FREE
12/10/00
International
News
p3
All Change at the Union
The University of Surrey Students’ Union moves
into a period of strategic review and reorganisa -
tion it was announced at Student Council this
week (10/10/00).
Following a month of discontent and uncertainty amongst
the membership, Union staff and the Union Sabbatical
Officers concerning the Union and more specifically its com-
mercial services, plans regarding the future of USSU have
been finalised. A full review, intended to consider all Union
services both commercial and non-commercial, will be con-
ducted with the full support of the University.
This process of review and reorganisation was initiated by a
decision that the post of General Manager was no longer
required in its present form and thus Dennis Frost, General
Manager of the past two and a half years, left his desk for
the final time last Thursday, (5/10/00). Dennis commented
before leaving, “ The correct management structure for the
Students’ Union at Surrey is a key decision…I wish the
Union every success as it takes some tough business deci-
sions.” (The full Public Announcement relating to the depar-
ture of Dennis Frost can be found on the main notice board
in the Students’ Union Reception area.) USSU President,
Fiona Wareham, stated that this was “…only the first step of
a six month review and reorganisation process. “
Malcolm Hamling (USSU Finance Manager), at the Student
Council meeting of 10/10/00, outlined the critical financial
position faced by USSU at this present time with the Union
A question from floor
Civ Eng Build Bridges with Industry
A new scholarship scheme has been announced by UniS
and the Institution Of Civil Engineers. The plan is funded by
several engineering companies, which then promise to
employ the graduating students.
About thirty MEng students will embark on the five-year
course next year. They will each receive around £2000 per
year as well as a salary when doing placement and vacation
barefacts@surrey.ac.uk
News 1-3 n Green Society 4, n Barearts 7 - 14
Issue no: 989
Barefacts Daphane
Pub Crawl Celeste
p6 p10 p7-14
Club (commercial arm
of the Union) facing
an end of year deficit
of £222,000. (As
requested in the
meeting a full break-
down of that figure will
be displayed on the
main Union notice
board from 16/10/00.)
He also expressed
that stringent action
had been taken to put
in place a system to
closely monitor and
curb, where neces-
sary, expenditure
within the organisa-
tion in order to ensure Students listen to Fiona’s (SU President) words at Student Council
that budgets are
adhered to in the bar prices being one possible example, to take place in a
forthcoming financial year. The Students’ Union whilst sustainable manner that will ensure all changes made can
recognising its current tenuous financial position, acknowl- be guaranteed for future generations of University of Surrey
edges that now is a crucial to time to refocus and strategi- students.
cally plan for the future.
The progress of the review will be monitored and reported
In practical terms a working party will be appointed and on in Barefacts, on the Union website and on relevant notice
charged with commencing and overseeing the review. This boards around the Union building. Meetings and discussion
working party will comprise the six Sabbatical Officers of the groups will also be publicised in this same way.
Students’ Union, members of University senior manage-
ment, an NUS representative and several independent stu- We, as the USSU Sabbatical Team, are dedicated to mak-
dents. Full time USSU staff will be called upon to offer ing your Union the
advise, information and support, where necessary. best place it can pos-
sibly be for you; offer-
The working party will seek information from and report back ing you the services,
to focus groups that will be set up to discuss specific issues. atmosphere and
Members of the Union Executive Committee will lead these value for money you
focus groups, consisting mainly of students. External organ- deserve. If you have
isations will also be looked to as models for information as any questions or
will the Student Survey. The working party, as part of its queries or simply
remit, will focus on the Union holistically not departmentally want to get involved
to ensure that all areas are thoroughly examined. then please do not
hesitate in coming to
The aim of the review, via the working party and focus see us in the Union,
groups, is to draw conclusions, based on student opinion alternatively you can
that will assist in the formulation of long and short-term contact us by email,
goals for the Union organisation. Student involvement is through Barefacts or
essential at this time in order that USSU truly is a demo- via the Union web-
cratic organisation working with and for its members. The site.
Students’ Union is committed to a reorganisation of the
Union following the review. Clear guidelines will be set out Fiona answering one of the many questions
that will enable the necessary restructuring, the lowering of FW
work for their sponsor.
Students completing the scheme will get fast tracked for
UniS will be pioneering the course together with the Institute charted membership of the ICE. This will give them a good
of Civil Engineers and eventually 25 top firms. It is hoped chance of reaching a senior management position in the pro-
that other universities will also want to join. Dr Bob Griffiths fession.
who is leading the project said “The scholarship payments by James Buller
and the links to top class companies should make our wide For more news in brief turn to page 2
ranging civil engineering courses a very attractive option.”
n Lifestyle 16 n Sport 19-20
 2 News 12/10/00
Editorial dates.

...And watch out for the second bout of freshers flu!!

Editorial Team Another week done and dusted - So what’s hap- Kevin Marston
pened? Well, in Yugaslavia the reign of Slobodan
Editor
Editor
Editor Milosevic has ended, UniS has topped the latest sur-
Kevin Marston vey on the most employable students and the Union
has had an interesting week.
Deputy
Deputy Editor
Luke Hickey Over the weekend barefacts had it’s first training ses-
sion for new journalists and on the whole it was a
Production
Production Editor
Editor great success with students learning basic Desk Top
Andrew Thomas Publishing skills, graphic skills and writing skills.
Thanks to all the people who turned up and took part.
News
News Team
Team If you missed training look out for further training
James Buller
Carlos Dunn
....News In Brief.....News In Brief....
Features
Features Editor
Editor
Vacant UniS Is Best legally binding code of make practice, to make deal-
ings more “predictable”.
Music
Music Editor
Editor UniS has topped the latest surveys of UK universities.
Owen Hazelby The University of Surrey produces the most employ- Phil Evans, principal policy adviser at the Consumers’
able students as a result of some of the best educa- Association, said this was among the “murkiest areas
Arts
Arts Editor
Editor tion in Britain, according to the statistics. of operation for the big four and it is good to see that
Chris Morton it will be cleaned up”.
Surrey took first place in the ‘Best Job Prospects’
Sports
Sports Editor
Editor League table, and offers excellent teaching in sever- The commission also suggested that without altering
Dave Chapman al areas, says the Higher Education Statistics planning laws, new superstores should gain govern-
Agency. ment approval if another branch already existed near-
Marketing
Marketing Team
Team by
Vacant Only 0.6% of Surrey students are seeking work 6th
months after graduating, compared to 4.4% national No action was called for against “loss leaders” - sell-
Writers
Writers average. ing goods below cost price. Small shops claim this
Emma van-Huysse puts them out of business unfairly. However it was
Ali Danaby In the Guardian newspaper’s University Guide, UniS concluded that “the options available would them-
Sariqa Wagley was highlighted for teaching quality in music, bio- selves have adverse effects and would be dispropor-
Dave Abbott sciences, psychology, business management stud- tionate to the problems themselves”.
Owen Hazelby, ies, electrical and electronic engineering, nursing and
Luke Mackenzie, civil engineering. The report has appeared to please most people. The
Lucy Andrews Trade and Industry Secretary, Stephen Byers, wel-
Andrew Thomas Dr Russ Clark of the careers service was delighted comed and accepted all the recommendations.
James Buller with the figures. “Employers value the skills and
Luke Hickey experience of Surrey graduates which enables them The
The Numbers
Numbers Game
Game
Chops to make a contribution from day one” he said.
Tom Sugarman An Oxford professor has discovered how to get play-
Libby Hurt Satellite ing cards into a random order - shuffling. The mun-
Satellite Snaps
Snaps
& Melanie Wilberforce dane result was announced by the Nick Trefethen,
Professor of Numerical Analysis, thereby prolonging
Photographs from a Surrey satellite have just been
the perception that mathematicians don’t inhabit the
released. Among the first pictures from the 6.5kg
Bare Facts real world ;-D
SNAP-1 is this one of a Russian satellite, taken just 2
Union House, University Of Surrey seconds after deployment, when the spacecraft were
Guildford, Surrey, GU2 7XH Actually Tefethen has determined that six ‘riffle’ shuf-
about 2meters apart. The camera is smaller than a 2p
fles are needed to get complete randomness. The
coin, with all its components mounted on a single
Tel: 01483 879275 ‘overhand’ shuffle is much less effective he says.
microchip.
Fax: 01483 534749
email: barefacts@surrey.ac.uk Sex
Sex
Supermarket
Supermarket Sweep:
Sweep: Clean
Clean
Deadline for Publication Having sex makes you look younger but also seem
British supermarkets do operate fairly and do not
less cool according to press releases on Tuesday.
Monday 12pm make excessive profits a government report has
decided. However it also recommended tighter con-
In a study in Edinburgh, 95 people who appeared
trols on supermarkets’ planning applications and rela-
Submissions young for their age were interviewed. A significant
tionships with suppliers.
number of them regularly indulged in energetic love-
preferably on disk /emai in Word 6.0 Format, making. The researchers and authors of “Secrets of
After a two-year-long investigation, the Competition
Text in Arial, size 9 font Commission delivered its findings to Trade and
the Superyoung” said that frantic sex reduces fatty
Bare Facts is an editorially independent newspaper, published by the University of Surrey Students' Union Communications Office. tissue, releases natural painkillers and reduces
Industry Secretary Stephen Byers. Originally ordered
stress.
The views expressed within the paper are those of individual authors, and do not necessarily to examine accusations of overcharging, the commis-
represent the views of the Editor, the Editorial Board, the University of Surrey Students' Union
sion actually found that supermarkets regularly sell
or the University of Surrey. Within minutes however a government campaign was
goods below cost price to entice customers.
This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express permission of the pub- extolling the virtues of celibacy. £60m is being spent
lisher.
on telling children that it’s cool to be a virgin. “Sex:
All submissions must include the author's name and Union or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee of publication.
One reason for this is that the industry has changed
Are you thinking about it enough” blare the posters
Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will not be published. considerably since the inquiry started. American
Bare Facts reserves the right to edit submissions. destined for UK school cloakrooms. The smaller print
supermarket giant Wal-Mart took over Asda, sparking
Printed by a price war between Tesco, Sainsbury’s, Asda,
explains the joy of leaving sex until one is old enough.
East End Offset (TU), Bow, London, E3 3LT Safeway and Summerfield. Byers said this was “esti-
“This will be a straight-talking campaign which gives
© USSU Communications Office 2000 mated to have been worth over £1bn to the con-
teenagers the facts,” said Public Health Minister
sumer.”
Yvette Cooper. She felt a “hip” and “groovy” approach
to the advertising campaign would do the trick. Britain
Tim Mason, Marketing Director of Tesco commented
has the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe.
“When this enquiry was started, the worry was that
prices are too high, what we actually ended up being
Biting
Biting Nails
Nails -- A
A Pain
Pain In
In The
The Neck
Neck
criticised for was that prices are too low.” He added
“The report has confirmed the reality of the market
which is the competition and the choice - people fight- Doctors in Turkey removed a 4cm long nail from the
ing in a constructive way for customers which is how throat of seven-year-old girl this week. The girl had
it should be”. been complaining of pain in her throat since she was
two. “It is possible that she swallowed the nail then,”
Supermarkets were criticised over how they treat said her doctor. He removed her tonsils as well to
farmers and their suppliers. The major chains and the make sure.
Office of Fair Trading now have 3 months to agree a
by James Buller
 12/10/00
Israel
Israel in
in Crisis
Crisis
The crisis in Israel has plunged to new depths after the
Palestinian leader, Yasser Arafat, dismissed Israeli Prime
Minister Ehud Barak’s extension of a deadline for him to
control Palestinian violence as just another “threat”. Barak
warned that he would declare that the Middle East peace
process is dead, unless the violence in Gaza and the West
Bank ceases. He gave an original deadline of Monday, but
has allowed “another three or four days” for his requirement
to be satisfied.
The United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan and
Russian foreign minister Igor Ivanov are currently in Israel in
an attempt to keep the peace process alive and was in a
positive mood after talks with the leaders. After the meeting
Annan said, “I think we can rein in the situation. I think we
have a window of opportunity to do it. It is not going to
remain open forever. So I am optimistic.” An estimated 100
people, almost all Arabs, and many of them children and
teenagers, have been killed since violence broke out a fort-
night ago.
Milosevic’s
Milosevic’s Reign
Reign over
over
Slobodan Milosevic’ 11 year reign as President of Serbia
(and all Yugoslavia for the last 3 years) has been ended
after violent protests by the people of Yugoslavia. The
protests are as a result of believed attempts by Milosevic’s
people to rig the election, which took place two weeks ago.
The new president is Vojislav Kostunica, a 56-year-old
lawyer.
The events, which took place last Thursday, were preceded
by three days of general strikes. The day itself began with
tens of thousands of Kostunica’s supporters lineing the
streets of Belgrade and ended with a gun battle and the tel-
evision station (at the time controlled by Milosevic) being
burned down.
Kostunica has already begun the process of restoring links
with the West, all UN sanctions have been lifted and the
European Union have pledged $2 billion in aid to repair the
damage done by NATO planes. He has, however, stated
that he will not hand Milosevic over to the International
Criminal Tribunal to stand trial for alleged war crimes.
Your Emails
Please send your emails to barefacts@surrey.ac.uk
To: barefacts
From: Laura Tamblin
Subject: Why I am a Christian
Cc:
Dear editor,
I would like to respond to Andy Gale’s article about why
he is not a Christian, by saying why I am a Christian, and
why it is the most important thing in my life. Firstly can I
say that being a Christian is a lot more than going to
church/ Christian union, praying or anything else. It is
something that affects everything I do and who I am. God
should be number one in my life, with nothing before him.
This is very hard for me a s by nature I am stubborn and
do what I want to do, not what God, or other people want
me to do. Just because you are born in England or go to
church does not make you a Christian. I would like to
now try and answer some of Andy’s questions, although I
don’t claim to have all of the answers. God does however
I think that the difference between Christianity and other
religions is Jesus. I believe that Jesus is the Son of God
in human form. God sent him to take our punishment for
anything wrong that we do. All the other religions have
their God far away and pray/worship as ritual. I have a
personal relationship with God, which is possible through
News & Emails
Amnesty
Amnesty for
for Zimbabwean
Zimbabwean Thugs
Thugs
The Zimbabwean government have announced that they
will not prosecute any of the individuals behind the violence
in the run-up to June’s elections. During the unrest thou-
sands were raped or beaten, with hundreds loosing their
homes and possessions, through arson and looting. An esti-
mated thirty people were killed between January and June,
including a number of farmers who tried to defend their
property. The amnesty, however, does not include murder or
rape.
Violence
Violence in
in Sri
Sri Lanka
Lanka
At least six people have been killed and many more injured
in outbreaks of violence in Sri Lanka. An overnight curfew
has been imposed by the army following the outbreaks,
which resulted from over 200 separate complaints of vote-
rigging in the Southern Asia country’s general election. It is
seen by many that the election is a referendum on the gov-
ernment’s plan to end the war with Tamil separatists.
The violence has overshadowed the death of the world’s
first elected female prime minister, Sirimavo Bandaranaike,
who died from a heart attack, aged 84.
Are
Are You
You Cool?
Cool?
The Government has been once again accused of wasting
taxpayer’s money over its new £2 million campaign to tell
teenagers that ‘It’s cool to be a virgin’. Ministers hope that
this campaign, as part of a £60 million three-year initiative,
will help reduce teenage pregnancies. Britain currently has
one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates in Europe, with
over 90,000 girls under 19 becoming pregnant every year.
However, the British Pregnancy Advisory Scheme has com-
pared the project to the Millennium Dome, suggesting that
the money would be better spent of education about contra-
ception.
Drugs
Drugs Scandal
Scandal
The Conservative Party are at loggerheads over Shadow
Home Secretary Ann Widdecombe’s speech at the Party
Conference. Widdecombe announced a ‘zero tolerance’ on
all illegal drugs, with a criminal record and £100 fine for all
those caught in possession of cannabis for personal use.
Jesus. I don’t have to be good to get to heaven.
Hopefully I am a good person because I want to follow
Jesus’ example.
I believe that the bible is the word of God, but it needs to
be taken in context of the time it was written and what
else was happening. The main theme of the bible is Love.
God loves everybody, but doesn’t always like the things
that they do. He hates the fact that I have lied or been
nasty as much as the act of murder. Jesus encountered
many people who were disliked but he showed them love
and accepted them as they were. He does the same
today.
God is humble. Which other God would come down to
earth and live among humans? Christians worship God in
their whole lives because he is the only thing worth wor-
shipping. He made the whole universe, yet cares about
me as an individual.
Jesus has not returned because God is not happy, or con-
3
Conservative leader William Hague then performed a U-turn
after seven shadow cabinet ministers admitted to having
experimented with soft drugs. Hague said that while not
being against ‘zero tolerance’ he felt the matter should be
discussed further.
Meanwhile, the pressure group Liberty have announced that
they will be bringing a series of test cases under the new
Human Rights Act to establish whether anyone found to be
in possession of a small amount of cannabis can be prose-
cuted.
Dewar
Dewar in
in Hospital
Hospital
Donald Dewar, Scotland’s first minister, is on a life support
machine and described as “critically ill” after suffering a fall
that caused bleeding inside his head. The 63 year old
Labour fell outside his official residence in Edinburgh and
happened only two months after he returned to work follow-
ing major heart surgery.
Keegan
Keegan Resigns
Resigns
Kevin Keegan has quit as manager of the England football
team after the worst possible start to the European
Championships Qualifying campaign. England were beaten
1 – 0 by Germany in the last game to be played at Wembley,
the only goal being scored by Liverpool’s Dietmar Hamann
in the fourteenth minute. Keegan’s departure left Howard
Wilkinson in temporary command and a race to be the long-
term successor, with suggestions that the Football
Association should appoint a foreigner to manage England.
Other names being suggested include Bobby Robson, John
Gregory, Peter Taylor and the people’s favourite, Terry
Venables.
Meanwhile, in Saturday’s other results the other home
nations fared better than England, with Wales drawing at
home to Norway, Scotland winning away in San Marino,
Northern Ireland drawing at home to Denmark and the
Republic of Ireland drawing away in Portugal. (Wednesday’s
results not in at time of going to press).
by Luke Hickey
tent with the way that the world is. He is waiting until as
many people as possible come to realise that he is God,
so that more people can go to heaven. When Jesus
returns it will be the end of the world as we know it.
I find it very difficult to understand how anyone can look at
the world around us and not believe in God. I am con-
stantly amazed at how my body fits together and how
everything works. It is ludicrous to have a building just
appear over night, with no architect or builders, and yet
scientists say that the whole universe happened by
chance.
Finally can I say that even though many people see reli-
gion as a crutch I wouldn’t be here, as the person I am
without the “crutch”. I am a totally different person to who
I was when God wasn’t number one in my life. If anyone
would like to discuss Christianity further I will be more
than happy to talk.
Laura Tamblin.
 4 Features 12/10/00

Greensoc - Recycling on Campus

WHY, WHAT AND WHERE?
The recycling facilities on campus at present moment are
pretty poor, but in an establishment as large as the univer-
sity is, recycling should be a really important issue, espe-
cially with the current waste disposal problems Surrey is fac-
ing.
At the moment there are recycling bins for glass (green/blue,
clear and brown) and clothing on the left as you go out of
Chancellors main doors, which, until a week or so ago, were
up over by Stag Hill residences. The Union collects glass
bottles separately in dumpy bins which before the banks
were moved, were emptied into the bottle banks by a dedi-
cated team of night cleaning staff when the Union shut, be it
11pm or 3am. Now though, because of the further distance
to wheel the bins and the slope involved (a dumpy bin of
glass is not the lightest or easiest thing to move!) the glass
is just being thrown into the compactor to go to landfill with
the rest of the Union’s waste.
The only reason why the bins were moved was because of
student complaints about the noise – it now seems a little
ridiculous that the bottles are just being binned. Surely there
could be another way around this issue?
The ultimate aim of the University’s Waste Manager is to
have an enclosed Centre of Waste Management in the
existing Central Stores area. This would incorporate recy-
cling facilities for all materials possible, and waste from the
whole campus would simply be transported there for sorting
and recycling. This clearly needs an initial investment and
extra staffing, but could developed as a model strategy for
recycling on a university scale.
Meantime, what are we going to do with the bottles?
Suggestions made at Greensoc included;
- Moving the bottle banks back up to Stag Hill – they were
there all last year without any apparent problems.
- If the noise really has become an issue, couldn’t the bot-
tles be left until the following morning and then taken to the
bins?
- An alternative method of transporting or collecting the bot-
tles so that the increased distance to the bottle banks was
not a problem.
Perhaps if there is anyone reading this that can do some-
thing about it, they will take the initiative and act on our sug-
gestions. Otherwise Greensoc plan to take on the relevant
staff bodies themselves.
In Residences, for the moment it is down to you. Maybe your
whole floor could save recyclables together and share the
carrying bit!
Facilities for recycling cans, newspapers and glass at the
top of the Park and Ride car park just passed Yorkies bridge
(the town entrance to campus for anyone that doesn’t
know!). There is also a clothing and textiles bin outside the
Apollo video hire shop on The Chase. This also takes cur-
tains, shoes, blankets, and, believe it or not, teddy bears!
If you have a car, or are going that way anyway (like most of
us seems to…) there is a more extensive recycling point in
Tesco’s car park (walk passed the main doors/cash
machines and you will reach them, in the far corner on your
right). Here, as well as the other usual items listed above,
you can also recycle your old books, and the cans are col-
lected for charity.
Plastic bottles pose more of a problem as the nearest col-
lection site for those is in Woking because on the costs
involved in reclaiming plastic products. But, if Woking can do
it successfully, why can’t we? Show your support by writing
to the local council and asking for plastic recycling facilities
to be developed here – if enough people show willing, the
council are far more likely to look at it seriously.
Another grey area is food/garden waste. On campus there
is little you can do (except finish everything on your dinner
plate!) But if you are living off campus the council will pro-
vide you with a Green Cone compost bin. To receive one,
just call 01482 444499 and ask for one. My house are cur-
rently awaiting delivery…
The other point is that if you don’t use it, it won’t need recy-
cling, so try and buy products with little or no packaging, and
reuse things yourself where you can. Join Greensoc in our
campus recycling mission and come along to our next meet-
ing on Thursday 12th October at 6:30pm in Roots. While the
whole recycling thing might seem pointless at an individual,
if we all do our bit we can make a big difference (AND
PLEASE DON’T JUST BIN THIS ARTICLE!).
Emma van Huysse

Your Shout
If you want to have your say in the reorganisation of the Students Union either as a memeber of a focus groups, working party or just as
an individual. Then cut out the slip below and put forward your suggestions with the following details
- Name
- Contact Number (either tel number or email)
- If you want to be in the working party
- If you want to be in one of the focus groups

Once you have done this then please hand the slip into either the barefacts office or union reception. Thank You
 12/10/00 Religon Feature
Why I am a Christian
After last weeks article ‘Why I am not a Christian’ by Andy Gale, barefacts received a phenome-
nal amount of responses and therefore have decided to compile this page with a small selection
of the responses. Unfortunately we cannot publish all the articles due to limited space in
barefacts.
Last week’s feature article, ‘Why I am not Christian’ was a very personal account written by Andy Gale, about
his attempt to ‘rekindle his faith’, while struggling to accept the religion in which he had been brought up. I am
writing in part in response to that article, but at the same time I want to look at the question of Christianity from
a slightly different angle.
The whole area of what we believe and what other people believe is not one that we readily discuss with other
people. Everyone is entitled to his or her own belief, just as long as they don’t start trying to make me believe
the same as them. Right? Well, er, maybe… But if we think for anything more than a couple of minutes about
this, then some serious questions emerge. If everyone believes something different, then what is the point of
believing anything at all? We can’t all be ‘right’ can we? Why don’t I just forget it and get on with my own life?
That is how many of us think about this whole subject. But that last question just doesn’t sit comfortably with
me – why not forget it and get on with my own life? No, it just doesn’t make sense… there would just be no
point. I can’t accept the idea that everything we know and experience and see is merely chance or co-inci-
dence. What is there to make me happy… really happy? Sure, money is great – it would be great to be able
to afford anything wouldn’t it, anything in the world? But then, how would you feel when on your day off, you
turn on your Nicam-Digital-Stereo-Widescreen-Flatscreen-Sunscreen television and see pictures of people
being pulled from the burnt-out wreckage of the train you normally take to work? Or how would you feel when
in ten years time you call your friend whose great relationship you always envied? You always thought how
happy you would be if only you had a partner like that – but now they’re telling you how stressful the divorce
proceedings are and how few hours they get to spend with their daughter… OK OK, these are not everyday
examples, and it’s not as if they will happen to me, right? But how do I know… can I be certain?
Like Andy, I was brought up in a Christian home by Christian parents. I went unquestioningly to church every
week, until I was thirteen or fourteen. Then I couldn’t always be bothered, preferring to stay and watch TV,
and then later, sleep off my hangover before Sunday lunch. And nothing much changed while I was still at
home.
So I was looking forward to university with its limitless alcohol and sex – that’s what Freshers do, we were told.
But I soon realised that this was not the two-step route to eternal self-fulfilment that many hold it to be. So
what now? To say, ‘I turned back to the faith which I once abandoned’, would be, at best, inaccurate. But
gradually over the course of the next three years, with the help and support of friends, I came to realise that
in amongst the tradition of the church I had grown up in, was a core set of beliefs which were key to my life
and which, again gradually, could give me a real hope and a foundation on which to base the rest of my life.
However, there are still a number of widely held criticisms of Christianity. One major criticism, which Andy
touched upon last week, is that Christians seem to believe without actually thinking about, or being able to
explain, what they actually believe and why they believe it. In numerous cases, this is a valid criticism, and I
hope that Christians reading these articles will be prepared to acknowledge and act upon this.
However, this criticism must be held in balance with the fact that human beings with brains the size of a bag
of sugar cannot possibly hope to explain absolutely everything. There are professors and theologians who
can explain the beliefs of Christians to a great extent, far better than I can, but even they emphasise that there
is a place for faith, for believing what you cannot see. And even if scientists could ever be in unanimous agree-
ment on exactly how the world was created, or how mankind developed, they would still be a long way from
being able to explain why.
How many other things do we accept without completely being able to understand them ourselves? The
human body, for example, is bafflingly intricate and complex. Even if one day we are able to precisely explain
every feature and characteristic of our bodies, we would again be left asking why it has been designed in that
way. How many things do we believe in without being able to see them? Love, radio waves, the wind.
Certainly there is a place for explaining ‘why’ and Christians admittedly stumble on this point at times. But can
we really expect to be able to understand every detail of something before we accept and believe it?
I have deliberately not explained what the core beliefs of Christians are. Becoming a Christian for me was not
a sudden experience. It developed over a number of years and therefore I do not wish to try and summarise
it here. However, I can quickly say what Christianity is not. It is not a list of rules and regulations, nor an expe-
rience, nor a social club. It is about actually getting to know and love God. This has been the same for the
last two thousand years, and despite all the rules and traditions which have been brought in since then, this
central relationship to God still remains the foundation for millions of Christians all over the world.
Andrew Goodacre
FINDING OUT MORE
The Christian Union meets every Thursday at 7.30pm in Rushes (Library Restaurant). There are between
80 - 100 people in these meetings, so feel free to come and see what happens. (Tonight's meeting will be
particularly good for people who are interested in finding out more about Christianity). Every Tuesday, out-
side the lecture theatres by the accommodation office, and every Wednesday night outside the Union is a
tea and coffee stall run by the CU, where you can have a free drink and get to know us a bit. Also running
this term throughout the UK is a course called 'Alpha', where you can join a group of people just to discuss
and learn about the basics of Christianity. Courses are being run by the CU and also by a number of
churches in Guildford (email Zöe mu91zb@surrey.ac.uk for more details).
5
WHY I AM A CHRISTIAN
I am a Christian because Christianity is the only way I can make sense
of life. When I reflect on why we are here, what we are here for and
what happens to us when we die, I find the answers in the life and
teachings of Jesus Christ. I believe that Jesus was with God, “in the
mind of God” so to speak, when God through the Big Bang, initiated the
whole space-time package. About thirteen billion years later, when this
planet earth had formed, the process of evolution had done its work and
humans beings had developed complex civilisations, something unique
happened at a critical moment in human history: Jesus was born in
Bethlehem.
My understanding is that as Jesus grew up he lived so closely with God,
that he showed everyone for all time what God is like - at least as far as
it is humanly possible to understand. He was, in a real sense, God liv-
ing a human life. He showed us how to live, to do to others as we would
have them do to us, to love our neighbours as ourselves. He also
showed that God’s love for us doesn’t depend on what we do or who we
are, it is unconditional. As a wise person once said, “There’s nothing
we can do to make God love us more and there’s nothing we can do to
make God love us less”.
What makes Christianity so appealing to me is that Jesus of Nazareth
was radical. He couldn’t stand hypocrisy and during his lifetime he
turned some of the accepted ideas of the religious establishment upside
down. He cared about everyone, particularly the poorest members of
society. He enjoyed a good party and was often seen in the company
of people considered to be at the bottom of the social pile. He went
about healing people who were sick and helping others to regain their
self-esteem. He was a brilliant teacher and preacher, using stories
drawn from everyday life that helped people from all backgrounds to
understand about God. He gave the clearest possible indication of how
God wants people to behave towards one another.
As a scientist I believe everyone is born with a need to have a relation-
ship with the God who created and sustains the Universe. God gave
such freedom of operation to nature and to ourselves that we all need a
point of reference. In nature, chance and randomness seem to me to be
built into the system. Disasters can happen. Human beings have such
God-given freedom of choice that although we are made to love, we can
also hate as well. Evil and suffering have come into the world through
our choices, because we have behaved selfishly and arrogantly. I have
come to accept that suffering is part of life and realise that God is with
us in the suffering, always working to bring the best possible outcomes.
Jesus showed this in his life and in his death. He was tortured and cru-
cified after living a blameless life, doing good for everyone, but death
did not have ‘the last word’.
For me there is overwhelming evidence that, after his death, Jesus was
raised to life again. Because of this I believe that he was and is the Son
of God. His resurrection shows that this life is not all there is. My con-
viction is that I am accountable for the way I live my life and need to feel
genuinely sorry for what I have done wrong. But because God is infi-
nitely loving and forgiving, like the best parent I can ever imagine, I can
be released from the burden of sin that I would otherwise carry round
with me all the time - and for eternity. And that is totally liberating.
The evidence suggests that Jesus never wanted people to worship him,
he repeatedly said that God alone was to be worshipped and that he
had come to be a servant. Love and service were at the heart of his
message - deep, sacrificial love. One of the Christian posters that
moves me greatly shows a wooden cross with the words, “I asked Jesus
how much God loves me and he stretched out his hands on the cross
and said “This much”, and then he died”. I cannot imagine a love greater
than this.
Over the years I have come to understand how the Spirit of Jesus Christ
lives on in the life of the Church and in the lives of his followers. When
I look at the courage, integrity and faith of people like Martin Luther
King, Mother Teresa and Desmond Tutu, I am convinced of it.
Robin Harvey
Anglican Chaplain
Christian Week in the Lecture Theatres
 6 My First Month & Pubs
My First Month
Well, nearly a month has past since that manic day of mov-
ing into UniS and what do I really think about life here so far?
I was really looking forward to moving here until I realised
that I could end up living with any Tom, Dick or Harry. I
prayed that I would be living with ‘normal’ people and as it
turned out I was lucky and have some great flat mates!
When it came to Sunday evening I was determined to make
friends so dug out a strong bottle of home-made red wine,
knocked on a few doors and we got started. Once in the
Union everyone asked me the same questions..... where are
you from? What are you studying? And where are you liv-
ing? Giving the same answers every time I then asked the
same questions back but never really listened to the
answers. By the end of the night I was drunk and penniless
but had made lots of new friends.
On Thursday night we decided to take part in the pub quiz.
What a mistake that was! Don’t get me wrong, it was a great
night but how the winning
team new the answers to
some of those questions
I’ll never know. What nor-
mal person knows the
name of the gold medallist
in the 1956 women’s high
jump? Despite the impos-
sible questions, a great
night was had by all,
especially watching uncle
Barefacts Pub Crawl Phase 1
Last week the barefacts team decided to start on a Guildford
Pub Crawl. So after the editorial meeting we all headed off to
town to sample some of the drinking establishments wonders.
Here’s what we thought
12/10/00
Vic trying desperately to give away tick-
ets to see B*witched.
By the weekend I was exhausted but
had survived my first week and was
determined to do more than just survive
my second week. I am lucky enough to
live above a very generous guy who,
one night, invited my flat mates and me
to his room for free drinks. Thinking it
rude to turn down such a tempting offer
we went down expecting to see a few
warm cans of Tesco value larger and
some lambrini. How wrong we were!
We were told that no-one was allowed
to leave the room sober and then our
eyes were drawn to what looked like
the spirits section of an off license
shop. Flavoured vodkas, tequila,
whisky of all shapes and forms, gin in
many colours and as much lager as you
could drink! As I’m sure you can imagine no-one did leave bruises and with a couple of broken limbs but I managed to
his room sober although I can’t remember where we went escape unscathed. The impression I have got from the team
next! so far (especially after the events during the pub-crawl!)is
that it is more like alcohol training with a bit of running
Being an adventurous person I signed up to do women’s around to make you feel less guilty about all the drink!
rugby during the sports fair. Having never played rugby Sounds good to me.
before it was a bit daughnting going to my first training ses-
sion. I was expecting to walk home covered in mud and By Ali Danby
Price
Price Guide
Guide
George Abbot:
Double Vodka £1.95, Heineken (pint) £1.45, Guiness £2.60, Smirnoff Ice £2.45
The Powerhouse
Double Vodka £2.60, Stella (pint) £2.30, Tetley £2.20, Smirnoff Ice £2.25
J.D. Weatherspoons
Double Vodka + Red Bull £3.10, Carling £1.65, Vodka Source £1.39, Boddingtons
£1.35
Watch out for Phase 2 in future Issues
Daphane & Celeste

Student Council Elections

Daphne & Celeste
Scalarama
Napster
 8 Napster / Live Review
Napster Inc.: Surfing Pirates?
For those of you who don’t know, Napster is
one of many on-line “Peer-2-peer” music
communities who encourage the swapping
of MP3 music files.
What is an MP3?
MP3 is short for Moving Picture Experts
Group, Layer-3 Audio. Basically it’s just a
way of compressing a sound file, so that a
typical song would take up about 3Mb of
hard disk space which is small enough to be
easily transferable across the internet, and
Napster is one of many companies that
encourages its users to do this.
How do I go about trading MP3 files
across the internet through Napster?
When you first log onto their site you have to
download a programme that was written by
then 18 year old Shawn Fanning, one of the
co-founders of Napster.
When you download and install the pro-
gramme Napster will have a quick check of
your computer’s hard drive to see what
MP3’s you have on your system and add
those to their on-line “library”. You then have
access to this central database of literally
thousands of MP3’s from all the other users.
All you have to do is simply type in the name
of a song or artist and Napster will search
the database to see if anyone registered on
their site has that song and, if so, you will be
able to download that MP3 from the other
person’s computer to your own and listen to
it immediately without having had to pay a
penny for the privilege.
Why have Napster caused such contro-
versy?
They aren’t the only company that promotes
this sort of behaviour, but Napster has made
some powerful enemies in its brief existence.
Kings X
Underground
Indie All-Dayer
Kings X Scala
7th October
Musicians and record companies accuse it
of creating an online “den of thieves”. Last
December, the Recording Industry
Association of America, representing 18
record labels, sued Napster for copyright vio-
lations, seeking to shut it down and collect
more than $100 million in damages.
If a person buys a CD then copyright laws
entitle them to copy that music onto another
format (e.g. tape, MiniDisc, or even MP3) to
listen to themselves. If they let other people
have copies of these tapes, MiniDiscs or
MP3s, they are in violation of copyright as
soon as they listen to it.
So why are Napster doing it?
John Fanning, co-founder of the company,
says that “music is for sharing … We think it
is a good idea to bring all the sharing into
one place so people don’t have to look
around many different sites to find the song
they want.”
Napster themselves, however, do not own or
sell any music so are not in violation of copy-
right directly. They only store music for about
quarter of a second as their server uploads
the music off one computer and transfers it
immediately onto another. However, accord-
ing to Internet laws Napster can be classified
as an Internet Service Provider, as can any
member of the Napster community and must
therefore, according to those laws, immedi-
ately halt any piracy they know about and
remove the pirates from their service.
Why are the bands in favour of Napster
supporting it?
Not everyone is against Napster. There are
bands that actively support the company and
its actions. Why?
Many smaller bands are eager to promote
themselves on the site so they can get peo-
12 bands in 11 hours, three fiercely inde-
pendent record labels, 7” singles, fanzines,
and the Germany/England match in the top
bar. Upon entry you wince at the scene.
There are small groups of people who clear-
ly buy all their clothes in the Camden market
stables and see little musical future without a
hefty Belle & Sebastian influence. For a
group that reject current pop and dance
music as bland and uninspired it’s strange
they look to bands like The Chemistry
Experiment to lead them onward.
TCE (who would hate me to use that abbre-
viation) make disaffected noise, the bassist
has his back to the crowd, the singer des-
perately needs a comb, and the guitarist
appears to be realising his teenage dreams
of stardom about 15 years too late. Still, they
are soon forgotten as Kicker take to the
stage. A chiming female vocal backed by
requisite twee guitar strums, less challeng-
ing than an Alice DJ single but pleasant
none the less. Sportique pass without com-
ment, perhaps because most of the crowd
have shuffled into the top bar to watch
England play a truly terrible game of football.
Tompaulin play during the second half but
are actually interesting enough to investi-
gate, big guitar sound, nice vocals, still at
best Belle & Sebastian b-side material
Cuban Boys
ple listening to them and buying their music.
This is a good way for a band to get started
as it gets their sound out to the world without
them having to pay for the distribution of the
music.
Some larger bands also support the compa-
ny:
Colin Greenwood of Radiohead was recent-
ly interviewed on the matter:
“We have just finished a tour, we played in
Barcelona, the next day the entire perform-
ance was up on Napster and three weeks
later when we got to play in Israel the audi-
ence knew the words to all the new songs. It
was wonderful...”
All these artists say that they like it when
people trade their songs. Ben Folds: “When
people get excited about it, whether from
hearing it on the radio or borrowing a record
from a friend, or accessing it through
Napster, they buy records and come out to
shows.”
Fred Durst, lead singer of Limp Bizkit;
Madonna; Moby; Ben Folds and Dave Grohl
have all recently been quoted in interviews
as supporters of Napster.
Why are the record labels and artists
against Napster?
For the artists, music is their way of life and
their source of income. It costs record com-
panies and artists to make music and they
are scared that if
people are starting
to trade their
music across the
internet then they
won’t need to go
out to the record
shops and buy the
albums as they
will be able to go
though.
Football over and DJ Downfall is having a
battle of the Bontempi keyboards with his
mate on stage. A lolloping drum loop and lo-
fi analogue tones for half an hour. Not very
stimulating, certain to get them bottled
should they go anywhere near a real club
situation. This is merely warm up though for
the “big name” act, The Cuban Boys are
back and there isn’t a hamster dance in
sight. As a band they look nothing like you
would expect, all being a lot older and less
interesting in the flesh. But there is a Human
League-esque cover of Offspring’s “Self
Esteem” to raise a smile and the eighties
disco vibe comes over well enough for actu-
al dancing to take place.
This is nothing, however, compared to undis-
puted heroes of the day Baxendale. Three
twenty some-things pretending to play guitar
and synths when in fact it’s all streaming off
a backing tape. The four to the floor drum
12/10/00
to Napster and download it. It only takes one
person to buy the album and upload it onto
Napster and then thousands of Napster
users can then have it on their computers.
From here it is possible to copy these songs
onto a CD and play it in a normal CD player.
Madonna’s recent hit, American pie, was
available through Napster for free 6 weeks
before the official release date in this country
due to someone uploading an advance pro-
motion copy onto the site. Anyone who did a
search for Madonna would have been able
to access this song, download it and copy it
onto a CD long before it was released.
But you can tell that Napster are scared
On their website they have a link to a page
of quotes from artists supporting the site; a
link to a page asking you to add your name
to the list of supporters of the site; and even
a list of some of the record companies that
the RIAA are representing with a note asking
you to write to them on Napster’s behalf say-
ing that you are one of their best customers
yet still a Napster user. Is this a sign of a
company that believes it is in the right?
Are Napster pirates?
I don’t know, and the American appeals
court can’t make a decision and this is why
the legal battle has been going on for the last
12 months. The next hearing in the appeals
court starts on Monday so we’ll have to wait
and see what comes out of this.
Owen Hazelby
Baxendale
machine and electro vibe climaxes with the
multi-vocalled singalong, “Music For Girls”.
As a band they’re brilliant, the lead singer
crossing Jarvis Cocker lyrical wit with a
stage presence as energised as any top 40
pop puppet. Colour co-ordinated in red the
other members can also sing and dance, the
girl providing a good play off of vocals.
Possibly the only band here looking like
making any real impact in the next year, and
sounding distinctly out of place this after-
noon (with the exception of the hamster peo-
ple).
Now the come-down. Whistler fey their way
through a lacklustre performance then
Jacques attempt to make us feel their
depression, although to be fair they’re pretty
good at it. There are more bands but it’s time
to leave, we’re hungry and the in venue
restaurant is an astronomical rip off (multiply
the union prices by two).
Andrew Thomas
 12/10/00
Student Council on Tuesday saw
Student Council
the hustings for 4 candidates
standing for Union positions.
These were Kate Atkins, Emma
Van-Huysse, James Wrench and
David Abbott. Their manifestos are
presented here. Don’t forget that if
you don’t want to vote for a partic-
ular candidate you can always
Elections
vote RON which is re-open nomi-
nations for that position.
When it comes to voting, just fol-
low the link to the place where you
will be asked to enter certain
details before you proceed. You
can then select the candidates you
wish to vote for. Its online voting,
we’ve never tried it before, so vote
and have your say.
David Abbot
Union Chairperson
Hello, I'm David, a fourth year Elec Eng stu-
dent.
In my three years at university so far, I have
been a regular attendee of Arts and Ents
Committee, Societies Standing, and of
course Student Council. I would now like the
opportunity to put something back into the
Union: I would like you to choose me for
Union Chairperson.
I have plenty of experience in arranging and
chairing meetings, starting several years ago
when I was elected to Chair OFU. Since
then, I have also had plenty of opportunities
to practise my public speaking skills.
I believe that Student Council has a vital role
to play in the life of every student, and I
would like to be a part of it.
If elected, I would ensure that the priority for
issues under discussion fell to the ones that
affect you, my fellow students, and not just
bureaucracy. I would ensure that meetings
and individual issues were widely publicised
in advance, so everyone interested can
Kate Atkins
Campaigns Officer
Hi! I’m Kate Atkins and am standing for the
position of Campaigns Officer. I graduated in
June of this year in sociology and have
stayed on at Surrey to do a MSc in Social
Research Methods. I am very caring, enthu-
siastic and hardworking person, characteris-
tics that are ideal for this role, and am not
adverse to sticking up the odd poster, some-
thing I aim to do a lot of! Having spent the
past four years at Surrey I am well qualified
to recognise issues and concerns that are
important to the students of this university,
and areas where more awareness is needed.
If elected I would devote a great deal of time
and effort in not only making the position a
success but also actively encouraging sup-
port and involvement amongst the students.
In thinking about this role, issues that have
immediately sprung to mind range from the
global, breast cancer, safe sex, to the local,
tuition fees, keeping Wednesday afternoons
free for sport, to the more light hearted,
National Smile Week! Whatever the issue,
the level of commitment in publicising, co-
ordinating and implementing the campaign
will be the same from me. I am a friendly and
approachable person and will make myself
Elections 9
Emma Van-Huysse
Ethical and Environment Officer
attend and put their views across. I would Hi – I’m Emma Van-Huysse, a 2nd year transport and energy usage where improve-
take up my seat on Central Committee and music student, and I’m standing for position ments to the Universities environmental
use it to the best of my ability to ensure that
of Ethical and Environmental Officer. I have a impact could be made. I would like to help
Student Council resolutions are implement- keen interest in environmental and ethical generate greater awareness of these, and to
ed, and to report back to all students on their
issues, and feel these are vital factors to con- promote action to decrease the Universities
progress. sider on a University, National and footprint, while supporting and being sensi-
International scale. I am a committee mem- tive towards worldwide projects and cam-
I believe that student democracy is important ber of Greensoc and was very involved in paigns.
- that is why I am standing for this post. organising last years Greenweek - the posi- I believe the Ethical and Environmental
Please use your vote. tion would be a positive development of this Officer position has great potential, and
role, and if elected my main aim would be to would do my best to put this into practice.
act as a link between students, the Union
and the University on the Ethical and
Environmental issues which you feel
most strongly about.
On the Ethical side, I would
like to help develop societies represent-
ing minority groups such as the newly
formed IMF society, Women’s, and
Lesbian/Gay societies. Through the
Ethical and Environmental committee I
would like to offer such societies the
support they need to get their views
heard, which may not be possible at
other Union committee meetings.
The recent Environmental Seminar
identified key areas such as recycling,
James Wrench
Union Chairperson
open to any suggestions – however bizarre As someone who has worked in the Union for
they may be – if it’s important to you, it’s the last two years on a full and part-time
important to me. basis I feel that I am tailor-made for the posi-
tion of Union Chair. Not only do I have a
strong network of ex-colleagues, current
employees who are both full/part-time but I
also have strong links with the sabbatical
team as friends and dedicated team mem-
bers. I have spoken to the previous chairper-
son (Fiona Wareham – President) and am
fully aware of exactly what the job entails.
Not only will I be the Chairperson of Student
Council but will assume the Chair at Union
Executive meetings thus enabling the
President, who currently presides over these
meetings, to vote which I feel is important as
it is to you, the students, who elected the
President to represent your views. I have no
other motive for running in this election other
than to dedicate myself to the improvement
of the Union and the services it offers. MAKE
SURE U VOTE – FOR JAMES WRENCH.
10
Ooh
Stick
You!!
Andrew Thomas meets Daphne & Celeste
Three top twenty singles, infamous live shows, and
a bizarre association with the NME. D&C have been
on every television show, played every student
union, and anything that hasn't been bolted down
has seemingly been thrown at them at some
point...
Snaking through the assault course that is backstage,
Daphne, Celeste, three dancers, and their manager
return from Pizza Express. We all head up to the guest
area and as I pull out my notebook the girls grab some
comfy chairs. Daphne spreads out over hers like she
was watching a movie at home whilst Celeste sits a lit-
tle more vertically.
"Is this university, like ah, an alternative kinda place?",
asks Celeste, "Some of them try to be, that's where you
get people liking Placebo", adds Daphne helpfully. We
go over what sort of bands play at Surrey, Daphne
whoops when she finds out B*Witched tickets sold for
five times the price of theirs, "you get real good value
with us", Celeste says as Daphne catches her breath.
Daphne, "it's a pound a song with a free one thrown
in!". Celeste wants to know what the student bands are
like, Daphne can't believe there's one that sounds like
Limp Bizkit (Trayscrape) but has no problem with it so
long as, "the singer is hot like Fred Durst".
On with the questions, so
why as a pop band are D&C you get paid
playing alternative venues
like Feet First in Camden and
money, they
Student Unions? Celeste
exclaims, "why does every
throw stuff,
college ask us that!". Perhaps then you
because it's a good question?
Daphne continues, "basically leave!
we do whatever we get, we're
not picky, basically after Reading everyone thought it
would be a cool thing to do. If they're going to pay us
we're not going to say no". But how do they handle all
the heckling and missile throwing? Celeste, "you just
leave, I mean it's kind of cool, you get paid money, they
throw stuff, then you leave, there's barely any work!",
Daphne, "you can just take it like a man though. It's hot
up there, people throw some beer so you cool off".
Celeste, "Daphne did take the change off the stage one
time and collected, like a pound or something!".
So was the cover of 'Schools Out' a deliberate attempt
to annoy metal fans? Daphne, "um, yes, that was com-
pletely our intention", Celeste, "we like to annoy metal
fans". But did D&C know they'd annoyed another band,
namely B*Witched? With this I present the evidence,
last week's Bare Facts where D&C are referred to as
Star Interview
"bitches". Celeste reads the piece like it was a bedtime
story. Daphne punctuates it with "oh my god!" every so
often, clearly a little surprised. Daphne, "I wonder if it's
because their careers are so over now they have to
attack two little girls. All power to them for their definite
opinions on us anyway, I don't remember being rude to
them". So what do they think of B*Witched? Celeste,
"well I thought they were nice, oh well, scratch that...".
The pop career management training kicks in here
though and through gritted teeth D&C totally fail to slag
off the Irish four piece, commenting that they're, "love-
ly girls", and that they have, "great parents"!
Still, D&C are well known for
rubbishing other bands so Limp Bizkit's
who do they like? Celeste
reels off what seems to be
version of
the entire top fourty plus a
couple of American non-
'Faith' is
entities (96 Degrees any- good
one?). Daphne really likes
the Dum Dums (well I guess someone had to), Celeste
narrows her scope down to, "any rap artist and hip hop
artist, except Puff Daddy and half the southern rap-
pers". So if all their favourite bands are doing hiphop or
more alternative sounds surely they should want to
make music that's like that? Celeste, "not really, we
want to make music that sells, I want to make money",
she continues, "I don't think us as two teenage girls
could sell hiphop to people, I don't think they'd buy it".
Maybe they could do a cover of something they liked?
"I hate covers", states Celeste, “well, unless you can
add something new to it. Limp Bizkit's version of 'Faith'
is good but there was no need for a band like A1 to do
'Take On Me'”. Daphne disagrees, "no sorry, what
about their dance moves, priceless stuff! I shall
remember that for a long time". "Ow!", at this point
Daphne, who's been trying to swing her chair around
whilst sitting on it, bashes her head into a wall. It's
straight out of the classroom, but at seventeen so are
they. What about the rumours that they're actually a lot
older than that? Celeste can see why, "I'm normally
really cynical when it comes to young artists, I always
add five years to what they're age is supposed to be...",
but then Daphne points out, "...but with us it's like, "no
way, they are definitely twelve", we get the opposite!".
What about collaborations, who would they like to work
with? Celeste, "I think we should do a Whitney Houston
duet, she's handing them out to everyone so we might
as well have one!". Daphne, "perhaps we should do
something with B*Witched, they'd be lots of fun stuff
going on with that!", Celeste, "I actually like B*Witched,
I have both albums!".
12/10/00
So here's the gift horse question, "what are your plans
for the future?". But D&C aren't like other bands who
always talk about how they're "really excited about our
new album and forthcoming single, which by the way is
out on...". No, D&C are going home, although Celeste
jokes, quoting from the B*Witched interview, "I mean,
we are so not the most talented people, we're not even
close, so I guess we won't be releasing anymore sin-
gles!".
The gig itself is a strange affair. After the one song sup-
port act featuring someone who used to be in North
And South doing what sounds like a Britney Spears b-
side D&C come on to cheering and booing. Why peo-
ple pay money to boo a band seems hard to under-
stand. Don't you see? You've given them your money
and they are laughing at YOU. You don't get it, you've
lost the plot, spend your three pounds down the pub
and grumble how "proper" music, with like instruments
and stuff, isn't represented at Surrey. The rest of us will
however enjoy it for what it is, light entertainment. So
D&C play all three singles plus a new one called, 'Roll
Call'. They smile, they wiggle their arses, they point at
the beer boy morons screaming expletives during
'U.G.L.Y'. Daphne and Celeste rock, forever destined
to be a hundred times more "controversial" than the
pantomime pretenders of Slipknot et al.
Daphne & Celeste’s
Ideal Festival Bill
Performers may be dead or alive
Daphne Day
Tori Amos
Ieda Franco
Billy Holiday
Elle Fitzgerald
Jimmy Hendrix
Celeste Day
Tupac Shakur
Notorious BIG
Eminem
Jennifer Lopez
Marvin Gaye
12/10/00 Union Events 11
12
Singles
THE CROCKETTS – 1939 Returning
/Chicken vs. Macho (Blue Dog.)
The Crocketts are impossible to pin down,
‘1939 Returning’ starts gently but the chorus
has a hook which takes days to get out of
your head. ‘Chicken vs. Macho’ has a beau-
tifully shambling rhythm, which features
Ashley Bird of Eurovision Fame, while
‘Happy as a Bastard’, is a full on punk rock
frenzy. A very talented band who could be
well worth seeing at London’s LA2 on the
13th. 9/10 D.N.
THE BEAUTIFUL SOUTH - Closer Than
Most (Mercury Records)
The Beautiful South seem to be one of those
groups that most people own albums of, but
don’t admit to listening to. If you do admit to
liking them sometimes you should be quite
happy with this track, nothing special, but
still good to wash dishes or do chores to.
7/10 E.C.
GURU’S JAZZMATAZZ - Streetsoul
(Virgin)
The first track is rather rappy, the rest being
more R ‘n’ B. The best track has got to be
the third track ‘All I Said’ featuring Macy
Gray, although all of the tracks sound like the
sort of thing you hear played on Radio One
20 times a day. 7/10 E.C.
MUSE - Muscle Museum (Taste Media)
This is a re-release of a reasonably good
Albums
28 DAYS – Kid Indestructible EP
(Mushroom records)
Not content with a number 1 album in their
own country, Australian quintet 28 Days
attempt to take on the UK with their interest-
ing blend of Punk, Hip-Hop and Metal.
This EP gives us a taster of all their styles,
tracks 1 and 2 (‘Sucker’ and ‘Never Give Up’
respectively) are both catchy blends of punk
punky riffs with hip-hop style rapping and
scratching. Track 3 (‘Kid Indestructible’) is
the most metal-esque on the EP but with
definite punk undertones. The final track
(‘La Tune’) is basically one and a half min-
utes of punk silliness which put me in mind
of Blink 182. So, all in all, not bad, but you
can’t help but think that you’ve heard it
somewhere before. 7/10 D.D.
HUGH CORNWELL - Hi-fi (Koch)
Hugh Cornwell, the former Strangers’ front
man has released his first album since 1997.
The first track ‘Leave me Alone’ has catchy
melodies and great rocky guitar sounds but
lacks a desire to want to hear it more than
once. You could be forgiven for thinking
John Lennon is signing in the second track
‘One Day at a time’ which is one of the bet-
Recommended
V/A - Tinsel Town (BBC Music)This is the soundtrack to BBC 2’s half attempt at a club-
bing centred drama, more than vaguely inspired by the success of Trainspotting and Queer
As Folk. Thankfully this two cd set is a good deal more enjoyable than the lamentable tv
series. Featuring good solid club tunes from regulars such as Fatboy Slim, Propellerheads,
and Moloko there are also other contributors including Manic Street Preachers and Death
In Vegas to reflect the “characters development” during the series. The mixing is spot on
and as a pre-club soundtrack this is as good as any. 8/10 A.T.
Music Reviews
track that wasn’t released that long ago if I
recall correctly. Apparently the track has
been ‘remixed’, though it sounds about the
same to me. It’s still an ok track, but not
worth buying again if you got it the first time
around. 6/10 E.C.
THE BOHO SUB BAND - Jiggle Your
Roots (Mercury)
“Open your ears and let the Boho Sub Band
leave your feeling” with their funked up gui-
tars and frantic beats that defy all that has
gone before them. A hybrid of guitars and
funky grooves that actually works. 6/10 C.H.
JAZZY M – Jazzin’ The Way You Know
(Perfecto)
This tune struck me as just another Ibiza-
esque dance track with no real substance to
it. The ‘Cool Crowd Pleaser’ mix is slightly
better with a faster beat, but at 7 minutes it
soon becomes boring due to it’s repetitive-
ness. The ‘Ministry Mix’ has a similar beat to
the previous one but I spent the first 2 min-
utes waiting for it to start and when it did
there was another 6 minutes of boring repet-
itiveness to go. The final ‘Pacha Dub’ mix is
probably the best of the lot, but I still wasn’t
hugely impressed. Overall this isn’t the sort
of tune that would get me on a dance floor
(more likely it would convince me to go to the
bar instead), this means it will probably do
well in the clubs but it completely failed to
impress. 5/10 D.D.
RONI SIZE REPRASENT – Who Told You
(Mercury)
Rap vocals dominate this track, at times
ter tracks on ‘Hi-fi’ and certainly sounds like
the Stranglers. ‘Rainbow’ is also a good solid
track with catchy lyrics and a decent array of
sounds throughout the track. ‘Miss Teazy
Weezy’ which is about an argumentative
female friend is fun and jolly and incorpo-
rates backward guitar solos. This album def-
initely grows on you and if you enjoyed the
Stranglers’ you won’t be disappointed. 6/10
N.M.
DJ CLUE – Backstage (Mercury Records)
Inspired by the Hard Knock Life Tour( one of
the biggest recent hip hop tours ). The cd
features Jay-Z, DMX, Redman, Method
Man, Beanie Sigel, Mya T-Boz & Capone.
The albulm features a few good songs and
one outstanding track : Mya & Jay-z’s Best
of Me part 2.
Some of the tunes seep into the R& B genre
and others are harsh rap, and even some
sweet sounding love songs. Check it out for
yourselves 6/10 C.H.
LL COOL J - G.O.A.T (Mercury)
You may, like me, have thought he was long
gone but Mr Cool is back from the grave
signing up to play the hip hop game. A few
big names are featured on his album, per-
haps to give him a boost of street credibility
(Method Man and Red Man).The songs vary
in lyrical content. From how LL Cool J gets
Elections: Make Your Vote Count
12/10/00
Single Of The Week
EVERCLEAR – Wonderful
(Capitol Records)
I find it quite surprising that a
song with such a positive title,
and catchy and uplifting tune
can be about how a kid feels
when their parents are going
through divorce. This is soft
and gentle alternative rock,
oozing with sentiment, making
Everclear seem shiny and
happy on the outside, but a little
bit twisted in the middle. 9/10
D.N.
threatening to overshadow the fast-paced
drum ‘n’ bass sounds. This record is an SUPERSISTER - Coffee (Gut)
obvious choice for a single; the chorus has “I like my man like I like my coffee, hot,
an unforgivably catchy rap lyric. The lack of strong, and sweet like toffee...”, sung to a
imagination on show here however may glaring rip off of ‘It’s Raining Men’. There’s a
worry fans of “New Forms”. 5/10 A.R. hint of Atomic Kitten about it but still this is,
continuing their coffee analogy, weak and
REGULAR FRIES feat KOOL KEITH – instantly forgettable (hah!). A Cindys-on-a-
Supersonic waves (coke n smoke) (JBO monday-tastic 2/10 A.T.
Ltd.)
I seem to remember this band playing the DUKE BAYSEE - My Girl Lollipop (EMI)
Union, and I remember disliking them then. Chupa Chups sponsor a reggae cover of the
Regular Fries seem to be a mix of everything classic, ‘My Boy Lollipop’, with a dodgy Puff
from guitars to wibbly, wobbly keyboards, Daddy clone in a leather waistcoat taking
with ‘Kool Keith’ rapping over the top, and vocal duties. Yes, that bad. 1/10 A.T.
unfortunately it’s a little bit crap. The remix
by James Dean Bradfield of Manics fame is
a lot better. 4/10 D.N.
Album of the Week
RED SNAPPER - Our Aim Is To
Satisfy Red Snapper (Warp)
Red Snapper really are very good at
what they do, they were good back
in 96, now with this album their
funky dub is highly polished. The
vocals are either male or female
depending on the track, and whilst
they have guest vocalists they blend
together perfectly to make this one
smooth laid back album. However
not all the tracks have vocals and
those that don’t are atmospheric and these constitute some of the best and most beautiful
pieces. Whilst at times it strays into the background music category it can usually manage
to drag itself back to being an engaging listen. 8/10 I.P.
“nasty” with a lady or two, to him reiterating Vine, no John Virgo”. Quite what Finley was
the idea behind the title of the on when he wrote this I dread to imagine. It’s
album.(Greatest of All Time) 5/10 C.H. a disappointing album especially after the
success of ‘maverick a strike’ and will proba-
THE PECADILOES – The Chi EP (Lime bly not even appeal to his fans. 4/10 N.M.
Street)
The Pecs mark their return from a two-year
absence with a strong four track EP. This
release is a clear progression from their
debut album “Caught on Venus”. All four
songs are perfectly competent if at times a
little uninspiring. 6/10 A.R.
FINLEY QUAYE - Vanguard (Epic)
Mr Quaye has been in the media a lot
recently mainly through his black eye from
Goldie but it hasn’t made him more popular.
His recent single ‘Spiritualized’ got in the
charts but didn’t stay too long and it’s easy to
see why. This album is at best melodic and
funky but seems rather directionless and full This weeks reviews by Nigel Morris,
Ian Purvey, Christian Hunter, Andrew
of inane ramblings most of the time. The first
song entitled ‘Broadcast’ seems to be a dig Thomas, Emma Clarke, Owen Hazelby,
& Denise Nicholson.
at celebrities with the lines “no Dennis Wise
with his home and away eyes” and “no David
 12/10/00
Leaving No Turn Unstoned
This week, we bring you three
pieces of top-flight media enter-
tainment that are utterly uncon-
nected other than the fact that we
decided to screen them all in the
same week. This Sunday, Richard
Linklater’s cinematic felch of 70s
teen America, ‘Dazed & http://www.peoplesound.com: If your taste in music goes beyond boy
Confused‘. The following Monday,
well-received thriller ‘The Usual
Suspects‘. And at University Arts
Cinema on the following
Wednesday, Roberto Benigni’s
controversial yet widely-acclaimed
film, ‘Life Is Beautiful‘.
‘Dazed & Confused‘ deals with
70s America in much the same
manner as George Lucas’
‘American Graffiti‘ dealt with 50s
America. Its keen cast of generally
unknown actors carry the movie far
beyond the possible limitations of
the script. It’s been put that the sto-
ryline of this film is light and that
the characterizations are vague or
stereotypical All this becomes
immaterial in the face of the film,
however. From the cars, to the
sounds, to the people, to the
omnipresent fug of marijuana
smoke (author sneezes violently),
this is 1976. You’d have to climb
into a time machine to get a better
look. It’s irresponsible, politically
incorrect... and great fun.
‘The Usual Suspects‘, starring
Kevin Spacey, Gabriel Byrne, and
Pete Postlethwaite, is a noirish
thriller that has a flawless cast giv-
ing a fantastic ensemble perform-
ance, a torturous plot that makes
Pulp Fiction look like Jackanory,
and a superb soundtrack. Very,
very much worth going
to see. Kevin Spacey, in particular,
is superb, really playing off of
Bryan Singer’s inspired direction.
As a film, it’s inspired some fairly
exceptional devotion - check this
out: http://suspects.cjb.net/
Arts Cinema this week is showing
Roberto Benigni’s controversial
‘Life Is Beautiful‘. The story in
essence of a father’s love for his
son, it is in its first half the story of
the relationship between Benigni’s
madcap waiter and a woman
whom he literally runs into. Some
years later, we find them happily
married, with a precocious son,
Giosu. All too suddenly, their idyll is
shatter by the Second World War,
where, as Italian Jews under
Mussolini, they are transported to a
Nazi death camp. The film from
hereon depicts the father’s coura-
geous struggle to conceal the
awful truth of their situation from
his son, by contriving an elaborate
explanation of the camp and their
situation as being an exciting
game, with a big tank as a prize.
Throughout the traumatic separa-
tion of the mother from father and
son, and the slow disappearance
of their fellow prisoners, Guido’s
ceaseless efforts to make life for
his son an exciting and happy
experience act as solemn testa-
ment to human endeavour. ‘Life Is
Beautiful‘ has been attacked by
Various
some critics for not addressing the
Holocaust in harsher or more real-
istic terms - yet I feel that this film
was not intended to be an accurate
reflection of the holocaust. It’s not
that the atrocities are trivialized, far
from it. They don’t have to be
broadcast and explicitly shown to
muster the same horror - the sense
of dread that the audience feels as
a dark and essential undercurrent
to the touching affection between
the father, son, and mother.
However, any criticism that this is
rewriting history, that the holocaust
wasn’t as bad as it seems, is sim-
ply indefensible. This film is, in my
opinion, very much worth seeing.
See you there, if this damned
freshers’ flu clears up...
And, as a footnote, I’d like to per-
sonally apologise to the people
who came to see ‘Blood Simple‘ on
Monday the 2nd for the quality of
the screening. The print we were
supplied with was generally agreed
to be of the worst condition in col-
lective memory, and an official
complaint has been made.
Speaking as projectionist for that
screening, I’d like to thank all the
audience for their patience and tol-
erance. Cheers. s•Secretary
Gruntfuttocks.
13
This Week on
the Web:
Music sites
bands, or even girl bands, you might just find something to download on
peoplesound.com. This is one of the new breed of MP3 sites that lets
you download selected tracks, or listen to music streamed live to your
computer all for free. The site is well laid out, although you can be bom-
barded by a lot when you first enter, you’ll soon spot the good naviga-
tion bar and there are good reviews by people. This means that instead
of trawling through hours of dross, you can go straight to something that
will probably be good even though you probably won’t have heard of
most of the artists. It also means that we can search by the type of artists
we like… or by the kind of
mood we’re in. Oh yeah, if
you’re feeling really lazy you
can head straight for their
editor’s choice and down-
load chart which gives you a
peoplesound choice top 20,
a good way to hear different
types of music from a range
of up and coming new artists
who just want the exposure.
9/10
http://www.regaetrain.com: This may not be everyone’s taste but it’s
a good site with lots of links to anything regae. You can listen to their
regae radio station whilst going through the history of regae they’ve laid
out for you, or if you’re
already a fan you can look at
the news reviews and inter-
views. There are competi-
tions and a music store if you
want to buy anything you
liked listening to. The only
thing that could do with
improvement is the layout,
other than that a good site for
enthusiast and amateur
alike. 8/10
http://www.brandnewmusic.com: Another site about listening to new
unsigned artists, but this one has a difference. Gone are the days of the
old point and click naviga-
tion here you pull the virtu-
al button up and down their
selected track and stop
them when you like the
selection. It’s not easy to
use if you haven’t used one
before, but you can get
used to it. I’m guessing
there will be people out
there who hate it but I have
to say I like it and it certain-
ly gives an air of originality
to this genre of sites. 7/10
http://www.jockrock.org: Well a look at different Scottish music, so it
isn’t all Rod Stewart, The
Proclaimers and Garbage. I
like this site, and it’s well used,
the message board has a lot of
recent postings that can be
worth a read and there are
plenty of other features that
make this site well worth a
look. Although some people
won’t be a fan of the tartan
they’ve used as a back-
ground…8/10
http://www.twistedtunes.com: If you’re looking for something a little
different this is the place to
come. The juke box is free
and you can download the
songs too…of course if you
want cd’s you have to pay for
them. The layout of this site
is good, clear, and very easy
to use and if you’ve always
been looking for “OOPS I
farted again” or other songs
of the same calibre you now
know where to come. 9/10
14 Ents Planner 12/10/00
 12/10/00
UK Awareness Night
UK Awareness Night this year kicked off with the most
English of pastimes – partaking in a cup of tea and a rich tea
biscuit. The Teaching Block was filled with English board
games and a variety of drinks and nibbles and strains of the
Beatles could be heard in the background.
The tour through the weird and wonderful aspects of British
Culture began in the
‘Serious Room’ where advice was given about British trans-
port, welfare, employment and the like. But the room proved
to be far from serious! Within five minutes the entire crowd
were playing musical chairs and dancing round the room to
the dulcet tones of the Spice Girls.
Next came the ‘British Culture Room’ where newspapers
were compared, the English system of monarchy outlined
and snippets of Shakespeare were recited. Students were
Societies 15
given free magazines with places to visit in London outlined
and took great pleasure in the mini Union-Jacks placed on
each table.
The third room on our magical mystery tour involved ‘British
Publife’. In true British style the process of getting dressed
up, drunk, peckish, then dancing till dawn was explained
with the aid of some beer cans and hedex – the evening’s
comedy props.
With the tour finishing in the ‘Video Room’ the audience had
the chance to experience British TV humour and drama with
a viewing of ‘Fawlty Towers’, ‘Ali G’ and the wedding of
Prince Charles and Princess Diana.
The night ended with a UK Pub Quiz where the students had
a chance to mingle, munch on peanuts and win themselves
free entry to Wacky Wednesday.

The event ran smoothly and fun was undoubtedly had by all.
Many thanks to the Sabbs, Rodney and all at Educational
Liaison, and Stadia for the funding.

Words by Lucy Andrews

Pictures by Kevin Marston

Left: One of the many themed rooms at the night

Top Right: A warm up game of Musical Chairs to lighten the
evening
Right: A scaled down version of a British Pub quiz

Like two personalities with matching ideas, SPOOKED trodes

Poetry Row
Being With Myself
In the smallness of my room
there is me, recumbent in bed,
savouring the company of my thoughts.
Within the confines of my mind,
there are my thoughts, roaming heedless-
ly;
I need only think and they respond,
always, surely, absolutely.
Sometimes I think aloud,
and my thoughts find voice as well.
except we bicker as much as we concur.
When reality does impose,
sundering my thoughts,
the comradeship of friends I find;
only to grasp nothing, sometimes.
At request my thoughts shield reality for
me,
as my mind reaches for reason -
that guards the solace in me,
reassuring that I am never alone,
in the smallness of my room or the con-
fines of my mind.
yk blOOcOw tAn
Nothingness in Ecstasy screaming in my
head,
Watching the quarter to five morning show,
For all the lonely toys that can’t sleep on
the floor.
The darkness swirls and the oil rigs drill
And the plug is locked in the socket:
I can’t just wrench the madness free,
There are mountains in my head to climb.
‘Black holes make the galaxy spin…’
And I want to kiss Patrick Moore,
Play the xylophone on his head,
And say ‘cheers mate’, but I can’t see with
only one eye,
As I unscrew the skullcap, apply the elec-
And think ‘this is the only way, up-river,
down-river,
It’s really all the same’ and I enter the dun-
geon,
Band my head on the low ceiling,
And blink for a second;
At the Nothingness in Ecstasy that’s
screaming in my head,
Laughing stupidly at the twisted corpse of
the talking fly,
Lighting cigarettes off the toaster in this
fireproof house
and smiling sweetly at the thought of some
green.
President of PretentIous Society
16 Lifestyle 12/10/00
Dr Russ of postgraduate courses know what’s happened to their for-
mer students. Why not ask them for this information before
Dear Russ If you would like to check whether a particular career you commit yourself? If they are reluctant to tell you, per-
requires postgraduate study, individual Occupational haps it’s because many of their students are still job-hunting.
Do you think it’s worth doing a postgraduate degree? Profiles in the Careers Service provide this information.

Dear Monica Finally, a lot of people drift into further degrees without hav- Russ Clark
ing a clue what’s at the end of it. Fortunately, most directors Careers Service
I’m going to throw the ball back into your court and ask ‘do
you think it’s worth it?’ In other words, why has it come into
your mind in the first place? For example, you may be
attracted to the prospect of remaining a student. Or maybe
you think it would give you a breathing space before decid-
ing which career to follow. Perhaps you’re thinking it might
improve your employment prospects, or, that you ought to
stay on simply because, after all, doesn’t everyone stay on
who gets a good degree?!

Only you can answer some of these questions. What I will

try to do is to give you some idea of the implications for your
career if you take certain courses of action. The first piece
of advice I can give you is to suggest that you think about
what career you’d like to follow and then work backwards.

For example, if you see yourself in a long term research

career, then a PhD is a tremendous asset since it confirms
your ability to carry out effective research. It also means you
can compete more effectively with colleagues when promo-
tion opportunities come up.

Similarly, you may be considering a career which requires

more specialised knowledge than your first degree provided.
Masters courses are tailor-made to meet these demands
with virtually every subject from actuarial work to zoology
covered in one course or another.

On the other hand, if you would like to pursue a career in

say, chartered accountancy, your employer would sort out
your training for you. A postgraduate degree would be quite
unnecessary.

Barefacts
Editorial Meeting
7pm Mondays in
The Grant Mitchell Room in SU

Jeans 4 Genes Day

Thanks for everyone’s
contribution
£348.60 Raised in Total!
 12/10/00 Gossip & The Universe 17
Big Sister Who’s Been Caught This Week on
on camera
camera

Go first years go, set yourself free…….the backlash has started, one brave
little first year took the plunge and like dominoes they have all followed
suit. They have released themselves from the tirade of relationships and
enjoying the cold nights cuddled up to just about anyone they fancy at the
time. Should be a good night on Friday!!

Is there anyone out there with a skinhead? And are you a big lad? Did you
find yourself in a fight this week? Well we have one piece of advice for you,
next time you have a fight, remember to take off your pink and frilly frock!!
Apart from causing the funniest fight of the year you might like a handbag
next time, it may do a better job!

Rugby boys, rugby boys, the same things happen week after week.
Believe it or not it is not essential or desirable that we see so many of you
naked!! Still it keeps this gossip column going and its something for the
girls to giggle at.

Lizard D I have been informed that you are all talk and no action, so you
didn’t get laid again, never mind, but get hold of that unicorn before she
slips into the night with the sexy German.

Daphne and Celeste proved a big success this week…….one bloke in par-
ticular had to be held up through laughing so much, keep it up Ben the
Union wouldn’t be the same without you.

Now the Ministry on the other hand had to be one of the best nights spent
at the Union except perhaps for those of you who went to the Bewitched
night. But CJ Mackintosh the DJ on the night was larging it with one par-
ticular girl who happened to be attached to our own Phat Vibes DJ, won-
der what he’ll have to say about that then?

With Little Sister been and gone, it has been revealed that not everyone
If you have any photos you wish to send into
can go for four hours without a quick tug, isn’t that right, Lukey!! barefacts then please send them to
Keep the gossip coming on gorgeous_babe69@hotmail.com barefacts@surrey.ac.uk or pop them into the office
And remember Big Sister is still watching you.
Tinks and Winks in the Students’ Union

Vodka, Malibu, Martini’s...yeah baby
To all ya knakers out there!
Fancy a bit of Tallaght.
South side rules!!!
Who the fuck is zake? any why is he back?
The Rusty fly is airborne, soon no s**t will be safe!!!
Actually, I’ve already registered www.my-name-is-sam-and-
my-head-is-too-far-
up-my-own-arse.com and www.get-a-life-you-sad-
fuckwit.com So there
Dear foamygroper, tell me your fantasies. Mine is a wan-
dering erect foamy member. Love Sheep.
Actually, I think my last personal was a bit rude and abu-
sive and there was no
need for it. Please don’t use it.
there is a person in 2B who not only kills moths by burning
them on the hob she also stabs them with her utensils!!
Personals
Congrats Special on your first ever Tactical Chunder,
gracefully dispatched in Murpheys, Munich. I’m sure you’ll
get the sly dog back for buying the Pina Colada pitcher-but
at 20DM how could we go wrong? Bring on the
Sparkie+Special tour to Nuremberg next month to join
Jonah in some double vodka+redbulls for 4DM!!! Who
needs USSU?! Prepare to ‘TC’ again Special!
Happy Birthday ‘Cheese Boy’ aka Cactus Kean love M & H
Sparkie-stop renting dodgy german DVD’s and get
involved with special in some ‘TC’-ing!
Cheers Kev for putting barefacts back up on the web and
keeping surrey placement students worldwide INVOLVED!
from the ElecEng boys in Deutschland, the land of
unshaven women
Why does an old bird have more energy?
Why do people keep disappearing?
Questions that need to be answered people!-AR
Who let the Claire out? Woof, Woof,Woof,Woof!
Would the Cambridgeshire Rose care to tango??
Ngan Tran-Charles Khan Usher - can we be
bridesmaids..in Stonehenge!?!!!
What a WEY 2 nick a bench...and take it back again!!!!
MY LITTLE PRINCESS, ITS SOOOO NICE WORKING
WITH YOU!!!
to all Carrot lovers, you better watch your every move, you
just dont know who is watching you!?!
metals and ligands are just like couples, they like to be
together in the right situation (and they dont cheat on
eachother!!!)
SCANDAL ON BLACKWATER 4!! Senior resident gives up
baby sitting job!
What’s the best thing to have naked with Cornish Pasties?
GINGER of course!!!
Finnish economics bloke, can you bring your sexy London
friend next time?!!!

I didn’t sleep with you, you just wanted it to happen Do you always scare first years? JB can’t WEY to see you in that dress again!!

BEARDED BROTHER WEEK 5:
Drama in the Bearded Brother Household this week as one
of the housemates is discovered to be harbouring a secret
supply of Razors and Shaving foam. He is duly evicted.
Beard length: 1.5 inches.
the angel is not as cronically shy as you would think!!!!
little matt try using KY jelly
what will she (AR) think of next?
IMPORTANT!!! ALL FANS OF Z PLEASE CONGREGATE
AT GATWICK 20/12/2000 0200 HRS
Simon says: “Will the Lativian final year sociologist give me
a M.S.O!”

Sharon has the laugh of the Irish! Nurse Jo P., watch out AMD is after you and won’t stop
until you submit to his charms
What have all the tonsilitus suffers been up to together?!
“G’day Scott, G’day Scott, Say G’day to Helen.......Scott”
More toast please Dave
“So who will be summoned before The Committee this
puis bien! week, will it be me
will it be you, who knows and quite frankly who cares”.
Did you hear the one abut the pussy and the vegetarian
sausage? BDS “Babs, is it true that you won’t be plucking Conan’s pubes
this week,
The pussy ran away! BDS don’t worry, we know why - The Hockey Boys”.
Hey Paul!!!! DIdn’t know you knew the Art of Seduction in
German!!! TopBanana
Where’s Mike Rotch???
Stag Hill Social Committee is up and running!!!! KEEP UR
i’s peeled 4 upcoming events!!!
SHC social committee.... Run by U... 4 U!!!
Hey... I c my personal got put up last wk bout the pub
golf.....I wonder if this will go up??
18 Notices 12/10/00

AGMS & N OTICES

AGMS
AGMS

Thursday 12th October

Hellenic Society AGM
6PM LTG

Thursday 12th October

Sonic Boom AGM
7pm Hari’s Bar

Thursday 12th October

Fencing AGM
7.30pm in UniSport Main Hall

Friday 13th October

Physoc AGM
1PM 7AC22

Friday 13th October

Taiwanese Society AGM
6PM LTK

Friday 13th October

Cypriot Society AGM
7PM LTG

Surf AGM
17th October
TB19 (Time to be Confirmed)

PGA AGM
7pm Wednesday 18th October
Venue to be confirmed

Thursday 19th October

Afro-Caribbean Society AGM Xtreme Sports Club - SKY DIVING
Main Union 6.30pm
If you would like to join this semesters Sky dive Course please contact the xtreme sports club at:
Friday 20th October xtreme@surrey.ac.uk or 07941 134 240 asap. Closing date will be Monday 16th of October.
Yoga & Meditation Society AGM Price:- £180 for first jump, training and insurance. Further jumps :- £35 approx.
Time & Venue TBC

With Fudge it won’t budge!!!

HAIRTEC
Monday 23rd October
TAE KWON DO AGM
In Studio Room (Campusport) @ 5:15pm

Monday 23rd October

Scout & Guide Club AGM
Main Union
Time To be decided 24 Madrid Road
Wednesday 25th October
Riding Club EGM
(01483) 440414
4.30pm In Chancellors

Tuesday 31st October

The Mountain Biking Club r AGM
Reduced
prices for
6pm in TB23.

Students
NOTICES
NOTICES

Ultimate
Ultimate Frisbee
Frisbee

Tuesday’s -
12-2pm Sundays
At Unisport Sports Hall

Friday’s
Guildford
Guildford JobJob Centre
Centre
Will be visiting Union Reception
on Wednesday 18th October 12-4pm

inclusive
TUITION FEES: LOCAL EDUCATION AUTHORITY
ASSESSMENTS

Full-time UK & EU undergraduates who have applied to a Local Education

Authority (or DfEE in the case of EU students) for a means-tested public
contribution towards their tuition fees are reminded that a copy of the LEA
(or DfEE) assessment notification should be sent to the University Registry.
Lloyds
If you have received a Local Education Authority or DfEE assessment, and Chemist
have not given a copy to the Registry, please do this as soon as possible.
The Registry is on the 6th floor of Senate House, open 09.00-13.00 and
14.00-17.00, Monday to Friday.
Madrid The Astolat
This request does not apply to those students who started their course
before 1998 whose fees are paid in full by the Local Education Authority.
Road
RegistryOctober 2000 Apollo Video Store x Newsagent
 12/10/00 Sports 19

SURREY PRIDE
Dazzeled by a gleaming forehead UniSport
USMHC 1st XI 2 - 2 Addiscombe Student Badminton
The second half started sprightly as a 14-man Surrey
The men's hockey 1st XI made a welcome return to began to run rings around the opposition. The oppo's Student Badminton at Surrey is enormous – so much so that we at
fortress Varsity after a summer spent loving teachers, no. 8, and probably their best player took a right beat- UniSPORT have to apologise for all those who were disappointed on
eating chips, babbing and strict fitness regimes. A ing in the 2nd half. First, Ivy tangled heatedly with Tuesday evening, who weren’t included in the 5 week workshop or who
poor season last year resulted in 'nil points' gained at him, then Conan put in what the umpire called a were unable to play during club sessions. Sorry – but we are trying to
home, a record that we were keen to change. 'clumsy' challenge, sending the poor man flying. keep you involved with Badminton.
Obviously Conan had heard that he had the secret to
Everyone turned up on time, a surprise given the man red fire! Surrey kept battling and were unlucky to Beginners badminton workshop – Tuesday 19.30 – 20.30
state of many at the union the night before... (Conan, have a goal disallowed which would have surely killed Workshop I is full but names are being taken at the Sport Centre
once again your little brother ruined you, and why the game off. Spurred on by this, Addiscombe came reception for the next 5 week workshop starting on Tuesday
were Ivy's fingers down your throat?). After an back and scored the equaliser, a shame after such a November 7th .
encouraging team talk given by a drunked president good performance by the boys.
et al, the boys started the game well. Surrey had a Sunday Morning 10 –12
majority of the possession with great performances On reflection there can only be one sensible expla- Two courts have been allocated for recreational badminton while
from the flighted one and the machine down the right. nation for the Surrey goals. Their keeper was obvi- the teams train on courts 1, 2 & 3. The club chair will assist during
We took the lead via a short corner, buried in the bot- ously not wearing the correct equipment. When faced the morning.
tom corner by a man who should never leave his own by a shiny forehead (and soon to be whole head) of
half. A fluke the whole team thought, not surprising, such intensity clearly sunglasses were necessary. Recreational Badminton (Students)
one goal in three years is no impressive record. Being blinded can be the only reasoning for T. Courts can be booked at the Sport Centre free of charge on pro-
Addiscombe came back hard and capitalised on Kemp's goals. It's certainly not his flair in front of goal! duction of a UniSPORT Card or a Sports & Classes Card. Please
another short corner despite the best efforts of The contact other players for a game from the list on the Badminton
Beak. 1-1 and the game was anyones, Surrey win by Le president de camp. Clubs Board in the Students Union.
another short corner and Kemp only goes and pops (No bias in this report - honestly)
another one in, something was clearly the matter with
Addiscombe's keeper.
Pole Walking – Nordic Walking
New to Britain, new to Surrey and new to UniSPORT
Who Wants To Be An England Manager?
Come and join in a lunch time group who meet at Senate House
Entrance on Tuesdays at 13.10, to enjoy walking around the campus,
ONE
ONE VACANCY
VACANCY FOR
FOR ENGLAND
ENGLAND MANAGER
MANAGER the lake, grass and paths with walking poles. The poles are provided –
all that is required are sensible walking shoes and a sense of humour.
JOB PROFILE:
Must have following qualities Nordic walking releases muscular tension and pain in the neck and
- Patience, and high levels of tolerance when dealing with the consequences of the job. (I.e. loosing!) shoulder region, you can burn 400 calories an hour (but you may enjoy
- Must have good motivational skills, tactical skills (anything other than 4,4,2 most appreciated) to walk more slowly!). It does not aggravate joints and its suitable for all
- Most importantly be able to work fast (seeing as next World Cup qualifying match is in 5 months time and ages and sizes. We hope to see you for a half hour walk!
England need to win!)

So
So who
who is
is in
in the
the running,
running, to
to fill
fill Kevin
Kevin Keegan's
Keegan's shoes
shoes

PETER TAYLOR
Who Is He? - Ex-manager of England's under 21 and Gillingham by
Employed? - 2 months into managing Leicester City
Tactics - excellent record for the under 21's but inexperienced when it

comes to the worlds best.

Has good motivational skills and is quite tactically aware.
RULING: Very strong possibility if he is willing to leave Leicester

TERRY VENABLES
Who is he? - The people's choice!
Employed? - TV pundit
Tactics - Led England to quarter finals of Euro 96 therefore tactful
Has excellent managing and motivational skills, however
has not done so well after leaving as England's coach
RULING: Strong possibility if the F.A are willing to take him back on

BRYAN ROBSON
Who is he? / Employed? - Middlesborough's present manager
Tactics - When it comes to transfers, the man is completely tactless
(but that would not be a problem in this job).
Not much of a motivator and judging by Middlesborough's
performance not very tactically aware.
RULING: Okay but only if were desperate!

OTHER OPTIONS
Arsene Wenger - Excellent record need I say anymore. However proba-
bly unwilling to leave Highbury Road

Marcello Lippi (picture right) - Ex Inter manager and took Juventus to

win 3 Italian League Titles. Currently unemployed and also willing to take
on England

Sariqa Wagley
 SURREY PRIDE
X1 UNBEATEN THE HOGSBACK
University of Surrey 1st XI 3 Mountain Walking Club Day Walk
Royal Holloway Old Boys 0
Hello again!
The First Team continued their unbeaten start to the season and their 100% Saturday This Sunday the Mountain Walking Club
record with a convincing win against a physical Holloway side. In difficult conditions went on a short walk around the
Surrey managed to play some good quality football, exposing the opposition’s lack of Hogsback and surrounding area (includ-
mobility. ing Ye Olde Ship Inn!). We were pleased
In a tight first half chances were few and far between, though it was the home side’s to see so many people turn up, and we
two wingers, Dom Walker and Gaz Batty, who were invariably involved in anything enjoyed the good weather. Anyone is
Surrey could create. as the half wore on a superb run and cross from Batty resulted welcome to join us on any of these walks;
in Lee Turner missing a glorious chance to open the scoring. Unfortunately Simone
e-mail mountainwalking@surrey.ac.uk to
Pietri had to leave the field injured just before half-time but utility man Stve Catt be kept up to date with our planned excur-
stepped in to sure up an already formidably strong defence. Despite the deadlock
sions. You can also find out what’s hap-
remaining through the opening 45 minutes it was Surrey who looked the stronger
pening by looking up the website by fol- Mountain Walking club says HI
side.
lowing the links from the Student’s Union
The second half continued in much the same vein with the First Team having far more
Sports Pages.
of the possession. The pressure finally told as a well worked corner saw Walker cen-
tre for skipper Sam Nourizadeh to head home and break the Holloway resistance.
The away side continued their tactics of kicking as many Surrey players up in the air As promised last week, here are some photos from the trip.
as possible, but the fleet-footed Turner foiled their plans; he was too quick for them Mountain Walking club decide to have an unexpected Coffee stop
just minutes later as he cracked home his seventh for the season. Nourizadeh At our weekly meeting on
wrapped up victory with a well taken second for himself and third for the team as the Tuesday lunchtime, 1pm in
First’s consolidated their position at the top of the Surrey Intermediate Premier the Teaching Block foyer, we
League. will be planning the trip at the
MOM - Walker BOM - Gurtin end of week 8 (October 27 –
29), and hopefully some
more day walks. We will also
Football Definitions for Yanks plan another social event, if
you wish to become involved
No1 - The Bicycle Kick Sometimes referred to as the “bicycle” by ill-informed in any of these, please come
American Football fans, the bicycle kick involves the player athletically volleying the to the meeting.
ball with his back to goal, performing a scissor-kick while suspended mid-air before
landing comfortably and seeing the ball nestling in the bottom corner of the net…
something an American Football player could only dream of.