Are You In An Abusive Relationship?

Abusive relationships are more than just relationships where physical violence occurs. Often the signs
are more subtle and many victims of abuse shrug off the characteristics of an abusive relationship
simply to "that's just the way he or she is." Abuse can be emotional, physical, mental and financial.

9 signs of an abusive relationship:

1. Name calling: Calling someone names is an attempt to lower self-esteem as is the intent of abusive
techniques. Verbal remarks such as "idiot," "ugly" and "stupid" among others, hurt as much, if not
more, than physical blows. Words wound the heart, not the body.

2. Spying: Going through a person's purse, wallet, files, computer hard-drive and cell phone history;
sending someone with you as you go out for the evening just to keep an eye on you; and showing up
when you are out with your friends - all are examples of spying, jealousy and distrust.

3. Control over your time: When the abuser wants to know where you are every minute of the day and
requires frequent check-ins, it is because they believe their control over you may be threatened.

4. Prohibiting friendships: Cutting you off from your friends and family is the abuser's way of cutting
you off from your support system. Tearing someone away from support weakens a person.

5. Controlling money: Taking your pay check and not allowing money for necessities is a common
way of keeping the victim close to the abuser.

6. Forced sex: Forcing someone to have sex when they do not want it, even if it's your spouse, is rape.
Forced sex is not love and can leave deep emotional scars in addition to physical harm.

7. Threats: Threats of violence toward you, your children, friends or family members, is abuse. The
abuser seeks to intimidate you into submission by playing upon your fear. Fear is a terrific motivator
and abusers know it well. It is the most often used weapon in an abusive relationship.

8. Accusations: Accusing you of flirting, of being interested in someone else, of being out with
someone else--frequently these are behaviours projected onto you that the abuser is, or would be
willing to engage in them. Most commonly accusations are an excuse to begin physical violence.

9. Physical violence: The most common form of abuse is, of course, physical violence. Every day
emergency rooms in hospitals are filled with victims of domestic violence. One of the classic signs of
physical abuse, however, often isn't visible to anyone but the victim when they are standing naked in
front of the mirror. An extremely clever abuser will not strike their victim in an area that is not covered
by clothing.

Abusive relationships are more common than you may think. It takes strength and support from loved
ones and friends to stand up for yourself and say "no more." If you are the victim or know someone
who is a victim, seek help. Do not ignore the signs.

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