Ke-e, Adam B.

EH 405

Reflection Journal

As emphasized in the seminar, conflict, being a normal feature

of life and society, should not be perceived negatively as it is
essential to development. Conflict is an inescapable part of life.
Regrettably, many of us still don’t accept this fact and still get
agitated knowing that a conflict has arisen. But that is
understandable considering our vast, past experience with conflict,
which often ended up negative. Many of us have in fact developed a
negative attitude toward conflict essentially because we have not
learned constructive ways to deal with it. As students, at certain
points of our lives, we have experienced losing in a conflict because
our superiors, our teachers for instance, used their authority to win
at our expense. I have learned that even though we know the
feelings of resentment, or even hostility that we experience as a
result of losing, the win-lose mindset is profoundly entrenched in us
such that when we get in positions where we have ascendancy over
others, we often choose to win at their expense. Unfortunately, this
is how most people are inclined to behave in any similar situation. I
personally am guilty of the same tendency.

As illustrated in the seminar, various studies show how

detrimental the effects of a win-lose conflict resolution has on any
type of relationship. The manner of resolving conflicts is a critical
factor in any relationship. That is why it is important to look at
conflict constructively. How we resolve our conflicts is a determinant
in achieving mutually satisfying relationships. Of paramount
importance, and as repetitively stressed in the seminar, there is an
alternative to the win-lose scheme. Why settle with the win-lose
picture when we all can be winners? In conflict resolution, the best
solution is the solution that is best for both sides. Of course, that is
not always possible to find, but all our resources should be
maximized to resolve our conflicts as smoothly as we can. This is
called as the “win-win” arrangement or scheme, whichever you want
to call it. Bottom line is that we come up with a solution that is
beneficial to both parties, or to as many parties involved, since
conflict does not necessarily involve only two individuals or entities,
but between or among multiple parties. The goal is always to find a
solution to the conflict that meets the needs of the people involved.

To resolve conflicts successfully would necessitate three

important attitudes: 1) the attitude that conflict in general presents
the opportunity for constructive change; 2) the willingness to engage
in the process of mutually searching for a solution that meets the
needs of both people; and 3) the communication and problem
solving skills that it takes to make this win-win method work. But this
is a lot easier said than done. In reality, we can hardly find these
attitudes or mindset in many people. Ideally, people would opt to
resolve conflicts this way but it is very hard to gauge a person’s
sincerity to work for a mutually satisfying and acceptable solution or
people may simply not have the skills necessary to work together in
coming up with a “win-win” solution. When this happens, the win-
win scheme is most likely to fail.

Once a conflict emerges, the parties involved experience

changes in their dealings, so they are normally aware of it. There is a
feeling of distress, unease, awkwardness or discomfort. The usual
happy and friendly conversations eventually become superficial, or
there may be complete silence. The treatment becomes cold and just
“civil” as we usually call it. When a conflict arises, we theoretically
know the best thing to do, which is to acknowledge the conflict. But
what ordinarily happens is that we decide not to acknowledge such
conflict in the hope that the conflict will in some way get resolved in
itself, or which we describe in common language as “deadma.” But
that is a rare occurrence. Only when conflicts are brought out into
the open, do they have the chance of being dealt with effectively.

Few things need to be remembered with respect to the

importance of conflict resolution. One of the good reasons in
resolving conflicts is to understand that people may have different
ideas, beliefs, and backgrounds from your own. In order to resolve a
conflict, you'll need to look at the conflict from your opponent's
point of view and learn more about this person’s perspectives and
circumstances. Resolving conflicts also ensure that your relationships
with your opponents continue and possibly grow. If you make peace
with your opponents, you increase your allies in the community.
Thirdly, conflicts use up resources like time, energy, and good
reputation. By conflict resolution, you avoid wasting these resources,
and you may actually make new allies and increase your resources.

Additionally, well-ingrained in the seminar was the discussion

on the skills required in dealing with conflict effectively, skills that
have been proven and tested to really work. When we say skill, it is
something that can be learned. To highlight, dialogue is the key
element in constructive conflict resolution. From the seminar, we
learned that the following skills are deemed essential in resolving
conflicts effectively.

Understand the Conflict - Conflicts arise for a variety of

reasons. It is important for you to define clearly your own position
and interests in the conflict, and to understand those of your
opponent. Interests play an important role in better understanding
conflict. Often, groups waste time "bargaining over positions."
Instead of explaining what the interests of their position are, they
argue about their "bottom line." This is not a useful way to negotiate,
because it forces groups to stick to one narrow position. Once they
are entrenched in a particular position, it will be embarrassing for
them to abandon it. They may spend more effort on "saving face"
than on actually finding a suitable resolution. It is usually more
helpful to explore the group's interests, and then see what positions
suit such interests.

Communicate with the Opposition – The following are tips for

productive talks: Listen. Their opinions are important to you,
because their opinions are the source of your conflict. If something is
important to them, you need to recognize this. Let everyone
participate. People who participate will have a stake in a resolution.
They will want to find a good compromise. Be concrete, but flexible.
Speak about your interests, not about your position. Avoid early
judgments. Keep asking questions and gathering information.

Brainstorm possible solutions – Once you know what the

interests of both parties are, and how to better communicate with
the opposition, you can start thinking about solutions. Look at all of
the interests you have listed, for you and for your opponents, and
look for common interests. Often both parties share many interests.
For example, both groups may want stability and public respect.
Work on coming up with as many ideas as possible. Don't judge or
criticize the ideas yet as this may prevent people from thinking
creatively. Try to maximize (not minimize) your options. Look for win-
win solutions, or compromises, in which both parties get something
they want. Find a way to make their decision easy.

Choose the best resolution - After the meeting, you will need to
decide which resolution is best. Review your brainstorm ideas. Star
the best ideas. These are what you will work with during the conflict
resolution process. Set a time to discuss them and determine which
idea is the best. The goal here is to use both groups' skills and
resources to get the best result for everyone. Which resolution gives
both groups the most? That resolution is probably the best one.

Use a third party mediator - As you are brainstorming and

choosing a good resolution, you may want to use a third party
mediator. This is a person who is not from your group or your
opponent's group, but whom you both trust to be fair. Your mediator
can help both sides agree upon a standard by which you will judge
your resolution. Standards are a way to measure your agreement.
They include expert opinions, law, precedent, and accepted
principles.

Explore Alternatives - There may be times when, despite your

hard work and good will, you cannot find an acceptable resolution to
your conflict. You need to think about this possibility before you
begin negotiations. It is important that you brainstorm your
alternatives to resolution early on in the negotiation process, and
that you always have your best alternative somewhere in the back of
your mind. As you consider possible agreements with your opponent,
compare them to this "best" alternative. In order to come up with an
alternative, start by brainstorming. Then, consider the pros and cons
of each alternative. Think about which alternative is realistic and
practical.

Indeed, there is truth in what the instructor said, that solving

cases does not necessarily equate to solving conflicts. Solving cases
may fairly be easier than solving conflicts. In solving court cases, the
paradigm used is usually the win-lose scheme while you have to
ensure a win-win solution in resolving conflicts. Arriving at the best
possible solution may involve deep-rooted intricacies. I guess, we just
have to keep an open and positive mental attitude in conflict
resolution.