TUMAHOLESAMUELMOELETSANE

INTIMATE

RELATION
THETRUTHABOUTSEX&PORN
 AUTHOR/WRITER
TUMAHOLESAMUEL
MOELETSANE
G.O.P|&I.T(BOSTONCOLLEGE)

Sexcancureheadpain,
accordingtoscientistsandventuring
betweenthesheetsmayevenbemore
effectivethanheadingtothemedicine
cabinet.
Morethanhalfofmigrainesuffererswho
hadsexduringanattackexperiencedan
improvementinsymptoms,theresearchers
found,andoneinfivewasleftwithoutany
painatall.
Onetheoryisthatsexworksbytriggering
thereleaseofendorphins,thebodys
naturalpainkillers,whichactonthe
centralnervoussystemtoreduceor
eliminatetheheadache.
 SEXAMEDICINE?
Ifyou'resufferingfromaheadache,retiringto
bedmaybethebestsolution.
Sexcancureheadpain,accordingto
scientistsandventuringbetweenthesheets
mayevenbemoreeffectivethanheadingto
themedicinecabinet.
Morethanhalfofmigrainesuffererswhohad
sexduringanattackexperiencedan
improvementinsymptoms,theresearchers
found,andoneinfivewasleftwithoutany
painatall.
Onetheoryisthatsexworksbytriggeringthe
releaseofendorphins,thebodysnatural
painkillers,whichactonthecentralnervous
systemtoreduceoreliminatetheheadache.
Ourresultsshowthatsexualactivityduringa
migraineattackmightrelieveorevenstopan
attackinsomecases,andthatsexualactivity
inthepresenceofheadacheisnotanunusual
behaviour,theresearcherssaid.
Sexcanabortmigraineandclusterheadache
attacks,andsexualactivityisusedbysome
patientsasacuteheadachetreatment.
Ithaslongbeenthoughtthatsexcantrigger
headaches.
Butinthenewstudy,reportedinCephalalgia,
thejournaloftheInternationalHeadache
Society,ateamofneurologistsinvestigated
whethertherewasanysubstanceto
anecdotalaccountsthatitcouldactually
easesymptomsofmigraineandcluster,or
onesided,headaches.
InthestudyattheUniversityofMunsterin
Germany,neurologistscollecteddataon400
patientswiththetwotypesofheadachewho
hadbeentreatedoveratwoyearperiod.
Theyfoundthat33percenthadmadelove
duringaheadache.Ofthose,60percentof
migrainepatientsand36percentofmenand
womenwithclusterheadacheshadan
improvementinsymptoms.Menweremore
likelytobenefitthanwomen,with36percent
usingsexualactivityasatherapyfordealing
withtheirheadache.
Meanwhile,13percentofwomenusedsexto
combata
headache.Ofthe
migrainepatients
whosawan
improvementin
theirpain,19per
centhad
completereliefof
headache
symptoms,51per
cent
experiencedmoderatereliefand29percent
reportedmildrelief.
Intotal,42.7percentofallmigrainepatients
experiencedatleast50percentrelief,a
responserateashighasinstudiesonacute
medication,saidtheresearchers.
ConsultantneurologistDrNickSilver,ofthe
NHSWaltonCentreforNeuroscienceand
NeurosurgeryinLiverpool,said:Thisisa
preliminarystudy,limitingconclusionsthatcan
bereached.
Wecannowsay,however,thattheexcuseof
nottonight,Ihaveaheadachemaynotbe
takenseriouslybyallsexualpartners.
Researcherssaythereareanumberof
possibleexplanationsforthefindings,
includingthereleaseofpainkillingendorphins
duringsexandchangesinbloodpressurethat
occur.
Scanshavealso
shownthatthe
hypothalamus
regionofthebrainis
activeduringa
clusterheadache,
andthesamearea
showsactivity
duringorgasm.
Lookivdonemy
homeworkandtruellyspeakingfromitSEXis
reallyamedicineandcureformigraineand
headache..
 SEXANDALCOHOL
Tobemoreaccurate,smallamountsof
alcoholwilldonoharmtoyousexually.But
surprisinglymoderateamountsofdrinkcan
reallyfoulupyoursexlife.
Inaddition,alcoholisreallydangerous
whenyouaretryingtoconceiveababy,
andalsoinearlypregnancy.In2015,the
RoyalCollegeofObstetriciansand
Gynaecologistsissuedachillingreport
abouttheriskthatdrinkmaygivebabies
'FoetalAlcoholSyndrome'andalso'Foetal
AlcoholSpectrumDisorder.'TheCollege
stronglyadvisedthatwomanshouldNOT
drinkatallwhentryingtoconceive,and
indeedduringthefirstthreemonthsof
pregnancy.

Alcoholcancausesexualproblemsinboth
menandwomen.Also,itcanmakethem
behavedifferently,sothattheyhavesexwith
totallyunsuitablepeople.Itcanmakethem
takedaftrisks,sothattheycatchsexually
transmittedinfections(STIs)orstartan
unwantedpregnancy.
Anditcanmakethemmorelikelytobethe
victimsofsexualattackwhetherthey're
menorwomen.
In2014,anIpsosMORIsurveyofyoung
people,carriedoutfortheFamilyPlanning
Association,foundthat:
Alcoholwasamajorfactorininducing
menandwomentohavesexwithouta
condom
70percentofpeoplewhoregretted
havingasexualepisodesaidthatalcohol
hadbeenafactor
Almostonein10youngpeoplesaidthat
they'dgotsodrunkthattheycouldn'teven
rememberwhethertheyhadsexorwhat
sortofsexitwas
28percentofyoungadultssaidthatthey'd
hadsexwithsomeonetheywouldn't
normallyfancyandinmostcasesthey
blamedalcohol.
Thatlastpointisveryimportant,becauseit
drawsattentionto
therecently
discovered
phenomenonof
'beergoggles'.
Thisterm
describesthe
distortionofvision
andperception
thatoccurswhenyou'vehadabittoomuch
todrink.
Youcan'treallyseestraight,andyou're
liabletothinkthatthemanorwomansitting
nexttoyouinthepubisreallyquite
attractiveandthatitwouldbeperfectly
OKtohopintobedwiththem.Nextmorning,
everythingmaylookverydifferent.
Alcoholaffectspeople'ssexlivesinmany
ways.Wecandivideitseffectsinto'good'
and'bad'.
 Goodeffectsofalcohol
Smallamountsofalcoholoilthesocial
wheelsandreduceshynessthereby
makingiteasierforpeopletomeetup.It
alsohelpsalotofmenandwomentorelax
andchateasilywitheachother.
Similarly,alittlewineoracocktailwilloften
makeapersonfeelromanticorperhaps
less'uptight'aboutsex.
Also,averysmall'dose'ofalcoholcan
extendthetimethatanervousyoungman
takesbeforeheclimaxesthuscombating
anyslighttendencytocometoosoonor
experiencemildprematureejaculation(PE).
However,alcoholisdefinitelynota
treatmentforthiscondition.

Badeffectsofalcohol
Unfortunately,thelistof'bad'effectsof
alcoholismuchlonger!
Alcoholmakespeoplefarmorelikelyto
haveunwisesexwiththewrongperson
andthereforetogetpregnant,tocatch
infections,andtoembarkonaffairsthat
causemarriagebreakups.Infact,boozeis
themainreasonwhyin2015,thereisa
massivedemandforthesocalled
'morningafterpill'(theemergency
contraceptive)onSaturday,Sundayand
Mondaymornings.
Alcoholmakespeoplefuddled,sothat
theydon'ttakepropercontraceptive
precautions.
Alcoholisbadfortheunbornbaby,and
cancauseseverebraindamage.Soit
shouldonlybetakenverysparinglyin
pregnancyandnotatallduringthefirst
threemonths.Anditisbestavoidedaround
thetimeofconception.
AlcoholisamajorcauseofImpotence

(erectiledysfunction).Alotofyounger
malesdon'trealisethisbecausetheythink
thatboozeboosts'horniness'.Butas
ShakespearesaysintheScottishplay:'It
increasesthedesire,butittakesawaythe
performance.'
Alotofmenwhoarehookedonalcohol
developpermanent'Brewer'sdroop'and
oftenlossofinterestinsexaswell.
Wedonotyetknowifexcessivealcohol

usecancausefemalesexualproblems,but
onthebasisofprobabilitiesitdoesseem
likelythatsomecasesofdiminishedlibido
areduetoexcessive
alcohol
consumption.
Ifyouhave
problemswith
excessivealcohol
useorthinkyoumay
besufferingfrom
alcoholism,we
suggestyoucontact
analcohol
counsellor,andconsiderjoiningAlcoholics
Anonymous.
 TheGoodandBadSidesof
PORN

Iwanttostartoffbysayingthat
pornographyinandofitselfisnotabad
thing.Wehavepreconceivednotionsabout
pornbeingsomethingbad.Menfeelguilty
aboutit.Womenfeelthreatenedbyit.I
wanttotalkalittlebitaboutwhypornis
good,andwhypornisbad.Atthecore,I
believethateverythinginmoderationisthe
bestformattofollow.Andalittlebitofporn
shouldbefine,aslongasitsnotinterfering
withyoursexlife,sociallife,finances,job,
relationship,family,responsibilitiesandso
on.(Read:Mostmentalhealthprofessionals
willinfactdeterminewhetherornot
somethingisconsideredanaddiction,orif
someoneisaddictedbasedonthe
aforementionedvariablesofresponsibilities.
Ifsomethingisbeingaffected,suchasany
orallofjob,relationship,family,money,
 chancesaretheindividualhasaproblem
oraddiction,andwilllikelybetreatedas
suchbythementalhealthprofessional.)

So,withthatsaid,wearelongoverdueto
begintowonderhowtheinternetsbiggest
industryPorn,whichcontinuestoinfiltrate
ourrelationships,oursexlives,our
bedrooms,nottomentionthelivesof
teenagerswhohavethehighestporn
viewingstatistics,andsomuchmore
continuestothrive,whenitseemstohave
somanynegativeconnotations?Howcan
63millionviewersbesowrong*?Asasex
educator,Ifeelthatalotofithastodowith
ourattitudesaboutsex.Naturally,whenwe
dontfeelcomfortabletalkingabout
something,thatwealreadyfeelweknowso
littleabout,andillequippedtotalkabout,
read:yes,IamtalkingaboutSex,its
presence,inahighlygraphicmanneris
goingtointrigueus.Henceweareenticed
towatchsuchmoviesandvideos.Buton
 theflipside,themessagesweweresent
growingupaboutmasturbation,sexand
nudity,andthesilencewewerefedwhenit
cametoanalsex,girlongirlormanon
mansex,groupsexororgies,andsodomy
mayalsoleadtoanxietyaboutwhatwe
see,whichcanleadtotheonthebetter
end,aforementionedfeelingsofguilt,and
fullblownaddictionsontheworstcase
scenarioend.
Forcouples,porncanbeapositivething.Porn
canbeanigniter,asexualinterestpeaker,
initiator,instigator,somethingtoshakethings
up,ormakethingsmoreexciting.Couples
whouseitmaydosoastheymightsextoys,
eroticstories,tripstotheadultstoreandmore
tokeeplifeinthebedroommoreexciting.Porn
canbeaneffectiveadditiontoroleplaying
andfantasyplay,toeroticstorytellingorjust
plainandsimplygettingthemindoutofthe
doldrumsofthedaytodaylifeandbringsome
excitementattheendoftheday.
Forsingles,menandwomenalike,porncan
beawelcomehelperattheendofalongday,
fillinginwhenimaginationtakesanosedive
forthosebusycareertypeswhosbrainisfried
attheendoftheday,whohaventhada
sexualpartnerinweeksandareinneedofan
outletofthesexualsort.
Yes,formany,pornissimplyanice,quick,
availableoutletmadeevenmorehandyand
accessiblebythethroesofourcurrent
technologytohelpgiveusaboostwhen
imaginationisrunningdry.Yet,formany,porn
canbecomeadebilitating,lifethreatening
addiction,drainingonesbankaccount,
depletingonesselfworthandselfesteem,
breakinguprelationships,friendships,families,
jobsandultimatelylife.
Thosementalhealthprofessionalswhowork
withsexandpornaddicts,ontheotherhand,
maynotseeitlikeIdo.Theaddictionmodel
doesntnecessarilyrecognizethatalittleporn
hereandtheremaybegoodforyou
sometimesandthatitmaybeokay.Throwin
thefactthatmostpornisdegrading,notjustto
women,buttomentoo.Itishardpressedto
imaginethatevenalittleporn,thatpornin
moderationisgood.Ifmoderateporn
watchingisthegatewaydrug,thenporn
addictionisjustaslipperyslopeaway.
Forcouples
involvedin
this,itcanbe
verypainful.
Toooften,
womenhear
thatthey
needto
lightenup
abouttheirhusbandspornuse,butwhenone
partnerisviewingpornandthenlyingaboutit,
ordenyinghowmuchorhowoftentheyare
usingorviewingit,thenitissomethingthat
maybeshouldnotbetakenlightly.Becauseof
itsaccessibility,behonestwithyourself.Ifyou
feelconcernedaboutyourpartnerspornuse,
havingahearttoheartwithyourlovedone
canshedlotsoflight.Geteducateditmay
justbethatbringingtheconversationtothe
forefrontandopenupnewavenuestoafun
sexlife.Butalso,useyourintuition,get
educatedonporn,anddontdoanythingyou
dontwanttodo.Thenmakeadecision.Ifthis
issomethingyoucanlivewith,ifyouvemade
acompromiseandthingsseemtobefine,oris
thissomethingyoucannotlivewith,something
thathasthesignsofescalation?Ifyouand
yourpartnerarenotseeingeyetoeyeabout
thepornuse,itsbesttoseekthehelpofa
professional.

Gowithyourgut
anddontletthis
potentiallylight
andfunactivity
turnintoaslippery
slope.
 5ReasonsWhyWatching
PornTogetherCanBeGood
ForYourRelationship

Conventionalwisdomtellsusthatporn
consumptionisnotonlydamagingto
ourpsyches,butalsodestructiveto
monogamousrelationships.Bestfriends,
parents,clergymen,andtherapistsall
folkswhohaveourbestinterestsinmind
oftentrytosteerusawayfrom
temptationssuchasporn,believingthey
aresavingourrelationships.Butwho
sayspornissodamagingto
monogamousunions?Beforewe
consignittotherelationshipdeal
breakerdustbin,perhapsweshouldre
examineourprejudicesaboutpornto
seeifitsreallyasbadaseveryonesays
itis.
SaloncolumnistTracyClarkFloryrecently
tackledthisverysubjectin
Doespornhurtrelationships?ClarkFlory
citesahighlysuspectsurveyconductedby
thefolksatCosmopolitan,whoseemtobe
takingabreakfromofferingsillysextips,that
hasdeterminedthatwatchingpornruinssex
becauseitdestroyswomenssexualself
confidence.(Unliketheirmagazine,ofcourse,
whichisthemoderndayversionofNaomi
WolfsTheBeautyMyth.)
Thefactiswecannotignorepornography
evenifweoccasionallyfinditdistasteful.
AccordingtoGizmodo,25percentofall
searchenginerequestsarepornography
related.Thats68millionsearchesadayanda
lotoflibidinousviewing.
Butdespitethedubiousclaimsmadebythe
pagesofCosmo,watchingporndoesnthave
toruinyourconfidenceandsexlife.Thereisa
placeinsocietyandinourbedroomsfor
pornography.Andundertheright
circumstancesandintheproperframeof
mind,watchingporntogethercanactuallydo
wondersforyoursexlife.
Porncanactuallyhelpfosteremotionaland
sexualintimacy,saysColoradopsychologist
DavidSchnarch,authorofResurrectingSex:
SolvingSexualProblemsandRevolutionizing
YourRelationship,whorunsacouplestherapy
practicewithhiswife.Asignificantportionof
ourworkinhelpingcouplesdevelopadeeper
sexualconnectionisthrougheroticimages.
Erotica,aswellascouplesownmasturbatory
fantasies,canbeusefultoolsforhelpingthem
developasadults,heexplains.Fantasyispart
ofahealthysexlife,andpornaddstothe
repositoryofsexyscenariosinourheads.It
canalsoinspirecouplestoexperimentmorein
thebedroom(oroutsideofitifthatswhere
theirfantasiesleadthem).
Ratherthanbeingthreatenedbyyourmans
stashofpornmagazinesorthetimehespends
gazingatonlineerotica,howaboutsharing
theexperienceswithhim?Firstofall,just
becauseyourmangetsexcitedbylookingat
apornstarwithsiliconeimplantsandabig
roundbootythatdoesntmeanthatheisnt
alsoattractedtoyou!Trustthatheknowsthe
differencebetweenwhatisreal(you)and
whatisfake(pornqueens).Butjointviewing
isntjustabouthistastesandpredilections
itsaboutyourpreferences,too.Besureto
speakupandtellyourpartnerwhatyouwant
towatch,whatturnsyouon.Afterall,this
shouldbeamutuallypleasurableexperience.
Herearefivereasonswhywatchingporn
togethercanbegoodforyourrelationship:
1.Itisasharedexperience.Anytimeacouple
canshareahobby,orevenbetter,asexual
experience,theyareinvestinginthelongevity
oftheirrelationship.Goingsolowithpornis
fine,butwhynotincludeyourpartner?Ina
memorablesceneinTheKidsAreAlright,
AnnetteBeningandJulianneMooreplayeda
lesbiancouplewhohadtheirownfununder
thesheetswhilewatchingapornfilmtogether.
Justmakesurethekidsareoutofearshot
beforeproceeding.
2.Itsaneasywaytolearnaboutyour
partnersfantasies.Somepeopleareveryshy
orashamedaboutsharingtheirsexual
fantasieswiththeirpartners.Othersdonteven
knowwhatreallyturnsthemon,muchless
whatgetstheirspousesenginesrevved.
ThankstotheInternet,theresaveritable
smorgasbordofvideoclipswithprofessionals
andamateursplayingoutanyandevery
possiblesexualact.Withasimpletouchofa
button,youmightbefortunateenoughtosee
yourinnerdesiresbeingactedoutonscreen.
Forthoserenderedspeechlessbythe
question,Whatdoyoufantasizeabout?a
videoclipmaysayitall.Thatmaybeprecious
informationifyourpartnerreallywantstolearn
howtopleaseyou.Andagreatloveraimsto
please.
3.Itcanspeedupforeplay.Inthismodern
worldwheneverythingandeveryoneis
movingatanacceleratedpace,theterm
quickiecantakeonanewsignificance.And
ifyouhaveyoungchildrenwhoare
perpetuallyjustoneknockawayfromthe
bedroomdoor,youmayneedtoexpedite
yourintimatemoments.AccordingtoNew
Scientist,Ina2006studyatMcGillUniversity,
researchersmonitoredgenitaltemperature
changestomeasuresexualarousalandfound
that,whenshownpornclips,menandwomen
alikebegandisplayingarousalwithin30
seconds;menreached
maximumarousalinabout11
minutes,womeninabout12.
4.Itshattersthemyththat
youcan(andshould)onlybe
attractedtoyourmate.We
needtoadmitandaccept
thefactthatourpartnercan
beturnedonbyothers.
Chancesaregreatthatyouand/oryourmate
willbefantasizingaboutsomeoneotherthan
eachotheratsomepointduringthecourseof
alongtermrelationship.SurelyevenBradfinds
womenbesidesAngelinatobeattractive
andvisaversa.Watchingporntogetherallows
youtoseeyourpartnersarousalattheimage
ofanotherwomanforwhatitisabiological
responsetoastimulus.Theresnoneedtofeel
threatenedandinsecure.
5.Itmaylessentheneedtoactoutonsexual
desiresoutsideofyourrelationship.Homeis
wheretheheartis,andhomecanalsobethe
placewhereallofyoursexualneedsand
fantasiesaremet.Ifcouplescangetdown
anddirtytogether,itmayobviatetheneedfor
extracurricularactivities,andIdontmean
thekindyoucanputonyourresume.Ifyoure
sexuallysatisfiedbyyourpartner,youreless
likelytolookforgratificationelsewhere.Some
thinkthatwatchingorthinkingaboutanother
istantamounttocheatingonyourmate,but
thissortofmindsetignoresacentralfactof
humansexualitymostofuscravevariety.
Allowingyourspousetolookatsomeoneelse
outincyberspacewontwreckyour
relationship,butforbiddinghim/hertodoso
mightputastrainonit.Andsinceitsprobable
thatpornwillbeviewed,givingpermission
allowsforhonestyandopennessaboutones
habitsratherthanfeelingliketheyare
shamefulsecretsthatmustbekepthidden.
Youwontneedtoclearyourhistoryonyour
laptopanymore.
Formany,sexisthegluethatkeeps
relationshipstogether.Ifyouandyourmate
haventincludedpornographyinyoursexual
arsenal,theresnotimelikethepresent.

Afterall,couples
thatplaytogether,
staytogether.
 HowDoesSexDiffer
fromIntimacy?
Aresexandintimacy
differentthings?Can
youhaveonewithout
theother?Ordoesone
leadtoanother?
Itseemsthatthereare
manyconflictingopinions
ontherolesofsexandintimacywithina
relationship(andoutofone,too).
Itisdifficulttoreallygettothebottomofthis
problembecausenotwopeoplehaveexactly
thesameideasonsex.Inatraditional
framework,sexwouldcomewithlongterm
commitment,ormarriage,whichwouldbe
associatedwiththecouplehavinganintimate
connectionwitheachother(andusually
wishingtoprocreate).
However,inanincreasingly
promiscuoussociety,the
connectionbetweensex
andintimacycanbea
tenuousone.

Sexwithout
Love
Intimacyisattheheartofastrongrelationship.
Intimacyisaboutknowingsomeonedeeply
andbeingabletobecompletelyfreeinthat
personspresence.Itisanemotionalstatethat
isoftenreservedforjustoneperson.Ideally,
sexinalovingrelationshipshouldbethe
physicalembodimentofintimacy.Itshould
comefromaplaceofloveandconnection.
Withinarelationshipthetwoareinextricably
linked:intimacybuildssexandsexbuilds
intimacy.
However,sexalsoisjustaphysicalact.Within
arelationship,sexisthemostintimateact,but
itcanalsobeanactwithoutconsent,anact
whichispaidfor,oramerephysical
exchange.Aonenightstandisaperfect
exampleofsexwithoutanintimate
relationship.Bothmenandwomencanenjoy
thesexofaonenightstand,butitisaphysical
actratherthanalovingact.Ontheother
hand,itcanbearguedthatthereisnothing
moreintimatethanvulnerablyofferingyourself
tosomeoneinthephysicalactofsex,
thereforeconnectingthetwotermsagain,
eveninthecaseofaonenightstand.

SexorMakingLove?
Thisiswherepeopleoftenseparatetheterms
sexandmakinglove.Sex
iswithoutdoubtabasic
physicalact,andtherefore
itcouldbearguedthatitis
withoutintimacy.However,
makingloveinfersthat
thereisintimacyanda
degreeofconnectionassociatedwiththe
physicalact.
Butthereareplentyofsituationsinwhich
couplesareintimatewitheachotherwithout
havingsex.Forsome,medicalproblemscan
preventsexualintercourse,andalthoughthis
doestakeawayanimportantpartofthe
relationship,itdoesnotpreventthecouple
fromhavingaloving,satisfyingandintimate
connection.Intimacycanbecultivatedin
manyways,suchasspendingqualitytime
together,enjoyingphysical,nonsexual
contact,orenjoyingsharedinterestsand
listeningtoeachother.Sexisonlyonewayin
whichpeoplegiveandreceivelove,so

althoughitisvery
important,itisnotthe
onlywaytodevelopor
expressintimacy.
Beingintimatewithyourpartnerrequiresyou
tobeopenandhonestwithhimorher,anditis
fromthisstateofintimacythatgreatsexgrows.
Thiscansometimesbeahurdleina
relationship.Pastrelationships,childhoodhurts
andotheremotionalconflictscangetinthe
wayoftheseconnections.Inthesesituations,
eitherindividualormaritalcounsellingcanbe
ofbenefit.Notonly
willresolvingyour
issuesleadtoa
deeperandmore
intimate
relationship,itwill
leadtoamazing
sex,too!
 Anxietyand
sex
Anxietycan
easilyaffect
yoursexlife.
Findoutherewhatsortof
anxietiesthatwearetalking
about?

Manyofushavesomesortofanxietyor
nervousnessaboutsex.Afterall,gettingup
closeandpersonalwithsomeoneelseisa
veryintimateandrevealingprocess.
Whatsortofanxietiesarewetalkingabout?
Bothsexes
WillheorshethinkthatI'mnogoodin
bed?
Willthisleadtopregnancy?
CouldIcatchsomething?
ShouldIbedoingthisatall?
Femalesonly
Willhethinkmybreastsaretooflat,fator
floppy?
Willhethinkmygenitals
areugly?
Willhedislikethesmellof
them?
Willsexwithhimhurtme?
WhatifIcan'tcome?
WillIleakfluidwhenI
come?
Malesonly
WillIbeabletogetanerection?
WillIbeunabletogeta
condomon?
WillIcomefartoosoon?
Willshethinkthatmy
penisisn'tbigenough?

Willshelaughatme?

Infact,afewoftheseworriesareperfectly
reasonable.Forinstance,ifyou'rea
teenagerwhoisjustabouttohave
unprotectedsex.It'sperfectlynormaltobe
anxiousaboutthe(considerable)riskthat
you'reabouttotake.
Butalotofthesexualanxietieslistedabove
arereallyquiteirrational.And,most
importantly,theytendtomakethesituation
worse.
Howanxietymakesthesituationworse
Thereasonisquitesimple.
Whenapersonisworrying,this
automaticallymakeshisorherbody
release'anxietychemicals'intothe
bloodstream.
Theseincludeadrenaline,whichmainly
comesfromtheadrenalglands,located
justaboveyour
kidneys.
Mostpeoplehave
heardofadrenaline
andtendtothinkthat
itmustbe'agood
thing'because
they'revaguelyawarethatitmakesyourun
fasterorjumpfurtherasinthewellknown
sportingexpression'theadrenalinereally
kickedin'.
Butwheresexisconcerned,theseanxiety
chemicalsarenotagoodthingforyou.
Theyactuallyhaveareallybadeffecton
sexualrelations.
Forinstance,inmentheycan:
makehimlosehiserection
makeitdifficultforhimtostaystiffenough
togetacondomon
makehimcomefartoosoon.
Andinfemales,theeffectofanxiety
chemicalscan:
makethevaginatightenup
makeitdifficulttorelaxandenjoyyourself
makeithardtoclimax.
Inwomen,therecanalsobeareallydeep
seatedanxietyaboutbeingpenetrated,
andthiscancauseseriousproblems

betweencouples.If
youhavethisdifficulty,
youmaywanttoread
thearticleon
Vaginismus.
 AUTHOR/WRITER
TUMAHOLESAMUEL
MOELETSANE
19921030

Sexcancureheadpain,accordingto
scientistsandventuringbetweenthesheets
mayevenbemoreeffectivethanheadingto
themedicinecabinet.

Morethanhalfofmigrainesuffererswhohadsexduringanattack
experiencedanimprovementinsymptoms,theresearchersfound,
andoneinfivewasleftwithoutanypainatall.
Onetheoryisthatsexworksbytriggeringthereleaseof
endorphins,thebodysnaturalpainkillers,whichacton
thecentralnervoussystemtoreduceoreliminatethe
headache.
THETRUTHABOUTSEX
0739497071