A Vale of Tears or a Gathering Place?

HOW SEX CAN TEAR US APART OR BRING US TOGETHER

An interview with Lisa Romero by Seth Jordan and Sarah Hearn

Sculptures by Gustav Vigeland, Frogner Park, Oslo, Norway.

!
!
A Changing Landscape
!
Interviewer: There has been a lot in the news this past year about sex and sexual abuse - the
scandals in England involving politicians and celebrities and, also, whats happening in India
around womens rights and protections against sexual abuse. Theres also now this report from
a Waldorf school community documenting sexual abuse that took place over the last decades. I
read an article a few years ago, The Sex Addiction Epidemic, (Newsweek, 11/25/11) that
exposed how intense and dark our relationship to sexuality can become. One of the theses in
that article was that our relationship to sexuality has changed and intensified because of the
easy and anonymous access to internet pornography, which can become an incredibly strong
addiction. How has our relationship to sexuality changed over time?
!
Lisa: In response to the internet question, its not only about accessibility to the images, its
actually more about what happens when we engage with only certain aspects of ourselves and,
therefore, dont have a balance. So, with the use of technology driving our nervous system the
way it does, which alters our inner rhythm, we find that theres also a correlating counter-force
of imbalance in the metabolic system.
!
I see different examples of this in my practice that I hadnt seen before, for instance, I see
young men struggling to have ejaculations. These arent men for whom something specific has
happened in their biography, but rather that some change has come and interfered with that
healthy activity in them. For example, the continual use of the technology (and I dont mean
porn at all but just the intensive use of computers in general) is having such a strong effect how
they live into their bodies, the over use of the nervous system is creating a correlating
disconnect in the use of the metabolic system.

"Mobile Lovers" by Banksy"Mobile Lovers" by Banksy

!
The hermetic saying begins as above, so below. Whatever you do to the conscious pole
youll have a correlating effect on the unconscious pole - if you disturb the nerve-sense system
you disturb the metabolic system, even though its an unseen disturbance.
!
So a young man like the one I mentioned, who cant ejaculate because he is so bound in his
head, has lost his connection to the inner streaming of feeling in his body. In this same way, the
sex to which an individual is drawn becomes cruder, and the experience some have is that
there is less joy even in the sensual aspect of sex and more of a need to gratify something
biological in a hardened way. People learn only how they have the sex, what works for them,
what is their way. They then try to impose their way on everyone they have sex with. Its an
extraordinary thing, the sexual relationship between one human being and another. Not only is
it unique to that relationship, but its also a continual and growing path, and all the dimensions
including the soul aspect and even spiritual aspect of the relationship, raise the relationship
over time into something far beyond sensual love. You can really see that in relationships over
time. Its one of the benefits in a long-term relationship, that one can perceive the growth not
just of myself but also of what happens between us. One sees the potential in this living reality
of deep transformation.
!
The poet Rilke talking of his own gender said that one shouldnt have sex as a man, that we
shouldnt put our sex onto another in that way, but rather we should have sex as an individual
being. This can also be a reflection of a disturbance in the metabolic system, when you have
the need to gratify something biological thats not the joyous experience of giving and
receiving which is possible between two people. Its more of an assault on the system of both
bodies rather than an experience of sex as a potential gathering place for both individuals.
!
It really is a multi-dimensional question and another important aspect relates to what Rudolf
Steiner said would happen if we didnt take up the work of transforming our astral body. In
The Work of the Angels in Mans Astral Body, Steiner indicates that if we dont do this inner
work by the turn of the twentieth century then certain forces that work in a healthy way in the
astral body would then descend and work in an unhealthy way in our etheric body. This is what
goes into effect through the blood, the metabolic system, and he predicted potential sexual
debauchery because of this.
!
If humanity had continued to develop soul strength to the level necessary, then technology
would not be able to have such a strong effect. Its not useful to just say that whats happening
in the world of technology is wrong, but rather the question is: Are we ready to meet it? Its
our lack of readiness to meet whatever this world brings that can mean it becomes detrimental.
The technology itself is not detrimental, but its detrimental in that we lack the capacity to use it
instead of letting it use us. And to use it and not have it use us we need great strength of soul.
!
All of these pictures speak to the human beings lack of soul strength. Their ability to encounter
these forces wherever they come from and use them for the benefit of human evolution is the
souls journey. Its important to note that these forces cant show us anything other than the
weaknesses that still live in us. When somebody drinks alcohol and becomes aggressive, its
because those forces already live in them, or the doorway to those forces lives in them -
theyve just gotten rid of their Chief Executive Officer, the one that usually holds those forces
in check. Only then do you see whats there and what is untransformed. And its very similar
with the internet addict, we also get to see whats there, the untransformed self. However, in
someone who has transformed those forces, if they were to watch pornography it would have a
very different effect. If you have transformed those forces you would not receive any food that
you would want from pornography. In turn the consciousness behind pornography would not
receive any food from you.
!
What Does Transformation Look Like?
!
So how does one begin to transform these forces? Of course theres abstinence. One of the
things described in that Newsweek article was that when people look at pornography it feeds
an addiction and only becomes worse. One can try to stay away from those things but is that
actually transforming it? What does transformation look like?
!
Well, theres a quote from Rudolf Steiner on this question. It comes from a lecture called
Popular Occultism:
!
Sensual love gradually leads to the highest, purest spiritual love. The soul should
transform all experience and then bear it up to the altar of spirituality, for nothing,
absolutely nothing is lost. Sensuousness is the school without which the human being
would never come to spirituality The earth is no vale of tears, it is a gathering place
Spiritual pleasure grows out of physical enjoyment and transforms itself into spiritual
pleasure. The pleasure of the senses is a necessary detour.
!
Its not about suppression. You can see that with some priests, where the forces are not
actually transformed at all and so they come out distorted. But thats not the way forward, and
the difficult thing is that when we focus on something singular that has to be transformed like
our relationship to sexuality we bypass the beginning steps. One great difficulty is that
sexual energy is not the first thing that gets transformed on the path of development; there are
other aspects of transformation that must come first. You cant shortcut the steps and try to just
grab hold of sexuality and only work on that. To begin with, its a question of how does one
change ones thinking and how to take hold of the sentient soul. And I think this is one of the
great difficulties about this question around sexuality if you try to transform or work on this
aspect alone youll end up with some form of suppression or distortion. One really has to take
up the whole path of the inner work and then this sexual force is redirected. Its a very powerful
force of procreation and without this sense-born love it is impossible to evolve our earthly
sense world. So we cant just look at sexuality exclusively, we have to ask the question: What do
I need to transform before I can even get to that biological drive? What lives in the astral body
and etheric body that needs working upon first?
!
I: So if one is working on oneself and knows that sexuality is a necessary detour, as the Steiner
quote indicated, then what does it look like to actually redirect this force? Youve said in the
past that when people are working on themselves, that these forces can become more
intensified and more difficult to transform
!
L: Yes, there are different stages to this work. At the beginning of our development, unknown
to us, many of those forces are held in check by a higher spiritual activity that is bound
unconsciously to them. As we step into development, those spiritual capacities detach
themselves from those baser, instinctual human forces, which then begin to act more intensely,
because theyre not governed in the same way. Thats one relevant aspect of the path of
development that Steiner cautioned us on numerous times. The student on the path of spiritual
development in some ways meets in a new way the state of adolescents wherein the sexual
energy fueled by the astral desires can easily divert into eroticism or into power over others.
!
Another aspect is that as you gain in soul capacity the power that the spiritual world brings to
those on the path if you havent taken hold of your inner life correctly then that power can
actually be utilized by the lower nature for its own gain and gratification. And so it has two
common aspects - one is that, at a certain point, the unconscious supervision is removed, and
the second is that the intensified powers gained from spiritual activity can also be diverted
through our untransformed nature.
!
Many people on the path want to gain more and more by connecting themselves consciously
with the spiritual world through meditation and the study of spiritual wisdom, but they dont
actually want to work to transform what lives in them. Rudolf Steiner brought the essential
schooling picture of the need to take many steps in moral development for every step in
spiritual development. Theres a danger in the depth of anthroposophy because theres such
wisdom poured out through Steiners lectures that we are able to gain in knowledge and sound
so wise without taking up for ourselves the necessary transformation that allows each of us to
access this wisdom. This is what we all must do in order to have a living relationship to the
truths traced out in the spiritual world.
!
The Role of Community
!
People wrestle with sexual impulses on their own and also in partnership, but is there a role
that the community can have? The pictures around gender and sexuality that youve brought in
the past have been helpful for my circle of friends in terms of recognizing those things in
ourselves and in our relationships with each other. Theyve helped us see each other better, to
be more understanding, to not shame each other. So I wonder if theres a way we can better
hold these things in a community and also, whats the role a community can have especially
when it comes to aberrations, misconduct, and abuse? Are there social forms to help hold
this?
!
It is important to be really clear that, given how hard as it is to grow up and develop in a
healthy way, we have to be completely protective of children. So if you look at the essence of
Waldorf education, it almost reads more like the Hippocratic Oath in a certain way - to do no
harm and to completely respect the soul and the spirit of each incarnating being. One role of
the teacher is to make sure no harm is brought towards the instrument, the different outer
sheaths, that the soul-spirit is incarnating into.
!
So, yes, most human beings struggle consciously or unconsciously with these sexual biological
forces, we must therefore have compassion towards this human struggle and at the same time
we have to be absolutely clear that we stand for the right of the child not be interrupted or
impinged upon in their incarnating process. What lives in the inner life of the community also
develops part of the vehicle for the childs incarnating soul. The community as a whole has the
duty to do no harm to the vehicle of the incarnating soul because the soul has to use its
vehicle to live out its destiny, to mold it according to its own destiny needs. The community has
a major part to play in how the individual is able to take up its destiny.
!
In situations, though, where sexual abuse is not the issue but just knowing that these sexual
impulses are so strong within people - are there ways that we can work with this as a
community? Are there ways to take it up before it manifests as aberration? A friend told me
that after the recent report on sexual abuse at one school, the school where hes teaching
would probably put more rules in place. This is kind of a bureaucratic response. I think its
necessary, especially if we cant find other ways to deal with it more directly, Im just wondering
if there are other ways, more human ways, to hold this intense sexual force and help direct it so
it finds a healthy expression?
!
Yes, you have to have rules in place, because we need laws that hold the communitys truth
because individuals sometimes cant hold that morality themselves. This can also lead to more
and more distortion. Its the same with crime - criminals find other ways around the laws, they
just get more calculating. We have to work with these things more openly. You cant do what
some religious institutions have done at times and pretend it doesnt happen, or just move
people on. We need to have open conversations, we need to have education that meets our
times, and Rudolf Steiner actually indicated that it would be now in our present times that we
would face this. We need conversation, education, we need to be able to talk about something
that 100 years ago, in Steiners time, wasnt talked about and wasnt needed in this same way.
!
We can get blocked within anthroposophy when we try to do something that Steiner didnt
do. We go over and over what he brought instead of asking what we have to meet and work
with today, or even how would this be met if he were alive today. Ive been to a lot of schools
and at one school a teacher said to me that children shouldnt be conscious of the questions of
sexuality because Steiner said they dont need any education in this way. But the reality is that
today theyre already dealing with it. Theyre already getting their sex education through
pornography and the like, so we should be giving them something that can help them
understand the questions of sex and gender from a healthy point of view. And if its not being
worked through by the adults in the community then its not going to be met in the younger
people, and they wont even recognize the imbalance that is so prevalent. So its absolutely
essential to give them other pictures of what is taking place, from puberty onwards. This allows
them to recognize what is healthy and what is unhealthy in what they are seeing in the world.
!
And in a community where these kinds of distortions and misdeeds have happened and come
to light, how can we work with this? What good can come out of such circumstances?
!
Ultimately, any distortion that breaks through into the physical requires us to ask ourselves:
How are we meeting this and how can we make this better? If its not addressed and nothing
changes then we havent done the right service to what has taken place. It has to be
addressed. And its not just about putting more procedures in place - though there is that,
because procedures support those that do not have their own strength - but its about looking
at how were not educated and why we wouldnt want to be educated about these things. I
think, ultimately, if an event happens and we are able to open up a new realm of discussion -
new ways of looking and working - if it opens up into those things, then weve begun the
process of healthy community.
!
If people want to keep it quiet, and say it never happened, then there will be no change. This
exists now in the context of the anthroposophical and Waldorf community and that means we
have to ask: what are we not doing consciously in relationship to this question of sexuality?
Because if this question were being worked harmoniously in the soul life then it would not
manifest itself as disharmony in the physical life. It has manifested and it must be met.
!
!
LISA ROMERO is a complementary health practitioner and adult educator who has applied
anthroposophy to her practice since 1990 and delivered education enriched with
anthroposophy since 1998. Lisa is currently working with Waldorf teachers and counselors to
develop a curriculum and model of approaching the evolving consciousness and issues of
gender and sexuality for grades 7 through high school. Since 2006 the primary focus of her
work has been teaching inner development and anthroposophical meditation, about which she
has recently written book The Inner Work Path A Foundation for Meditative Practice in the
Light of Anthroposophy (available from Steinerbooks). For several years Lisa was the lecturer
for Health and Nutrition and Male/Female Studies at Sydney Rudolf Steiner College (Parsifal
College) where she now continues to lecture the faculty on inner development. She also
designed and facilitated the Educaredo Towards Health and Healing course. This training ran
eight, year-long courses working with therapists from all modalities as well as Waldorf teachers
to bring the practical application of therapeutic and pedagogical methods. She continues to
teach in numerous trainings and seminars for several organizations.
!
!
Related Events with Lisa Romero in the United States 2014-2015:
!
Lust, Lucifer, Abuse: a Challenge for the Spirit in our Time
December 21, 2014, at the Anthroposophical Society in NYC
Visit www.asnyc.org for details.
!
Sexuality & Self-Development
Building Community of Life in a World of Power and Eroticism
January 2-4, 2014, in Spring Valley, NY.
Sponsored by Think OutWord and Threefold Educational Center.
Register at www.sexualityandselfdevelopment.eventbrite.com or contact
sarah.hearn@gmail.com for details
!
For a complete list of Lisa Romeros upcoming speaking engagements and inner work path
workshops in the US, please visit www.innerworkpath.com//calendar-usa-canada/ or contact
Sarah Hearn at innerworkpathusa@gmail.com