The University of Surrey Students’ Union Newspaper
issue 1036 www.ussu.co.uk
NEW PROGRAMME
REP SCHEME
USSU and RSU launch
federal representation
system | page 8
LOADS OF
COMPETITIONS
Dangermouse dvd,
free nights out and free
clothes! | throughout
FRESHERS SPECIAL
BUMPER EDITION OF BF
28[!] pages of information, opinion and
plain entertainment | every page
IN THIS WEEK’S PAPER
UniS ranked 33rd best in UK
The University of Surrey improved its
ranking in the Sunday Times university
guide by eight positions. News | page 3
Is it our duty to bomb Iraq?
Paul Canning asks if we have the right to
bomb Iraq, even if the UN says it is alright
to do so. Comment | page 7
The DAVE project
An introduction to the various training ses-
sions and learning objectives of the main
man DAVE. Union | page 9
This week I shall mostly be...
The one and only ents planner for all of
your freshers week entertainments. What’s
more - it’s in colout! page 17
the.net
A brand new internet section, giving you
some links to wile away those
in-between-lecture hours. page 22
Snowing in summer
A report from the British Universities
Snowsports Club summer trip to the
French Alps. Sport | page 28
THURSDAY 19 SEPTEMBER 2002
Pilot scheme designed to recognise students non-academic contribution to university life
USSU & UniS team up to give
students ID
AS THE UNIVERSITY gears up for
Freshers Week, the Students’ Union and five
University departments have pulled together
to create a brand new scheme for all students
to get noticed for participating in training
outside their academic studies.
The Individual Development scheme is
a pilot project designed to award students
points in recognition of participation in any
of the ID sessions run through the scheme.
The partners are the Union, UniSport,
Marketing & Public Affairs, the Centre for
Learning Development, Educational Liaison
Centre and the Careers Service. Each
department has highlighted a list of sessions
that form the ID programme for 2002/2003
and these sessions will be published fully in
barefacts next week. A sneak peak of what to
expect can be found on page nine under the
DAVE project which is the Union’s arm of
the Individual Development pilot.
New approach to student discount deals
Retrospective scheme similar to that of supermarket loyalty cards
NUS HAVE THIS year changed the way
that students get their discount in high street
stores like HMV and Topshop. From this
year on, students will need an NUS discount
card to allow selected retailers to swipe
through when students make a purchase,
in much the same fashion as a supermarket
loyalty card.
For the majority of retailers, students will
only need to show their discount card to get
a discount. For HMV, however, they will
also have to hand over their discount card
so they can have it swiped a la supermarket
loyalty cards. The final, more extensive
method, employed by Habitat, is to place
retrospective discounts in an online account,
known as an e-wallet, that can be accessed
through the NUS website and transferred to
the discount card users bank account.
By Andy Blair and Scott Farmer
Essentially, each session run by the project
will give a student 5 ID points, and when
they have gained 20, 40 or 60 points, then
gain their bronze, silver or gold award.
In essence, points mean prizes. There are
certain sessions that students will have to
have under their belts in order to get each
award and this has been added so that every
student who gets an award has been party to
participating in certain areas of training.
It is a general assumption these days
that it is longer acceptable to think that if
a student has a degree then they will not
need to do any more studying/training. The
Government’s Green Paper on Lifelong
Learning identifies the need for a ‘Learning
Age’ where ‘equipping people with the
right knowledge and skills will be crucial
By Paul Wright
A University of Surrey campus card (used in
the library and for entry to the union on gig
nights) is still a valid NUS card for proving
your student status to other student unions
and organisations.
To get one of these new discount cards,
just pop into the new Students’ Union
INSIDE
barefacts believes: a scheme like this
one cannot work on a national level
Comment: “meddling third parties
should not interfere” believes Paul Wright
free
to maintaining high and sustainable levels
of employment’. Thus, a degree may only
be a particular student’s starting point. The
Association of Graduate Recruiters also
believe that “employers like people who are
interesting, it’s a good idea to avoid blanks
on a CV,” “competition for jobs also meant
that employers increasingly looked at CVs
for clues to people who were interesting,
well-rounded, and with experience of
leadership and teamwork in the real world.”
Students can gain ID points from the
first session they come to, right the way
through their University career, although
the first year is a pilot – this is the intention.
ID will put UniS students on the map and
bring out their employability further to
future employers. USSU is not trying to
catch students out, waste their time or
force them to come to anything. Individual
Development is designed to give students
the information they will need to be a
successful academically, professionally and
socially. It is time to get some ID.
(downstairs from the main venue) and say
hello to our new receptionist, Alison. It
takes about three minutes to fill in the form
and there is need for a photograph. If you
get the time then please activate your card
online as well at nusonline.co.uk - if we get
enough students signed up online then the
Union gets the money due for last year’s
contract from ITM, thereby making the card-
issuing efforts a little more worthwhile.
2 NEWS 19 September 2002

NUS claims ‘university more expensive

than ever’
National body claims that students will leave university upto £15,000 in debt
IT HAS BEEN claimed by the National Union
of Students (NUS) that studying in the new
academic year will be more expensive than ever.
The NUS says that costs for the year 2002-2003
in higher education will be more than £1500
and that students are likely to leave with a debt
approaching £15,000. The estimated cost of
living outside of London has reached £5800 and
a concern regarding the added temptation of
substantial overdrafts offered by banks is a worry
to the NUS.
NUS president, Mandy Telford, said that many
students are having to work up to 35 hours a week
in order to supplement their loans and as a result
were not getting enough time to study. She added:
“Grown-ups are entitled to some leisure time but
the fact is they are being forced into low paid,
part-time jobs to do it.”
Student
finance is
one of the
priority
campaigns
for the NUS
By Richard Watts
in 2002-2003. In a briefing on student finance
released to the Students’ Union, it highlights
the review of higher education offered by the
government and the proposed date for such a
review: Autumn 2002. It claims a responsibility
to “fight against elitism in both further and higher
education to ensure that all students have equal
access and are able to participate based in their
ability to learn and not their ability to pay”.
NUS “welcomes the government’s recognition
that the current student support arrangements
in England and Wales are not working and also
their announcement to review the balance of
contributions between the state, parents and
students as part of the proposed options paper on
The NUS president Mandy Telford
the future of higher education funding”.
The goals of the NUS throughout the year are get student funding right and to ensure that the
a fair system of funding for all, an end to fees, government achieves its policy aims of widening
a return to grants, maintaining a system of loans participation and increasing access.
subsidised at current rates and an end to student A focus on student finance will appear in barefacts
poverty. It is believed that the government’s in the next few weeks.
options paper provides an ideal opportunity to

Working at the Royal Surrey County Hospital Signed minibuses advertising USSU
across the country
Why don‛t you turn your spare time into
spare cash? By Richard Watts
THE FLEET OF USSU minibuses, which
• Competitive rates + Holiday Pay are primarily used to ferry students in their
• Hours to suit your needs various clubs and societies from Guildford
• Access to the Social Club and subsidised food at the to matches, conferences and away-days,
have all been re-painted and signed as part
hospital‛s restaurant of USSU’s image overhaul.
• No previous experience required Some five minibuses have all been adorned
• training & support provided with various USSU and UniS logos (as well
• A chance to develop your interpersonal skills and meet new as the usual “how is my driving” question)
people
and will help to promote USSU as students
utilising the buses travel to their respective
commitments around the country, as well as
in and around town on the numerous safety
minibus runs performed during big night’s
out in the week.
Fred Wilcocks, who for many years now
has been responsible for the up-keep of the
fleet and examiner of the minibus tests, will
continue to test prospective drivers and look
after the fleet of minibuses.

Join us and help us to make a difference locally!

For further information or to visit call:

Louise on 01483 406662(NHS Professionals | nursing)

Maria Rana 01483 4641999 (House-keeping)
Zara Robinson on 01483 402711 (Recruitment Advisor)
Evelyn Koh 01483 464836 (R&R Facilitator | nursing)
Human Resource Dept on 01483 402727

email: recruitment@royalsurrey.nhs.uk
19 September 2002 NEWS 3

UniS improves standing in university’s league tables

University guide highlights the University of Surrey as one of ‘research-based elite’
ACCORDING TO THE Sunday Times
university guide published last Sunday,
the University of Surrey is the 33rd best
university in the United Kingdom. In the
same guide of the previous year, UniS
was ranked 41st and has thus improved
considerably in its footing amongst other
institutions. Each university and college
is ranked according to its performances
in seven distinct areas: teaching quality,
research quality, A-level entry requirements,
employment figures, classification of
degrees awarded, student/staff ratio and
drop-out rate and UniS performed well in
the majority of these categories, especially
in the number of graduates employed within
six months of their degree, coming joint first
with Robert Gordon University in Aberdeen
(see UniS tops employment story, page 4).
In its brief synopsis of the university, the
guide says that UniS “has forged an unusual
path...along with its vocational
By Richard Watts
bias it has become one of the research-
based elite. Electronic engineering and
subjects allied to medicine and sociology
all received 5* ratings in the past year’s
research assessment” and that “as a result,
funding was increased by 20%”. The low
drop-out rate, ranked 27th, at UniS was also
applauded: “Surrey has managed to bring its
drop-out rate below the official benchmark
and well below the national average
– no small achievement for a science-based
university.”
Of the top thirty five institutions, UniS
students’ average points entry are a clear ten
points below that of other establishments
and so the performance of the university
in achieving its ranking is really quite
exceptional. According to the teaching
quality assessment, the position of UniS
is wholly justified but when considering
research, UniS
is of the same
caliber as Kings
College London,
the University of
Nottingham and the
University of Leeds
to name but three
esteemed places of
higher education.
There are nine Paul Wright, the Students’ Union president,
departments in total of the university that is quoted in the supplement as saying that
are deemed ‘excellent’ according to the one of the best features of UniS is the
survey, which was primarily compiled using “small campus with lots of green spaces”
data from the Higher Education Statistics and that the worst feature is “the cost of
Agency and the Quality Assurance Agency living in Guildford”. In a table of cheap
for Higher Education; these were business accommodation, Surrey is in fact ranked joint
and management, civil engineering, ninth, though this is actually the ‘cheapest
economics, education, electrical and university-managed accommodation
electronic engineering, materials technology, available’ and thus probably refers to a Stag
physics and astronomy, music and finally Hill duplex room. It highlights the range of
psychology. accommodation as ‘£37-£72’.

NUS calls on government to fund institutions and not

‘send them to the wall’
New plans are in direct conflict with widening participation agenda, warns NUS President Mandy Telford
The National Union of Students (NUS) has called on the By Richard Watts and the ‘commodification’ of higher education could be the
government to increase funding in universities instead of first step down the road to top-up fees. This government
taking steps to close some institutions down, following adequate level of funding that encourages all universities to made a manifesto commitment to the country that it would
comments last week from the Minister for Lifelong flourish and build on their strong points, not force poorer not introduce top-up fees and NUS shall be holding them to
Learning, Margaret Hodge. While the government has institutions out of the sector. that promise. It also made a pledge to widen participation,
correctly identified that not all universities are the same We are seeing more and more students having to study but these new plans appear to have little in common with
and “they cannot compete on every footing” NUS finds it closer to home because of the phenomenal rise in the cost of that goal.”
abhorrent that the government is not prepared to support going to university. Forcing
institutions that are doing so much to meet the government’s institutions to close may
widening participation agenda. prohibit many students from
NUS National President, Mandy Telford, said: “The newer being able to enter higher
universities are the ones that traditionally have a greater education because there
intake of exactly the students that the government is trying is nowhere to study in the
to attract into higher education and to force these institutions locality.
to the wall is diametrically opposed to its own widening The NUS fears that such a
participation agenda. The government needs to provide an move towards a free market

Buliding completion delayed until

mid-December
WITH THE NEWS that the new Business
Management degree has managed to attract
400 new students to Surrey this September
comes reports that the brand new £11m
building will not be ready to receive them
until after Christmas. The building, which is
to be shared between School of Management
Studies for the Service Sector and Surrey
European Management School, will have
a 400-seat lecture theatre and extensive
teaching facilities.
Work started on the shared building in July
2001 and should have been completed by
September 2002; all indications now point
to a completion date in the middle of
Above: a view from on top of the new buliding. Below: the AP building (l) and the ground floor (r)
By Paul Wright
September. High winds during the putting
in place of concrete planks hampered
construction, as did a national shortage of
bricklayers.
barefacts is swollen with pride to be able
to release some photographs of the half
completed building works. (barefacts also
does not condone wandering about building
sites without supervision or the correct
safety equipment. Even in the name of
journalism.) See next week’s barefacts for a
business school feature and more photos.
4 NEWS 19 September 2002

University of Surrey tops USSU begins a brand new

employment figures once again clothing range
Sixth year in a row on top of table for UniS Being ‘cool’ can be a cheap business, you know.
By Richard Watts
THE By Richard Watts

THE UNIVERSITY OF Surrey has once
again achieved first place in the league
table for the lowest unemployment figures.
According to the First Destinations
of Students leaving Higher Education
Institutions 2000/01 report, published by
the Higher Education Statistics Agency
only recently, just 1.96% of all first degree
graduates are unemployed within six months
of graduation. More traditional institutions
such as Oxford (5.8%), Cambridge (4.1%)
and Nottingham (4.3%) do not rank quite
nearly so highly.
This result further strengthens UniS’s place
at the head of the league table for the lowest
average unemployment measeured over the
last six years, where the unemployment
figure drops to 1.28%, ahead of the Robert
Gordon University in Aberdeen.
With the news that the university has
improved its ranking in the Sunday Times
guide to UK universities (see page three),
these figures confirm that the University
of Surrey can compete with some of the
more established university’s in the UK.
That the Students’ Union is also performing
extremely well with numerous new schemes
in place can only help to encourage students
to Guildford.
The Students’ Union has begun its own
EMPLOYMENT range of branded ‘University of Surrey’
clothing, offering several styles of t-shirts,
TABLES hoodies, zip-up tops and even a fully water-
resistant waterproof.
The clothing, which begins at £7.99, is
institute % unemployed available from the Students’ Union from
the reception area and will soon accessible
on line, so any purchasing whims can be
University of Surrey 1.96 % dealt with almost immediately. The range
is not intended to compete with the clothing
Robert Gordon University 2.23% already offered at various outlets on campus,
but instead to offer more variety and style,
Gloucestershire University 2.25% augmenting the current ranges around.
Nottingham Trent 2.51% There is a limited stock available, however,
Aberdeen 2.64% so if you do want to grab something, then
you had better do it quickly. Alternatively,
you can turn to the competition section
Oxford Brookes 3.26% for your chance to win your choice of the
Kent 3.32% clothing available.
Bath 3.75%
Leeds 3.78%
Hull 3.85%
figures are for universities in 2001 UniS energy awareness campaign
Source: Higher Education Statistics Agency

By Richard Watts more institutions have followed suit

THE UNIVERSITY OF Surrey has
launched its new energy awareness
campaign on order to help combat
wasteful energy practices. Posters in
the bus shelters and around campus
have all appeared urging students
and staff alike to consider energy-
saving practises in their everyday
chores.
The campaign comes at a time when the
National Union of Students (NUS) has
also started to focus on green issues at
universities, especially in the aftermath
of the Earth Summit in Johannesburg.
In a press release from the NUS, it was
highlighted that, during the summit, “world
leaders missed the opportunity to make
real impact on the issue of climate change
following pressure from self-serving oil
companies and the USA.”
NUS National Environment
Campaign Co-ordinator, Steve
Bloomfield, said: “Universities
are huge users of electricity and
as the planet attempts to service 2
billion more people with electricity,
without increasing the climate, it is
vital that somebody stands up and
leads the way, and that somebody
should be the UK universities.”
Last year, Loughborough University
was the first to switch to 100%
renewable energy, since then two
with two of the three reporting no
additional cost. NUS Vice President
for Welfare, Verity Coyle, said:
“Universities now have a fantastic
opportunity to make a real difference.
As we have seen at Loughborough
and other institutions this is not a
costly exercise and one from which
the benefits could be immeasurable.”
Universities currently account for
1% of all energy demands in the
UK.
5 TIPS FOR ENERGY EFFICIENCY
1. Switch off your lights whenever a room
is left unoccupied and when daylight is
adequate
2. Switch off pc’s, vdu’s and printers when
you are not using them
3. Keep windows and outside doors closed
when the heating is on and report problems
of over-heating
4. Report dripping taps, minor leaks and
overflows
5. Do not wash utensils or food under
running taps
19 September 2002
Do we have the right to bomb Iraq - or is it a duty?
WAR DRUMS ON both sides of the
Atlantic rumble on, whilst here we see
huge troop movements and political
mumblings that make war with Iraq seem
inevitable. Whilst Britain’s housing boom
marches on, I don’t imagine that there are
many investment companies planning to
sink their cash into the Baghdad property
market at the moment. Whenever I
see someone on the television talking
about a ‘regime change’ in Iraq, I find
it incredible that they make it sound like
putting on a pair of shoes, when in fact
it will be more akin to finding a parking
space in Guildford on a Saturday.
There can be few people that honestly
believe that Saddam is a suitable leader
for any country. Every time I see that
photo of him in the newspaper, wearing
his 1940’s style hat and holding a shot
gun aloft in the air, I wonder how he
manages to feed himself, let alone run
a country.
The only living proof of someone without a mobile phone
“Hello? Yes - I’m in the pub. Where are you?” “I’m standing right next to you.” “Oh yes, so you are.”
LEAVING MYSELF SOMEWHAT open
to attack here, I am willing to admit that I
am the only person I know without a mobile
phone. That’s right - there is no way on this
earth that I can get in touch with someone
via a text message or a free-minutes call
by my own means: I am, if I was to believe
all of those around me, a communicatory
dinosaur.
Now this bothers me very little - in fact,
as you could probably have assumed, I
quite like it. I even appreciate that in my
role as VP communications and marketing
not having a moblie phone is somewhat
ironic. What I do struggle with, however,
is seemingly everyone’s constant attempts
to rid me of the old-fashioned ways I enjoy
and bring me into this new age. With cries
of “how else are we going to contact you?”
there comes no consideration for the notion
that I might not want to be contacted - that,
for some crazy reason known only to me, I
might just want to spend a nice evening with
my girlfriend or relax with a good book and
2002 - 2003
editor in chief | richard watts
editor | position vacant
deputy editor | position vacant
news editor | position vacant
music editor | position vacant
film editor | position vacant
literature editor | position vacant
if you are interested in a position on the editorial team or writing for barefacts, please come along to the
editorial meeting | thursday | 5pm | media centre or e-mail barefacts@ussu.co.uk
COMMENT 5
However, the $64,000 done is further compound targets.
question remains: do we the suffering of the ordinary To my mind, the bottom line is
have the right to bomb folk. Insufficient food and that we have little choice. Generally
Iraq, even if the UN does medical supplies never speaking, I oppose war as a method
eventually back the move? impacts on those in power, of conflict resolution: it is ultimately
For President Bush, the but instead devastates self-defeating, as everyone loses out in
subject of Iraq is supremely the lives of their citizens. some fashion. There is an absolute must
embarrassing to him. Not The dearth of weapons for an international coalition. The UN
only did his dad not manage inspectors also means that must impose a deadline for weapons
to finish the job off after the
PAUL CANNING despite what intelligence inspections and then come down on Iraq
Gulf War, but America also we have on their weapons like a tonne of bricks if they are not met.
gave Iraq weapons in order The only thing years of capabilities, the basic facts These efforts are not of course helped
to help them with their war sanctions have done is are that we simply do not by the general demeanour of George
against Iran. Even worse, compound the suffering of know what capabilities “Dubya”, whose self comparisons to
the Americans encouraged ordinary folk the country has of attack. Churchill are as insulting as tagging the
the people of Iraq to rise up Chemical, biological, even Churchill name to a nodding dog in order
against Saddam after the war, but then nuclear weapons - we have no truly to peddle car insurance, but we can only
failed to give them any logistical support, concrete evidence of any of these. I work with what we have.
leading to the slaughter and suffering of think we can safely say that they have Ultimately, we have a duty to act: to
many well-intentioned Iraqi’s (especially some pretty nasty stuff, and even if they protect the region, long-term global
the Kurds). could never strike against the UK or the stability and to repay some of our debt to
As if that were not bad enough, the states, several other places in the region the general population of Iraq, who have
only thing that years of sanctions have (specifically Israel) could be prime suffered enough from our dithering.
some music. It is selfishness that just isn’t instant enough arrangements before is apparently totally
on their behalf and it is for some people: they want irrelevant. Is it not exciting to wait at a
certainly selfishness on my to be able to contact me now bar or arranged meeting place, wondering
behalf. Just count the number because there is something whether your date will turn up, or whether
of “I’s” and “them’s” in this very important they have to your friends might have meant the other
article already if you are not tell me (usually along the lines entrance to the train station? I would argue
sure on that last point. of “I’m nearly there - see you yes - mobile phones take away all the fun...
So let us back-track here and in a minute”). I keep using ...unless you’re playing ‘snake’ on them,
consider some of the reasons the argument that in the day or any other silly game. That people use
why I should be getting myself
RICHARD WATTS when there wasn’t any phones moblies is bad enough - that they play
the new 5540 or the phone with or means of contacting anyone games on them is just sad.
the function that brushes your I appreciate that a at all, then what did people I coul go on for a long time, but space will
teeth in the morning. First of comms sabbatical without do - but all I get back is “but always win. The selfish aspect of all of this
all, there is the “we can never a mobile phone is we’re not there now, are we?” is so prominent we should not be surprised
get hold of you” complaint - somewhat ironic True enough, but what is so - remember that the mobile phone (being the
one that several people seem bad about applying some of brick that it was then) was, and still is, the
to be missing the point over. As far as I am the approaches of that time and actually icon of the money-making yuppies of the
aware, the answerphones I use both work learning to communicate with each and plan 80’s. There is bound to be trouble because
quite well and I am reasonably capable of ahead a little? of this - there has been for the past four years
calling someone back. I can also do that Reliant. Folks with mobiles seem to be and there will be until finally everyone just
e-mail thing and, last time I checked, had a quite reliant on their phones to make sure lets the phone thing drop. All I ask is that
postal address that people can send letters they will arrive at a place where they know people simply communicate with each other
to. their friends will be because they’ve just and not just insist on using their little phones
Therein lies the problem, though - all of phoned them to check. That they had made as a poor second best
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6 COMMENT 19 September 2002

NUS discount card, in

THE UNIVERSITY OF SURREY STUDENTS’ UNION
WWW.USSU.CO.UK
Congratulations are due to UniS for their
league-table performance
Although 33rd might not sound like
that impressive an achievement, for the
University of Surrey to record such a
position in the UK universities league table,
and more importantly to improve so well on
its previous performance, is something that
everyone around campus should be proud
of.
That UniS is considered ‘one of the research-
based elite’ is a testament to not only the
academic excellence of the teaching staff
and students here, but also to the university
for focusing so tirelessly on postgraduate
study. Having Tim Brown elected as
the General Secretary for the National
Postgraduate Committe will ensure that the
focus on academic study after graduation
will not dwindle and that postgraduates are
represented as comprehensively as their
undergraduate counterparts.
Results such as these help can bolster
students, especially when it comes to
returning home to their friends and
comparing one another’s university and its
relative merits. To say you are of the ‘elite’
can be quite satisfying.
It is difficult to ignore the contrasting
indications given by various statistics
and the comment of the Students’
Union president, Paul Wright, regaring
accommodation. From his ‘student view’
perspective, the president indicated that
the worst thing about Surrey was the cost
of living in Guildford - it is “ridiculosuly
expensive” he says. Compare that to the
table of statistics which states that Surrey
is joint ninth for the ‘cheapest university-
managed accommodation available.’ Given
the recent history regarding rent prices, it is
perhaps a little fortuitous this statistic reflects
so healthily on UniS and, more accurately, a
little misleading to the student who is yet
to arrive. When students are inquired of,
therefore, to divulge some information
regarding the cost of living, perhaps it is
wise to say that, though indeed there is
some university-managed accommodation
available to rent at £37 a week, there is also
a planned 24% rise in prices over the next
four years and that, should someone wish
to attend UniS, therefore, they need to start
saving some pennies.
retrospect, is not on
SO NUS HAVE, in their deal”. Sinking ships comes
infinite wisdom it would more readily to my mind, at
seem, decided to change the least.
way that students can get At this year’s NUS Convention
discounts in retailers such as an emergency plenary was
HMV, Topman and Comet. In held to inform union officers
the past campus cards (with of how this new system would
NUS logo printed in the top work. Aside from the extra
right corner) were sufficient PAUL WRIGHT burden placed on unions such
enough. But now that is no as ours where the university’s
longer good enough, students registration card doubles
need to have an additional This was not the best as the NUS card, issues
NUS Discount Card. solution and smacks of were raised about possible
The reason for the change being rushed through by privacy infringements that the
is that NUS sold out their the outgoing Committee purchase tracking could allow.
discount ability to a separate The NUS representatives
marketing company call ITM. ITM now assured the audience that this was not the
manage the NUS online website and tied case, as only NUS and the member’s union
USSU into a four year term contract to would have access to the data collected from
host ussu.co.uk. The card is required so the registrations - though the opt-out box on
that retailers like HMV can swipe it with the registration forms appears to contradict
every purchase (much like a supermarket this as it includes ITM in the authorised list.
loyalty card) and build up demographic It was explained that the third parties, such
information on student buying habits. For as HMV and other retailers, would not have
more demanding retailers like Habitat the access to specific personal details but merely
card holder will have to register the card could collate buying pattern data.
online to gain any form of discount - these Our very own Rich Watts asked if there
will be retrospective discounts that will be would be any support to get the required
collated in an e-wallet and transferred to the number of students to sign up online to a
user’s bank account at a later date. service that in the short term will only be of
Some critics have pointed out that this will use if they shop in Habitat on a regular basis.
only increase student hardship, as students Dervish Mertcan, NUS National Treasurer,
will be waiting for the savings to find their commented, “well, a contract is a contract”.

The new NUS discount card does not work way from the online account to their bank It is true that the discounts we as students
accounts. The time the money is with received are certainly not a right however

at a national level the online account it gains absolutely no I still believe that this was not the best
interest, whereas a front up discount would solution and smacks of being rushed
free up this saved money straight away to through by the outgoing National Executive
One of the biggest problems with an (retrospectively, in many cases) and that accumulate interest or reduce overdraft Committee leaving the new team to pick
organisation that works and represents at a confusion for new students regarding levels. up the pieces. From a commercial point
national level is that it cannot possibly act which is their campus card and which is Others have pointed to the fact that the of view I can definitely see the usefulness
in the best interests of every single affiliate their discount card will be rife. It does not cards are a very good way to force students in being able to build up buying habit data,
member. Particular cases and specific achieve anything but bemusement and for to register online if the retrospective e- anyone who has placed an online order with
requirements are often over-looked in some it may mean not bothering with any wallet scheme takes off with other retailers Amazon will have seen in effect with their
favour of a more generic, national set-up sort of discount whatsoever. such as HMV. I guess the thinking is this recommendations. The issue here is that
that, accordingly, carries just that little more If the NUS could recognise that in particular would prove that the 30-year contract NUS a national student representative body is
weight behind it. cases this scheme just isn’t feasible, then signed with ITM was well worth it, even if facilitating retailers to achieve it and this
The introduction of the new NUS discount maybe it is worth having a look at; but the once estimated £50 million income now trend will only increase in future years as
card is a prime example of where a national whilst the insistence lies in introducing the looks to be £5 million or less. Some cynics more retailers want more information on
project simply does not work quite nearly project on a national scale, students at this prefer the phrase “attempting to salvage the their customer base.
as effectively as it is hoped to on a regional university - whom NUS are trying to help
level. Here at UniS, we already have a here - will not see much benefit.
campus card that is graced by the NUS logo Perhaps the NUS could go to HMV in the
and, as a result, receive up-front discounts town centre for us and mention that we What do you think?
on its exhibiting at a shop’s counter. already have a joint campus/NUS card and
The new scheme will mean that students of therefore could so without this new swipe- Having looked at some of the opinions here, articles or features about any topics you
UniS will have to carry around two separate system? Somehow, barefacts cannot see what do you think of our writer’s thoughts? feel strongly about. The e-mail address for
cards in order to receive their discount that happening... Do you agree with Paul Wright that discount articles is
cards should give a discount up front or are
you happy with retrospective money-off barefacts@ussu.co.uk
DAVE sounds like a nice bloke your purchases?
Do you think that Gary Bewick has a fair The deadline for article submission is Mon-
point when he talks of political correctness day before publication at 5pm.
So often, volunteering, skills or any other self-development schemes are always looked upon
gone mad or do you feel he is taking the is- If you would like to get involved, then e-
as somewhat dowdy and, if truth be told, not very exciting. It’s like having to go to “personal
sue a little too plainly? mail the above or come along to the weekly
and social education” classes at sixth form all over again.
Whatever your opinion, barefacts would editorial meeting at 5pm on Thursday’d in
But the work of USSU over the summer months to re-think all of their schemes could
be glad to hear it: please send in any letters, the Grant Mitchell Room of the Union. r.w.
never be tarnished with the same brush - the federal programme representation system with
Roehampton and the DAVE arm of the individaul development pilot project are both as up-
to-date and relevant as anything seen before.
To not take part would be to miss out on an opportunity which rewrds for the majority of
things people do anyway - you just have to look at the planned dj course to see that that
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
particular statement is true. “You must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool.”
The fact that it all looks so good is pretty impressive too. RICHARD FEYNMAN (1918 – 1988), PHYSICIST
19 September 2002 LETTERS TO THE EDITOR 7

Discrimination against the majority

(and the insanity of political correctness)
AFTER GRADUATION, THOSE
of us who are not looking to take on
postgraduate study will be job-hunting
and in the U.K we have laws that prevent
discrimination on grounds of sex, race
and sexual orientation, amongst others.
All well and good in theory, but as a
white, heterosexual male, I can be at
a disadvantage when it comes to the
job market by managers so scared of
lawsuits that they would find hard to win,
and offending the p.c. groups, within
government, that they may choose a
coloured, female, or homosexual person
over me without really caring about who
will do the job better. I’m all for equality,
but that’s what it has to be: equality for
all and not so heavily biased towards
the minorities. A recent example is that
some American universities or voting rights can be from flights, as passengers were refusing
(including ones as prominent reprimanded or shut down. to board with them, and now the airlines
as Harvard) are adding a In the real world, there are are being sued for racial profiling. Sexual
sexual preference section to no rules to prevent this kind Harassment laws are another example
their admission forms and of p.c. insanity. of political correctness gone too far. A
the university presidents To broaden things slightly company institutes sexual harassment
have been quoted as saying I’m of the opinion that policies to prevent itself from getting into
it may be more important political correctness is one court - fair enough you might think, but
than grades, depending upon of the most insidious forms when someone is dismissed under these
various circumstamces.
GARY BEWICK of thought control in effect rules, they could quite probably take the
To suggest that university at the moment, For example company to court anyway for an unfair
admission should not be I’m of the opinion that racial profiling; after the company policy.
mainly decided by academic political correctness is events of September 11th, the I’m going to end this now and see where
prowess is ridiculous, and one of the most insidious U.S Government had to pay it goes; I feel like I’ve just scratched the
there are signs of it catching forms of thought control to stop the airlines getting surface of the whole p.c. issue, but I’m
on over here. On campus we sued by families of victims sure you can all think of examples of this
are lucky: the only requirement to join for not stopping the Arabic males from madness in your life off campus,
a society is union membership and any boarding. Later that week, young Arab Until next time, I will remain politically
who refuse to allow you membership, males fitting that profile were expelled incorrect and proud.

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Letters must be received by 5pm on the Friday before publication to guarantee their presence in the next newspaper. Letters may
be edited for length or clarity | E-mail: barefacts@ussu.co.uk

Does the student newspaper wish to compound prejudice and consolidate the have and have not divide?
Dear Editor,
We were concerned to read the article in barefacts issue 1035
relating to Widening Participation issues (“Examinations are
meant to be difficult, aren’t they?” barefacts, 12/9/02).
As the Widening Participation team within UniS we would
like to address some of these issues.
In the article the basic premise of Widening Participation has
been overlooked: that there are many people who have the
potential to access Higher Education who MAY need more
encouragement than others.
There are numerous young people who come from deprived
or problematic backgrounds where entering H.E. does not
seem like an option, often because there is no experience
of H.E. within the family. No one has ever suggested that
entry standards will be lowered for these people to be given
this opportunity. However, it needs to be recognised that not
everyone capable of entry will be a traditional 18 year old
3 A-Level candidate. There are other equally valid entry
qualifications, which the article sadly has failed to recognise
(“This situation is true not only of Further Education, which
is to say A-Levels”- barefacts). Equally, the Widening
Participation target does not assume that all those entering
H.E. will join a traditional 3 year degree programme. There
are a wide range of other routes to take, including much
shorter diploma programmes.
The claim that exams are getting easier is, as you said,
one that is made virtually every year. This does not mean
it is true. It is very likely that the increase in pass rates is
due to many factors, including: better teaching standards,
more access to useful information through the internet,
and increased concentration on exam taking techniques.
Basically, pupils are better prepared than they used to be.
The comment about degrees losing their value if more
people study for them is equally misleading. Degrees do
not become worthless simply because many people have
them. More graduates in the jobs market place will lead to
increased competition and fewer people would be artificially
held back from applying for jobs they may be capable of.
Few would argue that this is a bad thing.
A big challenge that faces the Widening Participation
agenda is to overcome prejudice and intellectual elitism.
The Widening Participation team works hard to open
doors, to bridge gaps and to act as a catalyst for access to
the University for those who have been deprived of the
opportunity. Does the Student newspaper wish to compound
prejudice and consolidate the have and have not divide?
A University should be aware of the issues in the
surrounding community and be willing to facilitate access
rather than reinforce prejudice!
WIDENING PARTICIPATION TEAM
Educational Liaison Centre | University of Surrey

Dear Editor,
In last weeks barefacts the NUS and USSU
seemed to be making a effort to
refrain freshers from “doing drunk”, yet
whilst in Roots over the weekend
I noticed that for freshers week (at certain
times) you can pick up a pint
of Carlsberg for 50p!
1) Surely this, and other special offers aren’t
going to help freshers refrain from “doing
drunk” - especially when a pint of most soft
drinks is roughly £1.20
2) How is Roots able to sell Beer this cheap?
Did the £2.00 I paid in my
freshers week help subsidies this years
freshers?
LAURENCE HELLYER
P.S. The Union has certainly not held its
drink prices (Carling and soft drinks are
up at least 20p) - how does barefacts justify
this quote? (Unless you compare prices to 3
years ago?)
“Drinks prices held” claim causes relative uproar
Dear barefacts,
I read with interest your lead article in the 12
September issue, regarding the new Union
beer range. I was shocked at the blatant
fib being made, and surprised that no-one
thought that someone would notice.
I quote: “the Union will be selling......Carling
at £1.80, meaning that
this is the third year in a row that the Union
has held its drink prices”. Hang on a second,
only a few weeks previous to this article
Carling had been on sale at £1.59. And
I’m sure three years ago it spentat least a
semester being sold for only a quid.
There will be a widening participation feature in barefacts of week four; if you would
like to contribute to the debate, e-mail barefacts@ussu.co.uk
Is the author taking the “students do drunk”
strategy that NUS are whinging on about
seriously, and thinking that all the returning
students will just have forgotten how much
beer used to cost because of the drunken
haze of last year? Don’t get me wrong, I’m
not complaining about the beer prices, but
I object to such a big porkie pie being told
on the front page of an otherwise quality
publication.
Yours,
WILF D’LAMY
EDITORS RESPONSE
That the Union has ‘held’ its beer prices
to the penny across every lager, bitter and
real ale is indeed a misleading declaration
– both authors are quite correct in their
statements concerning the price of Carling
in the last few months.
What the article was suggesting, perhaps
a little too implicitly, is that the price of the
most expensive lager had not increased this
year and that the maximum anyone could
pay for a pint of lager does not exceed
that of the last three years. It was not the
intention of the article to be misleading in
the way outlined above.
As for students “doing” drunk, barefacts
was reporting on the campaign of the NUS,
with which USSU or any of its practices is
not associated in any way. This newspaper
also has no knowledge of how Roots can
sell its beer so cheaply, but is happy to
perform extensive testing to check that it is
all “ok”.
RICHARD WATTS
8 UNION 19 September 2002

Have [responsible] fun

Welcome to Guildford. It’s a
nice, civilised town. There’s a
river, a castle, a little cobbled
high street with a farmers’
market and lots of rather lovely
boutiques. As towns go, it’s
first week away from home.
Having a few is fun, but losing
your friends, realising you’ve
forgotten your key, snogging
someone you can’t focus on
and then being too out of
M oney
atters
Off-site rent assistance
about as safe as they get. But your senses to tell them that
you all know that that doesn’t you don’t want to go home Are you living in accommodation that is off campus?
mean you can get complacent with them is not. I don’t Are you expecting to get some assistance with the cost
TONI BORNEO of this later on in the semester from the off-site rent fund?
and take risks that just aren’t VICE PRESIDENT EDUCATION think sorting out a condom in
worth it. There are a few AND WELFARE that state is going to be likely If yes, then please read on, because there have been some important changes to the off-site
things you can all do to make either. So just get happy, not rent assistance scheme this year.
my job a bit easier to take responsibility for pathetic. There are better things to do on a The money for the scheme comes from the Hardship Funds made available to the
yourselves and avoid unnecessary trouble. Saturday morning than trying to get hold of university by the Higher Education Funding Council. The regulations governing the
Stick together – this is a classic parent line. the morning after pill. distribution of the money have been gradually changing and it is no longer possible to help
But you’re obviously going to be vulnerable The rest is no big mystery. Keep some everyone who has a high rent to pay – the money now has to be directed to students who
on your own. Even boys. When you decide money on you for an emergency taxi. Tell can demonstrate that they are in real financial hardship and most applicants, therefore,
to walk home from town, or go home from someone where you’re going if you go out under the age of 25 will have to take out the maximum student loan available to them
the Union or even walk to Tesco’s in the alone. Don’t tell strangers where you live. before they can receive money from the fun.
early evening, just grab a friend or two and It’s funny. After a few weeks of being This does not mean that financial help is not available in cases of need but that the
you’ll be a much less attractive target. really naughty, you kind of wish there was application process will be different.
Don’t get paralytic – this isn’t a lecture. someone waiting up for you when you’re If you would like to know more about this, then please contact or call into the Student
Of course you’re going to drink – it’s your out…. Advice & Information Service (SAIS).

Student Advice& Information Service (SAIS): Wey Flat 2 | Surrey Court

USSU and RSU team up to launch t: [68]9261 | e: student-advice@surrey.ac.uk

federal representation system

Q
V - opportunities
A
WHAT THE HELL IS A PROGRAMME REP?

GOOD QUESTION SQUIRE: IT’S A COURSE REP, BUT WITH A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT NAME
words: andy blair
Over the last few months, the boffins at the University of Surrey Students’ Union and
Roehampton Students’ Union have teamed up to tackle the issue of how students get their
voices heard within their departments. The result of this collective head banging is the new
Programme Representative System that is set to run at both UniS and The University of
Surrey Roehampton from Semester 1 this year.
Following lengthy discussions between both Unions and Universities, the importance of
having students who represent their fellow students is undeniable and it also allows the
University to gain a greater understanding of student issues as well as ways in which the
students can support the developments of courses and departments.
Interaction between students and staff is the cornerstone to a successful academic working
relationship. For those of you who have never heard of the Federal University of Surrey, then
here are the basics:
‘On the 1st January 2000, The University of Surrey and Roehampton Institute London
entered into a unique and innovative federal partnership and the Roehampton Institute
London became the University of Surrey Roehampton.
The two institutions remain legally separate, are separately funded, control their own
property, employ their own staff and register their own students, and students will apply and
be admitted to the two institutions separately. However, under the federal arrangements, there
are joint mechanisms for the award of degrees and related academic standards. Degrees and
other qualifications will continue to be awarded in the name of the University of Surrey.
At the heart of the partnership is the aim to sustain and develop the high standard and
reputation of both institutions and to add value to their complementary and distinctive
characters and activities.’
Last year, the two Students’ Unions worked together to research possibilities of developing
a federal student community and the Federal Programme Rep System is the second initiative
to come from this research, the first being the Annual Federal Challenge Cup (sports).
Do you want to revitalise your life and stand out from the crowd?
words: ali cummings | student support and outreach coordinator
If so then you want to become part of V, the University Volunteering scheme. BUT do not
let the word “volunteering” put you off. Our aim is to prove to you, that volunteering has
finally shed its “do-gooding” image and it is now recognized as one of the easiest ways to
gain essential life skills and a means of enhancing your CV.
Becoming involved with V is completely free and all we ask is that you give as much or
as little of your time as you can spare to one of our many V opportunities. We have been
working all summer to ensure that we have created as many fun, interesting and diverse
V opportunities for you such as Djing, Horseriding, Marketing, Designing, mentoring,
driving, performing, playing, broadcasting, reading, talking, representing – the list is
endless!
So what will you gain from V? Apart from the invaluable life experience, meeting new
people, having fun, making a difference, a great CV (need I go on?) you will receive formal
accreditation from the Union or University. You will also be offered the chance to do
further training via one of the many skills sessions run by the DAVE Project.
If you want to be the one that stands out from the crowd, then simply come into the
Student Union and look for me, Alli Cummings (Student Support & Outreach Co-
Ordinator) and sign up or email me a.cummings@surrey.ac.uk – its that simple.
Remember you’re time at university isn’t all about a degree, make a difference to your life
and become part of V!

SO WHY BECOME A PROGRAMME REP?

Each programme of study needs a Programme Rep to address the issues effect the students
taking it so whatever course/programme you’re on, make sure you have a rep. If you think
you could be that rep then speak out and stand out from the crowd.
The DAVE project dishes out training for reps with the training being a 5 ID point session
that you can put towards a Bronze, Silver or Gold ID Certificate as you go through the year.
The two Unions are working together to make sure you get the best from the Federal NOTICES
University of Surrey and create a federal student community. Get involved, make a Societies Standing 23rd September 7-8pm Lecture Theatre A
difference, get trained, get noticed - be a Programme Rep this year. We think its going to be At least 1 representative of every society must attend
well worth it……
For more information, pick up a Programme Reps Handbook (available from Monday 30th Nordic Society AGM 30th September 7-8pm Lecture Theatre A
Sept) , pop in an speak to Toni Borneo (a.borneo@surrey.ac.uk [VP Education & Welfare])
in the Students’ Union or visit www.ussu.co.uk Scout & Guide AGM 30th September 8-9pm Lecture Theatre A
19 September 2002 UNION 9

The Development Accreditation Volunteering Employability project is brand new for 2002/03 and is brought exclusively to you from USSU. words: scott farmer
DAVE is the Unions commitment to developing the soft skills of its members. Graduate employers increasingly sight students inability to draw out the soft skills much needed in a modern
employment environment where those skills are increasingly needed. DAVE aims to bring you those skills disseminated through one off training sessions offered throughout the academic
year.
These sessions are fun, short and delivered by other students from the university who have been specifically trained by NSLP, the National Student Learning Programme.
As well as gaining these skills and the ability to draw out what they mean to you now and in the future you also have the chance to get formal accreditation from the university through the
ID scheme detailed on the front page of this edition.
DAVE’s team are: Toni Borneo, Charlotte Dawson, Bianca Toy and Scott Farmer.
If you think you would like to be a part of the DAVE team and have the ability to offer about 4 hours of your time a week; attend a 3 day residential with other trainers from across the
country and can deliver lively interactive training sessions then contact Charlotte Dawson or Scott Farmer:
societies@ussu.co.uk | s.farmer@surrey.ac.uk

WHAT DOES DAVE OFFER?

Here is a comprehensive listing of the training sessions DAVE caters for at the moment along with the learning objectives for each session

ASSERT YOURSELF WORKING WITH OTHERS

1
Identify three behaviour types
Explain the effects of these behaviours on others
List the benefits of being assertive
Identify the techniques for being more assertive
13
Explain what makes an effective team
Understand and have practiced some of the theories around team roles
Practiced team work through some practical exercises.

UNDERSTANDING EQUAL OPPORTUNITIES 12

B W
ECOMING A EB WIZARD
2
Understand the meaning of Equality of Opportunity Understand web terminology
Understand and give examples of discriminatory behaviour Understand design issues
Demonstrate an understanding that Equality of Opportunity Create a basic web page
should be considered in all activities.
GETTING IT RIGHT! - EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
List different methods of communication
14
Understand the importance of using a wide range of communication methods
Develop and demonstrate a communication strategy

LEADING TO THE TOP BETTER STUDYING “THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT” – YOU CAN BE TOO!
Understand the functions of leadership
11
Develop an awareness of how you learn best identify the customer care experience
Completed a task on leadership
3
Produce an action plan for improving your leadership
Learn some effective study techniques
Plan to build some of these techniques into your studying strategy
identify who our customers are
15
identify customer expectations from an action plan

WIN/WIN NEGOTIATIONS PLANNING YOUR EVENT LOBBYING FOR SUCCESS

4
Identify negotiation techniques and tools
Identify the different stages of negotiation
Have practiced a negotiation strategy
Identify the purpose of your event Identify the different ways to lobby
16
10
List the things that could go wrong
Explain the benefits of planning and dividing responsibilities.
Assess your strengths, weaknesses and potential partners
Plan a lobbying strategy and identify evaluation techniques.

IDEAL PRESENTATIONS
Identify what makes a good or bad presentation
5
Identify the different elements of a presentation/speech
Focus on planning, structuring and delivering a presentation
MAKING MORE TIME!
Identify where conflicts over time occur
9
Evaluate techniques for improving time management
Have conducted a time management/prioritisation exercise
Set a personal action plan for improved performance
DON’T CRACK! – (DEALING WITH STRESS)
17
List the main causes of stress
Identify situations in which you feel stressed
Have developed some strategies for combating stress.

MONEY MONEY MONEY SOLVE-IT LEARNING TO LISTEN!

Identify your income and outgoings
6
Be able to produce a budget
Plan for a better financial future
List the stages that lead to effective problem solving Identify the barriers to listening effectively
Identify various approaches to problem solving 18
Explain how to listen actively
8
Have solved a problem Practice listening actively

EFFECTIVE MEETINGS
List the things to do before , during and after a meeting Courses to join the project in the near future:
Understand the different methods of decision making DJing for Beginners: a course designed to start you off on the road to joining the best in
Have conducted a meeting and received feedback on your performance club DJ’s
7 Finding your ideal home: a course for those of you dreading the pitfalls of getting your first
shared digs. This course will join people up and guide you along the road avoiding dodgy
landlords and ensuring your new home is just the one you want.
For information, keep an eye on barefacts
10 UNION 19 September 2002

Roll-up roll-up for freshers’ festival USSU evolution almost upon you
By Charlotte Dawson | vp socs + culture companies. It will be broadcast throughout By Charlotte Dawson The Students’ Union is the new face of
Union House so if you here any competitions, extra-curricular University training. Details
Yes we know, a festival not in a field without get to their stall. All societies will be After £40,000, the loss of a few walls and of projects run by Education Liaison,
mud or bands, but hey, when you’ve got exhibiting so if you have any questions or a huge amount to work from all the staff Marketing, UniSport and the Careers Office
Freshers, who needs anything else! Friday want to sign-up, just turn up. All the sports in the Union, the new Students’ Union are available here. It is also the base of
27th September is officially re-named clubs will be having a jolly time over at the is ready for launch. The opening of the the Union run Dave Project and Student
“Freshers’ Festival” and it’s your chance Varsity Centre (weather permitting – if its Freshers’ Festival is the opening of the new Volunteering in the community.
to see what the Students’ Union can do for pissing down, the Sorts Fayre will be at the area. On Friday of week 3 (27th September) With all the new furniture arriving on
you. The Freshers’ Festival will be taking University Sports Hall on Campus). Don’t at 11am there will be a ceremony at the Thursday, (day of publication for barefacts)
place over two sites. Union House will worry if you haven’t quite worked out where Stag Hill entrance of Union House. Music, it’s beginning to take shape. There will be
be full of societies, commercial stalls and the Varsity Centre is, there will be minibuses balloons and entertainment are provided a hot-desk area for students from societies,
services for students and the Sports Clubs shuttling from the Freshers’ Fayre in Union and by using this entrance as the main clubs and the Executive to use with access
are at the Varsity Centre. This is your chance House. The Freshers’ Angels will be on hand entrance to the Freshers’ Fayre, we hope to the Union server. For everybody else,
to see all of the student run sports clubs and again to help you and direct you around the everyone will come along to see the the University Computing Services are
societies and sign up to as many (or as few) building. dramatic changes. providing open-access computer terminals
as you want. And to top it all off, the official All continuing students are welcome to It is called simply, “The Students’ Union”, that work in exactly the same way as in
launch of the new Students’ Union will open attend Freshers’ Festival too. Each year providing all of the services to students that Austin Pearce and the library. With printers
the Freshers’ Fayre at 11am (Read all about the number of clubs and societies increase a Student Union should; activities, welfare, and photocopiers, there is everything a club
what the new area can do for you in the so come and see what this year’s activities representation, media and training. or society could want to help them increase
article in this barefacts). are. Also, if you have just started here on a One of the biggest changes is the re- awareness of their activities. The Grant
GU2, the campus radio station, will be Foundation course, Postgraduate course or location of the Sabbatical Officers. We are Mitchell Committee room is still available
covering the whole event so if you tune in to via direct entry to second year, come and now situated in a much more open area. for booking, but a new smaller meeting
1350AM on the day, you’ll here interviews find out how we can help you to enrich your In the all-new, Hi-Tec, air-conditioned room is also available.
with students, sabbaticals and commercial life at Surrey. Media Centre you will find everyone who’s If you think we are crazy for doing this
involved in the running of barefacts, GU2 then think again. Unions are developing
10 REASONS TO GO TO FRESHERS’ FESTIVAL
Sign up to societies and sports clubs | Freebies | It’s your chance to see what Student Services there are on and the website. Sports & Societies are now across the country. This repositioning has
campus | Meet like-minded people and talk about something other than your course | Freebies | Its your first together in the “cage” and VP Education not just aided the quality and vibrancy
chance to buy the new range of casual clothing offered by the Union | Pick up an application form for part- & Welfare has a closed office to provide of University life and enhanced active
time work in the Union (Bars & Catering) | Sign up for your NUS discount card for money off at HMV, Top a confidential service. To see any of us, participation and development in support
Shop and many other retailers | Freebies | Because all work and no play makes you a very dull student just pop in or come along at the advertised of academic studies, but also increased the
surgery times. If you want to make an reputation and appeal of their institutions
appointment, please contact the relevant to the students who arrive at University
officer directly. In the Students’ Union expecting a more thorough level of
you will also find all our non-commercial development during their academic careers.
support staff, Andy, Alli, Scott and Kris Keep up to date on developments in
here. To look after us and to help with barefacts every week. Next week: lots of
any of your enquiries, we have the lovely lovely pictures!
Alison Beesley, receptionist extraordinaire.

FRESHERS FESTIVAL
FRIDAY 27TH SEPTEMBER
11AM TO 5PM
official launch of the new students’ union
11am
stag hill entrance

Freshers Fayre Sports Fayre

venue | union house venue | varsity centre

[the big building with [if wet, then it will be

‘students’ union’ written in the sports centre on
on it] campus]

societies sports clubs

student services UniSport
companies UniS sports league
free stuff free stuff
19 September 2002 PROFESSIONAL PAGE 11

Do you know exactly THIS IS THE new professional page - a section dedicated to helping you find a career. Each
week, we will have Dr Russ from the careers service with his advice, a profile of a student
placement and, from the Alumni office, a profile of a student who has graduated from UniS.

what you’d like to do?

If you have any comments please e-mail barefacts@ussu.co.uk

A DEGREE OF uncertainty:
what should I do with my
If you know the answers to
these sorts of questions the This weeks careers & skills talks
degree? That may sound like business of choosing a career
a ridiculous question. After becomes so much easier. It also JOB HUNTING AS A MATURE STUDENT GETTING STARTED*
all, you may well have come to takes some of the strain out of MONDAY 23 SEPTEMBER | 1pm LT A WEDNESDAY 25 SEPTEMBER | 2pm LT B
Surrey to do a degree which you filling out application forms and Russ Clark will provide practical advice on This workshop will help you to get started if
knew would lead to a particular answering probing interview coping with some of the pitfalls, problems you are undecided about your future career.
job. All that remains is for you questions. and prejudices which mature students
to find the right employer and GOVERNMENT ECONOMIC SERVICE*
DR RUSS CLARK What kind of person are you? sometimes face when they graduate.
THURSDAY 26 SEPTEMBER | 6.30 PM LT E
away you go. Sometimes it is What are your strengths and
Details of opportunities for graduates with at
that straightforward - but not weaknesses? If you have
What about all those jobs difficulty in answering these least a 2nd in economics or a related degree with
always. HOW TO GET THE JOB YOU WANT
For example, do you know you could consider which questions there are a number TUESDAY 24 SEPTEMBER | 6pm LT F a 50% economics content.
exactly what you’d like to do? If take graduates from any of things the Careers Service Glynis Paxton, Careers Adviser, will discuss
your degree is scientific, do you degree? can do to help. A chat with a how to go about your job hunting effectively, RAF ENGINEERING
go for research, development, careers adviser could be useful. when to do it, how to use the Careers Fair, THURSDAY 26 SEPTEMBER | 6.15 PM LT M
and what makes a successful job hunting Details of the role and responsibilities of
analysis, technical writing, information You could try Prospects Planner - a computer
professional engineers in the RAF as well as the
science ...........? If it’s engineering, do you program which gets you to think about your strategy.
training and employment structure. Open to all
plump for consulting, contracting, design, interests, skills, abilities and values before engineering and related disciplines.
project management ..........? If it’s human suggesting occupations for you to consider.
studies, do you opt for research, management, We also have single sheets of information *Please register with Careers by email c.arrowsmith@surrey.ac.uk, or in person.
finance, teaching ......? And what about all called “Your degree in .....” which give you
those jobs you could consider which take an idea of the skills you may have picked up
graduates from any degree - just how do you through your degree. Finally, the workshops
choose what’s best for you! Personality and Career Choice and Getting Of Explanation Therapy

The secret lies in knowing what kind of Started focus very much on discovering your
person you are. Are you a bit of a loner personal qualities.
or incredibly sociable? Are you good with In my next article, I’ll talk about ways you
figures or pretty useless? Is writing one of can make the leap from knowing what sort
and New Beginnings
your strong points or do you run a mile at the of person you are to choosing a career that
mention of an essay or a report? would really suit you.
I’VE COME TO the conclusion that it’s
universal. I thought it was only me that
understood things much better when I
explained them to someone else. Like in
lectures: I’ll vaguely pick up the idea, try
to explain it to someone who wasn’t at
the lecture and everything will suddenly
click. I used to joke in the sixth form that
people didn’t need me to talk to - that they
would do just as well if I had a cardboard
cut-out of myself at the desk. One of my
PAUL CLIFF mates at the time would turn to me and say
Toxicology Masters something like ‘What’s 24 times 7?’ and
Graduated 1997 I’d wait...1...2...3...4...‘168, isn’t it?’. Nod.
Grin. ‘Cardboard cut-out answer’ I’d say.
WHEN CHOOSING TO come to the University of Surrey He’d grin and carry on. But that was just the
in 1992 to study for a Biochemistry with Toxicology degree, start - the New Beginnings in the title is a
the course reputation and Professional Training Year option reference to my starting my placement year
where two of the most attractive selling points. It had been my a couple of weeks ago, and the cardboard
ambition for many years to pursue a career in Forensics but I was cut-out answer has resurfaced, in a newer
conscious of the need to keep an open mind. During the 14 months I spent at the Analytical form. I’m calling it Explanation Therapy.
and Forensic Toxicology Unit of St. George’s Hospital Medical School, I was given the ‘It’s just a new version of a problem
opportunity to explore many aspects of both clinical and forensic laboratory work, and shared...’ they all cry. Ah but no. It’s more
allowed flexibility to focus on areas of greatest interest. This fluid approach to the placement than that. That makes someone feel better
was instrumental in confirming my choice of career and propelled me toward the final year about a problem. This helps them resolve
with a keen sense of purpose and enthusiasm. After completing the course, I continued at it. As I’m sure anyone who’s started a job
Surrey for several years, studying for a Unilever sponsored MSc in Toxicology and a period at an institution like the National Physical
of postgraduate research with Astra Zeneca, before joining the Surrey Police force as a Laboratory (where I’ve just started mine)
Scientific Support Officer. Following my initial post in the Chemical Treatment Laboratory will tell you, people gabble on a lot at the
of the Fingerprint Bureau, I transferred to the Scenes of Crime department in August 2001 start. In my first week I spent at least 4 days
and am currently based on division as an operational officer responsible for the forensic being led around the department, standing
investigation of crime. Among the many exciting opportunities available, the highlight was there whilst information whistled past my
my involvement with the cold case review of the murder of a 14 year old schoolboy, Roy ears at a thousand confusions a minute. Nod.
Tuthill, near Dorking in 1968. In the examination of crime scene exhibits preserved from ‘Mmhmm’. ‘Yeah, I see’. ‘And that’s...?’.
the original enquiry, I was able to recover forensic evidence used in the conviction of Bryan But it has been interesting because the
Lunn Field at the Old Bailey, more than 30 years after the crime had been committed. Explanation Therapy kicks in. You stand
On a lighter note, the sphere of extra-curricular activities available at Surrey, which and listen for long enough, nudge them on
included a year as the Sports Editor of Bare Facts, former Club Captain of the Football Club a little further than they were going to go,
and Chairman of UniS Old Boys F.C., make the Surrey Graduate a very attractive option to and they start exploring. The tone goes from
potential employers. instructional to discursive to questioning,
For more information on careers in Surrey Police or Forensic Science please feel free to exploring. I think when most people are
contact Paul on his work email address at 9284@surrey.pnn.police.uk. forced to explain something they have step
P
lacement
S EAK
words: philip howard
back and look at it. Analyse it. And over
that week, people who’d worked at NPL for
years learnt things I was being taught, from
each other. So I’d say try it. Try explaining
something you don’t quite understand to
someone who doesn’t understand at all, and
you’ll teach yourself. I think I understand
Explanation Therapy better now, so thanks.
And so to New Beginnings: I’m having to
get up early in the mornings, and I have no
Internet access to wile away the small hours
of the morning. No cable TV either, but I do
have my little pc so I’ll be writing a fair bit
over the course of the year (in an attempt to
make up for not writing in my first 2 years
at Surrey. I’ll continue to harangue and
frequent the bulletin board (go to ussu.co.uk
and click ‘bulletin board’ - ed) and put
forward odd suggestions on topics you may
never have thought to discuss and continue
to hurl deep questions from the sidelines.
It’s a good way to keep up with what’s going
on around campus and allows you that bit of
anonymity to stretch your philosophical legs
without the back-lash of a personal history
or allegiance. At least, that’s what I think.
Right, can I book another therapy session,
same time next week?
 CHOICES COMPETITION
barearts goes to the tickets for turnmills!
theare: likes it! bonza!
barearts goes to the dangermouse dvd!
cinema: doesn’t like it cripes!
nearly as much! easy question!

directed by Doug Liman the Bourne identity

starring Matt Damon, Franka Potente, Chris Cooper, Clive Owen

Stories about characters with memory loss usually make for good drama, whether the loss explores scenes of poignancy, comedy or action. In
Christopher Nolan’s “Memento,” Guy Pearce inhabits the role of a man with short-term memory loss who tries to keep his life in order while
avenging his wife’s murder. In Bille August’s “A Song for Martin,” a noted composer-conductor enjoying a late-life marriage is stricken with a
swiftly-growing case of Alzheimer’s, forcing his wife, a professional violinist, to give up her career to care for him.
“The Bourne Identity” is not poignant or sentimental: thrillers like this usually far from it, in fact; but what it is, is entertaining and a film that
deosn’t take itself too seriously.
The movie opens as a man (Matt Damon) is found wounded and floating atop the Mediterranean Sea. He has no memory of who he is or how
he got there. Tracking down his stored belongings in a Zurich bank from the account number printed on his body, he is shocked to discover that,
although his real name is Jason Bourne, he has a series of false passports, a large sum of cash from several different countries, and two guns.
Jason soon finds himself, and a down-on-her-luck German student whom he pays $20,000 to for driving him to his apartment in Paris, on the
run from CIA agents. After seemingly botching his last job as an assassin working for them, the CIA, led by boss Ted Conklin, wants to wipe
Jason out for good to save their own skin.
As an internationally-flavored, big-budget vehicle for Matt Damon (2001’s Ocean’s Eleven), The Bourne Identity is a success. Unlike the
miscalculated Ben Affleck starring The Sum of All Fears. avoids underestimating its audience and never completely asks for credibility. Most
refreshing is an opening thirty minutes that, with only roughly one minute total of
dialogue, tells its story fully through the action of its lead character and the tightness
of the screenplay.
Several of the action scenes boast striking showmanship and technical ingenuity. Matt Damon: unaware of the big thumb about to squash him
A chase through the Zurich bank has a hair-raising payoff on the outside ledge of
the building; a ruthless fight to the death amidst a deadened field of broken-down cornstalks pumps suspense into its every
shot; and the inevitable car chase is the most exciting of its kind since 1998’s “Ronin,” which this film seems to have liberally
borrowed from. The sequence in which hit-men are summoned from all over Europe is a particular highlight.
If everything moves with expert smoothness for the bulk of the running time, the last half-hour is a bit of a letdown. When
Marie exits the story just before the climax, so does the intimately drawn human element that made Jason such a keen lead
presence. The final shoot-out is especially disappointing as the movie resorts strictly to cliches without offering up anything
new to the pot. If we were to be slightly critical, then elements of the story-line are also left somewhat open.
If The Bourne Identity ultimately does not fulfill the promise it so clearly had, but is still good entertainment with a rare brain
“So the inventor of the mini was a graduate of the University of Surrey?” in its head; it offers up enough crisp action set-pieces, notable performances, and deliciously offbeat musical cues to weather
Franka Potente gives Matt Damon a handy fact or two for a pub quiz its occasional shortcomings. words: richard watts

This time around, writer-director M. Night Shyamalan puts children feel like mirror images of Close Encounter’s Cary
the surprise at the beginning of his film, and it’s a subtle,
shimmering clue: one easily missed and, frankly, one that
might not even be there at all. Such are the temptations
Signs Guffey, who shed a tear for his alien abductors. That Mel
Gibson is entirely believable as a father and as a father (in
the religious sense of the word) is a testament to Shyamalan
offered by the maker of The Sixth Sense and Unbreakable: directed by M. Night Shyamalan and shows that, in the same way as he did with Bruce
even if there is nothing there to see, the audience still starring Mel Gibson, Joaquin Phoenix, Rory Culkin Willis in Sixth Sense and Unbreakable, he can distort the
want to believe that what they are seeing isn’t quite what’s audiences perceptions of what they have come to expect of
happening; they are bound to read between the script’s green men? Ultimately, is there any need for an invasion said actors.
lines, filling in the blanks with what they think is taking at the end of a movie when, up to that point, it had been an Not to spoil anything - because however you choose to
place rather than watching what’s actually unfolding. interesting observation of a man and his struggle with faith interpret Signs, you wind up at precisely the same point
Because there are no dead shrinks talking to kids who and its requirements? - it’s possible that the “invasion” at the end of the film is
see dead people, because there are no superfly villains in Probably not. That is what is so disappointing about Shyamalan’s deeper meaning, and somehow symbolises
wheelchairs, they are left instead to guess and speculate Signs. It was all just a little bit too convenient and Gibson’s relationship with God, his kids, his brother, his
as the film develops: are they really witnessing an alien coincidental – maybe the twist could have been that there dead wife and the man who accidentally killed her. It
invasion, a crisis of faith only dolled up in sarcastic though was no real ending... is perhaps him suggesting that to hate God is at least to
deeply spiritual latex drag or just a big pile of steaming One minor gripe, aside from the plot, is that whole acknowledge the existence of a higher power. In Signs,
pooh? scenes appear to have been lifted from Close Encounters, something comes from above - only it may not be little
Just as crop circles appear in a Pennsylvania cornfield including one involving a meal (complete with mashed green men, just a Big Guy who doesn’t need spaceships to
owned by a reverend who has lost his wife and his faith in a potatoes) around the dinner table. Even the precocious make contact. That it took little green men in the first place
six-month period, TV networks across the world broadcast is the disappointing bit.
around-the-clock footage of strange lights in the night sky.
Crop circles appear around the globe overnight; the earth’s
population begins to panic, fearing the inevitable end of the
world. Then there are repeated glimpses of aliens. When
viewed simply as a straightforward genre picture, Signs
is a somber, low-key kick - the art-house equivalent of
Independence Day, except nowhere near as good.
It’s those glimpses of aliens that you need to note, there
– does a film really need to have images of tall green men
with elongated, black oval eyes running around, with
large, talon-like nails scratching at pantry doors and small
children? Does a film that is supposedly attempting to
entertain on several different levels (character, image, faith
etc.) really have to acquit itself of any decency by insulting
an audience’s capacity of accepting so much with little Macauly Culkin’s brother? A female cop with her hand on my ass? Shit.
 19 September 2002 FILM 13

Classic of the week all words: stew fudge

a clockwork orange
The title of this movie comes from
an old Cockney expression, “as
queer as a clockwork orange,”
meaning very strange or unusual.
The film is based on the novel A
Clockwork Orange, published by
Welcome once again to the all new film
section, which inculdes the next “classic
The plot revolves around Alex, of the week” and the second instalment
a teenage hooligan in a near- of “In Wit’ Me Mates”, a sort of guide to
future Britain, who is captured some old and not-quite-so-old videos you
by the police and jailed. There he can pick up in any good (or probably bad)
volunteers to be a guinea pig for a video store. You’ve got the drinks, you
new aversion therapy proposed have the munchies and, of you’re lucky,

Anthony Burgess in 1962. A
Clockwork Orange originally
earned an X rating from the
Motion Picture Association
of America for its sexuality
and violence. A year
after its release, Kubrick
replaced thirty seconds
of the film in order
to get the rating changed to an R.
The film caused a scandal when it
was released in England and was
FILM
by the government to make room
in prisons for political prisoners.
‘Cured’ of his hooliganism and
released he is rejected by his
friends and relatives. Eventually,
nearly dying, he becomes a
major embarrassment for the
government who arrange to
cure him of his cure. Alex’s
journey from amoral punk to
brainwashed proper citizen forms the
dynamic arc of Stanley Kubrick’s
you have the friends to sit down with – all
you need now is the film...which is where
“This casting a shadow the shape of an animal is a lot harder
I come in. So sit back and see if you fancy
than it looks on the tele isn’t it?” any of my suggestions. (Of course, if you
don’t, you could always e-mail me and tell
me: barefacts@ussu.co.uk). This week, the
common theme is movies with a twist...
Brad Pitt: gets himself a
cigarette and a six-pack
“A thousand sit-ups a day?”
“Yup”

blamed for several deaths and acts future-shock vision of Anthony

of violence. In 1974, Kubrick asked
Warner Bros. to remove the film
from distribution in England and
it was not shown there (legally)
again until 2000. Kubrick became
incensed that his work was seen as
pro-violence when his intention was
for it to act as a warning against it.
Burgess’ novel. Incidentally, did you
know that Burgess based most of the
Droogs’ slang on Russian, calling
it “nadsat,” which is the Russian
word for “teen”, and that the famous
subway scene, in which the old man
gets mugged, was screened in a now
closed underpass in Leeds.

Greetings all - this week I would like to test your rapidly decomposing brains with some
movies that have truly superb plots and without fail make at least one person in the room
go “ I knew it!” The problem with reviewing these types of movies is that you don’t want
to give too much away, so just take a chance on my esteemed opinion. Firstly we have
possibly my favourite movie of all time - The Usual Suspects; this film is absolutely
brilliant, I can’t recommend it enough…however you have to be sober in order to follow
the story and really enjoy this one. Then there is Fight Club; again a great film about
a fight club, funny enough, that turns into a terrorist organisation and almost corrupts
America…more. This film has something for everyone, a bit of violence (well quite a bit
actually), a bit of humour, a great story and a very toned Brad Pitt as eye candy for the
ladies. Lastly I feel I must give a mention for Sixth Sense. Although I think Bruce Willis
should stick to action movies, he does give a good performance in this fantastic thriller

In wit’ me mates about a young whipper-snapper that sees dead people, directed by the very same man who
directed this week’s reviewed Signs.

pictures from paLestiNe

a view of life under occupation
Pictures from Palestine is the resulting work of a two week Magma arts project with the children of Wadi Foquin. Established in 1984,
Magma works nationally and internationally to develop creative ability in all disciplines and with all people groups mentoring, generating
new artistic material, awakening a vision and bringing people together. Magma has grown out of the recognition that the arts are an
extraordinary way of exploring our lives, both spiritual and physical. The stories told in Wadi Foquin and this exhibition demonstrates the
persistence of humanity to celebrate life in all circumstances.
The beauty and heartache of Palestinian daily life comes alive in these images from the people behind the headlines. Through fabric-
work, collage and charcoal drawings, the children tell their story of ordinary lives in extra ordinary circumstances.
Pictures from Palestine runs from 23rd September to 4th October at The Theatre in Leatherhead. For information and travel requirements,

Art G
contact 01372 365120. Admission is free.
THE LEWIS ELTON
Art ALLERY

The current exhibition at the Lewis Elton Art Gallery (the building opposite the entrance
to the psychology and sociology department) is a series of paintings by three local artists,
each of whom are members of the Royal Institute of Painters in Water Colours.
Charles Bone, a former president of the Institute and governor of the Mall Gallery in
London, Lisa Graa Jensen and Terry McKivragan all have works displayed there and the
exhibition runs until 26th September. Admission is free. Opening hours: 10am-5pm
Monday to Friday, 2-5pm at weekends.
16 THEATRE 19 September 2002

THE RIVALS
BY RICHARD BRINSLEY SHERIDAN Theatre TRAVELS WITH MY AUNT
BY GRAHAM GREENE

directed by Knight Mantell directed by Richard Baron

starring Gabrielle Drake, Michael Jayston, Kate O’ Mara starring Gary Wilmot, Clive Francis, Jeffrey Holland, Andrew Greenough

The Rivals is a play teeming with mistaken identity, amorous confusion and laughter set in
the 18th century fashionable spa town of Bath. Written by Richard Brinsely Sheridan, it is a
popular comedy crafted with tools of wit, satire and an array of characters so polarised their
resulting meetings can only be humorous.
The play revolved around one Mrs Malaprop, an infamous queen of the dictionary and
well-to-do lady. She soon becomes horrified when her niece falls in love with a penniless
half-wit and demands that she marries a much more eligible suitor. Unbeknown to both
lady and niece, the gentleman is one and the same person...
The production is one by Kate O’ Mara’s British Actores Theatre Company, which has
enjoyed previous successes with Anthony & Cleopatra and The Taming of the Shrew, and is
running in association with the Theatre Royal Windsor.
The Rivals is running at the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre from Monday 23rd September until
Saturday 28th September. For tickets and information, contact the box office on [01483]
440000. Prices start from £11 (not including concessions).
Graham Greene claimed that Travels With My Aunt was the only novel he wrote “for the
fun of it”, and this adaptation is a fantasy-fuelled adventure containing only four actors
playing the 24 characters. It is the story of a rather dull little man from an ordinary London
suburb with not much more on his mind than how best to grow his dahlias. At his mother’s
funeral he meets his redoubtable and flambouyant Aunt Augusta and life soon takes a turn
for the madcap better (including secret agents, money launderers, art smugglers and Latin
lovers).
Travels With My Aunt is at the Yvonne Arnaud theatre from Monday 30th September. For
tickets and information, contact the box office on [01483] 440000.

LIFE X 3 BY YASMINA REZA

directed by Jennie Darnell
starring Belinda Lang, David Haig, Serena Evans, David Elland

To see familiar stars of the
television screen acting
in front of you and per-
forming is an interesting
proposition: at first, you
cannot help but think of
the characters that they
have portrayed on screen
and thus any performance
they give on stage loses
somewhat of its effect. As
the experience of theatre
over-rides you, however, so
the individual fades to the
distance and the character
- that which was previously
so elusive - comes to the
fore, projecting their woes, peaks, gestures, grimaces and
any other subtle characterisations that simply do not carry
on television.
Life x 3 is a perfect example of how the play itself is
enhanced by, instead of overshadowed by, its prominent
cast. Boasting Belinda Lang of 2 point 4 children fame,
David Haig and Serena Williams of The Thin Blue Line (the
former a star of Four Weddings and a Funeral) and David
Yelland of Dalziel and Pascoe it has to compete little due
to such a magnificent, witty script and, it would have to be
said, masterful acting.
Working loosely to the same formula as the Gwyneth
Paltrow release Sliding Doors, Life x 3 is exactly that: three
different scenarios flowing from the same initial situation.
Henri is a struggling physicist who relies on Hubert for the
possibility of a promotion. His uncertain and somewhat
unassertive manner is counterbalanced by Hubert’s ar-
rogant, brash nature and, throughout the play, his suitability
to Henri’s wife Sonia is constantly referred to (to the point
of suggested aldutery). This is further added to by Henri’s
undeniable similarities to Hubert’s wife, Ines. This seem-
ing mix-up in marriage arrangements contributes perpetu-
ally to the play and compliments the main career-based plot
with the majority of the humour originating from exchang-
es between the various mis-matches. Hubert’s chauvinism
is also a fine source of wit and sarcasm; comments such as
“what we need is women you can switch off every once in
a while” exemplifying his usual tone to his wife.
The problem with a play having such finely funny mo-
ments in it is that, by the time the sentimentality comes
around, you are always looking for the next laugh, slightly
queasy that more serious issues and uncomfortable silences
are starting to pepper the dialogue more frequently. Ulti-
mately, the male charac-
ters’ careers as astronomi-
cal physicists was always
going to lead to discussion
of the meaning of life
and what worth all of this
life really is; you get the
feeling, perhaps, that the
point is merely the fact
that the mundane can be so
exciting - Hubert even say as much: “it is precisely exciting
because it is so mundane.” That a small child is trying to
go to sleep throughout the entire play is a testament to this.
An intensely yummy evening during which, whether you
like it or not, you do end up discussing quite what you
think about galaxies and the such-like. The focus on wot-
sits and chocolate fingers in the play, therefore, allows you
a comfortable exit point at which you can discuss how good
the actors were and that it is nice to see them in real life.
Incidentally, the change between each scenario was really
quite stylish - employing both music and quite dashing
lighting effects - and show that the beauty of this produc-
tion, which originated at the National Theatre, is in its sim-
plicity: four actors, one set and metaphysical ponderings of
an infinitesimal kind. words: richard watts

“Life x 3” is running at the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre until Saturday. For tickets, contact the box office on [01483] 44 00 00. Tickets are available.

Other Listings
Lunchtime recitals Guildford Institute talks

There will be a free concert for all staff and A talk will be given by Hugh R. Edgar
new students of the university on Wednesday entitled “Life in Service 1905-14” at he
25th September in the PATS studio one at Guildford Institute in Ward Street on
5.30pm. It will be performed by the Gemini Wednesday 25th September at 2.45pm. Mr
Ensemble, of which Ian Mitchell is the Edgar was the butler in eth recent channel
director and is a unique opportunity to meet four documentary The Edwardian House
the University’s new artists in residence. and his talk will focus on this amazing
It is an informal event in the intimate experience. An architect in real life, he has
surroundings of Studio One where they will designed several well-known building in and
be playing pieces by Grainger, Milhaud, around the area.
Bach, Bartok and Maxwell Davies.
Admission is free, but a ticket is required.
They are available now from the performing
arts building.
19 September 2002 LITERATURE 17

Literature AUTHOR OF THE WEEK

Roddy Doyle
classic | grapes of wrath | john steinbeck A former school teacher, Roddy Doyle is one of the premiere literary voices of modern
Ireland. His novels, all dialogue-driven character tales of Dublin’s working class, are
First published in 1939 family lose their tenant farm in Oklahoma acclaimed for their wit, honesty and lack of sentimentality. Moreover, critics praise
Although many of his works deserve note, they join thousands of others, traveling the Doyle as a pillar of what the Washington Post calls “the Ireland of the EU...more U2 than
including Of Mice and Men and Tortilla narrow concrete highways of the Mid-West lovelorn tenor, more working man than Quiet Man.” His adaptations of his books for film
Flat, John Steinbeck’s The Grapes of Wrath toward California and the dream of a piece and television have boosted Doyle’s popularity in America, drawing comparisons to the
is perhaps his work most deserving of the of land to call their own. Each night on the playwrights Brendan Behan and Sean O’Casey.
title “the Great American road, they and their fellow migrants Doyle’s students at the working class school where he first taught were the inspiration
Novel”. Steinbeck’s tale of recreate society: leaders are chosen, for his first novel The Commitments. Self published, the bawdy tale of a young band
the Joad family’s travails unspoken codes of privacy and “committed” to bringing soul music to Ireland spread by word of mouth and established
through the Dust Bowl not generosity evolve and lust, violence Doyle as gifted writer of ensemble dialogue and urban colloquial speech. The novel was
only manages to evoke and murderous rage erupt. In such an international success which Doyle co-adapted, now infamously due to that scene for the
the hardship of the Great a way does Steinbeck unleash screen in 1991. Directed by Alan Parker (Pink Floyd’s The Wall, Mississippi Burning), the
Depression and its effects his cutting criticism of American The Snapper and The Van, were similarly well received, often praising Doyle’s ability to
on the American people as democracy and plea for America skillfully portray women and family relationships. Doyle set these three books in working
a whole, but also acts as to aspire to the spiritual ideal of class Barrytown (based on the North Dublin of his childhood) and had each feature a
a stinging indictment of democracy it once held. member of the cantankerous Rabbitte family. Penguin published them in one volume, The
laissez-faire capitalism and A portrait of the bitter conflict Barrytown Trilogy, in 1995. The Van was nominated for the Booker Prize in 1991 and
a cry for a more vibrant between the powerful and the from this point, Doyle considered leaving the teaching profession, finally quitting on the
democratic community. powerless, The Grapes of Wrath tells of publication day of his next novel, Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha. The story of Padraic Clarke,
In stark and moving detail, the lives one man’s fierce reaction to injustice and an adventurous boy whose parents’ marriage is crumbling, reached #1 on the New York
of ordinary people striving to preserve of a woman’s quiet, stoical strength; it is Times Bestseller list and won the Booker Prize in 1993. The Los Angeles Times called it “a
their humanity in the face of social and a landmark of American literature - one masterwork of shadowed indirection that shows us how being a 10-year-old is a full time
economic desperation are portrayed with that captures the horrors of the Great job.” Critics also compared Paddy Clarke to James Joyce’s Portrait of the Artist as a Young
sympathy and conveyed simply through Depression as it probes into the very nature Man An admirer of Joyce, Doyle nonetheless felt uncomfortable with the praise.
the use of symbolism. When the Joad of equality and justice in America. The Woman Who Walked into Doors represented a sobering departure from the ribald
comedy of his earlier work. The book is told almost as a confession, as protagonist Paula
Spencer relates her courtship with Charlo, an abusive man who has been killed while
The University of Surrey Book Circle is an informal group that meets in the Willow committing a kidnapping. Critics and readers alike praised Doyle’s skill in dealing with a
Room of Wates House approximately once a month to discuss a book of a member’s controversial gender issue from a female point of view. The novel grew out of Family, a
choice. Many of the books discussed are modern novels but classics, non-fiction books 1994 mini-series he wrote for BBC television. Its release made national news in Ireland
of interest or volumes of poetry are sometimes chosen. Ideas and reactions are shared on as statesmen, critics and viewers rebuked Doyle for what seemed an unnecessarily harsh
a Monday from 5.30-7pm. The Book Circle is open to staff, students and members of the portrait of domestic violence.
public and new members are always welcome. Doyle’s next novel, A Star Called Henry is the first volume of a planned historical trilogy
The first meeting will be on Monday, 23rd September (week 3), at which The First Man by entitled The Last Roundup. It tells the early-life story of Henry Smart, a soldier in the 1916
Albert Camus will be discussed. Easter Uprising who later becomes an assassin for the IRA. Again, the novel made the best-
The First Man offers an incredibly moving account of Camus’ poverty-stricken childhood seller lists and received almost universal critical praise. Doyle also made headlines a few
in Algeria, the love of his silent mother and the remarkable figure of an old schoolteacher months later by penning his first original screenplay When Brendan met Trudy, a romantic
who saved him from ignorance. Camus was working on a manuscript version of the book comedy released in the United States in early 2001.
when he was killed in a car accident with hid publisher Michel Gallimard. The First Man
Book To Start With: The Barrytown books are ideal leisure time or before bed reads.
was first published in 1995 to international acclaim.
If you like Roddy Doyle try: James Joyce – the original Irish voice.
Books for future discussion include The Birth of Tragedy by Frederich Nietzsche,
Touching the Void by Joe Simpson and How to Be Good by Nick Hornby.

Competition[s]
free stuff! free stuff!
free stuff! free stuff!
free stuff! free stuff!

Well, we’re here once again: there are priz-
es to be won and, according to the number
of entries that were received last week, no-
one seems to want to win anything. There
were no more than three entires for last
week’s fandabidosi prize of a Muse dvd and
fridge magnets.
Now, not wanting to win the Muse dvd I
can half understand: why would you neces-
sarily want a live concert of one of the most
exciting bands around at the moment when
we were hoping for some clever stuff, but
instead we got the usual (which, for the
purposes of not influencing little children,
we will not include here). The moral of this
story being lost somewhere along the way.
Anyway, what I am getting at is that I think
you should enter this week’s competition,
becasue you could win one of two copies of
the new Dangermouse dvd. (I think it may
be the only dvd, actually, but never mind).
Please note that the prizes have been do-
nated by the very kind souls at Quite Great!
Publicity and that lots of videos and dvd’s
and the such-like were released at the start
of this month (in all good stores).
will be announced next week, because the
deadline for entry is on Tuesday of week
three. The judge will be a random member
of the public plucked from the streets.
Incidentally, we are also giving away some
free USSU clothing, which is so wonder-
fully exhibited in the news section. For
your chance to win any one of the range of
clothing, it goes a little like this:

Q
you have more important and pressing In order to win the prize, simply answer what does USSU stand for?
issues to be dealing with? But the fridge this question:
magnets? Come on people, get a grip Again, send in your e-mails to
here and show me some endeavour - the what was the name
amount of fun to be had with a set of fridge of DM’s sidekick? barefacts@ussu.co.uk
magents...
An example story, perhaps? There was and it you’ve won then we’ll let you know
this time when there was a party hosted by Wednesday of week three.
at my very own humble abode and it was (The only catch with the last bit is that
decided that, in order to see what sort of you may have to have your picture taken
people we had in the house, we’d get them and will therefore have to look smiley
each to write something on the fridge using and happy and shiny and teh such-like. A
(you guessed it) fridge magnets. Now, If you think you know the answer, then e- trauma, I know, but what the hey - everyone
thinking it to be a farily intelligent bunch, mail barefacts@ussu.co.uk. The winners should live a little),
18 MUSIC 19 September 2002

Music
Of all the bits in barearts, it’s probably the music bit that most people have qualms with.
We’re still not quite sure what to do with it, so if you have any suggestions then please
let us know. Even better, why not tell us what you are listening to and see what everyone
else thinks. Same as last week, you’ll notice.
SPACE WALK If you enjoy chatting about music, be sure to log on to the bulletin board - a muzik sec-
lemon jelly | XL tion awaits especially. bb.ussu.co.uk
LUKE SLATER
Long associated with not only tender,
i can complete you | mute

SINGLES
soothing music but sleeve-work and visual
excellence, Lemon Jelly return to the
For a man hailed by many as one of
musical affray with this gentle journey into
the “heroes” of the techno scene after
space.
its stagnation in the mid-90’s, this is a
Swirling strings and continual crescendos
POSITIVITY surprisingly poor effort and a strange
so often typify ‘ambient’ music, and so
suede | epic choice for a single. After receiving yet
to experience Lemon Jelly is to discover
more critical acclaim for his latest album
music that does not just have to be put on
The press-release reads that it is “time to Alright On Top, this single is extremely
in the background but instead can replace a
get excited again” because of the return disappointing for a supposed innovator.
conversation and hold your attention for the
of Suede. Positivity, the first single from Innovation is just about the last word I
entirety of its duration.
the album A New Morning, does not quite, would use to describe this slice of 80’s
That their artwork will capture your
unfortunately, reach anywhere near the styled synth-pop. Derivative beats and crap
attention in a record store is granted – to
heights of “exciting” and is instead not- vocoders make me wonder if Luke has just
purchase the disc and actually listen to it,
quite three minutes of tired, repetitive riff. discovered Dance-Ejay on his Dads PC.
therefore, will be no less than a pleasant
Reminiscent of She’s in Fashion, it is hard four
surprise. eight
to see if Suede have moved on at all from
Head Music and suggests that they are
beginning to sound the ten year old history
they have accumulated. We wait to see if
the album has any new surprises. four

WASTED & READY

NEVER BE ALONE
simian | source
A hybrid, if ever it was possible, of Japan
and Pulp, Never Be Alone takes a wee
element of electronica and adds that
slightly driving, Common People drum beat
with the line “we are your friends: you’ll
never be alone again” such that your head
nods and your toe taps. A nice feature of
this single is the instrumental second track,
which, on closer listening, reveals just how
much the vocal line actually contributes to
this otherwise simple track. Not exactly
resounding, but quite entertaining. six
Above and below: smug
ben kweller | 679
OPEN HEART ZOO
martin grech | interscope The endless comparisons to Weezer, and in
particular their lead singer Rivers Cuomo,
This second single from teenager Martin is the stuff of justification: lyrics such as
Grech’s imminent debut album is both “I have lost control – all I want to do is
dramatic and accomplished in equal rock and roll” recalling Blue Weezer and
measures. Fans of Jeff Buckley will enjoy the days of Buddy Holly as readily as Ed
the obvious similarities in their falsetto Harcourt’s She Fell Into My Arms. Beyond
singing styles. The grand sounding strings those associations, however, lies an ability
give Open Heart Zoo an unusual feel, to arrange a song such that, when the solo
imagine any imposing song from cult acoustic guitar and voice returns, you
movie Scarface. The decision to license the cannot help but to listen to Kweller’s ode to
song for use in an advert is questionable; his ‘slut’ girlfriend and feel like it is being
one thing however is clear, Grech is no said only for the first time.
wannabe Moby. A bright future beckons. Arguably Rivers Cuomo; potentially Elliot
eight Smith. six + half

TURNMILLS COMPETITION COMPETITION

Turnmills offers the most innovative selection of resident
DJ’s to have ever graced the UK club scene. Namely, Roger
Sanchez, Tall Paul, Danny Rampling, Fergie, J Majik, Tom
Stephan, Sister Bliss, Fabio, CJ Mackintosh, Lottie and
Norman Jay. Charming, cosmopolitan and forever endearing...
Turnmills is the most established Student Nightclub in London
and every weekend of the year we host the most legendary and
diverse club nights ever seen in the capital. Just ask Roger
Sanchez what he thinks: “Turnmills is my house!”
FREE STUDENT MEMBERSHIP
barefacts has 5 Pair’s of VIP tickets to giveaway for The
Gallery. All the tickets will be for the night below - so if
you want to go, then enter: quite easy.
Plus lucky runners-up will receive a Duty Free Records Goody
bag - containing lots of CD’s by Tall Paul, Fergie etc!!!
FRIDAY 4TH OCT ‘02
THE GALLERY
Room 1: NICK WARREN | MARCO V | GUY ORNADEL | MARGARET DYGAS
DARREN CHRISTIAN
Room 2: LATINAIRES Presents...ARIEL | EL NINO | OLI SABILL
(PORTUGAL) | ADRIANO (BRASIL) | ANGELA (CHILE) | GUILLERMO

Turnmills is offering FREE Student Membership to all of our In order to win the night out, simply answer the following Q:
weekend club nights. This includes The Gallery on Fridays,
City Loud, Metrogroove, Roach, In Session and Release Q >>> The Gallery celebrated its birthday in April,
Yourself on Saturdays. This amazing offer entitles Students
to cheaper admission, full access to the Membership Bar, plus
but how old were they? 6, 7 or 8?
the luxury of walking straight to the front of the queue.
Look out for more great competitions in the following weeks
Simply let Turnmills know you are coming down to the club,
in barefacts from Turnmills, plus an exclusive interview with
go to the Membership desk and exchange your details for your
Roach resident DJ Tom Stephan
Student Membership card.
19 September 2002
WE ARE THE BOGGS WE ARE
the boggs | arena rock
With an opening track that brings back
hearty memories of Swamp Thing – the
dance track that was popular some time in
teh nineties – it is easy to dismiss The Boggs
(who really do leave themselves open to
attack with a name like that) as tremolo-
picking, folk nonsense. Which wouldn’t be
so inaccurate a description.
On the first listening, ‘We Are...’ never
really gets going (apart from in a barn-
dance sort of way) and, due to a restricted
instrument line-up, comprising of guitar,
slide guitar, banjo and drums only, tends
to sound a bit monotonous. That the voice
tends to mumble the majority of the lyrics
in a way that makes Thom Yorke sound
positively coherent doesn’t really help
things along much.
Several listens later, however, and your
opinion soon changes: instead of dismissing
The Boggs simply as a fad, you find yourself
singing some of their choruses and realise
that, though not everyone’s cup of tea, there
is a certain charm to their simplicity and,
one would have to say, retrospection.
That the album was made in two days and
all songs were written by one band member
is ultimately exposed in the repetitive nature
of the work, but when put into a room with
an audience, I dare say the minimal set-up
can only contribute to an exciting, White
Stripes-type experience. six
NIGHTMARES ON WAX
mind elevation | warp
George Evelyn returns with his fourth studio
album, his first since 1999’s Carboot Soul,
and we find him doing pretty much what
he’s always done; making chilled-out,
leftfield, downtempo music for smokers
everywhere. Not surprising really for a
man who is a former judge of Amsterdam’s
Cannabis Cup. However, while the music is
“nice” enough, Mr Evelyn seems to have
reached a point where he has nothing left
to do inside the boundaries of the genre,
hence the addition of vocals for this album.
While it’s clear he is trying to take some sort
of new direction this time, Mind Elevation
just doesn’t possess the same mesmerising
beauty of his last two efforts Carboot Soul
and Smokers Delight. If it weren’t for the
vocals, this record would have felt distinctly
like “Nightmares On Wax by numbers”.
As it is, the album will still satisfy fans of
Bonobo, Air, Lemon Jelly and their ilk even
though it has nothing very original to offer.
six
MUSIC
ALBUMS
This week’s offerings are, admittedly, a little top shelf, but it goes without saying that these
will be the bands you may very well talking about it in a few months. That’s what we’re
here for...
words by: alex read
simon robinson
jon swarbrick | duncan hills
matty b | richard watts
HATE
the delgados | mantra
The Delgados return with the follow up to
the critically acclaimed The Great Eastern.
Hate is a darker more epic affair pierced
by moments of sheer beauty and childlike
melodies. Produced by Dave Fridmann,
who has also worked with Mercury Rev
and the Flaming Lips, Hate has a similar
sound which at its greatest paints an
epic landscape such as The Light Before
We Land and Coming in from the Cold
which both provide moments of euphoric
escape. However, there are moments
throughout, where it seems there has been
too much attention to detail and it can end
up sounding over produced which takes
away some of the heartbreak and emotion.
This aside, Hate provides moments of true
beauty that should not be ignored. seven
Chancellor’s
Challenge
Now - before you start, I know it is neither
music nor art, but I feel it my duty to tell
you that Chancellor’s Challenge will now
be moving to a Thursday evening. I will re-
peat: Chancellor’s Challenge will be mov-
ing to a Thursday (which, for those of you
who are unsure, is the day after Wednesday,
which itself is usually in the middle of the
week).
If you could all please adjust your diaries
accordingly so that you can still participate
in theis weekly challenge then I would be
very much obliged.
You may also like to note that your new
quiz-master will be one Charlotte Dawson.
I am not sure what her qualifications are
for this role, though I am sure that she is
adequately equipped for such a role.
CHANCELLOR’S CHALLENGE
ITS THE SAME - ONLY ON A THURSDAY
8PM ONWARDS
THE REMOTE PART
idlewild | parlophone
A lot of potential buyers of this album will
have probably already made up their mind
whether they like or dislike Idlewild; On the
basis of this album I ask you to give them
one more chance. The Remote Part is a
positively streamlined album weighing in at
thirty-eight minutes in length. Idlewild have
progressed faster and more noticeably than
many current guitar bands. The wildly over
populated American-angst genre previously
such a major influence with Idlewild has
been thankfully remodelled here in favour
of a
more educated less two-to-the-penny sound.
The evolution is by no means at the
expense of the bands credible music history.
With the “heavy” dial turned down a notch
or two the emphasis has now moved
towards allowing Roddy Woombles vocals
and lyrics
more space, a positive move no question.
The changes are a clear reflection on the
improved self-confidence resonating among
all band members Lets ‘ave it! Any band
operating in the UK must evolve to survive
(except seemingly Oasis), Idlewild have
shown once again how they improve with
every new album. seven
THE ZOO
compilation | twisted nerve
Wack it out Wednesday this is about
as indie as it gets! Badly Drawn Boy’s
Twisted Nerve label has turned out label
compilations before but never like this! Ok
enough exclamation marks. The theme here
is animals and the Zoo? like I said very,
very indie. One glance at the track listing
will have the average listener searching for
anything by Badly Drawn Boy, frankly no
matter how I try and dress it up most bands
on Twisted Nerve are at best sporadically
interesting/good. Let’s all pray the polar
bears don’t bite and the skip-button God is
watching but not listening. You can only
admire the great community that is Twisted
Nerve but label quirkiness is simply not
a strong enough pull alone. The reckless
variety in songs makes reviewing the
collection as a whole quite challenging,
I found myself loving some songs and
hating others perseverance is a virtue. I
like monkeys in fact the orang-utan is my
favourite animal but jeez I don’t want to
listen to monkeys squabbling on record.
Maybe I’ve totally missed the point? five
19
THEY THREW US ALL IN A TRENCH AND PUT A
MONUMENT ON TOP
the liars | blast first
Touted in Q magazine as a tip for the
top, New York’s The Liars debut album
is an exciting affair that borrows equally
from Pavement, Modest Mouse and, more
commercially (though tenuously), The Jam.
Aside from the thirty-minute final track and
some decidedly rubbish (or good, depending
on the way you feel about pretension) song
titles (‘grown men don’t fall in the river, just
like that’ and ‘this dust makes that mud’ for
example), the music here is ok – not for all,
but more for those who can read between
the lines of restricted melody and seeming
random crescendos.
It is all a little university band-like and thus
not that far from something you could once
have expected from a Sunday night here at
USSU, but should melody find its way to the
lead singer Angus Andrew’s voice, then all
may be well in The Liars’ world. six
BLADE GREEN RISING
the levellers | eagle
With its socialist realist artwork and
bountiful fiddles and mandolins, this
seventh studio album is very much a back-
to-the-roots affair for Brighton’s finest.
Even the title refers to an early Levellers
song that eventually turned up on the
‘Special Brew’ compilation of early singles
and demos. Perhaps it’s a feeling of being
out of time that has prompted the band
to rethink their approach and move away
from the mainstream pop of ‘Hope Street’
towards a more muscular, gutsy approach,
evident on ‘Pretty Target’ and the
outstanding opening track, ‘Four Winds’.
The folky element in the band’s music that
has been there right from the beginning is
more marked on this album, and there’s
a refreshing emphasis on organic ‘real’
instruments over ‘artificial’ programming
and other electronic ornamentation. It’s
actually quite reassuring how the Levs,
despite all the odds, continue to plough an
increasingly unfashionable furrow. They’re
already in danger of becoming the Fairport
Convention of their generation, such is the
band’s enduring refusal to compromise
with the commercial imperatives of modern
marketing. A welcome, and actually rather
brave, return to form. six
20 FESTIVAL SPECIAL take 2 19 September 2002

The alternative review

Another look at the weekend known commonly to all as Reading | words (all 3244 of ‘em): andrew malek

A stationary queue of traffic along the
A329 can only mean one thing : It’s time
for the Reading Festival again. Time for
overpriced, foul food, typically dismal
English weather, at a place where going
5 days without a shower is socially
acceptable, but on the upside, there are
hundreds of bands from every different
genre to look forward to. Friday is indie
day on the main stage, and since the festival
has materialised into a more heavy rock
oriented occasion, FENIX TX (**) manage
to pull a crowd far bigger than they are
worthy of in the Evening session stage.
Maybe it was just the appalling sound in the
tent (a flaw that was to make me avoid the
evening session stage whenever possible)
which made them sound like every other
pop punk band, but their total lack of stage
presence and wannabe pop star attitudes left
for a thoroughly unimpressive start to the
day. Over on the main stage, THE DANDY
WARHOLS (***) are playing to an excited
gathering of indie kids who are lapping up
their trumpet infested pop rock. The fact
that a lot of the crowd only recognised “that
Vodafone song” aka ‘Bohemian Like You’
Friday
Lee’s suicide earlier this year. The sound
is muddy, and it’s near impossible to make
out what the frontman is saying, but the
was indicative of the type of audience they crowd fill in every word to every song for
were playing in front of, but they did well those of us who aren’t familiar with their
and left the stage with applauds of respect. material. I’d assume this means they put
Back to the Evening Session stage for NEW on a good show, but to me the band is just
FOUND GLORY (****) then, one of pop as annoying as they were when they got
punk’s elite forces at present. Their lack of booed off supporting the Chilis at Wembley
old material is noticeable, playing nothing 3 years ago. They sound like a poor version
tent, even if it is because it’s pissing it
from their debut album ‘Nothing Gold Can of the Foo Fighters, so three stars is quite
down outside. Everyone sings along to her
Stay’. Their set is therefore divided into an achievement, and the most they’d ever
early 2002 hit ‘Bad Babysitter’, and it’s a
half new ‘Sticks and Stones’ and half not- get from me. Most of the crowd has already
testament to her following that at a Rock
so-old-but-not-new ‘Self Titled’. You can left the tent when they decide to come back
festival some of the crowd are familiar with
feel the energy in the tent, especially when on and hammer out ‘Just a Day’, including
her other material. It’s still raining outside,
the band close on their recent Top 40 hit me who rushes across to the dance tent
so a quick jog over to the dance stage
‘My Friends over You’, sending the 6000- to witness the genius of APHEX TWIN
means we can catch nu skool breakbeat DJ
strong crowd bouncing merrily on their (*****). Words on this page can never do
and Fatboy Slim labelmate FREQ NASTY
way over to the main stage for WEEZER his set justice, and I would have probably
(****) In all honesty, I’m not the biggest
(*****). The weather holds up for Weezer’s given him ten stars if it wasn’t for the
fan of this particular style of music, but
set, enhancing their sing along summertime fact that I had to leave half way through.
those who are more appreciative seem
anthems. Frontman Rivers is far more
to be enjoying themselves. He keeps the
happy than he was at the series of low key
crowd dancing for the duration of his hour
dates they did last summer in London, and
long set, moving into more commercial
their set is far more diverse, including a
territory towards the end which even has
storming rendition of ‘My Name Is Jonas’
me bopping my head to my surprise. Chart
from the Blue Album. However it’s ‘Hash
bothering alternative dance act ‘THE LO
Pipe’ which predictably makes the crowd
FIDELITY ALLSTARS’ (***) are next up,
go wild. Strangely, Rivers insists on getting
and sound like dance music for people who
the crowd to chant “Weezer”, but when Clearly a man not limited by these crazy
listen to Oasis. It’s an emotional time in the
they’re belting out old favourites like ‘Surf things called genres, he is one of the true
Evening Session Tent, as FEEDER (***)
Wax USA’ and ‘Undone’, we are more creationists of our time. Blazing drum and
make a live return. This is one of their first
than willing to oblige. As soon as Weezer bass beats layered upon techno rhythms
appearances since former drummer Jon
finish, the skies open and it begins to pour, blast out from the tent, slapping everyone
so it’s over the shelter of the Carling stage who went to watch the Strokes on the
to see PRINCESS SUPERSTAR (****). * = lame main stage in the face and proceeding to
The new queen of poppy hip hop who has kick them in the balls. The perfect end to a
been likened to Eminem flows well, with decent day’s music, and time to rest up for
raunchy lyrics to an appreciative and full ***** = fantastico tomorrow.

Saturday. The Punk Day. For one day only the dance stage
becomes the ‘Concrete Jungle’ stage, last year offering the
best in punk and ska, but this year giving way to the more
emo stylings of bands on Vagrant Records. LIGHYEAR
(**) a British band on Household Name Records draw
a packed tent which forces me to watch them from the
outside. It’s sunny, they’re chirpy and silly, but in all truth
there are several bands this weekend who will do the ska/
punk thing far better than them. Credit to them for trying
though. Los Angeles, California outfit GOLDFINGER (*)
are veterans of the pop/punk scene, but they don’t show
any signs of it in this performance, and within 3 songs I’m
walking out of the Evening Session stage to head for the
Main Stage to see LESS THAN JAKE (***), who are a
very good band in the right venue. The Main Stage of the
Reading Festival is not the right venue, and despite having
twice the number of members as
most bands, they fail to fill the
stage. They play a peculiar set,
drawing from their most recent
album ‘Borders and Boundaries’
and ending with ‘Al’s War’, when
you feel that more material from
Pezcore and Losing Streak would
have better suited the occasion. ‘A’
are up next on the main stage. Bad
English pop rock sung by a man
who sounds like he hasn’t
Saturday
taken a shit in over a week? No thank you, so it’s off to the
Evening Session stage to see THE ICARUS LINE (*), who
have been critically acclaimed as the future of music
by some. If this is the future of music, I’m going to stop
listening. The only reason I can see that this band has
even ‘made it’ is their association with controversial band-
slagging and Fred-Durst-email-address-giving internet
site buddyhead.com. About two songs into their set I start
to amuse myself by watching the lights above the stage
rotate for half an hour until they end their awful noise.
Noise is about the best word you can use to describe
ALEC EMPIRE (****), who follows the Icarus Line. For
those who don’t know, he is the
driving force behind Atari Teenage
Riot, and therefore the whole
Digital Hardcore movement. The
relatively empty but dedicated tent
gives a roar of anticipation as Nic
Endo (sampler) takes to the stage
and does her sound check. Alec,
and his drummer and bassist soon
follow and the outfit launch into
a tirade of screaming samples,
crushing guitars, and machine
gun drumming. It takes the soundman 3 songs to discover
that the microphone isn’t working, but the stage show
generates so much energy in the pit that the lack of vocals
is irrelevant. The set loses its pace towards the middle, as
he slows down for recent single ‘Addicted to You’, but
not for long. Word has reached Alec that they have been
told to turn it down, and the volume is against regulation
levels, so Alec responds in the only way he knows how :
LOUDLY. After ranting about the police and the obligatory
‘Fuck Tony Blair’, he delivers two songs more reminiscent
of ATR material, true to his Digital Hardcore roots, and the
crowd leave the tent happy. Over to the main stage for THE
HIVES (**). This is another band built on hype, and to be
honest, I’m fed up of the Strokes/Hives/White Stripes and
they all sound the same to me. Since Universal Records
made them a multi million pound offer, causing them to
abandon the label who brought them to fame from their
humble beginnings in Sweden, they have lost all sense of
reality, and the singer is extremely cocky. Just a few of his
self-appreciating remarks from his band’s boring set are:
“Thank you... or perhaps I should say, you’re welcome”,
“It’s an exchange of services, we play the music and you
clap”, as well as taking credit for the good weather and that
“The admission price is a lot of money to see bands you
don’t like... and some you do, for example The Hives”. Oh
how wrong he is. I venture into the Concrete Jungle stage
for the first time to see THE GET UP KIDS (*****), who
live up to all expectations. They open with new material
19 September 2002
from ‘On a Wire’, but
as soon as they break
into ‘Holiday’ from
1999’s ‘Something To
Write Home About’, the
crowd erupts. The band
seem to realise this, and
proceed to play more
from ‘Something...’
than they have done
at recent European
festivals, showing a
true connection with the
audience and their 40 minute set is over far too quickly.
There was a lot of speculation as to whether ASH (***)
would play, after a bus crash in America. However they
do take to the Main Stage, against doctors orders but to
the delight of some 40,000 fans. America has humbled
Ash, as Tim Wheeler tells the crowd how nice it is to be
back where “everyone knows your fucking band”. The
bad thing about this is that everyone knows your fucking
setlist, having probably seen the band several times on the
‘Free All Angels’ tour. A far more exciting prospect awaits
at the punk tent, in the shape of MTV2 loved up emo kids
FESTIVAL SPECIAL take 2 21
SAVES THE DAY (****). They fail to disappoint the strangely enough, doesn’t. Grohl owns this festival, and
3000-capacity tent, and whilst they have ditched their punk he knows it. Despite it being the most busy I’ve ever seen
roots in favour of the more commercial stuff during their the main stage, packed solid all the way back to the other
live shows, the crowd happily bounces along to ‘At Your stages, it feels intimate, and the band connect with the
Funeral’ and sways to ‘Freakish’. Unfortunately, all I catch audience on a level unrivalled by anyone else. They aptly
of Jimmy Eat World’s set is their opener, ‘A Praise Chorus’. end their set with ‘Everlong’, dragging it out as long as
Last year they came over, unknown beyond the minority of possible, the crowd singing along throughout (of course),
emo fans, and played a little gig at the tiny Garage venue and the music dies out to an explosion of fireworks in the
in Highbury. This year they’re second headliners on the night sky.
Evening Session stage. Just goes to show what a solid
record, not to mention the right PR and label pushes, can
do for a band. Had enough emo for the day? Good, then
it’s time to run over to the punk tent for NO USE FOR A
NAME (*****). Competing with J.E.W., I honestly thought
the tent would be empty. No sir, it’s as packed as it’s been
for the rest of day, if not more, everyone singing along as
they belt out the classics like ‘On The Outside’, and even
new tracks like ‘International You Day’ are treated like
old favourites. Undoubtedly the band of the weekend, and
probably the only band of the weekend who the whole
audience enjoyed, the mighty FOO FIGHTERS (*****)
led by Dave Grohl (formerly of Nirvana fame), provide the
perfect end to the day. They open with a new track from
‘One By One’, which threatens to kill the excitement, but

What a way to start the Sunday. DILLINGER ESCAPE PLAN (****) blasting through
some totally unmelodic grindcore metal. To their minority of followers, they play a great
set, whilst the 10,000 other people in attendance look on with a “what the fuck” expression
in their faces. Whether you like them or not, their set be talked about for years as the
first time a band has taken a dump on stage, and thrown it into the crowd. Ironically,
his excrement was not the biggest pile of shit on the main stage all weekend. RAGING
SPEEDHORN (*) churn out some kind of noise, but after the poo-flinging antics of DEP,
nobody’s really interested, so a brisk walk over to the Evening Session stage and we’re
in line for UK Skacore’s finest, CAPDOWN (****). Definitely a band on the
up and up, Capdown from Milton Keynes have been touring the toilet venues
of the UK for years. 2 years ago they were playing a support slot at a pub in
Kingston to 3 people, today they’ve pulled a crowd of about 4,500 in an early
afternoon slot. They don’t disappoint, and even play out a few new tunes and
a cover of Rancid’s “I wanna riot” for those who’ve seen them 20-30 times in
the past year. SPARTA (***) who follow, are best known as ‘that band with
the guys who used to be in At The Drive-In’, and they sound like a second
rate ATDI, totally lacking the energy and the quality of their former band’s
songs. Local boys HUNDRED REASONS (****) are treated like heroes. The
‘emocore’ saviours bring an original sound, sandwiched between 2 Nu-Metal
bands on the lineup, and by the looks of things they can’t quite believe how far they’ve
come in the past year. Their strong, distinguishable sound comes through in ‘I’ll Find
You’ and ‘Silver’, and unlike a certain Canadian pop-punk
a SLIPKNOT (***) autograph all day are now at the main stage. Whilst I really can’t see
how this band have gotten so far based on their music, their 9 man monster of a stage show
is certainly something to behold, and quite possibly the biggest surprise of the weekend
is that I actually stayed for their entire set. Okay, I confess to having liked them in May
‘99 when they came out amidst all the hype, and sure, I owned their self titled album and
went to their first UK gig, but once you get past the hype and the image, there really is
nothing in their clichéd lyrics and 9-piece-who-sound-like-a-4-piece sound. They can still
cut it live though, and all the 12 year olds who came down for the day just to see them
leave happy. Time for some punk now. Those of you who think I’m talking
about the Offspring who played the main stage next are sadly mistaken, for
I’m talking about brummie geezer with a mockney accent, Mike Skinner of
THE STREETS (*****). The band, consisting of a DJ, bassist, drummer,
and backup vocalist, all take to the stage, and the packed tent erupts when
Skinner staggers onto the stage and starts chatting over ‘Turn the Page’. Two
giant video screens either side of the stage portray images of his take on life
on the streets in London like sharing a spliff with a homeless man on a bench
in a park. Everyone knows the main has astounding lyrical ability, he’s even
been called the British Eminem, but he even manages to create an original
sound through the music with his unique twist on UK garage, fused with his
love of old-skool bands like the Specials and the Clash. He even goes into a cover of the
former’s well-known hit ‘Ghost Town’ after ‘Let’s Push Things Forward’. Who needs the
hypocripunk of the Offspring when this really is Punk as fuck. After a bit of drum n bass

Sunday outfit who played yesterday they truly are All Killer and No
Filler. Puddle of Mudd are up next on the main stage. Run, run
for your hearing’s sake!!! Into the Radio 1 tent to check out
‘THE SHINING’ (*), who are almost as bad as Puddle... They think they’re Oasis, ‘nuff
said. The tent is only about one tenth full, and fills up gradually through their set, but only
because the REEL BIG FISH (****) are up next. The kings of ska/punk, some may have
been doing it longer, but nobody does it as well as RBF. Still reeling from the news (no pun
intended!) that their drummer has had a death in the family, they aren’t their usual selves,
from DJ ANDY C (****), it’s over to the main stage for THE PRODIGY (****). They
haven’t played Reading in a long time, and the crowd have been waiting for this day. The
most noticeable thing about their set is the immaculate lighting show. Frontman Keith is
demanding of the crowd, and they do whatever he commands. Quite simply he has the
audience in the palm of his hand, and even when they cover Madness’s ‘Nightboat to
Cairo’ after teasing us with a bit of ‘Out of Space’, the crowd is totally responsive. Oldies
but goodies like ‘Poison’, ‘Firestarter’, ‘Breathe’, and ‘Smack My Bitch Up’ go down a
treat, and even though they display some arrogance during the set, we’ll let it slide.

alternate.tuesdays
but even on an ‘off’ day for the fish such as this, they still put on one heck of a show. 6,000
smiling faces can’t be wrong, some rude skanking ensues to quite possibly the best cover
song of all time, ‘Take On Me’, and as the band leave the stage, the whole tent empties
on account of NOFX starting over on the main stage. But what’s this? On the way to the

LIVE
main stage I hear garage beats coming from the dance tent, and it’s my favourite novelty
garage act OXIDE AND NEUTRINO (****) filling in for a last-minute cancellation by
People Under The Stairs. Neutrino’s on
top form throughout, and strangely enough
at a rock festival, during an unannounced
performance, the So Solid boys get 1000 kids
dancing like it’s the Coliseum in Vauxhall.
“Make some noi-oi-oi-oi-oiiise”. Brilliant.
The lazy Sunday evening slot is perfect for
INCUBUS (***) on the main stage, playing
their acoustic infested lounge room rock from
‘Morning View’ and the slower stuff from
‘Make Yourself’.
But whilst the chillout is nice, it’s the more
rocking moments in the set which keep the
crowd entertained, and it would have been
students’ union
nice to hear more from ‘S.C.I.E.N.C.E’ than
just ‘A Certain Shade of Green’. The 20,000
little hoodie wearing ‘maggots’ (as they like
to be called) who have been queuing up to get contact | livesoc@surrey.ac.uk | www.livesoc.com
22 COMMUNICATION 19 September 2002

GU2 Radio The University of Surrey Students’ Union Radio Station

Hello people! including the unmistakable media corner where GU2, barefacts and Web will be hanging
Week by week I shall be filling you in on what out. Come and sign up to get involved this year. There are many opportunities, we can train
GU2 is all about, so continuing on from last you in whichever aspect of radio, journalism or design you choose, so ask away. Last but
week………..I pointed out that there would be not least, GU2 will also be broadasting a live CAGL from the union on the Saturday night,
some noticeable changes to the radio station so if you feel you can’t possibly drag yourself down to the union for one more night of
internally and of course this influence what all drinking (lazy people!) then listen on the radio instead. You could always buy a different
of you get to hear. Firstly, a brand spanking coloured light bulb especially for the occasion?
new training facility (studio 2) is approaching
completion. When the station was first built, it After the peak of freshers week, GU2 will be working towards building a more full
was always intended that this room would be a schedule, but for the time being, here is an outline of what you can expect to hear at various
duplicate of the first studio, but believe me it is different times of the week….any names mentioned at this point are to be confirmed.
even better. Great news for presenters new and
old who can get more experience and practice
away to their hearts content, but of course this
means that you will all be guaranteed an even
better quality of broadcasting from GU2, now
that presenters no longer have to battle with several keen trainees peering over them whilst
they are trying to deliver the best ever radio show! The new facility will also be used to

J
broadcast live sessions from time to time. Curious? Come and see for yourself.
This week GU2 are madly preparing for this years launch---on Sunday 22nd. So if you’re

team
staying in your room trying to avoid the manic moving in crowds, then stay in the comfort
of your own room and listen to what’s going on on the rest of campus. Alternatively, you - j-team.biz

j-team.biz j-team.biz
could just swing by car park 4, or nearby to listen AND look because we’ll be broadcasting
from there live….come and join in if you dare. If you miss it, don’t panic because there
will be many other opportunities during freshers week to check out what the GU2 crew are
up to.
On Monday night, GU2 will be launching the freshers festival from Chancellors with the
j-team presenting from 7-10 pm. Throughout the week there will be microphones floating
around in everyone’s general direction…so approach one (there should be a person on
the end of it!) and be keen to speak up and share your wit with the rest of the university.
On Friday come on down to the union for freshers fayre to have a look at all of the stalls,

the.net bringing you the randomness from cyberspace

words: Chris “funkyberry” Hunter
As far as I’m concerned, there is only one place to start -
www.rathergood.com! This site has flash animations of such
things as Tales of the Blode, Jaime and the Magic Todger, and the
Giant Bee. They also film themselves blowing up and rocketing
teddy bears, animating misheard song lyrics, and providing a very
enjoyable place to waste time.
Next, if you ever as a kid played with BB Guns and watched the
Terminator movies, then www.pipersprecisionproducts.com is the
site for you. On this site is the mother of all BB guns – The M134
minigun cannon! There isn’t any info yet on this latest model,
but its little brother has a laser sight and fires 1200 rounds per
minute!! Anyone fancy starting a tin can collection?
Sometimes I get rather depressed and unmotivated with
myself. This is until I look at the “Life in Pictures” on
www.kimble.org. Kim Schmitz (Kimble) is an eccentric hacker and ex-stockbroker who has
made a lot of money, and has had a very extravagant lifestyle – right up to getting arrested
just before he was going to commit a very highly publicised suicide… anyone smell publicity
stunt? Photos make for great motivation or a change of Windows wallpaper.
If you ever thought your PC was a load of crap, then here is someone that has taken this
evaluation to the limits. On www.envador.com/Photos/ToiletPC the guy has actually built
a working PC into a toilet! It takes a special breed of geek to take case modding (modding is
where you do weird things to your PC case to make it stand out) to this extreme!
Finally this week is the sad (but very funny) tale about how
not to get rid of a full size whale that washes up dead on
your beach. The Australian Highway Division thought have your say
they had the answer by using dynamite… although
as this short video clip of the news report shows (
www.perp.com/whale ) they perhaps should have
asked Smarties first!
words: mr tea
Welcome to the second ever J-Column, as it is affectionately known! So much news this
week which generally breaks down into the title above.
Show 1: On Monday night (23rd) the J-Team Classic will be presenting a special show live
from ‘Chancellors’. Between the hours of 7 and 10, there will be an outside radio broadcast
in honour of the first day of the ‘Fresher’s Festival’ in association with the long awaited re-
launch of ‘j-team.biz’. Mental and I will serve as a warm up for the Fresher’s disco. It will
only be the Fresher’s second day at University and we intend to embarrass them suitably!
We will have the usual stunning music and have loads of fun and games at the ready!
Show 2: Back to the ‘Classic’s usual slot of 7-10 on a Thursday night (starting 26th),
this will be the first full show of the semester. There will be tonnes of new madness
mixed in with all our much-loved old shenanigans! New features to look forward to will
include; Bob-a-long-to-a-song, where listeners are invited to call in and sing a song on air
– however no words are allowed apart from the word ‘Bob’. There will also be debuts for
‘Classic Film Of The Week’ and ‘When Is The Sun Gonna Rise?’. We will also be proud to
introduce a new regular caller – but you will have to tune in to find out who it is. Of course
we have kept some of our tried and tested favourites, including; ‘Best Mate Of The Week’
and ‘The Queen’s Speech’.
One Shopping List: As you may have seen, there is quite a bit of J-Team merchandise
being worn around campus these days. I am incredibly proud to tell you that there are over
one hundred shirts about and also a fine selection of ‘hoodies’. The demand was very high
last semester, so we are ready in waiting for more orders. There is a whole new ordering
system, in which one fills in an order form and receives their product within 28 days – how
official! There are order forms floating about, but the best bet is to collar Mental or I and
get one off us. The soon to be finished, sexy new, j-team.biz will also have an online order
form! So what’s on offer? Well apart from the ‘Original’ black, honorary member, polo
shirts there are a couple of other options. We have decided to produce ‘Special’ polo shirts
where one can select their colour as well as name. There has also been an unprecedented
demand for our ‘Old Skool’ polo shirts, which housed the pre-launch GU2 logo! We
believe the item of the semester will be the ‘Hoody’. The hoodies come in a large range of
colours and are of a very snug quality! Oops and I can’t forget the ‘Best Mate’ key rings off
this extensive shopping list! So there we have it, what to spend your student loan on – oh,
and how to look cool.

The J-Team Classic will return to your 1350AM wireless

on Thursday 26th September from 7pm. Be there for the
re-launch of j-team.biz, the official J-Team website!
19 September 2002 INTERACTIVE
Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? So the new interactive section is still
here, youll notice. The crossword is
Ok - so we still haven’t got the life-lines or any dramatic music to make the atmosphere still a little big (which I’d like to say
tense. Indeed, there is still no money actually involved; but don’t let that stop you - com- was on purpose so that you can make
pete as if you were sitting in a sticky leather chair and check your answers on the bottom of as many mistakes as you like, though
a page somewhere in this paper (depending on whether I’ve remembered to put them there that would be a lie) and that the million
or not) ‘pound’ question on WWTBAM (as it
23
may affectionately one day be known)
is still bloomin’ difficult. Not to worry,
because the answers can be found. You
just have to look for them. I would give
you a hint, but there is not enough room.
barefacts@ussu.co.uk

£100: what does the letter ‘e’ stand for in the abbreviation “e-mail”?
a: easy | b: electronic | c: european | d: elephant
£200: during World War II, what were U-boats ?
a: aircraft carriers | b: submarines | c: destroyers | d: merchant ships
£300: the flowers of the common forsythia shrub are normally what colour?
a: red | b: blue | c: yellow | d: purple
£500: in the Highway Code, what shape are the signs that give orders?
a: circular | b: triangular | c: hexagonal | d: rectangular
£1k: in which city was Joan of Arc burned at the stake in 1431?
a: reykjavik | b: rouen | c: rochdale | d: rome
£2k: what was the name of the world’s first test tube baby?
a: louise brown | b: sharon evans | c: lucy bryant | d: sharon fuller
£4k: what was the name of the winged horse of Greek mythology?
a: silver | b: beelerophon | c: champion | d: pegasus
Lyrics Quiz Lyrics Quiz Lyrics Quiz
I wonder how many people sit there, look at the lyrics below and just go “oh yeah, that’s
so and so, and this one’s...” – I wonder how many people listen to music for the lyrics and
how many are there only for the melodies. I wonder if cats, or animals in general, have the
same appreciation of music that us bipeds have and I wonder if maybe musicians should
make allowances for those less conscious than ourselves. These things I think about so that
others don’t have to.
1. “I could make those people dance and maybe they’d be happy”
2. “I can’t walk out because I love you too much”
3. “If I made you feel second best, girl – I’m sorry”
4. “Please don’t ever make her blue”
5. “If you’re so funny then why are you on your own tonight?”
6. “So very high just like a dragonfly”
7. “Tan me hide when I’m dead, Fred”
8. “Played a bit of football; fell into the Union”
9. “For all the things you know tell me why the river doesn’t flow”
10. “You can’t go on thinking nothing’s wrong”

X
£8k: where is Michelangelo’s painting “The Creation of Adam”?
a: st. mark’s cathedral | b: sistine chapel | c: national gallery | d: louvre

£16k: what was the nickname of King George III?

WORD
a: farmer george | b: gentleman george | c: jolly george | d: sailor george Another week and another crossword. I have already received com-
plaints that last week’s was too difficult. Sorry.
£32k: by what name is acetylsalicylic acid more commonly known?
a: vitamin c | b: aspirin | c: vinegar | d: baking powder

£64k: in which building did Queen Victoria marry Prince Albert?

a: windsor castle | b: buckingham palace | c: st. james’s palace | d: westminster
abbey

£125k: which famous actor played the killer of PC Dixon in the film “The Blue Lamp”?
a: dirk bogarde | b: stanley baker | c: jack warner | d: alec guiness

£250k: who was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1979?

a: desmond tutu | b: amnesty international | c: the dalai lama | d: mother teresa
of calcutta

£500k: which team won the first Scottish FA Cup final?

a: dundee | b: rangers | c: queen’s park | d: vale of leven

£1m: the four noble truths are central to which religion?

a: buddhism | b: islam | c: hinduism | d: judaism

across down
1. oxford river [4] 2. latin american dance [5]

01 - 02 - 03 4. caribbean country [5]

9. middle eastern capital [5]
3. alcoholic drink [7]
4. displaying male and female
10. declines [7] characteristics [13]
park lane sheraton | london 11. flight of steps [8] 5. doubtful [4]
tickets on sale soon! 12. fruit [4] 6. perspicacity [7]
13. US state [13] 7. ointment [6]
17. cable [4] 8. sparkling wine [4]
18. rough dwelling [3,5] 14. dry up [7]
21. italian food parcels? [7] 15. give in [7]
strictly black-tie | diamonds optional!
22. relative [5] 16. close of day [6]
Organised by the students of the in support of: 23. letting agreement [5] 17. admonish [4]
School of Management Studies for the M.E. association
24. stopper [4] 19. breakfast food [5]
the Service Sector cherry trees answers somewhere in the paper 20. spanish painter [4]
24
ALMOST ACCURATE
ASTROLOGY
words and predicting: rich watts
Virgo
Be brief in all exchanges with
strangers. (Better prediction to
follow next week)
Libra
Your faith will be questioned
when one of the university
chaplains cannot explain to
you why all of the participants at the Last
Supper were sitting on only one side of the
table, though they will console you with the
fact that they had orange juice for starters.
Scorpio
Somewhat disappointed that
you have been set a piece of
coursework already, you will
reek revenge on the socially inept lecturer
silly enough to require work so early on
in the term by asking them for a pint in
Chancellor’s and insisting they wear the
ankle-swingers and brown cardigan they
seem to prefer as their choice of attire.
Sagittarius
Sagittarius
Your birthday cannot be until
late November and so the
stars have chosen not to reveal
anything about your fortunes this week.
Sorry. That’s the problem with these
celestial bodies - up and down. One day
they are all information, then next they turn
there back on you. Very difficult to earn a
living, I can tell you.
Capricorn
Inter-galactic military exercises
and solar flares all negate
each other in your neck of the
woods such that the first few days back at
university will not be half as exciting as
you had previously hoped. Apart from the
fiver you will find on the floor tomorrow.
And then there will be that member of the
opposit sex you have admired from a far for
such a long time now that they have in fact
given up on you and just want to snog your
brains out. Compliance is suggested.
Aquarius
Supposing that the LEA have
posted off your grant cheque,
reasoning as to whether you
should spend a large fraction of it on that
luxury item you have wanted for a while
could prove difficult when considered
against actually eating properly for a
significant proportion of the semester.
Think nutritionally.
Aside from that quandry, washing towels
is the somewhat strange highlight of your
week, because that new washing powder
you bought leaves you with a nice smell in
your nose and a fresh feeling on your skin.
Thus, you will also be taking impromptu
showers as well.
STARS & PERSONALS 19 September 2002
Warning: early morning
flasher spotted in the
up liquid provided -
negotiable rates.
vacinity of 184 Guildford
avenue, do not approach this Wanted: replacement for
man he is armed dangerous! broken toy who should
be working Tuesday and
FARHA! Thursdays but can’t keep
Pisces
Yeah – whatever. Like you’d
listen to me anyway. Never-the-
Has anyone got Personals away from the
student life. Must
a mobile going like internet
less, it is my greatest pleasure spare? If so please contact surfing and hate lie ins
to tell you that today you will be th tall comms@ussu.co.uk
person sitting in front of the short person Wanted a recount on votes
at the cinema and that for all the popcorn Hey girlies, do you like my at Hockey EGM.....it was
said short person puts in your hair, it won’t new varnished bar? Never discrimatory. I never had a
matter - you’re still taller . mind the quality, chance. Gary Love (stinky)
feel the smoothness.
Aries WANTED; a large dose of
Being influenced by your Big shout out to the Spiers commen sense (not the Beaker
surroundings is not necessarily 2 massive! And would the kind) for Mr Mohammed Bo to
that bad a thing, though if you guy living downstairs - lay help him keep his job!!
insist on working in the Early Learning off the wacky backy? I’m
Centre as your chosen means of earning waking up each morning vandalism reported:
spending money, don’t come crying to me feeling a little funny... ‘sleepwalking’ man urinates
when your wooden train set breaks and you in bedroom – claims not to
put your foot through a mini trampoline. “Wey 2 go for it Neil” know anything about it.
You will notice the perks of staff-discount by Sparkiegeek (with
are not always perky. . assistance from Ickle Sarah) Wanted:A queue jumper ticket
There was a young man named for saturday nights at the
Taurus Neil, Royal Surrey A&E. Call
The last time you fell asleep on looking for a lass on Wey, Fragile on 01483 broken
one of those long escalators on he’d heard her moans, so today
the London Underground, you threw some stones,
did so on the left hand side and therefore not knowing they were going The propensity for
proved somewhat irritating for those folks astray! personals writers to not
who like to rush everywhere. Being a little be so succinct has not
more considerate on your travels this week, And then when the stones hit gone unnoticed. poems for
therefore, will result in positive energy home, heaven’s sake! next you’ll
flowing past you during your shopping trip his mistake was shown- be wanting poetry corner...
to Covent Garden. for he’d thrown too high, so
Adam said hi Wanted: Footballers who can
Gemini no-one knows if he went home drink. From anyone who can
The unfamiliarity of a lecture alone!!! (drink)
theatre will finally become
apparent when you realise you I hope everyone who is “Right I’m off home to
are facing the wrong way during the lecture freshly back from placement cook for my lady, best go
and cannot find the first page of your new, is aware of how rapidly now, I’m feeling drunk on
150 wide-ruled notepad, even though it’s unpopular you can become a pint” Mr David “Jonah”
just the other side of the cover. Having these days by not listening Jones
also forgotten to buy a pen of any sort (oh to 1350AM GU2! DO IT!
how it was easier when your parents bought wanted: on carpet cleaner.
things for you at the end of the holidays) Check out the all new must be able to remove
you will have to write your notes in saliva. singing and dancing j- urine.
team.biz! (www.j-team.biz)
Cancer Baileys and Lager....hmmmmm
Deciding that the lay-out of TEXT The J-Team about yummy....down it goes, and
your room is not at its most ANYTHING now on (+44)(0)7732 oh look there it is again
space-efficient can be quite an 88 53 57
exhilarating feeling, especially wanted: one house officer to
when you can see in your mind’s eye the Zoe. You are THE get up! work sunday nights...
most effective use of space using clever
furniture positioning. Re-arranging your At Surrey we’re proud of WANTED an injury - for a
room at three in the morning, however, is our fine mallards. These player in danger of playing
not quite so exhilarating for your next-door amazing creatures will be a full season. Any offers
neighbour, whom you should probably the centrepiece of our tour welcomed
remember has a Celine Dion cd (a ‘CD of the campus.... Be sure
cd’) that could be played very loudly at any to pick up your ‘Surrey What’s the difference
point in the day. Duck Mug’ from the bookshop between Sheep and Hula
before you leave. Ugles 1&2 Hoops?
Leo Sheep doesn’t need dip for
Try and find that clotheshorse Adam, my ‘semi-drunken 2am IS to love him
you were given for your phone calls’ friend - ugle
birthday by the aunty with a ugle ug ug ugle! Love, Sarah Birthday girl S, think you
glass eye and arthritic fingers – she had xx :) are special - do you think
read about the national shortage of the the same? P.
things and pre-empted it with her snazzy Wanted: Rawson 2 Fresher
purchase for your benefit. Honour her willing to do Jeremy’s i’d much rather be in
dedication to your clothes-drying with a washing up every day for hereford
special, post sick-on-duvet-after-heavy- the next year - washing
night-out launderette trip.
 C
19 September 2002 ConC & LATW 25
Back again due to popular demand
[?], Caught on Camera is back to
point the finger at people who have

aught
been, well, caught on camera. May
we take this opportunity to say once
again that should your face be the
one circled in any one of the pictures
here, then you will be the proud
owner of a free ticket to the Union
for a FNO (the one after the week the
paper comes out).
Remember, if ever you

A
have any pictures you
want included, then drop
them in to the barefacts

M
office or e-mail them to
barefacts@ussu.co.uk

E
R
A
all pictures this week from funkyberry.com
Would you rather have the answers in the same week’s barefacts or the week after? Let us
know: barefacts@ussu.co.uk
Ocean Colour Scene – “the riverboat song” 10. The Cars – “drive”
Lenny Kravitz – “fly away” 7. Rolf Harris – “tie me kangaroo down, sport” 8. Gomez – “whippin’ piccadilly” 9.
were always on my mind” 4. Bobby Vee – “take good care of my baby” 5. The Smiths – “i know its over” 6.

L
Lyrics Quiz: 1. Don Maclean – “american pie” 2. Elvis Presley – “suspicious minds” 3. Pet Shop Boys – “you
insight | 7. balsam | 8. asti | 14. shrivel | 15. succumb | 16. sunset | 17. warn | 19. bacon | 20. goya

ife After The Womb

log cabin | 21. ravioli | 22. uncle | 23. lease | 24. bung down: 2. samba | 3. sangria | 4. hermaphrodite | 5. iffy | 6.
Xword: across: 1. isis | 4. haiti | 9. amman | 10. refuses | 11. stairway | 12. ugli | 13. massachusetts | 17. wire | 18.
[£32k: b]; [£64k: c]; [£125k: a]; [£250k: d]; [£500k: c]; [£1m: a].
WWTBAM: [£100: b]; [£200: b]; [£300: c]; [£500: a]; [£1k: b]; [£2k: a]; [£4k: d]; [£8k: b]; [£16k: a];
words: rich w Upside-Down Answers
Life After the Womb has, quite unexpectedly, come across a bit of a scoop: whilst
out walking recently in the Welsh wilderness of moss, bluebells and damp leaves
known more commonly as Devil’s Bridge (a place where static caravan sites are the
preferred choice of location amongst the older generations for relaxing weekends),
a rather old piece of paper, looking a little tattered around the edges, was found and
therefore read. To my utter surprise it seemed, and was later confirmed to be by the
British Archaeological Society, a transcript of the meeting in which the invention of LADYMEAD
RETAIL PARK
the wheel actually took place, some few thousand years ago in a place apparently
not too far from where I was walking. It’s not everyday you have an opportunity to
read things like this, and so what follows, therefore, is an extract from that very same
piece of paper found within a couple of feet of three sheep and a leek:

“The next item on the agenda is Pete Wheel’s idea. Now, if you don’t mind, Pete,
keep it short – I’ve got to go and kill a buffalo before the wife gets home and haven’t
had chance to sharpen up my spear yet.”
“Ok, well – basically guys, we’ve been having real problems getting from a to b.
Clearly the square thing isn’t working and as far as the triangle goes - well, bumpy WE ARE CURRENTLY SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC PEOPLE
to say the least, agreed? So I was looking through my book of geometrical shapes (WHO MUST BE OVER 16)
and it suddenly hit me: the bloomin’ ‘circle’, or, as I’d like to call it, the ‘wheel’. It
looks like it might cut out the bumpy aspects of a journey, is a reasonably sound
engineering structure due to the symmetry of its shape and would work well both to work
with four- and two- wheel vehicles as well. Hell, I was even thinking as a bit of
fun we could try just the one wheel, like a ‘uniwheel’ or something, and attempt FULL TIME | PART TIME | WEEKENDS | EVENINGS
balancing around on it. What do you all reckon?”
“I’m afraid I have my reservations. For instance, the only things we have at the
moment for moving around are legs – not wanting to trim your loincloth or anything,
Pete, but a wheel doesn’t look much like a leg, does it? Are you not trying to be a * Hours to suit * Full Job Training
bit radical here – I mean, that whole man flying in a big tin thing you came up with a * Free Meals * Management Opportunities
few months ago really made a few of us think you’d gone a bit mammal, you know.”
“I see your point and realise that the man-in-the-air thing was a bit silly, but what I’m * Free Parking
after here is something that is going to last – we don’t want some people in future
years trying to reinvent this idea all the time do we? Can’t we just try it?”
“I propose that we take a vote on it – remember last time we had something like this,
old Neanderthal didn’t like our decision one bit and has been missing ever since,
simply because we didn’t ask him. All those in favour of Pete’s wheel, raise your £4.50 per hour
clubs now...I make that seven. All those against...”

That’s as far as the transcript went – the majority by which the idea was passed never
did reach the light of day. Still, thanks to Pete “the caveman” Wheel, we can now all
take for granted moving from here to there comfortably, roaming the country in cars,
enjoying leisurely bike rides along the canal with loved ones and, most importantly, Call Kyle on [01483] 539822 0r [07904] 389413
watching clowns juggling on unicycles while their pants are on fire. Thank goodness
for innovation.
26 SPORT 19 September 2002

A Day In The Life Of... Dan Oliver

The nature of the fitness
industry means that you
do not adopt a 9 – 5 work
pattern. At UniSPORT,
Quantum Fitness Club
we operate a varied shift
timetable. Her follows
a typical Monday for a
Fitness Club Manager.
10.30/11am
Mondays are normally
a pretty hectic day as I
Dan Oliver: bloody good chap need to sort the weeks
timetable making sure all shifts are covered. I try to arrive a
little early and prepare equipment ready to meet first client
who is booked in for a fitness assessment. The assessment
comprises of core components of fitness ranging from
Blood Pressure to Body Fat composition, each assessment
generally lasting about one hour.
12pm
Check emails, a high percentage of internal communication
is passed by email so for my time planning and organisation
it is essential that I keep a close eye on any new mail,
nothing to urgent just some membership forms to mail out
to potential members and meeting confirmations.
As Many UniSPORT users may have noticed we have
changed or Administration system, the direct impact is that
all memberships are processed in the sports hall reception
therefore I can now spend more time Personal Training,
writing fitness programmes, fitness assessments and
concentrate 100% on running the gym effectively.
1pm – 2.30pm
Quite a busy period in the gym (lunch time) therefore
particularly important that I am available for technique
adjustments or any equipment advice, it is also a good time
to meet and greet customers.
2.30pm
Need to complete a couple of programmes ready for
collection later on in the week. Fitness programmes can
be quite time consuming depending on each individuals
requirements. Working in UniSPORT, particularly the gym
means that it is a very social job, which is great, continually
speaking to a diverse range of people. There are some real
characters who train here!!
3pm
Preparation for Fresher week, have to arrange staffing for 2
weekends full of inductions. On the phone to all qualified
staff, looking o.k. have got quite a few signed up to help
instruct. Arrange to meet a Personal Training client to
run through her assessment results, very important to keep
everyone informed and to monitor progress.
4pm
A full gym Induction group of fifteen people are booked in
so will need to run them through the Video prior to going
up to the gym. Because we have to talk through the video
instructing users on safe practice and correct technique
adherence, it can occasionally go a little pear shaped
depending on how the information is blurted out. Went
well today, quite a responsive group which makes it more
enjoyable for everyone.
5pm
Prepare for Circuit training class, if you do not know
what Circuits is then come down to the Sports Hall and
try one out, you will love it!! Can get between 20 and 50
participants all working at their own intensity levels, try to
keep every motivated with a fun-ish environment. It is nice
to keep the day varied by teaching on the programme and
can act as a little release from the gym.
6.20pm
Clear Circuits tie up a few lose ends, get on my bike and
cycle home!

We
accept
all
major
credit
cards

freshly made
pizzas, pastas,
ice creams, des-
serts, drinks
and lots more
minimum amount for delivery:
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last order for delivery taken @
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2’S SPECIAL
Pizzaman now open in Union House Any regular standard or
speciality pizzas for only
BIG MEAL DEAL
Any large Popular or Speciality 2 Regular Popular or Speciality
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next to the barefacts office £4.99 Bottle of Drink OR 1 Portion BBQ chicken wings

Sun and Tue- collection only £11.99

collection or delivery
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for our full menu listings and products visit our website Any large standard or LARGE DOUBLE DEAL REGULAR DOUBLE DEAL
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a second Large Pizza up to the
same value for only
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offers valid until 31.10.02, vouchers not to be used in conjunction with any other offers, side orders only delivered free Sun and Tue- collection only £6.00
collection or delivery
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collection or delivery
when purchased with a pizza, menu items subject to availability, prices may be subject to change without notice,
19 September 2002 SPORT 27
Welcome to UniSPORT Courses at UniSPORT and
UniSPORT is the sport and recreational department and we are here to give you as much
opportunity to participate in sport, exercise and dance as possible.
Club Workshops
A reminder to all continuing students that enrolment for dance, sport and exercise courses
WHAT IS THERE TO DO? start from week beginning 23rd September (next Wednesday!) These 5 or 10 week courses
are cheaper with you UniSPORT card and certainly great value for money with our
Pick up a UniSPORT timetable, which can be found in court receptions, Teaching Block, excellent teachers.
Lecture Theatres, Varsity Centre or the Sport Centre for information and venues for clubs,
classes and courses. Alternatively visit the Sport Centre or Varsity Centre and pick up a You can try any of the follwing:
leaflet on classes and courses in Dance, Sport and exercise. Jazz Dance
Capoeira
FREE WEEK: 30TH SEPTEMBER TO 6TH OCTOBER Street Dance (and much more dance)
Squash
This is your chance to taste any of our classes and courses. Look at the programme put on Yoga
your dancing shoes or lycra and join in. Tai Chi
You can sign up for any of the courses from the 23rd September at the Sport Centre. Golf
Pilates
FORTHCOMING EVENTS Feldencrais (movement method)
Etc. etc.
National Squash Week: 21st – 28th September @ the Varsity Centre Plus the 5 week Club workshops including activities like climbing, netball, badminton,
Curry Night: 4th October @ the Varsity Centre basketball, volleyball. Canoeing, trampolining...
Quiz Night: 7th October @ the Varsity Centre
Latino Evening: 11th October @ the Varsity Centre
National Squash League
UniSPORT Guildford vs Lexden (National League Champions) CHANGE OF SHOES PLEASE
22nd October@ the Varsity Centre
Tango Workshop: 27th October on campus Both the University Hall and the Sports Centre Hall have been re-vamped! Please carry a
clean pair of trainers to take part in activities at both centres. We would like to keep them
For all the latest information on classes, courses, events and news visit our revamped looking good as well as being safe for you.
website:

www.unisport.co.uk NEW!
Walk for fitness and experience a new vision of life on the campus.
Join us next Tuesday with a reporter from the Times Newspaper.

WHEN + WHERE?
Tuesdays at 1.05p.m. Senate entrance

WHO?
Suitable for people of all ages, sizes etc.

WHAT IS THE CLASS?

Lakes (Terry’s Pond)
Mountains (up Cathedral Hill)
Wild Life 9goslings to green woodpeckers) and
Nordic Pole Walking are all part of the “walking for fitness” this autumn

WHERE?
yes, your own campus.

WHY WALK WITH POLES?

1.Nordic Pole Walking is up to 40% more efficient than walking without poles.
2.It intensifies the upper body muscular activity and raises the heart-rate up to an aerobic
level at which fat is burned.
3.Releases muscle tension and can ease pain in the neck and shoulder region.

www.unisport.co.uk
28 19 September 2002

SURREY PRIDE
Skiing in the summer
Yes, that’s right, skiing and snowboarding in the summer.
While most of the population was headed for the beach a
coach load of the UK’s finest, well, maddest, skiers and
boarders headed to the French Alps. The British University By Tigger
Snowsports Club (BUSC), Summer Session 2002 was about
to begin. a lake, tops off, sun cream
Allow me to answer a few common questions: “How can on, played on (and off) the
you go skiing in the summer?” Go to a resort with a glacier. pedalos, had a barbeque, and
“So you’re skiing on a giant iceberg that got stuck on the top generally chilled. The week
of a mountain millions of years ago?” Something like that. was turning into the most
“So you’re skiing on ice all the time?” No, the glacier is so surreal ‘winter sports’ trip
high it snowed when we were there, in July. “Any good?” It we’d ever been on.
was ‘Yo’ The final day bought with it
The focus of the week was big air. Each day we headed for the BUSC big air competition.
the snow park; kickers all over the place, spines, hips, rails, Loads of prizes were up for
halfpipes and an airbag jump for practice - the best snow grabs, you just had to show
park I’ve seen. Professional coaches were on hand to point your stuff. The five present The sun. Some skiing. Whilst the sun is out. Nice
us in the right direction and add to our vocabulary. Switch, members of the UniS Snowsports Team did not fail And we all lived happily ever after.... NOT. Well, not until
safety, mute, lui kang; all were possible if we could get to disappoint. Andy Discoed it off the jump in 70’s gear for we get back out to the Alps! Next up will be the main UniS
control of our skis / board and ‘go big’. a Line (wicked make of nu-skool skis) t-shirt and frisbee. Snowsports Tour during the last week of the Xmas break.
Summer in a skiing resort isn’t all about things you can Tigger collected both Option and Natives t-shirts for a switch This year we’re off to Tignes, one of the largest ski domains
do on snow. Les Deux Alpes offered us an impressive array 180 attempt. Stavros picked up goggles and an Ezekiel shirt in the world, and as per usual expecting north of 100 of you
of afternoon activities. Luge, archery, crazy table pool, golf for a 360 attempt. But relatively speaking Bunsen took the to join us. Any level of skier, boarder, blader, or drinker(!)
course and driving range, trampolining, football, outdoor mick as he walked off with a pair of twin-tip Rossignol skis is welcome. In fact with such a large group it’s ideal for
swimming pool, ice skating, volleyball, basketball, tennis, courtesy of Wasteland for ‘going big all week’! Do we know beginners; we guarantee you will not be the only one. For
a 140m bungee jump, white water rafting, mountain biking, how to win all the toys or what? more info call the Snowsports Hotline: 0795 107 4570.
..., I could go on. On the second day we headed down to

Welcome back from

Come and join the fun at the Varsity Centre
England Squash Regional Centre of Excellence
Sunday 22nd September
A couple of notices concerning the sports facilities on campus Squash Open Day
Juniors 11am - 1pm | Seniors 2 - 4pm
At this, the start of a new academic year, there are a couple of things we would like you to
Free Coaching | Exhibition Matches | Play the Stars
know about:

1. We are operating right next door to a building-site with traffic-lights, dirt, mud and lorry Monday 23rd September
implications Squash Virgins!
2. We are in the process of completing a major boiler replacement that leaves us 12:20 to 1:00pm
temporarily with no hot water, apart from a few electric showers Never played squash but always wanted to learn then here is your opportunity have
3. We have had to replace our management/membership system. We have been using the a go
old one since 1984 and were very familiar with it. We do not yet have all the answers on Schools Roadshow* | 1st Team Training (come & watch 6 - 8pm)
the operation of this impressive new system
Tuesday 24th September
Although things may well appear unfriendly, less welcoming and more inefficient, we are
Schools Roadshow
trying very hard to minimise the inevitable inconvenience. I would like to sincerely apologise
to any people who have been adversely affected to date.
Wednesday 25th September
Please try and allow a little extra time if you are coming to take part in a class, because we Schools Roadshow* | Improvers Workshop (12:20 to 1:00)
are experiencing some hold-ups. All old cards will need to be replaced before you will have Squash Surgery
full access to our buildings and services. This can be done at either the Sports Centre or the Frustrated with your game and need the doctor’s advice! A free workshop with
Varsity Centre (The Varsity Centre has the advantage that you can relax with a cold drink or SRA coaches to improve your game.
one of our outstanding real ales, while you wait for your lunch to be freshly cooked) The
Varsity is not currently suffering from the other disadvantages mentioned above. Thursday 26th September
Schools Roadshow* | 1st Team Training (come and watch 6 - 8pm)
Please look at our web site for more information on times and charges.
www.unisport.co.uk
Friday 27th September
May I please remind you that we are unable to sign people up on our many courses until
the week beginning 23rd September. Freshers - Student Club Exhibition & Coaching | Coaching Workshop 12.20 - 1pm
I would also like to draw your attention to our Free Week - September 30th until October 6th
- where all classes and courses will be run at no charge. This will give you an opportunity Saturday 28th September
to see those you may wish to join. Open Juniors Graded Tournament | Open Seniors Handicap Tournament

(These may not appear quite the same as the following week when the courses start properly, * Schools Roadshow times arranged to suit school timetables
because there may well be greater numbers for some of them that may have implications, but For more details contact the Varsity Centre tel. 01483 505271 or email
you should be able to get an idea of the kind of class and the teacher.) i.woodley@surrey.ac.uk