an
issue, should it?
Work Cited
AAP, "Iceland's gay PM weds partner ". The
Age. June 28, 2010 <http://news.theage.com.au/
breaking-news-world/icelands-gay-pm-weds-
partner-20100628-zfbd.html>.