The chart below shows estimated world literacy rates by region and by gender for
the year 2000.
The given bar graph illustrates data on the percentage of men and women who
were unable to read and write in separated areas in the year 2000.
Overall, the rate of illiterate men was by far higher than that of its couterparts in
all regions. Additionally, the highest rate of illiterate citizens could be seen in
South Asia. In contrast, the wealthy nations experienced the lowest portion of
uneducated people.
Both male and femal rate in developed countries got the smallest number, stood
at just above one percent. Likewise, in Caribean and Oceania, the rate for men
were exactly ten percent and nearly ten percent respectively, and the figures in
the female charts were roughly ten percent and 20% respectively.
In Sub-saharan Africa, Arab States and South Asia, approximately 30% of female
who could not read or write. In terms of the male bars, about 30% men are
illiterate. This figures were higher in the Arab States and South Asia (above 50%
and 55% respectively).
Criteria Grade Comment
7 covers the requirements of the Keep up with the sufficient length of
Task
task your answer. advised over this.
Achievement
Commented [BB1]: A sufficient introduction!
Commented [BB2]: Vocabulary error (spelling): counterparts.
Commented [BB3]: Vocabulary use: You may consider using other
words such as statistics/data/figure/proportion to avoid repetition
my dear.
Commented [BB4]: Vocabulary use: Instead of Experienced
which infers to a process of something over a certain period, it is
better to use witnessed/recorded in this case.
Commented [BB5]: Vocabulary error (spelling): female.
Commented [BB6]: Grammar error: Your predicate is already got
the smallest number hence it should be standing or which
stood here.
Commented [BB7]: Vocabulary error (spelling): Caribbean
Commented [BB8]: Grammar error: Your subject is singular hence
it should be was.
Commented [BB9]: Task response: This piece of information is
presented with a sense of repetition. Rather, it may be ideal to
rewrite it as the rates for men were relatively similar around 10%
.
Commented [BB10]: Vocabulary error (spelling): Saharan (capital
letter).
Commented [BB11]: Grammar error: Since such information is
Note
only valid in the context of the past, it is advisable to use past simple
tense here: were.
Commented [BB12]: Grammar error: If for a plural noun, these is
 (Academic) presents a clear
overview of main trends,
differences or stages
clearly presents and highlights key
features/bullet points but could
be more fully extended and
precisely in a more academic
manner.
arranges information and ideas
Coherence and 7 Differences in various stages (as written
coherently and there is a clear
Cohesion in sentences) should be pointed out
overall progression more explicitly also in the interests of a
uses cohesive devices effectively, wider range of cohesive devices/linking
cohesion within and/or between words such as yet/nevertheless/On
sentences is sufficient contrast/By contrast/Regarding/In
however, there is some under-use terms of/In comparison to/
of academic linking words when Try to use more academic linking words
drawing comparisons between to create better cohesion between
different features sentences and between paragraphs

7 uses a sufficient range of
Lexical Resource Try to use collocations of nouns /verbs
vocabulary for the task by looking the nouns up in dictionary
attempts to use less common and choose an appropriate
vocabulary but with some adjective/adverb that often goes with
inaccuracy the noun/verb.
makes some errors in spelling It is advisable to use a wider range of
and/or word formation, but they academic vocabulary.
do not impede communication
Pay attention to vocabulary use to avoid
Vocabulary repetition is still
repetition by using synonyms, which can
spotted at some points.
be referenced via Oxford Thesaurus
Dictionary at
https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/
uses a mix of simple and complex
Grammatical 7 Attempts more complex structures with
sentence forms
Range and attempts to use complex
accuracies and consistencies
Accuracy sentences despite making some Be careful with word forms and verb
use by checks after the first attempt of
errors in grammar, particularly in
writing.
the use of relative clauses but they
rarely reduce communication
errors in verb forms are spotted
on a relatively frequent basis.
Presents an ideal overall structure
Overall 7.0 See specific notes for improvement
of paragraphing tasks.
Illustrate information relatively
well despite inaccurate use of
grammar and vocabulary at some
points
Try to use a wider range of
complex structures as well as
 more academic collocations

Model Answer:
The given bar chart shows the approximate world illiteracy rates by gender and
region for the year 2000.

As is observed in the given column graph, overall, the illiteracy rate among women
was higher than men. Developed countries had almost ignorable illiteracy rate. On
the contrary, about half of the population in south Asia, Arab states and Africa were
illiterate.

The illiteracy rate in Latin America / Caribbean and East Asia / Oceania was only 1
percent (approximately), 10 percent and 14 percent (approximately) respectively
considering both male and female. Sub-Saharan Africa, the Arab States and South
Asia had rates of approximately 40%, 41% and 45%. Illiterate women were higher
than the illiterate men in all the given countries.

In the developed countries, the proportion of literacy among men and female was
almost similar but the differences increased for Asia, Arab states and Africa.
Among the given 6 countries, South Asian population were far more illiterate than
any other country.

Source: http://www.ielts-mentor.com/writing-sample/academic-writing-
task-1/104-academic-ielts-writing-task-1-sample-16-the-chart-below-
shows-estimated-world-illiteracy-rates-by-region-and-by-gender

Mt bi vit c ch s 4 vng u 7!^^ Hn l luyn tp d lm c c thnh qu nh

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li lp t, li chnh t v li ng php, c bit l v word form v mnh quan h. Bn cnh
, gim kho cho rng nu nh cc ch cht ca bi m c th c m rng v miu t
chnh xc hn na theo mt cch academic (hc thut) th phn Task Achievement c th t
im cao hn ri!