o I like to name my iPod Titanic so when it says Syncing Titanic i click cancel and it makes me feel like
a hero.
o Hello, everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly,
yours isnt mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be
like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? Youre on Facebook, reading the status your status could
be like
o Is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars?
o I love it when my computer says are you sure you want to continue unprotected
o Roses are redish, Violets are blueish, if it werent for Christmas, we would all be Jewish!
o When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume its for them?
o One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for
directions.
o decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
o _ l l * | | l
o if only life came with a REW PLAY PAUSE STOP
o scratch here to reveal todays status.
o =()=// this is a stick-up give me ALL yo [$ (1 )$]!
o Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us
wanna leave footprints on their face.
o The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
o Boys are like baby diapers when they get to be filled with shit they are thrown to be replaced.
o Ive yet to meet a woman who got pregnant from swallowing.
o Cut here -
o Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart.
o I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
o People who write diet books live off the fat of the land.
o Dance like no ones going to put it on YouTube.
o Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle
of the room. And a buffet.
o Best Friends Listen to what you dont say.
o Just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF Best Facebook Friend Forever.
o So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
o X thinks that Facebook is the compost heap for my brain.
o Yes, I know how to shut up. I just dont know when.
o You miss 100 percent of the shots u never take.
o Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhh its a secret.
o I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.
o Sometimes? Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
o I guess if you spoke your mind, youd be speechless, huh?
o X thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!
o Alcohol does NOT make you fatit makes you leanagainst tables, chairs, walls, floors and .Ugly
people!!!
o what has two ears and cant hear? .> GRANDPA
o Im not a racer.But I can fly.
o People make the world go around but at some point dont you wish it were flat so all the idiots would keep
walking and never come back?
o NEVER trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.
o I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, Hello? As if the bad guy is gonna be like, Yeah, I`m
in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?
how do you spell gay?
g.a.y?
noooo! j.u.s.t.i.n b.i.e.b.e.r! (;
o whats the difference between puberty & a water bottle? a water bottle hit Justin Bieber first! (;
o Going to McDonalds for salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
o Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is
Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out
dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its not what you Think its a Teabag xD
o Mrs. Bin Laden just updated her Facebook status to single.
o Sometimes your Knight in shinning armour is just an idiot wrapped in tinfoil.
o We guys have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see us without an erection, make us a sandwich
!
Me and my mom were shopping for new Cds and she asked me..
Mom: honey, Whos your favorite artist?
Me: Eminem
Mom: The candy?
Me: no the rapper
Mom: Whats so special good about Candy Wrappers?
o If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarreheadoes that mean one person enjoys it?
Blond: *smiles*
Doctor: your having twins
Blond: *crys*
Doctor: isant that good?
Blond: i dont know who the father is for the other baby
Doctor: LUCKY IM A BRUNETTE !!!!!!!
o Did you know in Japan girls keep their phones on vibrate and put them down their crotch? Dont feel bad
if they dont answer. It means theyre busy All i want to know is, where can i get a number?
o Your make-up looks so pretty:) lol jk it looks like a crayola raped your face!!!
o My friends status said, standing on the edge of a cliff :/so i poked him.
o Have you ever looked at someone and thought to yourself Dude, thats the sperm that won???
o Sometimes i fill up my blow up doll with helium so its playing hard to get.
o i know three facts about you, one you cant say M without your lips touching, two your trying it now and
you look like an idiot alien, three now your smiling
Guy: Did It Hurt?
Chick: Did What Hurt?
Guy: When you fell from
Chick: Heaven Awww :)
Guy: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down!!
Chick: .
Guy: Hahaha BITCH!!
o A divorced man walks over to his ex-wifes new hubby n askedso how does it feel enjoying 2nd hand
goods?..Doesnt bother me, he responds..actually once u get past the 1st 3 inches, the rest is all brand new.
o I wonder what will happen if Steve Jobs dies. His tombstone may read iDead
o Got into a fight with my alarm clock this morning it wanted me to wake up i disagreed now the alarms
broken and im wide awakenot sure who won.
o I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was Youll never find anyone like me
again! Im thinking, I should hope not! If I dont want you, why would I want someone like you.
o A kid got bad marks in his test, he showed his test to his mom. His mom said what is this? He answered
teachers star stickers were finished so she gave me a full moon!!!
o Please copy and paste this to your status if you know someone, or have been affected by someone who
needs a punch in the face. People who need a punch in the face affect the lives of many. There is still no
known cure for someone who deserves a punch in the face, except for a punch in the face. But we can still
raise awareness!
o One day a chicken crossed the road and met james bond and said whats your name?? .bond james
bond whats yours??..ken chick ken!
o Behind every great woman is a man looking at her ass!
o Id rather Cry over cuts & stitches. not sluts & bitches !
o Dont ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself