Lawrence 1
Troveno Lawrence
Marisa Enos
English
12 July 2017
Essential Mistakes
From an early age people are taught that mistakes are bad and are fearful to make them.
In reality, making mistakes in education and life is essential in shaping our future. Making life
and academic mistakes prior to college has a strong impact on success with college. The lack of
mistakes doesnt allow for one to learn therefore improving in the future. Making mistakes
during academic years has a positive impact on adult life and helps to form independent and
mature person who will be an asset to society and the corporate world rather than a hindrance.
Parents who dont allow children to make mistakes dont allow for those growing moments
where one can learn from the mistakes that are made. Information taught needs to be learned so
thoroughly that there is a deep understanding of the concepts and not just enough to get through
a test or assignment. It is a tough society to be a young adult in with the ever growing pressures
of conformity and many times those pressures will break down a young person, it takes great
strength to remain strong, learn and grow from mistakes. It is through experiencing mistakes and
learning from them that one can begin to think autonomously and build character for a more
successful future.
Making mistakes comes primarily from independent decision-making and taking a risk
no matter what the situation is. People have to face mistakes and not run from them. Mistakes
do not make one a bad person it allows them to become a stronger person. Owning up to
Commented [WU1]: Hi, Troveno. Thanks for using the
WRC online! As I read your essay, I tried to point out areas
where organization, transitions, clarity, and development can
be improved to make the focus of your essay clearer and
more consistent throughout. I also mentioned some MLA
conventions that can be applied to both your in-text citations
and Works Cited page.
Overall, I enjoyed your essay and think you are working with
some intriguing ideas. Best of luck with revision!
Commented [WU2]: This sentence seems a little out of
place because it is surrounded by sentences that focus on the
benefits of making mistakes rather than the consequences of
avoiding mistakes. I would recommend placing this a bit later
in the paragraph.
Commented [WU3]: Is it only parents who prevent their
children from making mistakes, or do others also influence
them? Do children who are punished or shamed for mistakes
as children become adults who fear mistakes?
Commented [WU4]: This is one of the most intriguing parts
of the introduction, and I think it would be worth expanding
slightly. In order to illustrate the importance of this issue to
your audience, you want to convince them that its relevant to
student experiences today. What are the particular features of
society or the academic system that put pressure on students
to be perfect? What sort of specific ramifications will be felt in
the future?
 Lawrence 2
mistakes and learning from them shows growth and maturity. In parenting my own children, I
have tried very diligently to teach them to make decisions using independent thinking no matter
what the end result is. In education, I have pushed them to indulge themselves in the information
and be proud of their accomplishments. Engaging in daily conversations in regards to what they
learned and how that is applicable in life has been a great way to ensure understanding and
importance of information taught. Today society is so blatantly judgmental and people are afraid
to stand out against the consensus of society that they would rather conform, than to stand alone.
They fall into a groove of following the wrong crowd instead of making independent judgements
and choices for fear that they will be looked at in a negative way. As Iliana Miller, an English
and Humanities instructor at Mid-Michigan Community College states in A Troublesome
Threshold-Entering Academic Conversations essay, previous habits of mind and how those
might be a barrier to their self-directed learning in college is very true (Miller 5). In academics
if one makes the mistake of simply memorizing the information instead of analyzing it and
applying it, it doesnt become retained information. Anytime there is a routine followed, it
becomes a habit and in this case, the habit is to memorize and forget the information. It is easy
to follow the people one is close with in society instead of breaking out of that comfort zone and
standing alone to make more independent decisions. People either perform or dont perform
based on what they think everyone else would do and they lack the ability to make independent
decisions for fear of failing or being looked at differently from others. I personally have
experienced this many times in life while trying to fit in with others until I realized that
following them was not getting me where I wanted to be in life.
Many times in life people even feel the need to bend the truth to fit in or think actions
through before acting to be sure it is acceptable to society. Dr. Roger Schank, the chairman and
Commented [WU5]: Since, right now, this paragraph is
primarily concerned with the necessity of independent thinking
and the failure of many to achieve it, these sentences dont
quite seem to fit. I would perhaps use some of these ideas
later as a way to bridge the gap from independent thinking to
how it allows people to be more open and accepting of
mistakes.
Commented [WU6]: When an essay is referred to by name,
it isnt necessary to also use a word like essay or article in
the same sentence.
Commented [WU7]: The phrasing here is a little off to me.
What exactly is very true in this statement? Are you agreeing
that previous habits impact students capability for
independent thinking?
Commented [WU8]: Since the author is already named in
the same sentence as the quote, only page number needs to
be cited parenthetically here.
Commented [WU9]: This might be an opportunity to
reincorporate the idea of mistakes. Would the routine of
avoiding mistakes/attempting perfection serve as a more
relevant example than that of memorizing information?
Commented [WU10]: Is there a way to more directly tie this
idea to mistakes, like you do with the previous topic sentence?
Do people attempt to do these things in an effort to avoid
coming across as wrong?
 Lawrence 3

CEO of Socratic Arts and previous Chief Education Officer of Carnegie Melons West Coast

Campus who has authored more than thirty books and focuses on scenario centered learning

wrote the essay Story Skeletons. Story Skeletons is about how a person tells a story and the Commented [WU11]: Titles of articles should appear in
quotation marks.

context that they use to tell it, Shank states, we must construct a story before we take an action

to ensure that the action we are about to take is coherent. Further if the action is in any way

incoherent, we make it more sensible by putting it into a framework that is acceptable to those

who hear the story (Schank 134). It is the fear of what others may think or how they may judge Commented [WU12]: See my previous comment about
parenthetical citations. You will only need to name the author
in the citation if it is not clear from the sentence itself which
that forces those decisions to tell a story in a way that either makes them look like the good guy source is being cited. This can be considered throughout.

or will be socially acceptable to others. Many times people tell these stories and learn valuable

mistakes from them. Just as the habits of conformity in education, such as just memorizing to
pass a test and then forgetting the information can be a barrier to success, so can the habit of
Commented [WU13]: But if they tell the story in a way that
paints them in a good or socially acceptable light, even if this
may not necessarily be the truth, are they really learning from
their mistakes? Theyre hiding a part of themselves, which
prevents them from truly improving and growing.

telling a story that is altered so that the actions taken in the story are more socially acceptable.

These days it seems children are being brought up not being disciplined and are being pampered

and entitled to the point that they are not given a chance to make mistakes and learn from them

before they are set out on their own and the mistakes become more grand and consequential at

that point in life. Personally I experienced this when my daughter started her first years of

college; I learned very quickly that I didnt prepare her for college. Her level of co-dependency

was very noticeable and her lack of experience was a hindrance with life however her academic

performance was sound. Commented [WU14]: This is an interesting point, but does
it really fit with the topic of stories and how we tell them? This
seems more about the influences that create a society in
Making mistakes in education and in lifes experiences are necessary for growth and to which students dont see the value in mistakes.

engage in mature and professional conversations and interactions with the general public and

colleagues. Robert Leamnson a professor of Biology and director of multidisciplinary studies at

University of Massachusetts, Dartmouth, said it best in the Biological Basis of Learning essay,
 Lawrence 4

Things must be learned so thoroughly that the probability of being tripped up by careless

inaccuracies or approximations becomes vanishingly small (Leamnson 76). Just formulating a
short-term memory of the information for the purpose of passing a class is not sufficient. There
Commented [WU15]: In Leamnsons article, is he
presenting this as a positive or negative aspect of education?
To me, it sounds like hes saying that students are conditioned
to be perfect in a way that robs them of individuality, but the
sentences following it dont seem to back that up.

is a wealth of information that one must learn in order to survive in the world today. In living in

such a largely diverse environment it is very hard to comprehend it all and make effective

decisions. Story Skeletons by Schank illustrates that with the quote, Humans cannot easily
digest the complexity of the world they live in and the actions that they and others take in the
Commented [WU16]: Since this author has already been
introduced earlier, it is preferable to cite him by last name only
whenever he is mentioned again. This goes for other sources
who are used repeatedly as well; the article title does not need
to be restated.

world (Schank 139). There must be a deep understanding and accurate story skeletons in order

to truly comprehend the depth of the information being taught. It takes a great deal of time to

analyze the information and apply it to our everyday lives to prevent mistakes from being made.

It is essential that the information is applied for the habit to change from memorization to

comprehension and retention. As Iliana Miller states, one has to move from listening and
mentally engaging to participating and adding our own voices in a way that reshapes the
Commented [WU17]: The idea of memorization has come
up a lot, but Im not entirely sold as a reader on its relevance
to this topic. Theres probably a way you could make it work,
but I need to see the relationship between forced
memorization and making mistakes more clearly.

discourse (Miller 5). Just as Iliana Miller believes that one must engage in conversations,

Roger Schank also believes that, in the end, we become shaped by the skeletons that we use

(140). If one is known for telling accurate stories, one will be more respected than if they are Commented [WU18]: This quote follows the previous one a
little abruptly, which doesnt allow for much analysis in
between. Could you add a sentence or two expanding on the
known to be someone who falsifies stories to be socially acceptable. Forming habits of retelling ideas in Millers quote before comparing her to Schank?

the accurate stories enables the mind to retain the information more deeply. The rhetoric stories

that are told based on conversations that are made become part of the person. When stories are

told and retold of the mistakes that were made in life they become engrained in our brain and the

chance of making those mistakes again become less and less. Once one can mentally engage,

participate, and analyze the content has more meaning and retention becomes easier. It is also

important to think things through before one engages in a story to be sure the story is indeed the
 Lawrence 5

facts and that no outside influence is present to twist the story to be more acceptable. Actions

are actions and mistakes are mistakes, everyone will make them and need to learn from them as

well.

The entitled children, who are not out making mistakes and learning from them, dont

have those stepping-stones into adulthood. As Leamnson states another characteristic of youth

culture is its limited familiarity with the notion of consequence (Leamnson 81). When those

important years are not spent learning and adapting there is no past experience to rely on when

making important decisions on a daily basis in college and beyond. The lack of that growth by
allowing for children to make mistakes and learn from them follows them and doesnt prepare
them for post-secondary education. Making mistakes allows for growth and learning, allowing
Commented [WU19]: Good point, but who is holding them
back from having these experiences and why? In an earlier
paragraph, you talk about children today being coddled by
parents, and I didnt think it necessarily fit at that point in the
essay, but you might be able to integrate it here to help
support these claims.

for one to engage in mature and professional conversations with general public or professors or

many times even other students. The same thing will happen during college years and follow a
person into their career if they dont learn from the mistakes they made in college. Schank says
it best, situations are rarely black-and-white, it takes a lot to figure out what everyones role is
(Schank 134). Everyone has individual responsibility to prepare themselves to become a
productive member of society. Learning from those mistakes and forming good habits can assist
Commented [WU20]: I feel like a lot of sentences begin
with Making mistakes or a similar structure, making the
information seem repetitive when its actually not. In this
sentences case, could you instead frame these qualities
(growth learning, engaging in conversation) as skills needed in
college that these students will not have?
Commented [WU21]: I would be careful of including quotes
that are overly general or dont give you much to expand on.
This quote, for example, could essentially be about anything; it
would be much more effective to pick a more unique and
complex quote that specifically touches on the ideas in this
paragraph.

in that growth. However, as Leamnson states, few are inclined to anticipate, or to take

responsibility for, the consequences of their actions (Leamnson 81). Without these growing Commented [WU22]: Why? Is it the lack of experiences
earlier in their life, as discussed previously?

moments it is very difficult to put oneself in position to be a productive member of society. It is

imperative to learn and grow from experiences and conduct ourselves in a mature way in order to

be looked upon as a trustworthy person who can be a productive member of society. It is very

difficult to make it through life without being able to have constructive conversations with others

and in order to achieve that it requires education to form that level of competence. As Miller
 Lawrence 6

states, Learning is a brain-change, rather than brain-use (Miller 3). One must formulate habits

to allow their brains to change and adapt throughout life. One cant be stuck in sedimentary

ways and not open up to new ideas and implement them. If one is known for telling stories using

a story skeleton that is somewhat of a victim plot, then it will be very hard for anyone to ever Commented [WU23]: What do you mean by this? Are you
referring to people who perpetually paint themselves in a light
where they never do wrong but everyone else wrongs them?
believe them. Honesty is always best and that comes from making mistakes and learning from

them and sharing them with others. Its not about just using ones brain but learning to analyze

the information and implement it into our lives.

Allowing the brain to change habits and to build on academic mistakes takes courage and

dedication. Focus has to be on replacing that habit of memorizing, as Iliana Miller states,

Meaning making replaces information gathering and memorizing- (Miller 5). Just memorizing

the information doesnt allow for the information to be absorbed for life. I personally use to

memorize information long enough to just pass a test and then it would be a distant thought and

not in my long-term memory. Just as Iliana Miller believes that meaning making will replace Commented [WU24]: I can somewhat see the connection
here, but can you more directly state how this relates to
making mistakes and learning from them? Why doesnt
memorizing, Schank also believes that story skeletons can have an important effect on memory. memorization allow for this?

Since our world is shaped by the stories told, when stories are told in a given way, one will be

likely to remember the facts in terms of the story we have told (Schank 133). Application of

what is learned must be applied to real life and that information shared with others and in the

process, valuable lessons are gained and growth occurs. The act of engaging in critical dialogue

increases our cautiousness and awareness of the forces that rule our lives (Miller 5). One has to

become more in touch with oneself and connect with the world when engaging in conversations

that are meaningful, this is essential to the learning process. Failure has to be experienced in

order to find success. The more a child can experience and learn throughout their growing years,

the better off they will be. It is through those experiences that they make mistakes and learn
 Lawrence 7

from them. If those mistakes push one to try harder and to work towards success then one is

utilizing those experiences in a positive way.

Not everyone has it within them to fail and then persevere to find a way to get back up

and try again. Its those that can find that perseverance that become our leaders. Success

doesnt come for those who chose to be defeated by their mistakes and the consequences of

those. It requires autonomous thinking and actions and now allowing for society to mold them. Commented [WU25]: Might this sentence flow better if it
were placed before Its those that can?

Most leaders I have met will say that the road they travelled was one that was not paved, Commented [WU26]: Should this be not?

it was full of pot holes and many times deep ditches. It is the small steps towards the goals that Commented [WU27]: I think this is a very vivid metaphor!
Im almost wondering if it would work better as an attention-
grabber at the very beginning of the essay It would certainly
count and the courage to take those steps. It is also imperative while in college to not lose sight cause me to sit up and take notice right away.

of life and career goals and the desire to better ourselves to allow for integration into society as a

productive and competent member. It is a mountain to climb and a lot of learning along the way

however growth happens from making those mistakes and learning from them. Those life

lessons learned along with a foundation of education are sure to position well for the competitive

future. Commented [WU28]: This paragraph and the shorter one

before it can probably be merged into one fully-developed
conclusion paragraph.
 Lawrence 8
Works Cited
Leamnson, Robert. Biological Basis of Learning. Exploring Connections Learning in the 21st
Century. 2nd ed., Pearson Education, Inc., 2016, pp. 65-85.
Miller, Iliana. A Troublesome Threshold Entering Academic Conversations. Exploring
Connections: Learning in the 21st Century, 2nd ed., Pearson Education, pp 3-6.
Schank, Roger. Story Skeletons. Exploring Connections: Learning in the 21st Century, 2nd ed.,
Pearson Education, pp 128-140.
Commented [WU29]: Any extra line breaks both here and
in the essay itself can be removed. MLA-formatted papers
should be double-spaced without any additional blank lines.
Commented [WU30]: This would be a comma.
Commented [WU31]: Edition number does not need to be
italicized in any citation.
Commented [WU32]: I would be consistent in the way the
source is cited. Right now, you have both Pearson Education,
Inc. and Pearson Education. Its actually recommended in
MLA to use the simplest form possible; therefore, all you really
need is Pearson as the publisher in all citations.