Desiring personal qualities which conflict with desired behaviors.

Paradoxical Desire and Paradoxical Expectations.

People can desire personal traits which overtly conflict with the behaviors they
expect and tolerate.
Wanting an obedient yet proud spouse, an ingenuitive but unambitious follower, a
non-critical and insightful reporter.

No one remains unchanged.

Paradoxical Desire
An innately self-defeating desire which represents a maladaptive set of expecations
and motivations. At best, the individual will accept the unworkable nature of their
desires and at worst, the individual will manipulate others into providing a series
of fake behaviors.

Mothers who yearn for obedient and successful children, wives who yearn for
husbands who are at once permisive, obedient and proud, men who expect absolute
obedience from their housewives and yet expect them to be engaging and

The one reprieve from paradoxical expectations is a relationship with uneven power,
one in which the 'weaker' partner actively puts on an act of subserviance while
using their mental strength to guide and direct the 'stronger' partner. These
relationships tend to produce uneasy alliances and deep seated trust issues. The
stronger willed individual tends to outlive the more demanding and tempermental
partner.

Other examples include: the atypical ignorant king who wants peace and so hears
only good news from his advisers, the master whose slave/servant undermines his
free will through constant service, and so on.

This trope is difficult to fully explore as the relationships tend to become

intensely convoluted and protected. Although ostensibly ignorant of the issues,
most people demonstrate an innate sense of the problem and either rationalize or
ignore the issue.

Specific Case studies to consider:

Queen Elizabeth and Philip
The so-called hermaphrodite husbands of Brittain
The Philipino slave story
The smart slave and stupid master trope of ancient Roman plays

who can be both absolute masters of the home and respectful to the